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This is a super cute top for the season that is extremely affordable. I like how this is a solid color top that acts like a basic in your wardrobe but has the fun and trendy details like the stand collar and shoulder ruffles. This is a great way to wear the accentuated shoulder trend without going too far. I also like that the texture of the top is ribbed. I also really love how the white top is styled here — with black pants and a leopard belt. I’d probably skip matching the earrings with the belt, but I love the idea of the statement earring with the stand collar. The blouse is $17.99 at Amazon and is eligible for Prime. Ruffle-Shoulder Top Here’s a plus-size option that’s on sale for only $24.97. This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anonanonanon says
Random tip for anyone suffering from mom brain.
I installed the paid version of grammarly on my work computer (paid for with personal funds) and it has been a life-saver. I feel like my brain is mush by a certain point in the day, but I do a lot of technical writing and communicating with external partners. Last week I wrote appx. 65,000 words (grammarly sends a weekly report). It’s not always right, especially if your field has jargon, but more often than not it’s extremely helpful. My boss is a stickler for perfect grammar and punctuation (as she should be), and grammarly helps me edit down my emails to external partners.
Obviously I’ve been a regular here for years so I’m not part of a grammarly ad team sleeper cell, but I got it when I started a new high-pressure job 4 months after having a baby and it truly is a life-saver for someone who’s not a natural writer.
My only pet-peeve is it highlights my use of passive voice, which is often necessary when conversing with external partners.
Anonymous says
I know a lot of free-lance editors who swear by Grammarly, just because even though they can proof-read, the software does it so much faster, so it’s worth the cost.
Anonanonanon says
Exactly. I could proofread every email I send out in-depth, but it’s easier to outsource it! Same for anything my staff sends me, it’s easier to run it through grammarly.
Anon says
Just clicked over to the website and it includes a “tone detector” for texts. That’s genius! How much is it? The Chrome add on is free. For basic emails, I could start to write it in a webpage and then copy and paste out to outlook for free.
Anonymous says
You can download an Office plugin for free too. The premium version is apparently about $140/year I think.
Dress-up suggestions? says
My 3-year-old twins have a lot of dress-up clothes, but it’s all pretty random (skirts, hats, capes, fairy wings, etc). They love to pretend their stuffed animals are sick and make them feel better, so we’ve been planning to get them a doctor dress-up kit for Christmas. I’d rather not have identical toys (in this case), but life is so much easier when they get similar enough things as presents. Is there any role-playing dress-up idea that comes to mind that is roughly similar to the level of a doctor’s coat and stethescope? Firefighter is what comes to mind, but I’ll take any other suggestions!
Anonymous says
My sister and I used to receive toys and games that were intended to be shared as joint gifts. These were opened together (usually with one kid ripping the paper off each end) and ended up in the playroom. Any gift that had only one child’s name on it was intended for the exclusive use and possession of that child and was kept in that child’s own room.
Anonanonanon says
Firefighter seems perfect. One can get the sick stuffed animal from the “accident” and transport them in their pretend ambulance to the pretend hospital, and dramatically hand them over to the doctor for saving.
Anon says
I have twins too and honestly I’d get two doctors but if you don’t want to do that, what about one doc and one vet or one doc and one scientist? Then you have two white coats so if they want to both be docs they can
Anonymous says
Yeah, we may yet decide on two doctors, but I’m attempting to not have all our toys in duplicate so we can have some variety. It’s a tricky balance!
HSAL says
You want the Melissa & Doug veterinarian dress-up kit. It’s on the list for our twins this year. Also get the vet set if you don’t have it already – all three of my kids love it.
Anonymous says
Great tip, thanks!
Anonymous says
I’m going to suggest a doctor and veterinarian. The kits are so similar that my kid thinks his veterinarian kit is actually a doctor kit.
Anonymous says
Doctor and vet or doctor and chef (can repurpose the Chef apron as an assistant or scientist). Chef can also cook medicine.
We also have loved construction worker/handy person. My kids combined the doctor kit and workshop kit long ago. I’ve had many appendages amputated with a hand saw and reattached with a screw driver.
Anonymous says
The Melissa and Doug astronaut costume is amazing. It comes with a suit, soft space helmet, and gloves. It’s not as close as the vet costume, but my twins love the astronaut suit.
Anon says
Not doctor-like, but I got a 4 pack (maybe even 5 pack?) of super hero capes and masks from Amazon for about $20 last year. They’ve been a hit with my 4 year and friends when they come over.
Cordless Vacuum says
Anyone have any recommendations for a cordless vacuum that is safe on hardwood (engineered hardwood to be specific) but can also do an okay job to touch up rugs and carpet? I’d really prefer to keep the budget under $250, so looking for an alternative to the Dyson models I see everywhere. Plus everyone I know with a Dyson vacuum regrets the purchase when it goes bad about two years later.
T says
Really late to this, but Dysons are garbage. Shark Ionflex cordless is bombbbb – try eBay for an older model or a refurb to get it within budget. Different settings for carpet and hardwood.
Cb says
Tips on coping with toddler rejection? I’ve been travelling a lot and my toddler has been under the weather and is on full on daddy mode. He doesn’t want to cuddle me, sit next to me on the bus, or let me put him down. When my son tells me that he doesn’t want me, my husband just looks at me pityingly.
Please be kind, I know he’s a toddler and I’m the grown-up, developmentally normal, yada yada, but it still hurts my feelings and I do find myself not volunteering to do the hands on care because I don’t want to upset him. He’s fine after the initial protest but it’s still quite sad.
rosie says
Awww hugs. He is confident that he can express these feelings without it impacting your love for him. He is comfortable enough to express this kind of thing without worry about it impacting your relationship. The things they put us through, though.
Anonymous says
I’ve been the favorite parent but my child is about the same age as yours. Typically what we do is daddy is allowed to do special stuff with her like watching songs on youtube, showing her pictures and videos on his phone, etc. and I won’t offer when I can tell he’s feeling badly. Also, we have some success with offering something she usually likes, such as a favorite book, and when she says no he starts reading anyway and more often than not she’ll wander over and sit on his lap within a few pages.
The hardest part I think you already know, which is doing your best to let it roll off your back. It’s not easy at all, but when I suggest something she doesn’t want to do, I try to give her a calm/chipper “OK” and go about doing something *I* want to do. I like to think this is a rather Janet Lansbury approach–when children sense that we are upset by their actions, they’ll continue to test us in that way to see if they have control over those situations.
My sympathies–I definitely am happy for my husband when she gravitates to him and I hope I will still feel that way when she goes through a daddy stage.
