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Updated: Aug 13, 2019 122 Comments · by

Accessory Tuesday: Tess Pump

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A pair of Tess Pumps I have a pair of Taryn Rose heels, and they are basically the only heels I can tolerate nowadays. I am not sure if this is technically a “comfort” brand, but I think they’re super well-designed to alleviate most of my complaints about wearing heels. The footbed is much more cushioned than a regular heel, the fabric outer is stretchier on initial wearing than leather, and the heel is padded. The bottom of the shoe also has a textured grip so you feel more rooted to the ground. I happen to like this shape, which is more classic than the ones I own, and I also really love this “natural stretch linen” color for the summer. The shoe is available at Zappos for $70–$140, depending on the color. Tess Pump This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Curious for more? Check out some of our great recent posts on Corporette:

Sales of note for 12.5.23…

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About April

April is a working mom, a longtime reader of CorporetteMoms, and wrote our morning fashion advice for working moms from April 2018 to October 2020. She has one child (born 2/17!) and she’s a public interest lawyer in NYC.

Comments

  1. LittleBigLaw says

    Thanks for the helpful responses yesterday! Also, there’s a definite car wash/rain-type correlation to posting here/work emergencies. Ha!

  2. A says

    To piggyback off of yesterday’s post on rising kindergarteners, I’d be curious to hear how others have handled the after school situation. Our oldest will be starting kindergarten in a few weeks, and her school has before and after care for a very reasonable price. We were originally leaning toward getting a sitter to pick up both her and her little brother (from daycare) and bring them home for a couple of hours before we’re done with work. My husband and I both have relatively flexible jobs and may be able to swing an early day a couple of times a week, meaning we could pick up the kids between 4/4:30. Otherwise, she’ll be there until 5:30 or so. Will my daughter be exhausted? She’s been in full-time daycare for years and regularly spends 10 hours there, but I know kindergarten is a different animal.

    • Anonymous says

      I worried a lot about this and then it was fine. She just plays at aftercare. She’s pretty tired but that’s fine.

      • FVNC says

        +1. We also explored an after-school nanny but 1) it was really expensive in our area, and 2) I work from home, so my daughter thought I was available to play even when I was in my office. Aftercare was/is cheap, and I like that she gets exposure to kids from other grades. She was tired at the end of the day but totally fine. The only thing I truly disliked was that aftercare offered crap snacks that technically complied with nutritional guidelines, but were in no way healthy (baked cheetos, juice box) and ruined her dinner appetite.

        • Anonymous says

          Side benefit of knowing more kids in other grades for us has been that then they know more kids at some of the summer daycamps popular near the school.

          • anon says

            +1. I also think it’s been a good way for kiddo to expand his social circle. For whatever reason, he hasn’t quite gelled with the boys in his class, but he has good friends in other grades.

    • Anonymous says

      Aftercare is usually play based and includes a snack time and they are used to kindergarteners. That said, we’ve doing 3 days of aftercare, one day either DH or I pick up, and the 5th day grandma picks up. DH and I alternate because we both have enough leave to swing the 2 hours of leave every second week, we do it on Mondays so some long weekends to lessen the amount of leave needed. Grandma wouldn’t be up for more than 1-2 times a week and I don’t want the sugar load more often than that.

    • Anonymous says

      We use aftercare and it is fine, but we only have one child. I think either will work for your kid, but the babysitter will make your life easier and give you more flexibility. That person could also potentially watch your child on days when school is closed or has a half day.

    • Anonymous says

      We just finished kindergarten and had similar thoughts and concerns (she’s our oldest and we have a second still in full-day-daycare). We ultimately went with after-school care at the school and we’re so glad we did. Our oldest is super social and super active and she loved have a couple hours of unstructured social time. As others have said, they gave them a snack and mostly just allowed play. She would do outdoor stuff when it was warm (and come home sweaty and happy), and do gym games or play in the computer lab other days. She got really in to “homework club” for awhile which is supposed to be older kids, but the teachers who were there would give her worksheets and stuff.

      Kindergarten now (at least in our district and frankly with everyone I’ve talked to) is super structured compared to what I remembered. My daughter full on reads now, had spelling tests, and did actual science experiments. It wasn’t just coloring, and songs, and learning to be in a classroom. She had to sit still for 6+ hours a day. After-school was what made it fun for her. We’re considering a nanny or something as she gets older, but for now, I know she would come home and veg, so the chance to be active is totally worth it.

    • Spirograph says

      My son is regularly in aftercare until ~6, and yells at me for picking him up too early. He’s tired, but the exhausting part of the day for him is sitting still in school. Aftercare is a valuable outlet after a long day, and has a lot more space to blow off steam than my house does. Our aftercare is amazing, and has snacks and tons of fun activities indoors and outdoors for the kids to choose among. It’s 100% play and kid choice unless you sign up to have your kid sit for supervised homework time for a half-hour.

      Depends on your kid, but if your school has a strong aftercare program, I would not hesitate to take advantage of it.

