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Every pregnant woman gains weight differently — for me personally, I could wear my regular blazers up until almost the very end of my pregnancy (week 34 or so), beyond which point I think all people give you a pass if you’re ONLY wearing a dress or a sweater or the like. This is a good deal, though — Isabella Oliver’s chic, slightly cropped maternity blazer is normally $265, but is now marked to $132 — and a basic black blazer is hard to go wrong. Selby Maternity Blazer Here’s a great deal on a more affordable maternity blazer (and eligible for Prime). (L-3)Sales of note for 3.26.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – Up to 40% off your full-price purchase; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything plus extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off all workwear
- J.Crew – Annual Spring Event: 40% off sitewide; extra 40% off sale styles
- Lands’ End – 10% off your order
- Loft – 50% off Lou & Grey; 30% off new arrivals
- Nordstrom: Spring Sale: Up to 50% off
- Talbots – 25% off your purchase, including markdowns
- Zappos – 37,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – 40% off everything; extra 10% off your purchase with code
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 30% off swim; up to 30% off HannaJams
- J.Crew Crewcuts – 40% off sitewide; extra 40% off sale; 50% off kids’ styles
- Old Navy – 50% off Easter deals
- Target – 20% off Easter styles for all; up to 30% kitchen & dining; up to 25% off TVs; BOGO 50% off shoes & slippers for the family; $100 off select Apple products
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Lyssa says
Hmm, I don’t know, I’m having trouble picturing this as looking good on a woman who is *really* pregnant. I wore my suit-jackets throughout my first pregnancy, and thought that they still looked OK even at the end, but I recall putting on a more cropped, shrunken style (similar to this one, though not maternity) around 7 months (far bigger than the model here) and immediately launching into Chris Farley’s “Fat Man in a Little Coat” routine upon seeing my ridiculous reflection.
Review says
Yeah, I think the styling here really hurts the idea of a “professional” blazer.
This looks like a teenage girl pretending to be bloated to get out of a test in HS. Ugh, stylist.
NewMomAnon says
I had a cheaper version of a blazer like this during pregnancy, and I liked it. I think mine was longer? It flared out over my belly/hips, and it was reassuring to have at least one blazer that I could button if a client came in. I struggled with the color though – all of my maternity pants were black with various levels of fading, and so a black blazer clearly didn’t match any of my pants or the one black maternity pencil skirt I had. That was probably the biggest reason I didn’t wear it more often, it could really only be worn over a few gray dresses I had or skinny jeans on casual Friday. So that might explain (some of) the styling here.
anon says
Yeah, length is key. I am almost 9 months now and my entire belly would be below this jacket. I could wear my normal blazers open until 32 ish weeks, when they began to look RIDICULOUS. I have one larger-size blazer that still looks… somewhat acceptable (unbuttoned) but still too short. Hopefully I can get away with just not wearing one for a few more weeks.
RR says
I actually really like this. I am not pregnant and will never be pregnant again, but if I were I would definitely wear this. I think the styling is off, but styled appropriately it would be cute.
NewMomAnon says
I am done pumping!!! Which means I get to return to the world of real bras, of which I have none. For moms who have been there, should I wait a few weeks/months to invest in good ones? I feel like I’m still fluctuating a lot in size. I am still nursing first thing in the morning and before bed at night and plan to keep doing that as long as it works for both of us. Thanks!
EB0220 says
Congrats! I think I would get a few for the interim, and wait until you’ve weaned completely to really invest. My bra size went down slightly when I started supplementing and significantly after I weaned.
Maddie Ross says
I stopped pumping about 5 months before I stopped nursing completely (just did morning and night) and while my chest shrunk some after stopping pumping, it didn’t completely go back to normal until I stopped nursing altogether. Honestly, I still wore my Bravado nursing bra for probably a couple of weeks and then switched to some older-pre-preg bras. I didn’t invest in new nice ones with an official fitting at N*rdstroms until I was completely done. YMMV, but I probably wouldn’t spend a ton (like $20-30 bras, as opposed to $80+ ones).
Dropping! says
… and you guys JUST inspired me to drop my 3PM pump session today and officially start weaning. Thank you guys! (I couldn’t remember which session I was supposed to drop first.)
Katarina says
My breast size did not go down at all until I completely weaned, even when I was nursing once a day, so I kept wearing my nursing bras. They did not stabilize until a few months after completely weaning, and then some of my pre-pregnancy bras fit. I personally bought of few more relatively inexpensive bras then, but I plan to have more kids.
