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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anon says
Really appreciated all of the comments on working moms yesterday – I’ve printed out the thread for inspiration on the hard days when I have to remind myself why I’m here.
AwayEmily says
Maybe a fun question — my 2.5 year old is very into pretend these days. Our standards are Doctor, Zookeeper, Teacher, and Garbage Collector. This morning I introduced Librarian, which was a big hit (and a nice break from a week straight of administering medicine to sick pandas). Any other ideas? What do your kids like to pretend?
anon. says
Does he/she just like professions or also animals. My kid loves to pretend to be a gorilla, bang on his chest, and eat bananas and climb on things. Other animals work too, but the banana part of this is a huge hit.
Anonymous says
My child loves to be a frog and a cat. Frog because she likes jumping like a frog. And a cat because we have a cat.
AwayEmily says
She does like pretending to be animals (especially a cat) but her favorite are pretend games that involve interacting with other peoples/animals — so, more role-playing than pretend, I guess?
Anonymous says
Firefighter is big at my house lately.
Anonymous says
School bus, bus goes around and picks people up and drops them off.
Birthday – pretend it is some stuffy’s birthday and have pretend candles/cake/etc
AwayEmily says
These are great suggestions — I never would have thought of birthday but she will love that.
GCA says
Oddly, my 3yo is frequently a chicken (‘book book book’ and we read him a book – ‘where did D go? I seem to have brought a chicken home from daycare’), or a frog. He is transportation-mad so train engineer, pilot and astronaut have all been quite popular round here lately (we are often press-ganged into being passengers, which is a bit alarming as there are frequent crashes/ derailments).
Edna Mazur says
We do astronaut a lot especially after a a target delivery. I let them color the box with crayons and they use it as a rocket ship. We also do a lot of restaurant (they come take your order, make the food, watch you eat it, and take the money (or turn their kitchen sideways to be a drive-through window)). Football players happens quite a bit too.
We pretend to be animals frequently. My oldest is always a lion, the middle a bear, they decided the baby is a monkey, and for some reason they decided I’m the meerkat.
anon says
My kiddo likes to play school. She lines up her stuffed animals in front of her and puts her chair in the middle. She sits an “reads” to them, sings songs, tells naughty ones to keep their hands to themselves…
It provides me a nice window into what happens at her daycare.
anony says
Chef/cook or waitress so she can take orders from people and bring them their food. Especially if you have any pretend food at home. Dentist, Pilot, Orchestra Conductor
lsw says
Right now at daycare they have been playing “pizza parlor” for a week or two and apparently they are having a blast pretending to be pizza makers, people ordering, or people taking the orders. Last night I had my son help me make “penny pizzas” (that’s what I grew up calling them) – English muffins with tomato sauce and cheese on top, baked in the oven.
Tfor22 says
UPS driver was a bit hit at our house. Waiter involves deliveries also. Maybe you could do art gallery–start with artist and then hang a show. I’d then want to have a reception!
We would also pretend to be characters in the environment of books we were enjoying at the time. I think kiddo was older than 2.5 for that one. I remember a memorable summer where we had names and roles like the cats in the Warriors series.
I remember too that he liked retelling/acting out stories with stuffed animals. Goldlocks and the three bears with chairs in the living room was one.
AwayEmily says
Thanks! I love these ideas. I’m going to write them on a post-it and put it in the living room so I can start suggesting them as alternatives.
Anonymous says
Um… My 3 year old likes to play Rabbi. He gets all his stuffed animals and sets them up in a circle, and leads them in religious services. He’s pretty good! Yes, he goes to Jewish preschool, why do you ask?
Anonymous says
We use these and love them. IKEA sells them too.
anon says
I realize this is a slightly ridiculous question since babies don’t actually need toys and DH doesn’t seem bored, but DH is quite bored of the toys we have for our 6 month old and i am generally anti-stuff, but does anyone have any favorites for the 6-9 month range before DH goes on a shopping spree?
Anonymous says
My 8 month old gets hours of fun from $5 Fisher Price stacking rings.
Cb says
At 15 months, we’re still getting mileage out of the melissa and doug stackable boxes and the stacking cups which we bought at the same age. Maybe a tambourine? Or puppets!
Anonymous says
Manhattan Toy Winkel Rattle or Squish Classic Rattle
Stacking cups (amuses DH now and baby will love them later)
Stacking rings (good to chew on now and actually play with later)
Walnut says
I think we started buying duplos at that age for my husband and I. Another crowd favorite was a standard set of blocks.
