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Anonymous says
Two qs- my husband is really into a “big” christmas present from Santa for our kids- past gifts have included a marble run, scooters, easel, etc. But we’re running out of ideas and space and I am really not into buying stuff just because it looks good in a picture of the tree. How have any of you navigated this tension if you disagree on present priorities? I appreciate he works hard to put together a list each year of thoughtful gifts he think they will like, but I’m the one charged with finding space for them in our tiny house.
Second q- my oldest is 6 and has outgrown her strider pedal bike. Suggestions for next steps? Woom is a bit too expensive, but since she’s used to that kind of bike (balance bike style), I would like to get something similar. Bike shops near our house don’t have kids bikes for her to try. Thanks!!
Cb says
We love our frog bikes, but use a bike rental service so it spreads the expense/we worry less about when he grows out of it.
Could Santa bring a “big” experience?
EDAnon says
A big experience is a great idea! Maybe a trip or a membership?
Cb says
Like something with an accessory.
Or what about sleeping bags and lanterns?
AwayEmily says
We did sleeping bags as our big present last year and it was great. They were all spread out under the tree when the kids came down and they snuggled in them all day and were super excited. We’ve since used them for a couple of camping trips. But yeah, in general for the “big present” I try to go with things they would have gotten eventually anyway just by virtue of getting bigger (new bike, new backpack, a set of chapter books, etc) and then time that for Christmas.
Anonymous says
A big experience is not a good suggestion! The man wants to give his kid a gift in a box with a bow. That is okay! An experience isn’t that.
Anon says
She said he’s really into giving them a big present. An experience is a present. It’s worth suggesting. Maybe he won’t go for it, but this a weird reaction.
EDAnon says
A bike would be a great (and classic) big Christmas gift!
For bikes, the Woom was too expensive for us (and the wait was too long!) so we got a Trek Precaliber. We were able to find it on Craigslist (being very patient!).
Anonymous says
I was given a bike for Christmas by my father twice. The first time I was 8. The second time I was 37 and had just had a major bike accident that totaled my bike and two teeth. He’s still making sure I get up, dust off and get back on the bicycle.
anon says
Your dad is a sweetheart.
Pogo says
We love the Trek precaliber.
anon says
Fortunately I think “big” presents tend to get smaller as the kids get older (though often more expensive). We always have the where-to-put-it conversation before agreeing on a present and agree on what we’ll get rid of to make room for any big present.
My daughter has a Woom bike and, while expensive, we’ve found it worth it. It’s so light weight and easy to ride. It gets a ton of use. If you are going to splurge, get it when she’s just entering a size so she can use it for the maximum length of time. I think they also have good resale value, but may be difficult to find used. If you want another brand, the Byk brand is good. It’s inferior to Woom in our experience, but better than what you get most places.
Anonymous says
Well, the big gift this year could be a bike.
I also have a small house with zero storage, and the “big” gifts you cite don’t really seem that big. You are not talking about a play kitchen, ride-on car, giant dollhouse, huge Lego set, American Girl furniture, etc. As kids get older the “big” gifts tend to get smaller in size–iPad, Kindle, Polaroid camera, Nintendo Switch, very expensive colored pencils (that last one may just be my kid). You can also do big outdoor gifts, like a swingset or a mud kitchen, and experience gifts, like a trip or theatre tickets. In my experience the most exciting “big” gift is something the kid has been coveting for a long time and will get a lot of use or enjoyment from. It can be something like a pair of name-brand boots the kid really wants that you wouldn’t ordinarily splurge on, redecorating the kid’s bedroom to be more grown-up, or something useful and fun like personalized luggage. I do know people who get “big” gifts that their kids aren’t really interested in just for the sake of having a big gift, and that does seem wasteful.
Anonymous says
Also eventually you rotate big gifts out.
OP says
Thanks all, appreciate these perspectives, particularly the point about the big gifts getting smaller. Yes the big gift for the oldest will be a new bike, but we’ve been struggling on what to get our youngest- he wants to splurge for a new bike for her too, which is frustrating for me because we have a perfectly good bike to hand down to her, so that just seems needlessly wasteful. But I get that as the youngest, only getting hand me down things is a bummer.
To the poster below- obviously if we had a garage we would have more storage, but many houses don’t! Ours is one of them.
Anonymous says
I mean can you afford it? If you can I don’t get the resistance. It’s not that insane of a position to feel like you work very hard to provide for your family and want the joy of giving your kids a big gift under the tree? I feel the same way. Yes socks would be more practical and also sad.
Anon says
You could also sell the old bike so it goes to use in another family.
Anonymous says
She’s 6! Get her a real bike, put it under the tree, store it in the garage. Your problem solves itself.
NYCer says
Why don’t you buy your 6yo a new bike for Christmas? Seems to kill two birds with one stone.
I don’t think experience gifts are great with younger children tbh. At least for my kids, they like the act of opening presents and playing with new toys.
Anonymous says
And children don’t pay for their experiences. It’s a gift for the parents.
Anon says
I don’t understand this comment. If you’re giving a child something you wouldn’t otherwise do, its a gift to the child. I agree if you’re going to get a family zoo membership anyway it’s chintzy to call it a Christmas gift. But that’s not what experience gifts are.
Anon says
+1 I’m taking my 5 year old to Legoland for her birthday. It is a place she really wants to go that I have no interest in. It’s absolutely a gift for her. If it was a gift to me we would be going to a spa. Lol.
Anon says
It varies by kid I think. We have done some trips as big presents as young as 4 with great success. We always have something small to open related to the experience.
Anon says
I kind of love that idea from your husband. We do the same. What ages are your kids and maybe we can help suggest something you’d actually be excited for them to receive? Also it sounds like he does the brainstorming??? I’d let him have this for sure – DH has never suggested a gift for our kids! I love him, but that’s not his thing – it’s all on me. I’d also be super hurt if he got mad about it truthfully because I put a lot of thought into gift buying. Tread carefully.
For the 6 year old, we have the specialized riprock for two of our kids and love it. Bought one new and found the other used at a bike shop.
Anonymous says
This. We do one gift like a book or ski boots on Christmas eve, 1-2 individual gifts on Charismas morning and 1 big ‘group’ gift for the three of them. Past group gifts have included – upgraded play kitchen (larger so all three could play), art table that had enough room for all three to craft together, 3 snow slides, a dress up box filled with costumes (I got some second hand around halloween), and a telescope last year (they are elementary age and were very into space stuff with their dad).
Anonymous says
Highly recommend Guardian bikes. Probably not that much less than Woom, but it’s been great for my 5yo as a next bike after her Strider. Suggest reading reviews/guidance on two wheeling tots to understand the difference.
And it sounds like your husband has a different love language/attitude around gifts than you do. That’s ok! I also really like putting in time to think of a thoughtful gift and give it to the recipient, and I would be bummed if my spouse told me I was just doing it for a photo op or was being wasteful.
OP says
Good point re: love language. Appreciate those who have pointed that out, you’re right, putting these lists together isn’t easy and I should be more appreciative.
anon says
I put together the lists in my household, and it is hard work! I’ll admit that I bristle a bit when DH is unenthusiastic. Come up with a better alternative, or get on board, is my thought.
