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This is a really pretty top that would look great under a blazer or suit jacket. I like the high neck with the matching ruffle on top and bottom; I also like that the ruffle is wider and looser for a more modern look. Personally, I like sleeveless tops under blazers so I don’t have to worry about wrinkling the sleeves or adding bulk, but I know that opinions differ on this, especially in hot summer months to keep dry cleaning at a minimum. The two colors offered (the pictured “fresh green,” plus “radiant fuchsia”) are also not represented in my closet, and I like both! The top is available in regular and petite sizes XXS–XXL and is $54.50 full price at Ann Taylor. Right now you can get 40–70% off your order, which brings this top down to $32.70. Ruffle-Neck Top Looking for other washable workwear? See all of our recent recommendations for washable clothes for work, or check out our roundup of the best brands for washable workwear. This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Curious says
I have a question where my head and my heart are telling me two different things. I had a baby in May and return from maternity leave in early August. My company recently did some layoffs and furloughs due to the pandemic, one person per department. I was not effected.
I love my job and would like to keep it. As this pandemic rages on, I am in one of the hardest hit areas in the country right now and I can’t decide if I feel comfortable putting a three month old in daycare with all of this going on. On another note, I have always wished that I could stay home with my baby for a year (just seemed like the perfect amount of time to me) and then return to work.
I’m wondering if this is my chance? I’m thinking of letting my bosses know that if there are further furloughs, which they mentioned there could be, that I would be interested in basically volunteering to be the one from our department. My husband and I can swing it financially. He has a very secure job and we have significant savings.
The feminist in my head is screaming that I should never offer to take a step back from my career but my heart is telling me that this might be the right thing to do. I’m also worried that it could come across as not being a team player or not being committed to my career. Although I feel that the pandemic is a pretty understandable reason for a move like this.
If it is a good move, should I offer up the idea to my supervisors now? Or wait until we get closer to August and see where the world stands? Any advice, thoughts, and outside perspective would be helpful!
anon says
Instead of a furlough, would your company be open to extended unpaid leave? It would cut their expenses now and potentially allow them to retain a good employee in case things turn around.
Anonymous says
Not to say it’s the only right decision, but I would 100% do this if I were in your shoes, could swing it financially, and really wanted to anyway. This pandemic is still full of a lot of uncertainties, and I think a gap in your resume (if there is one at all) will be very easy to explain.
Realist says
Agree with this and was going to make a similar comment. You know what is right for you. If you have thought about it and the only objection is it is not what you are “supposed” to do, then that isn’t any real objection.
Pogo says
+1 phrasing it as extended unpaid leave is a lot better than asking to be laid off, if you do want to come back to the same company. You can always resign later.
Anonymous says
I’d also ask for a leave of absence. And I think this is a prime example of how priorities can shift when you become a parent. What you thought of your life/career/values can swiftly change because of your baby. It’s not only normal but it’s fine and it’s good. It’s OK to prioritize your child health during a pandemic and it’s also OK to want to stay home with them for a year (and most western nations make this possible). This does not make you a bad feminist!
rosie says
Apologies if this ends up being a double post, I got an error message.
I agree on asking if you can take unpaid leave. On the one hand, it doesn’t feel good to make big decisions so soon after having a baby and also to feel like you’re stepping back from your career…but on the other hand GLOBAL PANDEMIC. Plus taking a total of one year out of work is not actually that long (other countries have this as standard parental leave!) and having a job to come back to that you love makes this a much safer decision IMO.
Anonymous says
It will look like you aren’t committed to your career. Because you aren’t. Are you okay with that? If day care doesn’t work for you, what about a nanny?
AnotherAnon says
I think it’s ridiculous that asking to take a year off to be with your baby means you aren’t committed to your career. To be clear, I’m not saying you’re wrong – I just think this country is bonkers wrt leave/career advancement. Signed, someone who didn’t get mat leave because a foster baby “isn’t even your baby.” Cringe.
Anonymous says
I didn’t say I think it was a good thing! But it is reality. Deciding not to return to work is going to be viewed as not prioritizing work.
rosie says
Eh, I think I’ll go ahead and say the Anonymous poster you’re replying to is wrong. I don’t know if OP is committed to her career or not, but it sounds like she is. I also disagree that it will look like she isn’t.
And AnotherAnon, I’m sorry, that’s terrible.
Anonymous says
I manage a lot of people and would not think people were not committed to their career because they don’t want to put a brand new baby in daycare during a pandemic. It’s not a universal truth and people shouldn’t state it as such. Know your employer. My organization would be okay with it and, as someone’s manager, I would advocate for it to the top.
Anon says
I took an additional three month leave of absence – it was technically personal leave, unpaid, and I did not get benefits during that time. If that’s what you want to do, do it! Yes it may affect your career, but to me it was worth it. You could also try to have a candid conversation with your boss about it – they may appreciate it if it saves money, or maybe they were really counting on your return, who knows.
Another alternative is finding a nanny. You don’t have to use daycare.
Lana Del Raygun says
The point of feminism is not to force you to sacrifice your life for capitalism. :) Ask for a leave of absence!
Eek says
This!
