I like this shirt as a trendy, yet work-appropriate basic that won’t break the bank. I’d classify it as trendy for the wide 3/4-length sleeves and the cut that makes it roomier all the way around (but especially in the back). I’ve reached the limit of my fashion vocabulary on this one. Anyway, I have a soft spot for a scalloped edge, and this top has it around the sleeves and hem. I love how they styled the white with the periwinkle pants, and the pink version where it’s picking up the pink in the plaid pants. Very cute, and well-priced at $29.99 at H&M. The top comes in five colors in sizes 0–18 (although the red is available in petites only, 0P–18P). Scalloped-Edge Blouse
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Book lady says
I came back from maternity leave with my second last week. I’m feeling so down. Last week was actually great and I was motivated and happy to be back. This week has been a total 180 and everything feels hopeless. (I know that’s dramatic but it’s where I’m at right now). I’m not planning to quit or make any changes and I know I need to adjust but any tips for how to get through this period? We are also in process of interviewing nannies and preschool tours to switch from daycare so that’s been weighing on me too. I got to spend a lot more time w my 2.5 yo and I’m feeling like I just abandoned her
FWIW I’m a new partner at a midsize firm and I have flexibility in my hours. My husband is taking parental leave now and I took 4 months off so I know I have it pretty good but I’m feeling miserable. I’m already exercising most days and do bare minimum around the house. It just still feels like this will not work and I miss my kids.
Anonymous says
Hugs – one thing that helped me a lot was maximizing physical contact with my kids when I was with them. I’m sure your DH is ready for a break at the end of the day so snuggle with the kids on the sofa while he makes dinner. Babywearing was also really helpful. Sometimes baby napped or snuggled on me in the Ergo while I read books or played with the toddler. We also used the Tula Toddler which was great when I wanted to get stuff done in the kitchen, toddler loved snuggling on my back. We also cuddle for a few minutes, all of us, in our bed in the mornings which I love.
Anon says
I felt similarly after going back after my first. Things that helped: getting lunch/coffee with colleagues or contacts so I felt like a real adult. Really any contact other than just sitting behind my computer drafting all day. And frankly, just giving it time, which I’m sure isn’t what you want to hear.
In hindsight, I wish I would’ve stopped pumping earlier because the hormones didn’t help and wish I had been seen for PPD and gotten treatment. I was mostly fine while on mat leave but being back at work triggered serious PPD for me and I should’ve sought treatment.
Anon says
Following up to add, I don’t mean to suggest you have PPD just by feeling this way. I’m just sharing that my difficulties returning to work were intense and I think everything we can do to help is worth a try and for myself, medication may have helped. You may not feel that way. Hugs.
anon says
I had this same experience with my first. I really should’ve gotten treated much, much earlier. OP, give it a couple of weeks and see how you feel. This may be a temporary blip, but don’t hesitate to reach out if you even suspect that you’re developing PPD. Going back to work is challenging on its own, but add in the hormones and missing your baby, and it can be a perfect storm of circumstances for other stuff to develop. Again, I don’t want to freak you out! I just wanted to second the encouragement to take care of yourself.
ElisaR says
it’s hard for sure. Another way to look at is the benefits your kids are getting by being in daycare. I am so impressed with the things my 2.5 year old comes home learning and being exposed to. I love that he interacts with other kids and I think he is really learning how to make his way in the world due to the time he spends there. I love hearing him stand up for himself “I don’t like that, no thank you!” and I know that he exposed to an awful lot of things I wouldn’t even think to introduce to him because of getting cared for by other people than me.
Anon says
I see this with my daughter who is home with my husband rather than in day care. She is similar to her other parent-watched friends, but her daycare peers are light years ahead of her in interactive play, social skills and following routines, directions, sitting in chairs, using cups and spoons, etc., probably both due to the level of instruction and the fact that they have peers to imitate (for better and worse probably). I rationalize that they will all catch up in pre-school and K, and we are working on socializing my daughter more, but there are definite skills that I think get taught better at school and daycare than they do in my house.
Anonanonanon says
Yes! I stayed home for about 2 years with my first. My then-husband was overseas the entire time so it was just me and the kiddo. He ended up with a speech delay. The local health department assessed him and concluded he qualified for interventions, but based on their assessment and observing us they were very confident that he COULD talk, but he didn’t HAVE to because I was anticipating all of his needs since we were together so much. They recommended daycare if I could swing it. I put him in part-time and started teaching fitness classes, and his speech took off! He also started using utensils, and all sorts of other things. My second is almost one and has been in daycare since she was 5 months old and I feel like she’s lightyears ahead of where my son was in terms of social interaction. I took him to story time at the library, babygym classes, etc. but nothing beats daycare.
AwayEmily says
One thing that helps me is planning/anticipating special little activities with my 2.5 year old in the time we have together after school. Nothing complicated, but (for example) yesterday morning I told her that now she was old enough to use markers, and that after school we could color with markers. I picked up some at the CVS on my lunch break, and she was so excited to do that. Other things we’ve planned/done: building a fort, making muffins, reading a book just the two of us in Mama and Dada’s bed, going on a walk to see the Christmas lights. All stuff that takes less than 20 minutes but still fun. I think it’s good for her but also good for me, because it gives me something to look forward to, and also ensures I get some one-on-one time with her away from the baby.
LadyNFS says
I love this! Great idea – going to implement myself.
