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During the fall and winter, I keep tubes of hand cream everywhere — on my desk, in the bathroom, in my purse… Those little tubes can add up, so I’m always on the hunt for cheap, but effective, hand creams.
One I have sitting on my bathroom counter right now is Eos’ Shea Butter Hand Cream. I find this cream absorbs quickly and doesn’t leave any greasy feeling behind. I have lavender, but there are several other scents to choose from (I’d like to try Pink Citrus).
It’s also a “clean” product — no parabens, no phthalates, and it’s not tested on animals.
This hand cream is available at Target for $2.99.
Sales of note for 8.30.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 20% off
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lands’ End – 40% off sitewide; 50% off backpacks, 40% off kids’ apparel
- Loft – Summer sale, 30% off new arrivals; up to 50% off much more
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- Zappos – 28,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – 50% off everything
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 40% off everything
- J.Crew Crewcuts – 40% off sitewide; extra 50% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 50-60% off; 50% off pants for the family
- Target – 20% off select clothing for all; up to 50% off home; up to 30% off select nursery furniture; up to 30% off kitchen & dining
See some of our latest articles on CorporetteMoms:
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
Anokha says
My husband is taking his first work trip (!) since Covid. We have two kids (one of whom is a 20 month old who is suddenly waking up in the middle of the night regularly?!), and I am dreading the week ahead. Other than stocking up on easy meals, any other suggestions for making it an easy week?
anon says
Good luck! My 21 mo old (older kiddo is 3.5) is getting up earlier and earlier, today was 4am with DH on a work trip. Ugh.
I try to keep things as simple as possible. The weeks he travels are not exciting but it is better than trying to run errands with two kids who are out of sorts. Try to go to bed early, and lower your expectations for your own cleaning/planning, etc. We do things at home that are a little special/silly, like making a blanket “nest” and reading books in there together. Popsicles in the bathtub and doing a long bath with all the toys/color tablets, etc. More screen time than they normally are allowed. Easy crafts/coloring.
The first few times, we made “love you loops” based off a Daniel Tiger episode where Jodie’s mom goes on a work trip. It helped. Also, set a clear time DH should call. Learn from my mistakes — random calls throughout the day while wrangling the kids (he always seemed to call at the worst.possible.time) just stressed us all out. Even dinner time didn’t work well. Now we call once in the am, and once an hour before bedtime. DH and I try to talk without the kids/after bedtime, depending on time difference/how late we’re both working, etc. Kids also LOVE when he sends pics of him on the plane/the plant, etc.
AwayEmily says
+1 on the scheduled contact. And we also stopped doing video chats. It just stressed everyone out. Instead, the traveling parent sends one video in the morning (we watch over breakfast) and one in the evening (we watch before bed). They like knowing what to expect.
anon says
Same. We recorded videos too, which I treasure now.
Anon says
Consider going to a playground after daycare pickup and having a pizza delivered-feels special, kids will be tired for bedtime, and no dishes to clean!
AwayEmily says
+1 — keep them outside as much as humanly possible. Park picnics all the way.
Anokha says
NGL: It’s only 10 am and pizza delivery sounds SO good right now.
Pogo says
Counterpoint, when I’m solo, I aim for bedtime as soon as possible so staying out at a park would just make me more exhausted. I do find that with only one parent, the 4yo is more cooperative in general because he can’t play us off one another or suddenly demand a “daddy book” or “mommy songs” when we already agreed to whichever parent doing his bedtime.
I then eat my own dinner, alone, and in peace, watching TV that DH doesn’t care for.
No Face says
My solo parenting strategy is always tire them out and put them to bed early. Bathtimes are extended – they play in the bath while I read. Dinner for them is sandwich (PBJ, grilled cheese), yogurt and fruit. Dinner for me is food my husband hates.
EDAnon says
This is my strategy, too.
Aunt Jamesina says
Hi everyone. I saw the thread yesterday where people mentioned how breastfeeding made them feel like they lost bodily autonomy and it got me thinking. I’m less than two months out from my due date and have been reading a bunch about breastfeeding and… I just don’t know. I’m pretty crunchy in general (aside from being very much into modern medicine) and had always imagined myself breastfeeding when the time came. But after a long period of TTC followed by infertility treatments and then pregnancy, I’m kind of over having so many of my lifestyle choices and demands on my body being dictated by having a kid. The feminist in me is also relatively annoyed by the biological fact that between my husband and I, I’m the only one who goes through the more invasive and time-intensive fertility treatments, goes through pregnancy, and can breastfeed. I’m glad I’m ABLE to do those things, don’t get me wrong… but there’s no meaningful way to divvy up that work!
All of that being said… I think I want to give it an honest try for at least 4-6 weeks (because I do know a number of people who had a relatively easy go of it and even enjoyed it, and maybe that’ll be me, too), but I’m trying to give myself permission now to throw in the nursing bra if it’s not working out and not beat myself up over it.
If breastfeeding does work out, would it be feasible for me to combo feed with the goal of not having to pump at work when I return around 16 weeks and to be able to FF baby at daycare and at night, or is that not enough time to establish a supply? I guess in that case it would look something like nursing in the morning and the evening only.
Thoughts? Anyone feel similarly? Thank you for reading my novel!
Anonymous says
Yes! I loved BF but hated pumping. So when my second kid came…I didn’t pump. It was a game changer.
NYCer says
And on the flip side, I hated breastfeeding, but didn’t mind pumping. So I pumped, but didn’t breastfeed. It was a game changer. :)
Not trying to be contrarian, just pointing out that everyone really has different experiences.
FWIW, I pumped for four months, but had enough frozen breastmilk to last until 6 months. That was enough for me!
EDAnon says
I also didn’t pump with my second and was much happier about the whole thing.
Anonymous says
Girl take a breath. You don’t know your body and neither do any of us. Try it and see how it goes. There’s no way to know now whether at 4 months you’d have a supply that works without pumping.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Yeah, unfortunately or fortunately, there’s no real way to plan for the thousands of scenarios that can come up with kids and b-feeding is just one of them. I think it’s good to go in with the mindset that you’ll give it a try but if it doesn’t work out or you don’t like it, then you’ll change course. And with the knowledge that formula is great and you will feed your baby, no matter how that looks.
Anon says
I’d add, if you can, give it a try for at least six weeks or so if it’s working out because it does get easier…
Curious says
I’m the OP from yesterday and I don’t love the “girl take a breath” comment. She’s trying to think it through and that’s legit! Sounds like you’re saying it’s hard to forecast supply, which is good to know.
Anonymous says
I’m sorry we don’t all speak in puppies and rainbows. My advice was good, light hearted, not mean, and I don’t appreciate your tone policing.
Curious says
Eek, in my circles it would be a harsh thing to say! Possibly different for your friends/ social group — good to know.
Curious says
Also now reflecting that I’m white and in Seattle and this would be a totally friendly thing to say among my friends of color in NYC/DC etc. So I hear you on tone policing — sorry about that. I realized yesterday that my default assumption is that posters here are white, which is so not true. So working on checking that :)
Aunt Jamesina says
Yeah I’m definitely not ruling anything out, just trying to see if it’s even physically possible to do what I’m thinking of. Believe me, after infertility I know there’s a lot that can’t be planned for!
(Also not in love with “girl, take a breath”. I’m not panicking, just pondering and trying to hear about others’ experiences).
Anonymous says
Honestly, I don’t think there’s a lot of benefit to worrying about this right now. It is so hard to predict how you will feel, and how your body and your baby will respond to breastfeeding. What I imagined it would be like having a baby and the reality were so different in so many ways – both better and worse. And every baby and mother is different. Some babies are good at breastfeeding from the start, others just aren’t for various reasons. The best things I think you can do to prepare if you want to breastfeed (even partially) are to get recommendations for lactation consultants who seem like they will be supportive of combo feeding if you do go that route, and either get a good breast pump or figure out where you can get one quickly if you need one. I think some women could breastfeed morning and night only, and some would have trouble maintaining their supply that way – it’s just really hard to predict. My son was in the NICU for a week after birth, and I wasn’t allowed to even try to nurse him until the day after he was born. I pumped first. But he was big (born at 42 weeks) and strong and just good at nursing, and I luckily responded to the pump well. We ended up having some problems because of oversupply and reflux, but breastfeeding was fairly easy for me. Note: This is my perspective in hindsight. At the time I had a lot of worries. But with a newborn, you are going to be worried about SOMETHING because they are tiny and helpless and strange and completely uncommunicative other than crying. I’m sure if I had been formula feeding I would have worried he was allergic to the formula I was using and that IT was causing his reflux/fussiness/normal night waking/green poops/etc. I also think I could not have slept through overnight wakings even if my husband had been bottle feeding while we were room sharing. (I’m sure others could!) And I’m cheap so I liked not having to buy formula. But everyone is different. You should absolutely give yourself permission to throw in the nursing bra at any point if you feel it isn’t working, but I wouldn’t try to predict the future too much – it’s not worth the stress. And please disregard this if it isn’t helpful. Good luck with the home stretch!
