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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
DCPreg says
Hi everyone. First post here. I am newly pregnant (I think about 4-5 weeks, haven’t been to the OB yet). I took two positive pregnancy tests earlier this week. Here’s my problem: I cannot stop worrying about miscarrying. I do not have any stark pregnancy symptoms – a tiny bit of nausea and a slight headache, but honestly if I didn’t know I was pregnant I probably wouldn’t even notice those things. I know it’s very early still, but that’s also part of the reason I’m so worried about miscarriage (as everything I’ve read said it so often happens very early in pregnancy, often before a woman even knows she’s pregnant).
Has anyone else dealt with this problem? Any suggestions on how to put these thoughts aside? My first OB appointment isn’t for another 3 weeks, so I guess I just wait it out till then?
Lyssa says
Congrats on the pregnancy! I definitely had that same paranoia (and still do – thank goodness for the reassuring kicks now!). Most people don’t get real symptoms until 6 weeks or so, so it’s definitely not unusual that you don’t have them (and some, myself included, don’t really get much of any). I don’t know that there’s much you can really do, other than just try to wait it out. It’s easier as it goes on, but you’re going to worry regardless. Good luck!
2Under2 says
May I suggest a mantra? Like “I am growing a healthy baby.” Try to combat the scary thoughts with some positive reassurance. Congratulations!
noob says
I just kept telling myself that there wasn’t anything I could do either way. Most of those early miscarriages are because the embryo just isn’t viable due to some genetic issue, so if it was going to happen, it would.
That may or may not help — it really didn’t help me avoid those thoughts, but it helped in cutting those thoughts short, if that makes sense.
Newly pregnant says
I was in your shoes (and still am, at 27 weeks). I was just saying to my husband that I’ve been surprised at how paranoid I still feel – I really didn’t expect it. I had heard that the worse a woman feels early in a pregnancy the “stronger” the pregnancy. Well, I didn’t feel any pregnancy symptoms until about 9-10 weeks, and then it was mostly food aversions. Up until that point I felt perfectly normal, and still haven’t experienced any real morning sickness/nausea. So rest assured that you are not the only one.
MomAnon4This says
I have good news and bad news. The good news is, you probably won’t feel any pregnancy symptoms until 6-8+ weeks. For me with this most recent (healthy) pregnancy, the (terrible) symptoms started after the 8-week confirmation heartbeat ultrasound.
The bad news – as indicated, that feeling of wanting to protect your baby & there being only a limited amount you can do will probably never, ever go away. My kiddo is in kindergarten right now, and I want to protect him – from what? Sickness, violence, heartbreak, bad friendships, mean teachers, crazy people in my own family? but guess what – I’m a good mom and have set him up to learn (and in your case, grow) and succeed as much as possible, with or without me.
You’re already a good mom. You can only do so much. It sucks, but heartbreak comes with the “parent” job description.
Jen says
On balance, I had an easy pregnancy. Worst symptom was being tired and feeling slightly hungover all the time during my 1st trimester. And, you know, gaining 65lbs (all of which I lost by 6 months post partum, so don’t freak!). I also had a super healthy kid who was extra full term (8 days late).
PregAnon says
That’s what the feeling is!!! I don’t drink at all, so I couldn’t quite put my finger on the feeling. Slightly hungover. Even when I’m not crazy nauseous, I have an almost headache and feel fuzzy. What a great way to describe it!
KJ says
I was the same – super, super anxious about miscarrying to the point where I felt like I couldn’t think about anything else. And I have a medical issue that increases risk of miscarriage, so that certainly didn’t help. One thing I read online that I liked was to try to enjoy and appreciate every day you have the opportunity to grow the baby. Everything else was largely out of my control, but it felt good to say, “Today you are here, you are mine, no matter what happens tomorrow.” I started worrying a lot less when I made it to the second trimester. Good luck and congrats!
abc says
Oh dear, first of all congratulations. Feeling paranoid is absolutely normal, but for the sake of your sanity it’s important to keep your mind busy with other things at least until you have your appointment with the OB and drive him crazy with your questions. As for the symptoms, each pregnancy is different; I had absolutely no symptoms during my whole pregnancy other than a light heartburn at some point of my first trimester, and delivered a healthy baby boy.
quailison says
Chiming in to say I had the same fears, had very few first trimester symptoms (and thus had the same worries about lack of symptoms), and went on to have a healthy and uneventful pregnancy. Like others have said, I tried to remind myself that whatever happened was out of my hands. I felt much better in the second trimester – and after every OB appointment where I heard the heartbeat! That said, the worry might not ever go away, so learning to reassure yourself is a helpful skill to have.
