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This is one of those things that I didn’t know existed until I saw it at a friend’s house. My kids have never been too into puzzles, but if yours are, you know how it can be a pain in the butt to store them. This looks like a great solution if the collapsing pile of puzzles in the corner isn’t your speed. It holds 12 small and large puzzles and is available at Amazon (with Prime), where it has a ton of good reviews. (No puzzles included.) Melissa & Doug Deluxe Puzzle Storage Rack
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Running Numbers says
With my first, I was really passionate about having a natural delivery. I read nothing about c-sections because I honestly believed that there was no way I would need one. After 26 hours of labor and 3 hours of pushing, I had a c-section!
I’m pregnant with my second and while my practice is supportive of VBAC, I have no desire to go through that again and will be having a scheduled c-section. I truly don’t believe I am meant to give birth through the more traditional passage and the risks associated with VBACs scare me.
What’s it like having a scheduled c-section, particularly if you had a similar scenario with a long labor and c-section once and then a scheduled c-section the next time? What should I expect in terms of how I’ll feel afterwards? How do you mentally prepare for elective, major surgery? How long did you stay in the hospital? With my first, I stayed 3 nights after he was born and that felt like almost too long. I felt ready to go after 2 nights. I imagine I’ll feel better not having labored and been up for days like I was before my first was born, and I like my own house and bed, but now I have a toddler at home!
I would just love stories, advice, commiseration, etc.
TK says
I had a great experience. I didn’t plan to have a C section until around week 37 when baby was measured very large and at risk for certain complications. I picked a date and time (8 a.m., first of the day) when I knew my OB was on rotation, and did a series of showers with some special kind of antibacterial soap (night before and morning of.) My out of town parents flew in.
Hubs and I had a lovely last evening as “just the two of us” and made a little movie for the baby. At 6:15 a.m. we left for the hospital. They put these weird blood circulator things on my legs, gave me the anesthesia, and rolled me into the operating room at 7:50 a.m. Hubs was there the whole time with a camera, on the side of the sheet up by my head so he couldn’t see what was going on. (He accidently got a peek later, and it was quite traumatic for him, seeing the insides of his wife.) I was very calm and relaxed (just excited) the whole time, baby was out at 8:11 a.m., and he laid on my chest while I got stitched back up and wheeled into observation for an hour before they took us up to our room.
Recovery was easy – I was very fortunate. I was on narcotics for about 2 weeks, OTC pain meds after. I was able to walk around within 24 hours. I was in the hospital 2 nights and home the morning of the third. Baby had a bit of trouble eating enough to maintain his 10 lb birth weight, so the docs were on sight to recommend supplementing with formula, advice I gladly accepted. I was up and about once we got home within a couple of days. Did not drive for 3 weeks, per Dr. requirement.
I’ve only had one, but my sister in law had a planned C after an unplanned C after 30 hours of labor with her first. She says the experiences are night and day. In the first scenario, she was recovering from both labor and unplanned major surgery at the same time. Under the second, recovery was much faster and much less emotionally challenging.
bluefield says
From what I’ve heard from friends who had an unplanned C and then a planned C, the planned C is much easier and the recovery is much faster. And it is kind of nice to be able to schedule your baby’s birth – you can plan care for your older child, your families can travel if necessary, and there’s no waiting around for labor to start.
AEK says
I agree with everything except the recovery being easier. As additional anecdata, my recovery sucked.
RR says
My first c-section was unplanned but fine–my water broke, I didn’t progress, I had a c-section. The second was planned. Both of my c-sections were pretty easy, but the second was definitely easier. I had it on a Monday, and we went home Wednesday afternoon (I was completely bored and really annoyed at being in the hospital–with my first (twins) I was reluctant to leave). By Friday, I was walking around Target with my husband and with the baby in a stroller (which was probably overdoing it a little, but no harm was done). The second was a little more nerve wracking for me before because they had me arrive at like 7 for a 10:00 c-section, and I had some time to just ponder what was coming–it was like 15-30 minutes of wanting to leave and realizing I couldn’t, but then the actual procedure was just completely fine and easy.
Anon says
Yes, I had an emergency C after 16 hours of labor with my first. I had a scheduled C with my second, scheduled for exactly 38.5 weeks to avoid triggering the complications of the first time, and it was amazing.
Planning for the exact days that my parents would watch my toddler was amazing. Walking calmly into the hospital felt amazing. Being able to just walk into the operating room and lay down on the table myself was amazing. Not being afraid of the spinal tap because I had already had an epidural was amazing. Knowing what to expect was amazing. Laughing with the surgeons and anesthesiologist was amazing. Knowing I could request to hold the baby while they stitched me up was amazing. Wheeling into recovery and having some “alone time” with the baby was amazing. Knowing the mechanics of breastfeeding already was amazing. Being actually alert (and not exhausted) for the first 24 hours was amazing. Knowing enough to send the baby to the nursery overnight, and ask the nurses to time the medicine so I’d get maximum hours in between interruptions was amazing.
It did feel a little anti-climatic, esp while DH and I were just waiting in the pre-op room and didn’t have anyone visit us for a good 15 minutes as they prepped the room. Much much different than the extreme concern during labor and surgery the first time. Recovery was about the same, for me, maybe a little rougher because I couldn’t resist picking up my toddler after a few days but maybe a little easier because I wasn’t so drained from the labor.
It was night and day. I’m not having any more kids, but scheduled C is the way to go.
Anon says
Forgot to say, I was like you and totally wanted “natural childbirth” on my first. Even thought I’d try without pain meds. Turns out my TypeASelf had to get a giant lesson that day, because I ended up with the exact opposite plan. But because of the nature of the emergency, I didn’t have the regret that I know a lot of women can struggle with. I was literally just happy that both me and my first were alive. I didn’t have any feelings of loss or not feeling like I truly gave birth. To me, I had a baby inside me, and then it came out, so that counts as childbirth.
For my second we discussed VBAC and my doctors strongly recommended against it given the nature of problems the first time. I was scared about the potential risks too – they are HUGE and depending on why you needed a c-section the first time, they can dramatically increase based on your situation. It just made perfect sense to schedule a c-section. I don’t really view it as an elective surgery. The baby has to come out, and whether I pick a risky VBAC or a risky C, it’s still a medical procedure with complications. Not even remotely close to being on the same level as a non-necessary tummy tuck. I feel like my doctors and I assessed the options and chose the least risky option for my scenario, so I didn’t have any misgivings about scheduling the c-section.
I’m grateful that I live in modern times, where I have the option to 1) be alive and 2) have two children. Just 100 years ago, it’s very likely that my first and I would have died in childbirth and then I wouldn’t have had my second at all. Your situation may not be that extreme, but sometimes it helps to reframe it as taking advantage of a medical option that allows the greatest chance of a healthy mom and healthy baby.
Running Numbers says
Thank you! You said everything I feel. I didn’t have an emergency c-section so our situations were quite different I am sure. Like you, I had no regret about the c-section. I also thought I would have a medication-free birth but happily went along with pitocin, etc. and then actually chose the c-section over the vacuum. I knew without a doubt, then and now, that it was the right choice. 100 years ago, I would have been dead. It took them several minutes to get him out of me because he was so stuck.
Thank you also for saying that you don’t see it as elective surgery. That’s what I have struggled with, knowing it is the right choice and yet somehow worried that I’m being too flippant or something.
Thank you!!!
Kirstina says
I had an emergency c-section, but never went into labor (preterm rupture of membranes/fetal distress–> c section. So I was basically chilling in hospital bed for 36 hours (up occasionally) then had the c section. Recovery was a breeze! I took one percoset on day 1 and 2 after then stopped, was up on my own pumping at 1 and 4 am after my 9 am surgery ( would not recommend), showering and getting up on my own 2 days after. It was sore switching positions in bed, getting out of chairs for a few days but nothing terrible. I did move and walk often (short distances) because I had a preemie down the hall in the nursery. I jumped into my husbands big truck 5 days after and was like I probably shouldn’t be doing this…(pick ups require a little jumping up if you are short). As of now I want a repeat C section for # 2 because my desire for a controlled, safe, planned birth outweigh wishes for a vaginal delivery; even though I am a good vbac candidate (since it was a baby/low water issue not a pelvic/cervix issue). Bonus: you get to prevent pelvic floor trauma!
