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Nursing Tuesday: Swiss Dot Wrap Dress

Nursing· Recent Recs

I’ve known a lot of women over the years who have loved this dress, and if you like to pump or nurse in a wrap dress, you should definitely check this one out. It’s machine washable, and the style is great if your weight is fluctuating and you’re adjusting to a a post-baby body. If you like this, you should snap it up right away because BCBG doesn’t seem to be doing too well — they’ve closed brick-and-mortar stores and I just read that they’re preparing for bankruptcy. This is a great deal at Saks Off 5th — it’s marked down from $198 to $30-$40 and they seem to have a lot from the brand. (Note that it’s final sale.) BCBGMaxAzria Swiss Dot Wrap Dress This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

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Comments

  1. Betty White says

    Hoping for some advice. We had a significant amount of trouble getting pregnant and have been told by our doctors that we shouldn’t wait to try for #2. We are going straight to IVF but were waiting until my baby’s first birthday since I had a c-section. My baby is 9.5 months now and takes a bottle (of breastmilk) at daycare but has been having oatmeal mixed with formula for a few months now. Eats lots of other solids but still takes two bottles a day and nurses two times a day with me. Because my period hasn’t come back and because of the effect the nursing-related hormones have on their ability to figure out what sort of hormones to put me on, I have been told to wean in the next 4-6 weeks.

    As you can imagine, it’s bittersweet. I’m excited to stop pumping, but I love nursing and it makes me sad to stop. Still, not so sad that I want to risk not being able to have a second baby (my situation is pretty dire). So, I’m hoping for tips and experience for how to wean quickly in 4-6 weeks.

    Right now, we nurse in the morning, I pump 2x a day at work (down from 3x a weeks ago), nurse in the early evening, and pump before going to bed (though I’m cutting back on this one now). How quickly would you cut out the pumping? I suspect that going from 6x (nursing +pumping) to 2x (nursing) will be easier than going from 2x to zero. Should I allow more time for that transition and focus on a quick stop to pumping?

    Any advice much appreciated. I think the babe will do fine with formula bottles at daycare and it’ll probably be harder on me than him to stop nursing, but I do want to make this a smooth transition for him, too.

    • Anonymous says

      Can you push out the timeline an extra 4- 6 weeks? Given how much you’re nursing/pumping right now, I think you’ll have a smoother transition if you give yourself 8 weeks. Don’t underestimate how difficult a quick weaning can be. I didn’t have issues with PPD after the baby was born but I had a rough time after weaning. Aim for one change per week – 10 days. I wrote out a schedule below that would get you there by the end of week six but if you can stretch it over 8 weeks, I think you’ll find it easier.

      Week one: Drop the night pump first. You’re probably pumping the least at that point.
      Week two: After you’ve adjusted: Drop a daytime pump – to drop the pump, don’t pump as long during the first pump of the day – drop 5 minutes every day until you’re done with that pump. Move your one pump to lunchtime.
      Week three: I’d give it a week for your body and baby to adjust – now you’re down to one pump and two nursings.
      Week four: Reduce your daytime pumping. Pump 5 minutes less everyday. You may need to stretch this over ten days.
      Week five: Reduce length of morning nursing session – cut 5 minutes a day. You may need to stretch this over ten days – nurse for the set time, then hop in the shower and let dad entertain baby.
      Week six: Reduce length of evening nursing session – cut 5 minutes a day. Leave room and let dad put baby to bed.

      Hope that helps. Sudafed can help dry up milk but I wouldn’t jump to that right away because it might go more quickly than you find helpful. I think you will really have a better experience/end result if you wean as slowly as possible to allow your body to adjust to the significant hormone changes associated with weaning.

      • AwayEmily says

        I finally got my period back (she was 10 months) when I dropped to one pump during the day. I just stopped — had been pumping at 10:30 and 2:30 and switched to one pump at noon. Maybe try that first and see if it jogs things? I read that doing a quick stop (ie, dropping a session as opposed to sloooowly dropping a few minutes each day) sometimes jump-starts your period.

        Although I guess I can’t totally tell from your question whether you just need your period back or whether you have to stop nursing altogether, so maybe my advice is not very useful. Either way, good luck. And hope you are excited about not washing those goddamn pump parts any more!!!

      • Betty White says

        Thanks, this is a helpful schedule! I think 8 weeks would be nicer, too, in that it’d get us closer to having him take breastmilk for his full first year (when combined with my now-very-small freezer stash). I should add that my supply has been pretty low for a few months so I don’t know that it’ll be hard to drop some of those pumps (that’s why I was pumping so much in the first place).

        And AwayEmily, to answer your question, I thought the issue would just be getting my period back, which is why I was hoping I could nurse up until the day before I started hormone therapy (obviously, I can’t nurse while taking those crazy drugs) but apparently the prolactin interferes with the baseline assessment they need to do and it can take a few months to get your cycle back to something regular.

