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Sales of Note…
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Nordstrom – 2,100+ new markdowns!
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off all sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything; extra 30% off orders $100+
- Eloquii – $39 select styles; 50% off select styles
- J.Crew – 25-50% off wear-now styles; extra 50% off select sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything; 50% off women’s dresses; extra 60% off clearance
- Loft – 60% off sale styles
- Lands’ End – Up to 40% off your order
- Talbots – Semi-Annual Red Door Sale: Extra 50% off markdowns
- Zappos – 26,000+ sale items (for women)! Check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kid shoe brands on sale.
Kid/Family Sales
- J.Crew – 25-40% off kids’ styles; extra 50% off select sale
- Lands’ End – Up to 40% off your order
- Hanna Andersson – 30% off all kids’ & baby clothing; PJs on sale from $25; up to 75% off clearance
- Carter’s – Rule the School Sale: Up to 50% off; up to 40% off baby essentials
- Old Navy – 50% off back-to-school styles; 30% off your order, even clearance
- Target – Backpacks from $7.99; toddler & kids’ uniforms on sale from $5
- Pottery Barn Baby – Summer sale: up to 50% off
- Nordstrom – Limited time sales on brands like Maxi-Cosi and Bugaboo.
- Strolleria – Free infant seat car adapter with any Thule stroller; 30% off all Peg-Perego gear in our exclusive Incanto Collection
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
CPA Lady says
I like this dress, but the V looks kind of deep. FWIW, I have several of the Old Navy sleeveless ponte sheath dresses and they are great for my business casual workplace, and the neckline is high enough for my chesty self.
Anonymous says
I also love the Old Navy ponte sheath dresses. They are an inexpensive way to explore trends that I feel will be stale next summer. That said, I find it super annoying that the length of the dresses is so inconsistent. Lots of times I liked a print but it was a shorter length. Sometimes they are to the knee and sometimes they are mid thigh was is useless for the office.
Anon says
Agreed! I’m only 5’4″ but they are still short on me. I only wear them in the winter with tights.
CPA Lady says
Oh yeah, this is a good point. I’m 5’3, and the regular size is the right length for me.
Anon says
I love them but even the tall sizes are too short for me (5’10”). They recently (last year or two) raised their hemlines. The tall sizes used to work great.
Pogo says
Ha, this is what I thought too. “In sizes 0-20” yeah but if you’re anything above a size 6 that is going to be NSFW.
Anon says
I actually need a V deeper than what most consider OK for work (something about the oddly wide set of the girls), otherwise things look incredibly frumpy, so this might be perfect for me.
Ditching bottles says
Any pointers for phasing out bottles for a 1.5 year old? She drinks water from a variety of sippy cups but rejects them in favor of bottles when she wants milk. Not an original problem, but open to suggestions. Also, is it too naive to hope this’ll be easier once she transfers to the toddler room in a few months? Thanks all!
Cb says
Either cold turkey or wait it out. My son still uses a few soft spout sippy cups which I’ve been too lazy to swap out for something else. He comes into our bed first thing and drinks a sippy cup of milk and reads stories so I want something that doesn’t spill. The dentist says its fine as he uses a cup at nursery and we don’t send him to bed with it.
Anonymous says
Are the bottles warm? For us, it was more of a temperature thing than a wanting a bottle instead of a cup thing. You could try warming and/or just taking the chill of milk in the sippy cup and then gradually working towards milk straight out of the fridge. I remember being SO stressed about this with our almost four year old, and now it is a distant memory. It’ll all work out. And, yes, the toddler room will help!! And, FWIW, kiddo’s pediatric dentist was way more relaxed about this than the pediatrician.
Anonymous says
We dropped one bottle at a time leaving the bedtime bottle for last. We just explained we weren’t doing bottles anymore and did it cold turkey the night we dropped the last one and she was fine. Literally no complaints. She may have asked for it a few times but we said no more bottles. And I think we referred to it as milk before bedtime instead of the word bottle. This was probably around 20 months because I’m a baby about transitions even though she always handles them well. Offered milk in a sippy at breakfast/before nap. She wasn’t drinking much milk for a while during this time (about 10oz total in a day) but the ped said just keep serving yogurt/cheese and she’ll go back to milk. Now she’s over 2 and drinks plenty of milk.
octagon says
We were fortunate that there was a friend with an infant, and we told kiddo that Baby needed the bottles now. Made a big show of packing them up and taking them to Baby (my friend later gave them back and I freecycled them). Kiddo seemed to really understand that he was helping Baby out, and that made it easier to give them up. This was maybe at 18 months IIRC.
June says
My son used Phillips bottles, so we first used the Phillips cup with the soft nipples, so it wasn’t that much different than a bottle, then moved to the phillips cups with a hard nipple. After a while he started to drink milk out of anything.
HSAL says
Just popping in to give a HUGE plug for the Orly no-bite nail polish. My 3.5 year old was a committed finger sucker and we’d been trying to get her to stop for months. She wanted to but it was habit, and bandaids on her fingers were barely making anyway. Started the nail polish and she completely stopped almost immediately. It was crazy and I wish we had tried it six months ago.
In other news, one of my one year old twins broke her leg a couple weeks ago. Luckily she’s only in the cast two more weeks, but she’s been a real boss about it. And the new job is keeping me too busy to post during the day, but three busy days and two days off are far better than five slow days at the old job.
GCA says
Aw, poor baby! Glad the new job is going well, though, and thanks for the update!
anon says
you can still come post on your days off :-) as a fellow twin mom (i think ours are pretty close in age – mine are 14 months), i love having your input. i don’t even know what i would do if one of my twins broke a leg. that sounds rough
FVNC says
Thanks for the tip — keeping this in mind for when it’s time for our 2 yr old to stop sucking his thumb! My older daughter was addicted to her paci and I thought that was bad…but I was somehow able to take them away with no drama. Somehow I don’t think I’ll get as lucky with the thumb. Congrats on the new job and with the leg situation, that’s a challenge for sure!
LittleBigLaw says
Thank you for the rec! I’m going to try this for myself.
Patricia Gardiner says
Hoping to make it out of mod this time…
Any recommendations for toys for a 10-month-old on an airplane? It will be our first trip and I’m kind of nervous! He likes to be very active so I’m a bit worried about 3+ hours of lap time! Thanks!
octagon says
Stack of post-its. Snacks. Books. I planned one activity for every 5-10 minutes plus a couple extras. It was a lot but you don’t want him to be bored, plus you never know about delays.
