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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
EarlyBird says
I just found out I’m pregnant with my first and am trying to take in all of the information on this site (even though I’ve been reading it for years). My birthday is coming up and DH usually gets me a nice gift. Is there anything somewhat splurge-worthy or indulgent that you loved when you were pregnant but wouldn’t necessary buy for yourself? Probably < $500 (and really closer to $200-300 would be better) so not something totally over the top. Normally I'd love a spa gift card, but I'm learning quickly that it isn't a good option for a while.
Anon says
Congrats! Why isn’t a spa a good idea now? Lots of places offer prenatal massage and getting mani/pedis while pregnant is fine. Personally, I’d request a weekend away just the two of you – fancy hotel, nice dinner, maybe theater if you like that. We travel a lot with our kiddo but really fancy restaurants and theater are things you can’t bring a kid to and it will likely be a while before you have an overnight getaway just the two of you, especially if you plan to breastfeed.
Legally Brunette says
+ 1
Love the idea of a weekend or even a night away. I would definitely go to a fancy restaurant and live it up because those types of excursions are much harder after the baby comes.
Also like the idea of something beautiful from Isabella Oliver (I also like Seraphine a lot). Maternity clothes can be so boring and unflattering, it’s nice to invest in a few pieces you love.
Congrats!
shortperson says
a lot of massage places wont take women in their first trimester because they are worried about liability for a miscarriage. but theres no reason you cant go for it. just dont tell them you are pregnant. or go for a piece or two from isabella oliver or hatch collection.
AnonLondon says
BBhugme maternity pillow.
FVNC says
I love the ideas above, especially the weekend away, but in case you’re looking for a physical gift — what about a nice pair of stud earrings, or a necklace with a strong chain?
Now that I have kids, the only jewelry I wear everyday are my large pearl studs (I’m in the south, what can I say?), small diamond solitaire necklace that’s on a really strong, yank-proof chain, and wedding ring. Anything delicate or dangly is reserved for date night when kids can’t grab or pull.
Anon says
I only wear diamond studs, even at 18 months postpartum, because I haven’t found a chain to stand up to my toddler and as it is she is prone to touching the studs. I also gave up my metal watch when my LO was little because it scratched her head and neck when I would slip my hand out after laying her down. So a nice new pair of stud earrings might be nice.
CHL says
Congratulations! Welcome to the club! This is not the coolest idea but I loved having a few really nice maternity things from Isabella Oliver that made me feel good every time I put them on. You probably don’t need maternity yet, but check out if you think you might want to splurge on a maternity blazer or pretty dress.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Second the spa suggestion. I got a few prenatal massages with my recent pregnancy and they helped so much with my back and hip pain. Look for a certified prenatal masseuse. I’d recommend going closer to your 2nd/3rd trimesters both because any 1st trimester risks will be lessened and you will probably want it more then!
Anonymous says
What about a gift certificate for monthly blowouts to help you feel pretty as your body is changing?
Anon says
If you don’t have one already, I loved my apple watch as a new mom. Being able to see my emails come in without having to get up or pick up my phone has been really nice.
CCLA says
Second this. I loved prenatal massages like other posters, but if you’re looking for a physical gift the apple watch is great (or similar if you’re not an iPhone user). Whereas I used to be comfortable putting my phone away for a few hours for a meeting, movie, etc., with new kiddo in childcare I felt much better knowing that I could quickly see if something emergent re: kiddo were happening.
EarlyBird says
I love all of these suggestions, thank you! I like to put together a list of ideas for him, so this is giving me lots of material. Unfortunately a trip is not the cards for right now, but hopefully we can squeeze one in sometime before it’s too late!
Anon says
A nice purse or wallet is great – can enjoy now or after baby, and help you feel out together even when you don’t love your clothes or are getting used to your new shape.
