CorporetteMoms

Updated: Nov 18, 2022 119 Comments · by

Family Friday: Rainbow Dot Markers

Recent Recs

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6pieces washable rainbow color markers

I’m getting a lot of dot art from preschool — my youngest enjoys it so much that I’m thinking of getting him a set of these markers.

This set of washable, non-toxic dot markers comes with six bright colors. The sponge tip controls messes, doesn’t dry out, and makes a precise dot every time. You can layer and blend the colors to make unique works of art — I even still have an autumn tree my oldest made entirely with red, orange, and yellow dot markers back when she was a toddler.

These dot markers are available at Target for $17.99 and Amazon.

Sales of note for 9.10.24

(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)

Kid/Family Sales

  • Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
  • Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
  • J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
  • Old Navy – 40% off everything
  • Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs

About Ann

Ann is a working mom, a longtime reader of Corporette and CorporetteMoms, and has been writing our morning fashion advice for working moms since November 2020! She has a daughter (born winter 2014) and a son (born fall 2019) and is a public interest lawyer in Washington, D.C.

Comments

  1. Leatty says

    Bigger gift ideas for 2 and 5 year olds? We normally do one bigger present for them (last year was an outdoor playhouse), but I’m at a loss for this year. They have bikes, scooters, and tablets (well the oldest does) and DH doesn’t want to do a swing set. Family members will give them way too many toys, so I hesitate to buy them even more.

  2. Cb says

    Inspired by the main page, what is on your children’s wish list for Christmas / Hanukkah? How does that overlap with what you are actually going to buy them (ie. Not the £35 bakugan set…)

    • Mary Moo Cow says

      7 year old wants three American Girl dolls: Julie, Kit, and Molly. She’s actually getting Julie and her accessories from Santa, and from us, a Rainbow High doll, a canopy for her bed, and stocking stuffers. 5 year old wants the same three American Girl dolls (ahem), and will say something different every time you ask directly what’s on her list. She’s getting a giant stuffed cheetah, a different Rainbow High doll, and the same canopy. A joint gift is the Rainbow High color changing pool. I’m at a loss for stocking stuffers for her and a Santa gift.

    • Anonymous says

      My 9 year old put together an amazing list. I was sure she’d ask for a phone (big nope) and gift cards. Her list is full of logic/math games, books, comfy/cozy stuff, legos, and art supplies. Wishes granted, kid!

    • Boston Legal Eagle says

      My kids circled practically everything in the toy catalogues so we’ll have to pare that down a lot… I think we’ll get them some big lego sets, since they’re both into that. They already have scooters, but we might upgrade the older one’s bike.

    • Anonymous says

      Love this thread idea Cb. So my 5 y/o asked for a cap gun to go with his cowboy outfit. He will not be getting that. He also asked for a microscope, and busy toddler had a good rec so I got him that. That was all in October. Since then he’s started asking for a bulldozer. He’s gotten a bruder truck every Christmas and birthday since he was 18 months so I can’t tell if it’s habit or he really wants one. He doesn’t really play with trucks so I’m on the fence. My twins are getting baby dolls and shape sorters. Their birthday is in Feb and I’ll get them balance bikes since they’re not quite ready for them now. Something I hadn’t anticipated having three kids is feeling like you’re giving one the shaft. One of my kids prefers quality time to toys so he was hard to shop for. I’ll snuggle him while we all open presents. He will like that.

    • AwayEmily says

      My kids are weirdly unable to identify very many things they want. I think it’s because we never got back into the habit of going to stores, and streaming TV means they don’t see ads. My 6yo just says “stuffies” with no further elaboration (we already have SO MANY STUFFIES so tbh I don’t really want to do this), and the 4yo just wants “more beads” for his endless necklace-making.

      I’m going to get them more board games — the recommendations I got on here have been amazing. Now most evenings after dinner, instead of them devolving into arguments, we all sit down together and play Monopoly Jr, Outfoxed, etc. Honestly games still aren’t my FAVORITE but the kids really dig it.