Anonymous says
One big gift is also easier to deal with then a bunch of smaller stuff. My DH always complains about ‘stuff’ but offers no useful suggestions as to what we should get the kids instead of what he complains about. The reality is you have to get your kids something for their birthdays and Christmas (or applicable similar holiday), and it is mental effort/emotional labour to think up different options whether it is a big item or a specific experience gift.
Anon says
Yeah, the photo op line really rubbed me the wrong way. It’s really dismissive.
Aunt Jamesina says
I’m very much on the side of Less Stuff is Better (my parents and in-laws would say to an extreme!), but I feel like a parent giving one big gift for one holiday per year is one of the few times I’m cool with it. I also love experience and low-waste options, but I also remember how exciting it was to have a big gift under the tree as a kid. Perhaps looking at what can be given away, or other ways you can reduce the stuff in your home would help?
DLC says
My Husband also comes from a tradition of big gifts to open under the tree. We have three kids (10, 5, and 3) and last year and this year we are thinking in terms of getting one big gift for all three kids to play with. (Probably not an idea for this year since you already have half the gifts figured out, but maybe for future years?) Last year it was a Swedish Climbing Ladder (thanks to the recs from here!). This year I think it will be a foosball table.
But definitely – the 10 year olds’ idea of a big gift does take up less space than the 5 year old’s. (ie. she wants a tablet. He wants an airplane.)
Also – I think there is some value in getting one big gift over lots of small gifts. It’s the small gifts that I find languish and break.
Anon says
I am both you AND your husband, FWIW. I love, love, love, love Christmas, but am Midwest practical when it comes to buying stuff. I get tremendous anxiety buying “stuff” just to wrap and put under the tree (and I have a lot of anxiety around clutter in general), but have always absolutely loved a big Christmas. I try to get around in a few ways:
1) A few weeks before Christmas, we ruthlessly purge. Clothes, toys, books, etc. all get donated. I find that even if I’m pretty diligent about what I buy, random gifts from extended family or close friends trickle in during the season, as did little things from day care (our day care is affiliated with a church, so they do all the crafts, homemade gifts, etc. for Christmas). If I start with a clean slate with room to add new stuff, I have a lot less angst about the stuff that comes in during the season.
2) We use Christmas as a good time to update the staples and replace items they would get anyway, but are still something special/extra (i.e., replacing or upgrading items needed for their extracurriculars or sports). – So new toothbrushes, toothpaste, and socks go in the stockings, and we box and wrap cleats for their upcoming sports seasons, new gear for upcoming sports seasons, new coats, helmets, or mittens for ski season, etc., and it all becomes Christmas gifts. It makes our tree look SUPER festive, and is all stuff they would have gotten anyway. I try to think of a whole year in advance for what each kid will be doing and buy stuff for Christmas I’d end up buying for them anyway.
We frequently do one bigger family themed gift, and it is always related to an activity we will do as a family (we did sleeping bags and a tent one year, bikes the next, and this year they will get skis). I also like that it reinforces that the extracurriculars they do and the activities we do as a family are “gifts,” and should not be taken for granted (or like, you don’t just get all new hockey gear on a random Tuesday because someone else on your team got new gear).
3) One year, my very practical side won, and we had a minimalist Christmas. The kids were actually totally fine, but if I’m being honest, I was a little depressed by it. We finished opening gifts in under 10 minutes (and that was going one gift at a time for 6 people), and it was just kind of blah. Christmas was very big in my very ethnic Catholic family, and though I am no longer religious, I realize how much I love all the ceremony around the holiday.
4) Finally, adding in extra service projects around the holidays helps my angst about buying stuff.
Anonymous says
The family sports/activity gear gift is one of our favorites. We have done luggage for a trip we were about to take, ski helmets and associated gear, sleeping bags, snowshoes, bikes, and roller skates.
OP says
Thank you, I appreciate these ideas. That’s also the thing- it’s not just one big gift, it’s one big centerpiece gift (bike, scooter, etc) PLUS lots of other gifts because we “need to make sure the tree looks full on Christmas morning.” That’s what I kind of hate- it feels like consuming just to consume. But this has been a helpful thread, thanks all!
Anonymous says
A great way to do this is change up how you wrap things. Like don’t just wrap a book, put it in a box with tissue paper and wrap the box.
You can use the boxes year after year and make a game of shaking and guessing what is inside.
Anonymous says
It’s really not hard to make the tree look full with stuff you’d probably buy them anyway–books, art supplies, craft and science kits, puzzles, games, activity books, accessories for the big gift like a bike helmet and bell. The suggestion to purge their play and craft areas of worn-out and unwanted stuff before the holiday and then use holiday gifts to replenish and refresh those items is a good one.
Anon says
Exactly — I’m the practical, angsty, lover of big Christmases above you. We do both – a big ticket item that jumps out (this year, skis, before that bikes, a family tent, or sleeping bags), and lots of filler gifts. My point is that your filler gifts can be more practical than running to Target and buying out their toy section. I promise you can look at your year ahead and come up with at least 5 to 8 things that you will have to buy your kid anyway. Buy those things now, wrap them and stick them under the tree. You get a big, fun Christmas, but the filler gifts are just toy after toy. Bonus – I end up getting all this stuff on sale during cyber Monday sales. As another example, one year, my daughter wanted her room to look more grown up, so she got a dresser as a “big” gift then we wrapped some of the fun accessories she wanted for her room. It ended up being tons of gifts, but would have been just been a trip to Target if we had decorated her room during another time of year.
Anon says
That is, the filler gifts are NOT just toy after toy.
Anonymous says
For the younger one, a play tent is a “big” exciting gift that doesn’t take up much storage space.
Anonymous says
How about an outdoor climber or basketball hoop? Those are large but may be desired purchases anyway.
Cb says
Reporting back (from my husband’s reporting back) from parent teacher conference. My 5 year old is a delight, very helpful and responsible, bur quite reserved, which we expected. His only to dos are to add more detail to his drawings and learn to skip. I guess they have to say something, but skipping made me laugh.
EDAnon says
I think I learned to skip kind of late. I remember struggling with it and being grateful that I could gallop!
That would make me laugh too.
Cb says
And apparently “you wouldn’t be able to tell his mother works away…” so I guess I’m not screwing up my kid too badly. I think my husband told me this as reassurance but ouch.
Anonymous says
Oh, ouch. That is the nice thing about day care–all the moms there work and many travel, so you don’t get those types of comments.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Did the teacher really say that?! That seems highly old fashioned.
Cb says
Village life. Had to explain to my kid that not all mums worked and that boggled his mind.
I suspect my son’s bestie (whose dad also works away – we trade off kid duties commune-style) did not get the same response.
Anon says
Wow.
Anon says
Ha I remember our pediatrician telling me that 5-yr-old boys don’t/can’t skip – they gallop! It’s been true for my older two boys. Eventually they figure it out
Anonymous says
Lots of kids have trouble with skipping. My daughter’s pre-ballet teacher taught skipping very effectively by starting with high-knee marching, then having them rock up on their toes with each step, then turning it into a hop. The key is to have them lifting the knee and going up on their toes/hopping in one fluid motion. If you break it down into separate step and hop motions, it doesn’t work.
anonM says
+1 I still don’t like skipping lol
Pogo says
Ha, my kinder is learning to skip as well!
Anon says
Sounds like your guy is awesome! But how have I missed the fact that skipping is an important life skill? I don’t know if any of my kids know how to skip!!