Boston Legal Eagle says
These are very unusual times so the normal advice of go back and don’t make any decisions in the first 6 months – 1 year of the baby’s life is a little trickier to apply. I agree on asking for a leave of absence, but I would probably ask for 3 months or so, instead of 9 months or however long to get to a year. Once you get to the end of 3 months, if you’re still not feeling comfortable with daycare, could you husband take paternity leave? I think dads doing solo baby care is so so important, and it’s important for us to normalize that men are also feeling the effects of childcare and the pandemic.
anon says
I also wouldn’t ask for a full year upfront. Ask for 3-5 months at a time and then check in with your manager. A lot can change in 3 months.
anon says
There couldn’t be better timing for doing something like this. Frame it as unpaid leave, though.
(And, tell the feminist in your head to shut up. You are not betraying your principles to do something like this!)
Anon says
Do what you want. There is a risk you’d be asked not to come back and unemployment could last beyond a year. The economy is tanking but it sounds like you can rely on your husband’s income even if that happens.
Anon says
One question I have for you is where is your husband working right now – is he working at home or in the office and will he still be working from home or will he be going back to the office? If he is currently home but will be going back to the office, one thing to remember is that you will be home alone 24/7 with a baby. In normal times you could go out and about with the baby and interact with other people, but this time could become especially isolating given the current circumstances. I am not saying not to do it, but I just wanted to point that out in case you had not thought of it yet. Another thing to keep in mind, is depending on your field, how easy will it be for you to find another job? if you actually want to start working again next May, you will probably want to start looking again by January. As others have mentioned, i would see if there is a way to take additional unpaid time off. In some ways you are being a team player, by enabling them to not have to layoff or furlough someone else. I also have May babies, so in November, your baby will be eligible for the flu shot, so maybe there is a way for you to arrange to start again after the holidays?
Anonymous says
To me, it would be much worse to be confined at home with a baby and a husband who was working than just with a baby. If your husband is trying to work, there’s more pressure to keep the baby quiet, you won’t feel as free to just laze about when you need to, and you’ll resent the fact that your husband is in the house but ignoring the baby.
Anonanonanon says
Everyone is different, but ^this would 100% be me, especially with hormones. Most of my friends work and I’m one of those people who tries to avoid taking the baby out to stores if it’s not necessary, so I wasn’t out and about with baby very much anyway.
IHeartBacon says
“you’ll resent the fact that your husband is in the house but ignoring the baby”
This is me.
Anonymous says
To me, feminism is women being able to do what they each individually want. Do what YOU want. But I agree, asking for more unpaid leave is the best way to frame it. Depending on your relationship, a candid conversation with your boss sounds best.
Anon says
If you love your job and want to keep it, it’s a risk to take an extended leave of absence or however you want to frame it. Asking for 3 more months unpaid doesn’t seem like a huge risk, though. Good jobs don’t just happen, especially in these times. I fully understand wanting to be with the baby, just weigh the risk of not having the great job.
ifiknew says
I’d absolutely do it. It’s beyond brutal going back at 3-4 months and I’ve done it twice now and I think it will be even harder in a pandemic when the baby is constantly sick and you are wondering if it’s covid. I think the fear of not getting a job is the reason many people stay, but life is short and you should absolutely do what feels right in your heart.
Anonymous says
I think this is a reasonable course of action, and if it’s a good move for you right now because it will give you peace of mind, it’s a good move, period. Your career will almost certainly survive it, but you do have to be willing to accept the risk that this job won’t. You are not being a team player, but that shouldn’t be part of your calculus. Your first team is your family, your job is just a job. I would not name a your timeline up front, just bring it up with your supervisor that you want to explore the option of taking additional unpaid leave because pandemic, and see where the conversation goes.
Speaking as someone with an employee out on parental leave right now, here are some things that would go through my head if he came to me now and said he’s not coming back in August as planned. Approval would be out of my hands, but I’d support the proposal being raised to HR.
– I appreciate the advanced notice
– Ugh, we’re in a hiring freeze and I can’t get this backfilled or hire temporary support, so that’s x more months of extra work (this might be a good thing for you, as far as job security)
– Budget-wise, this might not be a bad thing.
Anonymous says
No advice but struggling with similar thoughts. Due in the fall, and being home with my preschooler the past few months has made me want to stay at home indefinitely after the baby is born. I never would have imagined being a SAHM but the pandemic has shown me that maybe I would actually love it. But, #feminism! I’ve decided not to decide anything until I’ve gone back to work, in the office, with FT child care, for a few months.
SBJ says
Late weighing in, but in case you’re reading-I had my 3rd earlier this year and while I’m comfortable with our daycare and comfortable-ish with sending my older 2 back, I am not comfortable sending the baby in. I think your feelings are totally justified and I echo everyone else who says to ask to extend your leave. I also would start with an extension (you could frame it as getting through more vaccines and a full course of flu shots, which is 2 in the first year) and then make a decision. I’m generally a big proponent of trying a return to work and making a decision on staying home after that but in this case, given the pandemic, I think extending leave makes a lot of sense. Also-my experience with my first year of parenting was a lot of my feminist beliefs crashing on the shoals of my life. Things got back to a new normal, especially once I stopped nursing, but the first year was a tough adjustment. So be kind to yourself and don’t beat yourself up about it.
Anonymous says
I think you have received a lot of strong advice to consider. One thing that I am wondering is how does this affect your right to unemployment?
