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AwayEmily says
11/20/2019 at 8:40 amAnyone have a sweater dress recommendation? Something in the middle range between “bodycon” and “shapeless sack,” and it has to be SOFT. Currently I have one that is the right shape but is subtly itchy and drives me nuts.
anon says
11/20/2019 at 9:34 amI recently bought one at WHBM that is super soft and seems to hit that middle point between bodycon and sack. Can be dressed up, or down. It’s the cozy shift dress; will post the link in another comment.
FVNC says
11/20/2019 at 11:06 amI have a sweater dress a few years ago from Bobeau that fits your description. It’s thin, but I’ve been happy with the quality after wearing it frequently for several winters. Looks like there are a couple at Nordstrom Rack…I may pick up another!
Anon says
11/20/2019 at 11:22 amIs there animal hair in the dress? I can’t do any sort of animal hair, even if it’s just 5% wool. I have also learned that acrylic irritates my skin, so look at the what it’s made of.
Pregnancy Safe Skin Care says
11/20/2019 at 9:32 amThere was a question posted yesterday about pregnancy safe skin care and one of the responses was about a blog that had a lot of information about ingredients, etc. The blog is 15minutebeauty dot com. I posted a response yesterday but it was a bit late so wanted to share it again today.
anon says
11/20/2019 at 9:34 amLink to WHBM dress: https://www.whitehouseblackmarket.com/store/product/cozy+shift+dress/570272164?color=2513&catId=search
DrPepperEsq says
11/20/2019 at 9:50 amWe had our first parent teacher conference with my son’s preschool the other day. He’s going to be 3 over the winter next year. The one thing the teacher said he needs to work on is sitting down and remaining sitting down through the lunchtime meal and sitting down and focusing when working on whatever project he is doing and during circle time. She did say that even though he gets up during circle time he is still listening and will pipe up to answer questions while roaming around. He has a ton of energy and takes after my husband in that regard (even as an adult his leg does the up and down shake under his desk all day long). From reading here, I understand that this is what preschool is for in some respects- teaching them to focus and control their urge to get up and run around. Is there anything I can do to reinforce this at home? Is this something that comes with age/maturity? How seriously should I take this “critique” from the teacher?
Clementine says
11/20/2019 at 9:56 amFWIW, our son is one of the youngest in his class (Late Fall Birthday) and the focusing/sitting thing is why we’re leaning towards having him spend 2 years in Pre-K. (Plus one year in 3K). He’s smart as a whip, but I don’t want him to get labeled as a ‘bad’ kid or struggle with the expectations of focus and periods of sitting that I personally think are developmentally inappropriate for a 4 year old.
We obviously talk about manners and I do some montessori style activities to encourage ‘deep concentration’; however… for me this comes with age and personality.
mascot says
11/20/2019 at 10:00 amSome of this comes with age/maturity. But, I still think you can reinforce some of this at home-particularly around meal time and table manners.
You aren’t going to be able to recreate circle time at home. What you can focus on is looking at people when you are speaking to them, using yes and no and other polite answers, and being mindful of not interrupting others. He’s 2.5 though so think of this as laying groundwork rather than solid execution of these skills. They take some time to master.
AwayEmily says
11/20/2019 at 10:01 amUnless she specifically said it’s something you all need to work on at home or seemed super concerned, I wouldn’t do anything in particular. Over the years my kids’ “areas for improvement” mentioned in conferences have included everything from “learn to use a fork better” to “get more comfortable with changes in routine.” I always say “thank you” when the teachers tell me and then pretty much don’t think about it again — I figure I will revisit if comes up again/seemed to be a long-term issue, but it never seems to. So yeah, I would table it for six months and see what happens. Kids change so fast and figure most of this stuff out on their own. Sometimes I honestly think teachers just need to find SOMETHING to say other than “yeah, your kid is pretty much in the average range for most stuff” because parents want more detail.
Anon says
11/20/2019 at 11:18 amThis. At our school they’re required to tell you something that needs improvement, and often they’re kind of grasping at straws to do so.
ElisaR says
11/20/2019 at 11:50 am+1
mahnamahna says
11/20/2019 at 10:16 amAlong the lines of what Clemetine said…I think extended periods of sitting for the under 5 set is not an appropriate expectation. I would take this feedback with a grain of salt for now but keep an eye on whether the school’s expectations for behavior are in line with yours. My son had a lot of behavior problems in his pre-K class and in hindsight, I now see it was a combo of not clicking with his teacher and her behavior expectations and behavior management being way over the top for 4 year olds. He is in second grade now, but I still regret not moving him to a different program for pre-k. He was not well prepared for kindergarten and I think constantly being in trouble in pre-k (for things that are to be expected for a high energy 4 year old boy) did a number of his self-confidence and self-esteem.
anon says
11/20/2019 at 12:54 pmTBH, my almost 11 year old doesn’t sit still for mealtimes. There’s a difference between being focused and sitting still. His teachers have largely dealt with this by having him sit in the back (he’s tall, which is convenient) so he can move around without blocking anyone else’s view.
