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I really like the combination of elements in this dress. I like how the black and white vertical stripes are broken up by the elasticized waist that has a little bloused element to it. The elasticized waist makes the dress look like it could be separates. There are buttons down the front to the waist, which could be helpful for pumping at work. I like the v-neck with ties, although I would probably tie them instead of leaving them loose like in the photos. This dress gives me a “Kate Middleton attending Wimbledon” vibe — and I don’t know about you, but I’d like to be putting those vibes out into the universe. It’s $129 full price at Ann Taylor (but be on the lookout for one of their frequent sales). Striped Tie-Neck Shirtdress
Two plus-size options are at Talbots (on sale — and available in all size ranges) and Bloomingdale’s.
Looking for other washable workwear? See all of our recent recommendations for washable clothes for work, or check out our roundup of the best brands for washable workwear.
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Sales of note for 12.5.23…
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Nordstrom – Holiday sale up to 50% off; 5x the points on beauty for a limited time
- Ann Taylor – 40% off your purchase & extra 15% off sweaters
- Banana Republic – Up to 40% off select styles; up to 40% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything & extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – Extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off your purchase with code
- Lands’ End – Up to 70% off everything; free shipping (readers love the cashmere)
- Loft – 50% off your purchase with code (ends 12/5)
- Summersalt – Up to 60% off select styles & free scarf with orders $125+ (this reader-favorite sweater blazer is down to $75)
- Talbots – 40% off your regular-price purchase; extra 50% off all markdowns
- Zappos – 34,000+ women’s sale items! Check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kid shoe brands on sale.
Kid/Family Sales
- Crate&kids – Free shipping sitewide; up to 50% off toy + gift event; free monogramming for a limited time only (order by 12/15)
- J.Crew Crewcuts – 40% off your purchase with code
- Pottery Barn Kids – Up to 50% off toys, furniture & gifts
- Graco – Holiday savings up to 35% off; sign up for texts for 20% off full-price item
- Walmart – Up to 25% off top baby gifts; big savings on Delta, Graco, VTech, Fisher-Price & more
See some of our latest articles on CorporetteMoms:
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Working mom forum says
I missed yesterday’s discussion about working mom forums. I agree, there isn’t anything out there. The reddit working mom forum is fairly quiet. My reddit summer babies group has moved over to discord and it works really well. It’s a small enough community that we get to know each other and feel comfortable sharing photos etc but would love a community more focused on the joys and challenges of life as a working mom.
anon says
I also missed the discussion but wanted to post that there’s a national lawyer mom fb group called mothersesquire. I’ve also found a few local working mom facebook groups that I’m a part of, and I appreciate the discussion even though most of the members don’t work in a high stress, long hours field.
AnoninBigLaw says
I missed it too. I’ve actually had really great luck with alumni-affiliated moms groups on FB for my undergrad and grad school. Maybe see if there’s one for your school on FB?
Anonymous says
+1 the alumni moms group from my undergrad is great.
KateM says
OP from yesterday. Sadly, I don’t see any moms groups for alums in my area for my undergrad, masters program or law school :-/ Candidly, it’s a bit odd, because I am still in the area of all three (greater Boston).
In any case, I emailed corporettemoms to see if they’ve thought about having a forum or even a FB group. I’ll let you know what I hear!
KateM says
Oddly not that I can find… Or at least not one that seems very active. There’s a Harvard moms group (where I did undergrad) that looks like it has had all of two posts in the last month :-/ other schools I’ve attended (law school, master’s program) don’t seem to have anything at all. But perhaps other schools are better about it?
In any case, I sent a message to CorporetteMoms asking if they’ve thought about starting a forum or FB group where discussions like the ones that happen in the comments here could happen a little more naturally/easily searchable/instantly. I’ll let folks know what I hear back!
KateM says
Case in point for needing a forum. OP here. I’ve replied to this thread now three times and non of my comments have shown up. No idea why.
KateM says
Case in point 2: no ability to edit comments to fix dumb typos. In any case, I was just saying that I haven’t found any alumni moms groups, which is candidly a bit odd because I went to undergrad and grad school at decent sized schools in Boston and still live in the Boston area :-/
Anonymous says
Where did you go? I’m an MIT and BC alum, although I no longer live in Boston.
KateM says
Went to Harvard, Northeastern and Tufts. So many schools in Boston!
lsw says
I also missed that yesterday (just went back and read it) and also am always looking for this sort of forum. I do treat this s!te as a forum for questions and find it super valuable! I am also in one FB group with mostly local working moms that most of the time is a really good spot. Sometimes it feels like there aren’t as many FT working parents with a FT working spouse, but I think it’s just because the part-time moms seem to dominate the discussion sometimes. I have definitely found some good support on there. (If anyone is in Pittsburgh, I’d be happy to connect you with it!)
And I would also love people’s recommendations. I’m not an attorney or in the business world but I find this community really helpful and supportive!
KateM says
Similarly, I’ve found that local groups can be quite helpful, so I don’t want to sound like those AREN’T a good resource. At the same time, they haven’t been great for meeting other moms who face the same types of work/life balance challenges as I do in my family, which is where I feel like this community is particularly helpful :-)
avocado says
I would love to find a group with more moms of tweens and teens. There’s a forum for my kid’s sport that includes a lot of parents of older kids, but the discussion is almost solely focused on the sport and most of the parents are SAHMs.
BigLaw Sr Assoc says
All of this.
Anon says
Interviewing Doulas this weekend. What questions would you ask? Birth btw is in a hospital.
Thanks!
Anonymous says
How many births they have attended?
How many hospital births?
Which hospitals have they attended births at?
How many have involved interventions?
How many involve c-sections?
How do they support a mom who has to have an emergency c-section?
Do they have any particular philosophy/book they particularly like? e.g. hypnobirthing, hypnobabies, or birthing from within (I prefer the latter)
How do they help prepare the mom for the birth?
Role of mom’s partner during birth?
Most challenging birth they attended?
Favorite birth they attended?
Are they also a lactation consultant or do they have someone they recommend?
Do they provide post-partum doula services beyond the standard one or two post birth visits? Ask rates/additional info if that is of interest to you
Are their vaccinations up to date? I wouldn’t hire someone that wasn’t up to date – I don’t want baby getting pertussis or measles. Some doulas tend towards anti-vaxx sentiments and I wanted to avoid anyone who held those views.
EB0220 says
I like this list. I would also add:
How do they approach working with medical staff during labor?
Wow says
I would add:
1. What is your philosophy on epidurals? (meaning, will they support you if you decide to get one or will they espouse the all natural route)?
2. I know that nursing can be a challenge for many moms. Do you have experience helping moms with the latch, bfeeding, etc.? (If you can, try and find a doula who is either a lactation consultant OR someone who has a lot of experience helping moms bfeed — not all do and you don’t know if you will need the help or not).
Pogo says
Have they attended births at this hospital before? (I found having a doula familiar with the hospital (and who even had one of her own kids there) super helpful.)
What will they bring to the hospital for you? (mine brought fake candles, essential oils & diffuser, speakers for music, rebozo)
Will she also do some photography for you? (the pictures my doula took are worth her entire fee)
Anon says
For those of you that are raising your kids with a religion when did that routine start showing up in your home? We are Jewish and maybe light candles once a month at home on Fridays, go to services once a month and host a shabbat dinner six times a year, and host huge gatherings for all major holidays. Now that we are expecting our first we are wondering when to start incorporating more stuff because want to raise our kid as Jewish. However, they obviously don’t really know what is going for the first part of their life. Did you start these routines right when the kid was born or did you give yourself a breather because life is crazy enough when they are tiny wait until they were a bit older?
Anonymous says
I think you can give yourself a pass for the first year or so, especially on the hosting. Babies are overwhelming and infants really have no awareness of what’s going on. We’re culturally Jewish, much less religious than you – we don’t belong to a temple and don’t really celebrate holidays except Hanukkah (at home) and Passover (with DH’s family). Our daughter was born in January of this year. We skipped Passover this year because we didn’t want to travel with a 3 month old, but we will go in 2019. We’re doing Hanukkah this year but it’s super low key (just lighting candles and cooking at home). But this mainly because DH and I want to celebrate – we don’t feel any pressure to do anything for our daughter yet. She really doesn’t know what’s going on.
