For restaurants that are nice enough to be child-friendly, my son’s cup of water or juice comes in a plastic or styrofoam cup with a plastic lid and straw. The plastic ones don’t usually last one trip through the dishwasher, and I definitely am not making the effort to hand wash a free cup from the diner. Kat passed along this idea for bringing a collapsible cup with its own straw for when your kids are out of the sippy cup stage but an open cup still isn’t the greatest idea in a restaurant. I am always looking for ways to reduce single-use plastics, and I think this is a great idea. The cup is $12.99–$19.99 depending on the color and is eligible for Prime. Silicone Collapsible Cup
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Anonymous says
I have this cup (the version without the straw) and love it. It collapses down to just a couple inches and I keep it in my purse so I never have to get a throwaway cup for coffee when I’m out and about. It was a great stocking stuffer.
Clementine says
Aaaand on the stocking stuffer list!
Anonymous says
I thank this page for this strategy, but I sent the link to my husband with a note: “I expect you to put a couple things in my stocking this year. Please make this one of them. In pink.” Yay for communication to avoid disappointment!
Deema says
Please come back and update us if your husband actually remembers and acts on this hint from September come Christmas morning — and buy a lottery ticket that day too since you’d be about the luckiest woman on earth at that point ;)
Anonymous says
I go one further and just order it myself and give it to him to put in my stocking. I’m surprisingly good at forgetting that I bought it myself, but I’m always delighted with what I find. :)
Deema says
YES! Oh my gosh this is an amazing idea. I’m going to do that now, start an opaque “stocking” bag for myself in my closet and start adding stuff to it.
Sg says
Can you speak to the taste of coffee in a silicone cup? I’ve drank from silicone lids before and didn’t enjoy it.
Anon says
DH and I use silicone collapsible cups when we go out for coffee all of the time! Almost always, the baristas tell us how cool they are.
As far as taste goes…I do sometimes notice an aftertaste, especially when I get to the bottom of the cup. But it’s very faint and not enough to make me stop using it.
Anonymous says
Friday vent: My boss just e-mailed me to inform me that I am out of the office too much–because of business travel. This is all work that is essential to my job. WTF?
Anon says
Wtf indeed! Time to look for a new job.
HSAL says
That’s obnoxious. Does he realize it’s all business travel? I had a boss several years ago who would forget I was traveling even with reminders, so I started putting it on his calendar.
Anonymous says
Oh, yes, she definitely understands it’s business travel. She tallied up my travel days for the year and e-mailed me to say that I am not putting in enough face time because I take too many business trips. She sent me on some of these trips herself, and one of them was at the request of the organization’s president. The rest were for projects that I direct and were not discretionary. And yesterday she told me to take another trip. The whole thing is completely incomprehensible. I think she’s trying to create a paper trail setting me up for a bad review or worse.
OP says
Oh, she definitely realizes it was business travel, because she counted up the days of business travel! Of course, she counted wrong and said I was traveling twice as much as I actually was. Yesterday she told me I needed to go on another trip, and today it’s “you are traveling too much and aren’t available enough in the office to provide leadership to the junior staff.” It would be comical if it weren’t so maddening.
2 Cents says
Has she figured out a way to clone? Because that’d be the only way to be in two places at once *eyeroll*
Walnut says
Yeah, but if you could also be at your desk all day, that would be great.
Just be magic. And let the rest of us know when you figure it out.
Anonymous says
“Please tell me who I should speak to (if not you) to address this issue, because, as you are aware, the travel to which you refer is for this job.”
Anon says
“Thanks Boss, I agree. The job was meant to be 50% travel and for the past few months it’s been closer to 80%. I’ll set up time for us to brainstorm next steps on either lowering the travel amount or adjusting in-office responsibilities to account for the change.”
Anon says
I hear you. I’m an attorney and sometimes I will come back from court or a deposition to a frustrated boss who is in a bad mood because he couldn’t find me and get my immediate input on something despite knowing where I was. He admits it is a “him” problem and he’s not mad at me, just frustrated at the situation that I wasn’t there when he needed me, but it still makes me feel like crap for something that is totally out of my control.
Irish Midori says
Ugh, I get this sometimes too, more like Anon at 10:25. I’m “never at my desk” at the moment partner comes looking, usually because I’m in court sometimes even on that’s partner’s case. I started printing my weekly calendar and posting it on my door with a large “where is Irish right now?” in the header. It… mostly doesn’t help. They will ask my assistant where I am, then she will get up, walk over to my door to look at the calendar, and say, “hmm, looks like she’s in court.”
IHeartBacon says
This is hysterical.
Pogo says
I write on my whiteboard where I am, with dates, and how to reach me – I even write my mobile number for those who don’t have me in their contacts.
But I would also respond like Anon at 10:14 suggests. That’s really annoying of a boss to tell you that you’re out too much for your actual job. How does he think you feel?!
anon says
my mom has been sick for a while, but i thought had years left and just learned last night it is probably 3-6 months. i have one year old twins, live flying distance from my family and dh travels a ton for work. i feel like crawling into a cave and eating pints of ice cream, but not really because i just finished losing the baby weight. my mom hasn’t been herself for a while and i already miss her so much even though she is still here. DH is about to go away for work for 2.5 weeks. i barely slept last night and of course have a really busy day at work. idk what im looking for, but just needed a place to vent
Anonymous says
I am so sorry. Sending virtual hugs. Be kind to yourself and do whatever it takes to make the next 2.5 weeks as easy as possible. If you have the chance to pop out of the office for a few minutes today, a quick solo trip for a fancy coffee or your pick-me-up of choice can be restorative when you are trying to operate under a lot of stress on little sleep.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I’m so sorry. That sounds like a lot to deal with all at once. Do you have a support system where you are? And a therapist? Line up any friends who are willing to come help with the twins while DH is away, or possibly a few babysitters to help out. Also, could you take a leave of absence from work to help your mom with her last few days/take care of yourself for a bit? My coworker dealt with this with her mom’s illness – she took a week off here and there to go be with her parents.
Anonymous says
If he is going away for 2.5 weeks, and you can get leave for your job- I would take leave for a week or two and go stay with your mom or at an airbnb nearby.