      • FVNC says

        Yes! Whenever I picked up my daughter early, I’d wind up waiting 30 minutes for her to just finish “one” last thing/game/play activity that she did NOT want to miss. For kids who are used to full time daycare, I think aftercare is really a good and familiar experience.

    • anon says

      It is a long day, but IME, kids adjust. Agree with the earlier poster that it’s very play-based and your kiddo will have time to unwind. If you’re able to pick up early a few days a week, that’s a nice bonus. I’ve started looking at before/aftercare as one giant playdate. I would see how it goes for a semester, and if it’s not working, adjust later.

    • OP says

      This is all so reassuring! Thank you! She’s very social and likes hanging out with kids of different ages, so I’m glad to hear aftercare has generally been a positive experience for others. We (and she) are excited about kindergarten and have found a school we really love, but I had an intense, scary first day of school stress dream the other night so clearly there is still some anxiety hidden in there somewhere. Thank you all for the thoughtful responses.

    • Anonymous says

      My grade schooler is my oldest. I have a nanny at home that stays with my 1 y/o, picks my preschooler up from part time preschool, and is there when my 1st grader gets home.

      For friends of my daughter that are the youngest or only, they do aftercare and love it. Our district has a great program. Aftercare is pricey but not as much as a nanny. With 3, a nanny is a wash.

    • DLC says

      Another vote for aftercare. My husband gets off work in time to pick up my daughter, but we signed up for before/ after care as a drop in option so we have a back up for days when things come up. Also the before/ after care is open during days that there is no school (including all but the worst snow days) , so we don’t have to take the day off when there are random days of no school. Even if you go the nanny route, it might be worth paying the drop in deposit fee.

    • EB0220 says

      I worried a lot about aftercare. I considered a babysitter, hiring a neighborhood mom and just coming home early. In the end we decided on aftercare at her school and it has been great. They don’t get much time to run around and socialize during the school day, so that’s their time to chat with friends. My daughter’s best friends are all in aftercare with her and she gets mad if I pick her up too early. It’s been great. We have been doing bus in the morning (great way to get to know the neighbors) but are considering doing before care this year as well.

  3. Feeling bad today says

    my three year old has very little interest in drawing and scribbling and coloring etc. I’m getting worried because she can’t come close to writing her name or drawing a stick figure and I’m pretty sure she cannot draw circle, square etc. she’s totally fine in other areas – very verbal, can count, identify some letters, and spell her name, but I’m worried about these milestones. We recently took her out of full time daycare for scheduling reasons and now she’s home with a nanny and will start at a Montessori preschool school in the fall. I think I’m feeling bad that she isn’t learning as much as she was in daycare and while our nanny is fine she’s not great and I don’t think she really is working with her at any learning type stuff. Should I be concerned about this? Should I force her to work on it if she isn’t interested?

    • Cb says

      Look at the Candokiddo website, I feel like she had a reluctant writer and had some helpful exercises and tools.

    • Anonymous says

      She’s three! She should not be writing her name. Give her piles of crayons and opportunities to draw, certainly check in with her pediatrician at your next visit, but she’s fine.

      • Spirograph says

        + a million. Writing a name is not a milestone anyone is looking for in a 3 year old. Please don’t “force” a 3 year old to work on academic achievement.

      • Anonymous says

        It is absolutely not a milestone, but my kids were writing their name at 3 (legibly and confiedently by end of 3), so OP might see other kids doing it thinking it’s a big issue. Many peers were not quite there that early.

        Our preschool, which is known for very sufficiently prepping kids for K, has name recognition as a goal for the 2.9 class, first and last name recognition for the 3s, and writing first and last and address recognition for 4s.

        If she can’t do it the spring before K, I’d be more concerned. FWIW one of my kids had an easy name (short, lots of easy letters) and the other had a hard name (7 letters, inc. R and B).

        • Anonymous says

          Our preschool had writing first name as a goal by age 3, which was laughable because they did not work on it at all. At some parent-teacher conference before she turned 3 they told me she needed to be writing her name by age 3 and that I’d better start working on it at home. Her name is just 4 letters, 2 of which are the same, so it was a piece of cake to teach her. But that was when I started doubting the school’s milestone requirements.

    • Anonymous says

      Look up activities for fine motor/pincher skills and work on those. Finger painting, drawing/tracing in shaving cream, picking up craft pompoms and putting them into a bottle, are all things that develop the necessary hand and finger strength that are precursors to writing.

    • GCA says

      All this sounds pretty normal! You can raise it with the pediatrician, but I wouldn’t worry especially if she seem to have other fine motor skills (opening boxes, shape sorting, using a spoon, turning on the tap, putting duplos together).

    • Boston Legal Eagle says

      I have a 3 year old and I don’t expect him to be able to write his name or draw shapes, etc. Our ped never mentioned anything like this as milestones. Where did you hear this?

    • anon says

      She’s three — expecting her to draw shapes, people and write her name is asking A LOT. At this age, just using the art supplies is good enough, really.

