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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 108 Comments · by

Make My Life Easier Thursday: Switch Smart Plug

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Return Address StampI owe this pick to my husband. I never would have thought to buy a gadget like this, but it’s amazing for people like me who are always wondering, “Did I remember to turn off the [insert appliance name]?” Especially now that we have a baby who sometimes sleeps with a space heater in his room, this has eliminated that internal gasp I have on the subway when I can’t remember if I turned it off — and the desperate prayer that my house isn’t burning down when I’m at work. This is a special outlet that you can control with the WeMo app and/or Alexa to turn it on or off remotely, or even set the outlet on a timer for the lamps in your home. It’s made my life easier in so many ways, and we probably have about five or six of them. It would never have occurred to me to spend money on outlets, of all things, but this product is a game changer for me. Now I can devote my mental energy to more productive things. The plug is $35 at Amazon. WeMo Switch Smart Plug This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support.

Sales of note for 9.10.24

(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)

Kid/Family Sales

  • Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
  • Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
  • J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
  • Old Navy – 40% off everything
  • Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs

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About April

April is a working mom, a longtime reader of CorporetteMoms, and wrote our morning fashion advice for working moms from April 2018 to October 2020. She has one child (born 2/17!) and she’s a public interest lawyer in NYC.

Comments

  1. HSAL says

    We got one of these for Christmas and I’m surprised how much I love it.

    Teacher Appreciation Week is coming up, and it’s A Thing at my daycare. I don’t mind it and we always participate, but this year my daughter is moving to the next class that week. I would have given her current teachers each a $50 gift card, which I still plan to do. Do I give the same thing to the new teachers to build kid goodwill, or just participate in the smaller class activity suggestions (bringing flowers, teacher’s favorite treats, etc)?

    • SC says

      I vote for giving her current teachers the gift card, as you plan to, and just participating in the smaller class gift/activity for the new teachers. Presumably, you can give a gift card to the new teachers next year?

    • Jen says

      Split it? $25 to each teacher and a note of “thanks for a great year” to the old teachers and “looking forward to this year!” to the new ones.

      Or do the full amount to current teachers.

      FWIW depending on your child’s age, the holiday next year might be post-transition (eg. my daughter was only in Young Toddlers from 15-19 months, then she moved to Old Toddlers, where she’ll be from 19 months to probably 3. In the infant rooms it’s usually 3-9 months then 9-15 months)

  2. Sleep Deprived and Desperate says

    Ladies, I need some serious sleep help. We’re trapped in an endless cycle of exhaustion for everyone in my house and I don’t know what to do to fix it. It’s affecting everything, and we’re all miserable.

    My 2.5 year old has never ever been a good sleeper. We did some sleep training (Ferber) a few times when he was a baby, but over the years his sleep habits have swung wildly from so-so to terrible and back again. Lately the biggest problem is nightmares, which we’ve been treating by bringing him into our bed. But now of course he wakes up almost every night, nightmare or not, wanting to come into our bed (he’s still in a crib, so he just screams and cries till we give in). And he’s a restless sleeper, so when he’s in our bed I don’t sleep.

    We also have a 7 month old baby. He’s a slightly better sleeper than his brother, but not great. But I’m mostly okay with his sleep patterns, as I know this is a challenging age (he’s teething, just starting to crawl, hitting new milestones all the time, etc.). So I’m not really looking for advice on what to do with the baby. I just mention it because the baby’s wake ups obviously make dealing with the 2 year old’s wake ups even harder. And it’s not as simple as just switching off nights with my husband so we each get a decent night sleep. Often we’re both up in the middle of the night each dealing with one of the kids.

    What do I do about the 2 year old? Lay it out for me start to finish. People say things like “be consistent,” “let him cry,” “don’t give in,” but I don’t know what to do in practice. When he wakes up crying at 11pm, even if we ignore him or just go in and pat his back or whatever, it lasts a long time. And even if he eventually falls back asleep, he wakes again at 1am doing the same thing. And then 4 am. You see why eventually every night we give up? And keep in mind we’re all starting from a place of total exhaustion, and I don’t see any way to change that. So “being consistent” in the middle of the night is so, so, so hard. But something has to change. So please, tell me how to do it.

    • Anonymous says

      Does he have a cold/been checked for an ear infection? Does he have all his teeth? If it gives you any hope, we saw a huge sleep improvement with our twin boys around age 3 when they were totally finished with teething. I like advil for teething because i find it lasts longer. Is there a rocking chair in his room? Try rocking for a little while, and then putting him down awake (if he hasn’t fallen asleep) and explain where you are going – he has no idea what time it is so you can be ‘finishing cleaning the kitchen and will check on you later’ at 1am and 4am.

      Does he have a stuffie that he can cuddle to help self soothe? The Lulla doll has good reviews. Our kids also had a straw sippy with water in their cribs at that age in case they woke at night and they were thirsty. When the babies came, we really had to lean into the phyiscal contact with our oldest. I often wore her on my back when she got home from daycare. The phyiscal contact in the daytime seemed to reduce the need for cuddles at night. Tula Toddler is great for that age.

      You need to split up night duties somehow so that you can each get a block of sleep. Either alternate nights on and off with both kids, or alternate who gets up with which kid, or do shifts like 11pm – 3am and 3am to 7am. Go to bed as early as you can so you are getting some sleep during kid’s first stretch of sleep. If you’re ‘off duty’ at any point, sleep with eyemask/ear plugs/in guest room – whatever you need to do to get solid sleep.

      Finally, if you don’t want to CIO/don’t think it will work, try the No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers by Pantley. We didn’t want to CIO and used her baby book with good success.

      HTH and you start getting more sleep soon.

    • GCA says

      Massive hugs and solidarity. I have a pretty similar sleeper… telling him I’d ‘just have to do something for five minutes’ and leaving would never have worked – he’d just escalate, cry more, come out of the room to find me, et.c.

