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This is a fun, cute skirt that looks like it could be much more expensive than it is. In a quick perusal of Anthropologie, they have several mid-length, colorful, pleated skirts being shown for fall — and this one is a very convincing dupe. I really like the wide stripes and the color combo, and extra points for an elastic waist — woo! The way it is styled here looks a little crazy to me and definitely does not do the skirt justice. I would do a simpler shirt, shoes with a heel or block heel, and accessories that matched the skirt. The skirt is $24.99 at Target and comes in sizes XXS–XXL. Striped Pleated Skirt A plus-size option is $29.99 and comes in sizes X–4X. This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!Sales of note for 3.28.24
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Clementine says
1. I’m not feeling that skirt.
2. I definitely bribed my kid to get dressed and go to daycare with a fruit gummy this morning… which he got when he was at school, fully dressed, actually sitting on the potty at school.
3. Then one of the daycare teachers (young, college-aged woman) told me that I’m what she aspires to be when she’s ‘a real adult’.
4. Are we like 100% sure I have to feed my kid a varied diet and can’t just let him eat Mac and Cheese and PBJ and cereal for every single meal…?
Anonanonanon says
I’m not 100% sure about #4. We, as a scientifically advanced society, cannot even conclude if eggs are healthy for us or not (where do we stand on that now?) so I’m not sure we know as much as we think we do.
mascot says
Hah, agreed. I definitely used fruits and vegetables interchangeably for while- both have vitamins/minerals and fiber, right? And I’ve got 21 meals a week to feed, plus snacks. Not every time has to be perfect.
PinkKeyboard says
4. I’m pretty sure he’ll survive regardless. I aspire to feed my kids a balanced diet but I also babysat a kid who literally ate pancakes, bananas, yogurt, pudding, and chicken nuggets. That was IT. He seems to be doing well based on facebook.
Anonymous says
My ped said not to worry about #4, but they may need a multivitamin if they don’t eat a very diverse diet. I’m fine with that.
Anonanonanon says
Our ped said something similar. Like “kid’s growing well, is healthy, is definitely slim, so I guess just use pediasure if you’re really worried about it”
FVNC says
My kid’s diet is basically #4 (with some fruit thrown in) so, it’s possible. Good idea? Almost certainly not. But definitely possible.
lsw says
My 2 year old is generally subsisting on goldfish, string cheese, mandarin oranges and applesauce and he seems to be mostly fine.
anon. says
Seconded. My 2 YO lives on bananas, frozen waffles,and string cheese.
Anonymous says
I didn’t eat fruits (except banana), veggies or fish until I went to college. I turned out fine and am very tall now (and eat everything,fwiw).
Anonymous says
On #4, I think the larger issue is that kids’ preferences can get cemented early and if you don’t introduce veggies/fruits at a young age and other types of nutritious foods, they will be more resistant to trying them later on. Keep trying. My 3 year old went from only eating strawberries and some limited roasted veggies to trying almost everything. But repetition is really key. You’re setting them up for good food habits in life if you make it a point to expose them to a variety of nutritious foods.
Pogo says
+1 keep trying. You have to be OK with them not eating it most of the time. I try to ease my guilt about food waste by composting if I can (veggies) or feeding it to the cat if not (meat).
I also buy a lot of those kid-friendly frozen foods that sneak veggies into waffles, muffins, tater tots, etc.
No no no says
So as someone born in Europe, I’m truly shocked that so many American parents allow their children to eat like this. It’s one thing if the child is 2 and super picky, but you need to keep trying. Of course mac and cheese and cereal is fine every now and then, but please please cook more nutritious foods! Your children cannot eat like this, it’s such a disservice to their growing brains and bodies. Part of the reason why Americans are so unhealthy is because of this type of SAD (Standard American Diet).
I know this comes across as really judgy and I’m sorry, but I see so many children eating like this on a regular basis and it saddens me.
anon says
Step off your high horse, lady. Food issues are hard, and IME, most parents ARE trying. I have one kid who will happily eat a variety of foods. I have another for whom it’s a battle, and trust me, it’s not for lack of exposure or knowing how to prepare nutritious foods or whatever judgment you’re laying down.
Clementine says
For the record, I expose my child to a varied and very healthy diet that is quite far from the SAD.
Every night, I make healthy, from scratch meals. He eats them about 70% of the time. But man… it’d be so much easier if I just fed him mac and cheese and PBJ for dinner every single night.
And guys – toddlers and the whole ‘I love it/ NOW I HATE IT’ thing with food. Two weeks ago: sweet potato tacos: best thing ever! ate two adult helpings! Last week: Mom is trying to poison me.
No no no says
So in that case, I take my comment back and apologize to you. It sounded like they were eating that way for every meal and that’s what concerned me, because I see plenty of kids who truly do eat that way 99% of the time. I hear you, toddler preferences can turn hot and cold and it’s hard.
Betty says
No no no: Are you with these children 99% of the time. If no, then no judgment.
anon says
No no no, how can you possibly know that? This hit a nerve for me because my FIL lays this same guilt trip on me constantly. And it’s so far from the truth, it’s not even funny. I actually think our family does pretty well, all things considered, but because the kids are pickier at his home, he’s under the impression that they eat junk and easy meals 24/7.
lsw says
The changing whims of the toddler make it so hard. We offer our food and veggies at every meal and sometimes he chows down and sometimes he won’t eat his favorite food. We’ve been trying the no praise/no judgment, just offering food and taking it away when he’s done. He’s a little too young to do the “try one bite of everything” but that’s my plan in the future. It’s all about control and not about taste for our son, it seems like! He ate a giant piece of kale last night because his sister was. But he wouldn’t eat chicken, which is basically his favorite food. Le sigh.
avocado says
Mine still does the whole “I love it/I hate it” thing at 11. I can’t even count the number of lunches my husband and I have eaten that were made up entirely of foods that our daughter begged for and then rejected. I am having one of those lunches today.
Anonymous says
But how do you know they’re eating that way 99% of the time and being offered healthy food? You see them eat some junk a few times. It doesn’t mean that’s all they ever eat and they’re never offered anything healthy.
And if you want to get judgy about parenting choices, breastfeeding rates in much of Europe are much lower than in America. There’s a lot of evidence that breastfeeding for a year does a great deal more for long term health than a toddler eating veggies(especially if the toddler takes a multivitamin)
Boston Legal Eagle says
Yep, you’re right, this came across as extremely judgy. I have no doubt that most parents, especially those here, are introducing a variety of foods. Toddlers can be extremely picky.
FWIW, I grew up in an immigrant family and had McDonalds and pizza once a week or so when in middle school/high school (not that I’d recommend this but whatev) and I was slim and was/am pretty healthy. A lot of is genetics.
Anonymous says
Spoken like someone who has never actually had to feed a picky child or, even worse, a resistant eater.
Pogo says
I mean, I still “cook nutritious foods” for sure, and always offer some of what we’re having. But I can’t force my kid to eat it if he doesn’t want to!
Anonymous says
Yeah no. My parents always offered me healthy stuff but didn’t force me to eat it and I didn’t. As an adult, I’m fit and eat everything. My father was forced to eat vegetables and as an adult wont touch anything remotely healthy (and is obese). Forcing children to eat, even healthy food, is not good. There are a lot of experts who have written about this.
My husband and I spend several months in Europe every year and expose our kids to all kinds of fresh, healthy food. They still want Mac and cheese because that’s what kids want. If you’re blessed with good eater(s) it’s pure luck. Don’t try to take credit for it.
Everlong says
My kids are exposed to lots of great food, every day. They’re huge fans of things like lentils and tofu and even veggies. And you know what? We have phases where they eat nothing but Poptarts, hot dogs, and faux meat chicken patties.
I eat a whole foods, plant based diet most of the time, but I have phases where I enjoy just eating junk. It’s balance. I don’t know why I would expect my kids to eat perfectly all the time, either.
