CorporetteMoms

Updated: Nov 1, 2018 92 Comments · by

Feeding Tuesday: Time for a New Bra

Everyone· Nursing· Pump-friendly | ·

This post may contain affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Here’s my $.02: even if you’re nursing or pumping for a year, you should have a new bra that fits you well, even if it’s only for date nights or the occasional outing where you really want to look good in clothes. (I always found nursing bras easier to wear with pumping, but I know some readers just wear regular bras and just take them off entirely when they need to pump.) I cannot tell you the difference it makes in how your clothes fit, to say nothing of your mood. Conveniently, Bare Necessities has a sale today on “the brands that never go on sale” — up to 50% off (free shipping and easy returns, too) on brands like Wacoal, Chantelle, Le Mystère, Cleo, Panache, Freya, Fantasie, Elomi, and Goddess, with cup sizes ranging from C-K… so it should be great for a nursing mom. The sale runs through 2/12. These three bras (Le Mystère, Fantasie, Wacoal) look like they fit the need for something pretty and practical, but there are lots of others that are lacy, colorful, and plungey/push-upy if you’re on the hunt for solely date night bras.

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(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)

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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!

Comments

  1. Lyssa says

    Morning, ladies – Can someone give me some guidance on what the etiquette is for very young children and funerals? I just got word that my out-of-state grandfather passed last night. I would certainly like to bring my husband and our 2 year old, as, first, I’m not crazy about being separated from them in general, and second, my extended family, including my grandmother, has not had the opportunity to meet him. He is generally really well-behaved in quiet, calm circumstances like that, and my husband can always step out with him, but I’m just worried that the overall atmosphere will be inappropriate with him. Husband thinks that we should bring him; I’m wondering if it would be more appropriate to send them off somewhere (though I have no idea where) and have them join us for the wake. I’m fortunate to have very little experience with these sorts of things.

    • JJ says

      Granted, my extended family has tons of kids, but I don’t think people would think twice about having a generally well-behaved 2-year old at a funeral. Will it be at a church? I would bring him, bring lots of quiet toys (books, drawing/coloring stuff, etc.) and just sit towards the back or the sides so your husband can take him out if necessary.

      • JJ says

        I completely forgot to add: I’m sorry for your loss. And also wondering, as my husband’s out-of-state grandmother passed last night, as well.

    • RR says

      My twins were at my grandmother’s funeral shortly before they turned 2. It was fine. My husband was prepared to take them out if necessary. All three of my kids (2 five year olds and a 4 month old) were at my grandfather’s funeral. Same deal. It was fine. No one looked twice, and I think it was nice for people to have them there–something to bring them joy on a sad day.

      I’m very sorry for your loss.

      ETA: It was actually harder having my twins there when they were 5. More explaining, and they really did not like the 21 gun salute at the graveyard. But, it was still totally fine, and I didn’t at all feel like we shouldn’t have had them there.

    • Philanthropy Girl says

      I’m so sorry for your loss.

      I’m a big believer that funerals are family events, and a suitable place for well-behaved children. I know it meant a lot to my grandfather that all the great-grandkids came to my grandmother’s funeral, even if they were a bit unruly at times.

    • Lyssa says

      Thanks, JJ and RR and PG; you guys are making me feel much better about it. Frankly, I was somewhat afraid that I would be hammered on just for asking. He’s definitely too young to ask questions; I’m more worried about him giggling inappropriately and people having to put on a “cheerful toddler face” to entertain him in a way that would be out of place.

      • Maddie Ross says

        I think it’s exactly the opposite – people love to be reminded, in my opinion and experience – of happiness and that life goes on at funerals. Especially funerals of older individuals when it’s their own grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

        • ANP says

          Yes! This is what I was going to say. I highly recommend bringing him (with appropriate contingencies for removal etc.). Not only are funerals family events, but people like to be reminded of the good things. I’ve unfortunately been to too many of these where the little kid/s are almost comic relief.

          Also — I am so, so sorry for your loss. Hopefully you get some comfort in being close to your family.

        • ParalegalNC says

          I agree. We took our then about 8 month old to my husband’s uncle’s funeral. She only made it a few minutes before I had to step out, but it made sad family feel the tiniest bit better.

    • Anonymous says

      I would definitely bring him, especially if someone can step outside with him if he gets fussy. In my experience little ones are really welcome at funerals because they represent the next generation, new life, etc. I think he’d be more than welcome at both the service and the wake, and it might matter to him someday that he was there, even if he doesn’t remember it.

      • Carrie M says

        +1 to “little ones are really welcome at funerals because they represent the next generation, new life, etc.”

        I’m sorry for your loss, Lyssa.

    • mascot says

      I’m sorry for your loss. If the child can tolerate being quiet and still at the service, you could probably bring him. Otherwise, having him at the wake might be easier and less stressful. Another thing to think about is your own emotions. Seeing you upset may make him upset. I remember being confused as to “why is mommy crying?” when my great grandparents died and got upset myself. Just something to consider.
      My grandmother is declining rapidly so this is on my mind. I’ve already decided that my boisterous, inquisitive 4 year old would be better off staying with a relative or family member during her funeral. We made a similar choice when he was 2 and my grandfather died. I agree with whoever said that a 2 year old would be easier than a 5 year because they really wouldn’t understand what is going on. But even then, it depends on the individual child.