    • Anonymous says

      My 4 year old can’t reliably do half that stuff. His teachers have never expressed any concern and I don’t think I know any 3 year old who regularly write their own name.

    • anon says

      Playdough is great for building hand strength and fine motor skills that can help with writing. And it’s fully play, so no academic pressures.

    • AwayEmily says

      FWIW my daughter is 3.5, can recognize maybe two letters, and can barely scribble, much less do representative drawing. She has very little interest in writing or sounding out letters (though loves being read to) and I have no desire to push her — she’ll get there eventually. Maybe in kindergarten, maybe later. She’s in daycare full-time but it is play-based and they do plenty of social/emotional learning but no letters/shapes/numbers.

      • anon says

        Same. Not worried about this at all. She’ll figure out how to write her name in time for college applications.

    • Jeffiner says

      My 4.5 year old daughter likes tracing the outlines of letters or shapes. Sometimes I can get her to write a few letters on her own, but its really not something I’m concerned about yet.

      Our shower has a glass door, and she does like to draw stick figures on it when it steams up. She does not like to draw stick figures with crayons.

    • AnotherAnon says

      To frame this more positively, I think you’ll be very happy with the strides that Montessori will help her make. My 2.5 y/o son certainly doesn’t draw shapes or his name, but he’s making big strides in fine motor skill development and he’s very independent, which makes me so happy. I wouldn’t push too hard on the nanny or worry about this overmuch. I know that’s easy to say from the other side, but I think she is doing fine.

      • Anon says

        Yeah agree and Montessori has very specific tools to acquaint kids with letters (I think it’s samdpaper letters), so your kid will get there gradually in a way that is well-developed.

  5. Anonymous says

    Postpartum binders: anyone tried a postpartum binder targeted to the hip area? I know Kat had a great post about taking advantage of the excess post-birth hormones to get your shape back and I used the Bellefit with my first kiddo’s v-birth in 2015 (thanks, Kat!)—it worked well for waist reshaping. However with my current pregnancy, my hips have really spread and I want to bring them back inline post-birth, if possible. Looking at the ‘Zon, seems like there are a lot more options for binders than 4 years ago and they’re like 1/5th of the price (hello overseas third party sellers). I’m especially interested in the 3-in-1 binder products that have a separate piece for the pelvic area. Any tried these?

    • Anonymous says

      I’d be cautious. I used one of these after my first baby. Not convinced it made much difference in hip width and I think it may have worsen pelvic floor issues by putting pressure on the weak pelvic floor muscles.

    • Jeffiner says

      I had SPD during pregnancy and did exercises to realign my pelvis. Squeezing a ball between my knees, squats, pelvic tilts, etc.

    • AnonLondon says

      Amongst my NCT group, about half used them and half got their shapes “back” and there didn’t seem to be a correlation between the two.

  6. Not hacking it says

    I came back from maternity leave to my biglaw job a couple months ago. I’m supposed to be 80%, but am billing over 100% with people asking me to do even more. My husband (who has a government job) is picking up a lot of slack because I haven’t been able to get home before bedtime most days. I’m overwhelmed and feel like my previously under-control ppd is starting to spiral out of control again. I have applied to one government position, but don’t expect to hear back for a while. The thought of sticking it out in this job while I continue to job search makes me get a pit in my stomach. I think I want to give my notice and then job search while taking a little time off, but I’m scared. I want to keep working, so I don’t want to do this if it will tank my career. FWIW, I have several years experience in biglaw, went to HYS, and am not looking to land a particularly prestigious job. So wise hive, what do you think? Can I leave now, get a new job later, or do I need to stick it out through long hours and worsening mental health?

    • Anon says

      FWIW, I left biglaw for my first and took a few months off and then joined another firm. I just described it in interviews as a self-financed maternity leave. I think any gap under a year following a kid is pretty easy to explain. That being said, I have always heard that job searching while employed is easier. But with your resume, I am sure you’ll find something so I’d be tempted to quit!

    • anon says

      Start saying no at work! If you are willing to quit, what’s the worst that can happen? If you are supposed to be 80%, enforce it! It’s probably against your DNA, but try to coast a bit more in your job. Take time to job search while you are employed.

      • Anon says

        This. You’re working like you want to make partner, and you don’t. Say no. Will it hurt your career at that firm long-term? Sure. But you’re not going to get fired in the next year and even if you do you were ready to quit anyway. It’s easier to find a job while you have a job.

    • Anonymous says

      Why not do something in the middle? Start declining work. Leave at 6 every day. Aggressively job hunt while you’re employed, but accept that you’re not going to be there long term. “Sorry I’m at 80% now and I don’t have capacity to take that on.” Treat it as practice. People will always want you to do more, you need to learn how to say no.

      • anne-on says

        +1. Work will not set limits for you. Set them yourself and enforce them. If you don’t care about staying there long term what do you have to lose?