ElisaR says
I am in a very similar situation. I did so much prep for my natural delivery and found myself 48 hours on pitocin (post water breaking on its own) with NO CONTRACTIONS! I had to convince my doctor to let me go over 24 hours after my water breaking in hopes something would happen….but it didn’t. So I wound up with a C-section and had not looked into it at all because I was certain C-sections were overdone and I wasn’t going to accept one…..so now I’m 15 wks pregnant (and my son is only 14 months old) so I will be a scheduled C….. going in with a totally different mindset this time. My plan: TAKE THE COLACE. Ha! Other than that, I am looking forward to (probably) haven’t a better sense of how this birth will go……(I didn’t consider VBAC because 1. my practice doesn’t do it 2. it’s soon after my first baby was born and not advisable 3. i am going to be 40 and done playing games and 4. who knows why labor never progressed last time it could happen again.
In House Lobbyist says
My second planned C section was so much better. The first one was so scary and crazy when my Dr said “now”! and they took me to the operating room. The second was much better – my incision was better, my scar was better, they didn’t pump me full of drugs since I didn’t even have an epidural when they took me to the operating room the first time and had to quickly get me numb and I was able to plan my childcare arrangements. My recovery was easier and I went home after 2 nights.
K. says
This isn’t really in response to your question, since everyone gave great responses to that, but if you are interested in a c-section that incorporates some elements of natural birth (like immediate skin to skin–not the lack of pain relief!!) you might look up “gentle c-section.” More and more hospitals are offering it to give women a different experience of c-sections. It’s probably not for everyone, but I always think it is good to know options.
Anonymous says
I have entered full-on nesting (last night I cleaned underneath the oven, which is a first for me, embarrassing I know). What all do you wish you had on hand for the first couple weeks after birth for yourself? I feel like I know what baby will need, but what about me? I am feeling like I’d like a few cute-ish options for when visitors are over, but also don’t want to spend a ton of money on things that may or may not fit. Ideas?
Cornellian says
Premade padsicles (google a recipe), those little bottles to rinse yourself off, food I could eat with one hand…
I honestly would not think of spending money on clothing at all, unless you don’t already have a robe you can throw on other things. I would generally not think about ways to accommodate your guests, honestly. It’s maybe the one period in your life where I don’t think it’s appropriate. You also may end up a different shape or with stitches or scars where you didn’t expect them, so clothing is not really worth spending money on.
bluefield says
+ a zillion on the padsicles.
Pogo says
How ridiculous is it that I am paranoid about making the padsicles for fear of jinxing myself into needing a C-section?
I’m thinking I’ll just make a few ahead of time…. I don’t want to have like 20 of them in my freezer and no need for them.
Cb says
Umm….I’m afraid to submit my dissertation b/c I’m afraid I’ll go straight into labour. I don’t think we can be rational at this point.
Cornellian says
I made six million of them, used maybe.. 15? and gave several frozen ziplocs away. Maybe it’s just manhattan, but I’ve probably passed on 1000-1500 dollars worth of baby/pregnancy stuff and gotten (so far) 500 or 600 worth of stuff back.
Pogo says
OK, cool. I think I’ll make like 5 ahead of time and if I find them helpful, they don’t seem *that* hard to make more of. I also bought a package of 4 disposable ice packs.
Good point that I could give them away!
bluefield says
I think they really only need 12 hrs in the freezer, so as long as you have the supplies your plan sounds fine (and even if you have a C you’ll still need pads, just not soothing ones). They were amazzzinnngggg.
anon says
I don’t think I used any ice packs once I returned home from the hospital, so maybe if you make them you will jinx yourself into not needing them because you have an easy recovery! The peri bottle, on the other hand, I was afraid to be separated from for several weeks. It was like a security blanket.
Anon in NYC says
Yeah, I don’t think I used ice packs post-hospital either. The dermoplast though – couldn’t tear me away from that for 2+ weeks!
Cornellian says
Agreed, used no ice packs.
Peri bottles are great. I will also second the recommendation for colace (I like the dye-free stuff) and advil (which you’re soon allowed to take again!).
mascot says
I wore maternity shorts, stretchy yoga pants and target nursing tanks most of the early weeks. I got some cute dark stretchy pj sets at TJmaxx that I wore in the hospital (personal preference bc I hate the gowns). Having a robe or layers is good- the hormone shifts are pretty drastic and your temperature tolerance can fluctuate a lot.
+1oo to stocking up on foods you can eat one handed. Healthyish snacks and a variety of non-caffeinated drink options were most welcome.
Cb says
I bought a few loungewear-ish cardigans and leggings from the Gap. They are soft and look semi-presentable and I thought I could wear them with nursing tanks. I’m still wearing my normal leggings but figure I might be more sore/sensitive post-birth so focused on super soft items.
Annie says
Sorry to be bleak, but depending on how things go you may not be able to wear leggings for the first couple of weeks. It’s useful to have a pair of loose fitting yoga pants that fit you now, so you’ll know they’ll fit then.
Cornellian says
I had a natural v. birth and found flowy maternity pants okay after a few days. For the first few days I could really only wear a robe over underwear.
Cb says
Really good point. I can always resort to nightgowns and a robe, or my husband’s PJs.
October says
Conversely, I wore my leggings in the hospital. I felt like it kind of held everything together better (there is quite the underwear set-up those first few days!) and I preferred to have my legs covered in the hospital…it was kind of cold and I didn’t really like the feel of touching all the hospital furniture.
Cornellian says
Similarly, you may have really strong feelings on what to wear on top. I thought I’d need lots of nursing br@s but actually only wanted to wear soft camis (with a LOT of b. pads for leakage). Maybe have one of a few styles of shirt and br@ and an amazon prime subscription ready to order more.
Amelia Bedelia says
I got the barefoot dreams bamboo cardigan. ridiculously expensive, but SO WORTH IT. I lived in it for like three months. LIVED in it.
Running Numbers says
What I was thankful to have on hand was actually simplicity! I purged my clothes and had clothes organized by size. There were some sweatshirts and things that I couldn’t wear during pregnancy but did fit immediately afterwards. It was helpful to be able to easily find clothes.
I also just got my things/life in order. I decided I was going to develop decent skincare habits while pregnant because I’d never make the time to learn once baby arrived. I organized closets to have backups of things like soap readily available. Not wasting time hunting for things was a big help!
And snacks that you can eat one handed. Those were also big.
As others said, don’t spend money on clothes. You have no idea how your shape or how you’ll feel.
Cb says
I did this while my mom was here – removing things that don’t fit and sorting them into nursing friendly and non-nursing friendly. Everything is looking slightly worse for wear (down to about 7 dresses on heavy rotation – a few maternity but mostly normal sized) so I’ll need to get a few things for a maternity leave mini-capsule.
Pogo says
This is a good idea. I don’t want to be hunting through the closet for a particular pair of yoga pants, especially as DH is useless in helping with that. In his defense, I do have approximately 10 pairs of black workout pants but they are very different!! (legging vs yoga pant, tight vs looser, lyrca vs cotton blend… etc)
LaLa says
I bought a nice, thin robe that would cover my nursing tank and somewhat hide whatever pants I was wearing. It was black. Was it super cute? No. But it served the purpose of looking presentable when people brought us food.
Things we had to run to the store for the first time: stool softner, “snacky” one handed food, normal sized pads (everyone tells you to get the big ones, but after a week or two I was ready for thinner ones, and eventually just liners). Ibuprophen, lots of it.
Anonymous says
Thanks for the ideas so far! The clothes concerns are less to appease guests and more because I want to feel like a normal person.
What kinds of one-handed snacks did you all like? All I can think of really are granola bars which I definitely eat now but don’t seem like enough.
mascot says
Hardboiled eggs, fruit, sandwiches, cheese, granola, your favorite boxed snacks, etc. Really anything that can be eaten with hands (vs. knife/fork) and is easy to prepare. Soometimes you will be eating over baby’s head because they are on a marathon feed themselves so things that aren’t scalding hot, messy/crumbly are good. Not all meals are like that so don’t panic. But I was surprised at how unmotivated I was to even plate and wam up leftovers some days so having survival foods was great.
Anon in NYC says
Yes. This is the time to buy prepared convenience items like the pre-chopped/washed veggies. I could not motivate myself to buy a whole head of cauliflower and break it down, wash it, and then eat it.
