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I’m always on the hunt for the perfect concealer — opaque coverage (but not cakey or dry), a perfect match for my skin tone (especially for my undertones), and versatile (it needs to work for both my under-eye circles and periodic acne).
Tarte’s Shape Tape Contour Concealer might be it. This bestseller features a full coverage formula, lasts 16 hours, and offers crease-proof and waterproof wear. It brightens under the eyes, and smooths and blurs away the appearance of fine lines. It also comes in a wide range of shades and undertones so you can find the perfect match.
I may be ready to believe the hype!
This concealer is $30 at Ulta Beauty.
Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
GCA says
Good morning from preschool quarantine number five! This McSweeneys piece was perfection. https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/the-yellow-wallpaper-ii-the-gothic-tale-of-female-madness-updated-for-women-in-2022-with-unvaccinated-children-under-five
Happy Lunar New Year’s Eve to anyone celebrating. (It’s a big deal in my household and we’re doing our darnedest to make it special for the kids despite quarantine.)
Cb says
Happy Lunar New Year! I was walking to grab lunch and saw drums and a dragon which was a definite treat.
Anonymous says
Our preschool changed their rules to say if you are vaccinated (most aren’t but some kids are 5 already!) or have had COVID in the past 90 days (many have) you don’t have to quarantine. They have floating teachers to fill in when it’s the teacher is the one with COVID so class can still run.
It’s not much but it’s something!
Walnut says
I’ll take something! We’re on the back end of a 14 day quarantine right now. Why 14 days? Who knows! I have a negative test from day five. There is currently a little people village under my feet and I’m probably moments from my three year old flipping off my power source again.
Pogo says
Having had it in the past 90 days is a great one. We just had it go through our house and if I am forced to stay home again within the next couple weeks I’d lose my sh*t.
GCA says
Yes, at ours, the kids who have had COVID are exempt from further quarantines for 90 days. And we’re doing 5-day quarantines with testing on day 5. I just wrote to the director asking if they were planning to institute MA’s new test and stay for childcare.
Another anon says
Same policy, Louisiana.
AIMS says
In NYC, the rule was just changed to 5 days quarantine and okay to return on day 6 with a negative PCR from day 5 or two negative home rapid tests from days 4 and 5 (this is for unvaccinated little kids under 5. Vaccinated kids can test to stay and have to only be out 5 days if they test positive so long as their symptoms are gone/improving by day 5).
I have to say that I am always sort of shocked by how much more school closures seem to be an issue outside of NY (or maybe just NYC). Our old mayor didn’t get a lot of love from anyone, but my two kids have largely been in school for most of the last two years (initial shut down aside) and that’s definitely to his credit. And I really do feel like if NYC can keep things open, everyone else should be able to as well but maybe I am missing something. I’m still barely functioning and I’ve been talking to myself about the Yellow Wallpaper for a while now, but I can’t even imagine if I didn’t have at least some reprieve (and I am sure I just jinxed it all by even writing this… ).
Anon says
I’m in Westchester…amazingly, our schools have managed to stay open this year, too, which I attribute in part to the strict masking and quarantine rules (we haven’t had wide spread or staffing issues). However, the quarantines sure are annoying when they hit you! We’ve been quarantining the whole class or bus for one case. My two kids have had about 7 quarantines between then since mid-November.
Luckily, they just switched to 5-day quarantines and a test-to-stay option (and no more reporting to the health dept), so hopefully the long stretches at home are a thing of the past. Still need a PCR to return to school after any sniffle, though!
anon says
Holy sht did that resonate with me. Three weeks at home because of two positive COVID tests and my husband’s office door; closed. I work in our son’s basement bedroom, wiggling the mouse.
DLC says
Happy Lunar New Year!
I am the worst Asian daughter- Lunar New Year always catches me by surprise. But thanks for the reminder and I will at least call my parents and grandfather, and maybe we’ll have dumplings for dinner.
Would love to know how other families celebrate with their kids?
GCA says
Calling my family tonight! Had (grown-up) friends over for a fairly epic dinner last night (before we found out about quarantine, and in any case they have recently had COVID). New outfits, red packets, and making kids clean their room, lol.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Is your daycare switching to test and stay soon? Ours is rolling this out next week. Still quarantining if kid tests positive, but otherwise can go back.
GCA says
They’d better, or i am looking for a new childcare arrangement! Sigh.
AIMS says
Oh my god – that is brilliant (I also LOVE the Yellow Wallpaper with a passion).
ANon says
OH MY GOD! I loved the McSweeneys piece. AMAZING. The Yellow Wallpaper is one of my favorite books. This Part 2 is incredible. So scary but true.
CCLA says
Thanks for sharing the piece. Totally brilliant (and sad).
anon says
How long did the four month sleep regression last for you all and how did it end? Baby hit it a few weeks early and she is too young to sleep train. I plan to Ferber at five months but that’s 7 weeks away
Cb says
My PhD defense was also when my son turned 4 months, it started a week before that (making practice sessions fun) and lasted maybe 5 or 6 weeks? But he never really slept so it was hard to tell.