Anon says
WWYD- pregnancy announcement.
I’m pregnant with #2. For #1 we did a surprise announcement for Husband’s (big) family and wound up upsetting SIL. SIL is unmarried and I stupidly hadn’t realized she had wanted kids. In my mind, it’s clear we need to do something differently to announce #2. No big group announcement, or at the very least give SIL a private text warning and the opportunity to opt out etc.
Husband has a contentious relationship with SIL and doesn’t want to do anything differently. He wants the big moment with his parents and other siblings. He thinks if we give SIL a heads up she won’t keep it a secret (this is honestly a valid concern with SIL). He thinks the news will be upsetting to her and she’ll respond publicly regardless of what we do (probably another valid concern).
“Your family, you call the shots” and supporting our spouse in their decisions are big tenets of our relationship. But do I do that at the expense of what I view as basic kindness?
Anonymous says
As someone who had to wait a long time to have a child and was always sad when other people announced their pregnancies, I don’t think you owe it to SIL to warn her ahead of time.
Anonymous says
I don’t think you owe her a warning but I also don’t think it’s ok to hijack a big family gathering for a pregnancy announcement. That’s rude and selfish and taking over an occasion. For a second baby? When you know the first time it was hurtful? Why.
This is tricky says
I tend to agree with this just as a general matter—apart from the issues with SIL. I’m also not sure your husband is going to get the “moment” he thinks he is – people just don’t make as a big a deal with a second child (I’m on my third, ask me how I know haha).
That said, I do usually leave family-related decisions up to my spouse. So this is a tough spot to be in if he really won’t change his mind.
Can you do a “moment” with just the grandparents and your first? Take him:her to their choice in a “soon to be big brother/sister” shirt or something along those lines?
Anon says
Food for thought, is it really hijacking an entire event to share news? I think it’s definitely inappropriate to announce at someone’s baby shower, but hiding news when you’re at a low key dinner catching up with people about what is new also seems a bit much. Maybe my family is different but we would still be capable of sharing it without it being the only topic of conversation for the rest of the get together.
anon says
I think it totally depends on what the event is and how you handle it, tbh. Like, an event that is very much focused on someone else’s special occasion (birthday party, wedding, baby shower) – definitely not the right moment. Casual family cookout or even holiday gathering – not by definition an unacceptable time but could be depending on family dynamics and how you handle it. I tend to think it’s inappropriate regardless of setting if you do it in a way that makes you very much the center of attention for an extended time, but I think there’s an element of family culture there. Like, in my family anything beyond, say, raising a glass during dinner, saying “hey, wanted to share that we’re expecting!” and offering a toast would be over the top (but we’re also people who do not do gender reveals, public proposals, or other very public announcements of significant life events).
Anon says
Oh I see. I was getting an “ew, stop talking about yourself, nobody cares about you” vibe from some of the comments. It would be kind of depressing to think that someone’s family thought they were annoying and attention-seeking for telling them about a second child in a cutesy way.
anon says
Yes, this. I can sort of get this for your first kid, but doing it again would be very over-the-top IMO.
Anon says
+1.
Anonymous says
I think this boils down to what kind of person do you want to be, despite your SILs poor behavior. I’m infertile and I hate big announcements but I also would never ever spill the beans: that is so rude and selfish and frankly pretty immature. I think it’s fine to do another big reveal if DH feels super strongly about it. But what if you called/FT just your in laws and had a big reveal? Send champagne to their house or something? Then immediately text SIL, then call/text the other siblings? Your SIL doesn’t sound like a peach but you’re being very thoughtful.
Cb says
I’d scale back the announcement. Maybe something special with the grandparents? I think your instinct to err on the side of kindness is a good one. SIL sounds awful but there’s no need to add fuel to the fire?
Anonymous says
I think a big family announcement for baby 2 is tone deaf and silly. Just tell people. He’s being mean.
NYCer says
+1. No need for a big announcement. [Caveat, I am not a fan of big pregnancy announcements ever.]
ElisaR says
yep.
Agree says
I tend to agree with this. People will be happy for you regardless, but taking over an event forcing them to put on a face of overwhelming excitement is kinda silly IMO.
anon says
Just put a “Big Sister/Brother” shirt on #1 and circulate the picture?
FWIW, I don’t need a heads up and I’ve been in fertility treatments for 3 years and counting for #2 and did the same song and dance for #1. Of all the pregnancy announcements that I’ve lived through during this time the only one that really and truly stings is a good friend who made this grandiose announcement at a dinner with girlfriends when they all knew the week before I MC’d. That was next level insensitive and obnoxious, but generally speaking, just do your low key thing, esp if SIL has been challenging.
Spirograph says
When I was pregnant with #2, I put a Big Brother shirt on my oldest when my mom came to visit, and she said nothing about it all day. Finally I asked if she wasn’t curious about son’s shirt, and she said “Oh, I didn’t know if I should read into that or if it was just a hand-me-down.”
Anyway, I totally agree that a big announcement about baby #2 is weird. If the timing works, you can tell people at Thanksgiving in a “we have something new to be thankful for!” kind of way. Or if you have regular family dinners, tell everyone then. YMMV, but trying to manufacture a Moment would fall very flat in my family.
AwayEmily says
that’s hilarious, I can totally see my mom doing that. She is also not big into “moments”…when we told her I was pregnant with our third, her jaw dropped and she said “But everything was going so well!”
Anon says
Haha I would also be afraid to say anything because I would assume it might be a hand me down.
Spirograph says
haha I snort laughed at “everything was going so well!” That is probably the most honest reaction to kid #3 news, ever.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I also vote to tell the grandparents/your in-laws first, then to the siblings separately. I don’t like big announcements in general though, nor do we have a particularly large family.
Anon says
Your husband is being thoughtless. Also agreed big announcements aren’t a thing for #2.
anon says
First off, you did nothing wrong with respect to announcing your first pregnancy. I didn’t get married until I was 40 and was desperate to have kids, and of course other people’s engagement and pregnancy announcements gave me sad twinges, but that was a Me Issue not a Them Issue. Kindness is one thing, but kindness does not obligate you to accommodate someone’s over-sensitivity and inability to be happy for others.
Second, what did SIL do last time/what does your husband think she will do this time to “respond publicly”? And is that response likely to create a scene when you announce your pregnancy? Honestly, that is going to make her look bad – not you – unless your husband’s family has particularly unusual emotional dynamics.
Finally – the one piece I would consider is whether a big announcement of a second pregnancy will create the kind of moment your husband is hoping for. In my family and most families that I know of, big pregnancy announcements either aren’t a thing, or are only a thing for first pregnancies; subsequent pregnancies are obviously also very joyful things but tend to be announced in a more low-key way. It depends a lot on what about the announcement is meaningful to your husband, but it may not be the kind of big moment he is hoping for and that coupled with the possibility of SIL Creating A Scene might be a reason to take a different approach. But only you/he will know how this typically plays out in his family.
Anon says
For #1 during a family gift exchange we gifted his parents some champagne with a note. This wasn’t their first grandchild, so there were some cheers and hugs and we just went on with the exchange.
SIL burst into tears, left the room, came back, had multiple tearful one-on-one conversations with her mom and sisters regarding her feelings/the past and then ultimately left. His family’s response to this was telling me to just ignore her. Apparently she did something very similar at our wedding reception that I wasn’t aware of.