Cate says
Photos of himself. Or videos. Just on your phone. Can scroll through at length, repeatedly.
Anonymous says
Snacks. All the snacks. Puree pouches, and more snacks. Unfortunately I think this is basically the toughest age to fly with (I have done it twice), so just be prepared for lots of walking up and down the aisles.
Anon says
As a counterpoint, I thought that was a great age because they’re entertained by literally everything – plastic water bottles, bags of pretzels, safety briefing card, etc. All fantastic entertainment for kids that age! I never even packed toys when I flew with kids at that age. Now my kids are older and I actually have to bring a backpack full of toys because they want stickers and coloring books.
Anon says
I thought that age was really rough because they had such a short attention span (or at least mine did).Also a tendency to hurl toys across the plane. What worked for me was to basically collect a bag of toy-like trash for a few weeks before the trip — binder clips, an old wallet, a couple of Duplos — basically anything that might occupy him for a few minutes. Dollar Store and Goodwill can also be a good source for this. Then I just kept rotating toys throughout the flight. And yes, snacks — the One Cheerio at a Time game can be a great time-killer. Good luck!
shortperson says
one roll of masking or painters tape and two pieces of ice from flight attendant in two silicon muffin cups were all we needed at that age.
Buddy Holly says
Ask the flight attendant for two plastic cups. Agree with the painter’s tape suggestions as well. Someone on this site also recommended wrapping stuff up in newspaper or tissue paper so that it could be unwrapped to provide more distraction time. I will also post a link below this to a book my child was obsessed with at that age, though I never understood why. 10 months can be a tough age to travel, so good luck!
Buddy Holly says
Book mentioned above: https://www.amazon.com/Babys-Busy-World-DK-Publishing/dp/0756610184
Seriously, my 9 to 12 month old would stare at this book for 20 minutes when her attention span was 30 seconds for anything else. I never understood why.
Anonymous says
Small wind-up toys are THE BEST at that age!!
Patricia Gardiner says
Thank you all for the suggestions and good wishes!
Anonymous says
Any advice on going past your due date? I’m due with #2 tomorrow but he’s still sitting pretty. DD #1 came on her due date so I stupidly assumed #2 would come a tiny bit earlier. But no dice!! I’m uncomfortable but used to being uncomfortable, I just want to meet my baby!
And if anyone had a membrane sweep I’d love to here how painful/not painful it is. Considering getting one tomorrow as I’ve been dilated/effaced for weeks and I didn’t have one with my first. Unmediated birth with #1 so that’s my reference for a pain scale, but labor pain is purposeful vs just “ow ow ow” pain that hurts.
Anon says
The membrane sweep was the most painful part of my (medicated) labor. But it was done w/o my consent and I had no idea what was happening. I just thought it was the worlds worst cervical check. If I’d known what was happening I might have been able to breathe through it better.
anne-on says
+1 the doctor on call at my practice who I liked the least did it without telling me and it was probably waaaay more painful because I couldn’t prep mentally or breathe through it. I did go into labor the next day, so it was effective. I was about 3 or 4 days overdue and my son was big, so I can see why they tried it, but seriously, tell me, geez!
CP says
Membrane sweep was about 15 minutes of bad pain, similar to contractions during transition. It’s not pleasant, but if you’ve been through labor before, you’ve got this.
Cb says
Yep, totally fine. I had one at 40+3 and didn’t have baby until 41+5 so be forewarned, they aren’t a guarantee.
Anonymous says
I had a membrane sweep at 40+3 and went into labor the next day. For me, contractions were much more painful and the membrane sweep was quick.
HSAL says
I had it done at my weekly appointment at 39+3, but I was already having some contractions. I yelled a swear that started with mother and nearly broke my husband’s hand, but it was minor and brief compared to the agony that my pre-epidural contractions were later that night. I’d do it again if I were overdue.
Anonymous says
I had a sweep at 41+5. I didn’t find it painful at all– I was actually still bracing for it when the midwife said she had finished. I had an unmedicated birth before, though, and had heard lots of horror stories about the sweep and was prepared for the worst.
I had intermittent cramps/contractions immediately after that never really stopped– instead turned into real labor. Baby was born about 12 hours later. As a warning, I continued to assume my contractions were “false” contractions from the sweep and was totally in denial that it was really labor until I was in active labor in my living room. Baby came out 12 minutes after we got to the hospital.
Anonymous says
Thanks! I’m hoping it’s not a huge deal since I’m already 3cm dilated.
Canadian says
I don’t think they’re bad, and the pain is very short. Had one with my first kid at 40+1, went into labor that night. Had one with my second kid around 39 weeks, had another at 39+5 or so, went for acupuncture to induce labor, and kid#2 was born on his due date. Complications from kid #1 and very large babies (both over 9 lbs) made me very reluctant to go overdue with kid #2, hence all the sweeps and acupuncture.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I had that done with my second right before his due date. Contractions started the next day and he was born within 48 hours of the sweep. I found it pretty painful (and I had given birth before) but it was over quickly and I wanted to jump start labor before going overdue again.
Pogo says
It must depend on the person – I had one and it hurt, but like a painful cervical check + massive cramp/small contraction. And then it was over. I think I had it Friday and went into labor Sunday? I forget now…
Healthy says
I had a miscarriage in early June and haven’t worked out since. I have gained 15 lbs over my “normal weight”. I’m thinking about doing weight watchers online. Wondering if anyone has any insight on this or what type of food/workout regime they use – thanks in advance
lsw says
I’m so sorry for your loss. I did do Weight Watchers online when I felt like I needed to do a hard reset with eating. I found it super helpful. Honestly I went over my points constantly but I still lost weight. I did not approach it as a hard-liner, but more of a way to make it easier for me to make better choices. I found the zero point foods helpful and I basically added a lot more beans and eggs into my life.
Be kind to yourself and give yourself time, too. Hugs.
Anonymous says
First off, I am so sorry for your loss.
I tried WW online to combat BC-related weight gain and all it did was make me miserable. I was constantly starving but never lost any weight.
I recommend using the NIH Body Weight Planner to set a reasonable and realistic calorie goal, then using My Fitness Pal to track calories and exercise. Set your own calorie goal in MFP, and ignore the daily statement about “if every day were like today, in 5 weeks you would weigh XXX pounds.” That statement is based on MFP’s own highly inaccurate calculations of your calorie needs, not the goal you set. MFP vastly underestimates calorie needs and thinks that I need about 600 fewer calories per day than the NIH tool.