Anonymous says
My kid also hit it early (just after 3 months), so there wasn’t really anything we could do about it. It lasted about two weeks – 20-30 min naps and wakeups at 2 am wanting to party. It ended with sleeping nighttime stretches of 6-8 hours, which was glorious once we got over our initial panic that something was wrong because there wasn’t a 2 am wakeup. :)
Anonymous says
Forgot to mention that naps weren’t great until 13 months, so ymmv on that piece.
anon says
Did you do anything to end it or it just stopped on its own? Baby needs her pacifier to sleep so we are trying to wean that but other than that she sleeps independently
Anonymous says
It stopped on its own. I was getting ready to go back to work FT, it was right before the holidays, and DH was in a really busy time, so we didn’t have the brain space to figure out what to do. I did a lot of 2 am Christmas shopping on my phone while rocking her and playing some of the Rockabye Baby albums (kiddo liked the Tom Petty, Snoop, and Beastie Boys versions). No idea what DH did when it was his turn to handle the wakeups.
TheElms says
We hit it around 3 1/2 months. We bought the Taking Cara Babies 3 & 4 month course (before I knew she was a Trump supporter – so ymmv). It was a series of techniques to try and it definitely helped. I think the worst was over in a week of starting the techniques but it was probably more like 4-6 weeks until we were back to sleep like it was before the regression. We also but black up curtains in our bedroom at that point and I definitely remember holding the pacifier in kiddos mouth a lot.
anon says
OP here- We follow her too and practiced the SITBACK technique. We were doing so well until three nights ago. My struggle is that I don’t want to spend ten minutes or so doing SIT when I know B does the trick. I don’t want to make the paci more of a crutch than it already is but when she’s waking every hour it is definitely the easiest route back to sleep
TheElms says
So, I wouldn’t worry about the pacifier being a crutch. If it works now use it. My kid loved loved loved her pacifier. It was in her mouth all day until about a year old. We started trying to consciously limit it around a year. Sometime between 15 and 18 months it became a sleeping only (naps, nighttime) pacifier. Then around 2 we cut it out of the nap routine. Kiddo is now 2.5 and we just dropped the pacifier at nighttime. We had a couple bad nights but about a month later and it seems completely fine.
Anonymous says
+1. 3-4 mos is a little early to be worried about weaning from the pacifier.
Anon says
Ditto – I love a pacifier loving baby. I’ve had one thumb kid and two paci kids and honestly all three transitioned fine (we dropped paci for one at age 2.5 and the other at around 18 months because her palate’s pretty narrow and I was worried about her teeth).
There was a period where one of them would sleep literally surrounded by pacis so she could easily grab one in the night haha. It was funny.
Another anon says
Ditto Anon @10:50. My 10mo has at least 4 pacifiers in the crib at all times, and often during the night she manages to collect them into a pile so she can swap them in and out in her sleep. It’s so cute.
Emma says
Is there a reliable source for what skincare is pregnancy safe? I’m finding a lot of conflicting info online. I’m not doing retinol, but a lot of my natural stuff probably has essential oils in them and I’m confused as to whether that’s OK.
Realist says
I think a lot of this stuff just isn’t researched extensively so finding one reliable source may be tough unless you use something like the EWG Database (which has its own shortcomings). If you want to be extra cautious you could use only products that have ingredients you would eat. I would think if it is safe to eat during pregnancy, it is safe to put on your skin. So coconut oil, some essential oils would be ok, skincare lines like 100% Pure might also make you feel more comfortable. And maybe stay away from any active ingredients that are too new. If it is noticeably harmful I think eventually we figure it out and tell pregnant people to stay away, but figuring it out takes time.
Anonymous says
EWG is made up nonsense and, kindly, most of what you are suggesting is too. Follow Charlotte Parler and Caroline Hirons.
Realist says
I straight up said most of this stuff isn’t researched and that EWG has its own issues. Kindly, I’m not sure why you would trust an influencer solely over other sources. There is no consensus on 99% of this stuff. You look at the science research that is available, use common sense, and do the best you can. EWG can at least lead you to some of the studies that have been done on ingredients (which are sparse, and often not directly applicable to humans so we are inferring from animals).
Pogo says
Salicylic acid is the one you most need to avoid but I also think you need to be using it in pretty large quantities to impact the pregnancy (which I would argue is pretty much the case for all skincare ingredients). Essential oils I would watch out for peppermint as that can impact milk production (closer to birth).
Anon says
Considering the lists my OB gave me said NOTHING about skincare, I’m pretty sure it’s all garbage.
You’re probably more likely to get melasmia if you use strong acids, but this stuff isn’t getting into your body.
anonymous says
The blog 15minutebeauty has lots of posts about pregnancy safe products.
Anon says
https://www.15minutebeauty.com/pregnancy-friendly-skincare-products.html
I used this as my go-to.
Anonanon says
I found I needed to patchwork this together as well. Azelaic acid seems to be widely approved and a great substitute if your pre-pregnancy routine included salicylic acid and retinol. The Ordinary makes a great one.
anon says
Azelaic acid from the Ordinary is what I used when pregnant. Together with the Ordinary niacinamide serum.
Anony says
Will be flying with a two year old soon and trying to decide whether to bring a stroller. Don’t expect to need one much at our destination, so it would really just be for the airport. And the only stroller we already have is a bulky jogging stroller, so I’d rather not bring that and would probably want to buy something lighter. Thoughts?