LSC says
You’ve gotten good advice here. Just wanted to tell you I am in the almost exact same boat (except my husband went back to work last week, so the nanny is hired and we are about to switch up preschool for my oldest) and it is SO HARD. I know we shouldn’t make any immediate changes, but it is so exhausting and feels impossible sometimes, even with all the help we have. It will get better. I’m with you.
Anonymous says
What did you all do about suits when you were in the awkward pregnancy stage of bigger, but not obviously pregnant (such that maternity clothes don’t quite work yet)? My normal work outfit is a sheath dress plus a jacket. Should I get a few sheath dresses in a larger size, switch to A-line/ponte dresses, or something else? Thanks!
Anonymous says
I begrudgingly went up a size or two. What about a wrap dress? Either way, you will probably be able to wear post partum as well. Congrats!!
ElisaR says
agree with the wrap dress! in terms of jackets – I liked ones that were kind of more swing jackets as opposed to tailored at the waist.
Don’t go too crazy because you really will be needing maternity dresses by 20 weeks. But whatever you buy will likely get worn post-baby if you’re not quite back to normal.
Anonanonanon says
I got some seraphine maternity wrap dresses, and an isabella oliver sheath-like dress around that time period. Both weren’t obviously “maternity” when I was in the earlier stages, but worked throughout my pregnancy, especially the wrap dress. This was my second pregnancy, and I’m glad I “leaned in” to maternity clothes earlier rather than trying to avoid them. It made me feel better about picking quality pieces that I looked forward to wearing. (PS Kate Middleton and other royals wear seraphine and you can totally check out their website for a section on which items celebrities have worn if you’re in to that. I recommend ordering from a US-based website bbecause the international shipping was a pain)
ElisaR says
love seraphine – they have stuff on amazon and macy’s carries it…. I agree the UK website was a pain when I got the wrong size and had to exchange.
Anon says
I switched to wearing the a-line and ponte dresses in my closet that I previously had worn on more casual days, and then switched to mostly pants with a belly band and looser cut tops and sweaters (thank you winter pregnancy). I was in maternity clothes really fast (by probably 13 or 14 weeks), so I didn’t have that do I size up question, but in your shoes I would buy one or two dresses in a size up, possibly in a more forgiving shape, and work in more pants. FWIW, sheath dresses are not at all flattering on me post-baby with my tummy fluff, so I’m almost exclusively in A-line or shift dresses these days. Wrap dresses will come in handy if you’re nursing or pumping, so that’s probably not a bad transition piece to keep around.
Anon says
I found some of the maternity wear that’s marketed as breastfeeding friendly was good for this time. It isn’t cut as big as most maternity wear since they expect you’ll wear after and I actually did wear some of it after for feeding.
Anonymous says
I tend toward dresses, too, but found that stage to be really good for pants plus a belly band. I wouldn’t run out and buy pants, but if you already have some that would work, I’d throw a belly band into the mix with some shirts that don’t tuck in.
Anon says
I did a LOT of black maternity pants, black or white stretchy shell (so to the extent there was a bump it was visible) and a pre-pregnancy tweed or patterned blazer so I wasn’t combining non-matching black items.
TheElms says
This was just me just a few weeks ago, so I can definitely commiserate. I’m 21 weeks now and pretty much in all maternity clothes at this point (some tops still work, 1 pair of pants, and a couple stretchy dresses now that everyone knows I’m pregnant). Starting at about 12-14 weeks I did 2 JCrew Factory sheath dresses in a larger size, and a ponte A-line dress in a larger size. I also had luck with skirt suits wearing the skirt unzipped with a belly band folded in half and a looser sweater over the top (didn’t wear a jacket). This also worked on 1 pair of pants but not any others and I never could figure out why. Macy’s has some ponte skinny pants made by INC that are still working for me at 21 weeks in a size up. They are thick ponte so a good casual work day option with a sweater or weekend option. They look reasonably smart with an untucked blouse and a jacket over the top as well. In the size up I see them working for at least another month because they sit fairly low and there is a lot of stretch left in the waistband.
Anonymous says
Black maternity pants, maternity top, open blazer. Worked from the beginning of pregnancy all the way to the end.
Potty Woes says
Please help me help my almost four year old poop on the potty.
She has been potty trained for almost a year with zero accidents of any kind. She pees on the potty with no problem. But she asks for a diaper to poop every time. Sometimes she’ll sit on the potty first. But it always ends up in a diaper. For what it’s worth, she takes her diapered booty into the bathroom to do her business. I have tried, but she will not sit on the potty with a diaper on (trying to slowly get her used to the feeling of doing it while sitting on the potty). One time we “ran out o diapers” and she held it for days. So. Many. Tears. From both of us.
She drinks prune juice as necessary; eats chocolate covered prunes; I have put supposedly poop inducing essential oils on her tummy. I am convinced this is 100% mental. Because ever time she gets that diaper, she goes with no problems.
Maybe continuing to wait it out is the answer, but I am hoping there might be something else I haven’t tried. This is starting to feel ridiculous.
CPA Lady says
The main successful strategy in our house was bribery. Is there some big special toy she wants that you could bribe her with? Buy it, put it somewhere visible but out of reach and say when she poops in the toilet x number of times, she gets the toy. In the mean time she gets a piece of candy every time she poops in the toilet.
If you do another ultimatum like “no more diapers”, you should put her on laxatives and a ton of blueberries or whatever are the most poop producing foods in your child at the same time so she can’t hold it. She needs to get over her fear of pooping in the toilet. If she holds it and it’s painful when she goes, it will reinforce her fears. Once she has a few successes, I’m guessing she will be good to go.