    • anon says

      When I stopped pumping I just dropped a session at once, waiting for a week (maybe less?) in between. Then I was down to just nursing morning and night, which continued for another year… I dropped those sessions 1 at a time but they weren’t very productive so I didn’t notice any engorgement or anything. I would drop the night pump first, then 1 day pump, then second day pump, then morning nurse, then finally night nurse.

      I thiiiink when I dropped each day pump I just didn’t do it, rather than doing less time, but I am not sure anymore. I also was doing this at 15 months, and my period had come back when my son was 6 weeks old and nursing like a fiend (lucky me).

    • Legally Brunette says

      I don’t have any advice on weaning because my son self-weaned at 11 months. He went from loving to nurse to literally turning his head away from me with no interest at all. Same thing happened with two other moms I know, around the same 11 month mark. This is only to say that many moms stop nursing around the same point as you, whether they want to or not, and you should feel proud you made it this far. Best of luck with number 2!

    • TK says

      No specific advice on weaning, just a warning that it can make your hormones go *bonkers* for a week or so afterwards. I had slowly weaned over the course of a few months with no serious issues but once I stopped entirely I was a raging, weepy, crazy mess. It really surprised me. I recommend not planning any major work presentations or other high-profile events during the week after you intend to be totally done.

      • Betty White says

        Thanks, that’s helpful to know! I’m hoping my low supply will help with the “withdrawal” effects (must be good for something!).

      • FTMinFL says

        As a little more anecdata on this topic, I got pregnant right at my little guy’s first birthday and was still nursing/pumping on your current schedule. We weaned quickly and any adverse effects of weaning seemed to be masked by the hormones related to early pregnancy. I’m not sure what your hormone regimen will be once you wean, but you may have so much going on that, counterintuitively, you breeze right through the fluctuations.

        As a note on losing that closeness from nursing, that age seemed to be the perfect one to introduce milk in a sippy cup + evening cuddles with mom and a book before bed. It is my absolute favorite time of the day and, while different from nursing, it feels like such a sweet celebration of the little boy he is becoming.

        Good luck!

        • Betty White says

          Clearly I have some hormonal things going on already because I teared up a bit at your last paragraph. What a sweet way to look at it! And you’re right, I love our bedtime routine. Not sure it’ll be that different to give him a bottle and read stories and sing songs. :)

        • NewMomAnon says

          I was surprised at how much weaning changed bedtime, to suddenly have kiddo’s face free so she was able to participate in the singing, reading, etc. At first it felt like a lot more work (really active kiddo, apparently nursing kept her calm in a way that sippy cup didn’t). But it soon turned into a sweet opportunity to connect with her instead of just singing at her. Now that she’s talking, I hear so many things about her day and about how she sees the world. It’s not always my favorite time of day (getting kiddo to sleep is sometimes difficult and stressful), but I do look forward to it.

    • Anon in NYC says

      When I weaned from the pump I had been pumping 3x a day. I gave myself a week to drop each pumping session. I think my supply had been dwindling so it really wasn’t that bad, in terms of engorgement or hormones. Good luck!

  2. anon for this says

    Where does one look for part-time in-house jobs? Or in-house jobs where full time means 35-40 hours/week? I’m in Silicon Valley and it seems like most in-house jobs come with the expectation of working a ton.

    • CHJ says

      I found my current part-time job by searching Indeed, Linked In, and Monster for “part-time”! I was surprised by how many listings there were – I think a lot of employers only need 25-30 hours/week and don’t want a full-time employee.

    • Anon says

      Not sure this is available where you are, but I am “in house” (general counsel) for a state government agency and work 40 hours per week.

      • bluefield says

        I second this advice. Look for “in house” positions at state or city agencies.

      • Kim says

        I work “in house” at a small government agency and it’s wonderful for a working mom. Also try FlexProfessionals.

    • Betty says

      In my experience, the hours demand at a company are a reflection of your particular boss and the company environment. I am full-time in house and a competitor in our very niche market is in the same town. Our legal department is generally 40 hours/week, while our competitor is more akin to big law hours. The competitor is bigger and the salaries are larger, and I am totally fine with working less and getting paid proportionally less. If the company is known for demanding 70-80 hour weeks from its professionals, the legal department will be no different. If everyone works 40 hours, the legal department probably will too. That being said, there are still times where I work way more than 40 hours per week. Its the nature of the job.

    • anon says

      I am in Biglaw in SV, and my understanding from my in-house friends is that the market varies wildly among companies, and even among divisions within companies. You may be better off going with a more traditional company within SV. I do think you will have to research your opportunities carefully and thoroughly, and depending on the position, even if the position is 40 hours/week, there may be late evening international calls.

