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Anon says
I have an induction scheduled for Friday. Please give me all your tips and advice that you have. Although, the OB noted at my appointment yesterday I’m making good progress and might go into labor before Friday. I went into natural labor with my first but did have to get Pitocin near the end, so I’m somewhat familiar with that.
Also, if anyone has any tips for exclusively formula feeding, please share those as well. With my first, I combo fed for six months before switching to exclusively formula. I’ve decided to go straight to formula this time.
Anonymous says
Bring formula and bottles to the hospital. Many hospitals will not provide formula.
Anon says
Congrats! I had a really smooth induction. They placed the cytotec at 5 pm and that started mild contractions. They gave me low dose Pitocin a few hours later to speed things up, and I got the epidural a couple hours after that. I was fully dilated by 1 am but I had to wait for a doctor and the baby was born at 4 am. I think compared to friends who went into labor naturally and then got epidurals after arriving at the hospital, I felt less pain because I got the epidural before labor had a chance to escalate beyond feeling like menstrual cramps.
Anonymous says
I was induced with one of my 3 babies and I was terrified. Turns out it was the best delivery of them all!
In my case the baby, my second, was induced because she was a full 2 weeks late. Start to finish the whole thing took like 3 hours. As soon as they (manually) broke my water the baby showed up.
I know it can go a lot differently but if you are being induced bc baby is late, fingers crossed you have a similar experience!!
Also, my first was super late and came naturally the morning of my scheduled induction (40+9). So that happens too!!!
Anon says
Ask for wireless monitors so you can walk around. Ask for the peanut ball. Both times I had brand new L&D nurses who had no idea what they’re doing and did not offer these things.
Anonymous says
you may want to ask the hospital about the formula feeding- the first hospital I delivered at was super supportive (baby nursery, brought in formula and said “will you be trying BF or are you cool with formula?” that sort of thing); the other was passively supportive (they didn’t have a nursery, just assumed BF but were fine if you said otherwise, they do have formula on site, etc). Both in MA, both wonderful hospitals, just different styles.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Hi – I’ve had two induced babies – one because it was time, the other because I was 38w with low fluid.
I’m going to share what a friend who got induced told me – first of all, be ready to wait. Bring your tablet so you can watch something (The Mindy Project for DS #1 and Schitt’s Creek for DS #2), a book, whatever is your fancy. For me, I needed something very passive so TV was it. Have a good meal before you check-in – I couldn’t really do that with DS #2 (literally had to walk across the street from Ob/Gyn to Hospital), but with DS #1 I had grilled chicken and sweet potatoes with some veg.
My active labor was quick both times and I delivered vaginally.
Anon says
Yes – my induction with my first took 40 hours. Having stuff to watch and an extra long cord to charge my iPad was a lifesaver. I exclusively formula fed and it was easy and great. Buy a variety pack at Target that lets you try several different types of nipples and bottles. Babies can be finnicky on what they like, and it’s awful to have to run to the store cuz the kiddo doesn’t like the one brand you got. Better to test a sampler pack, see what they like, and then stock up on the one that works. This will likely just be an issue after you get home; at the hospital for both my babies they provided newborn formula with a special nipple that worked great.
Anon says
Definitely depends. It can be long, but it can also be quick. My induction with my first took less than 12 hours, even though my OB said my cervix was like Fort Knox at the beginning (no dilation, effacement, etc.) My understanding is that second babies are usually out much faster.
AwayEmily says
YMMV on whether this is helpful but I read a lot of induction stories on the Reddit baby bumps forum (if you search for induction positive you will only get happy induction stories) and it was helpful in prepping me for all the various things that could happen (and many of them did — the whole thing took like 3 days, but it was a pretty chill 3 days).
Anon says
Congratulations and good luck! I’d be really interested to hear why you are choosing to exclusively formula feed. It’s what I’m leaning towards as well, but I keep doubting myself because of all the messages otherwise.
OP says
Sure, I’m happy to share, as I did not feel very equipped to make a decision regarding feeding with my first and suffered a lot of guilt. Hopefully this can help you.
With my first, I tried exclusively breastfeeding from the beginning. After several weeks of latch issues, low supply (that continued the entire time) and other similar issues, I switched to exclusively pumping, feeding breast milk in bottles and supplementing with formula. Throughout the entire six months that I pumped, I never produced more than 10 ounces a day, no matter what I did nor who I consulted. It was a lot for me emotionally, especially once I went back to work full time. First baby accepted all types of formula and breast milk with no real preference, slept through the night at 2.5 months, has been in the 90+ percentile for both weight and height since the second month, is very active and bright and is now a healthy almost 4-year old.
Although I realize that I could have a different experience with breastfeeding this time, my husband and I have jointly decided that it is best for my mental health and my family, and therefore, Baby #2 to go straight to formula feeding this time.
Anon says
That all makes sense to me. I wish we could choose formula without as much negative input from people around us, but I’ve also been really glad to see more positive experiences with it here lately. Makes me think the tide is turning! Best of luck to you and your family.
anon says
You know what? I put myself through a LOT to exclusively BF my oldest kid. And in hindsight, I’m not sure it was worth everything I sacrificed emotionally and mentally. I did end up BFing my second kid, but we didn’t have nursing issues off the bat the way I did with my oldest. Had that been the case, I think I would’ve been quicker to bail on BFing.
anon says
I EBF until I went back to work and then pumped/bre ast fed utnil about 5.5 months when I hit a mental wall. It was so terrible for me. We didn’t even have latching issues or production issues. I just felt like a freaking cow, reduced fully to a bodily f unction and I absolutely (insert explanative) hated every moment of it. I don’t know how else to describe it. Being on demand and exclusively available to feed my baby wrecked me.
I’m 16 weeks currently and considering trying to BF for the first few weeks but will definitely go to to formula at the first sign of mental angst and/or before I go back to work. We’ll see where I am come delivery date and maybe I’ll end up doing formula from day one.