      • Cb says

        I just narrowed kiddo down for a Santa list – told him he could list 3 items.
        Bakugan (ordering used off eBay)
        A catapult kit
        And a kid’s telescope

      • SC says

        Every year, my kid picks 1 thing he wants in October, sticks with it, and won’t add anything to the list. It’s easy, but the stuff he picks can be so random! When he was 3, it was a toy lawnmower that looks and sounds like a real lawnmower. 4 – grippy socks. 5 – a rainbow train set that flies.

        • anon says

          one year my toddler was set on gum ball machine and kite. she’s still mad about not getting gum ball machine. I don’t’ think she even knows what it is?

      • Anon says

        I’m the opposite – I love games but I can’t get my 5 year old into them.

    • Clementine says

      Oldest kiddo (7) wants all things Lego, likes the idea of Hot Wheels (but I think that’s just because our neighbor is into them), really likes Harry Potter right now, and all things Pokemon. We’re still pretty into Jurassic World stuff, but have moved on from all dinosaurs all the time. He’s actually getting a cooking set, one lego set, and some books that overlap with his interests.

      Middle kiddo (2.5) wants things to take care of her ‘babies’ (she takes daily walks pushing her doll stroller and it’s cuter than you’d ever imagine), things ‘to help Mommy’, and ‘take a ride to Grammy’s house and go swimming with Grammy’. She is getting a tea set, a play doh set, and books relevant to her.

      Baby wants to be allowed to fall asleep with a blanket over his face but is getting a pikler triangle.

      • AwayEmily says

        actual lol at “Baby wants to be allowed to fall asleep with a blanket over his face.”

        Same, baby. Same.

        • Anonymous says

          My now 4 year old could ONLY fall asleep as a baby with a muslin blanket over his face. We ended up just letting him and then removing it once he was asleep, because otherwise NO SLEEP WAS HAD. Dude still sleeps with a blanket on his face.

      • Seafinch says

        My pikler JUST died and the 12 year old actually put it on her list and I asked her why she did that and she said, “Well, it’s obviously not really for me but they love it so much and we used it a lot for forts”. We definitely got out money out of it.

    • Pogo says

      Biggest ask is for a remote control snowcat (from 5yo). He even said today if that was all he got he would be happy! He also asked for (and is getting) walkie talkies, which I think will be fun.

      They both love trucks but we already have SO MANY. and all that means is then when they can’t find the specific one they want it’s all hands on deck searching til we find “you know, the little green all terrain vehicle”. But they’ll be getting a cement mixer (we don’t have yet) in addition to the aforementioned snowcat.

      I definitely need to get them more magnatiles as they fight over those. Not enough for everyone to build the garage of their dreams for said trucks. And the 5yo will definitely get some Legos.

      2yo will also get some pretend food, as we don’t have any (one thing the 5yo wasn’t into). And maybe a little tea set, he seems into serving his stuffies and dolls.

      • Anonymous says

        My 2yo is OBSESSED with her tea set (which is unfortunately not a quiet tea set, so not one I would choose or recommend), and has just started sleeping with an emotional support tea mug.

    • Anon says

      5 year old asked for one of those motorized ride-on cars, a Strider bike and “lots of Spiderman toys.” She’s not getting any of that except the Spiderman toys. Maybe we’ll do the car for her birthday (Hanukkah isn’t the over the top gift giving occasion that Christmas is) but I have concerns about safety. The bike seems like it would be a waste of money given that she has a scooter and a real bike, neither of which she uses. She’s also getting some special clothing items (light up sneakers and a unicorn sweater) and our family and friends will send lots of toys. I was debating giving her an American Girl doll (I have two, so cost to us is $0) but I don’t think she has the interest

    • River bird says

      Seven year old initially wanted only a Lamborghini and an iPhone 13. Now revised to a toy Lambo, his own tablet, a hot wheels track, and a big lego car. (Notice the car theme, which saddens me as a cycling activist, but I will admit fast cars look cool.) He will probably get an echo for playing music (thanks to suggestions here!) and the lego car and then some books/clothes that we would buy him any way. And maybe the toy Lambo and a book on sports car design.