Husband thinks when she finds out about #2 she’s going to do the same thing and will call her mom and sisters immediately if we told her in private/via text.
Anonymous says
I would just tell his parents in a fun way, without any siblings around if that’s possible. You already know she’s going to react like that so why deal with it again?
Also, I really like fun announcements for pregnancies, even if it the second or third. My parents were on the other side of the country for my first pregnancy, so we just did a video call. For the second, I really loved wrapping up a special ornament and presenting them with it- it was absolutely as exciting the second time.
Meh says
There’s a difference between a fun announcement to the grandparents and turning a big group holiday into your pregnancy announcement.
Anon says
She was out of line, but it sounds like this was probably at Christmas or another significant holiday? I wouldn’t repeat that again. Let the holiday be the holiday for everyone.
anon says
I’m the commenter at 10:01 AM and I agree with this given the OP’s clarification that this was at a holiday gift exchange. Your SIL does sound like she lacks an appropriate ability to manage her emotions around her personal situation and that is a Her issue (the meltdown at your wedding, in particular, bespeaks a deeply self-centered and immature person), but it would be a kindness to yourselves and to her not to turn a family occasion that is otherwise not about this into pregnancy announcement 2.0. Does your husband really want to have 2022 forever be remembered as the year his sister sobbed over the Thanksgiving turkey over your pregnancy announcement?
Anon says
My family would love if Christmas got an extra boost from good, happy news from one of its members.
OP says
It wasn’t Christmas. It was for the first day of football. Getting into the weeds a little bit here, but we see his family a lot and they have A LOT of minor traditions like this. They celebrate the first day of football, bet on games and have everyone bring some small gifts to win.
The current discussion is surrounding their Halloween tradition. Husband wants our daughter to wear a big sister shirt to the gathering.
Anonymous says
So I think that’s trash tbh. It’s a family occasion for a reason. That reason isn’t your news.
Spirograph says
Family “holidays” for things like first day of football are a perfect opportunity for baby announcements. FWIW, I think your baby #1 announcement was great. I also think that under normal circumstances, there’s nothing wrong with your child showing up with a big sister shirt to a family Halloween celebration… but since it’s extremely foreseeable that it will ruin the day for your sister in law and her reaction will put a damper on things for others, it would be poor form to go ahead with that plan.
Aunt Jamesina says
Yup, I think her reaction was ridiculous (although I totally understand it being hard to hear about something you want so badly), but why risk a family gathering being ruined again if you know she won’t react well? Share your news with the people that will celebrate it.
Anonymous says
OK, this is kind of obnoxious. I am the one who said you didn’t need to warn SIL, but I thought you meant you were just planning to tell everyone the news at the same time. Her reaction was also over the top. Bad form on both sides.
Anon says
Hmm okay, first, I think that’s very kind of you.
But the other thing I’d add up front is that people get a lot less excited for baby number 2. Which is fine! So I think we announced that one with a text of older sibling in a “I’m going to be a big sister” t-shirt. Or maybe she wore it to dinner with them? Much more low key. Focus was really on the big sibling. And be prepared for all things about this pregnancy to be more low key. We have four and never did a shower for any except our first, for example. By number four we vaguely mentioned it in front of the kids when I wasn’t drinking alcohol. But anyways, yeah, I wouldn’t overthink it, but I’d also talk to DH about being ready to scale things back. The “big moment” looks different for number two.
Anonymous says
Right because showers for second third or forth babies are tacky and shouldn’t happen.
Clementine says
It’s not a shower, it’s a sprinkle!
annony says
This is wild to me that a second pregnancy announcement doesn’t get as much fanfare as a first, huh? I’m not suggesting they need a shower but at least for the announcement it can be equal to the first. This kid didn’t choose his birth order and he still deserves to be celebrated.
I would do an announcement with parents and connect with SIL immediately after – agree with not springing it on her again and hopefully this solves her spilling the beans – which is terrible behavior.
Anonymous says
Oh please. The kid is a fetus. The fetus doesn’t care about the celebration.
Ha says
Yeah, my younger kids get the fun of having an older sibling. And they get equally fun birthday parties… once they can enjoy them! The announcement is just for the adults!
I do think it’s important to make as big of a deal out of later baptisms or things the baby will actually be present for.
anon says
The announcement is really about the parents, not the kid, since the kid is a fetus at the time (which is why I don’t love big pregnancy announcements in general). But announcement of a first pregnancy does tend to be a bigger deal also because it signals that a couple is entering the parenting phase of their lives, and for most families that is a significant and happy thing. Second kids aren’t less special but it’s not a new phase for the parents in the way that a first child is.
Anon says
LOL the celebration is not at all about the future child.
Anon says
I agree with your husband. It’s his family, let him call the shots. You could perhaps heavily hint at it, like invite everyone over for cake for a “special announcement, hint hint.” She could choose not to come.
Anon says
IMO, it’s on other people to manage their own negative emotions about people’s happy news. Of course announcements should still be timed to avoid obvious conflicts – you don’t announce your engagement while giving the toast at someone else’s wedding, for example. But I believe that everyone has the right to celebrate and be happy with family and friends even if one family member or friend will be upset. I’ve learned the hard way that tiptoeing around the person who “might get upset” only makes life sh*ttier for everyone else – less joy, less enthusiasm, less excitement at the mundane and not so mundane developments of life.
Do whatever makes you happy.
Anon says
I agree. I feel like managing other people’s reactions to things is invented emotional labor that doesn’t need to exist.
Aunt Jamesina says
I generally agree with that sentiment, but I think it would be silly to do another big announcement and expect that SIL will react any differently this time. Might as well avoid a fun family event being ruined.
I also wonder if responses would be different if SIL were going through infertility treatments versus being single…
Hmmmm says
How did you announce it last time, and how is he thinking he would like to do it this time?
Also, if his siblings have kids, how have they handled it?
In a big family especially, big announcement “events” for each child does seem like a lot. Especially as more people have kids, the new baby announcements can feel constant. But this is also something that is very family specific. It seems like there should be some middle ground here.
Anonymous says
I think there is a distinction between a gimmicky “reveal” and just telling everyone at the same time “we are expecting baby #2!” The former is high-maintenance and attention-seeking. The latter is great as long as you time it so as not to hijack an event or steal someone else’s thunder. A simultaneous in-person announcement to the whole family is less weird and high-maintenance than telling each person individually and then having to ask them not to say anything until you’ve had a chance to tell everyone.
anon says
If it already upset her the first time, doing it again is just mean, when you are clearly AWARE it’s a sensitive issue because she was outwardly upset before. Maybe she shouldn’t have reacted that way, but her feelings should still be considered because she’s in your family and you have to live with the consequences. I would try to offer an alternative to your husband, maybe layer in something that will make it more appealing for him — go to a restaurant or special place that means a lot to him or would get him excited or something and just take a smaller group with you and tell your SIL separately. Siblings can be mean and thoughtless to each other out of lifelong annoyance, but you also have to suffer through the tension, and I wouldn’t want to fan the flames.