Cb says
I traveled with a stroller once and then never again, preferring to just use a sling. I found it easier navigating through the airport, assuming you’re not also lugging a carry-on, a big backpack etc.
Leatty says
How big are the airports? Is your kid generally pretty cooperative? When we flew with my then 2.5 year old several years ago, we brought a stroller, and I’m so glad we did. It was during the holidays, so the airports were packed, she was incredibly fussy and kept trying to walk away, so we just strapped her in while she was screaming, and kept going. We used an umbrella stroller, which was fine except for the fact that we couldn’t push it with one hand, so it was really hard to transport our luggage and her car seat. For kid #2, we’ve switched to a Zoe stroller for travel, and it is perfect for that purpose.
NYCer says
I think this a know your kid situation. I can’t imagine traveling without a stroller yet for my almost 3 year old. She is slow and likes to dawdle, which is fine if you have plenty of time, but a travel stroller gives us the option to move faster when needed. Plus our airports around here are huge, so no stroller would inevitably result in one of us needing to carry her at some point.
We have a Babyzen Yoyo and absolutely love it (we always carry it on), but I am sure there are travel strollers at a cheaper price point that would also be just fine.
Anonymous says
Are you taking a car seat? We have a carseat dolly for pulling the carseat, and kiddo can sit in it so it doubles as a stroller.
https://www.amazon.com/Adjustable-Compact-Airplane-Overhead-42×13-5×5-5/dp/B005CNEQK0/ref=sr_1_2?crid=380WN5OJ8DCMF&keywords=britax+car+seat+dolly&qid=1643641903&sprefix=britax+car+seat+dolly%2Caps%2C398&sr=8-2
Anonymous says
How ok will you be when your toddler gets tired and you/spouse have to carry her/him? If you don’t have a lot of other carry ons and you’d be ok carrying a tired toddler, you may not need it. Otherwise, I would look into borrowing/buying a used small, lightweight stroller. I have the Mountain Buggy Nano, which (at the time) was the cheapest stroller billed as fitting into overhead bins on a plane (although I would probably still gate check). I definitely would not bring a bulky jogging stroller.
Anon says
Really depends on the kid. We still needed it at almost 2 for getting through airports but my kid is not athletic and can’t walk long distances compared to others her age. When we flew again at 3.5 (after an 18 month pandemic break from air travel) we didn’t need it in the airport at all.
Anonymous says
We have the Colugo compact and it works great for travel.
Anon says
I am one of those that can’t imagine going through an airport without a stroller. Waiting in line for 20 minutes or more to go through security? Sans stroller my kids would have been a nightmare, probably running through the secure barriers and creating a security “incident”. Also, there is zero chance I could have comfortably carried a two year old all the way around an airport. So, YMMV.
FWIW, we’ve traveled with our huge City Select and for us it really isn’t a big deal that it’s huge. My husband would break it down for the security belt while I took care of kiddo for those few minutes. Then you just break it down again at the very end of the jetway (in our case we had a carrier bag for it since it was made up of so many separate parts), and the baggage folks whisk it away. Then bring it back to you at the same spot when you land. They don’t seem to care that it’s huge, and it really doesn’t seem to matter because it’s not like there is ever a time where we are trying to carry it ourselves or shove it into the overhead bin or something. But I can see an argument for a more compact one.
Anonymous says
The airport is the one place where I wouldn’t want to be without a stroller. It is the easiest way to restrain an uncooperative child, and is a good place for them to sit or nap during delays. Even if your kid is ordinarily a perfect angel who can walk long distances, doesn’t run off, and sits nicely in adult chairs, in the airport all bets are off.
Anon says
That’s interesting, I feel like the airport is the one place we can confidently go without a stroller. My 3 year old will whine endlessly about the half mile walk to the neighborhood park and regularly demands to be carried home, but in an airport she will walk as far as necessary without a peep. She’s always had a great attitude about traveling though, dating back to infancy (which I know is probably just luck, although maybe we get a tiny bit of credit for taking her on planes early and often).
Anonymous says
Yes, but how does she do at 9:00 p.m. when your plane has been delayed for the past six hours and there is nothing to eat but stale Goldfish? That’s what you need the stroller for.
Anon says
We have been in those situations several times and not needed a stroller. Also I find it really annoying to lug along a stroller when the kid is walking and you don’t need it to carry a carseat (it basically takes one adult out of commission because they’re needed to push the stroller), so taking a stroller just for the 1 in 50 chance or whatever the kid would want it is not worth it to me. YMMV.
Anon says
This is probably a good time to invest in an umbrella stroller. Back when we traveled with young kids (oh, 2019!), we used our UppaBaby G-Lite with the UB travel bag and gate checked it. It’s not inexpensive but UB will replace or repair any damage done during travel if you used their bag. Very lightweight but does the job!
Anonymous says
We traveled with the $20-25 Cosco one several times, and it was excellent for that purpose. But we only have one child and knew that the only time we’d use this stroller would be in the airport to destinations where we wouldn’t use a stroller.