Anonymous says
Hugs. I totally understand where you are coming from. My daughter is often a daddy’s girl. That said, as she gets older (4 now), she really goes back and forth. So even though it makes me sad when she rejects me, I try to reframe it as a break, because I know a time will come soon where I’m the preferred parent and wish I was getting a break here and there. Similar to the above, I also try to emphasize activities kiddo likes that she really only shares with me…helping cook, painting her nails, going out for a special drink at Starbucks, etc.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Hugs. This is so so hard, but so common. My older son definitely went through a stage where he preferred daddy to do everything. Not surprisingly, I was pregnant and then dealing with a newborn at the time, so didn’t do much of his routine. My second prefers me, I think, but again that’s probably because he’s gotten used to me doing most of his routine. We’re not great about switching off with the kids right now, but if we do, they (particularly older one) protest a lot at first, but eventually give in. So just keep trying. It is absolutely not personal, as you know, they get used to routines and changes are stressful, especially for more sensitive kids.
Anon says
I feel ya. My toddler was full on daddy’s girl from around the spring into the summer this year. I would get rejected all the time. Towards the end of the summer, she’s come around and chooses either one of us on an equal basis.
Some things I did: I made sure to not lash out and control my emotions whenever she picked my husband. I didn’t try to force her back. I also started to do my 1-1 dates to the park or bookstore so we got that quality time and my husband got a break, win/win.
I’m not saying that those things really were the trick, but they may have helped. I know it’s hard but know that it won’t be this way forever. In our house, a switch just flipped one day. Know that he loves you.
Pogo says
Hugs. Mine (same age as you know) is in mommy mode right now, but I can tell you he asks about daddy ALL the time. In fact last night the first thing he said on the phone to DH was “Daddy, come home!”
While you’re travelling, can your husband look at pictures of you and talk to your son about the fun stuff you guys will do together? Especially if it’s things only the two of you do.
We also try to respect his space when he says “No daddy, no come in my room” or “no hug daddy”. Obviously it hurts to hear, but it’s so much better to let him come to you on his terms and it also respects his autonomy. I’ll gently point out that daddy loves him and just wants to read him a book (or whatever) and that if he doesn’t want him to come in his room, can we all go downstairs and have breakfast together? In a few minutes he typically warms back up, and randomly run over and hug daddy’s legs.
Also – if I’m out of sight, I’m out of mind. Trying doing 1:1 stuff with your kiddo when daddy is not an option.
Cb says
Aww, thanks everyone! I feel like I’ve been keeping myself busy doing chores but then feel grumpy with my husband because he is lying on the floor reading books while I take out the recycling.
I’m hoping we can get back to normal, I’m done with the heavy travel for the year. I think we’ve just been caught off guard by the grumpiness since he’s so good at processing where I am (he tells everyone at nursery where I am and how I got there) and doesn’t seem that upset while I’m away.
Anonymous says
I’m the poster with the 4 year old above. She always favors the parent who has been home when one parent has been away. You might consider kicking your husband out a bunch this weekend while you and kiddo re-bond. Maybe especially at high bonding times like wake-up and bedtime.
Knope says
My toddler is also in a phase where half the time I walk in the door he starts crying and saying “No I don’t wannnnntttt Mama!” Sometimes if I’m silly about it, it calms him down. I get down on his level and ask him where I should go, and offer suggestions – should I go to the zoo? the park? the swimming pool? And then sometimes he will say “yes” and I’ll go outside for a second, come back in and say “I went to the zoo but there weren’t any [child’s name] there, so I came home.” It makes him laugh and sort of resets the interaction so we can get on with things. Good luck!
Anon says
Wow that is so genius! Way to get creative and not take it personally. That is what I strive for but it isn’t always easy to do.
Cb says
Aww, that’s lovely. We do lots of ‘what’s wrong, little pookie’ reenactments when he’s grumpy but that’s a good idea as well.
Pogo says
This is perfect.
Anon says
I just had this issue this morning, but my husband was the not favored parent. He wanted to spend an extra ten minutes with our daughter before taking her to daycare but she just cried for me the whole time :(
So hard for everyone.
Anon says
My husband travels a lot and we go through this with my 2 year old fairly often, especially when he’s been away quite a bit. We don’t have it totally figured out, but I do save special games/things for the two of them to do together so she looks forward to his return and has reasons to want to connect with him. She only watches certain shows with Dada or plays certain games with him and every Sunday morning they go to the park together and we talk about their impending park outing often. Hyping things up and creating a sense of expectation that certain things are special to do with Dad seems to help.
I also desperately need the break when he’s home (being a pregnant working often solo mother of a toddler is a lot), so I sometimes force them to do stuff together without me and let her know when I’ll be coming back. Like, “Dad’s going to get you ready for bed tonight and then Mom will come in to give you a kiss and a snuggle; Daddy is just as good at putting you to bed as Mommy is, I promise!” or “Dada’s going to play this game with you while I do the laundry. When I’m done with the laundry, I’ll come play.” Then I get out of her line of sight and let him take over and don’t come back until I’ve said I would. She usually protests for a few minutes but ultimately calms down and they’re able to enjoy some time together. I don’t know if this is the “right” way to handle it but I can’t handle being the “on” parent 100% of the time right now.
Anon says
totally been there. I stayed at home with my son and once he turned 2, he only wanted dad. He would somehow deal with being with me during the day but evenings/weekends/nights he only wanted dad. If I went to in the mornings to cuddle after waking up, he would scream go away, I want dad.
It hurt so bad for over a year. And then we added kid 2, and my older distanced himself even more from me during pregnancy and newborn phases.
My husband would try to include me but it just hurt when my son didn’t want me but wanted everyone over me (including his out of town grandparents), when I had been with him at home since his birth.
People kept saying he’s so secure in his relationship with you that he’s exploring being independent, blah blah, but the rejection hurt, a lot.
Now he’s 4, and finally a little equal in his affections, though he still prefers dad regardless of whether dad is around on weekends or hasn’t been around on weekdays. At least he doesn’t reject me outright anymore…
holiday party says
I would love ideas for a potential holiday party that I would like to through in theory but cannot tell if it will be completely overwhelming or not. Thinking of doing an open house type party Sunday brunch/lunch time. Have a toddler that naps in the afternoon, so firmly pre-nap. Pregnant & due this winter, so I’m a little worried about the work of doing this (although my spouse would of course be sharing in it, I’d probably be doing a lot of the emotional labor to make it happen)…but on the other hand, I worry that once baby comes I’ll basically not see anyone for a while because it’ll be cold and germ-y.
We would be inviting friends w/ and w/out kids, preschool families, neighbors. For menu, I think it would probably be stuff like bagels, maybe a veggie chili, frittata, veggie tray, some alcohol (we don’t celebrate Christmas and would not have Christmas-themed anything).
Good/bad idea? What else would you like to see at a party like this?
Cb says
I love an open house! I think this sounds great. I’d do some hot apple cider or hot chocolate on the stove. A general winter theme? I might do it in January though, it might be slightly late notice for pre-Christmas.
anon says
I think it sounds fun and I would love to attend! Make it easy on yourself, though — maybe a combination of pre-made stuff and homemade stuff. I’d have a sweet treat or two on hand, but it doesn’t need to be elaborate. In cases like this, the point is hospitality and building relationships, not showing off your amazing entertaining skills. I hope that makes sense.
Anon says
I think it’s great! And I think morning is great too – you will have less competition from other parties. Also, I have found that mid-January parties are big hits because people are busy in December (if this works for your due date).
