This post may contain affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
I saw these boots in person a few days ago while doing some discount shopping, and they looked more expensive than they’re priced. The fabric has a sueded look that I think was pretty passable! I like the shape of them and the low heel, and the detailing on the outside ankle is eye-catching but still restrained. I saw them in both black and brown and preferred the brown, as the detailing was more visible. These are available on Amazon and range in price from around $30ish to $70ish, depending on size and color; some are eligible for Prime and free returns. Bert Ankle Boot
This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
Sales of note for 11.28.23…
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Nordstrom – Black Friday deals have started! 1,800+ sale items! Shop designer, get bonus notes up to $1200. Markdowns include big deals on UGG, Natori, Barefoot Dreams, Marc Fisher LTD, Vionic and more!
- Ann Taylor – Up to 40% off your purchase
- Banana Republic – 40% off your purchase, including cashmere; up to 60% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – 60% off everything & extra 20% off purchase
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off almost everything; up to 50% off suiting & chinos; up to 40% off cashmere; extra 50% off sale styles
- Lands’ End – 50% off sitewide (readers love the cashmere)
- Summersalt – Up to 60% off (this reader favorite sweater blazer is down to $75)
- Stuart Weitzman – Extra 25% off full-price and sale styles with code
- Talbots – 50% off all markdowns and 30% off entire site — readers love this cashmere boatneck and this cashmere cardigan, as well as their sweater blazers in general
- Zappos – 29,000+ sale items (for women)! Check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kid shoe brands on sale.
Kid/Family Sales
- BabyJogger – 25% off 3 items
- Crate & Kids – Up to 50% off everything plus free shipping sitewide; save 10% off full price items
- J.Crew Crewcuts – 50% off everything + free shipping
- ErgoBaby – 40% off Omni Breeze Carrier, 25% off Evolve 3-in-1 bouncer, $100 off Metro+Stroller
- Graco – Up to 30% off car seats
- Nordstrom – Big deals on CRANE BABY, Petunia Pickle Bottom, TWELVElittle and Posh Peanut
- Strolleria – 25% off Wonderfold wagons, and additional deals on dadada, Cybex, and Peg Perego
- Walmart – Savings on Maxi-Cosi car seats, adventure wagons, rocker recliners, security cameras and more!
See some of our latest articles on CorporetteMoms:
Click here to see our top posts!
And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anonymous says
I have given up on bargain boots with rubber soles. They never last more than a season or two, whereas I can get several years of wear out of a pair of slightly more expensive boots. For example, I bought a pair of BP booties for about $80 at the 2017 Nordstrom anniversary sale, and by the spring of 2018 the heels had worn down to the point that the interior structure of the rubber sole was visible. My Softwalk booties, on the other hand, cost me around $120 on sale and are still going strong after four or five winters. Even at the full retail price of $150, they would be a better value. Cheap shoes also tend to make me feel frumpy because the styles tend to be less classic and they are not designed to look good after any amount of wear, only brand-new in the box.
rosie says
Also I don’t want to spend money and closet space on boots that aren’t at least a little bit water resistant, which I assume these aren’t if they’re fabric.
Anonymous says
I get boots I love resoled.
Anonymous says
You can’t do that with cheap boots with soles that are rubber all the way through. Boots with leather soles and rubber on the bottom of the heels, yes.
Yet another sleep question says
Help me. Baby is 5.5 months old and her sleep has always been all over the place, with no real patterns from one night to the next. She has been in a bassinet in the room with me and husband since birth. We had reached a point where it was often taking 2-3 hours to get her settled at bedtime, so we decided to sleep train. About 2 weeks ago, we let her cry it out at bedtime using the timed checks per Ferber (husband doing the checks). I’m breastfeeding, and have continued to do so on-demand after midnight, usually with about 2 feedings per night. The results have been decidedly mixed. She is usually going right to sleep at bedtime now but will frequently wake up a couple hours later and scream, sometimes for an hour or more. She seems sleepy at 6 or 6:30, but I’ve been trying to push bedtime later (starting bedtime routine at 7, getting her down around 7:30), which seemed like maybe it helped, but then I wasn’t so sure. We tried moving the bassinet to her room across the hall thinking we were waking her up when we come in for bed – again at first I thought that might have helped, but now I’m not so sure.
I’m at a loss. I am OK with crying it out for a few nights here or there, but not for an hour or more every other night in perpetuity. My sleep is so disrupted – I’m exhausted, cranky, brain foggy, and rapidly entering weepy territory. I have a preschooler, so I can’t nap on the weekends when the baby naps – even when I’ve tried I’ve been unable to fall asleep. I don’t have any leave so I can’t take a sick day to rest. She will nap in the swing on weekends, but the pediatrician is against devices like that for nighttime sleep. What is my next move here? I was thinking of trying a dream feed, but after that I am out of ideas. Sleep consultant? Something else? I have read Ferber, the Sleep Lady, and most of the Precious Little Sleep website, but I’m coming up empty, and I’m starting to panic because I just don’t see how I can go on like this.
Anonymous says
Put her to bed when she is sleepy at 6:30.
GCA says
Hugs, coffee, and solidarity, from one mom of a nightmare sleeper (my first) to another!
In the short term, do the thing that gets you all the most sleep. If that means kicking husband out to the guest room while you cosleep with her and nurse on demand for a week, that’s ok. If that means you and husband taking shifts and doing a formula feed or a pumped bottle after midnight, that’s ok. You won’t break her or give her any bad habits for life, I promise. Be as gentle as possible with yourself and each other.
One thought – is she at daycare and could she be overtired because of short/ bad daycare naps? Both my kids napped better at home at that age. Could bedtime be pushed any earlier?
Also, could she be outgrowing the bassinet and be ready for a larger sleeping space?
Those are my only two ideas… hang in there!
Anon says
My child is a nightmare sleeper too – not a whole lot of tips, but solidarity. At that age DD outgrew the magic merlin and sleep went downhill for us rapidly until about 15 months. You might try some tylenol to see if she is teething. But + 1 to do the thing that gets you all the most sleep. I was so dejected when everyone told me “their” method that was sure to be foolproof, but time and time and time again everything we tried failed. Ultimately, she just needed to outgrow it.
Anonymous says
Is she doing 2 naps or 3? Maybe she needs more sleep, not less, during the day. Or maybe she needs to go to bed really tired the CIO. Could she be Teething? Unfortunately sometimes this is just how babies are at this age. One of my three took until like 10 months to really lock Into a halfway decent sleep routine. The others were textbook babies.
FWIW my first was successful at CIO after 2 nights of <15 minutes total crying. My third took 3 nights of less than 30 min. My second….we did CIO at 6 months, 10 months, 15 months, 18 months…and frankly she still yells herself to sleep at 3.
OP says
I’m not even sure how to answer the nap question because of the aforementioned baffling lack of routine. She generally wakes up to eat between 4:30 and 5:30am. Sometimes she goes back to sleep, sometimes not. She will sometimes sleep in the car on the 10 minute drive to daycare around 8:30. She usually goes to sleep around 10am at daycare for anywhere from 45 minutes to 2+ hours. Then again around 1 or 2 for anywhere from 1-3 hours. At daycare she naps in the crib mostly, but is sometimes moved to a swing if she wakes up but still seems sleepy. Sometimes she falls asleep on 10 minute drive home from daycare around 5:15.