Nonny says
I’m having a similar experience….just nursing morning and night now, but am still wearing nursing br@s because my size doesn’t seem to have decreased significantly yet.
ELL says
Thanks for all the good advice about cleaning pump parts last Friday. What will I do with all my extra free time. (Ha.)
I’ll add that I have profited from the sleep training discussion too. Hearing about someone else’s success gave me a push to try it. I went from a five month old waking several times a night (after I spent practically all evening soothing him to sleep) to a six month old who sleeps 12 hours and wakes once or not at all. There was not much crying–and it certainly wasn’t desperate. I thought I wouldn’t consider any training involving crying, but it was definitely best for both of us. Now if he would just take naps.
Mom birthstone jewelry says
I’m having my 2nd this spring, followed quickly by Mother’s Day and my birthday. I’m thinking of requesting birthstone jewelry with my kids’ birthstones on it, maybe family-style with my husband’s and/or mine, too. Something small, not tacky, not too suburban SAHM, but not loud I’M A MOM. So, no Origami Owl.
Any ideas?
And to the bigger question – is something like this appropriate for work? It would probably not be bigger or more noticeable than my semi-usual religious symbol necklace, or the wedding ring around my necklace right now thanks to pregnancy chub. Do you wear something like this, do professional women wear birthstone necklaces celebrating their kids?
Maddie Ross says
I think it’s sweet. I do wear a bracelet with my daughter’s birthstone, but since she was an April birthday, her stone is a diamond (FTW!). My own stone is a peridot, which I would not personally choose to wear. I would probably look for jewerly or have something made that wasn’t specifically a birthstone piece (the bracelet I wear is not). Those skew kitchy to me. I would probably look for a ring or a necklace where I could put the two stones together, but not have wording/names, etc. Another idea, which my dad did for my mom, was to get a piece with a pearl for each child. Then you know what it means, but it’s super conversative/work appropriate.
JJ says
I don’t see any reason why you couldn’t do a tasteful birthstone necklace. There are a ton of female attorneys that I know that wear the gold horizontal nameplate necklaces with their kids’ names (I do when the shirt I’m wearing works with the necklace length) – this would be in the same vein.
That being said, I have no idea where you would find it. I lol’d at your “suburban SAHM” description because my sister and I constantly check ourselves when we’re trying to decide on jewelry/shoes/purses with that same description. If it reminds you of Brighton…
Mom birthstone jewelry says
And we live in the suburbs and I’ve been a SAHM and it wouldn’t be bad, they just have a different look…
JJ says
Oh, no hate coming from me. I live in the ‘burbs, too. It just isn’t my style. (Which I wish I could convey to my mother-in-law when she gives me jewelry for gifts).
FVNC says
Try Etsy for this, if you haven’t already. When looking for a similar gift for my mother (but with grandkids’ initials on gold discs rather than birthstones), we saw a lot of lovely birthstone jewelry at a variety of prices. Some was tacky, yes, but if you sift through it I think you could find something nice. Birthstone jewelry would not be out of place at my business casual office.
Katala says
I have this necklace w/ my and my husband’s birthstones. I plan to add the baby’s once he’s here (there’s a chance he’d be the same month as his dad, so then I guess I wouldn’t need to!).
I love it – it’s small and delicate and I feel like goes with other jewelry and even other necklaces. I planned to wear it every day, but I just never do that with anything except my wedding ring. It’s probably not everyone’s cup of tea but elephants have meaning to me and husband, so it was perfect.
I wear it to work, but there are very few pieces I wouldn’t wear here, so YMMV. I liked the quality for the price too.
http://www.elephantheart.com/detail/elephant-heart-charm-necklace-with-birthstone.html
Anonymous says
I have a right hand ring with my kid’s birthstone that I wear to work every day. It’s just a ring I liked (not marketed as birthstone jewelry), so maybe you could do something like that if you aren’t finding any birthstone jewelry that appeals to you.
Annie says
My dad has a right-hand ring that he started wearing 30+ years ago, he bought it on his first father’s day. I’m his only child, and it’s really special.
CPA Lady says
I just have a thin stackable ring that stacks under my wedding and engagement ring that alternates diamonds and my daughter’s birthstone. I have a decent amount of inherited family jewelry, and I absolutely love feeling tied to the past like that. So I got the ring thinking about someday passing it down to my daughter.
That’s just me though– I have this weird sense of duty that I shouldn’t just take and use the family “heirlooms”– china, silver, jewelry, I should also contribute a couple of things, since I’ve enjoyed using it all so much. I don’t know if that makes sense at all, but there we are.
MomAnon4This says
I like this idea, thanks.
