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With the move away from using pen and paper to everything digital and on our phones, I miss the satisfaction of crossing something off a paper list. I’ve found that this app is the best approximation of that feeling. This is a pretty bare bones and user-friendly app. It literally is just typing up lists, nothing more and nothing less — and as you type, the colors go from dark red, signaling most important, to light yellow. You can drag and drop items to move their order around, and you can swipe right to cross them off the list. You can make multiple categories, too. For example, I have a Trader Joe’s category, Questions for the Pediatrician, and To Discuss with Husband. You can completely delete a list when you’re done with it, or you can restore the list after you’ve crossed the items off. For my Trader Joe’s list, there are products I buy every time I go there, so I just restore the list after I’m done with my shopping. You also can share the list by emailing it through the app. I recommend Clear if you’re someone who, like me, loves a paper list but is being forced into the 21st century. It’s $9.99 in the iTunes Store. Clear AppSales of note for 5.5.24
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anonymous says
A google doc will serve the same purpose and it’s free.
Anonymous says
On the iPhone, we use the Reminders app to make lists. You can sync certain lists with others. So we have a shared shopping list.
rosie says
I use Google Keep and am really liking it so far. I used to use Google Docs but it took a long time to load on my phone (even setting up a shortcut to the specific doc). Big fan of Keep, it has much of the functionality that April is talking about in this Clear app (checkboxes, multiple lists, can pin lists, can drag items around), plus you can share it and allow other people to update in real time. Plus free in the Google suite of apps. Disclaimer that we’re and android household, so not sure how it performs in iOS.
anon says
Great suggestion. I have our entire lives on Google Drive, but the phone functionality isn’t limited, at least in iOS. Fine for viewing things you’ve already created, but a total pain to start from scratch. Keep sounds like a good solution for lists.
Meg Murry says
I am a huge Google Keep fan as well. Especially since you can add a location trigger – so as long as my data and location services are on, it will pop up my grocery list when I get to the store, or my CVS list when I pull in there. Sometimes its a little over zealous (it pops up my grocery list every time I drive down the street in front of the store, and the street behind the store), and it can’t handle more than one location (so I can’t add CVS near home and CVS near work or both CVS and Walgreens for my “drugstore” list) – but overall its super handy.
My only complaint about Keep is that you USED to be able to add to it by voice or open specific lists with OK Google, but the “upgrade” to Google Assistant took away this functionality in favor of Google’s less useful “shopping list”. I’m all in with Google/Android, but I’m starting to rethink this when updates and upgrades TAKE AWAY features that used to work/exist (ability to snooze a Google Calendar reminder on Android, I’m looking right at you).
anon says
Yup. Google Keep does this too. No app can be good enough to spend $10 on.
Knope says
I use the free version of Wunderlist and it’s basically the same.
Lana Del Raygun says
Who’s forcing you, though?
Lana Del Raygun says
I think this comes off as hostile/aggressive, which I didn’t mean at all. I just mean: if you prefer paper lists, why not just keep using them, at least for personal things where you don’t have a boss going “We all use X App in this office”?
rosie says
I do use a paper list for work tasks, but it’s so much easier to keep track of my notebook with my running list in my office job than in my house & out and about. I usually have my phone on me, so it makes adding stuff to the grocery list so much easier (and less likely to get forgotten). Plus the sharing function helps share the emotional labor & actual chore labor–like if my husband is going to stop off at the store, he doesn’t need to text to see what is on my list, he can look on his phone.
J says
We have a whiteboard on the backside of our pantry door for lists at home, as well as meal planning. The lists that need to make it to the shopping list get there based on time and who is about to go and when. The whiteboard is great because you can’t lose it and everyone has access to it.
Cb says
Baby PSA: If your baby is uncharacteristically grumpy and you’ve checked off the usual sources (diaper, milk, food), check their feet. My husband and baby stopped by to bring me lunch and the little guy was really, really cranky. I finally realized he wouldn’t stand up. His toes were caught up in the elastic of his shoes. As soon as I took them off, he was all smiles!
lawsuited says
Not a quick fix like taking off shoes, but when my LO is being unusually cranky I check Wonder Weeks and 9 times of out 10 he’s going through a leap. I’ve found Wonder Weeks to be extraordinarily accurate, even down to the “sunny” and “stormy” weeks it identifies.
Cb says
It’s true! I must have added them to my calendar from the app so periodically get a ‘baby is entering a leap’ reminder.
As another quick fix, I also find taking off my baby’s clothes helpful. I think it serves as a reset.
GCA says
Additional entertainment (because this parenting thing is hard and sometimes tedious and boring and you have to get your laughs when you can): Blow a raspberry on baby’s tummy while you’re resetting their clothes. Keep doing so and you will have a toddler who returns the favor on your thigh when you least expect it, and on your cheek while kissing you goodnight. Giggles for days!
Cb says
So cute! My dad taught my 11 month old to do ‘clawmaster’ – he’ll grab your hand and put it over his face and you’re supposed to jiggle his face and say ‘clawmaster….’ Grandpa didn’t tell us that he was teaching my kid 1970s wrestling moves so we had a few weeks of frustration until we figured out what he wanted.
If you say ‘Can I have a kiss?’, he’ll grab your cheeks, pull you in and say bwwaaa. Unfortunately, he tends to do this with his mouth open and tongue out so they are pretty sloppy kisses.
Anonanonanon says
We use a free app called “our groceries” so that we can both add to the grocery list as we think of things and it’s synced to both phones, in case one of us finds ourselves unexpectedly able to stop at the store. I have since added other lists (questions for the doctor, tasks to take care of this weekend, etc.) It doesn’t color code, but other than that it’s great!
Boston Legal Eagle says
We have this too! It’s nice for those who like to cross things off, as you can do that with items on the lists. We’ve also synced our Alexa with it to be able to just shout out random items that we need to add to our grocery list.
Anonanonanon says
Yes, and I can see things being crossed off while my husband is at the store. I’ve often pulled it up when I realized I forgot to add something, so that if he’s only halfway through I can add it, but if the whole list is crossed off I know he’s in checkout and it probably isn’t worth telling him to go back for the forgotten item.
Induction? says
Hi all, looking for some advice on whether or not to get an induction. I’m due with my second child 8/1. He was breech at 32 weeks, head down at 34, 36, and 37 weeks, then we found him breech again at 38 weeks. We decided to schedule an ECV to try to flip him, and the next morning as we were prepping for the procedure, he was head down again. No other complications with this pregnancy – the fluid and his size are both normal. My doctor is giving me the option to induce at 39 weeks if we find him head down because he has “unstable lie,” which I gather basically means he can’t be trusted. Would you induce? I had a smooth delivery with my daughter on her due date after my water broke early that morning and I was put on pitocin (+ epidural!) to get labor going. Hoping to avoid a C section but can’t decide what to do. Thanks!
Anonymous says
If he’s a flipper, I’d vote to evict early. A c-section seems riskier than an induction and the downtime / recovery would be significant. Plus, if you’ve had a v-birth before, the recovery from the second v-birth was nothing (like I could move quickly and even jump the next day (do not advise, but it was night and day from the first, where I walked like someone who’d ridden bareback for a day on an anxious horse)), at least for me. YMMV. I guess the thing is are you a good candidate for induction (they score you for that — ripeness, descendedness of the baby, etc.) — if you aren’t a good candidate, score-wise, then if the induction fails you might be c-section bound anyway. I was 4cm anyway when I got induced, so was primed for a non-c-section outcome due to stalled induction (a couple of friends induced when their scores were low would up stalling out and having c-sections).
anon says
Agree. If you can avoid a c-section, do it.
Anonanonanon says
I had a C-section because breech baby, and agree if you can avoid a c-section do it. I’ve birthed both ways now, and C-section recovery is MUCH tougher (at least for me) and more painful. My baby is almost 5 months old and I still run home to get out of pants at the end of the day because my incision hurts.
