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The princess seaming on the front of this White House Black Market dress is very flattering, and the dress has a swingy but grownup appeal to it — it seems like a classic dress to wear to work, on a date, etc. It’s machine washable, too. The dress is getting rave reviews, and in fact, some sizes are already sold out. It’s $160 at White House Black Market. Sleeveless Seamed Fit-and-Flare Dress
Two plus-size options are here and here.
Looking for other washable workwear? See all of our recent recommendations for washable clothes for work, or check out our roundup of the best brands for washable workwear.
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Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Extra 40% off sale styles
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 40% off everything
- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
dc anon says
Kiddo has been complaining about sun in her eyes while in the car. Do you have a favorite sunshade for the back windows? I see tons of options on amazon, but I’m not sure if there is anything specific I should be looking for.
Pigpen's Mama says
We have the same problem — I just try to remember to keep one of those light muslin swaddling blankets in the car for her to hold over her eyes. We’ve got tinted windows and a sunshade (I think from Eddie Bauer?) and she still complains — I think it’s the light from the back windshield that bothers her, since she’s still rear facing.
But if anyone has a sunshade they like, or a better solution, I’d love to hear it!
mascot says
If old enough, sunglasses and/or hats.
avocado says
+1. This is the perfect opportunity to establish a sunglasses habit, as kiddo will be motivated to wear them.
Anon says
+1
Anon says
Forgot to add, we get the cheap $1 sunglass in the Target dollar spot at the beginning of the season. I buy 4-5 pairs so loosing them isn’t a problem and we can keep one in the car, one in the bag, etc.
Anon in NYC says
+1 My kiddo (2) wears sunglasses! She likes them (although pulls them off all the time).
HSAL says
Mine is 20 months and she’s been great with sunglasses for the last few months. She can take them off and put them on by herself. Hats usually don’t work for us in the car because of the recline of the seat.
Anon says
We bought the Enovoe Car Window Shade 3-Pack on Amazon. It’s $14 for all 3. One on each kid’s side window, plus one on the back window for the rear-facing one. That plus sunglasses has worked perfectly so far this year, including a 2000 mile road trip.
Anon says
Here’s the link: https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B00X2TUW1I/
Rainbow Hair says
Yeah my two+ kiddo has been wearing sunglasses for about a year. They’re SO CUTE. And also protect her eyes. We prob have ~5 pairs (lots of Target cheapies) and I try to stash them in the pocket behind the drivers seat so I can grab a pair for her if she need them in the car.
LaLa says
Kiddo’s daycare has a theme of the month, and the theme this month is “sports”. Last Friday it was “assigned” to them to wear a sports shirt on Friday. They are 3, so it was assinged to the parents really. We’re not super into sports, nor is kiddo, so we don’t have any sports shirts. We sent him in a shirt that has a diver in a shark cage with a shark next to it and really talked up how swimming was a sport.
He came home and reported that Futbol is his favorite sport but that all his friends liked his shark shirt. The teachers sent out a “we’re so glad most of our classmates fullfiled their assignment and wore sports shirts to share” I was annoyed, because, why are you assigning us homework? They are 3, and we all work FT. But I let it go.
We are now being asked AGAIN to send him in a sports shirt on friday to “share with his friends”. I asked him what he wanted to wear and he said his “great white shark shirt” ha.
My question is, should I mention to the teachers that maybe not every kid has a sport shirt and somewhat imply that this is just creating more work for the parents? Or is this one of those things I let go and just buy him a sports shirt? Or let go and send him in whatever shirt he wants? A certain number of the kids in his class are on county assistance, so it’s not exactly feasible for everyone to go out and purchase a shirt, which is part of my issue with it.
Thoughts?
Mrs. Jones says
This annoys me too. And how is wearing a certain shirt “sharing”? I’d just let him wear whatever shirt he wants. If anyone mentioned the lack of a sports shirt, I’d just say he doesn’t have one, and I wasn’t going to buy one just for one day.
avocado says
My guess is that “sharing” = “show and tell.” They are probably using the shirts as a way to spark and structure class discussion, which is well intentioned but still a pain in the rear for the parents. Better just to say, “bring in something related to a sport.” Then you can wear a sports shirt, bring in a soccer ball, or draw a picture of a swimmer.
Marilla says
That is super annoying. If kid is happy in his shark shirt, and doesn’t come home upset because he didn’t have a “real sports shirt” then I would keep sending him in the shark shirt. And if you’re up to it it wouldn’t hurt to push back a little on the extra assignments with a teacher or daycare director.
Anonymous says
For this occasion, I would just mention in passing to the teacher that kid is excited to wear his swimming shirt again. Non-team sports are 100% sports just as much as team sports.
That said, on the broader issue, I would complain about the language – “fulfilled their assignment” is ridiculous. Not sure how exactly but I think it would be great if you approached the teacher to say that while you think it’s great that they plan activities for the kids, it’s preferable to have activities that wouldn’t involve the expectation of purchase of new items or significant home participation as that disadvantages children whose parents have less financial means or who have more limited parental involvement at home. Those children are already disadvantaged and daycare should seek to avoid any additional disadvantage whenever possible.