Book Lady says
Do I pay a temporary nanny for sick days? I hired a nanny on a trial basis to cover the period between when our parental leaves ended and my baby gets a spot in daycare. My older daughter is at the daycare and the idea was that if we found a nanny we liked we would hire her ideally long term to be home with both kids. The nanny we are using now is fine but not great for a number of reasons and really reaffirmed for us that we like daycare. Unfortunately we can’t get a spot for baby until June. We told nanny we would figure out set terms re vacation days, overtime, etc and start paying her on the books if it becomes a long term thing but we didn’t specify exactly when we would make that decision. We’ve basically made the decision ourselves but haven’t shared that with her yet and are planning to give her at least 30 days notice. Today she called off sick for the second time since starting to work for us in January. (January and Feb she was just 2 days a week but starting this week she is 4). She said today she has flu like symptoms and a fever so I took off today and arranged for back up care tomorrow assuming if she has a fever and the flu she can’t come and even if she said she could i probably wouldn’t want her around the baby anyways. Do I need to pay her for these two days? I feel like I don’t have to but I don’t want to be a jerk.
Anon says
I have a short term nanny (5 months, to cover a gap between parental leave and starting in a daycare). We decided to offer her paid sick leave, but basically for selfish reasons (I don’t want her around the baby when she’s sick). We don’t offer paid vacation time, although we are taking a vacation during that 5 months and paying her for the week we’re out of town.
Note that the salary threshold for household employee is crazy low, something like an annual salary of more $2,000. Most nannies will hit that in under a month, so technically even short-term nannies are household employees.
Anonymous says
I would offer paid sick leave. You don’t want her coming to work sick because she needs the income and then your kids get sick.
Lawyermom says
How I handle it with my nanny is I give paid sick time with a doctors note only. I will not that my nanny has health insurance and there is also a free clinic she can utilize as she is also a student – so I don’t worry about the she cannot the copay/doctors visit. If she just wants off i give the option for her to pick up her normal hours on days she normally wouldn’t work. For instance she can come over on the weekend so I can get work done around house or catch up on office work. I also pay for anytime we travel so she is guaranteed a set amount of hours weekly.
Anon says
I’ve never understood the doctors note thing, even though I know many schools and employers require one. There are so many contagious illnesses that aren’t serious and really don’t require seeing a doctor. I would not want to have to go to the doctor for a standard 24 hour gastro bug (and I can assure you, the doc doesn’t want you in their waiting room either) but I also wouldn’t want to come to work with a stomach bug or have a vomiting nanny trying to care for an infant. If the nanny tells you they’re vomiting (or running a fever or other objective metric beyond “I have the sniffles”) why isn’t that enough? If you think your nanny might be lying about their symptoms, I feel like you have a bigger problem than paid sick days.
Anonymous says
Yeah, I feel like I would first assume the nanny is a professional and wouldn’t lie. If I started to suspect something, I’d look at changing my policy. But also look at finding a new nanny…
Anonymous says
Yep, I haven’t been to the doctor in the 3 years I’ve held my current job, but I’ve definitely had a handful of days with what was probably the flu (despite a flu shot) and bad colds where I’m too sick to go to work but also a doctor wouldn’t tell me to do anything different from what I’d do anyway, so I dont think it’s worth the time, effort, and $15 co-pay.
Anon says
And for some of us, it’s a lot more than $15! I have a high deductible health plan so I have to pay out of pocket for non-preventive care until I’ve met my deductible. I think a visit to my PCP for an illness costs me around $150. I would never, ever go unless I was pretty sure I had strep and needed antibiotics. I had the flu a couple years ago and didn’t even go in. I just took an entire week off work so I could rest and really recover and not get anyone else sick. I’m so glad my employer trusts me.
anon says
The doctor’s note thing is awful from an employee perspective. She feels like crud and probably doesn’t need to see a doctor but has to deal with scheduling an appointment and then getting there (and paying a copay) instead of resting. If you have concerns that she’s fibbing or exaggerating, find a new nanny.