Also, if you’re worried about the amount of work, get it catered and keep the menu super simple. This sounds like a party that a lot of grocery stores could cater for you.
Anonymous says
An open house where you make some mulled wine and bung-in-the-oven appetizers, and ask a few close friends to bring other appetizers, would be perfect. I second the January idea!
holiday party says
Thanks for the feedback! I like the idea of a hot drink option. If we went the bagels route, we could easily get that catered from a place that will also do frittatas.
As for timing, I worry you all are right, although I’m closing in on third tri right now, so we may try for December and hope that Sunday mornings are still open for people. I need to give that piece some more thought.
Emily S. says
I would love this, too! Sunday mornings are quiet in my family, but also that point in the weekend when it might be nice to get out of the house. For a morning, a nice mix of sweet and savory, like you have outlined, would likely be a crowd pleaser. Muffins, scones, bagels, frittatas/hashbrown casserole, fresh fruit, fresh veggies, coffee, juice, etc. A hot chocolate bar is fun for kids and adults, if you’re up for it. (And very easily festive and not Christmas-y; I went to a January baby shower where the hot chocolate bar featured plain and light blue whipped cream, and snowflake sprinkles, marshmallows, for example.) A big pitcher of cocktails or mocktails or a bloody mary or mimosa station would also free you up to socialize and actually, you know, enjoy the party.
holiday party says
Yeah, I’d plan to do a pitcher of a non-alcoholic drink w/booze on the side to add if desired. Maybe like cranberry sparkling lemonade w/optional vodka (or whatever would taste good in that LOL, will research)! I also like the idea of a mimosa bar but not sure I want to deal with the leftover bubbly (pregnant plus just not huge drinkers).
Anonymous says
I don’t think it’s too late for a December date. We always do an open house in December, and as we’ve been adding kids, it’s gotten to be more catered and less homemade. We also are big fans of having a non-alcoholic drink with booze to add — our favorite is apple cider in the crock pot with some amaretto on the side.
Anon says
I need ideas for how to deal with my frustration with my 4 year old in the morning. Some mornings she insists that she has to pick her clothes out and get dressed etc herself, and some mornings she wants me to do everything for her. I get really frustrated and yell, and I don’t like that. In calmer moments, I get that she’s 4 and being 4 is hard. But when I’m trying to do everything in the morning and get us out the door, I have a hard time.
I don’t have a partner. I’m already out of bed an hour and 45 minutes before we need to leave and almost an hour before she is. I have the logistics down, I just need help with the mentality.
Pogo says
Daniel Tiger is your friend, as always. “Clothes on, Eat breakfast, Brush teeth, Put on shoes, And off to school!”
Watch the episode. Sing the song. Talk about how when we are late we miss fun stuff. Repeat repeat repeat. I have a friend who also used a sticker chart for morning stuff – with little pictograms of the stuff kiddo had to do to get ready and then kiddo would get stickers when she did them.
anon says
So, this is my ongoing struggle. What helps me is reminding myself that ebbs and flows in independence are developmentally normal for 4- and 5-year-olds. My daughter is capable of dressing herself (and does on the weekends), but sometimes it’s not worth the battle or the fight to insist on it every single weekday. I’ve started looking at it as her bid for closeness and attention first thing in the morning.
Also, if your daughter is amenable, I’ve found that picking out clothes the night before can reduce the number of wardrobe battles. I don’t give her free reign of the closet — she chooses between 2 dresses and 2 pairs of leggings. That’s about as much decision-making as she can handle without it turning into a whole thing.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I have this frustration struggle too with my 3.5 year old, who is… just a 3.5 year old and often irrational and tries to assert his independence but is also not developmentally ready to do everything on his own. I find myself getting more frustrated when I haven’t taken enough time for myself, either through exercise or another break. You mentioned you don’t have a partner – is there any way you can take a break for yourself in some other way? Mother’s helper to help in the morning so you can exercise or just get ready in peace? Or look forward to something fun at lunch/at night? It’s really really hard to deal with small kids (or all kids, probably) by yourself, everyday.
Anonymous says
Thank you — I’m fine the rest of the day and I get plenty of breaks to myself — my kid is actually pretty easy overall. It’s just the mornings are a struggle and I recognize that it’s a mindset issue.
Pogo says
Morning is when we are our most vulnerable, before we’ve had coffee and a chance to pee with the door closed.
FVNC says
I have the kids by myself for weekday mornings, and have had some awful parenting moments that I’m honestly ashamed of. Mine are 6 and 2.5 — the 6 yr old is rarely a problem, but oh my lord, the 2.5 yr old pushes my buttons in a way my older one never did. Things that have helped us: being well-rested (admittedly, not always possible); allowing kids to try to do things on their own when they want and telling them to find me when they need help rather than jumping in immediately; the phrase: “I cannot allow you do to X” (used that one this morning, when X was staying in his pee-soaked jammies); giving choices within reason but then choosing for them if they cannot decide. There are some mornings when nothing works and we leave the house with tears and yelling, but….those days are fewer when I remember to do these things.
anon says
We started a sticker chart for this (night time is our stress area). It’s at her level and has drawings of everything we do, she can earn stickers as we go. It helps to point back to the chart and make it the “boss.” The chart says it’s time to…and if she gets X stickers over Y amount of time she can have a larger reward.
Anonymous says
I can’t really help with the mentality part, but I can offer what I always do here: The advice to trying having her sleep with her clothes on. Game changer for me — at least that part of the morning battle is mostly eliminated.
FVNC says
Any favorite kids’ luggage? We’re looking to buy my very small 6 yr old a suitcase for Christmas. Thanks for any suggestions!
anon says
I can’t speak to the quality, but the Pottery Barn Kids luggage is ADORABLE.
rosie says
Not sure if this translates to the luggage, but we got a PB kids backpack and it had a strap break within the first 2 months of use, so I’d be wary of the quality. Then they tried to tell me that this was normal wear & tear and there’s only a 30-day return period from date that you purchase (so if you bought it, went on a trip 2 months later and something broke, you’d be out of luck if it’s the same policy for the luggage). Eventually they agreed to replace it, but of course no longer had the design in stock.
anon says
Eeesh, good to know. It drives me crazy that PB doesn’t have reviews on its website; it’s 2019, for crying out loud!
rosie says
Currently trying not to think about the fact that I have 2 overpriced child’s backpacks in my house — one of which is broken but a treasured design and the other which, put simply, doesn’t have enough purple — and probably should get around to returning one before they decide to charge me for the “replacement.”
Anon says
Why not take the broken one to a tailor? I’m sure it can be fixed.
rosie says
Thanks, I think I’m going to try that as I don’t see how I could fix it myself.
Anonymous says
You have to get one of those suitcases that transforms into a scooter!
