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Kids love stickers, and parents love reusable stickers.
These colorful, reusable sticker pads from Melissa & Doug are great for travel. This set has hundreds of stickers that can be placed (and repositioned) on several background scenes.
My kids discovered that they also stick on our walls and windows — after they’re done decorating, the stickers peel off without any residue or mess. I just put them all in an old school-supply box and they’re ready for next time.
A set of three reusable sticker pads is $13.99 at Target and Amazon.
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- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Cb says
I always wish these were 50% smaller so they’d fit in my son’s rucksack for the plane. But I admit, our last flight, I packed books and colouring and an ipad, and my son binged Octonauts the whole 3 hours. The children behind us were racuous and my son only piped up to ask for more chocolate and to randomly shout “TUNA!” about midway through.
AIMS says
They have smaller ones! Lots of different companies but I like the Usborne ones best.
There is also a magnetic version although those pieces tend to be so small and I would hate to look for any lost ones in the confines of a teeny airlines seat.
Cb says
Ah, I’ll have a look. We’re very into washi tape artwork lately, which is a cheap and easy art project. I bought a stack of blank postcards and he’ll make patterns out of washi tape and we’ll send them to people for birthday cards or just to say hello. We made some super cute Christmas tree ones.
GCA says
Oh good, I’m not the only one whose kid randomly says things from whatever show she’s watching midway in, while wearing headphones. The other day she was on the tablet with headphones on while I was making dinner and I heard a little voice go, ‘Buddy has a hypothesis!’
Anon says
Yeah I’ve given up packing anything but the tablet since that’s all she wants to do.
Anon says
We like the M&N puffy reusable sticker books, because they’re much smaller and better for planes. An added bonus is that my kids could do the puffy stickers way before they had the dexterity for this kind.
Anon. says
Same!
MNF says
Was literally playing with these in the kitchen this morning with my almost 3 year old. She loves all stickers but these are my favorite because I’m not constantly monitoring whether they’re going on our hardwood furniture/floors (or trying to unstick them). Highly recommend.
AnonATL says
The hardwood floors in our house are covered in puffy stickers! I need to pick some of these up.
Anon. says
I love these. My kids also adore the M&D reusable version that is puffy stickers.
Anon says
I am NOT a morning person. Neither is my toddler. He has been waking up earlier and earlier these days (used to sleep 7:30-6:30, now he’s waking at 5 even if we push back his bedtime). Mornings are filled with tantrums and whining, which are incredibly difficult for me.
Those of you who are not morning people, how do you deal with early mornings with kids who scream and scream? Do you sleep earlier in the evening? Earplugs? Noise cancelling headphones? I basically solo parent weekdays due to DH’s job so asking him to help in the mornings is not an option. I am at my wits end and need some thoughts on how to get through the whining/screaming years.
Cb says
That sounds rough! Is it possible that something is waking him up?Does he need a potty, is there some sort of noise (bin lorry, neighbour leaving) that’s interrupting his sleep cycle?
AwayEmily says
Ugh that’s tough. Do you use a Hatch or OK to Wake clock? Those helped with my early risers, though it took time.
AIMS says
Are you pushing back bedtime or pushing it up? My kids always wake up earlier when they go to sleep later but, counterintuitively, wake up later when I put them down half an hour earlier. This helps me too b/c I am not a morning person in part because I like to have time to myself to unwind, which leads to late nights, and the sooner my kids go to bed the sooner I can start and then hopefully go to bed sooner, too.
Agree that a clock helps.
Anon says
Oh yes you know what, we’ve been pushing bedtime to 8 thinking it’d make him sleep in. Will try pushing bed time to 7am. He also naps a lot at daycare (2-2.5hrs in the afternoon) so maybe that’s part of the problem.
Will have to try the clock idea everyone suggested (we have a hatch), he might be too young to understand (15 months) but I’m ready to try anything.
Anon says
Could it be teething? That always caused early wakings for us. I think teeth move more overnight and kids generally sleep most soundly at the beginning of the night and are more likely to wake up due to teeth pain in the early morning.
anonM says
Both of my kids went through wake-up-at-5am stages, that largely seems to have passed. We used the ok-to-wake light + making it as boring as possible when they get up at 5 (trying to make them stay in their room for at least some of the time until ok-to-wake light), etc. I don’t think you can get an earlier riser to magically sleep in until 8:30, but I think you can say 5am is too early and not meeting their sleep needs. In other words, try to treat this as a phase. You might still be up at 6 but that’s much better than 5! I do try to go to sleep earlier when we are in a tough sleep patch with the kids, as it’s the only way I’m not super cranky dealing with it in the am. Depending on the age, I’d also be looking at what is underlying this – molars coming in? Hitting a new development? Getting sick? Good luck. (And if you find a trick for the whining let us all know because aghhh)
Anon says
My kid always woke up super early during the toddler years and was always SO grumpy when he woke up. We tried a bunch of stuff, but ultimately settled on letting him watch some TV in the morning while the on-duty parent half-napped on the couch. It helped him calm down + us not go crazy.
Anonymous says
I would wait until the time change this weekend to try to do anything with his bedtime. Does he have blackout curtains? My son tends to wake up early in the spring every year, maybe because of the earlier daylight but I also think he is often having some kind of growth spurt or developmental leap. With any sleep issue, look at it holistically – what is happening with naps?
Anonymous says
+1 for taking advantage of daylight saving. Keep putting him to bed at the same time, which on the clock will be an hour later. If he keeps waking up at the same time, it’s actually 6:00 instead of 5:00.
Anon says
If your kid is screaming and throwing tantrums all morning, let them watch TV for a while some days (not a permanent solution, but something to help in this tough phase). It’s better than the alternative and will give both of you a break. Or try having a stack of books ready to read them while you drink coffee. You could also blow up a balloon for them to play with. Sometimes you just need a little ray of light, when they can be content for ten minutes so it’s not this constant frustration.
Anon. says
+1m to using the Hatch.
I am not a morning person and never have been. My son went through this phase. Hatch helped a lot for us. Talk about it a lot. In our house it is pink at night and turns green when it’s time to wake up. Oh, your light is pink – time for resting. Enter his room as soon as the light turns green – it’s green!!!! Set the green light to come on 3 – 5 minutes after he wakes so you can make a big deal of it. Slowly push back to reasonable hour. And then set your alarm to go off 5-10 minutes before green light so you wake up to peace as opposed to screaming waking you from a hard sleep.
We also have a large comfy beanbag chair in the toddler room that can lay right next to the crib so that when I absolutely have to go in I don’t have to lay on the floor.
Anon says
If my kid has a good nap, he stays up late to make up for it. We usually sleep ~8:30/9-6:30.
NYCer says
+1. Not sure how old OP’s toddler is, but I see above that he naps 2+ hours at daycare. With such a long nap, I would try a later bed time. If my just turned 3yo naps, she is up until 9pm (usually wakes up at 630/7am).
Anon says
She said he’s only 15 months. That seems young for a nap to really affect nighttime sleep. But I totally agree about preschoolers. My 4 year old cannot sleep before midnight if she naps now. We have to actively prevent her from napping on the weekends, which I feel guilty about, but a midnight bedtime is not good for any of us.