Anonymous says
+1
CCLA says
We have a temp nanny on the books (daycare lovers here too, with older kiddo in and baby awaiting spot – I feel you!). She didn’t ask, but we offered two PTO days on top of accruing sick leave that is mandated by the state and which will work out to about 3 additional days of leave over the course of the engagement, so about a week of paid leave total over 3-4 months. I figured I wanted her to not feel like she had to show up sick to get paid, though in practice she actually gone through all of the leave so far for appointments rather than being ill. I typically err on the side of being more generous to childcare providers, though I do think it’s reasonable to impose limits on paid leave (but also good to offer some level of it). Not a fan of the doctor’s note requirement – I figure if I’ve determined they are trustworthy enough to watch my kids all day, I should also trust that they’re not going to lie to me.
anon says
I posted last week about getting “borderline” cell free DNA results. Updating in the hopes of helping anyone else this happens to. Apparently the standard of care is to treat a borderline result like a positive, and recommend further testing. So we are having an amnio in ten days. The real rub is that the borderline result is relatively rare, so much so that there are no reliable stats on outcomes. “Call it 50/50,” the doctor said, “but in reality, we really don’t know.”
So now we wait to see if this baby is viable. I’ll be 17 weeks before we have answers. Considering I’m already noticeably showing at 15, the odds of keeping this on the dl at my biglaw firm seem slim. I am counting on my majority-male colleagues to be oblivious, but you never know.
HSAL says
I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this. Thinking all the best for you.
ifiknew says
I’m so terribly sorry you are going through this. We had a very similar situation with our second and it all ended up being okay, but it was some of the hardest days of my life at the idea of having to terminate (which we could had to for our condition).
We had told a lot of people by week 12-14 and we didn’t get final results until week 20, so I had decided that if we had to terminate, I would tell them I lost the baby and leave it at that. I assumed people would be polite enough to ask for details and your close friends will understand.
I’m so sorry again, chances are it’s probably all okay. It’s just so terrible to be in this waiting position. So many hugs.
Anon says
+1. So sorry to hear this. If you have to terminate, telling people you lost the baby is sufficient and true.
op says
Thank you, this is helpful. I was thinking about this — I’d say I lost the baby — but felt a little weird about it, but also have zero interest in telling most people the whole story. But you’re right, it is true in a fundamental sense. Hopefully I never have to put it to practice.
anon says
Just chiming in to say: it is definitely true! I have never been in that situation (and am so sorry that you are) but absolutely think that you are being honest.
Wow says
So sorry you have to deal with this, hopefully it all works out. If you have to terminate, I agree with others to say that you lost the baby. A friend of mine terminated a pregnancy when they learned the child had DS. I knew the reasons for termination, but she rightfully did not tell most people because she knew there would be a lot of judgment and varying opinions about her decision.
octagon says
I’ll be thinking of you and the baby, hoping for the best.
lsw says
Same; I’m so sorry.
Aly says
I’m so sorry. But the benefit of mostly male coworkers is that they are blissfully oblivious in many cases. I had a coworker who sits beside me every day, sees me in side profile every day, etc. who was shocked (shocked!) when I mentioned my upcoming mat leave in a meeting. I was 28 weeks pregnant and looked it.
TheElms says
Thinking of you and sending good thoughts. People in BigLaw really may not notice even though you think you look huge. They really are oblivious and self absorbed. Just say nothing unless you are asked, if you prefer. And if you should need to, saying you lost the baby is more than sufficient. In case you need to know this, and I hope you don’t, you may also be able to enlist HR to tell your practice group if you don’t want to deal with it. You can tell HR when you are going to be out and then they will tell your group. Then you come back to work when you’re ready.