Anonymous says
11/20/2019 at 10:19 amI would just ignore it! She can work on that. I don’t think a two year old should be expected to sit still.
Anon says
11/20/2019 at 11:24 amUnless he is being super disruptive, I would ignore it. 3 year olds have energy! It’s crazy to make them sit for long periods of time.
Anonanonanon says
11/20/2019 at 11:31 amI would ignore it and count my lucky stars that that’s the worst thing they could think of to say! If you really feel like you need to do something, you could work on having him stay at his seat during meals at home.
Anon says
11/20/2019 at 12:38 pmThis. I ignore stuff that only comes in conferences. If it’s bad enough to need corrective action at home, you’re going to get a series of notes home from the teacher. (Ask me how I know.)
To help with sitting still for both of my kids all the way through kindergarten, we worked on staying in their seats at meals times. We also (still) do alternating obstacle courses where it’s something like do a somersault, sit on this pillow without moving for 1 minute, do 10 jumping jacks, lay on the couch quietly without talking for 30 seconds, run around the chair 3 times, sit criss cross applesauce while singing the ABCs, then run back to start. Or play a LOT of Simon Says and Red Light/Green Light to reinforce listening and stopping actions immediately. You can modify Red Light Green Light to any activity pretty easily. “Play with Paw Patrol toys until I say red light, when you have to come over and sit down quietly. When I say green light, you can go over and keep playing.”
Daycare Gifts says
11/20/2019 at 10:52 amI’m a FTM with a three-month old in full time daycare. I want to get some holiday gifts for the teachers in her room. There are three full-time teachers in her room, about 10 floaters in the entire center (several of which are in her room), and three office staff. I was thinking gift cards for the three full time teachers, and a shareable gift for everyone else – like ordering a cookie tray the week before or something else edible. I’m new to this. Thoughts?
Cb says
11/20/2019 at 11:00 amI did a fruit and tea hamper for my son’s nursery teachers and got rave reviews. They get so many sweets at the holidays and this was refreshing. I’m thinking fruits, nuts, maybe cheese this year.
Anon says
11/20/2019 at 11:23 amIn the daycare years I would do a $25 gift card + nice handwritten note for main teachers, $10 for any floaters that I new by name and saw regularly, and then bring in donuts and coffee to cover everyone else. I’d just mention to the directors and teachers a week or so ahead of time “Hey I was going to treat all the staff to donuts and coffee next week – would Thursday be okay?” so they could get the word out to everyone else. And I tried for “off” days – like the week before Christmas – so it wouldn’t double up with everyone else bringing in treats.
If you ask Pinterest or retired Grandmothers, you could go crazy with punny gifts and homemade crap and pensonalized stuff. But I asked a teacher friend what she wants most, and Target/Starbucks/etc gift cards are the best option, so that’s what I went with.
Clementine says
11/20/2019 at 11:45 amThis is my game.
Main teacher? $25 Target gift card (alternately – a gift card to our great local co-op for the several vegan teachers we had was super popular). Floater/cook who I run into? $10 Dunkin Donuts gift card. I actually just buy both Target gift cards and DD gift cards in bulk to have on hand.
I do coffee + cocoa + muffins from the nut free bakery (because daycare is nut free).
Anon says
11/20/2019 at 11:25 amI think your plan sounds perfect. Cookies are probably fine, or you could consider something not so sweet (ie cheese plate) since there are so many sweets around the holidays.
Anon Mama says
11/20/2019 at 11:30 amWe used to bring in an order of bagels and pastries from Panera for all the teachers, and they seemed to really appreciate it.
AwayEmily says
11/20/2019 at 11:56 amDo whatever feels right to you — I do cash for their teachers plus heartfelt kid-decorated notes with some specific examples of how great a teacher they are (I will note that this is also my end-of-the-year gift). I am *not* saying cash-and-note is what everyone should do, only that it is a legit option if it sounds appealing. I am really glad that some parents do cookies/muffins and some do gift cards! It is great that people take different approaches…means a bigger variety for the teachers.