NYCer says
Ah did not read close enough! I totally agree that is super young, and a 2+ hour nap should not impact nighttime sleep.
AIMS says
Can we talk about weeknight routines with small kids? My 6 year old has after school until 5 because we both work and she and her brother go to bed between 730 and 8. Our school doesn’t do homework (separate issue) but I feel like my evening is leaving work early to run pick her up by 5, get home at 5:15/5:20, make dinner while kids watch TV/play and decompose, eat around 545-6, and then dinner is done at 630/645 and we barely have time to take a bath and clean up before it’s time for bed. So the result is she doesn’t practice piano like she’s supposed to, we don’t practice any reading, and I can’t even imagine how we would do any homework if it was assigned. BUT – she definitely needs help with her reading and writing! Not sure what I need to rearrange to fit in 20 min of reading in there – I guess probably the bath? And of course the biggest hurdle ends up when Mr. AIMS wants to sit at dinner and talk while kids play, which throws even the bath out the window, never mind reading etc. But I also feel like a football coach if I say let’s talk later and keep to a schedule.
Should add, we always read a story for bed so that’s not an issue, but I feel like my daughter really needs help practicing her reading and I want to find the time for that. I guess I don’t even know if this is a question or just curious it’s about how you all handle weeknights with similar age kids who get cranky and refuse to fall asleep when they stay up too late.
Anon says
Your schedule sounds similar to ours, but we do have homework. And both kids need reading practice. We gave up on meal prep to buy the time, and switched the bedtime story to reading practice time.
Mine really need that decompress time after school, so we do a play time/ talk with parents between 5:20-5:40ish. Then 5:40-6:00 is homework time, and meals are now a quick 5-10 min assembly rather than making something so we’re still eating around 6. We end meal at 6:45, bath and ready for bed by 7:30, then it’s 1:1 time. We spend 7:30-8 working on reading – each parent lets a kid “read” the bedtime story themselves, or at least together.
Anonymous says
Is there any homework help available at the after school program? I know you said there’s no homework, but maybe someone could read with her then? This is so hard because sometimes kids are just done by the end of the day.
GCA says
+1. our afterschool program goes to 4th grade; the kids with homework can opt to do it any time during afterschool.
Anon says
I don’t know what aftercare is like in NYC but in our area, it’s one teacher for 30+ kids and it’s complete chaos. There’s no way a teacher would be able to read with a child. Kids can do homework independently if they have it, but it’s not reasonable to expect help from a teacher. They’re busy just making sure the kids don’t kill each other.
Cb says
Ugh, it’s a slog. Could your daughter read to you while one of you is making dinner? At the kitchen counter, maybe with a starter? Or backload it to the weekend, making it feel like a bit of a special solo time with mom or sad?
My son gets books read to him in the bath (while having a bath snack, the little emperor).
Boston Legal Eagle says
When you say they don’t do homework as an issue, do you mean you wish she had homework? I think she’s in K like my older kid and I want to put off homework as long as possible! I think at our school it starts with 1st grade, but it’s limited and our aftercare has homework hour, which we plan to use. For now, we don’t do anything school related after school and we do our raz kids reading or any other one-off project (leprechaun trap this month!) on the weekends. My older kid is exhausted by the end of the day, and mostly just needs to move his body before he passes out. Our evenings are as follows:
Get kids from daycare and aftercare (my dad comes twice a week) and home by 5:10ish. Kids play while husband cooks dinner. Dinner by 5:30. Kids play/run around/dance/act crazy until 6ish, which is when older kid’s bedtime routine starts. We manage to do baths for them every night but it’s certainly not necessary. Older kid in his room at around 6:30, dances some more, we read and then he’s asleep by 7:30, often by 7. Younger kid is just behind him and is in his crib by 7:30.
Is there something specific about her reading that’s a concern? I think these kids do so much in K now that I don’t want to overload my kid even more at night. When he’s older, we might incorporate more activities on weeknights, but for now, he (and we) just can’t handle it.
AwayEmily says
Same. As far as I can tell, my kindergartener is very average in terms of reading ability. Well, average for the kids at her school, probably below average for kids of parents on here. She probably would improve if we practiced at home, but that is a very low priority for me. After school is for playing and family time and outside time. If the teacher tells me there is a specific thing she needs to work on at home, then of course we will make time but otherwise nope.
AIMS says
She’s in 1st grade because NYC public schools are on a very strict calendar system. She’s literally the youngest in her class and definitely could use more help with reading/writing. Her reading is just at grade level but barely and we just got it there now, it was below GL all fall. The reason I’m annoyed about the lack of homework is because I have no idea how to help her b/c I don’t have any idea what they are learning or how she is doing with it. At least with zoom school I had a sense of what was happening and how other kids were doing. And if we lived outside of NYC or she went to private school she’d be in K now so I guess I just feel guilty that she’d be excelling in different circumstances but is barely keeping up now? This may not be entirely rational…
GCA says
Are you able to reach out to the teacher to get a sense of what they’re learning and how she is doing? And ask for the teacher’s suggestions to support her at home? I hate putting more burdens on already overstretched teachers, but getting up to speed in reading is a common challenge for many kids – they’ll probably have some ready answers. They’ll also appreciate that you care.
Anonymous says
AIMS, also in NYC and our parent teacher conferences are coming up, right? I would ask the teacher what they recommend and specifically ask what kind of time commitment they are imagining. Be candid about the limitations of your schedule – NYC public school teachers are used to 2 working parents and families with fewer resources than most on this board (in my experience anyway – there is probably more variation in NYC elementary schools than I realize). Ask if read alouds are helpful. (There are a LOT on YouTube, fyi, that you could potentially incorporate into the screentime periods). I think kids in 1st grade are also probably the ones who have been the most impacted by school closures on learning to read, so I am guessing the whole class may actually be behind right now. That sucks but is not necessarily something you can fix quickly or by yourself. Also, find out what the afterschool is doing – they may be doing some read alouds or other activities that you are not aware of but that also support reading.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Got it, thanks for the information. I agree with the above posters to check in with the teacher, and that it’s likely true that a lot of kids are “behind” in reading in 1st grade (in quotes because I’m not sure if our standards here in the U.S. are necessarily the best) due to remote school.
anon says
Can you do baths or showers in the morning while you get ready? I can monitor my 5 yo in the shower while I do my hair and makeup pretty easily.
We go up to bed at 7 PM, with lights out by 7:45 PM. Both kids read to us and then we read to them in that window.
If you have an early riser, you could also do a morning story in bed before starting the morning routine. Have your 6 yo read to you for 10 minutes cuddled in bed when she’s fresh.
My daughters often draw and color while we make dinner. That could get a good window for writing practice. We’ll often make birthday cards for relatives or upcoming birthday parties. My kids also like writing dinner menus and pretending that we’re at a restaurant, or tickets to a post dinner performance.
Anonanonanon says
I don’t have much advice but do want to say that, as someone with a middle-school-aged child now, weeknights were a wash for a number of years just as you described. I would wait until Summer to worry about adding writing worksheets/practice and more reading time to the routine, personally.