    • anonmama says

      We just did this at my grandfather’s funeral, my child is the same age as yours. It went wonderfully. Children bring some type of comfort and healing to a grieving widow that is hard to explain – but a child’s hugs can be magical at a funeral. I was so, so, so glad that I didn’t go solo. So sorry for the loss of your grandfather.

    • Anonyc says

      So sorry for your loss.

      I agree with the others–bring him, and be prepared to step out if he gets too distracting. When my FIL died, my 2 and 5 year olds were there; my parents very kindly took charge of them (my husband was speaking at the ceremony). They were there for both the funeral and the interment at the cemetery.

      I echo what others have said about children being often a welcome and comforting presence for all.

    • Pogo says

      When my brother died last year, my cousin brought both his kids – a five year old and a two year old. The two year old ran around at the wake, and it wasn’t weird- people were mingling and talking.

      Honestly at the actual funeral I have no idea what was going on because I was in the front row and I was pretty out of it (just really emotionally drained, not drugged or anything!). The kid could have been screaming the whole time and I probably wouldn’t have noticed.

      I thought it was nice having her there. My SIL opted not to bring her three year old, but he never goes to church/solemn occasions so it would have been a major shock for him. My cousin and his wife take their kids to church all the time, so it wasn’t an entirely foreign occurrence.

    • Burgher says

      I am so sorry for your loss. I think that it is appropriate and expected for a close family member.

    • sfg says

      I’m sorry for your loss.

      My then 2 year old niece came to her great grandfather’s funeral – didn’t seem odd or out of place.

  2. CPA Lady says

    As far as bras go, my biggest problem is that I have no idea what size I am anymore. I know I need to get myself to a Nordstrom to get measured…

    Continuing the book conversation from yesterday, has anyone read “How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk?” Any thoughts? I was considering getting it because my mother and I never really “talked” when I was growing up. Her parenting style was very authoritarian, and I just feel like I need some help knowing how to have a healthy interactive parent/child relationship.

    And along those same lines, for those of you who are close with your mother, what qualities did she have that you think makes that closeness possible?

    • Sarabeth says

      I haven’t read it, but I know that my mom did! I remember seeing it on her bookshelf. And, FWIW, we are very close today.

    • Anonymous says

      I’ve read it and liked it. It covers a wide span of ages so I’ll have to re-read it as we go. It helps with new ways to interact with your child and to remember that they have their own set of feelings, moods, etc. But, it still respects that you are the parent and sometimes you need to hold your ground no matter what your child says

    • Lorelai Gilmore says

      You might also like Between Parent and Child, which I read, enjoyed, and use all the time. (Actually, I should read it again.) The most valuable piece for me is the idea of validating feelings, but still setting boundaries.

  3. Philanthropy Girl says

    I heart my new Elomis – Kat forgot to mention that a well-fitting bra can also make you look thinner than you are. From the day I started wearing my Elomis I kept getting compliments on my “weightloss” – I’d actually gained weight over the holidays, but my bras certainly make me look more slim!

  4. RDC says

    Good morning ladies! Tagging onto yesterday’s discussion about reliability and working moms — could some of you share the “contingency plans” you have in place for your kids? I’ll go back to work in a few weeks and our baby (our first) will be in a large daycare center. My husband will do most of the pick ups and drop offs since his schedule is more flexible, and when the baby inevitably gets sick we’ll likely alternate staying home. Beyond that, what kind of back up arrangements are even possible? We don’t have family in town, so that’s out. What do you do for back-up care with a sick child? Have a nanny on call? A local SAHM? I can’t imagine another mom would really want to take in a sick kid for the day.

    I know this has been discussed frequently, but I’m still at a loss and want to make appropriate arrangements before I go back to work (so that I’m not the flakey one…). Could you more experienced moms share how you’ve handled this?

    • ANP says

      This is a tough one. When we have a sick child, we try to alternate who stays home or split the day (so husband will take the AM and I’ll take the PM). Our five-year-old is of an age where she can amuse/entertain herself, so it is in fact possible to work from home if she’s there — often with the assistance of a movie or an iPad, but hey I’ll take it. Our two-year-old, though, is waaaaaayyyy too clingy to get anything done except for during his nap time.

      I’m fortunate in that I have a very flexible schedule, but this means I often end up taking more of a hit in terms of staying home with our kids. That said, when I can’t take off I really can’t take off — so hubs is always more than happy to help. His schedule is less flexible, but telecommuting is allowed.

      We do have family in town, which helps. I would also see if you can put feelers out to other parents at your daycare (once you get to know them) and see what their backup plans are like. You can ask the Director of your daycare center, too, what s/he recommends in terms of backup care. Finally, I’ve heard that you can use care dot com for arrangements like these but have no experience with it myself.

