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For me, summer = dresses! This flowy dress from Gravitas works for both in and out of the office.
Made from easy-care, soft and cooling jersey, this dress flatters every figure. It features a mock neck and a built-in slit to accommodate the belt of your choice, and it comes in seven colors ranging from basic black to eye-catching coral. It’s also made in New York City’s garment district, a rarity these days.
The Charlotte dress is $148 and comes in sizes Go-Getter (XS/0–2) to Success Story (3X/24W–26W).
Sales of note for 12.5.23…
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Nordstrom – Holiday sale up to 50% off; 5x the points on beauty for a limited time
- Ann Taylor – 40% off your purchase & extra 15% off sweaters
- Banana Republic – Up to 40% off select styles; up to 40% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything & extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – Extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off your purchase with code
- Lands’ End – Up to 70% off everything; free shipping (readers love the cashmere)
- Loft – 50% off your purchase with code (ends 12/5)
- Summersalt – Up to 60% off select styles & free scarf with orders $125+ (this reader-favorite sweater blazer is down to $75)
- Talbots – 40% off your regular-price purchase; extra 50% off all markdowns
- Zappos – 34,000+ women’s sale items! Check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kid shoe brands on sale.
Kid/Family Sales
- Crate&kids – Free shipping sitewide; up to 50% off toy + gift event; free monogramming for a limited time only (order by 12/15)
- J.Crew Crewcuts – 40% off your purchase with code
- Pottery Barn Kids – Up to 50% off toys, furniture & gifts
- Graco – Holiday savings up to 35% off; sign up for texts for 20% off full-price item
- Walmart – Up to 25% off top baby gifts; big savings on Delta, Graco, VTech, Fisher-Price & more
Cb says
Sports day finished without any tears or parental participation. Although T had to be rescued by his teacher in the sack race, because he had the sack pulled up too far and couldn’t hop.
And the mom who parks illegally every single day (and screamed at a teacher when challenged) had a ticket on her car, and I cackled out loud when I saw it.
GCA says
Ha, congratulations on a successful sports day. Parents aren’t even allowed on the field at kid 1’s elementary school field day! (Thank goodness!) Also mine never showed up to sports day anyway, as they were working.
Cb says
We were leaving the house to go and said “wait, we don’t have to run races, right?”
Clementine says
I love every part of this!!
Anonymous says
I just cannot with the silly names for the sizes for this dress. Women are not going to feel better about being a size 3X just because you give the size a girlboss nickname.
Anonymous says
Love a locally made product hate the stupid names.
Anonymous says
It’s so dumb because you still have to correlate to your size which, if anything, makes you have to think about it more.
Anon says
The names are dumb in every size, let’s skip the fatphobia.
Anonymous says
It’s the silly names that are fatphobic, not pointing them out.
Anon says
Thank you. This isn’t about 3X. There are dumb names for every size.
Anonymous says
Giving dumb names to all the sizes is totally about hiding the fact that some are smaller than others.
Anon says
I disagree actually, I don’t think it has anything to do with hiding anything, especially since the actual size names are right there. I think they were just trying to hop on the girl boss trend (about 10 years too late as GCA said) and capitalize on that.
anon says
Seems to be more confusing than helpful. Cute dress, though.
GCA says
Not to rag on the company because it’s just a symptom of an awful trend, but girlboss is so 2013. Even equal-opportunity dumb girlboss names at every size. (If you want a breath of fresh air, there’s this great meme going around that says something like ‘the girlboss is dead, long live the girl moss – lying on the forest floor being one with nature’)
Cerulean says
I hate silly names for almost anything. Menus that have “nosh” as a heading for appetizers. Wedding dress codes like “festive country” or “whimsical garden party”. Photographers that list their pricing under a menu that says “investment”.
Can’t they just have a drop-down menu to pick your size and photographs of the dress on different models, why even split the sizes into categories if it’s the same dress?
Anon says
Nosh means snacks in Yiddish, so that one isn’t weird to me. I’m also not bothered by photogs saying “investment.” It’s pretty obvious what they mean. But agree I hate complicated dress codes for events where it’s not clear what you should wear.
Cerulean says
Oh, I know it means snacks, i just dislike the cutesy affectation. I’ve also seen “sip” for the drink menu or “hand helds” for sandwiches.
anon says
“Investment” drives me crazy. They’re photos. Nice photos, and I appreciate the effort that goes into them, but come on.
Anonymous says
It makes me less likely to want to work with the photographer because I assume they will be pushy with upselling.