Pogo says
I’m not sure what constitutes a “big announcement”? I actually don’t remember telling people for #1 (lol) but they all knew we were doing IVF and when we transferred etc. For #2, we kept it a secret and we did tell people at Christmas Eve brunch I think, but just like, “Hey, so, we found out Pogo is pregnant today”. But like, no cannons of confetti or anything but it was Christmas Eve Brunch so maybe we did hijack? However, we knew that BIL/SIL were very done having children so no concerns about sensitivity.
Anon says
I’m really having trouble understanding all these comments about “hijacking” holidays or family events by announcing a pregnancy in a normal, excited way. I don’t have a particularly close family and they’ve never been super into milestones, but I can’t imagine any of them being anything other than happy to hear good news when the family is all together. Sure, maybe it would count as “hijacking” to disrupt Grandma saying Christmas grace with a confetti cannon or to scream “it’s a boy!” as your SIL is saying her wedding vows, but otherwise? I don’t get it at all.
Anonymous says
OP’s husband’s family sounds very high-drama. One branch of our family is like that. There is literally nothing you can do to please them. If you told everyone at the same time it would be “hijacking” whatever gathering you were at, but if you told them separately they’d get offended over the order in which they were informed. There are three adult children in this branch of the family and each one wants everything to be all about them, all the time. They are always mad at each other and everyone else for some ridiculous perceived slight, all while they are busy trampling on everyone else. It’s exhausting.
Anon says
I don’t think it makes sense to do something knowingly hurtful when you could so easily avoid it AND still have a special moment.Why not mail something to the people you care about having the moment with and ask them to Zoomyou when they open it (like a onesie or something)? Or get your older kid involved — plan a FaceTime with grandparents and have them show up in a big sibling shirt?
Anon says
Having a Big Announcement for your second pregnancy is gauche, imo.
Anon says
Did anyone else hear about that interview with Julia Roberts and George Clooney where they were both asked about being “older parents”? George became a dad at 56. Julia became a mom at 37. I know the biology for women is more limiting, but those are not the same at all!!!
Cb says
Oh my goodness! My PhD supervisor referred to me as a young mom the other day in the context of “you’re so accomplished, whilst also being a young mom so you should play that up!” and I laughed. I’m 37 with a 5 year old. I got married at 29 (child bride, she replied).
Anon says
Oh man. I also had my only at 32 and I was my OB oldest first time mom patient in years. Varies so much by region!
Boston Legal Eagle says
Mid to late 30s is pretty common where I am for kids. And I would think also in LA? Seems strange, but of course, every opportunity to knock down women…
Anon says
Yeah exactly! Mid to late 30s is very normal. I’ve only heard of men having kids in mid 50s if it’s a celeb or a do-over family with a much younger second wife.
Anon says
Haha agreed! Thou I became a parent for the first time time at 34 and you would’ve thought I was 54 the way people in my area act. (“Midwest nice” and all that, ha.)
Anne-on says
That is full on nuts to me, but I guess it is regional. I was pregnant with my first at 28 in NYC and people at my firm treated me like I was a teen mom (are you sure you’re ready? you’re so young! how will you afford it?!?). Most of my friends had their first/second children in their mid to late 30’s and a bunch had 2nd babies at 39/40. My mom got a lot of grief in the 80s having a 2nd kid at 34 so I think attitudes have changed quite a lot in a short period of time.
Anonymous says
If neither one had the experience of having a child earlier in life, how would they know anything about the difference between being a younger parent and being an older parent?
Anon says
I don’t think the question was like “young parenthood vs older parenthood: compare.” It was something like “can you talk about your experiences having your kids later in life?” It was reasonable except that Julia had kids at a very normal age.
Anonymous says
A specific question then a more general one. I’m not sure what to get one of my (20 mo) twins for Christmas. His brother is getting a baby doll. I’m thinking I’ll get him some play food or maybe a box of little animals. They have an older brother, so we have every toy known to man. Grandma is getting them Duplos. Any suggestions for baby gifts welcome. Larger question: it’s ok to share toys that are given on Christmas, right? Like I’m getting a baby doll and maybe play food, but those are kind of sharing gifts. Older brother is very generous and shares his toys a lot. I guess I’m asking permission not to buy three baby dolls? That just seems excessive. Maybe I should get the M&D basket of babies.
Anonymous says
Is there some reason you think one twin wants a baby and the other doesn’t?
Anon says
so i have twins as well, and some gifts are sharing gifts – like play kitchen, magnatiles, etc. but there are some things i have two of in large part bc i don’t want to be involved in negotiating whose turn it is with the baby doll, especially at such a young age i’d get two of the exact same baby dolls so you don’t have to deal with everyone wanting the same one. i don’t think you necessarily need 3, but i would get two.
Anonymous says
Same. A baby is your thing you treasure and nurture and love!
Anonymous says
+1. Dolls and stuffed animals are not shared possessions. Play food can be.
Anonymous says
You’re right: this is the solution. I’ll get the M&D twins and big bro and twin A will play with them and twin B will enjoy a shape sorter. Thanks!
OP says
This is a pet peeve of mine wrt twins. Twins are not carbon copies of the same person: they have different personalities. One is obsessed with babies and stuffed animals. The other just…isn’t. He adores our dog, but he’d prefer to play with a puzzle or a box.
Anon says
my twins are SO different as well, and have different playing preferences, and literally like completely different things (one prefers chocolate, one vanilla, etc.), but i guess for us for something not super expensive, some of it is for my sanity bc i feel like they also shouldn’t have to share everything just bc they are twins. the dynamics in your home might be different since there is also an older sibling whereas we only have the twins
Anon says
I think it was less a twin thing and more of a 20 month old thing. Kids that age don’t really have very strong personalities. They’ll play with what you give them.
Anonymous says
Kids that age and much younger do get very attached to certain dolls and stuffed animals. That’s why I’d never ask them to share those items. I would give each twin a doll if each doesn’t already have one, just to keep Twin B from grabbing Twin A’s doll even if B doesn’t love dolls the way A does. Older brother does not need a doll unless you think he really would like one.
Anon says
Yeah I get that. I was reacting to the OP’s comment at 11:08.
Anon says
Yes, it’s okay to share. In our house, every toy is shared (unless it’s Very Special and kept in a bedroom – but so far with three boys we haven’t had any of those). Older kids don’t *have* to share when it’s brand new, but they usually do and it’s never been an issue.
I’m getting my (then) 20-month-old boy Schleich farm animals, a toy tractor and a ball run. Grandma is getting him a Sit and Spin.
Anon. says
Yes, in our house we share all of our toys except our Specials. Each kid has two special stuffies that they never ever have to share. Everything else is fair game for both kids. That said, some things we buy two of cause it’s not worth the fight. I’d probably get two baby dolls.
anon says
Same here. And my kids *have* to share, except if it’s Lego or something buildable the recipient can build it (except the younger two usually rope the older ones to help do it anyway).
anon says
My twins are 5, but basically all toys are shared in our house, regardless of whether or not they were a present, with the exception of their dolls and a subset of their stuffed animals that they’re emotionally attached to.
Anon says
Same. Signed, mom of 4 year old twins.
DLC says
I think the basket of babies is a hilarious idea.
I’d say get each child what you think they would like. If it turns out they fight over one specific doll, then get the other child their own doll at a later date. I agree – a doll can be a tricky thing for a child to share.