I really struggled with breakfast. In the early days it was just SO HARD to get out of the house. Your kid will wake up really early but then also need to go back to sleep at a early hour (if I recall correctly, like 1.5 hours after waking up), which is prime breakfast time. I needed microwavable breakfasts, or just some variety beyond cereal that didn’t also require me to cook + wash a pan.
Amelia Bedelia says
my mother made a giant ham and carved it up and put it in the fridge. it seemed SO ridiculous, but I ate the whole damn ham! it was amazing to have the hit of pure protein during the day . . . and I craved meat while nursing.
SC says
A few weeks after Kiddo was born, a relative threw a party for her grandson’s confirmation. (We were invited, but our pediatrician advised us not to take Kiddo.) After the party, the relative dropped off several leftover pork tenderloins, a bag of Hawaiian rolls, and some toppings and condiments. I lived off that for a week, and it was one of the best food drop-offs we received. IIRC, she also brought cookies :-)
anne-on says
Do not underestimate how hungry nursing will make you. I distinctly remember holding my kiddo in one arm to nurse while shoving french fries into my face with the other hand and mentally congratulating myself on my excellent multi-tasking skills.
Anonymous says
Handheld empanadas or mini calzones are great- you can stuff them with a wide variety of things- meat,
Veggies, cheese, and if you use wonton or frozen empanada dough they are super easy, quick and freeze very well.
OP says
This is a great idea that I never would have thought of. Warm food feels more like real food to me so this may be huge.
Anonymous says
Muffins, lactation cookies! I ate a TON of PB on toast (DH would bring me a plate of it and the baby and I would munch while I fed him).
I’d also stock up on household things that you don’t want to run out for– we made sure we had enough TP, paper towels, garbage bags, etc. so DH wouldn’t need to leave to run to Target on our first day back.
LaLa says
I really liked those peanut butter filled pretzels. Also: lara bars, deli meat, cheese.
Pogo says
Those pb-filled pretzels are a staple of my pregnancy. SO GOOD.
OP says
YESSS. I convince myself it’s a healthy-ish choice because the peanut butter has protein.
FTMinFL says
See if your grocery store carries Kodiak protein pancake mix. They make great muffins and pack a better nutritional punch than the standard sugary muffin. I really like to use the mix to make banana cinnamon muffins to freeze and microwave for quick nutrition!
AwayEmily says
The “nursing station” thing (which maybe I heard about here?) was a godsend. I had three: a club chair in the living room, a chair in the nursery, and my bed. Next to each, I kept a little basket with snacks (trail mix, fruit, etc), nipple balm, burp cloths, and a couple of bottles of water. I drank SO MUCH WATER. Buy a 24-pack of bottled water. I just reused the bottles & tasked my husband with keeping them (and the snack basket) filled. Also — this sounds ridiculous but it was super helpful — at your “main” nursing station, try to set it up so you have tables on both sides (even if that means hijacking a side table from somewhere else temporarily) so you can switch the water location when the baby switches sides.
Amelia Bedelia says
the hospital actually gave me extra big water jugs with straws. I had three and kept them all over the house! my husband would walk around and refill them throughout the day.
Anon says
Yes, this nursing station idea is everything – I had two. If your DH needs it, make a list of what needs to be fully stocked at each station and make sure he checks it, at a minimum, each morning and each night. I would drink a 1L bottle of water between 10pm and 5am every night because my kids nursed like champs at nighttime.
My snacks included the above, but also applesauce pouches – the ones for kids, so they have veggies and fruits mixed in. I was ravenous and felt like I was burning calories faster than I could eat a baby carrot, so I went through mounds of those pouches in the first few weeks before my appetite and supply stabilized. Also pizza rolls. They’re not super healthy, but something warm and meaty and bite-size was my personal slice of heaven.
anon says
There is a cookbook called Parents Need to Eat too which has a whole section on one-handed foods.
SC says
I made trail mix–granola, pumpkin seeds, dried cherries, almonds, and chocolate chips. I loved it because I could grab a handful on my way back to bed at 2 am (or 2 pm).
It took me weeks to realize that if I was waking up every 2 hours and up for at least an hour (nursing, bottle-feeding, and pumping because Kiddo had trouble nursing), I shouldn’t fast from dinner until breakfast. Don’t make that mistake!
AwayEmily says
Yes! I also ate massive amounts of homemade trail mix (TJs nuts, dried fruit, and fancy dark chocolate chips). So much better than the pre-made stuff because you can skip the lame parts (peanuts) and double up on the good stuff (dried cherries!).
ElisaR says
wine. i’m kidding…… no i’m not.
Amelia Bedelia says
I ate so many cashew clusters from Costco, i’m surprised I didn’t turn into one!
make sure to take these snacks to hospital, too.
Kirstina says
I totally liked having cute-ish stuff to wear. If you are breastfeeding I recommend this:
Free to Live Women’s Lightweight Short Sleeve Criss Cross Pullover Nursing Top (Large, Turquoise) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00UJWS4T8/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_oHQqzb7M1JERR
There are several versions on amazon, also long sleeve. Cute, functional and surprisingly flattering. Pair with nursing tank + your favorite stomach-flattering/highwaisted/etc leggings. I have decent luck with amazon cheap rayon fabric purchases washing on delicate and hang dry. If you are ok with clothes not lasting I do have one of these that has been surviving the dryer.
Octagon says
I basically lived in nursing nightgowns with a hoodie on top (it was winter, and I liked having pockets). I can highly recommend the My Bella Mama one on Amazon – search for sleeveless nursing nightgown with elasticated neck. I bought it in two colors and still wear it. It’s comfortable like a giant t-shirt.
I also needed probiotics and mineral oil to get things moving after birth, and a bit embarrassing to ask DH to get for me, so you may want to have those on hand.
And if you are planning on making lactation cookies, make an extra batch and freeze the dough in pre-made balls so you just have to pop them in the oven for fresh cookies.
buffybot says
Well, so…. here goes.
After 3 IVF transfers and an ever-growing list of obscure drugs, here I am: 7 weeks pregnant with a “perfect” little blob with a nice strong heartbeat. This is about to get real, y’all.
Seems a little premature to be posting here but it turns out the RE discharges me in like 2 weeks….so I need to find an OB. Help?
Seeking recommendations for 1) hospital preference and 2) actual OBs. I’m in NYC, Manhattan specifically. I seem to recall that people have strong views about which hospital is best, but obviously I can’t remember anything. Extra points if you know the OB is used to dealing with neurotic infertiles like me who are going to have a hard time adjusting from weekly scans and check-ins to the benign neglect of normal prenatal care. Also extra points if you know they take United Healthcare.
Thanks!! Excited to even get to hope to be here.
Cb says
No local advice (I’m in the UK where benign neglect is the norm) but I’m so, so happy for you, internet stranger!
buffybot says
Thanks! Do I remember correctly that you were prescribed Lovenox for your pregnancy? I am really hoping I get to stop by the end of the first trimester. The shots hurt like a mother (worse than the giant progesterone in oil needle, honestly) and I am just one big bruise right now.
Cb says
Yep! I’m still on it (throughout pregnancy and 6 weeks postpartum). I’m on a prophylactic dose so it is a tiny needle and isn’t too bad. I only bruise if I give it to myself on the left side now but it’s become tougher as I get bigger and the skin is sick of being stabbed. I had more bruises at the beginning and I suspect my technique has gotten better? I haven’t done it in my thigh as recommended – I think it’ll hurt more.
When I had a blood clot and had to do it (bigger needle/dose), I froze an inch of water in a whiskey tumbler and used the bottom to numb myself a bit which helped with the pain.
Numbing Cream says
EMLA cream was my best friend for PIO shots – in the US you need a prescription from your doctor. But you apply it an hour before you need to give yourself a shot (cover with plastic wrap) and then you are totally numb. You look ridiculous with plastic wrap on your rear but it was totally worth it!
Pogo says
Feeling so so lucky I can get by on baby aspirin. You guys are champs.
Cb, did you get any guidance on whether an epidural is out w/ clotting issues and/or being on thinners? I’m meeting with the anesthesiologist to discuss, because the nurse I spoke with wasn’t familiar with my disorder (it’s very, very rare). I’ve never thrown a clot, though, and baby aspirin does not make me bleed excessively (just bruise and bleed more easily).
Cate says
Not Cb, but I had a TIA (basically a small stroke) during pregnancy so there was lots of concern here. I had a c section and I had a spinal tap. I’m not sure whether epidural vs spinal tap was discussed but I don’t think it was – I think you should be fine but will likely be closely monitored.
