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Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Extra 40% off sale styles
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 40% off everything
- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
Cb says
I have Sperry wedge booties and duck boots and they are both super comfortable. Duck boots are great for a wet climate. I was going to upgrade to a LLBean pair but after 3 years of heavy use, they are still going strong.
anne-on says
+1. I have the Sperry duck boots in girl sizes (so it was even cheaper) and they’re still looking great 4 years in. I kind of want a new pair in a more fun color scheme but I really can’t justify it!
Anonymous says
Guys, I’m coming off of a rough couple of weeks with the kids (1 and 3). We did two family trips in that time, I work full time, and I’m just feeling like these lovely beautiful boys are little terrors. The baby isn’t walking yet and constantly wants to be carried around the house (often screaming) and the three year old alternates between being amazing and destroying the house/whining non-stop. How do you all do it and look so happy all the time? I love my boys to death, and I want to enjoy this time, but there are also days where it is so hard.
Clementine says
This is a hard season. Lack of schedule and routine is hard. Also, those are both needy ages.
This too will pass. Take a break. Hand off your kids. Do what renews you. Give yourself permission to think parenting sucks sometimes.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Solidarity. I am right there with you with an almost 11 month old and a 3 year old and our days are rough. I think this is just a really really tough phase right now and I have hopes that it will get easier as they get more self-sufficient, but right now the only way out is through, honestly.
“How do you all do it and look so happy all the time?” I think this is an issue with social media just showing the highlight reels – trust me, I can find enough photos of my kids smiling and looking cute to post for days, but that’s not the full picture. I don’t post the tantrums or the baby screaming or putting everything in his mouth. Or the scrambling to make drop-off and get to work, and then the return home at night to just a bunch more work with screaming kids. That’s the reality. I love them, but it’s tough.
AnotherAnon says
Solidarity: I snapped at my 2.5 year old yesterday. I felt SO guilty and I apologized to him later. It was a good reminder that we benefit from time apart. I don’t really know what the antidote is to feeling like everyone else has it together, except having other mom friends who confide to me that they definitely don’t always have it together.
Daysy says
As a mom of a four and five year old who feels like I am just starting to crawl out of the trenches, I promise, IT GETS EASIER. And once it starts to get easier you realize — oh wow, that was REALLY hard. You never have a moment of peace. Nights are interrupted. They are endless balls of need. Yes of course you love them but it is exhausting. It does get better. You’re not alone. You’ve got this. :)
Mrs. Jones says
+1
anon says
There will be a light at the end of the tunnel. My 5 and 3 yos can play together independently for hours and hours at a time. I may need a bulldozer to clean up the toys when they are done, but it’s still amazing. This started to happen once the youngest hit 2 or 2.5–you’re not that far away.
In the meantime, I’d scale back the trips and do less. Lots of unstructured playtime, trips to the playground, and laid back playdates. We love having other families over on weekend mornings (or meeting at a playground) so the kids can amuse each other and the parents can chat. No other activities are planned. Playdates are my sanity.
ElisaR says
mine are about 6 months older than yours…..i was/am in the same place as you. One thing I did helped….. I hired a mother’s helper that comes to the house from 5-7pm 2 days a week. It just helps take the focus off me for my boys and allows me to prep some food/lunches/laundry whatever. Just having that relief 2 days a week has been wonderful. Hang in there Anonymous, I feel ya!
Anonymous says
Omg zero people did this and were happy all the time. Sure they got a cute photo to share but it’s a really hard age. It just is.
OP says
Thanks, all. Just got back from a doctor’s appointment and feel very comforted by all your messages and support! Feeling better after a breather, but MAN. It’s hard.
Anonymous says
Mine are 15 months, 3, and 6. The only thing that gets me through is my 6 y/o- she went through the same tough times and is now a Big Kid.
