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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anon today says
Good Morning! I just got my first positive test. I’m feeling really weird, we’ve been trying but now it’s real!, and I’m thinking about how crazy it will be to have my body change so much. I know to ask my doctor, and I will, but I’m wondering how others handled working out in the early, early days. I’m a spin addict – I can keep going, right? Also, my girlfriend with a one-year old just got me really freaked out about the ab muscle thing (DR?). Should I be doing extra core to combat that?
Anonymous says
You should be chilling. And then chilling more. You are fine to continue your regular workouts. Do that. Congrats.
Lana Del Raygun says
Congratulations! Keep doing your regular workout as long as you feel like it. :)
Cb says
Congratulations! Keeping up with exercise is definitely helpful but take it easy when you need to – I couldn’t do much more than walk in the first trimester because I felt so exhausted and ill.
I returned to pretty strenuous yoga at 14 weeks and continued walking and yoga throughout my pregnancy and it did really seem to help. I was happily walking 7-8 miles a day until I gave birth (2 weeks overdue) and felt fine 3 days postpartum and good a few weeks later.
Knope says
+1 to taking it easy if you need to. I got really upset during first trimester when my athletic performance completely tanked despite not having gained weight yet and generally having only mild nausea. Your body is working on making a human, which takes a lot of energy – don’t get discouraged if you can’t keep up as strenuous of a routine as you used to. But if you feel up to it, by all means keep up the exercise!
Don’t do crunches while you’re pregnant. Look up some youtube pregnancy fitness videos for ideas on how to strengthen your core to prevent DR. Congrats!
LH says
Congrats! I’d probably ask the doctor about the exercise. Stuff like walking and swimming you can definitely do, but she might advise you to take it a little easy at spin class, since that’s pretty intense. I think the most important thing is to listen to your body and not keep pushing through if you feel weak or light-headed.
You should ask your doctor about DR too. There are certain exercises that help and certain ones that hurt and it’s not totally obvious which is which. I think crunches/sit-ups are supposed to be really bad, even though you might think they strengthen your abs. My doctor told me that once you get to the midpoint of pregnancy you shouldn’t pull yourself forward with your abs when you’re getting out of bed – you should roll onto your side and then push yourself up with your arms so you’re not engaging your core. I tried to do that (although I definitely forgot sometimes) and didn’t have any issues, although I think DR is pretty rare in a first pregnancy and is much of an issue the second or more time around.
GCA says
Congratulations! Keep spinning as long as you feel like it, and talk to a trained women’s health physical therapist about diastasis, pelvic floor and core weakness, the kinds of core work you should avoid, and what to do to recover functional core strength after delivery :)
AwayEmily says
I tried to focus on just walking a lot. I aimed for 10k steps a day in the second and third trimester (fewer in the first because I felt awful). But agreed, just listen to your body and do whatever feels right.
Agreed on asking your doctor about DR. My friend who did a ton of pilates/core work had it really severely after her first pregnancy and her physical therapist said she suspected all that core work was partly the culprit.
Anon Anon says
Congratulations! You’re fine to keep doing what you’re doing exercise-wise. Just don’t do anything new. My most recent pregnancy, I ran 14 miles on Saturday and got a positive test on Sunday. I was super excited that I had at least knocked out 14 miles because I knew that was my new limit. :) I did a half marathon around the 4 month mark and then stopped everything but walking a few weeks after that, I just couldn’t hang. Baby is happy and healthy. :)
Don’t borrow trouble about the DR. I was told I had really bad separation when I was pregnant and it’s also been a non-issue postpartum. I ran a marathon 7 months postpartum. My stomach isn’t flat, I still have some pregnancy weight gain hanging on, but you’ll be fine.
Just sharing all this so you know that you can continue doing what you love. :) And I’m anon because I’ll clearly out myself on this one.
J says
+1 – My doctor told me it’s all about common sense. If you feel good, do it. If it makes you feel poorly, don’t. I think at some point someone also threw in not increasing intensity, etc. but to remain where I was at. Honestly, in my experience, I would have never had the stamina to increase my workouts. I don’t know if I’d call it “spinning” from an intensity perspective, but my favorite workout while pregnant was biking on my trainer. It was perfect for me. A word of caution…a nurse told me to keep my heartrate below a certain point, which for me basically limited me to walking. So I didn’t keep up my routine in the first trimester until I had that conversation with my doctor. I lost all sorts of endurance and was really upset. It was impossible (for me) to get back to where I was at combined with pregnancy. The heartrate stuff is outdated for normal pregnancies. I found a routine that worked for me but was bummed.
Anon Anon says
Yes! I actually had a similar experience when I was pregnant with my first pregnancy that resulted in a baby. I was coming off of a miscarriage and so paranoid, I decided I wasn’t going to run, or do anything, through the first trimester. By the time I got to that mystical 2nd trimester, my endurance, stamina, and resolve was shot. I spent the rest of my pregnancy coloring instead. It was also fun but not exactly as useful as taking care of my physical health.
lsw says
Congrats and relax! :)
Anon in NYC says
You’re fine to spin so long as it’s comfortable. I love spin classes and was going 2-4x a week before pregnancy, but had to stop because I found that once my bump got bigger that it wasn’t comfortable and my back started to hurt. Also, my heart rate spiked to the point where I felt light headed. Be open to switching up your fitness routine.
As for DR, do NOT do extra core work. Talk to a doctor/physical therapist, and find fitness instructors who are prenatal certified. I was able to do reformer pilates until around 30 weeks or so (before I became too big to really be comfortable), and just modified ab moves. I also did strength training with a personal trainer who had prenatal certifications.
You can still be really active during your pregnancy, but give yourself some grace to adjust your normal routine as needed.
NewMomAnon says
One caveat: some doctors may warn against biking, and maybe spinning, eventually in a pregnancy because your center of gravity and balance get thrown off and they worry about falling. Otherwise, they advised me to continue doing the level of exercise I had been doing pre-pregnancy. And congratulations!
OP says
Thanks all! I know I need to chill :), but I’m glad to hear that other people continued spinning as comfortable. I’m not super great at being chill, so I will most likely be back with ridiculous questions.
Mrs. Jones says
I continued exercising as long as I was comfortable, which was 10 days before birth for me. Good luck!
Anonymous says
I went to spin classes until I was 37 weeks preggo! I just didn’t always turn up the dial when the instructor said to….and you get mixed advice, but breaking a sweat and getting your heart rate up is totally fine. Just don’t start doing something you have never done.
As my pregnancy advanced, depending on how the baby was positioned that day, sometimes it was really uncomfortable to stand on bike and a couple times it was just straight up uncomfortable. Those days I just walked out of class or sat…. BUT don’t give up because then the next class I would go to it was fine again.
lsw says
TLDR, I need advice on just chilling while my mom is here.
My mother is coming tonight to take my SD to an amusement park for her birthday present. My mom loves her but also occasionally blames my husband/me for not being grateful enough for what she does for someone who is not her “blood relative.” This makes me so, so angry that I need to chill, and I have distanced myself a bit for this and other reasons. (Talking about this in therapy and have some ideas on working on this.)
