I like this sweater shirt from RACHEL Rachel Roy at Nordstrom. I’m always drawn to the buffalo check pattern when I see it come around every winter, and I like how this is a professional iteration of it. The shape of this shirt is nice — the more structured bodice with the looser sleeves looks flattering. They styled it on the website with a matching pencil skirt, but the skirt is only available right now in 0X and 1X. I actually don’t mind the two pieces together but can also imagine wearing the shirt with a colorful pair of pants, maybe red! The shirt itself is available in 1X–3X and is $99. Raj Check Sweater
For regular sizes, this black-and-white houndstooth top is a bit pricier at $235.
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Sales of Note…
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Nordstrom – 2,100+ new markdowns!
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off all sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything; extra 30% off orders $100+
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- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything; 50% off women’s dresses; extra 60% off clearance
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- Talbots – Semi-Annual Red Door Sale: Extra 50% off markdowns
- Zappos – 26,000+ sale items (for women)! Check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kid shoe brands on sale.
Kid/Family Sales
- J.Crew – 25-40% off kids’ styles; extra 50% off select sale
- Lands’ End – Up to 40% off your order
- Hanna Andersson – 30% off all kids’ & baby clothing; PJs on sale from $25; up to 75% off clearance
- Carter’s – Rule the School Sale: Up to 50% off; up to 40% off baby essentials
- Old Navy – 50% off back-to-school styles; 30% off your order, even clearance
- Target – Backpacks from $7.99; toddler & kids’ uniforms on sale from $5
- Pottery Barn Baby – Summer sale: up to 50% off
- Nordstrom – Limited time sales on brands like Maxi-Cosi and Bugaboo.
- Strolleria – Free infant seat car adapter with any Thule stroller; 30% off all Peg-Perego gear in our exclusive Incanto Collection
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anon says
Not a mom here but thinking about it: how much did you save (earmarked explicitly for pregnancy/medical/child-related costs) before trying for a kid? Alternatively, did you cover all of these expenses out of your cash flow?
Mama Llama says
We didn’t save anything explicitly for those costs, but we had savings for an emergency and were able to cover childcare out of cash flow. We have great insurance, so there weren’t any significant medical costs, despite complications that lead to a longer than average hospital stay.
Anon says
Obamacare makes most maternity care free, so as long as you don’t have a grandfathered plan it shouldn’t cost a lot. My husband and I also had paid parental leave, so we didn’t need to save for that. We paid for any other expenses (maternity clothes? a handful of co-pays for sonograms and bloodwork? there wasn’t much) out of our cash flow, because we had adjusted our budget to pay for daycare.
Daycare is the biggie. We’re in DC, where daycare can cost $2,600/month in a center. We lucked out and are only paying $1,600, but we needed to know that we could swing the $2,600 payments if we didn’t get in to our center of choice. So basically, we didn’t worry about pre-baby expenses because all of those are nothing compared to paying daycare monthly.
Anon says
This is definitely false. Obamacare covers certain very limited things like a breast pump and preventative bloodwork (an HIV test, etc), but it doesn’t cover prenatal appointments, ultrasounds (which are $500 a pop) or the actual delivery. I have excellent, Obamacare-compliant health insurance and paid almost $10k out of pocket on prenatal care and delivery. I delivered in February, so those costs were split across two insurance years and it would have been significantly cheaper if it were all in one calendar year because my OOP max at the time was $5k. That said, we didn’t consciously save, because we have a high-deductible health plan and lots of money in HSAs for medical expenses.
Anon says
Or I guess I should say, that those things may be “covered” under Obamacare, meaning all you have to pay is your co-insurance payment, but they aren’t considered free preventative care like your annual women’s health exam and pap. So you will have to meet your deductible first and then pay your co-insurance payment. Whereas I pay $0 when I go to the OB for my annual pap, even with my HDHP.
Anon says
My apologies – maternity care must be covered by Obamacare, but it does not qualify for free preventative care. Although, based on my friends and my experiences, and the number of ads I saw on metro last open season, $0 maternity copays are increasingly common, especially if you don’t have a high deductible health plan. Certainly a know your insurance situation. Apologies again.
Also says
If you paid $10K out of pocket, you don’t have excellent health insurance, at least not an excellent policy for a woman of childbearing age. Under my policy, the only expense for childbirth was a $350 co-pay for the hospital stay. I didn’t pay a single dollar for anything else. Shop around if you’re considering a second child, because $10K out of pocket is NOT good coverage for you.
Anon says
We paid around the same out of pocket, with the best plan available through my employer. It’s a decent but not great plan for our area. What can you do. Bleh.
Anon says
Well, it’s a high-deductible health plan with a $5k OOP max for an individual, so if you have major healthcare expenses in a particular yeah, yeah you will spend ~$5k on health care that year. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t have excellent coverage in terms of what they cover with co-insurance or what doctors and facilities are in-network. I don’t equate the deductible or out of pocket maximum with the quality of the health insurance. I did shop around the year I was having a baby and I did the math under various different scenarios, and this was the cheapest net plan when you added together premiums plus expected costs under the plan (I don’t pay any premiums for my HDHP). I also did some optional stuff too, I opted to do NIPT, and that was almost $1k pre-deductible in the year I didn’t deliver, so that was a big chunk of money I could have saved. But it was important to me to do that, and we could afford it.
K. says
Yes, that is true, but what can you do about that when that is the only insurance offered to you by your company? A lot of people are only offered high deductible plans. I am a public school teacher in a rural area and at my last school, it would have cost me $16,000 a year in premiums for a family plan with a $10,000 deductible. The starting salary there was $34,000. And no paid maternity leave plans. My current school is much better, but still costs a lot more/high deductible than a lot of places of employment. There is such a range of insurance plans offered by employers–it is crazy!!
Anonymous says
Yeah, I have truly excellent health insurance (from a woman’s health perspective) and paid only a $20 copay for my delivery! Even the hospital admins who brought the bill couldn’t believe it. So call your insurance and ask. That’s what I did. Good luck!
Annie says
We saved up for my maternity leave once we found out I was pregnant. The nice thing is you do have nine months to save. We did have savings already and a fully funded emergency fund.
Anonymous says
We did not save specifically for baby and cash-flowed everything. I was in law school, so we were living off my husband’s salary and my part-time student job and were not in a position to save anything beyond retirement contributions. We were fortunate to get a spot at the low-cost campus day care center and to have good health insurance. We made do with minimal and cheap baby gear. We spaced out the gear purchases over a long period of time (we slowly made our pre-baby purchases over a few months, then we waited until we actually needed stuff like a play mat and high chair to buy it). We got a few of the big-ticket items as gifts. Sure, I would have loved to be able to afford nicer maternity clothes and better furniture and a cleaning service, but we made it work and managed to survive.
In our experience, a school-aged child is more expensive than an infant. Older kids require after-school care and summer day camp, which can cost more than day care. They also play sports and do activities, they eat more, their clothes and shoes are more expensive than baby clothes, and they can go more places and do more things that cost money.
Anonanonanon says
^This last paragraph. I posted more about it before reading this, but our elementary-aged child who attends public school is still 1/2 of our childcare costs. Summer camps are INSANE if you want them to cover the actual hours of a work day (9am-4pm options are widely available, though)
octagon says
Really? I have heard people say this and it’s still hard for me to process. We spend $18K/year on daycare. Am I really looking at more than that once kiddo starts public school? I guess I need to research….
Anonymous says
For us, terrible after-school care plus a summer of high-quality day camp worked out to about $1,000 less per year than full-time day care. If we’d gone with an after-school nanny, the cost would have been far more. When you add the other costs of an older child, having a school-aged kid was definitely more expensive.
We no longer pay for after-school care, but we are paying $5,000+ per year for a sport that basically substitutes for after-school care, plus around $5,000 on summer camps. That’s compared with less than $10,000/year for our last year of day care.
