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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 120 Comments · by

Pumping Tuesday: Wrap Top

Machine-Washable Work Clothes· Nursing

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A woman wearing a Topshop Rita Floral Wrap TopWhen I was pumping, I always just preferred to push up a t-shirt or other pullover style — but many readers have noted that they like a wrap blouse best for pumping. This wrap top at Nordstrom (new colors out for spring, and it’s on sale right now) is the one I’ve heard is the “perfect” top for pumping — but it’s worth noting that Topshop has a number of pretty wrap blouses right now too, including the pictured floral wrap top on sale for $35 (down from $65). Topshop Rita Floral Top This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Sales of note for 9.10.24

(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)

Kid/Family Sales

  • Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
  • Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
  • J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
  • Old Navy – 40% off everything
  • Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs

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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!

Comments

  1. Sparkly Stuff says

    Sort of an odd request – can anyone recommend relatively durable glittery/sequined/sparkly clothing and/or shoes for a 5 year old? My son has expressed an interest in having some sparkly clothes. I’m okay with getting him clothes/shoes marketed for girls, but I am inexperienced in shopping in the girls department. I am particularly curious as to whether any glittery or metallic sneakers or sandals hold up well during outdoor play? Do sequined tops wash well?

    Also, if anyone can point me to sequined tops that have sequins that change color when you rub them (they flip over and show a different color on the back), that would be great. I found some at Boden (so lovely, so expensive) and Crazy 8. My son’s classmate has a similar shirt that blew everyone’s mind yesterday. Her mother said it was a hand me down so I didn’t bother trying to look at the tag.

    • Kim says

      DD had casual a sequined dress (it sounds odd to write casual and sequins, lol), which went through many washings. You lose a few, but not a lot. DSW and Carter’s have glittery shoes.

    • NewMomAnon says

      My daughter has a pair of Stride Rite sneakers that are sparkly/metallic and have held up very well – I don’t know whether they go into big kid sizes though with that particular pair. It’s worth checking; they have a good selection of sparkly/light up/otherwise cute girls’ sneakers that hold up well. I would avoid Target’s girls’ shoe section, those shoes are often really cute but don’t hold up.

      As for clothes….I’m not seeing a lot of sequin or glittery stuff out now; that’s usually more of a winter style. During the winter, Old Navy had some girls play clothes with metallic threads, and leggings with glitter embedded in them that have somehow survived several potty-training accident clean ups, so I think they would hold up too. H&M often has clothes with glittery paint. You might check their clearance sections to see if some of those styles are on discount now.

    • bluefield says

      Cienta makes mary janes that are glittery. I bought them for my daughter last year and they held up well. If mary janes are a little too feminine, Hanna Andersson also has glittery sneakers that are more unisex – the Ulla and the Maria. I have the Ulla for my daughter and they’re very well made and have held up. I’ll add links in the reply

    • Momata says

      Target’s Cat and Jack line has some great gray jersey moto pants right now that have sparkles woven in. My 3yo daughter loves them and they’ve held up great.

    • Jdubs says

      My kids have glitter shoes from Carters, I think the style was called Tween something or other. My kids are really really hard on shoes and they held up as good as any other pair of sneakers that they have had.

      • Sparkly Stuff says

        Thanks for all the replies and ideas everyone, and the compliment Closet Redux! I am getting into this a bit too much; I am trying to draw the line at lame shorts (Forever 21 Girls). I should just buy myself some sparkly shoes. Speaking of which, those Natives are also available in women’s sizes, on sale at 6pm.com.

        Re: hypercolor – I remember that fad. Didn’t they not last well? Perhaps technology has improved. There are also cool gloves called Freaky Freezies that have designs that show up in the cold. Only available in adult sizes though.

        • Sparkly Stuff says

          Sorry, posted my comment above in the wrong place.

          Jdubs, those are the shoes my son wants, so I especially appreciate this feedback. He has high arches and may not fit into them well, but we’ll give them a try.

    • In House Lobbyist says

      I just bought a pair of $7 pink canvas slip ons with “hard sparkles” if that makes any sense at the Dollar store. I have washed them twice. The sparkles are harder than sequins and I see more pairs of these in our future.

    • avocado says

      I just remembered that my kid had a pair of metallic Saltwater brand sandals that held up very well. I believe they are marketed as a unisex style. I have also seen Converse sneakers in metallic fabric.

    • OCAssociate says

      Vans has great sparkly shoes – some that are glittery (which have held up well) and some with iridescent fabric.

    • shortperson says

      crewcuts and peek kids have lots of tshirts with glitter. they hold up well.