Redux says
I really like this suggestion. Parents with fewer resources (time, money) may not have the privilege of advocating on this point. This would be a great ally move.
Jax says
I’d be curious to know how the teachers handle the kids who show up in a normal T-shirt. Do they get to come up and talk about their favorite sport anyway? Does the teacher compliment the non sport shirt and make the kid feel encouraged to speak out and talk (the whole freaking point of show and tell)? Or do they skip them or say, with a stern face, “Remember to wear your sports shirt next Friday, okay?”
I’d ask, because I’m totally turning into that old parent who has a middle school kid and is just OVER IT. I don’t tip toe anymore. Plan lessons around all the crap already in the room, not my kids’ clothing.
avocado says
Let him wear the shirt he wants to wear! He is being resourceful and using what he already has to fulfill the “assignment.”
This was one of the few things I didn’t like about my kid’s day care. The first few times it happened I drove myself crazy obtaining the requested items, like the time I drove all over town to find a teddy bear with stitched-on eyes that was safe for a one-year-old to bring for “bear week,” because it just wouldn’t do to bring the dog she already had. After a while I just gave up and endured the teachers’ scorn because I would not bake homemade birthday cupcakes for a one-year-old in the middle of the week while I was commuting two hours a day, attending law school, and working part-time.
It doesn’t end when they hit elementary school. I am forever being informed that I must send in baby wipes or sheet protectors or food color or six bottles of glue and a package of Borax tomorrow. I frequently remind my kid that if she has a project coming up that requires shopping she had better tell me the previous Friday so I can shop over the weekend, and if the teacher comes up with one of these things in the middle of the week it’s just too bad. For spirit days, book reports, etc., I work with my kid to plan creative solutions using things she already has. Need a solid black t-shirt? Wear your printed one inside out. Spy costume? Wear the trenchcoat you already have and borrow my black sunglasses. Six objects representing themes from a book to hang on a book report mobile? List your themes and then search through your souvenir box and toys until you find something that fits.
Spirograph says
Eh, this might be my mom-of-sports-obsessed-kid side talking, but I think this “homework” assignment is harmless, although the teachers’ phrasing it as an “assignment” is a little grating. Kids have a really broad definition of sports, so as long as your son thinks of his shirt as a “sports shirt” and wants to tell his friends whatever convoluted logic got him there, you’re good. My daycare has days like this, and I’d say on any given day, about half the kids participate. I forgot bring-a-flag day this week. Oops. There’s no shame in forgetting or opting out, and the teachers are always ready with things to make all the kids feel included.
My son has a totally generic shirt that my mom picked up at a garage sale that has a giant number on the front of it. He calls that his “soccer shirt” even though it’s literally just a big number, maybe some words about him being a star, but definitely no sport or team reference. Recently, he tried to tell me that he needed to wear that shirt every day for a week because he had to be ready for when he played soccer outside, and he can’t play soccer without his soccer shirt.
anon says
That is so ridiculous – it is obviously something that is meaningful to the teachers and not the kids, since they all like the shark shirt better anyway. I would absolutely let him wear it again, and if the teachers act shady just say we don’t have a traditional jersey so we’re being creative. You could even say, “I was sure you wouldn’t want us to buy a new shirt just for this.” I am grateful that my son’s preschool is fine with him opting out of most spirit days – his choice – or DIY solutions. If you have the energy you could pin a drawing of a soccer ball on one of his normal shirts – might be a fun project to do together – but I know weeknight projects can be impossible.
Maddie Ross says
The request to wear a shirt for “sports day” is not ridiculous in my mind. The wearing of a shark shirt or discussion of a swimming shirt is not ridiculous either. Nor is opting out completely for whatever reason you like, up to and including totally forgetting about it. The passive aggressive mention by the teachers is the only thing that seems a little problematic to me. And honestly, I tend to think you are only reading it that way and it wasn’t meant that way. But that’s just me. My LO’s school has special days all the time. We participate when it’s easy or she’s super jazzed about it. Ignore it if she’s not (fairytale character day? Um, no. And how do you even do that?). And frankly tend to forget about it until we walk in the door about 50% of the time. If you don’t make a big deal about it, he won’t either.
Pigpen's Mama says
+1
Sometimes I love the school spirit days, other times I just can’t even. My personal favorite is messy hair day — makes my life that much easier, since kiddo wakes up with crazy hair.
But, I did freak out at them at first, with the real panic happening during Pride Week when they asked us to put the kids in purple to show support for LGBTQ causes and kiddo had no seasonally appropriate purple. In retrospect, my panic that they would think we were anti-equal rights was a leeeeeetle bit unwarranted and now I only do them if it’s convenient.
No-one on the staff has ever commented about non-participation, and it would seriously irk me if they did. We’ve got about 50/50 participation among the kids — it depends on how much notice and how easy the theme is.
dc anon says
Our daycare had a spirit week recently and had some pretty ridiculous themes, including throw-back day and workout clothes day. My 2 year old does not have workout clothes, she just runs around in her normal clothes. Also, throw back to what? I didn’t bother participating and kiddo didn’t notice or care.
anon says
I meant the implication from daycare staff that it was important for parents to produce an actual sports shirt was ridiculous, but I see your point about how maybe that was not the staff’s intention. And I did not mean to imply wearing the shark shirt was ridiculous. Sorry if I was unclear/hurtful!