The books “Everyone Poops” and “Softy the Poop” were frequently read in our house during the great pooping standoffs of late 2017/early 2018. We also watched some videos but I’m blanking on what they were. There may have been an elmo one and an daniel tiger one? Good luck and godspeed. It’s extremely frustrating.
Anonymous says
+1 for bribery. I successfully bribed my daughter to potty train (#1 and #2, 2 years 11 months) by telling her that the soccer class she wanted to try didn’t take kids in diapers.
anon says
I know parents who bribed their 3-year-old who was having trouble pooping in the potty with a trip to Disney World. I don’t know if the bribery sped the potty training process up, but when their daughter pooped in the potty, they had a great trip!
Anonymous says
My 5 year old (in preschool) is all about LOL dolls and JoJo bows. Perfect price point for bribes.
Anonymous says
Is she in preschool? Daycare? How is this handled there?
Anonymous says
I’m not saying this is nice, but… what happens if you don’t give her the diaper? My son similarly was scared to poop in the toilet, and my husband just took a hard line on it one night. Son ran around the house naked, yelling, and holding his bottom for 15 min or so (thank goodness he was also opposed to pooping on the floor), but he eventually sat down and we never had the issue again.
Anonymous says
Yeah, we did this (although my son was younger – like 2.5). It was not fun for anyone but he got over it.
Anonymous says
It sounds like when she did that kiddo refused to poop for days. I salute her commitment to her method!
Anonymous says
Committed little kid, for sure! But I wonder if the messaging about “running out of diapers” made her think she could wait it out. When we did it (also before 3 if I’m remembering right, so 1 year less determined), my husband was very clear that there was no other option: You said you need to poop, the toilet is there, you’re not getting a diaper and you’re not putting your underwear or PJs on until you poop. I’ll be right here to hold your hand if you’re scared.
Kid was very upset, and it was hard to watch, but it got the job done.
Anonymous says
Can you try enlisting her to brainstorm about what would make the potty feel safer for pooping? At that age my son liked the idea of “making a plan” for things that made him nervous. E.g., if I feel nervous I can ask mommy to come in so I can hold her hand, or use the smaller potty seat, or rub my tummy while I go…whatever.
I do think this is something she will eventually decide she doesn’t need and will up and stop, so you could also just continue to let it go. It sounds like she needs to retain control of this, and it is a good idea to avoid having her start withholding so she doesn’t get constipated.
anon says
I tried everything, bribery, hiding the diapers etc. None of it worked. She held her poop for five days until I gave in and gave her a diaper. This was while she was taking Miralax. It was not pretty.
Preschool was fine – they would have given her the diaper, but also she just refused to go poop until she got home. SO I wasn’t worried that she couldn’t go to kindergarten :).
I consulted a therapist, and she suggested having her sit on a little kids potty, with a hole cut into the diaper. (I had previously tried the hole cut into the diaper without any luck). I didn’t have a little kids potty, so (after I threatened to use her Christmas money to buy one), she agreed to try the hole in the diaper strategy, and that finally worked. She was 4 and a half. But there was a lot of despair in the meantime…
Emily S. says
Have you talked to your pediatrician about it? It sounds like it is mental, but what if its not? Or, you ped probably has seen something like this before and could offer some advice. Good luck!
AwayEmily says
We had a version of this and what worked for us was completely ignoring it/pretending we could care less. Our version was that pooping was a disaster — she would cry/sob for hours before pooping, hold it for days, often poop on the floor on the way to the potty, etc. We spent months trying to talk to her about it, reading books, letting her take the phone to the toilet, being emotionally supportive, etc. And then I decided that she was just feeding off of our anxiety so we decided to Not Care. When she’d start complaining about having to poop we’d say “okay” and just not react At All. We wouldn’t rush her to the potty, or ask what she needed, or anything. We did this even knowing it would increase the (short-term) likelihood she would end up pooping on the floor (and it did). But within days she just…stopped. Once it was obvious we didn’t care, she stopped caring either, and she just went to the potty normally.
So I guess my advice would be: get her started on Miralax so she’s not able to hold it (and use a suppository if necessary — we found that more effective than Miralax), then next weekend tell her no more diapers and that she knows where her poop goes, and then just prepare for being as stoic as possible.
BUT I also think waiting it out is fine. Trust your instincts!
Anonymous says
I needed to hear this – our current battle of will is over drinking water and tangentially has become a poop issue (doesn’t everything lol). I have been going nuts trying to make drinking water FUN and YAY and bribing, but I also know that the less we act like we care, the more likely he is to just drink his water.
Anon in NYC says
We have a similar story. My 3.5 year old just started pooping on the toilet like 2-4 months ago. She was fully pee trained at about 2.5, but it was always a tough go with poop. She went from pooping 2-3x a day in a diaper, to 1x a day on the toilet, to every other day, to every 3 days and so on until it culminated in a 10-day withholding. After that, we went with Miralax and just went with a diaper for poop for several months. TBH, she was kind of traumatized from the withholding / pain such that she was scared to poop in the diaper for a while. After a while, she gradually began to tell us when she needed a diaper, so she was clearly starting to recognize her body’s cues. Occasionally we would ask her if she wanted to try to sit on the potty but if she refused, we just completely dropped it. Finally, she willingly went on the potty once – on a Friday – and we celebrated the HECK out of it and gave her a lollipop. That provided a lot of motivation for her to continue over the weekend. Then she went back to preschool and they would put her in diapers. The following weekend, she started to resist the potty again. Initially, we tried to push the toilet, but she would get increasingly upset. So we found that the best path was, when she asked for a diaper, to just say no and that we don’t use diapers at home anymore. But then to otherwise completely ignore it. Eventually she would take herself to the potty. And we would once again celebrate the heck out of it and give her a special treat – candy, chocolate, lollipop, etc.