All the hugs – this is the time for you and DH both to use whatever leave or favors you have to get as much time as possible. Depending on how sick your mom is currently, is there an option for her to come visit you sometimes as well?
When DH gets back, also schedule a 2-3 solo 3 day weekend trips for the next three months so you get one on one time with your mom without the twins.
anon says
so my parents are actually coming to visit while DH is out of town. they are coming to “help” though they honestly add more work bc mom is in a wheelchair, and i really wish DH was going to be here both for emotional support and for the extra set of hands bc my kids don’t walk yet so it is hard to get out of the house with stroller and wheelchair and i have a feeling this is going to be my mom’s last visit here and i would like to make it fun for all and it is also my busy season at work unfortunately.
Anonymous says
I know this might not be possible and/or seem drastic, but this feels like a time when you can ask DH if there is anything he can do to come back for a weekend or shorten his trip.
Anon says
+1
Pogo says
+1, we come back for weekends unless the trip is to Asia or South America.
Anonymous says
+1 And when your mom is dying you can ask for time off work even if it’s your busy season. Your busy season will come around again next year, but your mom likely won’t be here.
Anon says
Yes. I would expect my DH to tell his employer he has a family emergency, your mom is dying and making her final visit, and he needs to be home for it. But, my DH has a very reasonable employer and was able to cancel work travel when my grandmother died because he wanted to be with me for the services.
Anon says
Yup, I agree. This is a family emergency and there’s no shame in telling his employer that. Life happens.
ElisaR says
wow, i’m so sorry. please know i’m sending you internet love and support.
Anon says
I’m sorry, this is a lot at once. I would spend some time today figuring out what will help you, and then start making that happen. On my list would be: babysitter/friend/neighbor who watches the kids for a few hours every weekend while DH is away so you get a small break, finding a way to take a week or so off in the next month so you can go be with your mom (you decide if it’s easier with/without kids, but if you just did a 2.5 week solo parent stint, he can do a 1 week stint for you), and taking a date night when DH comes back so you can have uninterrupted support/ comfort for an evening.
If you don’t have many babysitters lined up, go on care.com and schedule two for this weekend as mother’s helpers for a couple hours each. You’re still around the house in an emergency but have a few hours of not being solely responsible for both kids. If you feel comfortable, you can run a quick errand or take a walk around the block. Having even that small morsel of a break will feel like a breath of fresh air and help you feel ready to attack the week. Plus you’ll be building a relationship with two potential babysitters down the road.
Quail says
Internet hugs to you. It’s really, really hard. My mom passed before I had kids, and it was similar – we knew she was sick, and then all of a sudden we were talking months, then weeks. Everyone else has great suggestions for getting through the immediate crisis you’re facing. I’d also suggest looking into grief counseling – it sounds like you are already missing and grieving the loss of your mom though she’s still here, which my therapist called “anticipatory grief.” I found it really helpful to have space to process those feelings, and it helped me have conversations with her before she died/before she couldn’t communicate that I’m glad we had.
This sucks. It really does. There’s no way around the suckage of the situation. I’m so sorry you are going through this, and I wish you, your mom, and your family peace and comfort.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
All the other posters shared good advice on what you can control. Take 30 minutes with a nice cup of something to figure it out. Sending love and warm wishes to you and your family.
Also, if you want the ice cream….please eat the ice cream if it will make you feel better. Just saying. :)
octagon says
I’m so sorry. You are knocked off your axis.
Think about what you want in the coming months. If your employer has an EAP, make the call and see what resources they may have for you — therapy, help finding child care, etc. Care for a dying relative qualifies for up to 12 weeks of FMLA, so if you want to be with your mom at the end, you may be able to do that. You’ll need to be in communication with her doctors and also plan for a couple of weeks for yourself after.
Pogo says
All the hugs. Everyone has given good suggestions, just take care of yourself as much as you can.
Law mama says
Gosh so sorry. That’s awful. Hoping you find some peaceful time together in next few weeks, and please reach out to any support system you have locally even if that feels hard – people want to help you.
AwayEmily says
Favorite kids water bottles? We have Contigo ones and like them fine, but their new daycare requires water bottles for school so they live there now, and I need some “home” ones. Not too big (12-14 oz) and I’d prefer plastic (they could care less if the water is cold, and those stainless steel ones get heavy). The Camelbaks seem to have really mixed reviews online…
Anonymous says
I’ve been happy with our Camelbaks. My only complaint is they leak when filled with seltzer or on plane rides.
Anon. says
I’ve had problems with leaking from the Camelbaks just generally. The pressure build up on plane rides is also kind of hilarious if you’re not prepared for it – we sprayed people 2 rows away (thankfully it was just water and everyone had a sense of humor about it).
Anon says
We use the Funtainers. You can buy them at Target in the school supply section. Flip top so it doesn’t leak, and straw to limit the mess. Our schools “highly recommend” these water bottles each year so each year we buy a new one for school, and use last year’s at home. (They seem to last about two years if not lost or chewed, which feels like a decent lifespan for kid water bottles.)
Anonymous says
If they get chewed, you can buy replacement straws at Target.
Anonymous says
We also really like the Funtainer, but they aren’t plastic.
Anonymous says
They are really not heavy, though.
AwayEmily says
This is good to know, thanks!
10:08 Anon says
Agree. And some have a little handle which my daughter thinks is just so fun.
Emily S. says
+1 on the Funtainers. My parents remarked it felt heavy, but my 2 year old handles it with no problem. Also, I keep a spare straw set on hand for the time daycare sends the broken straw home and asks you to send in a new water bottle the next day.
rosie says
We’ve had issues with Camelbacks leaking w/just water, maybe the issue is ice water. But it’s both the metal and the plastic ones and it’s a PITA. Why not get more Contigos if you like those (I think sometimes Costco has them)? We also just like using 360 cups for water.
Anon says
+1. We have a set of Contigos for preschool and a set for home.
CPA Lady says
Nalgene grip and gulp. They have a leak stopper in the lid that is easy to remove for bigger kids. They are basically indestructible.
Anonymous says
+1. Easy to wash too. You can also use regular Nalgene wide mouth lids on them.
Anonymous says
We love these. My kids are too big for the stoppers but I try to sneak them on for travel. The things are great in the dishasher, have few parts and last forever. Ours are at least 5 years old.