LaLa says
I agree that my perfectionist type-A is wanting to complete the assignment and feeling bad for not, while at the same time finding it annoying, so I am likely reading into the message. English is neither of his teacher’s first language (it’s a spanish immersion daycare), so we frequently get messages that I am guessing sound harsher than they are meant to (for instance two older classmates recently got “fired” from the class when they were moving up to preschool, ha).
Thanks everyone for chiming in. I’m still undecided on casually mentioning it to the teachers (the required/assignment nature of it is really what bugs me, so I think the communication delivery is the issue), but I have decided to just send my son in whatever he wants. No runs to Target for a sports shirt required.
Anonymous says
My thought is, that my daughter does not have any sports shirts and they’re probably complaining about the girls.
mamallama says
Late here but I never do this. If this were my daycare I’d have my kid color her favorite sport and pin it to her favorite shirt. No buying of shirts for school. Full stop.
Rainbow day required she wear a red shirt which she did not own. She wore a white shirt with a red stuffed animal pinned to it.
Blueberry says
Do any of your toddlers have sudden, extreme fears that you can’t figure out? For a while now, my 2-year-old has been saying he’s scared there’s a man in his room, which I used to think was just a ploy to sleep in my bed or whatever (and I think it may have been). Now, he’s gotten more intense and apparently started screaming about it at dinner with my husband yesterday. There is no basis for this fear — there are never any strange men in the house or anything. Is this normal?
rakma says
At the same age, DD starting waking up because there were “dinosaurs in her room”. I think she was looking for a way to describe the fear of waking up in the dark, and they way she could do that with the words she had was dinosaurs roaring at her and waking her up.
We did some things to try to work through it during the day – signs that said “No dinosaurs allowed in DD’s room”, stationing toy dinosaurs she loved to ‘keep away the loud dinosaurs’, and those things helped a little, but mainly she just needed some reassurance at night that we’d always come if she needed us.
Anonymous says
Normal. My 2 year old currently repeats “no dogs in our house” about 50 million times before going to bed. Not sure why he’d scared of dogs, but he is. I usually just repeat it a few times too and then add “no fishes, no cats, no cows , no chickens” etc. To put a positive spin, I add “Just our family in our house – Mom, Dad, daughter, son. Just our family in our house.”
Anon in NYC says
I wouldn’t say extreme fears but my 2 yo definitely has developed fears. She’s afraid of the oven – I think because we keep telling her it’s hot. Just the other day the oven beeped when it hit the programmed temperature and she whimpered, left the kitchen, walked over to DH and told him she was scared.
Anon says
Yup. My daughter had a sudden fear of cows in her room at age 2. Oh also, cars coming into the house. ??? No idea where they come up with this stuff but I think it’s normal. I tried to acknowledge the fear but also be a little silly about it. Like, “How would a cow fit through your bedroom door?! It would probably get stuck!! Hahahahaha!”
I have a distinct memory of seeing “purple squirrels” in my room at age 3 and my parents confirm that I talked about this.
Pogo says
When my friend’s son was 2 or 3 he got really scared of bunnies. They did have bunnies in their backyard, but as far as we all know, the bunnies never came near him. I wonder if they get it from books they are read at school? Though I really can’t imagine a bunny or cow being scary.
Spirograph says
My 2 year old sees “monsters” everywhere. She says they’re SO SCARY, but doesn’t seem afraid of them… I feel like she usually says it all mock-horrified like she’s trying to goad us into playing a pretend game with her. I think it’s pretty normal for imaginations to run a bit haywire when they’re just coming online at this age, and I also think sometimes she just wants some extra attention. I’ll ask her what the monster looks like, where it is, and what it’s doing, Usually after that she announces that she’s going to kill it, and then she pew-pew shoots them with her shooting gun fingers, or grabs at the air and -gulp- eats them.
I’d probably be much more freaked out if she were expressing a more realistic fear like a man in the house, though!
Blueberry says
Yeah I slightly freaked out once (internally) when he very realistically complained about the man upstairs in his bedroom when I was home alone with the kids! Maybe asking about what the man is like would help…
mss says
My son went through three multi-month phases between 1.5 and around 3.5 years where he was afraid of the living room. Our house is not very big, so the living room has all the toys, kids books and the TV. Each time we would spend months (months!) dealing with it until he would tell us that book X was scary (these are not scary books). We would take the book out, and then he would come into the living room again for a couple of months. The third time, we took all the books out and split them between his room and his sister’s room, and he was perfectly fine. Even though half of the books are in his room. So, yes on the fears.
Blueberry says
Thanks, guys. I’m dying to know what is behind this fear of “the man” but I may never understand. I love these stories. Kids are so weird.