Normally I try to clean the house extra and take care of some things I know she would harp on/comment on/make me feel defensive about, but this weekend my husband worked three 12 hours days, I was solo-parenting our 2 year old who was sick but also tantrumous and insane, then I got sick myself on Sunday, missed work Monday, and left work early yesterday because I was still bone tired. All that to say, I wasn’t able to do anything beyond empty the dishwasher and put away the laundry.
So I need some zen tips on just getting through the next two days, letting everything wash off my back, and letting the kids have some fun time with their grandma. Any tips on breathing deep and just letting it go? My mom tends to put me on the ultra-defensive, and I really am working on that reaction.
Clementine says
That STINKS.
I know this may sound counter intuitive, but what really works when I’ve been in a similar spot with difficult people is just admit that you’ve had a hard week and ask for help.
Ask for really specific tasks – shockingly, my MIL was THRILLED to fold laundry so I could put Lil’ Clem down for nap. I may have come downstairs and she was watching soaps on the couch folding (which is exactly what she did when her kids were little).
Anon in NYC says
Yes, I agree. Sometimes it actually helps to be vulnerable and just say you’ve had a really bad week. Of course, this is a know your mom thing.
My mom can be a real PITA and harp on these things that I “should” do with all of my free time and money, which can make me feel defensive. I have found that sometimes it helps to be really direct and say, “All of my money goes to x and y, and I cannot afford to do that. If you want to pay for it, that’s great and let’s do it, but it’s not happening right now.” Or I say things like, “I literally don’t have enough time in the day to do [thing] and I don’t value it enough to drop other things to do it.”
Anonanonanon says
I am really sorry you have to deal with this, especially the “blood relative” comments. That’s very hurtful. If my husband’s parents said that about my son from my first marriage, there would be a huge problem. I’m not saying they have to feel the same about him they do about their other grandchildren, but there are some things you don’t say out loud.
Anyway, she sounds like the type of person who will have negative things to say no matter what you do. Try to view that as freeing, in a way. You could have stayed up all night cleaning and she still would have found something to say, so hey, at least you didn’t bust your butt to get negativity in return. I find it’s helpful to rehearse my response/tone of voice to criticism ahead of time. An example might be “oh my, your floors sure could use mopping!” “I know, it’s been a crazy week! How was your flight?” “it was fine, but really, those floors!” “Yep, busy week! Tell me about your new yoga class!” Keep it cheery, change the subject, and hope she gets the point.
Hang in there!
Rainbow Hair says
I try similar things. Like, y’know what? She’s gonna gripe about something, I might as well just accept it and not try to get out ahead of it, because that’s impossible. I also talk about it with my husband beforehand, so we can catch one another’s eye and be like “ugh, see, it’s just like we said it would be” which helps; misery loves company and all that.
Spirograph says
Hugs, I’ve been there, hosting after a rough week is the worst, even if your house guest is laid back.
My husband often goes out to get coffee and donuts for everyone when we have stressful family visits. It gives him a quick bit of alone time to decompress, but he still looks like a nice-guy hero for coming back with donuts. Maybe think of a few other things that can temporarily remove you from the immediate vicinity, so you have an escape plan if the comments get to your breaking point.
lsw says
Thank you all. I just took a deep breath after reading all your posts. I really appreciate the practical advice and commiseration.
And anon at 10:29, I agree that’s so hurtful and it’s of utmost importance to me to protect my SD.
Pre-empt says
The other thing I will do if I know I’m going to get unwanted commentary on something, I will try to prempt it and frame it the way I want it framed. So, here, you can express a lot of gratitude when she shows up (before she has a chance to seek it out) and frame it how you want it framed. “Mom, I am so happy you are here!! The kids have been SO excited to go to the amusement park with you, and it’s such a special bonding activity for you and your grand daughter! SD is so lucky to have such a wonderful grandma who loves her so much. And it’s so nice to have you here after this insane week I’ve had — so much going on I didn’t have time to do a thing!”
I’ve actually had luck with this tactic with my SIL, who “compliments” her young daughter (12 mos) as a weird way of reacting to my kids’ behavior. So, if my 3 yr old isn’t listening to me, as 3 yr olds are wont to do, she’ll ask her kid to do something and then say loudly “you are SUCH a good listener!” Putting aside my rage at how much different parenting a 3 yr old v. a 12 month old and my internal running thought of “just wait and see”, she dropped the reactionary commentary when I started going out of my way to compliment her daughter. Now, I go out of my way to comment on how great her kid is (typically out of earshot of my kids), she stopped making the comments. I don’t know if I just wasn’t noticing how awesome her daughter was enough for her (but….I have my very specific reasons for not doling out those type of compliments to my kids or any kid for that matter) or if she really thinks my kids are monsters in comparison to her sweet kid, but at the end of the day — doooooo not care. I’m happy with my kids and she’s stopped with the running compliments, so everyone wins.
Anonymous says
This is how I deal with my super annoying sister in law. She is a jerk and not very nice to me, but if I just exclusively compliment her and her kids, it’s like it appeases her competitive streak and allows her to be nicer. And complimenting people doesn’t cost me anything.
Anonymous says
Honestly, the next time she says something about how she’s so good to do things with a “non-blood relative”, I would say, “what do you mean?” and just force her to feel uncomfortable. Does she say this about spending time with your dad / her husband or YOUR husband? Does she say this about other people who have joined your family through marriage? Likely not. Is your SD a less valid addition to your family, just because she joined through marriage? Would your mother feel this way if you adopted a child?
I have a stepson and if my parents ever said anything like this about him, I would be REALLY upset. Step children need MORE love, not less.
lsw says
I agree. When she said it (via text) to me semi-recently, I just got so angry I couldn’t reply in the moment. We have made it clear since I got together with my husband (and we didn’t know we’d have more kids) that SD is a part of our family. I truly believe my mom is using it as a manipulation for me and my husband right now more than anything, and it’s just incredibly upsetting to me. Working with my therapist on responses in the moment and also how to respond to it generally. There has been another upsetting piece with money and my son right now, and the two things combined made me need to just step away and not confront/engage for my own mental health. I definitely understand I need to confront this but haven’t been able to in the last two months and then this trip came up. She really has done a lot for my SD and my SD loves her like another grandparent, so it’s even more upsetting that this is just some weird manipulation tactic, and I am really trying to come to terms with it. Ugh.
Anonanonanon says
I’m so, so sorry you have to deal with that. And I hope I didn’t come across as saying “YOU NEED TO DEAL WITH THIS AND CONFRONT IT RIGHT NOW” or anything. I know what a huge/uncomfortable conversation that would be and when it already feels like you’re treading water is NOT the time. Good luck!!
Anon in NYC says
I’m really really sorry you’re dealing with this, and I hope that she never conveys such a sentiment to your SD. My mother once told me that she would “try” to love a non-biological child as much as a biological one and (even though it was entirely hypothetical because I was not close to having a kid) it made me see red.