Anon says
Just adding a voice of support. EBF interfered with me being able to bond with my first born and contributed to post partum issues. I had a messed up latch that took forever to fix, my baby desperately needed to comfort nurse, and I was told that pacifiers were a “never use.” I used to not want to hold her because she would just cry to nurse when I was holding her, and I would cry the entire time she nursed. I vividly remember feeling viscerally ill when my husband would hand her to me to feed. A columnist at AlphaMom who went through something similar described seeing her baby’s mouth as a tiny pencil sharpener. That was how I felt. I wish I would’ve just used bottles and/or formula when it was so miserable. As soon as we switched to a bottle, I could actually enjoy holding her, look in her eyes, etc. and not grit my teeth or wince the entire time she nursed. Also, based on my later born kids, a pacifier was absolutely vital, and didn’t mess anything up. I went on to have 2 more children, and EBF both at first – but with much more of an attitude that “if it works, great, but if not, I’m moving right along.” Healthier for all involved. Also, she is now 11, her siblings are 7 and 9, and absolutely everyone is happy, thriving, and incredibly bonded to me, soooooo do what works for you, not what anyone tells you to do.
Anon says
My sister carried guilt about her inability to breastfeed her first for years – he was a miserable sleeper, always underweight, and she felt terrible that she couldn’t “make” herself produce enough for him to thrive. She spent hours a day trying to feed him, lost an unhealthy amount of weight, and had serious PPD. With her second two kids, she went straight to bottle feeding and she was much better situated to just enjoy those early baby months.
Breastfeeding is great when it works, but so not worth the hassle if it doesn’t. Happy, mentally healthy mom greatly overweighs the nominal (if any) health benefits that bf may provide over formula.
TheElms says
Find out what the hospital policy on induction and eating is. If they don’t allow food (I would say most don’t) I try to eat a filling meal before going in for the induction even if its a weird time to eat. Also if they allow certain foods (like clear jello, clear soups) make sure you have some of those on hand in case you do get hungry. And of course bring lots of snacks for after labor in case you end up delivering when the cafeteria/food service is closed for the night.
On the formula I’d bring ready to feed if you can because most hospitals don’t have a good set up for washing/sterilizing bottles. I’d also make sure your OB knows your plan and perhaps can help advocate for you with the other hospital staff.
NYC says
Good luck! I was induced twice and my doctor advised second deliveries via induction have very low rates of complications and are quick. That was my experience and I wish the same for you!
In terms of prep, it really depends on what your hospital provides in the room. I like bringing a blanket and pillow from home so I can get some sleep. I also used an inflatable peanut between my legs and shifted from side to side to help distribute epidural drip evenly.
AIMS says
I had two smooth scheduled inductions. With my second, I was actually nervous that I would go into labor and not be able to have may induction as scheduled. The only thing I would recommend is not googling it ahead of time. I did with the first and panicked due to all the horror stories. In retrospect, I think those were all very complicated cases and often scheduled on an emergency basis but it caused me to panic at the time. Good luck!
CCLA says
For induction: Peanut ball; both times I wished I had gotten my epidural sooner than I did – it was blissful; something to occupy you bc it could be a while (show, cards, audio book); bluetooth speaker for some nice ambient music.
Formula: I leaned in heavily to the ready to feed stuff. If you can swing it financially, it makes things even easier, esp in the very early days (lots of those 2oz bottles with the disposable nipples). We kept powder on hand for emergencies but used the RTF almost exclusively. Also, if you are formula feeding, things like nighttime help become even more clutch bc you can actually just go to sleep for 10 hours if someone is there on duty. Formula feeding also lets dad take on as much of the feeding (if he is home on leave), take advantage of that! Pretty sure my husband fed our second more than I did. I tried BF for my first for a few weeks and was a serious underproducer, with second we took formula to the hospital to start in on it right away. No regrets.
Anon says
I combo fed, but we also used the ready to feed formula. Very convenient if you can afford it.
Anon says
I had two very smooth inductions for non-medical reasons and would absolutely choose an induction again if we were to have a third.
My first induction was 21 hours and my second was less than 8 total, so be prepared for it to go fast if it’s your second kid. Minimal pitocin with both and 4 minutes of pushing with my second before he was out.
Anon says
Induced for my first. It took a long time for the pitocin to do anything and they had to crank it up all the way, but once things finally started, they went fast. I opted for no epidural and it was totally doable, despite what the internet (and my OB) would have you believe.
Bring lots of water, coconut water, and honey (for energy in case they won’t let you eat). Request wireless monitoring so you can move around. Other than when they checked my progress and for pushing, I spent the whole time on a birth ball or walking.
Anon318 says
I had an induction for my second and it was so much easier than my first delivery! I asked the nurse to call for an epidural as soon as I got in the L&D room, felt nothing, and napped on and off for eight hours until it was time to push. If you’re planning to get an epidural, I highly recommend getting it immediately! Good luck!
Anonymous says
For formula feeding, we find it easiest to make a batch a couple of times a day and pour out into bottles as needed. We just use a protein shake type shaker bottle and a scale for measuring.
I was never able to breastfeed my daughter. She had no problems latching, but would give up after a minute and just scream at me, leaving me sobbing. I pumped a couple of bottles a day for a few weeks but since she was thriving with mostly formula, i gave up around 6 weeks. I felt I was losing time with her to pumping and I cared more about the bond than the nebulous benefits of her having a few more ounces of breast milk. And because I wasn’t pumping enough, I never developed a real supply.
Anonymous says
I need work outfit help. Currently wearing JCF Jamie pants with a structured t-shirts and loafers. I threw on a summer blazer because it’s freezing today. Office skews casual (most people wear jeans). They’re a client so I’m not comfortable wearing jeans. I’m also only there twice a week. My polyester shirts feel boring to me. Where are you shopping lately?
AwayEmily says
I want to know more about your structured t-shirts!
I really like Uniqlo for basic work shirts — I’m currently wearing a popover from there.
GCA says
Ugh, I have the same issue (my pants fit, my shoes are comfortable, I’m bored with my tops). I’m trying to shop my closet more. What’s your body shape and preferred style? Would different accessories or makeup help jazz it up?
Me, currently: wfh, petite straight up-and-down body type, wearing a polyester ‘mixed media’ Loft flowy tank tucked into Madewell crop flare jeans, a cardigan, bright lipstick and big earrings. For a client meeting I’d swap the jeans for trousers and the cardigan for a blazer. Fairly run-of-the-mill stuff, but I just want to look authoritative – for someone my size, shape, gender and race, this means using that animal-kingdom trick of making yourself look bigger and pricklier, lol.