Anon says
It depends on your area. There are very good 8:30-5:30 daycamps in our area for under $200/week. We can make 8:30-5:30 work, but there are also plenty of college students we could cheaply hire if we worked longer hours or if our kid ever wants to do a 9 am -3 pm camp. After care is $50/week, which works out to about $2k for the school year.
We spent $15k/year on daycare, and now spend less than $5k/year on childcare for our kindergartner, so for us it has been a huge (and very welcome) savings.
Anonymous says
Maryland suburb of DC. We spend $275/week on full-time daycare. Afterschool programs in our town are $75-$120/week (cheaper at the elementary school, more expensive for programs elsewhere). Full-time summer camp (7am-6pm) runs $200-400/week (country-run camps are cheaper than private camps). It doesn’t work out to more expensive to have an elementary school kid in full-time care, but it’s not drastically cheaper than an infant in daycare, either.
Spirograph says
Maryland suburb of DC here, too. We have a great before & aftercare program that is about $600/month, and their summer camp is around $300/week. So that particular summer camp is comparable to what we were previously paying for full-day preschool, but specialty or private camps are obviously more. In my experience, infant care was around $1900/month for a center, $275/week at an in home daycare, and pushing $50k/year (including taxes and payroll service) when we had a nanny. Sorry for apples and oranges, I’m too lazy to standardize the time increments!
I haven’t run the numbers, but once you figure in clothing, activities + associated equipment, and food, it feels to me like the cost stays pretty flat from babies to elementary school kids.
To the OP’s question: We saved a few months of living expenses to cover unpaid leave, but nothing else was earmarked for the baby (babies). Our savings rate took a big hit, but our salaries basically absorbed the recurring costs of baby years.
Anonymous says
None really. Our major costs were paying for a private room at the hospital (in hindsight probably not worth it), and unpaid maternity leave, and then of course daycare. Our fairly crappy insurance covered most prenatal and delivery costs.
Anonymous says
I should add that this was 7 years ago now, so YMMV. It seems to vary a lot between insurance plans.
Anon says
I can’t imagine having a shared hospital room especially with a newborn! To me this would totally be worth an extra cost.
Anon says
At our NYC hospital it would have been $900/night OOP for a private room, so we skipped it. It was a pain, my husband couldn’t sleep over leaving me to get up with baby all night, and my second delivery at a suburban hospital with standard private rooms was so much nicer. That said, $1800 was an unthinkable amount of money to pay to stay in a hospital.
Anon says
I guess it’s all in how you frame it, but I would think of $900 a night for a hospital room as something of a bargain. I’ve paid almost that much for hotel rooms and it makes sense to me that a hospital room would cost significantly more than even the fanciest hotel rooms. My FIL stayed in a hospital in NYC for a week and it was $75,000! Insurance paid most of it, thankfully.
Anonymous says
Wait, they made you room-in without a partner there?1? That is cruel and unusual.
anon says
I had a shared room with one of my deliveries, and it was awful. Her baby just cried and cried all night, and she didn’t (couldn’t, maybe?) do anything about it, and I just wanted to sleep (I had sent my baby to the nursery). I picked my doctor and hospital based on no shared rooms for my next one…
Anonymous says
OP here – my baby was actually in the NICU, and I wanted my husband to be able to stay (see: traumatized by baby in NICU). But we are in NYC and it was not cheap. I also think it wasn’t very crowded and I might not have had a roomate anyway.
anonon says
Basically all we paid out of pocket for the pregnancy were 3 hospital admission co-pays (mom and two babies). Everything else (prenatal checks, blood work, biweekly ultrasounds, non-stress tests, the twins’ week-long NICU stay and related tests) was covered by our insurance, so it’s worth looking into what your insurance covers.
Lana Del Raygun says
A couple thousand, I think? My prenatal appointments were covered without cost-sharing but I had to pay for bloodwork and ultrasounds until I hit my deductible. Then I had a version (failed, ugh) that was like $2K after 75% coinsurance (AUGH) so by the time I actually gave birth I had hit my out-of-pocket max.
I picked up a lot of baby gear and clothes free from neighborhood swaps, and we’re doing a sitting swap with local family so we don’t have to pay for daycare.
Lana Del Raygun says
What I obsessed about was saving up leave.
Anonanonanon says
We didn’t save explicitly. My insurance tells you how much you can estimate certain things costing when you register, and having a child from the first appointment to the 6 week post-partum follow-up was estimated to be about $900 on my plan, which came out accurate (even though I ended up with a C-section). I have Kaiser in the DC area and highly recommend it, btw.
We were TTC for about 8 months, and I had been putting a couple of hundered dollars or so aside every month I got a negative test, and the plan was if I wasn’t pregnant at 12 months I would use that money on a fun trip to visit a friend. When I was pregnant, it was nice to have that to pull from to splurge a bit on maternity clothes for work without feeling “guilty”.
Childcare for us is around $30K a year. We lucked out on a great in-home daycare situation for our infant, which is about $15K a year. My elementary-aged child costs just as much per year despite attending public school. We pay for a daycare that does before/after school care, covers most snow days, etc. Summer is really where it’s painful for childcare costs for the elementary-aged child. It’s hard to find a daycamp that actually covers normal work hours, the one we use is about $1,600K a month in the summer.
We did decide that financially we would save a lot less the first year of our child’s life so we could throw money at conveniences when tired (grocery delivery, ordering food delivery, ordering things off amazon that might be cheaper in store, drive-thru Starbucks, etc.).
Emily S. says
For DD 1, we saved about 2 months of my salary since, bc I started a new job 3 months before giving birth and was only eligible for 2 weeks paid leave. We paid for all clothes, furniture, etc. out of cash flow, and bc I’m a nerd, I kept a spreadsheet: $3,136. Yikes! Daycare costs were $7,800 a year for 3 days full time in a center and grandparents watched her for free for the remaining 2 days. DD 2, 2.5 years later, we had rebuilt our emergency fund and I had access to 3 months paid leave at 100-60% (step-down) of my salary, so we didn’t save anything. DD 2 expenses for the first year: $1,649. So, it gets better? I mean, that’s totally offset by the fact that I now pay $16,692.00 per year for 5-day daycare for the 3.5 yo and 3-day for the 1.5 yo. My takeaway was, I’m glad I saved to cover unpaid maternity leave so I could relax about that when I was home with baby, but other expenses are either necessary (diapers) or I made a choice to spend (oodles of toys, a second breast pump.) If you have access to a FSA, that can be a good way to save while TTC. For example, if you know you have a $300 delivery co-pay, park that in a FSA. And find out if your employer offers benefits for enrolling in a prenatal program. I have BlueCross BlueShield through my employer, and by enrolling in Healthy Beginnings, my $300 delivery co-pay was waived. I call her the free baby.
AwayEmily says
It is fascinating to read about everyone’s different experiences with hospital/medical costs. Both my babies were under different insurances (Empire Plan and Harvard-Pilgrim) in different states, but both cost less than $200 including co-payments, hospital stay, etc.
Anon says
Do you have health insurance with no deductible or was it all not exempt from the deductible? Even on a traditional, non-HDHP plan I thought the average deductible was around $1k so it blows my mind that it could cost so little.
FVNC says
Not the prior poster obviously, but one of the very few benefits of being an employed military spouse is double insurance coverage. We paid $0 for each of my two c-section deliveries and hospital stays. But lord amighty does the stuff about summer camps ring true — we just put a deposit down for a summer day camp costing $375/week for my kindergartner/rising first grader.
Lana Del Raygun says
My old insurance had a $1k deductible but now I’m on BCBS Basic and I don’t have a deductible.
Anonymous says
Also not the OP, but we have an HMO plan with no deductible so because my births were within network it only cost $200 for my inpatient stay.
AwayEmily says
I am the OP and yeah, like Anonymous at 1:31 there’s no deductible because my births were within network.