Anon says
11/20/2019 at 12:39 pmCan I hijack this and ask a related question: are e-giftcards (with a heartfelt message) ok? I feel very awkward handing people an envelope with cash/gift cards, especially in front of other people, and even though I realize that’s mostly a “me” issue, I would reallyyyy like to avoid doing it if possible. Also, due to family vacations/winter break, our last day of daycare for 2019 is December 6, which is so early I’m worried they wouldn’t quite realize it’s a holiday gift and that will add to the awkwardness.
rosie says
11/20/2019 at 12:55 pmMaybe? But I generally think you are overthinking this. Give them a holiday (neutral “happy holidays” with winter scene is fine) on your last day with a gift card or cash. They will know what it is. Hand it over with a cheery “see you in the new year,” then it will be clear that it’s early because you won’t be seeing them for the rest of the month. I also don’t think it’s that early. It’s nice to give people this kind of gift in advance in case they want to use it in their own holiday shopping.
Anonymous says
11/20/2019 at 1:29 pmI’m in NYC, but it seems cash or cash equivalents (e.g. Visa gift card, not a store card) are the norm here. I usually did cash in a card with a brief note, and for daycare, the amount was about the equivalent of 1 week’s cost, divided between the teachers. I would ask the owner for a list. In preschool, I followed the directions of the parent group (it was a co-op), and in elementary school, I do what the room parent asks.
Baby Wearing says
11/20/2019 at 11:14 amWhat are your favorite baby wearing wraps or carriers? I had a Tula with #1 and didn’t love it. Now I’m debating between a Solly wrap and Ergo Omni 360. I’ll be on mat leave for 4 months in a cold climate, so lots of mall walking and indoor housework. Afterwards, I’d like to baby-wear when we’re out as a family on walks, weekends, etc. Any thoughts on love/hate carriers and wraps? Also have heard good things about the Beco Gemini…
Anonymous says
11/20/2019 at 11:19 amMy favorite (of 3 I tried) was a very inexpensive Infantino from Walmart.
Lily says
11/20/2019 at 11:20 amwe like our Beco Gemini. It’s very easy to put on, and it feels secure. it’s machine washable and fairly breathable. I hated the “wrap” kinds, I always felt like my baby was being suffocated or squished. But, you can’t use the Gemini with a newborn. I didn’t feel comfortable using it until she was 4-5 months.
Maybe it’s just me, but once she hit 20 lbs or so, I just cannot baby wear anymore. It kills my hips and legs. Am I doing it wrong?
Katarina says
11/20/2019 at 11:28 amI like both the Ergo (basic model) and the K’tan. I like the K’tan for a smaller baby and the Ergo for an older baby. What did you not like about the Tula?
SC says
11/20/2019 at 11:37 amI liked the K’tan when my baby was small. As he got older, he didn’t like being held much but enjoyed the stroller, so we didn’t get an Ergo or carrier for an older baby or toddler.
Sal says
11/20/2019 at 3:02 pm+1 I think the K’tan is well worth it for the first few months. You could likely buy one used from a local parents’ group because people only use them for a few months.
ALC says
11/20/2019 at 3:43 pm+1. Ktan until around 3 months, now we love the Ergo 360 (4 months old now).
Anon says
11/20/2019 at 11:47 amI loved the K’tan for when kiddo was little, and around 3 months I switched to the Lillebaby. Depending on why you didn’t like the Tula, I think the Lillebaby and Tula are similar, so that may not be the route for you.
Anon says
11/20/2019 at 11:51 amI think these are very dependent on your body. I liked the the Lillebaby for front carrying and my husband like the Ergo 360. Now that she’s back carried, the Ergo works better for both of us. But when she was little, I wish I had a baby bjorn because they fit newborns better (and you don’t have to take it off to pee! nobody talk about this but it’s a HUGE benefit!). Some areas (DC for sure) have chapters of babywearing international, and if you join they’ll let you try out a bunch of carriers and give you tips.
NYCer says
11/20/2019 at 11:56 amI use a Baby Bjorn mini and like it a lot. Now that baby is bigger, I really only use it at the airport, but it was GREAT when she was a newborn.
rosie says
11/20/2019 at 12:58 pmBfeeding Center at 19th/K also has carriers you can try if you are in DC.
I’m a fan of the baby k’tan for ease of use for little little babies, and then the Lillebaby. The Lille that we had can be used from birth with just a rolled up blanket, no swaddle needed, so that’s a nice feature. My husband never really used the baby k’tan and started with the Lille earlier than I did.
Anonymom says
11/20/2019 at 12:06 pmI’ve found the easiest for me is a ring sling – I had a Wild Bird but they are all pretty similar – I never figured out how to wear a ktan so that the baby’s head felt sufficiently supported, then LOVE the ergo 360. Still use it and baby is 13 months old. Still use the ring sling too, admittedly for short periods since she’s now too heavy to wear in it for a long time.