  3. dc mom anon says

    cross posting from the mail s i t e

    Visiting family in LA in April and planning a two night trip to Catalina Island. We will have about 8 adults, two toddlers, and a baby. Advice? Recommendations? Looks like it is pretty small and walkable.

    • CLMom says

      The following assumes you’re ferrying into and staying in Avalon.
      The ferry ride to Catalina can be very rough and takes 1+hour. Be prepare for sea sickness. If you’re lucky, you will see whales and dolphins. The ferry will sometimes stop to view the whales, usually not for dolphins. The wind chill also makes it a cold ride.
      Avalon is small, but only semi walkable, because it has LOTS of hills.
      There is a small “beach”, however the water will be quite cold. Although the temperature would not have stopped me when I was a kid. If you’re from a cold climate, it might be nice to sunbathe.
      During the day the temperature should be mild and lovely, however we have fairly significant temperature drops in the evening. You might want a tank top in the day and a jacket in the evening.
      I recommend getting outside of Avalon for either a nature hike or a boat tour of the island. The undeveloped areas are refreshing. Venture far enough and you might catch a glimpse of buffalo. A horseback ride might save your legs.
      If you’re into baseball, visit the Chicago Cubs’ old spring training site. Let the kids run around.
      Generally it’s just a nice sea-side town to shop and eat and relax and drink wine. There are golf cart tours that take you up the hills and if it’s a clear day the view is spectacular.
      I haven’t been there with kids, but it’s small and safe. Other than knocking down sculptures in the art galleries, there shouldn’t be too much trouble the toddlers can get into. Traffic is light relative to LA and lots of pedestrians. They might have a marine animal sanctuary or something where the toddlers can touch starfish.

      Enjoy the trip!

  5. Closet Redux says

    I am at loggerheads with my husband about how to approach our toddler’s eating habits. She’s 3 and really doesn’t care to eat dinner much at all, will sometimes take a few bites and say she’s done or that she doesn’t like it, and then asks to go play. She eats well throughout the day and doesn’t have any growth or behavioral issues that would lead us to think she is undernourished.

    My philosophy is that we choose what to serve her, and she chooses how much to eat. I am happy to let her mostly skip dinner every once in a while so long as she sits down with us and tries what’s on her plate. But my husband wants her to eat, so he will negotiate with her (i.e., eat 5 forkfuls and then you can [have yogurt for dessert] [go play] [skip your bath] etc.). The negotiation almost always works, so he sees that as a win. I put a stop to the method he would employ when the negotiation didn’t work, which was to basically force food into her mouth while distracting her with a book or a game or something, sometimes resulting in her tears.

    I want her to know that she is in charge of her body and what goes in it. I don’t want her to think of food as a tool of manipulation or a means to an end or anything else that might give her food issues later in life. Am I just projecting here? What is typical for a 3 year old and how should a parent approach dinner? Bonus points if you can link to some literature that I can share with my husband.

    • ChiLaw says

      Following with interest. Our 2 year old eats well at school (thank goodness!) but at home only eats crackers and cheese, basically. Sometimes cereal and pasta. My husband (who does the shopping and cooking) has given up on trying to make meals that will please her, so she gets mac+cheese or crackers or whatever for dinner. I mean, technically she is also offered what we’re eating, but she never eats it. I don’t know. I was hoping to come up with things like “if she participates in making it, she’ll feel more in control and she’ll want to eat it” but we get home at 5:30 pm, we can’t start prepping veggies at that point (and what can a 2 year old really do anyway). Anyway, I feel like I don’t get a ton of say on what we eat because he does all the work for it, and it’s not like I have any great solutions, but just… I wish she’d eat some damn veggies.

      • RR says

        It’s possible that she will grow out of it. My son was very picky as a toddler and will now eat almost anything.

    • Betty says

      We are actually on the other end of the spectrum, nourishment-wise: My son has Crohn’s and is underweight. We see a registered dietian, amongst other medical professionals, to help address our son’s medical needs. The advice that we have received is that we offer him what we are eating for dinner every night. We make sure to include at least one thing with dinner that we know our children like. We decide what goes on the plate. Each child decides how much to eat. We do have a rule that each child has to try at least one bite, but that’s it. There is no additional forcing or negotiating. We also offer a bedtime snack and offer a few choices. Lately it is always peanut butter on a piece of toast. We were told not to do the short-order cook thing, even for our son who will turn down dinner sometimes and whose weight is watched very closely. We use this approach for our son (6) as well as our daughter (3).

      • FTMinFL says

        This is wonderful to hear. My little guy hasn’t been on the weight charts since he was four months old and this is very much the approach we take.

        • Anonymous says

          My two oldest were both 5% for weight and 25% for height. Now they’re healthy adults (middle son is 6’1″) and healthy but skinny weights. I choose what was on their plates, they had to eat 3 bites of everything, but after that it was up to them how much to eat. It mostly made food a non-issue. …although my oldest was INCREDIBLY stubborn and sometimes even those 3 bites were a battle.