Momofthree says
Given that a lot of professional photographers charge 1k+ in my area for family photos & 5k+, I understand why they call it an investment. It can be hard for some folks to understand why something that could be low cost/free is so expensive. I do get annoyed when they don’t put prices on their website and want you to contact them.
I appreciate that the photographers are having a tough time from a business perspective- they used to make most of their money off of prints & now everyone just wants digital images. It can be hard to make it work from a monetary perspective.
Anon says
Yeah, we spend ~$3k each fall on professional photos in a LCOL area, so it really is an investment! That term doesn’t bother me. I agree I find it annoying when they don’t list prices and you have to contact them. Especially with wedding planning, when I was looking at a lot of photographers, that was really frustrating.
Anonymous says
I think it would be fair for them to charge what amounts to a decent hourly rate for the session and the photo editing. Not more. And they shouldn’t be charging hourly rates commensurate with those for a doctor or a lawyer; more like $50-150/hour. I am basing this on what people with a DMA get for teaching music lessons.
Anon says
I disagree; I don’t think photography is really something where you pay by the hour because what you’re paying for is the photographer’s talent. It’s much more akin to buying a painting in a gallery, which can vary from hundreds of dollars to millions and the price doesn’t reflect the amount of time spent on the painting.
I’m the person above who said we spend ~$3k on photography and it’s because all the cheaper photographers in our area take photos that are no better than what I (a decent amateur) can do. I don’t think our photographer is putting any more time into it, if anything she probably edits the photos more efficiently than less experienced photographers, but we pay $$$ because she has much more talent at posing, shooting and editing.
Anonymous says
Well, I don’t believe a handful of artists should get paid millions of dollars for paintings while others can’t make a living at all, or that professional athletes should make millions of dollars a year either. I have two graduate degrees and what I do arguably takes more talent and skill and adds far more value to society than taking and photoshopping pictures of babies, and I don’t get paid nearly as much as a fancy photographer. Which is why my family doesn’t get professional photos taken. I just don’t see the value for money if it’s more than like $500 for a session and some edited photos.
Perhaps I am extra salty about this because I gave up an arts career so I could support myself and am currently underpaid working for a nonprofit, doing research on and advocating for members of a profession that is even more undervalued and underpaid. I object to paying the plumber more than my billing rate too.
Anon says
I mean, if you want to talk about people whose incomes are far outpacing their contributions to society, I’d focus on politicians, corporate CEOs and Wall Street traders, not family photographers who are doing very well if they break $100k in earnings.
I had passions in the arts that I also left behind in favor of a more boring, stable career, but it’s not something I hold against those who made it big. It takes a hustle and risk tolerance that I never had.
Anon says
I feel like these smarmy size names are doing the opposite of what the marketing team thinks they’re doing. I actually like the clothes but would feel like a dork ordering them.
Cerulean says
Like not wanting to order the Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity at IHOP.
Anonymous says
It’s patronizing. I know I am a size 2. Calling me a “go-getter” does not make me forget that.
Emma says
Thinking of the threads earlier this week about how to be an ally for LGBTQA+ kids… I’m in local moms group on Facebook. I live in Canada, where same-sex marriage has been legal since 2005, in a liberal city with a large LGBTQA+ community and very well-known “gay district”. Someone on the group asked if there were any family-friendly pride events in our city and the responses… really took a turn for the worse. It’s wild to me that people approximately my age, living in my city, raising kids who may go to school with mine, could hold these views in this day and age. Fortunately other people stepped in to try and stop the hateful comments, but ugh.
Anon says
Very specific question, but our elementary school requires Kers to wear the same shirt every day for the first couple of weeks and I’m not sure how many shirts I should buy. I feel like it’s a huge waste of money to buy many copies of this shirt (especially because they all have to be the same color) but I don’t want to be doing laundry constantly. Does the equivalent of dry shampoo exist for laundry?
Anonymous says
Personally, I’d buy three so I could do laundry once on the weekend and once midweek.
Anonymous says
This.
Anonymous says
Same.
Cerulean says
I’d do three also. I’m so curious about the purpose of wearing the same shirt every day. Do the kids have a uniform after the first few weeks? Is it to help the teacher remember who’s who?
Anon says
Yes, it’s to help teachers and staff keep the kids separate. One classroom is blue, one is red, etc. It’s compulsory. I’m sure there are some kids who don’t do it, but it’s definitely not a “just for fun” thing and I don’t want my kid to be left out.
anon says
This is so bizarre to me! There are 100 K students in my kid’s grade and the teachers and staff managed to get all of them into the correct classrooms without any color-coding. They did all get necklaces/badges the first day identifying them as a bus rider (with bus number) or car rider, but anything during the day they just sorted themselves out.
