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Sales of Note…
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Nordstrom – The Half-Yearly Sale has started! See our thoughts here.
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – Up to 50% off everything
- J.Crew – Extra 50% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Loft – 40% off dresses; 30% off full-price styles; extra 40% off sale styles
- Lands’ End – Up to 40% off your order
- Talbots – Everything is buy 1 get 1 50% off
- Zappos – 28,000+ sale items (for women)! Check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kid shoe brands on sale.
- J.Crew – Extra 50% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ camp styles
- Lands’ End – Up to 40% off your order
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off summer pajamas; up to 50% off all baby styles (semi-annual baby event!)
- Carter’s – Summer deals from $5; 40% off new baby essentials
- Old Navy – 30% off your order; $13 kid/toddler jeans
- Target – Up to 60% off PlayStation games; kids’ summer styles from $6; outdoor toys from $3
See some of our latest articles on CorporetteMoms:
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Does anyone have a favorite wall calendar (or system) for organizing family schedules? Something big I think! I was about to buy a Stendig calendar when I realized there wouldn’t be any space to write in people’s schedules… ours aren’t super complicated yet, but it would be nice to be able to make one or two entries a day!
Growing up in a house with 5 kids we used a big chalkboard with a column for each day and a row for each person plus one for dinner
I will share my method: On our fridge, I have a monthly wall calendar (a paper one that features Sloths because I love them). On the monthly calendar, I put any big appointments (doctor, dentist, weekly OT) for each member of the family. DH and I also put an evening work appointments on the monthly calendar. I also meal plan two weeks at a time, and put the dinner for each night on the calendar. We have a one-week white erase board that is mounted on the fridge. I put all the big appointments plus any before or aftercare for the kids, and who is doing pick up or drop off. I also jot any grocery items that we need on the white board so I don’t forget. Below the weekly white board, each kid has a binder clip that I hang from a command hook. Any paper that comes home from school, birthday party invite, etc. gets put in the binder clip. The top sheet in the binder clip is whatever is coming next (so it was a food drive thing for a while). So when paper comes home from school (so many papers) it either gets put in the binder or goes in the recycling. I’ve been keeping this going since August and it seems to work.
Binder clip for school papers is GENIUS. So, so many papers here too.
Can I be you when I grow up?
Best LED candles (ideally battery-operated) to put in our windows for christmas? DH is not loving the options at Michaels….
I’ve gotten some nice ones at Brookstone. They have an internal timer (on for six hours then off for 18) so you don’t have to manually turn them on. The light from battery candles is never as bright/warm as the traditional plug-in ones, but these are better than others I’ve tried.
Second this. I have the colonial styles ones and my first one just died after 5 years (the other 11 are all still working). They are like $40 a candle right now on amazon, but I swear I got two-packs for less than $30 last year at some point, so keep an eye out post-holiday.
I can’t find the link but sherry at the blog/insta younghouselove keeps raving about some sort of battery operated candlesticks they put in their window.
(Sidenote- no, I don’t know why I know this)
Talk to me about what you serve as snacks and drinks for playdates with 1 to 2 other 2 year olds and their moms. Silly question, but appreciate any thoughts.
My general thinking on this is – no need to go all out. For an afternoon playdate, maybe cut up fruit and veggies, maybe a bit of nice cheese, some grown-up crackers that are also kid-friendly. Coffee or tea for the parents.
I’ll be honest though, if we’re hosting, playdates with neighbors tend to turn into a ‘why don’t you guys stay for dinner?’ and my kitchen is always open for that possibility. Even if dinner is just pasta and a salad and a bottle of wine.
Typically, I most people BYO toddler snacks since toddlers are so…toddler. But if they are closer to 2 than to 1 and will eat things, I’d go for goldfish, cheese sticks, and some fruit. For adults, COFFEE.
Talk to me about what you serve as snacks/drinks for a a few 2 year olds and their moms at a playdate hosted at home. Silly question, but appreciate any thoughts.
Snacks–Pre-cut apple slices. Raw carrots, cucumbers, and peppers plus dip or hummus. Goldfish crackers, depending on the parents. Donut holes, depending on the parents.
Drinks–Mini water bottles. Individual Horizon milk boxes. Juice boxes, depending on the parents.
Unless it’s more like the whole family coming over for brunch, just whatever we would normally have for snack. That’s usually apples, clementines, string cheese, or homemade oat muffins.
cheese and crackers, fruit
When you drop pumping and transition to morning/night nursing only, do you feed from both sides or just one? Right now I’m feeding from one right after she wakes up and then another one about an hour later (she’s not hungry for the second right away) but that really drags out my morning routine and I’ve been getting to work pretty late (I have a flex schedule, so it’s not a big deal in the short-term, but long-term I need to get in earlier to get my stuff done). I know if I drop to just doing one side, supply will diminish in the side I’m not using, but then will my boobs look super lopsided?