      Three year old hasn’t given us a list yet – this is the first year she’s really into Christmas. She is probably going to get a sleeping bag, a dress up princess cape, and books/clothes.

    • Anonymous says

      7 year old really wants matchbox cars of just regular cars, not special/fancy cars – like Honda Accord type or Hyundai Kona is his dream. Will definitely be getting those! Also wants a local sports team sweatshirt and National Geographic themed items or books and weird facts books. I will be refreshing some of our art supplies too and am planning to get an off brand magnatile expansion pack so they can build bigger things. 4 year old has not voiced any requests but based on the above person’s 4 year old beading supplies I’ll probably do that for him.

    • SC says

      Lego, specifically the technic construction sets. I am buying/ Santa is bringing one Lego set, a bridge-building kit, Animal Crossing for the Switch, a board game, and a puzzle. Grandparents and other relatives are buying more Lego and other stuff.

    • Seafinch says

      – 12 year old requested: a cat, an oodie, Air Force 1s, candles, stickers, frog stuffy, ankle socks. She is getting an oodie, a book, expensive lip stuff and probably more books, cosmetics and socks. Also getting a Body Shop Advent calendar.
      – 9 year old requested: FortNite Heavy SR, Halo Assault Rifle, Fortnite Infantry Rifle, hover board with sit down attachment. He will get one Nerf gun and a dozen books, rest TBD. I am noting all your game recommendatiobs but we traditionally suck at doing games so I am gun shy. Also got a Science experiment advent calendar.
      -6.5 year old requested: 3D Pen, play kitchen, squishmallows, a cat (see the organized campaign here?), cute PJs, a rainbow or heart dress. she is getting the 3D pen and I will buy her clothes and PJs probably some art stuff. Also got a Crayola advent calendar.
      – 3 year old has no requests: so far she is getting play doh tools. I will likely buy her some matching clothes with the 6.5 year and few things she could use. Also got a Crayola advent calendar.

    • Anon says

      For Christmas, 3-year-old is getting one of those animal magnatiles sets to supplement our Picasso tiles, some dress-up stuff (Lion and Tiger – she likes cats), and a wooden jigsaw puzzle with a frame that seems like a good next puzzle step for her. For her birthday (tomorrow!), I got some duplos because I think she’s now at an age where that’ll be better than the mega blocks we had, a little Ukelele, and the Melissa and Doug horse stable with 8 stalls because she loves arranging things. And books.

      Except that when you ask her what she wants, she invariably just says “a cat” so I also bought two stuffed cats which are extremely duplicative of what we already have and will add one for her birthday and one for Christmas. She will add them to her “baby kitties” that she likes to feed/cuddle/build houses for.

  4. Anonymous says

    I just tested positive on a at home pregnancy test. I am super excited but slightly overwhelmed. I just started leading a big multi year project at work and I work in a chemical laboratory including travel to other labs that need require shift work and long hours. I prefer not to disclose my pregnancy super early to my boss but I am unsure if I should.
    So far I felt super tired and nauseous.
    How should I best communicate to my boss and what can I do to do a good job during the travel?

    • Spirograph says

      To me, the travel is the easier part… I’m unsure what chemicals you may be exposed to but you should absolutely talk to your doctor about them. If you need to minimize exposure for your baby’s health, you’ll have no choice but to disclose earlier than you like.

    • anon says

      Was this not planned? Seems kind of odd that you wouldn’t have thought of how to handle this. The travel isn’t a concern but the chemicals could be. The first trimester is the time when the embryo is most sensitive to chemicals, so you’ll need to discuss that with a doctor right away.

      • Anon says

        Does it matter whether or not it was planned? She’s pregnant now, it is what it is.

        • anon says

          I mean, yeah it kinda does. She works in a position that’s not exactly conducive to pregnancy or baby-raising so planning could have led to a better situation for everyone involved.