Formerly ANon, Now IHeartBacon says
One thing I started doing when someone comments on the state of cleanliness in my house is when the person comments (for example, “Oh, you have toys all over your sofa,”) I say, “Oh, yeah, can you do me a favor and pick those up while I [grab us drinks, put away my purse, etc].” The person will either jump in to help clean, or they won’t and then they know better than to comment on anything else at the risk of being asked to fix it.
I wish I had some advice for the “blood relative” comments. I’m very sorry you have to deal with that.
Mama Llama says
Carolyn Hax always suggests vague non-answers followed by a subject change. Thanks Mom, I’ll consider that. What should we have for dinner? Hmmm, interesting. Did you see DS building with blocks? He’s getting so good at it! Etc, etc. Don’t push back, don’t agree, don’t engage. Make these topics of conversation very boring.
And plan something nice for yourself next week. It sounds like you’ve had a rough run of things lately!
easy-to-clean booster seat? says
My twins have the Fisher Price Space Saver high chairs and I HATE them– the trays are too big to fit in our dishwasher so I always have to do them by hand, and the straps are not easily removable and they get truly revolting when you combine the applesauce/yogurt consumption in our house with the twins’ mediocre spoon abilities.
I’ve been thinking of switching them to booster seats at the table to avoid the tray issue, but I’m running into the same easiness-to-clean problem looking for boosters! I like the look of the OXO ones but Amazon reviews seem to complain about their crumb collection. Does anyone have a unicorn booster seat that a) straps to the chair below and behind (we’re still having some dinnertime tantrums and I don’t want them to be able to fling the chair over) and b) is legitimately easily cleanable, preferably with removable straps? If I could toss the straps in the washing machine once a week I wouldn’t get so stressed out nightly trying to scrub out the applesauce.
FP says
We have the Ingenuity Smartclean Toddler Booster and I think it would fit your specifications – all the straps come out to toss in the washer, it straps to the bottom and back of the chair, and it’s very easily cleanable.
Anonymous says
This looks like exactly what we need! Have you had a problem with the foam insert part not attaching to the base? Amazon seems split on whether that’s a problem. Ours aren’t super squirmy so I’m not too concerned.
FP says
My kiddo just turned 2 and is very small, and is not very squirmy so I have never had a problem with it separating while he’s in there. Yes, I do have to clean between the foam insert and the plastic part, but it’s pretty minimal and I definitely don’t do it daily – maybe once a week?
Spirograph says
My kiddo is almost 2, very large and very squirmy, and I’ve also never had a problem with it separating as long as the straps are pulled through the slots, even if they are not buckled. I agree with FP on cleaning schedule.
I highly recommend this booster seat, we’ve had it in constant use for nearly 4 years over 3 kids, and it’s been super convenient and held up very well.
J says
+1
Anonymous says
We use the Fisher Price Healthy Care Booster Seat for our twins (with the trays removed and pulled up to the table) and find it works great. The plastic seat is super easy to clean for both drips and crumbs and it has a back and 3-point harness for when they have mid-meal tantrums. You might find the straps too hard to remove, though, if you don’t like the Space Saver ones.
Anonymous says
Safety 1st booster (has a tray as well). Super easy to take cover / straps off for the washing machine. and it was super cheap.
J says
I also really recommend a seat pad/protector to guard against all the crumbs that are around/under the booster seat. Ours is Munchkin, not expensive, and constantly grungy (although we could clean it more…), and I’m so glad that stuff isn’t on our chair that has padding/fabric on it.
lala says
We have the Ingenuity baby base 2 in 1. Has worked for both kids infanthood until they wanted to start sitting in a regular chair. I found it very easy to clean and has the option of a tray if you need it, but it hides under the seat if you do not.
GCA says
Fun question! Help me shop for a birthday gift for my husband. He’s a scientist who is also pretty into geek entertainment (enjoys science fiction books and TV, is currently rereading all of the Harry Potter books), but between his PhD program, impending birth of kid #2, daycare, and a tiny apartment we are short on leisure time, money, and space. For Father’s Day I got him Allbirds, which are great for chasing kid #1 around; for our last anniversary I got him a wall-mounted custom bottle opener and a six-pack of craft beers. I’m thinking food-related gifts and other consumables – any suggestions/ other ideas?
lsw says
Have you checked out ThinkGeek? So much fun stuff there!
GCA says
Thanks! It was one of the first places I looked, but he doesn’t need any more tees, ties or widgets :) Another option is fun things to do with the preschooler, who’s dropping his weekend nap and needs some quiet time activities. (Anyone ever try squishy circuits or other kid science kits?) But I’d like to get him something for himself first.
lsw says
Ah, I hear you. It does get limited after a while! Does his nerdery extend to board games? Maybe grab a fun 2 player game that you guys can enjoy together after the kid(s) are in bed. My husband and I have played both seasons 1 and 2 of Pandemic Legacy, which is probably both of our favorite game we’ve ever played, and we are big-time gamers. (Note that it’s different from regular Pandemic.) 7 Wonders Duel is another fun and quick 2-player game.
Does he like to cook? Williams Sonoma had those Harry Potter themed items which looked pretty awesome in person when I saw them at the store.
For other consumables, maybe fancy chocolates? Or a subscription from Zingerman’s?
GCA says
Yes – I’ll look into those games! I got him Exploding Kittens for Christmas and it’s been a source of great entertainment post-kid-bedtime for many evenings now. Our all-in gaming weekends have become rarer since we and our friends have spawned more offspring… Pandemic Legacy will appeal to his D&D-campaigning nerdery and 7 Wonders Duel might be a good option. (You also just reminded me that a) Race for the Galaxy and its expansions have sat collecting dust in our closet for a while now, and b) I need to start looking for board games that the kiddo can enjoy as well.)
rosie says
I also like 7 Wonders Duel and suggest Jaipur as another fun 2-person game to check out.
lsw says
We are RPG gamers and one thing that really appealed about Pandemic Legacy was that it had the ongoing gameplay of an RPG but it only needed us, so we could pick it up whenever. Honestly, I cannot overstate how great that game is!
Jaipur is great too! A recent 2 player game I picked up is The Fox in the Forest, a simple trick-taking game for two players.
avocado says
How old is your preschooler? With adult guidance, I bet a kid as young as 3 could have fun with Snap Circuits.
Anonymous says
He just turned 3 – hmm, that’s going on my list of Christmas ideas. Thanks!
Spirograph says
One of my most successful husband gifts ever was a gel ant farm from Think Geek. This doubles as a fun thing to do with a preschooler. You do have to buy the ants separately, but it was really cool to watch for a couple months.
Anonymous says
Experience-type date? Harry Potter world, or maybe a local renaissance fair?
Anonymous says
Harry Potter world was my first thought too! Probably not practical with a baby, but it will be super fun in a few years :)
Anonymous says
I gave my husband one of the Lego Architecture sets one time, and he loved it. Maybe something like that?