My only tips are get outside/go somewhere, but not too far because tip 2 is just call it when things go poorly. Don’t plan an elaborate trip into the city for the children’s museum. Go to the neighborhood park and go home as soon as there’s any sign of bad behavior.
qcgc says
Looking for tips for oversupply with feeding? I have an appointment with a lactation consultant but not until Friday. I had been pumping to relieve pressure which I assume exacerbated the problem. I’m trying to offer just one side at feeds but it’s hard because he pulls off frequently and the other side feels engorged.
Annie says
Have him start nursing, remove him and hold a nursing pad or tissue a little bit away to absorb the spray until you stop spraying, re latch him and it will be less intense. Stop pumping! If you need to relieve pressure do a tiny bit manually. You can collect passively from the other side with this if he doesn’t take from both sides – https://www.amazon.com/Milkies-Milk-Saver-Breast-Collector-Storage/dp/B007HYL9TS/ref=sr_1_4?crid=2RYII0S20NFAN&keywords=nursing+milk+catcher&qid=1567518769&s=gateway&sprefix=nursing+milk+%2Caps%2C114&sr=8-4
Clementine says
Pump to relieve pressure, try pumping for a minute or two before letting babe nurse if it seems like he’s getting choked out.
Don’t feel you need to pump until empty, just for comfort.
Also: totally take advantage to build a freezer stash and/or donate some milk.
GCA says
I had a forceful letdown and a slight initial oversupply, and always used the haakaa pump (passive, works by suction) to relieve pressure before feeding and on the other side while feeding. Don’t do any active pumping as that’ll exacerbate oversupply!
Pogo says
+1
Anonymous says
Yup pump just to relieve pressure. I tend towards oversupply and will pump just 2 mins if I’m engorged on one side. You can also look up Block Feeding on KellyMom. Basically you start by pumping empty both sides, then only nurse one side for 6-8hrs, then switch breasts. This should help reduce supply.
Lana Del Raygun says
Block feeding is a good way to gradually reduce your supply — you only feed on one side for a “block” of several hours, then switch. (Start with short blocks and then stretch them out to keep from feeling too engorged.)
ElisaR says
i dealt with this by getting into the shower and hand expressing for a few minutes. The pump seemed to just stimulate production too much.
Anonymous says
Try the Hakaa manual pump instead using an electric pump to relieve pressure.
2 Cents says
I used the hakaa on the side baby wasn’t nursing in for early morning (3-4 am) feeds and would sometimes get 3-4 oz in 10 min. Helped relieved the pressure and built up my freezer stash.
Daycare says
16 mo old DD just transitioned from the infant room to toddler room today at her national franchise daycare. The drop off was completely bonkers. I’m telling myself it’s because of the age and a room full of toddlers can’t be anything but bonkers, but holy cr@p. Kids screaming bloody murder, like climbing up the walls. DD was so overwhelmed and sobbing. I need a gut check – it gets better? Are all toddler rooms this completely nuts?
Our take on this daycare has always been that it’s a good for true day care but we don’t want her there for any “real learning” – ie: preschool or k. It was always our back up and the first choice one didn’t have an availability for full time infant. This current daycare does a good enough job but her infant teachers were what kept us there during the most frustrating times. She is safe and well cared for by the immediate teachers (at least in infants) but it’s always felt like a total hot mess in any room above infant and sometimes at the management level. Today reinforced that to an extreme.
Annie says
I hate to tell you this but our toddler room is usually very calm at drop off. Often one kid will be crying and comforted by a teacher but the teachers have activities waiting and most kids start to play as soon as they arrive.
Anon says
How did they transition her? Just switching from one room to the next in one day seems kind of cold, our daycare gives the kids the opportunities to do at least three scheduled visits and then parents can do additional visits beyond that if you want to.
I will say that toddlers do tend to run a little bit wild, in my experience. We love our daycare, but my daughter’s in a mixed infant-toddler room and the current batch of infants is extremely needy and tends to monopolize teachers’ attention. At drop off and pickup, my daughter and the other four toddlers are frequently playing without a teacher nearby and appear to be almost literally bouncing off the walls. It isn’t the most comforting thing but I tell myself that she plays unsupervised at home sometimes to and this room is surely better baby-proofed than our house (no knives, no stairs, etc.)