Anonymous says
We use these, but my toddlers had a really hard time getting any water through the valve, so we just took it out. This seems like a common problem, but removing the valve works fine unless you need them to be leak proof while upside down.
SC says
+1. This is what my kid’s daycare uses. They provide one for each kid, put their names on all pieces, and wash them daily.
Anonymous says
If they are keeping the bottles at school and never washing them (eew!), I would avoid anything with a straw or valve that could get mildewed, and go with something with a regular lid.
Anon says
I’m just so glad kids can have water at school now. Some schools even allow snacks during the day. When I was in middle school and high school I was always hungry and thirsty but not allowed to eat or drink anything except at lunch. I’m glad things have become more humane.
avocado says
On the other hand, when I was in middle school and high school we got a 20-minute “nutrition” break in the morning and 35 minutes for lunch. My eighth-grader gets no break and 25 minutes for lunch. She could technically eat a snack during some of her classes, but refuses to because she doesn’t want to draw attention to herself. So she goes for 6 hours between breakfast and lunch, then sometimes doesn’t have time to finish eating her lunch.
Anon says
I don’t think this is a universal thing. Our daughter’s daycare doesn’t do water during the day, even if you offer to send your own water bottle. Milk at mealtimes only. It bothered me when we started because she’s a water guzzler at home, but she’s still wetting diapers appropriately and hasn’t any issues with constipation, so I assume it’s probably fine.
Anonymous says
Huh, even when outside? Our daycares have generally only provided water/milk and snacks and meals, but when they go to the playground or to play outside they bring water bottles for all the kids.
Anonymous says
Different poster. Our daycare has always provided drinks when they come in, either from a pitcher and cups in the rooms or the water fountain. We don’t have to take bottles, but they’ve always had plenty of opportunities to get drinks.
Anon says
I’m the person you’re replying to. It’s an infant/toddler room that has their own playground and it’s pretty shaded. Maybe the rules are different for the big kids who go run around on a playground that has less shade. Even in the shade it does get pretty hot here in the summers though (into the upper 80s/90s pretty regularly). It is weird to me, but it didn’t seem like a battle worth fighting unless my daughter’s health seemed to be suffering.
Anonymous says
Kleen Kanteen stainless not heavy and they last forever (we’ve had our original one for kid #1 for going on 9 years!). The sport cap is nice and no straw needed.
Anonymous says
Yes! +1 for the Klein Kanteen. Fun designs, super durable, no straw to wash, and the sport cap does not leak—though you should always double check that the sport cap is closed/depressed before tossing it in your bag.
Anon says
I always recommend polar ice when people ask about water bottles for kids. It keeps the water reasonably cool, is easy to clean, and easy for LO to use on his own (no unscrewing a cap). I personally don’t water bottles with straws or more complicated tops because they are more difficult to get clean. I stopped using contigo for coffee a few years ago because I noticed the autoseal top wasn’t getting completely clean after washing. So I look for low tech coffee tumblers and water bottles now.
Travel Car Seat says
Which is better: Cosco Convertible or Cosco Scenera? This is for a toddler (16 mo), and we’d like to use it in an airplane seat and car seat at the destination. Preference for the one that she’d fit in the longest. Does anyone own either than can steer me in the right direction?
Anon says
I don’t know what “Cosco Convertible” means. The Scenera and Scenera Next are convertible in the sense that they can be used rear-facing or forward-facing. It’s a very convenient carseat for travel, but probably won’t last you much past 2 if your kid is taller. Since it’s $35 though, it was still a good investment or us. Like most car seats, I’d assume they’ll outgrow it by height first and wouldn’t worry too much about weight limits.
OP says
Thanks. I think I’m just confused by all the options but you’re right…. lots of different convertible models.
Anon says
We used the Scenera as our travel seat until about age 4, although if your kids are taller you might only get to age 3. At age 4 (40 pounds), we switched to the mifold which is so small and easy to use that it was a game changer. I wouldn’t feel comfortable with a 4 year old in the mifold on a cross-country drive, but for limited vacation use it’s perfect.
Anonymous says
Cosco Scenera Next is the #1 recommended travel seat for young toddlers from everyone I talk to. (We have 2 and love them.) There’s the normal one and the DLX; they’re the same seat but the DLX comes in solid colors instead of patterns and has a slightly squishier cover. I wouldn’t get the Cosco APT 50, since it’s wider and more annoying to fit in airplane seats.
Also, the Scenera Nexts are in theory convertible, but the top harness slots are really low so they don’t fit most kids FF for very long. My 30th percentile kids would have been able to use them FF at 2.5, but probably not by 3. If you’re willing to RF your kids for ages, though, you can get until 3.5 or 4 for an average kid (kids with long-torsos will outgrow it earlier because their head needs to be an inch below the top). If you actually want a long-lasting seat that you will be able to use both RF and FF and until your kid can just go in a booster, you probably want something like the Graco Contender, which is heavier, but still reasonably light or the Safety 1st Guide 65.
Anon says
I’m going to be road-tripping next week solo with my 19 month old. She really hates her carseat. It would be a 4 hour drive if we didn’t stop, so I’m guessing it will take us 5 or 6. Any tips? I’m planning to leave around naptime and hoping she’ll sleep a bit. I’ll bring lots of books and toys but I’m worried she’ll just immediately throw them all on the floor out of reach and then cry. I thought about keeping stuff up front with me and trying to dole it out gradually throughout the trip but I don’t know safe it is for me to be handing stuff to her in the backseat while driving. Unfortunately I think screen time is out because we don’t have a tablet and I can’t give her my phone (need it for nav and she has figured out how to dial 911 from a locked phone before, so she can’t play with a phone without supervision).
Anonymous says
The first comment post on Wednesday was about road tripping with a 2 year old, you might get some ideas there.
Anon. says
I’m all for keeping a majority of the toys in the front passenger seat and handing them back one at a time as interest wanes. Once you make it through the entire bag of toys and books (usually we have 15-20 books + toys), that means it is time to stop for a break to reset.
Leatty says
+1
Also, lots of snacks.
Anon says
What kinds of snacks do you do?
Anon says
goldfish or yogurt melts in a snack cup so she has to pull them out one at a time. applesauce pouches which she can eat on her own without squirting everywhere (YMMV).