Anon in NYC says
Does it need to be a physical gift? My DH and I are not huge gift givers, so we usually do a night out for birthdays/anniversaries. I often find that it’s fun to do an activity + a meal because it feels more special than our usual few hours away. Like, I hadn’t seen a movie in a movie theater for about 3 years after my daughter was born, and when we finally went it was SO GREAT. Or, theater tickets could be really fun. It doesn’t have to be super expensive tickets – we have gone to a few more immersive style shows (Sleep No More, Then She Fell) and quirky offbeat shoes (The Puffs – an unsanctioned Harry Potter show from the perspective of Hufflepuffs). Other fun things might be a cooking class, or a walking tour.
GCA says
We’re definitely going to try and do a couple of lunch dates while I’m on maternity leave and the baby is still relatively portable! A movie will have to be something really special – tickets are cheap, but throw in 3-4 hours of babysitting and phew, it adds up.
Artemis says
For the Harry Potter lover who needs to save space, does he have the “accessory” books? “The Tales of Beedle the Bard” is an actual book now, as are “Quidditch Through the Ages” and “Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them”, for example. I got them as a gift from my husband. Also, there are some really nice Harry Potter adult coloring books around if he’s into that.
Games are a great idea–another suggestion is “Quiddler”, it’s like Scrabble with cards, and you can play with 2-6 people, and my husband and I both love it!
sleepissues says
Just at my wits end with my 13 month old sleep issues.
She is a super spirited, high energy kid and I don’t know if I should just resign myself to sleep sucking for a few years, but ugh, if anyone else has been in a similar situation and has advice would greatly appreciate it.
We bedtime sleep trained her at 6 months. She woke up 3x night until 9 months, when we let her CIO in the MOTN and she started sleeping through the night for a month. An illness and she regressed back to MOTN wakings. We did CIO again at 10 months, she slept. Another illness, another CIO few days, then she sleeps.
After 12 months of age though, it’s just been terrible. She cries for 10-15 minutes at bedtime (7:30) and then is up anywhere from 45 minutes to 5 hours later. All she wants is for me to hold her and she sleeps in my hand, but when I put her back in the crib, it’s another 10-15 minutes of crying every.single.night anywhere from 1-3x night.
We just did CIO 10 days ago, she cried for 38 minutes at 1 am. She was sleeping great for 10 days after that night and then a few days, she’s started waking up again in the MOTN.
Just SO so so so so frustrated. I just can’t hold her all night like she wants me to, but I also hate hearing her cry so much in the middle of the night and having to repeat the CIO every 10-30 days. The crying also feels worse now, because she’ll say mom or dada and cries longer and louder than when she was younger.
She falls asleep independently at bedtime and she’s no longer eating at night. I’ve tried giving her motrin and it doesn’t seem to make a difference, although I do think her teeth are bothering her. I think she’s just having seperation anxiety, but I just don’t even know what to do.
rosie says
Does she have a lovie? We started using one of those little blankets with an animal head attached–we slept with it in our bed for a few nights so it would pick up our smell (no idea if that is an actual thing or not). I am not sure if it helps all the time, but it seems to at least do something sometime.
sleepissues says
weve tried it, she throws everything out of her crib :( good idea though to try maybe absorbing our scent somehow
Anonymous says
I would try giving her a small pillow and putting a dirty undershirt (preferably from you) on it like a pillowcase at bedtime, so she has your scent.
anon says
When we went through a bad sleep phase with my DD, we bought a twin mattress that we put on the floor next to her crib. It was close enough that I could hold her hand through the slats, but she was still sleeping independently in her crib. When I was sleeping on the mattress, she would still wake up but she would look over and see me and go back to sleep. I didn’t necessarily like sleeping there but at least I was getting a full night of sleep and she was more rested too. Eventually I started leaving once she fell asleep. It seemed to break her habit of waking up as she got used to sleeping soundly in her crib. We eventually turned the twin mattress into her big girl bed.
I would also double down on the ibuprofen if you think it’s teeth.
sleepissues says
I honestly think we have to do that too. I’m just worried I’ll have to sleep in her room forever, but it sounds like your dd outgrew it?
ER says
This is what I would do, too.
My DD’s separation anxiety peaked at 15 months. At about 18 months, I think, she could understand more words and we started talking to her a lot about “Mommy comes right back” whenever I would have to leave the room to get something. Then at around 2 years, we went on a vacation that resulted in a sleep training regression. I did a lot of singing to my DD outside the door to her room so that she knew I was right there. She’s now 3 years old, and I still sing to her right before saying good night, but I can leave her in her bed without any problems.
TL;DR: I think in a few months you’ll have more options for dealing with the separation anxiety.
anon says
I can’t remember how long we did this, but I know it was over by the time she turned 2. It was a relatively short phase for us. It started with us sleeping there every night for a couple of weeks. By after a month, we probably only had a wake up once or twice a week. It honestly wasn’t so bad because even when she cried and I ended up sleeping on the mattress, it was only one short wake up so I still slept pretty well.
AwayEmily says
I will preface this by saying I think there is no one right approach here and lots of these ideas seem good.
But it does seem from your account that she responds well to CIO. So could you try doing that and sticking with it, even if the crying resurfaces? It does seem like she’s getting a lot of mixed messages, and I think that can be confusing for kids. It seems like even if you have to deal with another bout of crying every two weeks, that is better (in terms of overall sleep for both of you) than going in to soothe her every night. And I strongly suspect that once she “tests” you a couple of times and realizes you won’t come, then she will stop doing it altogether (or at least her wakeups will get a lot shorter).
Anon in NYC says
I hate to say this, but this may last for a few more months. My daughter was sleeping through the night early (3-4 months), but had small regressions around illness/teething. The 14-16 month timeframe was the WORST. It was a combination of teething, illness, developmental changes (walking), etc. It was every single night, multiple times a night. My husband and I started sleeping in her room in the glider, which did help her, even if that person got a bad night’s sleep. Eventually it did get better but it felt like forever.
On a related point, one of my neighbors said that they started bed sharing to deal with these sorts of issues, even if they never initially intended to do it, and it worked immediate wonders.
Anonymous says
do you baby wear at all? When my kids were like this leaning into the physical contact helped. I used to put them up on my back in the Ergo from the time we walked in the door until we sat down for supper and then also after supper while I cleaned up. Carrier seemed to make them feel more secure than just being held and worrying that I would put them down. Alternate wake ups /nights on and off with your partner if they are in the same home most nights. You don’t have to stick with CIO if you don’t think it’s right for your family at this stage.
Have you had her checked for ear infections?
lala says
I hate to say it, but I feel like this is just the first two years of parenting sleep. They start STTN, than illness and teeth come and throw it off. Then they STTN, then illness and teeth come and throw it off. wash, rinse, repeat. It honestly one of the reason’s we never tried CIO, I just figured an illness would ruin it every month.
In better news, it does end at some point. My 2.5yo rarely wakes up at night now (aka only when something MAJOR is wrong) and I can’t remember the last time my 4yo woke up in the night. So it does get better, way, way better.