Teddy bear recs? says
I’m meeting with the anesthesiologist tomorrow am actually. From what the OB has said, if I have my blood thinners within 12 hours, an epidural is out, they’ll need to do general anesthesia with a c-section. Do you have an anon email address and we can compare notes?
Cate says
I’ve been on lovanox for 18 months – you get used to it! And you always know when you’ve taken it! I highly recommend love handles rather than middle of your stomach.
Cate says
And congratulations!
Cate says
For Teddy bear recs, Ah, I was taken off blood thinners 12 hours prior (which they could plan because I was having a scheduled c section). I think that’s why you’re getting that advice – I’m curious why you aren’t getting a scheduled C? I feel like having the certainty and control was really key for me. I went back on the blood thinners within 12 hours of the C.
RDC says
Chiming in with my lovonox experience. I found that if I did the injections slowly they didn’t hurt as much – the medicine burned going in so if I did it slowly I could avoid some of that. At the end of pregnancy, I switched to heparin which had a shorter half-life and can be reversed with some other drug to allow you to get an epidural sooner. And my midwife said if I felt like I was in labor to skip a dose just in case. With my first pregnancy I had to be induced so I just stopped the heparin that day; with my second it was very clear when I went into labor so I was able to stop the heparin before that one, too. I didn’t end up having an epidural but understood it to be an option (both times) since enough time had passed since my last dose of heparin.
TK says
Congratulations!!
bluefield says
Congrats! I delivered at Mt. Sinai, and I really liked it. Does your RE have an OB to recommend?
bluefield says
Congrats! I delivered at Mt. Sinai and I liked it. Does your RE have an OB they’d recommend? That’s how I found mine.
buffybot says
They’re going to give me some suggestions but I thought I’d do a little crowd-sourcing as well for cross reference, since this forum (and the main site) is always such a good resource of like-minded people.
bluefield says
And your #1 prerogative with an OB should be proximity to your office. I don’t really think the hospital matters, unless you know you want to go to the birthing center at Roosevelt (no interventions). They’re all good and if there’s an issue you can easily be transported somewhere else. Location of the hospital also doesn’t really matter. Location of your OB is key. You have to go to your OB at least 10 times. You only have to go to the hospital once.
Anonymous says
No advice on OBs but congratulations! That little grain of rice with a heartbeat is a huge milestone!
Anonymous says
Congratulations! I had Dr. Zhanna Shulina, and I LOVE her. (I got pregnant easily and in my 20s though, so I’m not sure what her bedside manner is like with “neurotic infertiles” as you mentioned.) I delivered at the hospital on 10th Ave near Lincoln Center (which has changed names many times), currently Mount Sinai West.
Anon in NYC says
Weill Cornell. My doctor is Wenhui Jin on 72nd & York. Loved her and will continue to go to her for any future pregnancies, but her style can be a bit blunt which may not suit all patients. However, I’ve heard nothing but great things about other doctors in the practice (and someone else was there when I delivered – she was awesome, but I can’t remember her name). I didn’t go through IVF, but I’m sure they have a lot of experience with that.
Congrats!
NYC person says
I’ve been through two pregnancies with Dr Jin and she delivered me both times. I love her and we jokingly say we’d have a third just to get to see her again! I think she’s an excellent doctor – laid back when things are going well but all over it if there’s even the hint of an issue. She’s also a workaholic and very easy to reach.
Anon in NYC says
Totally agree! I had a weird test result and she was all over it with follow up testing on me and my husband. I mentioned to her that I had started developing itchiness late in my pregnancy and she did tests on my liver function. She was not playing around, even for someone with a very healthy pregnancy, but at the same time very laid back when things were fine. And I agree on the ability to contact her – I recently emailed her with a non-emergency question and she responded within hours. I can’t say enough good things about her.
RR says
No hospital advice, but CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!! from a former IVF graduate (three kids, two IVF-generated pregnancies).
Pogo says
YAYYY I remember you posting waaay back in the day when we were both starting TTC. I’m almost 34w with my lil IVF blob turned baby!
Congrats!!!
Anonymous says
Congrats! I delivered at NYU and was happy with it. My OB stopped practicing, but I’ve heard great things about Downtown Women.
AwayEmily says
Congrats, that is so amazing.
Helen says
I loved Cornell. I was high risk and in their high-risk practice in the hospital. Delivering there was amazing – everyone was professional and kind. My (IVF) twins were briefly in the NICU, and we were glad to have picked the practice and hospital with the top level NICU. I just can’t say enough good things about that place.
Even as a high risk patient, the frequency of monitoring went down from the RE and that was hard to adjust to. You just have to remember there are no guarantees for anyone, but that it’s good to be a boring person they don’t want to look at!
OCAssociate says
No recommendations, but congratulations! And best wishes for an uneventful pregnancy.
Summer vacation that isn't a vacation says
WWYD? We are going on a week long beach vacation with husband’s family this summer, our daughter will be 9 months old. Eight other kids will be attending- the four oldest are vaccinated, the four youngest, ranging in age from five to one, are not. The parents, the two moms in particular, felt that they had some “unanswered questions” about vaccines. To put it mildly, my husband and I both strenuously disagree with this position, as well as worry because our daughter will still be too young for the MMR vaccines, which is given at 12 months. We brought this issue up at her 6 month check-up, but at the time we only suspected the kids weren’t vaccinated. The pediatrician urged us to check (said maybe it could be a teachable moment for husband’s brothers if he talked to them about our concerns) and said that we could discuss at her nine month appt, a week before the trip.
So husband talked to his brothers and now we have our answers. Of the four unvaccinated kids, he may have made some headway on getting one vaccinated. It’s the other three i’m most concerned about though- they are home-schooled and attend a church that does mission trips to undeveloped countries where measles are more prevalent. The brother offered to check them for rashes, report on illnesses, etc, if it would make us more comfortable before the trip. But my understanding is that measles is contagious before a rash develops (but will discuss more with pediatrician at next check-up).
Part of me wants to just say, too bad, we’re not going, I would never forgive myself if my daughter got measles, even though I know the risk is low- that article in the Washington Post about the recent outbreak in the Somali community in Minneapolis was heartbreaking. But not going would devastate husband’s parents, who rarely have all of their children together and are very excited for this week, probably cause a real rift in the family, and I’m not sure my husband would be on board with it either. I thought about just not letting the younger kids near my daughter, but I suspect that won’t do much in terms of controlling germs either? And I’m sure the topic will come up on the trip, since we opened the box, and now it turns out the sisters-in-law are on the same page against vaccines and I’ll be the one defending our choices and looking like the bad guy if the little kids aren’t allowed near their cousin (anyone have any suggested talking points?) Thoughts? Opinions? Advice?
Annie says
I absolutely would not go on this trip. It’s a risk that would not be worth taking for me. If those parents are going to fail to protect your daughter by not immunizing their kids, they should accept the consequences that their kids cannot be around your daughter (easier said than done, I know, but they are creating the risk here).
Anonymous says
I feel like once your kids are in the picture, you get to ruffle feathers to defend them and their safety. I would turn down the trip and be very clear about why. You can leave emotion out of it, something simple like “Daughter won’t have gotten her MMR vaccine yet at the time of the vacation, so she won’t be ready for the trip.” You don’t have to blame the others for it but it’s fine to say. You could also just say your pediatrician recommended you not go until your daughter has all her vaccines.
Do you have older kids? You could always send your husband with them if you think that would help.
avocado says
This is a great way to explain your decision.
Also, if the choice is between not going and going but trying to keep the baby away from the other kids, not going at all will be much easier. If you go, you will be badgered constantly throughout the trip, and it’s difficult to imagine how you will actually succeed in keeping the baby isolated.
Thisperson1 says
Agree with this 100%.
Anonymous says
Is there any way you can go on the trip but stay elsewhere? Maybe bring a babysitter and don’t let your baby near those unvaccinated children?
Pigpen's Mama says
I’m not a doctor, but I did briefly look into this when it looked like we were going out west before my daughter turned one and there had been a local measles outbreak — you may be able to get the MMR early. My understanding from what I read was that the reason it’s given at 1 yr is because it ‘sticks’ better and immunity is longer lasting. If it’s given before a year, then the child will need one extra booster. Obviously this is something to discuss with your pediatrician, but it may be worth making a call now, rather than waiting until the 9 month check-up.