It’s been a few months now with complete success and she still requests a special treat after pooping, so now we’re trying to figure out how to wean her off those!
Elle says
Are you using the big one or a kid one? I was convinced I wasn’t going to use the kids one but my DD did not like using the big one at first (was scared). Just a thought if it hasn’t been tried. :)
Anonymous says
One thing that hasn’t been mentioned yet: it could have to do with how difficult it is to poop with legs dangling from a grown-up sized toilet, vs being able to crouch down (or whatever she’s doing) in a diaper. Do you have a stool or something so her feet aren’t dangling?
PinkKeyboard says
Can you get ahold of smaller size diapers? I imagine she is in a 6, can you get a few in each smaller size and gradually decrease the size every day or so until “Oh my! You got so big you don’t fit in diapers anymore!!!” With a bunch of talking about how Mommy and Daddy are too big to fit in diapers, other kid is too big, etc leading up so this is already an idea in her mind. Worked like a charm for a friend!
Frozen Peach says
Everyone has great advice. We had an extremely mild version of this. The only thing that worked was if I squatted down, held both her hands, and sang. For whatever reason that was the magic bullet to help her through the fear.
Mostly now poop is NBD. Unless we’re in an unfamiliar place/potty. Then she still needs the singing.
This has made for some suuuuuper interesting public restroom experiences. Mostly for the other patrons.
Anonymous says
We have our first ever au pair arriving soon! I’d welcome any tips from experienced au pair moms — we’ve never even had a nanny, so this is a very new experience for us. Anything you wish you had known? Hacks? Ways to make her feel more at home? Things we should be including in her set of responsibilities that we may not have thought about?
Seafinch says
I always try to send them some links of things to do and places to see. I find the Au Pair groups on FB. She will be much happier if she knows someone or has someone to hang out with. Other than that, I go with the flow and try to be super observant about whether she is homesick or feeling overwhelmed.
Sick baby says
FTM here. How do you decide when your baby is too sick to go to daycare? Is it different for the really little ones than older kids?
My LO has a horrible cold – lots of coughing and just sounds really bad generally, but doesn’t have a fever. I kept him home today mostly because I felt bad exposing a room full of babies to this (and honestly in part because I was embarrassed to walk into the daycare with a loudly coughing baby.) But I also know I can’t keep him home every time he has a cold. Where do others draw the line?
Anonymous says
I draw the line exactly where day care draws it. Babies in day care are just sick all the time, and if you keep them home when you don’t have to you will quickly run out of sick leave and your baby will never actually go to day care.
Spirograph says
This. Sometimes I err on the side of caution if I think the kid might get sent home from daycare, resulting in me leaving early one day and out the next day because of the 24 hour rule, but otherwise, they go.
Anon says
Thanks. The daycare says they can’t come if they are “contagious”, which obviously is not enforced literally for the reasons you pointed out. I probably should have sent him today, he’s just so wheezy and breathing loudly. I have no idea if daycare would have sent him home or not.
AnotherAnon says
+1 to this. If he doesn’t have fever, he can go to day care. In the first year of my son’s life I used 20 days of sick time; and that was exclusively for illnesses with fever! FWIW, he hasn’t been sick since he was 16 months old so it does get better!
ElisaR says
+1
ElisaR says
i will add – if I have a light day, I sometimes keep him home just because I want him to sleep and get better and my boys both get better quality sleep at home.
Walnut says
I consider lethargy in my decision. A kid who is coughing and nose-gooping up a storm, but still their usual “self” outside of immediate symptoms goes to daycare. If the kiddo is sleeping significantly more than usual and just seems really out of it then I will keep them home.
It’s definitely easier to make this distinction in older children. There’s nothing more frustrating that a kid with a low grade fever who is bouncing off the walls and clearly feeling just fine. Those days inevitably involve me hiding in a closet to take a conference call which is interrupted halfway through with “FOUND YOU!!!!”
Anonymous says
hahahaha, truth! The worst was when my toddler had HFM a couple years ago. She was full energy, just had the gross sores. Luckily one of her classmates who lives nearby had it at the same time, so the other mom and I met up at the neighborhood park and took turns keeping the kids away from conference calls.
Anonymous says
For those days when I felt baby wasn’t well enough for a full day at daycare, I would often take one morning off, bring baby to daycare for the afternoon, DH would take the next morning off and bring baby for the afternoon. Some times DH’s mom would come into town for a day or two as well. Our baby didn’t sleep great at daycare and babies need rest when they are sick so being able to get a big nap at home in the mornings, or sleep upright on my chest, was helpful in getting over colds faster.
Definitely agree that it’s okay to send a coughing baby to daycare. Trust your instincts but don’t feel guilty about sending baby when they are not 100% well.
Pogo says
I remember this feeling the first time I kept LO home with a cold – he was actually totally fine in the end but seemed so miserable in the morning and puked all over me after a coughing fit, I just felt like I couldn’t take him in.
Since then he’s gone unless he had a fever.