And congratulations!!!!
PregLawyer says
Yep, I also had that paranoia. Like a poster above, I was comforted by the fact that there was honestly nothing I could do to prevent an early miscarriage. It doesn’t take the overall worry away, but it did stop those anxiety spirals from going too far.
One thing to note – don’t read too much online in the early few months. Get one good book and read through the do’s and don’ts chapters and leave it at that. When you get to your first doctor’s appointment, you can then ask all your questions. The message boards online can be CRAZY. And cause a lot of unnecessary worry.
You might want to decide whether or not to tell anyone other than your partner. I did – I told my parents and sisters. That was great, but in retrospect, it made everything much more real in those early weeks. If I’d had a loss it would have been a lot harder. I think if I hadn’t told anyone, I could have sort of suspended thinking in too much detail about the baby until I got to a safer time period.
sfg says
Just echoing everyone else’s comments. For me, the most powerful thing about pregnancy has been this sense of how little there is that I can control – the worry of the week/trimester just shifts. Hard lesson for my type A tendencies. All symptoms pretty much kicked in like clockwork at 7 weeks on the dot.
I like the idea of a mantra – and I wish you the very best.
Sarabeth says
Just another voice saying that I had basically none of the classic first-tri symptoms, spent the whole time worrying about miscarriage, and ended up with a healthy kid at the end. In retrospect, I wish I’d been able to enjoy the lack of morning sickness more, rather than convincing myself it was a bad sign.
DCPreg says
Thank you all so much for the thoughtful replies. It’s good to know I’m not the only one that’s felt this way. I will try hard to put it out of my head and think calming thoughts – and stay off crazy-making websites!
CPA Lady says
I was also crazy paranoid and anxious during my (totally uneventful and healthy) pregnancy. I had two websites I had basically memorized, one was miscarriage risk day by day for the first trimester (though after 7 weeks, you’re pretty much out of the woods), and the other was premature viability, because why not bookend the pregnancy with out of control anxiety? But seriously, for me, seeing the numbers helped. I also tried to laugh at myself, read a lot of paranoid parrot, and talk to my very calm and level-headed sister.
Just because you don’t have any symptoms doesn’t mean something bad is going to happen, but maybe they just haven’t arrived yet. I also thought I wasn’t going to get any of the pregnancy symptoms and was similarly anxious about that, but somewhere around week 7, all day long nausea set in, which lasted for 10 weeks straight, and coincided with my busiest time of the year at work. It was less than delightful.
anonymous says
I felt nothing when I went in for my first appointment at 8 weeks and was told “it’s twins!!”. I’m now 35 weeks and have never felt sick. Some people have symptoms and some don’t.
Burgher says
Just want to chime in with another instance of lack of “typical” pregnancy symptoms not meaning anything (other than you might be lucky and have an easy pregnancy!). I’ve had 2 healthy babies and had no morning sickness with either of them. I was extremely tired during the first trimester, falling asleep on the couch at 6-7 PM, but that was it.
Co-Sleep says
I am an accidental co-sleeper. I used to only bring my baby into bed after an early morning waking – 5:30 – to get everyone more sleep, but – shocking! – now he pretty much won’t go back into his crib after any night feedings/wakings. This has been going on for about a month, and I’m realizing that I’ve accidentally turned us into co-sleepers from pretty much his 1AM feed until morning (he eats again at 3:30, and is starting to want to be up for the day at 5:30). This isn’t something I’m interested in doing long-term, but we are also in that truly bizarre 4 to 6 month sleep window (he’s just over 5 months). So, right now, it’s helping us all get more sleep, and I wouldn’t mind getting him through to a point where he can go longer without eating at night. However, I really don’t want to add a bad habit that’s really hard to break. Has anyone successfully or seamlessly navigated away from co-sleeping after a few weeks? I’m thinking around 6 months or so, he’ll stop waking at night, and the problem will fix itself. Wishful thinking?