My suggestion, if you can swing it, would be to do early pick-ups this week. A shorter day in this chaotic environment will help her adjust to her and if she’s anything like my kid, the quiet time at home to decompress will do a world of good for her happiness and behavior.
Anon says
I will add that drop-off is usually less chaotic than pick-up. The teachers have told me the toddlers are crazier in the afternoons and I’ve observed that myself too.
OP says
There were a couple half days in the last 1-2 weeks as regular toddler kids were on vacation and there was availability, so it wasn’t cold turkey but it was our first drop off in the room. We were told she did great those days.
During transition days we were still dropping off in infants and then they’d move her after people settled in. Today was Day One of official toddler enrollment.
Also, another point: on Friday we picked her up around 3:30 pm. She was with the toddlers and they were on the playground. It’s proximate to the daycare but not direct entry attached (daycare is in the middle of a strip office building and playground is at the end of the building, about two suites down). DH and I were directed to the playground to pick her up. We opened the gate of the playground, took her and walked away. When we were halfway to the car we both were like “shouldn’t we tell someone outside that we have her?” so we went back and did…. So we literally just walked in, took kid, and no one said anything. Again, not normal?
Anon says
Yeah, being able to take her with no one noticing would definitely concern me!
anon says
Not normal. I’d talk to the director about the playground security. You should see an immediate change in protocol or start shopping for a new daycare.
OP says
On it: I just made two calls to area daycares. Both have months’ long wait lists. Sigh.
I have a habit – mostly good, but sometimes not – of trying to be relaxed and go with the flow when it comes to parenting (ie: telling my Type A self to shut up) and not complain about every little thing, not call the doctor for every little thing… and I think I swept a lot under the rug during our first year at this daycare. Now that she’s in toddlers/transitioning, and I’m more confident in my parental judgment, I’m now seeing the light that some of this is seriously just not ok.
anon says
At least in my area, you need to call every other week or monthly to get off of a waitlist. The squeaky wheel gets the spot. Places where I put my DD on a waitlist but didn’t call, we never got a spot when others who got on the list later did.
Anon says
+1 to anon at 10:47. It was amazing to me how non-linear daycare waitlists are. We finally insisted on touring our dream daycare even though they told us we were 2+ years out on the waiting list. We toured on a Friday, they called us on Monday with a spot. That’s one of the more extreme examples I’ve heard but I definitely think the squeaky wheel gets the spot.
Cb says
Our nursery is pretty calm at drop-off (mixed ages from 1-5.5 with kids moving freely from room to room and outside) although we’re a bit on the earlier side. Pick up is like Lord of the Flies though, especially if it is raining and everyone is inside. I think it’s just the nature of the beast.
IHeartBacon says
“Pick up is like Lord of the Flies though…”
LOL!!
Pogo says
Haha this – I see above you also had issues w/ pickup at the playground which would concern me, so looking around is a good idea. But yeah, pickup is often multiple kids whining/screaming. Even in the morning if someone is in a bad mood I feel like the other kids pick up on it and go nuts. The other day it was like 7am and this one girl goes, “I want Goldfish. NOW” and I was looked at the poor teacher and was just like, Good luck with that!
anon says
Maybe it’s an ‘off’ morning, which can happen after a long weekend, but I’d keep my eyes and ears open to make sure it’s not always that chaotic. My experience with toddler rooms is that afternoon pickups are usually the crazy time, not morning dropoff.
anon says
Was this a day that many kids were switching classes? If so, I’d give them a bit of a pass. If it’s always crazy, then something is wrong.
We left a national chain daycare after many months of questioning and are so, so glad we did. It was worse than I appreciated at the time.
Ms B says
The day after a long weekend is always bonkers, whether in day care, preschool, kindy, or regular school. Too many kids off schedule, too many frazzled parents, too many staff running “just a couple minutes behind” (NOT), it’s a mess.
Give it a week or two, then reassess. That said, I agree with the poster who suggested early pickups if you can swing it; otherwise consider early bedtimes. Change = more stimulation = more need for rest.