OCAssociate says
You didn’t ask for alternatives, but I love the Maya Brenner asymmetrical mini letter necklace – it lets you personalize with up to 5 letters. I have one with each of my kids’ first initials. It’s more subtle and no question about work-appropriateness.
RDC says
I just ordered a ring from Gemvara(dot)com — haven’t gotten it yet, so I can’t entirely vouch for them, but I really liked their selection online. Everything is customizable with the birthstone and metal you want, and they have a lot of different styles. Some rings are targeted as “mommy jewelry” and others not. I got a simple one that I plan to stack with my wedding band and hope it doesn’t come off too suburban SAHM when I go back to work! Anyways, worth a look.
House of Mouse says
Taking the man-cub to Disney for the first time in a few weeks. He’s 4. We’ve got character meals reserved and hotel reserved. Bringing the stroller in case he gets worn out from walking. This won’t be our only trip so we aren’t trying to do every single thing. The Disney boards on FB and the like are crazy making. (Seriously, one person posted that they don’t want to travel the world because Epcot and Animal Kingdom cover it all. Tons of people agreed. I wanted to cry for humanity). Any words of wisdom?
MomAnon4This says
Go to your local Disney Store and hit a sales rack before you go for Mickey gear. Being there will put you in the mood for Mickey, like how being in Hawaii makes you want loud flowery shirts or being in India makes you want a sari or whatever. This is a cheaper way to fit in and be prepared and buy without losing your mind.
Bring WATER BOTTLES. It’s hot & sunny & you’re walking probably way more than you’re used to.
JJ says
They sell alcohol at Epcot and the Animal Kingdom. Sometimes indulging with a beer at lunch helps make it more of a vacation for you, as well.
Set up your wrist bands for all your FastPasses. And use the app to change the FastPass reservations if you show up and there’s no line for your ride. Don’t waste the FastPass on something that you didn’t need it for.
JJ says
Also, if you need a cool place or somewhere calm for a few minutes with your kid, each park has “Family Rooms” that include a nursing area, diaper changing area, and videos playing on a TV (some even have snacks like pretzels and bottled water). When I went while I was nursing my youngest, those places were invaluable.
PregAnon says
Whaaa?! That’s crazy. I think everyone covered it here … I’d add…don’t beat yourself up if you are making slower time than you think you should. It is a lot of miles to cover, so just take your time and cover what you can. Have a good plan mapped out so you don’t double back, make reservations at the places you really want to eat. If you like steak, I’d recommend Le Cellier in Epcot’s Canada area…great cheese soup!
Frozen Peach says
My favorite Disney tip is one that we stole from a family guide when we were going just as two adults, and it is the SINGLE GREAT SECRET to enjoying the experience, in my humble opinion.
Split your days up. Get to the parks eeeearly– 10 or 15 minutes before they open (they usually open the gates a few minutes before the actual opening time), and enjoy until lunchtime when things start to get busy. Then leave, get lunch somewhere better and less expensive than the god-awful $15 hamburgers inside the parks, and go to your hotel for a swim or a nap or a movie or whatever your down time is. Then return around 3 or 4 when most families are starting to wear out, and stay until the fireworks or parades. Minimizes lines and crowdedness, and having that break in the middle of the day keeps everyone’s spirits brighter. Plus better and cheaper lunches.
Anonymous says
Shopping help needed, ladies.
I’m 27 weeks PG and suddenly am having a fairly epic bra situation. When I first got knocked up, the ladies exploded overnight and I bought a much, much larger regular bra at Nordstrom, which I’ve been wearing pretty much nonstop. Now suddenly the underwire is incredibly painful, even with the bra extender I purchased to try to solve this problem.
The saga continues when I bought a Cake nursing bra on Amazon, thinking that the no-underwire elastic approach would solve my back and under-boob pain. Unfortunately, the tight band around my ribcage doesn’t feel any better than the traditional bra, except with the added bonus that I have to jerry-rig a solution for n*pple coverage (that was a fun moment in the office bathroom, HELLO THESE ARE MY N*PPLES EVERYONE) and it’s depressingly ugly to boot. I’ve ordered some foam cups to solve this problem, except again, it’s not any more comfortable than the old underwire.
I am really frugal about underwear because my DH doesn’t notice it and in general I’m not one to be spendy on something that isn’t an investment piece. Also my dog eats underwear.
Can anyone give me some recs for this bra-related back pain issue? I know it’s the bra, because I just spent all weekend in a tank top with a shelf bra and my back didn’t hurt at all. The ladies are currently hovering somewhere around a 40 DD or DDD, if that matters. I’m in agony this morning after 4 hours of bra-wearing again.