CDC recommendations for traveling overseas discusses this:
https://wwwnc.cdc.gov/travel/yellowbook/2018/international-travel-with-infants-children/vaccine-recommendations-for-infants-and-children
That being said, I’m with Annie here — I wouldn’t go. But that’s much easier said than done, thanks to the family dynamics.
I don’t think limiting contact when there would be a better solution than not going. I don’t think it would be effective, and it would be exhausting and in someways even more confrontational than not going at all, because the kids would actively be aware of it. Can you just invite your MIL and FIL on another trip?
I’m sorry you’ve got to deal with this.
bluefield says
I was just going to post about getting the MMR early. If you think that preserving the peace is the best or only way to proceed, do that. It’s an extra needle stick for your child but in the scheme of things it’s not that bad. I think the bigger risk is that you’re setting yourself up as the person who compromises in this situation while the difficult person gets their way. There is no glory in being the easygoing one who constantly compromises so the difficult people are happy. Ask me how I know.
RDC says
Just to say that we also plan to get the MMR for my daughter at 6mo. Our ped said insurance will usually cover it if it’s for travel. But obviously speak to your pediatrician.
RR says
I would not go. There is a risk here, and I also wonder about the general selfishness of parents who don’t vaccinate their children–part of me wonders exactly how far they are willing to take their stance of sacrificing others on the altar of stupidly trying to protect their child.
Pogo says
“It’s the other three i’m most concerned about though- they are home-schooled and attend a church that does mission trips to undeveloped countries where measles are more prevalent.”
That is a non-zero risk of actually getting measles and would scare me. Yipes.
Do they let them take malaria tablets before they go to countries where that is prevalent??? Or do they have “questions” about that too?
Anonymous says
I wouldn’t go as I wouldn’t feel comfortable with the risk. Interested by the comments here about moving the vaccination earlier and only needing one shot. In my Canadian jurisdiction MMRV is given at 12 months and 4 years but considered effective until after the second shot. So basically you are relying on herd immunity until they are school age.
Measles is highly contagious so trying to restrict playing etc won’t work. Kids share drinks/toys all the time plus I think measles is airborne as well. Staying at a different location and just having your husband visit after kids are in bed might work but I think staying home is the easier option.
NewMomAnon says
Piling on to add to the “don’t go” recommendations – measles is dangerous, and I can’t imagine any way a 9 month old (crawling, cruising, putting everything in mouth, touching everything) could be sufficiently insulated from another 1 year old’s germs (also crawling, also putting everything in mouth, also touching everything).
FWIW, my kiddo was vaccinated against measles early because she was traveling to Disney at a time there was a measles outbreak there. She had her second shot early too because of an outbreak among local anti-vaxxers. But I think you need a period of time for the measles shot to “take” before it grants immunity; a couple months maybe? So even if your kiddo and all these kiddos got vaccinated now, that might not provide protection.
anon says
I would try to talk it over with the ped before the 9 month appointment – call and do it over the phone, or make a special appointment. Then you can have medical advice to back you up with whatever decision you make, which could help mitigate the fallout if you do decide to not go.
Summer vacation that isn't a vacation says
Thanks all for the thoughts so far. I called the ped today and left a message. Her initial response when we first asked her about it was to clear the health of the children before going- i.e. make sure none of the kids were sick in the week before letting our daughter be around them. Unfortunately due to some other factors at play we can’t stay somewhere else- husband took the lead on finding this place over the objections of the brother with the unvaccinated kids (long story). And I’m really inclined against having her get her shot early just to accommodate their poor decisions, but maybe to keep the peace with the parents that’s our best option.
Anon says
I knew one of the babies who got measles a few years ago during one of the US outbreaks. He had to be hospitalized. He had to be quarantined. I think a lot of people think measles is kind of like the chicken pox we had as a kid. It’s way more serious than that – they were concerned this child would suffer deafness and other lifelong complications (although his hearing is reducing, it doesn’t appear he is deaf, thankfully) due to the high fevers and infections. It was a nightmare for that family and not anything I would ever wish on my greatest enemy.
It sounds like you are leaning toward going to keep the peace – please value your child’s health over your adult relatives’ poor decisions. I get that the chances are low that your child will get measles from cousins, but they’re not non-zero. Please please have a long talk with your pediatrician, maybe call another one and get a second opinion, and please focus on keeping your child safe while she’s too small to protect herself.
Anon in NYC says
I agree. I understand the really difficult family dynamic of trying to please your MIL & FIL and weighing the risks (and my first inclination would be to go too). But the fact that your BIL/SIL decided both to not vaccinate their kids and also engage in “riskier” travel is what tipped it over the edge for me. I could see compromising and going on the trip if they didn’t also engage in that travel. And, I can see going on future trips when your daughter is old enough / fully vaccinated herself. But not with both factors.
As a compromise, can your husband go on the trip without you/baby?
Anon in NYC says
Oh, sorry, reading fail on my part. I thought the BIL/SIL did this travel, not simply that they belong to a church whose members do. Still, it makes me wary that they’re part of a larger community that is anti-vax and engages in this travel.
OCAssociate says
I would not go. We were at Disneyland during the Measles outbreak (of course, we didn’t know there was going to be an outbreak until a few days later) when my youngest was too young to have gotten the MMR vaccine. There was an additional small Measles break out in OC soon after. We were so worried, and talked to our ped about getting the MMR early. She didn’t want to give it early, for a variety of reasons. But it was scary enough that I certainly wouldn’t put my baby in a position to catch a preventable, potentially dangerous disease, if I knew ahead of time that I would prevent it.
I totally understand not wanting to make waves/cause family fights, but these kids aren’t ever going to be vaccinated, so you’re going to run into this issue over and over for the next few years. Might as well stand your ground now instead of having this angst the next time you have to spend time with them.
Amelia Bedelia says
do not go. full stop.
my husband is a physician who has seen first hand the devastation the anti-vaccination camp can cause on defenseless babies.
your baby’s life is more important than relationship with outside family.
Momata says
I also would not go. I would handle it like 10:06 Anonymous says – make it more about your child’s requirements to stay well and not the other childrens’ deficiencies (which is how I see them). I see no way to limit contact. I understand feeling bad for the grandparents, but I imagine I would come out the other way next year when your child is fully vaccinated, and if you would too, you can tell them you’re looking forward to attending next year.
H says
I wouldn’t go. Even though the risk is relatively small, it’s not worth taking.
rakma says
I wouldn’t count on keeping the baby away from the other kids, unless you sequester yourself and the baby in another room at all times. We just got back from a similar weekend, though with less kids (5 kids all under 5) and the ‘big kids’ just wanted to love on the baby so much, it would have been impossible to keep them close but not too close.
anne-on says
I absolutely would not go, but we have a VERY hard stance on unvaccinated children (and I also interviewed potential pediatricians to ensure they would not accept unvaccinated kids as patients unless there was a strong medical, not personal, reason). Heck, I’m going to Germany for work soon and am updating my OWN measles vaccine concurrent with recent recommendations to ensure I’m doing my part as one of the ‘herd’ who is able to get these shots.
(was) due in june says
I would not go. Their idiotic choice not to vaccinate has consequences.
layered bob says
I would not go. I do not associate with families that do not vaccinate, my children do not go to daycares or pediatricians that accept unvaccinated children, and we selected our church in part based on the fact that there is not an anti-vax strain in the community the way there is in other churches in our cultural background. People who do not vaccinate are expressing an active desire to harm me and my children and that is that.
I would not let my own father near the baby until we had verified that he was up-to-date on his Tdap. (My mom and MIL sent us their vaccination records ahead of time but my dad dragged his feet about it.)
Spirograph says
I strongly believe that every child should be vaccinated absent a legitimate medical reason, and I have all kinds of uncharitable thoughts about anti-vax parents, but I would probably try everything I could to get comfort around showing up. Look into early MMR for your baby, check CDC records for the place where the cousins live to make sure there haven’t been any cases recently (if they live in Minneapolis, obviously it would be a full-stop “no way” for me), quiz the parents on how recently anyone in their circle has returned from a mission trip and all of their kids’ health in the week leading up to the trip. I’m sure the anti-vax parents feel that way because they think it’s a smaller risk for their child, so they should understand that you are just trying to assess the risk to *your* child. It’s hard to ask without judgement, but you can say something (even if it’s a lie) like “I respect your decision not to vaccinate your children, so I hope you’ll respect that because of your decision, I need some more information in order to feel like my baby will be safe.”
