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I’ve been seeing a lot of (pearl/gemstone encrusted) barrettes recently. As with all new trends for me, my instinct is to be all Grandpa Simpson about it, but I think this barrette seems like an office-appropriate way to incorporate this trend. I can see it worn in the front like the “kids today” are doing, or accenting a bun or a ponytail in the back. At $15, this is a low bar to entry on this trend, but I also think the tortoiseshell is pretty classic. It is available at Banana Republic. Round Hair Barrette This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!Sales of note for 3.28.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – Up to 40% off your full-price purchase; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything plus extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off 2+ items; 40% off 1
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- Lands’ End – 10% off your order
- Loft – 50% off everything
- Nordstrom: Give $150 in gift cards, earn a $25 promo card (ends 3/31)
- Talbots – 40% off 1 item; 25% off everything else
- Zappos – 37,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – 50% off entire site
- Hanna Andersson – 30% off all swim; up to 30% off HannaJams
- J.Crew Crewcuts – 40% off sitewide; 50% off select swim; 50% off kids’ styles
- Old Navy – 50% off Easter deals
- Target – 20% off Easter styles for all; up to 30% off kitchen & dining; BOGO 50% off shoes & slippers for the family;
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anonanonanon says
That would be so cute on someone with thick hair, to pull half of it back. I unfortunately have thin, baby-fine hair, so anything like a barrette just slides right out, but I would definitely notice it and think it was really pretty on someone with enough hair to keep it in.
AIMS says
So our 3 year old has been sleeping in our bed for logistical reasons recently and I think she grinds her teeth. Like, I hear this clicking, grinding sound from time to time. Not 100 % sure that’s what it is but any ideas? I think I’m going to talk to a kids’ dentist and maybe her ped (because she also sometimes snores and maybe it’s somehow related?) but thought I would ask here if anyone has dealt with something similar and has any advice.
Anonymous says
I did this as a kid. My parents could hear me from their room when the doors were open. I don’t think they did much. But obviously still talk to your experts…a lot has changed in the last 35 years!
AIMS says
This is actually very reassuring! I shudder to think of trying to get her to use a mouth guard or whatever. Thanks!
Anon says
My kiddo ground her teeth as an infant when she was teething, and the ped and dentist weren’t worried about it, but given your kiddo is 3 I would check with them to see what they say.
blueberries says
My kid ground his teeth while sleeping and our excellent pediatric dentist was very reassuring. I second calling the dentist!
anon says
Same here. They told me it would happen until he was in his teens.
Make the switch? says
I’ve been a lawyer in a specialized field in state government for 10+ years (first job out of law school) and I’ve got three children under the age of 5. I might have the opportunity to go join a small (a dozen-ish attorneys) law firm part-time (billing 15 hours a week) much closer to my house for close to my current salary. I’d been hoping to go part-time somehow in a couple years, but this opportunity found me. Insurance is not an issue, but I’d be giving up PTO and (minor) retirement contributions. I’m a subject matter expert in my extremely niche field (which I really like) and can’t really advance any more with it. I’m not particularly interested in the type of work the firm does, but I like the people there and I figure that long-term, some different experience will probably be more beneficial than stagnating at my current job. What am I not thinking of?
Irish Midori says
Sounds like an opportunity you’d regret passing by. Have you done the billable hour thing before? If you haven’t, know that 15 billable hours probably means a fair amount more than 15 in-office hours. The transition between getting credit for time in office and having to actually log time that clients will pay for is a bit rough if you’re not expecting it. But it sounds like a good move, especially if you like and respect the people. That makes all the different, IMO.
Anonymous says
Ok I just can’t not ask anymore- what is the origin of your name?
Irish Midori says
Haha! Well, I’m a Notre Dame grad (Irish), and I lived in Japan as a kid, where Midori was a common girl’s name, and has just been a pseudonym I’ve carried since. Also, midori means light green in Japanese, which was my favorite color.
Anonymous says
I don’t know why this has fascinated me so much but thank you for sharing!!
Anonymous says
I’m currently in a similar type job. Two key factors that are keeping me here are flexibility on short notice (no meetings this morning so I spontaneously volunteered for my kid’s field trip and I’ll stay a bit later this evening if needed or just book PTO) plus an office culture that supports taking vacations (PTO). I had a parent in private practice and I remember them having to answer calls/send faxes on vacation, that very very rarely happens with my current job. If you are the sole person in your field, how will they cover any holidays/vacations?
Would you be interested in staying in your current position if there was an opportunity to work part-time? Have you asked for part-time where you are? At the firm, will you have control over your hours? E.g. expectation to be in the office everyday for a shorter period vs. two-three full days a week.
anon says
Law firm work doesn’t tend to come in at a steady pace. I’m not sure I’d believe that you could expect a steady diet of 15 hours of work per week. It may average out to that over a year, but it’s really really hard to keep work coming in at that pace (except in certain specialty practices).
I’d also expect that for your career to grow, you’re going to need to spend more time networking, handling billing, training associates, giving presentations/writing articles, and making pitches for work.
Anonymous says
At the firms I’ve been at (tiny, medium, biglaw), PTO doesn’t really exist for lawyers. That’s both the blessing and the curse of the billable hour- as long as you are getting the work done and meeting the clients’ needs, no one should care if you step out midday for an appointment or take a Friday off. Also, while I may get some discretionary profit sharing contributions to my 401k, the firm doesn’t offer any matching contributions
Make the switch? says
These are all helpful comments. thanks! I’ve never done billable hours before, but I’m thinking/hoping that it translates to three-ish days a week. I agree that it won’t necessarily be steady a 15, but that’s fine. I’m not changing my childcare plans, so I’m fine working 2 days one week, 4 days the next, a little in the evening on occasion, etc. My work now is pretty flexible, and I could possibly go part-time here, but it would come with a corresponding pay cut. I’ll have control over when/where I work. I’m sitting down with the boss soon to discuss the work itself, but he knows what I’m looking for and is pretty confident that our expectations will match up. I have friends who have worked there for years (which I realize could cut both ways) so I have a good idea of how the firm “actually” works too.