Anon says
Good question. I am a Christian but haven’t really been part of a church for a long time. We want our kids to believe in God, but have major problems supporting many of the main churches/denominations in the US.
We gave ourselves a pass while the kids were small. Once they hit elementary school we started to search for a way to teach them the basics. We’ve finally found a local episcopalian church that has a woman priest, a diverse member base, and seems to heavily focus on community service. Just in the last few weeks, we’re tentatively taking our kids, and making sure to have clear discussions about what we believe and why we believe it.
Maybe we waited too long, but I wanted to make sure we could have at least basic conversations with the kids about our values and our beliefs since we don’t 100% align with any given denomination.
Anonymous says
I think if you want to succeed in raising your children to be religious you yourself need to be genuinely religious. Religious observance isn’t something you give yourself a pass on when things are hard and busy, or something you wait to bother with until they’re old enough to notice. I think you should do whatever you want, you certainly don’t have to raise kids with any particular level of observance, but I also think if you believe doing x, y, and z things are important for your kids religious life they’re important enough to start doing today.
Anonymous says
Yes, to raise your kids in a religion you need to be genuinely religious, but for some people living out their religion does not necessarily equate to practicing the rituals. I am a Christian but have not attended church regularly since we moved shortly before our child was born. We have visited a number of churches in the area over the years, but none of them has really aligned with my understanding of Christianity. The preaching is boring and has no direct application to real life, there is no attempt to engage with the Bible in an intellectual way, the role of women is overly traditional, there is little concern for social justice, and the music is wholly uninspiring. In this situation, attending church would be an empty exercise that would take time away from things that truly matter to us. As a child I was forced to attend a terribly boring, joyless, male-dominated fundamentalist church, which turned me into a committed atheist until I was exposed to a broader, more nuanced experience and understanding of Christianity in college. I currently live my life according to Christian principles, and we discuss religion regularly in our home, but I would not want to turn my child off to the faith by forcing her to attend one of the inadequate churches that are currently available to us.
Anonymous says
Completely agree! It’s just it sounded like she is thinking some increased level of observance will be necessary or desired at some point, and I think for that to truly take it needs to be something that’s always important to you. If it just isn’t important to you I see absolutely nothing wrong with that!
govtattymom says
Anon at 9:40, where are you located? My family has been so lucky to find a dynamic Christian church with women in leadership roles, sermons that provide real-world guidance, and engaging music. Regular attendance keeps my faith strong and provides meaning to the endless hustle-bustle of modern life. I guess my response is just to let you know that there are wonderful churches out there. I really hope that you can find one in your area! There are also great online resources, apps, etc. if you’re looking for support in your journey.
CPA Lady says
I’m an Episcopalian which is (generally speaking) a liberal, social justice and love and grace of god focused Christian denomination. We don’t do much in the way of condemning others or proselytizing or converting. It was weird to me to teach my kid about god/Jesus since “sharing the good news” was not part of my religious upbringing in the same way as it is with more evangelical denominations. So I’ve been pretty lax with it beyond giving her messages like god loves you and god is with you all the time, and telling her about what she sees in the stain glass windows in church.
Kiddo goes to a Presbyterian daycare that has chapel once a week. They sing basic christian children’s songs and say grace before meals. We got her baptized as an infant, and I go to church with her most Sundays, but she’s usually in the nursery for the first half of the service. When she was a baby and young toddler my church attendance was pretty sporadic, but I’ve gotten much better now that I feel like I’ve gotten my life somewhat back together. She’s almost 4 and I feel like she’s just now a good age to start really grasping Bible stories. She did grasp that Christmas is Jesus’s birthday and screamed out “HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS!” in the middle of a Nutcracker performance when the Christmas tree got wheeled onto stage.
CPA Lady says
Oh, and as far as living a “christian” lifestyle, I try to emphasize the importance of helping others, giving generously, and try to live by the verse from Luke “For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required.”
Anon at 9:40 says
Yep, this is what I mean by a “christian” lifestyle, along with compassion for others and acceptance of differences (as in, for example, the story of the Samaritan woman at the well).
Spirograph says
I’m a United Methodist, and my congregation is similar… or at least I don’t personally believe in condemning others or proselytizing or converting. My approach is pretty similar to what you described.
We go to church most Sundays, kids go to Sunday School, I teach Sunday School a couple times a month, and we participate in some of the social activities and service opportunities (especially the easy ones like donating food or school supplies; kids help shop for what we give to others in need, and turn it in to the collection location/volunteers). As far as discussing religion at home, that doesn’t happen beyond asking what story they heard at Sunday School, and reinforcing the message that God loves you and we should love our neighbors. My parents did basically the same. Church was What We Do On Sunday, and the middle and high school youth program and music programs were excellent, so my siblings and I participated in those when we were that age.
Anonymous says
We didn’t change anything from before LO was born. We go to church almost every Sunday (unless we’re travelling basically), and we started taking him when he was 3 weeks old. Agreed that he has no idea what is going on, but we still talk to him about it. He has a little board book bible that he likes to flip through during church and I try to point out what he’s looking at.
Legally Brunette says
I think about this a lot. We’re Hindu and because we are a minority religion in this country, I feel very strongly that we have to make the extra effort to teach them about our religion/values because it gets overshadowed by so much else in this country (Santa, Xmas presents, tree, Easter bunny, etc.). Husband and I consider ourselves religious but we didn’t attend temple regularly before we had kids.
To be honest, the easiest and most effective thing we have done is religious school every weekend at our local temple. They have to dress up in Indian clothes, attend meditation, and then learn about Hinduism, God, spiritual values, etc. They get to meet other kids like them and have made friends, and so have we. We definitely try and reinforce at home (e.g. celebrating big holidays like Diwali, prayers before bed as often as we remember, etc.) but Hindu school offers a structured way to learn and appreciate our religion, so if we forget at home sometimes it’s ok because I know they are learning elsewhere.
My kids started going at 3.
anon says
I am in the same boat. Are in you in the DC area by any chance?
Legally Brunette says
Yes, I am! You too? :)
Anon says
Also Jewish, planning to raise kids Jewish but currently have 6 month old twins so definitely taking a back burner for the first year. DH and I both took off from work today for Yom Kippur and are streaming services online. Though I’m obviously not super observant since I’m typing on a blog. Once they are about a year we’d like to start lighting Shabbat candles and have challah and grape juice every Friday. There are also a lot of family friendly Jewish events where we live so hoping to take the boys to some of those. When they are older we will also send them to a Jewish preschool. I think there is no right or wrong, but the younger you start the more it just becomes part of their lives. I’d love to also start exposing them to some Jewish/Hebrew songs.
Anonymous says
For Jewish families, check out PJ library. They’ll send a Jewish-themed book to your kid every month and while the books can be a little hit or miss, it’s nice to build up a collection. Some of them are about holidays (we got a book about a kid at a sedar for Passover and this month’s was about preparing for Sukkot) and the others are just random Jewish concepts. Our toddlers aren’t old enough to understand yet, but I like the concept.
Anonymous says
Yes! I’m the cultural Jew who commented above, but we love the PJ library books. Our area is 98+% Christian so it’s nice to have these books to teach our daughter about her heritage.
Anonymous says
Inspired by the question above- for families that are not religious, how/when did you explain religion? We live across the street from a church so we’ve explained generally what church is, and offered to let our kids (oldest is 5) check it out to see what’s inside…but I’m also happy to take her to other religious buildings in town. I would love some resources so we can explain religion without sounding condescending (want to avoid a convo that goes “some people do this but we don’t” “Why?” “Because we don’t believe those things.” “Why?”)
Anonymous says
Because people are different. I don’t see any issue with that conversation?
AIMS says
My parents did something along these lines and it was fine. Not condescending. I grew up with a very open minded view toward all religious beliefs. When pressed my mom about her beliefs my mom would just say something about how it’s all different paths towards being a good person and then explain her background and why they were never into it culturally. A lot of it may have been over my head at first but it was fine. I think it may be trickier if you explicitly don’t believe but then you can say that and just say it’s a personal choice for each person (or whatever you want your kid to walk away with).
Redux says
I really like that language about different paths to being a good person.