Anonymous says
Different poster, but at that age, I would have used a bunch of flavors of the puffs.
Pogo says
We do goldfish, animal crackers, raisins, chickpea puffs. Agree that snacks are most helpful, mine doesn’t really care about toys in the car. We did a flight at 18mos and introduced the tablet at that time – if there is any way you can swing getting a tablet, I think it can be really helpful. There is a “guided access” setting that you can set so kiddo can’t get out of the app they’re in, which limits the amount of intervention required by you (bc I agree it’s dangerous to be reaching back to help them all the time).
I also DJ his favorite songs; he has his own playlist on my phone. Ask daycare what they sing and find versions of those songs (ABCs, wheels on the bus, etc) that aren’t too annoying – I get a surprising amount of mileage out of this, I think bc they sing the songs so much at daycare, he’s familiar and it’s like his own private greatest hits concert.
Anonymous says
Assuming you’re okay with sugar and stick, a lollipop keeps my 2 year old quiet a reaaally long time.
Leatty says
Goldfish, fruit/veggie pouches, Happy Baby teethers, and cheerios/puffs were our go-tos at that age. The teethers were my favorite because you could easily pass back one bar at a time, and it would buy me 5-10 minutes per snack.
Anonymous says
Is it at all possible to leave around bed time?
Anon says
It’s not, I need to be there by the late afternoon. I don’t think I’d want to do that anyway. I know this works great for people whose kids sleep well in carseats, but mine is a really fitful and light car sleeper. She’ll be fine with a 20 minute catnap if that’s all she gets for a nap that day, but I wouldn’t want her to miss several hours of nighttime sleep and/or sleep in really late the next morning.
ElisaR says
my guy would sleep like a champ if we left around nap time….. i would bank on that!
In House Lobbyist says
What about a box of Kleenex to pull out? Mine loved to play with wet wipes on a car seat. Several toys to hand back. And several snack cups and water bottles for when they drop one. Kid music?
Anonymous says
Snacks that need to be eaten one at a time (raisins, goldfish, cut-up dried fruit) and preferably pulled out from a snack-trapped cup to take longer to eat. I’ve never worried too much about my kid choking while eating in the car, but ymmv on that.
Cheerful/upbeat kid-specific songs got my kids though hours of car rides at that age.
UHU says
Late to the thread, but is it being in a car seat or is something about the car seat perhaps uncomfortable?
Anon says
It’s just being confined and not able to run around.
shortperson says
my kid threw all her toys on the floor during a 1.5 hour roadtrip when she was 21 months old. i let her cry and we discussed that you dont get things back while youre driving. she learned her lesson and did not throw them again. now she lectures her little sister on not throwing toys.
Day Care Solutions says
Hi All! I’m on a committee in my community to improve our day care situation. I live in the Midwest in a town of about 23,000 people. Issues are: (1) need to increase licensed openings and (2) affordability. Our town has a lot of manufacturing, which means we have an okay professional population, but a very large blue collar/hourly/manufacturing factory job population. The latter is who we’re really looking to provide solutions for, as that is where the need really is. We’re working to brainstorm solutions that fall short of businesses opening their own day care centers, because we know we do not have support for that. Also, I’m learning that the barriers to the population we’re targeting aren’t the same as what I’m used to (i.e. must work on-site and can’t make up hours after bed time, etc.). Does anyone have any examples of solutions aimed at child care for this population that have worked well? One example is that a business in town has a Family Van where parent employees can sign up to have their children transported from school to activities, etc. Thanks in advance!
Anonymous says
My state has the option for in-home centers to be licensed. This seems like it would increase access to affordable licensed care.
Anonymous says
Thank you! Yes, ours does, too. And we’re trying to increase the number of licensed in-homes. I forgot when I wrote the post that some states don’t work this way. The problem here is that it is very difficult to make a living as a licensed day care provider. We’re exploring how we can help those folks, but are also looking at what businesses can do on their end from a benefits perspective. We just want to consider all types of solutions.
Quail says
No specific solutions, but I’m familiar with this organization which has similar goals: http://www.allourkin.org/what-we-do
Pogo says
Are businesses open to subsidizing? That is the only method I am familiar with in which employers directly contributed to make daycare more affordable. I also know care dot com allows employers to partner with them for backup care; possibly there is a mechanism for employers to partner for full time care as well.
Anonymous says
Possibly, with varying levels of interest. That is good to know about care dot com. Thanks!!
Sg says
The double shift podcast has an episode of a 24 hr daycare outside of Vegas that caters to casino workers and other 24 hr roles. Might be worth a listen on how it started.
shortperson says
yes i was just going to suggest this. that place sounds amazing.
blueberries says
The employers need to get more money into daycare because it’s hard to run a high quality program on what blue collar workers can afford to pay.
I like portable subsidies because because childcare preferences are so very personal.
One option that works is subsidizing daycare for children of employees who make under a certain amount. I suspect that there’s a way to structure a subsidy as a match to a daycare FSA, which has the benefit of more lower-wage employees using the FSA (and therefore it not flunking discrimination testing and requiring higher wage workers to stop contributing midyear).
Anon says
I would try to connect with a local labor union – they may have experience hearing from workers about their childcare challenges and proposed solutions. And another issue to think about is the location of daycares – Can people physically get from where they live to daycare and then to work using available methods of transit in less than like two hours?
Redux says
For those of you with formal nicknames or kids with nicknames, how have you navigated the real name vs. nickname thing at school? My daughter has a nickname that is related but not a part of her first name. Like Edward-> Ted, Jonathan-> Jack, Elizabeth -> Betty. It’s a family name and we have always called her by the nickname. She knows her “real name” but isn’t great at recognizing it or responding to it yet. She’s only in K so I know she’ll get better at recognizing and responding (and redirecting people to her nickname if she prefers), but I’ve had a couple of missteps with writing her real name where the nickname would have been better (like, apparently for the bus, when they call roll and just need the kid to respond) or the nickname when the real name would have been better (like for the lunch line, where the real name is connected to her account). Has this presented any problems for you/ how should I handle this? I feel like asking adults who were formally kids with this problem is a good way of avoiding pitfalls! TY!
Anonymous says
I think it’s just a thing that’s always going to be annoying/confusing at the start of a new year.
