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When it’s early in the morning and I’m in my closet trying to match blazers to shirts to pants, I curse myself for falling victim to cute blazers with varying necklines, patterns, and colors. Although it can get overwhelming while bleary eyed, how can you pass up something this cute? I love that it is a classic blazer cut but in ponte knit with polka dots to make it fun. This blazer is a new addition to Old Navy’s ponte blazer collection, and it is available for $44.99 in sizes XS–XXL, along with a plus-size version. Against my better judgment, I am likely going to buy this — matching it with the rest of my wardrobe is a problem for future April to figure out. Ponte-Knit Flocked-Dot Blazer This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
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- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
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Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anonymous says
So in a sleep-deprived haze last night I accidentally gave my teething baby two 5 mL doses of Tylenol four hours apart – the dropper is 5 mL and I totally blanked on the fact that her pediatrician said only 3 mL each time for her age/weight. I called poison control and they said it was no big deal (and they were so nice and non-judgy!) but man, do I feel like a bad mom. And then I packed a lunch for the first time in forever and dumped it all over the parking lot this morning. Ready for the weekend now, please.
Anonymous says
I totally did the same thing once, blanked and gave a double dose of ibuprofin. You’re right that poison control was very nice.
After a week or two of being unable to find our baby nail scissors I ordered some new ones and promptly cut my poor daughter’s finger last night. It was awful.
AnotherAnon says
Hugs. It’s the worst feeling in the world when I cut my kid’s skin trying to trim his claw-length fingernails. It’s happened twice in his life and both times I wanted to crawl into a hole.
Anonymous says
Only twice?! My daughter is 6 months and I’ve cut her skin probably a dozen times. I’m clearly not cut out for surgery.
AnotherAnon says
Well I’ve only cut his nails a handful of times…
Jeffiner says
I cut my 3yo daughter’s fingertip with clippers last week. We bandaged it up, and as I was trying to clip the nails on the other hand, she says, in her most pitiful voice, “Please don’t do it again, Mommy.” A few days later my husband was clipping her toenails and I hear “Don’t do what Mommy does.”
Anonymous says
This made me laugh out loud.
Em says
When my son was 3 months I cut his finger and couldn’t get it to stop bleeding. After an hour, I ended up having to take him into the pediatrician’s office on a Saturday so they could administer skin glue.
Anonymous says
OP of the fingernail incident: My daughter was mostly over it this morning, even letting me change her bandage but I’m not emotionally ready to finish the job. She’s 17 months, so it’s hard to explain to her how to help me make it easier.
I am the careful one between me and my husband but I assumed this scissors would be like the ones they replaced and they are not. I’m still kicking myself for not looking more closely :(
Anon says
I still at 14 months use the infant clippers and we do it on the couch in good light while she is engrossed in sesame street so that she sits still enough for it to be even remotely safe.
Anon. says
This is the only way we can do it as well. And then add a milk sippy cup when it’s time to move to toe nails.
Cb says
Oh man, hopefully she slept at least?
My 14 month old knocked something over (which was precariously placed) a few weeks ago and split his toenail. It’s healing well but each morning, he points to it and says ‘Uh oh, toe!’ Last night, he dropped a book on it and it reopened. Cue 20 minutes of sobbing ‘toe….’ while we felt like horrible parents. He doesn’t wear shoes at home but maybe he should start.
OP says
She slept after the second dose, but was still pretty cranky after the first, which is why we gave more! She’s pretty chunky for her age, so based on weight her correct dose is 4 mL, so it wasn’t *that* much more but I still feel bad.
Sorry about the little guy’s toe :(
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Girl. I posted yesterday a bout my almost 11 month going to bed around 7-7:30 PM and waking up around 5:30-5:45 AM READY TO GO. This morning, I let him fuss for a bit, only to see by 6 AM he had taken his sleep sack off and was hanging in his diaper. We nursed, got ready, played, etc. Then he fell asleep in his BOUNCER around 8 AM.
Also, last night, for some reason I had the stupid idea to google “11 Month Milestones” and read the discussion boards last night, and realize there is a world of mums who freak out when their kid isn’t pointing. This made me wonder…should I join them?
Point is, I’m right on the struggle bus with you. Hope you treat yourself to a nice lunch!
anon says
I tried to give my just-turned three year old a double dose of medicine a few months ago and she corrected me and pointed out that it looked like too much!
So pretty soon they can help you parent too, I guess?
Anonymous says
Funny story, we had to call poison control once because we thought our 11-month-old had ingested hand sanitizer. They were like, “he probably didn’t drink much, because it’s foul tasting, but keep an eye on him — if he ingested too much, he will be acting intoxicated and wobbly when he walks”… to which we had to reply, “and how would we know this is different from his normal behavior?”
And yeah, I feel you on the bad mom thing today. It finally got cold in my part of the country and despite it being rather predictable that this would happen, none of my kids were sent to school with jackets in the appropriate size.
HSAL says
Four month old twins and a 3 year old – in the course of 24 hours we dumped two meals and a yogurt on the kitchen floor, I shut my 3 year old’s fingers in her pajama drawer, and I nicked two fingers on one of the twins while trying to cut her nails. Sleep deprivation is no joke, and mine are okay sleepers!
Cb says
Any recommendations for an umbrella stroller? We use a CityMini GT for everyday use but it’s pretty hefty and I don’t want to fly with it.
BPS says
Following to see what’s out there. FWIW, we have flown with the Baby Jogger CityMini (I think that’s the same one?) with no issue – just gate check.
Cb says
I normally would but we’re staying in a flat without a lift (Berlin for Easter) and the baby jogger is heavy!
BPS says
Ugh, fair enough! I see the parents of toddlers at daycare doing dropoff in the smaller strollers, and have been curious what brands those are.
Cb says
My kiddo naps outside in his pram at nursery and a citymini is great for that but it is quite big.
AIMS says
We have travelled with the Summer Infant 3d light (?) and it was great. Light weight, easy to fold/unfold, shoulder strap to make carrying easy and recline option for napping on the go.
Anony says
The major downside, in my opinion, with the SI 3D Lite is the lack of shade canopy. So, I purchased some “extended canopy” product from Amazon to supplement. It was made of that circular wire stuff inside a black fabric, so it folds small.
Anonymous says
Strong disagree. We also have the CityMini GT and bought the Summer for travel. It is only a pound or two lighter than the CitiMini GT and nearly the same size when folded. And folding the CitiMini GT is so much easier. We ended up with the cheap umbrella stroller from Target, and recommend it. (Same commenter as below who said this, but I wanted to comment again with this specific comparison.)
Anonymous says
11:36 anon I mean. Not the person directly below at 9:34.
AIMS says
Hmmm. Are we talking about the same strollers? From an admittedly cursory look at BuyBuyBaby, the Summer Infant 3D lite I have is 12 lbs. and the CitiMini GT is 21.6. That’s a big difference if I have the numbers right! In any event, we had the Cruz as our “main” stroller and while I love it, the SI was MUCH easier to travel with and carry around (shoulder strap).
Anonymous says
I just looked up the ones I was talking about, and you’re right. All I can say is that when we were actually trying them out in our house, they seemed much more similar in weight. :-/ But part of that could have been that I was expecting it to be *so light and small* and it just wasn’t.
AIMS says
I find that an empty stroller and one with a kid are so different. This cuts both ways though. I thought our UB double GLink was great empty and I hate it with two kids totaling more than 50 lbs together in it. But the SI was def easier to lug up and down the stairs than the Cruz we have.