Rainbow Hair says
We saved our out-of-pocket maximum, and spent it all (and Kiddo was born in January, so we spent it all during her birth and the weeks leading up to it). It wasn’t a wildly complicated birth, but she was an emergency-C, and then she had to spend a few extra days in the hospital after I otherwise would’ve been discharged.
anon says
25K, because IVF ….
Patty Mayonnaise says
I’m experiencing that lovely 2nd tri insomnia and have been up since 4 this morning worrying about what we’ll do with my almost 2 year old when we need to go to the hospital. Not due till May, but there could always be emergencies which would be good to have a plan for. The problem is that we have no family close by, and while we have parent friends from daycare, but many have new babies and all have small homes/apartments. Even if my mom came to town, she may not be able to get here for a litttle while. Anyone have experience in a similar situation? I’d love any suggestions!!
Mama Llama says
Do you have any emergency backup childcare-type places where you live? Like in DC there is White House Nannies, which will send a nanny to you on pretty short notice. When we were having my second child, my husband and I figured that the extreme worst case scenario would be that we would all go to the hospital together and he would work on finding care for the older child as soon as possible and then focus on me and the new baby.
FVNC says
I wouldn’t discount your local friends, even if they also have small children and homes. A friend asked me to be a backup emergency caregiver for her 2.5 yr old if her daytime sitter wasn’t available when she went into labor with her second baby, and I was really honored to be asked even though I had a small kid at the time (and frankly it probably would have meant me taking time off work). They didn’t wind up needing us, but I would have been happy to help. Similarly, when I was pregnant with my second, we’d been in our current location less than a year but we were friendly with several daycare parents who offered, genuinely, to watch our older kid if we needed it. I wound up with a scheduled c, so my parents were able to come to town, but these acquaintances (who turned into friends) were happy to help. My opinion fwiw is that people are generally happy to be part of a community and like to be able to pitch in when they can.
Annie says
I think you just have to take that leap and ask one of your parent friends to be back up care (assuring them your mom will be on her way so it won’t be for that long).
Anonymous says
I’d ask a parent friend from daycare. Most would need to watch your child for what, a day or two at most until your mom arrives? I think any parent would be willing to help in an emergency and can make things work for a short period of time
Anonymous says
We asked a daycare teacher/occasional babysitter to be “on call” for a time when we wouldn’t have coverage otherwise, and paid her a retainer. She would have come over and spent the night and taken our older kids to daycare with her in the morning and/or taken them back to our house and spent the night in the evening.
Anonanonanon says
Paying a retainer is a really neat idea that I have to admit would not have occurred to me. I may consider doing the same during the winter to have someone on call for daycare delays due to weather
anon says
I’ve been this nanny and didn’t feel like I needed a retainer (even though nannying was one of two primary income earning gigs at the time). I knew from past experience that they’d pay me fairly for my time. (To be clear, I wasn’t a regular nanny to this family. More of an as-needed mother’s helper and sometimes babysitter.) If you have a regular sitter or caregiver, ask them to be “on call.” If not, I think it’s perfectly reasonable to ask a parent friend. As the nanny I was honored to be asked, and imagine I’d feel the same as a parent friend. Also, for those of you with issues related to traveling and car seats and airport transfers, consider asking your nanny/babysitter. I also did that for the same family. Met at their house, drove their car (with three car seats) home from the airport, then picked them up in their car from the airport several weeks later. Worked well for all involved.
Anonymous says
We did this too for my 3rd baby. Our favorite babysitter is very popular in our daycare, so we paid her a retainer to hold one weekend for us just in case. Weeknights, our plan was to figure that at least one daycare teacher could help us out. We also had neighbors & friends on call. Family was coming into town the week that seemed most likely for the baby to be born, but of course the baby did not cooperate and showed up the week before they arrived. We ended up using a combination of babysitter and neighbor when labor started in the late afternoon on a week day. Favorite babysitter came home from daycare with the kids and stayed until they went to bed, then our neighbor came over around 10pm. My husband went home after our baby was born and got the kids off to daycare again the next morning before coming back to the hospital.
2nd baby, we just asked a bunch of neighbors and friends and kind of ran down the list when the time came. Luckily the first one we called was available at the time (also a weeknight). We dropped kid #1 at their house on our way to the hospital, and he played with their kid until bedtime, then slept in a pack n play. Husband went back to pick him up in the morning.
Anonymous says
Definitely ask your local friends, especially if there are any you know don’t have local family of their own. We were really glad to do this for neighbors who we aren’t even that close to. Three years later, they were able to return the favor when I needed someone to watch my son while taking husband to the ER for what turned out to be a stroke. (I learned the hard way, on our first overnight ER visit, that kids aren’t allowed out of the waiting area in that ER. It makes sense but was logistically difficult). I am forever grateful. It is so hard to ask but I think most other parents get it, especially those without local family. It takes a village!
Anonymous says
PS – in this specific case, the friends’ parents lived about 3 hours away. So we just needed to watch their kid until parents could get there. It was at night so my husband just went to their place and stayed there while the kid slept. So keep in mind your friends with babies and small apartments could conceivably be watching your child at your house.
AwayEmily says
+1 to this — have the friend come to your house rather than your kid going to their house. Will be easier on your kid, too.
EB0220 says
My mom ended up coming a bit early so she was there when I went into labor. But my backup plan was to have the doula at the hospital with me while my husband watched #1. I also think you could look for a caregiver who is willing to get a last minute call. Or maybe a couple. You have plenty of time to get to know a few people before you’re due so that option could work I think.
lawsuited says
Is your mom a drive away or a plane ride away? If only a few hours drive, you can alert her as soon as contractions start so that she’s on her way while your labouring. If you need to go to the hospital, your husband can drop you off and then stay with toddler until your mom arrives. If your mom is a plane ride away, you need to find a sitter or friend who can look after your toddler while you’re in the hospital. Your husband can go back and forth to check on toddler (e.g. to put him to bed or similar) while you’re labouring so it’s not so critical that sitter/friend be familiar with your toddler’s routine.
GCA says
We were in the same situation this past summer – no family close by, everyone in small apartments. In our case, baby generously waited till my MIL arrived to take care of kid 1, but I had a list of neighbors/ parent friends from daycare with whom my 3yo was familiar. In order of priority: neighbor whose kid was in the same preschool class as mine; SAHM neighbor with whom we had regular playdates; neighbor with older (school-age) kids and who had the flexibility to wfh; and finally, our regular babysitter who could take kiddo for a few hours while husband shuttled back and forth. The worst case scenario was we’d all go to the hospital together and if I was admitted, husband would take DS and find someone to look after him, then come back. Besides my hospital bag, we had a little go-bag for him with toys, snacks and a change of clothes.
Also, don’t just have one backup caregiver – have a few! That way if someone doesn’t pick up the phone in the middle of the night, you can call the next person on the list.
Anonymous says
My OB asked me around month 7 what my plan was (no local family). I told him I was going to call a neighbor. He said “what’s your emergency plan if they’re not available?” Uh, I don’t know yet. He emphasized that his number one goal is for me to be at hospital. Bring toddler if I have to and they’d make it work. This was the biggest baby hospital in a large urban setting.
I turned out having #2 five weeks premature and it was an emergency. But neighbor was available.
IHeartBacon says
I second the recommendation to just ask one of your parent friends. Since they have their own kids, they’ll understand and it won’t be that long that you’ll need their help until your mom gets into town.
Anonymous says
Daycare friends parents or daycare teachers are a good option. We also talked to a couple of our neighbors – including two lovely ladies in their 60s that have grandchildren of their own, both of whom offered of their own accord actually. We didn’t end up needing them when I went in to labor (my mom came out around 38.5 weeks and stayed until I went into labor), but it was nice to know they were there. And those same neighbors came in handy when my youngest was about 6 months old and my husband had to have emergency surgery. You would be surprised – people are flattered to be asked. By the time I was ready to pop, we had about 10 contingency plans in place.