Anonymous says
I would probably solely use the nickname or write the nickname right beside the first name in quotes or say “Goes by Betty” right beside the first name.
Anonymous says
I write the legal name with the nickname in parentheses.
Anonymous says
+1
Anon says
I would do this. Elizabeth (Betty) Smith.
NYCer says
We don’t have this situation, so this recommendation isn’t from personal experience, but I honestly think I would just use the nickname everywhere.
Anon says
I think this would be me. Leave the real name out entirely except for super official documents.
Anon says
I would use the nickname unless it’s a situation where you have to use the legal name, like a passport app or plane ticket.
ElisaR says
not particularly helpful, but my husband goes by his middle name and has for his whole life….. a couple years ago he waited for an extra hour at the DMV to be called because he didn’t recognize his own name over the loudspeaker…. cracks me up.
Anon says
That is hilarious.
Pogo says
This was me. I knew my real name and knew that new people would call me that; I just said, “I go by .” I would make sure your daughter knows her name and that a substitute teacher or a doctor or some other adult she meets for the first time will likely call her that.
As an adult, I write in my email signature even though my current company does not allow us to put our nicknames as our “from” names in the company directory. It’s a nice filter for figuring out if someone is paying attention when they respond or when we meet in person (I always introduce myself as ). And if someone out of the blue addresses me correctly, I know that they have heard about me from someone else and are probably legit, vs someone calling me by my real name probably has no clue who I am.
I am also on my LinkedIn, F-book, etc. I only need my real name for doctor’s office, pharmacy, etc.
Pogo says
ha, so weird. I was using brackets to denote my nickname and they all got eaten up by the html. oh well.
Anonymous says
2 of my family members have names like this and they were enrolled in elementary school as Nickname Lastname seeing as they were most used to their nicknames. When it was time to enroll in high school, one enrolled as Nickname Lastname and the other enrolled as FormalFirstname Lastname because they wanted their diploma to have their formal name instead of nickname.
Anon says
Does anyone have suggestions for brands with one piece toddler PJs that have more generously cut arm and leg holes? My toddler daughter is big for her age but not giant (~80th percentile height and weight), but we can’t find pajamas that are easy to get on – it is always a struggle to get her arms through the sleeves even if we size up until the PJs are comically long and baggy. Old Navy is especially bad, which is a shame because I buy a lot of her clothes there and they’re cheap and decent quality. Carter’s is probably the best fit we’ve found but I’m not super enthusiastic about supporting the brand because they have a lot of clothes that really play into gender stereotypes, so I’d love other suggestions.
Anonymous says
I can’t speak to this issue exactly, but I can say that my kiddo’s Primary PJs are the ones with the most stretch. They’re super easy to get on and off.
Anon says
That’s great to hear, I just ordered a pair from Primary to try.
anon. says
Second primary pjs. We just decided for the next age we’re buying Primary on sale and the tops and bottoms are interchangeable. They wear like iron, too.
Anonymous says
Sorry to be a naysayer but I find the primary hand holes soooo tight! I have a very large 1 year old with huge hands so ymmv, but I am finding them pretty irritating.
Deema says
NOT CARTER’S! Those things are made for Barbies, I swear, they’re so narrow/tight.
I’ve had good luck with the “blanket sleeper” one-piece pajamas on Amazon. The fact that the feet are open helps with fit.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B074WHTVSL/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07CZX6TZ3/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B077QM66HW/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1
Anon says
I have a 98th percentile height and weight 2YO kiddo (but all her height is in her torso – she has ridiculously short legs just like her dada). We use hanna or gap pjs for one pieces, and she outgrows them last so they seem to be sized generously (although she is in 4T at 33 pounds and 37 inches, where the size charts I think would put her in a 3T). Carters is too narrow for her.
Anon says
Also, footless all the way – gives a lot more latitude in the leg length.
ElisaR says
i love how cute one piece pj’s are but they are really a pain for us. We transtioned to 2 piece pj’s around 12 months and it made our lives much easier.
Anon says
I did try some two piece ones from Old Navy but I had the same issue with the armholes on the shirt. I guess they make the pajamas deliberately snug to avoid suffocation? I suppose I could just put her to bed in regular clothes (she has plenty of long-sleeved t-shirts without buttons or zippers).
Anonymous says
The snugness is for fire safety. Pjs that aren’t snug are treated with fire retardant. One piece pjs from Carters will have a big yellow tag saying they need to be snug fitting. Anyways, we do regular tee shirts sometime and it’s totally fine. I would just do that.
Anon says
We had to switch back to one pieces around 18 months when she started taking her pants and diaper off. She’s now 2, and just the other day she managed to take her diaper off while still wearing a one piece. She doesn’t have enough words for us to be comfortable starting potty training, but it is a battle to keep a diaper on this kid.
Anonanonanon says
I do regular tshirts (pjs are manufactured to be very form-fitting for fire safety reasons) and leggings.
Anonymous says
Hanna Anderson tends to cut things fairly wide, so maybe try there, but I haven’t had any of the pjs in toddler sizes. We have both Costco and Carter’s 3T pjs and the Costco ones are definitely looser, so maybe that’s another option. In general we just size up in pjs, because they’re cut smaller for the fire safety reasons mentioned above.
Anonymous says
I will say don’t bother with Burt’s Bees. They’re really cute but suuuuper tight. We’ve gotten some secondhand pjs from The Children’s Place that I find I really like a lot. I also like that they have one-piece pjs with shorts instead of full length.
A says
I have no doubt many iterations of this question have been asked over the years, but suggestions to help streamline the morning routine with a slightly uncooperative kindergartener?
She goes to bed at about 7:30 and we wake her up around 6:30, with the (apparently very ambitious) goal of leaving by 7:15. Eleven hours of sleep seems adequate at this age, but she is often “so tired” in the morning. She is still in a pull-up and the process of taking that off and getting dressed eats up an absurd amount of time. She is occasionally extremely efficient, but there is often crying/flailing/yelling and it is a really rough way to start the day. Previous sticker charts for other things have been generally unsuccessful (or turn into a second layer of power struggle). Please tell me how you all make this work.
Clementine says
Bribe my child with the promise of a 3 minute video. No, really.