      Weird little PSA: ever since our family began scheduling regular chiropractic appointments (so roughly the past year), we have had no major bouts of illness in our house. I think there’s been one day in the past month that either my husband or I have had to take off to deal with a sick kid. As a result, I’m now a complete evangelist for chiro care!

      • ANP says

        Just reread my comment. This should be “one day in the past nine months.” A much more impressive statistic!

    • KJ says

      We don’t have any family in the area either, so my husband and I take turns staying home depending on what we each have going on at work and make use of telework when we can. So far that has worked for us. If we were both unavoidably needed at the office, I think we would try this service I found by googling “backup daycare DC”. http://metroparentrelief.com/newborn-care/back-up-childcare/

      • Carrie M says

        For DC: Several working moms have recommended White House Nannies to me as a good back-up options – expensive but always professional and reliable. I haven’t used them yet.

    • MomAnon4This says

      Don’t you need to have 1 or 2 emergency contacts for your daycare center?

      • mascot says

        I think as technology has improved, the emergency contacts are used less. When family wasn’t available, I’ve just listed friends that have similarly aged kids (carseat access). Knock on wood, we’ve never had reason to use them. Both DH and I have cellphones. Our offices can generally find us so we have those numbers in his file. If it is really a medical emergency and we are out of pocket, then the school will call 911. Otherwise, they can care for the child until one of us can pick him up. I’ve twice gotten calls that my kid needed to be picked up and taken for stitches. Both times the school was able to provide first aid until we got there.

      • Watermelon says

        I don’t have family in the area, so my emergency contacts are friends. They have careers too and I wouldn’t ask them to do run of the mill backup care (sick kid, but I need to work–they need to work too). However, if my husband and are in an accident and hospitalized, the daycare can call them rather than social services for pickup.

    • Anonymous says

      I am fortunate that my employer offers back-up care, so that is always the first place I call. I believe these services are available even if not offered as a benefit by an employer. (Parents in a Pinch is the one my firm uses, if you want to research them.). If they can’t find a caregiver, which happens not infrequently, I call through our list of half a dozen babysitters. If none of them are available, I impose on the one family member in our city, but she is not the most reliable. If that doesn’t work, usually my husband stays home because he is an academic with more flexibility than me, and because I’m the breadwinner. If he is traveling, which he does frequently, I usually get up at 5, work for 3 hours, stop working until nap time, work for 3 more hours during nap time, and then work from 9-11 after my kid calls it a night. I check and respond to emails during the day and if I have a call, I’ll usually have my kid ride his tricycle around they neighborhood (which he will do for hours) while I talk on the phone. If I have any time-sensitive work, I usually break down and give him his iPad to watch cartoons, but I try to avoid screen time as much as possible.

      I realize your kid is younger so this all may not be applicable, but maybe it will be useful to someone.

      Also, the good news is that the amount of kid sick day will drop dramatically. My son missed 6-8 weeks of his first year of daycare due to illness. Now, at 3, he hasn’t had a single sick day this school year (knock on wood).

    • RR says

      We don’t have family locally, and our contingency plan when the kids are sick is usually that my husband stays home. Our split is something like 90/10, but he’s part time and I’m the main breadwinner. If that didn’t work, I’d call on my mom, who lives an hour and 15 minutes away but could come in a pinch. After that, I have no idea. Sick child at the office? Call on a local friend? It’s never happened.

    • Midwest In-House says

      Unfortunately, as most have noted, without family in the area, there aren’t many good options. We tried care.com (which has a search option for people willing to care for sick kids), but I didn’t get many responses. My husband’s employer has back up care (through Bright Horizons) that will send a caregiver to our house; however, we only use this option when one of us can work from home. I’m honestly not comfortable leaving my toddler with a complete stranger and am pretty sure that she’d freak out (especially if she is sick and clingy), but having someone in the house while I work upstairs is a decent compromise.

      • RDC says

        Interesting — we’re actually using a bright horizons center, so maybe they have that option. My husband can work from home so it would be ideal if they could send someone to the house and he could be around to keep an eye on things.

        • Anonyc says

          We have used various strategies, depending on the circumstances (how much work/how important it is for me and DH; how sick/ailing the child is and whether there’s a doctor appointment involved; whether I have accumulated sufficient sick leave). Among our strategies has been the Bright Horizons back up caregivers. We’d gone that route on a handful of occasions, and it was great. We had two kids in a Bright Horizons daycare center, so perhaps my comfort level was higher because I felt familiar with the company. All the caregivers we had were lovely and one was a college student we really loved, and would have wanted as a regular backup but for the fact she was imminently heading back to school.

    • Lorelai Gilmore says

      Where are you located? In the CA East Bay, parents speak highly of the Swiss Cheese collective, which is designed to fill in childcare “holes.” I think it’s imperative to get on local list-servs/discussion boards to figure this stuff out.

    • RDC says

      Thanks everyone! These are some great ideas and starting points for additional research. And it’s a relief to know that this is something others struggle with, too. We’re in DC, so the specific ideas for here are really helpful.