Anonymous says
What is JCF?
Anonymous says
J Crew Factory
Anonymous says
Ugh why are we initializing that
Neighbor question says
We live right next door to a nice family. Their oldest daughter and my oldest daughter will be in 1st grade together and get along well. We also like the parents. Their younger son who is 5 and is a full year older than our son is a different story. I know he’s only 5 but he’s just not kind. Making fun of my son’s speech (my son is still clueless about saying dum truck or sair rather than chair rather dump truck etc.), saying our house is boring and to go to his house, that our house smells funny because we cook different things, saying “why are you crying like a baby” when my son gets upset about something, always wanting to show my son that he’s better than him at everything, saying my sons picture is ugly because its scribbles. There are countless examples everytime and I have never met a child that I just genuinely don’t like to be around. My daughter regularly says that he’s the meanest kid she knows. All kids act out and say things that adults would find mortifying but this is just multiple examples everytime.
I just don’t want my son around him, but I don’t know how to avoid since the girls play well together and my son loves going to their house. Am I taking this personally? I don’t observe the parents trying to correct his behavior very often either but they are overall nice people so I’m hoping that he will outgrow this behavior by being around nice parents and sister.
anon says
This is really hard. It’s good that your son doesn’t feel bothered (yet), but I probably wouldn’t want my kid around the other kid, either. It sounds like you have a good relationship with the parents, so I might say something like the dynamic between the boys doesn’t seem good right now, let’s hold off on play dates for a couple of months. Basically, blame it on the interaction rather than their child, even though you know that it’s 100 percent their kid that’s causing the problems. Or, if that’s too uncomfortable, I would say that the boys’ playdates need to happen outdoors, not inside.
Mary Moo Cow says
I’ve been there. I would also give that suggested line and let the girls play together. You can host the daughter; when your daughter wants to play with neighbor, let her go alone and have some one-on-one time with son. If neighbors press or ask why (no one has in my experience, because they usually know) you can say honestly that you observed the boys playing together and they just don’t click like the girls.
Spirograph says
Are you correcting this behavior when you hear it? him: “Your house smells funny” you: “That’s a very impolite thing to say, it makes me feel bad. Please don’t say things like that to me.” him to your son: “haha you can’t say that word right.” you: “That’s unkind, do not make fun of the way other people talk.”
Maybe I’m weird, but I welcome other adults correcting my kids in the moment if their behavior is inappropriate. You can (or not) tell the parents, but I wouldn’t let these comments go if you hear it. It drives me crazy when adults come to me about things like this instead of just addressing it directly with my child. Kids have to learn to exist in society, and it’s really valuable for them to know that other adults notice their behavior and react to it, not just their parents.
You can also generally discourage him coming over — it’s unclear to me whether the whole family is hanging out at your house or whether just the kids have come over to play with your kids — and use the script the anon at 10:04 mentioned, but it probably won’t be foolproof and might have the unintended consequence of keeping the daughter away, too.
Anon says
I agree with shutting it down hard when he’s making fun of another kid, but that seems like a pretty harsh correction to “your house smells funny.” 5 year olds say brutally honest things that are considered rude by adult standards and it doesn’t mean they’re intended unkindly. I would just cheerfully say something like “yes, our house smells different than yours because we cook different foods.”
anonM says
+1. Maybe a 5 can say unkind things, but I don’t think at 5 a kid is irredeemably mean. (Of course, everyone can have a different philosophy here, but that’s mine. I get a 13 yo might be different!) And, this kiddo could be just testing boundaries with you. I worry about my 5yo saying rude things when not in my care, and would be mortified if someone just deemed them unkind and never wanted him around. I have in fact had just DD invited to hang out with DS excluded, pretty clearly because he is less likely to just sit quietly in a new environment, and I don’t like it and don’t send DD. That may be a consequence of cutting kiddo #2 out. People point out one of my child’s physical abnormalities regularly (kids and adults alike) and while rude, people usually respond well to a positive comment and move on (“That’s XYZ, and it’s it great that we all have differences that make us special?!”). I’d also caution judging how the parents are parenting their second kiddo. Again, you don’t know the full scope of any challenges with this kiddo. If these neighbors are friends, maybe asking how things are going with son, like how they are feeling about him starting k/1st, etc? Honestly, I have one kiddo that is such a people pleaser and just melts hearts. The other is not a people pleaser and much more blunt, with very different strengths, and I’m the same parent doing my best to raise polite kids. 5 years is not enough for all kids to learn nuanced social rules. Ex- my son recently called himself “fat,” which really made me upset. Not sure where he even picked it up from! And if he called someone fat, I hope they’d correct it (“everyone’s bodies are different”) and let me know — not just cut my 5yo out of their life. Sorry for the rant, I think I took your neighbor worries personally, it touched a nerve for me, so trying to explain the other side a little.
Anonymous says
From the other side of this, in early elementary my daughter was pushed by her teachers to be “friends” with a child who was nasty, controlling, and manipulative. I once witnessed this child make her own mother cry. She clearly had some sort of personality issue, either diagnosed or undiagnosed, that was not being adequately managed. My daughter attended a couple of play dates and birthday parties with this kid before I put a stop to all voluntary get-togethers because they were just too stressful for my child. I have great sympathy for the parents of difficult kids, but it’s too much of a burden to put on other kids to put up with being treated poorly just for the sake of inclusion. It’s the parents’ responsibility to get the kid to a point where they can interact appropriately with other humans before expecting other children to play with them. This is totally different from, for example, the sweet girl with autism and other disabilities who was in the class and was happily included by the kids because she wasn’t mean and horrible, just different. It’s also not the same thing as being understanding expected age-appropriate behaviors such as two-year-olds grabbing toys from each other.
Anon says
+1 to Anonymous at 1:11 pm.
Spirograph says
I see what you’re saying, but I still think it’s a teachable moment and there’s room for both. If this was a one off, I’d 100% take your approach, but since this is a pattern, I feel like it’s worth some root cause work. I didn’t intend to imply I agree with the OP’s daughter that this kid is “mean” — but he has to learn sometime that it’s an impolite thing to say. I’m not suggesting anyone glare and be harsh about any of these corrections, you absolutely can (and should, in my opinion, for a 5 year old who is most likely just being an honest “saying the darndest things” type of kid) call things like they are in a nice tone of voice. Knowing why someone’s house smells different is not the same as knowing that it’s an impolite thing to say as a guest in someone’s house. He needs to know both.
anonM says
Spirograph, just to be clear, I actually didn’t find your comment upsetting at all or too harsh, and was more agreeing that you can correct other kids in your home and not just write them off as mean.
