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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
529 for ES, MS, or HS? says
Have any of you used a 529 to pay for elementary school, middle school, or high school while your kids are in school? Our kids are enrolled in an eligible school and if I put yearly tuition in the 529, I would have about a $300 tax deduction every year. We know our kids will be in the eligible private school through 8th grade, 6-8 more years. After that, either a private high school or public school. I’ve thought about washing the tuition through a 529 each year. We already have a college savings/life after school fund, so it is not a must have to keep the money in the 529 for college. Our accountant’s take was that if it is worth the bookkeeping for you to get a $300 deduction, go for it, but there’s no other real financial advantage. Has anyone else made deposits into a 529 to use them in the immediate or near future, and if so, was it worth the effort?
Anon says
is your college savings/life after school fund not in a 529? we’ve thought about using the 529 we started when our kids were born to pay for private middle and high school one day (our kids are 3) and then to keep adding to it to include enough for college. i think only you can say whether it is worth $300 a year to do this
Anonymous says
I asked a very similar question of a personal finance podcast last summer, and got a similar answer — but ultimately decided the bookkeeping for me was not worth it. My kids are in elementary and my general plan was to put the money in the 529, leave it there if the market turns sour, or take it out to pay for immediate tuition needs if it was flat or up. Obviously the market *has* turned sour, so I’m glad I didn’t do that, because although we do have the cash flow to cover it, that’s just a lot of money tied up. This is our kids’ last year (maybe? probably?) in a private school, though… if I were in it for the longer haul, I probably would make the effort.
Anon says
There’s no limit to 529 contributions, right? So I don’t think this would prevent you from also saving in a 529 for college. I don’t really see a downside to doing this, unless you feel that the administrative hassle is not worth $300 per year, which only you can say.
NYCer says
529 plans do not have annual contribution limits. However, contributions to a 529 plan are considered completed gifts for gift tax purposes, so the amount you contribute is limited by the annual exclusion amount (unless you want to pay gift tax or use your lifetime exemption amount). In 2022, the annual exclusion amount is $16,000 per donee (or $32,000 if you and your spouse split gifts). You also have the ability to “front load” a 529 for up to five years at one time with no gift-tax consequences.
[Sorry this is probably a way more complicated response than anyone cares to read about, and not really what OP was asking!]
Anon says
It may not be what OP was asking but I had this question for myself (I front-loaded a 529 and was worried I missed a gift tax issue) so thank you!
Anon says
I’m not the OP but am happy to read it!
Tea/Coffee says
This our first tax cycle doing so. Kids are in ES and will probably stay private through HS
Our state provides a tax benefit for 529 contributions so it was worth it to funnel some money – up to that tax limit- through the accounts
There is also a rule that money taken out for private K-12 has to be in the account 12 months, i think? Which was not an issue for us and i figure that every year we are preloading the money for the following year. 12 mos of market gains = not bad for minimal effort. Now, this year i might feel differently :-(
Thanks for the reminder. Maybe i should funnel less this year… will need to think on this!
Anon says
How quickly do kids’ sleep needs change? Six months ago my then 3.5 year old was sleeping 12 hours at night consistently. Occasionally a ~2 hour weekend nap as well (she hasn’t napped at school in years), which would cut nighttime sleep down by an hour or so. She recently turned 4 and is sleeping much less than she was just a few months ago. She now averages around 9-10 hours at night, but fairly frequently sleeps as little as 8 hours, with no naps. She might still nap on weekends if we suggested it but we no longer do because it pushes her bedtime insanely late (the last two times she napped, she went to sleep at midnight and 1 am). I know kids need less sleep as they get older, but this seems sudden – did anyone experience something like this?
And any advice for getting more sleep yourself in this situation? I’m high sleep needs myself (really need 8.5-9 hours to feel rested) and generally can’t fall asleep for a least an hour after she goes to bed (need to unwind, and make sure she’s actually staying down) so this has been really exhausting. She does book time solo for at least an hour before bed, but isn’t particularly quiet and often asks for us when she needs something. We are going to try introducing an OK to Wake Clock, but the problem is late bedtimes more than early waking.
Anonymous says
Sorry this all seems totally normal
Anonymous says
Ha, I guess there is a wide range of normal because this is very different from our kids’ experience! Only now at almost 7 is my older one down to 10.5 hours of sleep and the younger one is around 11 at 3.5.
Anon says
i have no suggestions, but really hope this does not happen when my twins turn 4 in a few months bc right now they are in bed between 6:30-7 and I’d die without that
Cb says
That doesn’t seem like enough sleep. Does she seem grumpy? Does she fall asleep on car rides. Does she maybe need to go to sleep earlier? My son was in a really bad sleep cycle when he turned 4 and after a hellish few months (he’d have a commute nap! Oh the bus barrelling down the freeway!), now falls asleep at 730 and wakes up around 615. He sleeps in at the weekend which makes me think that’s still not enough sleep for him.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Agree on the question – does it affect her mood/attitude? I think the range for the preschool/K years is around 10-13 hours, but there are kids who are lower and higher sleep needs. I think my 5.5 year old truly needs close to 11 hours, but he often gets about 10 hours (7:30-5:30) and he acts out more. We can’t really make him fall back asleep in the morning when he’s up early so we aim to do an earlier bedtime to try to achieve that.
OP says
Not really? She’s always been sensitive and emotional but can’t say I really noticed any behavioral change when she started sleeping less. I know a few other kids her age who only average 9-10 hours but they’ve always been low sleep needs and it seems weird to go from always being high sleep needs to suddenly being low sleep needs.
I don’t think she needs an earlier bedtime. We’ve had some of the worst experiences when we tried to put her down earlier than normal. I think she got frustrated about not being able to fall asleep immediately and it spiraled from there. I know that happens to adult insomniacs.
A good day is reading from 7:30-8:15, asleep by 8:30 and sleeping until 6:30 or 7 and I would say that happens at least half the time. But there are definitely plenty of days she doesn’t get 10 hours.
Anonymous says
Did anything change with her exercise levels? My older one does not sleep well unless he gets a really huge amount of exercise.
Anon says
Hmm interesting thought. I do feel like this coincided with the onset of winter, which has been unusuall cold and snowy, and she slept really well last week when we had a relatively warm snap and were able to get outside for walks/playground after school most days. I would have thought she gets plenty of exercise in school (she’s in play-based daycare) but maybe not.
Anon says
Do you think you’d have any luck enforcing that she goes in her room at X time and has to stay there quietly, but can lie in her bed and look at books? My kids will chatter to themselves, but by this point know that they don’t get any parent interaction after we both say goodnight, because we need some time away from them.