      At this point, right now, I’d say do the thing that gets the largest number of household members the greatest amount of sleep. Go to bed as early as possible (with the kids/ ASAP right after kid bedtime). If you don’t sleep well with toddler in your bed, can husband sleep with him in a guest-room bed outfitted with bed rails? Can you get a twin toddler bed, shove it up against the side of your bed, and have kiddo sleep there so he’s near you but not actually in your bed? Can he tell you if his ears/ teeth hurt? (It might be an ear infection, or those pesky molars that take forever to come in – around that age we were dealing with molars for like an entire month and had to keep Tylenol and Orajel handy in the bathroom closet.)

      Hope you get more sleep soon!

    • BC says

      If I were you, at this point I’d get the 2.5 year old a real bed and stick a guard rail on it. That way, instead of him coming into your bed, you or your husband can lie with him in his own bed and then leave when he is comforted and asleep. And hopefully he will not feel like he needs to escape his bed, which might eventually lead to fewer wake-ups.

    • AwayEmily says

      ugh I am so sorry you are going through this, it sounds really tough. I don’t have any specific advice (mine are younger) but I will tell you that whenever we deal with sleep stuff and implement a new strategy, the thought that gets me through the super tough parts is that kids WANT consistency. In the short term they may be unhappy with whatever I decide to do but in the long term they really want clear boundaries.

      And yes, definitely echo GCA on maximizing sleep for yourself. White noise machine in guest room? Everything will feel better once you have a little more sleep, so maybe try sleep-maximizing strategies for a week and then try to make a decision. You are taking such amazing care of your kids.

    • Anonymous says

      I’m not sure if this is an option for you – but is there any way you could hire a night nurse or a sleep consultant for a short period of time? I also think that BC’s idea of getting a bed for the toddler is a good one. Last tip – is your toddler consuming a lot of dairy? Obviously milk at dinner/before bedtime is common (and helps fill them up), but dairy can cause nightmares in a lot of people. We’re JUST getting over the hump where my 13 month old wanted to co-sleep every night in Jan-Feb (so we alternated nights), so I feel your pain.

      • Pogo says

        +1 I have a friend who used a sleep consultant for her 3.5 yo. I didn’t realize they worked with older children, but they do!

    • Meg Murry says

      For a quick catch up, can you get a babysitter for part of the day on Saturday and/or Sunday to take the 2.5 year old out somewhere and physically wear him out while you and your husband take turns taking care of the baby and napping? Or at least sitting down with your eyes closed?

      Could you put another mattress or low bed in the 2 year olds room so when he wakes up you or H can snuggle with him on that bed instead of bringing him into your bed? Or in a desperate times call for desperate measures move, can H take him to your bed and you bunk with the baby? Not ideal, but H and I definitely have done the musical beds game of everyone just sleeping where ever we all get the most sleep, even if it means getting kicked out of our own bed to make it happen.

    • H says

      I’m a huge proponent of Ferber and it has worked for us but I’ll tell you what you said not to tell you: be consistent, let him cry, don’t give in. In practice that’s exactly what it looks like. Put him in his crib and let him cry. Check on him periodically and comfort him (the book gives timeframes; if you don’t have the book I recommend buying it) but don’t give in to his demands. If/when he wakes up in the middle of the night, do the same thing. I won’t lie; it’s not going to be fun. But it really did work. It helped me to go do another activity for time periods. I’d go wash a dish, or put a load in the washing machine, etc. It also helped when one parent did it for the night versus me go the first time, dad to the second time, etc.

      We just went through something similar with my 3.5 year old. He wasn’t staying in his room after we put him to bed. The book has a whole chapter on it and so far it seems to be helping and it hasn’t been a week since we implemented the ideas. It definitely sucks to hear your child cry for so long, but mine eventually learned what he had to do. And we have several conversations during the day about him sleeping all by himself in hopes that he learns that is the expectation.

    • anon says

      For a while when my oldest was 2 yo, we bought a twin mattress (that was to be hers once we switched her to a big bed) and put it on the floor next to her crib. She was having nightmares and separation anxiety. I slept on the mattress on the floor after a wake up to keep her comforted. She was willing to sleep in her crib as long as I was next to her. Keeping her in the crib made bedtime easier than switching to a big bed altogether, though we did eventually transition her. I was also able to get a reasonable night of sleep on the mattress.

    • Jen says

      Thoughts in no particular order:

      – My oldest has always been a really good sleeper. But the time she was the worst was ~2. She started having nightmares/night terrors. She had a lot of going-to-bed separation anxiety that required us to promise we’d “sit outside the door until she fell asleep” (which we did, but we never let her sleep with us, or slept in her room). Then her younger sibling was born when she was 2.9 and she would wake up throughout the night and want to come into our bed (we think the crying baby woke her up, then she’d sort of go back to sleep, then have a bad dream, then come into our room). So, for her, she needed a bit more leeway and we knew she had a solid sleeping foundation.

      – my younger child (now just shy of 2) has always been a terrible sleeper. I was a true monster until she was about 16 months old because she’d wake up 3-4x/night needing SOMETHING and screaming for hours on end until she got it. She’s still a bad sleeper. Last night I was up twice (briefly) with her- once around 1am because she’d gotten her hand “stuck” in the crib bars (she was half asleep and couldn’t get it out- but it wasn’t really stuck-I pulled her hand out, patted her on the back and she went back to sleep), and once at 3am because her sock came off and apparently it was distressing enough to both wake her up and require screaming at the top of her lungs. I stuck a sock back on her, patted her on the back and out she went. We had to do a LOT of CIO with her, and we still do on occasion.

      – I manage chronic sleep deprivation by going to bed around 9pm every night. I know there’s a really good chance I’ll be up 1-2x, so DH and I do bed/bathtime jointly, he cleans the house afterward and I go to bed. In trade, I get up at night and he gets to sleep until 6:30am uninterrupted. This works for us both because I need less sleep overall than he does, and because even if he did get up, I’d be woken up and kicking him to deal with it longer than it actually takes to deal with it. DH also has to do a lot of work at night.