HSAL says
My Twin A, who was supposed to be locked into place by 32 weeks, continued flipping until 37+5, when he was head down when I went to the hospital with contractions. They sent me home for not being ready, and when I went in for my induction two days later, he was moving so much during the scan that they worried I’d labor and end up with a csection anyway. I wish I’d pushed for induction while he was in perfect position two days prior. Avoid the csection.
Anonymous says
I would induce. I was induced a few days after my due date with a totally unripe, undilated cervix because they thought baby was in distress. They gave me a cervical softener (cervadil) which I understand is sort of controversial but it worked great and got me to 3 cm with regular contradictions and then a low dose of pitocin did the rest. If you have had a previous v birth the odds of induction failing are much smaller.
AwayEmily says
I would definitely induce. My first was super late, and when my second was headed that way also I did a lot of research on inductions. I think they get a bad rap –you hear a lot of stories of inductions leading to a higher rate of C-sections — but the data don’t really bear this out. And I think especially given that you’ve already had a successful V-birth, the chances are very low that the induction would increase your risks of a C. Another added bonus is that since this is a second kid, you’d have more control over the schedule and could make sure that she was in care.
AIMS says
I also had inductions and I think the data is misleading because inductions happen in more cases where there are issues, which issues then lead to more C-sections and complications. But that does not mean inductions are the cause.
There are also different types of inductions. My doctor basically just popped my water and everything took its natural course from there. I’m very happy I followed her recommendation to induce, though mine were both past due date. I don’t know if I would want to do it before due date but I agree that induction may be the move here. Forgive me if this is a dumb question but if the baby is in position at 39 weeks, can s/he even move at that point? I thought there wouldn’t be room by then? Also – talk to your doctor about sleep positions. Mine had me sleeping with two pillow between my legs on the left side to get baby into place and it worked and he stayed there.
Anon says
Since it’s a second kid after a v birth, I vote induction. I had a (planned) C and am so happy I did, but my friends who also have to be induced for similar disorders to me have had the second induction go super fast and swimmingly.
lala says
I would ask your doc if your Bishop score indicates a successful induction.
We induced my second at 39 weeks after an ECV, but my midwife only agreed to do this because my Bishop score indicated I would have a successful induction (I did).
In general I think that if baby is still flipping, they can still get in a head down position, so no need to induce. But I had such a great induction experience the second time around at 39 weeks, so there’s that.
OP says
Thank you all for your very helpful advice! I’ve seriously been waffling on this for the past 3 days and it’s really great to have all of your feedback. I just scheduled the induction. Let’s hope he’s head down when the time comes!
So uncomfortable says
I’m due sept 9 (so almost 33 weeks) and I am just so over it and uncomfortable. With my first I did spin and boot camp up to 38 weeks and did elliptical to day I delivered 10 days late and felt great. Now I feel like I can barely walk and I have more than 7 weeks to go! I’m struggling to keep up with any kind of physical activity even though I know it might make me feel better. I’m also huge and some of my maternity clothes is looking too small. I don’t know how I’m going to look anywhere near professional at work. Ugh. Any advice on getting through these last few weeks???
Same Boat says
Ugh, I wish I had advice for you but I am in an eerily similar scenario. Baby #2 and a very similar due date! I recently picked up a new hobby that is pretty sedentary and I am finding that a helpful distraction. I have also been entertaining myself by online shopping for comfy and cute postpartum clothing :) I will be following to see if anyone has any helpful tips for you!!
GCA says
Try swimming or pool running? I’m due in 3 weeks, and both of those give me that satisfying feeling of a bump in heart rate – i.e the sensation, for a longtime runner, of having actually exercised! – without any of the discomfort. As for the maternity clothes, summer and late pregnancy give you a free pass; go to Old Navy, pick up five dresses, and call it good. Then resell/ donate them immediately afterwards!
KW says
Yes, get yoself into a pool! I’m 29 weeks with #2 and my upper abdomen and back get really sore if I walk or stand for too long. But I can hang out in a pool for hours with no discomfort. Also, try Target for some new maternity wear. I’m guessing a lot of their summer stuff will be on sale (plus an extra 20% off on the cartwheel app right now on clearance items). Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and delivery!
Knope says
Yes yes! Swimming SAVED me when I was in my last trimester!
Anonymous says
At 36 weeks with my second I currently feel veryuch like the OP. But my biggest issue is nonstop Braxton Hicks … and swimming was even worse than walking, I think because you end up engaging your abs to move. Sooooo disappointing!! It was definitely worth a shot though. At this point just trying to hold on till next week, being essentially immobile on the couch, till 37 weeks when I’d feel more comfortable risking labor by moving around. Emotionally it’s a huge challenge to be so sedentary.
NewMomAnon says
Hugs! Sending you good thoughts.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Sympathies. I am guessing that you’re exerting yourself physically more than you think you are if you’ve got another kid running around at home while also being pregnant! My nights and weekends are way more exhausting now with a toddler and being pregnant, even with my husband taking over most toddler duties.
Have you tried swimming? That’s a great activity where you can be physical without it feeling too strenuous, especially in the heat of summer. Also, just hang in there, your body is doing so much 24/7, even if it doesn’t look like it. At least that’s what I keep reminding myself…
AIMS says
I could have written your post when I was pregnant with my 2nd. I was walking miles with baby 1 and struggled to walk 3 blocks with baby 2. It was the first time in my life when I really understood how very elderly people must feel. I think some of it is age, some of it is having another kid to look after (actually I think it’s mostly this), and some of it is just that your body (maybe?) did this not so long ago and hasn’t fully recovered. I would give up on everything non-essential, wear flip flops and maxi dresses and hope baby comes a week or two early.
If it’s any comfort I felt so much better as soon as baby 2 was out! Like never mind the labor and the whole thing, I felt better than I had in months.
GGFM says
35 weeks in pregnancy #2 right now and I could have written your post, OP. To those who have chimed in from the other side, it’s a relief to hear that the recovery the second time was easier because I’m over the pregnancy. I have been feeling a bit better this week and I think two things helped: 1) I finally caved and bought a few more maternity shirts and some really comfy PJs that actually fit. It seemed silly to buy this stuff with only a few weeks to go but I think part of my crankiness was just that my clothes weren’t fitting, which was uncomfortable and also made me feel bad about my body (esp since exercise has been so difficult this time around). 2) I went on a work trip recently that I had considered canceling due to feeling so tired, but 2 days in a nice hotel and without the exhaustion/responsibility of chasing around the toddler, dealing with bedtime, etc was surprisingly energizing. Good luck!
KateMiddletown says
I’m 28 weeks, but also feeling it. I just stopped by Clothes Mentor and bought a bunch of larger maternity clothes, and then I stopped by Once Upon a Child and got a great deal on a like-new Ergo Baby. Go buy stuff for yourself and get some ice cream on the way home!
Also, prenatal yoga. That and swimming are the only things I actually enjoy (and even with swimming I prefer just floating in the neighbor’s pool.)
Good luck!
anon says
If you still need to get dressed for work, you should consider Le Tote for bigger maternity clothes. I outgrew all of my maternity clothes at the end of my second pregnancy. I got one month of Le Tote free, so I was happy to pay for a second month to get me through my due date. It was the cheapest way to make it to the end, and a bit of fun to boot.
Scilady says
Second Le Tote. I’m 30 weeks and was getting completely sick of maternity clothes – some are no longer large enough, and so sick of the online shopping/ return cycle for maternity clothes. Just ordered my Maternity Le Tote and love the options I picked. Definitely feel better about going to work, and it’s a nice pick me up!
buffybot says
Talk to me about the solid food transition….
I don’t really have a clear cut question here, just interested in gathering some data, I guess. My sweet baby is 6 months old and has been experimenting with some solid foods in the forms of purees for the last 3-4 weeks.