JTM says
11/20/2019 at 12:27 pmI loved the Solly wrap for my first baby- she ran hot and I liked how much thinner the Solly was over the Moby wrap.
DLC says
11/20/2019 at 12:30 pmI love my K’tan- have used it for three children from birth to about 4 months. Then I switched to a Beco Gemini and and Ergo (the classic one hat does not forward face). The Beco Gemini fits me slightly better than the Ergo (I’m 5’3″ and 120 lbs).
If there is a Buy Buy Baby near you, they will let you try on their carriers. I once spent an afternoon wandering around Buy Buy Baby with my baby, trying out all the different carriers. A lot of the boutique baby stores too will- I agree with he above comment- it really depends on your body.
Anonymous says
11/20/2019 at 12:35 pmI had a Bjorn complete, infantino, Solly baby, and Lillebaby airflow. I used the Solly baby for months 2-4 at most and the Lillebaby exclusively after that. If I had it to do again, I would keep only the Lillebaby and maybe get a couple of the wrap shirts for the tiny baby phase.
Anonymous says
11/20/2019 at 1:30 pmI have 3 (on my second kid with this pattern). Ktan for baby period nb (must be 8lbs)-3 months depending on weight of baby. Beco Gemeni until 9-12 months depending on kid size. I find this to be the most comfortable carrier but once my kids got bigger (and I have tall kids) I felt it was a little slim. Baby Tula for 12-24 months. I would consider getting an ergo since my toddler def grew out of her Tula and would’ve needed the toddler version but then we just stopped babywearing and it was fine. FWIW my current baby at 4 months is HUGE and started in the Beco Gemini at 2 months
Anonymous says
11/20/2019 at 2:48 pmHave and like the Gemini, and used it from the time my (admittedly enormous) baby was 2 weeks old (he’s now 8 months, still large but slightly less strikingly so, and we still use and like the Gemini). Beco’s website is clear that it’s OK for newborns, and part of the appeal is that you can use it from those very early days without needing an infant insert. That said, other posters obviously didn’t like it for a newborn and that certainly might be your experience too–just wanted to pipe up that there’s no prohibition on newborn use and we liked it for that stage.
EB0220 says
11/20/2019 at 3:26 pmI didn’t love the Beco Gemini..I feel like the material was too scratchy? I loved loved loved my Kinderpacks and had a few different sizes. My favorite by far. I also used woven wraps when my 2nd was a baby and that was nice for around the house. Takes a while but cozy and pretty.
Home says
11/20/2019 at 11:46 amIronically, the ad showing at the bottom of this site is “mom is happier at home”. Thankfully, it is not an advocate for stay at home parenting, but instead a home health advocate for aging adults. Although I find that problematic as well as there are often many reasons why that is not an option and it is such a frustrating argument with elderly relatives
ElisaR says
11/20/2019 at 11:52 amthose ads are targeted at you and come through the browser you use. Mine are investment related since that’s my industry — they have me pegged. They aren’t chosen by corporettemoms
ElisaR says
11/20/2019 at 11:53 amhaha now it’s showing an ad for Depends. I mean, I did use them after birth….
avocado says
11/20/2019 at 1:27 pmThe ad algorithm thinks I speak Spanish, practice medicine, and wear plus sizes. None of these things is true.
Anonymous says
11/20/2019 at 11:53 amIDK – I don’t see how that’s different from an ad for a nanny service. In home caregiving is a legit option for some aging adults especially given the cost of some in live facilities.
Home says
11/20/2019 at 8:52 pmIt’s the phrasing that bothers me. “Belongs at” rather than presenting it as an option. Like if an ad for a nanny service presented it as saying your kids belong at home rather than daycare. There’s a moral judgement implied in the phrasing
I’ve been dealing with eldercare issues, hence ad targeting, so it’s a touchy point.
anon says
11/20/2019 at 12:31 pmWhat kinds of activities are your kindergarten-aged kids involved in and when do you find the time?
My 5 year old is not involved in any activities outside of school (like scouts, martial arts, music). She is in aftercare and we get home around 6pm – I don’t know how we could squeeze in an afterschool activity. I also have a two year old – are there activities that both could participate in at the same time? Maybe its because its winter, but it feels like most kids in our area participate in an activity or two.
Anon says
11/20/2019 at 12:47 pmSame here, that we both work full time and get home at 6pm and then eat dinner. We also have a decent amount of travel, so we solo parent several times a month.
We alternate soccer or swimming on Saturday mornings. We only sign up for a session if both kids can do it at the same time.
We just started Scouts with my first grader. We have 3 meetings a month and they’re usually 7-8 on a school night. That’s late for the younger one, so if we’re both home one of us will stay home with the younger one (and we try to cut out a little early if we can), otherwise we limit it to one meeting a month where the younger one stays out that late.