Anonymous says
Following with interest because we also have neighbors I love but their 6 year old daughter is often very unkind (likes to encourage division in groups of kids, refuses to share, name calls, loves excluding people, will only play if the kids are doing what she wants to do, etc). I’ve just been refusing to do one on one playdates, and when we’re in groups, I try to monitor the behavior and correct it when I see it. I suspect the parents are aware of her issues because I do see them trying to correct her but they understandably want her to still be social- I just don’t want my kids to be her target or mimic her behaviors.
I would continue to let your daughter go but find reasons for your son not to, although that is tricky if he likes it. I like the line about saying you don’t think they have a good dynamic.
Anon says
how much supervision/intervening do you provide when hosting a playdate. recently hosted a drop off playdate for the first time for my 5 year old twins. we had two other kids come over because i thought an even number would be better. first Twin A was upset that they were only playing with Twin B, then visa versa. then my kids were starving and ate 3 slices of pizza each at 4:30, but the other two didn’t want to eat (which was fine by me, but i felt maybe it was rude that my kids wanted to eat?). and then when their parents came to pick them up no one said anything about helping to clean up. should i have stopped the kids 10 minutes before pick up to have everyone clean up? do you just clean up all the toys yourself when you host? i feel slightly ridiculous asking these questions, but i dont remember what my mom used to do!
Anonymous says
I have them clean up before pickup time. When I pick my kid up from a play date I usually ask her in front of the other parents “did you help clean up?” I always ask the parents if it’s OK to feed the kids and then let the kids decide whether to eat or not.
I have to confess that I really hate playdates. So loud, so awkward, so stressful. I much prefer meetups at a neutral location.
Anon says
Oh man I’m the total opposite. Drop off play dates are heaven, even if I’m hosting (although some kids are definitely easier than others). I hate meeting up somewhere public and having to make awkward small talk with parents I don’t know well for hours.
Anon says
It really depends on the kid. Some kids they vanish and I don’t see them for 2-3 hours, other kids are around me constantly and I have to push them to play alone. I try not to be around much except for serving a snack about halfway through. I do not ask kids to pick up toys, and parents rarely offer.
4 same age kids having a play date together seems like a lot to me at this age, but I hear you on 3 kids being a tough dynamic. I don’t have twins but would it be possible to have one twin have a friend over while the other twin gets to go do something special with mom or dad and then vice versa the other weekend? I guess that makes more work for you, but it might make it easier on them especially if you’re just easing into drop off play dates.
NYCer says
+1. If your twins have the same friend group (which I assume is the case at age 5), I might try a playdate with just one other friend next time. I know that three can be difficult, but it seems like with four, your kids were also complaining about everyone playing with the other twin. And one less kid might be more manageable. My girls always loved doing crafts, so I generally would have a craft I could pull out if things started to go haywire with free play (if I started to hear fighting, complaints, etc).
Definitely offer everyone a snack at some point. If the guests don’t want anything and your kids do, that is fine. Pizza at 4:30 pm sounds more like dinner to me though, so I would probably stick to something more like crackers or fruit a bit earlier than that.
I also do not ask kids to pick up toys, and agree that other parents rarely offer. But you definitely could ask the kids to clean up 10 min or so before pick-up if you want to.
OP says
thanks. i had ordered pizza to serve all the kids dinner, but mine were getting very very hangry, and the other kids ended up not wanting to stop playing to eat and wanted to eat at home. i had a craft for them to start bc mine usually LOVE crafts, but the other girls weren’t interested. i do think maybe next time i will try just one friend, though then it often ends up Twin A playing with friend while Twin B plays solo, but probably would be different depending on the particular kid etc.
NYCer says
Ahh that is tough if the guests aren’t interested in a craft or other activity. I don’t envy you having to navigate twins and playdates! So much more complicated than one kid.
Anonymous says
Some general thoughts on how this can be more successful next time:
1) if you are going to do 4 kids (a friend for each twin), consider planning a structured activity to get everyone warmed up. I’d heavily supervise this.
2) talk to the kids in advance about some ideas for what to do. Do they want to do separate things with their friends or all play together?
3) consider separate playdates. Friend A comes to play with Twin A; you hang out with Twin B and do something else 1:1 during the playdate.
On food, I find generally that you need to provide food proactively. Depends on timing but I’d say if you have the kids for more than an hour, serve a snack. In your case maybe at 3:30 or 4 you could have presented some snacks that anyone hungry could eat. If you did and your kids were still starving and ate then nope, not rude.
On cleanup, you need to do this proactively. A parent picking up just wants to get the F out of there. Stop them and have them clean up if you want the friends to clean up. Otherwise, set expectations with the kids that they’ll be doing it after.
Mary Moo Cow says
Different families, different rules, and it changes by age. We have friends with a 5 year old who makes everyone clean up in the last 10 minutes of playtime. With my 5 year old, I don’t make friends clean up, but with my 8 year old, I ask the girls to clear away plates/trash from snack and give them a 5 minute warning to “gather up their stuff” before parents get here. When I drop off my girls, though, I tell them they need to use their best manners and be good guests and that includes cleaning up after themselves. If true, I tell the host parent how much I enjoyed hosting their kid and she was so polite/cleaned up/kind and included little sister, etc., and if the host parent compliments my kids, I let them know (because honestly, I know I nag more often than praise so this is an easy way for me to work on it.)
Anonymous says
1- oh well. Twins gonna be drama queens they will sort it out
2- No your kids aren’t being rude by eating but is 3 slices of pizza at 4:30 a normal snack for y’all? Just offer it to the other kids
3- it’s your house! Were you thinking the other family would clean it? You can have all the kids clean up or you and your kids do it since you hosted.
