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My youngest insists on feeding himself, so by the end of a meal, he’s a hot mess.
If your kid is also independent-minded when it comes to eating, consider Bumkins’ Sleeved Bib. This lightweight and waterproof bib has a catch-all pocket for spills and crumbs, adjustable back closure, and elastic cuffs. It’s also machine washable (although I just hand wash my bibs when I do the dishes).
We whip out the sleeveless version of this bib when our son eats anything drippy or gooey (like soup or yogurt). Perhaps we should get the one with sleeves as well.
This bib is $13.99 at Target (in the pictured cacti pattern plus three others), or $12.99 at buybuy BABY (six patterns available). It fits babies and toddlers 6–24 months.
Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
anon says
I think I have reached a new annoyance level – a middle of the day birthday party on a summer weekday. I guess some people just think no one works.
Anonymous says
As a parent with 3 summer bday kiddos, it’s honestly just pick your poison. When we do weekends, 3/4 of our guest list is away. When we do weekdays, kids at summer camp can’t make it. After camp hours on a weekday is a hot mess.
Lots of kids do a week or two of summer camp and have to miss daytime bday parties whether or not both parents work. And lots of working parents have a summer sitter or similar setup and can swing them by. Mine are old enough I just drop them off between calls.
It sucks to have to miss out but I figured you’d want to know that it’s not a personal slight. I’ve scheduled them all the ways…and have settled on celebrating my July bday kiddo’s bday in June before school gets out and my August bday kiddos in Sept once people are back on a routine schedule. They complain no matter what :-).
Anonymous says
Cosign — I have a summer birthday kid and we’ve moved her birthday off by a month hoping friends could go before everyone scatters for the summer. No dice. It will be great for her as an adult, but as a kid we get maybe a 25% yield no matter what we do. Sibling with a fall birthday had 100% show up for a cold rainy outdoor party back when schools were still shut down.
AnotherAnon says
I’m with you OP: this is annoying.
Pogo says
I have mastitis AGAIN. This time it was clearly related to a milk bleb and a blocked duct behind it, which I thought I got out, but then woke up this morning to a big red spot that’s burning hot. I don’t feel the flulike symptoms yet so hoping to ward that off because I cannot afford to be sick right now!
AwayEmily says
UGHHHHH that suuuucks. Good luck.
Anonymous says
Oh no that is the worst. Can you try to get antibiotics ASAP?
Pogo says
I’ve had it so many times, I think they believe me when I say I need the antibiotics. The nurse was on board, she just needs the doctor to call in the script. Fingers crossed!! Luckily I am feeling ok.
Anonymous says
I’m sorry! I’ve gotten it twice and they didn’t hesitate calling it in either time. The second time my son was 21 months so I was like OKKKK IM DONE! And weaned after the mastitis cleared.
Anon says
Sorry! Have you tried sunflower lecithin? It’s supposed to help lubricate (for future prevention!)
I get clogs a lot and it stinks!
Pogo says
Yeah, lecithin helps a little but doesn’t totally eliminate clogs and mastitis. I definitely am prone to it, but with my second I’ve only gotten it from pumping.
Every time I get it I’m like, “I swear I’m going to wean! This is torture!!” but then my chubby little snugglebug wants to nurse and I can’t say no.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Ugh sorry, that is the worst. I think some of us are just more prone to these, despite continuous and timely nursing/pumping. I had tons of clogs and mastitis twice, once with each of my kids.
Anon says
My 26 month old still. Makes a huge mess eating things like rice and oatmeal independently. Is this normal? My 4 year old clearly doesn’t now so I know it changed at some point but I can’t remember when kids can eat well without throwing food or making a mess.
Anon says
well my 3 year old twins are still quite messy, one in particular. they don’t throw the food, they are just still working on their hand-eye coordination. definitely better than 26 months, though still messy
Anon says
I thought my 3 year old was messy but then we visited friends with an 18 month old and wooooow my kid has come so far.
AIMS says
I think some of this depends on your kid. My daughter ate soup more or less with little issue from 2 years olds. M3 son, who’s 3.5 now, still makes a mess with everything and will refuse to eat if you try to help in any way. He also refused bibs early whereas the neat kid was happy to wear one for no reason until she was 4. I think you just have to trust that they will grow out of it at some point and dress them accordingly in the meantime.
AwayEmily says
Small summer parenting win: we picked the kids up from daycare at 4 yesterday and drove 30 minutes to a nearby lake. The beach was super empty, it wasn’t too hot, the kids played in the sand and swam, we had a picnic dinner, and everyone came home tired and happy and went straight to bed. What other easy-ish things have people been doing to make summer feel like summer? I want more of this feeling!
Anon says
Fun! We have a “tradition” (we’ve done it maybe 4 times and kiddo has decided it’s a weekly tradition) of doing an early daycare pickup, going to the pool and ordering pizza there for a poolside picnic. My daughter was scared of water at the beginning of the summer and it’s cool to see how much more comfortable she’s gotten in just a couple months.
GCA says
After-dinner walk to the ice cream shop! Shop is half a mile away and crosses a bridge over train tracks – so the perfect adventure distance for little kids.
Picking up kids early and going to the beach at a nearby pond. Someone here once mentioned ordering pizza to the pool and I thought that was genius.