Anonanon says
We have done 20+ trips with an infant/toddler (mostly pre-covid) and highly recommend an umbrella stroller. We use the baby zen yoyo – but that is pricy so I think super worth it (fits in the overhead bin!!) if you travel often but not otherwise. In addition to kid sitting/resting, I find the stroller essential in the airport for strapping the kid in when we need him/her to not be sprinting or crawling away.
anon says
We’ve done plane trips with twin 2yos without a stroller and been totally fine, but also had times where our flight was delayed 12 hours so we were walking through the airport at midnight and really regretting not having any way to transport the kids. If you and kiddo are up for baby-wearing that was our go-to on trips where we didn’t need the stroller at the other end–toddler could walk when they wanted and be carried the rest of the time.
Anonymous says
WWYD
I got a text this AM from the mom of one of my 2nd grader’s buddies saying her babysitter cancelled and could her kid, A, come over after school. My gut reaction was like, wtf lady, do I look like your babysitter?
Relevant info:
1. I don’t know the mom very well at all. She didn’t couch it with any kind of pleasantries, either, like “omg so sorry to have to ask but…” or “i know this is super last minute but…”
2. Our kids are not best friends; they did an aftercare thing together in kindergarten and have gone to each others’ birthday parties, but are not like, constantly over each others houses.
3. She is divorced, recently had to restart her career, and has two older (older) kids that are, from what I understand, fairly difficult.
4. My kid has been invited to A’s house, once, and went. I didn’t like the situation and would not allow my kid to have a sleepover there and decided if invited again, i’d find a way to decline (there are two older brothers, a poorly trained dog that jumps/nips, a mom that seems super flakey and things are HIGHLY unsupervised).
5. It would be very easy to have her over today. They are on the same bus and one of my other kids has an activity right near A’s house, so I could drop her off on the back end (I do not for a second believe A’s mom will pick her up on time based on every time they’ve done something together ever!).
6. She is not a difficult kid to have over
7. I have a crapload of work to get done today, but if I’m being honest, I won’t get anything done during the time she’d be here anyway.
I feel like there’s no reason to say no other than I’m super annoyed at how I was asked. Suck it up?
Cb says
I’d suck it up and say yes, mostly because I like putting good deeds out into the universe. Perhaps your kid and A will play really nicely together, and you’ll get loads of work done? YMMV but I get way more done when my son is having a playdate than when he’s home alone – he’s busy playing with his pal.
Anonymous says
I have 2 other (younger) kids in the mix so it certainly won’t make my house less chaotic, but usually a 4th kiddo goes vaguely unnoticed around here.
Anon says
If it were me, I’d suck it up and say yes. Times are hard, sounds like this would not been too much of an inconvenience for you, and the kid’s mom – even if kind of a disaster – has a lot going on. Might be a nice break for her kid.
Anonymous says
This is what I needed to hear. I know the right answer is to have her over, I just don’t like feeling like I’m being taken advantage of. Know what I mean? And I also know it’s not the kid’s fault!
anon says
If this becomes a habit, then yes, taking advantage. But I don’t think a one-time ask falls into that category.
NYCer says
+1. This just sounds like a mom who is scrambling. If it becomes an every week thing without any reciprocity that would definitely be different, but based on Reasons 5-7, I think the nice thing to do would be have the kid over without any feelings of resentment.
Anon says
My usual belief is that the first time is free – whatever she has going on, watch her kid and do her a solid. Put something good out into the world. If it becomes a habit, say no.
anon says
See reasons 5-7. I would suck it up and do it if you’re able. Sounds like she’s scrambling, and this is how you build a village.
Anonymous says
I personally would say yes for the benefit of the kid. Coming from a single mom house growing up, I have a soft spot for kids of single moms. It’s tough out there! If it becomes a habit, for sure address it, but one time seems like a kind gesture that wouldn’t be too difficult to take on.
Anonymous says
Do it. What goes around comes around.
Anonymous says
This.
Anonymous says
I would say yes because you can do it, and she might just need some help today. However, I would pre-emptively set some boundaries for the future. She may have been brusque in her request because she is overwhelmed and doesn’t know now to ask for help. Or she might be a person that takes advantage of others. I would say that you are happy today because the stars align and it just works out, but make it clear that you are unlikely to be able to do this in the future. Giving her the benefit of the doubt this time is the generous thing to do. If she doesn’t deserve the benefit of doubt, you could be setting yourself up to be her fall back option.
Anonymous says
I wouldn’t do this. Why look for a pattern in a one-off event and make her uncomfortable when it sounds like she’s already in a tough spot? Just say you’re happy to help out today, and if it doesn’t work next time she asks, say no.
Anonymous says
OP here. Already done, because it’s true. Going forward one of my kids will have an activity at this time so it’s just luck it worked out today. And also happens to be a nice boundary.
Anonymous says
I hear you on the annoyance I think it’s fully justified, but I would still agree to watch her kiddo. One of my twins was in the hospital last week and I sent some pretty brusque texts but it’s nothing personal. I have ugly cried every night for a week and I’m not a crier. If you can swinf it, help her out. I wouldn’t even necessarily chastise her about “next time” rn: you can just not be available if she does it again. She is probably struggling, like we all are.
EDAnon says
Think of it as doing it for the kid, not the mom. That would help me.
I would be guarded against being taken advantaged of but also, given the circumstances you describe, the test was a bit rude because her life is really full.
Anon says
+1
Anonymous says
Update: I said yes. A was supposed to stay on the bus and get off with my kid. Except she didn’t.