Lilibet says
If you search the archives there is an excellent guest post from cpa lady on combo feeding. I found this so helpful when I had my 2nd kid.
Pogo says
Was going to say this! Her post was awesome and so helpful.
Aunt Jamesina says
Thank you!
Curious says
I just went back and found it so helpful, too!
AnonATL says
It’s really hard to know until you are in the thick of it, but I disliked nursing for the body autonomy and being touched out feelings you describe. I combo fed from 1 week due to supply issues and it was great. We switched to full formula somewhere around 4-5 months. At that point I was just nursing at bedtime and then topping off with formula. I could feel the “let down” when he latched so something was coming out but I have no idea how much and honestly didn’t care because we could just give him formula.
I pumped a little at the beginning to help supply and didn’t mind it much. Everyone is different in their preference for pumping over bf.
It’s good you are approaching it with an open mind. Week 2-2 months are probably the hardest for nursing and then it levels off a bit. Everything’s hard at that point with a newborn
Anonymous says
First, echoing others that you can’t really plan this out before you know how BF works for you. There are lots of options, and you have my permission to do whatever works best for you and your family. Second, here’s my anecdotal experience: I had trouble nursing (baby couldn’t figure out latch) so I pumped for the first 4 months or so. Then I basically gave up on pumping because it was too difficult when I went back to work, but by that point my baby was bigger and figured out latching so we nursed at night and in the morning and we gave him formula at daycare. That worked until he was 10 months, at which point I decided I was done and we went all formula.
Anon says
I want to do something like this when I return to work (nursing just morning and evening and not pumping at work. I hate pumping.). Did you get uncomfortable during the day or did your body adjust to just nursing twice a day? Right now I pretty much have to nurse or pump every 3 hours or I get painfully engorged. I can’t picture going all day even though it’s what I’d like to do.
And to OP, seconding all the good advice you’ve received here that you just don’t know how you’ll feel about and how it will go. I was on the fence about bfeeding before giving birth, and struggled with it at first (poor latch, passive eater). However, the hormones kicked in and I really enjoy it now. But if it hadn’t gotten so much better I would have switched to FF. Just know you have so many options available to you and it will work out however you decide to feed. My goal was to stick with the bfeeding for 6 weeks to help shrink my uterus (I had to set small manageable goals) and by week 6 we were on a roll.
Pogo says
Both times I’ve stopped pumping at work much later, but I had to wean myself off the pump or I would get painfully engorged. I did it by pumping a little bit less every time over a span of weeks. For me, I have to be careful not to nurse LO too much on the weekends during the day or I end up back where I started the next Monday – though this is just me, others on this board said they were able to do that no problem.
With my first I was really over it all by like 9-10 mos I think and I was very dedicated to my pump weaning method and only giving LO formula during the day on weekends. That helped me with not getting engorged come Monday morning. I also had one side that was a ‘slacker’ (always less milk) and weaned that side first very easily.
Anon says
I was similar to you, hated having all my lifestyle dictated by this little human and resented it had so little impact on my husband. We talked through it before the kid came, and decided that if I was doing all input for the kid, then he would do all output for the kid plus input for me. Aka, he was in charge of all meal planning, meal prep, meal cleanup for both of us, he changed every diaper when he was home, he cleaned up spit-up and did laundry, and once I started pumping, he cleaned/ prepped/ sterilized all the bottles. We co-slept (safely!) so we rarely had true night-wakings, but if so I got up with those since he was in another room, and left any messes for him to deal with in the morning.
I made it to twelve months of breastfeeding, and then we re-divided all the chores based on a one year old’s needs. We combo-fed with formula for a few months in the middle and I didn’t notice an impact on my supply, but then again my kid loved nursing even if she’d just had a bottle.
All this to say – if you want to try it, get your husband to take on a ton of the load. It helped me so much to know that we were in this together, that he was impacted just as much as I was from the baby, and that he was contributing just as much to keeping the baby (and me) healthy and happy.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
As someone who did the exact opposite of this with DS #1….this is fantastic advice. The resentment of managing all of these pieces was real and toxic and came out in ways that created a negative cycle.
Aunt Jamesina says
Love this! Thanks.
TheElms says
I really struggled to breastfeed my first (pregnant with second now). I had to triple feed every 2 hours (nurse, supplement, pump) for the first 2 weeks and I had an unplanned c-section so that was incredibly difficult. My kid was a lazy slow eater so I basically had about 15 minutes break between the end of one 2 hour cycle and the start of the next, and pretty much didn’t sleep at all those first two weeks. I had so many visits both at my home and in the office with a lactation consultant. It got a bit better around 4 weeks, then again at 6 weeks, and again at 8 weeks. It was never super great in terms of my personal comfort but it was manageable and easier than pumping. I never had great supply but it was generally enough, when it wasn’t we supplemented with formula. I had a long maternity leave and mostly breastfed through 5 months. I returned to work and pumped 3 times at work and once at home and that was just impossible for me to maintain, any my supply had started to decrease as well, so we supplemented with formula and we combo fed until about 9 months. During that time I would nurse in the morning, aim to pump once at work, nurse in the early evening, and then pump before bed. Whatever I pumped in those two pumps went to daycare with the rest being formula. It seemed pretty sustainable for me. At about 9 months everyone in the house got super sick with a nasty virus and my supply pretty much vanished over the course of a week. It was not exactly how I wanted breastfeeding to end, but once I was done I felt so much better about myself and life seemed a lot more manageable. In retrospect breastfeeding took a much bigger toll on my mental health than I realized at the time (and at the time I knew it wasn’t great but I thought it was manageable).
I think your plan sounds like a perfectly reasonable one. I think planning to stick it out 6-8 weeks is reasonable (but if its not working its ok to stop before then, especially if you are doing something like triple feeding and its not really working or only partially working). I hope you’re one of the people that find it super easy and enjoyable. I definitely have friends like that and its magical to see. But if it sucks there are lots of people that fall in that bucket too and remember you’re still a fantastic mom and it says nothing about how much you love your kid or want the very best for them. By 16 weeks your supply should be stable and you should know how nursing is going and have a better assessment of how its feeling for you both physically and mentally. Not pumping at work would be glorious, but you may need to pump once (at least initially) for comfort reasons if you were breastfeeding exclusively before going back to work. Pumping once a day was pretty easy to fit in (usually either before, during or right after lunch), it was multiple pumping sessions at work that were hard to schedule and disruptive to my work. And a lot of my friends adjusted to only nursing morning and night and not pumping at work and did that for 6+ months. And some folks just switched to formula when they went back to work and that seemed to work really well.
I would find out if your hospital has a lactation consultant on staff, and when you check in to deliver tell the nurses you want them to visit. Its really hard in the beginning and I think everyone could benefit from help, even if its just to tell you everything looks good. I would have the telephone number of a lactation consultant on hand so that if its not going well after your 1 or 2 day out the hospital pediatrician visit you know who you are calling and aren’t doing research then. Your pediatrician or OB may also have a lactation consultant on staff. Some are more supportive of combo feeding than others so I would look for one that is. Mine was and it was probably the only thing that kept me going in the beginning.
I’m not sure what my plan is for my second. I imagine I’ll try nursing again, but I think if I have to triple feed I’m pretty sure I won’t be doing that again and will either combo feed if I have enough supply (without triple feeding) or switch to formula.
Curious says
As I said yesterday, triple feeding should come with a big orange mental health warning label. The lack of sleep is brutal. I’m sorry you went through that.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
I said this yesterday, and will say it again, that I second this x 1M. Triple feeding is the pits, to put it lightly. It’s not fair to new mums when there are other supplementation alternatives that are a lot less taxing.
Anonymous says
I triple fed for months before it had a name, back in 2010. I took Domperidone to increase my supply. I nursed around the clock to increase my supply. None of it really made a difference to my supply but it trashed my body, my weight, and my mental health. I would never, ever ask that of any new mother, and I want to emphatically say that formula is a WONDERFUL, life giving option.