I only did one side per feeding and alternated the side. One side in the morning; the other side in the evening. Yes, supply slowly started tapering off, and I eventually dropped the night and alternated sides every morning until I stopped nursing altogether. It was a nice slow, smooth, and peaceful transition into stopping nursing altogether.
I always fed both sides every feed. Just stop the first side before she’s totally full and finish on the other side.
I stopped pumping/feeding from the less producing side first. I would offer it second in the morning but he stopped taking it pretty quickly bc there was so little there. Tapering pumping was quite easy on that side as well. Then I gradually tapered pumping on the more-producing side over a few weeks, until I was just doing morning/evening comfort nurse and kiddo was getting bottles during the day which were, in order: freezer stash, formula/freezer stash mix, cows milk/freezer stash mix, cows milk by first birthday. I think it was as 3 month journey? After he had totally weaned, at 13 months, the ‘more producing side’ still had milk for a couple weeks, and I had to hand express a few times.
Was I lopsided? yes. But only when undressed could you tell and I didn’t care.
Ok, y’all, I need your wise advice on an issue you helped me with last year. My kids go to a small in-home daycare that is Montessori-inspired and generally lovely. We’ve been there for 3 years. Last year my 4-year old starting talking about Jesus, and I learned that one of the two teachers was pretty regularly teaching the kids Christian stories, especially around Christmas, which was not ok for me for a number of reasons including that it is not supposed to be a religious school (I’ll link to the original thread in case anyone wants a refresh).
This board helped me to come up with a way to talk to the teacher about it, highlighting that we preferred to handle religious instruction at home, and that we did not want any of our little friends (present or future) to be made to feel othered by centering the (white) christian tradition– especially considering that we live in a majority white christian part of the country and leaving it to a 3-year old to speak up or puzzle out which story is “true” is just too much.
The owner was receptive and very apologetic that her program would make anyone feel unwelcome. Fast forward to this year: they are planning a month-long “cultural traditions” unit, and have invited any parent to come in or send in a book or craft or recipe highlighting a cultural tradition.
Okay. So, I feel like this just puts the burden right back on the 2 families who are not white-christian. What I want is for them to just leave religion out entirely, not clunkily scrap together a unit that pays lipservice to other traditions and allows them to center christianity again, which can be the only result since that is what they know. Why oh why are they leaning into this? Can’t they just make snowflakes and read The Mitten? Any advice is appreciated.
Here is the original thread: https://corporettemoms.com/postpartum-tuesday-pumping-progress-sign/
Eh, I wouldn’t want my kid learning Christian stories on the regular (we’re Jewish), but I don’t think the “share a cultural tradition” thing is a big deal. Honestly, that’s common even in public elementary schools, which are – by law – non-religious. If they are focusing exclusively on Christianity, that’s a concern. But don’t you think many of the traditions will be pretty secular? Talking about your family trims the tree while drinking hot cocoa or drives around looking at pretty lights is not that related to Jesus. And I think the minority kids will enjoy talking about their traditions. I know it was always really fun for me to explain Hanukkah to other kids.
I guess I’m wondering what you want advice on. Are you interested in approaching the owner again, or are you just venting? (That’s totally ok!) If you’re doing the former, I’d gently suggest you’re going to have to take this as a huge leap forward and hope it gets better with time (i.e, next year). Maybe be one of the families and you can read the mitten and make snowflakes. I don’t know that you’re going to achieve your ideal with this daycare provider, especially because it’s an individual in-home setting. I think you’re going to have to decide whether you share values with this provider, and if not, you might need to start looking elsewhere.
I guess I am looking for a gut-check: is this a problem? Or is this progress? And what should I do?
Thanks for your thoughts!
I think the school really took your comments to heart and they are trying to be inclusive. Encouraging all the students to talk about their “cultural traditions” is not the same as injecting Christian religious beliefs, and I wouldn’t interpret this year’s program as a way to sneakily promote Christianity. The school is trying to come up with a way to be a part of the festive season without offending anyone. I would encourage their openness to trying to come up with solutions. If they don’t get it right this year, hopefully they’ll continue to try again.
As an aside, I am white-Christian, and I too would find it wildly inappropriate for my kid’s school to be teaching religion (unless he was at a religious school). So I don’t see this as a Christian vs non-Christian issue, I see this as a school doctrine issue.
I just re-read the OP’s post and see that it’s not a school, but a small in-home daycare. I still have the same comments, although I think I would have a little less indignation about the owners teaching religion. I still wouldn’t tolerate it, but I would probably realize that I had to speak up.
But who knows what I would really do. My LO isn’t in daycare yet so I’m just standing on my soapbox.