Anon says
There are more than 200 kids in each grade, so it’s definitely a big school. But yeah, it’s annoying and wasteful.
Anonymous says
This is kind of a weird request from the school. Is it a specific shirt you must purchase from the school or just any shirt in a particular color? Either way, I wouldn’t buy more than two. Send kid in the same one twice, then wash one while sending her in the other. Maybe also make sure this is compulsory and not just for fun. My biggest learning from K is you can basically opt out of everything with no hard feelings and your kid won’t even feel left out in the beginning because no one really knows what’s going on.
NYCer says
I would buy 5. But I guess I am lazier than everyone here!
Boston Legal Eagle says
I would buy 5 too. Hopefully it’s something simple like a red T-shirt that you can get for cheap.
anon says
+1 to buying 5, it’s not like you can’t wear them after the first few weeks and there’s no way I want to rush around looking for a shirt mid-week
AwayEmily says
How strange! Can you get some from the previous year’s K class? Also I had to read this like three times before I realized you weren’t talking about your son named Kers. I’m so dumb sometimes.
Anon says
You’re not dumb, Kers is a name! It’s confusing.
Anon says
Febreeze could work, but I would think that at that age, smell isn’t the main enemy. Dirt, markers, crayons, glue, food, milk, etc. would be the main enemies here, and you would need to wash when those thing happen. I’d get 3. Then, I’d have a backup for the backup in case I forgot to do a load of laundry. I’d also just do a drop of detergent in the sink or even just spot treat problem areas, and air dry if I didn’t have enough other clothes to do a full load of laundry in the washing machine.
Cb says
Yep, everyone says “oh they can rewear clothes” when asked about uniforms, but my 5 year old needs a full change everyday. He comes home covered in dirt?
You might also queue up things that need washing anyways so you can fill a load. The pad you’ve been meaning to wash, the beach towels you’ll need for summer, etc.
Anonymous says
My favorite was the day camp where they gave us one shirt and told us to wash it every evening and send the kid in it each day. You couldn’t even buy an extra.
Cb says
That is so bizarre! Give them a badge or something. So wasteful!
I’d ask in your local parents groups to see if people have them or if the school does a used sale. I like having 6 days worth of uniforms, but in this case, I’d skirt by with the bare minimum. Just throw it in everytime you do a wash.
Anon says
My K student had to wear a lanyard with a badge for the first two weeks. I agree the shirt thing is weird…every other school in the country manages to keep track of their students without color coding, why can’t this one? (In fact, many schools even have the kids all wear the exact same outfits to each other, gasp!). I’m also salty about spirit weeks, though, so feel free to write me off as a joykill.
Cerulean says
Yes, I hate the wastefulness and something like a badge or a bracelet would be so much better and could be reused for the next year’s class. This is only possible because of the artificially cheap cost of clothing. If companies had to factor in the full environmental cost of manufacturing and disposal and wages were fair this would never happen.
GCA says
+1 maybe the PTO has a used shirt exchange?
the waste breaks my little environmentalist heart. the planet does not need new t-shirts for every camp, special occasion, family vacation, dance recital, or kindergarten orientation!
Allie says
Our school requires you to label your kid (like with an actually stick on name badge) for the first few days with their name, teacher, and mode of transport. It’s a good system.
Anonymous says
Same–ours gives you a tag to pin on them.
TheElms says
Surely you can buy a set of this shirt from a current kindergarten parent? It seems like a problem parents would face annually. If not I would buy 4, enough not to wash every day but not so many as to be a ridiculous price.
Anonymous says
I am so tired of having to buy special t-shirts for everything. It’s so wasteful. I usually end up saving them for summer camp wear because those clothes get destroyed, but we often end up with more than they can destroy over the course of the summer.
anon says
Still salty about my kid needing a special t-shirt for one performance. One performance … never to be used again. It’s incredibly wasteful and adds clutter that nobody needs.
Anon says
I don’t mind buying one shirt for something like that because it will get worn again and will just replace me buying a t-shirt at Target or whatever, so I don’t really see it as wasteful, at least not from an environmental perspective. But this feels very wasteful.
Anonymous says
It gets to feel wasteful when there are 5 or so of these a year and the kid refuses to wear them after the event.
anon says
But it isn’t getting worn. It’s an ugly, pointless shirt that DS would never pick out for himself.
anon says
If the colors are standard (red, blue, green), can you order just one shirt and supplement with existing clothing for the rest? This is crazy and seems like it would be a problem for equity reasons. Why not a lanyard or something?