Anon says
Stacking cups are a must.
My kids also loved the B. TOYS One Two Squeeze baby blocks. They are soft for chewing and stack easily. My kids loved playing babyzilla and knocking over towers as soon as they could sit. Once they were bigger they loved stacking them. Now our 5 yo uses them to build princess castles. Lots of life. I got our first set at Target, but they are also on Amazon.
anon. says
We had a set of super cheap Ikea stacking cup toys in every room for this age. They turn over and can stack as a tower for when your child gets older.
Anon says
do the B Toys ones have little holes in them that saliva/water can get into? I’ve heard that can lead to mold inside of toys
Anon says
They do, but ours have never been wet enough to have that issue. We just wipe them down and don’t submerge the blocks in water. The hole isn’t near the edge of the block where a baby would gnaw. It would take a ton of saliva and effort to get it into the tiny hole.
rosie says
The Manhattan Toy soft blocks (different shapes).
Lift the flap books, the sturdier the better (we like where’s spot and others involving spot right now)
Taggies crinkle toys
anon says
My son likes to pretend to be a cat. Not sure where it came from since we don’t have cats. He crawls around and meows and I pet him.
Anonymous says
shape sorter!
Anonymous says
Lamaze Lightning Bug. Soft books. Anything that crinkles. Look Look board book. Baby Einstein bendy ball. Winkle toy mentioned above.
aelle in aerospace says
Anything musical (bells, rattles, rainsticks, clackers worked well then. Xylophones required more fine motor skills). Picture books with photos of babies. We also made great use of our child sized furniture then, as she learned to safely climb on and off the couch with her cube chair. This may be useful closer to the 9 month mark, but I wish I had gotten a pushcart earlier – I got one at 11 months and she only got 2 weeks of use before she walked independently. At 18 mo it’s still getting a lot of use to gather and transport collections
Baby Gate says
Is there a baby gate specifically for the bottom of the stairs? One that would keep the baby from climbing up, but that adults could step over? We have an elaborate one at the top of the stairs, with the built in door, but for the bottom I’d really like one that doesn’t require so much effort to get thru. Our house is a split level, so I already have to open two baby gates to carry the laundry upstairs, and I’d really like to find something more simple for the bottom of the stairs. Thanks for any suggestions!
rosie says
We have a pressure-mounted gate (not safe for top of stairs) at the bottom of our stairs. Because it’s on the floor, not the first stair, and my husband and I are relatively tall, we can step over it.
Anonymous says
+1
HSAL says
What about one of those retractable gates? We tried using just the basic expandable gate, but I’m not tall and it became easier to just keep my daughter away from the stairs since she had a very brief time of being interested in climbing up. But if I had to do it again, I’d try retractable.
Anonymous says
How often do you need a gate? We have one that’s kind of a pain, but we just leave it open most of the time, except when the kids are alone in the room with the stairs. For us this is easier than having to climb over a short one all the time, though we’ve used that solution for things like the bathroom that we block off permanently.
Anon says
If you have a railing on each side, just make a sleeve of fabric to fit around a rectangle made of PVC pipe. Super lightweight, easy to move in and out of place, and you can make it the right height for you guys to just step over.
Something like this:
https://www.pinterest.com/pin/47710077275361982/?lp=true
HSAL says
Postpartum pants recommendation – NY&Co pull-on ponte pant. I got these after my first pregnancy and wore them to death, then they stopped carrying them, and I recently looked and they have them again! A variety of leg styles and colors/patterns, though I will say the patterned ones look a little cheap in person. The large fits me well at 5’2 and 175 pounds, generally a size 14 pant lately. I haven’t tried Betabrand, but I assume these are basically knockoffs since they feel like yoga pants but look good for work.
mascot says
The NYDJ ponte pants are super comfortable as well and don’t pill as quickly as the NY and Co if you are looking for a bit of an upgrade. I’m about your height and sized down one size.
Anony says
Getting ready to start solids – favorite feeding items? Dishes, utensils, etc.