Anonymous says
I’m a foster mom so I’ve never breast fed a baby, so I can’t speak to the physiological aspect of this discussion, which I admit is huge. But I just wanted to be an Internet stranger who gives you permission to formula feed if that is what you end up being comfortable with. My four year old was abandoned and left starving at five months old; when he arrived I exclusively formula fed him. Today he is smart, kind, funny and sweet. I know he has trauma but food/nutrition is not a huge struggle for us, thankfully. I’m formula feeding twins now and I honestly don’t know how twin moms breastfeed. My hat is off to them. Tl;dr – it’s ok to make different choices. The fact that you’re worried about this means you’re going to be a great mom.
Anon says
Foster mom and biological mom here — I’ve done 100% breastfeeding and 100% formula feeding of foster babes and… they all beg for fruit snacks and chicken nuggets.
(They also love fruits and veggies, but if I picked them up right now and brought them to McDonalds would proclaim me ‘best mommy ever’.
Aunt Jamesina says
thank you, love this reply!
Erin D.W. says
Not a foster mom, but also giving you Internet stranger permission from a biological mom who.just.couldn’t. I felt enormous pressure to try breastfeeding with my first–he latched beautifully, but he was a lazy eater and my supply just didn’t seem to be there. I tried pumping, I had multiple visits with different lactaction consultants, etc. I don’t know why it didn’t work, but around the four week mark my pediatrician gently suggested we try formula, even if just to supplement, because it can be a vicious cycle if you’re kid isn’t getting enough nutrition in those early weeks–the hungrier they get, the harder it is for them to focus on latching and eating properly, they get sleepy and don’t wake to feed, etc. My son’s weight at one month was still below his birth weight. I sobbed for an hour, offered him a bottle (of cold formula! your kid may not even need you to warm a bottle!) and he sucked it down and screamed for more. I tried to supplement for a couple weeks after that, but formula feeding went so well that by 6 or 7 weeks I stopped entirely. He gained weight quickly, and then by two months started sleeping through the night (the biggest prerequisite, though not a guarantee, for sleeping through the night is hitting a substantial enough weight/stomach size that they can “store” enough food to last through the night). The world changed after that and I actually got to enjoy my baby instead of feeling a sense of dread and failure every time I picked him up to feed.
Second baby: tried breastfeeding in the hospital. Kid was born at 10 lbs and refused to even latch. Had all the consultants and nurses come in, and that old feeling of dread and failure started creeping back. Decided to just skip the mental anguish and supplement from the get-go, stopped combo feeding around the two or three week mark and exclusively used formula from then on. He is a robustly healthy and happy 14 month old now.
By all means try breastfeeding if you want to–if it’s working, if you enjoy it, etc. But I’d bear in mind that many women, for one reason or another, can’t breastfeed exclusively or for very long (if it all), and you will have a million other decisions to make that affect your child’s nutrition and environment and well-being over the next couple of decades, at least. This is only one, and you shouldn’t feel any guilt about the way you feed your baby.
An.On. says
I pumped exclusively, and it was great in the early weeks, when my husband could take over feeding a few times a day (and I could get a break from watching her), but less than optimal in months 2-3 when I’d wake up in the middle of the night with sore, leaky boobs, and have to pump even when the baby was still sleeping. That being said, being able to have a beer without worrying that the baby would need to eat in the next two hours was really nice. We also put the baby in her own room early because she was so frickin loud, so there was never the “roll over and nurse” option for me. There’s no way to know what your baby or your nursing experience will be like, I would play it by ear.
And please remember, even if it’s not hard to nurse, you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to! You do not need to put any additional pressure on yourself, it’s hard enough already. You do not have to justify it by trying until your nipples bleed, or whatever. You will probably feel bad no matter when you stop because that’s just how the messaging conditions us.
AnonMD says
This is a total tangent and directed towards everyone reading the comments, but I’m the pediatrician who lurks on here from time to time and just wanted to let everyone know it’s totally okay to breastfeed after drinking. The alcohol content of breast milk is your blood alcohol content. So if you’re too drunk to drive, your BAC would be .08 and your breastmilk would be 0.08% alcohol. Orange juice has an alcohol content of 0.5%. (This isn’t true of pregnant where the baby’s blood alcohol content is equal to your alcohol content). Just wanting to give women back a little bit of their body autonomy.
Pogo says
Yes! I know everyone was kind of hating on LLL yesterday, but they were great about being like “you DONT have to pump and dump” and empowering women to ask their providers about options for medications as well. They even told me (and my OB confirmed) I didn’t have to pump and dump post-surgery for the same reason (that the medication in my b-milk would be so diluted by that point).
Curious says
I’m really glad your LLL is good, Pogo. You’re not in Seattle, right?
Pogo says
no, Boston.
No Face says
I recommend thinking about this less. How and when you BF is up to your body, not you. How you feel about it is not something you can know ahead of time.
I was a milk factory and nursing was a great experience for me after the first few weeks. (I hate pumping though. Wish I spent less time doing that!) I felt empowered by nursing, and my husband did the heavy lifting on lots of other newborn care. I was never as deadset on nursing as other women, so I would have stopped at the slightest problem!
Curious says
I’m so excited for you!! Baby is so close to here, and you will have a squirmy sleepy cuddly newborn!! For what it’s worth, my body feels SO. MUCH. BETTER. with baby out and did from Day 1. But I am with you on the feminist irritation at how uneven this all is.
Thanks for asking this — I had this question, too, but focused down to one on yesterday’s thread.
Sending so much love to you and baby!
Anon says
Seconding this. Yes, the newborn period is hard but I felt a million times better with baby on the outside. I had hyperemesis, gestational diabetes, and insomnia in my pregnancy- all of which was magically gone as soon as the placenta was out. My mood improved immediately too.
anon says
I breastfed mostly because I’m cheap, it was relatively easy for me, and since I was working from home when my second was born, pumping was less of a hassle (didn’t have to haul everything back and forth every day.) But it was still a pain in many ways. When you’re breastfeeding, you think about your time in 3-hour increments … every three hours you either need to be feeding your baby or pumping, which makes arranging the rest of your life a challenge. I had my first while I was still in an office, and making time to pump in an otherwise busy work day – when other people relied upon my availability – was a burden. It was also hard to get just … get out and go to the grocery store. It had to be a perfect time coordinated with naps and meals if I wanted to do it on my own, and being entirely beholden to the schedule of someone who resists being scheduled was hard.
It’s also more challenging to establish an equal parenting relationship when only one of you is responsible for feeding, and when feeding takes 12 hours a day for those first few weeks. With my second, I quit at nine months because my lovely husband, who is always so supportive, had a grumpy moment and let slip that he felt left out because he never got to put the baby to bed. He really missed out on that bonding time.
Anon says
I would give yourself as much grace as you can. There will be things that pop up that you haven’t even anticipated. For me, I was terrified of having low supply. I stocked up on everything you needed to increase your milk supply. I baked lactation cookies for goodness sake. And then, I had a massive oversupply. So much milk, my body must have thought I’d given birth to triplets. It took everything I could do and the help of an awesome lactation consultant to bring my supply to a manageable level (and several bouts of mastitis, clogged ducts, and even a calcified duct). One of my friends told me, “Give it three months.” And she was right, though at the time it felt like an eternity. At three months, I’d gotten into my groove, the baby was in their groove with feeding and I happily nursed the baby (and my second kid) for over a year. Looking back, I’d tell myself to be very forgiving – we were both learning, me and the baby, and breastfeeding is a skill that takes time and patience to acquire.
NLD in NYC says
This. A friend also gave me this advice. Made it to 3 months, then gave myself another 3…then another 3 until I made it to a year when I closed up shop. I wasn’t a great cow so I ended up combo feeding. Honestly I should have done it earlier since I was doing all the things and was still a “just-enougher.” Fed is best, do whatever keeps you sane.
Mrs. Jones says
I hated BF and pumping and hereby give you permission to quit if it’s too much.
Anon says
Yes, it’s likely to work out. I went back to work at 12 weeks and pumped once a day for maybe a month but then I quit pumping altogether and used formula during the day and nursed at night and on weekends.
I would definitely give nursing a try. I didn’t expect to live it but I really really did. My husband got up with me at every night feeding and changed her before I fed her so it didn’t feel unequal.
Anon says
I’m the poster from yesterday who said she felt like a cow while bfing and hated it. I’m the same one from two days ago that is actively going through a miscarriage and a very long IVF slog for kid #2 (did the same for my now 3.5 yo daughter). So, I one million percent hear you and empathize with you on being basically just a science experiment for so many years (my words, not yours, of course) and reduced to my body’s ability to do or not do a function…. that also squarely falls in your shoulders and not your partners.