Betty says
As with most/all parenting things: I would not judge unless you are actually sitting in that parent’s shoes. There are so many issues/challenges/disabilities that are not visible or knowable by passing glance. You would not know whether a child has a sensory disorder and the parent is overjoyed that the child is actually eating mac n cheese (could be a new texture!), whether a child is in the middle of a Crohn’s flare and can only eat certain foods that have little nutritional value because they are trying to let the gut heal or the child has just come off of 8 weeks on a feeding tube and is just starting to eat actual food again. And yes, these are all issues that I have faced or are in my future.
Turtle says
This. Close friend’s 2YO is in early intervention for eating. He simply won’t eat. I’m not sure I would have believed it had I not seen it myself. Medical guidance is to let him eat anything he wants, all the time. He is currently on a mac & cheese kick. He eats it constantly, but that sure beats his effectively refusing to eat for 30 days over the summer.
Do not judge. You do not know.
anon says
A friend’s daughter ended up in an inpatient program around 15 months or so because she could not transition from b’fing to solids, no matter what her parents tried. Even the doctors couldn’t figure it out. She had inpatient care for at least a month (in program especially for kiddos with feeding issues) and had a feeding tube until age 2. Any solid food that she eats is a victory, truly. Friend cried tears of joy when her daughter stole french fries off her plate at a restaurant because she was EATING.
FVNC says
My husband, whose parents are European immigrants to the US and do not eat the SAD (whatever that is), was the most picky eater I have ever met. It took him until he was doing biglaw interviews in his late-twenties to branch out beyond pizzza, hamburgers and cereal, and until his mid-thirties when he was deployed to Afghanistan to eat vegetables in a non-interview setting. So, I’m not really sure how being a parent born in Europe leads to having children who are perfect eaters? Maybe we shouldn’t attribute certain individualized characteristics to entire continents or countries?
Anonymous says
“Your children cannot eat like this, it’s such a disservice to their growing brains and bodies.”
This is pure BS. If they’re taking a vitamin, they’re getting all the nutrients their brains and bodies need and even if they’re not, they can get a lot of the nutrients they need through things that you wouldn’t consider healthy, like fruit juice and cheese. I wouldn’t touch a vegetable or fruit in any form except juice before college. I’m 6′ tall and genius level IQ. You can say it’s setting them up for bad eating habits later in life (I wouldn’t necessarily agree with that either, because I know SO many people who were very picky kids and still very adventurous eaters as adults) but it’s definitely not harming their brains or bodies.
Yes says
I actually agree with No No No for the most part. There is a reason why there is an obesity epidemic in this country, why people eat out at fast food places all the time, why people don’t know how too cook, and why people are so unhealthy etc. It’s a serious problem. Not talking about anyone who posted here, but for many Americans, they simply do not know how to make nutritious choices for themselves or for their children. My very educated, upper middle class colleague gives her kids frozen dinners most days of the week (she told me this, I’m not guessing). It needs to change.
Anonymous says
+1
Lots of ancedata from posters who are talking about their own experiences but there’s no denying that obesity is an epidemic here to a much greater extent than in other countries.
Also surprised that someone claimed BF rates are lower in Europe? I’ve never seen data along those lines. Also much more variety with ‘Europe’ vs. across the US. Nordic countries certainly exceed US rates. Most developed countries recommend BF to age 2 in accordance with UN guidelines, only US recommends only to age 1.
Anonymous says
Yes, Nordic countries are similar to the US or higher but UK, France, Germany are lower. I believe France has the lowest breastfeeding rate of any developed country.
I don’t know why you say US only recommends breastfeeding until age 1, my pediatrician encouraged me to do it to 2 or beyond (although I had to stop at 13 months so I could treat a serious medical condition of my own).
Anonymous says
You need to check your privilege in a big way. The people who take their kids to McDonalds aren’t mostly affluent, educated people who can afford salad ingredients and services like Blue Apron. They’re poor or working class people who are very pressed for time and money and McDonalds is a cheap, fast dinner option. Junk food is very cheap (per calorie) compared to healthy food. That’s a big problem, but let’s not blame the people who can’t afford healthier options.
Frozen dinners aren’t inherently unhealthy, especially recently with many organic, lower calorie and lower sodium options. I ate them several nights a week growing up because I had two (educated, upper middle class) parents who worked long hours and frozen dinners were something I could prepare myself, even as a young child. They chose dinners that had vegetables and other healthy components. I’m slim, my mom is slim, my dad is overweight but so are most people in his family and he never exercises. Genetics and exercise play a huge role in health and weight as well.
Anonymous says
+1000
Anonymous says
Look, I grew up lower middle class in this country, child of immigrants. We ate out maybe once or twice a year, usually Domino’s pizza. Give poor people more credit. You can cook nutritious, CHEAP foods like beans, lentils, rice that are way better for you than fast food. I understand that there are huge time constraints and at the end of the day it is far easier to eat at McD’s than cook a meal, but it can be done. Maybe not every day, but it can be done.
Anonymous says
I’m not a nutritionist, but I’m not sure beans and rice are better than a salad from McDonalds. I wouldn’t imagine there are many vitamins in beans and rice.
And I don’t think poor first gen immigrants can be lumped in with most other poor people in America. They’re usually only poor because of their recent immigrant status/possible language barrier and the second generation is usually well-educated and much better off. That’s different than poor people whose parents were poor and whose children will (generally) also be poor.
Anonymous says
I think there is a segment of this country who are so poor and in food deserts that don’t have access to basic foods we take for granted. For them, it is certainly easier to go to McDs than anything else, and who can blame them for that.
BUT, there is also a large segment of this country who can afford to cook and who do have access to fresh produce and yet still end up at McDs/Taco Bell/Jack in the Box several days a week, with kids in tow. This is what I find very troubling. We get it, life gets busy, but it’s not that hard to make a big batch of chili or chicken in the crockpot and keep it for several meals that week. Americans need to take more accountability for the poor food choices they make.
Finally, the vast majority of people at McDs are not buying a salad, so your analogy is silly. Beans have tons of fiber and one of the best sources of vegetarian protein that is also satiating. Pick up any book on nutrition and that’s what you will find.
Anonymous says
My best friend lives in France and feeds her toddler nothing but pasta, bread and cheese… he’s probably more open to new tastes than my toddler and tries things like foie gras that would gross out most American kids, but I haven’t really seen any evidence that he’s healthier than the average American kid. If anything, I think it’s probably a higher fat diet because French people eat lots of high fat foods (they’re just better at eating them in moderation than Americans are). Toddlers get picky and like cheesy, carby stuff. It’s developmentally normal behavior regardless of where you live.
lawsuited says
There are frequent threads on this very page about what ready-to-eat meals people love from Trader Joe’s or Whole Foods or wherever because it’s so tough for working parents to juggle long work hours, commutes, day care pick up, after school activities, etc. with preparing a meal. There is a “healthiness” difference between a ready-to-eat meal from Trader Joe’s and a happy meal from MacDonald’s, but there’s also a corresponding price and availability difference. I don’t think any parent who needs the convenience of prepared or mostly-prepared meals, but can afford Trader Joe’s or Whole Foods or Blue Apron or whatever, is in any position to judge a parent who needs the same convenience but can only afford MacDonald’s.
Anonymous says
Yes. And even the people here who are cooking homemade foods are probably outsourcing cleaning and lawncare and other chores. If you don’t have the money to outsource your chores, you don’t have as much time to cook. Going to McDonalds as a convenient option doesn’t mean you’re down to your last few dollars.
octagon says
I’m not sure exactly what you mean by “fruit gummy” in #1, but if it is a gummy vitamin, then I think you are good on #4.
Anonymous says
If it makes you feel better, my 8 month old hates veggies and will only eat fruit and yogurt. Every doctor and mom I’ve talked to has told me it’s impossible for her to be picky at this age, but she screams when veggies come anywhere near her face. We offer them every day but she never eats any. I guess if I were Europe it would all be ok though (eyeroll).
Spirograph says
#2 and 3 are kind of awesome. Go you!
#4. I made mac and cheese for dinner the other night because I just didn’t feel like fighting food battles after doing more adventurous and grown-up things the previous few days. My 5 year old promptly declared he HATES mac and cheese (wtf, since when?), and only ate vegetables and hummus. The hummus I’d made for one of the adventurous meals, that he refused to eat at the time. I can’t win.