Or just a ‘picnic’ dinner in the backyard or at the splash pad/ park!
fallen says
We go riding scooters outside after dinner most evenings and chat with any neighbors who are also out (most of our neighborhood is full of kids)
IHeartBacon says
I love this.
AIMS says
We go to the playground in the evening. Kids play in sprinklers and run around. Sometimes we meet up with another family and get wine and pizza and eat at one of the picnic tables.
Curious says
My mom used to pick us up a little early and take us for sorbet. Still one of my fondest summer memories from childhood :)
Sick Kid says
What do you so with a sick two year old with a Fever? He is top active to stay in bed so should I just let him play as normal?
Anonanonanon says
I think that’s all you can do. Increase fluids, try to encourage TV watching and low-key activities. I’m in the same boat today. I said no to bike riding and playing in her plastic pool but she is coloring, doing play doh, watching movies, etc. At least in theory. In practice, she’s mostly going “CAN YOU COME PLAY WITH ME” while I try to work.
Anonymous says
If he feels well enough to play, let him play. Basically I would just follow his lead, try to keep him comfortable, and encourage lots of fluids – popsicles, etc. Maybe he will bless you with an extra long nap.
Anonymous says
Agree. At that age our pediatrician said to follow kiddo’s lead. Fevers don’t get them down in the same way as adults. Our kiddo would go full speed but tire more quickly and sleep longer.
EDAnon says
I agree. Play and push liquids. I think the main thing is to avoid dehydration.
AnonATL says
My day is off to an excellent start. Our AC is on the fritz and it’s going to be 95 here today and 97 tomorrow before our HVAC company can get out to repair. I have client video calls all day today and tomorrow where I will hopefully not look like a sweaty mess. Then I walked into my home office this morning and one of our dogs took a massive poo on my rug in the middle of the night. The day can only get better from here right?
Un-related can someone remind me of the wirefree bras that are recommended here frequently? I have a couple Tru & Co ones on my list from the NAS but appreciate any other suggestions. Under $40 preferred
Anon says
does not sound like the best start to the day…Gap has some that I like
AwayEmily says
wow that is some true nightmare content. Hope you can surround yourself with box fans (maybe you’ll look beautifully windswept for your client calls??).
re: bras, i’ve had the best luck ordering a whole bunch of the wirefree bras from Target (their house brands, plus Jockey/Maidenform/etc), trying them all on, and returning ones that I don’t like. I think which ones work for people depend a lot on their specific body shape/needs (for example, I have a small chest but also hate having restrictive bands, so it can be hard to find ones that fit but aren’t too tight), but I’m glad to live in a time when there are tons of options. I also like Coobies.
Pogo says
I also liked the Coobies back when I didn’t need nursing bras 24/7.
OP says
That’s an important detail I left out: I don’t need nursing abilities and I’m somewhere between a D and DD
Pogo says
I’m that size and coobie still worked! I wouldn’t jump rope in it or anything, but for wearing around the house for wfh, was totally fine.
Anon says
I like Knix bras, if you need more support.
Anon says
Hopeful mom-to-be here: what is your opinion on the impact of stress in trying to get pregnant? I’ve been off contraception since January. I am a biglaw midlevel and work has been relentless since then. I am still not pregnant and DH seems concerned that the stress isn’t great for me (and he isn’t wrong – I’m certainly not living my healthiest life and am very stressed, and now somewhat concerned about not being pregnant). We’ve discussed if I should quit for something lower stress. At the same time, I feel like the price for the past 6 years of my sweat and tears should be my firm’s very generous leave policy. If I were to quit and go somewhere less demanding, then get pregnant and go on leave is… not a great look? And I probably won’t get the same kind of benefits. I will probably quit biglaw after kids but am not 100% decided yet. What would you do?
Anonymous says
What have you tried – are you tracking ovulation? Timing intercourse? How old are you? I would not change my job over this right off the bat. Even if everything is perfectly timed and nothing is wrong it is likely to take you at least a few months to get pregnant.
Anon says
I started tracking 2 months ago and found out I ovulate late but seem pretty regular. I’m 32. I was really hoping this was the month (lots of gardening when the clearblue smiley face was on) but no dice and I’m taking it pretty hard honestly.
Anon says
I wouldn’t make any changes to your job before you see a RE. I also had a regular cycle (with a late, but regular, ovulation) and we timed things well. Turned out that we had a physical blockage issue and all the gardening and timing in the world wouldn’t have mattered (and stress had zero impact). We ended up needing to do IVF.
Curious says
If you’ve only been tracking and timing two months, I might give it a couple more months. It’s hard to wait, but the first few months probably didn’t “count” since you didn’t know the right timing.
Curious says
Just saw this. If you’re like me, you actually need to garden just before the clearblue smiley face comes on. See comment down thread about using temperature and mucous instead. For some reason my LH surge doesn’t really show up clearly on tests until I’ve basically ovulated, and then you have very little time to catch the egg. Starting a little sooner helped a lot.
Anon says
This. Are you tracking ovulation? If so, and you are ovulating regularly, then stress is probably not the problem. If you are 35 or older, might as well book an RE evaluation (since there is usually a long wait) if you have actively been trying for 6 months or more.