Not supermom says
I’ve decided to tell the several nonprofits I serve on the board for that I need to step out a year starting next year. I am on the exec committee track for 2 of them, supposed to take over as chair for one. But surprise baby arrives at the end of the year, and if experience serves, I will have only enough bandwidth to handle my paid work for that first year with an infant. I’m a little sad about dropping back from volunteer work I care about, but also a little relieved that I’m giving myself permission not to do it all. I hope with enough heads up they’ll be able to fill those spots, and they’ll ask me back on when I’m ready to step back up.
Anonymous says
Way to go on taking care of yourself!
Anonymous says
I work at a nonprofit, and I think you are doing the right thing – much better to step back in advance then to be unavailable when they need you. Best of luck to you!
anon says
I think you’re doing the right thing. Knowing your limits is a gift!
Anonymous says
I agree that this is great! I would just ask how/if you can re-enter after that year without losing ground.
Lily says
Good morning – looking for some advice. Our 6 month old daughter will be starting daycare next Monday. My husband (who has been on paternity leave for the last 6 weeks, following my return to work) and I are really dreading it. I actually don’t know how I will be able to physically leave her there. But I know people do this every day and are fine, and it will be fine eventually. But that’s the emotional space we’re in right now.
I have a logistical concern though. Currently, daughter wakes up between 6:30 and 7:15, and I generally feed her within 15 minutes of her waking up (so let’s say around 7 am on average). She then goes down for a nap, typically around 8:45, and sleeps anywhere from 1.2 to 2 hours. But on the days when she wakes up extra early and seems hungry (like today, she was up at 6 and I fed her at 6:30), she needs to go down for her nap sooner (like around 8:30) and eat her second breakfast sooner (like by 9:30).
So how do we juggle this schedule with daycare? My goal is for us to leave the house at 7:45 to get her to daycare by 8:30. If I feed her at 7 (I’m only talking about nursing; no idea how we’re gonna fit in solids in the morning as well!), she’ll need to eat again at 10, which means she really needs to nap by 8:30 to get a solid nap in. So do we put her down for a nap the minute she arrives at daycare? Is that weird?
Please tell me this isn’t that hard and I’m just overly complicating it. This morning she woke up early, so I fed her early, she got fussy and then wouldn’t nap, and was starving by 9:30. It all just feels so hard!
Boston Legal Eagle says
Just keep reminding yourself that it is really really good to expand your village and provide her with other caregivers who love being around babies and will love and take good care of her. We have gotten to know our kids’ infant teachers and they are amazing. And such a great resource because they’ve seen so many babies and have so much experience.
As for the naps and food, I think you can trust the caregivers to figure out a schedule that will work for her. Will it look the same as at home? Maybe not, but that’s ok, she’ll adjust. I’m sure they’d be fine with putting her down for a nap once you get there, or she might get a second burst of energy being in daycare around toys and other kids.
I’m sure this sounds logistically impossible now but trust me, you will figure it out and get used to your new schedule. It will probably feel hectic, but I think that’s just life with small kids. I hope this doesn’t sound patronizing, I’m really hoping this just gives you some peace of mind from someone who is in it as well, but is a little past your stage of life (3 year old and 7 month old).
GCA says
+1 to all of this!
and for the logistics, babies can be remarkably adaptable (and also – at 6 months, the three-nap schedule will only last a couple more months max, and then she’ll drop to two naps). You may find she takes a catnap in the car on the way there, or gets a second wind from being plopped into a new environment with other kids and different toys. My now 9.5mo was an 8.30am napper at home, but she stays awake till 10am at daycare, and inexplicably doesn’t seem tired.
Ms B says
+2. At daycare, they got The Kid down to 2 naps around 7 months and adjusted his schedule to have a shorter nap shortly after 9 a.m. and a long nap at 1:00 p.m. Honestly, it was terrific – sometimes I miss having that three hour block on weekend afternoons when I could clean up, run an errand, and still nap for 45 minutes myself!
Anonymous says
It isn’t going to be that bad. You’ll get in a new routine. It isn’t weird to drop her off ready for a nap but also her whole schedule may change. It will be fine. You can’t figure it out in advance.
anon says
The phases and routines pass so quickly as babies grow. The daycare staff are pros and have seen this many, many times. It will feel hectic, but it will all be ok! As long as she is sleeping for you at night, don’t worry about her naps at daycare. It will all even out.
Anonymous says
+1. She may start taking a shorter morning nap and a longer afternoon one. It will be okay. I had the same worries but discovered my son was a lot more flexible than I realized.
Anonymous says
thanks all for your kind comments. I am such a planner so this is throwing me for a loop, but I just need to trust it will be ok!
Anon says
Giant planner here. My kiddo was a solid 3-4x napper when she went to daycare at 15 weeks. Almost immediately after starting, she went to 1-2 max (and 20-40 mins tops) at daycare though still did 3x on weekends and for longer stretches.
Now at 13 months she still barely gets one in at daycare but does two on weekends (2-3 hrs on mornings and 60-90 mins in the afternoon). As a trade off she just goes to bed early (sometimes as early as 6:30) on weekdays.
All that to say, plan as much as you want. Daycare is the variable and you won’t know how she reacts until you get into your new routine. The daycare people are way more experienced than you (and me!) and have faith they will help you through the transition. I sobbed like a child the first week I dropped her off. But, with time I saw that DD loved her teachers and I really couldn’t ask for more than that. Best of luck – I promise you’ll get through it!
Pogo says
We had a similar schedule and LO often napped immediately at daycare. I haven’t been of this mind, but there are plenty of parents who wake their kids to keep them on a defined schedule. As others mentioned, too, this phase is relatively short – with nap consolidation and sleeping through the night came earlier wakeups for us most days with no effort on our part (at 6mos mine still did 3 naps and did not yet STTN).