Spirograph says
I like this language, too.
Even if you are religious, you still have to have these conversations. Our school district is off for Yom Kippur today, so we just had another conversation last night about how there are lots of religions in the world because the world is full of millions of people and it would be really boring if we were all the same.
My preschool explanation was, “Religions are kind of like collections of different stories to teach people about how to be a good person. Everyone gets to choose the stories they think are most important and helpful for them to remember how to be good.”
Anonymous says
So, I’m the OP. Where I started backing up and trying to distract her from the conversation until I came up with a good approach is she started likening religion to magic/unicorns/fairys (things that exist in stories but not in the real world). I didn’t want to say she was right, nor did I want to say “no, God is real! we just don’t believe in it.” I think I got out of it by “different people believe in different things” and she was like “cool, just like Susie from preschool things fairies are real but I know they aren’t?” “oh look, a cute dog on the sidewalk!”
Anonymous says
We tell our kids that we don’t believe in God, but lots of other people do, and they can believe whatever they want. My parents were fairly militant atheists (they told me not to say “under God” in the pledge of allegiance when I was in elementary school) and even though DH and I are very atheist as adults, we don’t want to force anything on our kids.
Cb says
I think this is so important – people can believe other things and they aren’t stupid for doing so. My husband was raised by militant atheists and the things they’ll say in passing about religion and religious people are really shocking. My parents aren’t religious (mom neutral, dad atheist) but they let me go to church with friends and dropped me off at Sunday School and attended the nativity play. I’m not religious as an adult but I really appreciated them letting me come to that conclusion on my own.
Anon says
This is a tough conversation to have in an age-appropriate way, but I’ve tried to frame it in terms of, there are certain things called ‘facts,’ that everybody agrees about, and then there are ‘opinions,’ where it’s okay for people to believe different things and everyone can be right even if they don’t agree.
I’ve used this framework to talk about religious beliefs but also to discuss (at a very, very high level) things like politics and other arguably debatable things (e.g., whether ghosts are real.) In all instances I say there that people believe different things and as long as those beliefs don’t hurt other people, there’s okay opinions to have.
I’ll be supportive of him exploring any of this stuff as he gets older to choose for himself. My (atheist) parents let me go to church when I asked to as a young teen. I decided it wasn’t for me, but I’m glad they gave me the opportunity to evaluate the merits on my own.
EB0220 says
We do something along the lines of what you described in your last sentence. My kids (4 and 6) do not have a problem with it so far. We read books about various religions and talk about it when they ask. People believe in different things. They haven’t made a distinction between believing in some religion vs being atheist/agnostic.
Anonymous says
My husband and I are not religious, although I grew up in the SEUS and attended services at a Baptist church at least twice a week. We currently live in the Bible belt, and people will make a lot of comments in everyday conversation that are not religious, but only understood if you are familiar with Christianity. (For example, my husband who grew up in NYC didn’t know what “as old as Methuselah” meant.) I have a lot of friends who attend church, even liberal churches, but I really don’t want to go to church myself. I do however want my kids to be familiar with the Bible and its stories, to go to church with their friends if they want, and for some reason I feel like attending VBS is a rite of passage for growing up in the South. So far my kids have not asked why we don’t go to church, and I’m not sure what to say when they do start to ask.
AIMS says
I know this has been covered in one form or another before but thought I’d ask – how do you merge rooms for kids when the younger kid is a super light sleeper? My youngest is still in our room but I really want to move him into our daughter’s room soon, which shouldn’t be a big issue as their bedtime is about the 30 min apart and could probably be the same and she is a super sound sleeper to the extent that he still wakes up at night.
The issue is he is a super light sleeper and she spends about 30 min to an hour each night messing around after “bedtime” – asking for a hug, water, to go to the moon, etc. Explaining to her that we need to be quiet for baby brother works, at best, about half the time. We already have all the sound machines. Ideas?
Anonymous says
Can you put the baby to bed after big sister has fallen asleep?
AIMS says
I wish but it would be impossible because he can’t stay up that late and would melt down completely. His bedtime is 630-7; hers is 715-730 and she usually falls asleep by 8 to 830. The only thing I can come up with is letting him start sleeping in our bedroom and move him but I think that’s not a great plan long term and I also don’t want to keep a crib in our room and can’t just leave him in our bed… For her bedtime rituals, I think we can just do them all in our bedroom or in the living room and then just put her to bed but ugh this is so complicated!
Anonymous says
He’ll adjust. He will have to.
Redux says
We are in the middle of this right now! Almost 5-yo and almost 2-yo have been sharing a room for a total of 1 week now. We put the little one to bed about a half hour before the older one, and he is asleep by the time the older one comes in. The problem is that the older one gets up to pee (mostly a stall tactic) 3 or 4 times after bedtime and the creaky floors, and open door (with light shining in from the bathroom) wake the little one and it takes him an hour to settle again (so, neither of them sleeps for the next hour). We’ve explained the problem to the older one but she says she really does have to pee and I don’t want her to feel shame or not trust her body. So last night we put a night light and a potty next to the bed and told her that she could pee in the potty but shouldn’t otherwise get out of bed. It worked! It’s a little odd to empty a potty (which is basically a bed pan and I am basically a chamber maid) but hey, whatever works. So, maybe set her up with whatever she might need: water bottle, tissue, potty, etc. and then just don’t respond to her more outlandish requests. She will figure out that you’re not coming back in the room and the baby will figure out how to sleep through her monkeying around. It might be a rough transition, but they will be better sleepers for it!
DLC says
We have the opposite situation- the baby is a fussy, but sound sleeper, but the 6 year old is a light sleeper. The 6 year old eventually built herself a blanket fort in the opposite corner of the bedroom and now sleeps on a camping mat on the floor, shrouded by blankets. So I guess this isn’t too helpful, unless you want to build a sound proof cubicle for your daughter.
One thought – perhaps focus on what she needs rather on the fact that she will wake her brother? I know when my daughter is tired, she becomes resentful about having to do things for the sake of the baby and would act out even more. Set her up to go to bed (or to lie in bed with a book and a flashlight), tell her she doesn’t have to sleep, but she does needs to stay in bed and be quiet and rest, and that you will check on her in 5 minutes to get her anything else she needs, and walk away.
ER says
Is he a light sleeper even when he first goes to bed? Our baby is a good sleeper at the beginning of the night. We also have two white noise machines in their room, which also helps.
I also make a big theatrical production about how we are going to tiptoe into the bedroom / whisper when we go to bed so that we won’t wake up the baby. My daughter is usually super into it.
ER says
Sorry, I just saw that you already have noise machines!
Maybe this makes me a bad mom, but I also tell my daughter that if the baby wakes up, I have to leave the room, because the baby will be sad if I am in the room and not snuggling with him. If the baby wakes up, I can snuggle with her and sing her a little song. This isn’t to punish her, but just because of sleep training the baby, but I think it’s made her very invested in keeping the baby asleep.
mrskb says
I need positive vibes and advice I am scheduled to have a difficult conversation with a team member this afternoon. She thinks she’s leading when in fact she is alienating and turning everyone away. She will also have every response to why it’s not her fault, but will blame others. help.
CHL says
It will be over by dinnertime! Kudos to you – this is the hardest work of a leader and it is so important to everyone impacted in the situation. Think about the service you are doing to them. You go!
Anonymous says
Thank you. Practicing what i am going to say since yesterday. Firm but fair…
Anonymous says
good luck! ymmv, but my suggestion is to take extra pauses/wait longer to respond than you normally would. otherwise I tend to over-talk in situations where I’m nervous or dreading it.
Spirograph says
So much this. I try to invite a response after each point I make, both so I can document if needed, and to keep myself from rambling awkwardly.
Good luck! Corrective feedback is tough, but you’re doing the right thing for everyone, especially the team member.