POSITA says
I think the only solution is to go to a store and try all of the option on to see what fits. I did that a few times during pregnancy and always ended up in a wildly different size than where I started. The only good thing is that even though those bras only fit for a short time, several fit again during the weaning/weight loss period post-pregnancy.
KJ says
I’ve never had bra-related back pain, but I love the oft-recommended Bravado Body Silk Seamless bra. If you get it in a roomy size, it’s probably the comfort-equivalent of a shelf bra and it comes with foam inserts you can use for nipple coverage. I’ve been wearing one daily for almost 10 months now (not the same one – I have several!), and I find them exceedingly comfortable.
JJ says
I loved that bra. It’s not the *most* supportive thing ever, as it doesn’t have an underwire (and I had the same size chest as you while pregnant/nursing), but that was worth the sacrifice for comfort.
Speaking as someone whose underwire snapped in the middle of the day and stabbed me in the chest while I was pregnant, I literally feel your pain. The best option is to try on all the bras and just find one that’s comfortable for now.
Anonymous says
Thanks for the tips, ladies. CPA Lady, I went to a specialty boutique and shelled out $80 for a bra last night– but I’m so comfortable and pain-free and happy today!!
Never did I think I would call a store and in all seriousness describe myself as having a “bra emergency.”
CPA Lady says
Fellow cheapskate here… This is not the time to be frugal. (And as someone who has worn the hideous abomination known as a nursing bra for the past few months, seriously, don’t start wearing one of those before you have to.)
I was in such horrible pain by the end of my first trimester that there were days I would go into the bathroom at work and unhook my bra and just whimper. Things changed MUCH for the better when I shelled out $70 (for one bra! yikes!) for something that actually fit and supported everything. I wore it pretty much every day for the rest of my pregnancy. It was shot to hell by the end of that and I just threw it out. But honestly, at that point, the price per wear was so low it was worth every penny and I didn’t feel bad tossing it.
Annie says
I don’t necessarily agree with this. I’m 20 weeks. My girls started hurting and expanding pretty much as soon as I was pregnant. I normally wear a smallish size. I went to Walmart and got some of those bras with no wire that are sized S,M,L,XL. I initially bought L, but sized up to XL. $25 bucks.
I have no idea what size I’ll be when I start nursing, so I don’t feel the need to spend a ton of money for something that might not even fit.
Also, your girls will hurt off and on throughout pregnancy, and so will your back. Make sure you’re using lumbar support.
PregAnon says
Wanted to thank everyone for the book recommendation, “Bringing up Bebe.” It was great! That is pretty much how I was raised, and it seems like the French kept those things and the US didn’t. I’m 8 weeks now, and I’ve always worried about having one of those kids that no one wants to be around. This put real theory and research to what I had already pretty much planned to do!
FVNC says
I read it too, based on the recommendations here, and really enjoyed it. We unintentionally followed some of the advice — especially leaving our kiddo alone to “discover” things on her own — and have noticed that she’s able to entertain herself pretty well at 16 months. I’m looking forward to consciously putting more conscious effort into other areas, like eating well and developing a framework of rules, within which there is freedom. I like the philosophy; we’ll see if I can actually implement it.
Spirograph says
I’m glad you liked it! My next book up for discussion/comment is NurtureShock. It touts itself as new thinking on big questions like praising your kids and talking to them about race, and basically gives cliffnotes synopses of various scientific studies on those topics. I am only about halfway through, but so far it’s really interesting and research-based but readable.
KJ says
That’s on my list as well. Carolyn Hax is always recommending it, which is endorsement enough for me.
Has anyone read “Why Have Kids” by Jessica Valenti? That book scared the crap out of me, but I was glad I read it before getting pregnant, so I could have some inkling of all the ways your body and your life ceases to be your own.
RDC says
Ditto — enjoyed reading nurture shock and would welcome a discussion here! Also, did you ladies see the NYT article this weekend about “the only baby book you need”? It was about a book that is an anthropological study of different ways kids are raised in different cultures. (Bottom line, per the article, is that despite the different approaches they all turn out ok!) Sounded fascinating, so I was thinking of looking up the book. Anyone read it?
PregAnon says
Sounds interesting! I’ll have to pick that one up next. I’m trying to be careful with what I read – I don’t want to do too much research and start panicking. Bringing up Bebe was a nice affirmation of what I already knew…they just aren’t that fragile, and they aren’t going to die if you wait a minute to see if they really need you.