My best recommendation is to just wait and see, if that’s what you want to do. Have some formula in the house ready to go in case you decide quickly BFing is not the route to you. And don’t feel like you have to combo feed if you don’t want to. Also – you can decide right now you don’t want to BF and change your mind later! Truly – all options are on the table. I’d recommend having one cannister of formula ready to go and newborn bottles washed/sanitized/laid out at home in case you decide that’s the route to go so that you’re not fumbling with all that stuff when baby is like 5 days old should that be the path you choose.
Formula or b-milk, your baby will be well nourished and cared for. Do what makes you happy, sane, stable and a strong mama for your new baby. If your treatments have been anything like mine, you probably haven’t been at a hormonal equilibrium for years, and you won’t be for some time after baby is born. Postpartum care is a joke in this country, so this internet stranger gives you permission to put yourself back at the top of your priority list. Good luck to you.
Pogo says
You can sign up for formula samples from like every major company, FYI. I did this to avoid paying for much formula when I combo fed, and they shipped it directly to my door. My OB also had samples in her office we could take. This is also helpful if you have no idea what kind of formula baby will like/tolerate.
AnonATL says
Our pediatrician gave us several tubs of Similac and Enfamil when they told us to supplement due to weight loss. It got us through the first month probably. Definitely ask about samples or sign up for the major brands reward programs. This is also how we found out my son did not do well on Enfamil before we bought a huge supply of it.
GCA says
All of this! Especially the advice to 1. wait and see how it goes, and 2. be prepared, because being prepared and knowing you have a safety net will reduce the anxiety. There are even mini bottles of pre- mixed formula that you can just grab and feed – those were a lifesaver when I was triple feeding jaundiced babies.
TheElms says
Yes, the premixed formula is totally worth it in the beginning! It is expensive (way more so than the powder) but brand new babies really don’t eat that much. Also, the advice about when / if you need to boil water to make formula for newborns or use nursery water seems really inconsistent and I just didn’t have any bandwidth to figure that out — pediatrician and LC gave me conflicting advice.
Pogo says
Our hospital gave us the 6-packs of pre-mixed! I had to ask, but once I did, the nurse gave me a bunch. Soooo clutch in the early days. I mean I guess I did pay for it in my coinsurance lol but I figured I should get my money’s worth with all the free stuff I could get!
Aunt Jamesina says
“Science experiment” is exactly right! Best of luck to you.
Curious says
Anon… My heart goes out to you.
Patricia Gardiner says
Another vote to just see how it goes and you don’t need to make a plan now!
I went through a lot of treatments to have our #1, so I thought that BF would also be difficult and awful, and that I wouldn’t do it for long. It ended up being so easy (definitely the easiest part of becoming a mother) and pumping didn’t bother me once I worked out a system. I realize I am fortunate in that respect.
MNF says
Alternate perspective on pumping – I really didn’t mind at work and enjoyed at home. At work I kept a pump under my desk and easily did my computer work at the same time. At home, my pump was in an out-of-the-way room and my pumping time allowed me to escape the family and zone out. I fed and pumped until ~14 mos when kid weaned and then pumped to wean after that.
Anon says
Also went through 2+ years of infertility (rounds of IUIs, IVFs) and then baby came and… I found breastfeeding very easy and just… it came naturally? I felt really good BFing and definitely not like my body was “taken over” by the baby. Ended up exclusively BFing until 10 months (pumped at work months 3-10), then did combo of formula during day and BF morning/night until 12 months. At 10 months I was just done pumping.
So… as others have said. I would see how it goes when baby comes then take it from there!
Aunt Jamesina says
Good to hear!
Anonymous says
Nothing to add to what everyone else has said – go into it with an open mind, but it’s good that you’re thinking through the options now, before you’re completely sleep-deprived!
I am completely astounded that so many of you had positive experiences in the hospital and with pediatricians re: formula. My kiddo had some musculoskeletal issues that meant she couldn’t latch (all easily resolved with a few OT sessions), and the hospital nurses and all the pediatricians we saw in her first month either shamed me for having a low supply (not true, but also not shameful if it was!) or accused me of never feeding her. The LLL was similar. I had to sign a form in the hospital acknowledging that using formula was against my child’s best interests. The hospital lactation consultant was supportive of combo-feeding, but basically just said, “Oh, it’ll work itself out.” It was a first-year pediatrics resident who actually figured out the issue with one look at my kid’s mouth and got us the OT referral. Needless to say, I developed a huge BFing aversion from all this. I tell my friends who are delivering at this hospital (small city, so not many hospitals with L&D) to bring their own formula with them. I’d see if your OB has any intel on what the hospital will be like with respect to BFing/formula use so you can prepare.
Aunt Jamesina says
Wow, I’m sorry you went through that!
Anonymous says
If the hospital is “baby friendly” it will be like what you describe. But most hospitals that don’t use that designation are less anti-formula.
Anon says
Definitely possible but will depend on your individual supply.
I felt the same way before birth of my LO (now 3 months old). About a week after I found I enjoyed BF more than I thought I would. I do combo feeding to take the pressure off being the only source of nutrition.
Whatever you choose to do is valid and great for you and baby! Fed is best.
Anon says
Oops, missed putting this in the BF thread!
Anon-na-nah says
What? Only if you think only Black people wear satin bonnets and use satin pillowcases.
*Your* racism is showing.
Anon says
Satin sleep cap or satin pillowcase? For a 1 year old.
Gorgeous curls, super healthy hair with no breakage, mostly doing it because I know I’m supposed to.
Before I just order 5 from Amazon, any specific suggestions?
Anonymous says
Neither? It’s a baby. She shouldn’t have a pillow anyway.
Anonymous says
Cool, thanks for your thoughts.
Now – for more input, daughter is closer to 2 than 1, hair is now getting gorgeously long, and you’re right – she doesn’t use a pillow. Question was more whether anyone had a cap that stayed on a baby reliably or if I was better off figuring out a satin pillowcase or sheet to put on the part of her bed she lays on.
Anonymous says
How was anyone supposed to know that?
PLB says
I bought my one year old a slap cap (google it). Etsy also has toddler sized satin sleep caps. Ultimately, though, satin sheets are easier because we don’t have to worry about the cap coming off at night as it inevitably does. Etsy also has satin crib sheets.
OP says
OOOO. Thank you! This is definitely worth a try.
Anonymous says
She will take off a cap. I’m not sure what kind of hair she has, but for the kind of curly hair most white people have that’s totally unnecessary for a small kid. Ymmv if hair is not that kind.
OP says
I keep thinking she’ll take off the cap, but I also think her hair will benefit from it.
Asking on here because I know I’m supposed to be doing this, but just wondering if any moms on here had specific recommendations.
Anonymous says
I do not think you are supposed to do this
Spirograph says
FWIW, my daughter had curly hair at that age and we did nothing. Fast forward a few years, now her hair’s just plain wavy, so that would have been short-lived anyway.
Personally, I find satin uncomfortable to sleep on, so I wouldn’t go all out until you know she’ll tolerate it. Maybe just get one and put it flat on her bed, since she doesn’t use a pillow anyway, and see what she thinks of it. If she bunches it up and wiggles away, try again once she’s using a pillow.
Anon says
Why are you supposed to do it? I don’t think it’s necessary at all. It seems like a beauty standard that most people do not follow.
Anon says
agreed. i’ve never heard of such a thing for a 2 year old
OP says
Hi! Sorry I didn’t reply earlier but it’s pretty common for people with very curly hair – particularly but not exclusively Black people.
I know a few of my Caucasian adult friends swear by them as part of their curl care.
No Face says
Pillowcases! My kindergartener has still never kept a cap on her head all night.
I also have a satin pillowcase, even though I wrap my hair most nights.
OP says
Thanks!
Anon says
My daughter has gorgeous curls and no breakage (super fine) and we do not bother with satin anything, but agree that a pillowcase will be easier than a cap. More critical is wetting it and combing out the tangles in the morning (spray bottle of water and detangler and a wet brush) and then it looks amazing with perfect gorgeous ringlets. On mornings I know we will be rushed, I typically braid at night which obviates the need to brush it out in the morning. We just started trying some curl cream and mousse last week to see what works best for her (DD is 4) on days where we wash her hair in the morning (basically only after super muddy soccer practice), but it’s certainly not necessary and I do not bother when we wash her hair at night (vast majority of the time).
Lily says
Is your daughter black? I know that many black women do certain kinds of hair upkeep, like wearing a silk scarf or cap to bed, that most non-black women do not do. A pillowcase seems like it would be WAY easier than a cap for a toddler. And they’re nice to sleep on, so even if it does zero for her hair, it’s not a total waste.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
I’m not Black (and would never conflate my hair experience with a Black woman), but a Non-Black BIPOC with curly hair. I’ve actually been thinking a lot about implementing the silk scarf that my Black friends use…but I def use a pillow and it makes a huge difference.