Betty says
PSA: Sometimes the “Decalf” label on K cups is very small. I picked up a seasonal pack of K cups last week and did not notice that they were decalf until this morning. I completely startled my kids by screaming “you’ve got to be kidding me!” at the coffee maker this morning when I realized I had been drinking decalf for a week. I now understand my recent headaches and why my coffee at work seemed to pack so much more of a punch.
avocado says
That is both funny and terrible.
lsw says
I’m sure this link will have trouble making it through mod but I immediately thought of:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yzBVhHoMQ18
Anonymous says
Does anyone have kiddos who had or have strabismus (crossed eyes)? My 6 month old was just diagnosed. Did it correct with glasses or did your kid need surgery? The ophthalmologist was very encouraging about the possibility of correcting it with glasses but my mind is (typically for me) jumping to worst case scenarios and I’m freaking out a bit at the thought of my tiny little baby having to have surgery.
AIMS says
A friend’s daughter had this and did need surgery but they let it go for years and the doctor said it would have been correctable with glasses. FWIW, surgery was fine, too.
Anon says
Not strabismis, but we’ve been dealing with a pediatric opthamalogist. I’ve found that quality between POs can be drastically different, and you’ll sometimes get very conflicting advice even within the same practice. Some tend to escalate to the most expensive, most invasive process from the very beginning. And since it’s emotional to even have your baby in glasses (let alone consider surgery or other options) it can be hard to accurately assess your options.
There’s a FB group “For Little Eyes” that is for parents of kids with glasses. Many of the parents on there have extensive experience with eye-related issues and can help you understand options and suggest alternatives, and tell you when more invasive options make sense. As with any group, you get some intense people, but on the whole they seem to give good advice and might be a good place for you to start.
luluap says
My son has a strabismus and was diagnosed around 5 months. He’s had glasses since he was 6 months old (he’s 4.5 now). It has improved substantially with the glasses, and continues to improve. Our doc says they won’t know if it’s fully corrected until he reaches 5/6. At that point, we’d either go down the path of patching (haven’t needed to do that) and if necessary, surgery. When he’s without his glasses and he’s tired, his one eye definitely turns inward. The benefit of them getting glasses so young, is that wearing the glasses is really a non-issue. We’ve never had a problem with him wearing them because he doesn’t know what life is like without wearing them. All in all, it has been completely fine despite me freaking out in the same way initially.
K. says
There is a group on facebook called “little eyes – a group for parents of young kids in glasses” that is a really supportive group that has a lot of posts on this exact topic. I really appreciate the community they have on there. My daughter has a lazy eye and I’ve found their advice to be invaluable and encouraging!
Bilingual kids says
For those who are bilingual, how, if at all, did you go about having your kids know both languages?
My husband and I are from the same foreign country but moved to the US as young kids. We spoke our native language at home but English outside the home. We’ve always spoken English between us and with our friends (even those who speak our native language). Now that we have a baby, it’s important to us that he knows enough of the native language to be able to communicate with our older relatives. Plus it may be a useful language to him in the future (fairly widespoken). So far we’ve been speaking to him in our native language but still speaking English to each other even when he’s in the room. Our parents speak the native language to him and he’ll be home with a nanny who speaks the native language starting next month when my leave ends.
So generally his only exposure to English is from husband and I speaking to each other and to friends or when we’re outside the home. We also read to him in English because we can’t read well in our native language. But nanny will read to him in native language. I’m worried that this confusion of languages will cause delays in speech and that he’ll be behind when he starts daycare in about a year. Is there a better way we can teach him both languages?
Anonymous says
Raising your kid bilingual does cause delayed speech, I think that’s pretty well scientifically documented. But I don’t think delayed speech is that big a deal, especially if you can pinpoint a specific cause like this. Being “behind” in daycare isn’t a big deal and there’s no evidence that your kid will be in any way slower when he starts kindergarten. And there are obvious benefits to speaking two languages.
Redux says
Can you post a source? My understanding is that bilinguals do not present delays in greater numbers than monolinguals. In other words, raising your kid bilingual does NOT cause delayed speech. Naturally, a bilingual kid can have a speech delays just like any kid, and those delays should be treated just as they would in any other kid. Sequential bilinguals will exhibit syntactical errors as they navigate two languages, but that is not a delay.
Anonymous says
Nearly all bilingual kids are a bit delayed, but they more than catch up!
Anonymous says
We are currently raising our kids English – German bilingual and they attend school in French. Super busy today but will post back here this evening or tomorrow with some advice on what’s worked for us.
Seafinch says
Just waving hello :) We are Anglophones ( but fluent in German), culturally German, have lived in Germany and have exclusively German speaking Au Pairs…and our kids are in French Immersion.
Anonymous says
Posting back-
In our house DH speaks German to the kids from birth, and me in front of the kids (tries to remember to). I speak English to the kids because my oral language skills are not good enough to speak fluently. At age 4 we start requiring the kids to speak to DH in German. We have lots of books in both English and German including double copies of many favorite books. I read in to the kids in English and German, DH does in German only. Amazon is a great source and shipping from the international Amazon sites is also quite reasonable. DVDs are also a great resource. We have a DVD player for the European zone and buy Paw Patrol/Dora etc in German. We’re more lax with the non-English screen time. A lot of online stuff is geoblocked so we go old school with DVDs and CDs. Car rides always include non-English kids music.
Some bilingual kids have a small expressive delay (usually on the later side of normal range) but usually no receptive delay in either language – This is a great resource for explaining how kids acquire language and how to encourage their expressive language –
http://www.hanen.org/Programs/For-Parents/It-Takes-Two-to-Talk.aspx
I also bought ‘Raising a Bilingual Child’ by Barbara Pearson which had helpful tips.
I would speak to your DH in Russian in front of baby as much as possible – you can use English when baby is in bed. Babies also learn language by hearing conversations between others, not just language directed at them.
I would 100% not worry about your kid learning enough English prior to school. If anything, I would try to get Russian established as much as possible with the nanny and you in the home because it’s always harder to establish and retain the non-dominate langauge. I would especially encourage cyrillic alphabet books/posters etc because baby won’t see that anywhere else. We forget sometimes how much of everyday life invovles language exposure – e.g. signs at the grocery store or cereal boxes and shampoo bottles all use the latin alphabet. And you speak to many other people in front of baby in English.
Anonymous says
Also wanted to add that Russian is super valuable to learn. Lots of benefits to later language acquistion if you know languages with different written alphabets. And Russian is one of the six official languages of the UN and many UN agency jobs requires knowledge of at least two of the six languages so it opens up lots of career options.
Bilingual kids says
Thank you! Great advice and I’ll check out the book!
anon says
I think you’re doing all the right things. The key is to have as many people in the home speaking the native language to him, and ideally, speaking the native language to each other. I would love to raise my kids bilingual but it hasn’t worked out that way so far, much to my immense regret. Husband and I speak the same language but he is a native speaker and I am not, so I can’t carry on a conversation in native language for hours on end. I had hoped that husband would only speak that language to my kids but he never did, and now my kids are way behind. So now we’re doing weekly language school.
So bottom line, just keep doing what you’re doing. There will likely be a language delay in English and that’s normal and expected, your little one will catch up very soon once starting school. I did not speak English until I started preschool and became fluent within a short time.
Redux says
There was a post about this last year that you might find helpful: http://corporettemoms.com/teach-kids-a-new-language/
Anonymous says
So we are trying to do this but only I speak the foreign language and husband doesn’t and so we speak English to each other. Our kid understands the foreign language but doesn’t like speaking it because she sees mom and dad communicate in English so that’s becomes her default. I would urge you to try to speak to your husband in native language as much as you can in front of baby. When we spend time with my family it makes a huge difference for my kid’s willingness to speak in the foreign language. We just enrolled her in an immersion school in the foreign language so hoping that also helps. As for the reading, I have to confess I prefer reading in English and we do read in English, too, but I decided to use this as an opportunity to improve my reading skills in the foreign language and it’s actually been easier than I thought. Sometimes I just take English books and tell her the story in the foreign language instead of reading it. It’s been great for my own brain I think. Agree that you shouldn’t worry about language delays in this case, but if you just do your native language you shouldn’t really have any because your kid won’t be “bilingual” till later.
Anonymous says
Our family speaks exactly like yours: husband and I from same background and grew up speaking language at home. But in reality we always speak English to each other. From birth we spoke to our daughter in the other language. She is now 3.5 and if we are all sitting together and talking we speak in the other language. But if husband and I are talking we resort to English. As she gets older and starts resisting speaking the other language (which all kids seem to do, myself included) I know we will have to work on this.