Ciao, pues says
How do you scold other people’s kids when they’re being jerks to your kid?
So, “scold” and “jerks” are the wrong words, but you know what I’m saying. We go to an open play place that is busy with kids during these cold winter months and naturally there are territory issues over toys and space. My kid is little– just a year old– and I totally get it that she gums up the works when older (2-4 year olds) are playing. E.g. she doesn’t know how to build towers, only how to knock them down. This particular playplace is filled with hovering parents, so its never really been an issue since usually the parent will swoop in a redirect their kid who yells at/ swats at/ or yanks things out of my kid’s hands. But generally speaking, what are your gentle words for an unknown child when you want to help them learn to be nice/ generous/ patient with the baby, but also totally get it that she is messing up your stuff? I’m also, obviously, hanging close by to try to stop her from messing with the older kids’ precious projects (because I understand! how frustrating to be dedicated to building the world’s best train, or organizing the world’s best plastic food picnic only to have some dumb baby mess it up?) but I also want to let her explore and interact without constant interruption. Advice on what to say to a 3 year old who says, “NO, she can’t have that” or some such words or actions?
Relatedly, recs on good discipline methods books/websites? I’m realizing I don’t know anything yet about discipline and need to learn!
POSITA says
I have no idea to the proper response to these situations, but for the non-sharing 3 year old who says “No” I’ll usually say something like, “Oh, okay. Is there anything else that you will share?” Usually they’ll hand over something they don’t want and it’s enough to make the 1 yo happy. It they say “No” again and parents haven’t intervened by that point I scoop up the 1.yo and move along. I’m not going to fight with a 3 year old and the baby can be redirected. I’m more at a loss as we approach 2 and the little one is still nonverbal (can’t really ask) but is no longer easily distractable or appeased with a different toy.
I also don’t usually intervene in situations unless at least one kid is upset (or is going to be upset). Half the time my 1 yo doesn’t care if the 3 yo snatches her toy. She may already be ready to move on to the next thing or so intrigued by the 3 yo she doesn’t mind. Some of her friends’ parents are much less laissez-faire.
Anonymous says
My kid is older (3), but I usually intervene only if the other kid is physically harming my child. If my child isn’t sharing, I tell him that it’s time for the other kid to have a turn, and then it will be his turn again. That works most of the time, but it may be child-specific.
anonymama says
“Sorry, she’s little and doesn’t understand yet that its your turn, she just wants to play with toys the big kids have. If you don’t want her to touch your thing it helps to give her something else to play with instead, like this thingamabob over here.” Also explain to your kid that it’s not her turn, ask big kid if she can have a turn later.
I’ve actually been impressed with how kind other kids generally were with my young toddler, often they were willing to share and were really sweet with him. If they really were bothered though I felt like that was their prerogative, and tried to apologize/flatter them/redirect my own kid.
As far as discipline for your own kid, at that age usually a correction and quick change of subject is effective. I also found that stating things in a positive manner worked way way better than saying no… sometimes this took a second more thought, but worked immediately like twice as often as saying no or don’t. (e.g., hold my hand in the parking lot, touch gently, walk slowly, rather than don’t run, stop hitting, etc.) And physically enforce /follow through – if you say no to something, you need to follow through that you actually physically stop them from doing it again.
Ciao, pues says
These are great suggestions, thanks all!
Recommendations for books? says
What were/are your favorite baby reference books for the first year (or that include the first year)? I enjoyed reading Bringing Up Bebe, the Emily Oster book debunking pregnancy myths, and the Mayo Clinic guide to pregnancy while I was pregnant. Now that the babies are here, I’m looking for a general guide to raising an infant so I can learn about developmental milestones, what activities are appropriate for what age, inform myself about simple/common ailments, etc. Even better if there’s a twins section or geared toward twins. Thanks!
RR says
I really liked Baby 411. It has a matter of fact tone, and I always found the organization to be easy to follow.
KJ says
Our pediatrician gave us a copy of What to Expect for the first year. It’s not as doom and gloom as What to Expect When You’re Expecting, and I’ve found it to be a good resource. I will also second Baby 411.
A friend gave me this book, and I have used it several times when I was panicking over some health issue. (You know you’re a mom when you’re looking up “how to take a rectal temp”!) It’s got info that isn’t in Baby 411 or What to Expect, so I think it’s a good supplement. http://www.amazon.com/Your-Childs-Health-Emergencies-Development/dp/0553383698/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1422911354&sr=8-1&keywords=baby+health+book
NewMomAnon says
I liked this one:
http://www.amazon.com/Your-Babys-First-Year-Third/dp/0553593005/ref=sr_1_4?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1422911560&sr=1-4&keywords=the+first+twelve+months+of+life
Also, the dad books tend to be really practical and down to earth.