Cb says
We moved my 3 year old from his cot (which we realized was structurally unsound without the side – parents of the year over here) to an IKEA Hemnes day bed with a bed rail. But he keeps banging his head on the corners of it when he’s playing or climbing in.
Any ideas for child proofing this thing?
Anonymous says
Large corner guards or a pool noodle sliced in half.
avocado says
You could try cutting a slit in a pool noodle and putting it over the edge of the headboard and footboard. Corner guards made for childproofing a coffee table might also work if you pointed them towards the mattress, as if the headboard/footboard on the mattress side were the table surface.
Clementine says
We had this same daybed and I used old flannel receiving blankets which I folded over and then used packing tape to secure on. I agree that a pool noodle or corner childproofing stuff is the way to go, but in a pinch that worked.
Anon says
If just taking a side off makes you horrible parents, we’re in the same boat! But the cribs have held up like that for the past year, so I’m going with it for now…
Cb says
Ours involved string holding it together when we realized that it wasn’t actually meant to go sideless :)
anon says
Does anyone have recommendations for an anatomy or body book for a toddler (2.5 yrs old)? I mostly want to show my daughter what happens to food she eats and what bones look like, etc. This may be asking too much, but I’d also like the book to include some POC and to actually name and include genitalia as we’ve been trying to normalize those body parts as well. I’ve done a lot of research but can’t quite find this unicorn book.
Anonymous says
Everybody Poops is good for “what happens to the food we eat”.
There isn’t one book that does all these things.
Anonymous says
Different anon…any recommendations on the genitalia part? Particularly if there are any stranger danger lessons included.
Emily S. says
I like “Amazing You!” It uses anatomical names for boys and girls and a very positive message. The messages around “no touching” are that some areas of your body are private and for you only, and one note in the back for parents/caregivers is that it is important for children to know the anatomical names and to understand that genitalia is private. It was recommended in “Beyond the Birds and the Bees,” a book for adults/parents, which I also recommend.
AnotherAnon says
Not OP but thank you for the book recs, Emily! I have had a bit of training on recognizing sexual abuse. Something I didn’t realize/think about was NOT to nickname or try to be PC about body parts. Predators can exploit this. OP: My Amazing Body includes POC, but is light on the genetalia (if it even addresses it). I used it to talk about food digestion and your bones though. It has sparked some interesting conversations with my 3 y/o.
Anonanonanon says
Not trying to be difficult, genuinely asking, but this seemed much easier to do with my son than it is with my daughter. Girls have so many more parts to their parts, how detailed do you get in teaching a preschooler what is what?
Anonymous says
With a preschooler, you can start with “what is covered by your underwear is private.”
Anon says
Anonanonanon, my preschoolers just say they have a vag*na and their best friend has a pen*s. Yes, ‘vag*na’ doesn’t really encompass everything that’s between their legs, but it’s sufficient enough at 3, I think.
Anonymous says
For girls, we started with vulva. It encompasses the broad area and is more anatomically correct than vagina which just refers to the hole and she doesn’t even realize is there. When she gets older we’ll get into more detail.
Lana Del Raygun says
This is where we’re starting with our (younger) toddler, especially since it mostly comes up in the bath or during diaper changes.
Anon says
this book does not meet all criteria, but we have the Dr. Seuss Inside Your Outside, which does talk about what happens to food and talks about bones, but it does not include POC or name/include genitalia. my 2 year old twins love it though and they have learned a lot of different body parts as a result. one keeps talking about blood cells and vertebrae which is kind of hilarious
Emily S. says
The Berenstain Bears and Too Much Junk Food has a couple of pages of slides (slides!) of the nervous, skeleton, circulatory, and digestive systems that Dr. Grizzly uses to explain how the body works and uses food you eat.
I’ve been meaning to look for this too; maybe a librarian could offer some suggestions? (Our library has a new virtual ask a librarian feature and contact-less pick up.)
anon. says
Heads up. We have all my childhood Berenstain Bears books. This is one of the worst – and there are a LOT of bad ones. I hid it – I hate the lesson that some foods are treats and delicious and the healthy foods are fine if you can’t have the other ones. A lot of this book is about gaining weight too – it’s just NOT what we try to teach our kids. FWIW, I agree the two pages with the slides at Dr. Grizzly’s office are great :)
Anon says
Before I knew Usborne was an MLM, I got a book that almost meets your criteria. The Shine-A-Light book “The Human Body” features POC and shows bones and what happens to food and is all around pretty cool. It doesn’t address genitalia though. And it’s Usborne.
Anonymous says
Usborne is a MLM? Awww that makes me sad, we have several books that my kids love from them. ALl were gifts, which must be how I avoided that bit of knowledge.
Anon says
The Usbone Look Inside Your Body book hits many of your requirements! There are pictures with POC and it has pages with muscles, bones, senses, digestive systems. The reproductive page only has generic comments about how you grow inside your mother for 9 months, etc. though and nothing detailed about genitalia.
What Makes a Baby is very open–it uses the correct words to talk about reproductive anatomy, all the people are random colors, etc. but it’s very focused on how babies are created/born, not just about names for genitalia.
Anonymous says
This checks some but it all boxes. My kids love it. It has POC, and shows some anatomy to help explain body functions- eating, sickness, excretion (obvi the poop is the highlight). Does not get into reproductive organs in any way.