          • Chl says

            Oh my. This is a place to help each other forward, not coulda woulda shouda criticize each other. Congratulations OP! This is an exciting time. Agree that you should check out the chemical thing with your doctor. If it’s an issue, you have a legit disability thing that you can take up with HR. I can’t imagine you would be the first if they are managing an environment like you describe. With regards to big projects etc there’s no perfect time to have a baby and you will manage through it and come out the other side. Maybe you’ll do it differently than you would have otherwise but if you had the opportunity – you’re still that person! Maybe a bit more tired and hungry but with the same skills, smarts and talent. Good luck!

          • Anon says

            Omg it literally doesn’t matter if she thought about it prior to TTC or not. It’s fine to not agonize over what to do about things until you’re in that situation. Just because you do things a certain way doesn’t mean everyone needs to. There’s an entire weekend for her to think it over. That is ample time!

          • Spirograph says

            ooof + a million to Chl.

            I forgot to say it in my original reply, but congratulations, OP! I hope the people in your workplace are more kind than the anon above, but if you *do* run into this type of thinking at work, please don’t let it get you down. It’s totally possible to be a stellar employee, a leader and pregnant/a mom at the same time. is the timing ideal? maybe not, but FWIW, I got a positive pregnancy test right after accepting a job at a new company with way more responsibility. That was 7 years ago and my pregnancy had no noticeable impact on my career. You’ve got this.

          • Anonymous says

            Hahaha wut? This is the 21st century. She can opt out of hazardous duty and travel for a few months. She doesn’t need to change careers.

            OP, I would be more concerned about chemical exposure than travel, but I assume you’re on top of that. As someone who manages many people who travel, I encourage you to be proactive about declining travel. If you were on my team I would respect your statement that you need to back off from travel for a few months for medical reasons, no questions asked. Especially in the COVID era, I am not going to push anyone, even myself, to travel. What I can’t deal with as easily is people who agree to travel when they really shouldn’t or last-minute changes.

    • Scilady says

      Congratulations!

      As a chemist, I think the lab chemicals will pose the greatest risk. Honestly your PCP will likely have no idea about the chemicals, but your employer’s health and safety department should. If there is another parent you feel comfortable disclosing to that might have an idea how to navigate that, I would definitely talk to them. There are some obvious chemicals to avoid, but lots of other “what is your risk tolerance” chemicals that have no data.

      I would write down what chemicals your company uses/ you are likely to encounter in lab and start looking at those SDSs. List which ones have known fetal hazards and figure out your plan on addressing those if you will encounter at work/ locations and or labs to avoid. Unfortunately, you may have to be pulled from the project/ not do the site visits to locations which use those chemicals. Especially if it is an older company with less OSHA acceptance, you may have issues/ people will not be as accommodating. After several people became pregnant, we had a lot of issues getting labels on the door for “reproductive hazard” as our health and safety person thought they were overly alarmist!!

      I’ll see if I can find the websites I referenced during pregnancy/ breastfeeding. Let me know if you have more specific questions and we can connect.

    • Pogo says

      There’s never a “good” time to be pregnant, so please don’t worry about your big multi year project. I remember having the same thought and the project I was on ended up getting delayed and it didn’t matter in the end. By the time I came back from leave, I got promoted and moved off the project anyway. With my second kid, a pandemic happened. You truly never know, so don’t stress about timing!

      As for travel, I personally didn’t find any issues with travelling preggo, more so it was IVF treatment for me that was tricky. If you are super nauseous, get Diclegis from your OB, don’t tough it out. There’s no need.

      With my first I didn’t disclose til after first tri, but I didn’t have a great relationship with my boss and tbh he wasn’t super helpful. Do what you have to do and advocate for yourself. Unless you are literally the only woman there, it has come up before and will come up again, so don’t worry about being high maintenance or anything. It seems like SUCH a big deal at the time, but I have a coworker for example who was out (pre-COVID) for months and months on bedrest with a high risk twin pregnancy and then for quite a while afterwards too. No one even remembers it now. In the span of a 40+ year career, less than 1 year of baby-cooking and maternity leave is a blip.

    • Liza says

      Oh my gosh, you got this! So sorry you’re feeling tired and nauseous – I recommend gummy prenatals over the horse pills, that helped me. Also eat whatever you’re craving – carbs helped me in the morning.
      I wouldn’t recommend telling your boss super early on if you can avoid it. I’d minimize what you have to do that’s optional and just try to power through the rest. Is there a specific reason you’re considering telling them? If it’s just because you feel like you won’t be as “on” as you usually are, I wouldn’t say anything. The odds are your boss won’t notice.