For hormonally-induced bloating, I find that limiting sodium, alcohol, and refined sugar intake are helpful.
As far as workout regimes go, the best one is the one that you actually enjoy and look forward to. For me, that’s HIIT, BodyPump, ballet class, yoga, and a variety of active recreational pursuits (paddleboarding, indoor climbing, hiking, walking). Just moving your body in a fun way and achieving that pleasantly tired post-workout feeling will make you feel better about your body, even if weight loss or toning results are not immediately apparent.
Anonymous says
I did WW with success after I had twins. I only had about 15lbs to lose but I found it helped reset my relationship with food. That said, I don’t do asparatame and I didn’t buy any of the WW branded diet type foods. The program is a good way to reset around portion sizes, and focus on eating enough lean protein and lots of fruits and vegetables. It also encourages exercise and has lots of good suggestions for easy ways to incorporate more activity into your day. This was important for me because I was working out a couple times a week but I was otherwise too sedentary and the evidence is sitting too much is not good for your health. Enter your own receipes in the system so you can easily count what you are eating at home for regular meals.
Anonymous says
I am sorry for your loss. Been there—dark chocolate peanut butter cups were the only thing that got me through.
I did WW shortly after my second MC and lost about 20 lbs. I subsequently got pregnant and am now back on it (and 5 lbs down!).
I really like the program, and I think it works well if you like fruit and veggies. I appreciate that the mental block of, “I’m out of calories, I can’t eat anything even though it’s only 5 pm” is gone. I can always have fruit/veggies/chicken/etc. I also like that it incentivizes me to eat healthy. If I could have 100 calories of chocolate or a banana (which is about 100 cal), the chocolate wins every time. On WW, the banana is “free,” so I am motivated to choose it instead.
You don’t have to exercise to follow the plan, but of course it helps. You can do whatever works for you.
Good luck and be kind to yourself!
anon says
i know lots of people on this site have tried to start using an ok to wake clock with young toddlers. do you think it works for a 14 month old? how do people use it if they have kids sharing a room seem to need different amounts of sleep. i have twins. one woke up today at 5:50, but yesterday woke up at 7 (she’s the one who needs the clock), but the other one always sleeps till 7/7:30. while it would be lovely for Twin A to stay quiet until 7, even 6:30 would be great. one challenge is that sometimes when we go in to get Twin A, Twin B pops her head up and sees us and freaks out, but is a hot mess if she doesn’t keep sleeping until 7/7:30. tips?
HSAL says
We’re currently in process with this ours (13 months so yep, close! :)) We used the regular clock with my oldest but for the twins we just put a dim light on a smart plug. Right now our son wakes up first. When he starts making noise we turn the light on with our phones, grab him, and then turn the light back off. If my daughter is still sleeping, we’ll do the same thing when she wakes up. Sometimes she wakes up when we get him but she quiets back down when we turn the light off and we go in a little later. So it’s semi-working out so far? We’re going to start pushing them later soon (he wakes up at 5 or 5:15 these days ugh) but I think the smart plug is preferable to the clock since you can set different times to go on and off.
IP Attorney says
Yes! We started when our DD was 12 months old – we pointed it out every night and said when it turns green we’ll come and get her. When we got her in the morning, we would also point out to her that it was green which meant that it was “okay to wake up”. She quickly caught on and stopped whining/crying in the mornings when she woke up before the light turned green, she just hung out in her crib. Seems for the twin situation, you’ll just need to set the clock to 7 am and Twin A will need a little more guidance on what the green light (or whatever light for the clock you use) means.
Anon says
We get a lot of reports from daycare that our 15 month old is observing, not participating. Yesterday’s report made me especially sad – they said she was sitting and “watching her friends run around, laugh and play.” She’s the only kid in the room not walking, which I’m sure is part of it, but she also just has a very cautious, observant personality. But I feel really sad thinking about her just sitting there like a lump watching everyone else do stuff. Would you talk to the teachers about it? I don’t want to be a high-maintenance parent but these reports are bumming me out.
Anonymous says
I don’t think asking once about repeated reports would make you a high-maintenance parent, especially in the toddler room. At drop-off or pickup, I’d just say, “I noticed that a lot of the daily reports say that she is just sitting and watching the other kids play, not interacting. Can you give me some more detail about that?” Then see what they say and ask relevant follow-up questions: “What strategies are you using to encourage her to participate? Is there anything we can do at home to help?”
ElisaR says
My nephew has always enjoyed observing other kids. Sometimes he will get in the mix but he is content watching and he learns from that. I wouldn’t worry, especially since she’s only 14 months old. She’s probably happy as a clam.
IHeartBacon says
“I wouldn’t worry, especially since she’s only 14 months old. She’s probably happy as a clam.“
This.
Sounds like your little one is a people watcher. I’m sure she gets a lot of joy out of it. Mine does.
Anonymous says
I got those reports too when my daughter moved to a new room at daycare (from the infant to the toddler room), and it made me sad too! Especially because she was so fearless at home. I agree it’s definitely worth asking the teachers how they might be helping her engage, but I think it also just takes time. My daughter actually took her first steps in that room because she was trying to keep up with her friends- so it’s not that she didn’t want to participate, it’s just that she wasn’t physically ready. My guess for your daughter is that 1. observing her friends will help her walk faster, and 2. as soon as that happens, you will see her participate more. Good luck! I emphasize!
Pogo says
This could be totally off base, but sometimes I wonder if they struggle to find things to write and so not everything is super accurate/informational? Obviously if she’s not mobile every report is going to say “I loved watching my friends chase the bubbles!” because she can’t physically chase the bubbles yet, but that doesn’t mean she wasn’t giggling and clapping and shrieking with delight. I also wonder if every kid gets essentially the same writeup – I mean in one day, they all do basically the same thing. Not sure I’d put too much stock in it if she’s otherwise happy and social.
LittleBigLaw says
This has been our experience with both kiddos.
Sarabeth says
If you want reassurance, I’d also ask how the teachers are engaging her while she sits and watches. In a good center, I would imagine that there’s often a teacher seating with her and narrating the action. The teachers should still be helping her to engage in active observation, even if it just gets written down as “watched my friends play.”
Anon says
My daughter went through a major observer phase between years 1 and 2 and then it sort of just ended and she began engaging more with kids around her. I felt really bad and worried about it but I guess she just wanted a lot of space for whatever reason.