Elisa says
dishes go right on the floor – i use the tray on the chair exclusively…..
this one spoon i have is nice bc baby can kind of maneuver it himself (kinda): search for olababy spoon on amazon
ElisaR says
just thought of another thing – there are these spoons that screw onto the top of a pouch if you use those. I don’t use them often but they are great for on the go feeding.
https://www.amazon.com/Munchkin-Click-Lock-Pouch-Spoon/dp/B00BH4I9VK/ref=sr_1_5_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1540488432&sr=8-5&keywords=baby%2Bspoon%2Bon%2Bpouch&th=1
Anonymous says
High chair with dishwasher-safe tray cover.
Edna Mazur says
This! We don’t have this and I want it sooo bad! Also, if you haven’t bought your high chair yet, if I did it over again I would absolutely buy one that is all hard surfaces, no cloth seat cover to launder (or lets be real, put a towel over) after every meal.
We like the Re Play divided plates (made from recycled milk jugs) for older kids but agree with the poster above, when just starting solids, they will knock plates onto the floor. We also don’t start our kiddos with silverware to feed themselves until well past the one year mark. When they feed themselves before then they use their hands and get a bath after dinner.
Anonymous says
We use Munchkin spoons and our regular bowls (just hang onto the bowl because if baby gets their hands on it, it’ll go over the edge.
Anonymous says
If you don’t want to buy baby utensils (we didn’t), just use the handle of the spoon till they’re bug enough for a teaspoon.
Anonymous says
In the last 5 months, my 9 month old has gone from about 45th percentile in weight to 90th percentile in weight. Her length has stayed fairly consistent (around 70-80th percentile, so she’s definitely big all over). But she looks very chunky and her pediatrician is concerned by the “sudden” weight gain (although I’m not sure I’d call it sudden – she’s been gaining very steadily if you look at actual pounds, it’s just that the charts start leveling off around 4-5 months and her weight gain is not leveling off). The pediatrician said we’re overfeeding her and gave us a very general instruction to “feed her less.”
I’m not sure what to do. Her calorie intake doesn’t seem abnormal to me. She usually has between 14-18 oz in bottles (a mix of formula and b-milk but mostly formula), 2-3 meals of solids and 3-4 breastfeeding sessions (which may sound like a lot, but based on pumping output, I’d be shocked if she gets more than 1-2 oz at each session, especially since she’s super easily distracted now and usually doesn’t nurse for more than a few minutes – and it takes me 20+ minutes to pump 2 oz/breast when my breasts are very full). The nursing really seems like a comfort thing at this point – at night she will nurse and pass out on my breast after 60 seconds max. So my best guess is that she’s only taking in a maximum of maybe 26 ounces of liquid and then having 2 or 3 meals of solids on top of that, which seems within guidelines for her age, especially for a kid that is overall bigger than average.
In the last few weeks, we have really tried to pay more attention to not just giving her a bottle or boob at the first sign of fussiness, and making sure she’s really hungry and can’t be easily distracted. But we haven’t really noticed an overall change to her intake.
I don’t love our ped in general, and am happy to use this as an excuse to switch, but I don’t want to be that mom that changes doctors whenever they tell me something I don’t want to hear. DH and I were both super roly poly babies and toddlers but are reasonably slim/fit as adults. There is obesity in both families and I don’t want to ignore it, but at the same time she’s 9 months old..is it really that big a deal that she’s chubby!?
Anonymous says
Doubling the weight percential would be concerning to me. 3-4 BF sessions plus 18 oz formula seems like a lot. Can you just BF and do solids and maybe one bottle a day? Offer solids 3-4 times a day (Breakfast, morning snack, lunch, afternoon snack, dinner).
You can’t judge how much milk she’s getting based on your pumping output at all. Pumping never really worked well for me to get more than a couple ounces at a time but mine were exclusively nursed for the first 3 months without issue on weight gain so they were definitely getting BM.
“It is typical for a mother who is breastfeeding full-time to be able to pump around 1/2 to 2 ounces total (for both breasts) per pumping session. Mothers who pump more milk per session may have an oversupply of milk, or may respond better than average to the pump, or may have been able to increase pump output with practice. Many mothers think that they should be able to pump 4-8 ounces per pumping session, but even 4 ounces is a rather large pumping output for a mom who is breastfeeding full-time.” – https://kellymom.com/hot-topics/pumping_decrease/
OP says
Pumping and breastfeeding have always been fairly similar for me. My milk supply has PLUMMETED in the last two months – I used to get 6+ oz/breast easily with the pump in under 10 minutes, but then it dropped off suddenly and rapidly, and as it dropped, my daughter’s bottle intake went up a corresponding amount. I’m not sure if it’s that my daughter is inefficient at the breast or my pump is good, but I’ve always found that my pump removes all the milk I have super efficiently.