Anonymous says
The secret is that they always hate whatever it is you are trying to get them to eat, and want whatever you aren’t currently trying to convince them to consume.
Clementine says
HAHAHA! BTW- I kind of love the ‘yeah, we’re trying’ vibe that this comment string has. The Mac and Cheese/PBJ thing is because sometimes I just don’t have the energy to make a dinner, fight with you about what you’re going to eat, then feed you 4 snacks at 9PM because you’re so hungry you can’t sleep. (And yes, the snacks are as boring as possible.)
Honestly, if I want my kid to eat something, I put it on my plate. He will literally eat ANYTHING on my plate. Blackened Cajun Salmon? If it’s on mommy’s plate! Egg sandwiches? He’ll eat an entire one of mine. If it’s his/on his plate – He’ll eat the cheese off and poke his finger in the sandwich.
Anon says
I did not eat any vegetables other than corn, potatoes and iceberg lettuce (none of which I really consider to be vegetables of any value), with the occasional overcooked broccoli piece slathered in cheese sauce, until my high school years and I think I turned out OK. My kid gets at least 1-2 fruits or vegetables a day and sometimes more (and I totally count banana bread and applesauce in that) and I call it a win.
CPA Lady says
As far as 4 goes, I think it’s fine.
My sister and I subsisted on cereal, PB&Js, crackers, etc. for years because my mom is cheap, not a foodie, and only likes boring food. So that’s all that was in the house. My sister and I turned out fine. We both eat anything now that we have the opportunity and have all the qualities that judgey Euro lady up there thinks we can’t possibly have because of our SAD diets. It’s actually fun to lightly traumatize my mom and aunt when they come visit me by feeding them exotic foods like guacamole or hummus or taking them to the “weird” taco restaurant. (I wish I were kidding.)
Anonymous says
My parents think avocados are “exotic” too! Lol.
Anon says
I sneak vegetables in for my mother when I cook for her in the same way I sneak vegetables in for my toddler (and occasionally my husband as well). Food processor to get the texture obliterated is key!
Anonymous says
My mom and I would make choc chip zucchini bread and tell my dad it was just chocolate chip bread. He ate it for a long time until he found out it had zucchini and he freaked and stopped eating it.
lawsuited says
My paed told me that a “balanced diet” for toddlers means eating from each food group every week, not at every meal or even every day. So that made me feel a lot better.
Anonymous says
My ped something similar.
Rice and beans says
To “I’m not a nutritionist, but…” No kidding you’re not a nutritionist!!!! Beans and rice are one of the healthiest basic foods on the planet. They contain folate, magnesium, iron, potassium and zinc. Beans and rice together make a complete protein (ie equivalent to an animal protein) with less fat and ton more fiber. If you add corn (for lysine and a couple other amino acids), the occasional Omega-3 based fat, you’ve basically got the perfect diet.
Rice and beans is thousand times healthier than a salad from McDonalds. Put it on a corn tortilla with some avocado and it’s the perfect meal. (It’s also basically what toddlers ate when my mom and grandma were growing up , because it was so easy.)
Anonanonanon says
I could dig that skirt for the weekend maybe? with pointy flats and a white vneck tee or something? It’s something I would probably think was cute on another mom at the park but wouldn’t ever try myself.
Knope says
I don’t like the striped version, but I have this skirt in a salmon-pink color (got it maybe a year ago) and I LOVE it. I get compliments on it all the time. I style it in the way you suggest. (the styling in the photo is bizarre!)
Anonanonanon says
That sounds really pretty! Was it from Target?
Knope says
Yep! The exact same skirt in the post, just a different color than the ones they have available now.
Pogo says
Yes! I have that one from Target. It is pretty and it has kind of a 20s vibe with the length.
lsw says
I disagree it looks more expensive than it is … the color of the hemstitch makes it look cheap to me.
Anonanonanon says
Couple’s counseling comes up a lot on here, and I want to hear opinions on if you view it more as treatment or preventive care? AKA is it the flu shot or Tamiflu?
Situation: My husband grew up with a mother who continues to be emotionally abusive to this day. If she is displeased (over something that would literally not even be worth bringing up to a normal person) she will give her children the silent treatment… sometimes for actual years. OR she will sulk around and refuse to speak to you but not say what you’ve done to displease her. OR, she’ll tell you what you’ve done, but instead of “you said ____ and it felt a bit insensitive and it hurt my feelings” it’s “you’re horrible and you’ve always been horrible and mean”. I’m not exaggerating. (IMPORTANT NOTE: she has not done any of the above to me except the silent treatment, at which point my husband promptly told her she could not treat his wife like that and asked her to leave our home. She has not spoken to us or seen her grandchildren since).
Anyway, I view the silent treatment and/or sulking around obviously mad at someone but refusing to talk about it to be emotionally manipulative at best, if not emotionally abusive. My husband, understandably, thinks that holding in when someone has hurt your feelings (even if it means you’re visibly miserable and upset) is how you handle things. I prefer to go “hey, when you said ____earlier it hurt my feelings. I tried to get over it, but I’m still feeling sad about it”. That obviously makes him very uncomfortable, and a bit defensive, because he’s never experienced that and doesn’t know what an appropriate reaction should be. He’ll basically be like “No it didn’t” or “don’t say it’s my fault”. I’m sure, internally, he’s bracing for the “AND YOU’RE A HORRIBLE PERSON” follow-on he grew up with.
Anyway, believe it or not, this hasn’t created a huge problem. I usually take some time, and within a few hours he comes to me and says “look, I really am sorry. I really didn’t mean to hurt your feelings when I said ____, I see now what you were saying about how you took it, and I didn’t do a great job of listening”. However… in the interval it takes him to apologize… I feel my heart harden toward him. And it only 90% softens after the apology. I’m worried that remaining 10% is going to accumulate over time, and I don’t want it to. I would certainly qualify us as “happily married”. 99% of the time I cannot believe how lucky we are to have each other. I just want to make sure I continue to feel that way.
Is this a couples counseling problem, or something I should encourage him to seek his own counseling for? I feel like maybe if he heard a third party say “the silent treatment or being demonstrably upset with someone and refusing to tell them why is not acceptable behavior” he would work to make sure he doesn’t do that, and would also come to realize that how his mother treats her children is not OK, and not what he deserves.
Anonymous says
Couples counseling in both tamiflu and the flu shot. Books by John Gottman are really useful if you don’t want to see a counselor right now.
Your DH is his own person, he is not your MIL.
I’ve done couples counselling, and I think you need to rethink your views. Trying to force someone to discuss something when they are not ready can be emotionally manipulative. My DH had your views and would often want to discuss things when I was upset or not in a good place. The counsellor worked with him to help him understand that it was normal for people to need some time to cool off after an argument or to not be able to deal with an upsetting topic in certain situations and to stop resenting if I did not engage with him exactly how and when he wanted. We often schedule discussions on upsetting topics in advance and DH is much better about understanding and accepting that when I say I can’t continue talking about something, I need to have a break.
“hey, when you said ____earlier it hurt my feelings. I tried to get over it, but I’m still feeling sad about it” – this is totally reasonable but it might be a day or two before someone is able to articulate that. That doesn’t mean they can completely ignore you in the meantime if you have to function as co-parents but it is fair to park an issue until both parties are ready to deal with it.
Anonymous says
I have to agree that it’s not fair/right for you to force your method of conflict resolution on your husband or to have the attitude that your way is the only correct way. If you’re bothered by your conflict resolution as a couple enough, seek counseling. I know I’m going to get blasted for this, but you really sound like you always have to be right…your conflict resolution is the right way, your husband must apologize over everything, etc. It’s okay to disagree on issues and move on. Not every conflict in marriage will always have 100% closure. It’s just the way it is.
lsw says
I don’t look at it as a couples counseling “problem” but more of a way to give you guys additional tools for something you know is a potential issue in your relationship. It sounds like you are both doing an awesome job handling a difficult situation that neither of you are at fault for, but it sounds to me like there’s nothing to lose (and potentially some great things to gain) by talking about this with a therapist. I’m in therapy personally and I’ve found it valuable for identifying patterns of response in myself and talking about new ways to respond or look at situations (sorry if that sounds vague). My therapist will often suggest new ways of responding to a situation or ask a simple question that’s like turning on a light bulb for me. I think my husband and I have a great relationship and I still find value in some of the “aha” moments in therapy.