Anonymous says
I’m really going out on a limb here, but is this post-Covid? If so, run all the following by the pediatrician. Maybe get her heart looked at, possibly put her on a Fitbit tracker for a week or so. Also consider a histamine blocker at night, like Benadryl, which seems to be having some effect on post-Covid sleeping issues for adults (anecdotal data, but very strong anecdata since it has been used for years by others with postviral illnesses). Post-Covid or not, I always think that upping magnesium, either orally or topically, is a pretty good thing to try for sleep issues.
10 hours seems very normal. 8 or 9 hours seems low, but definitely be normal for some kids. But the steep drop off would concern me too. To prioritize sleep for yourself, trade off nights with DH if you can so only one person is “on” for the duration of bedtime. Then hopefully you can get ready and relax and go to bed not too long after her on your off nights.
OP says
No Covid that we know of but I appreciate the thought.
Mary Moo Cow says
I also saw a pretty marked decline in how much sleep my kid needed between 4 and 4.5. Our routine is stories from 7:30-8 and she gets to read to herself with the light on until 8:15. If we don’t go back in to turn her light out, she’ll stay up until 9 or even 9:30. Then she wakes herself up and is chipper around 6:45. How does she do it?! I’m like you and have high sleep needs.
Our DD also was very needy for a while. That got better with time and enforcing more boundaries. We whittled it down from answering her/going back in 4 times to 3 to 2, then 1, and then not at all over the course of a few weeks. We explained the system and set expectations, and then had to eventually flip her doorknob so we could lock her in. (We always unlocked it when we checked on her the last time and she was asleep. It was still nerve wracking and felt icky but we were at our wits’ end.) Now, at 4.75, she only gets out of bed occasionally and only if we’re lazy and let her keep her light on for awhile (then she finds us to just say goodnight one more time.)
Anonymous says
I will say my high sleep needs kiddo went through a blip around 4.5 where he was skipping his nap and staying up late. I thought he was done with his nap but it lasted a few weeks and then he started napping again (weekends only) and sleeping longer/going to sleep earlier. Maybe it’s a growth spurt or a phase? Ok to wake clock seems like a good idea.
Anon for this says
Cross-posting here in hopes of getting input from moms of younger kids… Please skip over if you aren’t interested in discussion of weight.
Can I hear your success (or non-success) stories of losing weight 1+ year postpartum?
My second kid will be 1 in April. I’m currently 6 lbs up from my pre-baby #2 pregnancy weight, but closer to 15 lbs up from my weight pre-baby #1. I am also (technically, according to BMI) now slightly overweight. The weight is really concentrated in my belly, but I’m definitely just larger overall. I went from a size 4/6 pre-kids, to a size 6/8 post kid #1, to a solid size 10 now.
I just don’t recognize myself at this weight, but I haven’t lost any real weight for the last 3-4 months and I’m wondering if this is just “it” forever? I am not willing/able to make *drastic* lifestyle changes at this point, but also struggling to accept my new weight. I hate how much space it takes up in my head.
Just looking to hear others’ stories, good or bad. TIA!
Anonymous says
For me weight control is all about lifestyle, birth control, and sleep.
Hormonal birth control messes with my energy levels and appetite in a way that makes me think it is related to blood sugar control. On BC I constantly gain weight. If I do two-a-day workouts and track every mouthful of food I can slow the gain but not maintain. If you have gone back on any form of hormonal BC, it could be sabotaging your weight loss efforts.
Another big thing for me is lifestyle. If I’m moving around a fair amount during the day and avoiding salty restaurant food, I can lose weight pretty easily as long as I’m not on BC. WFH and busy times at work keep me sitting in my chair much more than I used to. Taking the dog for a long walk every day and avoiding takeout are helpful.
Finally, you need to be getting a solid 8 hours of quality sleep every night. Lack of sleep causes hormonal changes that lead to weight gain, and it also makes you too exhausted to cook at home and get a lot of physical activity.
Spirograph says
The sleep thing is so true for me. When I’m exhausted, I grab snacks (especially sugar/carb-y ones) to cope, and it obviously isn’t great from a health or weight standpoint. I can recognize “I want a cookie because I’m tired. I’m not hungry, I’m just tired.” but it doesn’t stop me from eating the cookie. This was me last week. This week is better. I also have to make a conscious effort to shift my mindset after a tough few days or weeks when things get crazy. I was tired, things happened, but I can make “better” choices today.
Anon says
Sleep is true for me too. And I sleep better if I exercise (and exercise more if I am well rested), so it’s an important cycle for me.
That being said, I am still up from my second (and he’s almost 4!). I am still in my 30s and everyone says to try to keep your weight down while you’re younger for health later, so I still work at it.
I will note that I am healthier by some metrics now. I run faster and further than before I had my first. I completed an Olympic triathlon last summer. I try to remind myself that it is a mix of things and a lot of how I feel is about what I can do (which is a lot!).
Anon says
I lost the baby weight without much effort but gained it all back and then some during the last few years. I now weigh more than I did when I was admitted to the hospital to give birth, which I know is just an arbitrary metric, but I hate it. I am only just barely overweight by BMI but don’t feel comfortable in my body and don’t like how I look. I haven’t made drastic dietary changes and am unwilling to, but I have added exercise (I walk 3-5 miles most days), which did not seem to do anything as far as my weight goes but definitely has health benefits (both mental and physical). I’ve had the best luck with intermittent fasting, which is actually pretty easy for me. But even IF has only slowed the gain (until I got serious about IF I was gaining a pound every couple of weeks) and hasn’t resulted in any actual weight loss. I don’t know if it’s the pandemic or hormonal changes as I approach perimenopause or what but it’s been a rude awakening for someone who was naturally thin without any real effort until 35.
Anon for this says
Out of curiosity, what eating window do you use when you’re doing IF?
Anon says
Normally 11-7 or 12-8. I’m not hungry when I wake up so it’s not hard to wait to eat and my family eats dinner as a family around 5:30-6. I usually have some dessert after kid bedtime, but the IF definitely cuts down on late-night nibbling, which is a good thing.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I know there is a lot of controversy about BMI and weight and all that, but I too felt like I wasn’t “myself” post baby 2. And it really spiraled during the early months of Covid (which is fine and expected for that time). During the summer of 2020, so post daycare opening while still WFH, I hired a virtual trainer who helped build a food and strength training program. I didn’t want a diet per se, but it did help me be more aware of what food I was consuming and the calories involved. I also started strength exercises for the first time ever, which was a nice compliment to my usual cardio workouts. I ended up losing about 30 pounds in 6 months and have mostly maintained this over the last year+. I try to walk every day now, and I’m generally aware of what I’m consuming.
I will say that my belly will probably never be flat again, and in general my shape is different than pre-babies. That’s something I’ve had to accept and embrace, and the higher number on clothes is less of an issue for me.