If I were you, I would just lean in to whatever gets everyone the best sleep now, and switch off nights with your partner so you are each getting a full night every other night.
Anonymous says
thank you so so much guys.
We tried sleeping with her in our bed and it was a complete disaster. She literally rolled this way and that and thought it was playtime all night long. She also woke up at 5:20 and was ready to play and would not settle. I think she can only sleep in her crib, so I think putting a twin bed in her room is the way to go. I also just do not want her in our bed since that’s one of the few times I feel like I can read / hang with husband etc and feel like I really need it for my sanity.
So helpful to hear that it generally does get better after age 2. I’m really hoping that’s the case. Thanks again all.
Anon says
Apartment dilemma. DH and I are currently in a one bedroom apartment with our infant twins, but clearly need a larger space. There is an apartment we can move into in 1 month with a layout/location we prefer and will probably be a bit more comfortable in, but is $240 more per month, or we can wait 2 months and move into an apartment that is slightly less preferable in terms of layout/location, but is less expensive. The apartments are in the same building. On the one hand, it feels fiscally irresponsible to spend more on an apartment, even one we prefer, when both apartments really are fine, but on the other hand, having four people in a one bedroom apartment is really getting to us and a month feels like a long time. We’d be able to move into the more expensive apartment before I return to work from maternity leave, but the less expensive one we’d have to wait until I am back at work. What would you do?
Ella says
Can you afford the $240 without it being a stretch? If so, I’d go with that one.
Anonymous says
How old are the twins? I think that affects how annoying it would be to wait an extra month.
J says
I’d personally think long term on this one. I think you should think hard about how the layout and location will affect your lives, even with more money. How long do you plan to stay in this apartment? Is the location quieter for sleep?
OP says
OP here: twins are currently two months old. We are hoping to stay in the apartment for about 2 years. The more expensive one is quieter for sleep. It feels like a bit of a stretch financially, but I’m not sure if that’s actually true. I’ve been dealing with some post partum anxiety (getting help), and one of my big anxieties is now being emotionally, physically and financially responsible for two humans- it’s petrifying!!!! A part of me keeps thinking about what we could do with the money we were to save, and then the other part of me is like on the grand scheme of our lives, will a couple thousand over two years really make a difference. Granted, if you have that attitude towards too many things you end up blowing a lot of $. I don’t want to be an irresponsible parent, but the idea of moving before returning to work does sound nice
rosie says
Is it going to cost more to move after your maternity leave? Maybe you’ll have to pay for more mover time, you’ll have to take time off work, you’ll have to pay for more childcare, something else? That could help evaluate the financial aspect a bit more. And it’s ok to pay more for something that you can prefer if you can afford to do so.
Anonanonanon says
What is better about the more expensive apartment in terms of layout/location?
If it meant: Better sleep, not schlepping two kids and their bags and my work stuff quite as far every day (sometimes that treck from entering the building to your apartment door is LOOOONG), etc. I’d probably try the more expensive one. $240 isn’t nothing, but rosie made an excellent point about moving after starting work and the unexpected costs that could result from that.
Also, since you’re feeling anxious and it may make you feel better to feel in control of something, maybe identify one thing that would help balance that cost (ie “I will bring K-cups to work and get coffee from the Keurig instead of the Starbucks app and save $100/month” or “I will cut out cable” etc.)
LB says
I would try to think long-term, which I get is super hard with multiple babies in a one-bedroom! We did it with one baby in a one-bedroom for four months and it was TOUGH. To me this really breaks down to how much better the other apartment is. If you think the better layout will mean a better quality of life long-term, then go with that one. For example, for me, an open kitchen or washer/dryer would definitely be worth the extra money. If the difference is slight, I would wait for the cheaper place and make do for a month. It seems like a long time but it will go by quickly I promise. If you want help weighing the pros/cons between the places feel free to share more info on the differences!
Just saw that more expensive one is quieter. HANDS DOWN get that one. Just do it. My husband and I are contemplating dumping 2k into a rental to pay for soundproof window inserts. The noise is waking her up and I will pay anything at this point for more sleep. Save yourself now!!!!!
OP says
OP: thanks everyone for weighing in.
Pros/cons of the units:
-We live in a driving city, so more expensive one is closer to garage
– more expensive one is closer to garbage
– more expensive one is on a higher floor and is on a quieter side of the building. —-> but it also takes a lot more time to drive up to higher floor
– more expensive one has better storage for a stroller, though worse closet space overall.
-Where we would put the tv in the living room in the more expensive one would be up against a wall that borders our bedroom, whereas in the less expensive one it would be up against the kids’ bedroom
– Overall the two things that the cheaper one has going for it are the cost and more closets. The more expensive one doesn’t have bad closets, but the cheaper one just happens to have an unusual amount of storage space, but all of the rooms are smaller as a result
I’ve always been kind of an indecisive person but since giving birth it’s definitely gotten worse. Thanks for all of your help!
Marshmallow says
I would go for the more expensive one as long as you think you can afford it. Those are really big items in the “pro” column and I’d always prefer the larger living space rather than extra closets. And moving before you go back to work is a big deal too.
Anonymous says
Random, but I’d personally take the living room TV wall out of the equation. We live in a ranch style house where both the master and kiddo’s bedroom are off the living room, and we basically never watch tv in the living room. Only in our bedroom. Or else it is turned down super low. But we’re also really committed to kiddo sleeping. I’d get the more expensive one based on the quiet alone, personally, unless it was really, really a stretch financially (or if the extra quiet was basically negligible).
GCA says
In your shoes, if I could swing it financially for a couple of years, I’d take the quieter, more expensive one hands down, especially when the kids are small and your sleep is already easily disrupted. You can always acquire more storage (we have Ikea Expedit shelves up the wazoo) but less noise is worth the premium!
Re: moving, I don’t think you mention this, but is your current apartment in the same building as the new options? If so, moving will be less of a big deal whether you’ve gone back to work or not.
OP says
Yes both new apartments are in our current building. The more expensive one is on the same floor as our current unit, whereas the less expensive one is a few floors down.
Meg Murry says
Only having to cart stuff down the hall and not actually up and down the stairs/elevator, AND being able to do it during maternity leave instead of once you go back to work would be worth the extra money to me! Not worth “going into credit card debt every month” level of spending, but definitely worth “cut back slightly on fun money/travel/non-emergency savings”level of spending.
So if it fits your budget without putting you completely into the hole, I’d go for it.
LB says
Yeah, I think I would go with the more expensive one. It seems like the pros definitely outweigh the cons. I get the indecisive thing! And choosing an apartment IS a big decision. I hope this helps this you out! This will all be behind you soon!
Anonymous says
I have twins. Sleep is worth so much. Get whichever apartment will be better for sleep – no tv on the wall with the kids bedroom is reason enough to spend the extra $$
Anonymous says
I would pay $240 for an apartment with a preferred location/layout.