I tried so many other delightful, productive ways but ultimately the threat of ‘we won’t have time to watch the drawbridge video’ is the only thing that works.
AwayEmily says
Plus one on this big time. Our routine is that the kids eat breakfast in their pajamas, then get five minutes of Daniel Tiger/Sesame Street (on the big TV, not the phone, so that we can get them dressed while they are watching it). It is absolutely my favorite use of screen time because it means that getting dressed/getting pigtails put in is something they look forward to. It’s enough of a routine now that they don’t protest it being turned off — I give them a one-minute warning, then let them press the off button themselves.
Anon says
I would do an earlier bedtime. Sleep guidelines say 5 year olds may need up to 13 hours/day. If she’s telling you she’s tired, I would try to find a way to get her more sleep.
Sarabeth says
I agree with this. That’s enough sleep for some 5 year-olds, but not all. I’d guess you just have one with higher sleep needs, at least right now. The first few weeks of K are exhausting, so she may need more sleep right now than she will in a few months. If at all possible, get her to bed sooner.
blueberries says
It can be really tough logistically, but + one million on an earlier bedtime.
SC says
DH wakes DS up gradually–multiple trips into the room, increasing light levels and decreasing the number of blankets. For getting dressed, DH plays upbeat music. Breakfast is usually in the car. It takes at least an hour in our house, but there’s rarely crying and flailing and yelling (unlike when I’m “on” in the mornings and get super impatient).
avocado says
Is it possible to give her milk or part of her breakfast before she gets out of bed? This would create a gentler transition between sleep and wakefulness than having to jump immediately out of bed and change her clothes, and would give her some energy.
45 minutes also seems like a pretty ambitious goal to me, especially if she’s not a morning person and is dressing herself.
Signed,
An adult who can’t get out of bed without first drinking a cup of coffee
Pogo says
+1, we start w/ snuggles and milk. 45min is very ambitious but godspeed if you can do that.
OP says
Ha, fair enough! I also need to sit quietly with a cup of coffee in the morning before I can do anything productive, so I should be more understanding, perhaps. Food/milk first thing may help (she is definitely hungry), and she is almost always up for a snuggle. Thanks!
Anon says
45 minutes actually strikes me as pretty unambitious for that age group, assuming the parents are ready themselves when they wake the child. We do 15 minutes max, although breakfast is at school, we’d need 20-25 if we did it at home.
Anonymous says
You mean there are children out there who can eat a meal in 5 – 10 minutes and get dressed in less than half an hour? My house is full of slowpokes.
Deema says
I can’t tell if you’re helping her dress or expecting her to do it herself — if the latter, I’d say help her. Physically take the pull up off her and have her step into her clothes as you hold them up. I still do this for my kindergartner. Maybe she “should” be dressing herself, and I know she can, but by my helping her it gets done in 30 seconds.
Anonanonanon says
^This. Don’t leave her to do it herself. Get yourself ready and throw a robe on over your clothes to avoid staining them. Then focus on getting her ready/helping her get dressed and out the door. If you’re standing there doing it for her/watching her, she can’t dilly-dally. I definitely could not have trusted my son to get himself ready at 5. Heck, he’s 9 now and I still have to stay pretty on top of him.
OP says
Sort of both? Sometimes she does it herself and sometimes we help. That is really helpful to hear, though. It seems some parents have unicorn children who emerge from their rooms fully clothed in the morning, and I was wondering how that was possible.
Deema says
I think that’s one of those parenting milestones you don’t realize until it’s passed how nice it is — “can get themselves dressed in the morning.” I recognize that that day will come, but we’re not there yet! And it’s easier to accept that than try to force it too soon which would just breed more frustration (not saying that’s what you’re doing, just saying as a general principle it’s easier to accept the things we cannot change, as the saying goes).
Also, I’d expand your 45 minutes to a full hour. We get our kids up an hour before we intend to walk out the door. We spend the first half hour getting them washed and dressed with shoes on — basically, ready to walk out the door. Then they spend the rest of the time eating breakfast and watching video. (This is also a good incentive for them to get dressed — faster they’re dressed, sooner they can sit down with screens. No shame in my Kindle Fire game.)
anon says
during a calmer time of day or maybe on the weekend, can you brainstorm solutions with her?
Anonymous says
Not sure how helpful this is given that she’s in pull-ups, but my kids (6 and 4) sleep in their clothes. Game changer. We’ve been at this for nearly two years (since I had a third kid and decided that I couldn’t handle the morning clothing battles), and they are totally fine with it.
I also agree that it’s a good idea to see if you can get her in bed a bit earlier at night.
Anonymous says
For our kindy girl: We do wake up, transfer to living room to get her vertical, then morning cuddle, then short book to slowly wake up. That’s 10ish minutes total. Then a jobs chart that you have to work through before anything else. Chart is: dressed, breakfast, potty, teeth, hair, make bed. Bedmaking I help her with or do for her (this step is new). If you finish your chart you can a) goof off if there’s time; b) multiple chart completions with limited whining earn extra time of reading on weekend nights. (It’s a big deal to her).
Have to get her vertical and she is not functional without some slow wake up (hence cuddle and short book).
K. says
My kindergartner gets ready in about ten minutes total. I wake her and dress her immediately (I put on her clothing for her). She goes to the bathroom. I brush her hair while she sits on the toilet. I then brush her teeth. I make a ton of egg muffins (google recipe) every two weeks and freeze, so before waking her cup, I have already popped those in the even. We then grab the egg muffins (during which time, she grabs a napkin and says good-bye to dad and sister) and she eats her breakfast in the car on the way to school.
It is really interesting to me to read all the different morning routines. I am NOT a morning person at all, so this ten minute routine is about all I can handle! My daughter is also waaay more compliant if we just do things quickly like this–although there have been two mornings so far (we’re finishing week 5 of classes right now) that she has refused to go to the bathroom because she isn’t happy about being up, but otherwise, we can kind of breeze through this–which generally isn’t the case for all the other routines in her life.
Anon says
+1. This is very similar to what we do. Now my oldest is in first grade, so we’ve experimented with the “reward” for getting up 15 min earlier being that she can pour her own cereal and milk and eat that at home. My preschooler has followed suit and tries to get up with her so he can practice pouring too.