    • Not Hacking It says

      For those saying I should set limits, it honestly just does not seem like an option. There are not enough people staffed on my matters. Many of the other associates I work with are also on 80% schedules but working well over 100% (and much more than me). If I say no, my colleagues who have toddlers at home will have to literally work all night/not sleep to meet the fast paced deadlines of the litigation I’m working on. I have already been saying no to some things and have enforced that I will not be working all weekend and will not be working past 10pm (although I have had one or two nights that have gone much later). I am basically told “we know this is not fair, but there is no one else who can do this and this absolutely has to get done.” Am I just supposed to not do it and let deadlines get missed, see my colleagues literally not sleep, and just accept it might mean we lost our case? Logically I know if I quit they’ll be in an even worse position, but I’m really not sure what to do. I’m already doing less than my colleagues because I am usually getting sleep.

      • Anon says

        I would quit if you can swing it financially. You’ll for sure land another job. Just make sure it’ll be better than this before a ceoting, seems like lit is insane at times no matter the firm

      • Anon says

        I wouldn’t worry about other people. They are adults and can set their own limits. I would literally just say no, I can’t do this, and let them figure out staffing.

      • Nan says

        I think you should take the leap and quit. Your resume is strong enough that I have no doubt you’ll find another job, particularly if you don’t leave a huge gap and aren’t trying to get into a prestigious position.

      • Pogo says

        Echo the others, quit and job hunt aggressively. After my last job I think I had an interview (with my current employer) within a week – was in a similar position and SO glad I left. I thought I really screwed them over, but they all survived.

      • anon says

        Ahh, the age-old problem of an employer granting 80% schedules but not actually adjusting its workforce accordingly. I’m sorry, OP. In this case, quitting may be the better option. I totally get the dilemma of not being able to say no, because who the heck else is going to do it?!

      • RR says

        Everyone is responsible for setting their own boundaries. And it’s just not true in BigLaw that there’s no one else to do it. Of course there is. It’s BigLaw. It’s big. They can find someone else. They just aren’t. Not to mention that if you quit, they will have to figure out how to do it, it will impact your colleagues, etc. You are only responsible for you, and everyone else has to figure out their own boundaries. They will do it or they won’t, but that’s not your problem, however much you may feel empathy for them.

      • Anon for this says

        I quit my job in somewhat similar circumstances. My firm supposedly supported my reduced schedule, but my practice area kept getting busier and busier and they refused to hire more attorneys. I was in the same position where I couldn’t just set a boundary and leave a client or trusted colleagues in a very bad position, so my reduced schedule quickly became more hours than it was supposed to be. There was actually another thing that led to my final decision to quit, but the hours had already broken me down at that point.

        I decided to open my own practice so that I could just turn away clients when I got too busy or when they weren’t the type of client I wanted to work with. I’m happy with that so far, but I’m also in a field that is not as deadline heavy as litigation. In your position, I think you should absolutely look for another job. I don’t know if it is worth considering, but if there are enough of your colleagues (or just people in your network) in the same boat, have you ever thought of speaking with them confidentially about potentially starting something together? I was really surprised at how many of my clients followed me after I left. I did not actively solicit any of them, but I have not had to advertise to keep myself as busy as I want to be. I also know a group of three attorneys in one practice area at my firm that left and started their own firm in a smaller suburb not too far from the firm’s metro area and it turned out pretty well for them. I know it was partially a life-balance choice for them as well. YMMV. I know every situation is different and my family was able to plan on cutting out my income for a year while I got things launched.

    • shortperson says

      is there a mentor or friendly partner you can work with on this? you can just be honest with them — you are going to quit immediately unless they can dial it back. let them intervene with the other partners.

      • Anon says

        Yes – and presumably others may, too. Your group needs to hire more people, that’s obvious, and if they don’t they are likely about to see a mass exodus.
        I would recommend getting off some matters altogether- it’s easier to manage more work on fewer different cases. Don’t worry about the impact on others and indeed, encourage them to push back too and refuse to take on their overflow.

  7. BabyBoom says

    How do you pack for trips with your kids? When it was just 2 moms, we would put everything in 1 big duffel. With the kids, we need more packing space! Trying to figure out if I should get another big duffel (so 1 mom bag, 1 kid bag), or if we should think about bags for the kids. They seem too small to carry their own bags at this moment. But would it just make it easier in the long run for them to have their own bag?
    Currently we do all of our travel by car. I anticipate that we will plan a bigger trip by air within the next year.

    • Jeffiner says

      My husband and I each have a large bag, and we split kiddo’s things between our bags. Kiddo does carry a bag herself, but its full of her stuffed animal, her coloring books, etc.

      I have a bag from REI that can either be worn as a backpack or rolled like traditional luggage. I love it.

      • Callie says

        We generally do a kids’ suitcase and a grownups’ suitcase. Ours open up clamshell style so generally it’s my stuff on one side, my husband’s on the other side, and then in the kids’ suitcase, my son’s on one side, my daughter’s on the other side.