    • AB says

      If he wears shoes with laces, you can also buy sparkly shoelaces to swap out onto his shoes for a quick fix.

    • Anonymous says

      I’ve been impressed with the sparkly/light up sketchers. My elementary aged kids wear them.

      For sequined or sparkly tops, look at Lands End. They do a great job with girls clothing that is sparkly but not super girly. For example, we have a lot of sequined outer space themed clothing from there.

    • Wehaf says

      Not a top, but the marketing term for sequins that change color when you wipe you hand over them is “mermaid sequins.” Mermaid sequin pillows are very big right now – worst case scenario you could get one of those for $10 and cut it up to make patches or pockets for his t-shirts.

      I think glitter jelly bracelets hold up well and are an easy way to add sparkle.

    • Anonymama says

      There are some gold glitter pumas (athletic shoes) that are amazing.my sons classmate has them and I want them for myself! I think they may come in other colors too. You can google it, I know nordstroms has them so probably lots of other places as well.

  2. avocado says

    Glittery shoes are liable to wear out quickly. Sewn-on sequins, shiny embroidery, or glitter that is covered by a transparent layer will last longer than glitter that is glued on.

    As far as tops go, some of the sequins will come off in the wash. You can minimize the loss by washing the item inside out and hanging it to dry.

    I am glad that my daughter is in an anti-sparkle phase right now. Sparkles just aren’t very durable.

  3. MIL Help says

    Please let me know if I’m being irrational about my MIL watching our daughter! By way of background, MIL is from a foreign country, has very little education, and doesn’t speak any English. She is elderly and her hearing isn’t great. She is very sweet and has a good heart, without question. My husband keeps insisting that we should use her as a babysitter, but I just don’t feel comfortable from a safety perspective. First, our daughter is just starting to crawl and I’m concerned about her stamina/ability to follow baby around the house. She can’t hear when our daughter is crying in the next room, and doesn’t seem to read her cues well (when she’s hungry or fussy). And the language barrier is huge for me – I don’t feel like I can give her instructions/warn her about all of the things that first time moms freak out about, because we don’t speak the same language. And I’m concerned about her ability to respond in a rational manner in an emergency – not to mention that she couldn’t drive to a hospital (she doesn’t drive) and would have trouble communicating with a 911 operator. I get that husband wants his mom to spend time with our daughter, but I only feel comfortable doing so when we’re there. Am I being irrational? Has anyone encountered a similar situation?

    • empresaria says

      You are not being irrational. My husband and I didn’t feel comfortable leaving our almost crawling son with my husband’s elderly aunt (who speaks English and hears very well). She has a cane and chasing a baby just isn’t realistic. We spend loads of time together with one of us around!

  4. NewMomAnon says

    Has anyone ordered from Tea Collection? My daughter is requesting “twirly” and “fancy” dresses and I require that they all be machine washable and dry-able, and Tea Collection has some pretty dresses that seem to satisfy both of us. But they are more expensive than our usual H&M/Old Navy discounted everything so I’d like to know they’ll hold up as least as well.

    Also – Hannah Andersson swimsuits?

    • mascot says

      I’ve ordered boys stuff from both companies and been pleased. Quality is good and things didn’t fade or pill. HA swim stuff is on sale right now.

    • CPA Lady says

      I have two sweater dresses from Tea and a Hanna Andersson swimsuit for my daughter. The Tea dresses are much better quality than Old Navy. I actually got them at a Jr. League children’s consignment sale, and they were considered “boutique” enough to be sold there. I think they’re pretty comparable to Hanna in terms of quality. I also really like my kid’s Hanna swimsuit. Definitely better quality than Target or Old Navy. The fabric is more substantial.

    • CHJ says

      Tea Collection stuff is amazing. My friend handed me down a bunch of Tea Collection shirts that her son wore, and now they’ve lasted through two little boys and are still in fantastic condition. The fabrics are soft and everything is well-constructed.

    • AnonMN says

      I’m a huge Tea Collection fan. I’ve found the majority of their stuff to be very good quality, and it’s one of the few brands I can buy second hand and not be annoyed at pilling/etc.

      I’ve only shopped for boys, but the t-shirts do an initial shrink if you put them in the dryer. I also tend to size up in Tea for shirts, but not pants. But I have found their size charts are very accurate.

      They have 2 big bi-yearly sales (January and July ish), but the More to Love sale that (I think) is going on right now can get you some good prices if you buy 5 items and those items are already on sale.

    • lsw says

      I really like tea collection baby clothes. I’ve found them on ThredUp and Nordstrom Rack for cheaper.