Anon says
does anyone have any book suggestions for prek age that has to do with emotional regulation. my 4 year old often reacts to things by sobbing hysterically and her reaction is more out of proportion compared to other kids her age. this is something that her teacher commented on at parent teacher conferences. so either book suggestions for me to read to my daugther or books for me to read as a parent
Anon says
Spirited Child. This is pretty normal for spirited kids. It’s gotten a lot better as we approach 5.
OP says
she isn’t really a ‘spirited’ kid at all, she is more of a super duper sensitive kid, which is fine, that’s who she is, but just want to help her learn to manage her reactions
Anon says
Spirited and sensitive go hand in hand. I recommend you read the book.
Pogo says
Yes, read the book, I think it’s still helpful. The full title is: “Raising Your Spirited Child: A Guide for Parents Whose Child Is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, and Energetic”. Not every kid has all the traits; yours might just be intense, sensitive and perceptive. The book has so many great suggestions to look for triggers, to mitigate when meltdowns occur, to plan so you can avoid situations that trigger, etc. When mine was 4 the most helpful was asking “That wasn’t what you expected, was it?” when he would start sobbing hysterically about something not going “his way”.
AwayEmily says
I suspect you’ll get some great suggestions but I also want to put it out there that it’s normal for kids to develop this skill at different ages. By the time she was three my first was an emotional regulation master. My second is 4.5 and only in the last three months has started to figure it out. We read the same parenting books and did the same things for both of them — kids just come to it at different times.
Anyway this is not to say “don’t read books” or “don’t work on it” — I think there are GREAT resources out there — just affirming that there is a very wide range of normal.
Spirograph says
Little Monkey Calms Down has some nice illustrated coping techniques. I used to read it to my kids; I have no idea whether it actually taught them anything. I agree with AwayEmily that this is a skill that kids develop at different rates.
Anon says
I thought The Explosive Child was helpful for understanding “bad” behavior.
Anon. says
For you: The Highly Sensitive Child, by Elaine Aron. Maybe preview it at a bookstore to take the self quiz as to whether your daughter fits the description.
Anonymous says
Yes. This was much better for us than the Explosive Child. Anxiety therapy is the most helpful though.
Anon says
It might be a little over marketed. But I have a couple of slumberkins for my pre-k sensitive kiddo and I think it helps. I think especially the affirmations that accompany a toy she can hold is helpful. Especially if she’s napping at school, it would be a good toy to cuddle with and then read about at home.
AwayEmily says
Random recommendation: my kids (4.5 and 6) have been VERY into the Highlights Hidden Picture books for the last few months. It keeps them occupied individually and is also one of the few quiet activities they can do together without arguing. Throwing it out there in case it is magic for anyone else, too.
Spirograph says
+a million to this recommendation.
My kids love these too. We have a giant book for each of them in the car and it’s almost as good as screens (almost) on long trips.
ElisaR says
also i bought 2 of these books for my niece’s birthday and gifted her a big pack of different colored highlighters to go with them…. she was very psyched about that gift.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Aaah same!! My kids were really into finding these hidden pictures and putting the stickers on, together. And then they decided it was easier to peek in the back, and then both did all of the books quickly, haha.
AwayEmily says
I often feel like our kids would get along very well.
Boston Legal Eagle says
If your older one is at all interested in learning all about the Titanic, my 6 year old will be her best friend ;)
TheElms says
Do you think an average 3.5 year old could do these? We have a bunch of plan travel coming up and I’m looking for non-screen entertainment. (There will also be lots of screens but I’d like at least a couple non-screen options). She is over Water Wow.
AwayEmily says
Look on the Highlights website…there are some “my first Hidden Pictures” ones that are for younger kids.
CCLA says
Thanks for this! Sounds like something my similarly aged kids would enjoy, checking out now!
Daycare Nightmare says
My four year old son is really struggling at school and I’m at a loss on what to do. He is very spirited and energetic, and sometimes struggles with transitions between activities. He can have a hard time settling down once he gets excited and can get carried away. He has been in daycare since he was 10 weeks old, and has done well up until the last year or so.
Our family has been through a good amount of change in the last couple years- two relocations for work, a new baby sister 7 months ago, a move away from extended family. He has adapted extremely well to his baby sister- no obvious jealousy or issues adjusting. She is in the same daycare center. We are living in a small city in the SEUS. This is our third daycare in 2 years. One was a poor fit culturally, another asked us to leave- he is young for his class and was not fully potty trained so was not able to move up to the 3’s class. They kicked us out with no notice. At the risk of being dramatic I think I am traumatized by this- we have no local family or friends and depend on reliable daycare as both my husband and I have demanding jobs. His job requires frequent travel.
He has been at his current center for about a year and half. We have been very happy with the center- it seems to be a good balance between play and structured learning, is generally a warm and loving environment. We had a great relationship with his teacher last year. She acknowledged that he was spirited but was generally able to reach him and get his cooperation. He adored her, but then she went out on maternity leave and he was assigned a new, older teacher who doesn’t seem to do well with him, and frankly, doesn’t really seem to like him.
That’s when the calls from the center started. It began with calls saying he was refusing to nap. I didn’t think a lot of it because it seemed pretty normal for a 3/4 year old. He doesn’t nap well at home either but seems to do just fine without the nap. The reason it’s a problem at school is because the center is understaffed and naptime is when the teachers take their break. Over the last couple of months, the calls have escalated. He has begun to hit other students and the teacher, supposedly unprompted. He acts wild in class, running around, refusing to settle down for his lessons or sit at circle time. We are now at the point of getting calls from the center almost every day. The director has assured us that she would like to work with us, but has expressed that the school (understandably) cannot have our son hitting other students or the teacher. When we ask him about what happened, he shuts down.
Yesterday we got a call from the center that our son was acting wild. My husband talked to the director and we thought that was that. However, when he went to pick our son up from school, he was told that our son was suspended and would not be able to return to school until Monday.
I don’t know if this is normal 4 year old stuff or not. I really thought it was, but the daycare center is making me feel like it’s not. He does not hit at all at home- in 4 years he has never once struck me or anyone else in my family unprompted. I once saw him sort of playfully “bop” another kid in his swim class, but it was playful and not aggressive. I’m not sure exactly what the center is expecting us to do when he doesn’t behave like that in front of us. We talk to him about keeping his hands to himself, trying to stay calm, etc. so I know he knows he’s not supposed to do this, but seems to not be able to help himself or not be connecting with what we’re telling him and what he’s doing.
What would you do in this situation? I am absolutely worried sick about my son and his wellbeing. Every time the daycare calls my heart drops. We depend so much on our center and I am devastated that this is happening. We are in a very small city with not many options for childcare, so can’t easily just pick up and go somewhere else- plus we’ve already done that twice. We have no local family. I absolutely love my job, but we’ve relocated for my job and have no visibility in how we might be able to get closer to home. I have started applying to jobs in our home city, which is much bigger and more progressive.
I know this is a lot to unpack so appreciate anyone who has stuck with me this long.
TLDR: My 4 year old has been suspended from daycare for hitting and defiant behavior. How do you manage bad behavior at daycare when you don’t observe it and don’t see the behavior at home?