The problem is now the kids are begging for music classes and we’re not sure when or if we’ll add those. I’m trying to find a local piano teacher that has Saturday morning openings since we’re out of the house at that time anyway, but it’s hard. Ideally we’d spend an hour in sports, a little break for play, and then an hour in music, and are done by 11 so the rest of our Saturday and weekend is free. But scheduling is too tricky, I think.
I think other parents don’t worry as much about the overscheduling? Or maybe have later bedtimes? I don’t know how others make this work, let alone also have time for homework.
Anon mama says
11/20/2019 at 1:02 pmSimilar boat. I feel like everyone else has their kids in 2-3 sports, and the thought of adding one more thing to the schedule makes me want to weep. I think the “everyone else” I’m looking at is in a less-than-two-career household, so it’s not a fair comparison. We do scouts–not a huge time suck, and our local troop meets nearby. One kid is in taekwondo, and it’s only 30 minute classes right after work, and we can hit the grocery store in the same shopping center while he’s in class, so that’s not too bad.
If you have money to throw at the problem, having an occasional nanny to pick kid up from school and take to extracurriculars on limited days/week is lovely and preserves your weekend without making the days longer.
But overall, don’t worry about it too much. After school care IS socialization, and over-commitment is way worse for your kids than not playing itty-bitty league soccer. Don’t throw away all your family time just to keep up with people whose lives are different from yours.
Buddy Holly says
11/20/2019 at 1:04 pmMy kindergartner does an instrument and swimming. For swimming, she went twice a week for 6 weeks (at 7am!) to learn basic skills, and now we go every other week after school for one lesson to maintain. She also plays an instrument, but the music lessons are at her school. I don’t have to coordinate logistics except for a few concerts a year.
I have thought about adding martial arts or dance just because I think that would help her need for physical movement all the time and starting to learn to body/movement control and discipline.
It is hard to find the right balance in activities versus just letting kids be kids and giving the family schedule breathing room. I work part time and I can’t imagine doing more than one activity/lesson on weekends or MAYBE a weeknight lesson once a week, if I was still full time.
rosie says
11/20/2019 at 1:07 pmYou might be able to find a Music Together class to do on the weekends with both kids (the one we go to is mixed age birth – 5). What is your care situation for your 2-yo? Our preschool aftercare offers enrichment classes, so we would just sign up and pay, but the logistics would not be that much more complicated (I assume we would just have to deal with whatever equipment she needed for the particular activity, but it would be the same time block at the same place) — is something like that an option? But I also think it’s ok that they’re not doing tons of enrichment activities.
Anonymous says
11/20/2019 at 1:08 pmWe’re organized activity minimalists with 5 year old twins and an 8 year old. We do swimming lessons on Saturday afternoons. It’s actually great because I schedule all three kids to be in the pool at the same time and DH and I have a coffee at the coffee shop at the pool and watch through the observation window. This year we also added skating lessons on Sunday afternoons (Canadians) but that’s just for Sept-Dec. Again, all three scheduled at the same time and DH or I will take them and the other person gets a break.
Depending on the weather, in the winter, we do cross country skiing, downhill skiing, snowshoeing, sliding as outdoor activities as a family. A day on the downhill ski hill will usually involve a lesson for the kids for an hour so DH and I can get in some harder runs. Snowshoeing works with a 2 year old if you use a hiking carrier. Skiing doesn’t really work until they are 4ish.
Blueberries says
11/20/2019 at 1:29 pmMost kids in our area do activities. My kindergartner doesn’t want to do any activities, so we do nothing. Kiddo goes to aftercare and wants a lot of time at home to play and practice skills he’s been learning in class (completely unprompted by me).
I’d love to enroll him in swimming or a language, but I think it’s better to let him decide and have time to just chill.
Anonymous says
11/20/2019 at 1:33 pmWe have only ever done 1 class/activity at a time, and we do it on the weekends. It used to be swim lessons, now is soccer. I know other working parents that have afterschool sitters so they can do lots of afterschool activities, but I am too cheap. (Admittedly the math might be different with multiple kids or if our work schedules were more demanding).
DLC says
11/20/2019 at 2:51 pmWe did one activity during the week (dance class), but my husband gets off work at 4:00p and could drive. Our school also offers extra-circulars so we signed our kid up for some of those (Dance/ yoga and a Robotics class). The after school offerings through the school were the best because you don’t have to drive them anywhere and aftercare is only $10 on those days. We do activities for our kids on the weekends (swimming, gymnastics, language class, religious ed) but we schedule them for mornings whenever possible – we are all about the 9am class- and we usually keep it to only one or two activities at a time (for the older kid- the two year old doesn’t get activities). When my daughter turned seven she really wanted piano lessons – one of the teachers recommended to us was full, except for a 7am slot. I thought it was going to be a terrible idea, but it actually works really well- I feel like the 7am lesson is a lot less stressful than the 6pm lesson where we have to battle rush hour and interrupt the evening routine.