Allie says
We love the 3d lite stroller and while I agree on the canopy, as soon as my daughter would reliably wear sunglasses without just tossing them off it ceased to be a problem.
Allie says
One other thing to think of is whether you need one handed fold (i.e. can fold it while holding your kid) if you do the uppababy is out and the 3d lite totally works.
Anonymous says
No recommendation, but I would NOT recommend the Summer Infant 3D Tote. I just got one and it is seriously so big it is about the size/weight of the CityMini (original not GT). I’m returning it. I actually ordered it by accident; I meant to be buying the Summer Infant 3D Lite, which gets a lot of good reviews for a budget umbrella stroller.
anne-on says
If you can manage to find one secondhand (or if the cost isn’t too $$ for you) I love our uppababy g-luxe. Its light, but still has great features for an umbrella (nearly full recline, UV shade, cup holder) and it is really sturdy. Plus if you buy the (really well padded) travel carrier and it gets damaged during your flight/travel they will replace it for you.
Anonymous says
We have an Uppababy G Luxe. It is collecting dust now that we live in the suburbs, but it was awesome when we lived in NYC, and has traveled around Europe with us as well. Note that I recommend the G Luxe rather than the G Lite, because the G Luxe reclines so is good for sleeping on the go, which is helpful when traveling! (NB this info may be outdated because we made our purchasing decisions a few years ago, but I hope it is helpful!) I definitely recommend getting the travel bag for it — not cool to end up with a broken wheel on the other side of the plane trip.
Anonymous says
We have the same CitiMini GT. I highly, highly recommend the cheap $20-25 Cosco umbrella strollers from Target/Walmart (although I think you’re overseas, so whatever your equivalent is if that’s not available). We went through the same issue when traveling with our then 2.5 year old last February. We ordered some nicer umbrella strollers to try out. The thing is…they’re all nearly as heavy as the CitiMini GT and almost as big, even folded up. We considered trying a MacClaren, but we couldn’t bring ourselves to spend that much on a stroller to only use when we fly (which is only a few times a year). Plus our child hates being in the stroller and prefers to walk if she is allowed.
Delta Dawn says
+1 for this; I got a super cheap Cosco from Target just for air travel. I now prefer it to my clunkier stroller. No bells or whistles, super light, can carry one handed, folds up small.
Anonymous says
If you live in a big city, a used good umbrella stroller may be easy to come by for the same price – we had an ancient beat-up Maclaren volo we liked for travel. Maclarens in general are good, although I have been out of the stroller scene for a few years.
Anonymous says
Look at the Zoe stroller. Super lightweight, reclines, has a basket, folds up small.
Anonymous says
It’s not technically an umbrella but it is as small: Mountain Buggy Nano.
Sturdier than a lightweight umbrella and you can push it with one hand (though on cobblestones maybe not).
Anonymous says
I have this and love it. Carry on size for airplanes too which is great.
shortperson says
me too. i’ve used it successfully in berlin, and in many other cities! we only travel with this and it’s amazing. we bought another one when we had our second and now travel with one for each kid. the rain cover is also very effective.
Anon says
For our next flight I intend to order the summer infant 3D lite as our travel flying stroller (I am following it to snap it up the next time I see it go on sale). Having had one stroller destroyed by the airlines, I’m not willing to risk our (newly replaced) Chicco Bravo again or my Maclaren umbrella stroller that lives in my car for about town and road trips. My husband keeps the summer infant 3d lite in his car and really likes it for going around town, and we’re both much happier people now that we’re not constantly forgetting to put a stroller in the car.
Anonymous says
It’s $$$ but we have the Babyzen Yoyo and LOVE it. It’s small enough to fit the the overhead compartment on an airplane and it folds up very small and can be carried on your shoulder. We have a Nuna Mixx for around the city (we live in Boston) but keep the Babyzen in our car because it’s so compact and easy to travel with.
Overnight potty training hacks says
I have hit a wall with overnight potty training. I’ve read Oh Crap and tried waking every other hour, all sorts of things.
I feel that we are on the path to just accepting that it’s primary eneuresis (when you just aren’t dry at night and just have to grow out of it), but I wonder if there is any life hack to try while we just keep getting kid up at 10pm and 5am (another potty break makes me non-functional in the am) and wearing a pullup in between? [We’ve tried the nekkid sleeping / sleeping in just a t-shirt, kid is just a really heavy sleeper and it didn’t make a difference; kid #1 (same gender) basically trained herself overnight by the time she was 3).]
We went camping last weekend and I’m wondering if 100 years ago before disposables and pullups this happened (as much). FWIW, there is some family history on husband’s side of primary eneuresis (and they grow out of it around age 10-12). I don’t want to throw in the towel, but kid is old enough not to want her friends to know that she still wears pullups overnight.
Anonymous says
How old is this child? I am no expert, but I think the kid #1 scenario of nighttime training by 3 is very uncommon. I also seem to recall (from internet research, so grain of salt) that most kids take at least a year between daytime potty training and nighttime potty training.
Anonymous says
Two weeks ago, I posted that my 2 y/o was 100% potty trained for pee and 0% potty trained for poop. Well, a quick update that we had a breakthrough (I spent a Friday night literally in the bathroom with her as she had not pooped in 2 days and I knew she had to), and lo and behold she finally relaxed enough to poop and from then on she has pooped in the toilet. So she’s potty trained! Woo hoo!!
I thought we weren’t going to make it after 2 weeks of cleaning poop out of her pants, but she inherited her stubbornness from her mama and ive had 33 more years to practice.
Natural Birth says
Moms who have had natural births, what do you wish you had done differently or known? This is my third (epidurals both times before) and I’m going to try for unmedicated this time. I truly cannot understand why I feel compelled to do this, I guess it’s just that this will probably be my last chance to do it like this. I’ve hired a doula. Any advice would be appreciated, especially about transition.
lsw says
I don’t know if this is exactly what you are looking for, but I did a “natural” but not unmedicated birth. I birthed at our Midwife Center and was naturally induced as my water broke the night before (at a restaurant! they tell you that stuff doesn’t happen!) with cervix sweeping, pumping, and castor oil. Then I had nubane for part of my labor and laughing gas towards the end. Just throwing that out there that there are other non-epidural options.
The nubane basically allowed me to sleep for a little bit, which was great, because I had painful back labor and nothing was comfortable. The laughing gas helped me relax and breathe. Afterwards I told my husband, “I don’t know if the laughing gas even did anything” and he looked at me like I was crazy. Apparently I visibly relaxed and breathed better when I used it.
I have no regrets and if I have another would love to use the MWC again. I was very grateful for the nubane option because the back labor (upside down baby) was unexpectedly awful – like, way worse than pushing and birthing.
Good luck and you do you!
AwayEmily says
I had an epidural with my first and an accidental unmedicated birth with my second (I labored for about 12 hours but at the end it happened too fast for the epidural). I guess what I wish I’d done differently is…been able to get the epidural. My birth experience with my first was heartwarming and joyful. My birth experience with my second was very different — I was so wrapped up in the pain that I couldn’t really concentrate on the birth itself, if that makes sense. When they placed him on my chest I didn’t feel nearly the intense rush of pleasure that I did with my first, because I was physically just gutted and somewhat traumatized. But that’s just one experience, so take it with a grain of salt.