    • Pogo says

      I’m interested in responses as well – the “you can be done after 5 bites” was standard in my house growing up.

    • H says

      I can see both you and your husband’s side. My 2 biggest concerns for my 2 year old are: he should eat vegetables (and other nutritious foods) and he should be learning to diversify his pallet. So we do tend to “make” him (as much as you can without force feeding) at least try his dinner. If he tries it and doesn’t like it, then we’ll get him the banana, applesauce, etc.

    • mascot says

      Ellyn Satter has done a lot of writing on this topic. Maybe check out some of her work? Also, I had to really read up on what a portion size looks like for a child vs an adult. We often were serving too much at one time.
      We try to offer one component of a meal that we know he likes and then encourage several bites of new foods. Some things, like cooked spinach, cause him to gag so we don’t push those right now, but do encourage alternate forms like spinach salad which doesn’t get the same reaction. He’s 6 now so we’ve had some more time to work on this. Like most things, this is a marathon and tastes change. So things that were rejected at 3 may be more appealing later on. Just keep trying.

      • shortperson says

        yes it sounds like you are following ellen satter’s method. i highly recommend how to get your kid to eat but not too much, which we follow closely, even her crazy idea about serving dessert with the meal. i suggest “negotiating” with your husband to get him to read it.

      • Onlyworkingmomintulsa says

        Here to second Ellyn Satter, she has a website and books that may be helpful. “How to Get Your Child to Eat, But Not Too Much”.

      • Closet Redux says

        I havent read Satter but it’s likely my model comes from her. I’m sure I picked it up from this site or similar.

    • Chi Squared says

      It sounds like you have read Ellen Sattler’s book “Child of Mine”? If not, that’s what I would recommend reading. My 3 yo is tiny, and often not hungry at dinner. We do not force food on her, but sometimes will negotiate. As in, we tell her she doesn’t have to eat X food, but if she wants Y (more fruit, more veggies, or the occasional dessert), she needs to eat a few bites of X. I have mixed feelings about negotiating, but it’s hard not to. We also tell her to listen to her tummy, and when her tummy says its full, she doesn’t have to finish what’s on her plate. We do make her sit at the table with us until we finish eating.

      • S says

        I have a 3.5yo. I really don’t feel comfortable forcing her to eat anything. I think kids are better at regulating their food intake than we are, in most cases, and I don’t want to start bad habits. I have a hard time cutting myself off and not cleaning my plate, even though I’m not necessarily hungry for it all.

        We generally try to include something she likes as part of our dinner, but also we’ll sometimes include something we know that she doesn’t like. (Or maybe she liked it last week, but for whatever reason doesn’t this week.) If she’s tried something multiple times and just doesn’t like it (like mashed potatoes – strange child), we’ll put it on her plate – sometimes she’ll try it again, but usually she doesn’t. We don’t force her to try them again. I figure there are some foods I plain just don’t like, I would never expect anyone to force ME to eat them.

        We do ask her to take a “no thank you” bite of any food she hasn’t tried at all before, though. Sometimes, we do have better luck with that if she tries a bite off of our fork/plate. It’s okay with us if she spits it out, but she has to at least taste it.

        If she finishes up whatever she likes best on her plate and wants more of it (say, fruit) and we know she likes the other items on her plate (say, rice and beans), then we tell her she can have more fruit after she eats some rice and beans. Otherwise, we don’t do the whole “X more bites” thing.

        If we ended up making a meal that it turns out she doesn’t want/isn’t hungry for, we don’t force her to eat it, but we also don’t make her something else at that time. However, we do often offer a healthy snack about an hour later in those situations (so it’s not a dinner substitute) so she’s not too hungry to fall asleep. This is usually yogurt or a spoonful of peanut butter or graham crackers and milk.

        Finally, if we specifically know she’s not going to like a meal in advance, but my husband and I want to have it, we’ll plan ahead to give her something simple she does like — I don’t count that as short order cooking, because it’s part of our meal plan.

      • Pogo says

        What’s the reasoning against negotiating for dessert? Logically it makes sense if you’re not hungry enough to finish your chicken and broccoli, you don’t need cookies.

        Is it the forcing the kid to finish food they don’t want? (making food about control as opposed to satiating hunger?)

        • October says

          It’s also setting your kid up to think in terms of “good” and “bad” foods. Food should never be used as a reward. Either dessert is something your family does, and everyone gets to partake, or it’s not. (This line of thinking also courtesy of Ellyn Satter).

          • avocado says

            I am not a fan of Ellyn Satter, partly for this reason. In our family, dessert, chips, etc. are “extras.” Extras are foods that have little nutritional value other than providing calories (I call calories “energy”). I explain to my kid that there are some foods that provide both energy and essential nutrients such as protein, calcium, fiber, and vitamins. We eat these foods first, and then if we still have room we can enjoy some extras. But we don’t want to fill up only on extras, because then we would have energy but not the other nutrients we need to build a healthy body.