Fwiw, my son wasn’t into reading until he was about 8, now he’s one of those kids who reads a whole Harry Potter book in a day. Don’t worry, it will come!
Spirograph says
This. My oldest was not a strong reader, and not into reading at age 6. I did try to do reading practice semi-regularly with him, but I’m not convinced it helped at all. He loved listening to me and DH read aloud to him, so we just leaned into that instead.
It was like a switch flipped in 3rd grade, and he’s burning through books independently, now
Anonymous says
When does Mr. AIMS get home? It sounds like you need to divide and conquer. I would have one parent read with your daughter while the other fixes dinner. If eating dinner really takes 45 minutes, it’s not likely that the parents are actually eating for that entire time. In our house, dad is a fast eater and the kids are pokey so dad does the dishes and cleans up while the kids push the food around on their plates. Mom and dad chat during this time. Then you are done with dinner and cleanup by 6:30 or 6:45, which gives you an hour or more for bath and reading aloud. If doing the dishes while the kids finish eating is not feasible, then one parent needs to handle bath and books while the other cleans up, or cleanup needs to wait until after the kids are in bed.
We always have better luck doing piano practice before school than after. At age 6 they are probably only being asked to practice 15 minutes a day, max.
Anonymous says
This is why I want an after-school nanny. A nanny can help with reading, homework, and piano practice, then the kids can have some downtime before parents arrive home.
Pogo says
Yeah we’re not in school yet but this is how we handle it. Nanny picks them up and does their dinner and lets them play, so it’s not complete and utter sh*tshow when we get home, but still rushed. There is just not a lot of time in the evenings!
HSAL says
Unless the kids get stinky, I’d only do weeknight baths on Tuesdays and Thursdays. That doesn’t solve it all but would free up three nights for piano/reading, and then extra practice on the weekends?
Cornellian says
I don’t know, I feel like it’s impossible, ha. Could you try adding some reading in the morning? If my son is up early we’ll have 10 minutes to read/etc, and maybe you could use that for reading help?
Spirograph says
(I know it’s a typo and you meant decompress, but decompose made me lol)
This sounds very typical, but a few things that work(ed) for us that might help:
My kids practice piano in the morning (10 minutes every day, they’re beginners), which works out better for everyone — they have much more energy and patience before school, so their practicing is much more efficient. They usually wake up at 7 and we don’t need to leave until 8:15, so there’s plenty of time.
We do not practice that together on weeknights anymore, but when we did, I would just lie in bed with the reading kid and that was the last thing we did. It helped with winding down so didn’t seem to delay the actual falling-asleep very much, there was just less flopping around in bed after lights out.
How long are the baths? I would switch to shower, or at least alternate (I assume you might still need to help with hair-washing, which is messier to do with a shower, but that is not necessary every night). I would also argue that a shower isn’t necessary every night, depending on activity levels, but I don’t want to reignite the great bathing every day debate. That could leave time for reading 2-3 nights a week, which is better than 0.
Also, I know this isn’t an issue yet, but re: homework, many after-care programs have homework time and helpers. My kids rarely do any homework actually at home.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
BAHAHHA “Bathing every day debate”. In my culture and household it is considered really gross not to bathe/shower daily, with the exceptions ofc. I always see the “baths only 2-3x” a week and it makes me cringe, but I appreciate how it was framed here!
Anon says
There was a big flame war about it here once, that’s what she’s referencing.
GCA says
Slightly kooky idea: What time does she get up in the morning and how much time do you have before school? My 1st grader (almost 7) has been known to wake up just before 6, come out, get a book off the shelf, and retreat to his room to read it, or else ask me to read it to him on the couch for 15 minutes. (He wouldn’t have done this last year at almost-6, so it is a combination of interest and maturity.) At the end of the day, he just really, really needs to get a lot of energy out before bed.
Or: does your school have a subscription to any reading tools/ apps? Ours has a Lexia Core5 login for every kid. In the evening, it’s easier to get my kiddo to focus when there’s a snazzy app involved.
Anonymous says
We only do bath 2x a week and did not do much reading or homework at all, especially at age 6. FWIW, I was told by a teacher friend that listening to reading aloud is as good as solo reading at this age. Unless your child is behind in reading at school (according to the teacher), I would try to stop worrying about that. If you want you could try to do more audiobooks or podcasts. My son also likes me to read to him while he is in the bath.
Anon says
I think you meant decompress, but decompose is definitely how I feel at the end of the day! Thanks for the laugh!
Other strategies that might help: Do you and Mr. AIMS want to eat dinner after kids go to bed? Or maybe have a set dessert or beverage time (not necessarily alcohol) to have talking time after kids go to bed? If it doesn’t require both of you to make dinner, then divide and conquer. Or have her read to you while you prep dinner.
Anonymous says
We don’t do baths and don’t have homework yet (K), but do try to do reading with the kids at least a few times a week. Do you have a second parent or is this all solo? We typically have two parents for the whole evening shebang, so go with the divide and conquer strategy. Kids get home around 4:15 and dinner is at 5:30. At some point in there the stronger reader will come read to the parent who’s cooking dinner (she just wants company and to occasionally ask about a hard word) and read for 15-45 minutes depending on how invested she is in her current chapter book. The less strong reader will go into a different room with the other parent and spend 10-15 minutes reading a short book. Other than that they play/decompress. Dinner 5:30-6, then straight upstairs for pjs and bedtime routine, lights out at 6:30.
There’s no way we could fit in piano practicing or anything complicated, but I figure this is a season and eventually we’ll be able to shift bedtime later.
Mary Moo Cow says
It’s a slog. Getting from home to bed seems like it should be pretty simple to do smoothly, but it is the worst part of my day. Which makes me feel like a horrible mom and probably exacerbates the problem.
My kids are 6/1st grade and 4/pre-K. Our 1st grader has homework of reading 15 minutes a night and 4 easy worksheets due on Friday. 3 days a week, DH picks kids up after school and they have playtime and entertain yourself time from about 3:30-5:30; 2 days a week, he takes them to grandparents. I’ve shifted my start time at work so I can leave at 4:45 and be home by 5:30. After a few minutes of hellos and “watch me!” with each child, I make dinner. We tried having DD do homework at the counter while I cooked dinner, but it was too much of a distraction. So, now, DH does the worksheet with DD in another room while I cook dinner, or she resists and we all fight about it and it gets done after dinner but before any desert. In a pinch, we do it in the mornings, but she likes to sleep in and is very slow moving in the AM.
We only do baths every other night in the spring and summer and less in the fall/winter. Dinner is usually 6:15-7, and on a bath night, baths start at 7:15. If they bathe together, DH gets a break; if they want separate, we do them simultaneously in different bathrooms. If no bath, then playtime while DH and I finish dinner at the table. (DH is like Mr. AIMS.) Stories start around 7:30; DH and I alternate kid’s bedtimes, so we’re always on for a bedtime (exhausting). We leave their rooms around 8 and they have about 10 minutes to read to themselves with the light on. Would your daughter be excited about reading to herself for a few minutes after bedtime? Is it an issue of finding books she likes? I was worried my 6 year old wasn’t a strong reader, but actually, she’s reading above her grade level, she just didn’t like the books I picked. Recent faves for her are the Princess in Black series and the Unicorn Diaries.