Edna Mazur says
This is me too. Un-medicated first, epidural for next two. Physically gutted and traumatized sums it up pretty well. Laughter, speaking, watching for the next two.
anon says
This was also me. I got to the hospital with my third with only 45 minutes to spare, and I didn’t have time for an epidural. I thought it was awful. Also, people told me that I’d be getting up and moving around much earlier without the epidural, and I didn’t find that to be the case at all, mostly because I was so worn out. Maybe if I had been mentally prepared for it, it would have gone better (at least I would have known.) .
Anonymous says
This was me, too. Induced for two births and both ended up intense at the end. The first was medicated and I had a great epidural (could feel to push and could use my legs somewhat). The second moved too fast and it was horrible. My husband is permanently scarred from seeing me in that much pain, I could barely tell what was happening and was in enough pain that I couldn’t ask for help that I needed (someone to hold my leg).
The things that ended up being most useful to me was learning to breathe through pain in prenatal yoga (our yoga teacher had you breathe while holding poses for a looong time) and being in good shape (I did yoga, prenatal swim, and had a toddler to chase). The other huge help was my husband who had been through birth with me before and could basically read my mind and helped me a lot mentally and physically.
ElisaR says
I was aiming for an unmedicated natural birth but it didn’t happen. I did everything to ensure it would happen though and that included taking a natural childbirth class with my husband that my doula gave. It was once a week for 8 weeks and was with several other couples. I think it really helped get in the correct mindset because if you just walk in and say “no meds!” with no mental or physical prep you could have a negative experience. I think if I hadn’t needed a c-section I would have been ok….. I also read a ton of books. Even though its super crunchy (I had to discount some of the stories in it because they were just too out there….. like “I had an orgasm while giving birth stories”), I found Ina May Gaskin to be really helpful (I think it was the one called Guide to Childbirth).
ElisaR says
My comment above “you could have a negative experience” sounds like what happened to AwayEmily!
Anonymous says
+1 I found the Ina May Gaskin book helpful. That said, I went the opposite route from you. First experience was unmedicated, followed by two deliveries with epidurals. I sort of felt like the unmedicated experience did kind of give me more of a “whole” experience, whatever that means, but in the end (and I guess with other kids in the mix to think about) I decided, for the next times around, that the pain and resulting exhaustion was not worth it.
M in DC says
I had an uplanned unmedicated birth with my second (because I got to the hospital too late and was in transition when I got to my L&D room), but I was open to the idea of it going that way so didn’t really mind (maybe I was just curious about whether I could do it?). It was definitely painful compared with what I experienced my first time with a low dose epidural. That said, during transition it hurt but was okay. I thought the hardest thing was that when it came time to push, I couldn’t just grit my teeth or yell through the contractions – I had to actively focus on pushing WHILE I was feeling the pain. It took me a few passes to be able to focus on that and get the baby out! So some preparation for thinking about how you would do that might be helpful. That said, it was all over really quickly (for me), and one year out, I kind of like now that I’ve done it both ways.
Anonymous says
This is how my scientologist silent birth like what Katie Holmes was rumored to have to do.
I really had to just focus on pushing and riding out the waves — no energy to waste screaming or anything. You just get it done.
And unlike cramps, once the baby was out, the pain just stopped, like flipping a switch.
#1 epidural
#2 epidural only worked on one side (like down my midline), so 100% pain on the left side
Anonymous says
I disagree that the pain just stops. I had been told that and was unhappy when the pain wa still there. It dialed back fast (from like a 10 to a 4), which is nice but it wasn’t gone like it is with an epidural.
EB0220 says
I had an epidural with my first and went unmedicated with my second. I planned it that way, which was good because I wouldn’t have had time to get an epidural. It was a completely different experience for me relative to my first birth. The first was very calm. The second was three hours of raw intensity. I didn’t really have to push with my second. My body just pushed her out without any extra effort from me. The feeling when she was born was really weird, but it was just part of the overall pain. I didn’t experience the ring of fire thing that so many talk about. One thing that really surprised me was how much it hurt after – like, as bad as labor right before transition. They did a local anesthetic for stitching but that didn’t help my uterus. I was really out of it for the first hour or so after my daughter was born because it hurt and I just couldn’t believe that the whole thing happened in 3 hrs or so. Overall, I’m glad I did it because I wanted the experience but my first birth was definitely more pleasant and peaceful. I found Ina May Gaskin’s books good too (although you will have to laugh at some of the 70’s atmosphere).
Anon says
I have had three unmedicated births. My husband and I took a hypnobirthing class before I had my first child, which I thought was very helpful. I would recommend at least flipping through a hypnobirthing-type book, and I also second Ina May Gaskin’s book (I read that one three times). I think the main takeaway is to go into the experience knowing that you got this, trust your body, and it also helps to have a supportive person to help you through the transition. It’s great that you have a doula! I will say that while the transition is definitely hard work, in hindsight it’s so short, and worth it for the incredible feeling when it’s all over. Best of luck to you!
Jeffiner says
I wanted to give birth to my first (and only, so far) naturally. I would recommend getting your husband and OB on board. My OB was able to help make recommendations to my birth plan (like some kind of stent instead of an IV…I don’t remember the technical terms) and she signed the plan with what I was allowed to drink, do, etc. The triage doctor at the hospital told me I was crazy and tried to talk me out of a natural birth, and my husband was great at shutting him down. The nurses were on board once my husband gave them the birth plan. I had a really long labor, pushing for 3 hours, and my OB was a great advocate telling everyone we would not give up and go to medications.
My agreement with my husband was that if I changed my mind and asked for drugs, I would get them. During labor it never occurred to me to ask for an epidural, because I had already decided on natural. We took the Bradley classes, even though my husband found them patronizing, but none of the techniques worked for me during labor. Honestly, I just screamed a lot. I’m glad I did it unmedicated, but my husband said he was pretty upset at seeing me suffer. We both want to go epidural next time.
Anonymous says
First two births were unmedicated, one planned, one unplanned, and the third one was with an epidural. If I were to have another child, I would plan for unmedicated again; the actual experience of holding still through contractions while having a needle stabbed in my back was terrible, and I was done 30-40 minutes later, so it hardly seemed worth it. I had pretty short (<5 hours) labors, and I didn't push more than 2 times for any of my kids. if I had long labors I might be singing a different tune.
The biggest/only difference between my planned and unplanned unmedicated births was my mental preparation. If you go into it intentionally, with a plan and a sense of purpose, focused on breathing or whatever other pain management techniques, it's so much better than being in a "BUT I WANTED AN EPIDURAL, WHERE ARE MY DRUGS?" head space. It hurt, sure, but I felt fine and was tired but relaxed once the baby was born.
As for advice: Transition sucks. I just about broke my husband's hand squeezing it, and I couldn't focus on anything except trying to breathe, but it's over pretty quickly (though it doesn't feel like it at the time), so you just psych yourself up before, congratulate yourself afterwards, and white-knuckle it through.
Anonymous says
I went natural mostly because I thought the idea of narcotics or an epidural sounded scarier than the idea of an I medicated birth. For me the keys were a doula, the tub, and a relatively quick labor. My experience with transition was that I got into some sort of zone. I couldn’t see anything or understand much of what anyone was saying. I didn’t even think of asking for drugs because I wasn’t really capable of thinking about anything. It was painful but it was a different sort of pain—productive, I guess? The whole experience just sort of flowed. My guess is that it might have been different if labor had progressed less quickly (I had the baby within 4 hours after arriving at the hospital).