Thursday says
First time poster, long time reader, and I love this site! I would love to get thoughts or experiences on the following:
I have a 24 month old and a 6 month old. I work 7 days on / 7 days off for 12 hr shifts (hospitalist), so I work every other weekend (sat and sun from 7a-7p). My husband works the typical M-F work week (engineer), is home every weekend, but is overwhelmed with caring for both kids alone on the weekends that I work. We are looking for a part-time nanny to help on the weekends that I work (we use daycare for both kids during the week). My husband would be home during that time and can take one of the kids if the day gets to be too much for the nanny. We live in suburbs of Pittsburgh if that matters.
1) recommendations on where to start looking for a nanny (any website better than others? have people had better results with online searches than through word of mouth?)
2) how do you determine if a nanny is a good fit and what’s important to look for in a hire (background / experience / anything else?)
3) hours would be 9a to 7p, every other weekend, for the next 6 months (then probably re-evaluate to see if contract should be renewed) – is this a reasonable work schedule and what is a reasonable cost / hr? (20$/hr is what we’ve previously paid babysitters when we had just the toddler)
4) anything else I’m not asking with the above questions and should?
Thanks in advance!
Anon in Pittsburgh says
I’m also in a Pittsburgh suburb and just did the whole nanny search. I used care.com with mixed results and also facebook mom and neighborhood groups. Someone on facebook recommended Nextdoor and I also found a good candidate through that. I had hoped to pay $18/hr (on the books) but found that most nannys I interviewed wanted between 20-25/hr.
I’m happy to chat more offline if you send me your email
Anonymous says
I would try contacting the local school/college with a post-secondary early childhood education program. You may get a student who is interesting in working weekends only because they have school during the week but motivated to do great work because they would want to use you as a reference when they graduate.
You also might be more successful in getting someone 12pm-6pm which would allow them to give lunch, put kids down for a nap, fold kid laundry, play with kids, prep supper etc. I don’t think a lot of students want to be up at 9am on the weekend unless they really need the work.
Anonymous says
This
The suggestion to advertise at early childhood ed programs is a great one. Our elementary before/aftercare program is staffed with a lot of these students, and they have tons of energy and always looking to babysit and get extra experience. If the hours are a little shorter, I think you would get a lot of interest.
Anonymous says
Your local high school may also have a vocational program that focuses on early childhood.
EB0220 says
I agree, 9 am – 7 pm seems like a pretty long day, especially if it’s both weekend days. I think I would try for a shorter window (8 hours or less).
HSAL says
I think that’s a pretty long day, even if it’s only every other weekend. I agree with the poster above who suggested contacting local colleges, but if your husband is going to be there most of the time anyway, you could also get someone younger. I think $20/hour is great (for my MCOL area at least) but I think you’ll have better luck getting someone if you shorten the hours. As far as fit, your husband will be there and able to see if the nanny is a good choice, but at the same time she might feel strange having your him there the entire time (not a knock on your husband; I wouldn’t want to be alone with my kids all weekend either, but it is a little weird).
Anon says
“at the same time she might feel strange having your him there the entire time (not a knock on your husband; I wouldn’t want to be alone with my kids all weekend either, but it is a little weird).”
I feel like there’s a lot of sexism in this comment. Would you say the same thing if it was the mom that was around? Because that’s very common. Most of the SAHMs I know have part-time childcare, at least in the form of a teenaged “mother’s helper.” Fwiw, my husband and I have a regular M-F nanny and he works full-time from home. We mentioned it when interviewing, but nobody we spoke to seemed to have any issue with it.
anon says
Not saying there isn’t any sexism there, but most nannies prefer that no parent is around while they are at the house with the kids–even if they won’t say that during the interview process. Depending on the kids’ ages, being locked behind a door working is sometimes “away” enough but it depends a lot on the parents, the kids, the set up of the house, and the nanny.