    • anonymom says

      There is a day care chain called Rainbow Station that offers backup care specifically for sick kids. We have not used it, but have heard good things about it.

  5. New DC Mom says

    Hey ladies!
    Any recommendations for supportive nursing camis/tanks?

    My daughter is now 5 months and my “flow” has started to regulate a bit. So far, I have been wearing the Gillian O’Malley sleep nursing bras and tanks, they are great for quick access but do not provide much support.

    • ANP says

      I swear by Bravado bras — they were $50 apiece but worth every penny. Soft but supportive, and I have DD-size girls when I’m not nursing so I know of which I speak!

    • CPA Lady says

      The bravado nursing tanks are rock solid. So rock solid that sometimes I had trouble getting into them. They’re also super flattering.

    • RDC says

      Ditto on both the bravado bra and tanks. I was surprised by how much of a difference there was between the target tanks I have (maybe Gillian o’Malley?) and the bravado ones.

  6. PregLawyer says

    Baby shower planning:

    My mother is planning my baby shower. She first suggested setting it for Mother’s Day (I’m due in late June). I said, no. Then she picked a different weekend and suggested starting it at 7:00 pm. I said, how about more like 2:00 or 3:00? She said that was a “weird time.” I then said I’d like to make sure that my friends with babies can bring their kids (I want a co-ed shower with my husband, so both parents would be invited). She said that her house can’t accommodate babies.

    I’m a little bit baffled. I’m a first-time mom, but I have many friends with kids and have been to a number of baby showers. I’m not crazy for thinking that baby showers are almost always in the early afternoon, right? And that babies (but maybe not older kids) are usually welcome? It’s very nice for her to throw me a shower and I don’t want to be ungrateful, but this all seems a bit weird to me . . .

    And yes, I know this is a trivial issue and I will work it out with her in a diplomatic way, but I just wanted a bit of hive affirmation. :)

    • Newly pregnant says

      I pretty much agree with all of your thinking: It does seem strange to have an evening baby shower. I think most are early afternoon, and babies are usually welcome. I haven’t seen older children at a baby shower.

      I empathize – my mom is also hosting my baby shower and has had some weird ideas! Your mom may appreciate having one of your close friends as a planning resource – and your friend can act as a check on these more strange ideas.

      • sfg says

        +1 on having a close friend as someone for your mom to bounce her ideas off – a friend is doing this for me and it’s more valuable (in terms of decreasing my stress level) than pretty much any physical gift she could give me.

    • NewMomAnon says

      *sigh* My mom wanted to have a baby shower for me at a wine bar. The feedback I got from the commenters on the main blog was that the baby shower is really for the grandmother, not the expecting mom, and I should just let her do her thing. I did nix the wine bar idea and moved it earlier in the day, since I was not capable of functioning past 5 pm by that time in my pregnancy. I also had a smaller gathering of my own friends (and their kids) a different day.

    • Lyssa says

      I agree with you, too. I don’t think that I’ve ever been to a baby shower where people didn’t bring babies and toddlers (and usually girls through elementary school), or that was in the evening; I imagine people would be somewhat offended to find out that they weren’t welcome (in other words, if that’s the route that you go, make sure it’s clear, or you’ll get some anyway). I’m not sure how her house “can’t accomodate babies,” either. They don’t take up much space – just put up breakable items and ask the parents to keep an eye on them – it’s normal, and she’s going to have to get ready for a grandbaby, anyway. Parents know that households that don’t have kids are not going to be fully childproof.

    • ANP says

      Oh man this is weird! You’re right in that I’ve never heard of a baby shower taking place at night. Here are some options:

      + Let her have her way but then make it about inviting just people she knows (i.e. relatives) and not your friends. Do something separate with your friends and their kiddos. I think of baby showers as a place where kids of all ages are welcome. This is similar to what NewMomAnon proposed upthread.

      + Tell her that it would mean a lot to you to have the shower at a place/time where babies (your friends’ kids) are welcome. And perhaps probe what it is about her house that doesn’t accommodate babies? I tend to see this as kind of a BS answer (will your baby be welcome there?) but perhaps this is code for “I don’t want babies to ruin my fancy grown-up party.” I do agree with the fact that you want/need to walk a fine line between ungrateful and appropriate-for-you.

      Much of how you handle this will come down to your mom’s own personality. Good luck!

    • Maddie Ross says

      A slightly different opinion – I have been to an evening couples baby shower that was really fun. I did not have kids at the time and my husband and I went, had fun at the shower, and then went out ourselves afterwards. I believe it started sometime around 7pm or so. I don’t think it’s unheard of, but is a totally different animal than a “traditional” baby shower. And I would assume that babies and children would not be invited to such an event. I belive the mom to be was just about the only person not drinking at said shower.

      Most showers I’ve been to though have been sometime between 11am and 2pm, often a brunch. None of my friends have really brought toddlers+, but many have brought still nursing infants.