Daughter’s nanny from age 1-2 spoke only in this other language and she now attends full time daycare in this other language.
Around age 3 she started picking up English I’m assuming largely from the paw patrol she watches in the mornings :) she now throws some English in but still predominantly speaks the other language.
I understood that science doesn’t actually establish that bilingual kids have speech delays. Obviously this is anecdotal but my kiddo is extremely verbal even when compared to her non bilingual friends.
We’re in Canada so will be opting for French immersion when she starts kindergarten. My takeaway for you is commit to doing whatever you are likely to actually do if language is important to you. My language skills are probably better than they have been since I was school aged since I use them all the time now. But the road was definitely made easier by having childcare providers that speak the language exclusively – it makes up for our somewhat lazy approach still speaking English amongst ourselves (my husband and I)
lsw says
Our kid is in a bilingual daycare and has had speech delays, but nothing that concerns our ped – he’s still within the very wide range of “normal”. Possibly he would have had them anyway? His receptive language is great and he’s catching up now with expressive. We had him screened by our Early Intervention (more for my peace of mind than any other reason) and they weren’t concerned either.
DLC says
I speak to my 20 month old in Mandarin half the time. My parents pretty much only speak to him in Mandarin when they see him (about an hour or so of FaceTime spread out over the week and then during their visits which last a week or so). At our pediatrician’s suggestion we had him evaluated for speech delay since he only says “mama” and “bao bao” (pick me up in Mandarin). He presented at a 12 month level for speech, but all other physical and cognitive evaluations put him at 16- 20 months. We declined therapy, despite this because: 1) it was pretty clear to me that a lot of these evaluations and benchmarks are somewhat arbitrary 2) my son communicates pretty well with signs and gestures, and 2) I didn’t speak English until I got to preschool and my English is now my primary language- in fact my Mandarin is actually quite weak now.
I think the benefits of bilingualism overrides speech delay concerns.
Other thoughts: even though I don’t read Mandarin, I will “read” him books in Mandarin by translating on the spot. Also- the older he gets, the harder it will be because unless you are fluent, his need for communication will outstrip your vocabulary. That is the reason I don’t speak to my 6 year old in Mandarin anymore- I No longer had the words to communicate complex ideas to her.
I found the website Mandarin Mama helpful- she does not speak Mandarin fluently but she is teaching her four kids. Even if you aren’t trying to teach your kid Mandarin, she has a lot of useful tips.
Bilingual kids says
Thanks for all the feedback. To clarify, his daycare will be english speaking and there are no immersion programs in this language in my area. So it will be up to us to make sure that he can speak both languages. We may even skip daycare to keep him home with the nanny longer and start with the preschool in our school system at age 3. That would delay meaningful exposure to english. My concern with what we’re doing now is that hearing husband and i speak both languages may add unnecessary confusion and that maybe we should only speak this language or only english (letting nanny and grandparents teach other language). Right now at dinner for example, we speak english to each other but turn to him in the bouncer and speak the other language.
DLC says
My parents spoke Taiwanese to each other and Mandarin to my brother and I growing up. I don’t think I was ever confused. In fact, it was kind of like, “Oh, mom and dad have this secret language.” (They chose this because Mandarin would be more useful to us in the long run even though they are very politically supportive of Taiwan. Their friends are always surprised that my brother and I don’t speak Taiwanese.) I feel like the benefit of speaking your language to your husband would be to create a more immersive home environment. But a t a certain point, too, I think you need to think about whether speaking in the native language to your husband best serves the necessary communication of your marriage.
Bilingual kids says
Thanks. Thats a good point. We both moved to the US around age 7 so our vocabulary in the native language is not that advanced and neither are our reading skills. We even turn to English with our parents in order to convey more difficult topics/concepts. And because it’s easier. Although we are fluent in English now, we both remember several years of ESL classes and the early awkwardness at school and making friends. We want to avoid that for our kid considering that, in his case, it would be unnecessary. I think those early memories are spurring these fears of language delays and him “standing out” in school. The language is Russian and our kid has a common “american” first and last name. And so do we … so people didn’t expect us not to know English which probably added to the difficulties at school is some ways.
Thanks to everyone for reassuring me that he won’t be behind by kindergarten!
Legally Brunette says
I would really appreciate advice on how better to screen babysitter candidates to find the type of sitters that we are looking for. Despite my efforts, our current sitter is not a great fit and I don’t know what I should have done instead in the screening process.
For the last several years we have hired after school babysitters from our local university, for 12 hrs/week. College students, ranging from 19 – 22 in age. They are responsible for doing some chores around the house, then picking up the kids and hanging out with them until I return home. They also do some dinner prep but no actual cooking.
I have two very energetic, boisterous, loving little boys. They can be a handful, especially after a long day at school, and so I have made it clear both in the job description and in the interviews that I really need someone high-energy, engaged and attentive. Our current sitter is….passive. She sort of just sits and stares at the kids, she doesn’t seem to engage. My kids don’t seem to be bonding with her at all.
I find this all very surprising because she seemed high-energy in the phone interview, the in-person interview at our home before I hired her (where I see how she interacts with the kids), and her references were all glowing.
What could I have done differently? Any specific questions you ask potential sitters that you find helpful?
Our prior college sitters have not been like this, so I can’t just blame this on youth.
Suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
EB0220 says
That sounds frustrating! I’ve found that babysitters who a) have younger siblings and/or b) play a sport are general more active with my kids. Also, have you considered hiring a young man?
Anonymous says
Maybe tell them you want to hire them for a week on a trial basis, like kind of an extended interview?
Anonymous says
If you haven’t had this issue with previous sitters, I think this is just kind of the luck of the draw. It’s inevitable that in hiring 10 or so different sitters, one of them won’t be great, despite a good interview and strong references.
Anonymous says
+1 And, I also recommend considering a male sitter. Sometimes the assistant sports coaches are a good place to start.
Anonymous says
Yea I think it’s probably mostly luck of the draw. However, I will say you are asking quite a lot of these college after school sitters. Finding someone willing to do chores plus very active child care plus meal prep is a lot. I had an after school nanny job in college and was super active with the kids– helping with homework, walking from school to park to sports/music lessons, etc. but I would not have accepted a job asking me to do chores on top of all of that.
Carine says
She says they come over to do chores before picking up the kids, and non-cooking minimal meal prep could also fall in that time before hands-on kids duty. I had a similar position in college and I don’t think this seems unreasonable.
Agree with others that this just sounds like a one-off issue with this particular sitter and you’re doing what you can to find what you need. It has been my experience also that sitters who play a sport, have very active hobbies like riding, have a dog (labs!) do best with the incredible amount of energetic play that little kids (especially boys) require!
OP says
Yes, the sitters do chores and dinner prep (roasting veggies) for about an hour before picking up the kids. Once they have the kids, I have them just focus on the kids and nothing else.
Thanks everyone, sounds like just luck of the draw this time.
DLC says
Maybe have her/him take the kids outside for part of the in person interview?
Carine says
PSA: The book “Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and More Secure Kids” is on sale for $1.99 in Kindle format. I can’t recall if it’s been recommended here but it’s been on my to-read list for a while – if it’s on yours, now’s a good time to buy!
Cb says
Thanks! It’s on sale on Amazon UK as well so I just ordered it.
Anon says
Thanks! Just bought and shared with DH on our household account.
Conceived? says
Could you tell you were pregnant even before missing a period? I swear that I’ve gained weight/bloated am extreme amount in the past couple of weeks, even though my diet and exercise haven’t changed. Also just generally not feeling too great. Is this all mental or are these all signs?
Anonymous says
Yes, I suspected it the day after we conceived (I had implantation pains, which were unlike anything I’d experienced before) and I could definitely tell maybe 7-8 days before my missed period because my b00bs were in agony (I had to press my arms over my chest when walking up and down stairs because the bouncing hurt soooo much). I took a test then and it was negative, so I tried to put it out of my mind and didn’t retest until the day I was supposed to get my period and then it was a very strong positive.
Anonymous says
I am pretty sure I had symptoms before the positive test. I was bone-crushingly exhausted in a way I’d never experienced before.
Anonymous says
Why torture yourself?
Anonymous says
I’m sure she doesn’t want to torture herself but it is so hard not to! Having been through this before, stay as busy as humanly possibly to avoid overthinking this until you can take the test and get a reliable result.