So far, all various fruits and a little veg, but he tried yogurt for the first time this morning. Our pediatrician has said he can eat “anything” except honey (and the obvious choking hazards). We’ve been doing purees and things with similar mushy texture that I’ve been making myself, since it’s summer and the fruits and veggies are plentiful. My intent is to do a kind of casual mix of purees and baby-led weaning (he nommed on a whole apricot yesterday and really enjoyed it). But I spent like 30 minutes in Whole Foods last night staring at labels trying to figure out what yogurt to buy and agonizing over the added sugar in everything. (#firstworldproblems) Single ingredient fruits and vegetables are easy, but when we start expanding the menu, it just seems complicated. If he “ate what I eat,” well — we had Shake Shack last night.
I’m usually pretty relaxed about things but also want to give him healthy tasty food. I guess I’m just trying to get a sense of how others approached this – how much did you worry about ingredients? How did you decide what to try? Any major failures or successes? And how did you make it time efficient?
Anonymous says
Just give him plain whole milk yogurt and the sugar problem is solved. He doesn’t know there are more fun yogurt options.
Meg Murry says
+1 this. We bought larger containers of whole milk yogurt and froze it in ice cube trays and/or silicone cupcake pans, then popped out into a ziploc. Easy to keep, easy to defrost, and you can add a little bit of fruit puree or applesauce to make your own flavors. My grocery store is small so we didn’t have small individual containers of plain whole milk yogurt available or I would have probably paid more to get them out of convenience.
Wholesomebabyfood.com has good, non judgemental info on the how to make purees for various ingredients (steam vs bake vs roast, etc) and which foods you may want to hold off on for a few months vs introducing now.
anon says
If you don’t have one, you might want to try a mesh or silicone feeder. They’re great for that initial phase when they’re starting to eat solids but you don’t want to worry about choking. My little one would happily gum one for the whole time I was making dinner in the evening. We’d stuff banana or other soft fresh fruit inside.
My kids loved finely chopped melon as a first food. This is a great season for fresh fruit. We did lots of yogurt and steamed veggies. We also did homemade meatballs as a first food. They are easy to freeze, so you can just nuke a couple if you need something easy.
Oh, and my little ones LOVED Indian curries. The stewed meat and veggies went down great and the sauce made it easier for them to pick up rice. It was an easy take out option.
Anonymous says
Piggybacking on this. We’ve done several veggie purees. Ped said we should do meat/fish soon for the iron I guess. Can we give the baby (6 months) something very soft to chew on (like mashed up salmon or shredded chicken) or do we have to put these things in the blender?
AnotherAnon says
My kid LOVES, loves salmon! DH had the bright idea to give it to him around 6 months and it’s been a hit ever since. He loves it even more than he loves macaroni and cheese. We buy fresh and then bake it but I think canned might be good to start with since it’s so soft?
Anon says
Mine has been eating shredded pork, chicken and turkey (thank you crock-pot) since she was about 6.5 months, so I say go for it.
AIMS says
Mashed up is fine. Esp. salmon. We just did small pieces. Cod is another good fish to try since it flakes well and is soft.
Knope says
Any soft food is fine! You really don’t have to puree it. If you can squish the food using your index finger and thumb, it’s soft enough for the baby to gum.
Re: yogurt, I buy plain whole milk yogurt and add a bit of apple butter or pureed fruit to it.
Anonymous says
It depends! At 6 months mine would have gagged and projectile vomited anything not pureed within an inch of its life, but was fine with finger foods a couple months later.
anon says
You could also do a bigger tough piece of steak (nothing baby could bite off and choke on). Baby can suck on it and get the iron benefits.
Anonymous says
I just buy the big tubs of the highest fat yogurt I can find (plain only / usually greek). My dietician during pregnancy (when I was very concerned about sugar) basically told me not to sweat sugar in its natural form, unless you have a real health concern like diagnosed diabetes (fruit, lactose in milk etc) and I am applying that to baby too.
As a side note – 11% yogurt is DELICIOUS.
I am struggling with summer foods though. Lots of the veggies we eat are less baby friendly (e.g. tomatoes / salad vs. squash).
Anonymous says
My kids love zucchini, which is plentiful in summer.
Anonymous says
What brand are you getting that is 11%? The most I can find is 5% in my area. And totally agree, yogurt with fat is delicious! I’ve been on the full fat dairy train for a while and really recommend it if you don’t have a health reason to avoid the fat.
Anonymous says
I get Siggi’s 9% … it’s very low sugar and so delicious
AnotherAnon says
So my feeding M.O. is basically to do whatever is easy and healthy (in that order). We eat a lot of vegetables so after LO got tired of purees I just steamed or baked whatever veggies I had around: carrots, okra, sweet potato, summer squash, green beans. He loves all berries and eats a banana every day. He’s underweight so he gets a lot of dairy: butter on everything, cheese sticks, whole milk+half and half – 2 or 3 cups per day. I buy bulgarian yogurt in bulk at the grocery store – it’s what DH likes and there’s no added sugar. I was surprised my LO likes it because it’s so sour. We introduced nut butters around 5 months at his pediatrician’s behest. Now (16 months) he eats pretty much what we eat. We eat a lot of eggs, baked chicken, steak and veggies. He eats mac n cheese and goldfish because sometimes I need a shelf stable snack or just to push the easy button on dinner. He hates bread, so sandwiches are out, sadly. Don’t stress yourself out too much – just make the best decision and move forward. Keep trying new things: what my kid likes varies widely from day to day, week to week. Good luck! You’ve got this.
AIMS says
Stonyfield baby yogurt. The flavored kind is low in sugar (less than 9 grams i think) and there is a plain kind too. My 2 year old still eats these. They are great!
For other questions: my biggest advice is to keep a mini food processor out on your counter. We would just puree things in it (and for less time with age) and it made it easy. This may not sound efficient but I found it better practice: I never did batch cooking at this stage. I would just make fresh food in the morning/night before by boiling whatever in a little pot till it got soft and then putting it in the food processor. Because it was never a lot, clean up was easy and it took no time. I did it either while cleaning up after dinner or while making myself coffee in the AM. This was way better practice for me because if something wasn’t a hit, I didn’t have a lot of waste and I didn’t feel like I wasted any time. My friends who did a lot of batch cooking and prep at this age all just got frustrated and switched to processed food for their kids. So I really recommend this while you sort out what your kid likes and doesn’t. In terms of other things to try – oatmeal! We started this around 6 months with just regular old McCann’s Irish Oatmeal and never did baby cereal. This is still our breakfast 2 years later. I added nothing to it at first and then started to add a little cinnamon or peanut butter or fruit. Peanut butter is a good thing to also introduce early (assuming no history of allergies). We also did eggs at some point, mashed avocado was a hit and we ate a ton of sweet potatoes and carrots at around 6 months.
buffybot says
Ha, that’s the brand I ended up buying! It was an enormous hit this morning. Apparently the mango and banana flavors have no added sugar whatsoever.
I’ve been meaning to do oatmeal, so will make that happen over the weekend. And the advice above about salmon and shredded chicken is great.
I think I’m overthinking this but breastmilk is just so straightforward! And all the focus these days on wellness and the anti-dairy, anti-carb, anti-everything stuff surrounding adult eating habits has me second guessing my usual “anything goes” attitude.
AIMS says
I just focus on “real” – real food, not too much, mostly plants as per Michael Pollan. You can make the oatmeal with water, which I appreciated as it skipped the whole breast milk portion of baby cereal because the last thing I want to do is pump extra milk for solid food.
AnotherAnon says
Has your baby tried MDMA yet? Just kidding – I love Michael Pollan.
Anonymous says
We also found it was easier just to put whatever we were eating into the blender and then toss the blender parts into the dishwasher after. Not everything blends well so we did change our own diet a bit to make it easier (fewer salads, more things involving beans and lentils, also this sounds gross but we often cooked and then blended omelets and they were a bit hit), and the other nice thing was that we had some control over the texture/consistency and could make the purees chunkier as the baby got more familiar with food. Unfortunately our hopes that we could fully avoid “kid food” went unrealized – kid is older now and prefers mac and cheese and hotdogs despite all of those early efforts at adult food!