Mary Moo Cow says
Is there a used shirts source? Like a facebook page or uniform closet? I’m thinking of our school, where parents can buy spirit shirts to supplement the uniform, and most families donate when their kids grow out of them. We also post on the school facebook page to give away outgrown uniforms.
Anon says
I’d buy 3-5 depending on how long a couple of weeks is. My kid needs all items to be fully washed after one use (and I’m very much on the multiple wears train as an adult). Agree that this is very annoying and wasteful.
Boston to NYC says
Looking to travel from Boston to NYC for a long weekend with DH and 5 year old later this month. I normally fly for work on the shuttle and take the train in extenuating circumstances (genuinely hate it, though I know I may be a minority on that, but I digress). While we theoretically don’t have a fixed budget here, cost of flying and trains are both pushing what I was hoping for.
If I was to drive, where would I park, leave my car for a couple of days, and train in from? I think this is a thing, but not really sure.
Also, and I know it’s a regular question here but search is failing me, what part of town do we stay in? I was thinking UES but not a lot of hotel options. I basically go to midtown east and financial district exclusively for work, so I’m somewhat ignorant to all the rest that Manhattan has to offer! TIA.
Anon says
I’ve done this parking at White Plains, which used to be free on weekends and holidays.
OP says
Which train am I looking to grab there? Is it a subway line or a commuter rail line?
anon says
Metro North (commuter rail). Can’t remember if Amtrak also goes there.
Anon says
You can also check New Haven if you want to ride instead of drive that stretch of traffic-y 95. That would also be Metro North. Though, could you find a hotel with parking? That might be easier, and even if you have to pay for parking it might be a wash vs the cost of train tickets
Allie says
Yeah – Manhattan parking is insane but with a little kid I’d rather just pay for parking than do two modes of transport. Plus, driving into the city is really fun for kids.
Anon says
I don’t think you can park overnight anymore anywhere in White Plains. Amtrak goes to New Rochelle, which is right off of I-95, but the metro north has a better schedule, cheaper, and it’s the same station. I don’t know if that station allows for overnight parking and I would call just to double check. Westchester is ruthless in parking enforcement.
There is a medical lot on Burling Lane and Memorial Highway in New Rochelle that is a paid lot and 5 min walk to the train station. You can likely work out a deal with the parking attendant to leave your car overnight. There are also some lots in town near the train station (like the residence inn) where you can probably park overnight for a few days.
I personally would stay in midtown since it has more train lines. UES is kind of a pain to get to via subway and presumably you want to go to diff parts of the city.
Interview Question says
Cross-posting from the main site because I mean to post here but didn’t realize that I was on the main page instead.
Hi! Interview help please! I interviewed for an in-house position yesterday. I’ve already reached out to thank the hiring manager who coordinated the day and had the biggest role. In total, however, I met 10 other people all at varying levels within the company. Should I reach out to thank each of those 10 people? I completely forgot about asking for cards or email addresses from each person. Accordingly, I’d have to either hand write notes or ask for email addresses from either the hiring manager or the HR professional I’ve had communication with. My gut says that asking for all of these people’s email addresses is inappropriate. Thoughts? I haven’t interviewed since I was in law school, and those interviews were all with law firms, so it was easy to find interviewer contact information on the firm websites. In my own hiring, I’ve never hired or not hired someone based on a thank you. So my thought is really to let it go. But is that a huge faux pas? Thanks!
GCA says
Some of these were group interviews, I’m guessing? So ‘PS: Please convey my thanks to X, Y, Z’ to the hiring manager and HR professional, along with a thoughtful note about your conversation with X, Y and Z, should be enough to signal that you’re grateful for their time and have reflected on your interview.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I personally wouldn’t hire or not hire someone because of a thank you email. I think they’re archaic and not necessary. My opinion of candidates is based on my interaction with them at the interview. I know some people might feel stronger in the other way about this, but I feel like more bad than good can come from this, if, for example you have a typo or spell someone’s name wrong in the email.
-Signed, elder millennial in house in Boston.
Anonymous says
I disagree. A customized thank-you note that mentions something the person was interested to learn about the employer or the interviewer’s work etc. is a plus. The risks you mention are low if you are actually being careful, and usually aren’t going to harm a candidacy as much as you might think they would.
Spirograph says
Another elder millennial here, but I would err on the side of sending a thank you note. A good thank you note won’t make up for a bad interview, and a lack of thank you wouldn’t keep me from extending an offer to a candidate who is otherwise excellent…I’ve never gotten a thank you note that made me think less of someone, but a good thank you note could tip the scales if I’m in a position where I’m choosing between two solid candidates.