    • LegalMomma says

      I love the HA swimsuits. My toddler daughters have held up beatifully and I think we are going to get at least a second partial summer out of the one t-shirt swim top (if it wasn’t for her sizing out of it, it would last the whole summer). I’m saving all of her HA stuff to pass down to cousins, that stuff really does hold up. They tend to go on and off sale – so keep an eye out. Also – E-bay! You can score some NWT almost new HA stuff on there a lot — just have a good idea of what the prices are on the HA site, as they are sometimes listed for close to full price.

    • Frozen Peach says

      Tea collection quality has been really, really great. We got a few as hand me downs and I seek them out now because they wear so well.

    • (was) due in june says

      I adore Tea Collection. Wears like iron. I buy everything I can find in DD’s size when I see clearance prices, regardless of print. Tea Collection is a must-buy on consignment for me too. The leggings are THE BEST.

    • EP-er says

      Tea Collection is great! They also sell it at Nordstrom, so you can sometimes get it on sale through them. For machine washable, twirly dresses, also look at Hanna Andersson & Garnet Hill. They have some super comfortable tiered dresses that my daughter loves.

      • avocado says

        Tea Collection and the Garnet Hill tiered dresses are fantastic and wear well. Tea runs small. Garnet Hill runs short and wide and the jump between sizes is large.

    • OCAssociate says

      Tea collection holds up really well, but I’ve found that it runs small.
      Haven’t bought any Hanna swimsuits, but their clothes are usually so durable, I’d definitely give them a try.

    • shortperson says

      i am completely obsessed with tea collection. at this point it’s about 70% of my daughter’s wardrobe. almost everything ive bought there is excellent quality and very soft. everything is so unique and stylish but most things are totally kid-appropriate and does fine on the playground. i usuallly wait for the twice-yearly sales (when they have a lot of new styles in teh sale section and put it all 25-30% off) and stock up for future sizes. most shirts i get for ~10 and dresses $15-25. i also love their jackets, leggings, pants, etc. the swimwear is fine, nothing special. in my experience nordstrom has almost uniformly higher prices on tea than the original website and they have a much worse selection.

      • shortperson says

        i should say, the big sales happen when they have new styles in the sale section and then offer 25-30% additional percent off. total savings usually 50-60% off.

    • NewMomAnon says

      This is awesome! Thanks for all the info, sounds like we’re going to order from Tea Collection!

    • Anonymous says

      Hanna Andersson suits are great! My single complaint is that their two-pieces always have midriff showing, so I’m self-limited to buying the one-piece. Our family has handed them down from sister to sister, and then onto nieces.

      HA also has some good machine-washable twirly dresses.

      Tea collection is really good quality, IME. I’ve only had consignment items.

      • LegalMomma says

        there is one two piece top that doesn’t show midriff! (I know because that is my complaint also) it is the girls scallop flounce tankini top. the t-shirt rashguards are also long enough that they stay down and cover the midriff.

  5. CHJ says

    Can I get away with white jeans as the mom of an active 3 year old boy? I’m really drawn to all the white jeans available this spring, but I’m concerned that they won’t agree with my lifestyle (food spills, sticky fingers, muddy parks, etc.). Do any of you successfully wear white jeans without destroying them?

    • CPA Lady says

      Team White Pants, reporting for duty. Yes. You can wear white pants.

      Shout (the stain treatment in a spray bottle) and oxyclean are your friends. I love white pants and shorts. My mom always had a horror of white like it was some kind of extremely fragile thing, impossible to keep clean, so you should NEVER EVEN TRY. I have not found that to be the case, and I’m a spiller with a kid that plays hard and gets really dirty.

      They do get dingy after a couple of years, but that’s just a part of life.

    • H says

      I don’t have white jeans, but I successfully (meaning it was still white at the end of the day) wore a white t-shirt last weekend, and that was with 2 year old sitting in my lap eating berries and playing on the playground.

    • Anon in NOVA says

      Yes. good news about white is you can bleach! I recommend a bottle of oxi-clean, though. And get them in the wash relatively quickly if something happens. HAving a tide pen in your purse never hurts

  6. NewMomAnon says

    UGH – can someone explain to me why every kids’ clothes catalog has to have separately gendered “boys” and “girls” t-shirts, basic shorts and rash guards? Like, my kid wants the Darth Vader rash guard (and we’ll get it, because…awesome), why does it have to be on a page titled “For the Boys”? It is the same cut as the girls rash guards, just Darth Vader instead of flowers.

    And why do a bunch of print t-shirts in bright colors have to be “boy” shirts, while another set of t-shirts in bright colors has to be “girl” shirts? THEY ARE ALL T-SHIRTS.