Ashley says
I would keep trying, and track ovulation by temp and OPKs. I am in a similarly stressful job–it took 5 months to get pregnant with my first, and a whole year with my second. As far as anyone can tell, there was no actual problem.
Anon says
I think stress is a huge factor but only because when I’m stressed I don’t want to do the thing you have to do to get pregnant. ;) If you’re doing it regularly (every other day, especially mid-month is ideal) then I don’t really believe stress is a big factor.
Pogo says
Agreed. That said, if you have a gut feeling, ask your OB what their requirement is for getting referred to an RE. Depending on your age you might be there already. I always had a feeling I would have trouble conceiving because of my terrible and wonky periods, because turns out, I have atypical PCOS.
Anonymous says
I’d dial it back a bit — can you just lean out and start hard on the networking? I get that leave is generous, but if you aren’t pg, you can’t use it. Plus, if you are likely leaving anyway, start now on making connections and then maintain them.
Anony says
I’m a litigator, and I struggled with infertility and eventually got pregnant through IVF. I wouldn’t quit a job because of a completely unquantifiable possible impact on fertility. I think that infertility (if it’s something that you end up dealing with, which is not at all guaranteed yet six months in! Sometimes it just takes a little longer even if nothing is wrong!) is a medical condition that needs medical treatment. It’s possible that you might not want to try to balance that medical treatment with a stressful job – for me, sometimes it was hard, but sometimes work was a really good distraction – but I just don’t think that a stressful job will keep you from getting pregnant if nothing is wrong, I think that’s a step down a path paved with toxic positivity about just relaxing and essential oils, and it’s a bridge you can cross if you come to it. (I should say, if you just aren’t enjoying your job anymore and really want to move onto something less stressful, I think that’s a great and completely legitimate choice – it just doesn’t sound like that’s where you are quite yet?) Women get pregnant in abusive relationships, in refugee camps, in the most horrible, stressful circumstances imaginable, and male factor is a thing, too.
AwayEmily says
I think that you should set the pregnancy issues aside, and if you like your job you should stay there, and that if you don’t like your job you should consider leaving. I have not seen any convincing empirical evidence that stress negatively impacts fertility (except via the mechanism that Anon at 10:13 points out, which is solvable via easier methods than quitting your job).
Spirograph says
TL/DR: Based on what you wrote, do not quit your job solely because you think it will help you get pregnant. If you hate your job, sure, consider it, but it probably won’t help you get pregnant.
This was me 9 years ago. I went off BC in Jan, I got pregnant in July. I temped and tracked according to tcyof so I knew I was not ovulating until June (I only had 2 periods in that time, too). My job was not stressful, it just took a while for my body to go back to normal after years on hormonal birth control. If you’re not already doing it, I strongly, strongly recommend tracking your cycles. Since you’re concerned, I’d even include things like your mood/energy level, any physical symptoms, sleep, exercise, days you garden, etc. It made me sad that my body wasn’t working the way it “should” but at least I knew what was going on.
Depending on your age, I think the guideline is a year of trying before a doctor would consider that there might be some factor preventing you from getting pregnant. If you’re tracking and timing very carefully, maybe less, but you’d need the data to back have a constructive conversation. Your husband’s concern that your job stress is a factor is really weak evidence, and I would make zero changes without anything to back it up.
No Face says
If you are trying to get pregnant right now, don’t switch jobs. You are not entitled to FMLA leave for a full year at a new job. If your pregnancy is difficult at all, you want your history of good work to get you some grace. When you start a new job, you are in “prove yourself” mode and that is hard to do if you have morning sickness or exhaustion issues.
Pull back on any nonbillables and start practicing boundary setting if you are too stressed.
Mary Moo Cow says
Counter point, I looked for a job while I was TTC, got called in for an interview when I was 11 weeks, and hired when I was 6 months pregnant. I accepted and then told them I was pregnant. I did qualify for paid vacation, but not short-term disability, so I took 6 weeks unpaid leave. Since then, my agency has instituted paid parental leave for everyone, including new hires. I’ve been in the job for 6 years and gotten a promotion, even after a second kid and a short-term medical leave. I know this isn’t the norm, but if you are looking for a reason to make a change, OP, you may find positions and employers that offer paid leave and will not look askance at a pregnancy.
Anon says
I got pregnant less than 6 months after starting a new job and it was fine. I agree I would not want to start a job if it would make me ineligible for FMLA but you only have to pause conceiving for 3-4 months in order to be FMLA eligible. 3-6 months is generally enough time to prove yourself and pregnancy may not hit you as hard as you fear. I didn’t suffer from morning sickness or exhaustion and honestly I think was much more “on my game” at work during pregnancy than at any point since giving birth…and my only child is 3.5, so it’s not like I have a newborn waking me up multiple times a night.
Anon says
Counterpoint is you have no idea what your pregnancy will be like. I was a healthy 29 year old first time mom with no issues and was in and out of the hospital for my entire pregnancy and delivered 3 months early. New job during that time would have been (even more of) a nightmare
Anon says
Thanks, all. I don’t hate my job, I really like it a lot of the time but I was already a bit burnt out prior to pregnancy. Like everyone else I wish I could take a weekend/evening/vacation without answering emails, and working from home hasn’t been great for my mental health because my laptop is ALWAYS there. I’m tracking ovulation and do seem to ovulate regularly around day 18 of my cycle, but last month was super stressful and I basically didn’t have a period (less than 24 hours) which got me wondering if something was wrong. I usually have pretty regular 31-day cycles since quitting the pill.