After all that, if I didn’t feel comfortable with the (small, but certainly non-zero) risk, I’d have no qualms about staying home with the baby, because I know I’d be overwhelmed with guilt if I did it against my best judgement and my baby got sick.
If you go, I believe the vaccine topic needs to be off the table. You’re not going to be able to keep the kids away from the baby, and you’ll probably create a very uncomfortable situation if you bring it up. Anti-vaxxers are usually not that way because of ignorance, nor are they ignorant of how the pro-vaccine world views them. They will almost certainly be defensive, and you just don’t want to go there.
Anonymous says
Too bad, so sad, 100% would not go.
CPA Lady says
I’ve been out on vacation (yay!), but I’m back and can answer a couple of the questions I saw after my combo feeding post:
1. My weekend feeding schedule was more or less like the weekday schedule. I nursed maybe once more on the weekends than I did on the weekdays, but typically kept the same schedule. I didn’t want to confuse my body or make enough milk to get engorged during the workday.
2. I saw a question from Amelia Bedelia about doing a day in the life post to explain how we made that kind of a schedule work– the answer is that it was too hard to manage and we both have different jobs now. DH travels a ton, but works a regular schedule. I do the same kind of work I did before, but at a much more laid back work place with an immensely better work life balance.
Thank you for all the kind comments. This is such a great place to be able to honestly tell my story without being afraid of being ripped to shreds.
Cornellian says
I was also super glad no one ripped you to shreds. I EBF my five month old but he got about 60 oz of formula supplementation over a two week period months ago and there were definitely some people who acted like I had casually given my kid battery acid in a bottle. People are crazy! Glad the crazy ones didn’t show up on your post.
Amelia Bedelia says
ahhhh. Thanks for that explanation. I’m glad you two found better options. I’m a partner at a law firm and my husband (though part-time) does shift work. It’s been difficult.
Anon says
I’m considering applying for a position in a Big 4 accounting firm. They are talking a good game about supporting part-time employment (basically, 9-5 Monday-Friday with no evening or weekend work, and calling that 80%). Does anyone have experience with how the Big 4 handle that kind of schedule in practice? Is it totally dependent on supervisor, or are there institutional level workflow processes and supports to protect those hours?
I’m in tax, a lawyer (not a CPA), and have 10+ years tax experience, so probably a “manager” level (although I admit that I don’t know accounting firm titles).
Amelia Bedelia says
push for a level higher than manager.
Anon says
Ooo, what level should I ask for? I’m completely confused about accounting firm titles….
Amelia Bedelia says
It really depends on which of the Big Four you are considering. You want at least senior manager, but some others call it something different. Essentially, manager is easy to make and difficult to pass. It’s MUCH easier to lateral in at a higher step, especially if you have a niche practice. I’d handle it by asking to see the organizational structure and steps/levels to full-on partner (VERY difficult to attain at a big four). Then you can see the road and hierarchy and push for at least one higher level.
Amelia Bedelia says
I have a lot of friends in tax law at the big four. The ones that are wildly successful lateraled in at higher levels. the ones who entered lower have struggled to move.
CPA Lady says
Staff (2ish years)
Senior (2-3 years)
Manager (3 years)
Senior Manager (3-5 years)
Director (kind of like of counsel– you’re not on the track to be partner, but you have a ton of knowledge)
Partner
That’s if you’re an accountant. I’d think that if you have 10 years of tax experience, you’d want to go for senior manager. I’d also be kind of wary about the part time thing. When it’s tax season, it’s tax season. I didn’t work for a big 4, but I worked for a large regional public accounting firm and I think the women (of course it’s only women) who go part time get a raw deal. Since you’re a lawyer, you may have a different experience. How would compensation work? If you end up working more than your hours, do you get paid extra?
anne-on says
This – I’d push for senior manager to director level depending on whether or not you’re an accountant – and bringing in a book of business will help.
Agreed on this being very much up to your team. Some partners respect work/life balance, others do not. Honestly – you’ll probably work more than you are contracted for. Would you be able to work evenings/weekends if you were 50% virtual? I stand behind the advice other people here have given – it is usually better to work full time and then quietly ‘lean out’ in the middle of the day/for portions of time on the weekend than to agree to an 80% arrangement when you know a company will push it to 90-100% without upping pay.
Anon says
For a variety of reasons, it’s going to be a hard stop when I leave the office at the end of the day, at least for a few more years (tiny child, bad at sleeping, spouse who isn’t around at night). So “leaning out” middle of the day and then logging back in at night isn’t an option….the opportunity really has to be done at 5, out the door, maybe responding to a couple e-mails but that’s it.
If it helps, I’m not looking to make partner at a Big 4 or even have my own book. I’d like to work somewhere for 3-4 years while child is tiny, get a broader accounting/financial background and some good credentials (as well as decent comp and good benefits) and then parlay that into a role as CFO for a mid-size company.
Anon says
How did you find a Big 4 role with those hours – did you just look at part-time roles on their website? Where did you find details on the expected hours? Or is this through a recruiter?
Your ideal scenario above (work somewhere for 3-4 years and parlay into a mid-size CFO) is what I’ve been fantasizing about lately. Just wondering what would be my next steps to actually act on my fantasy.
Anon says
OP here: the opportunity came through networking with someone running a department at a Big 4 firm, not through an open job post. I would never, ever trust either a job post or a recruiter for a part-time guarantee like that.
Super anon says
I posted a month or so ago about my nine-year-old beagle mix (he was my husband’s dog before we met) who was driving us crazy, barks all the time, gets into mischief, has severe anxiety. He’s a hot mess and very hard to train. We recently tried putting him on Prozac and it didn’t work. He was lovably annoying pre-kid. Post-kid, he’s about to put me over the edge. I’m now working from home and he is severely hindering my ability to get my job done, between barking, scratching at the door to leave whatever place he’s in, finding things in the house to destroy or eat, like our other dog’s medication or the baby’s toys/socks. His barking also wakes up our six month old.
I feel so horrible even thinking this, but giving him away would be a huge weight lifted. When I think about life without him, I am not sad at all and am so relieved. But then I think about things like who would take such an annoying dog? Would he end up spending his life in a kennel, or being bounced from home to home, or euthanized?
It is so hard because on one hand I feel like, as the human being, my need to work/have people over to the house/not tiptoe around my own home for fear of setting him off on a barking jag, and my kid’s ability to take a nap without being woken up by random howling when a car drives by, are more important than the needs of an animal. But then…he’s a helpless animal and we should have worked harder on training him when he was younger.
Any advice? I just feel like such a horrible person and also I feel 100% stuck.
avocado says
We had to give up a dog when our daughter was a baby and it was an agonizing decision. I felt terribly guilty because we had intended to provide a “forever home.” When we finally decided that it was no longer safe to keep the dog, it was like a huge weight was lifted. I now wish we had either returned the dog sooner or never gotten the dog in the first place.
If you return the dog to a rescue or shelter, be prepared for a lot of scorn and judgment. Because we had gone to extraordinary lengths to make things work (thousands of dollars and countless hours of training, dog walkers, doggy day care, and exercise), I was shocked at how poorly we were treated when we returned the dog. When I checked the rescue’s website to see whether the dog had been adopted yet, I found that the dog’s profile included an extensive write-up about the horrible family that had betrayed the poor defenseless dog because they selfishly decided to have a baby. Stay strong and know that you are making the right decision for your family, regardless of what any “animal advocate” may say. You may also have an easier time rehoming the dog yourself.
Anonymous says
You did the right thing – you out a ton of time and resources into training the dog, the dog was still dangerous and you rehomed it. You should not have been treated that way and I’m sorry it happened.
However, if I’m remembering the right post, this is a totally different situation. The dog is annoying but great wth the baby/not dangerous,, they haven’t made an effort to train it because it took a trainer two hours to teach him to sit, and she openly acknowledged she is spending less time/attention on the he dog post-baby because he annoys her. That means he’s probably getting walked less, played with less, etc. He’s also been proven to be trainable since they successfully taught him to sit, it will just take more time and effort.
They should at least try the easy solutions before rehoming (walking more even if means getting a dog walker, sending him to daycare, spending time with a trainer to deal with the barking, working on training daily).. This update does not indicate they have done anything other than put him on medicine and hope that solves the problem.