            My kid is an extremely picky eater, has a very small appetite, and loves dessert, chips, and other empty-calorie foods. If she knew she could have dessert no matter what she ate for dinner, she would just hold out for dessert and eat nothing else. With this approach, she eats a healthy meal and then enjoys dessert if it’s offered and she’s still hungry. She will sometimes turn down dessert or eat just a taste if she’s full. I model this behavior as well. If we are having chips, I won’t take any until after I’ve eaten a good portion of my sandwich. If we are considering dessert but I’m pretty full, I will turn down dessert. If I get full in the middle of dessert, I will put my fork down instead of finishing it.

        • shortperson says

          right not only does it make dessert a reward food, but it rewards for finishing the food on your plate. and if you’re not hungry, IMO, you shouldnt get a reward for eating food.

          when we do serve dessert, which is not often, we serve it alongside the meal. toddler understands there are no seconds on dessert so she may have none left while mom and dad eat their dessert later that they saved for last. she doesnt know that mom and dad have seconds on dessert after bedtime.

        • Lurker says

          There’s also taste fullness. I can get “full” on chicken where I can’t imagine taking another bite but have room for broccoli or rice or chocolate because my pallet isn’t sick of that yet.

    • Running Numbers says

      Ours is much younger – 17 months – but based on what I have read here, I agree that I will not turn meal time into a battle. He gets offered what we’re having and something else he has recently liked all as one meal. Lately, he’ll devour 1/3 things offered at any given time, usually whatever is beige. Sometimes he’ll sit contentedly and sip on water or milk, other times he’s very much done.

      Again, in the spirit of not battling, I let him get down when he’s done and I move his plate to a chair where it’s still accessible and he can snack at his leisure. Usually, he’ll end up eating far more, even veggies, when it’s done on his own terms between running laps through the house or sorting through his toys. He’s eating, there’s no battling.

      It’s not how I pictured things would work before having kids, but it’s working for now and everyone is happy.

      • Anonymous says

        Yep, I’ve been pretty surprised by how long a meal can take my daughter. Food is only at the table (500 square foot apt), but she’ll start dinner before us and finish after us. And veggies might not get eaten until we’re clearing the table!

    • Anon says

      Yes, we do the “we choose the meal, you choose whether to eat it” philosophy, which means we make one meal. No kid in a Western country is going to starve if they refuse to eat their dinner. So no PBJ as a fall-back option. We always serve at least 3 foods (usually protein-carb-fruit/veggie) so there’s almost always at least one thing they like.

      We do require one bite of each food though. So they must take one bite of the asparagus, say, but then they can say “no thank you” to the rest of it. That means sometimes we have to beg for the one bite, but I feel it’s good manners to always try something that someone else made for you before saying you don’t like it. (Barring food allergies, etc, obviously.) So we model that behavior at home.

      • Kim says

        We do this – at least one food they like on the plate. Also if your child is in daycare, she may be getting full enough that she’s honestly not hungry by dinnertime. Your husband totally needs to relax; it took me awhile but I did learn to relax. Sometimes I let her have dessert and sometimes not – kinda related to how much food she eats, but not totally. Basically I want her to register that it’s not something to have every day, and that it’s simply sugar, which doesn’t help her grow big and strong like fruits and veggies.

    • Anonymous says

      You asked for a few links so here are some resources I’ve used:

      I love the ‘adventure bite’ concept recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics. (https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/toddler/nutrition/Pages/Feeding-and-Nutrition-Your-Three-Year-Old.aspx)

      We insist on the kids taking one adventure bite from each food for each year of age. ‘bite’ size is pretty small – like a dime or quarter.

      Also, from the Canadian Pediatric Association: http://www.caringforkids.cps.ca/handouts/when_your_child_is_a_picky_eater
      http://www.caringforkids.cps.ca/handouts/healthy_eating_for_children

      The second one confirms your view: “As the parent, it’s your job to: Set regular meal and snack times that work for the whole family. Share mealtimes and eat with your children. Offer a balance and variety of foods from all four food groups at mealtimes. […] It’s your child’s job to: Choose what to eat from the foods you provide at meal and snack time (and sometimes that may mean not eating at all). Eat as much or as little as she wants.”

      If he prefers video – this is from the Registered Dietitians Association of Canada: https://vimeo.com/channels/875781/116922316

      • avocado says

        I love the term “adventure bite.” So much more positive than “no thank you bite”!

        • S says

          I like this too! I’m the “no thank you” bite poster above. I think I’m going to use this from now on.

    • Anon says

      I take a really hard-line stance against forcing my kid to eat things against her will. I was very thin growing up and harassed to the point of tears over how much and what I was eating multiple times. It did nothing other than make the “problem” worse and lead me to patterns of disordered eating. Your child is not going to starve herself to death. She’ll eat when she’s hungry.