Anon says
Did you take a pg test during that last cycle? Could have been a chemical pg. Definitely agree with advice to track everything, OPK, etc
Curious says
Also — I’m sure you’ve thought of this and I’m so sorry if it’s a triggering question, but — you’re sure you’re not pregnant, right? 24 hours of bleeding on day 31 could be spotting.
AnotherAnon says
Based on my own experience, I think you should see an RE as soon as you can. If there’s nothing wrong then you won’t need them for long (and IUI isn’t expensive in the scheme of fertility treatment). If there is, you don’t want to waste years (like I did) listening to your obgyn say “let’s give it six more months.” IMHO stress has very little to do with some kinds of fertility issues (physical blockage, PCOS, etc). Better to rule those out first than quit your job and keep struggling with fertility.
Curious says
Okay questions on this. Are you having sex on your very fertile days *before* ovulation? I had it mixed up and thought we needed to go for it when I ovulated. The second month we switched to the methods in Taking Charge of your Fertility, which include every other day or every 36 hours sex before ovulation, we conceived (chemical pregnancy unfortunately). I’m 34 weeks now with the baby from the next cycle — didn’t even have a real period, just the miscarriage bleed.
I offer this not because you shouldn’t see an RE — so many people struggle with fertility! — but just because you sound stressed and sad and it may be, like me, that 5 months in you realize you weren’t quite timing it right, you adjust, and then the magic happens. Hugs.
Anonanonanon says
I really resented being told my “stress” was the problem. It felt like being diagnosed with female hysteria or something. What worked for me was tracking based on mucous, not an OPK. The OPKs weren’t working for me for whatever reason but the month I did based on mucous I got pregnant.
Curious says
+1 OPKs don’t quite get it right for me. They’re a good extra signal but temp and mucus are how we conceived :)
Anon says
I think this is why a lot of doctors recommend every other day method because it’s so hard to tell when your fertile window really is.
Anonymous says
You aren’t living in war so I’d stay doing your job and try adding daily meditation
Anon says
Biglaw counsel here. Conceived DD 1 while billing 200 hours to hit my year end with my mom’s stage iv cancer diagnosis (she’s still battling 4+ years later). My best friend in a super low stress life took 3 years to get pregnant even though everything was normal. My OB at the time told me that the kind of stress she is worried about is death of parent, war zone, food instability, etc., not work and life stress. Secondary infertility is a whole different issue.
It took 9 months of trying before I had a miscarriage at 9w for what would have been no. 2. We’ve been trying again for 18 months (through Covid) since then, but no luck yet. Talked to my OB who ran basic fertility bloodwork which came back normal and offered me a referral to a fertility specialist if I want it (TBD, I have other auto-immune issues newly developed I am trying to get sorted out which could also be the problem and I’ve had enough friends go through it we’re not sure that’s the path we want to take and could be happy with 1 kid). If you’re under 35, you can typically get referred to a fertility specialist if you’ve been trying for more than 1 year; if you’re over 35 it’s 6 months. But I would definitely not quit your job over 7 months of trying! That’s well within the range of normal.
Anonymous says
Anecdata: it took me nearly 9 months to get pregnant with my first. I was 29 when I finally got pregnant but started at 28. I thought going off BC and having sex around the right time (and other times too) was enough, but it wasn’t. I had to really track my ovulation and we had to up the amount of sex we had.
With my second kiddo it took 7 months.
With my 3rd, I got pregnant on the first try, at 35 (of course, we had timed it out to take 6-9 months but you know what they say about planning!)
Before quitting, at your age unless there are extenuating circumstances, I would for sure (a) take some time off to unwind (b) ensure you guys are focused on the mechanics of baby having (c) talk with a doc first.
So Anon says
I was in a similar place 11 years ago: biglaw midlevel trying to get pregnant. I will echo what others said, if you hate your job, then consider looking for a new job, but I wouldn’t leave a job that I enjoy due to the potential that stress may be impacting an ability to become pregnant.
I did end up going to a RE to become pregnant with my first child. I was 28 at the time, and was seen by the RE at about month 9-10 of trying, including 6 months of OPKs. What a RE considers “normal” is narrower than what an OB considers “normal,” and so my methodical tracking for 6+ months showed that there was likely a fertility issue. I went through the full work up in months 10-12 of trying, so that at 1 year of trying with no success, I could start ART. The RE practice that I saw (in Boston) did not comment on my very stressful job, but did encourage me to cut back on my running (I was running 30ish miles per week to handle the very stressful job). I did cut way back on running, which not awesome for my mental health, and I started acupuncture. We were diagnosed with unexplained infertility, and I became pregnant with my now 10yo son on our 3rd IUI cycle with injectibles. Given our history, when we were ready to try for our second child, we were encouraged to try for 4 months before seeking help. As luck would have it, I became pregnant with my daughter our 2nd month. Between my first and second, I did change jobs, and I do think the less stress coupled with less running helped.
shortperson says
stay. maternity leave is the best thing about biglaw. do not quit now. but do see an RE.