Anonymous says
It sounds as if he is not getting enough stimulation based on the behaviors you are describing. You have a lot on your plate but you/your husband may need to spend more time on the dog (or hire someone to do so).
Ask the vet for a recommendation for a trainer you can hire to help you guys train the dog better. His routine has been disrupted by the baby/your new work set up and behaviors that have been acceptable for years are no longer working – in theory, this is a fixable problem. You should try to get someone to come work with you in your home. If you as an absolute last resort need to revoke him, it will be easier if he is better trained.
Some concrete suggestions:
– Talk to the vet about how the Prozac isn’t helping – they may be able to suggest something else.
– How often is he walked and for how long? Try adding another walk per day or adding 10 minutes to each walk.
– does he get along with other dogs? If so how often does he have play time with them? Consider adding another visit or two to the dog park during the week.
– Do you play games with him in the house? Try playing with him for 5 minutes periodically during the work day at intervals that work for you.
– Does he like toys? My friends had success with those “dog puzzle” toys which are more involved/mentally challenging for the dog.
– Consider putting him in dog day care a few days a week so he is out of the house while you are working (if he likes other dogs).
– If he doesn’t get along with other dogs, consider hiring a dog walker who can take him off your hands for an hour every day. He will be more tired and likely more docile plus you won’t need to worry about him as much during the day.
Good luck!
Cornellian says
Dog walker. They can take him to the dog park if he’s friendly with other dogs, or just out for an hour to tire him out.
ANon says
For some interim quick fixes:
1. Dog daycare twice a week for the whole day. It’ll completely tire your dog out for the evening and into the next morning. He’ll also get to socialize with other dogs. I prefer it to dog walking because at Day care he won’t be confined on a leash and can go wild.
2. Sonic Egg. I saw someone recommend it on this site and bought one. I turn it on during baby’s naps because my dog loses it when the mailman comes. I turn it off the rest of the day though because I don’t want my dog to be desensitized and I also don’t want to traumatize him into thinking he can never bark. I still want him to be a guard dog. When the egg is on, I say “quiet” after his first bark so he associates the egg with my command.
Anon in NYC says
Have you exhausted all other options? Have you sent him to doggy daycare? Do trainers, get a dog walker, etc?
My dog was 9 when my daughter was born. She had pre-existing annoying quirks – pulled on the leash, barked at every noise in the hallway, was scared outside, etc. I loved my dog pre-kid, but there was definitely a several month period of time post-kid where I had little to no patience for her and honestly felt a bit of hostility/rage towards her when she would just bark all the time. My husband picked up a lot of the slack in terms of her care (and still does most of it). Now my daughter is 2 and my feelings towards the dog have reverted to normal (and did well before this point – maybe at like 8-10 months?). Yes, I get a little more irritated with her than I would have pre-kid, but I think that’s more on me than my dog being more annoying than in the past. I simply have less time to pay attention to her but her needs have remained the same.
I get that feeling of wanting to be done with your dog, but I think you need to give it some more time, tell your husband to pick up the slack or outsource it with dog walkers & daycare, and work with dog trainers before throwing in the towel.
Jax says
Reframe it. You’re giving him an opportunity to find the perfect family–a place where he will be the only dog, or a place with older kids who will love his quirks and have the energy to keep up with him! Growing up, all our family dogs were the Despised Dog that another family wanted rid of. The quirks that annoyed that family became a joke in ours, and we loved those dogs! There wasn’t anything wrong with the dog or with either family–it was just a better match in one family than the other.
My current dog is a standard poodle from a breeder who trained her for shows, but she wasn’t a motivated “winner” and they re-homed her. She’s incredible! My husband jokes that she’s my soulmate because we love each other ridiculously. To her old owners, she was a sneaky thing who would steal food off the counters, get distracted by balls, and was too high playful. To me she’s the Best Dog On The Planet, Hands Down. I’ve never loved a dog as much as I love her. If her owners had decided to keep her out of guilt, I wouldn’t have her in my life! WE WOULDN’T HAVE FOUND EACH OTHER! :)
Dogs have a short life. Let him free to find his person! Don’t keep him and dislike him because you feel obligated to take care of him.
Coach Laura says
For Super Anon w the anxious beagle: we have a dog that became unbearable at age 11. Prozac didn’t work and Xanax made her super aggressive (but at the same time she was so drugged that she couldn’t walk). I read about melatonin and it was a miracle drug. You can get the dosage off the Internet but I gave our 18 pound JRTerrorist 1mg and it was amazing. She was able to get through the night without barking, whining and crying and just slept. You could try Xanax first – my vet says it helps some dogs.
Also second the doggie daycare idea.
But if you try all that (with husband pitching in to help too) then follow Jax’s advice.
Coach Laura says
On my phone so probably not the most perfect post but the melatonin is an anxiety remedy for dogs not for sleep. (I only give it at night because I’m not home all day -nighttime Was our issue.)You can give up to three doses per day to relieve anxiety.
EB0220 says
You all are full of brilliant ideas so why not ask? My sister is expecting her 2nd baby any day now. She lives abroad, so I can’t be there personally and it’s driving me crazy! Any bright ideas to brighten her day leading up to the baby’s arrival?
Anon in NYC says
Perhaps a gift card to a place where she could order prepared food? Flowers would be pretty and cheerful, too.
Cornellian says
I just paused before I posted this because I realize I wouldn’t have thought of the same recommendation if it were your brother… but professional cleaning? I’m not sure what country she’s in or if it’s easy to arrange, but it can be hard to clean at the end of pregnancy, and it’s the last thing you want to do when you have a newborn.
mss says
A pedicure/spa gift card?
Anonymous says
Is there anything she’s missing in her current location that you could ship her to remind her of “home”?
Running Numbers says
I’m full of questions today! The thread above about what mom needs in the first few weeks after baby is born is giving me flashbacks. I can relate to so much of that because so much of what is needed is because – nursing! The open cardigans, setting up stations around the house with trail mix and water… .yup.
This time around, I’m not planning to nurse. While I might nurse in the hospital or sporadically at home, my focus will be on developing a good, consistent routine with formula.
How do your answers change to the above question if you’re not nursing? What is it like having a newborn with formula? I imagine I’ll still be up all hours of the day and night, but endless nursing sessions will not be a thing…
Anon says
From what I’ve heard in other threads, a pitcher to pre-mix formula, a cooler or mini-fridge on the level of the house baby will sleep on (if you have a multi-level house), and a bottle warmer right next to it for middle of the night feeds?
I would probably also pick open-front cardigans or soft tops without buttons or zippers, since most bottle-feeding moms end up cuddling baby anyway.
Anon in NYC says
My friends who formula fed really liked one of those Baby Brezza machines.
SC says
Yes! Someone gifted one to us, and we started using it when Baby switched to formula around 6 months. At first, we all thought it was a solution without a problem, but then we all started using it all the time.
Anon says
We never premixed formula– did premeasure the water into the bottle for night, though. Then just scoop, shake, and go. Less waste and it was really easy even at 2 am.
Cornellian says
Maybe ice packs to keep supply down? They make b-shaped ones you can order (usually advertised as hot/cold packs).
rakma says
DD1 was combo fed from the start, so I’ve got some blurry memories of those first days of formula feeding.
I probably wouldn’t stock up on formula until you’re sure of the brand/type they baby will tolerate, but once you do decide, the premade, premeasured bottles were amazing in the middle of the night–no measuring or mixing needed. Another middle of the night option: measure the water into the bottle, and keep pre-measured powder ready to mix in. Mixing right before feeding eliminates the need for a fridge or cooler.
We bought a box of Enfamil nipples from Amazon, they fit our premade bottles perfectly, and if one sat too long, I didn’t care about throwing it out.
For daytime, we really liked the Dr Brown’s formula mixing pitcher. We’d mix up the day’s formula in the morning and pour out bottles as needed. This was also great when she was drinking 3oz at a time, but the scoop only measured out 2 oz worth of formula, with no way of measuring out half a scoop.
Extra burp cloths were also super useful in those first days, but that could have just been my baby.
ccla says
We went all formula at week 3 and here’s what worked for us:
-Once you figure out which bottles you (well, baby) prefer, stock up. We always have about 10-12 in case we forget to run the dishwasher one night.