RDC says
This makes me feel better – my 2yo also wakes up scared and can’t explain why, but sometimes he points and says “head,” like he’s seeing a disembodied head, which is terrifying (to both of us). We’ve started taking about bad dreams, that they’re not real / they’re pretend, that mommy/daddy/kids are real. If he’s afraid at bedtime we talk about thinking about happy things like playing soccer or riding his bicycle. I don’t know if he gets it but it makes me feel better.
Redux says
I posted this last week but for some reason there was like an 8-hour delay in its appearance on the site, so posting again with hope for replies:
This is a say-nothing moment, right?
My sister babies my nephew like crazy. Our kids are the same age– 3 and a half (they are a few weeks apart). My kid dresses herself, serves her own cereal, brushes her own teeth, etc. My sister does everything for my nephew, including feeding him by putting a fork or spoon in his open mouth and even using a bulb to suction out his mucous because he doesn’t know how to blow his nose. She refers to herself and to him in the third person (“Does Henry want a snack?” “Mommy is going to eat a banana.”) Developmentally the two kids are very much at the same stage so there is no reason for her to do all these things for him. My sister says he has no interest in doing things for himself, though while they’ve been at our house and he’s been watching my daughter, he’s started to want to do some of the things she does, like pouring water into a glass for himself or choosing his own snack.
I get that kids have different interests and that parents have different styles. We have prioritized independence and our kid has followed suit, but that’s not every parent’s priority or every kid’s personality. I very much don’t want to throw judgment at my sister who is a single mom and this is her only and final child. At the same time she has struggled with anxiety which reached a peak when her child was born and she was obsessed with how much he ate, weighed, slept, the condition of his skin, etc. These babying behaviors don’t seem to be hurting him or her– as I said, developmentally he seems totally fine and its not like he’s never going to learn to dress himself or blow his own nose, so… say nothing?
Anon in NYC says
Say nothing.
Redux says
This is the blanket advice I give myself and others when criticizing other parents. Just don’t. But because she has anxiety I’m keeping my eye out to make sure this isn’t a bigger issue.
Anonymous says
Definitely say nothing. My kid didn’t dress herself at 3.5 (other than coat and shoes) and she’s an independent 5.5. year old. You’re 100% right that prioritizing independence is “not every parent’s priority or every kid’s personality”. I was happy to them to be little as long as they want. 3.5 is still pretty young. If he can’t feed himself at age 6 I might say something but for now, definitely say nothing.
FYI on the teeth brushing – dentists recommend that kids are 6 or 7 before they brush fully independently as they can’t reliably cover all areas before then. I still brush my 5.5 year old’s teeth after she ‘starts’.
Redux says
Good to know on the teeth brushing!
Anonanonanon says
My child is 6 and the dentist scolded us last week when we said we supervise toothbrushing but on physically help a couple of times a week.
mascot says
Is he in daycare? I was surprised to learn how many things my kid could do on his own during a parent conference with daycare. He wouldn’t dress himself when he was with me, but could handle it just fine when they asked him to do it. Once I got that perspective, I was much more “insistent” that he use these skills. Also, does your sister have a low tolerance for mess, hence not wanting him to pour things?
Redux says
This is probably a big part of it. He is NOT in daycare and my kid is. My kid and I both have learned so much from daycare!
Redux says
And yes, my sister does indeed have a lower tolerance for spills and messes (part of her anxiety, unfortunately, and so part of what gives me pause as to whether this is an issue).
anon says
I’m leaning towards saying nothing too. I do think what she is doing is hurting her son a bit – kids learn to be anxious from their parents, and learn that they aren’t capable of doing things if they are always done for them – but good is going to come of it. But if she sees what your daughter is capable of and doesn’t seem concerned about the disparity, I doubt she would be open to criticism of her ways. Is her son in preschool or daycare?
I will say that my son is less independent than some of his peers, but this is largely his personality (and also possibly lagging fine motor skills/hand strength) – he wanted to be spoon fed longer than some of my friends’ babies, who strongly preferred finger foods, and he was never that toddler screaming “I do it! I do it!” We have always encouraged him to dress himself, etc. but he was later to do it than some peers. That said, your sister and nephew sound waaaaay outside the norm. (Feeding a 3.5 year old?!)
anon says
Sorry my editing got messed up – ignore “but good is going to come of it”
Lyssa says
I may be off-base, but are you sure that your kid isn’t just really advanced? Those things sound pretty developmentally appropriate for a 3.5 yr old, in my experience. My son could dress himself most of the way, but still needed help a little (and it was often quicker to just do it), and he could feed himself, but I often wound up doing some of it just to get him done. He’s 4.5 now, and we still wouldn’t let him serve his own cereal or pour his own drink (just asking for a mess), and we try to help tooth brushing to make sure that he gets it all. And I would consider our family to be pretty big on independence (though now I’m second-guessing that!)
anon says
I just posted above and after re-reading the original post, I guess maybe “waaay outside the norm” is exaggerating. But I do feel like spoon-feeding a 3.5 year old more than an occasional hurry up and eat this last bite kind of thing seems really odd. That and the nasal bulb syringe are what really stick out to me; the rest sounds more normal.