We pick out clothes the night before. First grader practiced over the summer and can dress herself in the same amount of time I would do it. I still dress the preschooler each morning to avoid the fights. He can do it, but it would take half an hour and all my patience.
Anonymous says
Timers are very effective for us in any time of situation where time is an issue. We are pretty strict that kiddo must get her diaper/pull up off before she goes to play. But we’ll then let her go play with the timer set for X minutes then get dressed. She’s usually much more compliant this way. She is also more compliant if she can pick out at least part of her outfit. She’ll usually find a dress or shirt she is excited about wearing so will be happy to put it on.
DLC says
+1 to sleeping in clothes for the next day. Saved us so much time. (My friend’s daughter is still in a pull up and they just put the underwear over the pull up before bedtime and in the morning pull the pull up off while keeping the underwear on.) My kid is now in second grade, but from the beginning, I’ve tried to make her really accountable for her own time- I set an alarm for ten minutes before we have to be out the door. (As much for my sake as hers). When the alarm goes off we drop everything, get shoes and jackets on, grab backpacks and are out the door, regardless if she’s finished breakfast or not. Also along those lines- not sure if this is an option, or if this would motivate your kid, but i let mine be late to school a couple of times and that kind of put a little more urgency in her mornings because she hates having to do the late sign in at the Principal’s office and then the lonely walk to class. I figured, that the sooner she can manage her own time and realize the consequences of poor time management, the better because with three kids, I don’t have the bandwidth to micromanage her.
OP says
Thank you all for the helpful suggestions! I’m glad I’m not alone. We will shoot for an earlier bedtime and may integrate TV as a reward for cooperation. She has been wiped out from kindergarten, so hopefully a little more sleep will help.
Anonymous says
Similar to many above – my 4.5 year old gets up at 7:03 and we are out the door between 7:25-7:35. Need to let him sleep as much as possible. We used to bring milk to bed to further that goal, but now he calls out at that time, we go snuggle him for a minute, straight to kitchen for milk in a parent’s lap, back to bedroom where a parent dressed him, to bathroom, then either straight to shoes or he plays if baby brother isn’t quite ready yet. Both kids eat at early care — is that an option or is eating en route an option? It means teeth brushing before breakfast instead of after, which I still find weird, but my kids are not actually ready to eat immediately on waking and will refuse, so works for us. Spouse and I get up about 6:45 and get ready in that 15 min.
Curious says
I have used the search feature but couldn’t find this answer. I’m setting up day care tours for the first time. Should I expect the tours to last an hour? Is it too close to set one up for 1 pm and another one down the street for 2 pm?
Anon says
I don’t think it’s too close. In my experience they lasted 15-45 minutes depending on who was giving you the tour, how chatty they were and how many questions you had. I talked to the director of my daughter’s school for almost an hour but at other places we toured the tour was given by an aide and we didn’t have as much to talk about, so we were there for as little as 15 minutes.
Curious says
Thank you! This is so helpful!
Deema says
Oh my gosh, not at all. I’d budget maybe a half hour? I mean, you’ll walk in, walk through a couple classrooms, any common area, ask any questions you don’t already know the answer to. Honestly, the most important part of daycare tours to me is the vibe and feel you get. All the nitty gritty info you can get in a follow up email or phone call, like tuition rates, school holidays, etc. But to see the kids playing, the environment they’ll be spending their time in, the attitude of the teachers — to me that’s what tours are for.
Curious says
Thank you! Do they typically give you a packet with pricing info, etc at the tour? I guess I imagined that they go over that information with you at the tour, but maybe they don’t!
Emily S. says
Ours did. The tour itself was about 20 minutes, and really included only the baby classrooms and a brief sweep of the toddler hall. I can’t remember if they gave us the folder at the beginning, so we could look over the info and ask questions on the tour, or at the end. Most of the information was online, though, so we had a general idea of pricing, hours, etc. beforehand. The tour was really to get a feeling for the center.
Anon says
Yes, a packet is typical, at least at big centers.
Sad today says
Feeling very sad today – our daycare/preschool does an annual Halloween parade. I have a preschooler and baby and their parades will be at different times of the day (one in the morning, one in the afternoon). I requested to leave and come back from the morning one and then leave again in the afternoon. Was told that wasn’t possible as it was too much blocking and unblocking of my schedule (I’m a Nurse Practitioner and see my own patients), basically it is too much of a hassle for the administration. I was told to pick one – so basically I get to pick if I want to miss the baby’s first parade or my older one’s last parade in preschool. I know logically it isn’t a big deal (and the baby won’t even remember it), but it still drives home why being a working parent is so hard!
Anonymous says
That is sad. If I could swing it, I’d probably take a day off and do tons of deep cleaning/organizing in between at home.
Anonymous says
Can you ask the school if they have any flexibility in the times of the parades? Maybe that wouldn’t be an issue for them. Or ask if baby can joing preschooler’s parade?
Anon says
That’s really hard – I’m sorry! Is it possible for you to attend one and your partner to attend the other? It’s not as great as getting to be at both, but it may at least assuage some of your mom guilt to have the other parent there.
Annie says
Can your SO attend the other parade and take pictures? My husband took a ton of pictures of the parade last year (that I couldn’t attend) and I really enjoyed it.
Anon says
Aw hugs. If you have to choose I’d go with the preschooler since the baby won’t be aware of your absence. But I know this is super hard and a crappy spot to be in!
OP says
Thank you all for your validation and not making me feel crazy! Yes, the plan will be for my husband to go to one (or maybe both, he has a more flexible schedule but is crazy busy). I am considering taking the whole day off (also because they p***ed me off and they’ll have to block off my whole schedule), but I don’t have a ton of vacation time left because I returned recently from maternity leave.
Anon at 1:10pm – oh my goodness, never thought to have baby join preschooler’s parade! That might just be the answer! I know my older one would love to have her with us. Thank you!
anon says
My husband couldn’t make by 3 yo’s ballet recital, so I filmed it and we watched it that evening on our TV (after some tech wrangling). My 3yo just beamed that she was “on TV.” If you have your husband film, you could make a whole event out of watching it at home.
OP says
Anon at 1:48 – what a fun idea – thanks!
Pogo says
that almost made me cry, how sweet!