Also have had to unlearn detangling dry…which is a big cultural thing. Sigh. Hair.
Anon says
+1 I’m white but all these “you’re crazy, this is not a thing” responses are pretty damn racist. Just because something isn’t a thing for your white lady hair doesn’t mean it’s not a thing for anyone.
anon says
+1 and it is rude
Spirograph says
Even for white lady hair, it’s definitely a thing I’ve heard of before. Surely I’m not the only one whose teen magazines advised her to sleep with a satin pillow case to minimize tangles and have shinier, healthier hair?
Re Black hair, though, I remember being absolutely floored the first time a Black coworker was chatting about her nighttime hair routine and generally how much upkeep was involved in wearing it straight. As a white woman with thick, straight hair, I had no idea how fraught a topic hair could be until then. The more you know…
PLB says
I agree some of these comments are tone deaf (I’m Black). Additionally, sleeping on satin pillowcases is good for your skin as well as hair (not as drying as cotton). :-)
OP says
Thank you!
OP says
Ugh, that landed in the wrong place.
(See – typing on my phone)
Wasn’t trying to stir up controversy, legit just trying to figure out if I could order something to have it here by the weekend or if there was some product I’m not aware of which is a total game changer.
Anon says
Yes! I learned from Heather Dubrow that sleeping on satin gives you fewer wrinkles (allegedly).
FVNC says
Wow, all these responses seem a bit much.
To answer your (noncontroversial) question, I ordered a silk pillowcase for my daughter to help stop hear breakage (she has the oppos i t e type of hair from your daughter — thin, straight, very prone to breakage) and it’s helped a lot. This is the one we have and it’s fine — machine washable and has held up for 2+ years now:
Celestial Silk 100% Silk Pillowcase for Hair Zippered Luxury 25 Momme Mulberry Silk Charmeuse Silk on Both Sides of Cover
What has really made a difference, though, is using adult conditioner and braiding her hair at night.
FVNC says
Ok, disregard my first sentence. I replied when there were only the first few responses basically telling OP this was a crazy thing to do.
OP says
That brand looks really nice, thanks!
FVNC says
My daughter loves it, fwiw (although she’s much older than yours; we bought it when she was six). You could probably buy a full size one and double it up around a toddler pillow.
The idea of a little toddler silk cap is adorable.
This thread, and the implication that you were somehow deliberately withholding information, is baffling to me. This is a completely normal thing to do, OP.
OP says
I should have taken time to write out a more complete question, but I didn’t think it would be that controversial? I figured somebody would just give me a product rec or skip over if it didn’t apply.
Fwiw, I am white, my daughter is biracial but white passing, but with hair which is most like super curly white girl hair. A friend of mine who is Black commented on my Instagram photo and said something about her ‘just needing her curl bonnet’ and it made me think that I should pick one up. I’m also very aware that it’s not the job of the black women in my life to serve as my cultural consultants (although I am so thankful that they do) and really appreciate those who validated my thought that this baby won’t keep a curl bonnet on and I’m better off with sheets/pillowcases.
(Also, honestly? Most of my curly haired friends now do some type of a night hair setup… I’m surprised it’s not as common as it is in my circles.)
Anonymous says
The original question and follow-up details came across as a deliberate attempt to catch someone being racist.
OP says
Very sorry you feel like that – not my intent. Legit just me typing on my phone during a boring call trying to figure out what to buy.
anon says
I just re-read this thread, and think the “catch someone being racist” comment was out of line, OP. Sheesh, some people need to tone it down. Your question was appropriate.
Anon says
What?! First of all, if you can be “caught” being racist, you are racist. Second of all, it was an innocent question about her kid’s hair. How is that a trap? The fact that you have a white-centric view of the world and assume all posters here are white unless they explicitly say otherwise is your problem, not OP’s.
anon says
LOL WUT
Anonymous says
What do most people do with the week between Christmas and New Years with very young kids? This is our first year with daycare closed and it’s hard to think of what to do given we’re pretty covid cautious and have a 1 year old. We’ll spend the first weekend doing Christmas with my family but no other plans.
Anon says
We always go to my parents’ (who my sisters also visit at the same time) and let that be the entertainment. But if we were staying locally, I would look for outdoor activities. The botanical gardens near us keeps their light show open through New Year’s. It’s a mile walking loop and I took my daughter at 1 in the stroller and at 2 (and since) she runs the whole thing. There is also a drive-through display relatively close to us.
Anon says
My husband and I are off work also so it’s family time. In non Covid times we often travel. We’re not outdoors-in-winter people (props to those who are, it’s just not us) so last year it was a lot of TV/movies, reading, games, art, baking. Hoping this year kids will have had at least a first dose of vaccine and we can do more stuff outside the house.
Pogo says
What do I do? Try to not go crazy and snap at my MIL. It’s brutal.
What I would LOVE to do, is go to Florida for the week. It’s pricey, but so is my sanity. Plus I’d rather not get any xmas presents and instead be able to let me kids run around a beach instead of trying to entertain them inside a house full of decorations they can’t touch and breakable heirlooms.
Anonymous says
Does your 1 year old walk? If so, anything outside unless you live in like northern Minnesota or something. Go to an empty playground, walks in a park, etc,.,Otherwise enjoy playing with your child! I’m kind of amazed by the women on this board who don’t know how to spend more than 2 days at a time with their children,.,
Anon says
This is rude. She said they’re Covid cautious, which takes a lot of the ways people normally spend time with their kids off the table. Stay at home moms don’t stay home alone with their kids 24/7. They have play dates and moms groups and kid activities and go on trips to the public library and children’s museum and take their kids with them to Target and the grocery store. All of this stuff eats up a lot of time and I doubt most SAHMs spend more than an hour a day actually playing with their kids. With an unvaccinated kid and cautious parents, I’m assuming all or most of that stuff is not within their comfort level right now, so it makes sense that she’s at loss for what to do.
It’s also not clear if she and her husband will be trying to work during this time, which adds a whole other layer of difficulty.
Anonymous says
Lol. Ok…I mean they seriously cant take an hour walk with their kids at a park or botanical garden? At age one my kids like filling buckets with rocks in the backyard! I didn’t say anything about doing indoor activities. Like I said, unless you live in an extremely cold climate there’s no reason you can’t fill the time outside! Plenty of SAHMs (or parents in general) are still COVID-cautious and not doing indoor activities Like sample schedule:
Breakfast and free play
Get dressed
Morning activity (walk, empty playground, botanical/children’s garden, hike with baby in a backpack)
Lunch
Read books
Nap
Free play and snack
Neighborhood walk
Dinner
Bath/bed
Boston Legal Eagle says
The language today has been a little snarky. For me, I did struggle with filling long days with a baby/young toddler because they can’t really do one activity for too long and need your constant supervision. And they’re not great conversationalists. It’s both exhausting and boring. So I get it OP. And why I was glad daycare is open for the week in between beyond the actual holiday!
Anon Lawyer says
I mean, this is what I do too and it’s fine, but for your week-long vacation you usually want it to feel a little “special” and not the day-to-day drag.
Anyway, OP, one thing I did last year at more or less holiday time with a 13-month old was google local farms that let you come say hi to the animals. We went to an alpaca farm and got to pet and feed them and then to a place with jersey cows where you can pet the calves and then they are happy to tell you about the milking process. And there’s a farm stand. Both were delightful.
Anon says
“I’m kind of amazed by the women on this board who don’t know how to spend more than 2 days at a time with their children” is mom shaming and you know it.
AnonATL says
1 year olds are hard to entertain. They have the attention span of a goldfish. Mine is constantly trying to eat something he could easily choke on or play with something that could injure him. He walks/runs but falls down a lot. He needs constant attention which doesn’t really make for a relaxing holiday week.
Anon says
I think you’re being too literal here. She was asking what people do over break, so maybe special activities, etc. Do you really not think that it’s not going to occur to her to put the kid to bed and feed them dinner?
Anonymous says
Honestly, kids that age can be entertained by so many things you might think are boring. My LO about that age spent much of Monday (daycare was closed) absolutely fascinated by the washing machine. I explained step by step what I was doing, and then she put her nose to the door and watched it spin around while I did other chores within eyesight of her. I think we get so caught up in thinking that every activity has to be some kind of “enrichment,” but my grandma reminded me that that’s not what a SAHM would be doing.
FWIW, she was less interested in the dishwasher. :)
Curious says
I am the OP from yesterday’s breastfeeding thread and wanted to check back in. Thing #1 is you made my anxiety around this so. much. better. Thank you for countering some of the stressful LLL statements that formula would be the beginning of the end. I cluster fed through the 6:30-8:30 fussing, and then we gave 3.5 oz of formula last night as part of bedtime. (Bonus — DH fed the bottle and sang to her). She slept 5 hours! I have no idea where we will end up in two weeks, but for now, combo feeding is so much nicer. It’s also what I originally hoped to do, so I feel much better. Thank you!