Meg Murry says
Or along the same lines, if you don’t have a mini food processor, a hand blender is also great for pureeing up a portion of whatever you are eating. Our go-to for my 1st kid was to throw whatever we were eating (within reason) in a bowl and puree it up, adding cooked rice or baby rice/oatmeal cereal for thickener when necessary. And once we moved on to self feeding, my kid LOVED to eat just about anything spread on toast or pita – the puree of our dinner, hummus, peanut butter, avocado, etc.
For my 2nd kid I don’t really remember as much – I’m pretty sure we did a lot more jarred baby food, but it’s all a blur.
Play/living room rug help! says
Favorite online retailer to get a kid-friendly but still attractive area rug? Our living room is also 2 yo’s main play area. We have a wool rug that hasn’t stopped shedding in 3 years and are ready to ditch it since we are on the floor on it all the time. Looking for something flat for all the block building that goes on, but still nice-looking. Any ideas? And what material should I be looking for??
TIA!
Anonanonanon says
I don’t have ideas on specific materials, but I’ve had great luck with overstock dot com for rugs. I find patterns/colors I like, but the price is reasonable enough that when the inevitable destructive stain happens, I’m not TOO heartbroken.
mascot says
We got some synthetic area rugs in store at Home Depot ( or maybe Loew’s) and heave been really happy with how they have held up to kids/dogs/life. It’s been 8 years and they are still going strong. Ours are 8×10 and we paid under $300 for each.
Anonymous says
I really like Rugs USA. They have a huge selection, free shipping, and low prices. I have a synthetic rug from there that was super cheap and I thought it would be relegated to the little used basement guest room, but I liked it so much it went in the master. It’s held up to cats who like to stretch/scratch it a bit too.
Cb says
We have big rag rugs which aren’t the most sophisticated thing in the world but they are very cheap and go in the washing machine if they get dirty which is crucial.
NewMomAnon says
I ordered a rug on Wayfair and now I wish I needed more rugs. Easy to sort by size, shape, etc. Tons of choices in every budget level.
Cate says
Me too – mine’s from Loloi and it’s awesome.
anne-on says
I really like the Dash and Albert rugs. Easy to clean, lots of colors, and they don’t shed. We’ve got a dog so we go with the indoor/outdoor ones for the most part.
Anon says
I’m considering getting a little nomad play mat for this reason. It’s not a rug, but it looks like one.
Redux says
Some of you may remember my admin assistant who gives me so much grief about my 4-day schedule, including challenging me on how I don’t come in on Fridays but still send my kids to daycare (rude! and none of your business!), and shamed me for not putting my 10 month old in a costume for halloween (he wore a pumpkin tshirt which counts!), and so many other digs that are obviously hiding her own anxieties…
WELL, she has been dating someone for about a month. That person has children. She now stops by my office all the time to talk about her kids (yes, she calls them “my kids”), leaves early or arrives late because of her kids, and will loudly announce “I have kids!” at the slightest provocation (e.g., finds a smudge on her pants).
I AM SO ANNOYED I CAN HARDLY STAND IT.
Anonanonanon says
HAHAHAHA yes I remember your stories about this and I love it. Because… karma. Maybe now she can understand you a bit more? Though it doesn’t sound like she has enough self-awareness to actually apply her new circumstances and the challenges to those experienced by other people with children.
Also that schedule sounds like a dream. My kids would much rather be in childcare friday while I take care of appointments, shopping, chores, and other boring stuff so that they don’t have to suffer being dragged around for it on the weekend!
Redux says
The schedule is tough, and I have debated it, but ultimately I think it’s the best I can do. I have an hour-long commute and work 4 long days, which means I often miss dinner and the little one’s bedtime. But, cutting 2 hours of commute time out of my week is clutch. I am not exactly off on Fridays, but I do get to make personal appointments like dentists and salon visits on Fridays, and pick my kids up from daycare early usually. But it means I work a lot more than I would if I were just in the office M-F.
Lana Del Raygun says
aaaaahhhhhhhhhhh
HSAL says
She is my nemesis and I don’t even know her.
lsw says
Laughing and same.
GCA says
oh my gosh, this.
KateMiddletown says
+1
AnotherAnon says
She sounds…great.
Anonymous says
I bet her partner’s ex just loooooves her.
Redux says
Right? I am never going to knock any kind of surrogate or step-mom as not being a real mom with real responsibilities to the children she co-parents, but… this relationship is seriously a month old. She does not live with the boyfriend and the kids are with him only part time, so how many times has she even been with these kids? “My kids” seems pretty insensitive to me, but maybe I’m just extra sensitive to this because she has been so cold to me, re: my kids.
SC says
I agree with you generally about not judging a step-parent as not being a “real” parent. I have a friend who has no contact with her biological father, and the person she calls “dad” is technically her step-dad who has been married to her mom since she was a baby and has treated her as his own. That’s completely different from a one-month-long relationship with someone who has kids, who presumably you’ve met a handful of times. But, I guess, at least she’s not openly hostile to her boyfriend’s kids and is trying to be a parental figure. Just take a deep breath and remind yourself that this is all about her own anxieties, as you said.
Anonanonanon says
Yes- plain yogurt and add pureed fruit to make it yummy.
Also, I’m not usually a “make your own” sort of person, but making yogurt isn’t too hard (especially if you have an instant pot with a yogurt setting) if you wanted to go that route. I’d personally just buy it if you can find what you like, though.
2 year old covers says
My 2 year old really loves “covers” whenever lying down to watch movies or whatever in a bed but still sleeps in a crib – I want to give him a blanket so he can get tucked in in his crib and I think he’s old enough it’s now safe. So something bigger than his angel dear lovey.
Any suggestions for what to look for?
Mama Llama says
We got our daughter a lovely crib-size quilt from Land of Nod (now Crate and Barrel Kids, I believe?) when we converted the crib into a toddler bed. They have a nice selection of toddler bedding.
lawsuited says
I use an Aden and Anais dream blanket for this. I tuck one edge securely under this mattress so that he can’t get too tangled up in it.
lala says
+1
AwayEmily says
We use the crib duvet + cover from Ikea.
Bloom says
I love the Aden and Anais Dream Blanket. Great size for a toddler, warm, but still breathable. It is like several layers of their muslin blankets in one.
NewMomAnon says
How mobile is your kiddo? I gave kiddo covers when she started consistently sleeping with her head on or near the pillow. Before that it was just sleep sacks. I don’t remember when it happened for her….probably around the time I converted her crib, maybe 2.5?
Anonymous says
When our kid started tolerating covers around age 2.5, we just stuck a twin size blanket in the crib. Worked fine and continued to use same blanket when he moved to a twin bed at 3.
anon says
A throw size blanket works really well for cribs. My son loves soft fleece blankets.
octagon says
The Little Unicorn quilts are similar to the Dream Blankets and my toddler loves them. (now at Target, too.)
Anonymous says
My kids both moved into twin beds ~20 months. They had been sleeping with heads on pillows and tucked into blankets in the crib before that. One had a little crocheted blanket my mom made, the other used her Frozen sleeping bag.
HSAL says
I had twins last month, so my stomach obviouslu stretched more than with my first, and my feet and legs were crazy swollen the last couple months and for two weeks after delivery. Now the skin on my lower stomach and my feet/lower legs feels…leathery almost? I’ve never had dry skin before so I’ll start just putting lotion on, but wondered if anyone else had a similar experience and if your skin went back to normal.
Also, good luck to the summer moms who are also experiencing swollen feet and legs. It is THE WORST.
Anonymous says
No experience with twins, but I can’t speak highly enough of BioOil for dry skin, stretch marks, skin that needs any softening or improvement of any sort…
NewMomAnon says
My doctor had warned me about the postpartum swelling, but I was 100% not prepared for how bad it would be. I got ingrown toenails because my shoes were all too small for the swelling. I think there was also something about walking around soothing a colicky kiddo after months of being a beached whale….it’s a big physical change.