HSAL says
I thought about that after I wrote it, and almost went back rephrase it, but yes, I would say the same thing if it was the mom who was around or if it was a man who was the nanny. What’s being proposed here is different from a mother’s helper (usually a younger person, not an actual nanny) or having a nanny with a parent who works from home, because it suggests that the dad would be just hanging out around the house while the nanny is with the kids. I’m not saying it can’t work, but having babysat and nannied in the past, having the parent there the entire time for a 10-hour day, assisting when needed, would have been strange to me. I think shorter hours helps alleviate that.
Anonymous says
Agree. And Dad could get a break for a couple hours by doing the grocery shopping solo or running errands or going to the gym etc.
Anon says
Yeah, I agree with this. We hired a summer nanny last year, and it was definitely a sticking point for some candidates that my husband works from home full time. I imagine it would be an even bigger one if he weren’t working during that time. Not because he’s a dude, but because some people just feel self-conscious with their boss in the house all the time.
anon says
I don’t know that you’ll need to go this route, but I’d consider looking for two individuals. One to work Saturdays and one to work Sundays (or even alternate). It makes the logistics a bit harder but with the wonkiness of the schedule you are looking for and the intense work schedule, I really think you might have an easier time finding good candidates–even a standard babysitter vs career nanny could do it. I would also (as others suggested) limit the hours to 8ish per shift (at the high end). It will probably be enough help for your husband if someone can give him a solid chunk of hours without kids each weekend day. Especially so if they can get the kids out of the house on occasion. Park trips, errand running, whatever.
anon says
yes two different people was going to be my suggestion as well. one for Saturday and one for sunday OR, you could maybe have someone from 9-2 and then someone else from 3-7. it might be hard to find a college student or anyone with a full time job who is interested in working the entire weekend. and i would also consider a shorter work day.
Me too says
I have had good luck finding college sitters through Urbansitter and also by posting on our local university’s student jobs board. Most colleges have them.
I agree that you need to shorten the hours, like 11 am – 5 pm. I agree with others that it is weird that your husband will be home and not working and yet wants a full time nanny the entire time? Have him watch the kids for some portion of the day, then hand him off to the nanny while he runs errands, goes to the gym, etc.
I did something somewhat similar to what I am proposing. When my kids were very little and I was home with them all day (usually weekdays when daycare was closed), I would hire a college sitter for 4 hours or so. So I would take care of them for part of the day, then hand them over to her in the afternoon while I got stuff done around the house, ran errands, went to the gym, etc.
Anonymous says
Do you really need a nanny, or would a mother’s (father’s) helper suffice?
Not quite twins says
Does your daycare allow teachers to moonlight? If so, I would start there. We use several of the teachers from our daycare as occasional babysitters, but we have one teacher that we use basically as a weekend nanny. She prefers as she calls it having a ‘weekend nanny family’ rather than having to cobble together babysitting jobs. She works for us 4-5 hours each Saturday and Sunday. Originally we were only looking for help on Sundays, but she asked if she could also work Saturdays.
If that isn’t an option, I agree with a lot of the ideas posted above – looking for education major college students, but you may need to shorten the hours. I also agree that hiring 2 may be better than 1 – not only to divvy up the hours but so you can have back-up if one goes on spring break/has a hard week coming up, etc.
As for finding a good fit, I would strongly encourage you call their recommendations. Before our current weekend nanny we had 2 college students that helped – 1 was spectacular and 1 was a complete dud. The spectacular one had multiple references who were excited to call me and tell me how great she was (and I do the same for her now that she has moved). The dud had references that were good, but not enthusiastic (but we were desperate at the time and thought it was the best we could do!).
As a parting note I would like to say it gets better. Having 2 under 2 is no joke as I am sure you know. When both my kids were under 2 I thought there was never going to be a time that I could watch both of them for long periods of time on my own. I think it’s great you are looking for help now because the hardest time for me was when the little one started walking and I had 2 toddlers constantly trying to go in different directions! But while I was happy I had help, I also felt a bit like a failure for not being able to do it on my own. I wish someone told me then that not only does it get better and you won’t need it forever, but it’s ok to need and get help on the weekends.