Anonymous says
We just went through a period of multiple daycares, some due to moving cities, and some due to problems with a daycare. So I feel like we’ve seen a LOT of toddler rooms recently with our 22-month-old. And I can say there is wide variation at dropoff. Where we used to be in our old city, dropoff was usually calm. The kids might be wild, but it was mostly happy-wild. They were playing, sometimes that playing meant they were running around or something, but it felt like the teacher was in control of the room.
At the daycare we pulled her out of, dropoff was full of many tears. Kids would not be engaged in activities and might be crying unconsoled, or just sitting around not doing a whole lot.
And finally, we’ve seen some other daycares that at dropoff were definitely busy, but it felt reasonable. The kids were playing, and that is busy with toddlers compared to an infant room, but the teachers were always available to greet my daughter coming in, and incorporate her into play either one-on-one or with a small group giving her something specific to do so she wasn’t lost in the sea. And most toddlers were actively engaged with something, often with a teacher there as well.
So, I don’t know what I’m really saying here. What you describe sounds not great. But you should expect that it will be busier in the toddler room than the infant room. But teachers should be welcoming (and then saying goodbye in the afternoon) to each individual child. And kids crying, untended, would really bother me.
Anon. says
My experience has been different from a lot of people. We just moved into a Twos classroom from the Toddler room in a national chain center. Mornings can be rough – if one kid is screaming because mom/dad just left that’s likely to set off another and then my kid gets freaked out when we enter – thankfully he’s usually just a clinger, not a sobber. This is especially bad during room transition periods or if you’ve got a new kid in the room. In contrast, I’ve never really experienced a ‘Lord of the Flies’ moment during pick-up (either when we leave early or when I’m running later than I like). So to me, your experience on drop off sounds totally normal. The playground thing is a whole other issue that I would Not be okay with though.
anon says
Ooh, I like these loafers a lot. Sperry is one of the few brands that consistently works well for my narrow-heeled duck feet. Fingers crossed that these work; I just ordered them.
anon says
My soon-to-be 5-year-old has turned into a hellion over the last month. I don’t know what’s going on, but my normally sweet (yet spunky) girl is just outright defiant. She has lots of attitude, which is new, and isn’t following directions well at home or at daycare. I literally chased her around the living room yesterday to put her in time out. It is really testing my patience and I’m at a loss. Giving her consequences doesn’t seem to be turning this around!
She’s not my oldest, but it’s been a long time since I’ve had a preschooler and I can’t remember whether this is a normal developmental stage or not.
CPA Lady says
I think there is a special kind of defiance that happens at that age based on what I’m observing in my kid and her friends. Before then, in the toddler and preschool years, it was more like irrational stubbornness. At the late 4/early 5 age range it has more of a teenage tone of “go *$&% yourself, mom!”
The best way we have found to deal with it is with the use of humor to diffuse the situation before it really spirals into threats and ultimatums. If the situation escalates, timeouts followed by a calm conversation work pretty well for us. Taking away things does not seem to help. Of course, every kid is different.
Redux says
I feel this. My 5 year old has given us what we call teenage-flash-forewards. I think it’s normal, but it is really hard to know what to with this outsized attitude. I try to turn up the empathy and name her emotions like I have always tried to do, but this new little creature will often rage-out when I do that and the best thing is just to give her some space. I tell her that it’s hard for me to understand her when she uses that voice (which for lack of a better description is just a straight up b!+ch voice) or those words (demanding, dismissive, or mean) and that I can help her when she can speak to me with kindness. Effectiveness rating: 50%.
Anonymous says
Yup totally normal.
RR says
Normal, and I’m living it now too with my just-turned-6 year old. She’s my 3rd. I thought I had this down, but this child is testing me. I just remind myself that everything is a stage, and this too shall pass. Hopefully with all of us alive.