Anonymous says
Oh also, I’m more lax about things like this but I’d let her sleep in the swing. Though at 6 months she might be outgrowing it…
anon says
i’m usually not one for facebook groups, but the group ‘respectful sleep training/learning’ really helped me figure out sleep patterns and appropriate wake times, which made a huge difference in our nighttime sleep. i actually learned a TON from that group, starting with the file on wake times. it really helped me figure out the best schedule for my baby, which then also led to better nighttime sleep. how many naps is your baby taking? did your pediatrician say your baby still needs to eat at night or do you have permission to stop middle of the night feedings? sometimes an overtired baby can lead to more night wakings, so i would also try putting to bed earlier. whatever you decide to do you need to give at least a week to sink in so your baby can learn and adapt. i have twins and a dream feed worked really well for one of them, but not for the other. you said you are doing on demand feeding after midnight, so are these screaming episodes happening prior to midnight? if that is the case a dream feed might work, though for us we did the dream feed while the baby was sleeping
Anon says
Put her to bed at 6:30. Sleep begets sleep. Also, you’re not technically sleep training if you’re feeding after midnight. She wakes up in the middle of the night and cries until she gets what she wants. If she is ready to be truly sleep trained based on her weight, then no night feeds. It’s hard, but it works.
Anonymous says
Hard disagree with “you’re not technically sleep training if you’re feeding after midnight.” Most experts recommend teaching baby to fall asleep on her own but still feeding during the night at that age.
Pogo says
Weissbluth advocates up to 2 feeds per night until 9 months, I believe. This was the method I followed.
Anonymous says
AAP considers ‘sleeping through the night’ to be six continuous hours of sleep and does not recommend stopping night feeds at this age. I can’t go 12 hours without something to drink and I don’t expect my kid to either.
Anonymous says
I think people use sleep training to mean different things, but I personally draw a distinction between night weaning and learning to fall asleep on your own. I felt the latter was important but was willing to wait until my baby night weaned on his own. (No criticism intended to anyone, especially OP).
OP, the baby is probably still a little young to get too focused on routines, but you could try having daycare try to structure the naps more. Like wake baby up after an hour in the morning to try to get a longer afternoon nap, which might allow bedtime to get closer to 7, which might help morning wakeup get a little later (which I am guessing is your goal in pushing bedtime later). I would definitely try a dream feed. My son definitely seemed to need feeding oddly early sometimes – he went through a stage around 8 months when he woke up every night at 9-10. If you know the baby can fall asleep without nursing I would just assume she is actually hungry (or something) when she wakes up crying for more than a couple minutes and respond/feed. Obviously YMMV but this was my policy and it seemed to work.
My son also slept in his swing some at that age, I think. He learned to roll while swaddled early and Weissbluth said you could safely swaddle in a swing to prevent baby from rolling, so we did that for a while, although that may have been closer to 3-4 months.
Anonymous says
Wait, not Weissbluth. It was the Happiest Baby on the Block Guy. Weissbluth drove my batty – that book is 3x longer than it needs to be.
Anonymous says
Adding to the chorus of people suggesting moving bedtime earlier. I know lots of things say to wait 4 hours after the last nap before bedtime, but at that age my kids didn’t have great daycare naps so they’d wake up from their last nap at 3, we’d get home at 5, and do bed by 5:30. Occasionally they’d get a 15 minute catnap in the stroller on the way home and we might push bedtime to 6, but I don’t think they stayed up past 6pm for the first year of their lives. Even now at almost 2 we rarely push bedtime past 6:30.
OP says
So, this is what we did initially when we started the sleep training, but after a few bad nights I decided to try the later bedtime based on something in the Ferber book. We then had a couple good nights, so I thought maybe it helped, but then things got bad again. I can try going back to the 6:30 bedtime again, and see what happens. My first went to bed at 6:30 until she was 3, so I’m definitely in favor of it!
Anonymous says
FWIW, naps started to get a lot better for us around 8 months. I know that seems like an eternity when you’re at 5.5 months. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel, I promise. Maybe solids soon will help, too.
anon says
i have a longer comment waiting in moderation, but based on what you wrote above, your child desperately needs a good daytime schedule in order to have good nighttime sleep. most babies around 5.5 months need 3 naps and should not be awake for more than 2 hours at a time.
Anonymous says
Honest question: How do people get home early enough for such an early bedtime? I don’t know of many jobs where you can leave before 5:00. Assuming you leave at 5:00 on the dot, go to day care, do the pickup routine, and then go home, I can’t see how you could possibly be home before 6:00 with an average commute. Then you have to feed the baby, possibly bathe the baby, and do the bedtime routine. Even if you don’t try to bring in and unpack the day care stuff, eat dinner, walk the dog, or do anything other than feed baby and get baby ready for bed, I can’t see how you’d possibly get baby in bed before 7:00 or 7:30. I never got home before 6:30, and baby went to bed when we did around 9:00.
Also, if you’re putting baby to bed at 5:30, how many times does she wake you up after you finally go to bed? If she’s sleeping one stretch of 6 hours, that’s 5:30 to 11:30 p.m. and then all the wakeups will come while you are trying to sleep.
OP says
For me, I get to work at 7am so I can leave at 4 and get to daycare by 5. It’s still tough squeezing everything in though. With my first, husband and I ate dinner late, after the baby was in bed. Now we do an early family dinner.
Anonymous says
At that stage, I lived in a medium-sized city. House, daycare, and work were all within 15 minutes of each other. I left around 4:30 most days and was home by 5:15. We usually started the bedtime routine around 6:30 – so nurse, diaper, and PJs. It didn’t take long. We bathed kiddo every 3-4 days, and it was not part of the bedtime routine. Usually on a weekend during the day and then one weeknight right after we got home. Other than moving pumped milk into the fridge (often in the Medela cooler with the top open, all milk/bottle/cleaning/adult eating came after bedtime.
Anonymous says
This. If baby fell asleep in the car seat on the way home from daycare I would let her sleep for a half hour or three quarters of an hour and then put her down for the night around 9/9:30pm. I like to sleep 10/11pm to 6/7am so I always tried to get baby’s longest period of sleep to coincidence with that even if it meant an untraditional schedule. With this system there would often be only one wake up overnight but I did nurse multiple times after dinner.
Anon says
This is why my young toddler sleeps 11 pm to 9 am. Works for our schedule and matches up better with my sleep and work schedule.
Anonanonanon says
DC Area here. I get to work around 7 or earlier (husband is responsible for drop-offs), don’t take lunch, and leave at 3:30 or 4. Of course, that’s not always the case, but it’s the norm for me. By the time I get both kids (from 2 separate places, one is school-aged) and get home it’s around 5 or 5:15. Baby goes to bed around 6-6:30. Mine is 10 months old and right now she wakes up about 10:30 pm to eat and then goes until 6am. I usually do have work to do in the evenings, and sometimes I leave at 3:30 or 4 with good intentions but end up pulling over in a parking lot and pulling out my laptop to answer a questions, but at least I’ve made progress in getting ahead of the traffic.