Anon says
is there another class for this age group at this daycare? your son sounds like my friend’s son who is also spirited and last year had an older teacher and they just did not mesh well. some kids can succeed with any teacher and ideally any teacher can succeed with any kid, but that isn’t reality. this year he has a different teacher and it is night and day. this sounds kind of like the poster the other day whose 4.5 year old was struggling in a montessori setting. different issues, but something with the teacher was not the right match. and trust me – i’m not one to suggest that kids switch teachers all the time and i do think kids need to learn to get along with different adults and handle different teachers, but i don’t know if they need that lesson at age 4
Anonymous says
I think you need to talk to his pediatrician immediately and hopefully get him into play therapy. And yell day care you are doing that in hopes of buying more time. I think you need to start looking for a nanny because this daycare isn’t going to be an option much longer. And I think you and your husband need to look at things like how much leave you each can take and whether you can fly a grandparent in.
It sounds like your son is much more difficult than most and also like the teacher isn’t a great fit. And you need to accept that no matter how much you want this day care to work, it isn’t.
anon says
+1. OP, I feel for you. I have had this kid. I have been unceremoniously dumped by a childcare provider via text message. (Don’t even get me started.) If you can prove to daycare that you’re working on the issue, they may be more flexible. And possibly start looking into a solo provider, though fit is going to be KEY. In hindsight, I think before/after care wasn’t a great fit for my high-strung kid but I was terrified of being without options at all, so we forged on. It was always a bit of a battle.
Anon says
Any daycare that is upset with a 4 year old for refusing to nap is not a good daycare in my opinion. Not napping at 4 is completely normal and in my state children who are not asleep within 30 minutes are legally required to be given other activities.
Anon says
And no, hitting regularly at 4 is not normal. But since you aren’t seeing this at home I suspect the daycare’s unreasonable expectations are causing him to act out.
Anonymous says
+1. Sounds like they’re taking their staffing issues out on your kid.
Anonymous says
Omg hitting at 4 is totally normal. It doesn’t mean it’s Ok, but even in first grade every single boy was still hitting.
Anon says
I agree that it seems like maybe your kid has some struggles (mine do!) but it is a center problem. Most centers go way out of their way to never suspend children because of how big a problem it is for families and the kiddos. I would look into other options, as others said. Even if it a nanny – hopefully it will be short term until school starts.
Anonymous says
Isn’t a suspension just a way to get the family to leave? Kind of like a PIP is a signal that you should quit your job?
Anon says
Maybe, but it has serious consequences and shouldn’t be used as a communication tool:
https://www.acf.hhs.gov/archive/ecd/child-health-development/reducing-suspension-and-expulsion-practices
anon says
That sounds incredibly stressful. I’m so sorry. Could you look into finding a nanny? The stress on your family and all the uncertainty might make it worthwhile, plus you may run out of other options soon. If your son is in a negative pattern in a specific setting, I’m not sure he will quickly transform despite all your best intentions. These things take time, and the daycare seems to be on your case daily. A nanny might provide your family with more stability, which it sounds like you all need. With more than one kid in the nanny’s care, the nanny might be cost-effective.
anon says
A four year old learns nothing for a suspension, so the center is trying to get your attention. I’m surprised that you haven’t had a sit down meeting with a behavior plan given the number of calls. At most daycares, most kids get zero calls about bad behavior, so near daily calls shows a huge issue.
Has the center reached out to set up a meeting during the suspension to come up with a plan to address his behavior? If not, they are done. It’s gone on too long and they don’t see a solution. They don’t want to deal with him anymore and you need to find other care.
Anonymous says
Hugs. I have been in that situation. There is a lot in your email but a few things – first, his behavior is totally normal AND the school may not be equipped to deal with it (from a staffing perspective, teacher training perspective, philosophy perspective). Many kids (boys) do get kicked out of preschool. Also, normal means developmentally appropriate, not “socially acceptable,” so in an ideal world you and the school work together to help teach better skills. My attitude changed a lot when I realized my kid was OK but the school just wasn’t equipped. Ours was sent home and ultimately did not get expelled but was very close. When he was sent home we made it extremely boring – like, you have to stay in your room for an hour and then I’m not going to interact with you because I have to work. That succeeded in helping him not get sent home again. Behavior charts, sticker charts etc just made him anxious. Consider if the school can help identify triggers – for us, needed more prep for transitions, needed more physical activity and ultimately I think he was bored as well as just having less developed social skills combined with very high verbal skills. Ours also went bonkers like that if he needed to use the restroom. Things that helped were a firm frequent bathroom schedule, taking him out to run laps periodically, and … growing up. Ages 4-5 were really rough at school. In second grade he is a model student. It gets better. But the school may not work for him and you may be in a rough situation for a time- I know so many other parents of 4 year old boys who have been through that.
Boston Legal Eagle says
+1 I think what you described is very typically for a lot of kids that age, more so in boys that age. My older son was a bit like this, although he reserved his hitting for home. Running around and not sitting for circle time doesn’t sound like it merits a call home, and it sounds like the daycare isn’t equipped to handle the more spirited/sensitive kids (who are still developmentally normal). It takes time to mature, and a trained teacher would have techniques to help, but unfortunately with early education the way it is here, and with understaffing and low pay, there’s often not enough needed training. I wish there was enough variety in childcare for everyone who needs it, as I think your son benefits from being active, socializing, but needs less structure and rules to follow. If you can find a nanny that will fit the first two, that might work. Hugs, this is hard, and it’s not something wrong with your son, OP.
Anon says
I am so glad to read this. I have a super verbal kiddo whose social-emotional skills are not on par with his verbal ability. It really messes with people (including us at times). I am so glad we are not the only ones.
Anonymous says
I am the one who posted above and yes yes yes. My child talks like a college professor but has the socio-emotional skills of a first grader (he’s in second grade) and it’s super hard. My spouse’s therapist actually gave the best advice which is that kids this age are basically drunk college students – they sound very sophisticated but you have to remember they are actually on very shaky footing.
Anon says
Hahaha
Anonymous says
The fact that they have mandatory naps for 4 year olds as well as structured learning activities vs play based makes it seem like they are not very developmentally appropriate.
I vote nanny or play based childcare. Is there a forest preschool in your area? If that isn’t an option, could you add an outside activity. My twins had a play based daycare and also attended a separate preschool for 2 mornings a week. DH and I each picked up once a week to drop from preschool to daycare. Or what about a part time nanny to reduce the time that he has to keep it together in the daycare environment.
Anonymous says
There are zero day cares or kindergartens in our area without mandatory nap time. It was terrible for my kid, who gave up napping before age 2, but there was no alternative.
Anonymous says
Must vary by region. I’ve never heard of a daycare that had a nap time after the 3 year old room. It was an issue for us and we looked at changing centres because our 4 year old was still napping.
Anonymous says
It is required in our state until kindergarten. But different centers interpret the rule differently- our older center allowed quiet activities, our current one does not
Anon says
“Nap time” is not synonymous with “mandatory nap time.” Daycares in our area all have a nap/rest time, but all good centers will give a non-napping child alternative quiet activities. It is reasonable to expect a 4 year old to play (mostly) quietly but it is not reasonable to expect them to nap if they don’t need it or to lie still and quiet for 2 hours with no entertainment. OP said they are upset at her child for “refusing to nap” so it sounded like the latter situation to me.
Anonymous says
All the day care centers we looked at required every child to lie quietly on cots with no toys or books from 1:00 p.m. to 3:00 p.m. Public and private kindergartens have a shorter nap time, again with no activities allowed.