    And the shorts – denim and khaki shorts with a zipper fly or button waist band that are 1″ shorter than the “boys” shorts are just SHORTS IN A DIFFERENT LENGTH. As in, here we have 3″ inseam shorts, and here we have 5″ inseam shorts, and here we have the “to the shins” shorts that make you question why you bought shorts at all.

    Suffice it to say, my daughter will be sporting whatever the heck shirts, shorts and swim suits she likes. I give zero f*cks what gender the marketers have applied to that item. rant over.

    • GCA says

      +1 million, amen. I want to get my son the shirts with the rainbows and the cupcakes and the unicorns AS WELL AS the ones with the dinosaurs and the rocket ships and the soccer ball, but for crying out loud I do not want puffed sleeves because they get in the way of sweatshirts.

      …And where is this Darth Vader rashguard from? Asking for a friend…

        • layered bob says

          I wrote a letter to Hanna about that and got a really nice response – claimed they would try to offer more “girls” star wars clothing and think about changing their marketing – but they haven’t yet, so write them another letter!

        • GCA says

          That’s amazing! Except holy price tag for something he’ll grow out of before summer is over.

          • NewMomAnon says

            There is some discount going until April 2 I think – that rash guard is $35 in the catalog with the code. I can buy cheaper rash guards at Lands End, but … Darth Vader.

    • Kim says

      Check out Primary. Makes it all easier. Except they do have cap sleeves, which I hate.

      • NewMomAnon says

        My daughter really likes the designs – she would revolt if I tried to stick her in plain colored shirts. “No mama, dat’s BORING.”

        Which reminds me! To the poster above who asked about sparkly stuff – a relative used a metallic transfer to make my daughter a sweatshirt of a sports team logo. I have no further information on the process she followed, but it has held up washed inside out and air dried (I know, a pain). No cracking or fading.

    • Momata says

      Yes – this drives me bananas. My kids wear mostly ON/Gap and I hate that I can’t just search all toddler shirts in a 4T instead of picking first by girls or boys.

    • (was) due in june says

      Preach. My child is obsessed with certain animals you find at the zoo. Apparently only boys like those animals, because “boy” clothes will have those prints but “girl” clothes will not. Which is infuriating but I am still buying them because I am mom of the year when she sees her new animal jammies.

      • Anon says

        Jammies are “unisex” at my house. I hate clothes with words on them, and apparently manufacturers think girls need to be walking (and sleeping) billboards, so they’re almost all from the boys department. Which means my daughter is super psyched to have shark jammies, but my son gets upset that he can’t get kitty jammies (because they’ll something like “Sleep? You’ve gotta be kitten me!” or even “Check Meowt!”) UGH.

        • Spirograph says

          I have boy girl boy and my daughter wears older brother’s space and dino jammies, baby wears older siblings’ clothes, including kitties jammies and pink monkeys. Daughter also wears a lot of older brother’s daytime hand-me-downs too, because why not? She was wearing a Batman sweatshirt the other day and another a girl at daycare asked why it wasn’t batgirl. I had to grit my teeth to say that she just likes Batman better without a feminist rant. Firmly in camp “over gendered branding” here…

    • TK says

      Little TK was very sad that Target did not offer boys’ Frozen themed underwear. Plenty of Frozen styles in girls, none for boys.

      • Anonymous says

        And my little girl was so upset that she couldn’t get girl-version Thomas or Paw Patrol undies.

        • Anon says

          This. Why is it so hard to get girl Paw Patrol with EVERYONE on it? She doesn’t want just Sky, she wants all of them!

          Also see superheros. My daughter loves Batman. Not Batgirl. She begrudgingly accepts boy underwear so she can have her beloved Batman, but every freaking time, she asks why it’s boy underwear. Why does it have a hole. Why can’t it be her nice not-so-thick girl style.

          Same for my son, who loves Doc McStuffins yet can’t seem to get a Doc-branded shirt that doesn’t have bows or hearts on it or some cutesy saying like “Cuddle time”. (My daughter had the same problems – mom, how can I fix the toys if this bow is going to get in the way of my stethoscope? Also, cuddling is LAMBIE’s job! Not Doc’s!)

          • avocado says

            My daughter also loves Batman, from the old Adam West series.

            I refused to buy any character underwear because it is all so poorly made. Hanna Anderson is just so much better, and there is an outlet near my office so it was affordable. When she got too old for Hannas, I started buying Tucker and Tate at Nordstrom. So soft, they last in the wash, and they look mature but not too mature.

          • mascot says

            H&M boxer shorts (more like boxer briefs in fit) don’t have the hole and aren’t as thick as say Gap. Their regular briefs may be the same way.