I’ve been “salaried-exempt” my entire career, but I have had jobs where this would not have been possible, that focused more on having your bum in the seat from 8-5, and where my commute was less predictable and manageable. (right now the majority is mostly against traffic so it’s a relatively predictable 30-40 minutes, which is good for this area). I’m fortunate to be somewhere where I have more flexibility.
Anonymous says
I have a fairly flexible job (though a long commute) so I’m typically in the office 8-4, at daycare around 4:45, and home by 5. When we did 5:30 bedtime, we just pulled food/bottles out of the fridge, had 15 minutes of eating, went upstairs at 5:20 to change diapers and pjs, and put them in their cribs by 5:30. All daycare bag unpacking/adult dinner prep/dog walking happened after baby bedtime.
Anonymous says
We did a late 30-60 minute nap after daycare, had dinner together and then put baby to bed after big sister went to bed. Big sister usually went to bed at 8pm and baby shortly after or at the most an hour after that.
Anonymous says
Yep. Our older child kept 3 naps until at least 10 months in part because due to commutes we (and he)didn’t even get home until 6:30. Even a brief car catnap let us put him to bed at 7:30. Looks like we may do the same with currrnt baby even though we now get home around 5:30.
Anonymous says
Seems like a reallllllly late morning nap. I would expect it to start no later than 8:30 or 9 with a 6:30-7 am wake up and you’ve got earlier. I would focus on having daycare try for naps absolute no more than 2 hours apart at that age, less if the nap is short. 3 naps for sure or 4 if they’re crummy. My 5 month old sometimes needs a 20 min nap at 5:30 when we get home from daycare if he had bad naps at daycare, and still goes down fine around 7:15. Overtired can really mess up nights. I would also move to crib— she may just be getting uncomfortable in bassinet by now.
rosie says
I really like the Sleepeasy Solution book. Has your peds cleared you to nightwean, and is that something you’d like to do? The book has a process for how to do that, but basically you want to wake the baby up to eat in advance of when they usually wake up on their own (so they don’t associate waking up crying with getting fed), and gradually decrease how much you’re feeding (time if nursing, ounces if bottle) until you can eliminate the feed.
I haven’t read the books you mention–picked up Weissbluth and could not handle the lenghth/tone–but really liked the approach in Sleepeasy Solution. It also talks about nap strategy.
Anon says
+1,000,000 for Sleepeasy Solution, and especially their night weaning plan. Worked wonders for me at 6 months (but my kiddo was small, so you may meet the age/weight requirements for their system now). We kept up a dream feed after the night weaning (so from about 6.5-8.5 months), but it was one bottle at 9:30, so it wasn’t disruptive to my sleep.
Anonymous says
I also used the Sleepeasy Solution and it worked (around 6 months). I was still off work at the time, so I kept “dream feeding” until 8 months when I went back to work. Before we did sleep training he has “regressed” to waking up to nurse for a solid 30 mins every 2.5 hours! I did the night feeding because when I fed him less at night we would have a disaster day the next day (nursing / nap / cling repeat with no hope of leaving the house!), since I wasn’t at work I could chill in the afternoon so it worked for us and allowed DH to get the sleep he needed. I started with feeds at ~9:30 / 2 / 6. After a couple weeks I dropped the 2 am one and it was 10 – 11 pm pm / 3 then 4 then 5 AM. Eventually it was 10 pm and 6 / 6:30 AM which is when I got up for work anyways. at about 8.5 – 9 months we dropped all feeds between 8 pm and 6 am. he really only got there when he became competent with solids in addition to the milk that he was drinking. Over most of the period his milk intake stayed essentially flat during the day.
At 18 months we are really struggling with creeping earlier wake ups (CIO for 40 mins this AM…. yay)
anonforthisbecauseSLEEP says
One option: Ask your pediatrician if it is okay to night wean (I strongly suspect the answer will be yes if your baby is in normal range in terms of weight/eating –I have done this with three different kids and three different pediatricians and always gotten an emphatic YES starting at 12 weeks). If you get the okay, then put the baby to bed at 7 after a full meal, close the door, and don’t open it again for another 10-11 hours. Do this for two nights and chances are very high that on the third night your baby will go to sleep and stay asleep for the whole time.
Another option: any of the other fantastic ideas people suggested! You know your kid best, and you also know what’s best for your own mental health. Just wanted to offer my two cents of what’s worked for my three kiddos (we used this approach successfully on all of them at around 12 weeks).
AnotherAnon says
You’ve received a lot of good advice so I’m just going to state what worked for us, with the caveat that our LO was always an ok sleeper. 1) try using the swing to put her to sleep. It sounds like she just needs to go to bed at 6:30 though so maybe she doesn’t even need the swing. 2) put her in a crib in her own room. This seems mean but everyone got better sleep once I started doing this. If he was having trouble going to sleep (CIO for more than 10 minutes) I’d put him in his swing for 10-30 minutes until he was asleep and then move him to his crib. We did 1 or 2 night feedings until 11 months. Sometimes I had to use the swing to put him back to sleep after the night feedings. Good luck! Hugs and coffee to you!
Anonymous says
This is a good idea. Another variation might be to let her sleep in the swing in the evening when you are awake – like 6:30-10:30, then dream feed when you go to bed and put her in the crib at that time.
Anoner says
Also agree on putting in own room. Did this ealier than the 6 months and really saw a world of difference
Anon says
My thought is that she can’t figure out why her calls post-midnight get answered with milk, but the pre-midnight ones don’t (which leads to a lot of screaming). If she is able to put herself to sleep at bedtime relatively quickly, she should have the skill to do it whenever she wakes up throughout the night. I’d recommend not answering any of her calls but doing one or two dream feeds (maybe start with two if she normally still wants to eat twice a night). Maybe one before you go to bed, another at 2 or 3 am (you’d have to set an alarm, which seems crazy). None of her wake ups get answered, but you know if she is waking up she’s not starving because of the dream feeds. I’ve had lots of success with this method with my daughter, and just counseled a friend through it as well. Good luck!!
OP says
Thank you so much for all the responses and commiseration. I think I will try doing 6:30 bedtime and a 9:30 dream feed and see how that goes.
ifiknew says
So so many hugs. I’m so sorry. I have a 19 month old that still wakes most nights atleast once and screams for about 20ish minutes in the MOTN, so take my advice for what it’s worth because I obviously did not succeed in getting a good sleeper, but have spent a lot of money and time on books and sleep consultants:
1) SUPER KEY is that make sure you are not feeding close to bedtime. Make sure it’s feed, bath, bed, with atleast 45 minutes between the last feed and bed. I’d encourage you to just put her in the crib, I found my LO slept better in the crib than expected and she adjusted easily. The younger the easier it is for these adjustments.
2) I agree that 3 naps are necessary at this age, although my LO took 3 crap naps of 30 minutes each at this age and naturally elongated to 45 mins at 2 naps and now to 1-1.5 hours once we went ot one nap at 14 months.