Lyssa says
Yeah, I’m talking more about the hurry up and eat the last few bites thing, not spoon feeding from start to finish – that would be weird. My kids wouldn’t let me use a bulb syringe, but I’m not sure that he’s actually able to blow his nose, either – it mostly just gets wiped.
Funny aside – now that we’re more in the “you can eat but I’ve got to help with the last bites” stage with the younger one (almost 2), she apparently thinks that feeding each other is just something that we do, and is constantly trying to make bites and shove them in my mouth now.
Redux says
Right, I think some of it is outside the norm (she really does spoon feed him every bite from start to finish) so I am trying to evaluate if this is a symptom of her anxiety or just idiosyncrasies of her parenting and/or his personality.
Anonymous says
My kiddo’s been trying to feed me since she was six months old. I wish she’d waited until she was two.
avocado says
I have the same issue with my sister. My kid has always been very independent, thanks in part to day care (who knew that one-year-olds could be taught to wash their own hands and two-year-olds could put on their own coats? I did not!) and partly because we encourage it. My sister’s kids, the older of whom is the same age as my kid, are completely helpless. She babied the younger one so much that there was genuine doubt about whether he’d be potty trained in time for kindergarten.
What I have learned is that there is absolutely nothing to be gained by saying anything. My sister does things her way for her own reasons, however odd or misguided those might be, and she judges our parenting as overly permissive and terribly risky. (You let your six-year-old go to sleepaway camp? You let your nine-year-old ride on an airplane BY HERSELF? You let your ten-year-old ride her bike around the block alone and make her clean her own bathroom? She is going to get kidnapped/run over by a car/poisoned!) When I even mention the stuff that my kid is doing in a non-comparative way, she gets all defensive and judgmental.
My solution has been to avoid discussing it at all, even obliquely, and just let things speak for themselves. My kid’s cousins, especially the older one, definitely notice what she is capable of doing. When they lived near us, we also used to invite the older one over for sleepovers so she could experience a little more freedom and responsibility.
Wow says
Yeah, I think your son is a bit advanced honestly. My 4 year old doesn’t make his breakfast and I will often spoon feed him because he.is.such.a.slow.eater and I can’t have an hour long breakfast. On the other hand, he does dress himself, put on his shoes, etc.
Also, my dentist recommended that parents brush their kid’s teeth until they’re 8 years old. I was a bit surprised but we’re following this rule.
LaLa says
I’m going to agree with the say nothing advice. And also add another, my 3.5 doesn’t do most of these things independently (he hates eating with a spoon, so just shovels food in his mouth, but we don’t spoon feed him, so I guess that’s one thing we don’t do). I would previously compare him to my neice who is much more independent than him. She dresses herself, gets her own snacks, puts on her shoes, etc. She is not in daycare, my son is. Then I realized that he is just going to reach these milestones on his own. I’m not willing to push it (I know he CAN technically put his shirt on, but it takes forever, and is frusterating for him, and so not worth the morning battle). I really don’t think he will keep on asking me to help with his shirt for forever, so we roll with it.
I think it is very fine motor skill related. This is an area where he is has always lagged as compared to my neice, so it makes putting on his shoes/shirt/etc harder. But also personality motivation related, he likes to be coddled and cuddled, and i’m fine to appease this.
Redux says
Well, I don’t really think the issue is with my nephew (as I said, he and my daughter seem to be developing at the same pace, if not in the same areas). What I am really wondering is if there is an issue with my sister.
Because she has struggled with anxiety that really peaked when her son was born, I am concerned that her babying him is a sign of that anxiety (or, in the alternative, if it seems totally normal for 3 year old of typical development).
ElisaR says
I vote say nothing – what good would really come of it?
Spirograph says
Say nothing. And also be careful to also say nothing (eg to your spouse, other friends) in front of your kid, since you never know when he might repeat it. We have an extremely helicopter-parent friend with an extremely spoiled and dependent kid the same age as ours. My husband quickly learned to keep his mouth shut when my son helpfully piped up, “Daddy, why do you say [friend] is such a brat? Is it because of [friend’s mom]?”
Anonanonanon says
General rule: unless someone is genuinely harming their child, say nothing.
Are you able to pinpoint what your desired outcome would be if you said something? I think it would just add tension to your relationship.
Lorelai Gilmore says
I would say nothing about the parenting. I might, however, reach out and say something about the anxiety, at an adult level – maybe something like, “I was thinking about your struggles with anxiety around the time that Kid was born. How are you feeling now?” Make this about her, not about the kid.
Another thing I might do is compliment her on the things she’s doing right as a mom. This sounds like some combination of terrible insecurity and anxiety, and she might appreciate reassurance that she is doing great and her kid is doing great. I send my daughter to stay for a week with cousins every summer and it is unbelievably reassuring and gratifying to get texts from my sister saying things like, “Jenny was so helpful at dinner tonight and set the table!” or “Jenny was very kind to her little cousin.” Or whatever.