Anon says
I would go see fertility! Yes you’ve only tracked for two months but you want to be pregnant now – why delay? If you can afford it you may as well go and do some natural cycles that are monitored. They can do things like monitor ovulation, check your lining thickness, check for a blockage, etc. I would hang in there at work and power through, then think about changing jobs after maternity leave. Hanging in there at work will be more miserable if it takes a while to happen, so just knowing what’s going on with your reproductive system is peace of mind.
Wait or Pay? says
I’m currently doing IVF, and need to have a procedure done to remove a uterine adhesion before they transfer the embryo. It is an estimated 2-3 month wait to have the procedure done at the medical office that is covered by insurance. I cannot get ahold of anyone at that office to narrow down the waiting period, and they will not schedule me for the procedure until they are ready, so 2-3 months down the road. My other option is to pay out of pocket and have the procedure done in the fertility clinic for $2k. This may also require a follow-up visit that would cost about $1.5k. I’ve reached out for their scheduling availability, but expect it to be far sooner than 2 months.
Usually, I wouldn’t mind waiting despite how frustrating this process has been. However, my OBGYN relative (same medical office group, different location) warned that the medical office may cancel all non-essential procedures in the event that the variants get out of control and we approach another lockdown, so I may be waiting 2-3 months for nothing. We’ve been in infertility limbo for over a year and are definitely frustrated and impatient, but $3.5k is not an insubstantial sum. We are not flush with cash, but can move around money and tighten the budget for a bit to afford it. This would be our first child.
Typing this out, it seems the best option is to suck it up and pay. What would you do in this situation?
CCLA says
Sounds like you want to pay and that you can afford it – is the hold up maybe that you feel like you shouldn’t spend there since you could get it covered later? Assuming you can swing it, and that the cash place is materially sooner, I would definitely pay for it and not look back. You’re paying for time and more certainty, and those are valuable things! Hugs, that sounds stressful.
Anonymous says
Yes, that is exactly my hold up! Insurance does not cover IVF itself, so we are almost entirely out of pocket for $30k+. I’m trying to maximize whatever limited insurance coverage I can, but it is a balancing act with time and certainty, as you helpfully pointed out much more clearly than I could.
AnonFTM says
+1. I was scheduled for surgery to remove some tissue before we could do an embryo transfer in March 2020 and then covid happened and my surgery got cancelled a few days before it was suppose to happen since all non-essential procedures were placed on hold. It was really upsetting at the time since we had no idea when we would be able to reschedule. My clinic was hoping for May but it didn’t happen until June (and I had to check in several times to see when it would open up since they didn’t call me on their own). And then I did the embryo transfer in July. On the other hand, the timing ended up working well since my baby was born a little before we and everyone else in my family got vaccinated so they were able to visit without having to worry about covid. But given there are so many steps and so much waiting involved with each step in trying to get pregnant and time is of the essence, I would pay to get things done sooner. I wish you luck with this and hope you get your BFP soon.
Anonymous says
Thank you so much. It really helps to hear a successful story from someone who has been in this exact situation. Also, congratulations!! I am so happy you made it to the other side!
AnonFTM says
Awww thank you! It took a long while to get here but glad I’m on the other side of it. You will be too!
Anon says
How old are you and how many kids would you still like to have? My answer would be different at 32 versus 40, and 1 pregnancy versus 3.
AnonIVF says
+1. We had insurance coverage, but also self-paid several things in the interest of time, because I was 38 when we started IVF and we knew we wanted multiple children.
Anonymous says
I’m 35 and ideally would like to have 2 kids. We finished the egg retrieval, and have 3 frozen embryos. I don’t think we can afford another egg retrieval, as we had to do a cash-out refi to swing this one. Luckily the low interest rates were in our favor, but not counting on that happening again!
Anonymous says
is there an option C- go to another medical place covered by insurance that has more near-term availability? Even if it means taking a day off of work and driving, it’d be less than $3.5k.
Anonymous says
Unfortunately, no. It’s Kaiser in SoCal, so it would involve an inter-county referral and the other offices have similar, if not longer, waitlists. My particular physician quoted this as an in-office procedure with a 2-3 month wait. I inquired with a physician at another Kaiser office, and they will only do it as a hospital surgical procedure, which is a 3-6 month wait.
Anonymous says
So I’m unfamiliar with Kaiser and this may not make sense, but could you get on a cancellation list and/or call weekly (daily?) to see if there are cancellations? If it’s an office procedure, doctor’s offices are notoriously bad at having/managing wait lists so the patients that call daily are often able to score a last minute spot. (Source: worked in several offices). Super annoying but effective.
In the meantime, get scheduled with the clinic.
Anonymous says
Thank you, that is very helpful! They are not picking up calls or returning voicemails, so I will email them directly (and repeatedly) to inquire about the cancellation list. Sounds like being annoying may be my best bet!
Anon says
I’d also advocate for yourself with your physician. They have more pull to get people scheduled. If you ask nicely and are convincing, you may find yourself an internal advocate. If not, don’t be afraid to try another Kaiser physician.
Anonymous says
Another great tip – thank you!
Momofthree says
I’m guessing you’ve already thought about this, but do you have out of network coverage that could pay for part of the difference? (Maybe not since it’s kaiser).
My insurance will cover a % of out of network cost after a deductible- it wouldn’t reduce the amount entirely, but could help lower it. You could also potentially reach out to your insurance company for a pre-approval for the out of network.