Fwiw, she was already on the 70th+ weight curve when my supply dropped and she started drinking a lot more formula, so the gain definitely can’t all be chalked up to additional bottles. I also should have added that there are days we miss one or more breastfeeding sessions, and she hardly drinks any extra, which is another reason I think she’s not getting more than that from nursing. There are plenty of days that I only nurse once or twice and she still drinks <18 oz in bottles.
GCA says
Just a PS – I read that portion of the Kellymom pumping article as referring to women who were pumping after a nursing session, rather than pumping in place of a nursing session. Also, it’s true that a baby is usually more efficient than a pump, but if pumping output has suddenly and sharply decreased, that’s something else (and maybe it’s hormones, pump dying, need new membranes, etc, but that’s a different question from OP’s!).
OP, IMO it’s not all that concerning to have a single instance of a weigh-in at 90th percentile – to me it’s a snapshot at just one point in time. Could you give it 1 or 2 more well-baby appointments and see where her growth goes? She may well be gearing up to get a lot more mobile, in which case her growth will probably go back to its usual trajectory. And if there are no other changes besides weight – if she is developmentally on track & shows no signs of a metabolic disease or other illness – then chances are it is no big deal.
Anonymous says
I’m not really sure I buy the notion that you can overfeed a baby so long as you are giving them healthy, unprocessed stuff. So, if you are giving her lots of bread or pasta or something, I would minimize that, but otherwise I would do some combination of (a) not pay too much attention to this advice and ask for more specifics at the 12-month visit, (b) make a follow-up appointment to ask for more specifics, or (c) switch doctors and do either (a) or (b) with them. Frankly, if you’re not happy with your ped, you might as well switch now, because you’ll be seeing a lot of them for a good number of years.
FWIW I was a pretty fat baby but seem to have a better-than-average metabolism as an adult, and have stayed relatively slim into my mid-thirties even after having 3 kids…
octagon says
IIRC, a big change on your child’s curve like that is a sign to pay attention and figure out what’s happening, so I wouldn’t be so quick to dismiss it. My kid was in the 90th percentile for both weight and length and around that age, I think we cut back to 15-20 oz of formula once we were at 2-3 meals a day.
What solids are you feeding? If they are calorie-dense foods, you could try incorporating more fruits and veggies instead. And you could try dropping 1-2 oz from the bottles, if you think she is getting 1-2 oz from you.
This is a tricky age, and trying to figure out needs while incorporating more solids is tough. It’s also entirely possible that she’s gearing up for a big growth spurt. So maybe make small tweaks and keep an eye on her curve for the next few months. Hugs – it’s so tough.
OP says
She was born at 90 (although I know birthweight has a lot to do with other factors like gestational age and she was slightly overdue), dropped to about 40 or 45 in one week (even though we supplemented with formula before my milk came in), was 50 at her 2 month well check, 60 at her 4 month well check, 75 at her 6 month check and then just under 90 at her 9 month well check. So it’s not like she went from 45 to 90 overnight and I always thought it was more concerning when it was a sudden change.
The only solids she gets are fruit, veggies and eggs. She seems to love fruit and veggies so we haven’t seen a reason to introduce bread or cereal although I’m sure it will happen as she gets pickier. We used to give her plain yogurt, which she loves, but we’ve cut back on that, both because it’s more fattening and also because it’s not really adding much to her diet nutritionally (she gets loads of calcium from milk).
AwayEmily says
I have a 9-month old and this seems like a normal amount of food to me. Mine drinks about 25 ounces a day (three 4-5oz bottles of breastmilk/formula at daycare, then an evening and morning nursing session) and eats 4 times a day (combo of purees and finger foods and sometimes he eats a LOT). I don’t know, I’m not a doctor, but if she’s healthy eating reasonably healthy food then I probably wouldn’t change much.
*I say, despite having fed my 9month old tiny pieces of my pizza last night for dinner
AwayEmily says
(only to say that I probably don’t have the right to make prescriptive statements about “reasonably healthy food.” In my defense, most of his food is quite healthy, but he was SO adorable snarfing up pizza that we probably overdid it…)
Anonymous says
How mobile is she, and how much time does she get to roam around freely at day care?