        My kids only carry their small toddler sized backpacks (with some small toys, snacks, water bottles). My husband and I both have a backpack with stuff we want access to on plane (wipes, more snacks, ipads).

      • octagon says

        Can you provide more details about your backpack? Brand, size etc? I’ve been thinking I need to get something like that.

        • Cb says

          I have one from Eastpak which isn’t wheeled but they make a wheeled version. I find it great for packing and because it’s on your back, the people evaluating luggage sizes don’t seem to think it counts. I wouldn’t chance it on Ryanair but I would on other airlines.

        • Callie says

          Most of our trips are via car so we can always throw large lands end or ll bean canvas boat totes in the car if needed.

          But when traveling via plane (with our 2 y/o and 3 y/o), we’ve found that we can get away with each grownup pushing a rolling suitcase (which we check), each grownup wearing a backpack, and kiddos each with their small pottery barn toddler backpacks (which seem fine–they were gifts and I haven’t really compared them to any others but they hold a pack of markers, small notebook of blank paper, several sheets of stickers, a few toy matchbox cars, empty water bottle, and both my kids’ must-have-to-go-to-sleep loveys. We then use them on vacation whenever we got out to dinner to supply kid entertainment).

          Since you specifically asked about the backpacks, we just have two very old northface backpacks that we both used way back in grad school. I go out of my way to pack them half empty–really just wallets and phones and headphones/ipads (for kids on plane) and spare wipes, emergency pacifier for my 2 y/o, and some extra snacks. We always do laundry when we’re there so I really pack the suitcases light–and plan to wash clothes every other evening. We also generally have a stroller (which we gate check) and two travel carseats–so even though we try to pack light (and I’m always congratulating myself that I did), there really is no such thing as traveling light with two kids this age so I then look at everything and think “wow so much stuff!”

        • Jeffiner says

          I have an Osprey Sojourn in the 80 L size. They come in smaller sizes, but we like to minimize the number of bags we have when we travel, and its still manageable for me.

    • Anonymous says

      So it depends on kid age and size. When they were little, I’d pack their stuff in with mine and my H would pack his own bag (a constant theme thru-out is going to be my H’s ability to only be in charge of packing his own stuff). As they’ve gotten a bit older, they each have their own small roller bag (the ubiquitous animal ones) and a matching backpack. We use the same bags whether by car or air at this point. If we go skiing, we take one family gear bag and load that up, but use the same bags for the kids for regular clothes, jammies, and toiletries.

      My theory is that as soon as they require their own plane ticket, they get their own bags. We generally have to help carry them at some points though.

    • Anonymous says

      When we travel, we usually have two bags for clothes/toiletries – kiddo and I share a bigger bag for clothes and most of her and my toiletries. Hubby has another bag for his clothes and toiletries, and our overflow (usually my shoes and some bigger toiletries if traveling by car). Toys go in a basket if we’re traveling by car or split between kiddo’s and hubby’s backpack if by air. This works best for us because I pack my clothes and kiddo’s clothes…so it’s easier for me to put them together. If we had a second kiddo, I think we’d need a smaller third bag – mostly for shoes.

    • Anonymous says

      Duffels are the worst option. Terrible to pack in. I’d do a carry on for kids, and one for moms (or two if you need room) and check them to avoid struggling with them through the airport.

      • AwayEmily says

        Counterpoint: if you have a stroller you can hang the duffel on the back of the stroller, making it easy to get through airports. We have the LL Bean medium adventure duffel and it’s the perfect size for all of our clothes (2 kids and 2 adults), but still easily fits in the overhead bin. Or I can carry it on my shoulder, leaving my hands free — I don’t like how wheeled suitcases require me to pull them. But I know I am in the minority here!

    • Anonymous says

      We have always done a separate bag for each person. When kiddo was too small to handle her own bag, it was a rolling carry-on for each parent plus a duffel for kiddo that one parent could carry while the other wrangled kiddo. When she got bigger, she got her own rolling carry-on.

    • Anonymous says

      We do almost all our travel by air, so focus on the ease of getting everything through the airport with twin 2-year-olds who aren’t yet big enough to pull their own luggage. When possible, we pack everything for the 4 of us in one large wheeled suitcase. If we have more than the 50lb airplane limit, we’ll pack some of it in a smaller duffel, stick that inside the big suitcase while transiting, and then pull it out to check separately. When we have to bring two suitcases, we’ll generally go with one large rolling suitcase for the twins and a smaller rolling suitcase for the moms (and sometimes stick some of our stuff in theirs).

      For car trips we still do a mom suitcase and a toddler suitcase. I suppose at some point we might get them their own individual bags, but at this point we do all the carrying and because twins they’re using the same stuff (clothes, diapers, toys, books, etc are all interchangeable so it would be annoying to have those divided in two bags).