    • Katala says

      I don’t have any advice for OP since I haven’t been to a shower since I was a teen (but was welcome then, so…) but would like to piggyback.
      When I first announced, 2 friends offered separately to throw me a shower (no family anywhere nearby). I excitedly “accepted” i.e. just said wow that’s really sweet and I’d love to celebrate with you. I’m now 6 months+ and neither has mentioned it again. The right answer seems to be just wait, but I’d also like to give guests enough notice. Trying to tell myself there’s still plenty of time for all that (I may be having some misplaced anxiety :) any advice/similar situations out there?
      Also, when is the normal time for these events? I’m due mid-May and the second weekend of May was suggested (mostly for weather reasons, to be outside), but I may not even be pregnant any more by then! I also can’t really see enjoying a party at 38-39 weeks. (ok, seeing there is definitely misplaced anxiety – but I can’t control the birth so it is what it is I guess!)

      • Burgher says

        I’ve typically seen showers held between 6-8 months pregnant. I would think the absolute latest you’d want to have it is 37-38 weeks, due to potential for having the baby early, your own comfort, and having time to still be able to buy anything you didn’t receive but will definitely need.

        If you really want to have a shower, I’d be concerned that your friends haven’t said anything at this point.

        • Katala says

          Thanks! Is there a tactful way to bring it up? I don’t want to seem like I’m asking for a shower, and I’d be ok not having one, but would certainly enjoy one last party with all our friends in one place before baby-induced hibernation takes over (it would in my mind be coed with food, drinks, hanging out vs. games, baby themed refreshments etc.).

    • mascot says

      This may be an unpopular opinion, but I can see where your mom is coming from regarding not wanting kids there. Her house isn’t child-proofed, she doesn’t know these kids or some of the parents, she wasn’t planning on having kid friendly food or activities, she wants the focus to be on you, etc. I think that those are all valid feelings and it’s her house. Are you anticipating your friends bringing non-mobile/easily contained babies? I think those are different than toddlers and less stressful. And no, I don’t think that this has any bearing on whether your baby will be welcome in her house. She’ll have plenty of time to baby-proof as needed and she will be dealing with one familiar baby instead of a houseful of strange kids.

  7. Bedtime? says

    Help! I have a four month old, and I’m trying to time his schedule better. By about 4:30 or so, he seems exhausted, so I’ve been following the oft-cited advice to put him to bed early. I’ve been trying to start his bedtime routine at 6:15, in bed by 6:30. I’ve started as early as 5:45, and tried as late as 7, and the results are always the same – he cries for up to an hour and a half before finally conking out at 8 in my arms. I’m not ready to CIO with him, so I always go in the room, rock him, replace his pacifier, but then usually have to put him down and leave to take care of my older child (older child eats at 5, and goes to bed around 7:15). But within minutes of me leaving the room, he’s fussing again, and after a half hour or so of this “dance”, the crying escalates immediately to an almost manic level. It’s awful.

    He’s a terrible napper (always has been), and takes brief 30 minute catnaps throughout the day. Also, as a newborn, he seemed to be on a later bedtime schedule (10 or so), and I’m wondering if I’ve forced an early bedtime before he’s ready. Half of my sleep books seem to say that he should be going to bed at 6 to correct what seems to be an overtired problem, and the other half suggest that I do another catnap at 4:30 or 5, then put him to bed around 8. Any obvious schedule solutions I”m overlooking here? I’m too tired to come at this objectively!

    • POSITA says

      We did a catnap sometime around 5 PM and then put her down around 8 PM. I liked this because her longest stretch of sleep was always the longest and I wanted it to mesh better with mine. It also was nice when I went back to work because she would be awake for a stretch after work.

      Now at 17 months she still has an 8 PM bedtime with a long nap in the afternoon. It works for us. I like to see her for a little while after work. A 6 PM bedtime would mean that I wouldn’t really see her at all during the week.

    • K. says

      My now six month daughter always took half-hour naps too (about 3-4 per day) until just recently. When she started rolling over consistently, we let her sleep on her stomach and that has made a huge difference (two hour naps sometimes! Yay!). We’ve never followed a set schedule–we just try to get her to sleep when she is tired. This has been regulating itself into a more regular bed time. She has always slept well at night, but we also cosleep, which seems to help. We go to bed pretty late, so she falls asleep around 9-10 pm (usually toward the later end) and wakes up around 8:30am. My husband’s schedule is adjustable and he works from home, so that helps us make this doable. I’ve read that babies in other cultures tend to go to bed later, but in the US I think the push is for earlier bedtime on account of our lack of maternity leave. I guess what I’m saying is that all those books are helpful to a point, but you also have to account for your own schedule and your child’s temperament. I did read all over the place that children do regulate their naps better somewhere between 6 months and a year–so do realize there is hope yet even though it is so hard when they don’t nap a long time at that age!