Recommendations for books? says
Thank you!
Mom boss gut check says
I recently hired a women who is approx my age and has a kiddo approx my kiddo’s age. I work remotely. She works remotely as well, and this is her first remote position. ABout once a week, she texts me or calls me or IMs me to let me know she’ll be “out of pocket” a bit during the day because of Kid Related Thing. I feel her–I really, truely do; her kid gets sick, has chronic pinkeye and ear infections, went through a puke-y thing, she got into a car accident picking him up from daycare…the list goes on. And I know the list, because I have the same one.
Thing is- it’s always on *her* to take care of the kiddo. In my world, if my kid is sick/snowday’d, whatever, I have a few back-up childcare plans, not the least of which is my husband (she has a husband, but his job is travel heavy so he isn’t an option). It’s rare (but it does happen) that I have to work at home WITH the baby at home. When I do, I take full-out PTO and send a note saying “I’m on PTO and will do my best to answer your email.” This woman does a great job, and always manages to make up for the time off at night or on weekends. She hasn’t (so far) asked for a ton of vacation time. Our company has a VERY generous PTO policy that makes it pretty much unlimited (with manager approval). I can’t quite say this is affecting her job performance, but it is impacting her ability to be “present” (remotely) during the work day, which is having a sort of downstream effect on how quickly she can get things done, and building relationships/being available and totally focused on work.
What I’d really like to talk to her about is trying to get some back-up care in place–even though I am SUPER working mom friendly (or- trying to be- and I FEEL HER. I do!). It rubs me wrong in a way I can’t quite put a finger on. I also have a team of 10 others, several with children, for which this is not an issue (some are remote, some are not.)
Thoughts on this? Am I just nit picking? She is a great employee that does excellent work and I don’t want to approach this conversation in a way that makes her regret her choice to come work for me :)
pockets says
If she didn’t tell you she’d be out of pocket, would you independently notice that she was unavailable at certain times? Is she unavailable for scheduled things like meetings or calls? If the answer to both those questions is no, then I personally would let it go and chalk it up to her oversharing. If yes, then I would make out a list of concrete examples to have in front of you and then broach the topic by saying you sympathize, but there were some times when she flaked (mention 1 or 2 times) and there needs to be a contingency plan in place.
Mom boss gut check says
Eeesh it’s so hard. That was my line of thinking. No, there haven’t been any mission-critical meetings or calls that she flaked on. There were a few where I’d invited her (and told her so) because they’d be good for her to attend, and she’s not been able to make it for things like this. For example, there is a big project coming up that would be a stretch for her, and she’s really looking to get put on it. I’m hesitating because I know she’ll have to be available in a way that being home with a sick kid weekly just won’t enable her to be. It isn’t fair to make that call on her behalf, but at the same time, it’s on me if my team can’t pull their weight on this project.
It’s less of a performance issue and more an issue I want to approach from a growth/mentoring standpoint. But I’m her boss, and not her mentor, so I’m starting to answer my own question here. I guess, putting myself in her shoes (which I can do, so, so easily), this is a “do you want to coast or do you want to be on your A game”? sort of talk.
pockets says
Yes, I think this really is a boss/mentor issue. However, the project sounds like a great opening to become more of a mentor, if you’re interested in that route. You could tell her that you want to staff her on the project but you’re hesitant because there are some days when she’s not available during normal business hours. You could make it a “maximizing your potential” type talk and bring up the optional meetings she’s declined to attend, and then leave the ball in her court. She’ll figure it out and either arrange some sort of backup plan, or she won’t and you’ll have your answer.
NewMomAnon says
How long has she been working for you? It took me several months after my maternity leave to figure out a work/child/family schedule balance (still working on it, but better now). My employer kept talking to me in constructive ways about how to get me “more involved” in projects and helped me set up a more consistent work schedule.
But I second what pockets said – I stopped sending those “out of pocket” e-mails unless there was a project that didn’t lend itself to consistent scheduling, that might require me to meet or talk on the phone. Do you set clear timing expectations in adcvance and put meetings on the calendar with her, or do you just pick up the phone and call her/e-mail without warning? It might be that she doesn’t know when she might be needed, so she always alerts you when she’ll be gone.
Mom boss gut check says
since this summer. her kid is 2.5. she’s always been a working mom, but previously had to be in an office.
mascot says
If she was taking PTO, would you be less annoyed? There’s a lot of mention of PTO in your post and I can’t quite figure out if you want her to be officially taking time off.