No Face says
Yay!
Pogo says
awww, I’m glad! Also feel free to disregard the whole LLL thing if it’s not helpful. I didn’t realize their general messaging was so intense – I think maybe I got lucky w/ my particular chapter/leader person being super chill.
Curious says
It’s totally fine! That’s why we love having the whole hive, right? Get all the varying experiences.
Anon says
i’m sure some lactation consultants are lovely, but when i had one come to assist me with my twins who were having trouble latching/i didn’t make enough milk, her suggestion was that i breastfeed twin A on one side, while pumping on the other side and feeding twin B with a bottle and then switch….Both DH and I looked at her like she was nuts. i think i needed to be an octopus with 8 hands to make that work. i ended up switching to exclusively pumping and fed a combo of pumped milk and formula and it was so much better for me. though honestly, i wish i had stopped pumping sooner so that i could actually spend more time with my babies rather than attached to a machine
Anon says
The lactation consultant I had in the hospital was awful and so judgmental. Two pediatricians (our regular one plus the hospital one) were so supportive of combo feeding and helped me much more. Our ped is actually the only reason I breastfed past the first couple of weeks because she suggested a nipple shield that made it easier for my baby to latch and a lot less painful for me. The LC said I didn’t need one even though I was in excruciating pain. She told me it’s supposed to hurt and “part of being a mom is dealing with the pain.” F that. It was pain free once I got the nipple shield and my kid nursed for a year and a half.
Anonymous says
My hospital lactation consultant gave us a nipple shield, and it was a godsend. The lactation consultant I saw later said we’d get “hooked” on the shield and to try not to use it, but it’s the only thing that ever worked until my son got a lot bigger.
IHeartBacon says
This drives me so crazy when LCs (or others) say stuff like “be careful or kid will get hooked on it…” or other nonsense like that. My usual response to that kind of garbage is: “So what?” From my perspective, a shield allowed me to continue nursing much longer than I would have without it. Without it, I would’ve stopped immediately.
Another thing that really helped was several folks on here who constantly reminded me that it is the presence of breast milk that is beneficial rather than the absence of formula. This helped me with combo feeding.
Anon says
Yeah I used a shield until my kid weaned at 18 months. It was annoying (especially when traveling) but it was fine. I chose that option l over intense pain or not breastfeeding. Other people can make a different choice and that’s fine too. But a kid getting hooked on it isn’t the end of the world even if it happens (which it might not).
Pogo says
meanwhile, I had an LC who gave me the nipple shield and was like, “you do you”, and then the pediatrician’s nurse of all people told me I was supposed to be only using it to latch him or he’d “never learn” on his own. I’m like, this child is 36 hours old. Can we give him a break?!
GCA says
I think LCs vary wildly, from the sound of everyone’s comments, but I’ve personally not had a useful LC. (I have two kids whom I BFed for a grand total of three and a half years.) At best they haven’t really shared any useful perspectives or information with me. (It took a pediatric nurse to catch kid 2’s tongue tie – the on-duty LCs never spotted it.) At worst they actively dissuaded me from upping formula use in a way that would have been really helpful for my particular situation.
You know what though – this community has given me the confidence to advocate for what I need and the information to carry it out. When I had kid 2, we brought in a 6-pack of the premixed formula. I marched in there, plonked it down and said calmly and firmly “Based on our past experience and genetics, this kid is probably going to be jaundiced, and we will be supplementing her pre-emptively”. And to my surprise the hospital said, of course! here are some spare bottle teats, and here is another 6-pack of formula, let us know if you need more. Later on, combo feeding (thanks to the handy guest post by CPA Lady!) paradoxically allowed me to continue the nursing relationship longer than I would’ve otherwise.
Anon says
I don’t think it’s paradoxical at all. Removing the pressure of being your child’s only food source allows you to treat nursing as more of a joyful bonding thing which makes you more likely to continue for longer. I also nursed for much longer than I otherwise would have because I supplemented with formula.
anon says
We took our 22 month old to the dentist for the first time and it turns out he has a fused teeth on the bottom as well as a tongue tie. I’m not so concerned about the teeth but I’m a bit concerned about the tongue tie. Kid was screaming through the whole visit so by the time the dentist finished and discussed what she saw, I was so rattled trying to calm the kid down that I couldn’t really process what she was saying. Kid is on track developmentally with the amount of words he speaks, but we do notice that “R” and “D” seem to be hard for him to pronounce. I hadn’t thought much of it because he’s still so young, but how do we know when this is an issue? He’s not due for another doctor’s check up until December, so I’ll ask about it then but if anyone has experience with this, I’d be interested to hear. Thanks!
Anonymous says
How bad is the tongue tie? Our first kid’s wa very significant and he couldn’t hold a paci and wouldn’t have been able to do things like lick an ice cream cone. I’m guessing it’s not that significant if you are just learning of it, but what kind of advice did your dentist give you? I’d recommend addressing it via the pediatrician!!
Anon says
Our kid got his tongue tie removed at 6 weeks. Pediatric ENT said if we didn’t, he’d probably have some difficulty slurring his Rs and maybe not much else. We removed it because we had problems breastfeeding. Of course, there are some die hard ppl out there who have very strong feelings re: tongue ties and removal and how it can impact breathing and sleep etc etc. w
I would not rely on your pediatrician for this since they are generalists and will likely refer you to a pediatric ENT. If you are near a children’s hospital there is at least one person who probably specializes in it. Some pediatric dentists also specialize in this, but your insurance may not cover that.
Tongue tied says
Definitely get a second opinion from an ENT. My son had one when he was born and we got it revised. When he was 6 yrs old a new dentist said it had partially reattached and suggested redo’ing it. I talked to the ped who referred us to an ENT. He noted that he’d be happy to take the money but if it were his child, he wouldn’t recommend it as it bad.
anon says
I’m tongue tied and all my kids were tongue tied. I had mine operated on when I was 16 and it didn’t really work (I did it for speech issues, and they didn’t really resolve – it was just too late), and also was kind of a PITA. Because of that, I opted to have all of them done within 2 months of birth. I also recommend talking to your ped and not the dentist.
FWIW, my middle son had speech issues, and kids aren’t expected to pronounce R’s until much later. So your child may not be delayed, but your ped will have a better sense.
Anonymous says
all 3 of my kids had a tongue tie and they all had it clipped as babies. It’s genetic, apparently, because DH and his sister and their dad all had (have) it too. DH got his clipped when he had his wisdom teeth removed and the oral surgeon said “i’m suprised you never had speech issues.” SIL had hers done when she was in 7th grade. FIL did not have his done.
Of DH, SIL and FIL, none of them can eat ice creams “normally” (like, licking around a cone). When our kids were evaluated and they all were dx’d with moderate ties, DH pushed hard to have them done to avoid speech issues. Happy to report they have none and are excellent at eating ice cream cones.
anonn says
I know they say take your kid to the dentist once they have teeth, but I’m not buying it. I’d wait and see at the next dentist appt, especially on the speech part. Kids develop so much at this age. Maybe consult with a speech therapist in the meantime.
My 2nd baby had tongue ties released at 3 weeks old by a dentist (referred by MD to IBCLC who referred to the dentist all due to not gaining weight and short feeds). the procedure was fine (we were in a different room) and we had to do exercises 5 times a day for maybe 6 weeks (that was no fun), and weekly chiro visits as the theory is tongue-tie babies are tight everywhere and need to loosen up/stretch out to combat that. This has been true for him, he’s been slow to roll/sit/crawl/stand. Though he talks and eats way more than my 1st did at this age. The procedure (tongue/lip/cheek) was around $600, which our health insurance covered.
In the end, our MD was happy we went with IBCLC->denist, as opposed to an ENT. especially from a cost perspective.
HOWEVER, my 3year old’s dentist (a different dentist) suggested she might also have a tongue tie, but her teeth are pretty straight, her speech is fine and she can stick her tongue out, so I’m not even going down that path with her at this time.
Whatssss says
Does anyone else have a high needs kid that just absolutely cannot handle full day school till 3 and after school till 5:15? My 3.5 yo needs 1 on 1 attention basically at school and they can’t do that in after school…we have a nanny that watches baby during the day and both from 3-5:30 (but it’s a pain to pick him up bc nanny doesn’t drive and not to mention cutting our workdays short!) we are getting all sorts of behavioral and ot evaluations but am I just destined to limit his schooling to 3pm forever and also employ a full time nanny? He absolutely needs to be in a school setting (and not in our 2br apt) so a nanny to watch both is not a solution for us…
Anonymous says
Can you hire one of the preschool teachers to drop him home at 3pm?