    • anonymama says

      I’m in a similar situation. Catnaps are the worst, except for no naps. What seems to work best is a late nap at 4:30 or 5, then 8 or 8:30pm bedtime. At that age their “night sleep” is usually about 9-10 hours or so, so bedtime at 6:30 would mean waking up suuuuper early in the morning. And if baby only naps for a short time it shouldn’t interfere too much with his bedtime (at least it hasn’t for mine). So when he gets fussy at 4:30 he needs a nap then, don’t try to stretch it out to bedtime. If his naps are really short he may just need more of them during the day than a regular baby who naps for an hour or two at a time.

      • CC says

        You may also find that a 4:30 catnap doesn’t mean bedtime has to be extended to 8 or 8:30. Our almost five month old naps on the way home from daycare, around 4:30-5:00, and still goes to bed around 6:30. He only sleeps until 5:30 or 6 am, but that works for our schedule.

        • Nonny says

          Our 13 month old is similar. Obviously, at this point she doesn’t usually have 3 naps a day, but occasionally if she hasn’t napped well in the afternoon, when she comes home from daycare she will fall asleep on my lap for 20 minutes or half an hour – this is at 5:15 or so. I find that even if she does this, it doesn’t impact her ability to fall asleep at her usual bedtime of 6:45/7:00.

        • Philanthropy Girl says

          My five-month old is very similar. Long-ish morning and afternoon naps, a cat nap around 4/4:30, and generally in bed by 7. He typically wakes around 4:30, sometimes to eat, sometimes just for a diaper change – and then is up for his day around 6:15.

          My sleep book says he should be giving up that evening cat-nap, but I see no signs of that happening.

    • Midwest In-House says

      Our daughter was very similar. Honestly, sometimes you have to let it correct on its own. My daughter turned a huge corner with regard to sleep right around 4 months – one day, I was lucky if I could get a 20 minute nap and bedtime was a two hour routine. Then, all of a sudden, she was going down like a dream at night and for naps and taking 2-3 hour naps twice a day – I made no changes to our routine so something in her brain must have clicked. So, no real advice other than to know that improvement may very well be just around the corner.

      • Bedtime? says

        Thanks to everyone for their responses! I think I’m going to revert to the 8:00 schedule for now.

        But a follow-up to Midwest IH – how were you putting your daughter to sleep before she made her improvement? My other child used to nurse to sleep, and we spent several months correcting that one… I’ve tried to avoid the same mistake with my little guy, but I’m running out of soothing options that will enable him to be put down awake but will still soothe him enough to fall asleep!

        • Mira says

          I know the pacifier is a popular tool, but it may be that as your baby nods off, his jaw slackens, so the pacifier falls out and wakes him up. With my baby, we do a bath and a bottle feed, sometimes read a quick book if he is alert but not hungry anymore, and then I walk him to bed, sing two songs, and put him down. He sometimes wimpers for a bit, but he eventually conks out. Recently, we dropped the dream feed because he wouldn’t wake up for it. So he has been sleeping about 11 hours, from 9 pm to 8 am or so. He will start murmuring around 6 or 7 am but then seems to nod back off, and sometimes I have woken him up at 8 am because I’m afraid he’ll get off schedule otherwise. All this said, while we read and swore to follow the various baby sleep books, I think we have mostly been lucky with overnight sleeping in that it comes to him naturally. (On the other hand, he is a catnapper, to my disappointment.)

        • Midwest In-House says

          I nursed my daughter to sleep (before the sleep improved and after). But my pediatrician told me that, in her opinion, some babies just aren’t physically or emotionally ready to sleep long periods–when they are ready, the sleep will come. This is not to say that you can’t try various methods (CIO, or whatever), but based on my experience, I think a lot of it has to do with when the baby is ready. In order to stay asleep, babies have to learn to self-soothe and that is a developmental milestone.

          One thing that helped us — we were using one of those sound machines that turn off after a set period of time, but I read that it is better for sleep purposes to either not use them at all or use one that runs all night long. Apparently, it can wake a baby who goes to sleep with one on if he/she stirs later in the night/nap and realizes it is no longer on.

          • Midwest In-House says

            Also, I think a routine is key. For us, it was sound machine on, sleep sack on, nurse, and certain song I sang to her. Even now as a toddler (who no longer nurses), even when she is super cranked at night, the minute I turn on the sound machine and start to put her sleeps ack on, she starts to relax. A routine is also super helpful when traveling or when someone other than mom puts the baby to bed.

    • Momata says

      How many naps has he taken by 4:30? My daughter was (is) also a catnapper, and she often took one more short nap in the late afternoon before going to bed around 8 and doing a dreamfeed when I went to bed at 10. As she got older, that late afternoon nap was the first one to go, and her bedtime moved up at that time. (Kept up the dreamfeed until she was almost a year old.)

  8. Worrywart says

    Reality check needed:
    After hard times, DH and I are again TTC. Or rather, should be TTC. However, I have become a real worrywart regarding the “right” circumstances. Did I have too much coffee/ wine? Too little vitamins/ exercise…? Did DH smoke/ drink too much? Been to the steam room too often?
    Is it normal to be so stressed out about something that should be a 100% positive time in a relationship? Or a sign of a Type A personality, combined with reading too many books?