OP, My recruiting partner passes thank yous along to me & others in the interview loop. If you have an email address for the recruiter, that’s all you need.
Anon says
How do you handle when your toddler hits you? DS will hit or kick DH or I when he’s upset. He’s 2 so it doesn’t really hurt us. DH will often put him in time out, but I usually just ignore it until he calms down. DS doesn’t hit or kick at school or use aggressive behavior, his teachers are always surprised when we ask, so it seems like he’s doing it at home to get our attention. I’d rather not use punishments like time out unless he is hurting others. He’s an only, so not dealing with hitting siblings.
Anon says
Hitting was automatic time out for us. Hitting is hurting. It doesn’t matter if you, the adult, are not physically feeling pain. It is behavior that can hurt someone, so “I’d rather not use punishments like time out unless he is hurting others.” does not make a lot of sense to me.
Anon says
+1.
Anon says
Impulse control is still very low/nonexistent at 2. And usually they do not have the capacity to connect a timeout with hitting, and to control themself in the moment by thinking “oh I don’t want a punishment, I better restrain myself!”
I will catch my son’s hands (or block his feet), tell him that hitting is not okay, and then often wrap him in a hug, both to hold back arms and legs and to connect with him while he settles down. You could also walk away – “I won’t let you hit me, I’m going to walk away until you are calm.” You can offer another activity, like throwing a ball or jumping up and down, to try to redirect his energy, if you think he’d respond well to that.
This is not “letting him get away with it” because you are addressing the behavior and stopping it, but sometimes you need to provide a physical barrier while the child regains control.
Anon says
yea this is what we do. obviously i’m not an expert, but everything i’ve read suggests that time outs don’t really work that well for young kids
Anonymous says
+1. I will say “hands are not for hitting” after the fact. Depending on their reaction sometimes I’ll ask to show me gentle hands. If it escalates, I move away from the kid. If I can catch their hands fast enough I will say “I will not let you hit me.” One of my kids often needs alone time to calm down, but I consider that different than time out, especially because I’m usually in the room with him while he’s calming down.
anon says
Kid is nearly 3 and still will hit when he’s upset. Basically we tell him no, he’s not allowed to hurt mom/dad. If he does it while we are holding/cuddling we immediately set him down. If he does it when we are trying to get him dressed or any other situation where he’s sitting or standing on his own we say no you are not allowed to hit mom/dad and I am walking away so that you don’t hurt me.
Same response if he chucks a toy at me or anything else where he is clearly intentionally trying to hurt us. If it was an accident we say something like ow that hurt please be more careful or we can’t play with xyz anymore
GCA says
What is your definition of a time-out? For us a time-out at that age was more of a ‘time in’. We’d say, “You’re hurting me. Hands aren’t for hitting. I can’t let you hurt other people” and they get removed from the situation and carried to their room by a parent to calm down quietly for two minutes. Usually with a big hug.
OOO says
Going to a baby shower and want to put together a gift basket of essentials. What would you include? There is a registry but it only has suggestions for items, no specific brands. They want gender neutral things. My budget is $100
Anon says
Diapers in a size 1 or 2 (loved having the larger sizes for later months/years), wipes, butt cream spatula, Aquaphor, J&J shampoo/soap (I didn’t have to buy this until my daughter was 3), Dr. Brown’s bottle set, saline drops for stuffy noses, pacifiers (my kid liked MAM), cloth diapers (used as burp clothes not as actual cloth diapers), a fitted crib sheet, a velcro swaddle, a FridaBaby snot sucker, baby washcloths. I liked having a variety of things because I could try out different brands/styles without breaking the bank. Babies are individuals and some things will work and others will not.
Anonymous says
If by “essentials” you mean things like baby shampoo, nail clippers, thermometer, etc., they will get multiples of these. I’d do a few cases of diapers in newborn and size 1.
Anon says
+1 also many hospitals will give you all that stuff. Mine did.
Anonymous says
Oh, wow. All we got was a snot sucker. They wouldn’t even let us take a blanket for the dog to smell.
Cerulean says
We got a ton of stuff, but I don’t think the linens are ever available to take home.