I remember fitting in solids in the morning seemed daunting, too… so we didn’t do it! It wasn’t until we started weaning that I consistently did breakfast at home. Even now there are days where he gets a Tupperware of cereal and fruit in the car, especially when I’m solo. It’s all about survival.
Daycare newbie says
We just did this transition two weeks ago and my daughter will be 6 months next week. I decided to just roll with it and try to be ok with the fact that things will look a LOT different for my baby now than they did while I was on leave. So far how this has shaken out for us is that my LO has started taking shorter morning naps and longer mid-day and afternoon naps. She’s sometimes awake longer than her normal 2 hours in the morning, but she’s been ok with it. The first week she was extremely tired in the evenings, but that’s already started to get a little better. It’s a big adjustment, but I was overall surprised at how well she’s handled it!
My only advice is to go into this with an open mind and expect that things will be different, but everything will work out. Also, see if your day care is open to sending you updates during the day at first. I got a couple of videos the first week showing my daughter absolutely loving story and song time and it made me feel so good to see her having fun with her caregivers and other kids.
You can do it! Sending you hugs as you take this big step!!
ElisaR says
napping at daycare at that age was so tough for us. It was totally different than napping at home. The good thing is the daycare teachers are pros and they have literally done this dozens of times. Just know that the naps may not happen according to your plan because it’s just a different setting and variables. Hang in there, it’s tough but you will be ok! I truly feel daycare as babies is a good thing for the babies…. just tough on the parents.
Sarah says
It is so hard and scary but it will be fine! Don’t worry about the schedule. You can talk it over with the daycare teachers but they will be watching her and putting her down when she needs to nap so you don’t need to plan out all the details yourself. Things maybe different at daycare anyway. Daycare teachers know so much and will care about your child and get to know your child’s rhythms too.
octagon says
The teachers have been through this before and will help you along the way. Sleep schedules are so fleeting for babies anyway, so don’t overthink it too much. My kid slept solidly for 3 naps a day at home when I was on leave, but then had serious FOMO and didn’t sleep at all at daycare (maybe 10-minute catnaps, if anything). We’d bring him home and within 30 minutes he was out for the night. So be prepared for a very tired kid at the end of the day, which will also help regulate other sleep as well. You got this!
lawsuited says
I’d just say “she woke up earlier this morning so might need an earlier nap” when you drop her off.
Potty training regressions says
Is there anything to do other than wait it out and just keep reminding her to keep her underwear dry and having her go to the potty to on a regular schedule?
Nothing’s changed at home or daycare and shea not sick or constipated, just all of a sudden doesn’t seem to care if she pees in her pants.
AwayEmily says
We had a similar regression with our 3yo a couple of months ago. About 10 months after she was fully potty-trained she started having near-daily accidents. We kept emphasizing “that is not okay” (not being angry at her, but also not brushing it off) and we also started being much more diligent about regular trips to the potty. Someone on here suggested that it might be partly over-confidence — once they’ve gone for a long time without an accident they start to just assume they can hold it longer than they really can. I think that was part of it.
We also solicited her help — asked her what we could do to help her stop having so many accidents. She suggested more reminders, which we would have done anyway but I think asking helped to get some buy-in from her.
Anyway, it was annoying but resolved fairly quickly and we haven’t had an accident in quite awhile. Hopefully that will happen for you too!
Anonymous says
+1 on the overconfidence factor. In the beginning they go right away because they are worried they can’t hold it. Then they start pushing their luck about how long they can hold it for. I find regular reminders are needed for up to a couple years after they train. We also require that everyone ‘try to go’ before leaving the house and before sitting for meals (otherwise dinner is a non-stop up and down with potty trips).
There’s a Daniel Tiger episode about ‘ if you have to go potty, maybe yes, maybe no, sit and try to go’.
OP says
Yeah, we enforce before we leave the house, too, but this weekend were having issues like trying before we leave the house and then peeing in the carseat 10 minutes later…
We haven’t watched that DT episode, though, so will try it!
Anonymous says
Our rule is that they have to sit and sing the regular DT potty song two times and if no pee comes, they can get up. Usually the song triggers the pee, even in my 7 year old. Usually I sing too.
OP says
Thanks, this is encouraging!
Anon says
has anyone ever traveled with a double jogging stroller and if so, can you recommend a travel bag? we were going to rent one at our destination, but the available rentals are Bob’s and I don’t trust them so we want to bring our Thule
Anonymous says
Just rent the Bob. It’s fine.
AwayEmily says
+1
anon says
Rent the Bob. Check that the front wheel is snug before you use it and it will be a-okay.
Anonymous says
This!
Anonymous says
Also, I believe there were only safety problems with some models, like the older ones. I purchased a bob last year, and the front wheel attachment is different than the ones that made the news recently.
Anonymous says
+1 it’s only the older models. Call whoever you’re renting from and ask how old the strollers are. And are you actually going to jog with it? Like I just use my Bob (gifted to us not asked for) because our neighborhood is super hilly, or we use it on bumpy terrain
Anon. says
Fun weekend update because I just needed to share some happy. We decided to take a last minute trip for the long weekend. Mostly we were just trying to avoid the crummy weather and incessant rain at home. I was excited, but also cautious because traveling with a two-year-old is no guarantee of a good time. But you guys, it was SO MUCH FUN! Little dude was so excited by the simplest of things – the trucks(!) on the highway while driving to the airport, the bus(!) from the parking garage, the airplanes. He was just in awe and so excited and that was so much fun for my husband and me. I have never had that much fun on a rental car shuttle bus.
lsw says
That’s awesome! We also took a spontaneous trip with our 2 (nearing 3) year old and had a great time. We spent much of it hunting for Ewoks in the woods. He was very intrigued by the horses we saw eating grass for their supper.
Cb says
That’s great! My son is still raving about the trams in Berlin.
Spirograph says
The shuttles were a surprise highlight of our recent trip to the airport, too, and it was adorable. Our trip was in March, and they also were fascinated that it was already Spring at our destination and commented excitedly about the LEAVES! and FLOWERS! when everything was still just budding at home. One of my favorite things about having kids is seeing wonder again in things that have become routine to me as an adult.