It got better. Can you sneak away and get a pedicure?
KateMiddletown says
Wait, I’m going to swell MORE postpartum?! Why?
HSAL says
For me it was all the IV fluids I think. But yeah, it got much worse. Pre-pregnancy it was just my feet and ankles, but it went up my legs after delivery. Putting my feet up didn’t help. Slamming fluids didn’t help. It was at its max when my babies were a week old and they started itching like crazy. I gave myself welts. Then got painful. So glad it’s done.
NewMomAnon says
I didn’t have IV fluids and swelled, mostly in my feet….I dunno. I blame everything postpartum on hormones.
Meg Murry says
I blame the IV fluids as well – because apparently I had TONS of them. I had a late winter/ early spring baby and never had an issue with my feet swelling or my shoes not fitting – until I went to put on my shoes to go home from the hospital postpartum and could not even come close to putting my shoes on. I almost had to wear flip flops home (in the snow) until my husband took my shoeslace out of my shoes so I could put them on.
Anonymous says
This might be individualized. I definitely had swelling from the IV after labor, but it only lasted a few days and was not uncomfortable at all.
Anonymous says
I didn’t notice swelling at the time, but look puffy in pictures. And I got weighed for life insurance application maybe 4 days after delivery and was shocked that my weight was only 8 lb down from my predelivery weight despite delivering a 8.5 lb baby, placenta, fluid, etc. I definitely blame the iv fluids.
Anonymous says
I lived in support socks and drenched myself in lotion in the first months post-partum with my twins because my skin constantly felt dry but a couple years later, my body is pretty much back to where it was before. It’s early days yet.
KW says
Any recs for a good baby carrier? I’m due in Sept. with #2 and never baby-wore with #1. But I’m guessing it will be easier to wear #2 while doing things like park, zoo, etc. with #1. If it matters, I’m tall (6′) and DH will likely never use any sort of sling or carrier, so it just needs to work for me.
Anonymous says
I had a ktan and an ergo – loved the ergo from about 3 months on, used it constantly. I never figured out the ktan, especially with a floppy newborn. I am likewise expecting number two and thinking about trying a ring sling for the earlier months, which at least seems easier to figure out? You can do an infant insert for the ergo too, but again I never managed to figure it out, so just waited till he was big enough on his own.
lawsuited says
+1 for the Ergo. We had the Ergo 360+ and it was great for all stages. My LO gained weight like nobody’s business and was over 10 lbs before I was even remotely ready to consider baby wearing so I never needed to use the insert, but with the insert you can use the Ergo from birth.
Also, although my husband was concerned about wearing a sling or soft baby wrap which he thought looked hippy dippy, he was completely fine wearing our plain black Ergo because it looked more structured.
Anonymous says
We swore by the ktan at the beginning, after the first few weeks, but only legs-out (which we researched and we’re comfortable with). It was great because it’s soft and you could lie down while still wearing a sleeping baby. Once baby was about 12 lb it was too hard on my back for long walks, but we still used for baby naps around the house. We used the ergo constantly from about 3-18 months – many people use it even longer but our child was enormous. Very comfortable for front carries, but never comfortable for me for back carrying. After that we moved to a kinderpack which is sooooo comfortable for back carries, even with a 40 lb 3 year old.
KateMiddletown says
Same two here, and I love the Ergo so much I still rue the day I gave it to a friend. The Ktan is great for infants. I also used a ring sling, but wasn’t as confident going around in that as I was at home.
Putting in another plug for Once Upon a CHild – I just bought a $50 mesh/sport Ergo 360 (retails $160). They had at least 10 other ergos/structured carriers, and probably 20 soft carriers. They wash super easily so don’t knock gently used!
Cb says
I have a boba with an infant insert which I loved but recently got handed down a Tula and gosh, that thing is comfortable. I can happily front carry my tall 1 year old for ages. My tall skinny husband and tall, bulkier dad also found it decently comfortable.
Mama Llama says
My advice is to find something that can have the baby facing toward you or away from you. Some kids love to be snuggled in to you for a long time, but my first stopped tolerating facing in at 3 months, so our standard Ergo because useless and we bought a Becco carrier.
lawsuited says
The Ergo 360 allows you to wear baby on your front facing towards or away from you, and wear baby on your back as well.
AwayEmily says
We were HUGE ktan fans for the first three months with both of ours. It put them to sleep immediately and it was also small enough to stick in a purse or diaper bag. I found it way easier to use than all the other fabric ones I tried. The only negative is that if you and your partner both want to use it and are much different sizes, you need two.
Then we switched to the Ergo 360 (it can be used forward facing, back facing, and also as a backpack). Cool mesh version (summer babies). We never got the infant insert, but it works just as well to fold up a receiving blanket at the bottom.
rosie says
We had a baby k’tan for when she was really little. It is two loops plus a sash, so less to figure out than one that is just a long wrap. It was great until about 3-4 months when she got too heavy (it’s not super ergonomic). One downside is that it comes in S/M/L, so if you have a partner that will also want to use it, you may need different sizes, but sounds like not an issue for you.
We also have a Lille carrier, which I highly recommend. You can use it for a newborn just by putting a rolled up blanket to prop them up in it (no insert needed). Can do face-in, face-out, rear carry. My husband & I both like this one.
rosie says
Sadly my longer reply got eaten. But recommend Baby K’tan for real little (we stopped around 3-4 months as it’s not the most ergonomic). It’s a ring with a sash. Also recommend the Lille. Can use front-facing, face-in, rear carry. Ergonomic for you. Can use from birth with a rolled up blanket under the baby, no insert needed.
J says
If you don’t want to spend a bunch, I had great luck with an Infantino carrier. I had the Cuddle Up which is $40 new. My kiddo really didn’t like being worn, but I wanted something more comfortable (for both of us) than the Bjorn that we had registered for and received. This definitely fit the bill. I really wish she had liked being worn more, but there were some occasions that it worked out during walks/errands/fairs. There’s other models, too.
LH says
+1 to Infantino. We had one from Target that we got for $30. A friend eventually loaned me her Ergo and we thought the Infantino was just as good. Also I didn’t really like baby-wearing (hurt my ample chest) so I’d definitely recommend getting something cheaper to start with, and then once you determine that a carrier is going to get a lot of use you can upgrade to something more expensive.
Anon in NYC says
My daughter didn’t enjoy a baby carrier when she was a newborn. We had a K’tan, but it never really felt secure enough to me. If I were going to go with another soft carrier for an infant, I’d be interested in trying the Moby or Solly. Do you have an infant store near you? There’s one near me where I can go in and try on all different types of baby carriers with dolls, to get a sense of how it really feels.
Once my daughter was bigger, we liked the Ergo 360 so she could be front facing (her face). We got the Becco toddler one when she got too big to be front facing in the Ergo, but it’s only inward facing.
NewMomAnon says
I had an Ergo (the original, not 360); I used it a ton but it probably wasn’t the best fit for my short torso. I also tried the Moby wrap (two thumbs down) and made a homemade sling for when kiddo was little (worked well until she was about 15 lbs). If I had another infant, I’d get a k’tan for the early days and shop around for a structured carrier that fit me better. I might even wait to buy the structured carrier until I knew baby’s personality; my kiddo would have really liked front facing, but never slept or nursed in the carrier, so the hood and “nursing friendly” features of my Ergo were not helpful.
Actually, at some point, I started exclusively using a structured carrier (maybe Boba?) that could fold into a small pouch. I left it in the car so I’d always have it when we were out and about. It had no features – no hood, no pocket, no padding on the straps. But it was so easy to carry and lightweight.
JTM says
I used my Solly baby wrap exclusively when my kid was 0-4mos, it was really easy for me to tie it on and then just slip her in as needed.
Around 6mos we upgraded to the Lillebaby cause everyone was raving about it and it’s just ok?
rosie says
I was happy with the Baby K’tan until about 3-4 months for naps & around the house. Lille we still use now–variety of different carry positions and can be used for a newborn with a rolled up blanket, no insert needed.