Anon says
so i had a different situation. post partum i somehow weighed less than i did before getting pregnant, buy like 7-10lbs and while i had zero muscle, i love how i looked. the weight started creeping up again when we were on vacation with our twins a bit after their first birthday, then my mom was sick and dying and i was eating my feelings so i got back up to my pre-pregnancy weight. now they will soon be 4 and I am like 6-7lbs over my pre-pregnancy weight and it is honestly my own fault bc im back into a bad habit of binge eating. i will track my food all day which is the only way that really works for me to lose weight, and then after a stressful bedtime or whatever, i eat (a lot). or, the week before my period i cannot stop snacking, i need to somehow get this back under control not just for weight purposes but because it is not healthy. i think in your shoes, if you are not willing/able to make drastic lifestyle changes right now (idk what you consider drastic), is there a time when you feel like you might be able to? i’m not saying that you should, but maybe you could at least try to push it out of your head until that time?
Anoon says
Lovingly, you need to talk to a professional. What you have written here sounds like body dysmorphia/ disordered eating.
Anonymous says
Are you still nursing?
Anon for this says
No, I fully weaned about a month ago (I exclusively breastfed for about 6 months and combo fed for about 3).
Anonymous says
You might just now be recovering hormonally from nursing, then.
Spirograph says
I lost most of the baby weight from each kid in between pregnancies, but hovered 5-10 lbs heavier after baby #3 for a couple years (with 3 kids under 5). That was temporary, though. Once everyone was sleeping and potty trained, and logistics streamlined, I had more mental bandwidth to make healthy choices and I’m now basically back to my pre-pregnancy weight, which is in the healthy BMI range.
Every body is different, but for me… my belly is just not totally flat anymore, and the level of effort I am happy putting into diet and exercise at this point in my life is probably not going to do it. I wear the same size, but my body’s not quite the same shape. I’m also 10 years older, and I’m sure that has something to do with it, too!
Pogo says
This is great to hear. I am pretty much in the same boat (even down to the numbers!) as OP and I do think if I could sleep through the night, stop nursing, etc I would have the mental bandwidth to really commit again. Right now I am trying to run 3+ times per week as a start but I know I won’t see real results til I add calorie restriction and up my mileage, and I just don’t have the ability to do that in this season of life.
Spirograph says
I’m glad it’s encouraging! I wish I’d given myself a break and stressed less about it at the time. Mind you, I didn’t have the energy to actually *do* anything to fix the 5-10lbs, but it bothered me, especially the voice in the back of my head wondering (like OP said) if this is just “it” forever. I was still exercising fairly regularly, but I cancelled it out with convenience food.
It’s hard to parent littles with a full time job, and I didn’t even have pandemic stress piled on top of that! You’ll get there. I’ve never even made a big effort at restricting calories, I just naturally stopped stress eating so much once I was consistently getting enough sleep and felt like my head was above water.
DLC says
I found that with my first and second kids, i was back to pre-baby weight by a year. However, with my third baby, I was back to my pre-baby weight even more quickly but then I have slowly been gaining in the two years since even though I have made improvements to my exercise and diet since then. I’m now ten pounds more than prepregnancy, even pre-kids. Honestly for me, I think it is an age/hormonal/menopause thing- I’m 43 and i’m just resigned that my pants will just be two size bigger than when I was in my 30s.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Hi. I’m right here with you. Here’s my deal.
Baby #1 – Held onto/gained weight while nursing. Weaned at 1 year, and finally started dropping lbs and had bandwidth to get into a good workout routine thanks to a flexible work schedule and Orange Theory. Felt good when DS #1 was about 1.5
Baby #2 – He’s currently 14 months. I found out I was pregnant in April 2020, which was a stressful time on multiple fronts. I definitely had started gaining weight from comfort eating (no regrets) and then pregnancy weight on top of it. Then, after delivery once again held onto/gained weight while nursing, continued to stress eat (again, no regrets) because there was a lot of grief and hard times going on, and was literally larger than I had ever been in my life. I’m intermittently fasting, tracking food/weight on WW (really it just keeps me accountable for checking my weight), and working out at least a few times a week (my ideal is 5, I’ll be happy to get 3-4) thanks to the Pelet*on app (don’t have the tread or bike, but I LOVE the strength, HIIT, barre, and yoga classes – to me, they are as good as many in-person studio classes I took in the beforetimes).
I’m down about 15 lbs, but I have 20 more to go. I know I’ve lost inches, and am slowly creeping back into some clothes fitting well.
I really try to eat intuitively more right now – for example, yesterday I hadn’t worked out, and I noticed I also wasn’t hungry for dinner, so I ate a few bites with the kids, but didn’t make myself a full plate per se just because it was dinner time. I also make a huge salad for lunch almost every workday – but I make sure it has things I actually like in it, like tofu, cheese, etc. so I feel satisfied.
Hang in there and be kind to yourself. <3
Anon says
Only have one kid. Was overweight, had HG, and only gained 17 pounds (8.5 of which was DD). I dropped the pregnancy weight plus another 30ish pounds in the months post-partum and it stayed constant until I stopped BFing. At 17 months, when I finally weaned, the pounds packed back on over the course of 3 months and I was right back at my pre-pregnancy weight. No amount of exercise or diet changed that and I maintained that for another year and a half until COVID, where I gained another 15 pounds and have since plateaued (DD is 4.5 now). I also got diagnosed with an autoimmune disease, am finally on treatment, and notwithstanding that I am now doing physical therapy 2x a week with some pretty substantial strength training for an unrelated injury and my average daily step count has jumped from maybe 3K a day last year to around 10K a day now since my fatigue is under control with these new meds, the scale has not budged an inch.
I’m now solidly between a 1X and 2X and my only solution has been to avoid mirrors and buy some new clothes that are comfortable for where I am at today. I don’t love the way I look, but I feel good (or as good as I can recovering from this injury) doing the things I need to do in my daily life (like being able to walk 15K steps on a busy day, lift 65+ pounds of wiggly kid, go for long walks with my mom on vacation, etc.). I’m looking at rejoining a gym and starting swimming regularly once DD starts K next year to see if that helps (it will shift our schedules earlier and leave me with open space between school start and work), and I make an effort to take a few longish walks during the week as this injury permits (goal is 2 miles, around 1 right now).
So, my current coping mechanism is to focus on how I feel (and having clothes that fit helps with feeling good) and not focus on how I look (which is not recognizable to me), because like you, in this season of life we’re at now, drastic life changes are not in the cards and TBH, even if they were, after decades of watching my mother struggle with her weight, I don’t know that they will be successful.
Anon for this says
Really appreciate everyone’s replies!