I’m glad you had a great trip!
Redux says
This weekend I learned that my 5-year old recently started BITING HER TOENAILS mimicking a kid at her daycare. I am so grossed out. She also started biting her fingernails. She has never done this before this week, so it is not a habit yet. I am hoping to nip it in the bud before it becomes a habit, but don’t want to shame her or her friend at school. I was never a nail biter so I don’t know what the general advice is.
Anonymous says
I’m so impressed by her flexibility! “Feet and nails are grubby, we don’t bite them.”
Anonymous says
You could try giving her a chewing necklace as a substitute.
So Anon says
Quick real estate question: We received an offer on the house! YAY! Sellers are asking us to contribute 5k to their closing costs. I assume, but want to confirm, that we do not need to have 5k in cash on hand for closing and that it comes through as a credit. Can anyone speak to this?
Anonymous says
Yeah, basically you’re just getting 5k less for the house, but the sellers will get it up-front instead of off the amount of their mortgage.
Anonymous says
Your realtor can confirm this for you. It’s a fact specific question. Also, that’s amazing!!! Congrats so happy for you!!
HSAL says
Oh interesting, I’ve never heard that – when would the seller need to have cash on hand?
mascot says
If the seller is selling at a loss, they sometimes have to bring cash to the closing to cover the broker’s commission, closing fees, outstanding loans, etc. since the sales price isn’t enough to cover those expenses.
HSAL says
That makes sense, I just assumed from So Anon calling it a credit that that wasn’t the case, since there would be nothing to credit it against.
HSAL says
Correct, it’ll just come off your sale proceeds.
anon says
I need help refreshing my summer basics. Figured I’d ask here, since ya’ll understand the necessity of having clothing that isn’t too precious and can get dirty at the park.
– Where have you found basic summer tank tops that don’t cling to the midsection? I used to stock up on Target’s Merona tanks, but I’ve noticed they aren’t flattering me anymore and I’m strictly using them as layering pieces. I’m looking for tanks that skim my torso, in fun colors. I’ve looked at some outdoorsy brands, but $50 for a basic tank top seems absurd. Maybe it would be worth it, though.
– Graphic tees. Looking for prints that are fun, but not juvenile.
– I have denim shorts that I like, but if you have any suggestions for a different silhouette, I’m open to suggestions! I have substantial, athletic thighs. I used to wear chino shorts a lot; maybe I need to upgrade those?
My life would be so much easier if Cat and Jack made adult clothing. ;) My summer wardrobe has always skewed toward the preppy side, but I seem to be having a harder time pulling off that look now that I’m in my late 30s. I know a lot of people switch to skirts and dresses, but I still prefer separates.
HSAL says
I’m still wearing the Merona tanks. They’re A New Day brand now – same material but I’ve found I have to go up one more size from last summer’s version to get the torso-skimming fit. I was worried they’d be too big in the armholes, but they’re fine. Try that first.
Irish Midori says
If you can catch Banana Republic tanks on sale, they are worth it, IMO. I had luck at Old Navy for tanks, but it’s been a while so I don’t know if they’ve changed. I liked the “tami” style.
AwayEmily says
The past few seasons of Old Navy stuff have not been great (in my opinion), but this summer’s fits/styles seem much better. I would actually go in and try them on, though; there seems to be a lot of variation.
V says
I just ordered a bunch from Target’s Universal Standard line online. The pieces I’ve tried on seem to fit me pretty well for summer basics and the selection is much better online. I got the pull on cotton shorts and a bunch of tees. They also had tanks in different shapes that did not seem to clingy.
octagon says
I am large of thigh and really like the Wit & Wisdom Ab-solution cropped pants (currently on sale at Nordstrom). I had to go up a size because they are slim cut but I got them in 3 colors and expect them to be my summer staple.
FVNC says
+1 to Wit & Wisdom Ab-solution. I have a pair of denim shorts from this line, and also loved the crop pants I tried on (didn’t keep because I didn’t think I’d use them…but they were so comfy!).
ElisaR says
i have some great t-shirts from the “Tees” section on Loft.com. Both tank tops and cap sleeves.
Pogo says
I do think the most flattering options are athleisure tanks – Athleta and Lululemon have several options that are flowy and can be tied in the back or a gathered band at the waist.
KW says
Gap (and Gap Factory) has some “luxe” tanks that aren’t tight in the stomach area. Target seems to have a lot of cute shorts this year, with different inseams. Old Navy too. I’m also looking for cute graphic tees. Target has some that aren’t cheesy, but apparently they are junior’s sizes even though they are located in the women’s section, so they run very small. I ordered one that is gray and says “sunshine” in yellow, but I just couldn’t get it to look right no matter how much I sized up. If you’re smaller than I am, though, they might work.
anon says
My doctor doesn’t do third trimester ultrasounds and I’m 39 weeks today. I had one dating ultrasound in the first tri and the big one at 20 weeks. Is this normal? I’m so anxious about this, I had a different doctor for my first baby. I keep reading about low amniotic fluid and doctors inducing early because of head circumference being too large or the baby being too big etc. I don’t know how my doctor would know any of this without an ultrasound. My doctor says that i’m measuring right on track with the measurements they take with that tape measure (can’t remember the technical term) and they do the doppler at every visit, just seems so archaic. They are known for being natural birth friendly and an excellent practice all around, so I don’t doubt their qualifications, just so different from how all the other OB’s in our area seem to be.
I had an easy, uncomplicated delivery with my first who was born on my due date weighing exactly 8 pounds, so I have no reason to worry other than just being paranoid.
Thoughts?
Anonymous says
I think everything is totally fine and you’ll have a happy healthy baby very soon.
LaLaLondon says
At least in the UK, standard practice is just the two ultrasounds unless they have any reason to suspect other issues/concerns!