    • AwayEmily says

      We just went on a weeklong cross-country trip with two toddlers, and didn’t check bags, so organization was paramount. I cannot say enough good things about packing cubes. It is seriously game-changing (we just got the cheap Amazon Basics ones). We travel with one large-ish duffel for everyone’s clothes, and a backpack for each adult. Inside the large duffel, we have a packing cube for each kid’s regular clothes/shoes, one cube for their combined pajamas/night diapers (nice to be able to pull just that out when we need to do bedtime in a hurry), and then the rest of the bag is devoted to adults clothes (we don’t bother with cubes). In the adult backpacks we put any personal stuff (kindle, computer, toiletries, snacks for the kids). this last trip we gave our 3yo her own backpack for the first time, which was helpful because she could carry her own toys and books for the plane.

      • DLC says

        +1 for packing cubes. We found them invaluable for keeping everyone organized and also helps avoid the spread of stuff at our destination.

    • Cb says

      I feel like more bags = more chances of one getting forgotten. We did 5 days in Berlin in the spring and we had a rolling duffel, backpack for the plane, umbrella stroller, and sleep tent. When taking the train and bus to the flat, we each had two items so it was easy to keep track of.

      I have an eastpak rolling duffel that is terrible on uneven surfaces but is great from an organization standpoint. I refuse to pay to check more than one bag so we shove everything into this and do laundry.

    • Anon says

      We always check one large suitcase. If we’re taking a PNP, it’s PNP + my stuff + most of the kid stuff, and DH takes a separate smaller bag with his stuff and a bit of kid stuff. If we don’t have to bring the PNP, we can usually put everyone’s stuff in the big checked suitcase (plus backpacks that go with us on the plane). We travel a lot, domestically and internationally, but not for more than 9 days at a time and we don’t do anything like camping where we have to bring a ton of gear.

    • SC says

      We use rolling suitcases. Everyone gets their own. Typically, my husband and I use carry-on size bags. My son gets a large suitcase, and we put clothes, books, toys, etc. in it. Sure, we could pack less for him, but there’s never been a real limitation (so far, we’ve driven or flown Southwest), and it’s nice to have plenty of options at our destination (typically, visiting family members or staying at the beach). My son (4 yo) only carries his small backpack with a few of his toys and activities in it.

    • Anon says

      I usually pack my 2 YO’s stuff with mine, and then DH packs his own bag. If we’re traveling by car, I usually pack an extra bag with toys, books, diapers and wipes (to the extent we’re not shipping them ahead), any type of feeding things (bottles originally, now sippy cups and snack catchers) if we’ll need them at our destination.

    • shortperson says

      for longer trips, we do two 25″ travelpro rolling suitcases for the four of us. (4yo, 1yo). for shorter trips, i share a 25″ w kids and dh brings a smaller carryon sized for himself. if we are bringing our guava lotus crib we bring the 27″ travelpro instead but that one gets overweight fast. high quality travelpro is essential for us bc kids can push them, ride on them, etc. we always try to minimize the # of bags. we also pack two carseats into a britax carseat bag that is a backpack and has wheels.

    • rosie says

      I’ll just add packing cubes for kid stuff. We put my toddler’s clothes in packing cubes and put those in whoever’s suitcase has room — makes it much easier to separate out her stuff when we arrive. We do either 1 large rolling duffel and then a smaller roller suitcase or 2 large rolling duffels, depending on how much we need (2 adults + 1 kid). I’d rather have the bigger bags to save on checked bag fees over multiple smaller ones, and I cannot think about carry-on only right now.

    • Anonymous says

      How old are your kids?
      DH and I each pack a carry on sized suitcase and a carry on bag – big purse for me, backpack with all the tech for DH. (We have a tablet for each kid, and my husband usually brings a laptop.) DH and I check our suitcases in favor of free hands. Each kid has a kid size rolling suitcase that they delight in pulling through the airport, and a kid-size backpack for headphones, stuffed animal, and a couple books. That all gets carried on, with the suitcases going overhead and the backpacks staying in the seat.

      Before they could walk, we just packed their stuff between our bags, but youngest was 2.5 last time we took a flight and this system worked well. The kids really enjoy packing their suitcases. I tell them they need ## pants, shirts, etc, and then they can fill in the extra space with up to 2 stuffed animals, 2 toys, and 4 books.

    • EB0220 says

      We usually do one huge suitcase or two suitcases, each with 1 kid and 1 grownup’s stuff. Kids carry small backpacks with their personal items (tablets, headphones, stuffed animal). This is what we do for both flying and driving. Kids are 4 and 7.

  8. Anonymous says

    My son’s 9mo pediatrician appt is tomorrow. Anyone have insight into what milestones the doctor is going to ask about? Also any recommendations for questions I should ask? Just like to be as prepared as possible. Thanks!