Maddie Ross says
I accidentally co-slept from about 9 months to 15 months, and we still were able to break LO of it through sleep training. I never intended to co-sleep, but like you, we brought her in in the morning to feed and then let her stay, and it just kept creeping earlier and earlier, until she was practically in our bed from 11pm on. My take – do what you need to do in the moment to sleep. If it’s working for everyone to co-sleep part of the night now, even if that wasn’t your intention, let it go for now. It’s not an impossible habit to break and you’ll know when the time is right to do it (for us, it was when it became clear that as much as LO liked being close to us, she needed more space and we did too).
CHJ says
This was our experience exactly. DS slowly started sleeping in the bed with us more and more each day around 8 months. Around 13-14 months, he started sleeping much worse and waking up a lot at night, and it became clear that our presence was waking him up more than comforting him. We did a little mini sleep training to move him to his crib at around 15 months, but at that point, he was so ready to have his own space that he didn’t need much training. We all slept a lot better after that, but I still miss having him in the bed!
Co-Sleep says
Thanks so much for chiming in! Right now, I do love having him close, and it’s helping more than it’s hurting. We resisted it completely with my older child, and instead, spent months 4 through 6 rocking him for 2 hours in the middle of the night. This is totally preferable! I just know I don’t want to do this long-term (more for my own sanity/space issues than anything), and I’ve heard horror stories about having to wean kiddos away from co-sleeping.
Burgher says
We also accidentally started co-sleeping because of BFing, and then later sleep trained at 14 months. He was the best sleeper ever from 14 months right up until he figured out he could crawl out of his crib at a little over 2 years old. Once he realized he could get out of bed, all bets were off. He now only wants to sleep in “mama bed”. I don’t mind because I like the snuggles, but it does get old.
Frozen Peach says
I am taking a one-day bar exam next week at 30 weeks pg. Any advice or tips for survival/comfort? I’ve got my certificate of accommodation, so I can bring in snacks and a pillow… I’m planning to dress like a hobo for maximum comfort, and am going to try to get up and walk around briefly at least every half hour to stave off back pain, etc.
Has anyone else done this? Any/all advice welcomed, especially suggestions for non-noisy snacks (at first I thought, baby carrots! apple slices! and then thought better of it…).
Newly pregnant says
In terms of snacks, I’d say cheese, a smoothie, a PB&J sandwich, or maybe grapes/berries (they seem less noisy to me).
(former) preg 3L says
DO NOT BRING A TURKEY SANDWICH or any kind of turkey. It will put you to sleep. Fortunately I only made that mistake during the practice, not during the actual exam.
Anon says
If she could do it through contractions, you can do it without them :)
http://www.abajournal.com/news/article/nu_law_grad_finishes_illinois_bar_exam_just_2_hours_before_delivering_baby/
NewMomAnon says
A friend of mine took the bar exam while pregnant, and she got a special accomodation to sit right next to the bathroom. Can you bring in water? I think either an icy cold water bottle or a warm thermos could act as a hot or cold pack to help with back pain, leg pain, etc. I would also schedule a massage and/or yoga class for right after or the day after to work out some of those kinks ASAP.
mascot says
How do you handle discomfort now when working a busy day at the office? I would treat the exam like that with a less comfortable chair. If your back is really bothering you, those peel and stick thermacare type pads can help.
Snack -wise I would go for protein and fruit. And pack yourself a good lunch. While the temptation may be to idly guzzle water, I’d probably try to moderate my fluid intake to avoid more bathroom trips. (This assumes that you are well hydrated in the days leading up to exam and don’t have some medical issue of course)
Anon says
I have a regular OBGYN, but am looking for a midwife to help with the delivery. Any recs in the DC Metro area?
Spirograph says
Didn’t use them myself, but I heard a lot of good things about MAMAS. After two less than stellar hospital birth experiences with an OB, I plan to check them out if I go for round #3.