Anonymous says
My son was due 9/14. My in-laws came up for Labor Day. They left and my mom came up for two weeks (she left when the Baby was 2 days old – he was late).
Before that, our plan got tested when I had to go in unexpectedly at 38 weeks. We had a babysitter come and planned to have a friend relieve her if we were admitted. Basically, we just put everyone on notice and planned to stack them so no one was responsible for too long. Everyone we asked was amenable to it.
AliceB says
Any resources for teaching a 6-year-old boy to cope with anxiety? I seem to remember a commenter mentioning a book that had helped her daughter. Already doing OT and will probably be adding speech-based therapy later on, but I’d like to be able to suggest practical tips myself and I’m a bit lost. FWIW, husband and I both have issues with anxiety: I know we need to model the right attitude for our son, but sometimes it’s just soo hard….
Em says
Not necessarily a coping mechanism, but would a weighted blanket help for bedtime? I have moderate anxiety and use one and I love it.
Betty says
Yes! Check out the book “Anxious Kids Anxious Parents.” It is a really great book with concrete approaches to tackling anxiety in kids. I also found it helpful for me personally in handling my own anxiety.
Anonymous says
+1000, also same author has a book about panic attacks with a child’s companion guide called Casey’s Guide. It takes time and effort, but amazing results for my son.
Sarabeth says
Are you working with any professionals? Not the same, but my similarly aged kid has suspected ADHD, and we’ve been seeing a therapist once a month. At this age, most of the “therapy” is parent coaching, and it’s been really helpful.
EP-er says
We are working through this book a little at a time:
https://www.amazon.com/What-When-Worry-Much-What/dp/1591473144/
It was recommended by a friend whose daughter has pretty high anxiety & is working with a therapist. It is very age appropriate for 6 — and you might get some tips too!
anon says
Weird, very first world problem question, but I’m wondering if anyone has had a similar experience. We have a large house and turned a room into a kids’ playroom for our 2 yo daughter. There are lots of toys, kid furniture, etc. There is no tv. But she never wants to play in there! With a lot of recent illnesses and cold, we’ve been relying on tv watching more than we’d like, but she always wants to go to another room where there’s a tv. I know this is a silly problem, but it’s frustrating. We try to direct her in there but she never wants to stay more than a few minutes. Is anyone else’s kid like this?
Anonymous says
Are you in the room with her? It’s pretty usual that she wouldn’t want to play by herself. If not, just keep the tv turned off in other rooms and they will lose their appeal.
We have only one tv, it’s in the main family room that’s also the playroom. We only allow an hour of tv a day and have a digital clock next to the TV and explain that it only ‘works’ between 5:30-6:30pm. After lots of battles about screentime and fights about the tv being on or off, being consistent on this was the only thing that kept me sane. When kids are sick, I let them watch something on my ipad which otherwise lives in the master bedroom. YMMV of course.
OP says
We are in the room with her when we play. But I like the idea of a clock next to the tv. I think this is probably more of a screen time issue than playroom issue.
Sarabeth says
My kids want to be where we are, so they don’t generally go into the playroom to play by themselves, though they’ll play there happily when a friend comes over or when a parent goes with them. We have a set of toys in the living room, and that’s where they play most of the time. We’ve just accepted that our main living space will be a constant mess.
We have no TVs in the house, so I can’t speak to that part, except to say that if you want her not to gravitate towards the TV, you probably can’t have the TV on.
Anonymous says
My 6 year old only wants to be where we are. He doesn’t like to be alone at all. That may be the issue more than the TV. I have no solution to this, sadly. If it really is just the background noise she misses could you try substituting music or an audiobook?
mascot says
This. My kid’s playroom is upstairs and it took him a long time to want to play up there alone. Music helps. He has an Echo Dot that he takes up there and chatters at, asks questions, plays music and games, etc.
mascot says
ETA: He’s 8. It wasn’t until age 5 or so that he would reliably play alone and away from us. We have a fenced back yard so that has also been an option.
SC says
We have a sun room that seems to have defaulted to a play room, meaning that several of the larger toys ended up getting placed in there after Christmas. My kid only plays in that room when one of us will go with him. It wasn’t originally intended to be a playroom, so it also has furniture that’s comfortable for adults. I’ll take a book and cozy blanket and sit back there with him while he plays with his train set and fire station. If DH and I are in the kitchen or living room, he’ll bring the toys to wherever we are.
If the TV is on, then Kiddo wants to watch TV. Even if we’re watching something he doesn’t enjoy, he’ll ask to watch one of his shows. That means that mostly, screens are off while he’s home, unless it’s a time when we’re OK with him watching a show.
OP says
OP here – Just to clarify, the issue isn’t independent play. One or both of us is always in the playroom with her. It’s just that she doesn’t want to spend any time in there at all. Every other room in the house is more appealing. But it does sound like the issue may be screen time more than anything else.
Anonymous says
Is it that she leaves the activity or doesn’t want to start an activity? Sometimes I’ll just start playing trains or dolls myself and let kiddo join in.
OP says
She leaves the activity or the room. She’ll say “no, I want to go to the porch/other room/basement.”OP
Anonymous says
It does sound as if screen time is the issue here. Without strict limits on screen time, our (older) kid turns into a monster who only wants to play on her iPad. We found time-of-day restrictions to be much more effective than total-time-per-day limits.
SC says
Are you pushing the play room at all? Because my kid is hard-wired to refuse any suggestion I make. “Hey, want to go play with your absolute favorite toy of all time in the play room?” “No!” If your 2-year-old perceives that you want her to use the play room for some reason, she might just be pushing back as a control thing.
I’m not sure I have advice though. You could start hanging out in there without her–my kid plays in our sun room/default play area a lot more when he finds me in there reading a book on Saturday morning. And, as you’ve suggested, making other areas of the house less appealing by consistently having the TV off could help.
ElisaR says
my son is the same age and repeats constantly “I need peopppppple!”
He will play in the toy room but he wants me there too. So yeah nothing gets done.
Anonymous says
Ha ha. Now I am hearing Barbara Streisand in my head. People…. people who need people…
Anonymous says
Yoga. I just do yoga occasionally but my kids have loved the stuff I’ve shown them. There’s lots of kids stuff on YouTube. I’m surprised how much the breathing exercises have helped them.
Anonymous says
for alice b above
Anon says
This is a stupid question, but if you use a lot of washclothes on your kid during mealtimes, what do you do with them afterwards? We go through 3-5 washclothes a day and had just been throwing them into the washing machine after (we leave the machine lid open) but they’re smelling very mildewy so I think we need a different solution. I know we could use paper towels or baby wipes but I hate the waste of that.
Anonymous says
We spread wet rags/etc out along the top rim of our laundry basket to dry before they go into the bottom of the basket. (We don’t have a washer in our apartment).
GCA says
Ditto.
Though if you have an adventurous and mobile baby, maybe keep the laundry basket out of easy reach. When kid 1 was about 9 months and pulling up on everything, he crawled over to the laundry basket (one of those squat rectangular plastic baskets), pulled up on the edge, reached for something inside, overbalanced, and fell in headfirst. I was right behind him and had a good laugh before rescuing him. #parentoftheyear
Anonymous says
We also drape wet rags over the edge of a laundry basket, which we keep on top of the dryer out of kid reach.
rosie says
We use those simple cloth diapers (original use was burp cloths). We give them a rinse if they’re real bad, and then leave them in a plastic milk crate-type box right next to the washing machine (hanging over the side if they’re wet). Agree it doesn’t work to throw them in the machine as you go.