Little Explorers: My Amazing Body https://www.amazon.com/dp/1499800401/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_W7l.EbDME8Y2M
Anon says
We have the DK First Human Body Encyclopedia. It’s okay with diversity (I haven’t done a count, but I also didn’t feel I needed to). And we have Vaginas and Periods 101 which is a pop-up book. It’s short enough for my 4yo, even though it’s geared towards pre-teens. You have to order it from s3x ed talk (dot) com. (3=e, no spaces).
Now that my daughter is interested in reproduction (Thanks Secrets of the Zoo!) we’re probably going to get S3x is a Funny Word and It’s Not the Stork, but I’m also looking for a more queer friendly book as well.
AnotherAnon says
I’ve decided Elta MD physical tinted sunscreen (SPF 50) is my favorite for daily wear. I’m also partial to Neutrogena Sheer Zinc Face Dry Touch (SPF 50) and Sun Bum Mineral SPF 50 (the white container). Neutrogena is definitely the best value pick: but it does give you a bit of a white cast. I can wear it under makeup though without issue. Sun Bum gives you an extreme white cast (DH spends SO much time rubbing it in each day, but it’s his favorite) and smells strongly of banana/coconut, which I actually love, but maybe wouldn’t wear it daily to the office (if that’s ever going to be a Thing again). Elta is basically just tinted moisturizer with sunscreen but it’s very pricey ~$100 I think? Even so, I put it on the last few days and go about my day as normal. I don’t go “oh god” when I see myself in Zoom calls anymore. I never tried Blue Lizard, but DH (who’s extremely pale/doesn’t tan) says it was meh. My kiddos is Hispanic and for him we attempt to use the Sun Bum, but failing that (he’s a texture/sensory sensitive person), I spray him with Bare Republic mineral and call it a day. There’s your unsolicited mineral sunscreen review.
Anon says
For daily face use, I use neutrogena healthy defense for sensitive skin spf 50 (not the regular) as my moisturizer under makeup and have for close to 10 years and still happy for it. If I need to reapply or will be out in the sun for more than 30 minutes, I like the cerave or neutrogena baby mineral sticks, and for body we all use the neutrogena pure and free baby lotion. My psoriasis flares with chemical sunscreens, so such is the life. Curious about the bare republic mineral spray though – is it like a squirt liquid or is it more aerosol? I assume you have been reasonably happy with how it works? Spray mineral sunscreen is a new concept for me, so definitely curious because I miss the ease of the spray sunscreens from my pre-psoriasis days.
Anon in Northern Va says
Now that some schools are announcing their back-to-school plans, what are people with school-aged kids doing in 2020-2021?
We’re in a school system that has 2 days in person, 3 days asynchronous homework/learning OR 4 days of ~ 3 hrs of real-time distance learning.
Thinking about the following for our rising first-grader:
1) tutor/nanny share with at least one other family, the number of overlapping out of school days may only be 1-2, but we can guarantee someone 40 hours a week that way — expensive, logistically tricky;
2) private school that says they will be open 5 days a week — skeptical as to if a private school would stay open, cost, and which one are all issues ; or
3) home school with a parent taking early retirement or a leave of absence — real commitment for that parent, minimal socialization for child.
There are no great solutions, just minimizing the risk of disruptions and getting sick.
anon says
Our school district is planning to have kids back 5 days a week, but we’ll see if that holds. At this point, I’m more concerned about the before/after care piece, but working from home may be how DH & I handle that.
If classes move back to remote learning, though, we’ll need to have a much harder conversation. We have an incoming kindergartener. Remote learning for her would be much more hands-on than what we had to provide for our 10-year-old in the spring. And work expectations are not going to ramp down for either of us; fall is traditionally nuts for both of our positions.
Tea/Coffee says
This, with the incoming Ker. I just don’t see how remote K can actually be effective, especially if you haven’t had most of the year to bond a class together, set expectations, etc.
We’ve considered private only bc their DL offerings have a good chance of being more rigorous than public, but i doubt we will pull that trigger bc we would need to pull our 4th grader away from the school and classmates that she knows, which seems like a step in the wrong direction. I suspect I will have to wait, see where our top rated school system fails most miserably, and attempt to supplement.
I give even odds to us just pulling the Ker and officially homeschooling for K. Which is a serious time commitment for me, and my work expectations are ramped way up right now. DH is just not able to homeschool the Ker (he can keep tabs on the older one but setting a reasonable curriculum, finding resources, having a schedule… not his forte).
not using usual name for this says
In the same district, I think. My child is older (entering 5th grade) so my calculation is obviously different than yours, but we’re doing the online option. This district can barely handle snow closures, I don’t want to imagine the level of disruption/last-minute cancellations that will come with in-person learning during a pandemic. Also, even if I’m teleworking, doing the car line twice a day for two days a week would be really disruptive to my work schedule, and I’m not comfortable having him ride the bus. We previously did a before/after school program that took him to and from school. While, on the surface, online full-time seemed harder, it seemed less stressful to me to at least know what to expect vs. the uncertainty/likely chaos of attempting in-person.
I’m fortunate that my office is likely teleworking until 2021. I don’t know what Spring will bring. I am guessing a full-time sitter will be easier to find if necessary than someone to cover some full days, some before/after school days, but available to cover if school cancels, etc.
Again, my child is older, so I at least have the option of leaving him alone for a short period of time with a cell phone and the watchful eyes of SAHM neighbors if necessary, which gives me more of a cushion than you have.