Anonymous says
Can we talk about baby-proofing? Is it a reasonable plan to make her nursery super baby-proofed (furniture strapped to walls, cords put out of reach, electrical outlets covered, sharp furniture edges covered) but then do minimal baby-proofing elsewhere in the house? Gates for stairs and putting chemicals/knives in the kitchen out of reach makes sense, but strapping all the furniture in our house to the walls just seems really excessive, especially our basement TV since she’s hardly ever down there (and can’t wander down there on her own if there are gates on the stairs). Do we really need to baby proof all the toilets or can we just leave the bathroom doors shut? Right now I’d say she spends 95% of her time in her nursery but I don’t know how that will change when she’s crawling.
ER says
It depends on your kid. We did almost no baby proofing with my #1. We have had to do ALL the baby proofing with my #2. (We haven’t locked the toilets yet, but I think we’ll get there.)
But, it’s my opinion that strapping the furniture to walls throughout your entire house IS minimal, non-negotiable baby proofing. Kids have died when furniture tipped over on them. Do it now so you don’t have to think about it again.
Anon in NYC says
Yeah – strapping all furniture/tvs to walls is relatively easy and non-negotiable in my book, even if your kid isn’t much of a climber. My daughter is not the type to get into things, and didn’t otherwise require much baby proofing (cords, outlets, etc. – she just left them alone).
CCLA says
I’m a minimalist baby-proofer, and agree with ER re: TV. Esp since we live in earthquake territory, TV has been secured to the wall since she was a newborn, as have tippable dressers, because TV tipping is one of those things where even if you’re watching kiddo you won’t necessarily be able to stop the accident. Other than that, we plugged all the outlets and gated the kitchen, that was about it (DD is almost 2). She’s in daycare all day, we’d probably have done more if she were at home with a nanny. I expect we’ll do more as she gets older – we feel comfortable with this setup because one of us was always in the same room with her anyway, but now that she’s interested in playing on her own for decent periods of time, we’re considering creating a safe room where she can go without direct supervision.
Lana Del Raygun says
Yeah, I would not skip attaching furniture to the wall. It doesn’t take that long, and you can get two different kinds of fasteners from IKEA customer service (and they don’t ask whether it’s for furniture you got at IKEA).
lala says
agree that tethering furniture to the wall should be on the minimal list. Once your baby is more mobile and actually at risk for climbing those things (2-3years IMO), she will not be spending time in the nursery and will more likely be wandering around the house trying to find something to do.
While other things are more personal (the permanent markers were never super high, just out of site for our first. Our second (2.5 years) sought them out the other day and drew all over himself/the floor, so now they are out of reach . . .), I think all kids are at risk for furniture tipping (aka a super good kid is just trying to reach the water on the 3rd shelf, etc.)
Rainbow Hair says
Yeah, joining the chorus on this one. Now she’s a bit older and we have friends over — so kiddo is 3.5, her friend is 4.5, and they play in the house… and the most dangerous thing I could think of them doing is climbing furniture. So it’s all strapped to the wall. (I also live in earthquake territory, so even without making bad choices, something can fall on you.)
avocado says
I am from earthquake country, so I was very surprised when I moved away and learned that people in other parts of the country don’t automatically screw their furniture and TVs to the wall whether or not they have small children.
Anonymous says
We never did anything with toilets. Mostly gates plus latches on dangerous kitchen and bathroom cabinets. Definitely tethered all heavy furniture to walls (so not like side table/nighttable but all TV stands and bookcases for sure)
Mrs. Jones says
We didn’t tether anything to the walls. We latched kitchen and bathroom cabinets, locked a couple of toilets, plugged outlets (which he unplugged first thing), padded some hard corners, and gated stairs.
Anonymous says
No. Toddlers want to die. They get out. They explore. They climb. They drink the toilet water. They are an active menace.
Spirograph says
Truth. I gave my almost-2 year old a cup of water the other day, then went back to cooking dinner. I heard some splashing a couple minutes later, and sure enough he was refilling his drink from the toilet. blech
Anon in NYC says
hahahaha
Lana Del Raygun says
Ehh, it’ll just build a strong immune system ;)
Spirograph says
I agree with those who don’t consider TV tether and tippable furniture tethers optional. I can tell you at least two times I saw the TV tether prevent an accident with my kids, and those are just the times I was actually watching when it happened. One was with a “baby” the other was with a rambunctious 3 year old. The climbing danger on dressers and shelves actually grows around the time you would start to feel comfortable removing baby gates, because 2-3 year olds have better gross motor skills and still love to climb. I would think of it as “childproofing” rather than babyproofing. You can’t trust your kids to make reasonable & safe decisions for a LONG time, and you might as well set yourself up for long term success.
Otherwise, I went pretty minimal outside of the baby’s bedroom. Latches on the kitchen cabinets (cleaning supplies and the cabinets that had bottles of oil, vinegar, etc). We kept toilet seats down and bathroom doors closed, but no other bathroom baby proofing — we don’t have under-sink storage, and I rearranged the linen closet to move cleaning supplies to higher shelves. I did remove the toilet paper from the holders and put it on wall shelves for a while, but that was sanity, not safety concerns. I put outlet covers on once, but I didn’t really ever check for them again unless I saw kiddo take a particular interest in an outlet. Temporary gates for stairs and sometimes the kitchen.
Anonymous says
Tethering is one of the most important things. Drinking toilet water isn’t going to kill your kid but a kid dies every ten days-three weeks (depending on statistics source) from furniture tipping.
https://www.anchorit.gov/
mascot says
For outlets that you use a lot (read: outlet covers are going to be a pain), consider replacing them with tamper proof outlets. We did magnetic locks on the lower kitchen cabinets, although my kid wasn’t interested in getting into the cabinets. Hardware mounted gates for the stairs. Anti-tip for straps for furniture/tvs.
Anonymous says
Chiming in to agree with furniture strapping. I have a TON of bookcases and it took about a day off and on to do them all, along with mounting the TV. They haven’t tried climbing them yet but my philosophy is if it can kill them, I avoid it. We magnetically locked the under-the-sink cabinet with the bleach and dish detergent and did the furniture strapping. Our pediatrician was BIZARRELY pushy about the toilet locks, but apparently children legitimately drown in toilets and we didn’t want to be one of those families, so toilet locks it is (that took about 2 minutes). And we blocked outlets. I’ve been way less concerned about things like corner padding and head bonking– we have some of those corner gel pads for bookcases and stuff but they yank them off about weekly and I rarely get around to gluing them back on.
GGFM says
We were pretty minimalist with the childproofing, but our daughter was born around the time that Ikea recalled some furniture because of tipping risks, which did motivate us to tether tippy furniture to the walls.
Beyond that and putting household knives/cleaners out of reach, and covering outlets (which in hindsight wasn’t necessary) we have taken a wait-and-see approach for our now 2.5 year old and childproofed as necessary. Instead of latching cabinets we just put safe items in the cabinets and drawers that were within reach. A bonus is that this includes our kid’s dishes, so she can now help set the table and put away dishes. We moved a coffee table with sharp edges from the center of a room to the side, and put a bunch of plants on a table to discourage her from climbing or sitting on it.