OP says
She rolls a lot, but isn’t crawling or pulling up yet, which I think is definitely a factor. She isn’t at daycare and spends most of the day unrestrained on the floor (we don’t own a bouncer seat or anything like that) but she definitely isn’t very mobile compared to a lot of babies her age.
Anonymous says
Anecdata: My daughter had a huge dropoff in weight percentile when she started crawling. At 9 months she was spending the entire day crawling and cruising, and she ate and drank a lot more than you are describing (32 oz. milk and formula, 3 bowls of oatmeal, 3 jars of fruit and veggie purées, one baby yogurt) and still stayed at the 3rd percentile for weight. The calorie burn from activity is no joke.
Your description of the change in weight percentile seems to coincide with the ages at which more and more babies begin to crawl. Also, have you looked at her weight-for-length percentile? That might give a somewhat different picture than weight-for-age.
Anonymous says
Adding: what I am trying to say is that your kiddo may drop to a lower weight percentile when she decides it’s time to crawl. Right now the weight-for-age chart is comparing her with other babies whose activity profile is different than hers, which might not be the best comparison.
Anonymous says
Thanks, I got what you were trying to say. This is my gut feeling too – that the charts are comparing her to babies who are crawling all over the place, which doesn’t make sense, and that she’ll slim down when she gets more mobile.
OP says
That was me at 1:13
FTMinFL says
This x1 million. My son was on the other end of the spectrum – started crawling at four months and walking as preferred method of transportation at seven months. He was born in the 40th percentile and since four months we have struggled to keep him on the weight charts at all. I am a biostatistician by profession and learned all you can imagine about growth charts/curves as we went through this. The trend you’re seeing is a trend, so don’t dismiss it, but if she is otherwise healthy I would not make any changes at this point. Our wonderful pediatrician maintains that where a child falls on the growth chart is just one piece of the puzzle and a problem will come with another warning sign.
FWIW, my son is a healthy three year old who is ahead of the curve in all social, cognitive and physical milestones, and he is still in the 1st percentile for weight.
Anonymous says
FTMinFL, thank you for sharing this. Your numbers and story exactly matches mine right now. My seven month old is super active, and I have been worried sick about her since my pediatrician told us at her six month check up to start supplementing with formula. (My supply is fine, and she seems to eat fine and wet plenty diapers and be alert.) so maybe she is fine too.
rakma says
Switch doctors. Not because the suggestion to ‘feed less’ is vague and unhelpful, (which it totally is!) but because you don’t trust them. I’ve had some issues pop up with my kids, where my first instinct wasn’t a match for the doctor’s, but I trust our ped enough to try what she’s suggesting. I also know that if I call her and say, this isn’t working, or we’ve tried waiting it out and I’m no longer comfortable with that, she’s going to listen to me.
Food and weight in particular can be such difficult topics. My daughter gained no weight for about 4 months after she stopped nursing, and the mom guilt hit hard. (was I starving my kid? Should I have weaned her before 18 months even though she didn’t seem ready? What was I doing wrong?) so having a ped who was supportive and not alarmist about it (but also followed up on some testing to make sure there wasn’t a bigger issue) made that whole thing less stressful.
Anonymous says
Our son didn’t gain anything (a few ounces) between his 15 month and 18 month well baby appointments. Our awesome ped was really chill about it because our son had been sick and not eating much. By his two year, he was totally fine (back where he’d been, curve-wise, at 15 months). We are so often on the same page as her. She’s specific, thoughtful, and has two boys a couple years older than ours, so can give real life advice. She’s a great fit for us and it makes life so much easier. Get someone you trust and connect with.
AnotherAnon says
Maybe I’m sensitive because my child just fell off the 3rd percentile for height, but this just doesn’t seem like a big deal to me. I’d get a second opinion. I don’t think you even have to “switch” peds to get one – just ask if a ped in the group could evaluate your child. Or go to a pedi urgent care and ask them to evaluate her (take her growth chart if you can print it out). I think this is a perfectly good reason to switch peds though if you’re looking for one.
Anonymous says
Or just ignore it and see what happens in 6 months. My son was all over the growth chart in his first 2 years. Our doctor fully admitted the scales in different exam rooms varied a bit, which when the weights are as low as they are for little ones can make a big difference. If she’s within 10-20% of her height percentile, I don’t get his concern at all.