Buble says
11/20/2019 at 3:32 pmI have a kindergartner and a four-year-old, so I’ll tell you what we do in case it’s helpful. I work 8-5, so by the time I do both pickups, we’re home around 5:45. Both of my girls do “extracurricular” activities that are during school/aftercare hours, which cost me no additional time, just money — yay.
In addition to those, my older kid does soccer outside school. The time commitment on that one is one evening practice a week at 5:30 and then a game on a weekend afternoon. Practice days, the older kid and I go straight from school to practice, and their dad picks up the four-year-old, or, on the rare occasion he can’t, I leave work a touch early, get the four-year-old first, then take both kids to the practice. Practice ends at 6:30 then I take the older kiddo home and feed her late dinner.
Both kids also do a half-hour tennis lesson one evening per week (different evening from soccer). I pick them up and we drive straight to the tennis facility, where they have their lesson at 6:00, then they eat dinner at the facility childcare while I work out afterward.
My older daughter also does scouts — this involves about one meeting per month on a Sunday afternoon. And both girls go to Sunday school on the weeks we go to church — obviously, this is on Sunday morning.
CPA Lady says
11/20/2019 at 3:58 pmMy 5 year old does weekly swim lessons, ballet, and soccer. Soccer is at pre-k, so I don’t have to take her anywhere for that.
This only works because my husband and I work 40 hour weeks (other than about a month during spring tax season) and he is as involved as I am both with our daughter and with stuff like cooking dinner. We live in a mid sized city without horribly bad traffic, and everything we do is within a 5 mile radius– our house (husband works from home), my office, daycare, the ballet studio, and the pool. I specifically chose activities that are close to our house for convenience.
I usually work 8:30-4:30. If I were getting home at 6, there is absolutely no way any of this stuff would be happening.
Anonymous says
11/20/2019 at 4:04 pmWhere we live, many martial arts schools have after-school programs. A van takes the kids from school to the martial arts facility, where they have a snack, homework time, and martial arts class. In the city where I work, there is also an indoor sports facility with an after-school program that kids attend when they’re not at practice.
Otherwise the options for accommodating extracurriculars are weekend activities, evening activities, an after-school nanny who drives, or flexible work scheduling. If you have more than one kid in after-school care, an after-school nanny may be cost-effective.
avocado says
11/20/2019 at 4:41 pmMy goal has always been for my child to have one activity that is active and one that’s creative or artistic. (Dance would fulfill both of these requirements in a single activity.) In kindergarten, she did ballet on Saturday mornings, an evening rec class once a week in the sport that she ended up sticking with, and Girl Scouts in the evening every other week. This was manageable because nothing conflicted with work and we only had one child. At ballet and sports, a lot of moms with younger children brought them along and had to entertain them in the waiting room. I worked during the sports class and took an adult ballet class during ballet.
In first grade, she moved onto the team track in her sport. The next several years were pure misery due to a combination of subpar after-school and summer child care and the need to flex my schedule to get her to practice. Because my parents had refused to let me pursue a similar passion as a kid, it was very important to me to allow my daughter to pursue the sport she loved at the level she desired. Things got better once she got older and we had some options for carpools and child care with transportation. Now that she has aged out of child care and switched clubs, however, we are back to handling all transportation ourselves.
In kindergarten, the value of extracurriculars is more in socialization than in actual skill-building. There are a few exceptions–e.g., serious training in some sports that start early, high-quality music lessons, swimming lessons for water safety. Otherwise, most kids will catch up just fine if they start an activity around age 7 or so. For example, our very good pre-professional ballet school does not teach anything of real substance until the kids are in third grade. There are literally five pre-ballet levels that focus almost entirely on lining up, following directions, and counting. A kid who started at age 8 would not be far behind one who had started at age 3.
Extracurricular activities can be a huge source of stress for kids and parents alike. They are certainly not a good fit for every family. If we had another child, I don’t think we could have supported our daughter’s sport; she would have had to choose something that required less parental logistical support, such as a musical instrument that she could practice on her own with just one lesson a week plus band or orchestra at school. That said, now that she and her friends are entering their teen years, I definitely see the value of extracurriculars. Thanks to her activities, my daughter has multiple groups of good friends who work together to pursue common goals. This insulates her against the social pressures of middle school. I also see that the kids who are truly passionate about one activity and pursue it with a certain degree of focus are happier than those who don’t have a passion. It gives them a sense of purpose and achievement outside of school.