KJ says
I loved Midwifery Care Associates. Their office is in Rockville, though, so it’s only convenient if you live in Montgomery County. They deliver at Shady Grove, which I would also recommend.
Carrie M says
My midwife was wonderful, but I think she only works with patients at Arlington Womens Center. They have 3 midwives there now – Karen K and Melissa Z are both fantastic.
If you like your OB already, have you thought about a doula? I really liked Tara Voigt at Your Body Your Birth.
OP says
Are doulas helpful even if I am not planning a drug-free labor? I always associated them with more natural methods, but I plan on taking the epidural. I also plan to have my mother and husband in the room for emotional support, but as this is my first baby, I have no idea how helpful they will be!
(former) preg 3L says
Yes, a doula can be very helpful even if you plan on having an epidural. First, there is a lot of labor to work through before you’re ready for the epidural, and second, the epidural may not completely numb all sensation. You’ll still want coping techniques. You should bring it up with the doulas when you interview them though, and see what they have to say.
Nonny says
Doulas are fantastic. I had one during my very long labour that ended up with an epidural and then a C-section. Apart from helping me with the labour before the epidural, she was really helpful in helping me work through the options that the hospital staff were giving me, explaining the likely chain of events, and supporting my SO, who probably would not have known how to help me otherwise. Doulas can’t make decisions on your behalf, but they can help explain what is going on, and if you are going to a doula-friendly hospital (luckily I was), they can help explain to the nurses how you are feeling and what is happening, even if you aren’t all that coherent.
Carrie M says
Yes! I ended up with an epidural, but it was so helpful to have her there with me for the 8 hours before I got the meds (and to have her just a phone call away for the 18 hours before that when I was in early-labor). It’s great your mom will be there too. We loved having Tara in the room because it gave my husband a break (I was having intense back labor so I needed someone to press on my back hard during every contraction). They traded off taking little cat naps too.
I also found the nurses left us alone more because they knew Tara and were comfortable that we’d call for them if something crazy happened.
Two other anecdotes on why I liked having Tara there:
First, my epidural didn’t work the first time, but I thought it was normal that I was still feeling some pain. She saw I was still in pain and then brought it to the nurse’s attention. Eventually we got the anesthesiologist to come back and do it a second time. But I don’t think I would have advocated enough for myself because I just didn’t know what I was doing (and I was exhausted).
Second, after I got Pitocin, my midwife told the nurse to get a peanut-shaped yoga ball to hold in between my knees to help encourage the baby to turn and move down (she was not in a good position). The nurse was wonderful, but she had no idea how to use it. Tara jumped right in and helped, and she timed it so that I switched positions every 15 min or so. It ended up working like a charm!
Anonymous says
+1 to Karen and Melissa at Arlington Womens center. And I was really pleased with VHC for the delivery.
+1 also to getting a doula, no matter what your birth plan. They help decipher all the doctor-speak, encourage and empower you to think through your options, and have lots of tips and tricks to help you through labor. Also, they can give your partner a break / support them during labor when they’re freaked out as well.
Anony Law Mom says
Ladies, I could use some thoughts on my work situation.
I’ve been working as an associate at a small firm for the last ten years. I do 100% litigation in a specialized area of the law. I have primary responsibility for my cases, first or second chair trials, take and defend depositions, etc. Now I have two small children (4 and 1). I came back 80% after my first child was born and told the partnership that I do not want to be considered for partner in the near future. I have been working an 80% schedule for the last four years – what that really means is nobody cares where I am or what I am doing as long as I get my work done. Sometimes I work closer to 70% of the week and sometimes closer to 200%. It depends on the week and my cases. My husband also has a demanding job that is more stable, better schedule, makes more money, more opportunity for growth. Our family just can’t handle this any more, the kids need more time with us, we need time to exercise, relax, etc. I need to cut back. My firm is very open to working with me, and I am pretty sure that they will agree to whatever I would like to do. I just can’t figure out what will work. My options, as I see them, are:
1. Quit this job — potentially look for another in a few years, possibly something in house (which would require that I learn a new skill set);
2. Reduce my case list to 50% and (theoretically) work 50% of the time — but the schedule will still be unpredictable, and a 50% case list does not necessarily equate to working a 50% schedule, especially when things go to trial, child care would be difficult to schedule for the baby;
3. Request that a back up lawyer be assigned to my cases to handle overflow — this is the only one I don’t think the firm will go for;
4. Propose a job share — one of my colleagues with a similar experience level is open to this, but we have different work styles, and I don’t think it would last;
5. Give up having my own cases and take on a research/writing/covering on other cases role — research and writing are not my favorite aspects of the job, so this would not be ideal, and I am not sure I would have much work, would I want to be a contractor or employee?