If it helps, I’m not sure how much preschoolers are actually going to understand about a cultural traditions month anyways–the nuance that we worry about just goes right over their heads.
Yesterday I was asking my DD, who is 5 and in public K, about her Spanish class at school and what she is learning. I asked if anyone in her class already speaks Spanish. Her reply, “Yes, one girl, but only during Hanukkah.”
HAHA. And true, thanks!
I don’t think this is a big deal at all. I feel like you’re borrowing trouble here and it makes me think you just aren’t happy with this daycare situation — which is totally fine. But i don’t think there’s anything inherently offensive about inviting parents to come in and talk about their cultural traditions if they choose to do so.
I also think this is a great opportunity for you and your child to teach the others about your cultural traditions, which can only be a good thing.
+1 from me too. Our center did a traditions and cultures of the world celebration, and everyone was invited to bring in something that represents “where your family is from and the things you love.”
Many teachers are immigrants or first generation Americans and talked about their family’s home country, which was really lovely.
Among the families, kids had a range of items and food representing a parent’s home state, their religion or ethnic heritage, or just their family’s favorite holiday or sports team. IME, kids don’t much context of the relative importance of religion vs sports team, they just like learning about new things.
This seems like a nice idea. Kids often share their cultures with each other. They exist and are important and it’s weird to me you want this much to exclude any acknowledgement of that. Sure. Don’t teach the babies Jesus. But sounds like they stopped that.
I’d probably amazon a couple books about my own traditions and another more generic book that explains different traditions and call it a day.
I agree and think this is another example of white privilege – asking for the non-white/Christian families to take on the burden of introducing their traditions. While it’s coming from a good place, it’s still not really helpful to you.
If the daycare is that great that you stuck with it despite the Jesus talk in the past, my guess is this is also something you should just grin and bear it (and as Anon at 12:32 says, put some minimal effort into it). Does your mom or MIL live nearby and want to talk/visit the daycare?
You know, my daughter’s Preschool does this- they made a big to-do about Dwali, are doing a Hanukah thing, but are NOT doing a Christmas thing. It didn’t bother me until just this instant. We celebrate Christmas in tree only- we are atheists and only do presents. My kid doesn’t know Jesus and thinks angels are fairies that live in ornaments and that the church we live near is “the wedding place.” It wouldn’t be so bad for her to learn what Christmas actually means/is about, just like she is doing for these other holidays.
So I guess I’m saying if you think of the traditions around Christmas as educational-not preachy- for your kid, then why not enjoy doing the same for your traditions?
Anon from 1:23 says
Totally valid point too – but the request for parents to contribute their “culture” reminded me of when we have workplace diversity stuff and it just turns into the women and minorities having to explain to the white guys why they shouldn’t be racist.
Yay for baby being here! Here’s my pumping supply logistics plan – am I missing something?
Spectra 2 – leave pump at work. (Have old Ameda Purely yours which will be my weekend/at home pump.)
Pump in private office with locked door and shades drawn 3 times daily.
Use Bravado hands free bra during work pumping sessions. Leave at work in pumping bag and wash if needed on weekends? (Wear nursing bra daily.)
Store pump parts and milk in private mini fridge during day, bring milk home in bottles in Cooler in normal work tote daily. Wash all parts at work and leave at work in office to dry on Boon Lawn (is this realistic??)
According to my calculations, I’ll probably need 3 sets of bottles (6 total) if i’m getting 3-4 oz per side/session.
I have 32 oz frozen right now, trying to get to 64 oz by the time I go back.
Sort of sleep deprived with 6 week old, so any comments/help/gentle critiques are great. thx!
Mama Llama says
Congratulations! This is almost exactly my routine except that I only use 4 bottles (cooler bag only holds 4), and I take the parts home every night to run through the dishwasher. If you are hand-washing at work, I would also sterilize in a microwave steamer bag.
I hand wash at work (my office is small and the kitchen is generally deserted, so it’s easy for me to wash in private). I use a microwave sterilizer bag because . . . I had them? But they’re easily skippable to me (I don’t sterilize at home). I leave my parts to dry on a towel in a semi-closed display shelf with a door above my desk at night. It’s been fine.
Unless you have a private sink, I wouldn’t want to wash the parts at work and leave them out to dry. I had three sets of parts and just brought them home every day to stick in the dishwasher. I alternated between two sets and kept one at work for a backup. Get some of the Medela quick clean wipes.
Depending on how long your commute is, you might not need the cooler if that saves you from lugging more stuff.
I always brought my parts home to wash in the dishwasher. I bought a lot of extra parts to make this feasible. I feel more comfortable washing them in the dishwasher, safety wise, I hate hand washing dishes in general, and I was self conscious about displaying or washing parts at work. I also bought a lot of bottles, but I used the same cheap bottles for pumping and feeding. I also brought my pumping bra home each day. I had a similar setup with an Ameda at home and a Specra at work, and I used the bag that came with my Ameda to transport the bottles, pump parts, and pumping bra daily. I kept some milk bags in the pumping bag for an emergency. I also kept extra bottles and pump parts at work in case of an emergency.