      – decide what are “hard nos” for your family. We held off on letting the kids into our bed until they proved they were good sleepers, so they wouldn’t get attached to it. ODD is allowed in if she has a nightmare or whatever. YDD is not allowed in, ever. We also didn’t want to be stuck sleeping in one of the kids’ rooms. So we’d tell the kids we’d be right outside the door (and leave the door open so they could see), but not actually be in the room. If you don’t need those boundaries, let your kid sleep with you, or on your floor. Or put a mattress in his/her room and sleep with them if they need the physical closeness. Maybe even try bunking the two together?

  3. Paris Bound! says

    Beware: Shallow request coming.

    My family is headed to Paris for vacation next month. Currently, my daughters (3 and 2) have Columbia fleece jackets during light-jacket weather. My husband noted yesterday that these are not the most, umm, attractive jackets and they will be in all of our pictures of Paris since the weather during May is typically 60s.

    Any suggestions for cute toddler jackets for Paris? It seems so silly searching or “sleek” styles for my toddlers, but I’m with my husband on this one. we will have a LOT of pics and i’d like the outfit coverings to be cute!

      • Rainbow Hair says

        OK this is straight up a brag but… I got my girl a lightweight/fake leather moto cut jacket and when she put it on she said, “this is a Mommy Jacket!”

        Made me feel awesome that she sees LJs as my signature style.

  5. Agressive Toddler says

    Has anyone dealt with an unusually aggressive toddlers? We had our second meeting with our 2-year-old son’s daycare yesterday because they have seen a major uptick in him hitting kids and pulling their hair. It isn’t during a specific time of day, isn’t targeted toward a single kid or a couple specific kids, and is almost always unprovoked. They are trying some specific things, but didn’t think there was much we could do at home to address it, since he doesn’t do this at home. They suspect he is doing it to get a reaction from the other kids and the teachers. They expressed that his intelligence level is high for his age, and that this is contributing to their typical responses not working (he knows what he can do, how to manipulate the other kids and to some extent the teachers, etc.). I have no idea what we are going to do if they end up kicking him out, or if another daycare would even accept him.

    • Anony says

      Different age, but my 18+ month old was on a Performance Improvement Plan for repeated, unprovoked biting. I know the stress of possibly getting kicked out, because she had three weeks to improve before we got the ax.
      There was not an apparent reason for the biting, no common victim, time, place or situation. In the spirit of trying anything and everything all at once, we doubled/tripled her snack intake before and during daycare. I think that got us over the hump. He may not know he is hangry.

      • OP says

        I’ve bumped his bedtime back 30 minutes because he is definitely worse when he is tired. I will talk to the daycare about offering an extra snack, because his behavior does slip when he is hungry.

    • lsw says

      Do you have early intervention where you live? Our friends are using their (free) services for the same issue.

    • Meg Murry says

      If they think it could be related to high intelligence for his age, could they ask the next class up (3 year olds?) how they would handle the situation? Perhaps they have a suggestion or technique that could work.

      How are his verbal skills? Is he hitting/hair pulling etc about frustration from not being able to express himself?

      I know they can’t tell you much about discipline and other kids, but can you ask if there is any chance this is copycat behavior where he sees another kid acting this way so he’s doing the same?

      • Anonymous says

        + to verbal skills.

        If he is behind on his expressive language (what he says) that can be really frustrating especially if he is intelligent (high receptive language). Frustration is a big source of acting out for toddlers. Maybe have him assessed by a speech pathologist? Our daughter had very high receptive language so we were speaking to her receptive language level which made talking seem complicated and daunting to her. We had to learn how to speak to her differently to encourage her to use her speech. Even a couple of sessions with a speech pathologist may be helpful.

      • OP says

        He is actually highly verbal, way above the other kids in the class and his same age. They ruled out copycat behavior, as well. The owner has 30 years of experience in childcare and admitted she is baffled by this. She said she had one similar case, but in that situation the child was behind his peers in intelligence, so they addressed it very differently.

        • Anon says

          I am fascinated by the owner’s belief that she can assess whether a toddler is more or less intelligent than his/her peers. Ability to assess communication level? Sure. Ability to assess intelligence among kids who are young enough that they bite their peers, regardless of how intelligent they are? Um ok.

      • Anon says

        Or could you pay the 2 year old rate but have him in the 3 year old room? (To help cover the cost of an extra aide to maintain ratios while he’s there.) If they’re hesitant, can you propose just an hour or two visit to the 3 year old room for a couple days to see if that improves the issue? Maybe he needs the challenge of being with older kids closer to his intelligence level. Or do they have enrichment classes like phonics or speech or music that could give him some extra individualized attention for an hour or two, and challenge him that way?

      • lala says

        We had this exact problem with my eldest. It ended up being a mix of boredom and sensory overload. What worked for us while he had to stay in that room? Having something he could have a sensory outlet with (squishy ball, putty, etc.), and having a teacher sit next to him. She would tell him, you can touch me (hold her hand, touch her knee, hold her arm, etc.), but not the other kids. For some reason he just needed that touch/sensory and it curbed his aggression. Obviously she couldn’t do this all of the time, but she focused on times where he tended to show aggression (circle time and free play).

        We got really lucky that this specific teacher had a lot of experience with kids like him. She was really understanding.

        Once he moved up to the “preschool” room, we have had zero issues. Like literally night and day. I think he is now challenged and the classroom is much calmer at this age (maybe it’s an age thing, or a classroom management thing? Not sure.).