SC says
Yes, but just a few days before my missed period. I just felt terrible, like I was hung-over but starving.
ER says
I could tell because when I would lie down in bed to go to sleep, I was still breathing so hard that it sounded like I was running a marathon. DH would be like…can you please breathe a little quieter, I am trying to sleep. LOL.
anon says
How would you feel about your nanny texting your husband independently with pictures/updates about your kids? I guess I just don’t understand why she doesn’t text us at the same time since she is sending us both the same pictures and videos. I’ve half-heatedly tried to respond once and include my husband but she responds just to me then and separately to my husband. My husband, ever generous, thinks she doesn’t have group texting. She has a new iphone so yeah, she has group texting. It makes me feel weird since she is young and reasonably attractive. I have 100% faith in my husband but I just don’t like that she texts with him on her own. Am I overreacting to this?
Anonymous says
I’m a little confused from your post. Is she texting you guys the same photos/updates but just on separate threads? If so, then yes I think you’re overreacting and her behavior is fine. I have an iPhone 10 and never really do group texts, I’m not sure I even know how.
If she’s only updating your husband, I’d definitely ask her to send you updates as well, but I wouldn’t interpret any sketchy motives behind it, I’d just assume it was laziness (and honestly I think it’s kind of awesome that she sees to be viewing a man as the default parent).
Anonymous says
Yes. He’s their parent. She texted both parents. I think this is fine.
Marshmallow says
So she’s sending you both the same things, just in individual texts? I see no problem with that.
Anon says
Come on. Texting your husband updates about his child is in no way inappropriate. How is this even a question?? If she’s texting him naked photos of herself, then you can freak out.
anon says
Eh I agree that it’s weird, and I would be bothered by it. If she’s young with an iphone she knows how to group text. Go with your gut.
anon says
OP here: yes, she is texting us the same pics and videos and I guess I am just confused as to why she doesn’t just send them to us both at the same time! It is so much easier! I really have zero reason to suspect ulterior motives but it seems weird to me and makes me a little uncomfortable.
I just tried again to respond on a group thread and she replied to me only and said that she had also sent the pics to my husband. So she’s definitely not taking the hint. It is so minor so I’ll probably just let it go but I still feel a little weird about it. I know my husband would speak up if she said anything off to him.
Anonymous says
I vote nothing likely wrong but don’t be afraid to trust your instincts. Agree that most people are super super familiar with group texts so doing two different texts containing the same stuff to two different people is weird and unnecessarily doubles her work.
Maybe have your DH respond to her and ask her to send stuff in a group text so DH doesn’t have to touch base with you to see if you got the shared pictures/check if you got an update and vice versa, and make sure everyone gets to see all pictures/updates. Kept it light and just about keeping everyone in the same loop.
Anonymous says
Do you and husband both have iPhones? I have found that group texts that include both iPhone and non-iPhone users don’t tend to work well. Often, responses from the non-iPhone users will end up as individual text messages to each member of the group instead of a response on the group thread.
GCA says
This, and it’s also why I end up handling the social requests from husband’s aunt (who is local) more often than not (sigh). We don’t have iPhones, she does, and even if husband loops me in or vice versa, the messages often end up as individual texts rather than a group chain.
Knope says
First, in no way do I think this is remotely inappropriate. She is sending updates about your kid. Unless there is more to this than you’re saying, this is not a big deal at all.
Second, if you’re wondering why she’s not doing it as a group text, do you guys (or just your husband) have Android phones? I often experience major issues starting group texts with iPhones and non-iPhones. She may be trying to avoid those issues. But even if that’s not the case, chill out.
AIMS says
I would just ask her to do a group text. “Thanks for these! Can you please just send messages to us in the same text?”
AIMS says
& If she has an issue because of phone types, she will be able to tell you.
Anonymous says
You could also create a WhatsApp group with the three of you.
Anonymous says
It is strange but yet, my father in law does the same thing. Sometimes it is just a weird quirk.
LadyNFS says
This. DH and I have iphones, Nanny has an Android, and we can’t group text. It shows up as individual messages. We created a WhatsApp group for the 3 of us, and now we can all communicate on the same thread.
Clementine says
Yes, you’re overreacting to this.
Some people also just hate group messages. Our intern (who is young – like 21) told us that she turned off group messaging because she would regularly get back to her phone and have 50+ messages when she was added to a group chat that ended up being a stream between two or three members of the chat. She said that she realized the notifications were distracting her at work and from her schoolwork so she turned it off.
If you’re nervous about your husband straying, that’s a relationship problem not a nanny problem. This is a you issue and I think you need to drop it.
Marshmallow says
I tested two days before my period was expected because I felt like I had been hit by a truck– such extreme fatigue. Bloating didn’t happen until a few weeks later. But really the only way to know for sure is to wait until you’re close enough to your period that you can test.
Wow says
I think you’re doing all the right things. The key is to have as many people in the home speaking the native language to him, and ideally, speaking the native language to each other. I would love to raise my kids bilingual but it hasn’t worked out that way so far, much to my immense regret. Husband and I speak the same language but he is a native speaker and I am not, so I can’t carry on a conversation in native language for hours on end. I had hoped that husband would only speak that language to my kids but he never did, and now my kids are way behind. So now we’re doing weekly language school.
So bottom line, just keep doing what you’re doing. There will likely be a language delay in English and that’s normal and expected, your little one will catch up very soon once starting school. I did not speak English until I started preschool and became fluent within a short time.
Simplicity Parenting says
Of course I can’t get this to thread but: I was very excited about the Simplicity Parenting book. But it was EXTREMELY Waldorf inspired. Like wool clothing has better vibrations for your kids level Waldorf. I know there are many great play and art based Waldorf schools, but I find the philosophy extremely anti-science.
Carine says
Ah, good to know. Thanks for the heads-up.
Regular Poster, Anon for this says
I’m throwing my hat in the ring for a promotion at work after having a lean out job for the past several years. Keep your fingers crossed for me!
AIMS says
Good for you! Hope you get it!
lsw says
Good luck! Keep us posted!
Enjoying April! says
Can I just say I’m really enjoying your posts April? The Kate Middleton attending Wimbledon vibes, the airpods… you really speak my language!
AIMS says
+1
EB0220 says
+1
ER says
+1 — I really like the picks and also the tone of the posts!
MNF says
I’m in the beginning of the second trimester and in the awkward bigger but not really a bump stage. I’d like to get a pair of nicer looking leggings for weekend wear until I get to the maternity jeans stage. Does anyone have recommendations? I’ve looked online but I’m not sure if I should get something like the gap leggings that have a “full panel”. Will that last me the rest of the time or will they just sag until I really pop? TIA
Anonymous says
Lululemon Align pants are your friend.
Anonymous says
First, my caveat is that I’ve found many people with different opinions on this– you do you. I started wearing full panel maternity jeans and leggings early in my 2nd trimester because it was what I could find in the styles I was looking for. If I got annoyed by the panel, I just folded it down. Generally I didn’t have any problems with them, though. It just felt like I was wearing a snug cami under my shirt. The panel is super stretchy so the same pants are still working for me into my 3rd trimester. I also have some low panel jeans and leggings and they both have worked the whole time as well (though I have to pull the jeans up more often now that I’m in my 3rd tri and that’s kind of annoying). I was one of of the unlucky ones that put on a lot of weight in my hips and thighs so the belly-band with old regular jeans was not an option for me (and I had to size up from my pre-preg sizer in maternity pants– so depending on how you gain, you may not be able to believe the “just choose your pre-pregnancy size” language from all the maternity brands).
Anonymous says
So, I’m the OP. Where I started backing up and trying to distract her from the conversation until I came up with a good approach is she started likening religion to magic/unicorns/fairys (things that exist in stories but not in the real world). I didn’t want to say she was right, nor did I want to say “no, God is real! we just don’t believe in it.” I think I got out of it by “different people believe in different things” and she was like “cool, just like Susie from preschool things fairies are real but I know they aren’t?” “oh look, a cute dog on the sidewalk!”
Anonymous says
Any recommendations for newborn photography in Philly? We’re delivering at Pennsylvania Hospital – any insight into whether they have a photographer who makes the rounds in the post-natal ward?