Anon says
11/20/2019 at 12:47 pmMy 20 month old has recently started asking for food when we tell her it’s bedtime. I think it’s pretty clearly a stalling tactic – she also asks for more books, more coloring and things like that (though those requests are much easier to deny). I think we should ask her a few minutes before bedtime if she wants to eat and tell her it’s her last opportunity to have food, and if she declines it, then we should just put her to bed and ignore her requests for food at that time. Does this sound reasonable? My husband thinks this it’s cruel, because she doesn’t understand the concept of “this is your last chance for food.” I agree she probably doesn’t really understand that, but I also think if she was really hungry she would eat when we offered food a few minutes before bedtime, so we’re clearly not putting her to bed starving. And her dinner usually ends 30-45 minutes before bedtime, so it’s not like she’s gone hours without food. She’s chunky, so I also want to be careful about not encouraging unnecessary eating (to be clear, I want her to eat as much as she wants when she’s hungry, but I feel like at bedtime she is eating simply to delay bedtime). Any advice?
Anon says
11/20/2019 at 12:52 pmTry a water cup instead? My 2YO makes the “I’m hungry” sign at bedtime, but what she really wants is another drink of water. We usually let her have the first one and then cut it off as a stalling tactic.
AwayEmily says
11/20/2019 at 12:56 pmDinner is and always has been the last chance for food for both our kids (19mo and 3.5yo), and dinner is at least an hour before bed. However, they both get whole milk in 360 cups while we read stories before bed, so I figure that if they didn’t eat enough at dinner they can make up some of the calories then. I think your kid is absolutely old enough to understand the concept of “no more food after dinner.” Once my older daughter turned three I started relenting a little bit on the “no more food after dinner” and now she knows she can get carrot sticks or peppers later in the evening if she says she’s still hungry. She takes advantage of this maybe once a week. I think kids are pretty good at self-regulating.
Anonymous says
11/20/2019 at 1:10 pmThis. We allow a glass of whole milk before bed. If they ate very little at dinner, sometimes we’ll allow a piece of toast with butter. But always the same, boring option. Fed in bedroom after pjs are on.
shortperson says
11/20/2019 at 1:52 pmmy children have never been allowed to have anything to eat post bedtime, other than breastmilk. i read “bringing up bebe” and take its instructions on set meal/snacks times/menus seriously. during those meal/snack times i dont pressure or encourage the kids to eat any set amount, just whatever they are hungry for. they learned fast that they need to eat dinner if they are hungry. 20 months old is definitely old enough to learn that dinner is the last chance for food.
CPA Lady says
11/20/2019 at 2:24 pmYou are right, and also smart to nip this in the bud now. Boundary testing around every conceivable topic and bedtime stalling is going to take off in a very real way for the next couple of years, and taking things away/breaking bad habits become a much bigger battle down the road.
This is also a great time to get on the same page with your husband about what boundaries you are going to enforce consistently. There is a strict one and a lax one in every parenting relationship, it seems like. I am the lax one. It pretty much always bites me in the rear, and if I let my master negotiator child do something once, it turns into months of begging, whining, negotiating, “but mom we did it that one time” etc. It really has helped me to learn to be firm with my kid when I think she’s stalling or asking for something we already said no to. Food is one of those things. We eat at designated meal and snack times. There is no more food after dinner. She has not starved yet.
Irish Midori says
11/20/2019 at 4:06 pm+1. I’m the lax one in my relationship, and it huuuuurts to watch my kid be unhappy, but this sounds more like manipulation than need for nourishment. It really helped me to hear my pediatrician to tell me the kid’s growth is fine, he’s clearly getting adequate food, so chill. Maybe it would help your DH to hear that from a professional too?
ElisaR says
11/20/2019 at 12:47 pmi know this question is asked a lot but curious what your 2 yr old LOVED most as a gift?
Anon says
11/20/2019 at 12:54 pmBabydoll, Little People, doll stroller (but only for actual food not dolls), brio train set. Those are the things that are played with daily in our house. Followed by rocks, leaves, sticks and twigs, or anything of mama’s (she was digging through my wallet again this morning because I forgot to put it up high enough).
ElisaR says
11/20/2019 at 12:57 pmfood in a stroller, well of course :)
AwayEmily says
11/20/2019 at 12:58 pmToy food/plates/forks/knives. I have been served meals almost daily for the past two years.