Anon says
I’m sure my opinion is biased by the fact I watch the kids alone most weekends (my husband does not have traditional hours and is gone 5 days at a time, usually over a weekend). I’m not debating that parenting young kids on your own for an entire weekend is tough, because it’s really truly hard, but it’s also just part of being a parent when you have a spouse that travels or works different hours. I’d be hesitant to basically give him help for every period he might be alone with the kids, until we both had investigated what’s behind it. (You know your relationship, but make sure he’s not setting up a dynamic where “dads are just bad at this parenting thing” and he needs you to schedule a sitter/nanny/help for him every time you have to work late or travel or go out with friends.)
Assuming that’s not a concern, can you dig into what’s feeling so overwhelming for him? Is it just the baby stage? Is it that he wants time to himself? Is it that it’s hard to run errands with two young kids in tow? Is he missing adult interaction?
I’d recommend you start with a 4 hour chunk of a babysitter. Like, every Sunday from 12-4, a sitter comes to watch the kids and he can run errands or schedule personal items in that window. Or maybe it’s every Saturday night from 6-10pm so he gets to skip a bedtime routine and hang out with friends. And he should take the lead in scheduling this so he can clearly articulate what he needs and expects, and so he has the direct line of communication with the sitter if his schedule changes for the week.
Anon says
I work 9-5, no weekends or evenings, and I could not handle being essentially alone with my child half of all weekends, in addition to being a normal 50% parent during the week and on the other half of the weekends (obviously a different situation if you’re divorced and your time with your kids is limited completely to certain weekends). My husband travels for work some weekends and that’s fine, but the occasional weekend is very different than every other weekend. Even one weekend a month is so different than every other weekend. I can only speak for DH and me but weekends are when the bulk of of our chores get done. When one parent is out of town, the other parent is in survival mode – there is a lot of freezer food or takeout, more screentime than we’d like, we often skip the bath if she’s not filthy, cleaning and yardwork slide, etc. That’s fine occasionally but I think it’s pretty reasonable to want some help so you’re living your life perpetually in survival mode.
Anon says
*not living your life perpetually in survival mode
Anon says
I agree with this, but also, there’s a lot of space between perpetual survival mode and a nanny for 10 hours both weekend days. I do think it would be easier to hire someone for 5-6 hours; and if the OP’s husband used that time partly to get groceries, cook dinner, etc., the rest of the time might not be so overwhelming.
Personally, I’d try to get someone to cover the afternoons, because that’s when my kids are more likely to be a mess.
CCLA says
Depending on how much you want to throw money instead of time at this, consider an agency, specifically a small local one (check yelp or better yet nextdoor for agency recs). With one exception a couple of years ago, I’ve found care too time consuming to slog through all the replies that were clearly automated and not a match for the job. We tried a big local agency first and were very disappointed in the responsiveness of the junior person who was assigned to our job, so left the $300 initiation fee and walked away, but have loved the responsiveness and quality provided through a smaller local agency, which is basically a two-woman shop that works directly with us and runs a nice network of experienced nanny referrals. Their initiation fee was a couple of hundred to start the search, and total fees were something like 15% of the total annual compensation, which was only payable if you actually booked someone, which seemed reasonable for the amount of time it saved us. Fees included trial days and replacement services in addition to their usual background check and reference checking. They were more than happy to work on non-traditional assignments such as part time placements.
CCLA says
Also, definitely agree with the poster above about setting up expectations that dad needs help every time he’s solo parenting. If that’s not the case here, great. I’d also not promise the childcare provider that DH will be helping out during that time. He may find he wants or needs to leave. I often get help during my off hours if DH is working (he’s a doc, so I have a fair number of solo weekend days), and I often just want to get out of the house. I come and go, which may not be the nanny’s favorite set up, but it was clearly communicated when we engaged. I would personally find it way more helpful to have childcare completely in someone else’s hands for one full day, or better yet a few hours each day, than just getting a second set of hands for all of both days but still be expected to be involved all the time.