Sounds great! I also recommend bringing parts home to wash in the dishwasher — much less work. I got by with just one set of parts, bringing them home and washing them ever night.
Agreed that you prob don’t need the cooler if you have a commute under 30 min.
Also I have been pumping at work for seven months now and still have not washed my pumping bra, which I am now realizing is maybe kind of gross (though I don’t think it usually gets any milk on it).
Make sure to keep some milk freezer bags at work for transporting your milk back when you inevitably forget the extra bottle or lid….
Congratulations! Lots of good advice already – only thing I would add is a cardigan or zip-sweatshirt. It made me feel warmer and less exposed while pumping (depending on how much undressing that day’s outfit required.) Mine lived in the office and got brought home only when I washed the pumping bra.
“Wash all parts at work and leave at work in office to dry on Boon Lawn (is this realistic??)”
Do you have access to a sink and/or microwave that’s somewhat private? I felt weird washing my parts in the sink. I had two sets and ran them through the dishwasher every other day at home. Brought everything home in the same cooler (I had a PackIt)
Also agree w/ above that you probably only need 4 bottles total (unless you are a crazy producer).
I leave my pump parts in my mini fridge during the week and take them home to run in the dishwasher on the weekends. I do have two sets though.
Also, I have one pumping bra at home and one at work. That way I don’t have to worry if it doesn’t get washed over the weekend (take my home one to work that week) and I have a hands free bra available if I need to pump at home.
I bring a cooler and ice pack each day even though I have a short commute. The benefit is if I forget to unpack it right when I get home, it’s going to be cold for a while. Most of the time, I do it right away, but for the occasional times I’m distracted and forget, it saves the milk from warming up.
I bought 6 sets of pump parts (one for each session and 2 days’ worth) plus one emergency backup set that got left at the office (also helpful for the random 12+ hour days I would work). I would take in the day’s parts in a wet dry bag, use them, bring the milk home in a cooler with ice pack (it sat in the communal fridge all day) and the dirty parts in the bag, wash them through the dishwasher overnight and set them to dry at home, bring second day’s part’s in, and repeat. I would transfer the milk from the spectra bottles to a bunch of old medela bottles I had (I had a PISA for home) to store in the fridge (and then DH would transfer to Dr. Brown’s bottles for feedings in amounts based on how hungry she was). I kept a boon lawn and an old dishtowel at my office because sometimes I had to bring parts in still wet out of the dishwasher, but it wasn’t an issue. I also kept a spare set of parts and a small bottle of dish soap and a sponge in my desk (as well as a medela hand pump in my car) in case I ever forgot anything, but in 5 months of pumping at work (I quit pumping at 10 months but kept nursing until 15+ months), I never did.
You Guys. I finally admitted that the last bit of baby weight is here to stay (“baby” is almost 5 … ) so over the Holiday I went shopping and finally bought some clothes in the next size up. It’s amazing! I’m so comfortable and feel more confident now that I’m not constantly worrying that my pants are going to split every time I sit down. I wish I’d done this years ago.
Mama Llama says
Good for you! Enjoy your new clothes!
Holiday shopping says
Hello! Does anyone have an American Girl promo code? I’m about to order a few Christmas gifts. Thanks in advance!
Not on hand, but check out retailmenot[dot]com. The website collects all the promo codes and users can rate the success of the promo codes.
I’d call the store if there’s one near enough. Ours will ship and they have specials in store only all the time.
Any baby/new mom things you wouldn’t get used? I am the lucky recipient of many hand me downs, have access to parents swap groups and resell places. I love the idea of not creating more waste in the world by getting more use out of previously used items but just want to make sure there isn’t anything that new is best for. So far I have car seat, helmets (obviously for when the kid is older), and pacifiers.
My neighbor is our pediatrician with a daughter exactly 1 year older than ours. She gave me her infant seat + (expired!) extra bases. It was only 1 year old and has never been in an accident, so I felt totally comfortable taking it.
I’d say bottle nipples, but even then I’d take the used ones to figure out if they work for your kid before sprinting for a new set.
I would get everything used if you’re open to it. If you wanted to get used pacifiers, I highly recommend the Soothie pacifier (it’s the kind Wubanub uses on its pacificiers that are attached to stuffed animals). You can boil them to disinfect them. Since they’re one solid silicone piece, they don’t trap any water so they don’t develop any mildew. I wouldn’t have any problem getting used Soothies and just boiling them.
The only thing I wouldn’t get used is a car seat.