3) I’d really try an early bedtime. My LO would be up from her last nap at 4 pm and we’d make sure she didn’t sleep, not even a 5 minute snooze in stroller or car etc and she’d sleep by 6:30-7:00 max.
4) If you are dropping night feeds, make sure you can pump enough or supplement with formula to get the extra calories for the feeds she’s dropping. I’d REALLY encourage you to drop night feeds at this age. I wish I had. I didn’t until 9 months and even though she’s no longer eating at night, she’s so used to me coming in for a cuddle or a hug that it’s been really hard to break the habit.
5) We had to do the extinction method in the MOTN, meaning you don’t go in at all. Going in ferber wise every 2-5 minutes just ramped up the crying to where the total duration of he crying was longer at like an hour vs. 20-25 minutes for not going in at all (as unbearable as that feels)
Hang in there, post if you can in a few weeks or months when things get better.
Anonymous says
CIO wasn’t for us but we did find success with the No Cry Sleep Solution by Pantley.
Any chance there’s a growth spurt going on? Cluster feeding often helped that. Sometimes that meant hanging out in the nursing chair and nursing on and off (even hourly) most of the evening for a few days.
When is her last nap? At that age, my kids were on 2-3-4 schedule which meant they were awake for ideally 4 (sometimes only 3) hours before bedtime.
Sometimes DH would take them for a walk outside in the Baby Bjorn for a half hour or hour. We had an ergo as well but preferred the Baby Bjorn original for nighttime walks as it unclips totally once they are asleep this makes transfer to the crib much easier. Cold fresh air can do wonders for sleep.
Hang in there, this won’t last forever. Even though you are nursing, DH can still take turns getting up and bringing baby to you to nurse sidelying in bed so you can be mostly off every second night.
Anonymous says
+1 on cluster feeding. I finally gave up on putting baby to bed at a reasonable hour and just sat up holding her and feeding her as often as every 15 minutes from 9:00 p.m. to 1:00 a.m. This ensured that she would actually sleep from 1:00 to at least 7:00. That period lasted a couple of months at most.
Black Shoes says
I need new basic black pumps. In the past I’ve been firmly in the Nine West/Calvin Klein level. I’d like nicer shoes this time and am willing to spend up to $150, maybe a little more. But I feel overwhelmed and clueless. Which brands are worth that extra money and won’t show wear as quickly as the Nine West/Calvin Klein price points? My fear is spending twice as much for a shoe that isn’t any better quality. I have no problem spending money to maintain them. Thank you!
OP says
Cole Haan
Anonymous says
ColeHaan on sale or with a promo code.
OP says
Thanks! How often do they go on sale? What percent off should I be waiting for? Thoughts on how to get a promo code? Thank you!
Anonymous says
Get on the Cole Haan e-mail list. They have friends and family type events maybe two or three times a year. 25% off is good, but there will sometimes be deeper discounts. If you wear a popular size or a specialty width, it may not be worthwhile to wait for a promo code or sale on basic styles. My size is often sold out during these events.
Anonymous says
Also check their clearance section, they usually have a basic pump there.
Anonanonanon says
This is a great question. I’ve stuck with Nine West pumps for years but am definitely replacing them every 18 months or so. I worry I would scuff up more expensive ones just as quickly. I’ll keep the Cole Haan rec in mind for the future
anon says
This is me, although I didn’t like the nine west options the last time I bought some. I found some Sam Edelman ones at Nordstrom Rack. Someone on this forum also mentioned that pumps last longer when you aren’t commuting in them. So even though I have a car commute, I’ve started keeping my pumps in my office and change into them when I get to work.
Redux says
I love my Sofft pumps. I find them to be way more comfortable that Cole Haans and they have held up well to daily wear. Retail they are about 100$ which I find an acceptable bump up from NineWest without getting into spending-guilt territory.
H13 says
+1
HSAL says
Just this week I lost a heelcap on a pair of Sofft tstraps that I’ve had for over ten years, and the upper still looks awesome. They’re so comfy. Cole Haans are too narrow for me.
Anonymous says
Cole Haan is also usually on 6pm or Nordstrom Rack
RR says
Cole Haan are my go to. Stuart Weitzman are also lovely if you can find a deal, but that’s harder on basic black pumps.
shortperson says
i’m all M. Gemi now
Anonymous says
Hoping you all can provide some inspiration… what do you wish you did or conversely are glad you did before having kids? Specifically thinking of big travel plans (looking for inspiration for some bucket list trips) or things of that sort. Maybe it’s just paying down loans, etc.
Anonymous says
Do as many of your planned home improvement and decorating projects as you can before you get pregnant. It is much more difficult to handle home improvement projects, even small DIY ones, with a baby around. You will also be spending a lot of time at home alone with the baby in the first months, and it’s so much more pleasant if your home is nice.
Signed, the person who installed a faucet the night before her baby was born and then had the carpet replaced when baby was 4 months old
CPA Lady says
^ this. x 1,000,000
I was going to say get your education done and get to a reasonably good place financially, but I totally blanked on how hard it is to get anything done around your house. I wish I had Marie Kondoed my whole house before I had a kid, because at this point it just feels impossible and I plan to do it when she’s old enough to go to summer camp for a week. Any kind of home improvement projects, whether hiring someone or DIY have also been difficult. The last DIY project I did almost did me in and I’ve vowed “never again”… My kid is a complete barnacle though and has to be basically on me every single moment we are together. So me painting my bedroom involved parking her and a laptop with movies on the middle of the floor of the room I was furiously painting and shrieking “dont touch anything!” every time she stood up. It went great. I used to really enjoy painting. Not anymore.
I would also say a few adult oriented vacations or those with difficult travel would be good– we did Hawaii and Greece and Vegas. We’re going to try to take kiddo to Europe next summer (2020), so we’ll see how that goes. She’ll be almost 6, which seems like a good age to make a first attempt. You can do big travel with kids (my sister and her husband took their 5 and 3 year old to Taiwan this summer) but it just depends on your ability to deal with hassle and temporary discomfort.
CPA Lady says
Oh, and also my husband and I used to love going to antique stores. The last free weekend I had (I was working weekends in fall tax season right up until I had my daughter) before my c-section, we went to a long brunch and then walked around antique stores. So if you have any hobbies that are incompatible with small children, make a point to do them.
SC says
Ha! +1 so hard. I was put on bed rest in the middle of renovating our bedrooms. So I spent a month laying up in our queen sized bed in our living room while our contractor finished the walls of the bedrooms. It was pretty awkward, but fortunately he’s the father of a good friend. He finished (mostly) on a Friday, my baby shower was on Saturday, my parents set up the crib and unwrapped and put together all the baby items and hung curtains over the next few days, and Baby was born (a month early) on Thursday. It was… not ideal.
Anonymous says
This is a good one, it’s definitely harder to do any kind of home improvement stuff with kiddo around since 1 person has to keep the kid away from the power tools full-time.
;lkj says
“I’ll have plenty of time to re-caulk the shower during maternity leave.” #liesItoldmyself
Cb says
I wish we had painted and did any big household projects. I also wish we had taken more trips – we were being stingy and feeling the strain of workloads and family obligations and we should have taken more weekends etc.