    • Anonymous says

      This doesn’t address the main issue, but my 2-year-old is much happier to eat when he has some control. I never play short-order cook, and if they aren’t hungry enough to eat what we’re having for dinner, then they aren’t going to starve. At my kids’ school, they always serve themselves “family style”, and my two-year-old insists on doing this at home as well. When he plays a role in serving himself, and sometimes in setting his own place, he is more excited about dinner. (Also, not a solution for weeknights, but man, is he excited to eat when he helps me cook!) I’ll admit that I do negotiate about dessert a little, but only when they know there is dessert waiting (so like, we’re not going to start with birthday cake until everyone has had x bites of food, not, I’ll give you a candy if you eat your dinner.)

    • RR says

      Even at 9, my older daughter will sometimes just not eat dinner. We do insist that she drink milk at dinner, but she likes milk so it’s not forcing her to eat/drink something she doesn’t want and isn’t a fight. She’s slim but appropriately on her lifelong growth curve. My 3-year-old is the same. She often just doesn’t want dinner. Whereas, with my 9-year-old, it’s related to not wanting whatever type of food we are having, my 3-year-old often seems to just not be hungry, even if it’s something she likes. She’s average sized, and also appropriately on her curve. My 9-year-old son basically always eats dinner and sometimes a ton, but he’s a more adventurous eater generally and eats more generally. They will all sometimes eat insane amounts of food, and then sometimes eat nothing for a meal. I feel like they know what their bodies need.

      I agree entirely with you. They will not starve themselves, and I think that it’s appropriate to let them develop a healthy relationship with food. I don’t short order cook; they eat what we serve them or nothing. I will insist they at least try new foods, but once they’ve tried it enough times to be confident they don’t like it, I let it go. I don’t force them to eat if they aren’t hungry or if they have tried something and do not like it.

    • Anonymous says

      I’m interesting by so many people referencing treats like cookies as dessert. Are they a regular thing for more readers? We definitely have cookies or candy on occasion but as treats not as a part of the meal on a regular basis. We do a different fruit every night for dessert. I find format matters at this age – my 2 year old hated pineapple until I bought a whole pineapple and cut it up in front of him instead of using canned pineapple. He loves touching the ‘tree’ part while I cut up the rest and he actually ate a bunch.

      • avocado says

        Our family is on the go so much that the only real opportunity to serve treats is after dinner. Every couple of months I will bake brownies or cupcakes and we will have those for dessert until they are gone. Once a week or so we will have a small piece of candy, or Girl Scout cookies if they are in season. I do not put treats in the lunch boxes.

      • GCA says

        Baby GCA is only 21 months and hasn’t had the chance to encounter a whole lot of storebought/ packaged treats, but we do fruit for dessert, and I bake a batch of muffins every other week or so for snacks.

      • jlg says

        i was wondering the same thing. dessert is fruit, and it is a treat to have fruit with yogurt or peanut butter for dipping. cookies/candy/cake are reserved for birthdays, holidays, and visits to friends/family who may have different habits, and school serves a treat like this once a week at school for snack (otherwise snack is also fruit). the kid really really loves fruit. i’m sure he’d eat cookies if we offered, but he rarely asks for anything like that. his biggest vice is probably mac & cheese.
        DS actually accused me of giving him “junk food” because he gets a small fruit/chocolate/coconut chia bar as his after-school snack (love chia for keeping everything moving thru his system!). it was pretty funny to see his perspective.

      • Wow says

        We never have dessert unless it’s someone’s birthday. On rare occasions we’ll give my 4 year old a piece of dark chocolate. The main reason is that we had sweets lying around I would easily consume it all within a day or two. :)

      • Betty says

        We do dessert almost every night. We vary what dessert is, but it is a staple in our house. I love chocolate and my husband has a serious sweet tooth. So dessert is frequently a bit of ice cream or chocolate. We want our kids to learn that these things can be enjoyed in moderation. For us, it is part of developing a healthy attitude towards food. My husband is a type 1 diabetic, my kids are gluten free (son and husband have Celiac’s so my daughter is GF by association) and my son has Celiac’s, so there are a lot of forbidden foods already. Aside from these indulgences, we eat healthily and are active, so I don’t stress about it.

      • CPA Lady says

        Agree with the concept of moderation.

        My husband and kid split a york peppermint patty (the kind that is intended to be bite sized) after dinner most nights. On Saturday morning we have cinnamon rolls for breakfast. On Sunday morning we get donuts. Other than that it’s healthy eating all other meals and snacks. We very very rarely have red meat. My kid eats lots of fruits and vegetables. I don’t consider fruit a dessert or a treat. It’s a healthy food and my kid is welcome to eat as much as she wants of it.