Cb says
Yep, I had one extra ultrasound at 32 weeks as I was high risk but just the initial scan and the 20 weeks are standard practice.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I didn’t have any ultrasounds other than the one at the first visit, the 12 week one and then the 20 week one until my due date with my first. They then did one after 41 weeks or so because he was overdue and they checked for fluid. You’re not there yet, so it’s not surprising that they haven’t done one.
Ultrasound measurements are notoriously inaccurate so I wouldn’t induce just for size unless there’s some other medical reason (I am not a doctor, so listen to yours of course!!) FWIW, I had big babies (over 9 and 10 lbs, with the second one having a massive head as well) so it’ll be ok even if they’re big.
Anon says
This is normal! I and lots of my friends have recently had babies and only those of us with complications got ultrasounds after 20 weeks. I think it’s for the best– late ultrasounds often lead to unnecessary interventions. Sending you good vibes for another uncomplicated delivery! Best of luck!!
Anon. says
I had those same two ultrasounds with my first. I think it is fairly standard practice barring other complications. (Note that my mother was in awe of the two I got; she didn’t have any when pregnant with me, they were just starting to become generally available.)
So Anon says
Totally normal! Ultrasounds at the end of pregnancy can be way off, leading to unnecessary interventions. For example, we had an ultrasound with my oldest when I was 37 weeks for some concern that I don’t even remember now. They pegged him at 7+ lbs and predicted he would be 8-9lbs. Little dude came out at 6lbs 5oz. We did a late ultrasound with my youngest because I was 10 days past my due date. They predicted she would be under 8lbs; she was 9lbs3oz. I am so glad I did not know that ahead of her birth because it would have scared me unnecessarily. For a measure of reassurance: both kids had totally healthy births.
op says
Thank you so much everyone. This is so helpful!! I feel so much better.
KW says
This happened to me with my first too. I had an ultrasound at 36 weeks, and they estimated that she was 7lbs at that time and would gain ~ .5 lb per week putting her around 8 lbs at birth. She was born at 39w4d at 6lbs 14oz. I had an extra ultrasound (or maybe 2, can’t remember) with her because she had some fluid on her kidneys that they were monitoring. But otherwise, they just do them at 12 and 20 weeks. Good luck with your labor and delivery!
Irish Midori says
Same! I had ultrasounds right before they wheeled me into labor and delivery with both kids, and both were off by a whole pound.
Anonymous says
That was how my doctor is too. I got one at 34 weeks because I was measuring small and hadn’t gained much weight, but that was not part of the standard care plan. (Baby was 8 lbs 6 oz, fwiw). Until some time in the fairly recent past (1990ish?) you didn’t get an ultrasound at all unless they suspected something was wrong.
Pogo says
Chiming in to agree that standard where I go is a quick check at your first appointment for viability, 12w if you want for the NT, and 20w for all the big stuff. I had many more because I was high risk and I was hoping my placenta would move out of the way, which it finally did near 30w.
Anonymous says
Yup this is normal. And they will probably do a non-stress test after 40w to keep an eye on the baby. So not worry about head circumference or baby being “too big.” This notoriously leads to unnecessary c-sections. You already gave birth to one baby there’s no reason to think this one will randomly be 10lbs unless you had like uncontrolled diabetes or something.
I’ve had more ultrasounds this pregnancy (I’m under 35) because of placenta previa, and then I didn’t gain a lot of weight, and now I need another one at 36w because baby is breech. Frankly they’ve just been an annoyance because everytime the baby looks fine.
Pigpen's Mama says
Fake-Monday Blues here — the post-weekend blahs are always worse after a three-day weekend, even though I was ready for the weekend to be DONE by Monday evening. Rainy weather, a brief power outage, and a social obligation this evening I really don’t want to do, also aren’t helping. I know this too shall pass, but BLAH.
#2? says
TL;DR: How did you know it was time to try for #2?
A couple facts that may or may not influence a response: I’m 34.5 years old. We’ll need to try for 6 months for insurance reasons and then in all likelihood go right to IUI. DD was 2 years delayed because of fertility issues. It will not take 2 years because a lot of that was one-time (surgeries, diagnostic). IUI worked really well (2 cycles only) once we got to that point, so it’s not a years-long variable but could take a few cycles.
DD is 13 months old today. I always thought my kiddos would be close in age, 2-3 years apart max, and that time is sort of now (“now” = 6 months of trying + IUI variable + 40 weeks of pregnancy).
I suppose that, like the first time, there’s no “perfect time” so I should stop trying to define it. But we are in the process of buying a bigger house – it’s 100% within our budget but it is more expensive so there’s some adjustment to consider there, and especially before considering the incremental cost of childcare for a second kiddo. I’m also just now into a groove at work since coming back in September. On the one hand I can’t imagine derailing the progress I’ve made at work since returning from leave… but on the other, maybe that’s just the way it goes… I did it once so I could do it again?
Would love to hear any wisdom the hive has to offer!
Boston Legal Eagle says
I wouldn’t bank on having fertility issues again with your second. I’ve heard so many stories of the first taking a while and then the second taking no time at all, so if you’re ready to have a kid now (in 9 months), then start trying. I guess they would be a little under 2 years apart at that point, so you might want to wait a few months.
As for the other factors, there will always be something that doesn’t line up perfectly. We were ready when DS1 was a little over 1.5 as I knew I wanted more than 1 and figured we were in the little kid phase so we might as well add to the chaos while we were still in it. Our kids are 2.5 years apart and it’s hectic now but I’m hopeful they will play well together in the future being so close in age!
Anonymous says
This. Assume you could have a baby nine months after you start trying. My cousin tried for three years for her first. Didn’t think they had to worry about precautions and that’s how they ended up with two under one year.
We didn’t start trying until our oldest was 2 years old. The difference between 2 and 3 is big and friends who had a three year old when their second baby was born seemed to have an easier time vs. when the oldest was only 2.
Anonymous says
+1. Newborn and 2 year old is so much harder than newborn and 3 year old (or even almost-3-year-old).
AwayEmily says
There was a good thread on this the other week. We had our second when our first was 22 months and if I could do it over I probably would have spaced it more like three years. The difference between a 2 year old and a 3 year old is HUGE in terms of self-sufficiency.