Anon says
Good morning! I’m just starting to get back into exercise and it has been quite a while for me. I am looking for some comfortable exercise shorts that are a bit longer than I used to wear and will accommodate my large postpartum hips/thighs. I’m hoping to not spend too much on these (aka lululemon is likely out of my price range). Any recs?
anon says
For postpartum clothes I got a lot at Old Navy. The price was right and I didn’t feel bad sizing down once they no longer fit :)
rosie says
I got some longer-length, comfortable bike shorts from Target (C9) brand that I would recommend. I would also check Costco if you’re a member, I really like the Adidas cropped leggings from there.
Anonymous says
I find Nike workout shorts to be the longest I’ve tried. Otherwise, you could consider compression capri leggings. Depending on the activity, they may not be that much different temperature-wise than shorts.
drpepperesq says
old navy, target, marshalls/tjmaxx
FVNC says
I use men’s shorts when I want something longer and looser, or capri leggings.
Redux says
Biking shorts (like for actually biking as opposed to 80s fashion) are longer than average. I’ve had luck finding them at Marshalls on the cheap. Current style often has the spandexy bike shorts of my youth layered underneath a sportier looking loose-fitting short with pockets. Good luck with your new routine!
Anon says
The actual name for that style of shorts if you’re googling around is 2-in-1. For some reason, they’re harder to find in longer lengths for women, but are fairly common in mens.
If you’re okay with a liner instead of the full short, REI makes a good one: https://www.rei.com/product/141051/rei-co-op-active-pursuits-7-shorts-womens
Oiselle also does, but they’re not quite as loose.
I can’t remember if Brooks has a 7 inch short out right now or not. I have a few pairs of Brooks running shorts that are going on 10 years old. They’re cut very generously and are super comfy.
Anon says
Another daycare question. My DD is getting ready to transition out of her current daycare room, which is 0-2 year olds and has 8 kids, 1:4 ratio minimum. They gave us a choice of three rooms, no guarantees but it seems like our preferences will have significant impact.
Room A: 18-36 month olds. 10 kids, 1:5. She would be in the middle age-wise when she starts, but would pretty quickly become one of the older kids. I’ve heard good things about the teachers.
Room B: 2 year olds. 14 kids, 1:7. Slightly cheaper (due to lower ratio) but cost isn’t a big factor. I think the transition to so many kids might be hard on her, since (due to floaters and student teachers) she frequently gets almost 1:1 attention in her current room. She’d have the experience of being one of the youngest kids which she hasn’t had so far (started the 0-2 room at 15 months), but the kids would be at most a year older, no really big kids. I’ve heard great things about the teachers.
Room C: 2 and 3 year olds. 10 kids, 1:5. She’d have the experience of being the youngest when she starts, but I’m a little concerned about my tiny just turned 2 year old being with kids who are almost 4. I’ve heard mixed things about the teachers.
From any of the rooms, she’s have the option of going into a 3-5 year old preschool classroom with 20 students and 2 teachers, or a transition room with 14 kids (ages 2.5-4.5). I think the transition room would be more likely if she did Room A or B, because they’d want to move her up shortly after her third birthday, whereas in Room C she’d more likely stay there until 3.5+ and then start a preschool classroom. So possibly going to Room C would cut down on one transition (three total rooms from age 1-5 vs. four).
We’re going to observe in all three rooms, but right now I’m leaning towards Room A because of the lower ratio and the positive teacher comments. I don’t really care if she’s well over 3 and has 18 month olds in her class. She loves younger kids and I’m sure they will give her age-appropriate stuff to do. But I’m curious to hear what other people would do.
Anon says
I would do room A as well, but it sounds like you have a lot of good options! Personally I would gravitate toward the lower ratios.
Pogo says
+1 same. But I also wouldn’t worry about her being the youngest for Room C- in some ways it’s helpful to see older kids model language and social skills at that age.
anon says
I have no idea, but I’d ask about how each room handles meals, potty training, naps and outdoor time.
anon says
i think whatever you feel most comfortable with. the way montessori works is for classrooms of mixed ages.
Anonymous says
B.
Ms B says
I vote Room A, both for the ratio and the mix. I always liked having some older kids in the room (helps with modelling for eating, potty training, fine motor), plus you have the Room C option down the road.