I’d be very careful with used car seats, unless you are positive they were stored correctly, never washed in a way that is contrary to manufacturer guidelines, and are not expired. It’s worth it to me to buy safety items new, and car seats get so much use (unless this is like an airplane travel seat situation?) that the cost per use is minuscule. Likewise, I’d get a new crib and mattress. Toys, clothes, and general bulky equipment like a bouncer are fine for me secondhand.
Mrs. Jones says
Car seat and crib. Everything else we got used.
I did actually use hand me down pacis (Soothies as mentioned above) and bottle n*pples. However, I sterilized everything in a bottle sterilizer. I also knew the previous owners very well (close friends).
I also accepted a crib mattress from my SIL. I’ve even accepted her kids’ used cloth diapers!
Car seat is the one I won’t do.
Car seat, crib and mattress for me, probably not a used pump either. Or used snot suckers, suction bulbs or nail clippers.
Why not crib? We received a nice pottery barn crib from a friend that is about 5 years old and just got a new mattress. Genuinely curious what makes used cribs a no-go for you and others who have mentioned it.
For me, if it was a crib from a known retailer, and I knew exactly how old it was and that the standards were current, I might accept a used crib from someone I knew well to live in a house with good air quality, nonsmoker, etc. But with cribs, given how much time my kiddos spend in them, I would be wary of getting one from someone I didn’t know and couldn’t confirm the current safety standards.
I am Queen of the Used and mother to 3 of the same sex.
I would not use used breast pump tubing. I would probably just buy all new bottle nipples, but you could accept them and sort through. I replaced most between kids because they break down a bit. I never cloth diapered but same there- if they’re in good used condition, no qualms.
Car seats- if you know the source and they aren’t expired go right ahead.
I wouldn’t take partially used Rx but I doubt you’re considering that ;).
One possible use for used car seats when you don’t know their history: take the car seat but don’t actually use it. Trade it in when Target or your store of choice has a trade-in event, to get the discount.
Mama Llama says
Good for you! I am a big proponent of buying less stuff. I wouldn’t get a used breast pump or tubing. For used sleeping receptacles, like cribs, swings, bassinets, I would check everything to make sure it hasn’t been recalled and is up to current safety standards.
How did you handle grandparent/family visits the first year of the baby’s life? We live a 3 hour flight away (1 hour time zone difference) or an 18 hour drive. We live in a very small apartment and will until it is 6 months old so every time someone has to visit us they need to stay in an Airbnb or a hotel.
How many did you try to have? How long did they stay? How often did you go visit them? Did you attempt even visits with both sides of the family?
What should I be considering here.
The first grandparent trip we took was when our baby turned one. So officially giving you permission to say “I have a baby, come to me.” You could offer to pay for tickets or housing in your town if that’s a barrier for the grands but we found it SO Much easier to just stay home instead. We did make one trip to see one great-grandma and are so glad because she since passed away.
I just let them come whenever they want, which wasn’t the same for both sides, and they stayed in a hotel nearby.
My parents live about a 10-hour drive and 1-hour flight away, with a 1-hour time difference. In-laws are all local. The first time we traveled to see my parents, Baby was about 9 months, but DH and I really went home for a wedding (and my parents kept Baby overnight while we went to the wedding and stayed in a hotel afterwards to avoid driving. We did our first big trip (one week) to see my parents when Baby turned 1. My parents have a relatively small place, so they actually prefer a family vacation (which they pay for) instead of us visiting them at their condo for any extended period of time. I’ve taken the position that the week of spring break is reserved for my parents, and we will travel to see them at their condo or anywhere else within reason. That is the only time we travel to them, unless there’s a separate special occasion in my hometown that brings us in for a weekend.
My parents come visit us about 3-4 times a year and stay between 3 and 7 days. We also had a small place when Baby was born (and until 3 weeks ago, and Kiddo is now 3.5). My parents have stayed at a combination of hotels, AirBNBs, and my in-laws’ house. This Christmas, there will be room for them to stay with us for the first time.
My side of the family lives 3 hour drive away and my in-laws, a four hour plane ride. Our place is big enough that they can stay with us (though not all at the same time). My family visited for a day trip when baby was a couple of days old and then my mom came to stay and help once my partner returned to work (he works out of town). I took the baby to my parents all the time and my parents visited all the time too – at least monthly. I was on maternity leave for a year (Canadian), so this worked well for us. My partner told his family that he’d let them know when they could come to visit. One in-law visited when baby was four months old (with permission). Another in-law visited when the baby was six months old. We ventured out to visit them when baby was 8 months old. For those who flew to us, they stayed about a week. My in-laws are lovely, but I am grateful they didn’t come before the baby was four months old.
We live 1.5 hours by plane from the ‘close’ set of grandparents and extended family and 8 hours by plane from the ‘far’ set of grandparents. We do have enough space for one set of parents to visit at a time and stay with us.