OOO says
Our hospital gave us a cheap breast milk cooler and maybe a small bottle of J&J soap but that was it
Anon says
Typical basket items include that Frida baby kit that includes the snotsucker, a glass nail file, some baby shampoo, baby lotion, diaper cream, aquaphor, a teether, wash cloths and a towel, maybe burp cloths, stain remover (like an Oxyclean Max stick), and probably more thing I am not thinking of.
anon says
Nose Frida
TheElms says
I’d do diapers in size 1 or 2; a tub of Oxiclean powder (the best I found for getting out diaper blowout stains); a variety of pacifiers to try (babylist has a box you can buy); some cloth bibs (I liked the kind that snapped and had a waterproof layer in the middle bc baby couldn’t pull them off and spit up or drool didn’t soak through and make their onesie wet. I still use them when my 15 month old has a cold to wipe the endless runny nose); a velcro swaddle; some 3-6 month onesies (you don’t get a lot of bigger sizes and they are nice to have and it sneaks up on you that you need them).
An.On. says
When we got something like that, the “gift basket” itself was actually a mini laundry basket that we still use for all our baby’s laundry. It’s been so nice, and we still use it all the time! It’s great for small baby clothes-sized loads. But also seconding Anon at 10:56 – we used cloth diapers for burp clothes and to create soft pads for their head on the changing table, and they were wonderful to have.
Anon says
+1 to a laundry basket. I don’t even bother wrapping it.
Mary Moo Cow says
If they didn’t say specific brands, I would lean in to gift cards. If you want something tangible, a really nice basic, like a Kissy Kissy onsie or Aden & Anais swaddles and washcloths. A nice touch is something for the parents (especially mom), like unscented hand lotion.
Anonymous says
In addition to things other people have said, oxo’s bottle/nipple washing set and a dishwasher basket for bottle/pump parts. My hospital gave me nothing other than crappy insulated bag, but maybe that is because my son was in the NICU instead of in a room with me.
Anonymous says
My 3.5 year old has been having some meltdowns at daycare lately — school thinks it’s because both the teachers in his room have turned over recently, so there’s a lot of change going on. Any tips on how to support him at home? He rarely melts down at home, and when he does it’s usually because he’s hangry or a bathroom thing.
EDAnon says
I think keeping things as stable at home as possible will help. And you can talk to your kiddo about it. They might have some insights. But this is a big transition. I am sure it will get better with time.
anonM says
SwaddleMe Pod Zip-Up (no velcro! two-way zipper! I cannot figure out why these aren’t more popular!)
if you know they’re breastfeeding (or planning to try), gel nipple pads
nail clippers with the light (so you can trim nails while the sleep! so much easier!)
Anon says
my kids are a mess between dinner and bedtime and suddenly are falling asleep 1-1.5 hours later than they used to, which i dont really get because they are super active during the day, but i’m thinking it’s because it stays light out so late (im in the process of getting new blinds for their room). anyway, their behavior is horrific and they would do much better if they could play one on one with a parent, but DH travels a lot and I do a lot of solo parenting. Playing outside is not an option (it is super hot and buggy where we live and my kids are mosquito magnets). it seems like everything ends in fighting/tears, from a craft to building a tower to playing a cooperative board game to even playing independently in the same room with me in the room. even reading to them is unpleasant as one kid tries to lay on top of the other kid or the book. i don’t like the idea of watching tv with them, but any ideas on how to make this 2 hour period more pleasant?
Anonymous says
No advice really but I’m right there with you. My twin 2 year olds are exhausted at the end of the day, but stay up for an hour after bedtime chatting then yelling then crying. They have blackout curtains in their room but it doesn’t seem to help. To your question: I don’t think there’s anything wrong with 30 minutes to an hour of tv after dinner or while you make dinner. Then could you do a long bath with toys and bubbles?
anon says
Is there anything you can do to make outside an option? We’ve had great luck with Thermacells to repell mosquitos and can just stick one near the kids’ mud kitchen or swingset or something.
Anon says
Go outside – it’s always an option. Kids are always less bothered by heat and bugs than their parents and you can mitigate both anyway. Get a water table, a splash pool, a sprinkler, whatever you need to do.
Anon says
my kids cannot handle the transition to coming in and showering and getting ready for bed if it gets late. we have to get them bathed on the earlier side or it’s a disaster and going outside requires bug spray which would require another bath
Anon says
You described their behavior as “horrific” in the status quo. Have them rinse off the bug spray in the hose before coming back inside. This is solvable.
Anon says
It’s hard this time of year. We mostly let our 5 year old choose her own bedtime, but at this time of year we have to be stricter about setting an exact time, because if we don’t she’d stay up way too late. It doesn’t help that we live on the western border of a timezone (literally 10 minutes from the border) so the sun sets after 9 pm here.