EB0220 says
I have a small bin in the laundry room for the dish towel/washcloths/etc. I drape the wet ones over the side of the bin. Then I usually wash them with Pine Sol and/or white vinegar to de-stink them.
anon says
Adding to the chorus: I have a small laundry basket specifically for dirty kitchen laundry (hand towels, napkins, etc.). Anything wet hangs on the edge until it’s dry. If you’re leaving the washer open, you could just drape them on the side of the washer until they’re dry.
H13 says
+1
Redux says
We rinse and tightly wring all the wet wash cloths each night (usually 4-5) and hang them on a row of hooks to dry overnight, then toss the dry ones in a laundry basket the next day. Our hooks are on the side of a kitchen cart thing, but in our old place we hung them on hooks inside the door to the laundry room.
You’re right that they get gross and smelly if they sit around wet. You might have good luck washing your stinky ones in hot water with bleach if they are white or baking soda or vinegar if they are not. I ended up tossing a set that were irretrievably smelly, but this new hook system has been working really well for the last couple of years.
Anonymous says
We use rags and cloth napkins instead of paper towels or napkins, so we just have a wicker basket on top of the fridge that all kitchen laundry gets tossed in, then washed periodically— rags, dish towels, napkins, baby bibs, etc.
aelle says
Wash cloths, cloth wipes, dirty bibs, very soiled clothing etc all go in a wetbag. I empty it out every 2 or 3 days, the contents get a rinse cycle on cold, then a hot wash (60°C) with the rest of the family’s laundry. No smell.
Anon says
Where do you find true blackout curtains? My 11 month old is pretty light-sensitive and is waking up earlier and earlier each day now that the days are getting longer. The last few months she’s been sleeping 12+ hours straight at night and if possible I would like that to continue into spring/summer but I don’t know if I can get her nursery dark enough. I’ve bought and returned a couple different curtains that were sold as “blackout curtains” but didn’t block anywhere near all the light. Bonus points for something I can buy at Target or Amazon.
SC says
No bonus points, but the blackout curtains we bought from Pottery Barn Kids work well.
anon says
I use blackout drapes from PB in my room. I live in an apartment complex so if someone accidentally leaves a patio light on across the courtyard from me, my room is lit up. They’re not 100% because of the edges (I can tell when it’s light out, but not if it’s sunny vs cloudy) but dark enough that I can easily sleep in there even when it is super bright outside.
rosie says
We have Nicetown triple weave thermal insulated curtains in a dark color (purchased on Amazon). We also have blinds that block the light, but there is a little space between the window frames and the blinds, so we needed a curtain, too.
Anon says
We have the AmazonBasics Room-Darkening Blackout Curtains and are quite happy with them. You need to make sure that you can pull them all the way around the window or else light sneaks in around the edges, but they do a very good job blocking light, in our experience. We bought last spring for our then 13-month-old when we noticed the longer days messing with her previously good sleep and it definitely worked for us.
mascot says
We use roller shades behind our plantation shutters. Works pretty well if you can’t find the perfect curtains.
anon says
I got some at bed, bath, and beyond a few years ago. Not sure what the selection is now.
Anonymous says
I recently discovered that there are “blackout rods” that curve around and allow the curtain to come all the way to the wall. They do a lot to block the light coming in around the sides.
Anonymous says
Seconding the rods. I got my rods and curtains as Target and hey work great. We even had a guest compliment them!
Anonymous says
I’ve bought several types of “blackout curtains” from target and amazon that turned out to block almost no light. I’d go with a slightly higher end store, or even a store like jcpenney that sells a lot of curtains if they still do that. Blackout roller shades sold at hardware stores are also pretty good.
Anonymous says
We do thick faux wood blinds plus blackout curtains. Do you only have the curtains? Ours are from target, whatever the generic kids brand is and they work even during a bright naptime.
AwayEmily says
I have a specific recommendation! “Best Home Fashion Thermal Insulated Blackout Curtains” from Amazon. They really do block the light. The grey color is lovely and we have it in both kids’ rooms.
ElisaR says
Land of Nod ones work well! Not cheap though.
Rainbow Hair says
These are lovely and effective: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01D2EPOYM/ref=oh_aui_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1
CHL says
If you’re in Chicago, I have a single panel navy blue one and a single panel grey and white chevron one from Pottery Barn Kids that you’re welcome to have/try. We moved and now have two windows that already had blinds in them so they’re just in a closet.
PinkKeyboard says
Home Depot sells these cellular shades that are blackout AND non-heinous AND cordless. We have them in every bedroom. A little light leaks in the edges but I think that combined with even the meh blackout curtains would make you a seriously worthy cave. They cut them to fit in store so make sure you can JUST fit them in the window opening.
Anonymous says
Yeah, we have a similar blackout shade from Lowe’s in all of our bedrooms. We use that plus inexpensive not amazing blackout curtains, and together they do a great job. I think the shades are doing the majority of the blacking-out.
Anonymous says
+1 my sister has these and they do work well.
lawsuited says
+1 Blackout shades + blackout curtains is teamwork that makes the dream work
Chi Squared says
We got several sets at Ikea. The Marjun.
Anonymous says
I have to do a cross country flight and am trying to figure out pumping with my Spectra S2. I plan to pump just before boarding and after we land (bringing a hand pump on board in case we get delayed), but has anyone found a battery pack that works with the S2? Any experience pumping at SFO after landing? Thanks!
Anonymous says
SFO has nursing rooms, though you have to get someone to unlock them for you. I always just plugged my S2 into the wall in an airport corner when pumping in airports; do you definitely need a battery pack?
OP says
I guess I was thinking I would want a battery pack to pump on the plane if need be, but I may try to just avoid that altogether. Thanks!
AwayEmily says
Yes! The “Medela Battery Pack for 9 Volt Pump in Style Advanced Breast Pump” ($28.99 on Amazon) works with the Spectra — I used it several times on work trips.
Lana Del Raygun says
How private are you about pumping at work? I’m not doing the actual pumping in front of anyone, but I’ve found myself hoping no one will come into the kitchen and see me washing my flanges. Is that normal? I also panicked and hid two bottles of milk behind my monitor when a coworker came in, but that’s partly because he’s a weird and talkative guy and would probably have started telling me all about his wife’s experience nursing and I just don’t want to hear it. A guy from a different office was horribly embarrassed to even hear that I was reading a book about pumping. Is THAT normal? Lol
Anon says
Caveat that I only pumped at work for a few months and am not sure I could have kept this up, but yeah I was pretty private about it. I never used the word “pumping” to my co-workers (I would say “I have a meeting at that time”) and I never washed pump parts in the kitchen, just stuck everything in a tupperware in the fridge (although that was probably more out of laziness than privacy). I stored my pump parts and milk bottles inside a lunch box type thing so it wasn’t super obvious what it was.
Weirdly, I have less issue nursing in public than just about anyone I know. I don’t wear any kind of cover and I just lift my shirt up, exposing my bra and belly. We travel a lot so I’ve nursed in public hundreds of times and often with a stranger right near me (eg, in the airplane seat next to me). I think my attempt at privacy at work was more about not wanting to get into conversations about it than about actual modesty. I find discussing anything about my body really uncomfortable, especially at work. I also hated talking about my pregnancy, to the point that people actually asked me if the pregnancy was accidental (!) because I was so tight-lipped about it. I was happy about the baby, I just felt weird having conversations with my co-workers about my body, and I felt like every pregnancy-related question or conversation somehow came back to my body.
Lana Del Raygun says
Oh this makes a lot of sense to me. I also don’t mind nursing in public at all but I hated talking about pregnancy at work. (I wasn’t as tight-lipped as you but I had like three responses I just cycled through over and over.)
Anonymous says
Pro tip – don’t bother washing out your flanges at the office in any case. Just refrigerate them with the rest of your pumping stuff and wash them in the dishwasher at night.
Personally, I never left my milk out in the open for people to see.
Lana Del Raygun says
Apparently the AAP recommend against that trick now, sigh. I can’t decide if they’re just being paranoid or not.