Anonymous says
Ok let’s break this down. For now, what works for your kid is “school” until 3, then home. Your main issue isn’t the kid is that your nanny doesn’t drive! Can you find one who will?
Your second question is are you doomed to this forever and I think you know that you probably aren’t. Kids grow and change!
Anon says
+1
anon says
+1 Nanny doesn’t seem to be the right fit anymore given the evolving situation/needs of the family.
Anon says
+1 It doesn’t strike me as odd at all that a 3-yr-old is spent after a full day of school (especially if it’s true school rather than play-based daycare). My 4-year-old was exhausted after a full day of school and it was meltdown city by 4pm. He got a little better in kindergarten (but covid made everything harder) and is doing awesome this year in first grade.
There may be more details if you are getting him evaluated, but what you wrote sounds very, very developmentally appropriate. Focus on having lazy weekends with lots of downtime, and more food and sleep during the week.
Anon says
+1 Maybe your child has other issues but this in and of itself is developmentally normal. I had a stay at home mom but I’m very confident I could not have handled full day school at that age. I did half day K and had a rough adjustment to first grade and that was only 9-3. I’m not sure at what age I would have been able to handle an 8-5 day. I’m a normal functioning adult, albeit an extremely introverted one.
Anonymous says
+1. If you live in an area where you can’t get around without driving, your nanny needs to drive. The older the kids get, the more necessary this becomes.
anon says
My 3 yo absolutely couldn’t handle a full day of group care. She was a wreck and miserable little person with the long days, struggling even on weekends. We switched to an au pair and half day preschool. She turned into a sweet happy kid–it was night and day. Even now as a grade schooler we don’t put her in aftercare because she does better with downtime at home.
I think you need a nanny or au pair who can do drop off and pickup, with a shorter school day.
Anon says
I feel skeptical that any 3.5 year old absolutely needs to be in a school setting unless I’m missing something!
Anon says
I think school is often used as a euphemism for daycare or play based preschool. I didn’t interpret it that he sits at a desk all day drilling letters and umbers.
Anonymous says
I have 3 kids and only one could handle a full day (8-5:30) of daycare. For the others, after they stopped napping, I sent them in the mornings and hired a nanny to pick them up in the afternoon. So it was 8am-1pm at school and then 1pm-5pm at home with nanny.
Before they stopped napping it was 8-1 at school, nap from 1-3 at school and we hired someone to pick them up at 4pm and stay 4-6pm to help with dinner (they were younger and more work).
octagon says
That was the age where my kid completely dropped the nap but also could not really function until bedtime without some down time. We picked him up a little early (like 4:30) and he watched an hour of Sesame Street in a darkened room while eating cheerios in a snack cup. It helped him decompress from the day but with limited parental attention (I was WFH in a different room).
Tick testing says
If you’ve ever pulled a tick off your kid, did you send the tick to a lab for testing? Pulled one off of 3 YO’s shoulder yesterday. It was very, very small. It is now in a bag. Wondering if I should send it to a lab. Thank you!
Anon says
Our doctor sent it for testing to confirm the type of tick (if it wasn’t a deer tick, then nothing to discuss absent symptoms, and neither he nor I were comfortable identifying it based on look). I know it had been on kiddo for more than 48 hours (because I thought it was a new freckle, hah, until it got engorged and had legs and was clearly not, lesson learned). Doctor mentioned that testing the tick for disease is not super helpful because even if the tick has a disease, there is still a low likelihood it transmitted anything, and that a lot of those labs can be unreliable. If it gives you peace of mind, great, but more important is to monitor for symptoms and do blood testing of kid if warranted (we had no symptoms and chose not to put kiddo through a blood draw). If I were in your shoes, having done this once, I would send the tick for identification if you can’t tell because the coloring is strange or it’s too small for you to see (doctor used labcorp I think) and just monitor for symptoms. The fact that it was very, very small when you pulled it off likely means it hasn’t been on long enough to cause problems (48 hours is when our doctor would start to have concerns).
Anon says
I send every tick to our state’s lab (ticklab.org). It’s free and fast, and it’s worth knowing the results because we live in a high Lyme area.
Spirograph says
Oh, thank you, I had no idea this was a thing! I’ve kept them in a bag in the freezer for a week or two, figuring that I’ll have it to provide for testing if any symptoms develop, but I didn’t know you could send them proactively.
Anon says
The cool thing it does is that they estimate how long it’s been attached based on engorgement. We’ve had ones that we though just found and got off immediately but were estimated to have been attached for a day or two.
anon says
I’ve never heard of this and live in a relatively high-tick area (house abuts conservation area, new england).
Anon says
It’s a thing. I’m from the Midwest and have heard of it. But I always thought you only sent it out for testing if it had been attached for the ~48 hours required to transmit.
Pogo says
Call your ped and learn the signs. They didn’t test the tick, but tested kiddo once he showed symptoms. We had Lyme unfortunately. Catching it early is the most important thing! He fully recovered, but I’m glad I was super vigilant.
Anon says
I just pulled a tick off my preschooler this morning (and off my infant last week). Is it flat or engorged looking? If flat, I wouldn’t worry. Do you have any idea how long it’s been on? I believe they need to be attached for a day or so to transmit disease. Wash the area with soap and water, apply bacitracin, and keep an eye out for rashes.
So Anon says
I agree with calling your ped’s office for advice. In my area (new england) where lyme carrying deer ticks are rampant, if you pull a deer tick off of yourself or your child, they will treat for lyme on a prophylatic basis if you call quickly enough.
Anonymous says
My 3 year old has started talking in the most bizarre combination of a baby voice + Cockney accent almost 100% of the time. What’s the fastest way to get this to stop – ignore, or constantly say “I don’t understand you, try again in your regular voice?” the latter is hard to be consistent with and I’m worried it might be drawing extra attention, but this is surprisingly frustrating!
No Face says
I mean, I would find this adorable so no advice here. My kids two month long Peppa Pig inspired accent was great for me.
EB says
I’m sure it’s not funny for you, but gosh, kids do the darndest things.
I have to think the latter is the right move. My kid talks in a whiney voice pretty regularly, and I get the best correction when I say, “say it again without whining.” “Stop whining” doesn’t work – I have found that giving a concrete direction “do ___” gets a better result than “don’t do ___.” For obvious reasons, I think. And with my kids, just ignoring them seems more like telling them “don’t do __” rather than giving an affirmative correction.
I *think* this holds true if they’re doing it for attention too? They’re not really getting attention, just a course correction? But I agree, it’s hard. HOpefully it doesn’t last!!
Anonymous says
Are you sure you want this to stop? It sounds kind of amazing. I would say “I don’t understand you, try again in your regular voice?” the first time it happens (each day or within a reasonable period of time) and then ignore, or ignore with an occasional “I can’t understand you” thrown in if you think the message may have been forgotten.
Anon Lawyer says
Make them repeat “the rain in Spain stays mainly on the plains” until they’ve got it.
Anon says
Haaa
Anonymous says
By George, she’s got it!
Curious says
In Hartford, Harriford, and Hampshire …
baby voice says
our daughter has been doing this for almost a year (just over 4 now), and now that I think of it, she’s really not anymore. It was so horrible and it didn’t matter if we ignored it, told her we couldn’t understand her baby voice, or anything. she just had to grow out of it I guess? We made it clear we did not like it. I totally understand your frustration, it is so annoying, not funny or cute at all.
Anon says
For the last few weeks my 4 year old has been throwing huge fits about going to preschool – yelling, hitting, kicking, refusing to get dressed. Once she is there she walks right in to play with her friends and teachers say she is engaged and fine during the day. When I ask her what’s going on in a calmer moment, she says she misses me and likes home better. Any suggestions on how to make getting there less fraught?
Anon says
My 3.5 year old went through something similar recently. I focused on giving her more attention and quality time with me at home and letting her have more physical contact with me (she loves to sit in my lap during dinner which I hate and don’t normally allow) and it seemed to help. Also if you can swing an occasional early pickup, plan something fun and then share in the anticipation for a week or two.
Yawn says
My 14 month old is suddenly waking up multiple times in the middle of the night screaming hysterically, arching his back like he is in pain, and generally inconsolable. It’s horrible and I have no idea what to do. He’s fine during the day. Help?
AwayEmily says
Is he awake or still asleep? My kid had a lot of night terrors around that age and it we could identify them because he was completely asleep during them. Screaming, thrashing, but asleep and totally unresponsive to us.