You may also need to communicate to her your expectations on “face-time.” If this is first remote assignment, she may not think that this concept applies. It sounds like she is getting the work done and isn’t missing anything critical. Therefore, she might think that she is managing this well. If she gets the new project, do you need her to be around during office hours? Does your company offer back-up care?
Mom boss gut check says
I think it’s something like that- like she’s not taking it as time off because she’s thinking it’s unnocticable or that it’s the same as being home w/out the kiddo. If she actually straight up took it as time off, it’d be clear after a few weeks that it was really adding up.
I think I listed it so many times in the original post because our company has an “unlimited” policy, so it isn’t like it would be detrimental for her to officially take it.
mascot says
Then I think that’s the answer. She is expected to be available between the hours of 9 and 5 with normal breaks for lunch and such. If she needs to leave for a doctor’s appointment or whatever, she needs to record that time as PTO. That way the company can still keep track of it even though they don’t cap it. She should probably also keep track of any time that she is working after normal business hours if she’s counting on that as an offset.
Anonymous says
First day of baby in daycare. Very relieved, feel guilty about being relieved.
Anon two? too? says
Not sure if this helps with the guilt, but I felt the same way. More relieved than guilty, actually. I also didn’t break down in tears at work like my other new mom friends.
The flip side of this is that I really do look forward to the end of the work day when I am on the way to pick baby up from daycare. At the risk of sounding trite, having baby in daycare while I work really makes me a better mom.
Maddie Ross says
This. 100Xs this. I did not cry at all about it. I was relieved. And continue to be relieved every Monday. I love my girl to death and am excited to see her at the end of the day. Nothing can beat hearing her from inside the house while I’m still in the garage screaming “Mommy! Mommy’s home!” That thought actually makes me tear up a bit typing it. But daycare? Seriously makes me a better mother.
pockets says
maybe your baby is thinking, first day without mom! woohoo! time to play with all these new babies and toys!
Anon two? too? says
Hah! When we toured the daycare, one of the first things I said to my husband was “They have way more toys here than we do, she’ll have so much more fun here than at home.”
FVNC says
This is my toddler, definitely. She looks at me some mornings like, “umm, why are you still in the classroom? Leave, already!”
FVNC says
A good daycare is a godsend. Try not to feel guilty about being relieved!
Ciao, pues says
Same here. Love baby, love daycare. Consequently, love life and job.
Jen says
I cried on day 1, all day. But my baby was 11 weeks when I put her in, so I was having just..a lot of feelings. I couldn’t wait to get back to work, I was just sad. It got better fast; baby is now 15 months and LOVES daycare. I hate that she gets sick, but on days she stays home, I really understand how much she benefits from daycare. We both get bored when she’s home all day :)
RR says
It will be great for baby and for you! No need for guilt (although I think we are biologically required to feel it).
Midwest Mom says
Don’t feel guilty! It takes a village and whatever makes mom happy is good for baby (within reason, of course!) I have a 3 year old, and I can’t tell you how many Sunday nights I look forward to going back to work just so I can get a little “me” time. Baby will love daycare and the providers will love baby as their own. Win-win, IMO.
noob says
Anyone make their own baby food? Is it ‘worth’ it?
Baby girl is starting solids. We’re starting off with purees but will take a stab at baby led weaning (i.e., actual solids) when she’s six months or so. I bought some Level 1 purees to get us started as we introduce foods. I’m thinking about trying to make some homemade purees — we have a Magic Bullet and can steam fruits and veggies in the microwave or stove top. But laziness usually wins out when it comes to food in our house, so I’m not sure if we’d stick with it.
pockets says
I do, and if you met me you’d probably vote me “lease likely to make her kid’s baby food.” I don’t mind doing it and if you devote a few hours to doing it, you can make a bunch of it and it will last a loooong time (baby is almost a year and I’ve made food twice and I have a ton in the freezer). Especially if you buy some other staples – oatmeal, yogurt & quinoa are mine – to add to the food to stretch it out. My protip is to buy a lot of ice cube trays, because my limiting factor is how many trays I have (I have two and if I had four the process would be so much faster).
“worth it” varies by person. It is probably cheaper than getting jars/pouches (which are expensive and add up fast when your baby is going through 3+ a day) and there is some satisfaction in knowing that there are no weird added ingredients. But making a bunch of baby food will take all weekend (see above re: limited trays) and it is annoying to clean the food processor 15 times in one day.