A got off at her stop, where nobody was waiting for her, and walked 1.5 miles home on a main road with poorly plowed sidewalks. My kid is the last stop so once I found out what happened, I had to call A’s mom, who was in a meeting, and we both went out to find A. Except she found A first and didn’t let me know, so my kid(s) and I drove around in panic mode for a good 15 minutes extra.
I think she called the school absence line not dismissal change line so the message never got to A. So in the end, she didn’t get to work, I didn’t get to work, A had to walk in the cold and nobody got a playdate. January suckkkkkks.
Anon says
Oof. I came back to see if there was an update and this is awful but also kinda what I expect for Jan 2022. Next year will be our year!
Confused Associate says
Hi all – my SO and I have decided it’s time to ttc! Very excited. I’m early 30s and a senior associate at a small firm (no attorney has ever gone on maternity leave to my knowledge in the history of the firm so I’m guessing there isn’t a policy? We don’t have HR). I want to ask this wise hive if I should do any planning before ttc i.e. daycare v nanny, hospitals to give birth at, maternity leave, money stuff etc. any advise is appreciated! I’m in RI if anyone has any advise specific to my area.
Or am I way ahead of myself and should wait on these things until later down the line.
Anonymous says
At a minimum I’d find a good OB now (vs who your GYN is, not all GYNs deliver babies) and go for preconception counseling.
Then call around to daycares to see how much infant care is and what the waitlist is. Nannies may be >2x that amount, depending. Have a strong drink :)
Anonymous says
Omg no pregnancy is 9 months take your vitamins have your grownup time.
Anon says
This is how I feel too.
Anonymous says
If your firm does not have paid medical leave or a short-term disability policy, now is the time to find your own plan, before you’re pregnant.
Anon says
Get life insurance; it’s a lot easier before you’re pregnant.
Pogo says
Look into doulas – they are like good nannies: expensive and book up early.
Anonymous says
You do not need to figure out a doula before you are pregnant this is insanity
Spirograph says
You’re ahead of yourself with daycare vs nanny until you are actually pregnant, but do plan to make that a 1st Tri activity. I’m not sure about the local daycare market in RI, but the waitlists in my area were nearly a year long.
If you have not had one recently, I’d visit your GP and get a full check-up, bloodwork, etc, and ask the doc if there’s anything else he/she would recommend. Prenatals will probably be recommended, and the rest depends on your health.
Money stuff: I agree with getting life insurance now, and also check your health insurance coverage to get an idea of what might end up out-of-pocket. If you and your SO don’t have parental leave benefits, I’d take a look at your finances and implement a savings plan that is as aggressive as you can make it to self-fund. Baby items are only as expensive as you want them to be, but if you want to go all-out on the nursery, maybe set some money aside for that, too.
Realist says
Start your prenatals! They are actually more helpful in helping your body stock up and replenish anything that might be low before that first trimester hits and the fetus is like “I need all the things”
Anon says
+1 my OB said ideally you would start them 6 months before conception.
SC says
I would recommend calling around to daycares to ask what their process is, when you can join the wait list, and how much they cost. I was nauseous and exhausted during my first trimester, and I didn’t have the energy to tour daycares and get on wait lists until I was 4 months pregnant. By that time, the wait lists were more than a year out, so we ended up with a nanny for a year. (She was great, but having a nanny was expensive for us.)
As others have said, create your own maternity leave plan before you get pregnant. Get life insurance. Look into your health insurance benefits. Save aggressively.
anon says
I wasn’t a big planner for TTC, but in hindsight I’d recommend this as a bare minimum:
1. Prenatals
2. Life insurance
3. Estate docs (could do it while pregnant but just get it out of the way – one less thing…)
4. Find an OB / talk to friends in your area. I didn’t understand rooming in / “baby friendly” hospitals vs not. I had a terrible experience post delivery. If I had talked to friends in my area about their own reviews of hospitals/OBs, I’d probably have been better off in the long run.
anon says
Also, your choice of OB may determine your choice of hospital (mine only delivered at one hospital) so important to know if there are hospitals in your area you don’t want to use before choosing an OB.
Anon says
I chose the hospital that is NOT “baby friendly,” chose my OB based on that, and had a great experience. My hospital used to be baby-friendly but changed after getting a lot of negative feedback; that is one way in which they are very responsive to what mothers tell them.
Anon says
Beware that even if the hospital normally had a nursery, it may be closed due to Covid. Hopefully things will be better in 9 months.
An.On. says
Take the prenatals! I found a period tracker to be helpful when TTC. Double check your firm’s policy manual, they may have a “general medical leave” even if not specifically a maternity one. Also, if you’re planning to move/do home renovations, I would suggest sooner rather than later. Get recommendations for doctors. Most other things can/should be done after you get pregnant.
anon says
I’d make sure you have OB-GYN who can provide all the care you might need, even if things don’t go as expected. One of the popular hospitals in my (super liberal) area is named after a tree, but it’s actually part of a Catholic chain and doctors are prohibited from providing terminations and anything else the Catholic church doesn’t like at that hospital.
While it’s likely not to be an issue, I absolutely wouldn’t want even a tiny risk of having my care dictated by clergy. Also, having clergy make medical decisions for patients who haven’t asked the clergy to do so goes against my values.
I think a lot of women don’t realize the Catholic connection because it’s named after a tree, not a saint, and we’re in such a liberal area.