Am I missing any options? Has anyone else managed to scale back significantly? Any advice? Thanks for your thoughts.
JJ says
I’m sorry you’re going through this, but it seems like such a common issue for working-mom attorneys to have. I’ve been in that exact place (although I was full time the entire time I was at a firm), and made a similar decision that our family could not function like that.
I think 1, 2, and 5 are your most viable options. You don’t say what kind of law you specialize in, but larger corporations will have in-house positions in almost every area of law that they deal with. Perhaps that’s an option? Perhaps look at your options while you’re employed – so you don’t have a gap on your resume?
I think you’ve nailed why option 2 is difficult as a litigator, and why I decided it wasn’t an option for me. No matter what your theoretical hours limit is, your cases and clients need to be attended to, and that can mean an unpredictable schedule. But it can be a temporary solution to buy you some time until you decide what a more long-term option would be.
One thing I learned (I went in-house at the beginning of the year from a firm) is that my job needs to reflect the season of my life. For now, I’m happy doing this because it’s less hours, more predictable, and less stress.
Anony Law Mom says
Thanks for the response. I do specialized plaintiffs’ work (so no hours requirement per se), and I’m really not interested in defense work in my area of the law or working in house monitoring outside litigation in my area. The defense side of my job seems miserable, and I don’t think it’s better for the in house folks. That’s why I’m thinking I’d need some kind of training/education to do in house work. Thanks again.
JJ says
I know it’s not glamorous, but there are larger law firms that hire non-partner track counsel solely for brief writing, or research, or drafting discovery responses (shudder). Depending on the firm/position, you could be paid per project or a salary. It’s fairly easy to get up to speed on new substantive areas of law if you’re a good litigator – perhaps that’s an option?
Anony Law Mom says
Good to know. That’s news to me. That might work out if I decide I want to go in house.
sfg says
I know someone who works in BigLaw in this type of role and loves it – though her role is beyond just research/writing/discovery responses, she has a low billable goal and no business pressures, and still does plenty things she finds interesting.
Queen of Nacho Picchu says
Is government practice a viable option for you with your specialty? I’m a government litigator and my hours are way better than my friends’ at firms. Many of my coworkers stay at the job in part because of the flexibility to take off for family reasons. It is true, though, that the people I know who have reduced their hours to 80% for example often wound up working more due to the demands of their caseloads.
Annoy Law Mom says
I could do defense work for the government, but that does not appeal to me and would have many of the same problems. I could probably figure out government work in a related area. Thanks for the input.
Tough call says
It sounds like you have almost too much flexibility! I think you have to sit down and really decide what you actually want, as it’s unclear from your post. If you really enjoy your job, I’d attempt to cut back somewhat, and pump money into providing more stability for your family – for instance, can you outsource more, such as food prep? nanny to cover a set number of hours each week, even if you aren’t working, etc.?
But, I would be honest with yourself. If the uncertainty of hours/scheduling is really hard on you or you feel it is really hurting your family, your best option is finding alternate employment, or taking a break for a while. Litigation, almost by definition, is not going to be a scheduled practice area. Even if you cut way back on cases, one case can blow up and be extremely time intensive, and as much as your firm is willing to give you flexibility, you still have to be a profit-maker for it. At some point, the reduction in cases/hours will not weigh in your favor.