During the first year, various sets of grandparents came to visit us at <1 month, 2.5 months, and 8 months. We flew to visit them at 3, 4.5, 6, 6.5, 9, and 10 months, though some of those were combined with family weddings or graduations.
We usually see the close set more frequently but only for long weekends and the further set less often, but for at least a week each time, so it's hard to calculate if we're actually visiting each side of the family 'evenly' but my parents and in-laws are all reasonable people, so it works.
We did a good job when we just had one baby. We had an easy baby who we just stuck on a lap on an airplane and it was all good. We flew to DH’s family (4.5 hours) at 6 months, 10 months, 1.5 and 2.
Then we had my second. My second was NOT an easy baby and did not sleep and only knew to scream. We took her on a quick plane trip at 9 months (to visit other family) and barely managed. We then white knuckled it and flew her to dH’s parents at age 15 months (ODD was 4) because she had never met DH’s grandmother. That’s the last time we went, and that was about a year and a half ago. I now have a 3rd (6 months, great sleeper, would do fine on a plane now). My middle is 2.5 and would STILL be really hard on a plane but maybe possibly if we absolutely had to. We are talking about trying to get to see DH’s family but it’s just so overwhelming. Two car seats and a booster. One recently potty trained toddler. Need to rent a car bc in law’s car can’t hold us all. Stay in a hotel or sleep in their 2 spare rooms with baby and toddler who has a Very Specific Sleep Schedule. Oldest is in kindergarten and we’d have to pull her out. Winter sickness abound. I’m stressed just typing this.
MIL comes to us 2x a year. FIL has been to us twice.
Yeah, our twins were “easy” babies and toddlers and flying with them is still stressful, so I can imagine doing it with a more spirited baby/toddler or a third kid. Lugging two carseats on the plane is hard enough!
My parents are an 8 hour drive (flying doesn’t make sense because we’re both far from airports and there are no direct flights). My in-laws are a 2 hour direct flight. We have a single family home with one real guest bedroom. Additional guests could crash on couches but the house feels awfully cramped with more than 2 guests staying here.
It was important to me to have my parents around right after my daughter was born, and not to have my in-laws visit until I was more healed and not walking around topless all the time. I would have been ok with my in-laws visiting right away if they stayed at a hotel, but they wanted to stay with us and that wasn’t happening immediately after the birth. My parents were here for 2 weeks after my daughter was born (and were a HUGE help, I would not have survived this period without them). My in-laws came for a long weekend about 2 weeks after my parents left. After that, my parents visited us three more times in the first year, although one of the times was to serve as childcare when DH had to go on a business trip during his paternity leave so we really owe them for that. My in-laws visited us once (Thanksgiving, my parents were also there). We drove to visit my parents once, and flew to DH’s cousin’s wedding where we saw my in-laws and siblings-in-law, so one visit to each side of the family. I also went on vacation with the baby and my parents, but they paid for everything and DH stayed home so I don’t feel like it “counted” as a trip for purposes of treating the families equally.
In general, I want DH to visit his own family as much as he wants, and am fine with him taking the baby once she’s weaned (it’s not practical for us to be apart when I’m still nursing) but I don’t want to visit them more than once a year myself and am also not wild about them showing up here all the time. My in-laws are pretty awful though. If I liked them more I’d be happy to host them more, we have plenty of space for two guests.
Has anyone purchased an MZ Wallace bag in the color Boysenberry? I am wondering if it is more purple or navy. I would like to get the Kate as an office bag (color wouldn’t matter) and also to take to court/meetings occasionally. But if the color is too purple I don’t think it could go to court/meetings.
Btw, this would be my second Kate (it’s an awesome bag), but my first is a dark pink color so I need more a neutral.
we have a nanny camera which the nanny knows we have. i haven’t turned it on in a while, honestly i’ve only turned it on like once, but just turned it on and saw the nanny on the phone while my children are awake. i have 7 month old twins, and this was while she was feeding them. we had a contract at the beginning and talked about not using her cellphone while the kids are awake. i have no idea if this is a regular occurrence or a one time thing. she was speaking in spanish, so I do not fully understand what she is talking about. i do know that her mother is currently in the hospital and has been for a while, and will continue to be for a while, so it could be about that. what would you do in this situation? turn the camera on a bit more frequently to see if it happens more regularly? i was actually really surprised because she generally seems very engaged with my kids (she has only been working for us since mid-August).
Nothing. I would do nothing.
This. You like your nanny, she seems generally engaged with the kids, you know there’s an issue with her mother. Take it with a grain of salt because this just wouldn’t bother me at all. My kids are older now (10 year old twins and a 5 year old), so they could tell me if there were issues, but even when they were babies, I wouldn’t mind unless I thought it was interfering with her care.