The best approach is probably to go in with an open mind and be prepared to adapt to the situation as it presents itself. I really wanted a natural birth but did think about the risks and benefits of other options ahead of time, along with when and why I might want to choose them. That allowed me to feel that if an unanticipated circumstance arose, I would be prepared to ask the right questions, have a meaningful informed consent discussion, and make my own decision without getting badgered into what the doctor or my husband wanted.
DLC says
I had an unmedicated birth for my second (also a VBAC). My trick- be in denial that I’m in labor, stay home way too long and arrive at the hospital 8 cm dialated at 5am when the hospital is short staffed and there is neither time nor personnel available to administer an epidural. Give birth thirty minutes later.
Honestly, though, this wasn’t what I planned, but I do think that laboring at home as long as possible was key for my situation. I labored at home in ignorance, so if you are the kind that likes to be a little more informed throughout the birth process, then I agree you should get a doula.
Anonymous says
I second this. I mean, home is not going to take the edge off trasnition, but everything felt a lot more manageable when I was in my own house. I was in the hospital for less than 2 hours each time prior to delivery. If you really want to go for it, my friends who have done home birth all report really positive experiences.
AwayEmily says
How comfortable do you feel with grandparents watching multiple kids for days at a time? I have a 2.5 year-old and a 9-month-old and our five-year anniversary is coming up in June. I would love to go away somewhere with my husband but I’m having trouble figuring out the logistics.
My mom lives nearby and is wonderful and brilliant but sometimes absentminded (in fact, she is literally an absentminded professor). When my daughter was a baby, this was actually risky (she’d sit the baby up on a hard tile floor with no pillow behind her when she was still super wobbly, she’d go in the kitchen and get distracted making tea while the baby crawled towards various cords, etc) and so we didn’t really have her babysit. Now that our oldest is a toddler it manifests in annoying but not life-threatening ways (forgetting to put a diaper on for naps, resulting in a very wet kid and crib), and we’ve had her babysit the toddler for ~6 hours at a time. But I definitely don’t feel comfortable leaving her with two kids, especially when one is a crawling baby.
I guess my question is…what do we do? Not travel until both kids are more accident-proof? Insist my mom have someone else come in to help watch the kids? Stop being so paranoid and just trust her? I feel like many of you must have dealt with similar situations…
(oh, in case it’s relevant, my MIL is great but lives halfway across the country, as does my father).
Anonymous says
If you can afford it, can you bring your mom with you on vacation (separate rooms) and have her watch the kids after they go to bed only? That doesn’t strike me as unsafe and would still allow you guys to have some alone time.
If your mom isn’t up for travel or you don’t want the added cost of bringing her, you could also take the kids but go to a resort with babysitting services. You could do the same thing and just have the babysitter come after they’re in bed, so the quality of the sitter isn’t super important.
Boston Legal Eagle says
We’ve had my parents babysit our son for days at a time for yearly vacations and hope to do the same when we have two. However, there are two of them and I feel way more comfortable having each as a back-up to the other, especially for two little kids. We’ve made detailed schedules of our son’s days for my parents (mostly my anxious dad) so you can consider doing the same to make sure she remembers pull-ups, snacks, naps, etc. Is there someone close to all of you that can come help her? That you trust, obviously.
I’d also second the suggestion to go to a place with babysitting services. It won’t be the totally relaxing vacation for the whole time, but you can hopefully get away for dinners/drinks out.
anon says
1) Fly as a family to in laws, leave the kids with MIL at her house while you and husband spend a weekend alone but nearby.
2) Same but travel to your father.
3) Leave kids with your mom and hire a babysitter to help her during the day. Tell her this is for her benefit.
Anonymous says
+1 to #1 all the way. This is what we do. My mom isn’t offended because we are local to here so she perceives it as us allowing other grandma time with the kids. We’ve even done a short flight from in laws location to nearby vacation destination. Think live in Texas, drop kids to in-laws in NYC, vacation in Bermuda.
Sarabeth says
We have also done this. My parents live in hub city for a major airline, so sometimes we’ve been able to pick our kids back up without even leaving the airport (we always spend a day or two with them at my parents’ house before we travel further, to help them settle in).
NYCer says
Or modified #1, pay for a ticket for MIL to fly to your city and stay with the kids in your house.
anon says
My parents do this (fly to us and watch the kids). They just time their usual visits around it. This is even though my in-laws live in the same city. I haven’t left the kids for more than two days though.
Anonymous says
This is what I would do.
Anon says
This is what I would do. My inlaws are not permitted to watch my LO (just one very active toddler!) and are not physically capable of doing bedtime routine (lifting in and out of crib isn’t physically possible for them, I cringe when they (supervised) try to pick her up as she’s standing and reaching from the floor). When we have gone overnight, we either drop LO off at my parents (2 hour drive) or we take LO with us and find a babysitter so we can get some time away for dinner. When I was a kid, none of our grandparents lived nearby, but my mom’s mom would fly to babysit us on occasion for weekend (or week-long) trips.
BPS says
I just went on a trip with DH and my Mom came to take care of DS (he was almost 10 months when she was here). We were gone Tues-Sun and it was AMAZING (minus the pumping and dumping. Blech). And my Mom was incredible, and I felt like he learned things with her that he does not in daycare (and has now forgotten them without her around…).
I had some similar concerns which I had an honest conversation with her about, and she made some really great efforts. I also was obnoxious and had huge post-it note reminders about the things I was worried about. :) Culturally, grandparents having a big role in caretaking/child rearing is very standard for where my side of the family is from, so I also didn’t think too much about it — think of it this way — she raised you, right? I know my situation is different, and 2 kids is different, but I say go for it if she’s up for it. As we know so well, Moms are pretty incredible. She may surprise you. You can even do several trials between now and June.
GO GO GO GO!
Anonymous says
I dunno, I don’t buy the argument that just because she raised OP it will be fine. I’m not alleging that OP’s mom has memory issues, but many older adults do, so someone who was a wonderful mother in her 30s may not be a competent babysitter in her 60s. Leaving a kid near cords to go make tea is pretty dangerous and would make me seriously question how safe it is for her to be alone with the baby. This isn’t just a parenting style thing, where maybe she gives the kid more screentime than you would like or something like that.
Anon says
do your MIL and mother get along? could you fly in MIL to watch the kids with your mom? My parents were lucky in that their mothers got along well, so they had them watch us together a few times when we were kids.
M in DC says
We did this with my in laws for a couple days when we just had one. Now that we have two (four years and 1 year), they still babysit for us (they’re local). But I wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving them for multiple days with both kids, mostly because I think it would tire them out too much (they’re both late 70s). Maybe we’d do it with my parents, who are in their 60s, but even then I’d want to think about some back up care because two kids are a lot to handle (at least mine are!).
Anonymous says
This sounds a lot like my dad. I love him and leave him alone with my older (3 and 5) kids for a few hours at a time, but I would not leave him alone for a weekend with kids your kids’ age. What I would probably do is see if I could hire a babysitter (like a teacher from the school) to stay with your mom all or the majority of weekend to give a hand. It would be expensive but probably worth it?
That said, if you think she stands a chance of getting better (after all, you managed to survive until adulthood), maybe have some conversations with her about these things and do some trial runs for shorter time periods?