  5. MarriedAnon says

    Looking for advice/commiseration. I have been in a relationship with my husband for 20 years. We have grown up together and have changed many times over since we were first together, so I know it’s normal for people to change. But in the last couple of years, my husband has become more and more like his father. The problem is that his father has a terrible temper and is generally just very unpleasant to be around. For the first 18 years we were together my husband had almost nothing in common with his dad, to the point that I wondered how they could even be related. But since becoming a father himself, a switch seems to have gone off and suddenly my husband’s attitudes and reactions (and especially how he acts with our preschooler) have become a mirror of his angry, negative, and harsh father.

    I have talked to him about it repeatedly. I told him- you have always been so sweet and kind and generous in your reactions to me, even when I screw up. Why aren’t you extending that same respect and kindness to our child? I constantly ask him not to yell at our child and to please not jump to the most negative conclusions at everything involving parenting, but the pattern persists. There was a while when I could see he was working on it, but then the effort devolved and we were back to the same harsh reactions.

    It’s so hard for me to comprehend because my husband was seriously the nicest, most respectful person who gave everyone the benefit of the doubt. I loved that about him and I saw it as an integral part of who he was. Seeing this harsh, and frankly mean, side of him has damaged our relationship. I know he is subconsciously treating our child the same way his own father treated (and still does treat) him. But he hates being treated that way by his father, so I don’t know why it is so hard for him to recognize it in himself.

    I know many will recommend therapy, but it’s not in our time or financial budget right now. With a preschooler and an infant and a new house and demanding (but not particularly lucrative) jobs, I really don’t see how we could fit it in. I also don’t think he would be open to it and would probably view the suggestion as a catastrophe in and of itself. Any other advice or just words of commiseration that can bring me hope? I am in this relationship for the long run, so this is something that we will get through one way or another.

    • Anon says

      Therapy before new house stuff. Seriously. I know you don’t want to hear that, but there isn’t a magic solution that doesn’t involve intervention. Also, this might not be an emergency, but it’s urgent. I have spent significant time in households with mean men and it ruins everything for everyone for years to come – walking on eggshells, catering to his feelings, telling others not to “set him off.” Life can and must be better than that for your kids. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this – I really am.

      • Anonymous says

        Therapy will be useless or even harmful if he is not engaged, and it is really difficult and expensive to find a good therapist. I really hate that the answer here is always just “therapy.” It’s not always that simple.

        How about reading and discussing How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen together?

        • Anonymous says

          This was not my experience at all. We called my EAP and got connected with a great therapist for online appointments. Online appointments allow you to have a therapist located anywhere in the country.

    • Anon says

      I’m going to say things I know you’re not going to want to hear, but I feel really need to be said.

      The way this was written- your husband is repeating old trauma patterns and being emotionally abusive to your child. You cannot control your husband but you can and need to protect your child as much as possible. In my mind this means having a one time clearly stated talk with your husband labeling this for what it is. Offering your full support in an attempt to change (parenting classes and yes, therapy for him). Even though those things are going to be incredibly difficult, costly and time consuming. And if he refuses or doesn’t change, then divorcing him and giving your child a safe haven for 50% of the time.

      Really, truly, I know this advice gets thrown around in this board way too often. But you described your husband as being mean to your small child. You need to reframe your thinking on this one and protect your child.

      • Anon says

        +1. So many of us have grown up with negative experiences and we’ve seen how much work it involves. There isn’t a world where you can stay hands-off and it gets magically better – that doesn’t exist. You’ll have to decide whether you (as a partner in the marriage) are willing to put in the time, work, and immense effort this could take. It’s okay if you can’t – divorce IS an option and it can often be the best one. All options here are hard, but you do have to choose one.