Anon says
Similarly though, you can’t bank on having the same outcome from fertility issues as the first time – there’s no guarantee that IUI will work after a few cycles this time just because it worked last time.
Trying to figure out how long it will take you to get pregnant is impossible. You have to be prepared for it to happen the first month, but also aware that it could take much longer than expected.
Jeffiner says
This. Secondary infertility is real, and not always resolved the same way primary infertility is.
So Anon says
We went through several rounds of fertility treatments to have our first. The closest I wanted my kids was 2 years and six months apart, but I really thought that the spacing between my sister and I was great (4 years). I was sure it would take time. My kids are currently 2 years and seven months apart.
Irish Midori says
Accidentally got pregnant when #1 was about 20 months old. It ended up being perfect timing. #1 was old enough to talk and understand, but close enough in age to entertain the new one. My career was in transition, so it felt like a terrible time (lost my job while I was on maternity leave, which was a long story, but ended up being the best thing that ever happened to me because it was a terrible job and I was too scared to quit). But it worked out for the best.
Some of these things are impossible to plan. Life happens. You’ll make room for a new one whenever it comes.
Anonymous says
Eh, we stopped preventing when the youngest existing child was around 12-13 months, and my kids have about 22 months between. I am happy with how this worked out now that the youngest is almost 3, but it is always hard to have an infant and a preschooler at the same time. There is literally no way around that, short of extensive outsourcing including a 24/7 nanny or postpartum doula. And pregnancy is pregnancy. Even if it’s easy, there are aspects of it that are hard, and your energy levels will be an issue at various times. If you want a second child, these are things you’ll have to face. It sounds like the fundamentals are there, so go for it whenever you feel ready, and you’ll make it work.
As Irish Midori said, life happens. Just roll with it!
Anonymous says
+1 took us a long time to get pregnant with number one. Had one time without contraception, asked my DH if I should get the morning after pill and he was like no we don’t get pregnant easily…2 weeks or less later had a positive pregnancy test! And baby #2 is on their way…
But yeh there’s never a perfect time to have a baby. Ours will be 2 years and 4 months apart. I’d want them at least two years apart but plenty of people do less spacing and survive.
Anonymous says
Wait til they would end up 2 years apart in school. I think they already would be at this point, but if you have them close in age and still 2 grades apart that would be ideal. Like a spring baby then fall baby assuming you have a late summer cutoff works great.
Anonymous says
What is everyone planning for father’s day this year? It’ll be my husband’s first father’s day. He really made Mother’s Day a nice day for me so I’d like to make sure it’s special for him. I already ordered him a t-shirt that says “taco” and a matching onesie for our daughter that says “taquito.” But I’d love any suggestions you all have for experiences and/or physical gifts that you’ve done that have gone over well or new ideas you’re planning to use this year. TIA!
anon says
a bunch of friends I have purchased wooded DAD letters and take a pic of their kid each year for DH with the same letters, so you can see how the kids grow over the years. this is DH’s second father’s day, but last year we had 6 week old twins, so we didn’t do too much. he has been very stressed/burnt out at work and not getting any time to himself. this weekend he almost lost it and sitting by the pool by himself for 1.5 hours really helped. so i just booked him a massage as a gift on that day and am going to order him to spend an hour sitting by the pool. also getting him a photo mug and then we’ll probably go out to brunch and dinner. we have all bdays, mothers day and fathers day in a less than 2 month period which gets to be a bit much. i always wanted to have kids in the fall or in February, but kind of hard to plan those things in life…
Anonymous says
My BFF did the taco and taquito shirts last year! It was super cute.
To answer your question, we’ll be on a plane home from vacation so my Father’s Day present will be being primarily responsible for the kid on the plane. And a card. DH doesn’t care much about the holiday and we never exchange gifts for this kind of thing.
Anonymous says
Nothing! I’m taking the kids to my mom’s house that weekend, and I’m letting DH choose whether he wants to come with us or stay home and do his own thing. DH will likely buy himself a new grill, since he missed the Memorial Day sales and Fathers Day is likely to be the next big sales event. I support this, but I’m not going to try to pick out a grill for him. I will probably get him a new set of grilling tools since a crucial piece has gone missing.
Things/gifts we’ve done for father’s day in the past: Baseball game (MLB and the local AAA team), steam train ride (more fun for the kids than DH, but he had fun watching them have fun). Coordinating shirts (ours were chess themed. Dad got king, kids got pawns). Matching socks (huge hit with both DH and the kids). We do cards, but the kids always make cute crafts at daycare with hand prints and photos, so I don’t bother with any of those.
Anonymous says
The best Father’s Day gift I ever gave my husband was to surprise him by doing a difficult and unpleasant household chore that he had been dreading and couldn’t really figure out how to do himself. Otherwise, we don’t generally make a big deal out of Father’s Day. Sometimes we invite his parents over for a BBQ.
Anonymous says
It’s one of our kid’s birthdays and my in laws will be in town. I think he’ll get a card and a pass on diaper duty, which is about what I got ;). I took myself to get a pedicure too.
Anonymous says
BigLaw associates with babies — were you able to enforce an evening time when you were offline (like 5:30 to 7 or something along those lines so you can do pick up/dinner/bed)? I am trying to figure out how to set expectations, both for myself/husband and with my firm. My husband has a more straightforward 9-6 job and could reliably do pick-up/evenings, but then would I feel sad to miss out on that? Any advice? Thank you!!
Anon says
Officially no, but practically yes. If it can wait, I usually respond with “yes, I can do that after bedtime.” Every now and then there is something urgent that can’t wait a few hours, but most of the time that is not the case. Caveat that we’re staggered later, so I typically leave the office around 7 or 8, and then have my dinner and playtime, bath and bed with kiddo and then sometimes log back on after bedtime. For me, I like the bedtime routine and snuggles, so I’m usually only home for around 15-20 minutes of awake time in the morning. If that timing doesn’t work for your practice or schedule, consider whether doing morning cuddles, breakfast and a little play time then is a better fit and let your husband do pick-up and evenings.