Anonymous says
Paying down loans/saving money is a big one. It’s really hard for us to contribute beyond the minimum to our student loans now that we’re paying for childcare.
I also wish we had done more travel, especially international We’ve gone with our young kids, and while a blast, it it’s not the same as going just the two of us would have been. This is doubly true for more adventurous locations– I’m dying to do Iceland, the Azores, National Parks, Hawaii again, Alaska, French wine country, etc., and they’re off the table for many years until our kids are old enough to tag along.
And, I wish we had better appreciated the days we spent holed up on the couch eating delivery Thai food and watching Netflix all day. :)
Anonymous says
+1 to enjoying delivery and Netflix! Take advantage of free time on weekends to do what you want – whether that means vegging on the couch or going to 90 minute hot yoga classes or whatever, especially if you and your SO are into different stuff. Mine loves to go on long bike rides, but that means I can’t also be going to yoga at the same time – someone has to watch the kid! So we do a lot more together as a family, which is fun, or have to trade off. Take full advantage before kids for you and SO to enjoy your hobbies.
Spirograph says
I’m glad I traveled and wish I had done more, especially adventurous trips & activities. I am naturally pretty risk-averse, but it’s gotten worse since having kids. In the back of my mind there is always a little voice saying “really? you want your kids to grow up without a mother because you thought it would be fun to do X?” and even if I do the thing, it’s a little less enjoyable than when I felt less responsibility.
Also glad I saved a healthy emergency fund, which gave me peace of mind when my husband and I both took several weeks of unpaid parental leave after each of our kids was born. His solo leave time was crucial (imho) to us being equal partners and equally-confident caregivers, but it would have been the first thing to go if we were crunched for money.
Things I wish I’d done: DIY projects, decorate my house.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I’m glad we paid off our student loans right before our first was born. Childcare payments will take up a good amount of your income, so it’s nice not to have a high interest payment also out there. We also spent our first year of marriage just enjoying each other’s company and doing some fun trips, doing weeknight date nights and seeing shows around town. If you have a house, I agree on the home reno projects – we didn’t have a house before kids (still don’t – thanks HCOL!).
Anonymous says
We paid off student loans and bought a starter home but I wish we had not entirely paid off loans and taken a trip. Somewhere more adventurous or requiring long haul flights like India, Thailand, Galapagos, Patagonia, or Australia for as long as we could get vacation time for. Our oldest has multiple serious food allergies and while we do still travel to Europe a lot, I’m not comfortable traveling on ultra long haul flights or to countries where I’m less confident in the healthcare or my ability to label read/articulate her food needs because of language barriers. And I don’t have family who can take care of the kids for more than 3-4 days at a time so DH and I can’t really go on our own. We always planned to travel with our kids, and we still do but not in the way we hoped so I wish I had done more adventurous travel in my 20s/early 30s instead of having to wait until our kids are much older.
Em says
We paid off my student loans the month before our son was born, which was the perfect timing, because daycare was almost exactly the cost of our loan payments, so our costs didn’t go up when we started paying for daycate and we didn’t miss the daycare money.
Annie says
Travel! Go anywhere you want to go with very long plane rides. I’m also glad I did a few tasting menus at treat restaurants b/c the many hours they take would just not be worth the price of the babysitter to me now.
Anonymous says
Agree. Travel more is really the only one I have. We were financially stable but did not (and still have not) paid off my law school loans. Someday, right?
Canadian says
Re bucket list trips:
We went to the Galápagos Islands as our final trip before kids intentionally knowing it would be many years before we would try a trip like that with kids.
Similarly, our honeymoon was to Africa and included a Safari. If we hadn’t don’t that for our honeymoon I think it would have been a strong contender for a pre-kids last hurrah trip.
Blueberries says
I’m really glad that I got rid of extraneous stuff, traveled, worked late as much as needed to establish myself professionally, and saved money.
We didn’t buy a house until baby was mobile. While it would have been nice to have the house (and do projects) before pregnancy, I’m so glad we didn’t. Not having a mortgage allowed us to more comfortably take the maternity and paternity leave we needed (which was only very partially paid). Baby was fine in our 1-bedroom apartment.
Anon says
We did Greece, Bora Bora, Italy, Alaska and Thailand as (separate) big bucket list trips pre-baby. Of those, I think Thailand would be hardest with really little kids. Long flights can be hard with babies/toddlers, and I also wasn’t comfortable taking babies/toddlers to developing countries (unless staying in one nice resort) because they put so much in their mouths (ymmv of course, friends took their 2 year old to India). Caribbean beach resorts, Hawaii, and US and European cities have been really successful family travel destinations for us with kids under 4. Galapagos, safari in Africa and Antarctica are big bucket list items for me, but I think they will be great with older (maybe 8 year olds and up) kids so I don’t regret not doing them pre-kid. Personally, I’d focus on romantic places, since romantic travel will be hard for a lot longer than 8 years unless you have caregivers you can leave your kids with. Bora Bora was phenomenal.
Anonymous says
We went to Bali as our “bucket list” pre kid trip. It was amazing. We also looked seriously into New Zealand. Anything that is a long haul flight you will not want to do with a kid for a long time (I know, some people do, but probably not majority).
Also, any trip (even nearby) that would be based on a physical activity, like skiing is hard to fit in when your kids are too young to join in (years), or trips that require lots of hiking to make the most of them. Or along those lines trips that revolve around mostly adult-only activities, like a full day or two of wine tasting. (That being said, we’ve sprinkled all of these last things in since kids by getting a full day sitter for a ski day, putting the kids in a hiking backpack and hiking, and have even brought them to kid friendly wineries…life doesn’t end! But these activities with kids are certainly not the same).
Last name help says
How did you choose a last name for your child if your spouse and you have different last names and don’t want to do a hyphen and don’t want to do the dad’s name “just because thats what is always done.” Neither of us feel super strongly but don’t want to pick something without a reason.
Choices we feel we have:
– Every other kid gets a different spouses last name
– All the kids get mom’s last name
– All the kids get dad’s last name
– Give all the boys mom’s last name, give all the girls dad’s last name
– Give all the boys dad’s last name, give all the girls mom’s last name
– Don’t do middle names and give the mom’s last name as middle name
-Don’t do middle names and give the dad’s last name as middle name
– Roll a dice when the kid is born. Even number is dad’s last name, Odd number is mom’s last name
OP says
Both kids have my last name as a middle name and his last name as their last name. I wish we could have alternated, but husband felt pretty strongly about them having his last name. FWIW, kiddo loves having both of our names – “Mom is an X, Dad is a Y, and I’m an X AND a Y!”
Anonymous says
I personally would no give the children different last names. I think that is confusing.
I would go for consistently using one parent’s last name as a middle name and using the other parent’s last name as the children’s last name. (Assuming that is what the non-last name parent wants.)
Anon says
I’d give kids the same last name. (probably one parents as middle and the other as last). This will totally out me, but when we were expecting our third we asked my older one what we should name her. Her only suggestion was her last name should be the same as hers and her brother’s because that would be fun for them.