Anne-on says
Wow I think we are the same person, though my second kid is 2. So, a couple of things. First, I decided that I deserved to feel good in my body which meant going to the gym and weightlifting 3x a week. I like lifting weights and it makes me feel strong. While my weight hasn’t changed too much, I’m much more solid and feel stronger. Second, (I’ve been slacking on this because of the cold), I was going for a half hour walk after the kids went to bed. Popped on an audiobook and went for a stroll. Third, I bought a pair of jeans that actually fit and feel good. They are one size up from my old ones, but right now I just want something that isn’t leggings that fits properly.
I also agree with the sleep thing. I’ve prioritized sleep and I think that helps with the sugar cravings.
Anonymous says
Depending on your current lifestyle, “drastic” changes may not be necessary. Really simple things like
– paying attention to portion sizes
– not eating anything my kids leave on their plates
– avoiding second helpings
– drinking tea while working/watching TV when I might otherwise snack
– keeping yogurt, peeled hard-boiled eggs and cut vegetables on hand. I like all of these things and have no problem snacking on them instead of crackers or fruit snacks, as long as they’re just as quick and easy.
– minimizing the carb-y part of dinner (eg, I have taco salad instead of putting fixings in a tortilla like the kids do; take a small portion of rice, or put meatballs on salad instead of pasta)
make a huge difference for me. I still eat desserts and everything else I like. I just try to be more intentional about what I’m eating and make it equally easy to choose healthy options. If I do that throughout the day, it’s fine if we occasionally order pizza or takeout for dinner (although both of those noticeably affect how I feel the next day).
Anon says
Yes it feels like such a “rich person” thing to do to buy peeled eggs but it really helps me eat healthier. I like eating eggs but I hate peeling them and won’t go to a lot of effort to eat foods I don’t love, so I almost never eat them if I don’t buy them pre-peeled. I know it makes sense, because I have more money than time at this stage of life but I still feel weird/guilty about it.
Anonymous says
I don’t even buy them peeled anymore! Egg Pod (as seen on tv) for the win. I make 4 every couple of days and just leave them in a little tupperware in the fridge. We get eggs and milk delivered from a local creamery once a week, which is my “rich person” way to solve having a never-ending supply of eggs without needing to think about it.
Anon says
Does that actually work? I bought the Dash egg cooker on a rec from here or the main page, and I was very underwhelmed. I thought it was no easier than just boiling eggs, and the eggs weren’t any easier to peel.
Anonymous says
I feel ridiculous evangelizing for an as seen on TV product, but yes! You put the eggs in the little container, microwave them for 9-10 minutes, then open the container and run some cold water on them for a minute. I usually do all of this while I’m bustling around the kitchen in the AM making lunches.
Then, close up the lid again and shake it hard ~10 times. Sometimes the eggs jump out of their shells and you just lift the shells off in one piece. Sometimes it still takes a few seconds, but it is still much easier and faster than peeling eggs you boiled on the stove. Also, it is very forgiving in a way that boiling eggs is not. I’ve forgotten about the eggs and just left them sitting in the microwave for a half hour, and they still come out fine.
DLC says
I cook my eggs in the Instant Pot and find they peel beautifully.
3 mins low pressure, instant pressure release gives me my ideally slightly jammy egg.
But having said that I do love the idea of a peeled egg as an indulgent item!
Anonymous says
For me it had to be a lifestyle change. I had some other health issues crop up 2-3 years postpartum that benefitted from some pretty drastic lifestyle changes, but I also lost weight from them. Cutting back sugar and going gluten-free did wonders for me. I also took one of those at home food sensitivity tests and that helped me learn some foods that I should eat only sparingly. I needed to drastically cut inflammation when my immune system went out of control.
What has worked for you to form new habits in the past? I would lean in on those techniques if you can to add more exercise or shift to healthier eating. Can you add in a 10 or 20 minute walk a day? Can you get a sauna at home or add in sessions at a gym? On eating, can you do at least a 12 hour fast (so if dinner finishes at 7pm, don’t eat breakfast until 7am)? Are there ways you can cut back on sugar and replace with protein or fresh vegetables?
If you are still b-feeding, don’t do sauna as it will dump crap out in all your body excretions that you definitely don’t want baby eating.
Anonymous says
Threading fail, sigh
Anon says
Talk to me about your laundry system. What kind of hampers do you have in the bedrooms, what do you use to carry to laundry room, and how do you bring clothes back from the laundry room while it waits to be folded? Moving into a big house from a townhome
Anonymous says
Each person has a plastic laundry basket in their closet. There are a few extras that live in the laundry closet where we throw dirty masks, rags, etc. during the week. All of the baskets are the same style so they can be nested when empty. They are the type with one curved side so they are easy to carry on your hip.
On laundry day all of the baskets are gathered in one place upstairs. Everyone’s laundry is sorted by color and fabric type into combined loads: light colors, dark colors, red/pink, synthetic workout gear, jeans, delicates, sheets, towels. Each load goes into a basket. One basket at a time goes downstairs to the washer. The empty basket waits on top of the dryer. When a load comes out of the dryer, it goes into the empty basket, is carried upstairs, and gets folded on the big bed. Each person’s folded clothes are stacked in a basket until all loads are folded, at which time each person’s basket of clean clothes is delivered to their bedroom to be put away.
Spirograph says
Ha! There was such a long and interesting thread on laundry a few months ago. I had never given much thought to the myriad ways to tackle the great laundry mountain.
Laundry is in the basement, primary bedroom is on the 1st floor, kid bedroom is on the 2nd floor. We have an “attractive” hamper in our bedroom, and one in the kids’ shared bedroom. Both have handles and can be carried downstairs in a pinch. We also have 3 plastic laundry baskets (big rectangular ones) — those are intended to be the laundry-in-waiting and carrying-laundry-up-and-down-the-stairs containers. I fold laundry exclusively in the basement family room while watching TV, so it sits one of the rectangle laundry baskets once it comes out of the dryer and then I dump it on the floor, fold, and put it back in the laundry basket to carry upstairs. Then DH or I puts the clothes away and dumps the dirty laundry into the rectangle laundry basket to take it back down to the basement. Repeat ad nauseum.
Cb says
We are in a 3 bed house, with laundry in the utility room in the ground floor (not in the kitchen like most British homes). My current strategy is two baskets in our room, the same size as a load of laundry. One for hang up, one for dryer. My son has one basket, and there is one in the utility room for cloth napkins, dish towels, anything that gets muddy and taken off downstairs.
Our laundry cycles take 3 hours to run and 3 hours to dry (the U.K….) so when a basket is full, I put it in the washer the night before and do a delay start. Then we move it into the dryer when we get up. Anything that needs hanging up goes on the heated aired set up in the office / guest room. Clean laundry also goes there, because I’d rather have a messy office than laundry in the bedroom. Once a week / when my child is running out of PJs, I’ll put in a podcast and fold all the laundry.