Not my job? says
I just transitioned to a new role in my current company. I’ve largely enjoyed it, but was asked in a meeting to do a fairly administrative task that will take a long time, and really doesn’t at all align to my function. I think it was a matter of it needing to be done and my having the lowest title in the meeting, relative to the other pretty high level folks.
This is work that’s more administrative than even what I moved from, and certainly my current role. If it was just this, I’d be fine, but I’ve had jobs in the past where I was given low-level work (that was really out of scope for my role) and it seemed to impact people’s perception of me. I think maybe I seem deferential and that’s why I invite this sort of thing? Regardless, my boss wasn’t there and I wonder if I should ask him about it – what I was asked to do will interfere with the much higher level (and more interesting) work that I’m doing for him….but he also wants me to be helpful to this area, as they’re a partner of ours, so I don’t want to be seen as uncooperative. I was asked in a meeting and really didn’t know how to push back.
In the past I’ve just done the work, thinking I didn’t want the play the ‘not my job’ card – but I think it may have harmed me. I’m sick of this sort of thing, and I wouldn’t have moved from my previous fairly satisfying job to this one if I knew I’d have to do this kind of grunt work, that may impact on top of that undermine how competent/authoritative I seem.
rosie says
I would definitely give your boss a heads up that this is something that will be taking up a chunk of your time. Is there another person who is clearly the more logical person to take on the task (but wasn’t at the meeting)? I think you can take a non-confrontational tone and say you are happy to help with this other thing (team player, etc), but you are concerned that it will require you to push off XYZ important work, and then either ask your boss how you should prioritize or suggest a way to redistribute the work if there is one.
Walnut says
Do you have an idea of who might be in a better position to do it? Is there a lower tenured person in the org that is ready for a stretch opportunity? If so, chat with your boss with a proactive solution involving bringing a new person in to do the administrative tasks to “learn the space”, “gain exposure to an important project”, and “establish a relationship with a key business partner”.
Anon says
Do you have a secretary or assistant you can delegate to? If so, I’d have them do the bulk of the work and then review it to make sure it’s done correctly.
This used to happen to me a lot until I realized the person assigning me the task wasn’t necessarily expecting me to do it myself, but rather to take responsibility for making sure it got done.
ElisaR says
agree. i would often say something in the meeting like “great, I will get this taken care of, so-and-so on our team is great and I will followup with him/her and make sure it gets done correctly.” just because perception is often important and you don’t want to establish precedent.
Maternity snow pants? says
Has anyone found these? We go to the snow a couple of times a month (3yo is learning to ski and loving snowshoeing) and I’m getting too big for my snow pants….but I want to be able to get down and play with 3yo in the snow. I seem unable to find any maternity options!
FWIW we are in Northern California so the snow is typically on the wet side (i.e., I don’t anticipate a non-water resistant or waterproof option working for me). Also, my legs are very much on the short side, so borrowing larger pairs from family members hasn’t quite worked.
Anonymous says
Do you get bibs or non-bib pants? I’d probably try non-bib snow pants in size or two up and just have them rest below my belly.
rosie says
What about getting a size up in petite? It looks like at least Lands End has petite. I just got a size up or a men’s pair on sale when I was pregnant, but it sounds like I’m taller than you.
Maternity snow pants? says
Thanks, both. I normally do non-bib but wouldn’t mind bib. I’ll check out Land’s end, petites are a good idea…
Brir says
I bought plus size snowpants from kohls a few years back, couldn’t find maternity. Needed plus because my usual size is large/xl.
Anonymous says
I’m feeling utterly ridiculous, so your help is appreciated. We’re looking at the local public school and a local private school. Naturally, the private school has all sorts of information about its curriculum and emphases, field trips and opportunities, etc. But there’s nothing on the public school’s website or the public district’s website about whether they offer foreign languages, how much recess the kids get, music, arts – nothing at all about the curriculum. Is that somewhere on the state website? (Is that all controlled by the state?) Because I couldn’t find it there either. (Virginia.) Or do I have to just call the local school? This doesn’t seem like an auspicious sign to me.
FVNC says
My daughter is in kindergarten in (central) Virginia. Based on our experience, I think your best option is to schedule a meeting with the public school principal to discuss your questions. Our school district sets minimum standards for things like recess, but schools (and frankly, individual classrooms) have their own requirements or practices. And within our district, offerings for foreign language and enrichment vary among schools, so that information is not going to be on the district website as it’s not standard across the district.
Anonymous says
Also in central VA and I co-sign this. Our local elementary school principal was happy to provide this information. I asked my questions over the phone, but I imagine she would have been willing to meet in person.
Also ask about the district’s philosophy regarding gifted education and acceleration if there is a potential your child may need these services. District policies vary widely. For example, Hanover offers only limited pull-out gifted services and does not permit any acceleration in math until fourth grade. Henrico has gifted magnets. A friend in Williamsburg-JCC said her kid was accelerated in math as early as kindergarten.
anon says
You might also reach out to the school PTA and ask if any member would be willing to speak with you for a bit to answer questions about the school. I’m not in VA, but I know that at least some parents at my kids’ public school would be up for that. It would be more anecdote-driven, but you might also get a real sense of the school, rather than a PR manufactured picture.
Anonymous says
Public schools do not have the budgets to build out elaborate websites. They are not competing to attract students the way that private schools do. It’s not necessarily a bad sign, just a sign that they have different priorities than the private schools do.
I’m in NYC and this kind of info is often shared via public school tours. Parent coordinators are also sources of info.