Yawn says
It’s hard to tell. Sometimes it does seem like he is still asleep.
Been there says
Sorry to hear this. We too dealt with night terrors during ages 2-4. LO was always sound asleep, and would spend about 10 minutes 1 night/week screaming hysterically for about a month or so, then go for a month or two with no issue, then we’d have another month of the night terrors once a week. Pediatrician said he would outgrow, and he did. I tried desperately to find a culprit (I was convinced it was something he was eating at dinner), but no luck pinpointing a cause. We got to the point where we just would hold him until it passed because we could never wake him up. It was rougher for us than him because he had no memory of it the next day. Good luck!
AwayEmily says
if it’s night terrors, then I’m sorry you’re dealing with it. Ours had a lot around that age (12 months to 2 years) and grew out of it at sometime around 3. He’s now creeping up on 4 and has only had one in the last six months. It’s really scary and yeah, ours didn’t like to be held either. Honestly the few times we just let him deal on his own they ended faster (this is what our pediatrician recommended) but it’s really heartbreaking to do that so generally I would go in there and try to at least talk to him in a calming voice. Now he shares a room with his sister so we actually have to remove him so that he doesn’t wake her. Good luck. Definitely call your pediatrician, I found it really reassuring that they’d dealt with it before and didn’t seem concerned. You might want to search on this board for night terrors too, I think there have been other conversations about it.
Anonymous says
Sounds like night terrors— my three year old gets them regularly. It’s miserable for us, as she’s inconsolable for as long as 30m, but she doesn’t even remember them in the morning. We just stay with her and speak in a soothing voice. She doesn’t want to be touched. I don’t know that it helps her, it seems she just needs to work through it, but I can’t sit there and do nothing.
Anon says
New teeth? My daughter this when teething.
GCA says
Could it be teething? We had a few rough patches around that age when canines and molars started to come in. I used to have to give a prophylactic dose of ibuprofen each night for a while.
EDAnon says
Maybe an ear infection?
Anon says
For me, this was night terrors, and my childhood pediatricians were not too helpful. When I finally saw a sleep neurologist as an adult, there were things I could do about the sleep disruptions I continued to experience (I wasn’t still waking up screaming, but I still had troubled sleep transitions probably related to low acetylcholine levels in my CNS). I hope that there are better specialists available for pediatric sleep disruptions than there were when I was young, because all my parents could get were reassurances that it was fine that I was suffering.
Pogo says
If it is night terrors, for us it only happens when LO is overtired. Has there been a nap shift recently – dropping morning nap maybe? Or keeping both naps but bedtime pushing later?
I’m sorry. As others have mentioned it is very disturbing because your child acts possessed and is not comforted by anything.
RDC says
If it is really night terrors, we had great success with “anticipatory waking” (link to follow, there’s a Mayo Clinic page). Basically (my understanding is) a night terror happens when they get stuck in a certain phase of their sleep cycle, so slightly waking them before that phase will help them move through the cycle without getting stuck. DS always had night terrors right around 90 minute after falling asleep, so around 75 minutes we’d go in an wake him enough that he rolled over. It almost completely solved the problem for us, and eventually he outgrew it. There was a device for this purpose – the Lully Sleep Gurdian – but looks like it’s not made anymore.
Anon says
I am pregnant and need to share that news with my boss in the next week or so before I see them at an event and it’s obvious. I’m having a really hard time mustering the courage. They are generally very family friendly but for some reason I have this idea that they are going to be mad or disappointed because this is going to interfere with my career trajectory at a pretty critical moment. I also think part of me feels like this is the beginning of the end for this job – it’s hard to imagine keeping up with it after a second kid. Any advice?
Anonymous says
Stop catastrophizing and just call them right now and tell them.
Anon says
I felt exactly this way with both pregnancies and both times it was fine and I felt so much better once I disclosed it.
It sounds like you’re trying to take on too much at once in terms of worrying about what might happen down the line and whether this is the right job for you with two kids, etc. Just deal with the immediate task in front of you, which is to let your boss know about your pregnancy. You are not responsible for his/her reaction (which I think is very unlikely to be negative anyway.) If this is a phone call, write down what you want to say and read it if it’s easier. But either way, do it now so you don’t have to spend any more time worrying.
EDAnon says
My advice would be not to make any assumptions. I was promoted after being out on leave with my first and while pregnant with my second. #2 is 3 now, my career is still going well, and no one even remembers me being out on leave. Also, if anyone is mad at you for being pregnant, they can f* off. If you’re celebrating it, they should, too.
Spirograph says
Same, I was offered the promotion while on maternity leave with my first, and offered a lateral, but with more visibility, again after my 2nd. Pregnancy is not necessarily a career-killer (at least in my field).
Anon. says
Absolutely agree. I got a discretionary RSU grant after returning from mat leave with #1 and a ‘please, don’t quit’ salary bump shortly after the second. My #2 is now 21 months and I have accepted a new role with my firm that is a promotion and includes less travel.
Just tell them, I bet they’ll be excited for you.
Curious says
Same. Promoted just before #1 was born despite being a complete mess week 6-16.
Spirograph says
I totally get the angst around this, but I had to tell three different bosses about pregnancies and all of them were very cool about it. Even the one who heard it on literally my first day on the job. Schedule a meeting so that you won’t get interrupted. Your boss will probably be relieved you’re pregnant and not quitting. :)
Also, I don’t want to dismiss anyone’s personal experience, but I think the fear of a pregnancy/child interfering with your career is much greater than the actual interference. Careers are long. If you are ambitious and a good employee before you have children *and you are still ambitious and motivated to be a good employee afterward* young kids years are a blip. Will a stellar career require more effort than it would have if you were childless? Probably, because kids are a lot of work. But it’s unlikely do derail you. More critical moments will come at times that are more opportune for you to seize them. I promise.
Also, congrats!
TheElms says
I’m glad that so many people have had good experiences, but I don’t think you are odd to find it hard to tell your work. I also am finding it hard. I’ve set myself a deadline of the week following my 20 week ultrasound, which is soon. With my first telling work didn’t go particularly well. Some people were supportive, but I lost out on some opportunities (a conference that was scheduled for the week of my due date out of town and I haven’t been asked to speak since), and a promotion I earned was delayed a year for no good reason.
Anon says
+1 I also felt like i was immediately treated differently and I lost opportunities, and anecdotally about 75% of my mom friends feel the same way. I’m glad some people here got promoted while pregnant, but to act like there’s no chance of discrimination or people being upset seems pretty naive.
Anon says
Pregnancy is a very common issue In the workplace. I doubt anyone will be that surprised or concerned. You probably care a million times more than anyone else will.
EDAnon says
Thanks for your advice earlier this week! I passed my proposal today so I am ABD :)
Anon says
Congrats!
Spirograph says
Congratulations!!
avocado says
Well done!
Curious says
Hurray! Huge!
Anon says
Congrats!
Anon says
Primary just sent me a coupon code for 30% off everything. Code is TY30.
anon says
thank you!
Digital piano recommendations? says
Need recommendations on digital pianos, for my kid (6) for Christmas. Which one do you have, how do you like it?
My son would like to learn, but no one in the family is a piano player.
I know we should get something with a realistic feel, i.e. weighted keys. Should we do 88 or less?
Would be nice to also have different sounds (like brass, strings etc), and connectivity to headphones, iPad (Bluetooth or similar).
For lessons, we’ll probably go with a teacher on Outschool recommended by a friend, but if you have any leads, I’ll take suggestions.
Anonymous says
You definitely want a full 88 keys.
Spirograph says
I had a Yamaha P60 for years as the piano that moved around with me in my 20s when I was too transient to have an actual piano. It was totally adequate, even for advanced repertoire. I had an X stand, but would recommend a sturdier one if you have someplace to leave it set up all the time. Definitely get 88 weighted keys if the point is to learn to play the piano. Connectivity to ipad and other techy stuff is more useful for composing than playing, and there is no benefit to having the piano make non-piano sounds except novelty. Yamaha and Roland are both good brands.
Not what you asked but … if you have space in your house, consider getting an upright piano. It’s not much bigger in terms of footprint, may be cheaper than buying a new digital piano (you can often find people giving them away for the price of moving), and it’s just more fun to play a “real” instrument. If you aren’t sure the piano lessons will stick, you might also consider renting a digital piano from a music store.
Curious says
I played for eight years (into high school) and now only occasionally. Have been satisfied with this guy:
YAMAHA P71 88-Key Weighted Action Digital Piano with Sustain Pedal and Power Supply (Amazon-Exclusive) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01LY8OUQW/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_E5RCEKAWXDWT20HH11SP?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1