I’m gone Sunday – Wednesday during term time, so no idea what happens when I’m not here? But that’s my system.
Anonymous says
We have 5 people, no pets, in a 3800 square foot two story. I’ll share but I don’t have a good system. DH and my clothing goes onto bathroom floor then to the hamper in the laundry room. Everything gets dumped in the same basket, then sorted before I wash. 4 year old has a basket in his bathroom: he’s responsible for bringing it downstairs once a week (usually Saturday morning). One year old twins have a basket in the living room next to their changing table. Once a week I split the twins’ whites and darks and wash them: nanny is responsible for drying, folding and putting away their laundry. DH and I work out and sauna, so I do at least one load of laundry every day. Sheets get washed weekly. Towels get washed when they need it which is about every three days (we live in Houston). Would love to hear other systems. If I were working we’d send laundry out, zero question.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Husband and I each have our own bins in our bedroom – his is just one big tall hamper, mine has two compartments – my clothes and whites (where I throw bedsheets and white towels). Each kid has his own hamper. I typically carry my clothes in a smaller hamper with handles and carry the kids’ hampers as is. The loads are typically: kid 1 clothes, kid 2 clothes, my clothes, my husband’s clothes, whites (not every week) and towels. No further sorting of our clothes. I do all the laundry, including folding, except my husband’s which he’s responsible for. I typically do this all on Friday and part of Saturday, he does it whenever he runs out of clothes.
Anon says
We have one preschooler. Each person has their own hamper in their bedroom on the second floor. Laundry is on the first floor. We carry the hampers up and down the stairs.
Anon says
We have two hampers in our room (one for hot laundry and one for cold), one in the kids room, and one at the bottom of the basement stairs for kitchen towels, etc. All of the upstairs ones have handles and can be carried down to the basement when they’re ready to be washed. After clothes are clean and dry, we either just put them in those same hampers to bring back upstairs (which means that until they get put away dirty clothes end up in a pile on the floor) or we put clean clothes in a couple of cheap collapsible hampers that live in the basement.
anon says
Everyone has a big plastic laundry basket in their closet. We also have a divided hamper in the laundry room where we put workout clothes, towels, and anything gross. Kitchen towels and cleaning rags have their own small baskets, and those get washed whenever the baskets are full. I generally wash sheets and towels on the weekends because I like to get the sheets back on the beds right away. Clothes are washed whenever. We have a lot of combined loads (i still sort colors, sorry not sorry), but I do love it when I’m able to do just one person’s laundry at a time because it makes putting everything away so much simpler. Our laundry is on the same floor as the bedrooms, so we usually end up just carrying clothes from the laundry room to the bedrooms in one big basket that’s designated as our “clean” one. Then repeat with the next load. If I had more baskets than that, I guarantee that the clean clothes would just sit in them for infinity.
I’m an outlier, but I don’t mind doing laundry. I’m kinda picky about how things are sorted and the cleaning cycles that are used. And there are a number of things I just don’t want to put in the dryer and don’t trust anyone else to remember those details. What I hate is putting it away, so that’s mostly delegated to DH and the kids.
Spirograph says
+1 to your entire last paragraph. I don’t mind doing laundry – I am very picky about how it actually gets done and how clothes are folded (Kon Mari style! and towels go in THIRDS). Plus, folding is how I give myself permission to watch mindless TV. DH and the kids have to put things away, though.
Aunt Jamesina says
I actually enjoy laundry. I think it’s an extension of me enjoying having an orderly wardrobe of clothing I like. We use cloth diapers and I’m 0% bothered by the increase in laundry since the baby arrived. Not sure what that says about me…
octagon says
Kiddo has a hamper in his room. We have a two-hamper set in our room, one for lights and one for darks. Hampers stay in the room and we use laundry baskets to transport back and forth to the laundry room in the basement. The best recommendation I can give is to get Snapbasket XL collapsible laundry baskets. They are fabric, not plastic, and truly collapse flat when not in use, so easy to tuck behind a hamper until you’re ready to use it. I got one per person plus one extra for sheets and towels, and they really are terrific. I also like that they have long handles and can be carried with one hand, sometimes I need a hand on the handrail if I’m having a tough balance day on stairs.
octagon says
Minor cx, I think the ones I have are actually the CleverMade collapsible baskets on Am*z*n. They look like the same thing, but the CleverMade ones come in better colors.
anonM says
I think I have a decent system now. One basket in our room, DH and I both put our stuff in there. One basket in kids room – both their laundry goes in there. Generally, I wash parents in one load; kids in another — sorting only to take out and set aside 1) towels and 2) delicates and whites as needed. One thing that has helped are those tide color catcher sheets. DS has white uniform shirts for preschool (UGH) and this way I can wash all their clothes together without whites getting dingy/pink. Every so often I’ll still do the whites separate and with bleach, but most weeks it’s a much easier dump. Also, by doing kids in one load, I can fold in their room and put away all in one room; same with DH and I. Towels all in one load; also unloading the folded towels all in one place. ALSO I decided to try to cut back on the laundry that is needed overall. Two things helped: “pajama basked” for the kids – it’s on their level- they put in their PJs so they can rewear a few days. Also did kid-level command hooks for their towels so those last a few baths now! And, designated a “rewear” area for DH so he wears the same hoodie for more than one run.
HSAL says
Five people in a 4 bedroom ranch – my husband and I have a large laundry pop-up for our “normal” clothes that is basically a full load. Then there’s a sorter with three sections for my bras, stuff that needs special care (dry flat, hand wash, etc), and workout clothes (this is a different setup than pre-Covid when we had work clothes). One kid has a laundry bag in his room, but he usually needs clean clothes before it’s full. The girls share a room and use the same laundry bag as the boy, but they have more clothes so theirs gets filled more quickly – I’ve actually wondered if I should change their setup, but the laundry bag full is one load. We also have a large pop-up in the office for towels and sheets, and a small basket in the kitchen for hand towels/kitchen rags/mop pads.
Each individual basket/bag (aside from the one with towels and sheets) gets carried to the laundry room and washed as one load. I have zero time for sorting and see no need. I remove and put everything back in closets and dressers within a couple hours of being dry, though I leave my husband to put his own stuff away.
Anon says
DD has a hamper in her room, there is a hamper in each bathroom for towels and DH and I each have a hamper (mine is in our closet, his is in our room). Laundry closet is on the 2nd floor with the bedrooms. DH does his laundry whenever his hamper gets full, usually midweek, and either folds it right away or tucks it in a “clean clothes hamper” under a chair in our room and folds a few days later. I do mine and DD’s laundry on Saturday (we sort it together into big piles on the bathroom floor for lights, darks and pinks, and then I pull out what goes in the dryer and what gets hung up to dry when I put it in the dryer) and once dry toss it in a big storage container on the guest bed where it sits until Tuesday when our housekeepers fold it. On Sundays, I wash two loads of towels usually every other week. Housekeepers wash, dry and fold sheets on Tuesday when they are here.