    • NewMomAnon says

      Well….it sounds like you can’t control how your body functions, so you’re trying to grasp at everything you might be able to control instead. And speaking from experience, that feeling of powerlessness/need to control will not get better with pregnancy, child birth, having a newborn, returning to work, daycare, etc. All will involve things you cannot control, and all of those things that you cannot control will continue to cause anxiety. I would talk with your OB about it; they usually know some good therapists that specialize in fertility/childbearing phases.

      And hugs, there are so many things that one can worry about when trying to plan for a family, I’m sure this is a rough way to start that journey.

    • CC says

      As a fellow Type A, I am so sympathetic! But I think it is totally normal to feel stressed. It is only a 100% happy time in the movies or maybe for those rare couples who get lucky on their first try. TTC was actually one of the least happy times in my life because I felt so much pressure to get the timing right and it took way longer than expected. I got pregnant in a month where I was stressed at work, drank more than usual, and never exercised. Everything turned out fine. It helped me to remember the sheer volume of perfectly healthy humans on the planet – not everyone’s mother was obsessing over caffeine and vitamins and exercise and smoking.

      • PregLawyer says

        I second this. TTC is annoyingly stressful and getting your period is the most depressing thing ever. I ended up getting pregnant in a month I was technically supposed to take off from TTC because I was starting a new job. I was eating poorly and drinking often. Many women reminded me that it doesn’t matter if you drink before you conceive, or even before you implant. Your baby is going to be just fine. If you want more reassurance, read the Emily Oster book – Expecting Better. Some women hate it and say that it enables bad behavior, because it basically debunks all the common ‘don’ts’ of pregnancy: no alcohol, no caffeine, plenty of exercise, etc. My takeaway from the book, however, is that our bodies are very resilient.

        I say, try and relax and have fun with the TTC process. Spice up your sex life. Have sex WHENEVER you feel like it – set a rule with your partner that if either one of you gets into the mood, you’re going to have sex. You’re just going to do it. Drink some glasses of wine to loosen up and don’t feel guilty.

        • Maddie Ross says

          Thirding it. I was still recovering (mentally not physically) from a miscarriage and thus was not actively trying, though also had not gone back on any BC. I was traveling a ton for work and went to a beer fest where I blacked out about a week or so after I conceived. Oops. But little one is totally fine. Life happens. Given the high number of unintended pregnancies, you can pretty much guarantee that not everyone is doing all the “don’ts”.

        • Katala says

          Agree highly with the book rec. I don’t do everything I “can” according to her, but it really helped me get some perspective on all the “don’ts”.
          Also remember that you don’t share blood supply for a while, so most stuff (alcohol, unhealthy food) will exit your system before it can affect baby. You have plenty of time to do all the right things once you get the great news! Good luck!

      • NewMomAnon says

        I meant to write this earlier – CC’s advice is spot-on and much better than what I wrote. TTC and pregnancy are not necessarily happy, glowy times; it is a huge change in your life and a big stressor, and it’s OK to acknowledge that and feel sad/anxious/unhappy sometimes. If you are always sad/anxious/unhappy and don’t enjoy anything, that sounds like depression or anxiety. If it’s just a feeling that you should be happier, that is totally normal.

    • Ciao, pues says

      I felt the same way, and it continued into pregnancy. I felt like for me it was what you described: a mix of being type-A and over-informed. The best thing I did was swore off of TTC blogs and forums. Like, deleted those apps from my phone, blocked the websites from my browser. I realized I was getting obsessive over things said by ill-informed randos on the internet to a degree that was really interfering with my sanity. I still tracked my cycles and things using an app, but never ventured into the discussion forum associated with the app. Highly Recommended.

  9. Another breast pump question says

    I think I am just going to go with the Medela PISA – tried and true for a reason, right? One of the medical device providers will give me the “full” Medela PISA kit with the tote, cooler bag, extra bottles, etc. – but the catch is that I think that the provider is a lot less user friendly (must have a prescription, more paperwork). Are the extra goods worth it? From what I understand from all the comments here over the months, people often end up buying different/additional accessories anyway depending on what their actual needs turn out to be. For my purposes, I certainly have extra tote bags at home, a mini cooler bag bought for cheap somewhere to carry six packs (sob), and all.

    TL;DR – is it worthwhile to get the Medela PISA on the go tote kit or just get the basic pump starter kit with less of a headache?

    Thank you!

    • MomAnon4This says

      Totally worth it for the PISA. Try the gear, if you don’t like ’em sell ’em. But they have great customer service, there’s parts at every Target, for sure, and mine lasted for the ~11 months I nursed.

    • KJ says

      I never use the bag that came with my PISA, but I do like the cooler. It has an ice pack that is contoured to perfectly fit around 4 bottles. You can buy that separately on the Medela site, though. I would probably go with the bare bones version and then get accessories as needed.