I’m glad we waited because my daughter ended up being totally uninterested in doing some of the things that they make childproofing products for, like playing in the toliet bowl or with the stove dials, and a special childproof lock may have backfired and piqued her curiosity.
But it’s all specific to the kid, and also once they figure out that they can use chairs and stools to reach ever higher places, it puts all of the things you previously thought were out of reach back into play.
Rainbow Hair says
Heya moms! Do you do anything smart (uh and free and doable tonight?) to lessen the chances your kid’s extremely important stuffed animals don’t get lost on trips? I’m considering like, a collar with my email address?
GCA says
Not yet (so far we haven’t traveled with kiddo’s extremely important stuffed animals), but a collar is a great idea! & it’s not free, but maybe add a Tile tracker to that collar?
AIMS says
My daughter is super attached to one particular jellycat toy and I’ve considered buying a “spare” to hide in my mom’s basement but worry that it will make us irresponsible. A collar is a great idea!
SC says
A spare may not help. My mom bought a “replacement” lovey for my kid because the original was getting gross. We also bought a duplicate for school naps.
Now, there’s a collection of 3 of the exact same loveys, with different levels of wear. Kiddo knows exactly which one is “real” lovey, which one is “school” lovey, and which one is “other” lovey. He sleeps with all 3, but he cuddles with the original one at night and grabs it when he’s upset.
When school lovey went back to school after the holiday break, Kiddo was inconsolable the first night. We replaced the lovey with a stuffed bear about the same size. The bear got permanently added to the collection. (For those keeping count, that’s 4 loveys total when school lovey is home). The bear is a bit of an outcast though–that’s the one he’ll bring to us to share, except he always takes it back within 5 minutes.
Anon says
This is so funny. You kid sounds adorable.
NewMomAnon says
We have several spares of kiddo’s favorite doll.
anon says
We just don’t let LO bring his animal everywhere. He can have it on the plane, but not in the airport. In the car, but not at the restaurant. So far it hasn’t been a problem.
Once we were driving to the airport to come home, which was about an hour’s drive. Halfway to the airport, LO realized extremely stuffed animal wasn’t in the back with him and he FREAKED out. We had not, in fact, forgotten it as it was in the trunk, but we had to endure his cries for awhile before we got off the highway and could get the animal out.
mascot says
This. Stuffed animals don’t leave the house when we are home. For travel, we limit the number of animals and they stay in the bag until bedtime.
I have a beloved doll that traveled with me through high school- although at that point, it was more of a novelty and she spent the trip safely in my suitcase. She went to college and law school as well. Because she was a one of kind handmade item, my parents were super strict about where I could bring her.
avocado says
Yes to all of this.
In an attempt to prevent lovey loss, I told my daughter that her loveys had to stay home at all times and got her a special stuffed animal just for trips. That worked fine until (1) she lost the travel lovey at camp (fortunately it was found and returned) and (2) she got so attached to the travel lovey that she started demanding to sleep with it every night along with the regular loveys.
Anonymous says
Her main stuffie doesn’t leave the house, even for vacation/trips. We lost it on one trip, she was fine with the replacement I was able to find, but I’m not going through that again. She takes another stuffie that is less critical (although, I think if the secondary stuffie was lost, it may become the primary stuffie in her mind, because kids.)
KateMiddletown says
Also, read the book Knuffle Bunny Free, so you’ll know it’s not the end of the world if kiddo’s stuffie does get left on an international flight.
lala says
No, but my 2yo’s “woof woof” is still “on da bus” in Italy “daddy left it” (it was actually my fault, but my DH was the one who discovered it was missing, so he’s blaming the messenger on that one, ha). He reminds us about it all the time, but luckily had 2 other “woof woofs” as comfort items, so it wasn’t too traumatic.
Maybe bring 2? Or tether it to your backpack?
shortperson says
my kid prefers new stuffed animals to old ones because they are softer. which is convenient. but sort of concerning that she will be obsessed with one and then abandon it when something softer comes along. which are often but not always gifts for baby and not her.
anon says
So I’ve realized that I’ve fallen into the trap of buying my 3-year-old too many clothes. To add insult to injury, she has gotten super picky about what she wears. She snubs tops and shorts and even knit skorts; she looooves soft knit dresses. (I didn’t know that was going to become such a big issue when I bought the clothes originally.) I’m guessing our local consignment shop or a cousin will end up with a lot of nice pieces from summer 2018.
Until her tastes are settled, I may be done buying ahead for the future. And, I probably need to pare down what I purchase this fall. (We’re in a four-season climate.) I feel guilty about the amount of money and waste, yet it is so, so hard for me to resist the lure of little kids’ clothing. Has anyone had the realization that they just need to … shop less? And what was helpful in breaking the habit?
Also, realistically, what’s the right amount of clothing? I’ve gone down the rabbit hole of minimalist blogs, and while I admire the discipline, no, I’m not going to get by with having 5 shirts for the week.
Annie says
I’m pretty minimalist with kids clothes and have probably ten pairs of pants/leggings, three pairs of capris, three pairs of shorts, one skort, eleven tee shirts, three tank tops and three dresses with either biker shorts or diaper covers for each dress right now (A/C at daycare is high so we often do leggings during the week). Our daughter definitely has her favorite clothes but knows that once they’re dirty she has to pick other options until we do laundry on the weekend.
KateMiddletown says
Go to said consignment shop with your kid and let her pick out whatever she wants!
avocado says
I have definitely been guilty of buying way too many clothes, and of buying things ahead that don’t end up getting used because my kid’s tastes change or she doesn’t grow as fast as I expected her to. There was the year she only wanted “twirly dresses” so I bought those, then she decided she only wanted jeans so I bought those too. Then the next year I bought jeans and she decided she was only going to wear athletic leggings so I had to go out and buy a bunch of them. I just got rid of a bunch of knit leggings I bought on sale about five years ago thinking she would grow into them in six months. They finally fit, but now she thinks the colors are too juvenile.
I have been able to reduce the overpurchasing some by not buying a whole week’s worth of clothing in any one category. For example, if she wants jeans I buy three or four pairs, not seven, so she is forced to wear other items in her wardrobe once the jeans are all dirty. I have noticed that the clothes she tends to like the most are the ones she’s picked out for herself in the store, rather than stuff I buy without her input or stuff she chooses on line, so I take her shopping in person at her favorite store a couple of times per season. I also try very hard not to project my tastes onto her, and to think about the bags and bags of stuff I have donated virtually unworn before I buy anything. I may not understand why she refuses to wear her cute warm-up pants and instead prefers to put her street clothes on over her athletic clothes when sports practice is over, but I’m not going to keep buying warm-up pants if she won’t wear them.
The thing that really gets me is ALL THE T-SHIRTS. We are averaging something like 15 “free” or required-purchase t-shirts every year between school activities, camps, and sports competitions. Most of them are ugly and she never wears them, but she still doesn’t want to give them up. I am saving some of the more special ones to make a memory quilt. I wish they’d just charge me $10 less on the registration fees and stop giving out the t-shirts.