AwayEmily says
I’m not going to describe our whole system because it’s nothing special but I will plug using those IKEA blue bags to move laundry around. We have nice hampers in our rooms then use the blue bags to transport to our basement laundry. Much easier to carry on stairs than a plastic basket.
Anonymous says
What’s the name of the website that helps you figure out which pump insurance will pay for?
Also, I am wondering what I am doing bringing a second pandemic baby into this world. Ugh.
Anoon says
Which world, the pandemic world? The at-war-with-Russia world? The freefalling stockmarket probably headed for a recession world? The late stage capitalism, end stage climate world? Seriously, this is a dark timeline. I hear your ambivalence. I feel it too.
Anon says
Gently, can I suggest taking a deep breath? The pandemic is slowly ending. We’re not at war with Russia. Russia has declared war on Ukraine. Biden’s already said we’ll issue sanctions and is not interested in a military intervention. Putin has spent the last 7 years insulating his economy against sanctions and views that as the price of territorial expansion (and likely believes, probably accurately, that Europe’s dependence on gas will take the bite out of sanctions eventually). The world essentially told him to take Ukraine if he’s willing to bear the cost. A recession is probably coming, they are cyclical after all, and probably to be expected given current inflationary pressures, but it’s just part of the economic life cycle and won’t last forever. We have different views on the benefits of capitalism and cost-benefit of climate pressure so I won’t try to talk you off the ledge there.
But I might suggest less doom scrolling and more time focusing on the things in your life you can control to give you some hope. For me that’s extra snuggles with my kid in the morning. Making her a special lunch because she asked for it (chocolate chip pancakes, nothing crazy). Enjoying the spring weather we had yesterday, the hot bite of coffee, an extra hug for DH because he was struggling this morning, etc.
Anonymous says
Thank you. This is a really refreshing read, and I agree with almost all of it. Re, Russia: Thanks to abdicating great power responsibilities for years, the US is not a protagonist in this story; we’re a side character at best. Even the hand-wringing about cyber attacks rings pretty hollow to me (and I work in cybersecurity). Putin’s after Ukraine, and he’s going to get it. I think everyone learned the lessons of the 20th century well enough that it won’t spiral from there.
Re: recession: Most of us here are decades from retirement; I feel very fortunate that economic cycles are on my side and I don’t need to panic that I’ve lost a ton of money on paper in the last few weeks.
Aunt Jamesina says
Thank you. While I’ve been paying close attention to the news, I generally avoid doomsday stuff. I like thinking about the hard times my grandparents and my husband’s grandparents (in Eastern Europe) lived through and what loving, resilient people they are. I can’t do anything to stop what’s happening in the world, but I can plan to be prudent in planning and help others when possible.
As with all people throughout history, we might at times be at the mercy of megalomaniacal world leaders and we can’t meaningfully shape foreign policy, but we can be positive contributors to our own communities.
anonM says
Thanks for this. Maybe I needed this talk too.
Anoon says
I mean, people are literally dying in Ukraine right now and the coming recession will mean widespread unemployment and increasing poverty for people in more perilous economic situations than you apparently are in, but you go ahead and eat your pancakes in peace since this doesn’t affect you.
Anonymous says
People are literally dying all over the world for a ton of reasons related to terrible things I can’t change every single day. There’s hunger, there’s violence, there’s political unrest, drugs, disease… you name it. There’s an adage that first you help yourself, then your family, then your community, then the world. I donate to causes I care about and try to live morally and ethically, but I cannot solve war or famine. I can give my kids some extra hugs and be a rock for them in an uncertain world.
Aunt Jamesina says
You can both sad and angry about it, and also try to channel your feelings into something more constructive (or at least not something destructive). Absolutely nobody is helped by doomscrolling.
Anon says
Ah yes, just remember, these are all acceptable sacrifices! In a way it’s actually encouraging.
anon says
Huh? This is pretty much the easiest time ever to be a human. We don’t die of things like the plague, we have electricity and modern conveniences, we aren’t at war, the environment is healthier than it was a generation ago, I could go on.
Anonymous says
I think we are witnessing the very beginning of the decline of human civilization. All those scientific advances aren’t going to save us now because democracy is in decline and humans are allowing those in power to do all kinds of stupid things.
Anon says
I don’t know if the fall of democracy = the decline of human civilization. Democracy isn’t necessarily the end all be all of civilization. Climate change is my worry.
Anonymous says
Eek, now is not the time to boast that we don’t die of things like the plague. almost 6million people have died of COVID.
Curious how you think the environment is *healthier* now than a generation ago?
Anon says
Yeah that was an… interesting word choice. I think things are overall a lot better than in the 1950s because of social progress on women’s rights, racial discrimination and LGBT rights, but I am also very worried about where we’re headed, particularly with the politicization of science and vaccines. My parents were in elementary school when the polio vaccine came out and it was just universally seen as this life-saving thing that everyone couldn’t wait for their kids to have, not controversial at all like the Covid vaccine. The right is now pushing the anti-vax stuff beyond Covid, which will mean more outbreaks of vaccine-preventable diseases where people who are immunocomproised or too young to get vaccinated die. And I think climate change is going to fundamentally change life, even for privileged Americans, within my kids’ lifespans.
Spirograph says
Although I see what you’re saying, covid is nowhere near the scale of plague. Not even close.
I think for the environment, we need to distinguish between global environment and local environments. The clean air and clean water regulation in the US has really cleaned up a lot of industrial pollution *here*. Unfortunately, mostly by outsourcing it to less-regulated parts of the world. And of course that’s still leaving out any climate impacts.
Anon says
Covid is way less deadly than the plague, but that’s just luck, not anything we as society get credit for.
Anon says
My understanding is that the environment, at least in first-world countries, is noticeably cleaner than it was a generation ago. You don’t think of the cleanup efforts that went into the Hudson or the Charles Rivers because you probably think they’re dirtier now than they’ve ever been. Victorian London had horrific air quality. So much of what we do now is cleaner than it was a generation ago.
anon says
The plague wiped out a third of Europe. Covid has nothing on that. Air quality is far, far better now than it was. The EPA really has done great things
Anon Lawyer says
I think to the extent we get “credit” for anything, the Covid vaccines are pretty amazing. Also we still have Plague around and it’s treatable with antibiotics which is a lot of why you don’t hear much about it. It’s weird to say the only difference between the Black Death and now is luck?
Anon says
I never said the *only* difference between the black plague and Covid is luck. Someone said the plague killed way, way more people than Covid and I was pointing out that’s mainly because of the inherent mortality rate. If Covid had a 60% mortality rate, we’d have hundreds of millions or even billions of people dead by now. It was less than 1% mortality even before the vaccines, which is the main explanation for the differing death toll.