Anonymous says
Is the “or” a choice you get to make, or a choice the district will make based on conditions in the fall? For option 3, are you talking about full-on independent homeschooling or doing the school’s real-time distance learning?
OP says
The or between what the county is offering is a choice we get to make, but we don’t get to pick the days (which is fine) and we have to commit to it for a full year. But if numbers get bad, everything goes virtual.
Option 3 – not sure — it kind of depends on what the DL looks like for the school system. I like the idea of being more independent because it could be more individualized. This is the least likely option, really.
Pogo says
I’m also weighing the private option, but for pre-k which I understand is much lower stakes. It does make me wonder how and if FT private schools will be allowed to remain open/in-person if public is not. When everything shut down initially all private schools were impacted in the same way, right? Or did they just choose to close and were not ordered by the state? (guess this varies by state)
avocado says
In my state, private schools were shut down for in-person instruction but immediately pivoted to real-time on-line instruction. They knew that parents wouldn’t return in the fall if they didn’t.
Anonymous says
This is a great question to ask your private school. Ours “chose” to close to on-campus instruction in conjunction with the governor’s orders and general concerns about getting health and safety options in place. But, I think that the mood and community opinion in the fall will be much more towards staying open as long as we can do so safely and being able to differentiate ourselves from other options that have to make system-side decisions. They have been prepping and planning to re-open since this all started. Being small means that they can pivot as necessary and they’ve done so in the past, like when they can reopen early after storms/major weather disruptions while other schools remain closed.
SC says
My son is 5 and starting kindergarten. He also has special needs–we don’t have a diagnosis, but something like mild autism, ADHD, and/or a general conduct disorder.
We are prioritizing in-person school. Kiddo is/will be fine academically, but he needs a lot of practice with classroom structure and peer interactions. The pandemic, school closing early, play group being canceled, and not being able to get together with friends have really hurt his progress/ led to regression in some areas. For us, that means private school. We’re worried about constant closures at public school, and we found out that the school district’s $9 million in budget cuts include deep cuts to special education services. We also found a private school for kids with exceptionalities, with small classrooms and relatively few kids overall.
DH is a SAHD. We talked about DH doing home school full time, but felt like Kiddo needed the socialization more than anything. (I know most home school kids get together in groups, but I also feel like many parents who are home schooling this year are doing it to stay socially isolated.) The plan is for DH to be available if (when) school shuts down. We’re also working on setting up a space for home school to happen, though we’re not quite there yet.
Anonymous says
Our school is offering a choice between full time in person and full time distance learning. Of course there is a risk of full time in person switching to distance learning. We are opting for full time in person.
My son is currently doing distance learning summer school, which started this week, and it is of considerably better quality than what we had during the spring.
FWIW the AAP came out very strongly in favor of full time in person school.
Anonymous says
We don’t have any firm info from the district yet, but I suspect MoCo will be similar to Fairfax. I am not going to take extraordinary individual measures to avoid getting sick, and my priorities are socialization for my kids + having childcare outside of my house. In order of preference:
1) Private school 5 days/week (if available. I am not paying for private school if they are online, too)
2) Max in-person days offered at public school + group childcare (if available)
3) Max in-person days offered at public school + tutor/nanny (split with neighbors if we can) for the off days
We’re not considering home schooling at this time, neither DH nor I are willing to take that on, and we figure that 2 days a week in person with classmates is better than none.
Anonymous says
In NoVa too (Arlington). My kids are in early grades at elementary school. We’ll do the 2 days in school. Our au pair (at least until her visa runs out :( :( :( – another serious wtf, government (!)) will supervise schooling on the other three days. I hope they have some structured program for the remote learning, as opposed to the nothing that they gave us in the spring. Knowing a bit about what that’s going to look like would help me plan. We are thinking about hiring someone to do teaching together with another family or two, but the logistics are difficult to think through — e.g., doesn’t seem like it will be possible to plan for which kids will be at school vs. at home on the same days.
Anonymous says
Our district in MA is “planning for returning full time, developing plans for hybrid and fully remote if we need to switch.” My kids are going. I plan to offer my lower level (walk out, separate entry and has its own bathroom) for anyone in my 1st grader’s “rotational Group” if it ends up being a hybrid model. If I get a couple families in on it I plan to hire someone to staff it. Basically, be the teacher/overseer of work for the kids when they are not in their normal classroom. Or have a parent do it on a rotational basis.
DH and I will both be mostly WFH for as long as things like schools are in an abnormal state.
K says
We are planning to do (2), pay for private school or other childcare, if necessary for 5 days/week coverage, assuming we can get in. We simply have to have FT childcare to both work, and fortunately we have the money to get it. Sitting at home alone, ignored, has been awful for our child’s self-esteem, mental health, and physical health TBH.
Anonymous says
I am in Fairfax County. My preference is the in-school option as my efforts to teach my soon-to-be kindergartner to read have failed miserably. I have no idea what we will do with the other three days of the week.
Anon says
My kiddo is preschool, but if she were in K, I would be choosing the in-person option in Fairfax or Loudoun (I think they’re pretty similar). For younger kids, the socialization aspect is so important. As it is, we’re waiting to see if our church preschool will open in the fall, and if it does, she will be going in person hopefully her expected 3 days a week.