          • Anon says

            Thanks for the link shortperson, but OMG how is that even a dress? A sweatshirt with a tutu sewed on the bottom? Are clothes manufacturers not even trying any more??

          • shortperson says

            yeah we dont own it but IME a lot of girls “dresses” assume leggings. personally i wish i could always wear leggings when i wear a dress so i dont get too worked up about it.

      • EB0220 says

        My girls are still heartbroken that we can’t find girls’ Big Hero 6 underwear.

      • EB0220 says

        Do we think it would be physically uncomfortable for boys to wear girls underwear and vice versa?

        • Anon says

          I’m the one who posted about Batgirl/Doc above. My DD and DS are both younger than 5, and seem to be okay in either. The problem is that boys underwear is a lot thicker material, has much thicker bands, and has that fly hole, and girls is almost always a very thin cotton with a lace band, so switching back and forth between the two is uncomfortable. My ex says he thinks it’s like men trying to switch back and forth between briefs and boxers – it’s just such a different sensation that it’s distracting.

    • CPA Lady says

      Probably because girls clothes are short and tight starting from the earliest age possible. Because it’s totally ok to sexualize a 2 year old girl but it would be weird to put a 2 year old boy in skintight booty shorts. #bittergirlmom

    • shortperson says

      there are girls shirts out there with “boy” things if you look. jcrew has a line of “girls” sparkly star wars clothes. they also have sparkly dinosaurs. miniboden has girls helicopter, boat, plane, etc. shirts right now and had girls space clothes and pink dinosaurs last season. tea has great animal graphics, i.e. we have two different “girl” lion tshirts, which is her favorite animal. we have “girl” dinosaur and space things from carters as well. and if i can’t find it in the girls section, my daughter is happy to wear a tshirt from the boys section if it has something cool on it, nbd.

      • NewMomAnon says

        Oh, we shop from the boys section all the time. Because sometimes you don’t want the cuddly sparkly dinosaur on a pink shirt – you want the big scary T-Rex that glows in the dark and has a bunch of big teeth! Boden did a nice job making “girls” shirts that aren’t sparkly/cutesy/pink, but then – why are they GIRLS shirts? Why aren’t they just SHIRTS in kid sizes? It would be so much easier if the clothing section was just “kids shirts” and “kids pants” – they aren’t like adults, they don’t need different tailoring for different average body sizes. Kid body shapes don’t really differ that much between genders until puberty.

        • Spirograph says

          I agree that 90% if girl/boy marketing is stupid, but my daughter is quite a bit smaller than her brother was at the same age. The growth curves are different, even if the shape is not, and I’ve noticed that girl baby footie PJs are smaller than boy at the same “month” size. I assume it carries into kid I clothes, so a boy 3t is probably a little larger than girl. Sohere’s my half-hearted defense of labeling girl and boy. Of course, we could fix all of that if we just agreed on standard sizes.

          • avocado says

            My string bean would never be able to wear gender-neutral sizes. She also prefers a less boxy cut to her shirts.

          • Anon says

            She would, if you (generic you, I’m not picking on you) just bought the size that made sense for her shape. My DD is below the 10% percentile and wears roughly a 3T in girls and a 2T in boys. (With adjustments for certain brands.) Sort of the same idea how I’m a “L” in a female shirt but a “S” in a unisex shirt.

          • Meg Murry says

            True re: growth curve, however, my oldest boy is super skinny as well, and boys “slim” shirts don’t really seem to be a thing, even though it seems like there is a market for a size that would be the a unisex equivalent of boys slim/girls regular. It drove me crazy when my kids were younger that even at size 18 months, the “girls” jeans all had ruffles or sparkles on them, while the “boys” often had a stupid football applique or something. Can’t you just sell plain old jeans?

            And while I get that some kids like patterns, I also 100% understand why things like Primary have sprung up – because apparently plain clothes just don’t exist in many stores. When my kiddo was around 6 I needed plain black sweatpants for a tumbling/gymnastics/theater performance. Apparently such a thing does not exist in the boys section at Target, Walmart, Kohls, etc – at best they had stripes, but most had way more going on than that. I tried to look through the girls section without him noticing, but even there everything had sparkles, ruffles or was designed to be a skin tight legging cut that I knew my son wouldn’t wear. I even tried Goodwill. And I didn’t have enough time to order online. I finally lucked out randomly at the last minute at Dollar General of all places.

            Although for a random quirk, a bunch of my youngest’s plain boys stretch pants in size 18 m-2T are getting a second life as capri leggings or stretch shorts under skirts on my cousin’s skinny-minnie girl kiddo that usually wears a size 5.