When I go in to turn lights out, I usually have to stay for a few minutes to adjust blankets, answer questions, etc., so it is usually 8:30 before I am done with kids for the night. I really need some tips to find some energy after 8:30 so I can do dishes, craft, have meaningful connection with DH, etc., instead of just falling asleep on a a book on the couch at 9:30 p.m.
Anonymous says
For this reason we stopped piano for the school year for my first grader even though we had started over the summer. Now on spring of first grade having just turned 7, he is suddenly able to hold it together in the evening and is going to sleep a good hour later than at the start of the school year, so I can see a future where music practice snd homework fit in. But for first grade we are just focusing on school and decompression time. If I needed him to do more reading practice, morning and weekends might be the time – as it is kiddo reads in bed until I make him get up and often wants to read after I read to him at bedtime too. I wonder if just waiting might the answer.
DLC says
We only do baths twice a week. (Except our ten year old takes a shower after sport practices, which is about three times a week.)
Homework is while parents make dinner.
Piano practice happens in the morning and on the weekends, 15-20 minutes at a time.
Our kids go to bed later than yours, but our evening routine is usually:
5:00 home- make dinner while 10 year old does homework. 5 year old and 2 year old free play.
5:45- 6:30p – eat dinner
6:30-7:15p clean up (kids help or younger kids play)
7:15p- read/game time
7:45p- brush teeth, pjs
8:00p- books (10 year old gets screen time)
8:30p – lights out for 2 and 5 year old.
8:45- read to ten year old.
9pm – ten year old in bed.
Anonymous says
Sorry not sorry, if your child is in school for 8hrs a day and needs additional help with reading/writing at home then the problem is the school/teacher/classroom, not your child or your schedule.
Anonymous says
This is unhelpful. OP can’t change the school, and very few elementary schools actually teach much of anything anyway. She may not have any better school options. And it’s not unreasonable for her to want to work on reading for a few minutes a day with her kid, even if her kid attends the world’s best school. All new readers can benefit from one-on-one reading time with a parent.
AIMS says
Thanks ladies. Really appreciate seeing all the responses and your different approaches. I think shortening bath time would definitely help. We can’t quit it entirely b/c our kids aren’t great “wipers” at this age so it’s sort of a must to wash some parts at least, but I think I can probably let my little one have a longer bath with dad while I read with my 1st grader. I like the morning idea for piano and my daughter would love that but we live in an apartment building so not sure my neighbors would feel the same. But our downstairs neighbors also have little kids who wake up early and I don’t think the other neighbors would be able to hear based on piano placement so maybe that could work! I think the biggest issue is Mr. AIMS – we alternate pick up so it’s rarely two parents on hand for the first part of the evening and then he always wants to decompress (while I am ready to decompose [thanks autocorrect!]) and sit and talk with dinner and even an extra 10-15 throws the whole thing off schedule. He’s also less concerned with daughter’s reading than I am so that plays a role in our respective priorities. But if we can make it work at least 2-3 days a week that would be a huge thing, I think. And yes a nanny would be amazing but probably not happening at this point for way too many reasons to list. This is I think part of why I feel so bad about it though.
Anon says
Are you back in an office or still remote? Is there any possibility you could get her early from aftercare and let her decompress at home while you work? I know not all 6 year olds are independent enough for that, but we’ve done that this year with my Ker. We didn’t really expect it to work, but we wanted to at least give it a shot because aftercare in our area is completely terrible (we’d pay more for high quality aftercare if it were available, but it’s not). And maybe it was low expectations, but it’s been going pretty well. I do have to interrupt my work day to get her and make her a snack, but then I’m able to do another 1.5-2 hours of work.
Anon says
I’m surprised no one suggested cooking dinner beforehand. I’m totally incapable of cooking dinner in the evenings and my kids are too grumpy to wait. Instead, I batch cook on the weekends. Half goes into the fridge and the rest into the freezer. It sounds like a lot of work but I keep my recipes very simple and can cook 5 meals in 2-3 hours. That is also a slog but I have to do it or we will eat out every night. The upside is we get home and just heat dinner up. I realize it just shifts time from the weeknights to the weekends but it’s worth considering.
Anon says
Just FYI, I fought to find a no homework school. There’s no evidence homework is good for middle class elementary schoolers and lots of evidence it damages kids who are poor or lack parental support.
Saying it’s any sort of issue, besides a compassionate, reasonable, scientifically backed choice made by educational professionals is, in and of itself, an issue.
Anon says
Okay, poster from last week with kid with a potential fractured elbow (she’s still in a cast for three more weeks). We’re trying really hard to help her get good sleep, checking on pain, got her a sling to wear, etc. And she has been an absolute nightmare. We’re 10 days in and still getting frequent flip outs and tantrums, from my seven year old who was past that.
Did your kids do this too? Any tips besides grin and bear it? It’s the type of behavior that we really wouldn’t stand for normally but we’re sympathetic because i assume it’s driven by lingering pain (although she says she doesn’t really have it anymore), bad sleep because of the cast, or discomfort. Tips for getting through the next few weeks? I feel badly because it’s really impacting my other kids. She’s just super high maintenance right now and letting it out on everyone.
anon says
Oh man, that sounds rough. You’re doing all the right things, so this might be a grin-and-bear-it situation. And giving the other kids space, even if it means dividing and conquering and having one parent take the siblings somewhere.
Anonymous says
Is the cast itchy?
So Anon says
I can speak from the perspective of someone who went through something similar to your kiddo. I broke my arm as a kid and had a full cast from wrist to armpit for 3+ months and then smaller casts over the next 3-4 months. (I had a really bad break.) What I remember is that after the first week or so, I was no longer in PAIN but it was a complete nuisance and still low-level painful. I was out of school for about 5 days, and then even after I went back, I would ask to go home around lunch for another week or so. It wasn’t that I was screaming in pain, but all the small bumps would just hurt a little and managing that low level of pain would wear me down and make me so tired. It was hard to navigate through the day because everything was just a little harder. I had to sleep differently because of my arm, and woke frequently through the night because I would try and roll over in my sleep and the cast would wake me up. (I sleep on my back to this day from the months that I had to sleep on my back from the cast.) I broke my non-dominant arm, but I remember just being exasperated that it took me longer to do all the little things throughout the day – getting dressed, carrying my back-pack, buckling in the car – it is all easier with two working arms. I remember the teachers and my mom not understanding that everything just felt hard and feeling at the end of my rope. I was a few years older than your daughter when I broke my arm. All this to say, give her the benefit of the doubt and that she will return to the kid you knew when this is in the rearview mirror. Also, consider continuing at least motrin for a period of time because she may not realize that it is low-level sore, which will make anyone cranky.
OP says
Aw I’m sorry that happened to you! I like the idea of just continuing motrin – we gave her medicine this morning but need to stay on it.