OP says
thanks all. i thought about asking the kids to clean up but didn’t know if that was weird, but i think next time i will ask. i would also always ask my kids if they helped clean up and was surprised the other parents didn’t. having 4 kids was a lot, but it is hard to host a 1:1 playdate at our house with same sex twins who currently know all the same kids (though were in different classes at school) and i don’t love the 3 kid dynamic, though maybe now that they are a bit older i need to try that more. there is no way to have a kid over to play with Twin A and say to Twin B that she can’t play too. do you correct other kids when they are over? one of my kids drew a picture with one of the friend’s names and gave it to her and the friend said she didn’t want it and my kid was so offended (i can’t say i blame her) and if it was just my kids i would’ve said something
Anon says
No, I wouldn’t correct a kid for something like that. If they called your kid a giant poopyface, I’d say something about how that’s not nice language and we don’t talk like that. But just saying they don’t want a picture your kid drew is pretty innocuous. I’m sure your kid has experienced far worse at daycare or preschool.
Anonymous says
Yup, I do. But I’m a mom of 3 and have been around the block with little kids quite a few times by now. I’m not rude about it, but I do parent other people’s kids in my own home. To be fair, I am in a “shared mom” relationship with several of these kids– they’re mostly 3rd kiddos and treat all the moms like their own. One mom is even a teacher at their preschool so they really listen to her!
Anon says
I agree with treating visiting kids like your own, but I wouldn’t reprimand my own kid for this kind of thing. Do people really do this? Maybe my kids are not as well-behaved as others but we have to pick our battles and a kid not being interested in another kid’s drawing would barely even register.
Anon says
Yeah, I feel like that’s a low-stakes way for kids to learn how to negotiate friction when a friend doesn’t like something as long as it was just turned down and no insults were made. It’s an uncomfortable, but not (to me) unkind to say you don’t want something that was offered. I wouldn’t intervene if it were a sibling squabble, either.
Anon says
Yeah – but this is hard stuff. I try not to language police kids too much. Socialization will help them refine their words, but I try not to overstep their intent. I had to unlearn being a people pleaser and an epic conflict avoider, which I attribute to a wonderful, caring Midwest Nice Mother who would chronically correct what I said to other kids/adults to avoid me being inadvertently rude. At some point, I learned that my instinct was “wrong” because my mom would say “Oh, Anon didn’t mean that, did you?!” in an attempt to soften my words. So my internal voice would say — Well, yeah, I did mean that I didn’t want that dumb picture, but I guess I didn’t mean that? I have no problems correcting kids who are being straight up unkind (“In this house, we have a rule that we don’t comment on bodies.”), but with the picture comment, I would leave it alone. Maybe later ask if there was a different way to have said it.
Anonymous says
Absolutely not. Friend didn’t do anything wrong. The whole point of play days is to let your kids be kids.
Isabella says
What logistical factors contribute to whether you would sign up for an enrichment activity? My area has a shortage of activities for working families, so I’m thinking of starting a once a week class/play group. Details tbd, but currently I’m thinking 5:00 or 5:15-6:00, either T or Th…
I’d like to avoid weekends because it would conflict with travel and religious observance. Location will be downtown, not the residential areas, so I thought early would be best. Are there any other major common factors I’ve forgotten?
anon says
Time and location are key. 5:00 is borderline because I’m usually just getting home around that time. And if it’s not within 15 minutes of my house, it’s not happening.
Anonymous says
What age kids?
Anon says
Is this for babies? When my kid was under 3, we couldn’t do weeknight activities – there was no time between getting home from work, eating dinner and getting her to bed. TBH even with an elementary schooler I still dislike weeknight things. Saturday mornings is my preferred time for activities, although there’s a real lack of options at this time where I live. I don’t think Saturday activities would interfere with religion for most people. Saturday is the Jewish sabbath but this isn’t likely to be an issue for anyone who isn’t Orthodox (I am Jewish).
anon says
+1 for early Saturday morning. Baby/toddlers were always up by 6 or 6:30 AM. It was great to have somewhere to go to socialize while the spouse slept in. We’d then meet up for breakfast at 8 or 9 AM and start they normal day.
GCA says
I’ve always regarded full-time daycare as the enrichment activity when kids are in ft group care. If kids are 1:1 with a caregiver all day that’s different and they may want other enrichment activities. BUT: I think it’s important to be super clear on the primary purpose of the group if you want to attract folks. Are you looking to make new parent friends? Providing little kids with an opportunity to socialize? Or providing little kids with an opportunity to do x activity in a group (music together, baby yoga, art class, etc.)
Anonymous says
I don’t think you will have much uptake for a weeknight activity downtown. The only parents for whom this will be logistically feasible are those who work downtown and whose child care is located there. Other parents are not going to go home, pick up their kids from day care, and then drive back downtown for an activity. And even parents with downtown day care will be dealing with tired, cranky kids who need dinner.
Kids who go to day care don’t need enrichment activities. If you are really seeking social interaction for yourself, I’d start a no-kids parent lunch group.
Anon says
+1 million to the last paragraph. I would have loved a new parent lunch group.
Anon says
+2 And toddlers who stay home with a nanny or parent also don’t need evening enrichment activities. They can go to library story time or the playground during the day. It’s totally great and fine to want parent enrichment, but I like to push back a little on the idea that babies and toddlers *need* things beyond daily life for healthy development.
NYCer says
I mostly agree with this. Who is your target audience? We have always had a nanny, and a 5pm class would be a no-go for us. The kids go to classes with our nanny earlier in the day, so it wouldn’t make sense to schlep them somewhere for a 5pm or later activity. And for families with kids in daycare, I would think they would just want to get home at that time?
If this is something for older kids, then I think it would make sense to do it somewhere closer to the residential areas.
Anonymous says
We basically never do things on weeknights other than basic aftercare or daycare, even though we only have 1 child and my husband is a teacher who gets home early-ish. It is just too hard.
Anon says
I don’t know anyone who did weeknight activities with babies and toddlers. Either their kids were in daycare, which is enrichment enough, or the nanny was taking the kids to things like MyGym and library story time during the daytime.
Anonymous says
I don’t know what age you mean, but 5 pm is late even for my family with a preK and 2nd grader. I have grudgingly allowed one or two very necessary activities after 5 (swim lessons) but only now is that time frame remotely workable for my 2nd grader. He would absolutely not have been able to handle that in preschool (luckily the younger one doesn’t need as much sleep and has been able to handle 5 pm swimming).