    • Anonymous says

      The CDC has a list of milestones that I usually check. That being said, my daughter has missed a lot of milestones and I am not concerned because she is making forward progress on everything and is advancing in some areas more than others (she is very social, not very motivated at some of the gross motor skills like crawling). I mostly focus on the list of “talk to your doctor if your child isn’t doing” rather than the “most babies are doing this” list.
      https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/actearly/milestones/milestones-9mo.html

        • Anon says

          oh no, haha I have no idea what the URL is, I just found this by g00gling “ASQ 9 months”

    • Boston Legal Eagle says

      Just had ours with my 9 month old. I think the baseline is that 9 month olds should be able to sit on their own for a bit, and should have some practice with finger foods. Our ped gave us recommendations of what foods to try (basically anything in bite-sized pieces, other than a few choking hazards and other foods to wait on until 1). She recommended trying common allergens (peanut butter, eggs) sooner rather than later.

      Speech-wise, she said to listen for more consonant-type sounds and to listen for more words by age 1. Our first didn’t have words until closer to 15 months, so I’m not too worried about speech.

    • Anonymous says

      Sitting was really the only thing my ped said she was looking for, unless we had questions, which I didn’t . You can google the ASQ questionnaire— will filled it out— but note that the 9 month one is for 9 mo one day through at least the end of 10 mo if not later, so if you take your baby in the day he or she turns 9 months, you won’t be answering “yes my baby has 3 words,” and that’s normal and expected.

      • Anon says

        You’re never expected to get 100% on every category of the ASQ, even if your baby is at the end of the age range. If you get one or two questions as “yes” you usually “pass” the test. The 9 month ASQ only suggests intervention in the communication category if your child isn’t babbling, which I think is pretty abnormal at 9 months. Words are absolutely not required. You can pass the 12 month and maybe even the 15 month communication ASQ without words.

        • Anonymous says

          That’s a better way of saying it, thanks. I knew that and was still surprised to see that particular question listed the day my child turned 9 months!

    • Anonymous says

      OP here. Thanks all, this is really helpful. My pediatrician is very relaxed about milestones, etc which I generally love. Sometimes though, I get concerned because others on this board seem to talk about discussing a lot of this development stuff with their peds on a seemingly more frequent basis so I just wanted a gut check. Thanks again!

      • Pogo says

        I feel like 9mo was not a big milestone one. I think they may have asked about self-feeding and allergen exposure (like, has kiddo tried the 7 major allergens yet and any reactions so far). I think I may have also asked about cow’s milk at the 9mo (when to start, how do you recommend the transition) because I could tell LO wanted to wean and I was also ready to be done pumping.

        At 12mo and all subsequent visits, LO has had full-on stranger danger sobbing when the ped so much as looks at him, so the “conversation” is pretty short. If you 9mo is still chill w/ strangers, maybe take this opportunity to ask ahead too about 12-15mo milestones.

        I am also a liberal user of the nurse line so rarely have any critical unresolved concerns at well child visits.

  9. ALC says

    Does anyone have a good calendar app that works across Android and Apple so a family can share calendar events? My husband and I have tried Outlook and Gmail and both seem to be glitchy in sharing events accurately. Thanks!

    • Anon says

      Rather than share, we just send calendar invites to each other for shared events and each of us maintains our own calendar. I use Outlook at work and the G for personal (most items go on both – the personal is a back up as my work calendar rules my life) and my husband uses the G.

      • Cb says

        Same. We can view each other’s gmail calendars but sending invites works better for us. If I have a work event that my husband needs to know about (out of town, non-negotiable appointment which means he’ll need to cover childcare etc), I invite my husband.

      • Pogo says

        Same. We also have different standards about what needs to be on a calendar so I don’t really want all of his events and vice versa. My parents have Android and share via mail of the G, we haven’t had issues.

      • Buddy Holly says

        +1 on calendar invites. On my iPhone, I ditched the standard calendar for Fantastical and I cannot rave about it enough. It is so, so much better if you use your calendar a lot from your phone.

  10. Lilyput says

    I usually find Clark’s brand comfortable. I am wearing Clark’s Dancer Nolin pump right now and I find it has a nice classic shape, is comfortable with good padding and suede foot bed ( my feet get sweaty). I see it’s only 45 dollars in Amazon! Great deal of you are looking to get a pair.

  11. Clementine says

    I think I’m going to take a weekend away. AWAY. No husband, no kids, no job, no people needing anything from me.

    I am an extrovert, but what I really want more than anything is to lay by a pool with a book and read. I want to watch HGTV and get a massage and take a shower that’s long enough to shave my legs AND wash my hair.

    Specific resort suggestions? Short flight from the Northeast is fine, looking to do this late Sept/early October (Hurricaine season, I know). Don’t really like yoga, do like running and hiking but am very very okay with doing nothing.

    • Anonymous says

      Fairmont South Hampton in Bermuda. Spa and running trails on the property. Pool and beach are both nice. Ocean will be starting to get chilly but still swimmable.

    • Anonymous says

      Bedford Springs! Not sure if the outdoor pool will be open, but they have an indoor pool, an incredibly nice spa, and gorgeous hiking trails.

    • drpepperesq says

      southern maine/portland maine area? good hiking, good food, relaxed vibe and quiet. probably will miss the pool but the beach may still be nice. about an hourlong flight from the northeast.