And yes, the vaccines are amazing but they’re due to a small number of smart people, not society as a whole. We did a societal “group project” trying to control the virus with non-pharamceutical interventions like lockdowns and masks and we failed miserably. Sorry not sorry I don’t have a lot of faith in humanity as a whole anymore.
Anon Lawyer says
I mean, first, the US isn’t the whole world. Some countries did a lot better than we did on that. Second, some parts of the US did way better than others. Humanity has always been humanity. This disaster got politicized in a way that led to excess deaths and that’s horrific but a lot of people who didn’t get radicalized by misinformation did the right things and lives were saved as a result of those actions even while they were lost as a result of others.
Cornellian says
Are you thinking of Acceleron maybe?
I also am bringing my second baby in to the world (but my first is in pre-K) and I am so bummed from a global affairs/climate change POV.
Aunt Jamesina says
Aeroflow is another website that helps with pumps, although when I tried through them they let me know they didn’t work with my insurance plan (a BCBS HMO). I ended up having to contact my insurance and they sent me a link to their online vendor, who made it very easy to purchase.
Anon says
Start with your insurance company – they’ll probably give you a list that you have to order through, then look at those sites. Common ones are Aeroflow, Byram, Accelleron, Stork Pump, Medline, The Lactation Network, etc. The pumps may be different prices from different providers – for example, my chosen pump’s upgrade fee was something like $50-75 less from The Lactation Network than from Aeroflow.
Pogo says
wow this thread really took a turn
anonn says
I used aeroflow for 2 babies. easy peasy
So Anon says
I’m curious if any of you have dealt with this: I’ve been working from home since March 2020, which meant that there is/was less pressure to get myself up and out the door as the same time as my kids. As a result, I started sleeping a bit later in the morning. When I had to be in the office, I was up by 6:00 or 6:30. Now that I work from home, I have slept in just a bit later until 7:00 or 7:15 most mornings. My son wakes up at 6:00 every single day. I am a light sleeper, so I hear him get up, get his breakfast, talk to his cat, etc. Earlier this week, I managed to get up at 6:30 again for a few days, and I actually felt better the whole day each time. I think that the “extra” hour of half-sleep where I can hear other stuff going on in the house is actually more tiring than restful. Have any of you dealt with this or come to a similar realization? If so, I can see it intellectually, but how do I actually drag myself out of bed earlier when it is so tempting to just drift in and out of sleep for an extra hour?
Anonymous says
Two ideas: 1. Programmable coffee maker. I cannot get out of bed unless there is hot coffee waiting for me. The idea of making my own coffee first thing in the morning is just too much. 2. Can you shift any reading, TV watching, scrolling, etc. from the evening to 6:00 – 7:00 a.m. so you go to sleep earlier and then just lounge around first thing in the morning while you wouldn’t be getting solid sleep?
Cb says
I was doing this for awhile. I’d help my son get dressed and then go back to sleep, and then wake up feeling groggy and disgruntled. Now, I do the snuggle/story/dressing routine and they head downstairs and I read for a bit, do the wordle, and check my email. By the time my husband and son come up for one last cuddle, the caffeine has entered my bloodstream.
Spirograph says
Yes, same. I get up, pop in some ear buds, and do a quick workout while the kids putter around in the morning. I lay out my clothes, water bottle, etc the night before, so literally all I need to do is roll out of bed and walk across the hall to where my peloton is. It’s great “me time.” I can’t work or read or anything that requires focus/quiet while the kids are doing their morning whatever, but at least it checks one thing off my list and is a much better use of not-restful snooze time! Bonus, afterward I’m in a much better head space to herd them through the things that actually need to get done in the morning.
rakma says
I’m finding a slow start to my day is more restful than either sleeping through the sounds of other people being up or trying to get back to sleep after a 5am trip to the bathroom.
I get a cup of coffee, get back in bed, sometimes read a little or do some mindless scrolling. I consider it ‘bonus time’, and start my morning routine when my alarm goes off, so I don’t have pressure to be productive. Sometimes I end up with a kid cuddling with me too, which feels nice when I’m sitting in bed drinking coffee, rather than jarring when a kid climbs over me when I’m half asleep.
Cb says
My son comes in and snuggles with me and it’s the best. Just wish he’d wear socks at night so we could lose the “put my frozen feet on mummy’s warm legs” part of the routine.
So Anon says
My daughter loves to snuggle in the morning, and it is so hard for me to resist falling asleep with a snuggle bug of a kid.
Anonymous says
You literally described my morning routine for the last decade. I feel so much better when I get up at 6:30, but 7 is my brain’s preferred wake time, then I’m tired all day. My only suggestion is to have twins! They get me up at 6:30 no matter what. But in all seriousness: Coffee is a big motivator for me to get out of bed.
Anon says
How do those of you with kids who have frequent medical appointments make it work? My preschooler has started weekly OT appointments. Between the driving to and from daycare (in the opposite direction), picking her up/dropping her off, driving to OT, and the appointment itself, it usually takes almost 4 hours. I check and respond to emails at the OT appointment, but can’t do any focused work. I’m fortunate that I have very generous sick leave and can cover this with paid time off, but being out for half a day every week is really killing my productivity and people are getting very frustrated and annoyed with me. I’m sure it doesn’t help that I started this burned out from almost 2 years of pandemic parenting and in particular taking a ton of days off in the last couple of months to cover Covid- and snow-related daycare closures, so I don’t have a great reputation to fall back on. I like working and although my salary isn’t “necessary” for our family, it affords us a lot of luxuries I really enjoy. But I feel like this might be my breaking point that makes me leave the workforce. Part time is not a thing at my employer. My husband does more than his share of parenting and housework, but his job makes it impossible for him to take regular time off like this so unfortunately these appointments are all on me.
EDAnon says
You should be able to take intermittent FMLA. I would make the time off more formal, if possible. Your boss could cover for you or identify someone else to take on some of you work. It will also give you peace of mind since it would be protected leave.
Anon says
That’s a good idea, thanks. I will talk to my boss about it tomorrow.
Anonymous says
+1, this is what colleagues have done in the past for their own or a family member’s frequent and regularly-scheduled medical appointments.
Pogo says
The way I read the comment though was she has leave to cover, it’s just being able to actually get work done. This is my issue. My leadership truly could not care less the actual hours I work, and are incredibly flexible and understanding of all manner of drama I have had in my life lately which has disrupted work/childcare/etc. But that doesn’t change the actual amount of work to be done? I am trying to delegate everything I can, but it’s still stressful.
And tomorrow will almost certainly be a snow day. yay.