Redux says
This is good advice. Sometimes the obvious (ask her how she’s doing!) eludes me. Thanks for this.
layered bob says
I’m nursing a 22-month-old, but she’s nursing less than she used to and I’m finding it hard to eat less than I used to. I noticed that if I have a busy day at work or something, I might inadvertently skip breakfast or skip dinner, essentially doing “intermittent fasting” without even noticing.
If I just do intermittent fasting all the time, will that affect my milk supply? (I feel like my supply is already tenuous because she’s nursing less than twice a day). I know intermittent fasting is “safe” for breastfeeding, especially a toddler, just wondering if anyone has personal experience.
GCA says
What would be the purpose of the intermittent fasting? For weight loss? What’s your nursing preference – would you prefer to wean her completely, or keep breastfeeding? In your shoes I think I wouldn’t really try anything new till she’s weaned, but if you feel like supply is low anyway and the nursing relationship is coming to a natural end, you could go ahead and experiment.
layered bob says
yeah, avoiding weight gain as I’m nursing less – a way to eat less without being stressed about portion control at every meal, like I am now. Breastfeeding puts me at my lowest-ever adult weight so I’d like to stay there as she weans :-)
I’d like to make it to age 2+ breastfeeding, and the baby certainly shows no indication of wanting to stop, but I guess we’re pretty close so I could just wait a few more weeks and then start experimenting.
Anon in NYC says
Agree that I would wait to try anything new until you’re ready to wean or at least comfortable ending nursing if your supply drops.
EB0220 says
What’s the birthday party situation like in your area? My kids are (almost) and 5, and we’ve been invited to exactly one birthday party at someone’s house or a picnic shelter. All the rest are at bounce houses or similar. I kind of want to do something cheap and simple for my 3 year old after 2 years of bounce house parties for my oldest. I also want to specify “no presents”because we just don’t need more stuff. It’s not weird to have people come to our house…right? (It’s too hot for the playground, honestly, with a July birthday in the south.)
EB0220 says
That should have said that my kids are (almost) 3 and 5.
GirlFriday says
I just assumed (almost) meant you were pregnant ;)
Lyssa says
We’re in the south, too, and we’ve been invited to bounce houses, Little Gym, and Chuckie-Cheese-type places. My brother has a party for his twins (who turn 4 this month) at a picnic shelter, and it is miserably hot, even with some water activities. We’ve been trying to push them to have it in our neighborhood’s pool house instead. I’ve not been to anyone else’s house other than a niece’s 1st and 2nd, several years back.
We have a big extended family and have limited parties so far to just family (so, mostly adults), so we’ve been having them at home. For my 2 year old’s this weekend, we’ll grill hot dogs and have a sprinkler/wading pool for the kids, but everyone can come in and out of the AC. Older kid’s is in December, though, so we’ve been trying to come up with better ideas since outside is unlikely to work – I think that we’ll do a bounce house or similar this year, since he’ll be in preschool and I assume will want to invite other kids (though that’s a massive pain in December).
I would love to say no gifts, but there’s no way that I could get the grandparents on board. But if you could get them to give presents separately (away from the party), that might work.
Lyssa says
By the way, do kids still have birthday parties at McDonalds? I remember that being big when I was a kid, but something’s worrying me that maybe now that’s looked at as a little . . . trashy? (It’s entirely possible that my childhood was a little trashy.) My son loves “Old McDonald’s” and would probably be thrilled to have a birthday party there, though.
Two Cents says
I think the issue with a McDonalds party is that there is much more awareness these days about how crappy/terrible that food is, and I suspect most if not all the parents in my area would never dream of feeding their kids McDs. The play gym area is super cute but I’m positive you would need to “cater” from McDs and that’s the issue.
Now, the irony is that parents (including me) think nothing of feeding kids at birthday parties crappy pizza, but I guess in our minds that’s a step up from fast food. :)
Anonanonanon says
I think most parents SAY they would never dream of feeding their kids McDs. I know the ones in my area, do. However, the kids tell a different story….
Blueberry says
Not weird. I think people do more of the bounce house thing because they are worried about the weather and/or don’t want to deal with the party prep/clean up. I wish my kids were born during warmer months so that we could have a party in my backyard or the park, which I much prefer! And it’s definitely not weird to specify no presents.
Anon says
Yes, this. Concerns about weather and party clean up means we almost never get invited to people’s houses. We’ve seen a lot of “please no gifts, just bring yourself!” written onto the invitations.
And I’m the minority, but I don’t love young-kid-friend-parties that are mixed with family parties at the house. I get why people do it, but it’s always so awkward when parents are trying to get their kids to leave and extended family cousins are clearly there for the rest of the night. Or when they said no gifts, but then there is 30 minutes of opening family gifts.