RR says
We’ve bought all our kids luggage at Target. They have really cute options, and I’m happy with how everything has held up–two rolling duffels have been going strong for 10 years, and a little roller bag with unicorns made it through international travel via planes, trains, and automobiles in the UK last year. I expected to have to replace more often, but we just haven’t had to.
anon says
We have PB Kids rolling bags – they have held up well and my kids love them. I do think my daughter’s tends to tip over more than I would like, but that may be more reflective of her packing…
avocado says
We have duffel bags and rolling suitcases from PB Kids/Teen that have held up fine over several years of moderate usage. I have even washed the duffels. I am not sure whether the luggage is higher quality than the backpacks, or just gets used less roughly. We don’t check it under the plane much.
anon says
Marriage advice needed, particularly from introverts. I feel like my relationship is strained right now because I just don’t have much bandwidth or energy to engage with DH after the kids go to bed. It is nothing personal, but I really crave being ALONE after a day of working, interacting with people, and parenting. (Hi, I’m an introvert who doesn’t get nearly enough time to herself.) I do not know how to solve this. If I don’t get some downtime by myself at the end of the day, I am a cranky husk of a person and have a hard time falling asleep. If I don’t spend time with my husband, he feels hurt and rejected. Understandably. He knows this isn’t personal but I can tell it hurts him. Also, I’m just dog tired — I get up at 5 a.m. to work out so I really do need to sleep.
My kids aren’t tiny anymore. The oldest kid is in late elementary school and goes to bed only 1 hour before I do (oldest kid: 8:30; me: 9:30). I honestly feel like I have less time to myself and with my DH than I did even a couple of years ago, when bedtimes were more like 7:30 and 8:00. We do get to hang out more on the weekends, but the weeknights feel like this push-and-pull to meet everyone’s needs (mine included — a few years ago, I would’ve denied myself the time I need, but now I’m trying to claim what *I* need, selfish as that sounds).
Lily says
I think you should stop waking up at 5 am to work out, and spend an extra hour awake at night to spend with your husband. Your marriage is more important than your 5 am workouts. So, spend 8:30-9:30 alone, and 9:30-10:30 with your husband.
Anon says
Have you tried working out with your husband? The Nike training app is great and free. My husband loves it. Maybe you wouldn’t want to do this every night, but even once a week can be an energizing bonding experience. Seems introvert friendly.
anon says
Hmm, that’s an interesting idea!
Anonymous says
+1
We do ‘workout wednesday’ when we work out together in the basement for an hour after the kids are in bed. Usually I run on the treadmill while DH bikes but sometimes I’ll make him do a yoga video with me because his quads are way too tight.
Emily S. says
DH and I also work out together 4 nights a week. We’re both introverts, but he’s (admittedly) much more needy than I am. The work out together is a good way to be in the same room and have some conversation, but also just listen or have quiet because when you’re squatting 150 pound barbell on your back, you can’t talk. Perfect balance for me; maybe it would work for you, too.
EB0220 says
A few random ideas in case one might work for you:
– Can you find alone time during the work day? I usually skip lunch with co-workers and eat in my office while reading a book. It really helps me recharge. I also get a massage once or twice a month which is one whole hour of silence!
– Could you make your commute calming? Relaxing music or just be alone with your thoughts?
– Does your husband really want to engage or would he be OK with more passive time together? My husband and I usually watch TV and/or read in the evening and I feel like we’re spending time together but also recharging the introvert batteries.
– Can you just send your kid to their room earlier? My daughter usually stays up until 8:30ish but she’s in her room by 8.
Anonymous says
I’m a bit like this. Our compromise is that I get a half hour of alone time as soon as the kids are in bed (so like 8:30-9 or 9:30). Based on our chore divide, he cleans up after dinner so usually he goes and does this while I’m zoning out. That still gives you an hour or so to reconnect before bed. And honestly, I make an effort to get in some gardening regularly because it keeps DH happy, helps us connect and puts me to sleep (falling asleep is an issue for me but I usually pass out immediately after gardening).
I’ve also tried to up the contact during the day. Often we’ll do a quick 10 minute call at lunchtime to catch up.
Anonymous says
What is it that your husband wants you to do with him on weekday evenings? Talk about his day? Play a game together? Watch a movie? Scroll through your phones but be in the same room? If he wants to talk about his day, figure out another time during the evening he can do that – maybe on the drive home or while you make dinner or while you eat dinner. If he wants to do an actual activity together maybe agree on one weeknight a week (ours is Thursday) for that. If he just wants to be in the same room while each of you do your own thing, perhaps you could accommodate that and only go to another room when he’s really interrupting your need for peace. If he has no idea what he means by “spending time with him” on weeknights then tell him to get over it or let you know when he figures it out.
Also, my kids are still small, but I would think that you could perhaps send your older kids upstairs at 7:30 to wind down even if they only go to bed at 8:30 so that you have more than 1 hour to yourself each evening.
Anon says
I think you should stop waking up at 5 am to work out. Sleep and your marriage are more important and there are ways to get some exercise in besides an intense hour at the gym.
anon says
I agree in theory, but intense exercise has been pretty important for maintaining my mental health. If I don’t do it first thing in the morning, it is next to impossible to make it happen later in the day.
Anonymous says
OP, no helpful tips for you right now but strong solidarity as I’m in a simliar boat. I’m up at 5 to exercise and really need to be asleep by 9-930 to feel my best. Our older kiddo goes down for the night 8:30-9, and I really, really like the time to read for 30 minutes alone before bed. It’s hard. Any chance you can have DH wake up early with you and chat while you make breakfast and coffee and get ready to work out?
Anonymous says
Is there anything your husband could do to help you with your mental load? Maintaining your mental health requires an hour of alone time in the morning for exercise and the remaining hours at the end of the day alone to decompress. Is there something else that could be done to improve your mental health that would leave some bandwidth for time with your partner?
Sarabeth says
No chance you could work out right after your kids go to bed? If you stayed up later (because you are no longer waking up at 5), that would give you time to be alone/decompress during your workout and then hand with your husband for an hour or so before bedtime.
Husband would need to be on board with protecting that time for you.
Alternatively, can putting the oldest kid to bed be your husband’s job, so you can squeeze in some decompression time while that happens?
Cb says
I think sometimes being in close physical proximity helps, even if we aren’t actively engaging in deep meaningful interactions. So we’ll go to bed, strip down to our undies, and cuddle up and read or watch tv under the covers.
rosie says
I know this isn’t feasible for a lot of circumstances, but any way you could do lunch or coffee with your husband during the workday? Whenever we manage to do that, it feels really nice and special.
I also support sending the kids to do their own thing before their actual bedtime.
anon says
Yes, great idea. We need to make this a more regular thing.
rosie says
Oh good, I am glad this might work for you. And we get extra mileage out of a lunch/coffee break, because then when we get home and are talking about our days, we are reminded of how much we enjoyed catching up during the day and everyone’s in a better mood automatically.
Anonymous says
+1
We have lunch together every Monday (barring an emergency type meeting). Hard rule against talking about any kid related stuff or family logistics. It’s our time to reconnect as adults, not as co-parents or household managers.