          • avocado says

            The girls’ sizes tend to be skinnier for the same height than boys’ sizes.

  7. Closet Redux says

    Any tips for starting a new job after maternity leave? With my first, I went back to a job I knew well and it was still so hard. I was so tired all day and some days all I could manage was to pump and answer emails. It worked because I could sort of auto-pilot my job since I knew it so well, and my colleagues and clients knew and trusted me. This time I’m starting a new job so I don’t have the benefit of positive work history to buoy any days I flounder. Any words from the wise?

    • Anon in NYC says

      I did exactly this. Be prepared to feel like you’re failing. Just sort of accept the feeling and move on. Accept that the learning curve will probably be a little longer than you would ordinarily feel comfortable with. Know that you will get there eventually. Good luck!

      • H says

        +1 I did this too. Anon in NYC is totally right. And also agree with Momata about righting sticky notes/reminders in what ever way works for you. There was a project I had worked on and then sent it off and went on my way. Then a few months later (at least 3) it was revisited. I was reading the document and wondering about everything, then I looked back in my files and discovered I had already edited it. You really do forget some things. Just don’t leave baby in the car.

    • Momata says

      No advice, just commiseration. My saving grace was that it took a while for the new job to really ramp up, which meant my days were a little emptier so I had time for my slower brain to get used to the new things that I was seeing. By the time the rubber really hit the road in the new job, baby was about 8 months old and I was getting some sleep.

      Tips: I wrote myself so many little sticky note reminders, since my short term memory was shot. I was very up front about my need to pump, since I figured nobody at the new job even knew I had just given birth – no euphemisms or delicacy about it. On days I was particularly tired I tried to just do background research or little things and avoid taking on any big tasks so as to avoid the inevitable screwup. I asked a ton of questions from everyone around me; normally I am a “figure it out myself” type of person but I knew I just couldn’t. And I put as much at home as possible on autopilot – we ate very simple freezer meals, I packed the same breakfast and lunch for myself every day, I organized my closet so I just had to pick the next suit in line, and I really upped our usage of Subscribe and Save (which I guess many of you have ethical disagreements with? that discussion was interesting to me).

      Good luck!

    • Anonymous says

      +1 to all of the previous posts. Also, maybe see if you can find a friendly mom to show you the ropes? It was pretty lonely as the only mother when I joined my current firm out of maternity leave.

      • Closet Redux says

        Good call. Any idea how to go about doing that? I’m in a small department in a larger employer. AllStaff email, ISO: Mom Friend ? (jk!)

        • Anonymous says

          Haha, not really, since I wasn’t lucky enough to find any! Maybe just look at peoples’ photos in their office when you do the meet and greet tour. Or maybe some kind soul will notice you shlepping pumping equipment, if you are pumping.

  8. SC says

    Minor vent… DH talked me into throwing a birthday party for Kiddo’s 2nd birthday. I agreed, as long as it’s small and family only. Well, I just invited 21 people–and that IS just family + godparents. DH’s immediate family, all in town, consists of 4 grandparents, 8 siblings/step-siblings/their spouses, and 3 nieces and nephews. Our house is only 1100 square feet.

    • CHJ says

      Aww, it’ll be ok. I went to a party like this recently and it was lovely. Can you get some platters from Costco/Wegmans (or a party sub – I love party subs), a big cake, and call it good? Also an easy decorating idea – get 12-18 balloons from a party store and scatter them all over the place. A Cup of Jo has some examples of very low-key birthday parties as well.

      • SC says

        Yes, I’m still hoping to keep it low-key. We’re actually doing brunch because morning is Kiddo’s best time. We’ll probably make a couple of quiches (with pre-made crust) the night before, cook some bacon that morning, buy fruit salad, and buy donuts instead of cake. And have coffee and mimosas. I’m not doing a theme, just decorating with Kiddo’s favorite color, hopefully with decorations from the dollar store.

        • FTMinFL says

          This sounds like a fabulous plan. My friends and I have done donut holes for every little-person party until they were old enough to request cake. It has always been a hit! Because, really, a two year old isn’t going to sit still long enough to eat cake, but donut holes are portable!

          • GCA says

            Donut holes — genius! Last May we did an outdoor 1st birthday party with cupcakes, but the attendees weren’t yet wandering off the way they will this year, and if someone loses a donut hole on the playground, well, those are more easily replaced with less wailing.