AwayEmily says
We did #1 (our first, a daughter, got my husband’s last name and our second, a son, got mine) and are happy about it and have had not an ounce of confusion from daycare, family, or friends.
anon says
My kid has dad’s last name as a middle name and my last name. My husband didn’t want our kid to have his last name because it is very common among people with his heritage. Mine is uncommon in the US. I wanted her to have a tie to my husband’s heritage and be readily identifiable as “our” kid, so that’s what we went with.
I don’t think we’ll have more kids, but if we do, I think we’ll do the same.
TheElms says
We’re thinking about this. I kept my last name, my husband has his last name. Hyphenating or even just using my last name as a middle name doesn’t really work because “my last name – his last name” makes another somewhat unfortunate word. Its also how we jokingly refer to our pets, so that seems not right somehow. Changing the order so its “his last name – my last name” doesn’t work either because his last name is also the name of a type of person so it would just be weird.
I think why you kept your last name might inform what choice you ultimately make. I kept my last name because it was important to how I identified and my career because I was already published under my last name. Also, I’m the only one to carry my last name in my generation. However, I don’t feel strongly that my last name lives on beyond me. So I think for us the best option is kid on the way (and any future kids) gets my husband’s last name. I think we are also fairly settled that the middle name will be a family name from my side of the family, which makes it more “even” if you want to think of it that way. First names are still completely up in the air!
Sarabeth says
Any possible way to combine names other than hyphenating? This doesn’t work with all combos, but that’s what we did and I love it.
Barring that, I vote for all kids get both names, one as middle and the other as last. Roll the dice to pick the order, but keep it the same for each kid.
Anonymous says
I’m doing my last name as the middle name and my husband’s as the last. My last name is one of those tricky ones where you have to explain to to every person you meet, so it’s a very easy decision to use his last for their last. Sometimes I even think of changing mine because I’m tired of explaining it to people. If I had a great last name I’m not sure what I’d do.
OldHat says
Neither of us felt super strong about our last names, but my wife’s family is very info family history and genealogy so we went with her surname. Which is interesting because first we tried to have kids with my eggs (so no biological tie to my wife’s family) and we ultimately ended up with adopting (so no biological tie to either mom’s family). However, the process of picking a name brought up a lot of discussions about what it means to be a family and what it means to discuss family history and family lore when you have adopted kids. The process for us was very helpful and makes me feel good about the name we chose – although ultimately I still think neither mom feels stronger about either surname. I believe the process is more important than the ultimate reason you pick a name.
I will say prior to the finalization of the adoptions our family had 4 different last names and it was not easy. You might have a slightly easier time being a traditional family, but there was a lot of confusion over the different last names (signing up for anything usually took a couple of phone calls to straighten things out).
Anonymous says
If you aren’t wedded to Dad’s name just because then I’d do mom’s name for all of them because men have had it too good for too long.
JTM says
Only one child so far, but we’ve agreed that kids have my maiden name as their middle name, and dad’s last name.
I have 2 last names, no hyphen – decided to add his to mine after initially keeping my maiden name.
Anonymous says
We did mine for middle, DH’s for last with our daughter. Will do the same if we have another daughter but may switch if the next one is a son as my last name Has recently emerged as a viable, if not common, girl’s first name.
Aesthetically I really like both of our last names. If I disliked his (or liked mine better) I would have pushed for mine to be the last name.
Potty Woes says
Thank you all for your thoughtful comments yesterday! I read them all and found everything so helpful. I never would have guessed someone else’s poop would cause me so much stress!!
Anonymous says
your last sentence is parenting in a nutshell.
Gender Disappointment says
I read the comments pretty late yesterday, but just wanted to tell the person disappointed in the gender of their second child to be kind to themselves. I posted a very similar question (although far more dramatic) a few years ago, so I can relate. It’s hard to come around to a different family than the one you have envisioned.
I thought the people on this site gave great insight (as they did to me two years ago). People in real life were sometimes less kind to me at the time—which was a big bummer.
Best of luck! My three and a half year old adores her one an a half year one little brother.
Me too says
ha — I also posted a similar question when I found out my second (now almost a year old, eep!) was going to be a boy and also got wonderful responses. Y’all are the best. So far he and his big sister get along swimmingly, although I admit I still have twinges of sadness about his gender.
Artemis says
Just as further proof that it’s OK to feel all these mixed feelings, I had a reverse (sort of?) situation. My mom and I are VERY close and while I wanted a daughter, I was also scared of having a daughter who ended up not being as close to me as I am with my mom. My teenage years were very smooth. What if that didn’t happen for me? What if my daughter and I don’t have a similar situation to me and my mom? I was convinced it would break my heart. I had two boys first and then a girl. I was perfectly happy having boys and was convinced I was having a third boy (I didn’t find out before birth with any of them). Right now my daughter is SUPER close with my mother-in-law and it warms my heart because I never had a grandma relationship like that. We’ll see what time brings, but now that they’re all here, and older, and I’ve been through more time and more experiences with all of them, gender is truly irrelevant to my feelings (but that didn’t happen right away).
Anon says
My last birthday before I become a mom is coming up this month. My husband is going out of his way to make me feel special despite the fact I will be 38 weeks pregnant. I am struggling to think about what to ask for from my husband. Anything you would ask for?
BTW he already has planned a long weekend over MLK that involves a hotel, delicious food, a massage, a play etc as a last staycation babymoon.
Anonymous says
I really can’t think of material things that I would have wanted at that stage. Good restaurant meal, manicure, pedicure, go to a movie. Or a gift card to a favorite store to go post-maternity back-to-work shopping when the time comes.
Delta Dawn says
Agree that what he has already planned sounds like a wonderful gift! If he wants to give you a material item, I’d ask him for a Barefoot Dreams cardigan that you can wear on your maternity leave. They are so soft!
lawsuited says
I asked for a pair of diamond stud earrings for Christmas because I was having a Christmas baby. I’d been wanting a nice quality pair for a while and I love that I’ll associate them with my daughter every time I wear them.
anon says
does anyone have a Thule jogging stroller? we have one and just got a flat tire. how do you fix tires on a jogging stroller?
anon says
Just like you’d fix a flat tire on a bike! You can use a manual pump at home or take it to a bike shop and use pressurized air. If that doesn’t work, you may need to replace the inner tube.
Anonymous says
+1 We also had a minor issue with the brake on the Thule sticking and my husband called their customer support, they were very helpful. If you need a new tube they could tell you how to buy it (either direct from Thule or retailers) for the model you have.
Anonymous says
I don’t have a Thule (I have a BOB), but I have found that bike shops can often either replace the tire or patch the hole.
Anonymous says
Can anyone speak to how Primary clothes fit? My kid just started fitting into Carter’s 6 month and 3-6 month in Gap is a little roomy.
Sort of along those lines, when did your kids stop wearing onesies? We live in a cold climate and she’s a crawler, so right now she wears one every day (either as a top or under shirts/ dresses). I am buying for future seasons when I see stuff on sale, but wondering if we’ll be done with onesies by next winter.
Anonymous says
i findprimary to run large (which was great for my above-average height/weight kid). great quality.