  10. Lawmom says

    I have two books I am eyeing on Amazon right now: All Joy and No Fun: The Paradox of Modern Parenthood (by Jennifer Senior) and Overwhelmed: Work, Love and Play When No One Has the Time (by Brigid Schulte). I am looking for something that has some advice (insight? just plain commiseration?) on the work-life “balance” and how to better manage it. Has anyone read either of these? Any other books you would recommend? Thanks!

    • mascot says

      I read “Good Enough is the New Perfect” a while back and liked it.

    • Momata says

      I haven’t read either, but I heard Senior’s interview on Fresh Air and it seemed her book was more a collection of studies on what causes stress and anecdotes as opposed to advice. (The most interesting part to me was her discussion of post-baby marital stress from division of childcare and household duties – that since women entered the workforce more recently, we don’t have a “script” for who’s supposed to handle what so we fight with our spouses. Rang true to me.)

  11. Back to work says

    I am half way through my maternity leave and I am starting to plan my return to work. Any advice on building up a transitional wardrobe?

    • NewMomAnon says

      Well, don’t do what I did – I went and bought a whole new wardrobe, which I then shrunk out of within 5 months. After I got back to work, one of my colleagues who had returned a month earlier said she had bought some really good Spanx and that had bridged her back into her old wardrobe. I would definitely try that if I had another baby. If you like wearing the Bella Band, that can also help you bridge back into your old wardrobe.

      Otherwise, are you nursing? If you’re planning to pump at work, I would suggest skirts/slacks and regular shirts with jackets or sweaters. I didn’t like button-fronts (too much work). I had a few dresses that unzipped down the back, or wrap dresses that I could pull down for pumping, but otherwise dresses didn’t work for pumping. I also liked flared skirts, because they could just shift on my hips as I lost weight. Pants were a beast – I finally bought Gap Perfect Trousers on sale in a bunch of sizes and swapped them out as I lost weight.

      If you aren’t going to pump at work, then I would suggest buying all the dresses, especially stretchy ones/wrap ones that don’t have pesky waistbands.

      Also, don’t be surprised if your old wardrobe comes out of storage looking pretty sad and shabby. I hadn’t realized how old and worn out my clothes were when I put them away. I did waves of closet purges before I went back to work.

    • RDC says

      Facing the same issue if others have tips! Or it might make for an interesting post one day (in case Cat is reading). For now, I’m planning on a trip to the outlet mall the week before I go back – I don’t want to buy earlier in case my body keeps changing. When did others feel they stopped changing shape?

    • Maddie Ross says

      If you’re just halfway through leave, how far from your normal clothes are you? I personally “fit” in all my normal clothes by the time I went back, though many things weren’t practical for pumping. And like NewMomAnon said, some of what was in my pre-maternity wardrobe just didn’t do it for me any more – styles change in a year. My workhorse pieces when I first went back were wrap dresses from the Gap and Banana.

    • anonymama says

      As everyone said, wait until you are closer to returning to work. Your body is probably going to keep changing. I also wouldn’t build up too much of a transition wardrobe until you actually need it, its hard to know what will work for you until you are wearing it. The week before you return, see what fits from your old clothes, and then get a couple pants and a dress or shirts as necessary, keeping in mind that your shape may still keep changing.

  12. PregAnon says

    Please let this all-day-sickness / exhaustion end soon. I’m 8 weeks. In my brain, I know it will probably be another 4 weeks. I am armed with Zofran, sour fruit (lemons, blueberries, etc), ginger candy, crackers, ginger-ale…

    It is just barely bearable. And the Zofran…side effects have kicked in, making me super bloated. OB said to add some fiber. Goodie. Husband is so excited, and I’m just half dead. I’m sure I’ll be excited once I’m less miserable…

    All I can do is look around at my house (we moved a few months ago, we’re not all the way put together yet), and think “how in the heck am I going to get this baby ready?” I’m looking around from my bed, mind you. Sigh.

    • noob says

      You’ll get the house stuff done — we moved into a half-renovated house when I was about 5 months along, and the baby’s room was storage until about 8 months along. I had several hormonally charged freak outs about getting everything done, but enough got done in time. It was good training for realizing nothing is ever done, and good enough is good.

      Plus, babies really don’t need that much stuff at first and assuming you’re in a somewhat reasonable sized city, any emergency supplies can be purchased at Target, if not Amazon delivers in 2 days or less.

      And much sympathy on the morning sickness — I felt like crap my first trimester, so I know where you’re coming from.

    • POSITA says

      I hate to say it, but don’t count on necessarily feeling better at 12 weeks. I couldn’t wait to hit that mark and was really disappointed when I was still really sick at 20 weeks. Some people are sick their whole pregnancy. You just never know. It can also go away and then come back. Blech.

    • PregAnon says

      Thanks – realistically I know it could last longer, but hopefully not. I got home at 6 yesterday, and was asleep in bed by 6:30. Didn’t even want dinner. I feel a tiny bit better this morning, and I’m trying to get fruit and water into me. I’m right by a target and a Costco, so worst case, I’ll have my aunts converge on the house and help me! Just seems like a colossal feat right now when I can barely get upstairs to my bedroom.

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