DLC says
My husband and I go to therapy together and he goes to see our therapist by himself as well. He started going to see her after both his parents passed away suddenly and unexpectedly, and after six months it was clear that there were issues that would be helpful for me to come along for as well.
I find that it is a good way to get perspective and to help me think about what my husband is going through and how what I do affects him and vice versa. Also she helps me remember that usually there is no right and wrong, just different people. And you can’t change people.
I once read that therapy is like car maintenance- and if your car made a noise that you questioned, you would take it in to a mechanic. Similarly, if your brain is making a noise (even a small one), it is helpful for someone to help you unpack it.
anon8 says
I think your husband could benefit from individual counseling. But couples counseling could help you give tools to better communicate with each other.
So that remaining 10% of your heart hardening…I think that could really be an issue over time if you continue to let that build up over the years. That may be something you need to address individually as well.
Does your husband give you the silent treatment in those few hours before apologizing? If so, that’s not good. It would be better to say he needs some time to process and think about things.
Anonanonanon says
I think you last sentence (and the comment from Anonymous above) really pointed out to me what my “ask” needs to be. If he’s not ready to talk about the issue when I bring it up, I think it’s fair for him to say “I’m not in a place where I feel like I can appropriately address this right now. Give me some time” not just… go “well it shouldn’t have hurt your feelings” and dismiss me. Thanks guys, that gives me a concrete ask to communicate.
Anonymous says
Moms of preschool girls, what do your girls’ cold weather wardrobes look like? Kiddo is about to turn 3, and I really need to get some fall clothes for her. In the past we’ve done leggings and tunics/dresses. almost exclusively But it suddenly occurs to me that the tunics/dresses could be hard for her with potty training and going to the potty herself this winter. She recently sat on the potty at home in a dress (which she wears all the time), and asked me to help her keep it out of the way. Is this a big deal, or will she learn soon enough and I should go with our usual formula? Any recommendations on non-jean, non-legging pants? Since she’s so used to leggings, she goes crazy if she has to wear something as constricting as jeans (word), but she might finally be getting too old to continue leggings as pants. Thoughts?
Anonymous says
Mine wore dresses and leggings almost exclusively while potty training and had no issues. She will figure it out quickly.
OP says
Thanks. I was kind of thinking that would probably be the case, but also didn’t know if this was something that was an actual thing that I am clueless about.
anon says
IMO, she totally can continue wearing leggings as pants. That’s the default uniform for my 4-year-old’s entire class.
Last winter, DD wore a lot of leggings with dresses and tunics, or leggings with long-sleeved tees. She learned how to move the dresses out of her way for pottying. DD absolutely refuses to wear jeans or anything heavier than a jegging, even when it’s freezing outside. (She will make an exception for jeans at the grandparents’ farm or the pumpkin patch … those are her “farm clothes,” according to her.)
On really cold days, most kids ended up wearing snow pants over their regular pants for recess, even if it wasn’t actually snowy.
I have a total girly-girl who turns up her nose at t-shirts, which is so very hard for this jeans-and-tees mama to understand. :)
AwayEmily says
My daughter also did not like dresses while potty training.
There are a lot of hybrids between leggings and pants — like, looser leggings with pockets. Target has some (link below). The toddler leggings from uniqlo are also great for this.
https://www.target.com/p/toddler-girls-leggings-cat-jack-153-spring-olive-12m/-/A-53435404
That being said, I think she’s totally fine with leggings as pants for years to come if that’s what she’s comfortable in.
anon says
Those are really cute!
rakma says
Old Navy has some cute joggers in toddler sizes which I got for my younger daughter, but still looking for an equivalent for my older one. I often shop the boy’s section for pants that are not leggings but also don’t have buttons, DD1 is willing to wear sweatpants under a dress (anything as long as she can still wear the dress! She can rarely be talked into a t-shirt, I had to start calling tunics shirt-dresses so they passed muster) so I just go with it.
Redux says
I came here to say this, re: the boys’ section. I am astounded at how thin girls’ leggings are, as if there is no winter where girls go. We have a mix of fleece-lined leggings (my kid’s favorite) and sweatpants from the boys’ section.
lawsuited says
+1 Joggers and jeggings from Old Navy are my formula. I joke (joke!) that jeans are child abuse.
Anonymous says
Carters has heavy weight fleecy leggings that I pair with long sleeve t-shirt and short sleeve t-shirt underneath.
H&M also has some good heavyweight leggings.
EB0220 says
My kids will wear yoga pants that are slightly baggier than leggings but that’s it. I usually do buy a size that’s loose enough for them to easily pull the leggings up and down. Long sleeved shirts or dresses are our default tops. My kids did ramp down the dresses during potty training, but that’s such a short time. My oldest is 6 and as far as I can tell leggings as pants is still the norm with her friends.
CPA Lady says
Something that did not occur to me around this point last year (when my kid was about to turn 3) is that she was going to start having strong opinions of her own.
This was an extremely rude awakening and she has straight up refused to wear about 2/3 of the summer clothes I got for her. Unwaveringly. They are sitting unworn in a box, and the remaining 1/3 (all dresses) have been worn into the ground.
So… this might seem crazy, but you may want to ask your daughter’s opinion if she’s even giving the slightest indication that she may be developing opinions.
OP says
Oh yes, she’s totally going shopping with me for fall clothes. She refuses to wear a bunch of her summer stuff that, IMHO, is absolutely adorable. I think she’ll do okay if I tell her, “you can pick 2 dresses and 3 shirts” or whatever. She picks out her shoes with me on Zappos now. But you’re totally right…I should ask in advance what she’d prefer to make the list.
TBH, going shopping and picking out clothes with my daughter is basically my dream.
anon says
I have learned this lesson the hard (and expensive) way. Bottom line: Don’t buy too much of any one kind of thing.
KateMiddletown says
Never too old for leggings as pants! In preschool my daughter did leggings with T-shirt’s, and while I would not wear that “look” myself, it worked for her. (And tunics weren’t too bad, but my daughter is tall so they wore more like swingy/trapeze tops.)
Anonymous says
My 3 year old son is wearing leggings and a t-shirt today, as is half his class. The uniqlo ones are easy up/down when potty training (although not quite as easy as sweatpants/joggers).
Curious says
For moms of boys, at what age did you stop letting them see you undressed? Son is almost 6 and will sometimes come in while I’m showering or see me when I’m getting out of the shower. But more often, he will see in my undergarments while I’m getting dressed. He seems to care less and I feel the same but am wondering at what point should I be covering up more.
anon says
He’ll let you know when it’s time. Usually by squealing how gross you look. ;)
Anonymous says
I am wondering about this too. I have a son of the same age, and am similarly laissez faire up to now. Our local pool recently put signs up in the locker rooms that kids of the opposite sex are not allowed in the locker room over the age of 5, which surprised me.
Anonymous says
I would be surprised if there weren’t such a rule. I am not comfortable with school-aged boys in the women’s locker room. Our pool has a separate family changing room for parents with opposite-gender children over the age of 5.
Anon says
Our gym and pool lets no opposite gender children of any age in the locker room, but they also have a rather large family locker room with about 8 changing rooms and 30 lockers that makes that okay.
IO says
Most of the pools I’ve been to in my life are either no opposite sex children or none over 5. Once when I was teaching swimming in college a dad tried to insist on coming into the women’s room to change his four year old daughter. He wouldn’t take her into the boys room at all. (And instead of dealing with it, my boss made me help this kid get changed every week for the summer with no additional pay.)
mascot says
Our kid is 8 and I am starting to feel a little more need for modesty for actual nudity. Our solution has been to work on the expectation of privacy. Closed doors mean that you knock and ask permission to enter. You can also ask someone to leave the room so that you can get dressed, etc. Undergarments cover about as much as swimwear so those don’t bother me as much.