I think it’s best to think of it like jetlag and treat it the way you’d treat jetlag: sunlight early and often during the day, limited outdoor time in the evenings, and melatonin if you’re comfortable with it.
AwayEmily says
My kids go through these fighting-all-the-time phases too. I think it’s fine to lean into some strategic TV til the phase is over — even if just a half hour in the middle of the 2-hour period to give yourself a break.
Another idea: make reading conditional on them not being too physical. So, say that you can all get into the bed and read but if there is fighting you will have to stop (and follow through). Maybe give them something to play with while they listen (fidget toy or suchlike) to keep them distracted.
Moving around to different locations within the house can help. My kids fight way less in their bedroom or in our basement than in the playroom or kitchen. I do not understand this but I use it to my advantage.
Anonymous says
Are they old enough for audio books? That helps us a LOT in similar situations. Also, shower time (or bath time if you do baths).
Anon says
They’re 5 or almost 5, right? We started reading time in bed around that age, which basically means put them in bed 30 minutes earlier than we wanted bedtime to be with a stack of books.
Also seconding making reading out loud conditional on good behavior. We constantly remind our twins that if they start physically hurting each other while a parent is doing something fun with them, then that’s the end of that activity for the day. It sucks to enforce, but helps them rein in the behavior next time.
Also, tv is a tool and if a show every evening preserves your sanity, it’s totally fine.
No, I’m not happy says
Help. My almost 3 twins are constantly asking me “are you happy?” Every time I am the least bit frustrated or tired or when they do something they know they aren’t supposed to do. It is so annoying!!! It’s like I have to be a zen monk or I’m constantly interrogated about whether I’m happy. Why are they doing this and how do I make it stop.
Anonymous says
I just want to validate that I find it infuriating when I’m annoyed or whatever to have my little people interrogate me. Obviously I’m mad! But, I think what they’re actually asking is “are you still my safe person/is it ok to have feelings.” I try to answer honestly but not emotionally. For example: “Yeah I’m really frustrated that the dog popped on the carpet. It’s ok to be mad sometimes. Want to help me clean it up or want to have a shouting contest outside to get out our feelings?”
Anon says
you might say something like “i am in charge of my own feelings and my own happiness. I do not like your behavior right now, etc.” or “i am not feeling unhappy right now, but i am feeling tired” or “no one can be happy all the time” etc.
PinkKeyboard says
I’m typically pretty honest. No I’m not happy right now, I’m frustrated because of xyz or i’m feeling extra tired today so I think I will go to bed early to be happy tomorrow. I know a lot of people feel they need to be a zen monk but I think it’s important for kids to see feelings and how you manage them.
Anon says
+1 I don’t think it’s a big deal to tell kids you’re not happy and why.
anon says
I’m a crier when I get stressed or frustrated. Anytime kid sees me crying he immediately goes “are you ok mommy????”
Makes me feel awful that he’s taking on my feelings, but I try to say something like mom had a hard day and is feeling sad, but it’s ok and I’ll be ok soon. Can we watch such and such cartoon or play such and such game? Sometimes if I’m especially upset I say something about mommy needs to take a few minutes to rest, and Daddy will play with you for a few minutes.
Anonymous says
“No, I’m feeling irritated right now. All feelings pass. Managing my feelings is my responsibility. How are you feeling right now?”
Happy OP says
Thank you everyone. This was really helpful to read. Good luck out there! Stay human!
Anonymous says
For what it’s worth I think a lot of kids do this. Must have some developmental purpose! I usually say “of course I’m happy!” because usually I am when I’m hanging with my 3 year old, but if I am upset I’m usually honest about why in a way that might make sense to a little one.
Birthday Party Timing says
I know this has been discussed a million times here, but whats the best toddler party time? Planning kid’s 3yo birthday party for later this summer. It will mostly be family only but includes cousins age 1,4,9,11 plus maybe a few 2/3 yo friends. Most family is within an hours drive but several are 2-3 hours and will drive in for the day
We are planning for inflatable slide and the neighborhood pool is open and we are members if some of the attendees want to swim.
I originally scheduled it for 2-6ish to do late lunch cookout and outdoor activities. Should I do 10-2 instead? We live in the SEUS so 2-6 might be pretty hot. My kid currently naps around 12:30/1. If we do 10-2 we would grill entree (hotdogs/burgers) with guests here and have snacks throughout
Anon says
4 hours is very long for anything that includes classmates or kids you don’t know well. I’d plan a two hour “party” that culminates with cake or ice cream, so it’s socially acceptable to leave after that point, but welcome your family to stay later for additional swimming and food.