    • Anonymous says

      I would be surprised if a daycare would kick out a 2 year old for hitting. For reference, I think every kid in my 3 year old’s class (it’s 2-3s) hits sometimes. Ours is particularly bad about it and they seem to consider it normal. Which isn’t to say they and we aren’t working to improve the situation, but not cause for alarm. Right now it is working pretty well to reward daily for keeping hands to himself (sticker/chocolate chip on days he doesn’t hit/kick/push). I don’t know if that would have worked as well at 2, but it has cut down hitting from 5 days/week to 1-2. Our kid is extremely verbal so it’s not really an issue of knowing how to express the emotions or ask for what he wants, but learning to deal with them. Strategies that are also helping at preschool and home are taking a break to calm down alone (he’ll voluntarily go to his room at home with his stuffed animals, for example), the Daniel Tiger “if you feel so mad that you want to roar, take a deep breath and count to 4” (although that gave him the idea to roar when he’s mad…), Take a little walk with a teacher, stomp his feet, etc.

      • Anonymous says

        Also he gets super aggressive if he has to use the bathroom– any chance you are potty training or recently potty trained? Ours will deny the need to pee but be super fighty until he goes. They are using a bell at preschool to remind him to go and it’s helping. Plus of course any sleep disruption doesn’t help — failing to nap for more than one day in a row, an early wake up, all make it harder to control emotions. We now give preschool a warning if he had a particularly bad night, and that helps too.

    • anon says

      I have a kid who can be both impulsive and aggressive. She does best when she has lots of physical activity. I don’t know if spring has been bad where you are, but she has rough patches when she doesn’t get outside enough. She also does better with lots of free play time and downtime. Have your weekends or evenings been busy? She also acts out when one or the other parent is traveling or absentee because of work. We also had issues when she would get hangry if she didn’t eat the snack/lunch and was hungry. This tended to happen in the late afternoon before pickup.

      My daughter is a bit behind on her verbal skills, so we think that drives most of her frustration/aggression. When she’s upset, it also takes her a long time to calm down (probably because she doesn’t feel heard, as she can’t tell you her POV or what’s wrong). She does best if she can leave the room to calm down in the hall or the director’s office with a book or toy. Anything to get her into a new mindset. A three minute timeout in the room isn’t likely to work for her.

      • Anon says

        +1. Honestly, he sounds stressed out and overstimulated by the current daycare situation. I have a 2.5 yr old who sounds similar, and I’ve recently figured out that he needs a lot of downtime and alone time with family/away from groups of peers. I used to think he wanted/needed socialization since he’d get really keyed up around other kids, but I’ve realized it’s a bad manic/aggressive energy, not a healthy extroverted energy. Janet Lansbury’s podcast has helped me think through his actions and come up with strategies.

    • SC says

      My toddler is apparently pretty aggressive at school and not at home. We just went through testing with a child psychologist, and he has some sensory processing issues and is hitting and pushing when he gets overwhelmed in the classroom. We’re going to work with daycare on some accommodations, and we also have a referral for some play-group therapy and another referral for some occupational therapy.

      I’m not saying your kid has any of the same issues. But it might be worth asking for some outside help! Our kid is apparently a totally different kid at school than he is at home. Our assessments were very different than the teachers’, and the psychologist observed him at school and then in her office and completely changed her mind on what she thought she was seeing. Having an experienced third party who could observe in different settings has been really helpful.

    • anon says

      Since he’s smart, he’s likely to figure out the reaction when he hits/pulls very quickly. It may be a very short lived phase regardless of what actions you take.

  6. HFM Help says

    Just left the doctor with my 2 year old, who has hand foot mouth. Taking him home for the rest of today and have to keep him out of daycare tomorrow. Any advice? Of course he’s contagious and can’t go anywhere, but other than that he seems to feel alright, happy, etc.

    My biggest concern is that he has a 5 month old baby brother, who is currently at daycare, but I have no idea how to keep them separated. I’m nursing the baby so I can’t send the baby anywhere. Husband is out of town but gets home at 5:00. I’ve asked him to pick the baby up from daycare… anything else I can do to make toddler feel better and keep baby from getting sick?

    • Jen says

      Remind me- how does HFM spread? Contact?

      You’ve only got to worry about, say, 5:30pm when baby and Dad get home until baby goes to daycare in the morning, right? Have Dad run point with one kid, and you take the other.

      If so, what about wearing the baby and/or putting baby in a pack-and-play.

      Set up toddler in a “sick room” (your room, family/TV room, whatever) with snacks and TV, then keep baby with you in another room.

      • anon says

        Protect yourself! The kids get over it pretty fast but it hits adults really heard, in my experience.

          • CPA Lady says

            Yeah, I have never been sicker in my entire adult life than the first two days of HFM. At least the bad part was short lived.

    • FVNC says

      Good suggestions above.

      I agree that physical separation is key, and if you can spend some time today disinfecting toys and surfaces, that would help too (I think? Or maybe I’m remembering our bout with the flu?).

      We had the reverse situation last fall — our baby caught HFM, and spread it to my husband; my 4 yr old and I did not catch it. Thankfully, neither H nor baby had the painful sores that can develop in their mouths/throats, so they both felt perfectly fine (but looked horrible).

      We just did our best to keep the kids physically separate — this was not a huge challenge because my 4 yr old was not very into the baby at the time. We were militant about washing hands and disinfecting toys and surfaces. The hardest part was finding backup care…I don’t want to scare you, but the baby missed almost a full week of daycare — he couldn’t go back until all the sores were crusted over.

    • Anonymous says

      HFM is super contagious and baby may well have been exposed already. If baby does get sick, don’t blame yourself for lack of cleaning/separation – it’s pretty hard to keep it from spreading between siblings. But HFM is harder/worse as they get older so hopefully baby won’t have a hard bout of it.

    • anon says

      Don’t forget to wash your hands and take care of you. I caught HFM from my toddler and it wasn’t fun.

    • Anonymous says

      Popsicles for your son if he gets the HFM blisters in his mouth. Wash your hands every chance you can get – you and your husband can also catch HFM and it is terrible (ask me how I know…..) My 3.5 year old has had it 3 times and the first time was definitely the worst.

      As for the baby – mine caught it from her brother when she was 4 months old and it was not a fun week in our house. Keep them as far away from each other as possible – HFM is extremely contagious. Do not let him touch the baby or any of the baby’s stuff and you should wash your hands immediately after you touch your toddler.