    • Anon says

      1. Divorce is WAY more expensive than therapy. Make room in your budget for therapy.

      2. I don’t like the framing of your last sentence. It’s great to go into marriage with the attitude that it’s forever (I did too) but once you have kids your primary responsibility is to protect them. I’m not saying your spouse is abusive, I don’t think we have enough information to say that, but if he were you owe it to your kids to get out regardless of how committed you are to the relationship.

      I think unfortunately this is pretty common. People repeat the toxic patterns from their childhood. Therapy can help, but ultimately if it doesn’t you have to decide whether it’s a dealbreaker or a price of admission. And you have to factor your kids’ well-being into that discussion.

    • Anonymous says

      Therapy. Marriage counselling and then individual if he wants to pursue that.

      And you may have to continue. I find DH slides back into family of origins pattern if we are not at counseling at least every second month. I’m trying to view it as like going to the dentist.

      You need to find the money somewhere – you must have EPA at work or health insurance? You wouldn’t skip the dentist for ‘new house’, don’t skip this.

    • Boston Legal Eagle says

      I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. Having kids, especially young kids, can bring up a lot of childhood trauma. I know you said therapy isn’t in your budget, but I’d highly highly recommend it in this case – at the very least, can he ask his GCP about a low dose anti-depressant? It sounds like some anxiety is coming out and leading him to react. Maybe his employer has an EAP as well that he can take advantage of? At home, you can emphasize that before reacting to your preschooler (who will push buttons and boundaries and generally act irrational), he should take a breath and even step out of the room for a bit before saying or doing anything.

    • Anon says

      Could he be depressed? When my mental health is off it’s really hard to be patient or sometimes even nice to my kids. I have put in A LOT of work and finally gotten to the point where I can separate my own ish from my kids, but I know that in the throes of postpartum anxiety everything was exacerbated. It’s also super common for parents to act out of their childhood wounds, so I am not surprised your husband’s unconscious impulse is to repeat the cycle. But he needs to address his mental health and triggers (with therapy, meds, or concerted effort to seek out parenting resources)…and if he’s depressed he may need YOU to find a provider, etc and make an appt. (Not totally “fair”, but I know that type of stuff feels monumentally difficult to me)

    • Anonymous says

      Your husband is abusing your children. Make the time and money to protect them and get therapy. Take on credit card debt miss work figure it out. It is your job to keep your children safe. If he won’t do it get a divorce. Men pretend they want 50/50 custody but they don’t.

      • Anon says

        “Men pretend they want 50/50 custody but they don’t.”
        Ugh can we not with the sexist generalizations? The divorce dads I know wanted and have 50/50.

        • anon says

          Yeah, my husband is many thousands of dollars and many emotionally exhausting ours into a custody modification to try to get 50/50. I hate how s*xist this board can be.

          • Anon says

            There is at least one (maybe a couple?) commenters here who REALLY hate men. I think it’s a projection of their issues with their own husbands, but it’s really weird and angry.

    • Anonymous says

      I’m really sorry. This sounds like a horrible living situation, where you feel you’ve been blindsided by this change in this man you knew for so many years. I can understand why you’re being tempted to let work, lack of time, money, and a new house take precedence. I suspect, though, that if he were WILLING and ready to make some big changes, you guys would find the time and money to do whatever it takes. The issue (from what little I know) seems to be that he would view your mere suggestion of therapy as a catastrophe. That says, to me, that he has some really strong resistance to the level of self-awareness and painful emotional work it would take to face up to all he experienced and to how it’s being repeated through him. That’s totally understandable. You’re not only dealing with the grown man he’s become but the angry, hurting, powerless, frightened, seething little boy and teenager that he was who grew up but never healed.

      I think you have to gear yourself up to precipitate the catastrophe. You and your kids are living with a mean, angry, harsh, negative man who yells. That is not only miserable but damaging. The longer this goes on, the more damage accrues.

      Again, I’m sorry you’re caught in this.

    • Anonymous says

      Have you told him point blank he is acting like his father and it’s damaging his relationship with his child and with you? It sounds like you’re dancing around it a bit and that might be the wake up call he needs.