-Bottle racks for dishwasher (we don’t ever full on sterilize other than before first use)
-Bottle drying rack
-As noted above, anything pre-made is awesome. We used the 2-oz pre-mixed nursettes from Enfamil almost exclusively in the early days. Expensive, yes, but totally worth it for us. Keep in bedroom and open when needed=easiest answer for middle of night feedings. They also were fantastic to keep in the diaper bag along with the disposable nipples rakma noted above both for planned outings and as emergency backup.
-I still got lots of use out of robes and draped sweaters so we could do skin to skin time while feeding at home
ccla says
Also, we never used a bottle warmer…my very scientific theory is that DD never cared because she didn’t know any differently, and takes both cold and room temp bottles like a champ. May be worth trying to start without it to see if you can remove that step from the process.
ANon says
I agree completely about getting those 2oz premixed newborn bottles, especially for use at night. Create a little feeding station with those premixed bottles, a stash of nipples for the bottles, and a little trash can to throw away the used bottles. This might sound silly now, but in those first weeks, I was so tired that I would set a bottle down in the middle of the night to burp baby or something and when I turned back to the table I couldn’t remember which bottle I had just set down since there were older bottles nearby that were partially full.
Also to add to your station: burp cloths and water for yourself. You’ll be just as thirsty even if you’re not nursing. You’re still recovering from childbirth after all. I also kept a regular pillow nearby to prop up the baby when feeding him. You still need to hold the baby when bottle feeding and holding him every 1-2 hours, day after day, night after night is just as exhausting. You’ll also want large cardigans because you can still wrap it around the baby at night if it’s drafty.
bluefield says
I formula fed from birth by choice. The Babybrezza was amazing. Not breastfeeding is very freeing, especially when you make the choice beforehand & have no guilt about it.
rakma says
DD1 was combo fed from the start, so I’ve got some blurry memories of those first days of formula feeding.
I probably wouldn’t stock up on formula until you’re sure of the brand/type they baby will tolerate, but once you do decide, the premade, premeasured bottles were amazing in the middle of the night–no measuring or mixing needed. Another middle of the night option: measure the water into the bottle, and keep pre-measured powder ready to mix in. Mixing right before feeding eliminates the need for a fridge or cooler.
We bought a box of Enfamil nipples from Amazon, they fit our premade bottles perfectly, and if one sat too long, I didn’t care about throwing it out.
For daytime, we really liked the Dr Brown’s formula mixing pitcher. We’d mix up the day’s formula in the morning and pour out bottles as needed. This was also great when she was drinking 3oz at a time, but the scoop only measured out 2 oz worth of formula, with no way of measuring out half a scoop.
Extra burp cloths were also super useful in those first days, but that could have just been my baby.
rakma says
This is for Running Numbers above!
rakma says
And now I see it’s posted twice. I give up.
SC says
Jumping off from the thread above… What are the risks, generally, if you have a healthy, fully vaccinated toddler around unvaccinated children? The unvaccinated child is about one year old, and I don’t think she goes to daycare.
Anonymous says
Consult your ped, of course, but I wouldn’t sweat it once my own kid has been fully vaccinated. Vaccines are effective at building immunity in almost everyone, so the risk is really minimal, and you can’t protect your kid from unvaccinated kids forever. Depends on where you live of course, but it’s overwhelmingly likely they will eventually be in school with a kid who hasn’t had vaccines.
SC says
We talked to our pediatrician, and he said that Kiddo (again, healthy toddler who has all scheduled vaccines) should be fine.
Cornellian says
I think the answer probably depends on how long your daughter’s vaccines take to take effect, and I suspect that varies based on which vaccine it is. Like someone mentioned above, you’re relying in part on herd immunity for years after the first MMR vaccine.
If she’s unvaccinated, are her parents? kids in her church? neighborhood? etc?
SC says
I talked to some family members more about it. There’s one unvaccinated 1-year-old but also one 5-year-old who hasn’t had the MMR booster. (The mother is convinced that the 5-year-old’s autism was caused by his first MMR vaccine.) The parents and all other relatives are vaccinated. I’m not sure about the specifics, but it would not surprise me if this mother has either associated herself with other anti-vaccers or convinced her friends not to vaccinate their children based on her story (and I’ve seen Facebook posts/comments suggesting that may be the case).
My 2-year-old has had all vaccines to date, but I have some concerns about the MMR in particular. I can talk to our pediatrician. He’s a good family friend and treats other kids in this extended family (not the non-vaccers), so he’s likely aware of the situation anyways.
Babysitting help says
How do you find babysitters in your community? We desperately need someone for occasional evenings and weekends. Our standbys have all graduated from college and moved away. I’ve asked a few colleagues with older kids and I’ve been surprised by how many have said, “Oh, Chloe doesn’t do that. She’s a little too flaky and irresponsible.” Or, “Chloe doesn’t really like kids.” (I mean, what in the world. I was babysitting at 12. But I appreciate the honest warning, I guess.)
We live in a neighborhood full of little kids, not teens/college students. I know exactly zero people who fit that description. :) Most of our friends and neighbors have significant help from the grandparents or have found sitters through church and word-of-mouth. However, they’re reluctant to share contact info.
We live in a mid-sized city. I’ve looked at care.com but I can’t get over the impersonal nature of it. I think people around here would be very weirded out if I interviewed them because it’s not the norm at all. But how else are you supposed to trust someone that you let into your home and watch your kids?
Anonymous says
We primarily use our LO’s teachers from daycare. And I would not overlook people in their 20s who aren’t necessarily working career-type jobs (perhaps the friends of a former sitter who’s since graduated from college). One of our regular sitters is the receptionist at my husband’s office – she’s 26 and married, but doesn’t have kids (though she wants them) and really appreciates the extra money since she’s relatively low paid.
Anonymous says
Oh, and if you’re friends and co-workers are telling you their kids aren’t interested, believe them. Kids today are way more overscheduled than even we were 20 years ago. And the world today isn’t what it was 20 years ago either. I agree, I was babysitting at 12 also. But I would definitely not trust a 12 year old with my kindergartner. And I think parents of teenagers today are worried that their kids will be blamed for something or get in a bad spot, so they just would prefer they not do it. Honestly, we’ve never used a sitter under the age of 20 I don’t think…
Babysitting help says
In hindsight, I’m shocked that anyone trusted me as a 12-year-old! But, it was a different time and I grew up in a small town where people knew me and my family, and I recognize that’s a different situation.
I’ll stick to the older teens and 20-somethings. :)
SC says
+1 to people not in career-type jobs. Several of our babysitters are graduate students and/or 20-something musicians who make more money babysitting than playing music. One is a social worker with a local non-profit, which is more of a career job, but an extremely low-paying one.
NewMomAnon says
I also know no teenage/college aged babysitters, but have been fortunate to find out that some of my single female friends love to babysit. These are gainfully employed women in their mid-30s to early 40s, all with professional degrees. It’s amazing.
But – you could also consider posting on the job board of a local college. I would try to a small private college, not a big public university, if you have one local. Several of the smaller private colleges in my town have “domestic help” hiring boards and a simplified job posting application for those types of roles. My mom found several summer nannies through one of those colleges, and friends still find regular babysitters.
Babysitting help says
When you hire a 30- or 40-something, do you pay them differently than you would a college-age sitter? I don’t want to insult them by low-balling them, or conversely, imply something else.
RDC says
We had good luck with care.com. All the people we contacted were happy to come for an interview and meet our kid. Also I liked that there were tons of options and I could be really specific in what I looked for (e.g. having a car and specific background / experience). I do feel like the people we found we a bit more pricey than a teenage sitter but I felt very comfortable with them.
FP says
If you live near a university (or hospital), you may want to contact someone there to see if there’s a babysitter list. At my university and on campus med center, we have a database of students and many nurses who opt into the university sitter services. They will list their available hours for the semester and pay rates. The nurses – especially pediatrics! – have been amazing. Usually young women in their early 20s who are happy to do a short babysitting gig during a day off.
ccla says
In our area (large HCOL city) there are several agencies whose primary service is full time nanny placement, but if you look closely at services offered, they also offer babysitters. They have a deep bench of background checked, CPR trained, non-smoking babysitters. I’ve used them more times than I can count for last minute, one-time care. Not a cost-efficient long term solution for regular date nights but certainly helps fill the gaps when our regular sitter is unavailable. We actually found regular sitter through care.com (and definitely conducted both phone and in-person interviews which she and other candidates were happy to do).