      One last thing – don’t be surprised if your toddler’s nails fall off within the week or two after he is symptom free. It’s a really weird (kind of gross) side effect from HFM…..

  7. Cleaning for the cleaner says

    For those of you that have a cleaning service, how much do you clean (or not) in advance of the cleaners? I always find myself doing the night-before scramble of cleaning up ALL THE JUNK so that they can actually clean the house. It does keep the house tidy but…it exhausts me. The one time I didn’t do it, they just moved all the junk into piles and cleaned around, and then I/kids/DH put the junk away later. I happen to know it took them a lot longer, though, since sometimes I WFH when they are here. If I leave the junk out, should I leave a nice tip?

    • Redux says

      I just did this clean-for-the-cleaner last night/ this morning. My feeling is that I prefer she spends her time actually cleaning and not fussing over the junk, so it’s in my interest to clean up before she arrives. I try to put away all the detritus, and I wash all the dishes, and make the beds (unless I am asking her to change the sheets). When I do that kind of prep I find that the place turns out way nicer than when I dont. Like, that extra time she spends trying to figure out where to put the random assortment of easter eggs and colored pencils she insteads will do some extras like wash the walls or soak the shower heads.

    • mascot says

      Yes, we pre-clean for the cleaner. Even though it’s annoying, it pays off. Would it help if you designated one place as a don’t worry about this zone? Like we may have laundry in a chair- it’s out of the way so she can get to the floor/counter/whatever, but we didn’t have time to get to it. I also started keeping a lot of my bathroom counter stuff corralled in a basket so all she has to do is move the basket. If a room is just a disaster, ahem- playroom, I shutthe door and make my kid take care of it another time.

    • Em says

      I put everything away so the counters and floors are mostly/reasonably clear. The way I see it, tidying up was not part of the quote I was given, so I would feel like I was ripping them off if I required them to clean around all our stuff or do the tidying for us. It also forces us to pick up at least every two weeks. We considered moving to once a week cleanings, and honestly having to tidy up every week was one factor in why we decided against it.

    • Mama Llama says

      We clean for the cleaners for all the reasons people have mentioned. I will say that we have different levels of cleaning for the cleaners though. If I am doing it and have a decent amount of time, I put everything away where it goes. If I’m in a rush or (ahem) my husband is doing it, the junk tends to be stacked up somewhere out of the way but not actually put away.

    • NewMomAnon says

      My cleaner charges by the hour and she’s perfectly content putting away my stuff, but then I can’t find it later and it’s a disaster and expensive. So I do a ton of picking up before she comes. When I’m off my game and delay it all for the morning of cleaning day, it often takes me 2 hours to pick up everything/empty and reload dishwasher/put away all clothes/clear counters and floors. But the last few times I’ve gotten my act together and put clothes away a couple nights before, stayed on top of the dishwasher and cleared countertops as they got cluttered, and kept kiddo’s books and toys under control throughout the week….and it’s taken me half an hour to clean for the cleaner. And the house is so much cleaner afterward.

    • Anonymous says

      Your cleaning service sounds better than mine. Mine will try to put away the junk and inevitably put it in the wrong place, so I clean mostly to protect myself. (I learned this the hard way once when I didn’t put away the dog’s toys and they put a soggy, chewed-up dog toy on my nightstand. Ewwwww.) We try to tidy up every night so it is not a huge ordeal and we usually do a good job of keeping our infant daughter’s room tidy on an ongoing basis. I usually spend about half an hour the night before they come, mostly hanging up clothes that I’ve dumped on the floor of my closet. They don’t clean my husband’s home office, so he throws all his junk and the dog toys in there. I don’t think it takes him very long. Our cleaners only come monthly (the dog keeps our kitchen floors very ‘tidy’ if not exactly ‘clean’).

    • Pogo says

      I don’t have our cleaner go into the office (because really, it doesn’t get more than dusty and I can handle that) so I “hide” anything I haven’t dealt with yet in there (um, piles of clean but unfolded laundry that were on the couch?).

      DH and I also have designated hiding spots for certain things we don’t want her to mess with (the cat’s medicine is the one that comes to mind). I’d rather her not worry about picking up and cleaning under a million things, and I know she’d never put them back in exactly the same spot.

    • Katala says

      We were pretty desperate when we had our lady come the first time. The house was a disaster. So she knew what she was getting into. And her quote was around 40% more than what the friend who referred her to us guessed, which we’re willing to pay. We do not tidy for her. We just don’t have the capacity for it right now. Over the first couple months, she magically organized all our clutter. She even rotates out winter clothes into the bins in the closet. It’s super amazing and we now couldn’t live without her. DH gives her I think 20-30% tip at the end of each month and we gave her an extra week’s pay at the end of the year. So, so worth it to us. I’m hopeful that once we can get kiddos to pitch in more in keeping things picked up, we’ll get more “special” cleaning done but for now we’re happy with what she can accomplish each week.

  8. Wemo says

    We have lots of smart devices and we do have one Wemo plug. I don’t like that they aren’t tamper-resistant.

    What we’ve done is re-wired many of the house lights into a smart-outlet (which you can do with tamper resistant outlets)…we have three young kids and did it when #2 was a newborn. Every outlet in our house is tamper resistant, and all the overhead lights in all the rooms that have them are “smart.” It’s especially great for the basement and outside lights- I can check from bed if they are turned off, and/or program them all to go off at, say, 11pm.

    I think a Wemo plug would be good for a one-off, but it’d drive me a little batty to have that many things on my phone to check on.

  9. Anonymous says

    I’m not sure if this is an option for you – but is there any way you could hire a night nurse or a sleep consultant for a short period of time? I also think that BC’s idea of getting a bed for the toddler is a good one. Last tip – is your toddler consuming a lot of dairy? Obviously milk at dinner/before bedtime is common (and helps fill them up), but dairy can cause nightmares in a lot of people. We’re JUST getting over the hump where my 13 month old wanted to co-sleep every night in Jan-Feb (so we alternated nights), so I feel your pain.