      • Anon says

        Acadia is also really lovely that time of year. Ocean will be too cold for swimming but you should get some days where you can take a dip in the pool.

      • Pogo says

        Acadia doesn’t really have commercial flights that I know of – maybe Cape Air out of BOS – so that is a loooong drive, even from Portland. I do love Portland though – there are some boutique resorts on a couple of the harbor islands.

        • Anon says

          You can fly direct to Bangor from many airports. It’s a lot closer to Acadia than Portland but still over an hour drive. There are direct flights from Boston to the “Bar Harbor airport” but that airport is actually in Trenton, ME (just before the bridge into Mount Desert Island).

    • Anon says

      Ridiculously expensive but incredibly lovely – Mohonk Mountain House.

    • Canadianon says

      Late, but… Fairmont Montebello in Quebec (1hr drive from Montreal or Ottawa). Lovely indoor pool, outdoor pool should be open on the weekend if the weather is nice, full service spa, beautiful log cabin style hotel. Perfect for recharging.

  12. Anonymous says

    I’m pretty sure my summer sitter sucks, but I don’t know how or if I can fix it, or I cut bait and find someone else.

    I have 3 kids. They can be a handful if not properly watched, because they are 1, 3 and 6. They need an experienced sitter. They need an engaged sitter who can do “crowd control” type stuff and keep track of all 3 at once. I work from home a lot this summer and generally stay out of the way (my office is in another part of the house). But i’m around enough to watch that:
    1. my 3 year old walks all over the sitter, bossing her around and generally being bratty. I’ve talked to the sitter 5+ times about correcting this behavior and making sure she is the adult in the relationship, telling her how we do discipline (time outs) etc. this hasn’t changed at all. Totally fair that my 3 y/o is the brat here (but no worse than the average 3 year old), but I’m comparing to other sitters who can say “you need to use nice words” or “you get what you get and you don’t get upset” etc.
    2. My six year old has TWICE in the past two weeks BITTEN my 3 year old while this sitter is here. I have no idea how this happens. It never NEVER has happened with other sitters, and never with me or my husband around. From what I gather, the two kids are too close, fighting (today it was apparently over whose turn it was at aboard game and the little one stole the piece), and the sitter cannot/does not keep them separate. I know 3 kids is hard, but this last incident happened when the baby was asleep, so she was just dealing with a 3 and 6 year old.

    I’m so torn- I can’t teach this person how to be a babysitter. She shows up when she says she will. She cleans up (enough). My kids don’t particularly like her– in that when she sits, they are like “eh, ok.” vs their eyes lighting up when other sitters come over. But I’m starting to feel like my kids aren’t entirely safe (from eachother). Is this valid?

    FWIW, the sitter is ~20 and home from college. We’ve had many college aged sitters before but they’ve all been great with the kids. Heck, my 13 year old neighbor mothers’ helpers and she’s a million times better.

    Ugh, I really don’t want to find a new sitter this far into the summer but I feel like I may have to. I straight up told her (when i heard the screaming across the house today and went to see what happened) that I need her to be able to keep my kids safe, and that when they are biting each other, they are not safe.

    • Ugh me too says

      I could have written this except in my case it’s an afternoon nanny (so the problem will continue). Kids haven’t bitten each other but they have locked her out of rooms they are in (they are 4 and 2) and just don’t seem to respect her. Have had a lot of talks w the kids too and it’s maybe getting better but not great. Here’s the thing: we have a baby too. The fact that you posted this with three kids and I’ve been seeing it with three kids makes me wonder if I’m expecting too much – is this really a situation where one person will be in over their head regardless? My solution so far has been to tell her that she should feel free to turn on a movie when necessary as it’s super hot where we are and at least then I know everyone is behaving and safe.

      • Anonymous says

        That’s usually how I’d fall-but this happened when the baby was well into her nap. So it was a 3 and 6(!) year old. My six year old has bitten 3 times ever. Once at daycare at 15 months and twice in the last week with this sitter. WTF.

        I honestly wouldn’t be shocked if it were my 3 y/o but my 6 y/o is another story.

        • SC says

          I’d talk to the 6 y/o during a calm period and see if there’s anything else going on or anything you can do to help him. It may just be that as the 3 y/o gets older and more assertive and willful, the 6 y/o is getting frustrated and doesn’t know how to deal with 3 y/o. (I mean, even adults feel this way with 3 y/os.) It might help the 6 y/o to have some alone time or quiet time built into the day, or to have words or phrases to use with the 3 y/o, or to be reminded of calming techniques, including explicit permission to just walk away when the 3 y/o won’t take turns or whatever.

    • Anonymous says

      I dunno, I find it hard to blame the sitter that your 6 year old bit your 3 year old. I’d care more about her reaction and how she dealt with the aftermath. That said, this sitter clearly isn’t a good fit for your family. I’d start looking for a new one but have someone in place before I let this one go.

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