Anonymous says
Thanks for the suggestion! Kaiser doesn’t play well outside its network, but it won’t hurt to triple check!
anon says
Question for those who kept their children at home (either with nanny, SAHP, or other caregiver) full-time until preschool/kindergarten age: did your children get super sick once they started school? I ask because older DS (almost 3) started part time school (3 half days per week) back in March and has brought home some kind of illness almost every week (colds mostly, but also possibly a stomach bug) since then. He usually recovers quickly, and DH and I mostly escape unscathed (although not this last round), but my infant DS (now 10 months old, home with nanny) bears the brunt of it. When I asked the ped about this, he said that the advantage of waiting until ages 4-5 to send to school were that the children were much better about hygiene, and thus not as likely to spread germs everywhere. This seems dubious to me, based on what little I know about preschool-aged children’s hygiene, but I’m curious if anecdotally, it’s held up. The illnesses have gotten so bad I’m considering pulling older DS out of school until next fall (when he’s almost 4) and just having our new nanny take him to play dates etc until then, but if we’re past the worst of it, I suppose I won’t (the ped did say this typically lasts 6-12 months…so maybe not). Any thoughts appreciated.
Anon says
Anecdotally, there will be less illness if you start in kindergarten than if you start in preschool than if you start daycare as a toddler than if you start in daycare as an infant. Every year of age helps, because of both better hygiene and a maturing immune system. But there will be a fair amount of illness the first year no matter what. Also kids immune systems are just different. My DD’s been in daycare for over 2 years and has never had a stomach bug – she just doesn’t seem that susceptible to them (I’m not either). But the first year we lived at the ped’s office for ear infections, and my best friend’s kid has also been in daycare and has never had an ear infection. It just varies.
AwayEmily says
+1 that kids’ immune systems vary wildly and there’s only so much you can do about it. Both my kids started daycare at ~4 months. My first was sick for a total of two days during her five years at daycare. My second had RSV, flu, strep, HFM, and various colds basically constantly for the first 1.5 years and is still felled by anything circulating.
Anonanonanon says
Anecdotally, my kid wasn’t full-time in childcare until he was 4 and yes, more illnesses. We had almost 0 in kindergarten but he was clearly bringing stuff home, because that was the first year we lived with my husband, who was sick THE WHOLE YEAR with various kiddy illnesses while my son and I were fine.
SC says
Anecdotally, everyone says this lasts about 6-12 months no matter when you send your kid to school. Every teacher I know groans when they think about how often they got sick their first year of teaching. Every parent I know does the same reflecting on their kid’s first year. Also, I have a 6 year old, and I would not say there’s any great improvement in hygiene among the kids. At this age, hygiene really depends on the teachers–whether they make their kids wash their hands when they enter the classroom and before lunch and after they pick their noses, whether they wipe down surfaces and clean the bathroom, etc. So, as much as it sucks, I don’t know that it’s worth pulling your son out of school over this. On the plus side, your younger son will probably not go through this to the same degree when they start school.
So Anon says
Agree. This is one of those unfortunate parts of parenting that they don’t warn you about until you’re in it. My ex was a teacher, and we spent his first year teaching sick. Then, when our oldest was no longer with a nanny, he spent a year getting sick, and my daughter didn’t go to preschool until she was 3 or 4, and she also was sick that year. From my own experience, I doubt that kids are better with hygiene until they are more like 6 or 7. Even a 4th grader will accidentally sneeze in your face. The upside to getting sick a bit older versus as a true toddler is that they can blow their noses and maybe have a shot of recognizing that they are about to puke, thus giving you time to get a bucket/bowl in front of them.
Anon says
Yes. DD started at 2 day a week church preschool at 2 right before covid and we were all sicker than a dog those first 9 months or so until they closed. She went back at 3 this past spring for 3 days a week and with the masking and hand washing I think we picked up a cold once. It sounds like you are getting through the brunt of it, so I would just stay the course for now (but also perfectly normal).
Anonymous says
There is an element of luck to it too. My son was in daycare from 12 weeks on, so got plenty sick when he was a baby (it’s all a blur), but for some reason when he was 4 he got strep throat 3 times in a few months. But then he did not miss a single day of kindergarten because he never got sick that year. I think it is easier dealing with a sick older kid than a sick baby — if nothing else older kids can tell you what is wrong to some extent — but I’m not convinced there will be less illness either way. You have to build an immune system somehow.
Also, if you move across the country, all bets are off because there is a whole new group of local viruses. We moved from MD to FL when I was 9 and we were all so sick that first year.
Anon says
are they wearing masks at this preschool? from all my friends whose kids are masked, there are very few illnesses going around (which isnt necessarily a good thing in the longterm, but is for now)
Pogo says
This. I actually question if we’ve had ANY infectious disease in the past year. We had Lyme (tick origin), impetigo (poor hygiene + staph from the dirt), mystery fever, and mystery GI bug. No one else got sick with the two mystery bugs – not at school or at home – so for the GI bug for sure you could implicate food poisoning or similar. No colds and usually we get 1/month.
Anon says
My kiddo goes to a school with masks for everyone 2+ and she had three colds this year. School was the source for all of them. But they were all ridiculously mild, like one day of sneezing and runny nose. I think there’s something to the viral load theory re:masks.