Anonymous says
I am looking to hire a part time contractor to help out the consulting business my partner and I started. We’ve had a series of amazing interns that are in between a stint at a consulting (or similar) gig and business school, but (totally understandably) they aren’t looking for permanent part time work.
Our ideal person is a mom/dad that has some experience with creating slides for consulting engagements and/or has strong quant skills (we do a lot of data crunching) and wants to keep a toe in the workforce but has benefits elsewhere. Of course, it could be anyone, but we found that semi SAHPs have the means to deal with the ebb and flow of work, and the nature of the work we want help with is very parent friendly (can be done at night/flexible, no or limited client calls). It’s less of a fit for a person with a full time job looking for a “side gig,” though that’s a possibility too.
Any insight on where to look besides personal networks? There is a company called The Mom Project- I’ve actually met someone through that- but I’m looking for other channels too.
I know this group tends to be more FT working but figured maybe folks have explored options for PT work and might have thoughts.
Anonymous says
Indeed seems to be the big recruiting place on the web at the moment. Every candidate we have interviewed in our last few rounds of hiring has seen our ad there.
Anonymous says
For such a niche function? Contract, part time, very specific skill set?
Anonymous says
Very specific skill set. We had several people who applied for a FT position but actually wanted contract, part time, remote work, etc.
Nonny says
In DC, we’ve had luck with Flex Professionals. You might also post on your LinkedIn page/neighborhood list serve.
Anon says
A friend of a friend founded this company, which sounds like it might have the kind of people you’re looking for: https://www.flexteam.com/
Pogo says
I was going to post this too! I went to MIT with the founders, though was a few years behind them.
Anon says
I went there too :P
Anon123 says
I’d be interested in learning more! I have those skills exactly and currently work part time with benefits through my husband but always on the lookout for other work that may be a fit. How do we connect??
Pogo says
:) I’ll say no more at the risk of outing myself – but maybe we do know each other! MIT can be a small world.
Anonymous says
@Anon123-I’m the OP here. If you post an email I will shoot you a note!
To everyone else- thanks for the leads. They are all great!
Yolanda says
Please reach out to us at FlexTeam! https://www.flexteam.com/contact/
Anon123 says
Hi! This is anon123, yes shoot me a note at ifiknew97 at y a h o o
New Momma-to-Be says
For you litigators out there who have gone through pregnancy, I’m wondering if any of you have advise/commiseration about prenatal visits and scheduling. I’m a first-time mom and litigator, and I’m scheduled for a 4-week trial in California (I’m east coast) during the time period when I should be having my first ultrasound! What do/did you all do in similar circumstances? I’m too early on to tell work, and certainly not a judge. How did you manage it? Or am I overthinking something?
Anonymous says
Congratulations!
1) are you confident your trial will happen at that time? Scheduling is so unpredictable. (I just went through a trial with a 6 month old… initially the trial was supposed to be during my leave and another attorney was going to handle it, but it was rescheduled twice for unrelated reasons)
2) Talk to your medical provider about it and see if you can do the US before or after the trial. I was supposed to have a follow up ultrasound for something they saw on my 20 week at 30 weeks. I ended up needing to leave town for a funeral and couldn’t get the follow up until 33 weeks, but my provider was fine with it.
New Momma-to-Be says
To answer your #1, my trial will definitely start on time; we are getting our rulings on pretrial motions tomorrow, and jury selection starts on Monday. This trial will extend into both my 6.5 week and my 8 week ultrasound, so unless it settles, I’ll actually miss two! My provider said they do not do ultrasounds until 6.5 weeks at the earliest, because earlier they would not be able to see everything they need to. I’ll talk to them about skipping both and doing something like a 10 week ultrasound, but I don’t think they will like that. At 10-12 weeks I’m going to be transferred from my reproductive endocrinologist’s office to an ob/gyn, so before they do that I think they want one. I’ll discuss with them weekend options, and see if I can get home for a Saturday or something.
Anon says
Maybe your care is different because you’re working with an RE, but in the US it’s very common to not have an early ultrasound. My OB does not do one until 20 weeks, barring complications. Friends who have had “early” ultrasounds had them at 9-10 weeks.
New Momma-to-Be says
I’m in the US, but conceived using ART (artificial reproductive technology), not naturally. Maybe my RE is being overly cautious? I wish I had an OB to ask, but I haven’t seen one yet (and just moved to a new city, so the only one managing my fertility treatments and the like was my RE, because I got a pap only a few months ago before I moved, I was traveling to this city to see the RE already).
Anon says
I think 8 week is typical for ART, at least it was for me and two friends who similarly had IUI/IVF. 8 weeks was the U/S that “graduated” me to the regular OB pool.
anon says
Agree with this, there’s not much to be done at the early u/s (i conceived using IVF and had my 8 week ultrasound early on the morning of one of my trial days, but of course I wasn’t in a different city like you will be). if you are concerned about getting the u/s, can you ask your RE for a referral to an RE in your trial city? I bet they would be willing to do them for you, possibly early in the morning before trial starts for the day, or maybe on a day that the court is dark (if you have that – I’ve had two 4 week trials and in both cases, we always at least one dark day b/c of juror conflicts, judge scheduling, etc.). I had to pay OOP for IVF entirely, and those first two ultrasounds cost me about $250, so probably not a lot of extra money.
Anon says
I’m in the US, and my OB does an ultrasound between 6-8 weeks to confirm it’s not ectopic, it’s just one, and to date the pregnancy (something about having really good data about size compared to age at that point so they can get accurate dates).
Pogo says
I had a 6w with my RE and then an 8w with my OB after IVF. I don’t think they would have cared if I skipped it, though.
Just wanted to say: solidarity. The challenge of work travel and IVF and pregnancy is so mentally draining and emotionally hard. My RE nurse in particular was not at all understanding about the challenges of needing to be in a specific place at a specific time without knowing more than 24h in advance, and without being able to tell anyone why.
RR says
The 6.5 and 8 week ultrasounds are standard with ART, but the thing I remember most from mine is that we were seeing if it was multiples (first time, yes; second time, not definitive, so I really wanted that 8 week u/s!). It’s not the end of the world if you miss them–there’s nothing they can really do about anything at that point. It’s just information.
I didn’t have this issue, but I was in trial during my egg retrieval for IVF. It took a combination of missing the morning of trial one day and pushing my RE to do everything in their power to make that possible (first appointment of the day, no sedation, etc.) I think you just have to push back on the realities of your work. If they think it’s critical, maybe you could have one on an evening or weekend in the trial city?