Anonanonanon says
I’m with you on the second paragraph. We keep family party and kid-friend party separate. It’s very awkward when you feel like you’re intruding on someone’s family party, even though you were invited…
EB0220 says
YES, we definitely do a separate family and kid party. Part of my reason for wanting to keep the friend party low-key. Otherwise it’s too much (for me, anyway).
anne-on says
Yes! We do friend party at the bouncy/tumble/inflatable gyms until about noon, have lunch, and then family leaves to come back to our house for more cousin/grandparent/aunt and uncle time. I don’t have to awkwardly kick out friends, nor do they have to nod politely as my parents/inlaws corner them for new audiences for their material ;)
Anon in NYC says
I had a larger first birthday party for my daughter at a music/art space, mostly due to the size of the group. For her second birthday I had something much smaller (family only) in my apartment. Next year I’ll probably plan to do something in a local park. In my area, I’ve been invited to birthday parties in parks, at a carousel, at a Little Gym-type place, and someone’s home. My friend who lives in the suburbs has had birthday parties at her house and in a local park. I don’t think house birthday parties are weird at all!
anon says
+1 from another New Yorker – I haven’t had parties in our apartment due to its small size and my general hatred of entertaining, but I assume that if we lived in the suburbs I and all my friends would host in our homes/yards and save so much money. (Don’t burst my bubble). My son’s birthday is in the summer so my default was the park, but his coop preschool can be rented by parents for $100 so we’ve done that this year and last. Most of his friends have parties at the park or at his school, but we’ve been to one at the ice cream store, at an indoor gym, the zoo, and one small group field trip-style party to Coney Island. No presents is not usual at all.
AIMS says
My daughter has a winter bday and I am always so sad about the fact that we can’t just have a picnic party for her bday. I’m pregnant again and it looks like it will be a winter bday, if all goes well (it’s still early), and I’m irrationally sad about not having the summer picnic for anyone now.
AEK says
Congratulations!
October says
On the flip side… you won’t have to stress about it raining on the day of the party since you’ll already be planning to have it inside :) Or maybe some years have a very small birthday party and a big half-birthday picnic party instead? My husband (and now son) has a July birthday, and he still laments how none of his friends were ever around for his parties.
Anon in NYC says
Congrats! I will say that as a summer birthday (and a holiday weekend to boot!), I was always super sad about not having a school birthday party and that was compounded by the fact that my friends were never around for my birthday as I got older.
AIMS says
Thanks :)
H says
I don’t think it’s weird to have people to your house. I suspect people don’t do it so they don’t have to deal with cleaning before and after.
I have a summer birthday and I remember parties at my house growing up where my parents put a slip and slide and sprinklers out in the yard for us to play in. I remember it being fun.
Mrs. Jones says
No, it’s not weird to have a party at your house. We’ve been to several ‘in-house’ birthday parties and several at destinations like bowling alleys. So far our son’s birthday parties have been at our house because it’s cheaper and easier in my opinion, plus I can drink wine whenever I want. :)
avocado says
The parties I’ve hosted at home have averaged 2x the cost, 15x the work, and 100x the stress of outside parties. And zero wine (at least until the party is over).
EB0220 says
Haha this is very convincing. Thanks!
mamallama says
Boston burb. Kids are 3 and 5. The younger parties have been at places because it’s so much easier just to have it done. We’ve been to some low key backyard parties, but they have themes (drive in movie night) and seem like way more work.
As the kids get older and attend independently (4-5+) the parties seem smaller and more manageable at home. I’ve always outsourced because my kids have winter bdays and I don’t want to deal with cleaning my house to host.
Amelia Bedelia says
CPA Lady – THANK YOU for your combo feeding post. it was so wonderful.
Also, would you do a day in the life? I’m interested in how your life works with your busy job and your spouse working nights/weekends.
thanks!
Anonymous says
Has anyone flown with the Guava Lotus crib (or a similar travel crib) as a checked bag? I know a big part of its appeal is that it fits as a carry on, but I think it would be much easier to check than keep track of another bag through the airport. We’re flying direct so I’m not worried about it getting lost en route. Would it get too banged up?
LaLa says
Our travel crib (mini pack and play) had a little bag and did not get banged up the few times we flew with it.
LaLa says
we did it as a checked bag, forgot to add that.
Anonymous says
Thank you! This comes with a bag as well. I’ll give it a shot. I’m suddenly feeling very overwhelmed at all the bags and such we’ll need for two adults and a toddler for a two week trip abroad…
Sarabeth says
It fits inside our larger rolling suitcase, so we always did that.
Anonymous says
We have flown (checked) with the baby bjorn crib multiple times with no issues. It’s very similar to the Guava crib so I don’t think you should have any issues. If you’re checking luggage anyway, makes sense to just check it. Btw that travel crib has been a lifesaver!!
Pogo says
off topic, but I keep getting ads across every single platform I use for that guava crib, and I’ve never looked at it! Targeted ads are creepy sometimes.
blueberries says
I’ve checked a guava multiple times with no problem. Some kind airline employees will consider it a baby item and not charge.
Anonymous says
Thanks! Not worried about the charge, fortunately, as we bought DS a seat (hoping if we put him in his car seat he’ll sleep through the red eye), so he gets a checked bag allowance too.
Anon says
Our packing strategy: the lotus crib goes in its own bag with PJ’s, blanket, etc (plenty of room in between the folded frame!) and then place the whole thing in a large checked suitcase (cheap hard sided spinner from Costco). There’s still room for a Bjorn potty, all of LO’s clothes, and some of our clothes in the suitcase. I like to minimize the number of pieces of luggage to keep track of when traveling.