Anon says
I would love weekend activities. Wouldn’t do a weeknight activity with little kids – they need to eat dinner after daycare pickup and want some play time before bed.
anon says
Would you be comfortable having a kids’ room a half-story above the rest? We have a split level home and the “main” bedroom floor has the primary bedroom, one medium sized bedroom, and one small bedroom along with the hallway bathroom and linen closet. Up six carpeted stairs is a large bedroom. We have our daughter in the medium sized bedroom and are thinking of putting our twins (due in the fall, both same gender) in the large bedroom once they’re 5-6 months or so. I WFH full time and my home office would be the small bedroom. Kids will all be in daycare while I’m working. I am slightly hesitant to have the twins on a different floor from the rest of us. They’ll need to come down stairs to go to the bathroom and it might be easier to manage all 3 on the same level. We could move my daughter into the small bedroom and have the twins take her room. But then we have a very large bedroom that frankly I don’t need for an office (I’m paperless so just need a desk and an outlet). Our house isn’t huge and I don’t want to waste that space. WWYD?
Anonymous says
I would put all the bedrooms on the same floor and make the big room a combination office/playroom. This would allow you to keep toys out of the bedrooms and reduce the need for space there. You could have a secretary or armoire desk that you can close when not in use. My combination office/rec room has a combo computer monitor/TV that my older kid and her friends use for movies and video games.
NYCer says
We moved to a bigger apartment this year and set up one of the extra rooms as a playroom, and it is truly the best thing ever. We don’t use the playroom as an office too, but if your kids are always out of the house when you’re working, it seems like that would be fine. Or you could put your desk in your bedroom and work from there?
Anonymous says
I had my desk in my bedroom for the first 2.5 years of WFH and it was terrible. I hated being confined to a single room for at least 18 hours out of every 24, and it is really hard to sleep in one’s workspace. Converting part of our playroom to an office was the best thing ever.
NYCer says
Oh I agree with you, but someone down the thread said they would never work in the kids’ playroom, so I was just pointing out another option.
anon says
So, we do this but there is a bathroom on the kids floor which I think is a really strong nice to have but not a must have. In our case the master floor is at the top and kids are a half story below us. Despite a whole host of “what ifs”, it’s never been an issue. No one has fallen down the stairs. DD has an accident overnight or gets sick, we’re in her room just as fast as if she were on the same floor, maybe an inconsequential 1.5 seconds later. I’m pregnant with #2 and baby will sleep in our room until a point and then she’ll go to her crib on DD #1s floor just the same.
TheElms says
I would not love going up 5-6 stairs in the middle of the night repeatedly for twins (even if you move them at 5-6 months and sleep train there are still night wake ups for illness, teething, and “just because”). I’d favor putting the twins in the medium room and your daughter in the big room upstairs. The big room can double as her play space to keep big kid toys that are choking hazards away from mouthing babies and young toddlers, provided that your daughter can manage the stairs independently for bathroom visits. If she cannot manage the stairs I’d put your daughter in the small room and your office in the big room and then revisit when the twins are older likely sometime around 18 months to 2 years.
AwayEmily says
yes to all of this, especially the point about choking hazards.
anon says
Agree, big kid upstairs with playspace, twins in medium room and office in small room. Bonus is that crying babies are maybe less likely to wake big sis who is up the half flight?
I would HATE having my office in a playroom but YMMV.
Anon says
Yes (and I would much rather have kids a half flight above than below me). They won’t be using the bathroom for many years and the decision you make now doesn’t have to be permanent. It might especially be nice to have them a little further away from the general hubbub during weekend nap time and while they go to bed early.
But if you don’t have a dedicated playroom elsewhere in the house, I co-sign the idea of turning the big room into a play area.
Anonymous says
I would be open to flexibility as they get older. Right now? Put everyone on the same floor. Babies share a nursery. If the babies are loud and disruptive, move them upstairs (or move your older kiddo up if she wants to move). Don’t borrow trouble about bathroom trips; they will be in diapers for another 3 years. By then your oldest might want the entire floor to herself!
FWIW I have a weird bedroom layout and 3 kids. We’ve played musical bedrooms a lot over the years. It’s fine!
FWIW I have one “normal” bedroom (A), one bedroom that is CRAZY bright and sunny and faces the busy front street so is noisy (B), and one bedroom that is really two rooms where you walk through one to get to the other (C1, C2). My oldest has slept in A, C1 and C2. My middle has slept in C1, C2 and B. My office has been C1 and B. Our guest room has been B and C2. Our playroom is currently C1, with Oldest in C2, middle in B and youngest in A. Youngest and middle have been talking about switching recently.
anon says
OP here- some good ideas here, thanks all! We won’t have a dedicated playroom in our house though I would love one. My only hesitation with the playroom in the big upstairs room is that I can’t easily keep an eye on things- I’d have to go up two flights from the kitchen/living room area.
Another thing I should have mentioned- my daughter will be just under 2 when the twins are born. We hadn’t even thought about putting her in the room upstairs but we will definitely consider that.
Anon says
i know you didn’t ask for this advice, but hire all the help you can afford and get a night nurse. your daughter is still so young, i also would not put her upstairs bc soon she might switch to a bed, etc. i would have everyone sleep on the same floor for this stage of life
Anon says
I personally don’t think it’s a big deal to go up and down half a flight of stairs. My daughter’s room is like that and it’s never been a problem for me. I like it because of the noise separation.
Emma says
Any creative ideas to keep my 9 month old busy today? It’s our second day of being stuck inside because of the wildfires and terrible air quality where we are. I feel like I have exhausted all of toys, play spaces and books in my house. She is teething and extra cranky and we are all going a little nuts.
Anonymous says
Put her in the kitchen sink with water and a measuring cup
TheElms says
Similar idea but play in the bath tub with ice cubes and water.
Anon says
I’m not normally a big fan of “momfluencers” but Mothercould has lots of activities that would be perfect.
Anonymous says
Recreational bathing! My mother used to call this water therapy. You could also let her empty a kitchen cabinet and/or a kleenex box.
Anon says
+1
When we have a lot of rainy days in a row we let kid play in the bath. Crayola makes bath paints and there are also little crayons.
Otherwise just cups and bowls to play with or the usual bath toys.
FP says
Popsicle baths are a great way to waste a LOT of time.