I think you’re totally right she’s just tired. Your reassurance she will return to the kid we know makes me feel better – that’s really what I need to hear right now!
Aunt Jamesina says
The only time in my life I ever had a cast was in kindergarten and I *still* remember exactly how it felt and how itchy it was! I would imagine a lot of it is related to her discomfort and frustration at limited mobility.
Anonymous says
I still remember hating having a cast in 2nd grade because I felt like everyone was looking at me all the time, and due to crutches I couldn’t do a lot of things I normally did. It was a Big Deal for me. So even if she is not in pain or itchy she may just be unhappy with the situation.
Anon says
Lately my 4 year old’s pretend play at home has consisted of saying really negative things about her school friends like “You’re so bossy, Ellie!” “I don’t like you, Sarah!” “You’re not my friend, Nora!” I asked her about it and she said that these are things other kids have said to her (which I suspected). I know this is to some degree probably normal, but I guess I’m concerned about two possibilities: that she’s actually being very bossy and it’s ostracizing her from other kids (we get a LOT of photos of her playing alone), or that she’s getting picked on a little bit. Since the beginning of the school year I’ve felt like her class has kind of a weird dynamic. It’s mixed PK3 and PK4 but skews heavily toward the latter. Of the 20 kids, 17 were 4 by August 1 and are eligible to go to K in the fall (not sure if they’re all going because of red-shirting). My daughter is one of only three kids who started the school year as a 3 year old, and she’s the youngest of those three by almost six months, and also the only one of them who’s a girl. She played with the two boys in her grade level quite a bit at the beginning of the year, but now they seem to be reaching the age where there is more gender separation. I could be imagining things, but based on what she’s said and what I’ve observed, I sense a bit of cliqueyness among the older girls.
How would you handle this? Would you talk to the teachers at all? I don’t want her to be getting bullied or to be behaving in a way that makes her classmates not want to be her friend, but at the same time I don’t want to overreact. I’m a very sensitive person and comments like this would have crushed me as a kid, but she seems pretty unfazed by it, and that’s probably a good thing for her long-term happiness. I definitely want to avoid projecting my own sensitivities onto her.
Anon says
You seem worried. Talk to the teachers about it. You need more information about what’s going on. Maybe it’s not a big deal, but it is hard to know.
anonM says
No good answer for you, but I’m having similar struggles with my son, who also started in the “preschool” room at 3. He often tells me other kids said he’s not their friend, etc. etc. I’d just let the teacher know she seems to be repeating things kids say, and you want to check in that this is run-of-the mill kids sorting through emotions vs. a sign that she’s having difficulty interacting for some reason and to clarify there’s not hitting issue. My son is one who hits when overwhelmed/bored, and then is upset others (understandably) don’t want to play. I didn’t know about it for months, so now I error in checking in A LOT, and try to error on the side of assuming no one has does anything wrong/hurt my kiddo and just lead with open questions (“I noticed this, and just wanted to check in with what you’ve observed/what tips you have so we can reinforce the message at home”). FWIW, we do a lot of reminding that it’s ok to not be friends/like everyone in class but you MUST treat all classmates with respect. It’s really really tough to know what’s normal vs cause for concern. Internet solidarity.
anon says
My very-young-for-grade 4 yo was bullied terribly by older mean girls in preschool. She’d be playing quietly alone or with an autistic boy in her class and they’d come up and start picking on her. They’d basically try to make her mad until she did something to get herself in trouble (e.g., throwing playground gravel at them or running away out of the play area). The teachers weren’t paying enough attention and considered my daughter to be the problem, punishing her daily with timeouts. My daughter didn’t have the skills to explain for herself what was happening. It really affected her trust in teachers for several years–she thought that teachers would only punish her so she avoided interacting with them.
Talk to the teachers. See if what they’re saying makes sense given what you know about your daughter. Go and observe through a window. I wouldn’t trust that everything is okay.
Anon says
Oh goodness that sounds so hard. I’m sorry you and your daughter went through that. My kid is not getting in trouble at all, thankfully, and when I asked her what she does when the girls say these things she said she gets sad and goes to the Cozy Corner to be alone for a bit, which seems like a good way of handling it.
anon says
If there are kids saying mean things to your daughter, then a teacher should be alerted. Someone should be paying attention to find out what is really going on. Maybe it’s fine and your daughter is getting an age appropriate reaction to her actions. Or maybe they are ganging up on her and she feels left out and sad. If it’s the latter, someone needs to be coaching the kids and intervening in the negative social dynamic.
I really hadn’t thought that 4 yos were old enough to have a mean girl dynamic so I waited far too long to intervene. I had also assumed that preschool teachers would have a sense of what was going on the in classroom–I was really, really wrong.
Cornellian says
I’m dealing with a similar situation, but my kid also seems generally unbothered by it. For him, it’s one particular girl who he used to be friends with who (perhaps because of some family drama) has really become unkind and sometimes violent towards him and a lot of her other old friends. My son spends a lot of time telling me what mean thing Amelie did that day, or how many times she got in trouble. He also still tries to do things like make pictures for her “so we can be friends again”. It’s sad, but I don’t think he’s really being bullied, so I’ve left it alone. I’ve been asking him how it makes him feel or how it makes other kids when Amelie does X, Y, Z or whether he thinks he can help Amelie play nicely etc, and it seems like he’s put some thought in to it and is just processing externally at home. I think I want to give him confidence in his own ability to process upsetting events/hurt from friends, rather than interfere if not necessary.
I don’t think there’s much harm in asking an open-ended question of the teachers about how your daughter is doing socially, given her age, though. It may give you some additional information.
Big gifts says
For our wedding anniversary, DH got me an expensive piece of jewelry I had wanted for years, but would never pull the trigger on, because I thought it was too expensive. I got him a picture frame with a collage of pics of us. This is pretty indicative of gifts between us generally – I will try to get something thoughtful, but not necessarily expensive. He’ll get me a nice piece of jewelry, not always with a lot of thought behind it, tbh, although this time he combined thoughtful and expensive and hit it out of the park. I feel like its harder to get most men big gifts the way they can buy jewelry for women, or am I missing something? He generally buys things he wants and won’t pine over something like I do.
anon says
I agree that it is hard. We aren’t big gift giving people but what works for us is to tell the other exactly what we want, link and all. That way we are both happy and it is usually something that I wouldn’t get for myself.
Anokha says
Does he want big gifts?
CCLA says
Yeah, this is the question. This may just not be a problem. I would have a candid conversation about it, in case he is feeling like he would really like more on the gift front, and if so then you can look more closely at what to do. But like many others on this board, DH and I did away with gift giving to each other years ago, we just buy what we want in general, and for special occasions enjoy doing dinners or trips. So freeing.
Momofthree says
Has he indicated that he’s unhappy with the gifts that you’ve gotten him?
I find my husband tends to buy bigger stuff, if useful/justified, outside of major events- so he’s gotten a cargo bike, converted it to an e-bike, etc. outside of major holidays.
If this isn’t a budgetary issue or the difference in gift isn’t due to different feelings about spending money (i.e., you are more cautious and he spends more freely and so you don’t feel good about the gift) I say enjoy it!