One note – The Kid had four rooms between infancy and age 4, when he transitioned from a play-based daycare to a more structured but still Reggio Emilia preschool where he changed rooms annually. The transitions between rooms were not problematic because both schools handled them gradually and effectively, plus he always transitioned with at least a couple friends. The teacher choice always turned out to be the most important factor for us (and still is in grade school).
Pumping spaces says
Looking for suggestions of small things to add to an not-ideal pumping “room” to make it cozier/nicer/ more friendly to use. Our pumping room at work is a cubicle in the women’s locker room. It is pretty bare bones- basically a table and office chair partitioned off by cubicle dividers, and some signage. (You can lock the locker room, if you want it to be private, but often people don’t lock it when they pump so that others can access their lockers- it’s personal choice for the pumper, and no big deal either way as it’s a pretty liberal workplace and people tend not to be too modest about these things, but are also respectful if you do want privacy.) I hear about these fancy inviting pumping rooms with sinks and hospital grade pumps, and I’m so jealous. I know that our workplace doesn’t have the space or budget for these, but would love to do better than just a table and chair. What are some nice touches to your not-ideal pumping space?
Anon says
Magazines to read while pumping.
Anonymous says
Or on the opposite end of the spectrum, a power strip so you can plug in your pump and your laptop. Or phone.
anne-on says
Is there a budget to stock things? Pump part wipes (or alcohol wipes), paper towels, a power strip(s), phone charging cables, a few magazines, and a small fridge would all be nice.
Cb says
Is it warm in there? I pumped in a conference room that was always freezing cold and I do think it impacted my ability to letdown. A space heater would have made a huge difference.
AwayEmily says
What about a bulletin board, where people could post funny cartoons about pumping, or baby photos, or flyers about parenting-related things. Could be nice and help build more of a community feel. My office didn’t have a pumping room but when I was speaking at a conference once the fancy pumping room had a bulletin board like this and it was really lovely.
Pogo says
In my boring bare-bones space, I added a pillow and a muslin swaddle (both to brighten up the space/remind me of baby, and protect the chair from any drips). I hung up pictures of my son w/ painter’s tape. At my request they gave me a fridge.
Definitely a table for resting your laptop. My room also had a phone, but I typically used my headset if I called in (via VOIP on my computer) to reduce the pump noise that could be heard (vs speaker on the phone). If VOIP conferencing isn’t widely used in your org or you don’t have a company cell, I’d ask for the phone so you can call into meetings.
GCA says
If there’s space or shelves, could you stock pump wipes, wet wipes/ hand sanitizer, tissues? A mini fridge and trash bin under the table would be good. Also nice to have a small bowl of snacks/ candy and a space heater especially for winter (or at least temperature control so it’s not too cold).
IP Attorney says
ditto to the bulletin board idea for hanging baby pics or announcements that are helpful to new working moms. Also, a foot stool/ottoman is a huge help toward being comfortable when sitting there for 20 minutes!
So Anon says
The post above about the 5-year old has me thinking: Does anyone have any recommendations about child development in the elementary school years? I read up on childhood development for birth to 4, but I’m not entirely sure about what to expect in the elementary ages. (Also – in my experience, the 5 year old rebellion is totally normal!) I google things as they come up, but I’d love a book that addresses this general age group.
avocado says
I don’t have a recommendation for younger kids, but for tween and teen girls I can’t say enough good things about Untangled. It identifies several developmental “strands” of emerging adulthood, provides advice for supporting healthy development, and points out red flags that may signal problems that require intervention. I first read it when my daughter was about nine years old and have reread it a couple of times since then.
anonanony says
My dear friend from college is thinking about visiting our city in a month or so. She would be coming with her husband and their three kids. Ages at visit: 5 years, 28 months, 7 months. Our twins will be 11 months.