Anonymous says
I can when I’m not too busy. Everything goes out the window when things get crazy, so I am generally not the designated pick-up person for my kids. This works for me now as a senior associate but did not work as well (or at least I was not confident enough) when I was a junior associate, so YMMV.
anon says
I am able to do it most days – say, 6-8:30. DH does pick up and dinner (except when he’s traveling), but this lets me be home in time for dinner. Most things aren’t *that* time sensitive. Also, I am usually checking my email.
Anonymous says
my opinion as a senior associate with 2 little ones is that it’s better not to broadcast this. just leave when you need to leave. if someone needs you online during that block, just let them know in that instance that you’ll be back online after 7:00 or whatever the time is. if someone just emails you during that block, simply respond after bedtime.
also, having your husband do pickup is the biggest blessing. if you get stuck on a call that runs 10 minutes late, you don’t have to make an announcement/draw attention to yourself. it’s easier for you to attend the occasional happy hour or stick around for a late filing, etc. it makes your husband more invested in childcare and he gets the “super dad” points from the rest of the world (eye roll).
Law mama says
Yes totally agree. If you happen to have an early riser you can get a solid chunk of time in together in the morning (and frankly that is usually better quality time). My husband does pickup. I usually make it home on the tail end of kids dinner to play a little and then do bath and bedtime alone or with husband, but if I have to work late I still feel okay because I had that great time at the beginning of the day.
So Anon says
When I was in biglaw with my son, I left when I needed to leave. I would check email on the ride home (T or bus), answer the questions that I could and respond to the rest with a message that I would provide a detailed answer after 8pm. I also found that having one or two evenings a week where I was in the office late really helped on the optics front. I would work until 8 or 9pm one or two evenings and make a point of being visible on those evenings.
Anonymous says
I’m sure this has been asked before, but how do you make time for exercise with young kids? LO just turned 1 and I realized I am the same weight I was a year ago (when I was pregnant!). I used to be a morning exerciser, but that’s pretty much the only time I get to spend with LO when she’s in a good mood.
For reference, on a typical day, I wake up at 5:30 and shower. She wakes up at 6 and we read/ cuddle/ play until 7. Dad takes over at 7 while I finish getting ready and I’m out the door at 7:30. I get home at 6, and then it’s her dinner, bath and bed.
I don’t feel like I can fit a workout in during the day because I’m behind on hours and need facetime in the office. I’ve thought about after she goes to bed, but the couple times I have planned it, I’ve been too tired (and expect that will usually be the case). Any thoughts?
So Anon says
After kids, I really found the mid-day workout to be the only time that worked for me. As with so many things post-kids, I found that I needed to lower my standards. While a 1.5 hour chunk of time in the gym used to be ideal, now I can make do with 1 hour away from my desk (10 minutes to change, 30 minutes to workout, 20 minutes to get showered, changed and back to my desk). I can generally squeeze a run into 30 minutes or do weights, but not both. I also found that the best time to go changes with the facetime requirements of my office. In biglaw, 2-3pm seemed to be the time when no one really cared if I was away. Now that I am in-house, lunch from 12-1 is a sacred time where people generally don’t schedule meetings. I would try and squeeze in an hour 2-3 times a week and see if anyone notices; you may be pleasantly surprised!
Boston Legal Eagle says
When I had one kid, I aimed to exercise once or twice during the week – by waking up really early (5am) and going to the gym before everyone was up, and then again over the weekend, usually during naptime. In the warmer months, we’d also using the jogging stroller to go for a run outside.
Anonymous says
Could you pop her in the stroller when she gets up and do a 20 minute run? Or a mommy and me yoga video? At 12 months she’s still young enough to be the weight in weight bearing exercises in yoga! 2- 4 is the trickest age for yoga. Or try a ten minute HIIT routine between 6-7 while she watches/play nearby. Or could your DH take over at 6:45 so you can get in a HIIT workout?
If it’s purely weight loss, vs. toning, that starts in the kitchen. As I got further into my thirties my metabolism slowed noticeably and I had to adjust my eating accordingly.
GCA says
I could’ve written this when I had one 1-year-old. Could you trade off with husband – a couple of nights a week straight after work, go to the gym/ run/ do an exercise class and leave husband to do the bedtime routine? By age 1 you most likely have the evening routine down pat so it can be done solo if necessary.
octagon says
I do 6 a.m. orangetheory classes. I’m home by 7:10 and out the door by 8, but kiddo doesn’t wake up until 7:30. Would you be willing to exercise at 5 am? I tried to do evening exercise but there are too many things that come up and I am just too tired. The only way it gets done is if I do it first thing.
Anonymous says
Thanks for the suggestions– a location of the gym we belong to is supposed to be opening near our house later this year, so then it might be practical to go to an early class and come home to get ready. For now, I like the idea of aiming for 1-2 per week!
I know it’s not just exercise, but I’m more confident that I can do that than I am about fitting in exercise. I tend to be more motivated to eat healthy when I’m pushing myself physically too!
Anonymous says
Piggybacking on the above post about biglaw associates with babies: If both you and your husband are in jobs with unpredictable hours, are nanny(ies) or daycare + au pair (or a reliable babysitter) really the best options if you don’t have family living nearby? Husband and I are discussing when we would like to TTC, but it seems like unless we outsource everything, we should perhaps consider moving to where our parents live (which actually isn’t a bad market at all, just a different one across the country) before doing that.
OP says
You and your husband or wife or partner** :)
Anonymous says
I think so, yes. For two jobs with unpredictable hours, daycare is not sufficient.
Pogo says
Yes, you need more coverage unless you both have super predictable schedules. We have family near by, but could also make do with a reliable and flexible babysitter (especially helpful if one or both of you travel for work too).
ElisaR says
daycare is tough and i have a flexible job and work 3 miles from the daycare (my husband has longer hours and works far away).