      • S says

        Agree with outsourcing the food. We’ve done Wegmans sandwich and fruit platters for my kid’s birthdays and I have made a cake and/or cupcakes (although would outsource those too, if I didn’t love an excuse to bake). Buy a few packs of water bottles, a case or two of beer, a couple bottles of wine. Decorations have always been minimal at best – I think just some balloons, because the kids love them. Our house is 1500 square feet, but we lucked out being able to use our yard both times – do you have any outdoor space? The kids probably won’t even care if it’s cool or a little rainy.

        • SC says

          We do have a yard. Last year, we held the birthday party outside, it was a beautiful day, and it worked out fine. But we live on the second story, and the yard isn’t fenced in, so we can’t just turn the kids loose in the yard or even incorporate it into the party space. Holding the party outside would mean we need to move furniture outside, or rent furniture, and that’s out of low-key land.

  9. Anon says

    Piggybacking off the birthday party question above, what do you do for older birthdays? My oldest is turning 5 and wants to have a friends party. She wants a lowkey “have cupcakes and play in the backyard” type of thing. Do you combine with the family party? Have two separate parties?

    I went to a combined family/friend party this year and it was awkward. The friend-kids were DONE after 2 hours but the family stuck around and clearly weren’t leaving, so the friend-kids had to leave in the middle of the festivities. How do you avoid that? Also, we don’t want friends to bring presents but I’m sure the grandparents/family will anyway, and insist on opening, which is another argument for separate parties.

    But the thought of two parties for a 5 year old is sort of overwhelming for me. Two sets of cupcakes, two sets of themed plates, etc. Just seems overboard for “just” a birthday, not to mention much more planning/ logistics than this single mother of two is up for. It seems the friend-only parties have been either 1) at an expensive jumping place or 2) orchestrated by a very-into-planning type of mom.

    So, what is the norm? What has worked well? Thoughts?

    • Kim says

      I do one or the other, not both, otherwise it feels like Birthday Extravapalooza. Doing both also meant more presents, and my house is already overwhelmed with toys. We do “family” party with the immediate family – no grandparents, and really it means we all go out for ice cream, because otherwise I would have two cakes.

      • Anon says

        This is what I want to do, but family are acting really put out that I’m not having anything. Am I horrible for saying too bad? Is it really “the nice thing to do” to have family birthday parties? I just don’t remember any family parties growing up, neither does my ex, so I feel like our families are inventing this rule. And birthdays have become so over-the-top – I remember my grandparents maybe giving me a sweatshirt or a card with $10, not 5 individually wrapped presents including one “big ticket item” like a scooter or tablet or membership to the zoo.

        • Meg Murry says

          If the family is close enough and really want to do something, can you encourage *them* to host dinner at their house or cupcakes one evening? We have extended family dinners at least 2x a month – often weekly – so it isn’t that much more work to declare one of those dinners to be “for” the birthday kid and let the kid pick the main dish and serve (store bought or from a boxed mix) cupcakes or ice cream for dessert.

          Or can you just declare “we’re all going to [pizza place, ice cream shop, etc] for kiddo’s birthday, would you like to meet us there”? That way it’s still something, but it’s not too over the top.

        • SC says

          My SIL asked me the other day what my almost-2-year-old wanted for his birthday. I just thought, “He doesn’t really understand birthdays yet, or wanting things for longer than 2 seconds.” Then she brought up some “big ticket” items, and I mumbled something because the big-ticket item she gave him for Christmas is still in my garage and there’s no space for it in our house.

          • ElisaR says

            can you suggest a donation to his college fund? and if she wants him to open something a book? I’d welcome a big ticket contribution to my son’s 529……

          • LC says

            The college fund idea is a good one. If she’s not into that, what about a gift membership or a gift certificate for a series of classes he might enjoy? My son is the only grandchild on both sides, so we’ve gotten similar questions from people wanting to buy him big toys we don’t have room for in our tiny apartment. We’ve suggested alternatives like an annual membership to the zoo, local children’s museum, and aquarium, or gift certificates for the swimming and music classes he likes.

    • Mrs. Jones says

      We’ve had all our 6-year-old son’s birthday parties at our house (luckily we have a fenced yard) and always combine family and friends. We have small families, FWIW. I put a time limit on the invitations and usually say no gifts, but most people bring gifts anyway. I put out a bunch of snacks and drinks and provide some sort of activity. I buy cheap themed decorations/napkins/plates.

    • EB0220 says

      We did a friend party + family dinner/cake/presents for our 5 year old this year. It was too much. We did the friend party at a bounce house and just made dinner/cake/etc. at our house. It was just all 4 grandparents plus our family of four and I was still stressed.