      • Vicky Austin says

        +1 – it’s extraordinarily difficult to recognize these things. Even if he objectively can see it, he may be in deep denial about it. Say, “You’re acting like your father.” And then say that therapy is not optional.

    • Mary Moo Cow says

      Hopefully, it is a short term problem that is borne of the stress of a preschooler and an infant. Some parents are better in the older kid phase and really young kids, unfortunately, bring out the worst in them — totally unintentionally! My own husband is a much better parent to our now elementary kids; he was great with infants but struggled to contain his temper with the endless demands of mobile, talking, curious, prone to melt downs preschoolers. It was a rocky period for us. Has your husband complained or talked about how this is stressful, or he just doesn’t like this age/ages of kids?

      When DH and I were in a rocky period and I didn’t like him, I sought counseling on my own to see how I could approach conversations with him, how I could respond/react, and to explore whether this was an issue that needed intervention. It was very helpful. She reminded me not to attack, not to assume DH would parent exactly like I would, and how to distinguish between “not how I would approach the situation” and “this is dangerous, objectively bad parenting.” I found my therapist through my EAP and so my first 4 sessions were free, and I went during my lunch break. Is this at all a possibility for you? If not, maybe BetterHelp? My neighbor works for them, and does exclusively video or phone sessions with a very flexible schedule. The ads also say it is cheaper than in-person therapy.

      Finally, you may also check out some parenting and couples-parenting books or blogs and see if there are ones that really resonate with you that you can ask DH to read. At my therapist’s suggestion, I pass along the WaPo parenting newsletter occasionally, or open a conversation with a story of difficult parenting I read.

      • Anonymous says

        This is all good advice. My husband has worked very hard not to become his (awful) father, but the old patterns are there. Mine are too, so it’s not like he’s the only one who struggles. Having toddlers is a huge challenge for us. We’ve had success with therapy, reading parenting books and then discussing them. Having conversations about what’s working and what’s not and having a lot of grace has helped us immensely. Also, a repair goes a long way when you mess up and yell at your kid or don’t handle something well. That’s probably the biggest hurt my parents passed onto me: they never apologized after hurting me.

      • Pogo says

        this. Therapy for yourself if he won’t go. Betterhelp is supposedly really reasonably priced (but also, I thought Obamacare required insurers to cover mental health the same as all other services? Or maybe that is just Romneycare here in MA, but it’s only $20/copay for therapy same as the doctor for me).

        • Anon says

          Obamacare did expand coverage for mental health stuff. But it’s pretty lucky to only have a $20 copay for non-preventative doctor visits. Not OP, but many people have high deductible health plans which means everything non-preventative (including therapy) is paid out of pocket dollar for dollar until the deductible is met, and deductibles can be huge, especially on a family plan.
          Signed, paid $9k for kid’s OT this year and I have “good” (state govt) health insurance.

        • Anonymous says

          Decent therapists don’t participate in insurance networks. There is so much demand that they can all go self-pay.

    • Hmmm says

      Is it possible that he needs alternative options for handling kiddo? If that’s what he grew up with, he may be defaulting to it because he doesn’t know how else to handle situations. I really like Big Little Feelings on Instagram and they have a video course that provides what to do in difficult situations. They talk a lot about breaking generational patterns. Or books like How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen.

      None of this will help if he isn’t open to learning, or course. But it might be worth framing it as the two of you exploring some new parenting strategies together?

      • Anon says

        Yes agree with these suggestions and want to add Dr. Becky. He might not know how to behave towards your kids. If he is not into therapy, you could frame it as parent coaching

  6. anonamama says

    Happy Fri, wise hive! Just pulled a secret santa gift tree for a child in need, looking for recs on a scooter for a 11 y/o boy. I’d also need to get a helmet, so without knowing specifics, what would you do? thanks as always.

    • EDAnon says

      Depends on your budget, but I would get a Micro Kickboard (only because we have loved our Micros!). Helmets are usually adjustable. I have a kind of small head and would probably get a helmet that fits me for an 11 y/o. I also give receipts with my Santa gifts.