  10. 2nd degree MLM says

    I am not a fan of MLMs. I don’t have any good friends that do MLMs, so to date I’ve just had to passively decline FB invites or “unfollow” acquaintances who are into MLMs and post on facebook about them.

    However, I’m starting to enter into this grey area where friends of mine have FRIENDS that do MLM, and my friends are agreeing to host parties, to which I get an invite. I actually really like my friends hosting, and the groups of people invited are typically all people I wish I could see more/ever, but we all have kids and so it doesn’t happen.

    Do you y’all have this in your life? I feel torn between going to the party despite not liking MLMs generally, and genuinely wanting to go and catch up with my friend & the other attendees (even it it means listening to a sales pitch). Kind of like a time share pitch in exchange for a cheap vacation, I suppose. I certainly don’t feel obligated to buy anything, since my friend doesn’t make money (and isn’t in it for them money for sure- these ladies are doing their own thing).

    • J says

      I usually go. I probably buy something about half the time. People get it. And just because you don’t buy something now doesn’t mean you’ll never be a customer – people just want to get the word out. Go enjoy your friends. But you might be surprised. I’ve found some stuff I actually like through these parties. Stella and Dot comes to mind.

    • Anonymous says

      I often go if I would like to see the friends. Sometimes I’ll treat myself to something – especially given I’d probably spend at least $30- $40 if we had gone out for drinks instead.

      Otherwise I basically never buy from MLM stuff.

    • Anon says

      Your friend does make money, usually in the form of free “hostess gifts” aka products in exchange for selling a certain amount of product at the party.

      The ones I’ve been to do involve a fair amount of sales pressure, and people who go are typically not opposed to MLMs, so you’re also going to face some significant peer pressure to buy, even “just one thing”, to help your friend the hostess get her special bag or makeup or whatever. And the amount of non-MLM socializing actually tends to be surprisingly limited – usually people are waiting to place their order, or talking about what they’re going to order, or talking about what they just ordered and should they add more. The updates are along the lines of “Oh I should get this necklace, I can wear it to Jane’s recital next month.” or “This bag would be perfect when we finally get pregnant with #3! Look at the organization!”

      If you’re willing to go and buy a token thing to spend an evening in the same room as friends and just get a general sense of catching up, then there’s value in that. But don’t think you can chat in a corner about someone’s life updates and drink the wine and not buy anything, as that seems to be universally seen as rude.

    • Anonymous says

      In my experience, your friend hosting the party will have certain targets in order to get free stuff or something to that effect. There will be pressure to buy something and also some pressure for you to host a party yourself. I normally do not feel like I really get a chance to catch up with friends at “parties” like this because it is dominated by the sales pitch/activities around what is being sold. If I do go to one of these I usually buy something because of said pressure, but I try to avoid these parties in general.

    • Redux says

      I decline. I think MLMs are slimy and predatory. Like you, I don’t have friends who do them, but I have a lot of cousins who do (including now online, FB Live virtual parties) and I’ve decided to take a principled stance and just decline them all, in person and online.

  11. FVNC says

    A good friend of ours is six months pregnant, and just found out the baby has a rare and very serious heart defect, which will require surgery immediately after birth and subsequent surgeries in the next few months. The condition can be, but is not always, survivable. There have been past threads about how to show support for families in the NICU, and I’ll search for those as the due date approaches, but is there anything I can do in the meantime to show support? Of course I’ll check in regularly with a general “how are you doing” to give her / her husband an opening talk about it if they want. Anything else?

    • J says

      Is it by any chance HLHS? We have a friend with a child who has that. After baby was born, there was lots of sending food to them at the NICU, and I think a donation site. Right now, I would just let them take the lead – ask for what they need and do it. Maybe it helps to talk, maybe it helps to get out of the house and take their minds off it. Do they have other children they might need support with? FWIW, if HLHS, said baby is now 3 and thriving. Maybe set up the donation site now so people can be planning to help with meal gift cards, gas cards if they’re far from the major hospital that will do the surgeries, etc.

      • FVNC says

        Yes — it’s HLHS. Thanks for this reply and advice. And for the happy story about your friend’s child!

        • J says

          The heart families are close-knit. I think your friends could find a lot of support from groups dedicated to both congenital heart disorders generally and HLHS specifically. My friend often comments on and shares material related to these groups on FB. Stuff like that would be a good resource. Our friends live in a town with a major university hospital, so they didn’t have the added logistical issues of having to stay somewhere else during the initial 2-3 month NICU stay and for any subsequent appointments, procedures, etc. I know I already said this, but if that isn’t possible for your friends, anything you can do to help with logistics would probably be appreciated. Can you research a Ronald McDonald House? Meal delivery services? Offer to drive one or both to the RMH to tour?

          I agree with H’s comment about regular baby stuff, too. They’re still so excited to welcome this baby into the world and are hoping that she will have a long, full life with her condition.

        • FVNC says

          Thanks again to you, and H. Thankfully, all care can be provided locally and this is their first kid…so some of the logistics are easier than they could be. They don’t have nearby family, though, so I like the ideas of finding local support groups and helping with hands-on prep work for the baby’s arrival.

        • Pogo says

          Agreed – I have a friend whose daughter had a CHD and she found a lot of support in the community. I’m not sure of her daughter’s exact defect but she did have multiple surgeries after birth and is doing great (age 4 now).

    • H says

      I think you’re doing the right thing. They are likely working through a lot of emotions and logistics right now and would probably appreciate some normalcy. Stay positive for your friend and ask her the same questions you’d ask any expecting mother: is the nursery ready? Did you take a birthing class? How are you feeling? And non pregnancy related things that you would normally talk to her about etc. Participate in the baby shower (either by going or hosting or sending a gift if you can’t go in person). Oh yeah, and +1 to J’s comment about helping with other kids if applicable.