Anonymous says
Sigh, AAP always making our lives more difficult/looking out for the best interests of our kids… glad I finished with pumping before I heard this ;)
GCA says
Argh, great. I went looking for that report and found it: https://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/volumes/66/wr/mm6628a5.htm?s_cid=mm6628a5_w — looks like it was a premature infant who contracted a bacterial infection from pump parts that had somehow become contaminated.
so it’s about risk and trade-off, I think. kid 2 is nearly 6 months now, and I’ve pumped regularly for almost 3 months and always stored unwashed pump parts in the fridge in a clean ziploc between pumps. but she was healthy full-term and is now at the stage of sticking everything in her mouth, which in a 2-kid household is definitely not a sterile process… mostly I pump a couple times a day, which I don’t like but which I have the capacity to do (which is a privilege) so a) I can keep nursing her (which I do like) and b) she gets the immune benefits of some breastmilk.
tl;dr don’t panic, wash your flanges if you feel you need to, carry on!
Eek says
Boo! Do you know anything more about this recommendation? I can’t seem to find it and I’m looking for a reason to ignore it (is that terrible?)
Eek says
Never mind, I posted this before the link showed up. Thanks!
Anon says
Did they specifically recommend against this? I can’t find it anywhere and this trick has been such a lifesaver for me.
Anon says
It was the CDC, not the AAP, and it was based on a single illness in an extremely premature infant (born at 29 weeks, got sick at 3 weeks old, ie what would have been 32 weeks gestation, still a full 8 weeks before most babies are even born). I discussed it with my ped and she said she saw absolutely no reason it wasn’t safe to refrigerate parts in between pumping sessions for a full term 3 month old. If the milk the baby drinks can sit in the fridge for a day or two, there’s no reason milk on the pump can’t.
Emily S. says
That was me, too. One time I was ambushed by a 60+ year old guy and we just explained pleasantries while he waited for the sink so he could dump his coffee. I was surprised by how not-awkward it was. It really helped when another mom started pumping and using the fridge — so maybe convince a co-worker to pump bc, solidarity? :)
anon says
I personally had no qualms about washing my parts in the community breakroom. Everyone knew I had a baby. It’s biology. And I’m usually a very modest person but it is what it is. I only had one awkward engineer ask what I was doing and I just told him I had to feed my baby. I stored the milk in the community refrigerator, but in a cooler bag so the bottles weren’t just sitting on a shelf.
Anonymous says
You don’t need to wash your flanges at work! So much effort and time. Just toss them in a large ziploc bag and in the fridge. Only need to wash once a day so I just tossed them in the dishwasher after supper. If you don’t want them seen, put the large ziploc inside a lunchbag in the fridge.
Anonymous says
Everyone knew I pumped, but I never washed anything in the communal sink or had gear/milk out in front of people. It all went back in the bag between pumps. I refrigerated my parts and reused them, but I know some people bring new parts for each pumping session. I washed at home each night.
My coworkers (primarily men): a) didn’t care and just wanted me to get my stuff done; b) were grossed out by anything detailed. I often took conf calls with the pump half shut in a drawer to mask the sound.
Lana Del Raygun says
That’s a great idea! I have a Spectra so it’s really quiet but I’ll keep it in mind in case I end up using the Ameda my other insurance sent.
SC says
I was very private about it. I pumped in my private office, stored milk in a cooler, and brought 3 sets of pump parts so I didn’t have to wash parts out in the office. (I commuted by car and had a parking spot in the building garage, so carrying a large bag for everything wasn’t too much of a hassle.) There were definitely male partners at that firm who were very weirded out by the idea of women pumping, which I had overheard before getting pregnant.
That said, I work in a different firm with a different culture now. I’m also more confident about the work I do. If I were to get pregnant again, I’d probably be much more open about pumping at this office. I would protect my time more, and I wouldn’t hesitate to wash parts in the kitchen sink.
Anon says
I was pretty open about it in an effort to have privacy in my office so I could work. We’re a small office, so everyone knew anyways, but to prevent knocking and opening without waiting for a response (typical office culture), I used a door sign that said something like “nursing mom at work” and people either 1) were super awkward and asked my neighbor to have me call them when I was done with “things” or 2) just picked up the phone and called me instead, since I told people I was happy to take calls while pumping. I bought 3 sets of pump parts because I couldn’t handle cold parts and didn’t have time to wash, so that wasn’t an issue, but I definitely stored my milk in a cooler in the communal fridge and had pump parts air drying on a boon rack on my desk if they weren’t dry all the way coming out of the dishwasher in the morning.
Anon in NYC says
I also was fairly open about it. I never got into specifics, but I said things like, “I have to step out so I can go pump.” It was a little awkward probably for both me and the listener, but I felt like, 1) I shouldn’t have to feel awkward/embarrassed/ashamed about feeding my kid, and 2) I was normalizing this in my office so future moms would have an easier time of it.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Just started back at work and am pumping. We’ve got a mother’s room with a fridge, freezer and sink, so no one is really able to see me do anything pump-related. Most of my co-workers are parents though and are pretty familiar with the pumping thing so I’ve been fairly open about why I’m going to a different floor (where our mother’s room is) periodically.
If you’re using a communal kitchen, I’d probably just keep the pump parts in the fridge in between. Didn’t know about that AAP recommendation – seems overly cautious to me but I think that about a lot of their recommendations.
Gudetama says
I’m in San Francisco, I have a desk in a shared office area with a half-cubical wall. I pump at my desk, with a giant opaque scarf draped over the whole thing. I could decamp to another location, but I choose not to. In a year of pumping at work (down to once a day, from 3 times originally). Most of the time, people leave me alone, but I have answered plenty of one-off questions while doing this, most people are oblivious/polite enough to ignore it.
Notable comments have been
– Why do you have a video game on your desk? (pump+tubes)
– Is there a snoring dog or something? what’s that heavy-breathing noise? (pump)
– That’s a strange hand lotion container, you got dry skin or something? (bottles with flanges)
And most recently, I had someone waiting by my desk while I was pumping for some time sensitive info from me. I looked up and saw that he was dancing to the beat of the pump noise – which I told him to cut it out.
==
GCA says
I feel it’s odd that we (well, American society) is basically moving towards normalizing breastfeeding (yay! there is nothing embarrassing about feeding your baby) but still weirded out by the idea of expressing milk, when it’s something that many nursing mothers HAVE to do at some point if they are working full-time away from a still-nursing infant. I think normalizing pumping, and having people see the labor that goes into it, would go a long, long way towards either securing better parental leave provisions or better workplace accommodations. I think of that Morgan Stanley VP who was fired after maternity leave and harassed about her pump breaks, which is horrifying.
Anon says
Eh, I think this is more about the fact that this is in the workplace and around your co-workers, than about b-feeding vs expressing milk. I’m fine nursing or pumping in front of friends, family or anyone I don’t know. I would not be fine nursing or pumping in front of a co-worker. I’ve always done my best to keep my bodily functions out of the office as much as possible, and that remained true even when I was feeding my child (not saying people should feel that way, but that’s how I felt).
GCA says
Fair point! I am pretty comfortable with talking to coworkers about needing to pump, but I’m also the sort of person who will happily work out at the office gym alongside coworkers and bosses…
lawsuited says
I am private to the extent that I shield my coworkers from seeing my nipples, and that is it. I keep my pumped milk in the kitchen fridge, I lay my pump parts out to dry on the kitchen counter, I put up a “pumping in progress” sign up on my door (it’s a one-courtesy-knock-and-enter-anyway type office), so I’m pretty sure people know what up.
Anonymous says
So this is a weird question, but I had my second baby about 7 months ago now. I have lost all but about 3lb but have a huge pooch leftover (ok, I had some to lose before the baby, too!)…that is fine enough, but by the end of the day, my pants feel SO tight because of what seems like extreme bloating. Is it possible that my stomach muscles just don’t hold in the bloat like they used to?