        We don’t have sodas, cake, cookies, or ice cream in the house on a regular basis because neither my husband nor I particularly have a sweet tooth. I crave chocolate a couple times a year and eat it then without any guilt. Sweets are not a moral issue for me though (see also: Saturday and Sunday breakfast) the way they are for some people.

      • Kindergarten boy says

        My husband has a serious sweet tooth so we have treats and desserts way more than I ever thought I would feed my kids. (And let’s be honest…I’ve picked up that sweet tooth too!) But we talk about foods like avocado discussed above. My kids know that some foods are healthy because they provide protein or vitamins/minerals and help our bodies grow stronger and be healthy but special treats may taste good but don’t help our bodies so we eat those in moderation only. And they know that highly processed and artificially flavored things should rarely if ever be eaten – my 7 year old has been reading nutrition labels and picking out what is good and and bad about a food since he could read.

      • Pogo says

        This is an interesting discussion relative to the points above about not negotiating/forcing food to prevent the idea of “good” vs “bad” food. Isn’t not ever having dessert or sweets reinforcing by principle that they’re “bad” foods?

        Genuinely curious – I don’t really have a sweet tooth, so I could probably live never having dessert after kids. But DH would be sneaking treats after kiddo is in bed if we never go for ice cream or bake cookies!

        • avocado says

          My “extras” approach is designed to avoid labeling foods as “bad.” They aren’t bad, they’re just not as useful to our bodies as other foods.

          I do label most preservatives and all artificial colors as “bad,” though. Those are consumed very rarely in our house.

        • jlg says

          If we have them on special occasions, they are special, not “bad”. Much like special outfits or events.

  6. AIMS says

    Very specific question here. I want to get one of those play tents for Baby AIMS but we live in a NYC apartment so I’d really like to find one that’s got a relatively small footprint. Anyone know of one?

    • NewMomAnon says

      Make sure it collapses easily. My kiddo has a cool “collapsible” tent, but it doesn’t fold all the way down (so it can’t be slid under a bed or couch), and it is a pain to take apart and put back together. We had an Ikea tent and tunnel (still have the tunnel), and I wish we would’ve kept the tent. The tent and tunnel connect together and they are ridiculously cheap, so you should buy both IMO. They are easy to collapse, and get almost flat.

    • TK says

      +2. Best $20 I ever spent. Use it daily – ours looks like a castle, they have another one that looks like a circus tent.

  7. NewMomAnon says

    Honest question: I haven’t done laundry in way too long because neighbors keep using the shared laundry facilities on the weekend and kiddo has been falling asleep later than usual. Would it be inappropriate to “work from home” for a day so I can do my laundry? I legitimately have lots of writing projects that can be done from home right now, and coworkers work from home regularly, but it feels somehow wrong to work from home just so I can get my laundry done.

    • TK says

      How sad is it that my initial thought was that I would kill for a day where I would be able to work from home and take periodic breaks to move the laundry to and from washer / dryer? It’d be like a vacation.

      Maaaybe I need to get out more …

    • Kindergarten boy says

      If you’re looking for permission it’s granted! (Says this mom who just did 3 loads this morning while on calls/webinars!)

    • Betty says

      Honestly, this sounds like a great idea. Laundry is one of those things that doesn’t require sustained focus and just takes time. I probably wouldn’t tell my boss that that is the reason I am working from home (if that is a requirement), but would phrase it as having a mid-day appointment, service call or something like that.

    • MomAnon4This says

      People work from home for a million reasons. Because the pet is sick. Because the kid has a rash. Because the cable repair person is going to show up, eventually. Laundry is a great reason.

      Also — if you are in a big building with shared laundry, and can work from home, don’t underestimate a laundry service, if you want to drop off bags of laundry or pay more for them to pick it up from you. But don’t worry about it, you can work from home. Who cares why?

    • Pigpen's Mama says

      Oh yes. That and maybe loading the dishwasher are the only things I really do on work from home days, but at least getting a load or two of laundry done makes a huge dent on general household managment and don’t really take much longer than getting coffee in the break room.

  8. Help! says

    x-posting from the main site. I know many of you are in-house counsel.

    I am a law firm associate and applied for an in-house counsel position. On LinkedIn I found out that a grad from my law school is an AGC there. I have a call scheduled with him on Monday to “talk about the position” and to talk about the transition from law firm to in-house, but I haven’t been contacted for an interview (yet, hopefully).

    Any tips on what sorts of things I should ask? And when we wrap up the call, what’s a good way to say PLEASE FLAG MY RESUME FOR HR AND TELL THEM TO INTERVIEW ME? without saying it exactly like that, of course? Thanks in advance!

  9. (former) 3L mama says

    Question for the more attachment-parenting-minded folks –

    Looking for thoughts/considerations on planning a trip with just my husband and I this coming fall, after my daughter turns two. (She is 18 months now). We co-sleep and nurse, and I plan not to wean until she’s about two, unless she weans earlier. After she weans, my husband and I are thinking about going somewhere by ourselves for a couple days, and would have my mom take care of the toddler.