Anon says
That’s crazy. In my state, kids who are 3 and older and aren’t asleep within 30 minutes have to be given something else to do. I would think even in states where this isn’t required, many higher quality centers do it since so many older preschoolers don’t nap.
I also have a kid who hasn’t napped since 2, but I actually favor a rest time so long as quiet activities are allowed. I think it is good for my kid to rest/decompress and I think it’s also important to learn that others are sleeping and to practice being respectful and quiet. That’s why the distinction between “the class has a class wide nap time” and “mandatory nap time, i.e., children are required or expected to sleep” is very important. They’re not the same thing at all.
Anon says
I would be surprised if they were allowed to keep kids on their cots that long. It would likely be a licensing violation. Maybe some states are lax about that though.
Anon says
Nap time is mandatory at daycares by state law for those under 5 in my state.
Anon says
All daycares have nap time but good ones should give non-nappers other activities and certainly should not blame a 4 year old whose body doesn’t need a nap.
playhouse q says
At what age did your kid outgrow his/her playhouse? We got kiddo a playhouse in summer 2020 when she was 2. She is now 4 and has never really loved it. Is this just one of those toys that is not right for our kid or should we hold on to it because she might get into it in the next year or two? Thanks for sharing your experience!
Anonymous says
My 2-year-old isn’t in love with her Little Tikes playhouse/climber combo, but that’s probably because there are a couple good playgrounds with MUCH better climbing within a quarter mile of our house. We inherited it this past spring from another family on our street whose kids outgrew it around 4-5 years old.
Anonymous says
I think she is getting past peak playhouse age.
anon says
Parents of crawling and cruising babies: what do you put on their feet at daycare? I usually send my little one barefoot because I read that’s best, but sometimes socks on chilly mornings. Is that weird? Daycare kinda mentioned that she was barefoot this morning (high of 70 today) and when I looked around all the other babies had socks on
AwayEmily says
the little bootie things with gripper bottoms. A lot of people like Zutano. I have tried a bunch and my faves (they stay on the best) are the goumikids one (you can order them through target). Once they get closer to walking we switch to Robeez.
Anonymous says
Zutanos and Goumi didn’t work for us because my kid has always had skinny feet and ankles, so she could pull them right off. We used Robeez socks once she was past the footed sleep-and-play age, and then she wore Skidders shoes from when she was crusing until she was walking steadily.
anon says
OP here. So I’m weird for sending her barefoot, whoops!! She has squid socks that stay on well so I’ll send her in wearing them from now on
AwayEmily says
Not weird! I send mine barefoot if it’s above 65.
Anonymous says
Same. No socks if it’s romper or onesie weather. Socks if baby is in long pants.
DLC says
You are not weird! Just because other parents make different choices does not make your choice odd. You are allowed to do what makes sense for you and your kid.
You can always send socks/booties and let daycare decide if they want your child should wear then.
I think my kids wore footed sleepers until they were one. They were also very late walkers, so I didn’t feel the need to do otherwise.
anonM says
I think it’s one of those things I worried about daycare teachers being judgy about, but tbh DD went through a stage of pulling them off everyyyy day in the car ride there, so eventually I just put a pair in my pocket and handed them to the teacher at drop off. I’d never heard of squid socks before, but they look good. I’d label though because $!
An.On. says
I think at your kid’s age I did a lot of onesies and pants with feet, especially in the winter. In the summer we used to send them in crocs, and the shoes would be off instantly, so bare feet almost all day. If your kid is pulling socks off, pull the socks up and over the outside of their pants – that makes them much harder to tug off, and they look ridiculous, so win-win.
Anon says
What are your favorite freezer meals for postpartum? Just got a chest freezer and have about two months before kid2 to make some freezer meals. Didn’t do this with my first bc we didn’t have enough freezer space.
I have an instant pot and also a slow cooker lid for the IP (though doesn’t quite function like a slow cooker).
Anonymous says
If you like to freeze soups, I recommend Souper Cubes. They are silicone molds that allow you to freeze single servings of soup, which you can then put into a plastic zipper bag for storage. Much easier, less messy, and more flexible with defrosting different numbers of servings than the method of freezing soup flat in bags, and much more space -efficient than freezing it in containers.
R says
I stocked the freezer with homemade empanadas and breakfast burritos, which were great. They were convenient and filling breakfast/lunch options when I was home alone with the baby during maternity leave, and we would also add a salad or something and have them for dinner. I used Smitten Kitchen recipes for the breakfast burritos and chicken empanadas, and a Skinnytaste one for beef picadillo empanadas.
Anon says
Not necessarily something I always make myself, but my favorite freezer food for when I was post partum is dumplings/potstickers.
Also time consuming to make, but so worthwhile to have in the freezer- empanadas.
Also- Urvashi Pitre’s Butter Chicken Recipe makes enough sauce for a second meal. I always freeze the sauce for a quick IP meal later.
Anonymous says
Thirding (?) the suggestion for empanadas, but I bought them frozen in bulk from a local restaurant.
Anonymous says
Chili
Cornbread
Trader Joe’s naan or homemade
Any kind of curry
Shredded cooked meat for tacos or bowls
Cooked rice (we always cook 3x what we need and freeze the rest)
Soup with tomatoes, white beans and garlic
CCLA says
We don’t have the exact product rec from today, but have a simplehuman brand version at every sink in our house. They were SO helpful for ages 2-3 and I also just like them for ease of use generally even now that everyone is older and could manage a regular pump. I prefer the foaming ones, esp for the littlest kids where it can be hard for them to get a good lather going on their own.
Anonymous says
I have the Simplehuman automated soap dispenser in the kitchen, and it’s so sensitive that it squirts soap whenever anyone gets anywhere near the sink. We had to turn it to face backwards to stop the mess.
Covid says
Welp, it finally got us.
My husband tested positive for Covid this morning (rapid and PCR) after becoming symptomatic last night. No known exposure and he masks everywhere indoors (work, transit, etc). I’m negative and asymptomatic, our 2 year old (as of tomorrow!) is asymptomatic.
We didn’t have any big plans for her birthday but I’m sad to have to postpone our planned breakfast nook filled with balloons morning, park outing, and birthday cake :(
Also not excited about solo parenting with no nanny until he tests negative!
(And yes, fully aware that we’re both exposed and may get it, but I’m trying to think positive until the Binax tells me otherwise).
Anon says
Hugs. And what a bummer about the birthday. My husband had it in August (on our wedding anniversary) and neither our kiddo nor I got it. I ended up solo parenting for 10 days because it took my husband 13 days to test negative and I didn’t want to take a chance of ending isolation too soon and us getting it on the backend after avoiding it on the front end. Not fun, but so worth it imo to avoid Covid. I’ve solo parented for worse (from my perspective) reasons ;)
Anon says
My husband also got it and the kids and I never tested positive (despite lots of testing).
NYCer says
Do you have a friend who could deliver the balloons and birthday cake to your house? Leave them on the porch and then you can grab them no-contact style. I would happily do this for any of my local friends.
NYCer says
Oh and in my area at least, Party City delivers balloons.
Covid says
Oh, that’s not the issue. I have a helium tank and balloons and I am planning on baking the cake myself. I just don’t want him to miss it, so we’ll wait until he’s COVID free and then do it all together.