Anon says
A blogger I follow sits and chats with her husband (and maybe a drink) after dinner for 30 min while her (youngish) kids clean up the kitchen. Could something like that be feasible? Kids are capable of a lot. I think finding a way to get some connection in while the kids do chores/something else could be helpful. Otherwise, I second the calls to cut down on your morning workout. Maybe work out twice a week, catch up on sleep once, and spend more time with husband the other two weekdays?
Emily S. says
Piling on to say that my DH and I also do lunch once a week or so, and it’s been really helpful! So has solitary lunches like someone else suggested. Finally, I think I read on this blog that you don’t have to go in to daycare right away. You can sit in the car for 5 minutes and listen to music or read or sip a beverage and give yourself a few minutes to recharge. I sometimes sit in the driveway for a few minutes to mentally psych up for the evening routine. (Like Dwight on a sales call. :) )
OB/GYN says
Newton-Wellesley Obgyn (in Newton, MA) – does anyone have experience with any of the doctors at this practice? The location is very convenient for me, but I thought the person who answered the phone was a bit rude, so I am reconsidering. This is for a first-time pregnancy. My PCP is with Harvard Vanguard (which is convenient to my office in Boston), but I thought I’d check out other options for an ob/gyn because it might be nice to go somewhere closer to my house.
Boston Legal Eagle says
So my experience with this hospital is limited to doing a tour of the postpartum suites as that is where my midwives delivered, and then picking Beth Israel instead as the rooms there were bigger (double the size!), but I’ll just say that having an OB near my office was actually better for me because I could pop out to appointments any time during the day and then just come back to the office. Nice especially near the end when appointments were weekly. I too used Harvard Vanguard – my location was fine, and the Kenmore one is especially nice as they have more services there.
OB/GYN says
Thanks! Any specific recommendations at Harvard Vanguard? I usually go to PO Square but could make any of the Boston locations work. I saw that a lot of their doctors prefer to deliver at BID, but BID is potentially a 40 minute drive from my house (or more, depending on the time of day), and NWH is 10 minutes. I’m thinking I’ll work from home most of the time when I am close to my due date and could get to NWH pretty quickly. My husband also works near NWH.
Boston Legal Eagle says
The Copley location has the split between deliveries at Newton Wellesley and Beth Israel, so that might be a good choice if you’re thinking of delivering close to home. Kenmore has way more services and where they do the ultrasounds, so if you want everything in one place, that’s also a good bet. The Wellesley HV is also pretty nice, and probably closer to you. If you want more specifics, feel free to email me at my username0234 at the g mail.
Anon says
Not in Boston (although I used to live there) but my general advice would be to have an OB close to work. Appointments are almost exclusively scheduled during normal business hours and in my experience it was hard to get them pre-10 am or post-4 pm because everyone wants those time slots. So plan that you’ll be coming to/from work for most if not all of your appointments.
rosie says
I agree w/this general advice, although if you can liberally work from home, that works, too. I wanted to add the non-Boston specific advice that 1 person on the phone who was a bit rude would not be grounds to rule out a practice, IMO. I am sensitive to this kind of thing but would give them a chance if there’s a dr there you are interested in & it would otherwise be good for you.
Anonymous says
Is it for OB or GYN? If OB, where are you delivering? If GYN, is NW really close or a halfway point?
OB/GYN says
An OB. I am new to all of this and said OB/GYN when I guess I really meant OB! Newton Wellesley is really close to my house and so I would like to deliver there. It’s hard to get to there from my house via public transit (suburb to suburb transit is not great in Boston, like most metro areas), but I could get to my office from NW and vice versa via public transit, then Uber home or have my husband pick me up. I’m starting to lean more toward finding an OB at the practice I currently go to for my PCP (Harvard Vanguard), but need to make sure physicians from that practice will deliver at NW instead of a hospital in Boston proper.
Anon says
Do you not have a car, or do you just not want to have to deal with driving into the city before or after your appointment? (If it’s the latter, then park at Riverside and take the T into Boston.)
anon says
Went to Newton-Wellesley OB/GYN for regular GYN care and had a great experience! Can’t speak to their OB care specifically but wouldn’t hesitate to go there if needed. I had a few instances where they were able to get me appointments even though technically fully booked which I appreciated (and have found front desk staff to be less amenable to doing at other practices). Once got the day of an appointment completely wrong in calendar, showed up, and they told me to stay anyways and be seen. Yes, front desk/phone call can sometimes be rude/short but I’ve found that at lots of places. Calling first thing in the morning often helps because then there’s less of a line on the phone.
Anon says
Anyone have suggestions on how to avoid/deal with lice? Now that my daughter is in grade school, I’m more worried about her getting it — especially since she has longer hair.
Anonymous says
Pony tail or braid her hair. Be firm on not sharing scrunchies or hair brushes.
anon says
Definitely stress the importance of not sharing hair stuff, hats, and coats. Otherwise, I’m not sure there’s much you can do. :/
RR says
Don’t share anything. Ponytails and braids. Tea tree oil shampoo. And honestly, wash a little less often and use more product. Lice like clean hair. I’m not saying your kid should try to bring back 90s grunge, but washing every few days and spritzing in some hairspray or gel or something helps–even if you just immediately brush it so it doesn’t look like it has hairspray or gel.
rosie says
Hair up. You can get preventative/repellant stuff. Check out Fairy Tales spray and Boo! shampoo. I think they’re both rosemary oil & tea tree oil blends.
Anonymous says
If you do get it, ask your doctor about what treatment they recommend. Ours gave us a prescription that kills lice plus at least some eggs, told us to treat the whole family, just wash our bedlinens and not worry about other cleaning, and repeat in a week. It was honestly really easy; we did almost no combing. Meanwhile, my son’s best friend opted for a DIY route involving combing cetaphil through her hair a million times. I think treatment-resistant lice may be more rare than people fear. From what I have read direct head to head transmission is also more likely than getting it through shared hats, etc; they can’t live for very long away from a warm scalp.
Anonanonanon says
combing combing combing. My son has thick curly hair and I do a preventive comb through with a lice comb once every week and a half or so during the “busy” seasons for lice (beginning of the school year and right after xmas break, for some reason). We’ve been able to catch it that way twice, early enough that it wasn’t a huge deal. Someone I know who was a school nurse for a long time recommended this.
Spirograph says
We’ve been through 2 rounds of lice, and aside from it just kind of making my skin crawl to comb bugs out of my kids’ hair, it was not that bad. My son LOVED having his hair combed, and when I got the comb out several months later for my daughter, he asked me to comb his again too. I just put on a TV show and combed while they watched. We washed sheets and clothes, and put hats away for a few days, but didn’t clean anything else. As anon at 12:03 said, lice don’t live very long away from a human body; it’s head-to-head contact you need to worry about.
For my son, whose head was crawling with lice by the time we realized what was happening, we got whatever drugstore lice shampoo and used it once, then combed his hair for 3-4 days (until I got 2 days in a row finding nothing) afterward.
For my daughter, we pre-emptively combed because lice was rampant in her class. I never used the shampoo on her, but combed for 4 days. I found a couple lice the first day, one the second day, and none after that. Combing long hair is definitely more of a pain than combing short boy hair, but it was kind of soothing/relaxing for both me and the kid — it’s just a matter of making the time for it.