    I have never missed a bedtime or a wake-up. She has never spent an entire night away from me, and has never spent a full day with anyone except me or my husband (she has done half days with our nanny or my mom since she was little).

    Is 24/26ish months too young to spend a long weekend away from us? We could put the trip off, there’s no particular reason we have to go anywhere, just thought we’d go somewhere non-kid-friendly before we have another baby.

    If we go, should we have my mom come stay at our house (same environment but no mom/dad – confusing?) or bring her to my mom’s house (which has the advantage of having dogs and horses, which she is currently obsessed with, but is more unfamiliar)? Probably we should work up to this over the next 6-8 months by having her sleep in her own bed the whole night, and having my mom put her to bed, etc., right? What would make this easier or harder on her?

    I know many parents feel comfortable leaving their kids for an evening or weekend well before the age of two, but we don’t feel that way and I haven’t found an attachment parenting group in our new city to ask for advice yet (not a lot of extended b-feeding/cosleeping/etc. mamas at my biglaw office…)

    • MomAnon4This says

      It’s not “too early” nor is it “too late”. It’s an age. The kids that age have separation anxiety. There will be tears and a tantrum. Make sure she is used to caretaker, wherever she is. Is she used to going to new places?

      For reference, we took my son ~22 months to my parents’ house, had fun for a day or two there, then we left him. Right before naptime. Which was good because he tantrummed himself to sleep. Then woke up and was fine for the long weekend vacation (like 3 days, traveling from East Coast to Las Vegas for a friend’s wedding and a couple of Cirque shows). Seriously. Happy, talking, telling my folks what the schedule was “Bath time!” “bed time!”. But guess what — it was a hard transition. Is every transition hard at that age? Yes. Is this helpful to you at all? Probably not. Do what you think is best (I trust you).

    • anon says

      In my experience, the hardest part about leaving the kids with my parents/in-laws at that age (and past that age) is when they wake up in the middle of the night looking for mommy, and Grandma tries to put them back to sleep by themselves. It was simpler for us the caretaker would just sleep with them.

      And you should definitely go. Because if you have another kid, it only gets harder!

    • NewMomAnon says

      Counterpoint to MomAnon4This: My kiddo started spending overnights at her dad’s house at about 18 months old. There were no tantrums, ever. She spent an overnight with my parents at about 2, and there were no tantrums. This might be child-specific, but some things that helped (maybe?):

      Every time kiddo was going to stay with dad or grandparents, I talk it up. You’ll have so much fun! Dad/Grandparents have this cool thing planned! Aren’t you lucky! I don’t talk about being sad or missing her (well, now that we’ve been doing this a while, I might say I’ll miss her but I have some fun things planned and so does she).

      Kiddo has input on what I pack, and often adds a special toy or book. There is one doll that she always sleeps with, and a blanket that travels with her too.

      When she is spending the night away from me, it’s easiest to have the grandparents or dad pick her up from school, rather than having me walk away from her. We will have tantrums if I drop her off and then leave without her.

      As far as grandparents’ house versus your house – I think it’s easier to have her go to their house. Their house is a completely new, exciting place, so she’ll expect new routines. If they come into your house but don’t do things exactly the way you do them, it’s upsetting, especially to a 2 year old who can’t verbalize the way it’s supposed to be done.

      And think about whether you’re OK with one of your parents sleeping with her. My kiddo often ends up sleeping with her dad or grandma if she’s not at my house. When she was still co-sleeping with me, I would have expected her to sleep with someone while away from me, and I would have explained to them how to do that safely.

      • (former) 3L mama says

        this is very helpful. I think my mom would be open to sleeping with her, and would be careful about doing it safely. I bet that would help a lot.

    • mascot says

      Before age 2, my kid was out of the crib. Of course, the week he jumped out was the same week he was scheduled to stay at my parents for a few nights. So they had to scramble a little bit to make his sleeping space safe at their house. Is your mom’s house child-proofed and outfitted for small kids? Having grandmother there will be novel enough, but your child might be more comfortable with her own bed and toys. Or maybe you can incorporate some spend the night parties at your moms house before you take the trip to get her used to the house and routine.
      And no, this isn’t too young.

    • RR says

      It’s not too young at all and will probably be harder on you. As a point of reference, around that age we left my 2 year old with my parents for the weekend (with her older siblings). She was a little sad when we left, but she was much more sad to leave Grandma’s house, where she wanted to live forever, when we picked her up. There are some perks to grandparents spoiling grandkids!

      • avocado says

        Our experience was similar. We left our daughter at Grandma and Grandpa’s overnight for the first time around age 2. She couldn’t wait for us to leave and cried when we came to pick her up.

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