Anonymous says
Babysitter (who you trust driving your kid — I know that’s easier said than done) to pick up from daycare, take to OT, wait around during OT and bring child back after the appointment. The OT should be happy to give you a quick call after the appointment to talk about what they worked on. Is the OT appointment at the same time every week?
Anon says
No, they’re not at the same time. They’re not even on the same day of the week, it’s really all over the place. It’s annoying, but it is what it is. There’s one pediatric OT place in our city, so we don’t have any choice.
Anonymous says
It may not be an option for you, but in my area there are OT/SLPs that do the visits at daycare. My daughter had two kids in her group that needed it. I believe it was through early intervention.
Redux says
Yes, we did Early Intervention PT at daycare. It was great. We did the first few weeks at home to get a better understanding of what they would do, then the rest were done at daycare. Highly recommend if this is an option for you.
So Anon says
My son had weekly OT appointments for about three years, in addition to monthly and quarterly specialist appointments. OT was close to where I worked, but 30-45 minutes from home. As a result, if I worked in office on days where he had OT, I spent a crazy amount of time driving. I hear that part-time is not an option, but do you have flexibility in where you work? Can you work from a coffee shop or library close to daycare on the days where your daughter has OT? The other thing that helped is that I waited for and pushed for an OT time at the end of the day. On OT days, I would work from home, pick kiddo up between 2 and 3:30, drive to OT, work at OT, drive home, work from home for a while and call it a day. I managed to get a basic workday in, though it was split up over the course of the day. I also couldn’t do focused work while at OT, but I saved the smaller emails and projects for that time.
My other suggestion is that there may be only one pediatric OT place in your city, but there will be more individual OTs who can come to your home or go to daycare. It may be more difficult to get insurance to work with that person, but it is possible. You can start by reaching out to your kiddo’s daycare, your insurance company to see who they cover, if there is a local university that has a major in OT, or see if there is a parent group for kids with your kiddo’s diagnosis in your city. My sister had an OT come to her home for years in the evening one weekday evening per week.
anon says
Not many suggestions, but here for commiseration. My kiddo and I each have an assortment of medical issues that are thankfully not life-threatening, but affect quality of life and require what feels like a million different specialist appointments. The mental load aspect of figuring out which specialist one of us needs, finding one that plays nice with insurance, figuring out where to fit the appointment(s) in with the rest of the schedule, filling out all the new patient forms and keeping notes of the important facts/history to relay to the doctor, and handling whatever follow-up actions there are is draining and takes up a lot of mental space and energy. We’ve been doing weekly treatments for one issue for over a year now, and while those are hopefully going to space out in frequency soon, we’re likely going to be adding OT to the mix. We don’t have any local family, and my older kiddo is in kinder this year, so balancing it all with also learning the ins and outs of navigating a big public school for the first time, extra-curricular activities, and two full-time “big” jobs without any help has been… a lot.
I second the idea of leaning on any flexibility you have in where you work. The one upside of the Covid era is the work from home aspect has basically been my only saving grace and how I’ve survived so far. Saving the commute time obviously helps, and I find it easier/less visible to pop out for a few hours a couple times a week for various appointments and to make various phone calls and such.
Entertaining an 18-mo says
Thanks to the poster who suggested post its as something to entertain my 18-month-old while she’s isolating for Covid. That got us two solid 30-min chunks of time yesterday, plus she was running all over the house looking for new places to stick them, so she was nice and worn out for naptime! :)
Other things we’ve found that work are a pile of strips of construction paper, the B. Toys pull back cars from Target, watching Cocomelon in her pop-up tent (the tent adds a novelty factor that keeps her interested longer), and giving her a fork and spoon at all meals so she plays with/works on using those for awhile and doesn’t just shovel everything in in 5 min because she wants to get back to playing. Now we just need to work on making her requests for a fork sound less like she’s yelling a four-letter word, lol!
Cornellian says
Don’t ask me why, but my 12-20 month old loved those plastic translucent page tabs way more than post its. Maybe because you can layer them and get mixed colors? I used the same packs probably 10 times before they gave out from over use. Also anything involving water or pouring rice or sand, despite the mess factor, got me a bit of time.
Anonymous says
I forgot to grab those tabs last time I was in the office, darn it! She hasn’t been into sensory bins at daycare, so I haven’t tried that, yet. She’s really into playing with paper – might give her a stack of old catalogs and magazines this afternoon.
So Anon says
HA! My son had the same pronunciation of fork for a long time. Once, I picked a left over chicken nugget from his plate, which I thought he was done with but he was not. When I offered to put the chicken nugget (or the half I hadn’t eaten back), he yelled, “No! It’s forked! You forked my food!” It was awesome.
Anonymous says
LOL!
Elle says
Has anyone actually negotiated additional maternity leave at a job? I just got a job offer and they give 6 weeks of paid leave versus the job I’m leaving gives 3 months paid leave. I’m not pregnant but will likely start trying within the next year. I’m just nervous that it will give the wrong impression.
Anonymous says
Gently, you negotiate mat leave when you’re pregnant, not when you’re hired. I worked for a tiny start up with no mat leave: the first woman to get pregnant was able to negotiate additional unpaid leave. I have never known anyone to negotiate additional paid leave. A colleague at a very large company went on mat leave right as the policy changed from 6 weeks to 16. She was able to negotiate getting an additional 10 weeks but that’s the closest I’ve ever seen.
Elle says
That’s totally fair. One of the career websites mentioned it was something that you could negotiate on, but I’ve never heard of anyone doing it. I didn’t know if it was a real thing or not!
Spirograph says
I agree that it’s a little strange to negotiate this when you aren’t pregnant, but just food for thought: How big is your company? In my experience, the bigger the company, the less flexibility you will get, irrespective of the support of your immediate manager. If you’re in a small shop, it’s worth asking (once you’re pregnant!).
Anonymous says
Not the same thing, but my husband’s final year rolled out 2 weeks of paternity/family leave the year after my youngest was born. He’s fairly senior (VP level; his manager is C Suite) and talked to HR. They gave him, and everyone who had a child/would otherwise qualify in the past 24 months the extra time retroactively.
It was great for us because he got two extra weeks of time AND he got public credit at work for making it happen. I think it was like 6 people total in a company of 400 but it made him (and them) look good.
Anon says
Is the employer covered by FMLA? If you can afford to work for 6 weeks without pay, it might not be that big a deal. But having only 6 weeks of total leave would really give me pause. I don’t know what the right answer is. I agree it’s probably weird to try to negotiate mat leave when you’re not pregnant, but I also cannot fathom leaving a baby and returning to work at 6 weeks. I was still bleeding 6 weeks postpartum, and even the best sleepers are just barely starting to sleep through the night then. You might not think a month and a half makes a big difference, but the difference in both my baby’s development and my physical recovery at 6 vs 12 weeks was incredibly significant.