Anonymous says
And be aware that “anything else the Catholic church doesn’t like” includes even informing patients of standard options for situations such as ectopic pregnancy and miscarriage.
Anonymous says
Our local Catholic hospital system is also not named in an obvious way, and only one of its several hospitals has a giant cross out front.
Anonymous says
I am in RI and delivered my kids here. Happy to chat offline about specific OBs, hospitals and daycares if you post a burner email.
Spirograph says
+ 1. I’d absolutely say yes to this. There have been times when I’ve been this mom (although I hope I’ve always couched it with pleasantries), and I so appreciate the friends, neighbors, parents-of-kids’-friends who have helped when I was in a bind.
Also, I find it is no extra work, and actually LESS work for me to have a kid’s friend over because they entertain each other and leave me alone. 2nd graders don’t need close supervision, in my opinion.
Spirograph says
Threading fail, obviously meant for the WWYD above.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Welp, turns out there have been ~5 COVID+ cases in my son’s pre-K class, and the administration just never told us; found out through other parents. All the families did what was needed (pulled kids out, didn’t return until COVID- test). Pro is that we haven’t had to deal with spotty childcare, and I guess we’ve all definitely been exposed now…? I’m officially throwing my hands up in the air.
Cb says
I’ve joked that I’m just going to auto archive the “low risk contact” notifications our nursery sends out. They don’t require any action on our part and just make me anxious.
Anonymous says
Our school district was notifying families of exposures after the quarantine period was up so they wouldn’t have to quarantine. As of this morning they have discontinued masking and contact tracing altogether. The policy for testing basically amounts to “don’t ask, don’t tell.” You only have to isolate your child if they have a positive test, so if you don’t test your sick kid you can send them back whenever you want. Based on current infection rates there is close to a 100% chance that there is at least one infected person in any class of 25 students. I will be surprised if we make it to the end of this week before my kid brings the virus home. Over the weekend my husband and I decided that we will return to sports and church because we’re all going to get it from school anyway, so there is little value in trying to protect ourselves beyond wearing masks and praying for the best.
Anon says
So covid just swept through our house and one of my kids had it and literally never had so much as a sniffle. We only knew he had it because we had to test him to send him back to school after the time finished where he was home because he was exposed – and he was positive. He’s on day 8 since then and he had a positive PCR again yesterday. Nary a sniffle. If his sister hadn’t been positive with symptoms, we never would have tested him and definitely wouldn’t have known he had it.
All that to say, I think a ton of kids have been exposed.
My kids schools aren’t telling us all of the cases unless there’s a confirmed exposure. for that matter first grader’s school isn’t even telling us exposures I don’t think.
Pogo says
ha, same scenario here. Except our sibling tested negative, which means in fact we’re still waiting to test him again, and if he is positive now I will scream into the void for a solid 10 minutes. Keeping sick kids home is one thing. Keeping perfectly healthy, chaotic neutral toddlers home is another thing. He’s currently pulling all the books off the bookshelf in our living room and trying to break into the liquor cabinet.
I have all the sympathy and respect for schools and childcares. I’m not even mad at anyone. I just want to scream lol.
Anon says
I totally screamed into the void. He’s missing three weeks of school! And has been feeling 100 percent the whole time. Like healthier than normal! It’s incredibly frustrating.
On the plus side, we had our nanny stay home for two weeks while we all had it. She was due to come back today and we found out she tested positive over the weekend – but since we already had covid and she was feeling fine we still had her come! whew! I could not have done a third week without childcare (we both work full time and have an infant too)
Pogo says
that is so bizarre! We get notices even if our kid was not a close contact. Private daycare/preschool though not public school, but I think they do the same.
Anon says
How can that be – the class and teachers are close contacts and would need to quarantine. Maybe this differs regionally, but where I live that would be a major licensing issue
Jeans says
Has anyone tried any of the one-size-fits-many jeans out there? Good American, Frame, etc.? Thoughts? Are they actually as magical as advertised?
Anonymous says
I have the Frame jeans and I do think they work pretty well. It’s not magic, but it will help you navigate a couple size changes. I gained 50lbs my most recent pregnancy and I couldn’t wear them comfortably until I had lost about half the weight. But for ~25lbs over until now they’ve been great. I wear them constantly, because my old jeans are still a bit tight.
Anonymous says
Thanks, I’ll give them a try! I lost all the pregnancy weight thanks to having a difficult newborn/no support system due to Covid/no time to eat, but then gained it all back as soon as my kiddo started daycare and I had time to eat plus a healthy dose of Covid-era stress. I’d feel at least a little better about my life if I “real pants” that fit.
Nailpolish strips? says
Favorite brands? I’m trying to balance staying power vs. how difficult it’ll be to remove.
Anon says
Anyone planning anything fun related to the Olympics with their kids?
Anonymous says
We always do a theme meal for the opening ceremony! Chinese takeout is thankfully an easy one.
Anonymous says
My whole family is very into winter Olympics sports, and my birthday is Opening Ceremony night, so we’re having Olympic-themed birthday cake with our watch party. DVR is already set to record all of the primetime coverage and a lot of the daytime stuff, so we’ll just have that on in the background for the next 3 weeks. :)
Clementine says
Make sure my daredevil 6 year old NEVER gets to see the freestyle skiers or the ski jumping? (Only partially kidding – he goes to ski school for all of February break and I know him SO WELL).