+ 1 Given that you haven’t noticed any deficiencies in the care she is providing to your twins, the nanny talking on her phone is not an issue.
I would turn the camera on more regularly and see if it’s an issue. I also would take into account how long the calls lasted and whether there’s an actual problem with the caregiving when she’s on the phone, so you can address the issue in that context.
Also, you’re of course allowed to set whatever standards you’d like, but consider whether your expectation is reasonable. If you were a SAHP, would you decline to answer your phone anytime your babies were awake? Do you ever interrupt your own work for personal calls? I understand that you want your nanny to be engaged and not on the phone all day long–but sometimes at work, you need to take a personal call when you need to take it. It may be about her sick mother, it may be that she called a doctor’s office or mechanic or whoever while babies are napping, and they returned her call later. Of course, she may be spending so much time on the phone that you feel like you need to address it, which is why I suggested monitoring more frequently.
Agree with all of this.
Yep. I’m in the “if I’d do it while watching my kid, it’s ok for the nanny” camp. So I’d be annoyed to find out she had my son plunked in front of the TV for 8 hours, but I know she is on her iPad, phone, and has painted her toes while kiddo is awake but otherwise occupied. Since I would do all of these things, I didn’t criticize. The toe painting was kind of a bold move but I realized it is something I would do, so not worth complaining over.
Lol. Your nanny uses her phone while they are awake. Like every other nanny on the planet and every single mom. Get over it
Yeah, sorry to pile on but talking on the phone sounds like not a problem to me. If she were scrolling instagram I might check in a bit more frequently. I actually think it would be pretty unreasonable not to allow personal calls at all during her day!
Last Name thoughts says
I missed the thread on last names yesterday, but wanted to add my views. I always find the argument that taking a husband’s name or giving the kids the father’s name isn’t anti-feminist because a women (generally) got her last name from her father to be a weird argument. How do you change that norm unless women start keeping their last name/giving their last name to their kids? If there is no merit to keeping my last name because it was given to me by a male father, then won’t people always have names given to them by males.
Anyways, I actually have my mom’s not my dad’s last name (for complicated reasons). I plan to give my children my last name. Since I will probably be a single mother by choice, this isn’t actually a question I will likely have to deal with. But if I found someone I wanted to marry and have kids with, one requirement would be that the kids have my last name. So, I have to go back to my grandfather to identify a man who gave me my last name and my kids will have to go back to their great-grandfather. Having said that, I’m very much a you do you person. I just wished that there was more of a movement away from the default assumption that kids will have their father’s last name and that a wife will take her husband’s last name (although I think this assumption is changing in certain social circles).
Boppy pillows at daycare says
My LOs daycare uses boppy pillows on the floor to position even the youngest infants (on their backs). They are awake and say they never use them for sleeping, obviously, but it still seems weird to me. I can’t put my finger on what’s wrong with it, exactly, and I’m not even sure what would happen since LO isn’t mobile yet, so I don’t feel like I can say anything — but is this a normal thing? It’s a really reputable daycare and they do it all the time, so maybe this is just me being overly paranoid.
Just diagnosed with Vitamin B12 deficiency. Glad to hopefully find a solution to my chronic fatigue, but I would prefer not to take shots. Anybody have experience with sublingual supplements?
You need the shots. At least to start. Once you get the issue under control you can transition to supplements.
I used the sublingual supplements because oddly enough when I was B12 deficient, there was a shortage of shots in Toronto. Like no pharmacy had them. Not sure if this is a regular thing?? Anyways I used the tablets and my levels got back to normal.
Side note- I finally connected canker sores to my being B12 deficient- I don’t get them when I take a supplement. I thought I would mention this in case you suffer from them as well.
Talk to me about your baby’s nap routine– trying to figure out if we need to adjust something to deal with the 3-4 mo regression. 15 week old baby usually wakes 7:00, naps 8:30/9 to 10:30/11 (currently requires holding for the 2nd half most of the time), naps from somewhere between 12:15/1 to 2:30/3, then a short nap about 4:40-5:20. Some days it’s 4 shorter naps but ending at the same time. Have been putting him down for bed between 7:15 and 7:45 depending on how he’s doing. Had been reliably sleeping 8-10 hours, now very unpredictable and eating 2-3x at night vs 1x. Seems ridiculously early to stop the 3rd nap (older child kept it, with a 7:45 bedtime, till past 10 mo), but maybe he’s just not tired enough? We’re getting wakeups as early as 9:30-10:30!!
I would do nothing and see if it passes in within a couple weeks. My son did the same thing and just stopped on his own within a fairly short period of time. He slept for 12 hours straight for 3 BLISSFUL nights, then reverted to 1 wakeup per night until he was 9 months old or so. I know it is so brutal, especially if you just went back to work!