Anonymous says
Yes, kids get sick when they start spending more time together. With masks and distancing in schools now, the take-home germs are dramatically lowered. My oldest was in K pre-covid. They sat 4 kids to a table (2 facing 2) and my lucky kiddo’s table ALL got the flu. Then our entire family got it.
But my second kid went to K last year. Desks 6′ apart, masks on, tons of hand washing. NO FLU! Not even a head cold!
The only one of my kids that brought home germs last year was my toddler, who was unmasked in daycare.
Anon says
Several huge differences is between a sick 5 yo and a sick 1 yo, for example:
With a 5 yo, you can tell them to go back to sleep if they wake up coughing. With a sick 1 yo, you may be up all night rocking them.
A 5 yo can puke in a bucket, while a 1 yo will spray you and the room.
A 5 yo can tell you what hurts (ears, throat, tummy). With a 1 yo you are guessing.
A 5 yo is less likely to get dehydrated or run an insanely high fever than a 1 yo.
A sick 5 yo can chill on the couch and watch TV while you work. A sick 1 yo is unlikely to let you work or take a call.
Anon says
My parents are trying to plan a get-together for the grandkids before school starts in 2 weeks, but we’re finding that there are literally only two days the oldest, who is entering middle school, has free because she has softball every other day in this timespan.
Can I have permission to somehow permanently hobble my kids if they ever express interest in school sports?
(Also, seriously, didn’t school *just* end?)
Mommasgottasleep says
I feel so old but I keep saying “didn’t school just end??” A neighboring district started TWO WEEKS AGO. It’s a million degrees outside. I’d like to see their school district’s AC budget.
Anonymous says
I’m in NYC and school did just end a month ago here. But we don’t start back until Sept 13 this year because Labor Day is late and Rosh Hashanah is early.
Anonymous says
It is the worst. My kids do a bunch of activities and are entering the “takes over your world” phase (3rd grade!!!). I was just lamenting at a gathering that there are no “pickup” or “club” sports. Just 4x/week practices with a game or nothing.
On the other hand, my sport loving kids are all in EXCELLENT physical shape, eat like (healthy) horses, and sleep 10-11 hours/night.
AwayEmily says
Just got NIPT results back — everything looks okay, and it’s a girl! So we’ll have girl/boy/girl, which is coincidentally exactly what my husband’s family was. My in-laws are visiting this week and we’re going to tell them — I’m excited because this will be the first time breaking pregnancy news where it will legitimately be a huge shock (pretty sure everyone thought we were done).
Curious says
Congratulations!!! So much fun!
Anon says
congrats!!! i know some other families with girl/boy/girl and they found that it made the transition easier for the boy that the new baby was a girl. so exciting!
Anon says
Congrats! We are having a girl after 3 boys and it was the most fun announcement to make because people were shocked!
Mary Moo Cow says
Aww, congrats! I hope you take some pictures while you’re making the announcement to capture the shock and excitement on people’s faces!
AwayEmily says
this is such an awesome idea, thank you!
Boston Legal Eagle says
Congrats! You’re just like my favorite Sarah podcast hosts – SHU and Powers from the Mom Hour. Hopefully your last one is a little more easygoing!
AwayEmily says
thanks! I’ll have to start listening to the Mom Hour!
Pogo says
aw congrats!!!
Anon. says
Feel good moment this morning in the car on the way to drop-off that I needed to share with someone. My husband almost forgot 4-yr old’s backpack but remembered right at the last minute. As we’re driving off 4-yr thinks this is funny. I jokingly said something along the lines of “What would we do with daddy if he forgot. That silly daddy.” To which 4-yr responds, “Well, I would still love him.” And my heart melts, because he already understands forgiveness, albeit in a very low stakes circumstance.
SC says
Awww :-)
Here’s my cute kid story of the week. My 6-yr old asked, “You know what’s a silly word?” My husband responded with a few guesses: “Constantinople?” “Timbuktu?” 6-yr old said, “Nope. BLOGPOST.”
Anonymous says
Aaaaaaaahahahaha!!!!! Yes!
Anonymous says
I love this. My 3 year old (youngest of 4) was being super obnoxious at dinner (I think she was banging her silverware or yelling or something) and I told her she was ruining dinner for us. She got out of her chair and walked around the table giving every family member a hug. Just like your kid is understanding forgiveness, she’s starting to understand apologizing :)
Pogo says
That is SO cute.
Our 4yo has been offering to help with the baby – he brings over his stepstool to the changing table and will hand him a teething toy while I change him, or if he’s crying in his crib in the morning he’ll go in and give him a teddy bear. When he says “It’s ok brother, I’ll help you!” I almost die.
He also asked his brother “do you like this song, [brother]?” the other day in the car, which was just adorable in the way he seemed to think the baby could respond or even have song preferences.
Lily says
Thoughts? TIA!
I have a toddler (she’s 32 months) and a 3 month old. Toddler has been in daycare since she was 6 months old (except for 3 months last spring when they closed). I was vaccinated while 7 months pregnant back in late January. I exclusively breastfed the 3 month old. I hope/assume she has some COVID protection but of course I don’t actually know.