JDMD says
Please reconsider before taking your child to urgent care for a non-urgent matter. Urgent care clinics are set up to handle urgent issues — vomiting, fevers, wounds that need suturing, UTIs, nosebleeds, kidney stones, etc. They are frequently staffed by providers who do not have training in nutrition, primary pediatric care, family systems, etc. Whatever is going on for the OP’s child (if anything?) is best managed by someone who can follow along longitudinally and develop a trusting relationship.
Not to mention urgent care clinics tend to be petri dishes of infectious agents, especially this time of year.
(from a former ER doctor who witnessed a lot of misunderstanding of how our medical systems are set up)
OP says
Oh yeah I definitely wouldn’t take her to urgent care for this. I’m a paranoid first time mom who rushes to urgent care/ER way too often (definitely rushed there at her first fever and first vomiting bug), but even I know it’s for acute things, not a very long-term issue like this, and isn’t staffed with pediatric specialists. I don’t even know what pediatric urgent care is, and we don’t have one in our area, just regular urgent care.
Anonymous says
We have pediatric urgent care near me (PM Pediatrics) and it is awesome for weekend ear infections, strep, etc.
Anonymous says
I haven’t read anyone else’s posts yet. Our baby gained 50 percentile points for weight after starting solid food. He was a great eater and very interested in food from 5 mo. Also extremely tall. Our conclusion was maybe we hadn’t been giving him enough formula previously. Ymmv, though, as he was 99th for height and 35th for weight prior to solids.
Anonymous says
Edited to add: around that age or maybe 10 months we did drop a formula feeding. Maybe it’s time to drop one? Fwiw our son has remained between 85th and 90th percentile for weight since that time (3.5 now) and is far from overweight due to height, so maybe you’re about to hit a growth spurt.
ifiknew says
Paging resentment from last week, who was going to meet with a divorce attorney this week. Any updates?
lsw says
I was thinking of her this morning too. Sending good vibes.
Resentment says
Thank you guys so much for checking. I chickened out of meeting with the divorce lawyer. I know that might not be well received here… I just had this sickened, nauseous feeling every time I thought about sitting down to plan a divorce.
Because he did express a lot of willingness to change (no more golf, set up couples counseling, etc.), I think I felt like I could not both plan my divorce and simultaneously give him an opportunity to change. I went to my first therapy appointment (by myself, not with husband) and that helped to confirm why I felt so uncomfortable about meeting with the lawyer. (Of course I do understand that most people probably have a sick feeling about meeting with a divorce lawyer.) I think for me it’s just that I have to pick one at a time.
The past week has been much better. He took older kid to a doctor’s appointment. He RSVPed to a birthday party. He ordered a gift for the birthday party. All without the input that I usually have to provide. He is taking the kids to see his parents this weekend, and I am staying home, gloriously alone for the first time since the baby was born.
So I feel like it’s going well. I think if he continues to pull his weight, I’ll look into a nanny for one night a week (I read some interesting posts here about that over the past week and thought it was a great idea) since regardless of his efforts, he’ll still be gone most weeknights, for work. If it goes south, I know I’ll need to move forward with planning the separation. But I’m really encouraged with how it’s been so far. And I really appreciate you guys checking on me, and as usual I welcome any thoughts or advice.
Coach Laura says
That’s a good update. I hope the individual counselling helps you decrease your stress and have clarity – whatever happens. I do think that being cognizant of your options is important even if you do nothing other than make sure that you have access to your family’s important financial information and documents.
Anonymous says
Thanks for the update and for risking that people won’t be supportivE. I think it’s awesome that you’re honestly working through it. I, too, would have a hard time being in couples counseling eight an attorney lined up already. Best of luck with everything. I hope your husband continues to make real progress.
A story that might help is that when my (mich younger) cousin was horn really prematurely, my uncle went and bought a motorcycle while my aunt was recovering. He generally just checked out on being a dad for a few months. My dad had hrlp my aunt through the postpartum stuff. Anyway, through a strange series of events, he ended up a SAHD for many years. He’s a great husband and father (and she’s 16 now!). You’d never know he’d had a difficult time.
Snuza says
Does anyone have experience with the Snuza (or the owlet for that matter)? Relatedly, has anyone ever successfully convinced your LOs daycare to use this type of monitor?
I know this sounds overly paranoid, but between a friend losing a baby and a few really scary articles in major news sources on sids at daycares, I’m having a lot of anxiety about going back to work and looking for something to give me a little more peace of mind.