AnotherAnon says
11/20/2019 at 1:09 pmMy 2 y/o boy enjoys: stuffed animal, vehicles of any size (lots of Green Toys and Melissa and Doug), stickers, watercolors, razor scooter, tea set (or anything that can be imagined as a tea set). More recently: wooden blocks, yoga cards for kids, balance bike.
Anonymous says
11/20/2019 at 1:12 pmPlay kitchen. Easily gets the most use. I resisted for a long time but am so glad we finally got one. The baby started playing with it too before she was even 1!
Cb says
11/20/2019 at 1:17 pmBrio. My son and husband play for hours. Duplo are also making a comeback after being ignored for a few months. I think Magnatiles would be an obsession except we don’t have enough of them – Santa will remedy this.
Emily S. says
11/20/2019 at 1:21 pmBaby stroller over here, too, and baby dolls with toy diapers and books that she can read to her babies. When her older sister was 2, she loved Little People and a toy wagon and was not at all into babies.
AwayEmily says
11/20/2019 at 1:29 pmAnyone have a specific doll stroller recommendation?
Anon says
11/20/2019 at 2:02 pmI’m pretty sure that my inlaws picked kiddo’s up at a garage sale, but it’s an old graco model, like an umbrella stroller (doesn’t fold) that looked super flimsy but has turned out to be surprising durable. If I were buying new, Hape makes one that is pretty but pricy.
Anon says
11/20/2019 at 2:33 pmAt daycare they have a bunch of “My First Umbrella Doll Stroller in Denim for Toddler” from a*zon and they are holding up very well from what I can see.
Emily S. says
11/20/2019 at 3:14 pmWe have the perfectly cute from Target and it is fine, but it stays indoors. In-laws bought one from Walmart that is also holding up, even with outdoor use.
Anonymous says
11/20/2019 at 1:33 pmPlay kitchen, stroller, vtech ice cream truck. The imaginative play only ramps up and it’s awesome! FWIW DD was never into trains/trucks which may be more of a hit. If we had room and the money I’d get a big outdoor playset
shortperson says
11/20/2019 at 1:49 pma wooden “busy board” from etsy was the biggest hit for my two year olds recent bday. ours is from “beezyboards”
ElisaR says
11/21/2019 at 11:26 amthank you! this is so cute and i have never heard of it before!
Anon says
11/20/2019 at 2:02 pmare Brio trains/tracks compatible with any of the cheaper versions?
DLC says
11/20/2019 at 2:19 pmMelissa and Doug shopping cart. Trucks (ambulance, recycling truck, fire truck), ride on toys, trains.
anon says
11/20/2019 at 2:45 pmbubbles
Anonymous says
11/21/2019 at 10:26 amWe have the Little Tikes stroller/grocery cart combo (looks like a grocery cart on top of a cozy coupe) and it is easily the best toy we have. Stronger than the umbrella strollers (we’ve been thru two) and multiple uses.
Irish Midori says
11/20/2019 at 1:35 pmI am getting into that soooooo pregnant stage I can hardly stand it. I want to have this baby TOMORROW, but (1) that’s just a wee bit pre-term, and (2) I have to mediate a divorce tomorrow, and (3) I have 100 million little fires at work to tamp out before I can leave.
I know I need to take this time to clean my desk and brief backup lawyers on all my cases, but I feel like all I can do is sit here and panic. *sigh*
Anonanonanon says
11/20/2019 at 2:06 pmUgh that is the worst period of a pregnancy. I vaguely remember just closing my office door and kind of just sitting there? Maybe groaning?
Cleaning out your desk can help make you look busy. Just empty some stuff onto the top of your desk and move it around a bit every once in a while. Just plaster on a smile and say things like “wow, crazy how fast it all piles up!” “Just making sense of the chaos!” and other generic nonsense if anyone pops their head in. They’ll see the crazy “I’m too pregnant to be here I should be hibernating” look in your eye and back away and you’ll still get to save face while looking productive.
Are you going to leave behind written briefs, or brief in-person? Either way, start jotting down rough first-drafts of what people need to know. It doesn’t have to be coherent, just getting started can help.
Emily S. says
11/20/2019 at 3:15 pmGive yourself some grace. You can do this! (But maybe tomorrow.) Good luck with the home stretch!
Anon says
11/20/2019 at 4:19 pmHug, and you’ve got this.
That’s going to be me in about a month, and… yeah. Not looking forward to it. Everyone says you’re just miserable by about week 35, and… I’m miserable enough here at week 30!
Irish Midori says
11/20/2019 at 4:24 pmI’m at week 35, and oof! It’s like a wall. I just groan to move. I don’t remember it being this bad with my last two pregnancies, but (1) pregnancy amnesia, and (2) I was… significantly younger then.
I salute you at week 30! That was a difficult time, too. Solidarity!