Also, any thoughts on whether having newborn pics taken at the hospital is preferable to having someone come to your house after you go home with baby? I guess I want me and husband to be in the pics too, but I’ll probably look terrible when we’re still at the hospital.
Anonymous says
If you do it at home, do it right when you get home if you want to avoid documenting baby acne – it tends to show up not long after birth (for us around a week old I think?). Also I think babies tend to be extra sleepy their first couple of days, which could be a pro or con (pro because it might allow more time for primping). Our pediatrician once said, “and on the third day they wake up and are suddenly ravenous, like an angry bear…”
mascot says
We did both. The hospital photographer came around on our discharge day so I was dressed and had showered/done some makeup.
Our at -home photo shoot was at 10-14 days old I think, which is a little on the late side, and our kid slept through most of it. Our photographer was at the house for a while and it was completely an option for us to be in the pictures as well.
Grocery DC in the DC area says
Any recommendations or companies I should avoid for grocery delivery. I have not been happy with online order/pick up from Harris Teeter so i would like to try something new
octagon says
a friend has been happy with instacart so I may switch to that.
HT online ordering is the pits.
Carine says
Shipt is fine. Much better than HT’s system, and I use it almost exclusively for HT. I will say that the experience can vary a lot with the particular shopper, but 50% of the time it’s the greatest thing that ever happened to me (oh hi, delivering manual breast pump from Target to my office when I forgot all my Spectra pump parts and couldn’t go home), 35% I get good service and it saves me time, and 15% totally irritating with major fails like no one claiming an overnight order so the whole shop was canceled, the shopper being super late so I didn’t have items for dinner, not finding items that I am almost positive are in stock, etc. And in the latter category Shipt always apologizes and credits my account, and I’ve learned not to over-rely/put myself in a bind during busy shopping times.
Anonymous says
The only one I’ve used is instacart and it worked well. I’ve so far only used it occasionally (like when my SO and I were both sick), but I know people at my firm who use it for regular grocery shopping. It is pretty expensive, so that has kept me from using it more.
Knope says
Fresh Direct all the way. There has been some availability issues with some of their products recently because they’re moving to a new warehouse, but otherwise I have had zero issues with them. Fantastic customer service.
Ella says
I’ve had the best luck by doing a prime now order from Whole Foods.
Anon says
We love peapod, to the tune of a $100-200 weekly order every week love it. Stuff is rarely out of stock, it’s loaded up at a warehouse and a (professional) truck driver delivers it, and if there is an issue (stuff bruised, broken, missing) customer service has been a breeze. It’s been hit or miss with instacart in our area. Half the time they can’t find the things or they claim to be “out of stock” – they’re not usually obscure or weird items like that. Would love to try A’s grocery service (I forget what it’s called) but it’s not available in our area yet.
Housing says
Okay, I need a reality check. Would folks be willing to anonymously provide HHI, cost of their home, and monthly mortgage payment (assuming this amount would include property taxes, too, but maybe not for everyone)?
I’ll go first. About $210,000/year; $268,000; $1500 (taxes are low because my development is technically in the county outside of city limits in my Midwest area). Due to our current house not meeting our needs, we’re considering an upgrade, but we’re really struggling with pulling the trigger. Which is annoying because of how much we hate the current house.
Anonymous says
I think it’s hard to get the full picture because you need more info – loans? other debts? other costs like day care? car? So on… BUT – we pay a lot more than you do on not much more salary so I think you should be able to pull the trigger.
Anonymous says
HHI is $225k. House was $580k, monthly payment is about $4000 (includes taxes and insurance). Small city in SE with LCOL. I feel a little house poor, but we got a great house at a great price and we plan on staying in it for at least another 10 years.
Anonymous says
House is our only debt.
Anonymous says
This is basically us too except ortgage payment is $2000 because we made money on selling our first house so had a big downpayment. No other debt. We focus on paying off the house – cars are 5 and 8 years old.
Anonymous says
Currently, $100k/year income. We live in an investment property that we paid $300k for 6 years ago, and rent out two units. The mortgage is technically interest only, $1500/mo, and the rent pays the mortgage, maintenance, and any other expenses. We contribute an additional $1000/mo toward principal.
We have outgrown our apartment and have been house shopping. With $100k salaries, and an additional $1500/mo from renting our unit, we are looking at houses that cost $400-425k, with 20% down payment and payments of $2200-2400/mo. We’ll be “house poor” initially, but I’m expecting to get a raise within a year, which would make things easier.
Anonymous says
Same anon–to clarify, we can rent our place out at $1500/mo, but we’d continue putting $1000 toward principal on the rental property. So we’d only use $500/mo from the rental property to help our budget. And we could afford the note on the house without the rental property, but not with the lifestyle/fun stuff we want long-term.
Anonymous says
HHI = $130,000 combined before taxes
cost of house = $379,000
mortgage + insurance + taxes = $1,900
We live in one of the higher-end neighborhoods in our MCOL city, but wanted to stay there so our daughter could stay at the same public school (and our son could start there). It was a big switch from before – I owned a 2BR house before I met my husband and I didn’t owe much on it by the time I met him – but once we got over the initial sticker shock we’re happy with where we are.
Anonymous says
I should add that this could well be our “forever” home – 5BR so we won’t outgrow it like my 2BR, even if we have another kid.
Anonymous says
Current HHI is about $280k. We bought our house for $680k but dumped $40k in immediately and have some planned 6-figure renovations. Our mortgage payment, which includes taxes, is based on the $680k and is $3600/mo. Our taxes are about $11,500/year.
When we bought the house our HHI was more like $380k but we wanted to be able to afford payments with “not two full time corporate” salaries, which is what we had at the time. So for a while I made $290 and DH stayed home. Now he makes ~$230 and I make ~$70k consulting part time.
We spend about $2k/mo on childcare, no longer hand student loans, save aggressively for both college and retirement.
Anonymous says
Oh. And we live in the Boston area.
KateM says
Ah, the Boston area. Similar picture living North of the city. HHI $290. Both work FT, but I’m in the public sector, so yeah…. House was $625k and have dropped about $60k in renovations so far, with more to go. Mortgage is $3400/month. $1800k/month for childcare and about to double when #2 arrives in a few months. Student loan payments $100/month. $600/month commuting costs + $600/month in car payments…this is depressing me.
KateM says
Oh, that student loan payment is missing a zero. $1000/month.
Anonymous says
DH and I are looking at homes that have $22k/year of taxes (outside NYC). Plus the purchase price of the home. You’re doing fine. Move!
Anonymous says
We live in an NYC coop apartment: HHI is $190K, apartment was about $650K, mortgage is about $2,600, and monthly maintenance is about $950, but most of maintenance is tax deductible since it goes towards the mortgage on the building.
Doodles says
HHI pretax is $270K. Mortgage is $950 per month plus $9k per year in property tax.. House was $390k purchased a few years ago. No other debt but $2k in childcare per month.
This is our second house and it needs updates but was the best option in a great school district with a reasonable commute to downtown. Most houses in the district start at $450k and go to a million +. We plan on living here for 10 years but could stay longer with some renovations. It’s 3100 sq ft. Also in the Midwest.
Anonymous says
HHI : $300k gross, excluding bonus
Cost of house: $455k (DC area)
Mortgage, taxes, insurance: $2300/month
We bought pre-kids and spent a little more than I wanted to on our house, but it has worked out. HHI was only ~$200k at the time, and the goal was to have a house we could afford on one salary to keep the option for one of us to stay home with future kids.
Anon says
HHI = $315k
cost of house = $460k
monthly payment = $2,500 (mortgage, insurance, taxes)
MCOL
I would prefer to have spent a bit less but for the price our house is amazing so overall I’m happy.
Anonymous says
HHI around $200K, cost of home $232K, monthly mortgage + taxes + insurance $1400. We are spending up to $10K/year on maintenance. The house urgently needs $60-80K in renovations. If it were up to me, we’d buy a newer house or even sell and rent an apartment. I hate wasting so much money just to live in a dump.
If your house is old and requires a lot of maintenance, and you have the opportunity to purchase a new energy-efficient house in which nothing will break for several more years, you may find the upgrade surprisingly affordable.