AwayEmily says
ugh I totally know the feeling — with babies you really come to depend on being able to go for a half hour walk to reset them and zone out yourself, and not being able to do that is hard. at that age mine really loved rolling around on the bed (not really creative, but…fun!). What about putting her in the Ergo and doing some household puttering?
anon says
Ugh, that’s so tough. I’m sorry.
If you have any creative, lively family members or friends, now is a good time to see if they’ll play over video call with baby.
In similar circumstances, I used our hyper local PurpleAir network to find pockets of time with cleaner air to go outside. It’s a lot of checking, but worth it when the air is bad for weeks on end to get some outside time when the air gets ok for a bit.
Anon says
can you go for a drive just to break up the day or wonder around a store? a friend you can take her to visit? go to the library? i don’t live in a wildfire prone area so do you have to be inside your home or just inside? yes to the water play
Emma says
We went our for a quick errand yesterday, but honestly just walking to and from the car was uncomfortable – my throat was itchy and I had a headache, and today the air quality went from “bad” to “dangerous” so I don’t feel like risking it on tiny lungs…
Anon says
You’re being smart. I’d also get an air purifier for your home if you don’t have one already. Even if you’re not bothered by it, particulates in the air is a serious health risk.
Anonymous says
+1 for an air purifier. We have a BlueAir in every room and I love them. So quiet and effective and surprisingly affordable.
Can you wear baby while walking around the house doing random stuff like folding laundry? I did a lot of this with my slightly younger baby who hated sitting still. Another option for a crawling baby is making a fort or tent out of blankets or couch cushions to crawl in and out of and play endless rounds of peekaboo in.
Emma says
Thanks for the ideas, everyone! Water play it is :)
Anonymous says
Stuff baby washcloths in an empty tissue box for her to pull out. Reload and repeat ad infinitum.
Anon says
Is there a good, convenient way to sterilize parts that doesn’t involve microwaving plastic? That’s generally not recommended for anything associated with consumption (including bottle nipples…) because of BPA and other leaching chemicals.
AwayEmily says
I didn’t sterilize anything for any of my kids (caveat: babies had no health issues). Just ran it all through the dishwasher. When traveling, I washed in the hotel sink with hand soap or shampoo or whatever was available.
NYCer says
+1. I didn’t even always run stuff through the dishwasher at home tbh. Sometimes just washed by hand with hot water and soap.
ElisaR says
+1 hot water and dish soap worked for us.
Spirograph says
+2, I might have sterilized once, but the other million times, I put things in the dishwasher or washed them in the sink with hot water and soap. My understanding is that sterilization isn’t necessary except for preemies or infants with other immune risk factors.
Anon says
+2 we just used the dishwasher. Although I think dishwashing has the same concerns about BPA that microwaving does.
GCA says
Same. I think we sterilized for all of two weeks with kid 1 and then just washed with plain old castile soap and hot water.
TheElms says
You can buy an electric countertop steam sterilizer/dryer – baby brezza makes one as does dr. brown. I’m not exactly sure how that is different because the device is still largely plastic, but it doesn’t go in the microwave.
Anon says
I think it would have the same concern, since the problem with microwaving is the heating. I would think the only way to avoid it is to handwash with soap and water.
TheElms says
Most bottles, including bottle nipples, are BPA free, to the extent that matters.
Anon says
Which is good, but unfortunately, “look-alike” chemicals are still a big issue.
Anonymous says
I didn’t sterilize bottles, just put them through the dishwasher, but I did sterilize pump parts with the microwave bags. My reasoning was that the milk wasn’t in contact with them for long and that the safety of sterilized pump parts was more important than the risk of microwaving or heating them. The danger of unsterilized pump parts also seemed greater than the danger of washed but unsterilized bottles. Moisture gets trapped in the tubes etc.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
I used a sterilizer that went on the countertop and the bags as needed. I didn’t use the dishwasher because with DS #1 I didn’t know I could (true story) and then with DS #2 because I felt like the pumping stuff/bottles/parts took too much space and we run the dishwasher at night, and I liked the bottles/pump parts for next day packed up before I went to bed. I questioned the need for sterilizing with both kids. I did feel like everything was squeaky clean, though. And I didn’t hesitate to use the bag when needed. I held on to a couple of these for things like…gross bath toys.
Re weird plastic chemicals – I don’t disagree but also I was too tired to think about this (no shade to OP, that’s just where I was).
ElisaR says
I am attending a baptism party for a close friend’s 4 month old son. Any gift suggestions?
Anonymous says
$50 cash in a card
anon says
Is her baby registry still active online? Maybe grab sometime from there. Otherwise, some type of self-care gift for mom or other convenience like doordash type gift card.
Anon says
Traditionally you give cash (or savings bonds), a religious gift (cross necklace, Bible story book, etc), or a keepsake of some sort. I recently gave friends a sterling picture frame engraved with a cross design, plus a Jellycat elephant.
It’s not generally an occasion for practical gifts or gifts for mom.
Anon says
Cash. Or, if you’re religious and the family is religious (aka not doing the baptism to please grandparents), a gift from a religious goods store.
Anonymous says
I love the Rachel Field picture book “Prayer for a Child.” Do be aware that it assumes baby has a father and a mother, so not appropriate for some families.
ElisaR says
perfect thank you
Anon says
What’s the best way to word an email saying that my kid won’t be returning to an activity? They reached out to us, and I do want to respond rather than ignoring it. The honest truth is that my kid hated it. I’m obviously not going to say that, but I also don’t want to give them false hope that we might return after a short break because my kid has been pretty clear she’s DONE.
NYCer says
I would just be direct. Something along the lines of “Kid decided she wants to try something different this summer and there just isn’t time for everything.”
Emma says
Did your kid hate it because it was badly organized/run or just wasn’t her thing? I think NYCer’s wording is good unless you really have specific feedback you really want to provide like “the coach was awful” or “this was way too competitive and we just wanted to have fun”.
Anonymous says
Thanks for checking! We have decided not to return for the next session.
Anon says
+1 Did they ask why? You don’t need to tell them why if they didn’t ask. And even if they did ask!
Anon says
Baby2 has been EBF with some bottles in the beginning. He goes to daycare in two weeks and we still haven’t gotten him on the bottle. He hasn’t figured out how to suck the nipple. As a second time mom who has gone through this before I feel like I should have this figured out. Please send encouragement.