RR says
You also kind of start over at the OB–both times, I ended up with an early u/s there to confirm number of embryos. If I were you, I’d tell them I could do a 10 week and make them articulate to you what would be the actual risks of not doing the earlier ones (i.e., beyond them wanting information or you wanting to know if you are having multiples). It’s nice to have early information, confirmation of “heartbeats”, etc., but women have babies all the time without it.
Quail says
+1. I’m a currently pregnant litigator who had a (mercifully only one week) trial at 20 weeks. I just scheduled the anatomy ultrasound a bit late. I had a confirming transvaginal ultrasound at 8 weeks at my first appointment, but those are the only two ultrasounds I’ll have. But in the larger scope, I’m a week off my prescribed visits because of work travel and it hasn’t really been a problem. I just explain I travel a lot for my job and my practice understands. Mostly they just want to know that I won’t be travelling too much more as I get closer to my due date, which thankfully is the case.
Since you are having more early ultrasounds and a major trial, it sounds like moving things around this might be less doable. Just thinking out loud – any way you could have the ultrasounds done in California? Or other tests, like blood tests, that would confirm everything is OK or that no intervention is needed, until you get back?
And most of all congratulations, and second most of all, good luck at trial! Remember to eat and drink regularly!
Anon says
I would talk to your OB about it. Most pregnancy-related things have a range of dates, although they do want to see you weekly in the last month or so. I think my doctor said the 20 week ultrasound can be done anywhere from 18-22 weeks? Whether you schedule it for the tail end or the very beginning probably depends on your OB’s philosophy and also your personal preferences (whether you would want to terminate a pregnancy if the fetus had a health condition that would be fatal, for example).
anon. says
Echoing the others here – as much as you WANT to see the U/S at 8 weeks, there is literally zero to be done about anything they see at that point. If you wait until 10, it’s hard (especially the first time!) but it wasn’t the end of the world for my OB. I was so lazy in scheduling on pregnancy #3 that I didn’t have one til 10 weeks anyway. It’s not uncommon.
DLC says
I’m not a litigator, but found out I was pregnant at the beginning of a 10 week work trip. My insurance covers out of state medical visits so I found an OB where I was and went to see them (twice- an appointment at 10 weeks and one at 14 weeks). They did all the initial ultrasounds and genetic screenings then sent me home with hard copies of all my files to take to my OB at home. I like my OB practice at home, but the attention is not so personalized that I feel like they are the only ones I can see. It was early enough that I felt like I just wanted to get a pregnancy confirmation and do the genetic testing while we still had options.
Twins says
I traveled out of state (to California) during that time period after IVF. It was one of those two ultrasounds and I was able to find a RE in the bay area to do it. I similarly paid entirely out of pocket so it wasn’t a question of insurance
Can’t recall if I needed a referral from my primary RE, but I think I found them on my own. And then they sent the details back to my Dr
So it’s definitely do-able. If you went through ART I can understand not wanting to skip the u/s even if optional
Good luck!!!!!
Lawyermom says
Civil Litigator here as well! I tried a case each trimester and my advice for the first trimester is bring snacks with you as you may start get nauseated. I found Chex mix and goldfish to be the best due to carbs. Eat a grilled cheese for lunch or have a colleague or Uber eats deliver one outside the courthouse if you need to trial prep during the lunch break. Do not skip lunch (ask me how I know). Come prepared with bottled waters if your courthouse allows them to be brought in and if not immediately go to the vending machine and buy and obscene amount so you stay hydrated. I was not ready to announce my pregnancy when i tried the case in my first trimester. But just go prepared with all the food and snacks that you can keep down and power through. Let me know if you have any other questions about trial while pregnant. As for the ultra sound I wouldn’t even worry about the it and just set an appointment for right after you get done with trial.
nycmidlawmom says
this is all really good advice. I had a week-long trial during the 2nd trimester of a pregnancy and the pregnancy was a non-issue except for the crazy amount of snacks I had. I even kept handfuls of almonds in my blazer pockets so I could shove them into my mouth the second the jury left the courtroom.
first trimester would have been harder because of the nausea. I would have needed a ton of ginger candies, hard candies, and peanut butter crackers to combat that.
I agree with everyone else about the first weeks’ ultrasounds being nice but medically unnecessary. silver lining (?): if you wait until you get back home, your partner can go with you and see/hear everything together.
I think it’s kind of a shame that you’re not showing yet because in my case the jury loved that I was pregnant!
Lawyermom says
The food and bathroom breaks were only issues in second and third trimester trials. Don’t want to scare you but the first trimester trial was harder due to nausea and fatigue. Just stay on top of the eating. Also lemon water helped me with the nausea so I brought sliced lemons to squeeze in. Just made a joke about how I am fancy. I came loaded with a cooler of snacks and drinks for my week long trial. Fortunately I had another attorney there and made them do my food run for lunch as I was first chair after I got really nauseous after skipping the first day. Get your hair blown out the day before trial so you don’t have to worry about washing and fixing it for two or three days/ possibly you can go into the fourth day depending upon how greasy it gets. You will want that extra 30 minutes of sleep. Good luck at trial and you got this!!
So Anon says
My guess is that this is related to being under the care of a RE v. OB/midwife. My first was with a RE and we did ultrasounds at 6 weeks and then at 8. I would be honest with your RE about the need and concerns. Ask if your numbers are indicating that the ultrasounds are necessary or if there is a medical need present for these in your pregnancy. Good luck!!
Katie says
I’m a litigator and am currently 16 weeks pregnant via IVF. I went to an RE out-of-state, which meant I had to arrange for my own scans back at home before the OB would take me (the OB’s office said first ultrasounds are done at 8-10 weeks). Since my RE wanted me to get scans at 6, 7, and 8 weeks, I did weeks 6 and 7 at a local ultrasound clinic, and then saw the OB at 8 weeks. You can more than likely find an ultrasound clinic local to your trial and have your RE send in an order to them. Best of luck to you!
Law mama says
Best of luck and you will be great. If there is someone on the team that you really trust, it may make sense at some point to tell them so they can help support you, wrangle snacks, etc. You may need more sleep then is desirable but if at all possible don’t exhaust yourself to the point of getting a migraine or otherwise sick (don’t be me). And tell us all your tips when it’s over!