  7. Anon mom says

    Does anyone have recommendations for a “mom” backpack? I don’t need a commuter pack, a hiking pack, or a diaper bag backpack – I need a pack for doing air and car travel with young elementary kids, doing picnics in the park/zoo/whatever, and leading a girl scout troop on short hikes that involve lots of snacks. Basically, I want something that’s easy to reach into (no extraneous flaps, buckles, or drawstrings), lightweight, fairly roomy, and has comfortable straps. A laptop sleeve is nice but not essential. A couple different pockets or compartments for organizing would also be nice.

    • Anon says

      No specific recs since my exact needs are different, but overall, I’m really pleased with Deuter backpacks. They’re comfortable, durable, not over-engineered, and practical. I like to buy them at REI when possible because the return policy is generous.

    • Anon says

      I use a Cuyana tote for this, but my husband has an LL Bean backpack that sounds similar to what you’re describing.

    • Mary Moo Cow says

      I have a JuJuBee diaper backpack that I bought for this. It is recycled nylon with a breathable mesh backing, so it is lightweight and pretty comfortable. I just took out the changing pad. The biggest plus for me is that it has water bottle pockets on both sides. It is plain navy, has a main zip compartment with a key lanyard, and has a zip front pocket.

    • DLC says

      I’ve been using my Classic LL Bean Backpack that I’ve had since college for this kind of thing. It’s not terribly chic but it is functional and durable. It doesn’t have a lot of interior pockets so I use packing cubes to compartmentalize things. The one thing I wish it had was a chest strap.

    • Anonymous says

      After I aged out of diaper bags I just started using one of the kid’s backpacks. And also made them carry it :).

    • Anon says

      fjallraven. very brooklyn of us, but it’s held up well and we like it!

  8. anon says

    CW: Miscarriage

    hi all – I’m the poster from yesterday asking about periods after D&C; just checking back in to share that mine arrived this morning at 4 weeks almost to the day after the procedure. Having my cycle return feels like a sort of end to a particularly difficult chapter of my infertility experience, so I’m glad. Thanks to all who responded yesterday!

  9. AwayEmily says

    Random recommendation: a week ago, we started turning the heat way down at night because we were worried the hot air was exacerbating the 4yo’s post-RSV cough. We went from 70 to 62. It did slightly help the cough but the better part is that everyone is sleeping way later, even the baby (of course, I now need to buy some extra fleece pajamas for her, but it’s worth it). This morning everyone slept until 6:45. Usually they are all up by 5:45. It’s crazy. Anyway, who knows if this will work for people other than my family but wanted to share just in case.

    • Anon says

      I’m glad it worked for you. My family is definitely the opposite. She always wakes up way early for a couple days in the late fall and then we know it’s time to turn on the heat for the season haha. I’m the same way. Being cold helps me fall asleep, but being warm helps me stay asleep.

    • Anonymous says

      Yea! Americans are weirdly obsessed with sleeping in hot rooms. It’s so bad for healthy sleep.

      • Anon says

        I had never heard that before but I am intrigued. Is there somewhere I can read about that and maybe other sleep best practices?

    • Pogo says

      We’ve always turned the heat down to 62 at night, I didn’t realize people kept it at 70! I like to be cozy so I’m covered in blankets but DH is always hot so he needs it that cold at night anyway. 2yo sleeps in fleece pjs + fleece sleepsack if it’s really chilly, and our big kid finally stays under the covers all night.

      • Anon says

        We like ours at 69/70 degrees year round (and live in NY, so we pay for it in AC and heat). Works for us!

      • AwayEmily says

        We used to keep it low, but our post-sleepsack kids (like age 3/4) kept kicking off their covers and waking up in the middle of the night freezing, so we switched it warmer like two years ago. But now the big kids are old enough to keep their covers on and the baby can still be contained in her sleepsack, so we’re back on the cold wagon!

      • Anon says

        Both 70 and 62 sound kind of extreme to me. I think my ideal would be around 65 since I like to be chilly to sleep, but my husband can’t fall asleep unless he’s very warm (I realize this runs counter to standard sleep hygiene advice, but it’s definitely how he’s built) so we compromise on 68 and he wears a ton of clothes and heavy blankets to bed.

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