Spirograph says
In speak of the devil and he will appear news: my youngest now has a case of lice in his class. Looks like another round of combing for us!
Anon says
Rant: I am so annoyed at having to look at 4 frilly pink flowered maxi maternity dresses for every half work appropriate maternity dress. Do more people take maternity photo shoots than go to work?
anon says
Yep. :(
lawsuited says
To the furthest extent possible, don’t bother with maternity clothes. The styles and quality are terrible. I got 2 suiting dress 2 sizes larger and had them tailored to accommodate the bump. I just rotated those 2 dresses and the matching suiting jackets I already had for my whole pregnancy so I got excellent cost per wear. Ponte sheath dresses in 1 size up were excellent for more casual days at the office and socializing. The only “maternity” things I purchases were pants and pantyhose.
Anon says
Yes, 100% to your last line.
2 Cents says
Add “plus size” to that and I definitely feel your pain. Plus, every.single.t-shirt has some stupid saying on it.
OP says
Oh yes, I’m cusp/plus and the number of dresses that don’t even come in XL is astounding.
Anon says
This – before my miscarriage I was just starting to look at replenishing last time’s maternity clothes and it was sooo frustrating because I’m a 16-18 or XXL, and normally wear formal suiting dresses with a sweater or blazer to work these days. Last time I was pregnant it was a) summer and b) more casual at work. I think Kimi and Kai through their website had the best selection of work dresses in my size.
2 Cents says
So aggravating! I was a size 20-22 before getting pregnant and honestly (thanks to morning sickness) just wore my regular dresses that had stretch until I was 8-9 months. Then I wore leggings with long shirts (I worked in a casual office). If I go for #2, I’m now in a more dressy business office and literally have no idea where I’ll find clothes to fit. (And no, Destination Maternity, I cant wear a “pumpkin smuggler” t-shirt…ever.)
Anonymous says
Ughhhh, yes. Almost 32 weeks here and my only saving grace is that I work 100% from home in a warm climate, so I’ve been getting by with just maternity leggings and tees from Old Navy. If I had to go into an office and look decent, I’d be seriously boned.
IHeartBacon says
Loft maternity had good work clothes when I was pregnant. I bought a couple pairs of these trousers and wore them on regular rotation: https://www.loft.com/maternity-trousers/445802?skuId=23584822&defaultColor=2222&catid=catl000043&selectedColor=2222
When I had to go to court, I would wear them my regular suit jacket and left the jacket open.
Anonymous says
+ 1 I wore my regular suit jackets with Loft maternity pants and blouses.
Anon says
My husband has heard this rant numerous times. Do pregnant women literally spend all of their days doing photo shoots and baby showers and baby moons?
I’m six, almost seven months along, and here’s what I have:
3 Isabella Oliver dresses, bought on sale (total: about $250) – t-shirt dress, lovely wrap dress, sheath-like dress
1 Tart Maternity dress, bought on sale ($60) – animal print, wrap
1 Loft sweater dress, bought on sale ($50) – work appropriate and I get compliments on it
1 pair of Loft maternity dress trousers, bought on sale
2 Loft maternity sweaters, also bought on sale
1 pair fleece maternity tights, Loft, sale
I honestly do not care that I literally wear the exact same clothes every single week. They are flattering, cute, comfortable, and are still “my style,” just for pregnant women. Okay and most importantly: I look like a lawyer going to work, not an Instagram influencer on a baby bump photo shoot.
AnotherAnon says
No comment on maternity clothes, but once I realized that literally not one of my colleagues even notices that I wear the same five outfits each week, I stopped buying so many work clothes. I’m totally not judging anyone who wants to wear a different outfit every day, but this realization was very freeing for me personally.
Anon says
Oh, exactly. People notice if you have a very eye-catching outfit that you repeat, but generally, they only notice if you look “nice” (professional attire, fits, good condition).
Especially with pregnancy, it’s such a (relatively) short thing. My colleagues might notice repeated outfits after six months, but after three, especially with two long holidays (Thanksgiving and Christmas – we get an entire week off for the latter) in the middle?
GCA says
I am not a dress person – pregnancy was the last time I wore dresses on a regular basis – nor a frilly pink things person. Nothing wrong with it, just not my style. 100% cosign your rant. And the only sleek, sensible dresses I could find were always >$100 new. No thanks!
lsw says
Ugh. Finding tall sizes in maternity clothes was almost impossible. I found one pair of full length work trousers that worked (an inch too short but whatever) and basically wore them almost daily.
shortperson says
theres lots of good stuff out there. where are you looking? just avoid pea in the pod and you’ll be fine. (although i did get an amazing theory suit at pea in the pod.) . you can find adult, employed clothes at jcrew (hatch collab), hatch, target, loft, isabella olivier (website or via nordstrom), seraphine, etc.
ifiknew says
Talk to me about how you get your toddler to eat dinner and what they eat. My 2.5 year old was a great, not too picky, eater until she turned two. In the past few months, she has about 10-15 things she’ll eat. She is fortunately still good with a lot of fruits and veggies, but is rejecting things like pasta, pancakes, all meat etc that she previously did eat. I want her to eat the meals that we’re eating and I don’t want to be a short order cook, but at the same time, if she doesn’t eat, she’s up every few hours at night and is a complete mess.
I’ve resorted to turning on the tv at dinner to get her to eat some things that she previously used to eat. I feel terrible about it but with a 2.5 year old and a 5 month old, I just don’t have a lot of capacity to deal with the tantrums etc. at dinnertime.
Many thanks in advance.
Anonymous says
I bribe him with an episode of Paw Patrol if he finishes all his dinner.
Anon says
I would be careful about this, I think teaching a kid that the goal is cleaning their plate is a good way to lead to food issues later in life, including overeating. Sometimes people (including kids) are just not hungry. We should all listen to our bodies and not eat when we’re not hungry.
Anonymous says
Oh man, this is what honesty gets you on this board. Thanks for the virtue signalling.
But since you ask, “finishing dinner” in my house doesn’t mean “finishing all the food on the plate”. I sit with my kids as they eat to assess how it’s going (the reason they’re not eating could be aversion to a new/not favourite food or distraction or a variety of things) and then tell them what the toddler has to eat to be “finished”. For example, if he’s eaten most of his broccoli but not touched his chicken, he’ll have to eat 2 bites of chicken and finish his milk t be “finished dinner”. I also tell him that don’t have to finish if he don’t want to, but he can’t watch Paw Patrol if he doesn’t finish.
FVNC says
You’re not alone. We went through a long period where we had (ok, chose) to use TV as a way to get some food into our kid. She was and still is terribly picky, but at least in front of Paw Patrol she ate some fruit rather than nothing!
Anonymous says
kidseatincolor on IG has a bunch of tips for getting kids to eat things and also weaning off having the TV on at dinner. feedinglittles is another IG nutritionist who also had a really picky kid and has more strategies.