Knope says
That’s a tough situation. I probably would trust her but take a LOT of measures to ensure the kids’ safety, such as:
1) Have her come to your place instead of dropping them off at her place (I assume your place is baby-proofed more effectively).
2) Set up a fenced play yard for the 9 month old to play in while your mom is doing other stuff to reduce the likelihood of crawling to dangerous stuff.
3) Leave pre-prepared meals or money for takeout so your mom doesn’t have to manage cooking and watching the kids at the same time.
4) Have mom over one day to watch the kids while you’re actually in the house so that you can observe any risky behavior and try to correct for it.
Hope this helps and good luck!
Anonymous says
I totally understand wanting an adults only getaway to celebrate a milestone anniversary, but I’d just add that I’ve found travel with kids to be really rewarding and way more fun than I had anticipated. People are kind of flabbergasted that we take our toddlers on international trips every year, but I’ve found I almost prefer traveling with them than traveling with just my husband. You just have to do your research So even if you don’t have babysitters, don’t give up on travel completely!
dc anon says
Oooh, tell us about your travels? Which destinations are particularly kid-friendly? Which are not?
Any tips and tricks would be appreciated. We do a lot of US travel to visit family and have never done any international travel (4 and 1 year old).
Anonymous says
So, our family travel isn’t super exotic – we’ve only done Europe and the Caribbean with kids, but we do travel out of the US regularly. Beach resorts can be really relaxing, because the flights to get there are short and they’re very “let’s just chill” once you get there. With a 1 year old, you’d want to make sure you stay at a resort with a nice pool area in case s/he hates sand. Our kids are a little too young still for a waterpark resort like Beaches or Atlantis, but we’re looking forward to doing that in the next year or two.
We love Europe – I’ve found it way more baby-friendly than the US. In cities, we just get a centrally located hotel and then we do a mix of attractions for the adults and playgrounds for the kids, and a lot of eating. Really little ones can nap in a stroller or carrier, but once they’re 2-ish you’ll probably have to carve out time for room naps, so having a separate living area and/or a balcony where you can unwind while baby naps is really nice. In Europe, we’ve visited and loved Paris, Rome and Barcelona. I think Paris is the most baby/toddler-friendly place I’ve visited. I would love to go to Tokyo, because I’ve heard it’s really baby friendly, but the flight for that is daunting – Europe is a lot closer for us (on the east coast US).
I’ve also heard cruises are easy, but those aren’t really our cup of tea, and 4 people in one tiny cabin sounds like a lot. I’d also be scared that kids younger than about 3 would get too close to the edge and fall overboard. Beach resorts are similar, but seem less stressful, and you have the option of leaving the resort to get local food.
The hardest thing I think would be anything nature-y where you want to do hiking to really see the area because little kids just can’t hike. Some people wear their kids on their backs, but that hasn’t really worked for DH and me. Galapagos is on my bucket list, but not happening until kids are upper elementary/middle school (we could go without them, but that’s such a fun and educational place that I really want to take them). We are planning to go without the kids to the Maldives for our 10 year anniversary.
Anonymous says
Can you recommend where you’ve stayed in Europe? We’ve done Austria and Italy with our kids and are looking at either France, Portugal or Greece for next year, but open to suggestions. Preferable something self-catering within a small resort on the beach.
Anonymous says
We haven’t done beaches in Europe, only beaches in the Caribbean, and we normally just stay in standard hotels not apartments with kitchens. I can see any of those destinations being fun with kids, but if you do the Greek Isles, Santorini may not be your best bet because of the very steep cliffs that would be both exhausting and potentially dangerous with little ones. I know there are lots of other islands, but I’m partial to Santorini (I honeymooned there :)).
Anonymous says
Yes! You sound just like me! Our goal is one international family trip a year. My daughter is 3 and so far we’ve taken her to Iceland, Brazil, Cuba, and Canada.
Anonymous says
Wow, you’re more adventurous than me! I’ve done Cuba (pre-kid) and would be kind of intimidated to take a toddler there. We were very adventurous travelers pre-kids, but have focused more on Western destinations that are relatively close to home post-kids. We hope to get back to more exotic travel once they’re elementary age, because long flights will hopefully be easier once they can read. I definitely want to take them to Australia, on safari in Africa and to Galapagos as mentioned above.
SC says
Another option that we’ve done before (although we just have one)–leave kids with MIL, but pay a babysitter to come over during the day to help out or give her a break. Of course, you’d want a regular babysitter whom you trust. Even if you can trust your MIL, taking care of 2 kids by yourself can be exhausting and lonely for anyone, an especially for older people.
Anonymous says
Since your mom isn’t a safe caregiver, and you don’t have other options, you don’t travel without your kids.
anon says
I agree with some other posters that it sounds like your mother isn’t really able to handle the kids for a trip like this. It doesn’t sound safe to me. I would go with your in-laws or have a full-day nanny or babysitter work with your mom. To provide a little perspective, my parents left me with mom’s father who was also quite absentminded while they went on a vacation. My brother and I got into so much trouble and I actually really, really injured myself without my grandfather noticing. He was an extreme example of absentminded, but you just don’t know what can happen. Obviously, I’m ok now, but that was the last time they attempted to leave us with him alone.
AwayEmily says
Thanks all, this is some great food for thought. I like the idea of flying my MIL out to hang with my mom — I don’t think I’d trust either of them alone with both kids, but together they could make it work. I could also split up the kids — send the baby to the in-laws and his big sister to my mom’s. As for vacationing with the kids…we travel a fair bit with them, and I love those trips, but I think my husband and I could both very much use a couple of days of sleeping in and being completely unplugged from parenting. I also appreciate the comments about being up-front with my mom…I’ve never directly addressed my safety concerns, so maybe I should do that and give her a chance to step up before automatically dismissing her.
Anonymous says
Either way, it’s worth bringing it up, since it sounds like she is and will continue to be a big part of their lives regardless.
Signed,
I always thought my dad was too careless with my kids but didn’t say anything, and my 3-year-old seriously injured himself while on his watch (he’s okay now, but it was scary)
Anonymous says
You could also consider a close-by destination. We still haven’t left our 3 year old overnight. When we do, we’ll probably start small with a travel spot that is 2-4 hours away by car for one night. In 2 years, we’ll probably consider a big trip for our 15th anniversary. Due to lots of factors (out of town grandparents who travel a bunch themselves and have some mobility issues), we have had to come to terms with the idea that parents-only travel will be very rare for us. It’s just our season in life. But we have had so much fun traveling with kiddo the past year, and I am truly so excited to go on more adventures as a family. It just is what it is right now.
Anonymous says
Probably a stupid question, but how do you transition to bathing babies in the regular tub? My big 7 month old seems to be outgrowing her infant tub. But I have no idea how to bathe her in a normal tub – do I need to get in there with her? She can sit pretty well, but will topple over once in a while so we usually still put pillows behind her head. All the baby bathing YouTubes I can find are for infant tubs.
Knope says
Just put her in the normal tub and make sure to keep a hand on her (or within a half-second’s reach) in case she topples.
Anonymous says
Oooor just keep her in the infant tub. I kept my LO in the infant tub, in the larger tub, til she was like 18 months because she preferred leaning back.
anon says
Yes, you have to say really close in the big tub. There are internet recommendations to put the baby in an empty laundry basket inside the tub to give her something with sides to grab on to, but I’ve never actually tried it.