No, I’ll probably let them watch highlights of it. I am not loving that I need to pay for some subscription to watch my beloved figure skating and biathalon.
Anonymous says
We get Peacock free with our internet + cable TV bundle. The benefit is not well advertised and we kind of stumbled on it while clicking around on the cable box menu. It’s worth checking to see whether you get it too.
Anon says
Peac0ck Premium is free with most cable TV providers, I think. I have it and don’t pay anything for it. I think you can also sign up for a free trial.
Anonymous says
hahaha my husband showed my kids ski jumping a couple weeks ago, and even the daredevil wanted nothing to do with that. They do want to do the Big Air snowboarding tricks, though.
(I am *not* a fan of the NBC app, and also refuse to pay for that. But we still have a real cable TV package, so we’ll watch it there / DVR and fast forward through commercials and gratuitous interviews & commentary)
GCA says
Not us,but SIL is an honest to goodness former Winter Olympics athlete. I think for the first few years of his life, their oldest was under the impression that events involving skis were the only ‘real’ sports!
Anon says
How cool! I was a serious figure skater for most of my childhood, so I’m really into the Winter Olympics, but I never got close to going as an athlete.
Anon says
Does anyone have a kid who doesn’t like swimming or even playing in water at all? My daughter always got hysterical when we tried to take her in pools as an infant and toddler. Last summer (age 3.5) we took her to lots of kiddie pools/zero entry pools to try to get her acclimated to water gradually. She would get in the water when we coaxed her, to a point, but was always asking to get out and just play on the side of the pool. Perhaps it’s a sensory thing, although she does seem to enjoy playing in the bath once we get her into it and she really likes water tables. She’ll be 4.5 this summer and I’m not sure what to do…just keep taking her to pools and begging her to wade in the water? Force her into swim lessons at some point? I think peer pressure would probably help, but at the same time she would probably just spend the entire swim lesson crying so it doesn’t seem fair to the instructor and other kids. I guess I’m not sure how to balance “kids are unique people and don’t all have to like the same things” with “swimming is an essential life skill that everybody needs to learn.”
Anonymous says
Private swim lessons.
Anon says
Unfortunately this is what eventually worked for my daughter (she was in kinder). She actually recognized it was going to be an issue and requested swim lessons though.
Cb says
My son had a phase like this, memorably crying hysterically and running into the ocean to try and drag me out at age 2. But while no one owns a pool in Scotland, we live 10 minutes from the sea and water safety is super important. So we’ve done a lot of time at the seaside, dipping our toes in the water, and started swim lessons 3 weeks ago. We were away at Christmas and he was so much better in the water, to the point that if I were prepared to get in the Atlantic in December, he’d have gone in. He started swim lessons properly this month and did so so well, so kids can change quite a bit in a very short period of time. So I might try group lessons and go to private if it truly doesn’t work.
Anon says
I was this kid. I still don’t enjoy swimming even though I understand it’s an essential skill. I’m also not very good at it either. She may be afraid of the water, which was my problem initially, then I hated my group lessons where everyone else just seemed to get it. I’d give it a rest for a few months and try again with private lessons (which someone else also suggested).
Pogo says
omg, same. My college even made us pass a swim test to graduate and I seriously had to breastroke with my head above water the whole way. like i CAN swim but I very much do not enjoy it.
Anon says
I also breaststroke with my head above water, but I like swimming and consider myself a strong swimmer. I’m not fast because I don’t do the fast strokes, but I have good endurance.
Anon says
Mine did too! Williams!
Anonymous says
This is me, too. I will say, however, that my similar kiddo benefitted most from a mix of private and group lessons. What really worked was over the summer when we could get her in lessons every day for a week (which we actually did several sessions of) versus once a week lessons. Thankfully she doesn’t seem to be taking after me anymore.
Anonymous says
could this be something for her to do at summer camp, or with a friend? maybe she just doesn’t like to be in the pool.
SBJ says
+1 to private swim lessons. See if you can find recommendations for a teacher who works well with kids who don’t like the water-they’ll have tons of experience coaxing kids in. If your kid has a friend who also wants to learn and you can share the private lessons, that might help make it more fun. Also, from personal experience, bribes. We used ice cream-the deal was in the beginning kiddo had to at least sit by the side of the pool for the lesson to earn the ice cream. As they got more comfortable, it was completing a whole lesson. It helped turn swim into a fun event that was eagerly anticipated vs a brutal slog/fight.
Anonymous says
I HATED swimming as a kid. I didn’t enjoy being in strongly chlorinated water or getting sand everywhere to make it worth the effort of wiggling into a bathing suit, covering myself with sunscreen, getting out to dry off and reapply, etc., and then getting sunburned anyway. Any chance it’s one of these issues? Would she be more comfortable with a rash guard or a different suit?
FWIW, my parents forced me into lessons and dropped me into the pool when I was maybe 3 or 4. The early 80s were a very different time…
Anonymous says
Not so different! There is a swim instructor in our area who used to be known as the “swim N@zi.” She would give private and semiprivate lessons in people’s backyard pools. Parents were not allowed to watch. She literally threw the kids in the water and made them think she would let them drown. It was supposed to motivate them and build confidence. It was absolutely insane. I have no idea how liability insurance worked with the backyard pools.