  12. Meiqi says

    I second the recommendation for a psychological evaluation. We have a 3.5 year old who bites, spits, kicks, hits, throws hard objects at people and has intense tantrums that often last over an hour. She is also an extremely picky eater, resulting in severe constipation. The psychologist recommended a structured preschool (she got kicked out of her first daycare after three days for disruptive behavior), occupational therapy and play therapy.

    So far, just going to preschool and therapy has curtailed some of the behavior and has motivated her to become potty trained. I find that she does best when she has plenty of sleep, lots of exercise and a really healthy diet. The occupational therapist said that she is physically very weak and her teachers describe her as very sensitive. I hope that her acting out is because she feels frustrated and we can help her learn to express herself verbally rather than by having a tantrum.

  13. Anonymous says

    I’m sure this has been covered before, but am having trouble finding the threads. What kind of things should you ask when touring daycares? DD will be almost a year old when she starts.

    • Jen says

      I think many of the prior posts have been more about infants, not toddlers. For a 1 year old, I’d ask:

      1. When are the transitions? Our center transitions at 15 months from infant to toddler, so we held off starting my second until she was 15 months so that she didn’t have to make multiple adjustments.
      2. Snacks- who brings them, what are they if they are center provided (and if you don’t like their snacks, do they allow you to BYO?)
      3. Milk- provided by the center or BYO? If you want a specific kind of milk, can you bring a half gallon each week?
      4. Check out any enrichment type offerings (music, visiting animal groups, whatever)- are they included? Optional?
      5. Ask about potty training. They’ll probably all say “we do it when the child is ready,” but press on this. Some centers won’t move kids up to the next room until they are potty trained. Some centers 99% train the kids and parents only adapt; some centers have parents do the leading.
      6. Ratios- this is obvious but you should ask anyway. Know your state mandate and ask how they compare. My center, for example, schedules to the state mandate but I have almost never seen it full–meaning while yes, there might be a max during a break, the vast majority of the time the ratio is 2:6 or 2:5 for infants when the state requires 2:7.
      7. Hours and scheduling- what are the options, how hard/easy is it to change?
      8. Understand their calendar- some schools have weeks they are closed and you should factor that into the price/appeal.
      9. Time outside- we’ve always chosen to go with centers that prioritize getting the kids out. We know of places where they go out 1-2x day for 30-45 minutes, but our kid spends half the day outside, even when it’s snowy/rainy (they don’t go out when it’s really cold, and they always have the right gear on).
      10. policy/protocol on things like: biting, diapering, medication, when kids have to stay home sick, etc.
      11. Exercise/physical activity- how do they get kids to run out their energy? Our place has a “jumpy room” for bad weather and is adjacent to a town walking trail in good weather, in addition to their playground.
      12. field trips- do they do them? if so, what kind of parental oversight is required? (one preschool/daycare in down does a field trip every month. Awesome for parents who have schedules where chaperoning 2-3x a year is possible, terrible fit for parents that can’t swing it).
      13. Preschool- your kid is only 1, but in a year and a half, you’ll be looking at preschool options. Does your daycare have a good one? We send our kids to separate schools because while our daycare is great, its preschool component is lacking compared to other options in town.
      14. Parents/demographics- where do the majority of the kids in the center live? This is important if you want to set up playdates/have relationships form that carry into school. Some centers are very popular for parents that work nearby so most of the kids aren’t “local,” while other centers have all “local” kids.

      • H says

        I’d also add – what do they do for security? Do you punch a code to get in, assign designated authorized people to pick up your child etc. Have they had any “breaches”? Seems obvious but still good to ask about.

      • Anon says

        Great list! I’d add for an almost one-year old:
        -What time and how long is nap time/how do they nap? On nap mats? Does school provide or do you?
        -For milk, are bottles okay or only sippy cups? Do they help with that transition (if that’s an issue for you)?
        -How do they communicate with you about your kid’s day (written daily reports, an app, pictures, talk to the teachers at the end of the day, etc.)?

      • Lulu says

        I’d also ask how they handle fire drills and real fire alarms. We were touring a center when they had an unexpected drill. It was absolute bedlam, no attendance taking procedure, no jump bag of blankets for the frigid temps (my husband gave his coat to a teacher to cover two infants). I was horrified and we took it off our list immediately. Our current center has a procedure posted, a jump bag and arrangements for indoor waiting in another building if temps are low or delay is long.

    • Walnut says

      How does the center handle snow days? Do they follow the local public school system or only when it’s truly dire? There’s nothing more frustrating when our local schools close for cold weather and I’m stuck taking a vacation day because daycare closes also.

      How many holidays or other days is the center closed? Do they close the week between Christmas and New Years, for instance?

      • Anonymous says

        Thanks! I have the week between Christmas and New Years off and a lot of vacation time so I’d probably welcome the opportunity to take a snow day myself even if it wasn’t really necessary, but I will definitely ask about the calendar.

  14. Anonymous says

    I’m traveling for work, leaving my 6 month Old at home for the first time. I haven’t done a great job pumping as often as she eats and got a clog. It doesn’t hurt yet but there’s a big limp on one side and I’m seeing decreased output when I am pumping. I’m in all-afternoon meetings today and have a 6-hour flight tomorrow and am terrified I am going to get mastitis. I had it earlier this year and have never felt that horrible. Anything I can do when pumping and nursing frequently, hot showers, or warm compresses aren’t really an option?

    • Pogo says

      Hi, this was me a couple months ago. First, you got this. You will survive.

      If you can take some advil, do that. It will help with the inflammation. Drink plenty of water, I don’t know if that actually helps but it always made me feel like I was doing something. If you aren’t seeing any coworkers on your flight, opt for a nursing tank or stretchy bra vs underwire/real bra (and obviously tonight, ditch the bra ASAP).