Over the long term, I’m guessing you and him will trade off “hitting it out of the park”- there are definitely some years I struggle for a gift idea.
Anon says
we honestly just dont do real gifts. our anniversary was yesterday and DH gave me flowers and a cake made to sort of match our wedding cape and i gave him a wrapped box of a particular type of candy (specific to his tastebuds). we share finances, so i don’t really understand the concept of DH buying me a fancy piece of jewelry (which is actually what he wanted to do, bc it was a big anniversary but i just inherited a bunch of jewelry) because it is like both of us buying it. we share credit cards and so even to order him this candy online, i had a friend order it for me to her house and i picked it up so i didnt have to worry about DH intercepting it. if i really wanted some big piece of jewelry, i suppose i would mention it and we would go pick it out together like in honor of the occasion cause i’m way too picky for him to just go buy it on his own.
Mary Moo Cow says
I’ve wondered the same thing. The year DH gave me a beautiful necklace and earring set, I think I gave him a notebook. He does not buy me random gifts throughout the year, but man, at Christmas and Mothers’ Day, he usually hits it out of the park. I feel inadequate, but that’s a me problem: DH has said not to ever surprise him with something big, like a car or a bike because he would want to pick it out himself. I’ve bought him a nice watch, nice wallet, nice messenger bags, nice sunglasses, and they’re all meh to him. Gifts just aren’t his love language. So is it possible you’re letting comparison be the thief of joy? Do you sense that DH really wants you to buy him a nice big gift or is it that you feel badly that you aren’t? If it is just you, my advice would be to not borrow trouble and actively try to let it go.
Anonymous says
Jewelry is different from other gifts. For a lot of men, it’s a source of pride to give their wives jewelry and see them wear it. I think my engagement ring was really more of a gift for my husband than it was for me.
A tit-for-tat approach to gift-giving that insists on equal $ value would also mean that men would end up with a lot more fun toys like bikes and skis and kayaks. Aside from a nice watch, most men aren’t ever going to get jewelry as gifts, but women tend to receive jewelry relatively often.
Anon says
+1 I’m glad you mentioned this. One of my family member’s has dementia. Their stories tend to correlate with extreme high and low points in their life. One of the stories that is on regular repeat, is about all of the jewelry he bought his wife at a specific high-end jeweler. I can tell he takes a lot of pride in having been able to do that several times over their marriage. I also read this situation as a scenario where the gift might be as meaningful to Mr. Big Gifts as Mrs.
Pogo says
I really wish there was a male equivalent of jewelry! Or flowers even!
I don’t always go all out, but I do try to note things that are pricey, useful and thoughtful that I might get for him, and save it for these occasions. For example on a trip once I noticed he had trouble switching back and forth between his cameras, and he admired a wedding photog’s camera harness so I bought him a nice one. Then we had young children and COVID so he didn’t use it for 2 years, but that’s a different story!
Like other husbands it seems he also buys himself/treats himself to sports equipment and lift tickets/greens fees etc that when combined probably equal a small diamond.
Anon says
This is true in general. Men are able to buy generic items with not a lot of thought involved, and there’s no equivalent for women.
I remember being in middle school 25 years ago and my boyfriend of like a month got me a teddy bear and box of chocolate for Valentines Day. I didn’t get him anything, because we were 14 and barely dating, but also what was the equivalent for me to get him? Cologne is much more than $10, tech gifts even more so. Maybe once they turn 21 you can get them liquor but that’s also expensive and involves knowing their taste. A bouquet of flowers takes literally zero thought, is available at any price point, and you can buy it in the grocery store.
I declared even back then that I didn’t want generic gifts because that just created more work for me. When I can walk into Walgreens and find an entire aisle of generic ideas that work for any level of man in my life, then we can reconsider.
Anonymous says
I buy my husband chocolate for Valentine’s Day. Then I get to eat it.
Pogo says
I almost fell out of my chair – preschool scheduled the Taekwondo belt test/ceremony thing for a Saturday. I saw the date and immediately went to my calendar like, ugh, what am I going to have to move so I can attend this and was like wait… its a Saturday?!
Also I am so incredibly excited to see these tiny kids breaking boards.
Anonymous says
I wasn’t surprised that it was on Saturday until I saw that it was through preschool. Wow!
anon says
Help. I feel like I am drowning mostly because of my 5yo. He is just… tough. I have long been of the “everything is a phase” mindset, but I think this is just him. He pushes, he resists, he negotiates… all things that I hope will be assets one day. In the meantime, I just need to get to work on time. I’ve tried Dr. Becky-ing him. We’ve tried sticker charts. They do have some limited success but I feel like I need someone to tell me step by step, how to help us both feel successful and also get out the door on time/get to bed/do anything. It feels like all the joy is being sucked out of things that could be fun.
Anonymous says
This sounds like our family’s life before ADHD medication.
OP says
That’s really interesting. I have an older kid with diagnosed combined type ADHD and it presents so differently. I also assumed they would be copies of one another and they couldn’t be more different.
Anon says
Very few people will medicate a 5 year old for ADHD, especially if there aren’t serious behavioral issues at school.
Anonymous says
Not to say that a 5-year-old should be medicated, but ADHD could absolutely be the cause. My ADHD relatives simply cannot handle transitions from one activity to another, getting out the door, etc.
Anon says
Yes, but… it is age appropriate to struggle with transitions at this age. There’s a big difference between a preschooler or kindergartner having a hard time with transitions and a teen or adult who can’t handle transitions. While the former may be a possible red flag for ADHD, it’s not dispositive and the kid may grow out of the behavior, which is why ADHD is typically not diagnosed this young. Certainly a child who seems out of the normal range of their peers should be evaluated further, but pretty much every preschool age child displays behavior that would be a classic sign of ADHD in an older child or adult.
anon says
Ours, too, but ADHD is typically not diagnosed at 5.
Anon says
I have two of these 5yos, so I sympathize. What works best for us is strict routines and never deviating from them, because the one time you let them eat breakfast before brushing their hair or read a book before washing their hands when they get home from the school, the more they argue about it next time.
ADHD meds are probably also in our future, but we’ve been recommended to hold off thus far.
Anon says
Have you read the spirited child book? I don’t know that it actually changed anything for us but it made me feel less alone. Otherwise my only advice is only fighting about the things you have to fight about. Car seat safety is not negotiable but if my kid wants to go to school on pajamas, she goes to school in pajamas.
Pogo says
+1 Raising your spirited child. This is my 4yo and I don’t think he’ll qualify as ADHD even when he’s older, because he can stay on task at school, but he is extremely focused, persistent and struggles with change (both transitions and actual changes like seasonal clothing). What has helped:
– We use timers for everything, both on my phone and a visible sand timer so he can see how long is left.
– I ask him “What do you need to do before we can __________” (go to bed, go to school, etc) He is obsessed with Legos and trucks so he always has some complex playscape/scenario going on, and I have had success with gently suggesting, “Could Skidsteer park in the barn and finish building that tomorrow?”