Personally – I was also a litigator with a considerable amount of autonomy and flexibility, and I gave it up for a lot of the reasons you mentioned. I missed time with my husband, personal time, the ability to engage in my hobbies regularly, and travel. Especially after our kids were born, I finally was able to admit to myself that as much as I loved certain parts of being a litigator, I just wasn’t meant to be in a job with so little flexibility. I still miss being in court, but I wouldn’t trade my current set-up (part-time non-legal position). It was a hard call, but I was able to awlk away after I realized that I could not find one senior person in my law firm whose schedule I wanted to emulate. I’m not saying this well – but I guess I realized that even the most senior litigators were still working during vacation, coming in on holidays, and regularly giving up weekend plans, and that it wouldn’t be a reality to assume I could build the kind of life I wanted in the firm, so I left. I’ve honestly never regretted it.
Annoy Law Mom says
Good points, especially re: the senior people. Thanks.
Queen of Nacho Picchu says
I’m in need of inspiration. Anyone want to share their postpartum weight loss story/tips? I gained about 50lbs during each of my 2 pregnancies in the last 2.5 years. Now, 5 weeks after baby #2 I’m about 60lbs over my prepregnancy weight (only lost about 20lbs after each pregnancy). I plan on nursing exclusively for 6 months and did that with baby #1 but that didn’t equate with weight loss for me. I’m also afraid that a drastic reduction of calories will affect milk supply. I’m sad to think of how long getting fit might take. Anyone been there?
Midwest Mom says
I didn’t start working out seriously (beyond leisurely walks in the stroller) and trying to get back in shape until my baby was 6 months old. But then I jumped right into the Insanity workout and did two rounds of it back to back. I finished when she was about 11 months old and exclusively breastfed her until she was past 12 months. I made sure to eat extra calories to keep my supply up but tried to keep it clean and healthy. And also made sure to drink a ton of water. So my advice is just start doing some sort of exercise and don’t drastically reduce your calories. You can always slowly cut back but try to keep your food healthy. I also used MyFitnessPal to keep track of my food, mostly to ensure that I was eating enough so that it wouldn’t affect my milk supply. It will probably take months, but like the saying goes, 9 months on, 9 months (or more!) off.
CC says
I gained 40 pounds during pregnancy (and about 15 in the two years it took us to get pregnant). Now, five months postpartum I have about 25 to go. What has helped me is focusing on losing just five pounds a time so I’m reaching goals more frequently. I’m using My Fitness Pal and getting in some exercise but not regularly. I know that weight watchers can take breastfeeding into account, so you may want to check that out!
EB0220 says
I am almost 7 months postpartum with baby #2. I gained about 35-40 lb during each of my pregnancies, although I did hit pre-pregnancy weight before getting pregnant with baby #2. I’m now down to pre-baby weight again. I took it off slowly (no more than 1.5 lb a week) by eating a mostly carb-free and dairy-free diet. I try to listen to my hunger cues and I drink a ton of water. I try to work out at lunch. My baby is breastfed (+ some solids now) and my supply has been ok.
Queen of Nacho Picchu says
Thanks guys! I Recently started using Myfitnesspal too and am hoping it helps. Did you set a customs calorie intake limit, or did you just follow its recommendation once you set a weight loss goal?
Anon in DC says
Does anyone have any recommendations for consignment shops or equivalent in the DC area for (1) maternity wear; and (2) kid’s clothes/equipment? We’re on a tight budget and I’d like to buy used as much as possible, but I’m not sure where to start.
Or are there online sources?
Thanks!
Spirograph says
If you have a car, Kid to Kid in Rockville is pretty good. Also, look into local listservs, people often try to offload their kid stuff and maternity clothes there.
Anon in DC says
Great, thank you!
Anonymous says
I went to Bellies and Babies in Del Rey. They have some maternity wear and tons of kids stuff. Also got a few pieces from resalematernity (dot) com, although their selection was a bit limited.
Also, check for consignment sales, although they can be overwhelming. If you happen to live in Nova (or can drive here) the Fairlington moms club consignment sale is the morning of March 7 at the Fairlington Community Center. And I think I heard that the Washington Junior League also has a sale that day, but not sure.
Also, Craigslist, especially if you know exactly what you want and can stalk it for good prices. I got a great deal on a glider and got a lot of gear that way (rock n play, ergo, diaper bags, etc.).
Finally, I wouldn’t worry too much about clothes or toys, since people tend to gift you those.