Anonymous says
I went 2 weeks past my due date and then was induced while still at 0 dilation and 0 effacement, so you’re already doing better than me! My only advice is to keep busy and do the things you haven’t gotten around to to get ready for baby. I worked on the nursery a bit, got a pedicure, got my hair cut, made freezer meals, went for lots of walks, and went shopping. I was due in late fall, but I think if I were due now I would be spending lots of time in the pool. Granted, this was my 1st so I didn’t have another little one to take care of. I took vacation starting at my due date because I couldn’t stand working any more. I really didn’t expect to go 2 more weeks, but that’s life.
avocado says
Menu help, please! I need to serve dinner for approximately 20 people, including picky children, ravenous teenagers, BLW toddlers, a vegetarian, and a person who is gluten-free by choice and gets her feelings hurt if the host hasn’t obviously gone to great lengths to accommodate this preference. To add to the fun, this meal will be served to family visiting out of town so I don’t want to spend hours in the kitchen. My original thought was to order Indian takeout, but the nearest Indian restaurant is pretty far away. One option would be to grill burgers + hot dogs or chicken, plus portobello mushrooms, and buy sides from the grocery store. Other ideas?
avocado says
family visiting *from out of town
Redux says
hahaha, see my post below yours– you and I are both the hosts, so I don’t think either one of us is visiting the other– but what timing!
avocado says
Jinx!
Clementine says
Chipotle or Moe’s delivery.
You want a taco bar situation.
Vegetarian eats a veg burrito bowl. BLW kids eat shredded meat, shredded cheese, rice, beans. Picky eaters eat meat and cheese on a tortilla. GF Princess (intentionally a princess here not by virtue of her GF lifestyle but the behavior that was described above) gets reassured that you ‘Researched and totally made sure it was food that would work for HER.’
Throw money at the problem and walk away.
ElisaR says
yes, I LOVE the Qdoba taco bar set up. It’s so easy and tasty.
Anon says
+1
IHeartBacon says
This.
Anonymous says
Baked potato bar! You can make chili ahead of time and have additional toppings like cheese, sour cream, salsa, broccoli. Bake potatoes on sheet pan, serve chili from crock pot, assemble other toppings ahead of time. This was a huge hit for my in-laws with very difficult eating issues.
Redux says
Give me your best tips to feed a crowd! We’re traveling with 6 adults and 6 kids (ages 5 and under!) to a well-stocked house this weekend where we want to focus on fun and not logistics (but let’s be real– it’s all about logistics). It’s going to be a million degrees out so I don’t want to spend too much time cooking.
I’m thinking: yogurt and granola for breakfast, sandwich fixings for lunch and ordering out at least one night. What are you favorite go-to meals I can make for the other two dinners that can feed a bunch and require minimal prep?Bonus if it’s vegetarian-friendly!
ElisaR says
we did a 7 family house rental for one weekend this summer. My advice: Trader Joe’s bagged salads (2 will likely feed the group). I made a pasta salad Thursday night that I brought (goog spring celebration orzo salad). We grilled a bunch of chicken (the most labor intensive part of the meal). Somebody brought a tray of mac and cheese they bought at costco.
Redux says
My extended family used to do this a lot– 10 families or more at an annual reunion weekend at a state park, some people camped, some brought RVs, others rented cabins. It was so much fun as a kid but in retrospect, the women spent so much of the weekend cooking. I’m trying to learn from that lesson!
Em says
Pizzas with pre-made crusts.
IP Attorney says
We recently went through this and grilled out one night – super easy, burgers/hot dogs, veggie burgers, some fixings, store bought potato salad and chips, and we threw some corn on the grill. It was plenty of food for leftovers and everyone was happy!
rosie says
It’s so easy not to care about logistics when someone else (you!) is all about the logistics, isn’t it?
But anyway, enough of that rant…tacos w/canned beans sautéed peppers (could use frozen that are precut), rice (microwave/boil in bag for the easiest option), salsa?
CP says
Looking for a parenting book recommendation. Our 14 month old son is spirited, to put it charitably. He is incredibly intense and emotional, needs a ton of stimulation and is highly extroverted. He’s starting to show early signs of temper tantrums and testing boundaries, and we want to use a parenting technique that will actually work with this tempest baby; one that doesn’t involve crushing his spirit or letting him go feral. Anyone know of a good parenting book for such children? And to reiterate, I’m not talking about a toddler that’s simply active or strong-willed. He is a full-blown Jekyll and Hyde.
Anon says
I think all toddlers are Jekyll and Hyde? I don’t know your kid obviously, feel free to label him as spirited if you want, but nothing you’ve said here is remotely out of the norm for 14 month olds.
Anonymous says
Yes, don’t all toddlers have epic temper tantrums and test boundaries?
CP says
That’s a common response from parents who don’t have a spirited child, so you will have to trust me that since birth, he has been at least ten times more intense than other babies his age. His pediatrician, my friend who runs a daycare center, and my stepmother who raised six children have all commented how he is one of the more difficult babies they have encountered. And now he is combining this disposition with toddler behavior.
Anonymous says
Well, when you say “starting to show early signs of temper tantrums and testing boundaries,” that doesn’t make it sound like anything beyond the ordinary.
Anon says
Right. A kid can’t be that difficult if they’re just starting to throw temper tantrums at this age. My kid was throwing tantrums well before 14 months, and I don’t think she’s out of the realm of normal in terms of difficult toddler behavior.
Anonymous says
Yup. I have 3 kids. My middle is in a category of her own w/r/t feelings. My other two were “normal toddlers.” My second, at 5, has taken 200% from the day she was born.
shortperson says
mine have had very few. i can only remember one my 21 month old had, and my 4 year old had maybe 6 other than a weekend when she had an ear infection. it’s definitely a spectrum. i definitely believe in the luck of easy v spirited kids!
anon says
haha, yeah, i’m 2 for 3 on jekyll and hydes. my kids are so much better behaved around other adults than just us, so we may not give off that impression.
the common book recommendation is Raising Your Spirited Child.
SC says
My kid is also “spirited.” Raising Your Spirited Child was a life changer, and I’ve been considering reading it again a year later.
Anon says
My kiddo is probably in that category as well. We just wing it, but we use 3-2-1 then timeout (and have since she was about 1 year old) with OK effect. Diversions don’t really work for us because my child is laser focused with the memory of an elephant; taking away toys, etc. just results in more meltdowns and more trouble trying to get it once it’s put away. Originally we did timeouts in the PNP until she climbed out at 18 months and then we moved to doing them on the stairs. Whatever method you pick, consistency seems to be key (even if it seems like at first your child just laughs in your face, it does eventually start to click). I also find that she gets into less trouble and is slightly more amenable to instruction if she gets enough exercise – lots and lots of outside time, intentional “rough-housing” as my mother tends to call it, etc. I also try to pick activities that will not be terrible for her – outdoor park, boisterous restaurant, fine, quiet indoor or confined space, not so much – I think of it as setting her up to succeed (and bringing my patience if it can’t be avoided).