Anonanonanon says
My son is 8 as well and I’m in the same place. I do not let him see me nude anymore (he saw a bit when I was BFing the new baby but that’s different), but he is old enough to understand “just a second, I’m changing!”
Sometimes in the morning rush it’s unavoidable for him to see me buttoning up a shirt at the same time I’m reminding him to put something in his backpack or whatever, and that seems fine. I think if I was just walking around in my underthings it would be different, but the act of getting dressed puts it in context?
Edna Mazur says
I’m struggling with this too. Mine is 4.5 and I’m not super sure how to handle it. My husband and I have always bathed our kiddos by taking them into the shower with us. The only thing I’ve decided is that for the him, I’ll give him his own shower time, although will reach in and scrub him, but if he climbs in with me during my shower (which happens all the time) it will be ok. I won’t undress in front of him, but if he comes in while I’m undressing and doesn’t leave because he is ok with it that is fine. Basically I don’t want to put him in the position of having to tell me he is uncomfortable seeing me undressed (or being uncomfortable but afraid to say). Excited to see if anyone else has other ideas.
anon says
Speaking of clothing, I’ve noticed a weird thing with my kiddo. I’ve bought her a few comfy cotton dresses from Hanna and Tea (on deep discount), but she really prefers her cheap dresses from H&M, Kohl’s and Target. I love the idea of buying higher-quality items, but what’s the point if she doesn’t want to wear them? I wonder if the cheaper, thinner fabric is comfier, or something. It’s puzzling.
M in DC says
I also recently bought some Tea leggings for my toddler and while they’re excellent quality they seem super tight/constricting – maybe that’s part of it?
Anonymous says
+1 to tea being cut tight. I’ve gone to only picking up their trapeze dresses since my kid won’t wear their other styles.
Anon says
My daughter likes the cheaper (thinner) dresses because they twirl better.
Also some of those thicker fabric dresses are heavy! If your daughter is active, sometimes it’s hard to run fast or climb on the playground with an extra pound or two of fabric. My daughter used to hate tshirts like the ones mentioned above, until her school started organizing pickup soccer games at recess. She can’t run as fast when she wears heavier dresses (and fancy shoes) so now she prefers athletic wear and tennis shoes. My little dress-hating-heart is secretly thrilled.
anon says
Actually, that makes a lot of sense — both the twirling, and the heaviness of nicer dresses. She is a very active little girl who is constantly on the run and loves to climb.
DLC says
My 6 year old daughter prefers the Target stuff because she likes the way they look, all neon, sequins and princesses.
Pogo says
To what extent do you try to hide the fact that your kids are there if you get an unexpected work call? I got a call at 6pm last night, while I was making dinner and husband wasn’t home yet. LO was playing quietly and calmly, so I just took the call and tried to keep an eye on him while far enough away that if he squealed it wouldn’t be super obvious.
At the same time, it was 6pm, and it isn’t crazy to think I’d be home with my family at that point. It wasn’t client facing. I’m probably overthinking this, but I just worried it would be unprofessional if my colleague heard me say something to my son or heard him cry in the background.
In these situations, do you take the call but tell the person you have to call them back? (after LO is asleep or another caregiver arrives) Or do you risk it and hope no crisis erupts while you are on the call?
Anonymous says
Generally, I think it’s okay, although it’s a know-your-colleagues thing. Earlier in my career, when I was a junior associate with a toddler (very rare in my firm), I would sort of try to hide it (not awesome, but I was just starting out and felt really nervous about it). Now, if there is kid background noise on a phone call in the evening, I don’t worry — it’s not a secret that I have kids or would be home with them in the evenings.
anne-on says
I think it is a know your organization thing, but for calls early or late (or on snow days/holidays) it is totally normal for us to hear people’s kids/pets in the background. I’ve also heard partners announce that they’re happy to talk but that you might hear some kid noise in the background. I wouldn’t announce it, but I wouldn’t apologize for it either just – ‘one sec, I’m at home and I need to attend to x/y/z child need for one second’.
Edna Mazur says
If it is my own company, none at all. My husband and I work opposite shifts. I have a family, I spend time with them in the evenings, this shouldn’t be stigmatized. Regular kid noise, totally OK. Screaming, I’d tell them I need to call them back.
I am fortunate in that I am the client in my position, so when speaking with external counsel, I’ll generally give a heads up that they may hear some kid noise. Usually these are conference calls so I’ll mute when not needing to speak.
Anonanonanon says
I usually ask my older child to be quiet but I can’t ask the baby to, obviously. If I’m at my older son’s practice and someone calls, for example, I don’t say “I’m at my son’s baseball practice” but I might say “Excuse the background noise, I’m out in public”. If the baby squeals I don’t say anything about it. They can (maybe?) tell what the noise is, and it’s not unreasonable that she’s there at 7pm, and I’m not going to apologize for it or explain it.
I usually only say I need to call back later if it’s A. something that can wait and B. requires me to pull out a computer. I’m not going to stop in the middle of dinner to hunt down and send a document someone else should have kept track of. That’s when I might say “I have that saved on my computer. I’m not somewhere I’m able to pull it out at the moment, but I will dig it up and shoot it your way (later tonight, tomorrow morning, whenever)”. If it’s a question I can answer quickly, they can just be grateful that I answered on my personal time and was willing to help them out.
Anon says
It’s a know your colleague, know your situation thing. I work from home one day a week and frequently on mornings and evenings. During the workday, I shut the doors to the office, kick the baby and my husband out to another room (with instructions to be quiet) and it’s fine – if I’m not doing super intensive work they wander in and out not unlike my colleagues at the office. If it’s a night or morning not core work hours and my husband isn’t available to hold or supervise her, and if it’s a client, I probably call them back after I put the baby in a safe play area (PNP, playard, crib, etc.) and I walk away to the opposite end of the house and shut the door behind me so any noise is quiet. If it’s a co-worker, they all know I have kids so I usually just mention my daughter is around and then mute when I’m not talking.
Anonymous says
I don’t at all unless it is a pre-scheduled telephone call and something unexpectedly came up. It really doesn’t matter what time it is. I’m fortunate to have good relationships with coworkers and (most) clients, and we all get that everyone is balancing life every day. If the situation is such that it would be disruptive, I’ll answer calls from coworkers but not always from clients (depends on the situation/who it is). I’m okay with that because I often work early mornings and late evenings. It’s all a balance.
DLC says
This is one of those questions where I wonder, “What would a man do?” Because I feel like I would apologize for it in a way that a man might not.
GCA says
The trouble is, one may also be judged for it in a way that a man might not…
GCA says
Definitely a know your organization thing, but if it’s internal to my company, I don’t worry about trying to hide it unless it becomes disruptive. It’s a small company and about a third of us are parents of elementary-aged or younger kids, including my boss. With clients, it’s usually a conference call so I mute when I don’t have to speak.
FVNC says
I had my own, low-stakes version of the BBC video incident when my then-four yr old bopped into my home office before my husband could stop her while I was on a video conference. Internal participants only, thankfully, and it was fine. For external clients I would probably not answer if I had the kiddos and call back after their bedtimes. I don’t tend to have unexpected after-hours emergencies with external clients. Only internal fire drills!
dc anon says
Do you help reinforce what your kid is learning in school? Kiddo is in a new school and we don’t really know what they cover during their lessons. I am used to her old school where the teachers would tell us about the general theme for the week and we would help at home by talking about the topics. For example, if the theme was “things at a farm,” we would talk about farm stuff, maybe check out farm books at the library, and go to the farmer’s market. The new school does not communicate as much. I also don’t do drop off, so I don’t get to see the main teacher. The assistants that are there when I come for pick up have no idea what’s going on. Ugh, rant. I just wish I could be more involved.
avocado says
In preschool, there was no way I was going to bother reinforcing the theme of the week at home. I considered preschool a form of outsourcing for themed arts and crafts and that sort of thing. I would try to get my kid to tell me about what they were doing in school, but at home we did our own activities that I thought were interesting or important and weren’t keyed to what they were doing at school.