Anon says
Just sit down with your daycare director. Explain that a friend of yours lost a baby and you’re incredibly concerned about SIDS. Ask them to explain IN DETAIL what they do to support safe sleep, and help put your mind at ease. They deal with neurotic infant parents all the time and should know how to help allay your fears. Keep asking questions until you feel better.
If after 20-30 minutes they’ve given you good answers but you’re still not satisfied, then it’s time to talk to a doctor about PPA. You can’t control every minute of your baby’s day, and having either them or you obsessively check a monitor all day long is not a reasonable request.
Anon says
I should add, I mean “neurotic infant parents” with love because I was one too with my first kid. I worried that my kid would never sleep because it was too bright in the infant room. The director took the time to talk to me about all the measures they take (like cribs are away from the windows, they dim the lights at common sleep times, etc) and I felt much better. Until I freaked out about if they’d hold the bottle just right so she’d be able to drink it all but not gulp it. (Turns out, they’re the experts and taught US how to hold the bottle better.)
Just remember, these daycare centers are full of baby experts who love young kids so much they do it all day long for shockingly low pay. They’ve seen it all and know it all, and they want to work with you to make sure your kid is as happy and loved as possible.
Annie says
+1. My daycare never left the kids unattended while the slept. I think she was very very safe there. You should feel comfortable with your daycare’s procedures/precautions sans an extra device.
Anonymous says
A good friend is a pediatrician and said these devices don’t prevent SIDS and give parents a false sense of security (eg they think it’s ok to place baby tummy down because they have the device on them or whatever). The best thing you can do is follow all the safe sleep recommendations every time.
I don’t think it’s reasonable to ask daycare to use these monitors, it seems like a lot of extra work for them, because, as I understand it, false alarms are common.
Anon says
We used the snuza for the first 6+ish months at night. We moved baby out of the bassinet in our room at 3 month (she was outgrowing it, swinging legs over the side, etc.) and it gave me extra peace of mind. I didn’t do anything differently that I would have done without it (she slept on her back in the bassinet or crib unless we were co-sleeping during her particularly awful colic, light fan, sleepsack or velcro swaddle, no blankets or bumpers, cool room, etc.) but I liked that it nudges her if it fails to detect movement before sending off an alarm, and we only had maybe 3-4 false alarms as she got older where it fell off with her rolling around at night (which is about when we stopped using it). I don’t know that I would ask daycare to use it, given that they are theoretically awake and monitoring the babies – for me it was an extra set of eyes at night so I could get more peaceful sleep.
Bookish says
Anyone else read the book Small Animals by Kim Brooks? It’s got me thinking a lot about the way our society views mothers, along with how we decide what are acceptable risks to take in raising children. I found it really interesting (and kind of depressing).
Anonymous says
Is she the one who was referred to social services for leaving a 4 year old alone for a few minutes? I haven’t read the book but read an NYT article about her. I agree, it’s so sad! I was playing alone in the neighborhood with my buddies down the street when I was 5. And the world seems so much safer now – less crime, you can give a kid a cell phone so they can call in case of an emergency, etc – but yet this is totally unacceptable now. It really breaks my heart!
Anonymous says
Also, as I recall, the article pointed out that there’s a huge double standard between women and men, and between white people and people of color, which I definitely agree with.
Anonymous says
Virginia, where she was charged, is probably the national leader in criminalizing parenting.
Anonymous says
I may repost tomorrow for more responses, but anyone in the Raleigh area willing to recommend their pediatrician? I’m ambivalent about ours.
Anonymous says
I posted this once before for a similar question, but I really loved Oberlin Road Pediatrics. We had Dr. Galla. We were only there for less than a year before we moved out of the area, but she’s still my favorite pediatrician ever.
EB0220 says
We don’t go there, but I have heard many recommendations for Jeffers, Mann. Near Rex I believe.
help says
I just got a job offer and the money was higher than I dreamed…and I still asked for just a little bit more. And now, of course, I’m terrified they will rescind my offer. But part of my job is asking for money so it’s my policy to always ask in a negotiation. Please tell me I’m not way off base!
Anon in NYC says
GO YOU! You are not off base.
Ranon says
You are not off base. If you are in sales are fundraising and didnt ask for more it would be no good. They expect people to counter. Their pay range is beyond what you were expecting but its normal for them, remember that and good luck!
HSAL says
You got this. Congrats!