Lana Del Raygun says
The best carrier I’ve ever used was the catbird baby pikkolo, although I haven’t compared it to other soft structured carriers, so I don’t know how much I like this particular model and how much I just like the type. The straps on a bei dai dig into my waist and shoulders more, and ring slings don’t distribute weight as comfortable, imo.
FP says
I am in the same position – though due in Aug with #2. I had an ergo and wrap-style for #1, and like anon above, couldn’t figure out the wrap. I ended up buying a basic Baby Bjorn and found it much easier to use than the wrap or the ergo. The cotton basic Baby Bjorn can be used with tiny infants too, so that’s my plan for #2.
FP says
Ugh this is for KW above.
Anonymous says
This.
Basic baby bjorn (position helped my colic baby’s unhappy tummy) followed by original Ergo and now Toddler Tula for us.
Anon says
I had a k’tan for when she was little and then switched to the lillebaby around 4 months which I love. My kid is on the larger side though, so not sure that makes a difference.
lsw says
Same for us. We still use Lillebaby as a backpack carrier for my tall 2 yo at 30 lbs.
NJ says
Same! Love it.
Regular Bed says
2 year old covers reminded me of a question I have. DD is still in her crib and almost 3. I’m not going to hurry transitioning her to the toddler bed until there is a true reason to do so. That said…when do people transition their kids to a regular bed? Basically, I’m trying to decide how much I should invest in toddler bedding. We have sheets obviously, but she’s still in a sleep sack, so no real covers.
NewMomAnon says
I first converted kiddo’s crib to a toddler bed, and didn’t buy any bedding – she just used the same stuff as before. But when I switched her to a twin bed, I made it special by buying themed bedding (sheets, pillowcase, comforter) with some of her favorite characters on it. Also, we didn’t have any twin sheets or blankets so…was going to have to buy something.
anon says
I did this. And then LO had a couple of accidents at night (we’ve just started undies at night) so we’re back to the comfy throw blanket for now. We moved him to a twin between age 3 and 3.5 He slept on a twin bed at his grandparents and LOVED it so we figured it was time.
CPA Lady says
Transitioned crib to toddler bed (just took the front off the crib and attached the rail) a few months before she turned 3 because she kept trying to climb out. Went to a twin bed at about 3.5. She slept on the twin mattress on the floor for a couple of weeks because we ordered the mattress and the bed frame separately and it took longer for the bed to ship. I had a small quilt for her crib/toddler bed but didn’t buy any new sheets during the three year period she was in her crib. The crib mattress was pretty past its prime and I probably should have moved her into a bed sooner.
Anonymous says
Moved to twin at a little over 3 so we’d be done with that transition before the new baby arrived. Got a waterproof mattress pad, two sets of sheets, and the same blanket he’d already been using. Kid refuses a top sheet so it’s just the fitted sheet and a blanket. Would not spend any more on bedding until absolutely necessary.
Anonymous says
Same anon- I misunderstood your question. We moved from crib straight to twin bed so just skipped toddler bed/bedding.
OP says
Part of me wonders if this would make sense for us. But the crib converts to a toddler bed and we don’t have any other kiddos on the horizon who will need the crib, so I’m sure we’ll try the toddler bed.
Anonymous says
Went from crib to twin bed at age 4 with my oldest. Took side off her crib for a couple weeks first. Never had issues with her getting up at night or wandering because we told her that she had to show that she could stay in bed like a big girl if she wanted a big girl bed.
Anonymous says
If you have an average to small kid you can make the toddler bed last a long time (my small almost-7-year old would be fine size-wise in little brother’s crib). Re: bedding – The crib sheet for the bottom is fine plus either a twin size sheet + throw-size blanket or a toddler-sized duvet. No kid I’ve know can keep a sheet on, and it’s a real pain to make the bed, so we’ve transitioned to just duvets for our big kids. You could even use a twin-sized duvet – it won’t look that neat on the bed unless you make it regularly by folding it up but in terms of keeping kid warm the extra fabric will make it likelier to stay on.
A twin bed is nice because it’s more comfortable for mom & dad to fall asleep in but I (& kids I think) like the coziness of a toddler size bed and that it leaves more floor space open.
So if no one is waiting on the crib and kid is still fine in it there’s no need to transition to a bigger bed.
Anonymous says
My two went from crib to twin bed (mattress on floor) at 20 months. I wanted nothing to do with a toddler bed.
AIMS says
Sleep question: My almost 6 month old routinely wakes up 30-45 min. after going to bed for the night and then wants to be nursed a bit more before falling back asleep. If I nurse him, he’s back to sleep w/in 5 minutes; if I don’t it’s usually more like 15 and he will often still insist on a “top off” and keep waking up until I give in. I usually nurse him before bed but he doesn’t fall asleep eating. How do I address this? We usually have dinner after putting kids to bed so the timing of this is often right as we sit down to eat. Just letting him cry seems harsh in this situation.
Also: thank you for all the formula advice last week. I got some formula “just in case” and my mom ended up not needing it but said she was happy to not worry about running out of milk.
Anonymous says
What have people with high schoolers done about college tours? We live in a rural-ish area of a Midwestern state and college visits aren’t really a thing here since most people go to one of the state schools. When I was a junior in high school, my parents took me to the Northeast to tour a bunch of elite private colleges including Harvard and Yale. That seems sort of silly in hindsight, both because I don’t think I got much out of the tours (I didn’t meet students or attend classes and I think admissions tours are all pretty similar and seeing the physical campus doesn’t tell you much about a school) but also because, even for star students, admission to these schools is such a crapshoot. I ended up getting into one of them and going, but I can imagine feeling terrible about myself if I hadn’t gotten into any of them.
I’d like to expose my (rising junior) daughter to some Ivies or elite liberal arts colleges, because she’s doing very well in school and I want her to know she has options beyond our state schools, but I don’t want her to feel like she has to go to one of them and I’m a little wary of her falling in love with a school before she gets admitted. I know most schools have programs for admitted students so I’m not sure I see the point of visiting before applying.
AHOS says
I’m an administrator at a private school where we devote a fair amount of resources to college counseling for our students. That said, college admission is a weird, crazy numbers game that has become increasingly hard to navigate in the 19 years since I was admitted to my undergrad institution. Is it an option for you to pay for a few sessions with a private college counselor? It’s pricey but might help you create a list of places that would be a good fit for her, interest/grades/personality-wise. Then you could tour schools where she has a shot at getting in vs. getting her heart set on somewhere that’s unattainable.
If she’s interested in a highly-selective college, a lot of them want students to visit campus to “show real interest.” Um, what if the kid can’t afford the travel? But it can make your daughter a more serious candidate come application time.
If she is interested in an all-women’s east coast liberal arts school (holla, Smith!) I would be more than happy to chat with your daughter offline. I am from the midwest too and attended Smith as a 1st gen college student from a traditionally underrepresented group and it was positively life-changing for me.
blueridge29 says
I went to a public high school, but met with a private college counselor early my junior year. It was extremely helpful to speak to someone, not my parents, about how far I was willing to travel, what school size I wanted, and what programs I may want to pursue. After our meeting the counselor generated a list with multiple options and we visited four or five schools. (I think she ranked the reach, likely and safety schools on her list) The process helped me find a college that I enjoyed and decreased any tension with my parents because they weren’t telling me where to go, we were working off the list. Good luck!
OP says
That’s so nice of you to offer to speak with her, thank you! Sadly she doesn’t seem enthusiastic about liberal arts colleges – she’s like her mom and wants to get away from her small town and small high school and go to a big university in a big city. I wish she’d consider them more, since in hindsight I think that would have been a much better fit for me than the Ivy I went to.
Unfortunately private college counselors don’t exist in our area and her public school counselor doesn’t know much about any private schools. I’m hoping to play the college counselor role and help her figure out where she wants to apply since right now the only schools she’s familiar with are our local state school and her parents’ alma maters. It sounds like visiting a variety of schools will be a part of that. She and I take mother-daughter vacations pretty regularly (only child and her dad doesn’t like to travel) so the quality time isn’t really a factor but it sounds like visiting schools will help her figure out where to apply.