Anonymous says
We had this big Goldfish sponge thing. We laid her on her back in it with only an inch or so of water. And we made it really quick :)
This is the same idea: https://www.buybuybaby.com/store/product/summer-infant-comfy-bath-sponge-in-aqua/1061375994?categoryId=30518
HRHNYC says
Just lay her down flat in the regular tub with about an inch of water. Both of my kids thought this was the greatest thing ever. No risk they will topple over. Just have to watch for them deciding to practice their rolling skills, though they easily learned to keep their heads up when they went onto their bellies.
Anonymous says
+1
AIMS says
So I just transitioned my 8 month old and while he’s huge and seems to be okay with it, I have to say it’s taken all the fun out of bath time because he seems to be in constant danger of going under or bumping his head on the tub. We basically have a 2 min routine for him now and hope for the best the entire time. Maybe the water makes sitting harder when they’re that small?
My older kid hated the big tub for a really long time so we ended up getting an inflatable tub for her and she was able to use that long after a year (at least 18 months, but probably closer to 2). I would highly recommend that. It was about $15 on amazon, we blew it up once and just left it hanging on a hook and it was awesome to play in. Comes in a bunch of different patterns from Disney to Sesame Street but if you search for “Inflatable Safety Bathtub” on amazon it should come up. It’s great for travel too (not that we did that but I remember going away with the baby at 3 months and in retrospect that would have been awesome).
Spirograph says
We had a big inflatable duck-shaped bathtub (search duck inflatable bathtub, you’ll find it) that the kids looooooved when they were in that in-between stage, and really until they totally outgrew it. Duck tub sat inside the regular tub, and there were squishy walls all around the baby and the duck’s head in between baby and the faucet.
Anonymous says
OMG. I’m getting this for the cuteness factor alone.
Anon says
DH got bath duty and he just put on his swim trunks and got in with the kids until they were big enough to sit by themselves. He did it less frequently than I would have, but they didn’t smell so I trusted his judgement.
This is an excellent candidate for dads to own and research and implement. Good bonding time with the kid and one of those “necessary care” items that doesn’t HAVE to be owned by mom. Pawn it off on your DH if you can.
Anonymous says
We do bathtime together actually and would love to keep it as a fun family routine until she gets a bit older and it’s not as appropriate for DH to be around her in the bath. And I know I’m doing the emotional labor of researching this, but he does far more than me of the day-to-day chores (he cooks almost every night, does grocery shopping, does dishes a lot, etc) so research is my chore and I’m fine with it.
Anon says
We switched to the big tub at 3 months after we used a hotel bathtub at 3 months and it was fine. Before she was a steady sitter, I used to just lay her on the nonskid mat with a folded towel for her head, put in 2 inches of water and then wash and rinse her. Once she was a steady sitter, she was allowed to sit up and I would wash and rinse her. Now she’s a walking (running) toddler, and I cannot tell you the number of times I say “no, we sit in the tub” and plop her back down, but one day she’ll get it. And we have thoroughly tested the durability of the whale spout cover from skiphop and I 100% recommend it if you have a slippery kiddo like mine that likes to go for diving headers. It has saved us from no fewer than 3 ER visits.
Anonymous says
I have the Summer Infant Comfort Height tub with 3 pieces. When you take out the infant insert the white tub is just like a mini bathtub. I plan to use that to keep LO contained and not sliding all over the place when she doesn’t need the infant piece any more. My BFF took this approach and recommended it.
Anonymous says
It’s this one: https://www.amazon.com/Summer-Infant-Comfort-Height-Bath/dp/B01MQNKPZC/ref=sr_1_1_s_it?s=baby-products&ie=UTF8&qid=1539890764&sr=1-1&keywords=summer+infant+tub
Paging NewMomAnon says
You still out there? I was MIA for a couple months so maybe I missed something, but I feel like I haven’t seen anything from you for awhile. Always enjoyed your contributions, so I hope all is well.
lsw says
I was thinking the same thing just yesterday!
Anonymous says
Me too! Thinking of you NewMomAnon!
ugh says
I cancelled my dentist appointment a few weeks ago because I was terribly sick. It’s rescheduled for today and…I’ve been sick since Saturday. I feel fine this time but I’ve just had a lot of congestion in my head and today I can’t breathe through my mouth. Should I cancel again? I don’t know if I’m contagious, but obviously they are going to be in my mouth.
Spirograph says
I had a dentist appt last week despite having a cold. The hygienist laughed that I kept fogging up her mirror with my mouth-breathing, and she didn’t make me do the fluoride rinse because I wouldn’t have been able to breathe for that minute, but otherwise it was fine. I apologized when I got there, and she waved me off with “that’s what our gloves and mask are for!”
Don’t cancel.
Knope says
Paging the poster who was going to have the separation talk with her absent husband…how did it go? Have been thinking about you!
Resentment says
Thank you so much. Did not have the separation talk, based on all of the advice to consult with an attorney first. Going to get my legal ducks in a row, financially and regarding custody, to prepare for separation. I am meeting with an attorney next week.
He arrived home after midnight, so we did not talk last night. This morning he was very apologetic and wants to go to couples counseling. I want to go and am receptive to him making improvements. But I will only believe actions, not apologies. If he finds a counselor and schedules an appointment, I will go with him. I will not do the legwork on that, though.
Essentially, I am preparing for separation. If he makes significant, consistent improvements, I will reconsider. Specifically, at this point I think my requirements are 1) he must demonstrate that he is listening by actually doing things I ask him to do, 2) no more leisure trips/weekend golf (for him) until we (I) agree otherwise, 3) he takes responsibility for finding a couples counselor and scheduling those appointments, 4) we find a specific arrangement where I am no longer the default parent every moment of every day. (I think a few things could work here, but most obvious to me is that he takes responsibility for one day per week– mostly I just want a day where I don’t have to ask permission or hire a sitter to schedule drinks with a friend, etc). Open to other requirements that you all might suggest?
Less tangible is I need to see a 180 degree turn in his lack of respect for me and my contributions to our home. I don’t know how to quantify that. I am hopeful that a counselor can help. The bottom line is that I will give him a chance to improve, but I am preparing for separation if he doesn’t. (How long do I give this? A month?)
I also scheduled a girls trip in two weeks. Perhaps the best development yet. If you think I should reconsider my perspective now, I would really love to hear any other approaches. Thank you all, I can’t say how much, for your advice and support yesterday. I truly appreciate each and every word of what you all took the time to say.
Anonymous says
This all sounds very sensible. I’m sorry you’re going through this, but I think this is a really good plan.
Anonymous says
This. And to give a bit of home. I was pricing divorce lawyers last year and we are now doing great. It’s not perfect but I’m happy.
And if it doesn’t work out, you can assure yourself that you tried really really hard.