    • mascot says

      We may invite the local grandparent over for a cupcake or out for a birthday dinner, but we don’t do family parties. IME, the grandparents were happy to skip the kids parties and just do a low key acknowledgement another time.
      Best birthday party I ever did was at the local fire station for free. Kids were happy to talk to the firefighters/play on the trucks and eat a cupcake. Done in an hour. Fire station gave out stickers and hats. We gave the fire station a grocery gift card as a thank you.

      • Anon in NYC says

        That sounds awesome! I may use that when my kiddo is old enough.

    • CHJ says

      When I was growing up, we would do cake and presents at my (local) grandparents’ house on our actual birthday (with my aunt and cousins), usually in the early evening. It was truly low-key and just cake + presents + hanging out like we normally would. We would then have a friends-only birthday party on the weekend. Sadly we don’t have local family now, but that’s how I would handle it if we did.

      • Meg Murry says

        This is what we usually do since we have local family. Kid gets to pick their favorite dinner and we hold it at one Grandparent’s house and invite the other set – almost always during the week, close to the actual birthday. Then we do a separate (small) friend party. We’ve also encouraged the grandparents to limit the gifts to an experience gift, or toys that they would want to keep at their house to cut down on the amount of “stuff”.

        Another trend where I live for the preschool/pre-k set if the weather cooperates is to just do cupcakes plus a couple helium balloons (and maybe some bubbles) at a local playground or park. Sing happy birthday, eat sugar, run around like crazy kids on the playground equipment and call it a day. No need to coordinate RSVPs, buy a bunch of food or clean the house.

    • avocado says

      We did family parties until kindergarten, then friend-only parties with Grandma drafted to help run the party. I have hosted parties at outside venues and DIY themed parties with crafts and games at home, and the home parties are invariably more expensive. At a party venue you can get by with zero food other than cupcakes, and they often supply decorations and tablecloths. Some of the more affordable party options around us are rock climbing or swimming at the Y, roller skating, and gymnastics.

    • Strategy Mom says

      One way to make sure friends don’t feel forced to linger is to make the cake/singing happy birthday happen around when you want people to feel ok leaving. it creates a natural opportunity for people to exit. You can also start cleaning up :) Obtuse family won’t care/notice, but your friends will feel like they have permission to go

    • Sparkly Stuff says

      We don’t have local family, but my parents are usually in town for my son’s birthday, and we do a “family’ party at home that consists of having cake and presents on his actual birthday. We do a real party for friends on a weekend day. We live in an apartment so either use the park (weather permitting) or last year we rented my son’s preschool as a venue ($100, best deal ever in NYC). Actually last year I think we had just had ice cream at home, since I had made cupcakes for school celebration and a cake for the friend party. I am mostly overwhelmed by coordinating 3 deserts in one week.

    • Anonymous says

      After lots of experimentation, I’ve settled on this:

      For friends at home, we split the family and friends parties. It really, really works out better. The family party is a low key dinner and playtime together with one set of grandparents and two sibling families, so it’s not stressful to add on.

      For friends away from home, ie at a play space for a set amount of time, we combine. That works well for us because our local nieces and nephews are a similar age as our own kids. Often the grandparents come for dinner on the actual birthday because we all enjoy it.

      • jlg says

        We did the opposite – out of the house where there are restrictions on the # of people, per person ticket costs, and high likelihood that kid won’t spend more than 3 seconds with grandparent we do just as a friend party, no gifts. For the few in town family members we do a meal. This year I had my mom bring the cake and we had a bagel brunch. Some years due to timing we celebrated on thanksgiving bc we were all together already anyway. My feeling is if they want something more or different they can plan it. If kid wants something different we can reevaluate. So far he loves having a grown up party and a kid party and it also helps distinguish the gifts vs no gifts events.

  10. lsw says

    I’ll take a win – had a review meeting with my boss (who was hired while I was out on maternity leave, and increased our team from 4 to 9 while I was out) who let me know she was thrilled with my work, sees me as a great asset, thinks I have potential for promotion to the next tier in our field, and wants to make sure I’m happy so I stay. It was nice to hear as I have never felt so distracted, I pump 2-3 times a day, and have occasional childcare emergencies – all of which was making me feel very nervous about a new boss. It was great and I’m on a nice high right now!

  11. Erin S says

    Hello ladies, I have a 2 year old daughter and I’m expecting my son any day now. Any tips/advice on how to handle the transition to 2 kids? Our nanny is staying on during my 6 month leave, and my husband is taking 6 weeks paternity leave. The thing I’m concerned the most about is just navigating the adjustment for my 2 year old. Of course I don’t know how she is going to react (maybe she will absolutely love him) but any tips/tricks/advice that seemed to help your oldest child when #2 came along?

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