Anonymous says
OP here. Thanks for all the suggestions. I like the idea of hiring 2-3 people so there’s backup, shorter shifts, and prioritizing coverage for the afternoon / evening hours (yes, that is when things start falling apart fast).
Also, thanks to whoever suggested that a 4-6hr block of free time per day might be enough for him to get through the weekend tolerably. This is what I would want if I were in his place. I’ll get his thoughts on this.
CHL says
Opinions requested – I’m so done with winter that I’m just moving ahead with spring! Advice needed – we have an adult sized patio table on our deck where we eat a lot during the summer. We “entertain” quite a bit in the summer (i.e. have neighbors over for hot dogs and beers while our kids run around like crazy people). My kids are 4 and 6. We have a paver stone area where I was thinking about putting a table where kids could eat and hang out to create extra seating. Would you get a kids sized table to go there or just get like a regular picnic table or cheap adult sized patio table? Or do some Adirondacks and a “coffee” table? I’m not up for buying something totally expensive but I’d like to have another place to sit and eat. Thanks for all your warm weather imaginations!
Anonymous says
Regular picnic table (if you have enough space) but paint the top with chalkboard paint so it also is an activity table to keep the kids occupied.
If they were younger, I would say do kid sized stuff but in 3 years they will be 7 and 9 which will make most kid sized stuff too small.
Anon says
We have the costco “plastic” adirondacks (look like painted wood but weatherproof) and they are surprisingly easy to eat from because the arms are wide enough to set a drink on or rest a (small) plate. I would do that with maybe a fire pit (so fun) and I think you can get fire pits that have a table top when they’re not being used.
anon says
Kids outgrow kids’ furniture quickly. For an outdoor furniture purchase, which I assume you’ll have for awhile, I’d go for a regular table that adults can use, too.
CHL says
Thank you all for the advice!
Readytotravelagain says
Talk to me about doing an Alaskan disney cruise with a 4 year old and 2 year old. We’re not huge cruise people, but I’d like to see a destination not in the continental US and it seems easier to do a cruise. Disney seems overpriced but everything seems perfectly kid friendly. We’d take my parents along too so that we have some adult time.
Is it worth the price tag or are there other “easy” but not continental US destinations you’d recommend for kids in this age range?
Anon says
I haven’t done Disney, but I have cruised Alaska twice. I think the cruise itself will be a lot of fun. What if anything do you want to do off the ship with your kids? Getting off the ship and seeing anything meaningful before it’s time to re-board for nap time may be challenging because of how long it can take to get on and off the ship. That’s one reason why we’ve leaned away from cruise ships and towards resorts since having kids. With a resort, there’s so much right there that it feels like a great vacation even if you don’t leave the resort (some people probably feel the same way about cruises, but I don’t).
OP says
That’s a great point, thank you! Where have you gone for resorts and what do you recommend? We traveled a lot pre-kids, but our kids are nuts and we’ve gone pretty much nowhere with them, so traveling with kids will be brand new to us.
Anon says
We’ve stayed at Windsong Resort in Turks and Caicos (not AI) and Sugar Beach in St. Lucia (we paid for an AI plan but I believe it’s optional), both with great success. There’s great snorkeling at both those resorts so DH and I took turns in the water during nap times, and then we mostly just hung out in the pool as a family. I’ve heard great things about the Disney resort in Hawaii, and will definitely be interested in doing that when my daughter starts expressing interest in Disney. And actually although I said we don’t do cruises, we’re trying one out this summer with our 2.5 year old. We’re doing Norway, so the primary goal of the trip will be enjoying the fjord scenery from the ship. There’s a lot of great scenery in Alaska too, with the glaciers, so maybe I shouldn’t have been so quick to dismiss it. You just have to adjust your expectations as far as non-cruise activities (although if you have the grandparents there, maybe you can take turns getting off the ship to do something more adventurous!)