Anonanonanon says
I’m in (Northern) Virginia and this is all pretty district-specific. FWIW, I find out way more from the actual school’s website than the district website.
Spirograph says
You should absolutely talk to your boss about it if he or she wasn’t in the meeting where you were tasked.
“Boss, I was asked to do Y. This is outside my normal responsibilities, and since I estimate it will take about # hours over the course of # days/weeks and impact my ability to deliver on other priorities where I’m keen to make an impact. I’m happy to help out if needed, but this is an administrative task that could be handled elsewhere, so wanted to confirm this is how you want me to spend my time.”
Or, if you have staff who report to you, you should delegate this and tell your boss you’ve done so. This is something I always struggle with; I have to remind myself that when someone tells me to do something, it just means I need to make sure it gets done, not that I need to actually do the thing myself.
Spirograph says
threading fail, obviously meant for Not My Job, above!
Anonymous says
This. I had a similar problem as I was coming up on my due date, so I knew I had a finite number of hours and I was in the middle of negotiating a big contract. My boss at the time wanted me to spend time printing out some documents and doing other administrative tasks for a separate project. I escalated to his boss who immediately shut that down because he wanted me to get the contract in order before I left, not print and collate.
AnotherAnon says
Just wanted to say I appreciated the discussion Monday about rural living/life changes after baby. We currently live in the suburbs, which is not a good fit for us so DH and I have been discussing whether we should move to the city center or out to the country. DH has decided he wants to pursue moving to the country, and for all the reasons stated Monday, I don’t think this is a good idea. Namely, we do not currently have any farm-related hobbies and I don’t have any interest in developing them. How would you approach this with your significant other in a way that comes across as open and not bratty? I might suggest that he buy some property to use as his weekend/hunting getaway and then if he really loves that we can explore moving to the country. My bff suggested that I just leave it alone and work on my own goals since DH changes his mind all the time (we’ve moved seven times in eight years – to three different cities). Part of me feels like I should just let it ride but I’ve also been ruminating on this for days and I’d like to have an open discussion with DH about it. Advice or perspectives appreciated.
Anon says
I’d really think hard about moving again at all if you’ve moved seven times in eight years. Moving is rough, and I think it’s common to dislike a place for the first couple of years as soon as the honeymoon period has worn off.
With respect to your husband, I’d leave it alone for awhile to see whether this is just a whim or something he really wants to pursue. There’s no reason to have an argument over moving to the country if this is just a passing fantasy of his anyway.
OP says
Oh sorry – I didn’t make it clear from my post but not moving isn’t really an option. We’re currently renting in the suburbs which we both dislike and agreed it was a trial run when we did it. But thanks for the advice to let it ride and see whether he’s serious – that’s probably the best option for now.
Redux says
Can you say more about having moved 7 times in 8 years? Why? And how were those decisions made? This may be a larger issue that deciding against this particular move…
OP says
Um how much do you want to know, heh? You’re right – there are deeper factors at play and after eight years I’m just starting to figure them out. We married right before he started law school, relocated for that, rented and moved around within the city because that’s kind of the nature of renting in a hot market. Then, he graduated and got a job in a different city. We moved around trying to find a good neighborhood, found it, remodeled a house into our (my?) dream home and…guess what? He decide the neighborhood wasn’t desirable and so we moved again. This time I got a job in the suburbs so we’re renting there to try out the suburbs (which – spoiler alert! He also dislikes). He moved something like 10 times before he was 7 so I think it’s just…part of his past or something? I’m really not sure of his motivation but it’s something I’m aware of and curious about. All that said, maybe it’s not even worth fighting over because worst case scenario we move to the country and he realizes oh yeah this isn’t fun either and we move again like always. Thanks for letting me vent!
Eh says
Yeah, he doesn’t like anything and he’s not going to like the country either. Why are you letting him push you into all of these moves?
Anon says
Are you ok with all of these moves? I’m wondering if there’s a much deeper issue here than not wanting to move to the country. The way you’re describing it sounds like he is making all of the decisions about your lives for you – and tbh, he sounds a little bit flakey.
Anonymous says
It’s interesting to me that you’re considering both extremes! Do you ever talk with your husband about what you want/expect life to look like in 5 or 10 years? That might be a good intro. Think about what you want out of your career, skills you want to master, hobbies you want to try, communities you want to make time for, etc. in the years before your kids leave home. Empty nest daydreams/plans are separate.
Anonymous says
I think the weekend getaway piece of it might be a good try.
Also, does he specifically want a farm or just more rural land? Because, yes, farms are hard work and can be dirty and smelly and I know that wouldn’t have been my jam in an earlier stage of my life. But if it’s just land, it can be really wonderful. Yoga/meditation. Reading. Stargazing! Hiking/kayaking/whatever outdoor activities.
And there are many degrees of rural. There are the rural areas like CPA Lady was speaking of on Monday, where you’re 45 minutes away from a grocery store, or other areas where they’re very insular and don’t welcome newcomers. And then there are rural areas that want to see their little place grow and where you’re 10 minutes from town with little shops and 20 minutes from a larger town with plenty of big box stores and 1 hour from an airport and every chain and attraction imaginable. We live in the DC area now and currently spend two or more hours in traffic everyday anyways, and never take advantage of the city, so we bought a weekend house in a tiny town of 8k that we plan to move to full-time in a few years that fits the second description.
Does he know where he’d want to live? Both of you visiting for a couple weekends and staying in an AirBnb would be a good approach – get to know the town and its people.