Spirograph says
This.
Our preschool has a monthly newsletter where the teachers might say “next month in the 3 year old class, we are learning about different types of vehicles!” but I consider it a fun fact, not anything that guides our family activities.
KateMiddletown says
+1 I think pre-school (and K to an extent) curriculum are there to teach/reinforce real life lessons. If you happen to go to a farm on the weekend or read a book about barnyard animals or watch a Sesame Street episode about sheep, your kid will have a great base of knowledge from which to draw. The idea is that they’ll retain the information (aka what a sheep says and what a cow looks like) so that when they’re confronted with a sheep or a cow in another context they can refer back, even if they don’t go to a farm until their 2nd grade field trip.
Anonymous says
I don’t unless I am asked to do something.
Anonymous says
What age? In elementary school, I help with homework but usually only if I’m asked by the teacher or my kids. In preschool, I wouldn’t have dreamed of it. I’m of the mind that “school” before age 5 is not really school.
Anonymous says
My 3 year old’s class does show and tell. So once a week, she takes something in. They ask, if possible, that we coordinate the item with the color, shape, and/or letter of the week. So we reinforce those things by making a big deal out of picking out her show and tell item. That’s about it on a regular basis.
SC says
I don’t make an effort to reinforce a particular week’s preschool theme. But, frequently, Kiddo will express interest at home about a school activity, and we just go with whatever he’s interested in. For example, lately, he’s been asking us what’s inside an acorn. (“What? Well, it’s a seed, so it has all the vitamins and energy it needs to start growing a new tree.”) And last night, he announced “C is for carrot!” and then started going back and forth with us on what letter different things in our kitchen start with. This morning at drop-off, DH learned that Kiddo is obsessed with a new activity where an acorn has a particular letter on it, and the acorn opens, and you find a little plastic toy that starts with the same letter and put it inside the acorn. Oh. Well, that makes more sense.
Daycare Movie? says
I picked up my almost-3 year old from daycare yesterday, and when I got to his classroom, the class was watching a movie (something animated about robots) on the teacher’s phone. The phone was propped up on a shelf so all the kids could see it, and it was hooked up to a speaker that seemed to belong to the school.
I have never seen them watch a movie at daycare before. I was very surprised and pretty disappointed. We were very strict about no screen time until he was 2, and after 2 we allow very limited tv. I really like to save tv for when I’m solo parenting and need a few minutes to get ready. I feel like daycare should not be using my last-resort entertainment methods….
I don’t think the teacher thought there was anything wrong with this, because she was doing it at pickup time when she knew parents would see, and the classroom is such that any of the administration/her bosses could see as well.
We have been at this daycare since he was 3 months old, and I picked it because we loved the infant care. As he has gotten older, I’ve been less impressed… after he moved out of the toddler room and is now in the preschool group, I feel like the teachers are harried and distracted, and I feel like he doesn’t get the care and attention I want him to have. I haven’t been able to pinpoint why I feel that way, but the movie thing was a good example.
Should I look for another daycare? I hesitate because he has dear friends in his class that he’s been with since birth, PLUS his little brother is in the crawler room– and I still really love the infant and toddler care there. And I don’t want to do two dropoffs/two pickups. Any thoughts please?
Anonymous says
If you’re concerned, I’d ask. I’m not as anti-screen, but I do prefer to limit it. I think some daycares, especially once they’re more in a preschool room, will use limited screens to help teach a lesson. Similar to the random videos we watched in elementary school once every few weeks or less. It could just be that this week’s theme was robots, but the teacher had limited resources. I’d investigate more before getting too upset.
Anonymous says
When my kid was in pre-k, and perhaps, to a lesser extent, in the 4’s class, they would watch movies on special occasions (e.g., pre-holidays, they had a PJ party and watched the Grinch, or they would watch some soccer during the World Cup, and watched some videos as part of “research” on the computer), which I thought was totally fine. Maybe a bit less so for a not-yet-3-year-old. I would ask the admin and/or teachers about what the policy is about movies and go from there. I think that movies can be a *limited* part of the curriculum or a fun event, not, like you say, as last-resort entertainment. If this is part of a general theme of the teachers not having the capacity to engage with and handle the preschoolers, that’s not great. My two cents is that if you pull one kid out, you should do it for both. Two drop offs and pick-ups (plus different schedules, policies, etc.) is not something to take on lightly, and kids make new friends.
Anonymous says
I’d talk to the daycare. In our 2-year-old room they still get daily sheets of their activities and once every couple weeks it will say “watched truck video (6 minutes)” or whatnot. I’m generally okay with this because it related to whatever the daily/weekly theme is, is always under 10 minutes, and they’re upfront about it. Maybe you can find out how often/how long they do it?
Anonanonanon says
This is something that would have bothered me a lot more with my first, but after seeing what’s out there childcare-wise, I’m A LOT more lenient when it comes to things like movies or cake for birthdays etc.
If it were every day and new (which it sounds like it IS new), I might ask about the change. However, if it was a place I knew my child was safe, the teachers cared, staff stuck around consistently, etc. I would let it slide, because it’s hard to find good childcare. I’ve learned I really have to weigh what is most important to me. The place my older son goes for the summer and before/after school care does 2 and up, and I’ve seen the occasional little TV show or “visual book” being shown to the lil’ ones. However, the staff have all been there for years, NEVER raise their voice or seem overwhelmed/stressed, and are always so pleasant to the children. If they need 30 minutes of the children calm in front of a show to maintain that, I’m all for it. I’ve realized that part of putting my children in outside care is that things will never be 100% the way I think I would have done it myself.
She may have needed to complete paperwork about an incident that happened, or some other extenuating circumstance where it was safer/easier for the children to get a “treat” of a movie than to let them run around while she’s distracted. They should tell you if that was the case when you ask about it.
Anon says
+1. Look around, but you’ll have to balance what you can find with knowing it won’t be 100% the way you would do it yourself.
FWIW, my national chain daycare allowed phone videos for precisely the kid of scenario mentioned – teacher needs to do paperwork or tend to an individual child. Sometimes it happened a couple times a week (when there was a new student in the class or when weather had been horrible, so less outside time meant certain kids acted up more) and sometimes it was months without a video. We knew of the Baby Shark video years ago because my 2 yo at the time came home from their unit on oceans singing it, so I suspect it was used then as a fun way to add to the curriculum.
I use screens at home since I solo parent 90% of the time, and I always justified it because they didn’t get any screen time at school. Turns out they were getting screen time at school too, but in a very limited way. I was okay with that since I loved the teachers, the location, the hours, etc. You’ll have to figure out your own level of comfort.
Aly says
I’d talk about it with the day care. I had this situation occur to me just a couple months ago. My child care provider told me that they watched Babe. I was not happy. We are fairly strict no screen. So, then I had a conversation about it. Well, it made sense. There was an air quality warning in my city and the kids could not go outside for almost a week. They were all getting stir crazy. Special circumstances, you know? I said I understood in this circumstance, but I would not like for it to be a habit. Child care provider agreed. All is cool now.
KateMiddletown says
Babe is SCARY. Not sure that was the best pick!
Jeffiner says
Daycares in my city tend to have a lot of turnover, even the good ones. Last year my child’s daycare was short-staffed, especially for the late-pickup kids. After 4:00 or so they would combine some classes, and the older kids’ group would watch a movie. They have since hired more staff, and don’t do that anymore. I mentioned it the first time I saw it, and they offered to move my daughter to the younger kids’ group (she was 2.5), but I decided a movie and the end of the day was not a deal breaker for me.
I have also sometimes seen the teacher’s phone propped up on a shelf, but she uses it to Disney music videos and they have dance parties, which I’m totally ok with.
Emily says
I have this skirt, and I wear it to work with a tucked-in black t-shirt and heels, and I always get SO many compliments.