A couple of years ago she bought an AquaTots franchise, which I don’t believe allows the swim N@zi method, and her reign of terror over swimming instruction in the greater metro area came to an end.
Anon says
As a lifelong swimmer (and we know lots of people with pools), team essential life skill here. She doesn’t have to like it but she does need to do it. For my kid at nearly 4, the trick was last summer outdoor private lessons with a young coach (i.e., an authority figure who is not a relative but who is still fun) at Grammy’s neighborhood pool along with goggles in every bag that could conceivably go near water. That and the peer pressure of seeing other kids diving for their toys persuaded kiddo to actually stick her face in the water. Followed by a week at the beach with her fun aunties practicing in the water. And it was like a dam breaking. We put her in indoor small group lessons this fall and have continued them through the winter and she has been doing so well and appears to really be enjoying it. We’ll probably stick with the weekly indoor lessons for another year or so (basically until she can confidently swim 25 yards, which is my prerequisite for playing in the water without an adult next to her). This summer I will probably let her take the life vest off in the pool (I’ll still be in there with her) but keep the life vest for the ocean.
Anonymous says
Private lessons are probably the answer eventually, but I wouldn’t make her do them this summer if she’s not interested. I learned how to swim when I was 6 and I’m a strong swimmer who enjoys being in the water, especially lakes and ocean. I know it’s super trendy these days to put preschoolers in swim lessons, but making young kids do something before they feel ready can result in them being turned off the activity long term. At some point you will have to press the issue, but I don’t think 4 is the right age.
Anonymous says
Most kids don’t really learn to swim until they are around 6 anyway. At 3 and 4 they can learn to “swim” a few feet and maybe take one or two breaths, but they don’t tend to become competent swimmers for a couple more years. At that point the ones who have just started lessons catch up very quickly to the ones who have had swim lessons every week for their entire lives.
Anonymous says
Mine was pretty afraid of water at 3. Would NOT go past her waist. We put in her in swim lessons and she hysterically cried the entire first lesson. But she was fine after that and can swim 5-10 feet at age 4.
anon says
I think this is a wait and try again situation. One of my kids was like that – hysterically afraid of the pool (but not the beach, for some reason), until about age 5.5. It was a total switch. You’ve got time. Private lessons with a great instructor is what did it. He’s a total fish now.
Anonymous says
What’s the minimum spacing between maternity leaves in your opinion? Esp for big law. There’s been talk on the main site of first pregnancies + new jobs, curious what people think about second pregnancy at the same job.
Anon says
I mean, I think over a year is good, in general 18 months? Less than a year and I’d probably frown a bit, but also we have so little control over timing! I really think the answer to this has to be anything!
EDAnon says
I would say a least a year if you can. But it isn’t always something you can control.
Anonymous says
I mean birth control exists
Anonymous says
12 months
Anon says
I think a lot of it depends on how well you function during pregnancy and postpartum. If you’re having those magical pregnancies where you never feel better, you’re knocking it out of the park, and you’re perpetually glowing, you’ll probably get less side-eye on your next pregnancy than someone who (like me) had a permanent seat on the struggle bus. Likewise, some women are just not operating well for a long time postpartum.
Consider that most doctors recommend at least 12 months between pregnancies, so if you deliver in February 2022, you wouldn’t TTC until February 2023. That alone is going to do a good job of spacing your maternity leaves.
Anon says
I don’t think the recommendation to wait 12 months after delivery before TTC is universal. The ACOG recommends 18 months between deliveries (which would mean you could conceive 9 months after delivering the first), and I feel like they skew cautious about this stuff.
Anon says
You’re misstating the recommendations. Mayo Clinic and March of Dimes both recommend at least 12 months (if you’re older than 35 and infertility is a risk) and ideally, 18 months, interpregnancy interval. The ACOG says that for improving maternal health outcomes, they give a “strong recommendation” to avoid an interpregnancy interval of less than six months, based on “moderate-quality evidence;” however, the counseling to avoid an interpregnancy interval of less than 18 months is a “weak recommendation” also based on “moderate-quality evidence.”
“Women should be advised to avoid interpregnancy intervals shorter than 6 months and should be counseled about the risks and benefits of repeat pregnancy sooner than 18 months. Most of the data from observational studies in the United States would suggest a modest increase in risk of adverse outcomes associated with intervals of less than 18 months and more significant risk of adverse outcome with intervals of less than 6 months between birth and the start of the next pregnancy.”
Anon4this says
I feel pretty good about my kids being nearly 3 years apart in age. I had my first as a senior associate at 36 and am having my second as counsel at 39. The years I took maternity leave my hours were just a disaster. I had a big case wrap up about 3 months before starting leave and it was hard to get much work for those 3 months. But I bounced most of the way back in the first year back and then all the way back in the second year back. I’m gearing up for leave again now and my hours are again going to be a disaster (same issue as before except also combined with significant childcare issues due to Covid), but I’m coming off a strong year so I don’t think anyone will be especially worried.
anonM says
For anyone running small businesses out there, we just “ported” (aka moved) our number to a Zoom number. Relatively easy and saved us so much monthly. Just an FYI!