Anon for this says
I have a situation that I can’t decide how to handle. I’m currently pregnant, and with the pandemic going on, I’ve been seeing rotating residents rather than my actual doctor, which has been stressful. On a recent visit, the resident’s notes (which have recently started showing up in the hospital’s app; I’m not sure if she’s aware I could see them) indicated that we discussed a whole list of things that she and I absolutely never talked about. She also said that I was asked about and denied having symptoms that she never asked me if I had.
Is this something I should raise somehow, or do I just let it go? The whole cultural “anti-Karen” movement has really gotten in my head, as much as I hate the term, and I am trying to think twice before complaining to the manager, so to speak. But at the same time, the the whole situation has left me really concerned about the level of care I’m receiving.
Anonymous says
Can you switch practices? Where I live, you only see a resident if you show up to deliver at the big teaching hospital without having your own doctor. The private OB practices do not have residents.
Anon for this says
I think it’s too late to switch, unfortunately. I always saw my own doctor until covid hit. I’m not sure another practice will take me at this point.
Anonymous says
I would absolutely reach out to your actual OB. I’m in the exact same situation with seeing rotating residents at a different (and much busier) clinic than I’d usually go to. No issues with any of the residents I’ve seen, but I expressed concern about fragmented care, especially since I’ve had multiple miscarriages in the past and the clinic I have to go to now hasn’t been the best with communication after lab results, etc. The solution is that I’ll be seeing one resident (who I’ve seen before and I think is great) or my actual OB from now on, and both of them work with the same medical assistant and nurse, so that should solve the communication issues.
FWIW, I’ve switched doctors (from another attending to my current OB) in the past when the visit notes indicated that things were discussed that weren’t.
Blueridge29 says
I wouldn’t hesitate to reach out, you could always soften your request by asking if perhaps the wrong records appeared electronically in your account because they don’t match your appointment. This may not be a huge issue now, but could become a larger issue down the road.
I would also weigh switching practices. My pregnancies were not during a pandemic, but I did switch practice groups due to high doctor turnover and a huge high risk issue was flagged after I switched. Idk if the original group would have caught it, but I do think it is important to follow your gut.
Good luck!
Clementine says
I was going to suggest something similar! Framing it as, “Hey, this confused me – can you help me understand what’s going on?” is likely the route I would choose.
Pogo says
Yeah, agree that’s a bit odd. The private practice I go to I always see an attending or a midwife (and it’s always the same ones unless you have an emergency); during my last birth there was a resident on call for part of my labor but also an attending during that time who definitely stopped in and I presume was reviewing the resident’s notes. I labored over 3 shifts so when I came in I saw my midwife (just happened to be on call); the resident/attending combo during the day; and then a different attending came on that night and actually delivered my baby (no resident, he was the only doctor in the room when I gave birth). Other than my midwife none of them were from my practice, but like I said my normal check-ups were not with a rotating cast of characters, just the actual birth.
My OB (attending) rounded on me every day while I was in the hospital and reviewed my chart. My child’s ped would have rounded on him has well if we’d been using that hospital system’s pediatric practice, which we chose not to for convenience/proximity to daycare reasons, so the ped that rounded on him was a different random attending every day.
In general I think continuity of care is important. Are you at a really big teaching hospital and this is just how they do things? Even my friends who go to MGH did not describe their care this way.
Anonymous says
Anon at 11:31 here – I’m at a teaching hospital, and this isn’t how things are usually done. It’s how they’re doing things in COVIDtimes. In normal times, I would be seen by my actual OB at every visit unless it was an emergency.
Anon for this says
I’m the OP and yes, this exactly.
Anon says
There’s nothing wrong with correcting your medical records.
Also, there’s nothing wrong with switching medical practices if you’re dissatisfied. I switched 6 months into my last pregnancy and I only wish I had done it sooner!
rosie says
I would reach out to your OB since it sounds like you have one actual dr, you just don’t see that dr routinely. I don’t think this is a “Karen” moment. Advocating for yourself in medical situations is important, especially in pregnancy. You’re not trying to get manager override to use three coupons instead of two or something.
rakma says
If switching practices isn’t where you want to start, you can contact the OB to ask to not be seen by the resident that entered the incorrect info into your chart. You can ( and should!) refuse to be seen by any medical provider you don’t trust, and this is a very good reason to not trust this resident.
Also, the attending is supposed to be supervising the resident’s work–contacting them about chart errors isn’t really ‘complaining to the manager’ as much as making sure that the correct procedures are being followed.
(A resident at the hospital when I delivered my first put in my chart that I delivered by C-section, I did not. It made for a very confusing pre-natal visit when they asked to see my stitches.)
Anonanonanon says
I understand your reservation, I was that way in my last pregnancy and really regret not speaking up for myself, but this is not being a “Karen”. Being a Karen is if you threw a fit because someone went into labour in the waiting room and they helped her, causing your non-urgent appointment to be 15 minutes late. This is advocating for yourself. I wouldn’t hesitate to at the very least say “I noticed in my after-visit summary that there was a long list of questions and answers included that weren’t actually discussed during my visit. Can we go through those to make sure everything is accurately captured in my medical record?”
anon says
Definitely reach out. I had to do this with my first pregnancy where one of the OBs appeared to have confused a bunch of things in my chart when she saw me (like thought I was weeks behind where I was which was a problem because I already had IUGR, etc). I reached out to the practice manager who was very helpful and addressed my concerns.