Anonymous says
Do any of you have experience sending your kids to a daycare/preschool affiliated with a university where the child development faculty and grad students sometimes come in to use the kids in their research studies? DH and I both are affiliated with a university, and the university run daycare is like this. You get info about each experiment in advance and can opt out, but it was made clear to me that you shouldn’t enroll your child unless you generally want to participate. I don’t know how wild I am about my child being a lab rat, but in many other ways this daycare seems to be the best in the area and matches up well with what I want (no screen time, organic meal options, teachers all have college degrees, etc).
Anonymous says
I did. It turned out that experiments were rare, and they tended to seem interesting and fun for the kids so I always consented. It was such a fantastic day care that it would have been worth letting her be a lab rat much more often.
Anonymous says
It’s the absolute best care you’ll find. Go for it.
OP says
That was my gut feeling. I loved it when I visited.
Redux says
I have a friend who conducts language development studies on babies in a research lab. The studies are non-invasive and super brief (a few minutes at a time) and generally look like play. I would have no problem with my child regularly helping with her important research so long as I knew in advance what was up. In fact, the studies are usually one-on-one time with an adult which is, frankly, more one-on-one time than most infants get in childcare setting.
The only thing that might give me pause would be to ensure that all the adults that have access to my children have been vetted in some way. That there is a background check and screening done, two adults are always present, and my child never leaves the classroom/daycare with anyone.
DLC says
My 20 month old son participates in several studies, and I like it and find the research interesting. (I initially signed him up for something to do when I was on maternity leave and to get us out of the house.). Some of the studies we’ve done do involve watching videos. For example, one was a video of two people talking with made up words so they can track how babies react to certain sentence structures. Each video is maybe 5-10 minutes long. All the studies we’ve done have been very well explained beforehand and we are told we can always stop at any time. I would enroll and then just take the opt out option at face value and use it- unless they say explicitly in writing on your contract that your child must participate, you always can say no if it is important to you.
Anonymous says
I would go for it.
I registered my kids with the local university’s child and language development labs so they can let us know if the kids are in the age window for any studies. I really enjoy taking them; I like supporting scientific inquiry and learning about the research. Like others have said, studies are designed to be non-harmful, and the child’s involvement is usually pretty short and play-based. Watching quick videos, interacting with puppets, playing little game. The only thing I passed on was one where they wanted my kid to wear an ankle monitor 24/7 for a week to record activity.
anon says
University daycares are wonderful. Our family used one for five years. I wouldn’t hesitate — early childhood researchers are not going to create a “lab rat” situation for your children. Any research involving human subjects (that’s the clinical term) is subject to review and scrutiny to make sure the research project is above-board and not harmful to the participants.
Sarabeth says
Our kids are in a daycare like this. The studies are not as frequent as at some other ones I’m familiar with (this one was set up with daycare as the primary purpose, and the study population as a side benefit; at my graduate school, the dynamic was the other way around). But they have been totally noninvasive and fun so far. The only one I opted out of had to to do with obesity stuff; it would have included a diet questionaire, and food is already something that I spend a lot of energy working to not make a power struggle with my kid, so I just didn’t want any reinforcement that adults care what she eats.
Anonymous says
This may be a dumb question, but what do you use to carry snacks or send your (little) kids with to school/daycare for lunch? All the lunch box Tupperware or glass seems huge for the amount I’m sending my one year old with. I am looking for something like those munchkin snack containers but with two sides. It seems like an easy ask but I can’t find anything like what I’m envisioning.
Anonymous says
https://www.amazon.com/OXO-Tot-Divided-Feeding-Removable/dp/B004QZBEAA/ref=sr_1_1_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1537462450&sr=8-1&keywords=oxo%2Btot%2Bdivided%2Bfeeding%2Bdish&th=1
We have a couple of these. We actually use them less than I thought we would (opting for single containers instead of the divided), but it sounds like what you’re looking for.
Anonymous says
Sistema makes a nice small two-compartment container, available at Target and BB&B.
DLC says
+1. Yes, the Sistema ones with two compartments are what we’ve used for three or four year now. The rubber gasket has come out of ours, but as long as we aren’t putting in wet stuff, they’ve worked great for us.
Anon says
Bumkins reusable snack bags in the small size. They don’t work for liquids like applesauce or yogurt, but otherwise are great.
IO says
I use these. They’re supposedly for dieting, but they have several small (and two tiny!) boxes. They are not really dishwasher safe though.
https://www.amazon.com/Live-Smart-Kitchen-Multi-Colored-Container/dp/B017GRC6DS
LadyNFS says
Experienced Mommies -help me make a decision! We have a 13 month old (will be 14 months at the time in question). She is a great sleeper and isn’t walking yet, but is close. Anyway, DH and I both took a week off from work and planned to take a family vaca the week of 10/8. The location has pretty much been been up in the air (mostly due to work schedules, but also because we generally just book things last minute depending on where we “feel” like traveling). We live on the east coast. Our best friends (a married, childless couple) live on the west coast. We debated going to visit those friends for that week that we took off, and when we just broached it with them – surprise! They are going to Hawaii. We have traveled all over the world with this couple and are seriously considering meeting them in Hawaii for that week. We actually went there earlier this year with DD, albeit to a different island. I already know that the flight won’t be relaxing as we have flown with her many times and I miss the days of flying with her when she wasn’t mobile. :)
My concern is that we are moving. We planned to move in early November, but buyer wants to close on our current home sooner, which is great because we are closing on our new home next week. BUT now we’d basically come home from vacation and move in the same week. Logistically, it will be fine. We will have enough time before we leave to get the new place painted and cleaned, we can arrange for movers to pack for us when we return, but I just don’t know how DD will handle it. She is generally an easy going tot but as she comes into toddlerhood she is definitely more “opinionated.” What if we are in a hotel for a week, in a completely different time zone, and then we come “home” and a few days later, home is somewhere entirely new? To be fair, we live in an apartment and we are literally moving into the building next door, so her nanny, friends, classes and local haunts are all staying the same. Her bedroom furniture will all be the same. I don’t know if I’m overthinking this or if it’s better to not vacation (or go somewhere closer, same time zone) to make it all easier? Has anyone moved with a 14 month old? Help?
Anonymous says
It will probably be fine. Make an extra effort to take any favorite blankies or stuffies/books with you to Hawaii to increase consistency. Getting back from a vacation and moving in the same week is pretty ambitous but if you are paying movers to pack for you, it might work out.
Anonymous says
I’d worry more about the impact on you than her. I have never had professional movers pack for me before, so perhaps it is just that easy, but for me packing etc is always extremely time consuming and draining.
Boston Legal Eagle says
We hired our movers to do the packing for us for our latest move and it is SO worth it! For anyone considering this and can spare the expense, I highly recommend it. Especially when moving with little kids. We basically left everything in our old apartment as is, they came in, packed everything for a few hours, and then moved it all for us. We moved when our son was about 14-15 months old and he adjusted pretty quickly to his new bedroom. The first nap was a bit of a challenge, but he was fine after that.
As for Hawaii, that is a lot of flying and major time changes, but if you’ve done it before, maybe you have a better sense of how she will handle the adjustments. If it were me, I’d stay closer, but then we generally don’t find travel involving planes and long distances worth it at the toddler stage. I think your daughter will adjust but you both will likely be pretty tired from all that flying and dealing with a toddler in a new environment.
LadyNFS says
Thanks for the input, ladies!
FWIW, we’ve moved before with movers packing for us, and it was seamless. I literally woke up one morning and was all, “It’s moving day!” and they did the rest. It was great!
Lunch packing follow up question says
I really like this skirt too! More skirts with elastic waistbands please! I work in a casual and active environment and I love pieces a that are comfy and colorful!
Question I had from the lunch packing post the other day- for those of you whose kids pack their own lunch: please tell me your logistics, menue, and ssecrets! How old were your kids, and how did you get them to be onboard? I have a six year old and when I suggested that she could pack her own lunch she said, “But I would just pack candy!”. Right now I pack lunch the night before, but would love to get it completely off my plate.