As for timing, I’d consult with your family driving in for it. I wouldn’t have the official party hours go past 5 pm, but I think having the party from 2-4 but telling family they can stay for dinner would be totally fine. Just make sure you have enough food if other guests decide to stay too.
Anon says
(By “welcome your family to stay later for additional swimming and food” I obviously don’t mean kick the other guests out. You should be prepared for everyone to stay longer. I just mean that you should serve cake/ice cream within two hours of the party starting so non-family guests don’t feel obligated to stay there all afternoon.)
New Here says
Took my daughter to a classmate’s 3rd birthday this past weekend. It was outside with a splash pad/bounce house combo. It was 2-5 and that was perfect because I was able to squeeze in a nap for her. They did have burgers and hot dogs available, in addition to a bunch of snacks. We’re also in the SEUS.
My girl’s birthday is in December, and we did her 3rd 10 – 12, but it was just playtime at our house.
Anon says
depends on how much you want to accomodate other people’s schedules. if your kid currently naps, party should not take place during your kid’s nap. if your kid naps from like 1-3 then party should be 3:30-5:30, or 10-12.
NYCer says
I would do 10-12. Tell your family that they can stay longer if they want, but I think a 4 hour scheduled party for a preschooler is really long.
Op says
Thanks all. I think the 4 hour timeframe is roughly how long I would expect a guest (family) to still be in my house. My brother has the older kids and they love to hang out to play longer which is totally fine.
I’m definitely leaning toward pushing it to the 11 start time for my august kid. Gonna get hot. I think 11 gives the 3ish hour drivers a not too early start on the road. And kid can check out and have a nap after most people have left.
Anon says
The best toddler party time is 10-12. I’d shoot for that timeframe to avoid cranky toddlers and hot temps. If your party started at 2 that would probably mean that my kid’s nap time would have to be cut short, which would just be a recipe for disaster and we may decline the invite for that reason. Agree with other posters to tell family they are welcome to stay later
Anon says
I actually have a theory that 1.5 hours is the ideal length for a toddler birthday. Goes up to 2 hours around 5 or 6.
Anon says
3 isn’t really a toddler though. I think for actual toddlers (1-2 year olds), an hour or hour and a half is about right, but by age 3-4 two hours is fine, and totally normal where I live. This year we’ve mostly gone to fifth birthdays and although most were scheduled as two hours, the kids have not wanted to stop playing at the end. We were invited to a four hour (outdoor) one and the kids had a blast.
Anon says
Speaking of birthday parties, I just went to a preschool birthday party that had Popeye’s fried chicken (and pizza for the pickier kids) and I thought it was brilliant. It avoids the political quagmire of Chik Fil A and it’s much tastier chicken anyway. Totally stealing this for our next party.
Anon says
Oh man my suburban crowd would NOT be ok with their organic low sugar kids getting Popeyes at a bday party. I actually cannot fathom that ever happening at one of our events. But it’s a bday party my husband and I would be glad to attend!
Anon says
Is it really that much different than pizza? Totally get that it’s not organic or low sugar, but neither is the pizza served at every party. It was mostly eaten by adults anyway.
Anon says
This is excellent! I’ll have to remember this. And yes, Popeye’s is way better. Just thinking about the spicy chicken sandwich…
I also wonder if the Popeye’s love is a big regional thing, too – like obviously in Louisiana it’s a no-brainer, and I live in Houston (NOLA’s cousin city), so it’s a well-loved chain here. I’ve seen others mention Cane’s which we have but Popeye’s is way more popular.
Again, we run in liberal circles and CFA is a regular presence at parties and in our own lives. Not trying to start a debate again – I like the product (food, customer services, employment practices for employees), not the leadership – but what their app can do for a parent with hungry kids is pretty amazing.
Anon says
I’m Op and I’m in the Midwest. Popeyes isn’t super popular here. My town only got one about a year ago. But I love it!
Chik Fil A is kind of controversial in our liberal-leaning circles – my sense is that most people don’t really care, but there are people who do and it seems to be avoided for that reason. I’ve never seen it at a party and would be hesitant to serve it myself, although I have taken my kids there.
Anon says
Has anyone left a job with a toxic boss without something lined up? If so can you tell me how it went for you?
I may be in this situation and I’m terrified and feel like a quitter. I also love the actual work and organization, but I know if I keep going there is a slim chance things will improve. I also know the market is very weird right now and I’m a senior (non-executive) hire that costs places money.
I’ve started applying to jobs/networking so I won’t be going from scratch, and we will be ok financially, but I just feel really…guilty about all of it.