Anon says
I adore Feeding Littles, and have gotten a lot of mileage out of their tips for bringing in novetly (eat with a giant spoon!, etc. We ‘ate’ once with a small mesh strainer and kiddo LOVED it). Right now she shows me how to ‘eat like a monkey,’ which is making noises and doing arm movements while eating. Random, but she’s feeling it.
Also: if you have a new or unloved food, try to pair it with a loved dip. Does this mean that sometimes steamed carrots get dipped in ketchup? Yes. But does she eat the carrots and sleep through the night? Yes.
SG says
+100
I’m usually the one recommending these two accounts, so glad others love them. We are big fans of cookie cutters, food picks, everyone eating the same things and serving themselves, naming the food something interesting or after someone she adores – (this is special grandma chili), and letting kiddo pick out a part of the meal at the store. “You chose the pear and chicken at the store! Can you mix it?”
Good luck, this is hard and was emotional for me. My almost 3 yr old also still rejects most meats, but we just keep repeating/offering/serving and not forcing.
Anon says
My kid is younger (20 months) but went through a horrendously picky phase the last few months that she seems to gradually be emerging from. I understand not wanting to be a short order cook, but there are so simple things you can serve toddlers that don’t require cooking. Bread/bagel with cream cheese, frozen (fully cooked) turkey meatballs, fruit/veggie pouches and bananas and other fruit were all staples at mealtimes in our house. We would just ask her if she wanted to try whatever we were eating, and if she didn’t (usually the case) then we would offer one or more of the staples to her for dinner. We continued offering our foods though and more and more she has been interested in at least trying what we’re eating or having some version of it (eg., a plain quesadilla when we’re eating steak quesadillas).
I don’t really have any good advice on the night wakings. There were quite a few days where my kid didn’t eat much, if any, dinner, but we just accepted she wasn’t interested in eating (after offering her a couple foods she was generally ok with at the time), and she never woke up overnight.
Anon says
Oh and yogurt! Can’t believe I forgot that one. There were many nights when she just ate yogurt for dinner.
2 Cents says
My 19-month-Old is the same way. He used to eat a variety but has since learned he can refuse. Eats a lot of yogurt, bread/toast, pizza and grilled cheese with the occasional ravioli or meatball. I know it’s just a phase and eventually, he’ll eat more. What sometimes helps is he’ll see Mommy and Daddy enjoying something and wants to try it.
AwayEmily says
Caveat that we do NOT cook the same things for us as for our kids, though we often give them our leftovers — my kids (19months and 3.5) eat super early and go to bed early so we sit with them while they eat, but most nights we have our own dinner after they go to bed. My formula is to put 4 things on the plate (protein, fruit, veg, starch), 3 of which I am fairly certain they will eat. In our house the rule is that they can have as much as they want of anything already being served but I do not honor requests for additional foods. If I’m worried that several items will be a miss I will include a cheese stick so I can be sure they get calories. Sometimes this makes for wacky combinations. The last three dinners at our house:
– sauteed corn, plain quinoa, pomegranates, cheese stick (1 kid rejected corn, 1 kid rejected quinoa)
– mac and cheese with peas, applesauce, carrot sticks (1 kid rejected carrots, 1 kid picked out peas)
– leftover veggie soup, avocado toast, pepper strips, pineapple (1 kid rejected pepper strips, 1 kid rejected soup)
So basically plenty of hits, plenty of misses. And I will note that there are definitely nights where a kid will eat only, like, half an orange and a bite of cracker and then say “I’m all done.” I generally just trust them that they are listening to their body. I also give them whole milk about a half hour before bed so they can get in some extra calories if they need to.
Anon says
Pretty sure all my (now very picky) 2 year old ate yesterday was: 2 bites of a pancake, couple sips of milk, 2 yogurt containers, water, 3-4 strands of plain spaghetti and a couple of sips of milk. Refused all of the following: chicken nuggets, mac & cheese, peas, grapes, applesauce, peanut butter, english muffin, garlic bread, meatballs (homemade I might add). I’ve asked my ped about it, and their view is that she’s continuing to grow normally and this is a typical phase and she’ll eat when she’s hungry, so I just try to keep offering a variety of foods and roll with it.
2 Cents says
I read somewhere (parents magazine?) to think of toddler nutrition on a weekly, not daily, basis. It’s helped me not fret as much on the DS-is-eating-less-than-a-bird day because the next day or two will counterbalance.
Anon says
Don’t stress! It is a phase. Keep serving a balanced dinner and let her choose what components to eat (make sure there is something she will eat, even if she fills up on bread and butter). If she leaves the broccoli on her plate it “counts” as exposure. Sit with her while she eats. Read books if you aren’t also eating. Clear the plate, without cajoling her into “just one last bite”, when she is done and if you are concerned she’ll wake up hungry, give her a cup of milk or a banana or something just before bed. Keep on keeping on and it will pay off.
shortperson says
kids dont starve themselves. just offer what’s for dinner and emotionally check out of what is accepted and rejected. i understand the impulse, i am a foodie and it kills me when they just choose beige foods. but i’m in it for the long game here.
i highly recommend “how to get kids to eat, but not too much” by ellen sattyr.
AwayEmily says
“in it for the long game” is such a great way of thinking about it.
Anon says
Ugh, toddler picky eating is the worst. My toddler is on the smaller side, so it gives me extra anxiety when she decides she’s going to exist solely on air and a few Cheerios that day.
I like all of the IG accounts referenced above, but some of the strategies always not always realistic for our two working parent family. Things that seem to work well for my toddler: letting her pick where she sits at dinner (booster/highchair), the color of her fork or spoon, etc. I feel like when she has some control over these things she feels the need to exert less control over the eating aspect of the meal.
When she seems to be refusing food for no reason, I offer to count her bites with her. She’s so into counting and letters these days, so it usually works well. Sometimes we only get to three, other times we get to 17. I let her stop whenever she’s over counting. I try not to force her into eating more than what her body feels it needs (I practice intuitive eating myself), but the counting seems like a low-pressure way to get her into eating mode without bribing/punishing/etc.
Pogo says
What does kiddo eat at daycare? Mine is a MUCH better eater when peer pressure and his non-parent caregivers are involved. So he regularly eats a solid, balanced amount of food between snacks and lunch during the day (sandwich, fruit, crackers, yogurt, raisins, cheese stick, bell pepper – what he ate yesterday at daycare).
Because of that, and support from this board, I do not stress (or do my best not to stress) when he barely eats dinner (which is literally every single day). Last night, he ate: couple bites of bread, half a pouch, and like 2 grapes. I actually served soup, and thought he might dip the bread into the soup because he loves dipping, and I was doing it, but alas. Refused the soup entirely. This is standard – at best, he will try 1-2 bites of the “real” dinner I made, and then eat fruit/carbs for the rest of his meal.
I also always offer milk at bedtime- I figure if he’s legit still hungry, he’ll have the milk. And he does often.