Anon says
I’m just starting to have my 5 year old help me, with the expectation she’ll do it herself when she hits first grade. Google Jaclyn Day’s toddler lunch planning – we have a slightly modified version of that hanging on the side of the fridge (she can’t take peanuts to school so no pad thai for us). She has to pick one thing from each category for her lunch. I approve her picks and suggest alternatives if we’re out of something, and help her regulate her portion size of each pick. I also help pre-chop or pre-assemble things because she only has 20 minutes for lunch.
Neither of us are morning people, so we do this at night as part of bedtime routine – we pack up her backpack, make lunches, and pick out clothes for the next day. We do it together this year in kindergarten and my hope is it’ll be an engrained habit by the time she hits first grade.
Anonymous says
If you like this style you might like J Crew Factory’s sidewalk skirts.
Anonymous says
Choice got my 7 year old on board. Rules are it has to include minimum one serving each of veg, fruit, protein, carb, dairy and she can include one treat. Juice box is allowed to meet the fruit requirement but it also counts as the treat. Being able to decide what she eats within those parameters has been popular, although definitely led to some combinations I would not have thought of. Only downside is that I do have to make sure I’m well stocked on options.
Meg says
My kids have packed from the time they start Kindergarten… or formula runs this:
1) sandwich or protein (baked beans, hummus, guacamole…my younger currently hates sandwiches, this will change in a month, I’m sure)
2) fruit, 2 permitted
3) salty snack (in snack size bag to limit amount)
Protein bar permitted
Veggie encouraged
Mom or Dad adds a sweet one time per month or so as a surprise
Packing generally happens before dinner during dinner prep or after dinner during clean up so there is some level of supervision. And they know we “audit” that they aren’t taking too much sweets or too much chips, etc.
Routine makes it easy. It’s a pain at first. Now it’s a 5 to 10 minute exercise at most and generally low stress.
CCLA - morning help says
Any suggestions for getting a fiercely independent toddler to move more quickly in the morning? I love that my just turned 2-yo is so fond of doing as much as possible herself, and I’m sure it will be even more appreciated with little sib shows up in a few weeks, but good grief have our mornings stretched into an unrecognizable mess where everything she does on her own takes FOREVER. Example: She is capable of putting her shoes on in < 1 minute, I've seen her do it many times. This morning, we go to the door to put on shoes, she insists on doing it herself, I say great, fine, I'm going to load the car (in her line of sight) and you put your shoes on. I remind her every minute or so while I'm loading things that she needs to put them on or I'm going to do it for her, which results in "noooooo, i do by self". 5+ minutes later, she's sitting on the floor still, no shoes on. At that point I forcibly put them on, which results in hitting, and I don't really have time to discipline her because if we don't leave shortly I risk being late for a meeting. Of course by the time we get to her school, she's fine and seems to have forgotten, but I'm spent from the struggle (there were several this morning, that was just one). Is the answer some sort of timer? A variation on the 1-2-3 we often use (typical result is timeout if she doesn't comply, but maybe here result would be mom does it for you)?
Anonymous says
I do something I learned on here “Do you want to put your shoes on or do you want Mommy to do it?” When it doesn’t happen, “You’re not putting your shoes on, that must mean you want Mommy to do it.” Pick up shoe. She’ll freak out. Give her back the shoe. She’ll put it on (with the caveat that it might take a few times of putting it on so she gets the point.) We do this drill to change my daughter’s diaper after she poops almost every day. “Do you want Mommy to carry you to your diaper change or do you want to walk?” And if she doesn’t start walking, I come to pick her up. She runs to her room about 80% of the time.
Also, my kiddo takes her shoes off in the car all the time. We’ve been known to carry her to her car seat without shoes and then put them on when we get to school. I know shoes were just an example and not the only issue. But they’re a captive audience in the car seat…
Jeffiner says
My daughter is a little older than yours, but she loves to make everything a race. Whenever I need her to hurry up, I challenger her to a race. Who can put their coat on fastest, who can get to the door fastest, who can get in their carseat fastest, etc. I usually let her win, but just racing helps her keep focused on the task to get it done.
GCA says
Look through ‘How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen’ for more strategies! Giving them a choice is one (you put on your shoes or dad puts them on for you; do you want to wear your sneakers or your rain boots to school), racing is another (I’ve got the right shoe, you have the left…on your marks, get set, go!). One that works for us but really depends on kid’s mood is sheer silliness: ‘The wild T-shirt stalks its prey…’ On good days he dissolves into giggles and lets me put his shirt on, on bad days it’s met with ‘NO! I DON’T WANT THAT.’
Anonymous says
Pumping and dumping for a 4-day work trip is not the end of the world, right? I was looking into milk shipment, but it’s expensive and while I could potentially get it reimbursed, I don’t know if I want to fight the battle. I have a 9-month-old who has been pretty much EBF, but he does fine with formula the few times he’s had it, and I have a little bit of a freezer stash. I guess I’m just looking for permission to pour the precious milk down the drain — it makes me irrationally sad!
Anonymous says
I get that pouring milk down the drain is painful, but I think dumping is really your best option here. Your 9 month old will be perfectly fine with a bit of formula (once they’re on solids, they’re not technically EBF anyway).
Anon says
Permission to dump it, but another alternative is to bring it back in a cooler or freezer bag instead of shipping. I’ve always done this with work trips. I used one (or two) of the PackIt freezable lunch bags, which I stored in the hotel freezer. I store the milk in my hotel room fridge during the trip then the morning of my return trip, put the cold milk in the frozen PackIt bag with an extra ice pack and the milk is still cold when I get home.
Anonymous says
Anyone have a recommendation for a kid-friendly all-inclusive with great food (if such a thing exists)? We’ve done Beaches T&C and liked the resort but thought the food was so so, especially for the high price.
Anonymous says
When do you expect a kid to be successfully eating finger foods? My just turned 7 month old has been eating solids for about 6 weeks. She does great with purees, and will accept pretty much anything fed to her on a spoon, even something with a chunkier texture. But finger foods have been a complete failure so far. She can kind of pick things up but gets nothing anywhere close to her mouth. She clearly wants to eat and gets very frustrated and starts bawling (and we normally do solids directly after b-feeding so I know she isn’t starving). Is this something we should just give up and try again in a few weeks or should we keep making her practice? I doubt she’ll improve if she doesn’t practice but I hate seeing her get so frustrated.
Anonymous says
My son had little interest in finger foods until he was much closer to a year (if not beyond). In his case he really preferred being spoon fed. He’s just not into doing everything himself. So this doesn’t sound unusual to me. That said, have you tried easier/larger things, like Baby Mum Mums? And also, it is okay to let her be frustrated. It is so, so, so hard as a parent, but ultimately, if you always rescue her when she is getting frustrated, you are sending her the message that you think she can’t do it. So try to fight that urge and allow her to struggle and practice being persistent in the face of struggle as long as she’s willing to keep trying while she’s sobbing. (As I said, my son isn’t super independent, so I’ve probably failed at this as a parent!)
Anonymous says
9-11 months. They need the pincer grasp. We did rice husks around that age. Something so large is helpful for getting it in the mouth region. We’d give her puree/oatmeal/whatever for her “meal” first, and then give her a rice husk to work on while we ate.
KateM says
My kiddo started showing an interest in non-purées right around that age. He did best with soft foods that he could grab with his whole hand and squish into his face (eg thick Greek yogurt, cottage cheese, egg salad, soft pieces of bread). It was messy but he had so much fun and I think that’s really what it’s all about :-) shortly after that phase I did a lot of roasted vegetables in stick forms (think the size of large French fries) like sweet potatoes, carrots, and other root veggies tossed with a bit of olive oil and spices (cinnamon sweet potatoes and garlic powder on anything were favs).
PinkKeyboard says
I actually had better luck with bigger pieces of squishy things…. avocado, roasted butternut squash, banana halves (they can gnaw), mashed potatoes, mashed sweet potatoes, stuff that you can fist into your mouth without choking basically. Then my children never use the pincer because they eat by the handful aka why have 1 blueberry when you can have 6 in your mouth at once?