I really want to host them as I love my friend to bits and I’d love to get to know her kids more. Plus, I think it would be way easier for them instead of a hotel. We have a four bedroom and three bathrooms, so this seems doable — twins are in their own room, my friend would probably co-sleep with baby in one room and then the boys (husband, 5 year old, 27 month old) in another room. We had a really honest conversation about how it might be hectic/chaotic and that I could totally feel free to tell them to get a hotel if it got to be too much. We are thinking maybe 5 nights. Anyone have any advice? My thought is to keep our childcare arrangement (nanny for two days, husband for two days) and take a day off myself to spend time with everyone. Pre-make a bunch of meals and just ask them to instacart anything else they want or need — let them use the kitchen. Get the some train tickets so they can see the city easily. Seems like it could be really cool but what am i missing? I would say our babes are use to lots of structure — same name time, same regular routine, they are not in day care so have been with lots of kids but I do think get overwhelmed by older kids. But I think this could be good for them?
Anonymous says
Go for it! It will be chaotic and many people will be grumpy. Oh well!
SC says
I say go for it, but I would consider suggesting they stay with you for a shorter visit (3 nights?), then spend a night or two in a hotel/AirBNB in the city. 5 nights is just a long time to have 5 extra people in your house. It might also be easier for your friend and her family (ultimately) to split the trip up between visiting with you and doing suburb activities and seeing the city–taking 5 kids back and forth on the train everyday is a lot!
Anonymous says
This is a good idea. 5 days is a long time for me to have guests, including family.
Pogo says
Agree. If I did something like this with my friends I’d suggest they do a couple nights in the city and a few nights w/ us.
I regularly host this same amount of chaos w/ family and it’s fine. Chaotic but fine. Kids are usually excited to play with someone else’s toys, even if that person’s toys are for someone 5 years younger than they are.
Anon says
I last nursed my toddler about a month ago and have had sort of a low key migraine all month. Now I’m on my period and have one of the worst migraines of my life. I’m on Day 3 of the headache now and at least able to function at work – on Sunday and Monday all I could do was lie in a dark room. I had menstrual migraines before getting pregnant but they were rarely this bad. I’ve had my period back for over a year and in general it’s great (lighter, shorter and way less painful than pre-pregnancy) but this headache is awful. Did anyone else experience this? Did it get better once your body adjusted to no longer BFing and the hormones settled? Or is this my new normal?
Anonmigraine says
Yes. I had the worst migraine of my life when I weaned, and I was out of medication and not noticed because I stopped getting migraines altogether when I got pregnant and through BFing. It stopped (well went back to its normal frequency/intensity) once my body adjusted hormonally and my period came back.
Pogo says
+1 yes. I am so sorry. It was exactly one year ago for me! I remember because it was labor day and we travelled. so so painful. I had to take a day off of work when we got back. Since then menstrual migraines have actually gone below pre-baby intensity/frequency for the most part.
Anonymous says
My migraines definitely picked up once I weaned. I would chalk it up to being a bad menstrual migraine, but I would definitely see a neurologist if you don’t already. And if you do, make an appointment. One of the best thing my neuro does is help me through pregnancy/bfing/weaning with migraines. There are options. But if this is truely the worst headache of your life you should call your doctor or go to the ER as it could be something serious.
Anonymous says
My husband is about to go back to work after a 5-week paternity leave, and I’ll be staying home another 2 months. Any tips for this transition?
Anonymous says
Identify a thing that he will continue to do. It shouldn’t now be your job to do all the parenting and housework.
Anon says
I would say more than “a thing.” It was our philosophy that both people were doing nothing but chores and childcare until all the chores were done and the baby was asleep. Practically, this meant that my husband did most of the cooking and clean-up while I did a lot of nursing and baby care, but there are obviously other ways of distributing it. Giving him just one chore seems to be letting him off easy though.
Anonymous says
Oh yeah I see that. I was thinking more in terms of “he does all laundry” or “he does bedtime” plus you figure the rest of the day out. So not really he only does one thing, but here is one big thing we’ve agreed is just his as a cornerstone of the arrangement
GCA says
Agree that you should try to avoid falling into any patterns of labor distribution now that you don’t want to keep up when you are both back at work. For us, we kept the older kid in daycare, and stuck with the distribution of labor we had previously – I do 90% of the cooking, husband does 90% of the cleaning (dishes, laundry etc). With a newborn at home and big kid in daycare, there wasn’t really a whole lot of day-to-day picking up around the house. If I pumped, I left the parts in a bag in the fridge for him to clean at night.