AIMS says
So I didn’t say anything yesterday but wanted to chime in with a general observation that may or may not be helpful. I think sometimes there is so much baggage in a relationship that it’s hard to productively resolve anything. Clearly he is being a complete jerk in the situation you describe and having this continue is unacceptable. But he also probably didn’t get there on his own, right? That’s NOT to say it’s your fault but just that it takes two people to come up with a pattern of behavior like this. I think you are doing the right thing preparing for the worst and being open to him working to fix it. I would just maybe communicate that to him at some point. Say what you said here, calmly and when you aren’t fighting. People aren’t mind readers. I can’t tell you how many problems I see that could be resolved or at least made better by better communication. Especially when it comes to having kids. I know for myself and for many of my friends, we take on way too much and then end up resentful but I wonder how much better things could be if we were less inclined to become martyrs in the first place? Maybe that doesn’t apply to you. Maybe I am just thinking about my own needlessly messy/stressful morning today. Also maybe your case is too far gone. But at some point – after you talk to a lawyer maybe – I would tell him what you need. And probably I would just say next time he brings up counseling “ok, but you have to find someone and make the appointment and it has to be ASAP.” I know some people would say that you should not have to tell him how to fix it because he has to learn to do it on his own and its his mess, etc., but i think that it’s important to address the possibility that a) he has no idea how bad its gotten because maybe you’ve let him get away with it for so long (monthly golf trips???) and b) that divorce is hard and you will probably be glad to know that you gave fixing this your all before going there. If you didn’t have kids, I would say just leave. But you are stuck in each others’ lives for a long time. Even if you divorce, you will need to deal with each other better and I would take the time to work towards that now.
Obviously, this is all very hard. I wish you and your kids all the best in this difficult situation.
mascot says
+1. Be specific in telling him what you need. You didn’t get here in a month so he may not get everything fixed in a month. You should start to see some progress though even if there are backslides and missteps along the way.
Also, for the times that he is on duty, let him own that task completely. If you are used to doing 100% of the planning, this will take a conscious effort on your part. If he’s in charge of taking kiddo to a birthday party, give him the invitation and tell him where you keep the tape and scissors. Don’t print the directions and wrap the gift as well. He will likely do it differently than you do it and that’s ok. It’s not a judgment on him. If you do end up splitting up, he’s going to have to do all these things on his own anyway.
Anonymous says
Ask him to read John Gottman’s book. It deals specifically with the issue of contempt within a marriage and how that it so very damaging.
Gottman also has workshops and it may be worth doing one if there is one in your area.
https://www.gottman.com/about/the-gottman-method/
anon says
My heart goes out to you, OP. Best of luck in all of this.
GCA says
No advice, but hugs. This sounds like a sensible plan. Thinking of you, and all the best.
Knope says
Thank you for the update, and hugs. My heart goes out to you, and I hope things work out for you no matter which way they go.
PregAnon says
I’m 38 weeks pregnant and finally working from home full time. My maternity leave doesn’t officially start until I actually give birth (I literally have to call the insurance company from the hospital), but work is really winding down. I’m basically just binge watching episodes of ER and staring at my belly all day. Any tips for making it thru these last few weeks? Wish I had the energy to clean or go on date nights. Freezer is full of food and hospital bag is packed. I’m starting to be too exhausted to do anything but google “is X a sign of labor?” It’s at once so exciting and so boring!
Anonymous says
I remember those days well :) Sleep as much as you can – I know it’s a cliche but it’s true. I went into labor really sleep-deprived because I had an emergency induction (that sounds so dramatic, I just went to my doctor at 40+3 and they said “we don’t like the baby’s lack of movement, go straight to L&D” so it wasn’t life-threatening for me or baby or anything like that). But anyway I hadn’t slept for almost 48 hours before giving birth and was really counting on a nap that afternoon that I didn’t get. And then (at least at my hospital) they were in the room every hour or less to check me or the baby or put her on my boob for nursing, so I basically got no sleep until I got home 48 hours after giving birth. 4 straight days of almost no sleep was HARD.
Sending vibes for labor soon & good luck!
Boston Legal Eagle says
Me too! Except I’m 39 wks + 5 days and off starting next week so I’ll be playing the waiting game with you (my first was born at 42 wks….) If it’s decently warm where you are, you can take walks throughout the day. Continue watching netflix and sleep, if you can. I remember this waiting time before my first being really boring but know that it will end soon!
ElisaR says
enjoy….. i don’t think i have ever been bored since my first son was born!
anon says
Could you meet your husband for lunch? You’ll barely get time to yourselves for a little while after baby is born.
EB0220 says
I went for a ton of walks in those days, got coffee/lunch with my husband at random times and stepped away for pedicures and a prenatal massage. It was a weird time for sure, but nice.
EB0220 says
I went for a ton of walks in those days, got coffee/lunch with my husband at random times and stepped away for pedicures and a prenatal massage. It was a weird time for sure, but nice.
GCA says
Go for walks with a podcast? Swim? Get a prenatal massage? Read a book? Online shop for random last-minute baby items? Good luck!
aelle in aerospace says
There’s not much that really needs to get done, so enjoy yourself. Last manicure / pedicure / haircut in a little while, if you like these. Take naps, take yourself out to lunch, go to the movies, read books. And lean into the boredom and the slow rhythm, there’s going to be more of it coming your way.
Anonymous says
My 1.5 year old has super fine, thin hair so it falls in her face if it’s not put up somehow. She’ll happily sit for us or daycare to do her hair, but then she constantly fidgets with it and pulls it out a few minutes later. We’ve tried the tiny rubber bands and flat metal clips, neither of which she leaves in for very long. Any suggestions on other things to try so we dont have to redo it multiple times a day?
Anon says
Let it fall in her face. My DD was the same way around that age, and she ripped out her hair along with the rubber bands. I got worried about bald spots and just let it go. It was slightly annoying to have her looking ridiculous most days, but she was at daycare so not like I’m trying to win any model contests or anything. If it bothered her to have it in her face, she never said anything. Worst part was more frequent baths to get food or crafts out of her hair.
Around age 2, it got long enough that I could do the top half of her head in a french braid and leave the tail part in a pony. She left that alone until nap time most days, I think because she still had the bottom half loose to play with. Then around 3 she started actually liking clips and braids and we could do more hairstyles that she would actually leave in for most of the day.
Anonymous says
Your options are bangs, give up, and/or time. Maybe stretchy headbands- one of mine was fine with those.
—mom of 3 girls
Anonymous says
We pulled bangs back on top of the head with the terry elastics. They’re more gentle on the hair and (I think) less tight, so kiddo didn’t fidget with them as much.
EB0220 says
I’ve started doing a dutch braid up the side of the head for my 2 daughters (one of whom has very fine hair). It seems to work well – nothing really to fidget with and it stays put. I’m not sure if your daughter’s hair would be long enough but it might work!
AIMS says
My daughter dill well with those little fabric barettes. They were both harder to pull out and less bothersome, I think.
anon says
I gave up and went for bangs from 15 months to 3.5, when she hacked them off with a pair of craft scissors. That was in February and they’ve grown out nicely, thank goodness, but it was not cute for awhile!
3 kids life advice says
Someone posted yesterday about having 3 kids unplanned. Didn’t get a chance to respond yesterday and OP received lots of good advice. I’m including my best advice for what makes our life with three work. Would love to get ideas from other moms of three as well. DH and I both grew up in families of two kids so we feel like we don’t know what we’re doing a lot of the time.
1. Relax your parenting expectations for yourself. Our friends referred to this as ‘zone defense’ and not ‘man to man’ because the kids now outnumber you. Lots of days I reminded myself that if only 1 out of 3 kids was crying I was still winning because 66% of my kids were not crying. My third was not EBF like my first, I just couldn’t make it work.
2. Get help. All the help. Ask for it or pay for it. For me that was a postpartum doula for 3 hours, 3 times a week plus my mom coming over for two hours every morning during a rush out the door. My car is ancient but I pay someone to fold all the kids laundry.
3. Childcare finances change – we did daycare with our oldest but a nanny suddenly becomes more affordable when you are looking at three daycare bills. When ages vary, you can also have the nanny care for the two youngest during daytime and also do afterschool care for older kid. Or an aupair during the school years when you need someone to help 7-9am and 3-6pm.