Dogs and babes says
So, this may be a silly question, but how did the dog owners among you deal with the birth of your child? I’m pregnant. I also have an adorable (albeit slightly neurotic) beagle mix who sleeps with DH and I. I am definitely going to chat with the vet at the next visit, keep the meds on hand for the transition, try to have DH/family introduce baby smells before baby gets home. What else should I be thinking about? I should probably start training the dog to sleep elsewhere before the baby gets home, I suppose. Is in the same room OK? I’m WORRIED about her!
NewMomAnon says
It is not a silly question! My husband and I took our dogs to a “getting ready for baby” class – they covered some commands like asking your dog to stay off a blanket, sit/stay/leave it. They also covered some logistics, like how to handle walking your dog while pushing a stroller. But the most helpful stuff they covered was how to entertain a busy dog when you don’t have time for walks or playtime – like setting up “treasure hunts” for their dinner so they have to search for piles of food throughout the house, or maximizing the effectiveness of a Kong toy.
My dogs are both pretty chill and we didn’t have too many problems; they LOVED pacifiers, so that was a constant struggle, and the dogs chewed up a couple of plush toys (and tried really hard to get that Sophie giraffe thing). But they were mostly afraid of the baby for the first month and stayed at a distance; they were also both very attentive to the baby and would come and get me if baby was crying while someone else was holding her. No idea on sleeping; my big dog wouldn’t come near the bed if baby was on it, and my little dog wasn’t a bed sleeper anyway.
Now the issue is teaching the baby to respect the dogs….
New Mom says
So we just had our first child and are going through this right now. And I thought it would be helpful to share aince our dog has sort of had an opposite response: she loves the baby and likes to be in the thick of things. Our main question going into our first apptmt at the pediatricians was, how bad is it that our dog is always licking the baby?
He said to try to discourage that for the first couple months, but I am not doing a great job. It is clear the dog realizes the baby is part of her family now too, and I dont want her to feel excluded!
On the flipside, I am feeling down because the dog has been avoiding me more. I am hoping it is just because I had a c section with a tough recovery and she knows to keep her distance somehow. Otherwise I just feel bad! With all the time I am spending breastfeeding I literally cant give her enough attention too!
CC says
I was worried too, but we have found our dog to be a non-issue. Our dog slept in our bed pre-baby and still does. I don’t see how that will be a problem unless you’re planning on co-sleeping? We did have some family bring home a baby hat before we brought baby home so the dog could smell it. Then we just kept a really close eye on how the dog reacted for the first few days home to make sure he didn’t exhibit any aggression towards the baby. My experience was the same as New Mom – dog loved the baby and wanted to give him kisses all the time!
OP says
Thank you all. It definitely helps to hear about others’ experiences with this.
CPA Lady says
So I realize this doesn’t exactly address your question, but this is something that happened to me with my cats that I was really not expecting.
I’ve been a crazy cat lady my whole life, and I wanted to let you know that I think its totally normal to be way, way more frustrated with your pets than you could have previously imagined, once you have a newborn. I found it so frustrating to have something else that needed something from me, and could be loud and disruptive during the few precious hours of sleep we tried to get at night– oh, it’s 3 a.m. and you’re finally getting to sleep? Lets race around the house howling!!
At the hospital where I delivered, they make all parents watch the “don’t shake a baby” DVD before you check out. I like to joke with my husband that they should have added a segment called “don’t kick your pet”.
Anyway, long story short, if you find your pet frustrating/enraging, it gets better. I’m way less frustrated with my cats now than I was a couple months ago, and I’m excited about my daughter getting to grow up with pets.
Jen says
We have a difficult dog, it it took him a long time to warm up to the baby. Even today, kiddo is 2 and the dog still will not want to tolerate her and go into his crate and get annoyed if she pesters him. We watch them very closely. We have worked-and still work- with a trainer. Our daughter has grown up knowing that pulling dog tails, hitting or stealing food from the dog is simply not allowed, Full Stop. She is a “no fear” baby but she definitely backs off if the dog grumbles at her.
We have a back up plan (family member) to take the dog if we ever decide it is not do-able but for now, it works. Just so you know, our dog has always been high strung and difficult. It didn’t happen once the baby came.