Anonymous says
Totally possible. Start with pelvic floor physio evaluation to make sure you don’t need to strengthen there first, otherwise ab work can make pelvic floor issues worse. I went back to pilates and running too fast, still had the pooch and pelvic floor PT has really helped strengthen from the inside so I can get back to doing those activities safely and to get the results I want.
Lana Del Raygun says
Yeah, that’s totally possible. I would get evaluated for diastasis recti.
Anonymous says
Do you think you might have a food intolerance? I am (self diagnosed) mildly lactose intolerant, and that is how my stomach feels if I have a latte in the afternoon. I finally had to admit to myself that I couldn’t handle the milk, and the problem has cleared up.
What happened to my good sleeper? says
Help please! We just converted my almost two year old’s crib to a toddler bed and it has ruined his sleep. He has always gone right to sleep after putting him down in his crib. Now, he stays in only if we are in the room. If we leave, he comes out to find us. He’ll nod off and then keep peeking to see if we are there, so it’s been really hard to sneak out. My oldest (still to this day at almost four) will not leaver her bed once we out her in, so we are at a bit of a loss as to what to do. Any suggestions welcome!
Mama Llama says
This happened to us too. We made the switch at 3, and my kid went from sleeping 12 hours at night plus a 2 hour nap, to refusing to go to bed at night, waking early in the morning, and completely dropping her nap. We never got back that, but we got through the worst of the bedtime shenanigans thanks to having a gate on the door and basically sleep training again. Good luck!
Anonymous says
Do you need the crib for another baby? Did he try to climb out of the crib? My daughter will be 2 in March and we’re leaving her in the crib as long as possible, hopefully until 3, even though it means we have to buy another crib for baby number 2.
Anonymous says
This. Unless he was trying to climb out of the crib, go back to the crib. We switched to big kid beds at age 4 for all three of our kids.
Anonymous says
I’m glad to hear you made it until 4! We have 2-year-old twins and I’m dreading the day we need to switch them out of cribs because they already spend enough of naptime chatting and playing with each other instead of lying down and going to sleep and they’re currently trapped on different sides of the room. Did you keep them in sleepsacks until 4 or did they just never try to climb out?
Anonymous says
We had twins as well! Oldest kid never tried to climb out. DH lets her try lots of climbing things outdoors (even when she finds them scary) so she trusted him when he told her she would get hurt if she tried to climb out.
With the twins, one is a total rule follower and we told him not to climb out because he could hurt himself so he never tried. His brother is a rule ignoring monkey (but ironically academically much smarter), and he climbed out. Next day, we dropped the crib support to the floor and added a thin piece of wood all the way around inside the crib to cover to the floor. It was low enough that they couldn’t climb out. Plus I added bumper pads around age 1 and I think that made their cribs a cozy space. At age 4 they are old enough to be motivated to stay in their beds if you say the cribs come back if they can’t stay in them.
Anon says
I love this. My 17 MO climbed out of her crib 2 weeks ago and we had to switch to a toddler bed. By 4 I’m sure she’ll be climbing out the windows and down the balcony.
ElisaR says
was the 17 month old in a sleepsack?? My 14 month old can climb anything but thank goodness for sleepsacks mean he can’t climb anything all the time.
Anon says
No – she started refusing sleep sacks at 16 months. After 3 nights of full-on body wrestling across the floor and copious screaming and tears to get her into them, I finally decided the sleepsack wasn’t worth the hassle. TBH, we were using a zipadeezip and after watching her climb out, and knowing the mobility and dexterity she exercised in the zipadeezip, she probably still could have climbed out even if we’d been able to keep her in it.
AwayEmily says
I do not have a kid like this (mine is a rule-follower) and was not one myself but secretly admire early crib-climber-outers so much! Bravery + strength +intelligence = awesome! (it was probably not that awesome for you though).
Anon says
I’m glad I’m not the only person doing this. My daughter shows no interest in climbing out of the crib so we plan to leave her in it as long as we possibly can.
Anonymous says
+1000. My oldest remained in the crib until she was 3.5. Around 3, she figured out how to climb out, but was so old and mobile at that point that she did it completely safely. We only moved her because we had a second. That second baby is still in the crib now at 26 months and still in a sleepsack. I can’t imagine we’ll move her until she’s at least 3.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
+1. Good to hear this!!!! My 14 month old is in a sleepsack which says it’s good until 24 months (Zip-a-dee-zip), I think it’s a big part of what has kept him from trying to climb out of his pack-and-play. We plan to use this sleep sack or something else we can find until there’s nothing that fits. :)
SC says
We went through this (for months!) and this is what a sleep specialist told us: Leave the room as soon as you tuck him in–don’t stay in the room while he falls asleep. When he gets out of bed, take his hand and gently return him to his bed. Do not give any reaction–no comfort or soothing, but also no anger or pleading. Keep your face calm and neutral. Either don’t say anything, or just say “Goodnight” or “Stay in bed.”
At first, we had to modify a bit, because our kid turned the whole thing into a game and kept getting out of bed right away, before we even got to the door. We started closing his door (it wasn’t locked, but he couldn’t open it at the time) and going back in after 2, 5, and 10 minutes.
It’s been a year and a half, and things are much better. Our kid still gets out of bed a few times (down from 45 times) most nights and comes and finds us, but we just put him back to bed right away, and it’s no longer an hours-long process. Occasionally, he stays in bed the first time, and occasionally, we have a bad night, and he seems to test whether we’re going to put him back in his room. He also has started finding books and reading in bed, which we’re fine with, but then when he’s ready to sleep, he usually wants to be tucked in again and makes up a reason he needs us for something, which is frustrating.
Anon says
We babygated the door for my 17 month old. The first few nights she wandered around the room and I was fully prepared for her to sleep on the floor, but she actually made it in the bed each night. After the first few nights it’s been hit or miss now, but she’s beginning to get the hang of falling asleep on her own in her bed. When she doesn’t I do increasingly longer checks on her and put her back in bed and tell her it’s bedtime. When she gets tired enough on the difficult nights, she’ll CIO in her bed (presumably because she’s too tired to get out).
Everlong says
We had the same thing when we tried to go from crib to toddler bed around the same age. We went back to the crib, then skipped right to the full size bed a few months later with no issues. :)
H13 says
Does anyone have a good communications-focused small group activity? I need to plan a 15-30 minute activity for a group of seven that desperately needs to work on basic group communication and team-building in order to meet some big goals.
(Posted on main board too but on the later post and don’t expect much traction.)
Anonymous says
What do you mean by “communications focused”? A couple things come to mind from various workshops over they years:
1. Divide into teams, and have one person from each team draw on a whiteboard. The rest of the group tries to describe the picture that the artist is supposed to draw.
2. Escape room. These vary in how much communication is needed, but pretty good for team building.
CPA Lady says
We’re taking kiddo to walt disney world in the near future. Any tips, tricks, good places to eat, etc? We’re going to be going to all four parks.
Anon says
Planning for Disney is A Thing on the internet, there are many (hundreds?) of bl0ggers who write exclusively about Disney. I haven’t gone to Disney, but I like this page for other family travel planning and they have a lot of Disney content: https://www.travelingmom.com/
CPA Lady says
Oh, I’ve already done the crazy planning and website stalking. I have a spreadsheet (because of course I do). Fast passes are booked, princess breakfast at Cinderella’s castle is booked. I was just hoping for personal input like “this is a fun random thing I loved” or “get the Cheshire cat tail pastry, it’s yummy!” Random stuff like that.
Anon says
Oh gotcha, I thought you were starting from scratch. Asking for personal anecdotes makes sense!
ElisaR says
my brother and his wife just went and had AmazonFresh deliver to their Disney resort. It was a total win – kids had their yogurt for breakfast and PBJ sandwiches to bring to the park for lunch. That meant they were happy (picky eaters) and not hit with the hangry-breakdown that can happen as you try to figure out lunch. Oh and it’s cheaper.