We’re comtemplating using it has a standalone for an upcoming trip, but hesitant because the backpack straps on its bag are thin and look uncomfortable for long airport walks and riding transit.
Anon says
Any advice on how to tell your direct reports you’re pregnant? I manage a team of 7 or so people across 2 offices. There’s a decent chance that I don’t return to work after the baby is born for personal/logistical reasons that my team is aware of (I don’t want to get into details at the risk of outing myself). I know they will be happy for me and I have great relationships with most of them, but I know there will be some concern about me continuing to manage them post-baby (which is 50/50 right now) and I don’t quite know how to address it.
Anon says
Be pleasant but matter-of-fact. “I have some happy news to share, I’m pregnant and due in November! I don’t have all the logistics worked out, of course, but in general the plan for now is that I will work up til Nov, take an X week leave, and return. As any of that changes, I’ll be as transparent with you as I can. My immediate plans are to start working on a leave plan, including cross-training and pulling you guys in on projects now so you can be in great shape when I’m out. In one of our next few 1:1s, I’d love to hear your thoughts on projects you want to make sure I cover, your concerns, and anything else I should take into account for my leave plan.”
Anon says
This is fantastic – thank you!
My son is a nudist says
This totally outs me to everyone IRL I’ve already told this story, but I think this crowd can empathize, and it’s a fun story for a Wednesday.
The other night, I was feeding my baby a bedtime bottle. My husband was supposed to be supervising the older kids getting in the shower. I heard kid footsteps and the front door open and close. A few minutes later, I started wondering who was going in and out of the front door, if everyone was supposed to be showering. So, I put the baby down in the crib, and went to the door. There was my 4-year old son, stark naked except for his baseball glove, running all over the front yard tossing a ball to himself. (There was also my neighbor, doubled-over laughing next to his car.)
Obviously I shooed him inside and tried to explain that he *at least* needs to wear underwear if he’s outside in the front yard, because decency. That message didn’t stick at all (possibly because I failed to deliver it without laughing). As soon as I was sitting down with the baby again, I heard the door a second time. gah!
And then LAST night, I was out watering the garden (the actual garden. not euphemisms!), and my son thought it was hilarious to run through the hose stream… except he didn’t want to get his clothes wet, so he immediately stripped down completely and threw his underwear as far as he could. At least that was in the back yard. They grow out of this someday, right? I’m not destined to be bailing my kid out of jail for streaking?
Anon says
My sister liked to take her clothes off too, particularly when we were out at restaurants (I have no idea why). She eventually outgrew it and is now super modest, so there is hope!
AIMS says
My friend’s daughter went through a phase where she liked to take her pants off in coffee shops or basically anytime they were waiting on line. She would get very upset and cry whenever you told her it was inappropriate to do in public and it always ended with “when I grow up, I am never wearing clothes, ever!”
Anonymous says
This made me LOL. I have twins and one of them is totally going to be naked kid once he figures out how to get all his clothes off by himself.
Mrs. Jones says
Hilarious. My son also likes to be naked in our yard, so you’re not alone.
AEK says
My son has been showing nudist tendencies ever since we started the potty training with a couple of naked days. Plus we have to be encouraging him to pull down his undies/ pants himself when he goes, and that message doesn’t seem to be context-specific for him…
EB0220 says
My two year old LOVES to run outside naked. Sometimes she’s in the process of getting dressed while big sister and daddy are leaving for the day. If the door remains open for more than a few seconds, she’ll sprint outside yelling “Naked !”
NewMomAnon says
My daughter once stripped naked in a public fountain in the middle of the weekly farmer’s market and refused to put her clothes back on until I produced a towel (which I did not have). Which led to the unfortunate episode of my (then toddler) daughter stealing money from my pocket and purchasing eggplants from a stranger WHILE NAKED. She is much better now…. but her dress does end up over her head with some frequency still.
Anonymous says
Oh my g-d this is amazing.
Spirograph says
This is amazing. What did the eggplant salesperson say about this? I’m trying to imagine calmly ringing up eggplants for a naked toddler, and cannot. Lol
NewMomAnon says
The cashier was trying to get my attention because toddlers don’t understand the concept of taking change back when they buy 3 eggplants with a $10 bill…and I was trying so hard not to make eye contact with anyone….
Anon in NYC says
That is hilarious.
Blueberry says
LOL these are so funny. The other day, my little boys got drenched from watering the garden, stripped naked, got two pool noodles, and ran around the yard with them between their legs shouting, p*nis! p*nis! It was a nice day, and the neighbors had guests over in their backyard. Ha, sorry neighbors!
Anon says
My mom has hysterical photos of me at 3, when I sneaked into our backyard naked while she was nursing my younger sister and started playing on our jungle gym. Apparently, this was a thing I would do every so often (I think I wanted attention after a new sibling was added to the mix) as a toddler/young kid. For what it’s worth, I grew out of my nudist tendencies (though I do love taking my bra off after work!).