Knope says
Man sometimes I wonder why we’re in a HCOL city after seeing all these…
HHI = $600k (but about half that when we bought the house)
cost of house = $760k
monthly payment = $3300
This house was actually a great deal for the neighborhood we live in (which is seen as “hip” and great access to public transit but does not have highly-regarded public schools).
We also own a (very inexpensive) second home that we rent out to family in a LCOL city.
Anonymous says
HHI is $240K, cost of home $350k, morgage + taxes + insurance is $2200/month.
We were at the top of our budget when we bought and our HHI was more like $140k when we bought, but I have a less than 10 minute commute, low taxes (for our high tax area), excellent schools, and an area where houses retain their property values for these reasons.
I always decide on houses based on the things you can’t change. School district, proximity to big roads, overall location – none of these can be changed. Adding a half bath on the first floor? No problem.
VHCOL says
HHI $600k
Cost of house $1.5 mm
Monthly payment about $4,000 but we have a strange mortgage with some interest-only features
Property taxes $24,000 / year
Did I mention the house is kind of a dump? Right now we can’t open our front door. But it’s in a good school district.
I hope this makes you feel better, Knope!
To the OP: You can do this exercise to make you feel like your decision is less crazy, but I’m sure you know that other posters’ situations have nothing to do with what is the right decision for you.
Wow says
Let me guess…Bay Area? :)
VHCOL says
Bingo.
Also I realized that the mortgage was supposed to include insurance — mine was just mortgage. I also pay $6,000/year in insurance.
Anonymous says
HHI $150k, LCOL Midwest college town. We bought a $350k house, on which we only owe about $60k now. I don’t know our exact payment because we pay ahead, but I think it’s around $1300. Property taxes aren’t included and are about $3500/year.
Housing says
Thanks, all. Hubby and I are horrible at actually spending money, to the point where it is a fault sometimes. And posters are right about every situation being different. But sometimes, I just need confirmation that I’m not crazy. Part of our issue is that our ideal price is around $350,000, but there is so little inventory (like 1-2 houses) in our small town in that range. Really, our option is to build and there is a HUGE premium on that. So it’s going to take us closer to $450k.
Anonymous says
have you approached people who are not on the market? That worked for us when we wanted to buy in a popular area but inventory was low.
Anonymous says
Fwiw, $350-400 was our target range and we went up to $460 because inventory in our target neighborhood (cute, family-friendly, great location, good schools) was very low at that price, and what little there was needed a lot of work, on 60+ year old houses with money pit potential. Relative peace of mind was worth the extra $ to us, even though the small town midwesterner in me freaked out at the idea of a 1400sqft house that was almost HALF A MILLION DOLLARS.
Anon says
Nice neighborhood (though far from town) in a LCOL area.
HHI: $115,000
House cost: $309,000
Monthly payment: $1650
House is only a few years old, so very little maintenance, and my husband stays home, so no child care. No debt but the mortgage, though we’ve paid off a lot of student debt and a car note since we bought 6 years ago.
Anon says
HCOL area (north of Boston)
HHI: $250Kish… I think?
House: $525K
Monthly payment: $3K
KateM says
Where are you N of Boston if you dint mind me asking?
Anon says
This is fascinating.
HHI: $155K
House: $279K
Payment: $1700 including taxes and insurance
CPA Lady says
HHI: $160K
House cost: $137K in cute older, non-trendy suburb 10 minutes from downtown in small SEUS city
Payment: $900 including taxes and insurance. We pay $1,700 each month though and are on track to pay it off in the next 3-4 years. No other debt except about $7k on my car.
Anon says
HHI: $305K gross, excluding bonus (which I will likely not hit in this year or next because leave)
House cost: $800K in one of the best school districts about 25 minutes from my work in a DC suburb
Payment: $2900 a month for mortgage, additional ~$7K per year in property taxes, and I think our insurance is around $1,000 a year (we don’t escrow taxes and insurance). No other debt.
We bought the house when our HHI was about $100K higher on the theory we could handle the payments on just one income (which is good since my husband stays home now that we have kids, although he could always scale up again) and I wanted to buy a forever home, which we did (4BR, 2.5 bath, great public schools, culdesac, backs to woods, love it).
Anonymous says
Around 400k HHI, do not own, monthly rent is $4100, HCOL.
Anonymous says
Any reason you don’t own with that level of income?
Anonymous says
I’m guessing it’s Bay Area or NYC, and you need to have a ridiculous downpayment to be able to buy and it’s a competitive real estate market.
Anonymous says
$4k is realllly low for rent in the Bay or NYC, unless shes in a 1 bedroom in a not super desirable area. That could be the case I suppose. But with that HHI, I’d imagine most people would want more space and a good location.
OP says
We’re in DC, and that rent gets us a very large (1800 sq ft) 3 bed in the city in a good school district. We certainly wouldn’t get that in the Bay Area or NYC! It’s a good question, we assumed we would be here for only a few years and thus have opted to rent for the time being. Also, as a former home owner, I think home ownership is vastly overrated and love the freedom that comes with renting. That’s the plan for now, at least.
Anonymous says
I feel your pain. I’m anon at 2:56 pm and neglected to mention our 650K apartment is 1100 sq ft and was a fixer upper that we immediately sank another 60K in renovations into. Remind me why I like NYC? Our neighborhood is unhip but has decent schools, and my subway commute is a solid hour.
Anonymous says
Reading about LOCL areas makes me wonder what people do with all that extra money??
LCOL commuter says
We spend about $700/month on gas, insurance, and auto maintenance for two adult drivers with fuel-efficient cars, no teens driving yet. On top of that, we are always saving for a new car. The last one cost us $23,000 and will probably last 7 years. The other car needs replacement within the next 2 years. In 5 years we have to figure out how to pay for 3 cars, including insurance for a teen driver.
Anonymous says
Wow, that’s a lot. I’m in a MCOL city a
Anonymous says
Arrrghh. Hit comment on phone before I was done typing. We’re in a MCOL city and spend about $50/month on insurance for each car, and maybe $25-50 each on gas and $25 on parking. The total is maybe $250-300/month for two cars. $700/month seems huge, even in a more suburban area where you’re driving a lot.
Anonymous says
Buy exotic modern conveniences like garbage disposals, or thermostats for the heat THAT THEY CAN PERSONALLY CONTROL!
Anonymous says
We travel a lot and put a ton of money in retirement accounts. I’ll probably retire in my 50s.
Anonymous says
As a LCOL person, I can say that we often make much less money, so it tends to be very relative. Transportation is a good one where we spend more, as noted above.
Anonymous says
I mean, yeah, we make less, but we don’t make 5-10 times less, which is the housing differential between LCOL areas and HCOL areas. I bought a nice 5 bedroom home for $400k. My HCOL friends make maybe twice what I do (before taxes, so some of their higher salary goes to taxes) and they’re buying $1.5-2M houses that aren’t nearly as big or nice. They’re going to be paying mortgages well into their 60s, whereas I’m 35 and my house is paid off and all that money that would have gone to a mortgage payment can be diverted to savings or fun stuff.
There are definitely benefits to living in a HCOL area, but I think people in LCOL areas, especially in high-paying professions like law and medicine, come out way ahead financially.
anon says
Save. We save a lot.
Also, pay for daycare.
Anon says
NYC. Around $2.2M gross HHI.
Cost of current apartment ~$1M. Current mortgage + maintenance + taxes =~$4,000
Closing (next week!) on a bigger apartment that that we’ll be moving into and are paying a little over $2.1M. Mortgage + maintenance + taxes will be ~$9,400. Panicking a bit at the thought of our housing expense more than doubling but excited to have more space! (And we are selling our current apt, so that payment will eventually be eliminated).
Anonymous says
Wait, are you for real? In one year you make enough to pay off your house. So no need to panic!!
Anonymous says
While true, I can definitely understand a certain amount of mental freak-out over knowing you’re spending over $2M!
Anon says
I’m Anon @3:32 – I hear you! DH and I grew up solidly middle class and are very frugal and financially conservative. We are very grateful (and work our #$% off!), but our HHI feels like it’s not real. Buying this new apartment is almost our first real acknowledgement and is also super out of character for us, because we generally live well below our means. Looking forward to it, though!