Anonymous says
I don’t buy ahead, because there has just been too much waste that way. For some things, I just let kiddo pick it out. For her current sneakers, I picked out like 10 pairs on Zappos I liked, showed her all the tabs on my browser, and she picked out the ones she wanted. I also got my favorites. She’ll only wear the ones she picked out. I feel like that was my bad and I should have seen it coming… She is 2.5 for reference.
AwayEmily says
I hear you so much. I just love little kid clothes. I realized recently that one of the up sides is that I spend a lot less on my own clothes now, because I scratch that itch with kid stuff.
Some things that work for me:
– I restrict myself to Target/Old Navy/Carters/etc — I don’t even let myself look at Boden, Tea Collection, Hanna, or any of those. (I will get nicer stuff only if it’s something I know is gender-neutral and can be passed down to her baby brother)
– I establish rules for myself. For my (2.5 year old) daughter, that’s bright solid colors or patterns (no pastels), and nothing with any slogans/logos/pictures on it (not because I object to these per se but because it vastly restricts the universe of clothes I can choose from). For the baby boy, it’s navy/gray/green (and again, mostly solids and stripes). Added bonus: everything matches each other!
– I buy just a couple of things at a time rather than everything all at once
anon says
I like your rules. I do fairly well with sticking to Carter’s/Old Navy/Target/H&M with the occasional sale piece from a nicer store. But I think I need to limit the number of patterns and colors that come into our house. It’s almost too much choice, if that makes sense. I’m about to ban myself from buying patterned leggings even though they are soooo cute.
NewMomAnon says
I flipped the other way! I won’t let myself shop the Carters/Old Navy/Target price point for kids’ clothes anymore; I force myself to shop Boden, Tea Collection, Hanna Andersson, etc. I’m a cheapskate, and dropping big money on kids clothes is not a thing I do, so it’s a pretty effective limiter. They also hold up better so I feel good about handing them off to work friends or donating them.
Having said that – kiddo is not outgrowing clothes like she used to, so her closet is stuffed with dresses from last year as well as clothes grandparents and her dad bought her this year. I am kind of sad about not being able to buy her new clothes, but there isn’t anywhere to put it so…too bad so sad?
Anonanonanon says
I’m the same. I treat it almost like adult clothes- fewer/nicer pieces from Janie and Jack and Boden etc. I buy less, they get worn more, and I like them!
Plus if you really watch and shop the sales the price point isnt THAT different from Target.
GCA says
Could you buy off ThredUP and eBay instead? That’s what I do with our family’s clothes, including most of my own, apart from consumables like socks and underwear. I can set a search for specific sizes and brands, knowing that, say, Children’s Place pants and PJs work best for my string-bean son, that we go a size up in Carter’s, and size down in shorts for summer. And then I just set a reminder to resell or donate the clothes a few months ahead of the appropriate season.
anon says
I’ve thought about it, but I am so easily overwhelmed by the disparate “collections,” if that makes sense. I will buy occasionally from our local consignment shop, but the selection isn’t great and the prices reflect that. It’s good for special occasion stuff, not so much for everyday clothing.
Anon in NYC says
My daughter (also 3) refuses to wear dresses, and has very simple clothing tastes: she prefers leggings, shorts, and soft shirts. So in any given season, my daughter probably has, on average, ~10 pairs of leggings or shorts, and maybe ~10-20 shirts. In summer it’s shorts + t shirts, and in the fall/winter/spring it’s leggings + long sleeve shirts/sweatshirts. We try to do laundry about 1x a week, and we keep 2-3 backups at school. And of course there’s the miscellaneous stuff like bathing suits, pjs, etc. She’s exceedingly picky with shoes, so she has 1 pair of sneakers and 1 pair of water shoes.
I feel like I spend a fortune on her clothes, but I typically buy Hanna on sale or Gap. I’ve found that Hanna leggings and shorts fits her best, so I tend to get a really long wear out of them and are worth the money. Maybe we just hit the height/weight curve at the right time, but I can get 9+ months out of a pair of leggings. I think that I’ll be able to use this years leggings next fall/winter. Whenever I buy her an adorable dress from Hanna (very soft!), she refuses to wear it so I’m giving up on that front for a while.
anon says
Every laundry day I pack my DD’s outfits for the week into individual gallon ziplock bags an stuff them in the bottom drawer of her dresser. Every morning she grabs a bag and gets dressed. This system has eliminated our arguments about outfits and it keeps me from buying random spare pieces. We usually have about 10 bags total in her seasonal rotation. Special occasion outfits are hung in her closet.
If you wanted, you could have your DD help come up with the outfit options and stuff the bags.
Anonymous says
3 year old boy so ymmv, but he’s fairly picky. Ie won’t wear shorts and only occasionally a short sleeved shirt, pants must be soft, fleeces must have hoods, etc. I don’t want to do his laundry more than 1-2x week, so he has 7 PJs, 7-10 pants (just increased from 5 which was insufficient), 7 -10 long sleeved shirts. For anything he may not like, like shorts that I want to have around in case it’s super hot /he changes his mind, I get at Goodwill. Have given up on adorable clothes and just buy sift things he’ll actually wear.
lala says
As a fellow kid clothing junkie, I feel you. Here is what I have done:
1) decide how much clothing they need for how often I wash. I wash weekly, so this means 7-9 per item (bottom, top, etc). 10-11 in the summer because everything gets wet.
2) Only buy basics ahead. I made the mistake of stocking up on “swimming animal” shirts because my son was in love with them. Now he has a reptile preference, so that didn’t work out well for me. Now I only pre buy plain shirts/pants/etc.
3) embrace it (within reason). I truly enjoy shopping for my kid’s clothing and have the budget to buy them what I want, so I embrace the fact that this is something I enjoy (I joke that it is my hobby), and so long as I am staying in budget and within the above parameters, I keep shopping.
Anon says
Somewhat related question. Is it standard to allow kids to pick their clothes? So far my 2.5 yo wears what I pick for her without making any demands. She may comment that something is “pretty” or “blue” but does not translate this into preferences. I grew up poor and had zero choice in what to wear. Whatever my mom presented to me in the morning was the clothing I wore that day. I only got to choose my clothes at 13 when I got a job and was able to buy my own. So should I be allowing her to make choices?
NJ says
Baby clothes are my ultimate weakness.
Crazily, they are also a huge weakness for my mother-in-law and my sister-in-law. As a result, my daughter is, hands-down, the best dressed person in our entire extended family.
She has so many clothes that I had to put a hard stop to buying more because it’s clear that she might not get around to wearing them all before she grows out of them. I also know that she is going to get a ton of clothes for Christmas and her birthday, so that helps me to rein it in.
I’m trying to stick with buying only can’t-live-without-it pieces now. Actually, I think it’s kind of nice to have something that makes me feel so reliably happy. As vices go, it’s not the worst one to have!
anon says
I like this idea a lot!