IHeartBacon says
I love this idea. I’m filing it away for the future.
Anonymous says
Having separate parades for different classes seems awfully unreasonable if the school expects parents to attend. You can’t possibly be the only parent with more than one child and different parade times. They really think people will be able to take time off in the morning and then again in the afternoon of the same day? If I had that much free time, my kid wouldn’t need to be in day care.
OP says
Anon at 2:12: our daycare has only two events during working hours a year (Halloween parade and Easter egg hunt, so roughly 6 months apart). They absolutely don’t require parents to attend, but I would like to be there as it is a special event for my kids. The school is divided into two parts – infant center (up to age 2) and preschool (ages 2-5) and due to crowd control reasons, they have the infant center parade at one time and the preschool one at another time (it is a big school). This will be the only year my kids are both at the school and thus have events on the same day. However, from what I’ve heard, workday events just increase once kids hit school age, so I’m sure I’ll be going through similar situations in the years to come!
Anon says
I don’t think having an event for parents to optionally attend a couple times a year at a daycare is at all abnormal, but it does seem odd to me to have such drastically different times for different age groups. At least in my daycare, at any given time probably 80% of the enrolled families have a kid in the 0-2 age group and a kid in the 2-5 age group, so you’re very typical for being in this situation. Why can’t they have the infant parade at 10 and the preschool parade at 10:30 or something like that, so parents with kids in both groups can just take a morning off work? I can’t imagine a “parade” of infants takes that long.
OP says
Anon at 2:41pm – Parking and number of people there are why they have to be spread out. They have nap/rest from 12:30-2:30, so they really can’t be closer together with the schedule of the kids.
Deema says
A lot of parents of kids in day care do not work, I’ve found. They enroll their kids for the social aspect and to give themselves a break. So for them, events at school during the “work day” are no problem.
I do understand from the school’s perspective why they’d have the events at two different times. Obviously, space issues — might be harder to fit twice (or more) as many kids in the space they’re using for the parade. Also parking restrictions — having twice as many parents coming at the same time means twice as many cars.
Honestly, to me the events that are worse are the daycare events that take place at the exact same time but in each individual classroom, i.e., all the Mother’s Day breakfasts are Friday at 9 a.m. Okay, so I guess I’ll just go to my first kid’s class for the first fifteen minutes, meanwhile my second kid is looking at all their friends with their moms wondering where the heck I am, and my first child is sad because I have to leave before the actual end… There’s no perfect solution for these things.
Anon says
Wow where are you located? It blows my mind to think about paying for daycare just for a break. The only parents I know close to this concept have odd hours (doctors, nurses, pilots, police, firefighters), and might be sending kids while they sleep after a night shift.
SC says
My husband does only very part-time paid work, and we send DS to daycare. We do it partly for the social aspect, since DS is an only child and has difficulty interacting with peers. We do it partly because my husband’s strengths don’t line up with providing an enriching childcare environment full-time. And we do it partly so my husband can accomplish other tasks during the day–besides his part-time work (which varies day-to-day but is typically less than one full day per week), he takes care of our house and our rental property, housework, meals, etc. The house/rental property thing alone can easily be a couple of days per week–this week, 3 of the 4 central AC units we own broke, during a heat wave with a heat index of 110, so DH spent 1.5 days meeting AC repairmen at both places. Obviously the AC doesn’t break every week, but it is always something. He also does the morning routine, drop-off and pickup, drives our kid around to various therapy appointments and is available whenever DS is sick or daycare is closed (which is a lot because daycare is on a school schedule). I am available to work late when necessary, and I spend relatively little of my evenings and weekends on housework.
We are definitely not the only couple with a SAHP and kids in this daycare.
Deema says
A very HCOL area. There are two-working-parent families like ours, and then uber-wealthy single-working-parent families that have no trouble covering the cost of daycare on one salary.
Anon says
Yeah it blows my mind too! I’m in a Midwestern college town and all of the families I know in daycare have two working parents. A lot of them are professors with more flexible schedules or nurses who work odd shifts, but they all work full time of close to it. Daycare for one child is about 60% of my after tax salary, so I certainly couldn’t imagine paying for it if I didn’t work! Around here, if you have a SAHM you do preschool two mornings a week at age 2-3, not 40 hour/week daycare from infancy. Preschool costs about 1/5th as much (or less).
OP says
@ Deema – I hadn’t even thought of the issues with having the events at the same time and trying to be in two classrooms at once!! You’re right, there’s no perfect solution. (Other than, you know, flexible and supportive work places granting time off for family events ;) )
Anonymous says
Take a vacation day. Of course it’s disruptive to come in and out like that!
OP says
Thanks for your supportive reply!
Anonymous says
Brief regional survey — on this board and other media I keep hearing kindergarten referred to as “kinder” or “kindy.” I am I. The PNW and have never ever heard these terms used in this region. Where do you live and what do you call kindergarten?
Anonymous says
I think those are internet terms?
Anonymous says
OP: I had thought so but have seen in email recently so that made me think folks might actually be using these.
Anon says
People use internet slang like lol and emojis in email too though. The point is this is a written shortcut, not something you say outloud.
Anonymous says
US, east coast, ‘kindergarten’.
I usually hear ‘kinder’ and ‘kindy’ from Brits and Aussies.
Anon says
I’ve never heard anyone use those terms when speaking. I think it’s internet slang. Midwest.
Anonymous says
Lived in the Midwest my whole life. I’ve never heard these terms before reading them on this board. We say kindergarten. I always assumed it was an Internet typing shortcut specific to this type of communication.
Deema says
Ha, I call it “kinder” sometimes. My husband was like “why do you call it ‘kinder’?” and I paused and answered, “…. it’s easier to say?” He did not seem convinced. I live in the South. He grew up in the Midwest.
Lana Del Raygun says
I’ve only heard it online and in Big Little Lies, which is set in Australia (the book — no idea if they say it in the California-set TV show).
Anonymous says
At my son’s school (Norther VA), they often call it “kinder”. I hadn’t heard of it before he started.
NYCer says
No one I know in NY refers to “kindy” or “kinder.” A fair number of people I know in California refer to it as “kinder.”
Most of my friends in NYC, short hand it to K when texting or emailing.
katarina says
I am in Texas, and the school calls it kinder.