Lana Del Raygun says
This is exactly the problem with the Karen meme! It’s sexist and it discourages women from advocating for themselves when they definitely should. This makes me so angry!
Please please do call your doctor, and ask about the symptoms and topics from the notes, but also tell her that you’re concerned about your care. This is an extremely valid concern and she should be open to hearing about it.
Anonymous says
THIS. I get that it has roots in describing racist white women, but it’s evolved into basically a sexist trope that makes all women (particularly, gasp, women who are aging) feel like they can’t advocate for themselves at all without being a “Karen.” Women have long been ignored by the medical community and really need to feel comfortable advocating for themselves.
Lana Del Raygun says
It actually started with just sexist/ageist griping, and then became more well-known when it was applied to racism. And then years of sexism was just magically retconned as progressive. :(
GCA says
Eh, but the women who are most overlooked by the medical community are not your typical upper-middle-class racist white ‘Karen’ stereotype: they are women of color (Black and Native American women have the highest rates of maternal mortality) and/ or women of lower socioeconomic status.
I 100% agree with others that OP checking in on what appear to be incorrect appointment notes is definitely not a Karen moment. It sounds like the notes could literally be for the wrong patient – which is potentially life-threatening not only for OP, but maybe for the other patient as well. Please check with the practice!
Lana Del Raygun says
Sure, but middle-class (I don’t the UMC is the whole story given how many of the earlier memes seemed to take place in Target) white women *are* still overlooked by medicine, and them expecting better care can improve things for everyone else as well. A doctor whose white patients demand good treatment is probably going to treat their minority patients better than a doctor who never gets any pushback, and the white women are ceteris paribus less likely to be retaliated against.
Realist says
Yes, agree with GCA that even wealthy white women are overlooked by the medical community. Medicine has a long history of misogyny, starting with doctors pushing midwives out of births (even though patients of doctors used to have worse outcomes), the medical research community almost solely using males for studies (even in animal studies!), and a host of conditions that primarily impact women getting ignored or even labeled as hysteria. Yes, this still happens, read Sarah Ramey’s “A Lady’s Handbook for Her Mysterious Illness” released March 2020.
It was only in 2016 that the NIH required researchers to “consider” s*x as a biological variable in pre-clinical research. (Spoiler alert: the polite request to “consider” adding females to research studies has not led to a revolution and most research is still done on males.)
That is not to say that white women don’t have advantages that other populations don’t have. The state of maternal health for black mothers in America is abysmal. But white upper-middle-class women are still dealing with misogyny in the medical field, which shows how deeply entrenched it is.
Anon4This says
Wow. “This is the problem with Karen…” and then making it out to be a victimizing thing for white women is when I once again get confirmation that 95% of the women here are white women who have good intentions but really don’t get it.
OP says
I should clarify that the resident in this scenario is white.
Anon says
LatinX woman here. I find the term “Karen” sexist, ageist, and actively harmful, as the OP’s hesitance to speak up about medical care demonstrates.
Let’s not pit people who experience discrimination against each other, but fight all forms of discrimination.
Anonymous says
I once asked about the number of times my nurse practitioner clicked on things. She said the electronic records system required a huge number of questions every time. She asked them on a rotating basis instead and skipped some. She didn’t think it was necessary to ask every time (some were silly like “do you smoke?” If I didn’t last month, I likely wouldn’t pick it up while pregnant). I was fine with that answer and approach.
All that is to say hat I would ask about it and see what the response is. I would ask a few people even, if you’re getting rotated around. Then you can see if you get the same answer.
OP says
Thanks. This isn’t a situation where she clicked “no” instead of yes or something like that. It was her own written out notes from the visit, including things (very specific to me, so not completely the wrong chart) that we actually did talk about, plus summaries of conversations that we just never had: say, “Discussed preeclampsia symptoms with Jane, she denied having any headaches or other symptoms and I warned her what to look out for. Discussed pros and cons of breadtfeeding, she plans to breastfeed.” – when I’ve never talked to anyone about either of those topics.
If she was just clicking thru a checklist I’d be less worried about it.
Have to share somewhere says
Um, freaking out a little. Just got a positive pregnancy test. We were trying sort of but I kind of thought it hadn’t happened and was totally in the mindset of wait until fall – better age gap with our youngest and I prefer having an old for their class kid to a young for their class kid.
But here we are! Did I mention it’s our fourth? I still work full time although in a perfect world would like to do part time for a time. We can afford it. But oh my gosh, what did we just take on?!
Boston Legal Eagle says
Congrats! I’ve heard having 4 is not too much different from 3 as you’re already in the big chaotic but awesome family stage of life. Plus, less chance of one kid being left out as they can all pair up.
Op says
Yes! That’s our thinking! The pandemic made us realize we really like this phase? I’m okay not going to restaurants as much?
Thank you for this! Feeling better!
Lana Del Raygun says
Congratulations! I’m the third in my family and the fourth is my BFF. <3
OP says
Awww I hope they are bffs! Thanks for this! We were both one of three but we think this will be a fun adventure…?!
Made me feel better!
Anonymous says
Congrats on getting the baby you want and were trying to conceive!
OP says
So true! Baby will be loved – thank you!