Anonymous says
My parents live in Florida in the winter so they grocery shopped before we arrived and we did this!! Breakfast in the room or something from the a la carte coffee place then packed lunch in the park and back for nap. No waiting in lines at lunch!
Get a dole whip if you like ice cream/sweets. I’ve been to Disney like 10 times and this past year was the first time I got one and really liked it.
FWIW – my then 12 month old fell asleep on the jungle cruise cause of the white noise from the engine. Same thing with haunted mansion (which I hear is a common place for babies to fall asleep). The best day we had in the park was getting to MK when it opened.
Anonymous says
Oh shoot let me add Mickeys Backyard BBQ for dinner if your kids are 2-3 and up. Almost all the kids were fascinated by the music and rope tricks and the food is really kid-friendly.
SC says
So I grew up going to Disney, and my parents live nearby, so we go back every year. Glad to hear you have your Fast Passes and major plans, because Disney rewards planning.
Do you mind saying where are you staying? How large is your group, and how old are the kid(s)?
The cinnamon rolls at Gaston’s Tavern in MK are amazing, and I love taking a break to split one.
Casual food has gotten a lot better in recent years. If you’re looking for options besides hamburgers and french fries at counter-service places, I really like the Columbia Harbor House in MK, the sushi place in the Japanese Pavilion in Epcot, and Satu’li Canteen at Animal Kingdom. (Hollywood Studios used to be my burger-and-fries day, unless I had a reservation somewhere fun, but it seems to have improved its casual options recently as well.)
If you drink alcohol, I really like the tequila bar in the Mexican pavilion at Epcot. DH and I also had fun for about an hour in Trader Sam’s Grog Grotto at the Polynesian. (Interestingly, neither bar is actually operated by Disney, so that may have something to do with it.)
CPA Lady says
We’re staying at my husband’s grandpa’s condo which is a few miles from the parks. There are going to be six adults and one 4 year old kid. Not all the adults are going to be doing all the stuff. Part of my husband’s family invited themselves to come along with us…. which was a surprise. I am not trying to coordinate everyone’s schedule, just mine, DH, and kid. My SIL is coming, and she’s a vegan/vegetarian. MIL is a vegetarian. Would it be good for them to bring their own food mostly, or are there options for them?
SC says
Disney actually handles different dietary restrictions (and allergies) very well. There will be at least one vegetarian option almost anywhere you go, and I wouldn’t worry about that at all. I’d encourage your SIL to do some research ahead of time on vegan options–a quick google search came up with several websites listing and even rating various vegan options at Disney. She may want to end up at a particular spot for meals, but browsing just one website, I’m pretty impressed how many options there are!
Other tips and tricks, off the top of my head–you can get a cup of ice water from any counter service restaurant in any park for free. You don’t have to buy bottled water.
Many rides offer a family rider swap, which allows one parent to wait in line and ride while the second waits with the child, then lets the second parent to ride without waiting in line again. (The second parent and child can go do something else after the family shows up together for the single rider pass.) Also look for a single rider line.
Take a picture of where you park. Don’t wait for the tram. Take it if it’s already there and almost full. Otherwise, it’s usually faster to walk to the gate of the park.
To get to and from MK and the parking lot, it’s often faster to take the resort monorail instead of the express/direct monorail. The resort monorail probably adds 10 or so minutes to the ride (2 additional stops), but there is often no wait. Don’t take the boat unless both monorails are broken down–it takes forever.
If it’s going to be hot, there are splash pads in Epcot and MK. My kid loves them, and we plan for him to spend some time there and take a change of clothes.
anon says
I brought my own snacks (goldfish, dry cereal, raisins, etc.) into the parks for my kids. It was good to occupy them in lines and keep them from getting hangry. We bought meals and ice cream at the parks. I am usually team refillable water bottle but after getting a terrible stomach bug at Disney World once, I sucked it up and bought drinks at the park. Rent a stroller and stash a thin towel in it each day so you have one on hand for the water rides and to cushion the stroller when the towel isn’t wet.
mascot says
The shows are fantastic. We liked the villains one at HS the most, but MK is classic for a reason and the Lion King show is also awesome (acrobats!). Hoop Dee Do Revue is a fun dinner. My favorite buffet meal is Tusker House- if you get the late breakfast reservation, they generally have lunch options out too and the food is quite good.
Anon says
Anyone have experience flying solo with twin 2-year-olds or two toddlers at all? I’m definitely bringing their carseats on board the plane, so am debating how to get us all through the airport (double stroller with twins and seats hung off it, stroller with seats in it and twins walk, backpack leashes, carrier, something else??)
Anonymous says
Do you have a stroller frame you can snap the car seats into?
Anon says
Not since they got out of the infant bucket seats. I do a cart I can put both carseats on and pull, but the kids can’t ride in it unless I get a second; that’s usually our go-to when we have two parents and aren’t bringing the stroller or check the stroller. I’ve done this tons of times with backup, but can’t quite figure out out to optimize the one adult to two toddler aspect!
Anonymous says
Then I wouldn’t bring the car seats
anon says
Oof. That sounds hard. Do you really need the seats on the plane? I think I lean in the direction of double stroller and seats in it, plus kids with backpack leashes. I can’t picture being able to get through anything at all narrow with seats hanging off a double stroller. But, dude, how do you use the restroom? My hat’s off to you.
Anon says
Sadly I know the flight itself will go much more smoothly with the kids in their carseats. They’ll just sit there and read books, watch their tablets, play with playdough, etc whereas without the carseats they’re kind of terrors. It would be much easier if I didn’t need them, though!
SC says
Would something like the Cares Harness work for restraining them and keeping them calm? I flew with a car seat when my (only) kid was 2 as well for similar reasons, so I sympathize. But I’m having a hard time envisioning how you get 2 2-year-olds plus 2 car seats through the airport by yourself. I guess you could push a stroller with the kids and pull the cart with the car seats, but that seems unwieldy for any distance greater than baggage claim to the curb.
Anon says
Oh good idea, the Cares Harness might work–maybe I’ll try to borrow some for this flight to see. I can also pile 2 carseats in one half of the stroller and put one kid in the other half (we’ve done that before), at which point I could wear the other kid and stick the diaper bag underneath. Thanks for the ideas!
anon says
I thought that may be the case! God speed. A thought that may be totally off the wall–can you pay for disabled services or some sort of electric cart in the airport? I had a broken ankle when I was alone abroad and had to pay to have wheelchair services but they handled my luggage and me as well as possible through a connection in Heathrow. I wish that experience on no one. Crotch level in a crowded airport while drugged and injured is awful. Anyhow, point being, I had to pay for that service even though I needed it. I saw other questionably disabled people in the same group (for special elevators and such to get on the plane).
anon says
Any chance someone can accompany you to the gate? I’ve had my husband do that before (they will give him a gate pass). Maybe a friend could help?
anon says
I’m not sure if you can get it ahead of time, by the way – in this case, it was offered to us at the gate when I showed up with a 3 month old and a 3 year old (but no carseats!)
anon says
I just did some research on this. Gate passes are given at the airlines’ discretion. You can call ahead for information but it’s up to the agent at the desk to actually issue it. Another suggested option was to purchase a ticket and then cancel the reservation within 24 hours (all tickets are fully refundable within 24 hours).
Anon says
Thanks!
Lily says
Has anyone’s baby had infantile acne? My 2 month old has little red bumps all over her forehead and back of her neck, but it didn’t appear until she was 6 weeks or so, which I understand means it’s not newborn acne. It looks awful and I am so worried she’ll have scarring!
Anon says
Why would you worry about scarring? Scarring comes from popping and picking at acne, which babies don’t do. Baby acne is very very normal, my 1 year old breaks out pretty regularly and then it clears up for a while before coming back.