Anonymous says
One of my twins is much more high spirited than the other. The thing that helps the most is exercise outdoors. Like full on running non-stop for an hour in the park or garden while we chase him around. He’s been this way since he was about a year old. A lot of anger was related to physical tension in his body. So the combination of very rigourous physical activity every single day and also secure physical touch via babywearing helped him a lot.I used the ergo until about age 2 and the toddler tula thereafter.
EB0220 says
I really liked Janet Lansbury’s book “No Bad Kids.”
Anonymous says
I don’t have a “spirited” child but I trust you when you say you have one. Although the tantrum thing is pretty normal at 14 months, but tantrums are such a spectrum from throwing yourself on the ground, throwing things, or just kicking feet/yelling a bit. We actually found 14-18m a little harder because of the lack of verbal skills. Anyways, what I’ve observed from my friends with spirited children that works is: TONS of exercise. They can walk and run much longer than kids their age. Consistent enforcement of boundaries (they tend to not keep hands to themselves). Little sugar in their diet, and limiting screentime. Not easy answers. Also accept that your child may not need as much sleep as other kids their age and don’t stress.
Also Has Spirited Child says
For a book, Whole Brain Child good.
Not to get too woo-woo, but I think there is a gut-brain inflammation connection going on with kids like these. So much recent research is pointing this way with brain issues also being connected with gut issues, including for things like autism, ADD, Parkinson’s, etc.
With the idea that helping the guy can help behavior, the following might help if you want to try:
-A good probiotic
-Cutting out high-inflammation foods. These can vary by person, but starting with dairy and gluten can help. Cut them out for two or three weeks, keep them out if behavior changes, add them back in if you don’t notice any difference.
-Avoid glyphosate like the plague. This generally means going organic and eating non-GMO foods when possible.
-Outdoor time is key, at least an hour a day. Preferably in outdoor places that are free of pesticides, flame retardant sprays from forest fires, and heavy air pollution.
-Consider a magnesium supplement like MagCalm for kids. People with high inflammation tend to be short on magnesium.
-Also consider occasional Zinc supplementation for kids, occasionally. People with high inflammation tend to also be short on Zinc. But don’t do it every day because zinc and copper should be balanced in the body and you can get a zinc surplus if it is supplemented too much without copper. Don’t supplement with copper unless trace amounts through a kids multivitamin.
-Be sure your kid is getting enough healthy fats. Kids need more fat in their diets than adults. We use olive oil generously in our house. Fish oil or omega-3 or DHA supplements for kids can also be good, or just eat fish once a week.
-Encourage foods high in fiber and vitamin C and other superfoods and limit sugar and processed food as much as possible. You probably already try to do this, but think broccoli, mango, berries, kale, zucchini, etc.
I’m sorry if this sounds crazy and too crunchy, but I believe these things have helped our child be healthier and happier.
mascot says
As a parent of a spirited kid, I see you and I know how hard it can be to navigate these moods. Communication frustrations are real so I’d encourage you to do what you can to make it easier for them to explain what they want. This is also a good time to start the practice of naming feelings even if they can’t quite follow.
I’d encourage you to figure out what your child’s good traits are- it’s so easy to fixate on the challenges that you lose sight of where they have natural strengths. For us, my kid has always been a good sleeper so even on the roughest days, I knew that there would be an overnight break and we could start again. He’s also a big rules follower. This meant that we could indulge his desire to run ahead a little bit because we made it a game that when we called “red light” he needed to stop immediately. Bonus, he got extra exercise. Failure to play by the rules meant walking slowly by our side which was super boring. Obviously, tailor to your child’s ability and safety.
Anonymous says
We’re about to start potty training and want your suggestions for a training toilet. Should we get one of those free-standing small potties? Or a seat liner so she can sit on the regular toiler without falling in? We have two bathrooms in our house so will get the same for both. I think daycare uses a small potty. But the liner appeals because it seems like it would make using the toilet outside of our house more familiar.
Anonymous says
Toilet seat with integrated child seat plus a step stool for her feet.
Anon says
+1. We started with an insert and quickly moved to the built-in child seat. They’re like $40 at Home Depot.
rakma says
My two kids refused to sit on any kind of little training potty. They’re thrilled to use the kid-sized real potty at the library or at school. After so much research and buying multiple liners my oldest refused to use, we ended up with one of those cushioned ones with the cartoon characters on it, purchased as a bribe, and it worked just fine.
ElisaR says
i bought (too many) toilets for this process so I feel like I really have insights here! The BabyBjorn one was best for encouraging ideal p**p position. That one was my favorite and resided in our kitchen for longer than I care to admit. I also bought one that has a little step and fits over our regular toilet. That one we had upstairs and my son still uses it. He was 27 months when we trained so he didn’t really use it at first but now that he’s bigger it allows him to climb up and hang out on the toilet. We also had a travel one that was just ehhhh. But you need a travel one (the BabyBjorn one will not travel well).
CCLA says
We are about 2 months into kiddo (not quite 3yrs) being potty trained, after an abandoned attempt around age 2.5. Like ElisaR, we bought a zillion toilets. Forgive the novel, but fwiw in case you go through a saga like we did, here is what worked for us: The BabyBjorn one was great for having in the living area in the very early days so she didn’t have to venture far when it was time to go. Bonus, it was available in her favorite color. We also bought the seats with integrated flip-down small seat, but she wasn’t hot on those initially and we were mostly interested in minimizing accidents so didn’t push them. A few weeks in I moved the BB one to her bathroom. Then we started making a big deal about using the big girl seat (so over cleaning up the tiny one, gross). After about 6 weeks we ditched the tiny BB one. She knows how to flip down the insert and climb up by herself, it’s awesome. We still keep a tiny BB one in her bedroom because at night if she wakes up she prefers to use that rather than trek to the bathroom and we’re fine with that system for now. We like the Oxo one for out and about, which can either sit on a big toilet as a reducer or stand alone with a bag.