      Getting the clog out will take WORK. If you don’t have a solid 45 minutes to devote to it, just pump as much as you can (even if it’s just 20min) and press as hard as you can stand on the lump while you pump. This is just about keeping as much milk out of the area as possible even if it’s still mostly clogged.

      Hopefully tonight at the hotel you can carve out the time to work on this sucker. You will need to massage the lump (I cannot emphasize enough, this will be painful, do it as hard as you can – harder than you think you should press), then pump, then massage, etc. I would keep the pump running, and alternate because my clogs come out typically a little at a time. You will know the clog is starting to let up when a big spray of milk shoots out. Sometimes I will just press right on the lump for as long as I can and hold a tissue over it to catch the milk. Then pump again. I repeated pump and massage until nothing more came out and the lump wasn’t palpable any more.

      This is probably not your issue, but you can have a clog on the surface, like a clogged pore. It looks like a little white pimple (google bleb or milk blister). If you have the joy of one of those, you might have to open that thing up to really get the clog out. Thankfully, I’ve never had that happen on the road.

      Essentially every single day of my last trip, I had a clog. I was able to get it out with the above method but it sucked. The last day I didn’t have any time to work on it, so I just pumped when I could. I did not get mastitis. I’ve had clogs for over 24 hours that did not result in mastitis. The times I got mastitis there seemed to be no warning!

      courage!!

    • Pogo says

      ahh my reply is stuck in moderation. I have lots of tips. But I must have said b00b too many times.

    • Anon says

      Last time I was on the brink of mastitis, my OB advised 24 hours of ibuprofen to help bring down inflammation in the area to help things move. Might try that?

    • Anonymous says

      Yes, massage. My daughter is three months old but my supply still hasn’t regulated and I regularly (like, almost every day) get lumps. I just massage them while nursing or pumping. It’s never progressed to mastitis.

  15. Anon says

    I need some feedback from the IVF veterans. My clinic isn’t giving me much feedback right now. It’s my first IVF after to IUIs. The second resulted in a very brief chemical pregnancy. I’m on 300 Gonal F and 150 Menopur. Today will be the 7th day of injections. I’m starting Cetrotide tonight. At my scan this AM, I had one follicle at 17.7, one at 16.4 and one at 13.4 on my left and nothing on my right. I had about the same number of follicles taking Clomid for the IUIs! I’m really discouraged but the nurse wouldn’t say it was bad news necessarily. I’m continuing the drugs and going back for monitoring on Saturday. Could I grow more by then? If I just have two follicles, is it worth going through with they cycle? I mean, it only takes one but chances would be so low, right? Our infertility is totally unexplained. I’m 36.

    • Anonymous says

      You might get a few more follicles! Even if you don’t, you have three now. I’d go through with it. No reason to think a different cycle will be better necessarily.

    • Pogo says

      Those are pretty good – I think anything over 15 is good at that point! I always had trouble getting any above 20, and so on my clomid cycles they thought I never really had any mature follicles. BUT when they did my retrieval I had a bunch of eggs – even though I never got anything about 20. They usually don’t measure all the little guys (<15) and they can mature! Hang in there!

    • anon says

      keep going! I had numbers similar to yours (follicle #s and sizes) and ended up with only four eggs retrieved. I was sobbing in post-op and DH was trying to comfort me. My doc came to me after and teared up and told me not to give up hope. This was three months ago – I’m now 8 weeks pregnant with one of those eggs (which turned into a PGS normal embryo) and just heard a nice strong heartbeat yesterday (175 bpm). Of course I’m still a long ways from a baby, but the mantra really is true – it only takes one. I’m three years older than you, btw, so my odds were much worse. Hang in there!

    • PinkKeyboard says

      You may not see this, but I also never produced large numbers of eggs… but you don’t need large numbers. We only had four useable embryos for our second round… put in two and got one baby. Froze the other two, plopped them in 1 year later and got a second baby. First round was a chemical pregnancy. It is definitely worth it to continue!!!

    • Betty says

      You sound a lot like me! I think whether to go forward depends on whether you are paying out of pocket for the cycle and whether your doctor thinks you are likely to get more follicles in subsequent rounds. We got 5 follicles the first time around and somehow got 6 eggs at retrieval — only led to one embryo, which we froze (as planned). Second completed round (after lots of aborted attempts due to low follicle counts of 1-2 follicles) we got 6 follicles, 5 eggs, and 4 embryos. Transferred all four (due to mixed quality and maybe an aggressive approach by my doctor) and got pregnant with our first child. Two years later, after many failed rounds of IVF, we transferred that first embryo and are pregnant again (33 weeks today)!

      • Betty says

        I should add that I was 35 when we froze our embryo, 36 when I got pregnant with #1, and 38 when we had lots of failed IVF cycles but got lucky with our frozen embryo. I had premature ovarian failure/low ovarian reserve. Lots of luck to you!

  16. MyLife says

    Is anyone familiar with this horrid site? I googled myself and my name came up on this site with all kinds of inaccurate information – it also includes a “reputation score” which a paid subscription allows you to improve. I’m livid. Supposedly it culls information that’s “already out there” but that’s not the case with me – it’s got all kinds of things wrong about me, and it’s misinformation that no other site seems to have.

    • Pogo says

      It must be confusing you with another person with the same name. My understanding is that it pulls from public information (like real estate transactions) – however I agree, mine also has inaccurate information that is public record, so not sure how that would happen. The reputation score looks totally fake to me.

      I have successfully removed myself from some of these sites in the past.

  17. MyLife says

    Thank you for your reply! That’s what’s crazy – I have an extremely distinctive name, being both 2nd generation American and of a minority religion, so there is no real way it could confuse me with someone else; my name is very uncommon even in my parent’s country of origin. This is why I’m particularly incensed and freaked- with such a distinctive name, this information might read as more credibly about me. It’s got my race wrong, my religion wrong, and also indicates that I “may” have all kinds of criminal history.

    From what I’ve read, the only way to get completely removed from this site is to pay. It’s such a scam.

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