Anonymous says
+1 to many degrees of rural. Moving away from suburbs and city doesn’t have to equal putting on overalls and milking goats. Consider a smallish city/large town near a bigger city; maybe frame it as a compromise and tell DH that “the country” will be right there to get away to.
Anonymous says
Whenever my husband starts talking about moving to the country, I remind him that he whines incessantly about having to mow our tiny suburban lawn and hated having to buy a new car, and that our friends who live in the country spend an entire day every time they mow their lawn and just had to buy both a new car and a new tractor.
Walnut says
My husband deeply wants a tractor…and also wants to outsource mowing our postage stamp lawn. Fortunately, my family DOES live in the country and owns land. I always tell him to just let me know which farm he’d like to move to and which tractor in my parents the shed he’d like to operate and that usually takes care of the conversation.
Anonymous says
My dad owns 3 tractors of various sizes. Like legit farm tractors. He is a doctor, but has what I call a hobby-farm that he does not rely on for any income whatsoever, but it allows him to putter around with heavy machinery and feel like a Man Working The Land. He mows hay 2x/year or something, and gripes about drought ruining his harvest, and I try not to laugh. He commutes 100+ miles a few times a month to work his shifts at the hospital. My parents have been divorced for a while. My mom never would have gone for this.
Anonymous says
If you’ve moved 7 times in 8 years st his request I’d tell him you’re done and not moving again just because he wants to ever. That’s madness.
anon says
Also, do you have kids? At some point it doesn’t necessarily make sense to move around a ton. (Not saying that it doesn’t happen – I went to 6 schools before high school, but some level of continuity is good.
anonforthis says
This is a silly question, but I’m expecting baby #2. It’s a boy this time and I feel a bit conflicted. While I am thrilled at the idea of having one of each and I know I will love this child beyond belief once he’s here, I just feel a bit conflicted for a few reasons.
I love having a sister and am so sad that our dd won’t have a sister because I worry they won’t be as close being different genders but they’ll be 18 months apart, so maybe not.
I’m clueless how to parent boys and am pretty girly.
I’m also worried that he’ll be more distant from us and never call and I just won’t have the relationship with him as an adult that I’ll have with my daughter (or another potential daughter). I don’t know what I’m asking, maybe some comfort that sons are still delightful as adults? I guess I just don’t have great examples when I look at my dad or my husband treat their parents. They are good to them and love them, but not like I am with my parents.
ElisaR says
I can relate in being a bit disappointed with a child’s gender. I have 2 boys and waited to be surprised so I had a visible disappointed face in the delivery room the 2nd time…. My boys are still under 3 years old so I can’t speak to an adult relationship. However, I can speak to having a brother. My brother is 4 years younger than me. We were not super close growing up, but close enough (age meant we weren’t really in school together). As adults we are very close. We work together, hang out together, watch each other’s kids, everything you would hope for in a sibling relationship! I never had a sister, but I had many benefits of having a brother (I think it helps me relate to DUDES which is helpful when working in finance.)
ElisaR says
my comment is in moderation, not sure why.
anon says
I worry about #4, too, but I figure I’ll cross that bridge if/when we get there.
I have one child of each gender. Parenting a little boy is really not that different, IME. When they’re little, it’s more about individual personality than gender. You’re going to pass along the same values and expectations to both, right?
As your boy gets older, keep spending one on one time with him, just like you would do with a daughter. The activities may be different, but I promise, if you try, you will find activities and outings that you both enjoy. In my observation, I think there’s a temptation to let the dad just take over during the tween/teen years, and I don’t think that’s the right approach if you want the long-term relationship. That’s my hunch anyway.
Anonymous says
It’s not a silly question. I’m a little sad my daughter won’t have a sister, even though I’m not particularly close with my sister. I also was apprehensive about how to parent a boy. But! Boys are a delight. Kids are a delight in general (when they’re not being frustrating), and they’re all individuals. You parent based on the personality, not the sex. Your boys might love sports and nerf guns and construction equipment, and you’ll marvel at how they’re their own little people totally separate from you, but you probably won’t be any more at a loss than you are wondering how to parent a girl.
As for what your children will be like as adults, I think we all have hopes and dreams and fears about that, but for me at least, it’s not worth borrowing any trouble now.
Boston Legal Eagle says
People are not just their genders. If you want a counter-anecdote, my mom (oldest) is not particularly interested in calling/being close to her parents. In fact, she always wanted to move away and we’re now halfway across the world from them. Her brother (youngest) lives in the same building as their parents and is very close to them. That’s just their personalities and you’ll have to wait and see what your kids are.
Raise your boy like your girl: love him unconditionally and teach him to be kind and respectful. Be interested in what he’s interested in. Like someone here said earlier, the goal is to raise functional adults, and functional adults generally have good relationships with people, including their parents.
Anonymous says
Truth. My sister lives on the opposite coast from my parents. I live 5 hours away. My brother bought a triple decker house and my dad lives in one of the units (paying full rent) and brother has dinner weekly with my mom. Might that change if he gets married/has kids? Sure. but he’s 35 so even if that happens they’ve had a good run!