I’m a few months ahead of you and while I’m not typically one to engage a lot on Facebook, I’m part of a group called Respectful Sleep Training/Learning. While I’ve never posted in the group, I have learned a lot of useful information.
Has your pediatrician told you that you can stop nighttime feeds yet? If your ped gives you the go ahead at your 4 month appointment, then you could consider some type of sleep training. We also did a dream feed around 10/11, which enabled us to only have 1 middle of the night feed. I would agree it is way too early to drop the 3rd nap. It is likely some type of regression and you might have to be willing to let him cry a bit or let time pass until he grows out of it
My 3rd is 6 months so I’m just on the other side of this and I say roll with it. Make stronger coffee. Have DH do
Some of the wakeups with a bottle. It sucks but it will pass.
Unless you have my second, who didn’t STTN until 2 and has never slept past 6:30 a day in her life, and for 5 hellish months starting around age 1 woke up at 4:45 FOR THE DAY in a bad bad mood.
My other two are super sleepers, though, and that middle one has come around.
I think this is the regression and you need to hold firm. Kiddo still needs 3 naps, and the wakings will subside with time, sleep training, or a little of both. I remember those early evening ones though – I’d just plop down to watch TV and hear the little gremlin start up at freakin 9pm or whatever. The WORST. Solidarity.
Please reassure me that a bunch of medical procedure are not going to mess up my kid’s mental health? She’s only 9 months and she’s already had a couple of x-rays and a couple of blood draws that all involved thrashing and screaming in a way I didn’t know babies could scream, a million times more desperate and intense than her colicky cries as a newborn. The procedures don’t last that long and when it’s over she gets back to normal happy herself fairly quickly, but you hear about how stuff like Cry It Out can cause lifelong psychological trauma (I know that’s controversial but still) and I wonder if her terror during these procedures is doing her lifelong harm. Question prompted by the fact that I had to take her for a blood draw today and she looked at me with this “how could you torture me like this” face while gasping “ma-ma”…”ma-ma” in between blood-curdling scream (her first word-ish, which…yay? But such horrible circumstances).
Sorry for all the typos, I’m clearly still an emotional wreck from this morning…
I’m so so sorry that you are going through this. My daughter had a similar situation at exactly the same age (she is now 2). She had a really bad UTI and then another UTI, so she went through a battery of tests (VCUG, blood draws, ultrasound). Her reaction to the VCUG at the time of the procedure was very very bad. I can confidently say that she is now an extraordinarily happy, energetic, and content kid. I truly believe that those procedures did not cause lifelong psychological trauma. It’s crazy, but I hardly ever think about the tests now. It will all be ok!
From what I can tell, your kiddo will be fine, she just needs reassurance. My daughter is a disaster zone waiting to happen – she had been to the ER 2-3 times by her first birthday, and had a pacemaker put in at 13 months. She’s 2 now and doing really well.
She still won’t let you near her with a blood pressure cuff, and is a bit hesitant about shots and doctors in general, but she’s actually doing really really well even compared to normal kids.
Hang in there, it really does get better once you can talk to your kids and have a conversation about medical stuff.
I know I’m late, but I had to respond because I really feel for you! It is heart-wrenching when you have to put your children through pain and they’re too little for you to explain it to them. Blood draws are the worst, and I say that even as a mom whose now-15-month-old had a heart condition for her first year of life (now thankfully resolved) that necessitated multiple hourlong+ sessions of EKGs and ultrasounds. With procedures like ultrasounds and, I assume, X-rays, a baby can be somewhat distracted because the procedures are just uncomfortable and constraining, not actually painful. (For example, we used a See ‘n’ Say with great success for one session, and the pediatric cardiologist’s office also had silly baby music videos, to which we eventually didn’t object because they worked so well to distract her during the ultrasounds.) With blood draws I think you just have to white-knuckle through. I recall being absolutely horrified by the blood draws for lead testing for both of my kids because they both involved many, many minutes of painful repeated attempts to get blood (same phlebotomists in both cases, and I think they just weren’t experienced with drawing babies’ blood), throughout all of which our poor babies screamed bloody murder and looked at us through tear-filled eyes with what appeared to be grief-stricken disbelief that we were subjecting them to this torture. Ugh, it was terrible. I truly felt traumatized — left the office shaking and dreading ever having to go back. As for the kids? Granted, since they are only 1 and (almost) 4, I can’t definitely claim there will be no lifelong harm, but I can say that they both appear to be completely happy and healthy despite having suffered such torturous treatment. ;) Particularly reassuring is that the almost-4-year-old apparently has zero conscious recollection of any blood draws and is also pretty brave about getting shots, which indicates to me she probably doesn’t have anything major lurking in her subconscious from those experiences either. Just try to shake it off yourself, which I know is easier said than done!