Is it crazy/pointless to consider pumping some extra breast milk to add to my toddler’s regular milk in the hopes of giving her some protection against COVID? I am so worried about her again as numbers go up.
Anonymous says
There is zero evidence this will have any positive impact whatsoever. If you want to, have fun. But it’s just woo woo for supplemental milk fed to a three year old.
AwayEmily says
I don’t think it would make a difference. The data I’ve seen suggested to the extent breastmilk confers some immunity, it’s only if it makes up the majority of the kid’s diet (ie only for little babies). I know it’s a scary time — what I tell myself is that we made it through safely when nobody was vaccinated — and now lots and lots of people are. Things really are safer now, even if they don’t always feel safer.
Anon says
Things are safer now *for vaccinated people*. The unvaccinated – which includes all kids under 12 – have never been more at risk.
AwayEmily says
This is absolutely not true, at least where i live. My kids were at FAR more risk in December, when nobody was vaccinated, our hospitals were overflowing, and case rates were through the roof, then they are now when all their teachers are vaccinated, along with their parents and most of the adults in the city. Pretending otherwise is just fear-mongering. Yes, there are still risks — we don’t take our kids to the grocery store, to museums, to basically anywhere inside. But they are far safer than they were this winter.
Anon says
I’m just quoting the experts, many of whom have said the risk *to the unvacinated* has never been higher. Cases are at about half the winter peak in much of the US, the virus is *much* more infectious (200% more infectious than the original virus, probably twice as infectious as the virus that was circulating last winter) and the majority of cases are now in unvaccinated people. That means that as a vaccinated person, your odds of catching Covid are dramatically lower than they used to be and as an unvaccinated person, your odds are higher. It’s just math. Sorry if you think that’s “fear mongering.”
Anon. says
This. Yes, there’s still danger but things are so much safer even for those who are unvaccinated.
AwayEmily says
sigh, that’s not “just math.” This is why I tell my undergrads they really need to take statistics. But, yes, absolutely, if the OP’s toddler is secretly an 60-year-old woman living in Mississippi and dining out maskless in restaurants, I agree with the experts that her risk is higher than it’s ever been. Hoping for OP’s sake that that’s not the case.
Anon. says
But if your kids are interacting with a majority vaccinated population, their risk of exposure is that much lower, thus their ultimate risk is that much lower.
SC says
I feel like my kid is more at risk. We do not have a majority-vaccinated adult population. There are plenty of teachers and daycare workers and healthcare workers who will not get vaccinated. There is no tolerance for basic Covid precautions like masks, and people are back to regular work schedules and travel and dining indoors. I have been sending my kid to in-person camp and in-person school since last summer, and this week is the first week ever that he’s had to quarantine and test due to a direct contact with someone who tested positive for Covid. Our region is set to host large athletic events and music festivals in October, and I’m very worried that things are going to go badly from there.
I’m still not particularly worried about him getting severely ill from Covid, but I do think he’s at greater risk of contracting it than at any point since March 2020. We’re still going to do in-person school, but we’re going to pull back on unnecessary excursions to indoor places (dining, Target, grocery store, museums) with Kiddo, and we will probably continue to avoid indoor sports.
Boston Legal Eagle says
“if the OP’s toddler is secretly an 60-year-old woman living in Mississippi and dining out maskless in restaurants” – this is just a funny image :) Kids may be more at risk of getting Covid infections, but so far Delta doesn’t appear to be more serious, just more contagious. So the risk of hospitalization or dying among kids is still extremely low.
Anon says
Do the lives of kids in Mississippi not matter!? I don’t live there, but I’m sure there are some readers there and my state is only marginally more vaccinated. Our family is obviously vaccinated, but our daycare teachers and other adults in our community are not and it’s a direct quote from my pediatrician that my child is more at risk of catching Covid now than at any point since the pandemic began. And probably more at risk of dying. Children obviously are at much lower risk overall than adults, but there is growing evidence the death rate in kids is higher from Delta than previous variants. The children’s hospitals in the hard hit states are currently full. But good for you AwayEmily, not caring at all about the lives of kids who – through no fault of their own – live in the less vaccinated states. I’m sure your callousness is a real comfort to the families currently grieving dead kids in the hard hit regions of the US.
Anonymous says
You omitted a crucial clause: They are more at risk for contracting covid but less at risk for dying from it.
Anon says
Less at risk than adults, yes, but not less at risk of dying than they were in 2020. Delta is believed to be deadlier, although that is less conclusively proven than the increased infectiousness. But it is certainly not less deadly.
Anon says
It’s neither crazy nor pointless, but current (albeit limited data) research shows that the antibodies transmitted to a breastfed child via milk will provide limited immunity and wear off in hours/days, unlike antibodies shared with a child via blood (meaning the antibodies your newborn got from you via placenta when you were vaccinated during pregnancy). So you would need to continue to give your 3 year old breastmilk in order for the immunity to continue.
https://www.nature.com/articles/d41586-021-01680-x
FWIW, I have a 9.5 month old and I plan to breastfeed until 1 year, but I’m also stocking the freezer with enough milk to continue to give her one serving of breastmilk a day from 12 to 18 months. I’m hoping that the vaccine will be available to her by next April. I would have continued to nurse until it’s available except that we want more children and I need to wean before we can start our next IVF transfer build-up.
Lily says
Thanks!