4. Accept the minivan – at least until they are all out of car/booster seats. It’s just easier.
5. The world is built for families of 4 but you can find exceptions. Hotel rooms usually say they accommodate 4 max but if you read the fine print, you can often have an extra folding bed added.
6. Enjoy the sibling relationships. We have twins but we’ve made an effort to foster the relationships between each of the three kids. They are like a little team and they have each other’s backs all the time. It’s super cute. I’m not close with my only sibling and I’m glad that my kids have an extra chance to have sibling that they will close with.
7. Babywearing – all the babywearing. You now have more kids than hands, baby or toddler wearing is like having an extra hand to hold a kid. Often a kid will be settled just by being worn. Giving one kid physical attention via being worn while having my hands free to hold hands or otherwise help the other two was a huge help.
Spirograph says
All of this, and I will add
8. Have the 2 older kids share a room. This streamlines the logistics within your house so, so much. One stop to put away laundry. One stop for bedtime. One place to put all the toys, and where the kids can play together and hopefully leave you alone for 2 minutes to take care of the baby.
Anonymous says
Yes! We have 5 BRs and 3 kids. The older 2 share (their choice) and bedtime, laundry, and cleanup are so so much easier!! They want the baby to move in with them and I briefly entertained it, but landed on keeping them separated for now.
Will also add:
– give the kids chores. Ours started pitching jnnarkund 2.
– carve out 1:1 time. Even if it’s just going to the grocery store with just one, do it and make it “fun.” DH will take one to Home Depot and stop for donuts & coffee. I’ll take one to the grocery store and buy a treat, or take my oldest with me for mani/pedis. Sometimes DH will take the older 2 out to dinner to give me 1:1 with the baby. I’ll take the older 2 to the gym (free childcare) and leave DH with the baby for 1:1. Oldest and I are “training” for a 1 mile fun run together, DH and Middle fly drones together.
My middle
Spirograph says
My youngest is now 2, and he’s moving into the kids’ room within the next few months. It was nice to have a separate room for him as a baby, but now that he’s more or less on the same night sleep schedule and plays with the same toys as the older kids, it’s time to consolidate!
AnotherAnon says
No advice, but I really appreciate you posting this. I just skimmed yesterday’s post and it felt a little…”omg you don’t have to ruin your life this way” which makes me really sad. Partly because I don’t think I can have bio kids and partly because I have three siblings and the “OMG HOW MANY OF YOU ARE THERE” interactions I had with only children when I was young were honestly pretty damaging. Everyone gets to choose what’s right for their family, but I appreciate you shedding some light on the positive aspects and tips for survival.
Anonymous says
I wouldn’t have chosen it because I always wanted just two kids but I’ve actually come to love it. I’d even have a fourth – which 25 year old me would think is crazy pants – but DH is done.
Anonymous says
SO much this especially #4 (just do the minivan, seriously. I actually love mine and 10 years ago I told my husband he should feel free to divorce me if I ever turned into the woman who wanted a minivan. And now he loves our mini as much as I do.)
But I also cried and stressed out about the unexpected 3rd kid, for a long time. I was #1 worried about my marriage. We were not blessed with good sleepers and I am a hot mess when I don’t get enough sleep so the first 2 years of each kids’ lives were a blur of me being a complete jerk to my DH and just feeling awful. The benefit of being older (40) with #3 and more settled in my career is that I felt like I could give up a lot to get more sleep: Baby up a lot last night? Great, I’m working from home today. Or, I’m coming in at noon instead. (Academic, so lots of flexibility, but also just accepted that I was not going to be a rock star the year I had an infant.)
Marriage was hard for a while with no sleep for me but we knew what was going on and that it was temporary (although loooong time….). But we’ve come out of it even stronger and with a kid we cannot imagine living without. Do not regret the baby nor the fact that we have 3. If we were younger I would absolutely consider a 4th now, even though I am really not good with chaos. But I love the sibling relationships and I am determined they will grow up to be close even though my sibling and I are not.
I’m rambling but I hope this is helpful. Good luck!
Anon says
As one of three (and DH and I are planning to try for #2 in a few months with #3 TBD seeing how #2 goes), this warms my heart. Embrace the chaos was sort of my household mantra growing up, and I loved the big family chaos. But +1 to the world not being built for families of 5. Plus side is that someone always got to bring a friend when we had to supplement a family four pack with the two pack.
Anonymous says
When do you first cut baby’s hair? My 7 month old’s hair mostly fell out around 4 months (and subsequently grew back) but there are a few strands of newborn hair that didn’t fall out and now almost reach her eyebrows. Do I take her for a cut? Or just try to trim them at home? She has major stranger danger (like, I didn’t even know babies her age could be this shy and freaked out about being away from their parents) so I think taking her to a salon would make her hysterical :/
Boston Legal Eagle says
When our son was in the awkward infant hair stage, my husband used clippers to trim any loose ends. A little easier than scissors for squirmy infants. You could try doing that, if you don’t mind a crew cut type look for your daughter. We took him to his first salon (well, Snip-its) appointment at around 15 months for a real haircut.
Anonymous says
I had to trim my son’s bags at 6 months. I just did it myself with regular scissors. He lost a lot of his hair too, and it came back in much blonder, so for a while he had this incredible ombre mullet.
Anonymous says
We didn’t cut our daughter’s hair until she was over 2.5 years old. We mostly powered through the awkward stages because I am super opposed to bangs.
Anonymous says
My older son got his first haircut (by me) at 4 months, when his hair was in his eyes. I just used the regular hair scissors I already had. It’s VERY easy for babies and tiny kids. I also cut my own and my husband’s hair, which takes more practice, but babies and little kids are super easy. If you’re nervous, there are so many youtube videos on haircutting! I still cut the kids’ hair, but it’s harder when your 3 year old says he does not want a haircut, he just wants long hair (and it’s in his face and he won’t wear a ponytail).
Au Pair Question says
I’m sure this is a stupid question…but, those of you who have had au pairs…do they drive? Can you make that a requirement?
anne-on says
So this really tends to vary by family. If you live in a major city (NY/DC/Boston/San Fran) it seems people do not necessarily want/need their au pair to drive. NOT needing an au pair to drive certainly does widen your pool and can remove a major stressor, BUT I would also then be very clear with potential au pairs that they will not have access to a car (and will need to rent a car/pay for bus or train or plane tickets if they travel).
Those of us in the burbs often do have our au pairs drive (I do) and place a high priority on safe driving skills and experience in inclement weather (ice/light snow/heavy rain). I make it a point to let them know we restrict the use of the ‘au pair’ car in snow/ice as we do not put snow tires on that car, so all driving is on me/my husband if the weather is really bad. Which is fine, and most accept that, although a few have pouted that I’m not letting them go out with friends at night in 6 inches of snow with no snow tires…nope!
FWIW, I’ve found Germans/Swiss/French girls to be the best drivers due to the high cost of (and high time investment) in drivers education in those countries. Some states also offer reciprocity with certain countries regarding licenses – ie, in our state Germans and the French can apply for a local license without having to retake a driving test (which makes the process much faster for you if your insurance requires all drivers to have a state license – ours does).
OP says
Thanks! We’re at least 3-4 years away from this. But I’m thinking ahead to how we might handle some after-school stuff in the future.