Cb says
My toddler (17 months) is still in onesies and I plan to keep him in them until we potty train. I like them for winter because they don’t ride up and expose his belly to the cold.
AwayEmily says
I found Primary to also run a little skinny (at least for my toddler’s tummy).
My kids stopped wearing onesies around when they started walking, so just after a year. Once they were walking instead of crawling, there wasn’t the issue with the shirt getting caught/yanked up all the time. And the big bonus of dropping the onesie is that it is so much easier to check for poops!
Sarabeth says
I find primary skinny but long. Which works great for my kids. We stopped onesies when we started potty training, around 2.
rosie says
We stopped wearing onesies around 12 months. I just find diaper changes easier without having to do the snaps. I imagine we’ll turn back to them if/when she starts taking off her diaper herself, though.
SG says
I can’t speak to primary, but we were done with onesies by 15-18 months. As others mentioned, once she was a stable walker I found onesies supremely annoying. We also live in a very mild climate so I wasn’t worried about the cold belly. We just sized up in fun sweatshirts and rolled the sleeves.
GCA says
Primary 6-9 month are a tiny bit roomier than Carter’s 6 month, in my experience. My 5mo is starting to outgrow Carter’s 6m and still fits into her Primary stuff.
I can’t remember exactly when my first stopped wearing onesies, but the largest onesies we have are around 18m (which fit him at 12m and a little bit beyond that). So maybe about 15-18m?
Anon says
Primary is skinny but long for me, which is terrible for my 98th percentile 17 month old with a super long torso, round tummy and short little legs. I still put my toddler in short sleeve onesies (Hanna makes one in a 90 – 3T, thank the lord) from time to time under sweaters or just with leggings. Harder to check the diaper, but also harder for her to take her clothes off. I never really layered them because she always runs hot. Not sure what we’ll do once she’s out of the 3T, probably by spring.
H13 says
I found them to run skinny. I have big, chubby babies and it was like shoehorning his thighs into the pants. I passed them on to a very skinny little girl and they fit much better.
Canadian says
We were done with onesies once kiddo was regularly vertical ie walking, so there was no worry about cold exposed bellies. Happily this worked out size wise: kiddo was wearing size 24 months by the time she started walking at 12 months, and 24 months is when most brands stop offering onesies.
Anonymous says
We were done with onesies well before one year. We stopped using them as daytime wear at around 4 months when we switched to rompers. We kept using them for a couple of months longer as summer pajamas, then switched to Hanna long johns for fall/winter and short johns for spring/summer.
Anonymous says
Canadian in an area with damp, cold winters. I did onesies all the way to 24 months. H & M ones were the biggest/longest. I actually prefered onesies with shorts in the summer as well because I found they helped hold diapers in place well and contained any blow outs early on and prevent toddlers from stick hands into diaper later – this is actual thing that my friend’s kid used to do all the time!
CPA Lady says
We stopped onesies by 18 mo. Never did a ton of them. When kiddo was a crawling baby I regularly sent her to daycare in zip up footie pajamas. She switched to pants once she was walking and needed shoes.
Random, unsolicited advice re: buying clothes far in advance:
Something to be aware of is the possibility of surprise early potty training esp. if your kid is in a group childcare setting– my kid pee trained herself about 10 minutes after joining the 2 year old class in daycare where older 2 year olds were regularly going to the toilet– yay, positive peer pressure! I had bought a ton of dress and legging combos in advance for that winter that were not easy enough for her to navigate (pull up your dress and hold it up and pull down your pants at the same time!?!?!) so she barely wore any of the dresses and I had to buy a bunch of tops at the last minute.
Anonymous says
OP here– thanks for the advice about potty training! I think if she were in daycare and we needed to get out the door, I’d likely be in the PJ camp. Right now she’s with my husband during the day and I think he likes dressing her up and getting attention when they are out :)
DLC says
We stopped onesies around 18 months because I had misbegotten dreams of potty training.
So Anon says
Update on my search for an after-school sitter: I have two people that I am considering: The first is a woman who recently retired, mom of 4, and a friend of a friend. I was warned by my friend that the retiree can be kind of flighty, which I think I am already seeing. We have been trying to connect over the phone since Sunday. On Monday, I sent the times that I am not in meetings and asked that she call me in one of the those windows. No response. She followed up yesterday. I responded that I am available from 10-noon today, and let me know if/when she is available in that window. She responded to call her anytime and she would get back to me if she didn’t answer.
The second is a high school senior from a nearby town. She has been enthusiastic and proactive. I asked for references, and she followed up that evening by giving me two references and saying that they were expecting my call, asked if I needed anything else, etc. Even though she is young, I am leaning towards the high school senior.
Anonymous says
I would go with the high school senior sitter. I had a high schooler watch me and my sister after school as a child and it was great. She was so energic, lots of fun and great for help with homework. We kept in touch and she even invited us to her wedding!
The lack of communication with the first person would drive me batty – I’m way too type A to put up with that level of flakiness.
mascot says
Agreed. And being a student herself, she’s probably going to be more relatable to your kids. My son adores high school/college aged kids.
SC says
I would go with the high school senior as well. You do not want the stress of a sitter who is flighty or unreliable. You definitely want someone who is enthusiastic about the job–your kids will know in an instant whether this person actually wants to spend time with them. Also, if your kids have homework, I’d guess the high schooler would be more familiar with the types of assignments and teaching methods used today (unless the recent retiree used to teach school).
anon says
Second vote for the teenager. Contrary to popular believe, responsible teenagers do exist.
K says
I am seeing no “pros” to the retiree over the high school senior — how is this even an open question at this point? Just from the information in your post.
So Anon says
The retiree is a friend of a friend, so I feel a bit of pressure there. Also, there is some appeal to having a mom care for my kids, but not if she is unreliable. The after school sitter will need to drive my kids, so a bit of a concern with a less experienced driver.
In the time since my original post, I have heard from one of the references for the high school senior (glowing), and left another voicemail for the retiree…..
AnotherAnon says
IMHO a friend of a friend would be a CON for me, not a pro. How are you going to feel when this person flakes on you and you fire her? It’s going to be a little awkward between you and your friend, right? So that might make you more hesitant to fire her over behavior that you wouldn’t tolerate in the HS senior. Plus, a HS senior MAY be more receptive to gentle correction, whereas an experienced mom MIGHT not take as kindly to you saying “oh thanks for trying but that’s not how we do it at our house.” I know this post looks like Ellen wrote it but when I’m making a decision like that I like to consider all aspects so this is just my two cents – feel free to ignore.
rosie says
This makes sense. If it’s awkward/touchy now, imagine how much worse it will be if you actually hire her and then things don’t work out. Now you can at least back away gracefully.
AnotherAnon says
I think I missed your original thread but I’d go with the HS senior. You might have to teach her more tasks or give more instructions than the retiree (maybe not though!) but the retiree is already showing you that she either doesn’t read your texts closely or doesn’t respect your schedule. Either way, that’s not someone I could count on to do after school care.