Meg Murry says
My father loved to do college visits (he took me, my sister, my cousins and anyone else that wanted to go). We did college visits over long weekends and my spring break junior year and then a few in fall my senior year. For me, it was more about seeing the different cities and meeting the students more so than viewing any one campus in particular. The visits did cause me to choose NOT to apply to one of the schools that was originally my top choice, and eliminate a few schools that were a logistical nightmare to get to – they were technically closer to home than the school I wound up going to, but they were not close to a local airport at all. And in the end, the school I wound up going to was one that I didn’t visit in advance, applied to at the last minute and then visited for their admitted students preview weekend just before I had to make a decision as to which offer to accept. But the college visits helped me get an idea of what I DIDN’T want just as much as what I did want.
SC says
Junior year, I was your daughter–wanted to go to a big college in a big city. I went on college visits, and I didn’t love most of them. My mom practically forced me to visit a small liberal arts school the fall of my senior year. I remember having a big fight with her the morning I left (my dad took me). That school ended up being my first choice–I applied early decision and got in.
I’m not saying this will happen, but for me, this was the value of college visits.
AHOS says
Remote college counseling is A Thing! Don’t count it out — and I’m not saying you wouldn’t be good in this role for her, just that you can definitely hire a pro even if that person doesn’t reside in your area.
Anonymous says
Tufts? (Go jumbos!)
Or is she set on NYU/BU/Columbia style dorms in the city/subway to class?
NewMomAnon says
From what I’m hearing of friends with high school age kids in the Midwest, they take one of three paths:
First, a giant, wide-ranging tour of all the schools in a geographic area that a kid might be interested in. One of my coworkers just drove much of Vermont, New Hampshire, Connecticut, and possibly some other states and “toured” 30 schools, all before kid applied, to narrow down the application pool. They plan to go back and do more thorough visits after kid gets admission decisions.
Second, plan targeted tours of 10-15 schools that “fit” the kid’s interest, budget, geographic preferences, academic performance, etc. These can happen before or after kid has applied (but probably best to do before admissions decisions are made for the reason noted above), but they are tours only of schools the kid thinks they would/could attend. These could include the kid attending a class or spending the night in the dorm. One co-worker made his kid “pitch” him for each school she wanted to visit before he would pay for the trip.
Third, visits to only schools where kids have applied and been admitted. I see folks doing this when their kids are looking only at large state schools in their geographic region, or when budget is an issue; pre-application tours are more common for the private/elite colleges.
AwayEmily says
I am a professor at a big private university, and went to an elite liberal arts college. My take: it’s less important exactly WHICH universities/colleges she visits and more important to visit a range so she gets a sense of what types of places most appeal to her. Some kids love being in a city, others prefer to be close to nature. Some would really benefit from a small liberal arts setting, others thrive at a bigger university. So I would focus on exposing her to a range of different types of institutions. And remember that for each “type” of institution there is also a range of selectivity, so if she falls in love with Williams then she should also apply to Skidmore, Denison, etc.
Anon says
A lot of people tour colleges at some point during juniors year of high school in case they want to apply early decision/early action which can increase your chance of admission. Back in the day, I toured a number of schools I wasn’t even really considering applying to just to get a feel of what different types of schools were like (small liberal arts, rural schools, city schools etc) It definitely helped me think more about what I wanted out of college. In the northeast since cities are close together it’s fairly easy to tour a number of schools in one trip. My parents took me during spring break my junior year, though I know the college admissions game is even crazier and more complicated than it was back then
SC says
I don’t have a high schooler myself, but I can speak a little to when I was in high school. Starting pretty early in high school, my parents weaved college visits into family vacations/work trips/trips to see my grandparents, with a “see what’s out there” mentality. Sometimes that involved the official tour, and sometimes it didn’t. During my junior year, my dad took me on two college visits, where we saw 3-4 schools that were all pretty close together.
I will say that with all the college visits I went on, I felt like I got a pretty good sense of the school culture and the students at most schools. Yes, walking around the campus seems like it’s the same, but the tours are usually led by students, and they go off-script and say things that can be pretty revealing. There’s often more opportunities to talk to students, including some colleges that let high schoolers stay in the dorms for a night.
I liked several schools but didn’t fall in love or have my heart set on any particular one. I knew that it was a random numbers game. I got into my first choice school (a small liberal arts school). Several of my friends had their hearts set on particular places and didn’t get into those schools. That stinks, and I’m sure it was hard for their parents to watch at the time, but it’s not the end of the world (they’re all successful, happy people), and it may even be a growing experience. There may be lots of reasons not to do college visits, like time and money, but I wouldn’t avoid them to avoid the potential heartbreak of not getting in.
Anon in NYC says
I sort of disagree. I think some of the value of visiting and seeing those places is to get a feel for what you want out of a college. Why bother wasting the admission fee if you know that it’s a no-go from the start? I visited colleges up and down the east coast, both before and after I applied, and fell in love with my undergrad’s campus. It felt like what I expected “college” to feel like. Other campuses of very good schools felt like a prison to me or the towns felt culturally very different from what I was used to/wanted.
I can’t speak to the actual college admissions perspective, but the campus visit was a game changer for me.
Frozen Peach says
SAME, +1 million. The college visit process is mostly for the intangibles, so your kid gets a sense of the best type of school for them and their interests, and doesn’t end up at a school he/she hates.
OP says
Oh I definitely think she should visit before she commits to 4 years there and we commit to spending a lot of money there. I was just thinking it might make more sense to visit once she’s accepted. Cost isn’t a big factor and I’d happily take her (or send her, if they have programs just for admitted students w/o parents) anywhere she’s been accepted for an overnight visit. But it seems like a lot of people found pre-admission visits helpful too.
CPA Lady says
Totally agree. Visits made me cross one school off my list within 30 minutes of being on campus. I’m glad I didn’t waste any time and money applying there.
Walnut says
Has your daughter expressed an interest in seeing any of these schools? I also grew up in the rural midwest and very much drove the boat on which schools I wanted to tour. My Mom and I settled on a realistic list and she used the opportunity to coach me on questions to ask, differentiators that were important to me and to meet with financial aide offices as well to understand the financial component. I ended up attending a state school because suddenly the high price tag that came with some of the private schools I toured didn’t seem worth it.
If nothing else came out of it, it was a great time for my mom and I to get quality one on one time and for me to be fully engaged in making some very adult decisions.
AwayEmily says
That is a great point — I still have wonderful memories of college visit trips with my mom. I feel like as a teenager I rarely spent that much one-on-one time with my parents, and it was a great bonding experience.
Artemis says
I was going to say this too. I grew up in Southern California but wanted to know what was out there. My mom and I took a nine-day trip from New Hampshire down to Virginia (all driving once we got there) and visited I don’t even know how many colleges precisely because I wasn’t sure what I wanted and seeing a lot of these places in person really helped me narrow my list. I ended up attending a school in Boston and it was perfect for me.
Most of all, all these years later, I treasure dearly our memories from that trip. We had such a blast, and it really helped cement our close relationship before, and preserve it after, I moved across the country.
NJ says
Neither my parents nor I visited my college before I attended. It turned out fine.
That said, given the opportunity, I would visit colleges with my own kid. Not only because it will be the environment for one of the most formative periods of her life, but I can barely spend a hundred dollars without obsessive research, let alone a hundred thousand plus.
KateMiddletown says
I’d try for a tour of at least one from the major “categories” – your large state school(s), state’s private schools, and at least one that would be considered a “reach.” If she has the proclivities, look at something tech and something liberal arts, including a school that has a co-op or more experiential program.