Also, definitely seek out activities and mom groups if that’s your thing – it alleviates the boredom and loneliness of being at home with someone who is a lousy conversationalist. I read a lot, I went to baby yoga, I went to mom-centric ‘bring your non-crawler and let them hang out on a blanket’ yoga, I went to cafe and brewery meetups, and now that I’ve typed out this list it sounds horrifyingly bougie but it kept me sane!
Anonymous says
My husband only took two weeks off, and after he went back to work he refused to get up with the baby at night because I didn’t have to work and he did. Do not let this be you.
Anony says
That happened to me too, only my husband only took a week off. It’s so hard.
AIMS says
I sort of insisted on this most nights, because frankly it was easier for me to be up when I was not working and was nursing, but to each her own. I just didn’t see the point of both of us being up and the only thing either of my kids ever wanted to do at night was eat. And yes I could have pumped so I could sleep and he could give the bottle but at the time that was more trouble for me than it was worth. My point is only that there is no one size fits all. What I did do was (1) go for a walk with the dog (or insert whatever break works for you) as soon as he got home and (2) go to bed early while he stayed up with the baby till midnight or so in order to get a head start on sleep. Find a routine that works for you.
Coach Laura says
I think that this is where I would say something like “It’s great that I’m still on leave so that I can get up in the night but when we’re both working, we’ll need to change that/alternate/bottle feed at night because I can’t work on no sleep.” Because if you don’t say something, he might think he gets a pass and you would fall into bad behavior patterns. I also suggest that when you’re both working, you alternate nights where one gets up for any/all night wakenings. This works if both of you have the same sleep and wakeup for work schedule. Or one of you goes to sleep at 7pm and sleeps til 1, not being responsible for any wakeups during that time. The other is responsible until 1 but gets to sleep in until 7 without interruption. Divide up between who is a night owl and who is an early bird or who has to get to work early. I would be a zombie if I didn’t get at least 5 straight hours of sleep. Spare bedroom, couches, eye masks and earplugs are helpful. Keep the master bedroom quiet for the sleeper.
Anonymous says
Get a divorce
Anon says
That would be my reaction, but I actually think this attitude is really common.
Anonymous says
Yup men are trash
Anon says
Ask friends or family to stop by a few times a week to pep you up and keep you from getting isolated. Consider joining a mom’s group of some kind (I did MOPS). I felt so overwhelmed the first few months and just wanted to look around and see that people survive this and can support each other through it, and that it’s normal to struggle. Do something that helps you feel like you, whether that’s having a cup of tea, buying new clothes, or going to the library or gym or whatever you can do.
Pogo says
As a practical item, I had my husband make me a smoothie every morning before he left for work so I’d have something to eat, because it was often another two hours from when he left til when I managed to get myself and baby downstairs.
I think he also did all of the cooking, housework and shopping at that point – at 5w you are still recovering! However I didn’t notice a big difference from being home w/ him and the baby to being alone because I had a slow to gain little cluster-feeder, and basically sat on the couch b-feeding 24/7. Not to say he didn’t do anything with the baby, but his main job was to take care of everything else so I could focus on our little guy gaining weight.
Once I was physically recovered and baby was gaining, I was able to develop more of a routine. That wasn’t until 8 or 9w, though.
Anon says
+1 – our routine looked pretty much the same whether I was on maternity leave and he was on paternity leave: he did most of the household chores and I had a baby attached to my breast or sleeping on my chest. We had a cluster feeder and a baby who didn’t take solid cribs nap until 4 months (great nighttime sleeper though!) so whoever was home on leave didn’t have a lot of down time until the other parent got home from work. Even setting aside time needed for my physical recovery (which for me happened by about 2 weeks), it was a good day of mat leave for me if I threw in a load of laundry or chopped some vegetables for dinner. I wasn’t doing any serious housekeeping.