NYCer says
Congrats!
Also, if you just found out you are pregnant, aren’t you due in early/mid March? That doesn’t scream young for their class to me. I would not worry about that at all.
OP says
Ah, yeah, we’re in Texas in a big city where people red shirt the summer birthdays. So June and July are the oldest kids and May the youngest (plus with people trying to time their pregnancies there are tons of fall birthdays and not as many in March to May) – but totally agreed, I am now over that concern! When he or she gets to college they will be middle of the pack! We just went through Kindergarten testing with my oldest so it was fresh on my mind!
Thanks for the congrats :) Glad I shared on here!
AnotherAnon says
Favorite polarized sunglasses?
mascot says
Maui Jim. You can sometimes find better prices if you go through Costco or even golf pro shops.
If you need inexpensive polarized sunglasses, especially for kids, we’ve had good luck with various ones from Bass Pro Shops.
Cate says
Goodr! They’re awesome! Look them up! We’ve become total evangelists – my husband actually prefers them for running and golf compared to his more traditional sporty shades!
anonn says
+1 to Maui Jim.
TheElms says
I’m sad today. Its becoming increasingly clear that my decision to have a kid is going to cost me my BigLaw career (which I might be the odd one out but for the most part I really enjoyed it). I probably could have navigated it better if a few months after returning from leave there hadn’t been a global pandemic. Its especially hard to come to this realization at home, with no one to see and no where to go. It feels like the last 13 years of my life have been a bit of a waste. Ugh.
Anon says
I’m sorry! This has been such a huge frustration for me too. Are you concerned about being laid off or thinking that you aren’t going to be able to make it work due to child care issues, etc.?
TheElms says
Not being promoted and being asked to leave at the end of this annual cycle. My work is drying up and despite people saying the firm is busy I can’t seem to find anything. It seems like I’m being pushed out.
Anonymous says
I’m sorry. I’ve been there. It’s disorienting and can make you have all sorts of doubts about your worth and your talents. There is hope and light beyond this and all your legal experience/skill will not magically disappear. BigLaw has a way to make you think that nothing else can compare, that only those few firms are capable of handling exciting and sophisticated work. It’s simply not true 99% of the time. I’ll also tell you not to waste this runway that they’ve given you in some last ditch effort to change their minds. Consider it a benefit that you can WFH right now and not feel awkward about maintaining appearances or facetime. Keep your own clients happy and spend the rest of the time finding the next position.
Cate says
Ugh. I’m sorry. Definitely give yourself permission to grieve the vision for the career you had – I always love to think about Cheryl Strayed’s ghost ships at moments like this.
Give yourself time. And then see if you can start getting excited – the possibilities outside of biglaw are so varied. I’ve really enjoyed my post big law career, and should you have to go that route as a smart person who likes to work, I know you can/will too.
anon says
I am sorry. I don’t know if you need to hear this or not, but just in case: the pandemic was not something you should have foreseen and it’s not your fault. It sounds like it was not your decision to have a kid, but the fact that there is a global pandemic that is going to cost you your career. I would also push back a bit on whether you are at that point in your career or not. Obviously you know a thousand times better than an internet stranger, but gently, everyone is struggling right now and I would guess you are not the only one having these thoughts — feeling incredibly stressed, feeling like you are underperforming, or whatever else you are feeling. I’d like to think that the pandemic cannot push all of us working moms out of our careers, but maybe that’s too optimistic. Hugs.
No one expected a global pandemic! says
I feel this so much. For ‘reasons’ — I haven’t been performing as well as I would like, some of the reasons are out of my control because of the pandemic and child care going off the rails, some of the reasons are due to what, in retrospect may have been pre-pandemic poor life choices (child care, spouse) that were manageable until the pandemic thru us fully off-balance, and some of the reasons are my inability to get my head back in the game even when I don’t have a young child busting in on Zoom calls and licking my arm on camera. So some not my fault, some my fault.
Somedays I think, I’m still reasonably productive, I have institutional knowledge, I’ve been a loyal employee for 10 years, and there’s no way in hell they’d push out a working mom at this time, and then I remember I work in Big Law and laff and laff and laff, as I look at my male colleagues who don’t have these issues.
Checked out says
How far before maternity leave did you find it really really difficult to focus? I’m a month away and maybe it’s a combination of pandemic + WFH but I am struggling. I have to bill my time and am already super low on hours so I really can’t afford to check out – but man, I have hit a wall. I just want to stare out the window and sleep.
rosie says
Sounds like a good time to do some continuing ed (lots of on demand CLEs for me a month out).
AnonATL says
Hey due date buddy- Aug 5 over here! I have been struggling with energy lately even though we are fairly busy, but IANAL so no billable hour concerns. Normally in quiet times I would be getting ahead on other tasks but lately I just sort of mindlessly scroll or research baby stuff.
In addition to normal workload, I’ve been trying to accomplish at least one admin task a day that will be beneficial to the team while I am out. Makes me excited to plan for my leave, and is somewhat productive. A lot of it is project scheduling or personal projects that no one is actively tracking and were deprioritized due to the COVID scramble but will likely come back up during my leave.
I still sneak in a 30 minute catnap during most lunches though which helps me reset for the afternoon. That or taking a quick walk when it’s not too hot.
Lana Del Raygun says
uhhh first trimester, lol