– As others have said, schedules and consistency (particularly with sleep and screen time) are critical
I will testify that I don’t think he has done what I asked on the first try possibly ever. Everything takes strategy to get the outcome you want, which is exhausting, but with creativity and patience it can be managed.
anon says
Commiseration. I have that child, and can completely relate to your last sentence. It takes a lot out of you as a parent. I’m going to be contrarian and say that rather than focusing on changing the kid (uphill battle), make sure you’re getting enough support so you can have the strength and patience to get him through the morning routine.
OP says
I really appreciate this sentiment. When I am rested and can pause to really think about the situation, I can dig deep and deal with things. I am also trying to find a therapist which is proving really, really hard. Right now I am solo parenting so I am just worn thin. I basically am only off duty from work/parenting from 9pm to 6am and, you know, need to sleep. Think I might get a sitter this weekend if I can.
anon says
Girl, you have a lot on your plate. Solo parenting an intense child is super hard.
ElisaR says
i can totally relate to this. also, i don’t hear anything here that leads me to ADHD diagnosis. My son is like this too (also age 5) and seems to be getting a bit worse. however, as he matures i feel like i can rationalize with him more. but the joy is getting sucked out. i think in my case it’s a matter of parenting 24/7 for the past 2 years in a pandemic. i think i am in need of a break. a massage. a walk alone. a girls weekend. a girls hour. i am working on this.
OP says
It honestly really helps to hear that my kid is not a total anomaly (as my mom might suggest…).
Anonymous says
Grandparents have selective memory about their parenting days. My in-laws insist that my husband was the perfect child. Either they have forgotten a whole lot or they just weren’t paying attention, which is entirely possible because he was the youngest of four and they were pretty worn out by that point.
EDAnon says
Late but my son is 5.5 and has changed a lot in that time. The space between 5 and 5.5 was huge for us. I talked about this with one of this teachers and she remarked on it too.
Anon says
Maybe check out the book The Explosive Child and go through the back episodes of Tilt Parenting to see if anything calls to you.
Anon says
When I read this, I did a double take and wondered if I had typed the question. Except my 5yo is female. It’s hard. We just finished up an occupational therapy eval for her and are seeking OT services to work through some behaviors at school (that also happen at home and mirror your AM routine issues) that are giving her teachers a problem. ADHD may be in our future but for now, you treat the symptoms unique to the kid rather than take meds, so we will see where OT gets us.
Anonymous says
Can you tell me a little about how you went about getting OT services? Friends and school have suggested they might help my child, but it won’t be through our HMO which provides those for much more extreme situations. My child who is in first grade can be very explosive and so much of it is connected to needing to go to the bathroom or eat. We think he may neee more help understanding when his body is telling him something that’s making him uncomfortable. But we can’t figure out how to get started.
Anon says
Not Anon at 2:34 but you just need a ped referral for OT. My 4 year old just started OT. What led us to seek it out was potty training issues that seemed like they might have an underlying physical cause. The potty training issues basically resolved themselves during the month we had to wait to get in to see an OT, but the OT eval diagnosed her with gross motor delays and low muscle tone in her core, so now she goes to work on that. The OTs are also convinced a lot of her behavioral issues (she’s fine at school but can be very explosive at home) are related to frustration about her body not doing what she wants it to do. They think she likely has some sensory processing issues as well, although I think she’s at the fairly mild of that spectrum (her main things are picky eating and not liking sudden loud noises, both of which are not wildly abnormal for a kid her age). So she goes every week now. I’m not really sure how much it’s helping, but she really enjoys going and it’s basically play for her. She calls it “play doctor.”
Anonymous says
Adding to the chorus. Maybe we need a playgroup!
I have 3 kids and my middle is just Spirited. She’s a complete spitfire, smart, and has giant piercing blue eyes and a smile to melt steel. And holy hell. Her favorite shoes are her hot pink doc martens, which I feel is like an embodiment of her personality in a shoe.
She is almost 6 and has been this way her entire life. Which one of my kids never napped, refused bottles, toilet trained herself at 18 months, had major sleep issues and refused to let anyone dress her after age 14 months?
She’s also young for her grade and that’s been hard. She’s gotten a LOT better with age. She does really well with routines, responsibilities, and lavish praise. This is a combo i think of middle child/ attention seeking and her stubborn, firey nature. Sports help. Challenging schoolwork helps. Natural consequences have really really helped. Guess who hates being late to school after she had to get a late pass?
PetiteMom says
Happy Friday! Paging government employee moms! I have been in private practice (law) for 5 years and I am looking into federal jobs or state jobs. I went to a second tier school and right now I work on a contract basis as a real estate attorney. So basically not a stellar resume or a career path-just an average worker. I believe a government job would align better with my values (work life balance, benefits, and a steady job). The million dollar question is where do I start? Or am I crazy for dreaming I can get a government job so late in the game? Do you have any resources for the job application process (books, a career counsel, resume and cover letter resources, steps I should be taking to boost my resume)? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
Mary Moo Cow says
State government attorney here! I started my job after 3 years at a firm, but I work with people who got hired 7 or more years into their career. This might not be typical, but it does happen! I didn’t have an outstanding resume, and while I went to a local law school, lots of law schools are represented in my office.
The first places to start are your network and state and local government agency websites/central job boards. I got a colleague to introduce me to the state gov attorneys in my practice area at a convention and I stalked the website for openings. When an opening came up, I already knew about it, but that colleague came to tell me about it, because she knew I was looking. I immediately contacted the attorneys I met and sent them copies of my resume before going through the formal hiring process through the website. Our state government has a central job site where all positions are listed, and you have to apply through the website to be considered. Counties have their own website.
Two years ago, a friend of mine knew someone who was relocating and wanted government work (she had been in fed government) so we met, I passed along openings in my office, and she got one of the openings in an area that was totally outside her former practice area. This is to say that who you know is important and don’t discount an opening because it isn’t in your niche.
FWIW, I love state government work. The benefits are outstanding (insurance and PTO) and the work is steady and the employees are collegial and understanding that most of us here because it aligns with our values.
Cornellian says
If you’re comfortable, post your state here. I think that will change the advice a lot.
I think federal government jobs may be, frankly, out of the question, unfortunately. I think state government jobs could be in the cards, depending on the state. Of course, state jobs (depending on the state) may not come with the same benefits that federal jobs do. I work in Texas for a public pension, and we get 100+ applications for the (not particularly well paid or sexy) few legal postings we make, but I think it’s more like 1,000 for the feds.
In addition to the actual state, I’d look at cities, counties, and any statewide pensions your state has.
Anonymous says
State government attorney mom – I would really encourage you to find some local contacts and see if you can get some specific information about your area. I live in our state capital where most state gov’t attorney positions are located. Getting hired as an attorney that hears unemployment appeals would be fairly easy with your background. And it’s fair money and steady hours. However, recruitment for other state attorney jobs with higher pay (and longer hours) is far more competitive. I would try and work your network to find someone that works in state government that can give you the inside scoop on the type of govt jobs that are in our location. Ideally, if you grow your network these are the same folks that can help you network for a job. This information can be vital, because while unemployment hearing examiner jobs are easy to come by in my city, they are sort of a dead end and it is hard to get hired OUT of those positions and into a different state job.