AnonLondon says
I can understand being worried/sad that your life won’t look like how you wanted it to in your head, but there’s just no guarantee either way. Some of my friends who have the best relationships with siblings are opposite gender, and some of them with the worst are same gender and close in age. Likewise, I’m a girl and probably more like your husband vis-à-vis my parents, whereas my husband is more like you. Basically, I think it’s fine to feel conflicted, but for all you know, your son could wind up being a homebody who lives nearby and sees you frequently and your daughter could move across the planet! One of my oldest friends had the same worry about her daughter not having a sister, but her little boy *worships* his sister and their friendship is absolutely the best of any sibling pair I’ve ever seen for kids in the awkward/Big Feelings preteen/teen age range. Kids are kids, and I’m sure you’ll figure out how to parent your son just as much as (I assume/hope!) your husband has figured out how to parent your daughter!
OP says
You guys are all so kind, thank you so much. That all makes me feel so much better. It’s hard to ask/discuss some of these questions in IRL as I will be just beyond grateful to have two healthy children and will do my very best to parent them well, but it’s nice to have some comfort on some of the other minor things I worry about.
Anon says
For some anecdata, we live 20 minutes from my inlaws. My husband, with the exception of going away to school, has never lived more than 30 minutes away from them (and as the DIL who married him when he was 32, oh my goodness the boundary setting we are still working on). Now he is an only child, but we have another family friend with an only child (son) and he is like you describe – OK to his mom, but not supercommunicative and lives halfway across the country. So it all depends on the kiddo. FWIW my daughter is the epitome of a stereotypical rough and tumble boy – very physically active, loud, routinely causes mayhem and destruction (accidentally, I think) all over the house, seemingly impervious to pain, bumps and bruises resulting from doors, floors, walls, stairs, etc. and the more messier, louder or throwable the toys all the better. High-spirited children (at least in my experience) are not gender-specific.
anon says
Um, of course sons are delightful adults.
Annie says
My brother and I are really close and my brother is definitely the more attentive child to my parents (though we both are really). Raise your boy to close and connected to people including you and your daughter. Maybe read up on toxic masculinity, which IMHO can force boys and men to be cut off from those around them?
Cate says
My kids are 18 months apart, girl then boy. They are now 2.5 and almost 4. All of your worries are valid, but I’m here to tell you this will be awesome.
My two are BEST FRIENDS. Like other people comment on it all the time. They love each other so much. They share a room (now) and have fun conversations before bed and she gets up and gets his lovey when it falls out and it’s all so sweet.
I maybe worry about him being more likely to move away and whatnot but honestly he’s such a delight. And boys love their moms (giant generalization, but true for us!) He’s my snuggler.
But really, the best part is how close he and his sister are. It’s been so much fun to watch. They both have their own interests, but they just love to play together and be together so much. I assume it will not all be butterflies and rainbows forever, but the age gap and gender distribution you described has been so fun for us.
Spirograph says
I have boy, girl, boy who are 2, 4, and 5.5 and they are thick as thieves. They also (all!) share a room, and of course they get in little spats occasionally, but they love each other and look out for each other in a way that melts my heart. My boys are also the snugglers; daughter is affectionate but has a strong independent streak. Based on their personalities at the moment, my boys are going to be the ones who come over for family dinner every Sunday night, and my daughter will be on the other side of the world chasing adventure.
Skin Problems says
Any advice about acne? I stopped breastfeeding about a month ago when my baby turned one. Since then, my chin has been an acne disaster. I think it’s hormonal but don’t know what to do. I got my period back when baby was about ten months, and had one blemish each month right before my cycle started. But now that breastfeeding has ended, my chin is a constant breakout. Almost exclusively on my chin, around the sides of my mouth.
I have used topical treatments (usually salicylic acid) and my daily retinol (.025%), and this helps dry out the existing blemishes, but they still stick around for about a month. By the time they go away, a new one has emerged. Hasn’t seemed to prevent new ones. I drink lots of water, don’t touch my face, etc. I didn’t have breakouts for years, I think because I was on BC pills, but I don’t want to go back on them (husband has been snipped and I don’t want to take BC). What can I do?
rakma says
I had to re-vamp my whole skincare routine after I was done BFing #2. Between hormonal changes and like, aging 5 years between getting pregnant with #1 and being done BFing #2, my skin had changed so much that I didn’t know what to do.
I ended up getting a couple facials, just to have an expert’s opinion about what was going on, and needed to change up my cleanser to something more mild, and add more moisturizers. Which I thought was all counter-intuitive, but apparently mid-30’s acne isn’t the same as teenage acne, which is what I was used to.
Em says
+1 I have been working with my dermatologist extensively because my acne was horribly after I weaned. His first recommendation was Spirolactone, but I had life threatening side effects from it, so that was a no-go. I have a presctiption Retinoid and some other topical medication I use now, but honestly it is still a battle.
Anonanonanon says
You’ve inspired me to look in to getting a facial. Where do you start? dermatologist? I agree- I had acne in my teens and early 20s and did accutane which was a life-saver (despite the horrible side effects I still feel like it was worth it). I keep defaulting to skin care based around that: dry it out and pour acid on it. However, I think I actually need to tone it down and do more moisture like you mentioned, so I should probably see a professional!
FWIW Trader Joes has these face pad wipe things that have tea tree oil in them, and I find pressing one of those directly on a blemish for a while makes it dry up a lot faster. It is usually gone within two days after that. However, the next day it sometimes is very red from being all dried out, so I wouldn’t do it hte night before an important meeting or anything.
Anonymous says
I developed Rosacea after weaning for the first time in my life! Basically I had to revamp my whole skincare – super gentle cleanser, Cerave moisturizer, and a beta hydroxy moisturizer at night (Philosophy renewed hope in a jar). I would go to the derm to see what they recommended.