AwayEmily says
ugghh I’m sorry I had this with varying degrees for 2/3 of my kids. Keep trying. Have you tried faster flow nipples? Mine needed Level 2. It was also helpful when I called the pediatrician and they were like “it will be fine, I promise.” I needed that expert reassurance!
Finally, and I totally get if this is too much for you, what was most effective for us both times was me just leaving for the weekend. The first time I had to because it was a work trip (I was terrified, hence the call to the pediatrician), and the second time we did it on purpose because it worked so well the first time. It was definitely tough on my husband but the trial-by-fire really worked. When there was no other option, the babies figured it out.
Cb says
Yep, I went to work and my husband and dad stayed home with baby and day 1 was brutal, and day 2 he started tolerating a bottle.
Anonymous says
I like the weekend approach because it seems like it would reduce the probability of reverse cycling. If you rely on day care to get them taking a bottle, a stubborn one can just hold out until nighttime. Over a weekend they eventually have to cave.
Anonymous says
We had this problem and the Lasinoh bottles finally worked for my kid after trying like 5 other types. Apparently it allows them to control the flow so some babies prefer it. Good luck!
Cerulean says
My kid refused over and over and had a rough go of it the first two days of daycare, and then it clicked. I’m sorry, I know it’s stressful! I honestly think it just takes times away from the source (as it were) more than trying out different bottles or nipples, as long as the flow is good.
NYC help says
Staying at 11 Howard in NYC with kids this weekend. Any kid friendly recommendations for that area? I’m used to seeing itinerary ideas for upper west side or midtown but not sure what might be good nearer the hotel – activity, food or other! It’s near the intersection of Lafayette and Canal if that helps!
NYCer says
How old are your kids? My kids love the Museum of Ice Cream and the Color Factory, but I personally think they are both a bit of a yawn and over priced. But the kids literally ask to go back all the time (so we have been to both numerous times).
If the weather is nice, you could walk over the Brooklyn Bridge and go to the carousel on the Brooklyn side if you want to add another activity (depending on the age of your kids).
Tribeca has tons of families, so many restaurants there would be kid friendly. Bubby’s is a classic, but it can get *very* busy on the weekends.
There is mini golf at Pier 25 in Tribeca. There is also a big playground close by. You could walk up the Hudson River Park to Little Island if your kids are up for it.
OP says
Kids are 8, 6, 4 and 2 – these are all great recommendations! Thanks!
NYCer says
Your older kids might appreciate going to the top of One World Trade Center (the view is really cool) or doing the Staten Island Ferry to get an up close view of the Statue of Liberty. The 2yo would just be along for the ride for those two ideas.
Anonymous says
Look at Mommy Poppins for neighborhood guides. Lower Manhattan is compact though, so you will be close to a lot.
Anonymous says
My kid’s best friend’s parent has been in two car accidents in the eight years we’ve known them. At least one was definitely the parent’s fault. Until recently due to Covid no one was carpooling anywhere. We had always said to ourselves we’d never let them drive our kid. Now twice in the past two weeks they are suggesting to drive our kid places that it would absolutely logically make sense for them to drive (ie they invited him to the zoo with them, both boys going to a birthday party). It was super awkward about the zoo and we ended up dropping our kid off and picking him up without any good explanation. Ideas of how to politely get out of having her drive without directly saying “you’re a bad driver?” They are best friends, and we are family friends, so this is obviously going to continue to be an issue for some time.
Anonymous says
If this is your kid’s best friend you might just need to be upfront. Unless you have a blanket policy of not letting your kid in the car of other people you might say “we prefer to drive him” and leave it at that.
Anon says
I would continue to politely decline without directly addressing it. I have a similar friend, and honestly, I don’t think anything good can come of directly saying “I don’t trust you to drive our kid.” Just politely brush off requests, and keep moving forward.
Anon says
+1. They’ll figure it out but plausible deniability is good for everyone here.
Anin says
+2. I had a similar situation with someone who I didn’t feel great about having her watch my one kid for some Reasons. I never directly addressed it, and am extremely happy I did not. Eventually the Reasons became less pressing, but I don’t think our (very dear to me) friendship would have survived the conversation. I side stepped the issue, and honestly, just took on a disproportionate amount of care of the kids for several years. Rather than switching back and forth driving or host play dates like I do with other families, I just volunteered most of the time to drive them or keep both for play dates (and just happened to be busy when she offered to host). To this day, I don’t think she knows why, and potentially didn’t notice at the time.
Vicky Austin says
DS is currently hanging out with our probable nanny for a trial run while I make myself scarce, and I am emotionally cleaning the entire house about it. I know there’s been lots of good advice here over the years about leaving your kid with caregivers for the first time; lay it on me?
Mary Moo Cow says
(1) You feel how you feel, and your feelings are real. Give yourself some grace.
(2) Distract yourself with cleaning, an outing, etc.: something that will take your mind off it.
(3) Others may disagree, but I think it is fine to check in once, maybe mid-way, and reassure yourself everything is fine. Rejoice when everything is fine!
(4) Trust yourself that you made the best decision with the best information possible and still picked this caregiver.
(5) Be prepared that days 2, 3, and 4 may be harder because reality sets in and the novelty wears off. Then it gets better.
Good luck!
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Welcome back and congratulations!
We’ve not had a nanny but based on my experience with babysitters – get out of the house. This is something DH can do. Go get a coffee and drink it while it’s hot while reading/scrolling of your choice.
Anonymous says
Make the best choice you can, trust your judgment, and then skip out of the house and enjoy being an adult!
GCA says
Welcome back and congratulations! On baby’s arrival, and on the leaving-your-kid-with-caregivers milestone.
The big picture: Humans aren’t designed to exist only in little tiny nuclear families; we’re social animals. Children thrive when they have a a plethora of caregivers, peers and other caring adults in their lives.
The medium term: Trust your nanny’s experience, and also trust your gut.
And for the rest of the afternoon: Do whatever you need to (pumping?), then get out of the house and go read in a coffee shop! You’ve all got this.
Vicky Austin says
Thank you all!! It went well, we officially hired her, and I nursed and snuggled DS after she left. This community is so wonderful to have, never more than now!