Anon says
Yes, worth it. Less expensive, you get exactly what you put in it, and it takes very, very little time.
NewMomAnon says
Counterpoint: I thought it sounded like fun. After covering my kitchen in carrot mash, and me spending far too long in the kitchen, my kiddo refused to eat my home made stuff. I think it’s kind of like nursing: if you like makiing the food and the baby likese eating it, it’s worth doing (cheaper, more control over ingredients, etc). If either one of you doesn’t like it, then it isn’t worth doing.
HM says
I did a mixture. I found that my daughter sometimes preferred the much smoother consistency of the pre-made food than what I was able to do with the magic bullet. I mean, mashed Bananas, Avocados, potatoes, etc. are extremely easy. We didn’t find homemade purees of squash, carrots, green beans, etc. to yield results we liked. And sometimes you can’t beat the convenience of the pre-made stuff.
That said, I am so glad the puree phase is a short phase. We’ve been feeding her our food (some slight modifications) since about 9 months on, and she loves it.
Jen says
I did not because it was cheaper or easier, but because I wanted toknow when went into the food. I did it for a few months, and then the baby moved on to true solids (ie bites).
Chi Squared says
I made a bunch of different purees when my daughter turned 6 months old. Turns out, she hated purees and really wanted to eat what we were eating. So we started giving her table foods earlier than I had expected. By 9 months, she was pretty much graduated from purees, and eating whatever we were eating. I still think it was worth the effort to make the purees b/c it wasn’t much effort – 2 or 3 afternoons produced a lot of puree cubes, many of which are still lingering in my freezer. Also, the organic pouches you can buy just don’t taste as good as homemade, imo. I bought the oxo baby “ice cube” trays w/ covers, used my immersion blender, and a mesh strainer when needed (for peas and green beans).
Lyssa says
I did, because it really seemed more practical and cheaper than buying all of the jars (we did still keep jars around for going out or to use in pinch). My method was basically defrosting plain frozen veggies in the microwave and pureeing them with a little water in the blender – so, really not hard at all. Some things worked better than others, of course, but it mostly all worked well. Once he was old enough to not worry about introducing foods one at a time, we just started pureeing or mashing whatever we were eating.
A few tips – the baby food oatmeal was a big hit, and very convenient (just mix it with a little formula/milk and feed – no cooking needed; we still use it at 2 years old). Pumpkin puree (the 100% pure canned stuff you use to make pie) was also a big hit (and still in constant rotation). Not homemade, but cheaper than little jars.
Instead of ice cube trays, we happened to already have a silicone mini-muffin pan (similar to this: http://www.amazon.com/Cup-Silicone-Mini-Muffin-Pan/dp/B0066F76FU). It was easier than ice cube trays (since you could push the frozen puree out) and held more per space, so it was very handy.
Midwest In-House says
Honest question: What do people mean by “wanted to know what was in it” when talking about the benefits of homemade food? At least for the basic purees, I’ve never seen baby food that had anything other than the fruit or vegetable, water and maybe ascorbic acid. Is it the ascorbic acid that bothers people? Or do people question the accuracy of labels?
RDC says
Also curious about this, in part because I’m really hesitant (read: lazy) to take on making it at home.
Lorelai Gilmore says
I have no idea if this applies to baby food, but I know that for orange juice, companies add “flavor packs” to the product to make it taste consistent. The flavor packs do not have to be reported on the labels.
http://chicagoist.com/2013/02/10/simply_orange_is_anything_but.php
Anonymous says
Thanks. Interesting.
Lorelai Gilmore says
I made a lot of purees for my daughter, mostly because it was seriously easy. E.g., cut up sweet potatoes, steam until very, very soft, puree, freeze. Done! I found it neither particularly time consuming or difficult. But I also had kids who went through the purees pretty fast – older daughter did purees for maybe 2-3 months, younger child refused to eat them altogether and went straight for “real food.”
Momata says
I made purées but had some pouches on hand for traveling or being out and about. There’s a little “mash and serve” kit that was great for bananas, avocados, and cooked sweet potatoes and squash. For other stuff (apples/pears, meat/veg blends, steamed carrots) or bulk sweet potatoes or squash, I used ice cube trays and froze them. We have a bulk produce stand within walking distance of our house so this was by far cheaper, and for the meat based purees in particular I liked knowing that I wasnt serving the equivalent of hot dogs. I was surprised at how quickly the purée phase went by – it was only a few weeks’ worth of Sunday afternoons.
noob says
Thanks, all! We’ll see how the commercially prepared purees go over (hopefully better than the rice cereal), and then I may try my hand at some homemade food.