Chi Squared says
We will be spending a few days at the Disney resort in Hawaii at the end of this year (which is SO FAR AWAY) with a 6 and 3-year old. It’s expensive, particularly that time of year, but at least there’s not a lot of extra fees – the kids club is included vs. some resorts where it is $50-80 per kid per day. For OP, I note that the kids club starts at age 3, and all kids must be potty trained. That may also be the policy on Disney cruises.
SC says
It is definitely the policy on the Disney cruise that all kids have to be potty trained to use the kids club. There’s a nursery for kids 3 and under, but you have to pay ($4.50 per half hour).
I’d look at the activities and excursions and see if you’re excited about doing them with a 2 and 4 year old, or if you’d rather wait. We have some relatives who did the Disney Alaska cruise with older kids, and they had an amazing time.
Anonymous says
We just went to Atlantis in the Bahamas and found it to be very kid-friendly. It’s not necessarily all-inclusive but you can buy a meal plan I think.
Anon says
I have nothing but good things to say about Grand Wailea (when we went my sisters were young, but elementary young, not diapers young) in Maui – but I imagine it would work with little ones too.
Anonymous says
we did the Disney cruise to Alaska when my child was 2. We chose Disney solely bc it was the only cruise line that had child care (at a cost) for a 2 year old. We scheduled a few of the excursions around our child, but wish that we would have left him in the nursery for one of the excursions so we could have seen more while in port. The cost of the excursions and the childcare cost was often similar. But the views were amazing and it was by far the easiest trips we have taken since having a kid.
Disney cruises are expensive.
Anonymous says
We have a kid sized folding picnic table and I am a fan. My kids love it since it’s their size and it is way easier for them to eat at it (they are 5 and 2). It’s just a smaller version of an adult table (not a little tikes or something) so it’s much sturdier. And the folding up is nice so we can get rid of it if we have an adult event and during the winter. I vote no on adirondacks for eating. They are nice to sit on, but hard for even grownups to eat in. For a kid, that recline would be nearly impossible.
Anon says
What would you ask that’s specific to the 12-18 month age group when touring a daycare? We toured pre-baby but decided to go with a nanny for infancy and are now making the rounds again (at the same places for the most part, so I’m familiar with policies, generally cleanliness of the center, etc.)
One thing I thought of is feeding – after reading the Ellen Satter book, I want to know how they approach mealtimes, will they tell my kid she has to take one bite of everything or praise her when she finishes her food, etc. I’m sure there are lots of other areas where there are similar ‘parenting philosophy’ divides, but I’m not thinking of them now.
Anonymous says
These are more important at 18 months+ but I’m assuming you want to think about this a little longer term, not just for the 6 months of 12-18m.
1. How do they handle potty training? FWIW, my first daycare was awesome with this. They potty trained en masse with all kids in the class over 30 months or whatever, and the focused effort and peer pressure was great. Our current daycare has no such system, and even though I send my kid to school in underwear, he almost always comes home in a pull-up. It’s taking forever and is frustrating.
2. How do they handle discipline / classroom management? In what cases might kids be separated from their peers because of undesirable behavior, how, for how long, etc?
3. Screen time, if this is important to you. My daycare has a written policy of no screen time except on special movie days when parents will be informed in advance. They absolutely don’t follow it in my daughter’s preschool class, she comes home telling me about Boss Baby or whatever dumb youtube story or music video she watched every other day.
4. Parent communication. This is important on a teacher-by-teacher basis, but also generally, how does the center management communicate with parents? How frequently?
5. How is naptime handled? How many naps do the kids get? What if they don’t fall asleep during a scheduled nap and and then super tired later, is there a quiet place to rest?
Anon says
Super helpful, thank you.