It’s not clear from your description if you have a particular practice area that you want to work in. With a real estate background I would start with reaching out to attorneys that handle state condemnation/ eminent domain cases. Here those attorneys are located in our Department of Transportation.
If you truly don’t know anyone, I would try and find an alumnae of your law school that works for state government. Cold calling folks is really hard, but if you have no leads, that might be where to start?
Another idea is to find CLEs that are aimed at government attorneys and see if you could attend those. We have two agencies that conduct CLEs for state government attorneys that non-govt attorneys can attend. That would be an excellent networking opportunity.
I don’t think it is crazy at all to think you can get a job in state government. While I don’t think it is impossible to get a job without knowing someone directly, I think it is vital to get some good inside information to help your job search.
govtattymom says
You may want to start with agencies that hire attorneys in bulk (think SSA, BVA, and USPTO). Getting a job with a starting class of 40 other patent examiners may be easier than getting hired for the one open slot in an OGC. Good luck!
Anonymous says
I jumped to a federal agency after 7 years in BigLaw and it was a great move for me. For getting started on a job search, the main thing that helped me was getting advice from a couple of attorneys in positions like the one I wanted. They helped me with resume, cover letter, writing sample, etc. I don’t think you need a T14 school or a stellar resume to get a federal job, depending on what agencies you’re interested in (some are more prestige-minded than others). My agency was mostly looking for subject matter experience and willingness to handle your own case load.
Anonymous says
The bedtime story can be turned into reading practice. Have her sound out words or sentences, ask her questions to engage with the story (“what do you think will happen next?”, “how do you think the character feels right now?”), etc.
Anon says
Be careful with this if the kid isn’t enjoying it. I believe fostering a love of reading is more important than practicing reading at home and for a lot of kids this could do turn bedtime reading into a chore they don’t want to do. My child is younger (4) but hates being quizzed on letters and sounds while reading so we don’t do it at all, because we want reading at home to be a positive thing.
Anonymous says
I tried to share this yesterday but think it was stuck in mod all day – Your Local Epidemiologist just did a post on what is known about long covid in kids. She also had a recent post about assessing risk (and relative risk) that I found informative. My big takeaway was that being pregnant is a lot more dangerous than I realized, as is being an infant in general.
So Anon says
Any parents of middle schoolers on here? What do your kids do in the summer? My oldest is going to middle school next year, and he has aged out of the camps for little ones but isn’t old enough to be a CIT or do the teenage adventures that our town rec program does. This feels reminiscent of when my kids were too old for day care but not yet old enough to do the elementary school summer programs.
Anon says
Sleep away camp? Camp specific to a sport or music instrument? Those go through teenage years normally.
Also sort of off topic, but as a parent of a 4 year old I’m selfishly confused about what “kids were too old for day care but not yet old enough to do the elementary school summer programs” means. Most summer camps here seem to start at 5 or 6 so any kid who’s finished K should be eligible. But you’ve made me worried that I’m missing something!
Anon says
I think this must depend on locale, but around here where it gets tricky is for kids in public pre K. There are camps that will take kids starting at 3.5 but not all will, so if you need care for the summer between preK3 and preK4 you need to find those spots.
Basically everywhere takes kids entering K, though, so it’s not at all something most families need to worry about.
Anon says
Ah gotcha, makes sense that this is an issue for kids in preK on a school year calendar. To me, daycare is year round and goes until the time a child is ready to enter kindergarten, but I know some people use the terms preK and daycare interchangeably.
Mary Moo Cow says
It really affects parents who have 4 year olds in a dedicated preschool program and/or have late summer birthdays, I think. When my oldest daughter was 4 and in daycare, her “pre-K” class at daycare lasted through the summer. My younger daughter is 4 now and in a school “junior kindergarten” program that only runs August – June. She won’t turn 5 until late August, so she is shut out from most camp programs in my area. For-profit/private specialty day camps, YMCA, and county camps here take 5 year olds but not rising kindergartners (combo of age and grade level.) The only option I’ve found is for her to attend a for-profit daycare that has a dedicated summer program. So, technically she’s not “too old for daycare” but I could see a situation where daycare ended it’s 4 year old program in the summer before school started and camps wouldn’t take a rising kindergartner.
anon says
Most camps don’t take rising kindergarteners. They’ll take them AFTER the kindergarten year.
Anon says
In my area, a lot actually do take rising kindergartners if they’re 5 (which most are- the cutoff is August 1 and in practice most June/July birthdays are red-shirted).
Anonymous says
Our YMCA has a “junior leaders” program for middle school kids that’s halfway between being a camper and being a CIT. There are a lot of one-week specialty camps for middle school kids available through sports programs, outdoor programs, museums, arts centers, nature centers, the local NASA installation, etc. One of the fancy private schools has an amazing day camp for middle school kids where they choose multiple activities. Some universities have day programs for middle school kids, and there are also outside programs (e.g., Explo) hosted on college campuses. You could also get a pool membership and a nanny and let him just loaf around, send him to sleepaway camp, or ship him off to relatives.
Anonymous says
Do you only have one child? If you have more than one I would get a babysitter and a pool pass. Or maybe one of his friends parents are in a similar dilemma and you can hire a summer babysitter who can drive and take them hiking, swimming, sports/music practice. I just remember hanging out with my friends and going to the pool ALL the time during middle school summers.
anon says
A few camps have middle-school options, but there aren’t enough to cover the whole summer. Right now, I have one week of an enrichment camp planned, one week of church camp, one week of overnight camp. Other than that … I really don’t know what we’re going to do. The YMCA has day camp options through 8th grade, but my kid is fighting that option tooth and nail, for a number of reasons. He may have to just deal, though. I’m okay with him spending some time at home, but he cannot be left to his own devices (I mean that quite literally) for nine weeks.
There are some summer enrichment things available through our school district, but they are half days only. We can finagle that for a week or two.
Mary Moo Cow says
I’m trying to snag a middle schooler as a babysitter this summer. The idea is that she would babysit my two kids for a few hours on the days that I’m work from home. Maybe some low key employment is an option?
anonM says
Work question – I finally have a Zero Inbox for my work email (!!!). Tips to keep it that way? Thanks!
Anonymous says
Quit immediately. But in all seriousness; great work! It’s hard to give tips with that knowing what your work is: email based? Do you attend a lot of meetings? I used to get 300 emails a day: most of them “please do this” requests. I would knock out the quick ones and leave the “this will take an hour or three” for my after dinner/kid bedtime shift. Not sure if you have that option. I used folders for things that weren’t urgent. I don’t really have any other tips. If you’re working on a team, I fond it helpful to use some sort of trello/jira type platform to split and track long term tasks and requests.
Anon says
I got to zero inbox two years ago over Christmas break. A month later I was laid off. I wouldn’t have bothered if I had known. In general it’s much lower priority for me now.
Anon says
Same for my 4 and 5yos. They can read independently, but definitely view an adult reading as something different and special and don’t want the flow of the story broken up by practicing words.