I am not in biglaw but my impression is that there are long hours and not a lot of flexibility so I think a nanny would be a must. (au pair is probably not a good solution bc they have very strict hours – they cannot work over 40 hours a week or something like that.)
Quail says
Yes. We have baby #2 on the way and a preschooler and even with one biglaw and one government job, we will need the extra care. Plus think about sick days, snow days, work travel, etc – even with one kid, it’s often stressful juggling whose meeting is more important or who has to find the backup care, etc.
But I also wouldn’t necessarily move to be closer to family unless you can actually depend on that family, and whether your relationship can handle relying on them for consistent childcare. This works for lots of (lucky) people but it would not work in our family – and we would not have known that before the baby arrived.
Quail says
And also we did move to be closer to family once we had a kid. Now we can drive rather than fly to see family, which is awesome, and we see everyone a lot more than we did when it was $1000 in plane tickets for a visit. But it is not close enough for uh-oh, can you pick up the baby today?
Anonymous says
Yep. A lot of my friends moved to be near family with a lot of success. But it wouldn’t have worked for us. My in-laws are very hands-off when it comes to our daughter, which we didn’t realize until she was here. My parents are more interested in active caregiving but they are still working and travel a lot for both work and pleasure so I’d say at least half the time we would need backup care they’d be unavailable.
anon says
Yes, this exactly. I’ve seen more than one family caregiver situation not work because either a) the grandparents weren’t able or willing to provide that level of care; or b) the grandparents tried it and realized they didn’t have the time or energy to take on that type of role. (Even those who went into caregiving with lots of enthusiasm and good intentions.) I envy people who have family help, but it’s by no means a given. Have a conversation with the grandparents before you uproot your lives.
SC says
+1. We live near my husband’s family. His parents are divorced, and both are remarried, so there are 4 grandparents in town. Before our baby was born, there was a lot of noise about them helping with childcare or handling pickups, etc. But all 4 of the grandparents work at least part-time. They also help with other grandchildren (each pair of grandparents has 5 grandchildren). None of them wanted to commit to a schedule. It’s lovely to live nearby–we spend time together, Kiddo has a relationship with them, and we get some free babysitting if we ask in advance and are flexible. But it’s not close to replacing full-time, or even reliable part-time, childcare. When I was in mid-law, and DH was working long hours, we had a nanny.
So Anon says
Agreed. My mom is an amazing help. She picks up my kids every Friday afternoon, but at least once a month, if not more, she is unable to pick them up due to one of her own commitments. The result is that I still plan on care, that is not my mother, every single Friday. She can do some sick days but is generally not available until after 10am when she leaves the gym. As a result, I have a network of options, including a school-based aftercare, a babysitter, my mom, and my own ability to work from home.
Anonymous says
Yeah, it’s definitely a know-your-parents sort of thing. My parents are great for watching kiddo on sick days so we can get a few hours of work in, but they a) travel a lot and b) love their grandkids but don’t want to be responsible for care on a regular schedule, so I couldn’t rely on them to do daycare pickup every day, or anything like that.
Blueberries says
Without family nearby, you need multiple backups because stuff happens: nannies get sick, quit, it’s hard to find a new nanny, kid gets sick at daycare, daycare has random day off, you decide daycare isn’t meeting kid’s needs and there’s a wait for anything better, etc.
I’m also an advocate for both parents, but especially dads, sometimes taking off at inconvenient times for kid needs. It can be insanely stressful in biglaw, but I don’t see it getting better unless more sometimes say “sorry, that’ll have to wait. I’m home with my sick kid today.” But that’s a high risk strategy unless we can get buy-in from more biglaw lawyers.
Anonymous says
I am biglaw and DH is government. I think if we were both biglaw we would have to have our own nanny and would choose one with a lot of flexibility for overtime hours. We live close to family, but they all have their own lives and we cannot rely on them nearly as much as we would need to with two biglaw careers.
Anonymous says
My husband is in biglaw and I am in smaller law firm with lower billing requirements. We have been able to survive on just daycare and supplementing with babysitters for times we need to catch up on work due to the lower billing billing requirements. One great benefit my husband has through his office is backup care. This is not used when the child is truly sick, but is an amazing asset when there is a scheduled closure, weather closure, or the second day of an illness after he is already improving but needs some rest.
Kart says
Just a warning and to echo concerns raised by others: are you sure your parents are going to want to be your on-call childcare? Do they still work or have hobbies of their own that they’re not going to want to give up? Do your parents live in a place such that you could be within a short drive of them AND a convenient commute to the office (like, 15-20 minutes max for each)? Moving to be close to family may not be the answer. Think about the fact that unless it’s established that grandma/grandpa WILL have the kids every day from 5 to 8 (or whatever the arrangement is), you’ll always be asking them to “help out” on a one-off basis, which can get really stressful to have to ask, wait for an answer, deal with it if the answer is no, etc. Whereas paid help can be much more reliable.
Anon says
If my husband were not staying home, I would need daycare plus a nanny to cover all the childcare we would need. We actually live near family, but they’re not that helpful from a childcare perspective because their health has declined significantly and suddenly in the last few years, and so we generally only ask them to babysit if we really can’t find anyone else.
Quail says
Also, as someone who has been where you are – consider the career ramifications of moving markets. Are you involved in bar associations? Pro bono or other volunteer work? What mentorship would you be giving up? And if you move firms, how long would you have to wait before TTC? (At my firm, a lawyer has to be here 18 months before meaningful primary parental leave kicks in).
As I mentioned above, I moved cross-country from a city where I summered and clerked to be closer, although not close, to family, and there are definitely times where I wish I could run into my judge at a bar event, or reach out to the local network I built while clerking and interning. I’m rebuilding it in my new city, but it’s just something to consider when making the calculus, depending on your practice/career level. I didn’t really consider it because I was just starting my career and although I would have likely made the same decision, I would have understood more what I was giving up.
P says
Just chiming in to say that daycare + au pair has been a great set-up for my family (biglaw + professor who travels regularly for work, no family close by).