Anonymous says
Another vote for the high school senior. I do understand the concerns over driving. You could probably set your mind at ease there by asking for more detail on her driving experience–how long has she had a license? How much experience does she have driving in the conditions where she’d have the kids (interstate highway, rural roads, rush hour, rain, etc.)? If she’s mostly just driving the kids home from school or to sports practice during daylight hours, the risks should be minimal unless you’re in an area with crazy roads or traffic. You could also have her meet the kids at the bus instead of picking them up at school to minimize driving.
SC says
+1. The driving is the only thing that gives me pause. But I think it would depend on roads, weather conditions, time of day, and safety/reliability of the vehicle. To be perfectly honest, teenagers aren’t great drivers, and I’ve had lots of people tell me that teenagers are getting less experience driving than I and my peers did at 15-16 yo.
I’d probably still go with the teenager, assuming they won’t be driving long distances on icy highways at night or something similar. If there’s a way to limit the teenager’s driving (meet at bus stop or have your kids carpool home), that would be better.
Anonymous says
Ladies – help with pregnancy heartburn! Second pregnancy and I’m only 12 weeks and have started getting heartburn every day this week. I had zero heartburn with my first, although did feel full easily (but not uncomfortably so), but I think that was mostly due to having a short torso. I know I can pop the tums, but any other tips? I’m basically feeling crazy full, uncomfortable, or heartburn after every meal. If it helps – this baby is a boy (got blood test results back) whereas my first was a girl.
lsw says
Congrats on your boy! I basically had to graze to keep the heartburn at bay (eating small amounts rather than meals). It was no fun. I didn’t really limit foods or anything like that. I was sick through almost all of my pregnancy so any time I could actually eat, I ate what sounded good. I’m a huge water drinker but I had to limit the water I was drinking at the same time as eating because I was getting too full and it made the heartburn worse. (YMMV, because I am typically a 2 pints of water with dinner type of person.) Hope you feel better soon!
JTM says
I had terrible heartburn so my midwife started me on Zantac. Started with Zantac 75 twice a day, then in 3rd trimester went to Zantac 150 twice a day, plus Tums intermittantly through the day for breakthru heartburn.
Some folks suggest papaya enzyme (you can find it at Target in the supplements aisle) but it did nothing for me.
Anon says
I had heartburn/acid reflux starting at 4 ish weeks, until 7ish months. Tried all the things (and actually lost too much weight in month 3 because the reflux made me nauseous). The only thing that worked was Zantac (which my OB recommended).
There are different types of pregnancy heartburn – the late pregnancy ‘running out of room and acid gets pushed up’ and the hormonal type – where your body is loosening up to make room for baby and (in my case) also loosens up random things like your esophageal flap and SI joint in my hip. Ask your doctor about Zantac.
Anon says
Pepcid (which I didn’t take until 8 months and I wish I had taken it sooner). And I had to completely cut out caffeine for different reasons (irregular baby heartbeat they think was caffeine induced) and the only plus side to my lack of even chocolate was that it significantly reduced my heartburn.
Anonymous says
My doc ok’d prilosec for me, which was a game changer. I had been trying to get by with tums/ grazing/ diet and it just didn’t work until I added prilosec.
Marshmallow says
Ugh, I have this still at 32 weeks. Once I started taking Pepcid AC twice a day like clockwork, it got a lot better. If I wait until I’m already feeling it and then take Pepcid or Tums, it’s not as effective. I’ve also had some success with drinking milk before bed and lying on my left side.
PagingDoINeedNewFriends says
I know this was discussed recently but I’m still struggling. How often do your close friends flake on plans? My 3 close friends are all in their mid-30s with 1-2 kids, and lately they have been flaking on me a ton (like, have skipped the last 6 times I’ve invited them for a Saturday morning play date). I understand that life happens but I’m starting to think they just don’t want to hang out anymore. What do you do when your close friends start flaking? Find new friends?
anon says
Yup. Remember the old saying “don’t make someone a priority for whom you are only an option”. It sucks to “give up” on a friendship and it’s hard to make friends in adulthood, but it sucks even more to be flaked on repeatedly.
Anonymous says
Have you tried other types of get togethers? I prioritze adult times with friends because I find play date get togethers revovle around the kids. Have you suggested a lunch during the workweek?
Agree that 6 times cancelling is super rude though. Did they confirm and cancel or could they just not make it?
OP says
I’ve defaulted to inviting them for play dates because all my other attempts to get together have failed. I sometimes have success inviting myself to their houses but that feels intrusive. I feel like I’ve given all I can give at this point. We can’t do dinners because childcare (sorry does your kid have a father?), we can’t do coffee because it’s not kid friendly…like, what are my other options? To be fair, sometimes they’re like “sorry can’t make it” but at least half the time they’re like “yeah sounds good see you then” and then the morning of something comes up.
Anon says
This is really not helpful to what you’ve asked. But I also have several friends who tell me they can’t meet for dinner because of childcare. My (silent) response is always the same as yours– can their fathers not watch them for ninety minutes? I don’t understand. And frankly what I’ve learned is that I’m not going to remain close friends with someone who can’t stand up for themselves. I just don’t have enough in common with someone who willingly misses out on their own life because their husband/partner is too lazy to be a parent. And I don’t have enough in common with someone who won’t tell said husband/partner to QUIT SUCKING and be a parent. So in the end, I am not really friends with those people anymore.
shortperson says
i love going places with my friends who have kids. usually it’s the zoo or the beach. kids are entertained adn we can chat. (and, at the beach, drink wine.) we also often invite friends to meet us at things like childrens theater and local synagogue events for our jewish friends.
but i completely agree on the dinner thing. in addition to husbands there are babysitters. my husband and i see so little of each other on weeknights due to both of our work schedules/travel that im often more inclined to meet a friend for dinner when he’s out of town (and i hire a babysitter).
farrleybear says
I’m about halfway through the process of changing my name back to maiden after divorce. For those of you who have a different last name than kiddo, do you travel with child’s birth certificate? DS is 4 so still pretty young.
Pigpen's Mama says
I travel alone with my LO fairly frequently and we have different last names. I kept a copy of her BC with me when she was younger, and unable to speak, but I was never asked for it.
I try to remember to bring one along now, but often forget. When going thru security domestically, the agent will usually ask her her name, but that’s it. She’s also pretty much a mini-me, to the point that strangers comment on it regularly, so if there’s no official policy in place about checking parentage, that may be in our favor.
Anonymous says
I don’t think it’s mandatory but I’d probably take it unless your kid looks a lot like you. I don’t bother when I non-air travel with my oldest who is a total mini-me but I do with my youngest who has totally different hair/eyes/features.
FVNC says
Yes, I travel with kids’ birth certificates (we have different last names). We’ve had the same experience as Pigpen’s Mama above — TSA agents ask kids their names (or other age appropriate question). My younger one clings to me like a barnacle and happily says “mama” pointing at me, and the older one can say her full name (which includes my last name as her middle). Never had an issue; fly with them once every two or three months.
farrleybear says
Thanks for responses:)
lawsuited says
For our-of-country travel, I take a letter signed by my child’s father identifying the child, identifying me, and saying that I have consent to take our child out of the country.
Anon says
+1. I’m not divorced but I do this too for international travel without DH.