We’re in the same boat w/ a rising senior and a rising college freshman. Step-kid #1 toured large state schools, the “public ivy” in the state where we live, and her dad’s alma mater (elite private in the south) which is where she ended up getting admitted/matriculating to in the fall. Step-kid #2 will definitely need to take a different tack as her grades won’t get her in to an elite private school, and she skews more hands-on vs. liberal arts. (We’re actually pushing for a gap year for her since she really doesn’t have an inkling as to which kind of school she wants to attend, and she’s v. young for her grade.)
Frozen Peach says
Since you’re in the midwest, shameless plug for visiting Carleton College, since it sounds like it’s something that might be up her alley.
NewMomAnon says
And if you do, make sure to visit St. Olaf too! I feel like that’s a litmus test – which small liberal arts school makes you happier? I toured only Carleton, hated it, and vowed I would never return to Minnesota. I think if I had toured St. Olaf, I would have gone there. Lol.
Frozen Peach says
The best part is that, once you encounter alums from either school in the wild, we are EXACTLY THE SAME. And by and large, our college experiences were also EXACTLY THE SAME. Hilariously so, considering how different we claim to be.
But now I’m interested– what did you hate about Carleton? No offense possible, since it’s decidedly not everyone’s cuppa.
shortperson says
i grew up in a smallish town far away from the east coast schools i wanted to go to. my parents couldnt take time off of work to visit schools with me, so i did an east coast tour with a friend, crashing in dorm rooms at these places. we planned it ourselves, figuring out the train schedules etc. we had a great trip! and i think the colleges were interested in kids whose parents trusted us enough to make the trip work. at least, it worked out for me in the admissions game.
NewMomAnon says
My parents viewed the college tours as a time for me to practice navigating, traveling, and planning independently. It was helpful to me to book my own flights, figure out how to get from the airport to the college, where to stay, etc.
rosie says
College tours were great for me as I was not particularly interested on paper in the school I ended up going to (and applied early to). My college tours were led by current students, so that was actually helpful. Seeing the campuses and walking through the academic buildings were good. I grew up on the east coast and did several trips (Boston area, western Mass, CT, Penn & Baltimore). There are so many schools, I guess I did a little research beforehand but it was probably somewhat arbitrary–like why see Haverford but not Swarthmore, etc. It was really good to get a general sense of liberal arts vs. larger university and city vs. suburban settings.
And another vote that she might consider an all-women’s east coast liberal arts school (holla, Wellesley :)).
Wiping! says
Oh moms, this is a fun one. My DD just really got the hang of the potty. She’s EXTREMELY independent and gets very upset if we try to help her too much, sometimes at all. She is very insistent on wiping after #1, and she’s, well, not great at it, to the point of causing a really painful rash.
Any suggestions? We’ve had many, many discussions about the importance and technique, and the connection with the rash, but I’m pretty sure she’s still skipping it entirely whenever we aren’t there. I hate seeing her in pain, but I also want to respect her body autonomy and independence.
Anon in NYC says
How old is she? My 3 year old will wipe herself (she does not do a good job), and then we wipe too. She’s not particularly independent, but we ignore any protest and just tell her that we’re helping her. Of course, I can’t speak to what she does at school.
Also, is she wearing diapers at night? My daughter still does and if she has any irritation, we do a layer of aquaphor and then desitin and that seems to help clear it up really quickly.
AIMS says
My daughter is similar and with brushing her teeth and washing up we do “first me then you” or “first you then me” … because it’s taking turns, she seems to accept it.
Anonymous says
This. No solo wiping until they are older.
Boston Legal Eagle says
We do the taking turns with our son for teeth brushing too. It’s somewhat effective but better than him constantly yelling “no want that” and running away. Oh toddlers and their need for independence!
Anonymous says
Omg. No. She’s a child. You insist on supervising wiping every time and do it yourself until she gets it right. You are letting her injure herself and suffer because you’re afraid of a tantrum. You must buck up and be the parent. This is unacceptable.
Frozen Peach says
Wow, that’s pretty harsh. I’m the OP and believe me, whenever I can get in there, I do. But my daughter actually uses the potty independently, without telling us. I do not lock the bathroom so she can’t get in there and “injure herself” by peeing.
I don’t see anything about being afraid of a tantrum. I want to encourage my daughter’s independence and teach her that she is in charge of her body, not anyone else, and that includes family. Of course I insist on wiping her whenever I can, but you do eventually have to teach them how…
I would also like to know exactly how you can tell someone has “gotten it right” with that particular skill. Inspections? I definitely insist on going behind her whenever I can see it hasn’t happened.
I hope you don’t have kids, because it sounds like their lives would be pretty miserable and regimented. Also, when did diaper rash turn into an “injury”? If it is, there are a lot of us horrible parents out there. But thanks for making me feel really bad about asking for advice re a parenting challenge!
Frozen Peach says
Actually, never mind. I specifically said “skipping it entirely whenever we aren’t there.”
WHENEVER WE AREN’T THERE.
Are there people that do this? Only allow their toilet-trained children to use the bathroom supervised so their behavior can be monitored?
Anonymous says
For real. My kid has gotten up, from his toddler bed, in the middle of the night to pee and we never noticed until the next morning. (‘Did you forget to empty the potty before we went to bed?’ ‘No, it was clean when I went to bed, why?’ ‘There’s a considerable amount of pee in it right now.’)
I do not know how they handle this at daycare. I’m pretty sure the teachers do try to catch and wipe him, but the occasional underpant skidmarks suggest a certain…degree of stubbornness. At home he ‘practices’ and then we wipe.
KateMiddletown says
FWIW my 8y/o daughter “forgot” to wipe all the time as recently as last year. She loves wet toddler flushable wipes still, so we tend to keep a pack of those in every bathroom, and even sent them to school in her backpack in Kindergarten.
Anonymous says
wet toddler flushable wipes
Regarding this, what brand do you use? I definitely didn’t realize these existed.
KateMiddletown says
Up & Up
Anonymous says
WET FLUSHABLE WIPES. This was a game-changer for my now-4-yo. I get the target brand but scott also has a brand, as to most tp companies.
LH says
Please give me permission to move my 6 mo to her own room at night. She’s a great sleeper in terms of how long she sleeps but she is SO noisy and restless at night that I never feel rested in the morning even after 9-10 hours of sleep. My ped is generally very relaxed but she strongly encourages keeping the baby in our room until 1 year. But I am just sooo tired which seems silly given that my baby is sleeping through the night.
Anon in NYC says
You have my permission. We moved my kid when she outgrew her bassinet at 2 months and she instantly dropped a wakeup (from 3 to 2), and we all had better sleep.
Anonymous says
What?!? Do it tonight.
KateMiddletown says
My neighbor is our ped and a mom of 4, and she moved her 4th into her own room @ 2.5 mos. Do it!
Anonymous says
We did at 4 months. Our pediatrician would always tell us the “official” recommendations and then tell us that her recommendation is whatever gives everyone in the family the most sleep. She didn’t keep her kiddos in her room that long and freely admitted it.
lsw says
MOVE! We did (at six? nine? months, I forget) and I instantly started sleeping better. Then I was a better parent because I wasn’t a sleep-deprived monster. Do it!
Boston Legal Eagle says
Permission granted. We moved our first son at 6 WEEKS and we all slept better. The 1-year rule just seems absolutely crazy to me, unless you are really stretched for space.
CPA Lady says
I put my FIVE DAY OLD infant in a crib in her own room. Neither of us could sleep right next to each other and it was horrible.
Anonymous says
+1 my ped said no problem so long as we are on the same floor. We keep the doors open. It’s not like we couldn’t hear him if he cried. We did at around 3 months.
Anon says
Mine got kicked out to her crib at 3 months when she outgrew the bassinet.
Anonymous says
Yes. My baby moved in at 5 days. My first was in the crib from day 1.
FWIW I do have a bed in the nursery that I sleep in sometimes, but def not every thing.
oil in houston says
we moved ours at 6 month-old, and we ALL slept better. do it! Also, see this NPR article https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2017/06/05/531582634/babies-sleep-better-in-their-own-rooms-after-4-months-study-finds