Boston Legal Eagle says
We went through this exact same thing with our then 2 year old eating nothing and only eating in front of the TV. He still eats what looks to be very little but at least sits at the dinner table (for at least a few minutes anyway), so we all end up eating together, which is a win for us. I have to hold my tongue every night when I see him eat a few bites and then walk away, but I think they just eat so little at this age, or eat a lot at one meal (i.e. lunch at daycare) and not much for dinner. He also gets milk after dinner (in front of the TV!) and he seems ok/not hungry.
Anon says
just left my kid’s 18 month appointment and ped said we should be coloring and eating with spoons and forks. i’ve kind of been avoiding all of the above due to mess. we got some crayons as a party favor at a bday party, but they didn’t work very well. any crayon suggestions? similarly, any fork suggestions that won’t lead to my kid poking out their eye?
Anon says
That sounds like your ped is kind of aggressive about milestones. My 20 month old started using a spoon around 15 month when she started daycare but I don’t think she knows how to eat with a fork. Maybe they do it at daycare? She knows the word fork so presumably that’s where she picked it up. But she’s never used a fork at home. She likes to color but just kind of slams the crayon into the page over and over again.
Anon says
My 2 year old started using restaurant crayons around 15 months, so I got her the My First Palm Grip ones to start and then moved to the Jumbo crayons in the 16 count. We keep the normal-sized crayons for travel (just the collection of restaurant ones). She also found a bag of old colored pencils right around 2 or so and adores using those as well.
Other things you will need: Magic Erasers for the split second you took your eyes off them and they colored your cabinets, floors, walls (or when you miscounted collecting the crayons and one got left behind).
As for cutlery, we use the Gerber Graduates or Kiddie ones (usually blue and green handle, metal but rounded tips). DD started demanding silverware very early (around 12 months or so) but I think she picked it up mimicking us at dinner. It’s a good blend for us of functionality and safety.
Anonymous says
We like the Take&Toss forks and spoons, Plastic, so can’t do damage, and super cheap, so I don’t care if they get lost at daycare. For crayons, I’d just grab a box of jumbo Crayolas, which are easier for toddler hands to grasp. Crayons aren’t actually too messy, as long as your kid doesn’t try to draw on the walls.
AnotherAnon says
+1 18 mo seems early for this, but start small and just try for a few minutes a day. Your kid needs to do a lot of manipulating with her hands to develop fine motor skills. Things that help: squeezing a sponge, twisting a wash cloth. I bought crayons with plastic covers…like crayola twistables basically. Kiddo wasn’t super into them but it was something. Start with a spoon, not a fork. Put it by her plate and show her how to use it. It’s going to make a huge mess. Just let the mess be until kiddo is finished eating. It’s fine for her to eat one bite with a spoon and the rest with her hands. Good luck!
Cb says
Get the gel wax roll-up crayons. You don’t have to push as hard.
But honestly, that seems quite early.
Anonymous says
I actually agree with your ped and dont think this is early. We gave DD spoons when she started solids at 6m and yes it was always messy but that’s what bibs and high chairs and paper towels are for. I’ve never had her try to poke her eye out with a fork. I mean she sees us eat with them so she knows they go in the mouth. We aggressively limit crafts to the table (and now a craft table). Of course I’m sure something will happen one day unsupervised, but crayon on the wall isn’t the end of the world. We have not bought markets yet though (DD is close to 3). And we only do paint outside.
Anon says
Me too. I’m as anti-mess as they come. I’ve been following Feeding Littles and have really learned a lot about the benefit of making messes during developmental years and interaction with foods (which can be extended to other things).
OP, I 100% and completely feel you. I’m not perfect and often catch myself wiping her every splatter mid meal, but I think you could benefit from the FL posts or even courses to understand the need for messiness and kid-level interactions (ie: messy) with utensils, food, and probably the same argument for coloring/markers/crayons. DD is 18 months and she’s been using a fork (Munchkin makes metal ones that she’s been “using” since ~11 months). Of all the places she’s put it (her ear, dog’s ear, dinglehopper-type functions, the floor, under the couch..) I promise she’s never once put it in her eye!
Anon says
i follow Feeding Littles. my issue with messes is that i am typically alone with my 18 month old twins for dinner and don’t have enough hands to manage their mess by myself. i really do not like to bathe them when i’m home alone and honestly just don’t have the energy to spend so much time cleaning up on week nights. on weekends when DH is home for dinner/bedtime i do tend to give them more messy foods
Anon says
Twins is such an x-factor. Mad respect for parents of multiples. When I’m alone with ONE toddler, I’m 100% doing the cleanest food I can find. After a full work day I just don’t have the energy. You’re doing the best you can and I promise that’s more than good enough!
anon says
I liked the twistables because they don’t break.
Anonymous says
markers are easier than crayons at first. Try crayola color wonder.
rosie says
Some ideas that are lower mess:
– the markers that only write on special paper (Melissa and Doug and Crayola both have options)
– washable crayons on a roll of paper on the floor or kid table
– markers that you fill with water and draw on a special mat that has color underneath, so wetting the top layer exposes the color (then it dries and kid just uses it again)
– bath crayons (we have some that say they’re for ages 3+ but have been using them since 18m or younger, obviously supervised in the bath)
Munchkin has plastic fork spoon sets that seem a little blunter. I got some metal ones from Target (maybe the Cloud Island brand? they came in a fork-knife-spoon set) where the fork is more spork-shaped so would require more effort to do damage (not saying it couldn’t be done).
Moo Cow says
Traveling away from my baby for the first time. Does anyone know if the Milk Stork pack counts as a separate carryon? TIA.
Pogo says
Yes, the only thing that doesn’t count towards your carryon allowance is the pump itself because it is a medical device.
What I did was use the Medela bag that has space for the Medela cooler and use that to transport my “day of” liquid milk. Milk that was coming back with me was frozen in freezer bags and in a packit cooler in my suitcase. If there is any way to fit the milk stork box *inside* your pump bag and claim the whole thing is your medical device, you might be able to get away with it. Like if you have a big Sarah Wells bag or something?
If its not too late – can you have Milk Stork send the kit to your hotel? That seems the least stressful.
lawsuited says
The ONLY thing that helps my toddler when he’s in a mood is silliness. Today he didn’t want to get dressed and didn’t want to go to school so I took a time out from that struggle so we could play an extremely silly game where I am a car and he is the driver and a swerve around and he holds on for dear life. It took 5 minutes max and afterwards we were both laughing so much he barely noticed he was getting dressed.
Cb says
I make a big show about trying to put my son’s clothes on. I try to put his little socks on and get stuck in his shirt. I do think it’s often quicker to have the cuddle or the play than it is to try to put clothes on or hurry a deadweight toddler.
lsw says
I learned about the silly tip from this s!te and I just utilized it last night when a very tired guy was fighting pajamas, potty, and tooth brushing. Just a lot of “NO NO NO!” and “YES YES YES!” in increasingly silly voices, along with discussion of the “t rex potty” and “dino doo doo.” Whatever works…
FVNC says
We play the no smiles game, which often works if I can catch them before full-on defiance sets in. I tell the kids: “You better not smile. And you’ll be in big trouble if you laugh! You better not break the rules!”