AwayEmily says
We wanted to just do a potty insert + step stool (because who wants to clean poop out of a tiny potty? not me!!) but it turned out the baby bjorn potty was *very* necessary for us for the initial training. We have an extremely independent kid who really wanted to do it All By Herself, but the problem is that when you are just learning, climbing up on a step stool by yourself and turning your body around just takes too long. She needed to just be able to run in and sit, and she could do that easily on the baby bjorn. We got rid of it fairly quickly (a few months, I think) and then just used a potty seat insert. But I know lots of families have success with just the insert, so YMMV.
Anonymous says
On the other hand, my kid used the baby bjorn potty exactly once. I am not sure she ever actually understood that it was a potty. Day care used miniature toilets, and at home she just wanted to use the real one.
Emily S. says
The Baby Bjorn potty seat on the actual toilet plus a step stool. A daycare teacher said offhand to me, “Why make more work for yourself teaching them to use a toilet in the kitchen and then a different toilet in a different room?” That made sense to me, and it was recommended in “Potty Training in 3 Days” so we opted for the Baby Bjorn seat on the toilet in the bathroom from day 1. DD #1 used it for about a year, and then started asking to take it off and use the actual toilet seat. (I also bought a potty hook so that adults could take the seat off and hang it on the side of the toilet. I had visions of visitors standing in the bathroom in a quandary, like, do I just set this thing on the floor?)
Buddy Holly says
We used a seat liner but also left a little potty on top of a mat in the child’s room for her to use if she had to pee at night. She also preferred to go p**p in the potty in her room for a long time. We didn’t fight it because it was sometimes an issue to get her to go p**p, so we were just happy that it happened. Cleaning the little potty was not fun but also not as bad as I thought it would be.
Birthday Announcements? says
Would it be weird for me to send out “one year birthday announcements” with photos of my son’s cake smash to family and friends? Since my family lives far away, we won’t be having a birthday party. We have lots of friends and relatives who don’t use social media or email, and love getting mail. We sent out birth announcements, which were a big hit- many people have told us they still have it up on their fridge. My concern is that it will look weirdly attention-seeking, or like we are asking for gifts, which isn’t the case. I just want to share some cute pictures. Am I overthinking this?
Anon says
I think it’s fine to send some cute pictures but if you call it an ‘announcement’ it feels more gift-grabby. Just write them a brief note and include the photos, don’t do an official announcement card.
Anonymous says
Put it on your holiday card.
ElisaR says
+1
Anon says
We have a similar situation, with lots of far away relatives who love real mail. I found the TouchNote app that lets you pick a photo from your phone and send it out as a postcard, and that seems like it might work for you too? It’d be easy to type a quick note on the back like “Hi Great Grandma! I loved my Elmo cake and smashed it into my hair. Then I fell asleep in the middle of my dinner! Love you! – Kiddo” so that it doesn’t sound gift grabby.
rosie says
Ink is the same kind of app. Super easy and seems reasonably priced when I consider that I’m saving the effort of printing the photo, getting a separate card, and mailing it.
Anonymous says
Yes it will look like you’re hunting for gifts. This is not a thing. If you want to share a picture, write a greeting card and tuck a photo in it.
AnonLaywer says
I could use some advice on baby registries (first kid). What’s the general guidelines on expensive “frivolous” items on baby registries? I’ve already gotten a lot of stuff second hand – like a nice stroller – and also bought some of the bigger stuff – like a glider and crib. The most expensive item on my registry currently is a carseat ($200), which seems reasonable to me since it’s a necessity (though I wouldn’t expect a single person/couple to buy it). But there’s also some kind of silly stuff I’d like, like a $100 mobile and a set of all the Elephant and Piggie books for $150. Obviously, no expectations, but is it okay to offer guests options like that or does it just look greedy?
Anon says
I think those items are fine – some people might want to spend more or have the option for group gifts and those things aren’t insanely expensive or frivolous. Just don’t be like my friend and put a several thousand dollar TV on your baby registry (she claims she only did it for the registry completion discount, but I still side eyed it).
Anonymous says
Someone bought the uppababy on my registry so I say go for it.
Anonymous says
Put them on there! People might pool resources for a larger group gift. You also then benefit from the completion discount down the road.
Pogo says
I put everything on mine, because of completion discounts. I think people know that and don’t worry about putting pricey stuff on there as long as you have a range.
Anonymous says
Same here, I’ve got everything that isn’t furniture on there because of the completion discount. I have no expectation that others will buy the more expensive stuff (or any of it, really), but I also don’t have anything on there that’s so outrageous it would get any side-eye.
shortperson says
depending on your life, you may also want to include a nice travel crib, a tripp trapp or other toddler eating space, a learning tower, family-sized suitcases, an ultralight stroller, an extra carseat or base for a second car, and convertible carseat(s) for when baby outgrows the baby seat.
anne-on says
+1 – I would totally add in another car seat (Or base, if you have a second car), a convertible car seat for a bigger child, a smaller stroller, and a high chair. A swing and/or a bouncy seat (baby containment devices!) are also useful and fairly expected. All very reasonable things you will likely need at some point soon!
P-volve? says
Has anyone here tried the P-volve workout program/subscription? I haven’t really worked out since I got pregnant 2 years ago, and while I’m objectively thin thanks to good genetics, I’d like to tone up and feel better about my overall fitness level. My husband travels a lot so I need something I can do at home after my toddler goes to bed for the night. I’ve read good reviews but most of them seem to be written by bloggers, which always makes me a little suspicious.
Quail says
General information gathering career question for any litigators, prompted by a spate of recent interviews/hires at my firm: do you feel that the traditional time for “jumping ship” from BigLaw means that you will transition to what is perceived as a “lean out” position? Or would you move to another firm? What are your considerations? (Note this is not specifically related to parenthood, but I think the timing of kid-having might play into this).
I work at a litigation boutique that is actively recruiting for senior associates from BigLaw/government; the main criteria is looking for those who have case management experience and can handle cases on their own. Timeline to partner is pretty short – 3 years at the firm with at least 7/8 years out of law school. I started at the firm out of a clerkship and am a more-senior-but-still-junior associate, and our junior associates are an equal gender mix. But I have seen almost no interviews for lateral senior associate applicants who are women. Most applicants are 6-8 years out of law school, clerkship(s) required. It bothers me because we already have a partner gender disparity (who doesn’t) and I wonder if there’s something the firm can do to actively recruit more senior associate women to join us, or if they are being screened out, or…I don’t know. We are not a lifestyle firm by any stretch, but my life as a junior associate is much better than those of my BigLaw peers in terms of control over my schedule, and that is only more true the more senior you are. Any thoughts?
Anonymous says
If the main criteria is independent case management, you don’t need clerkships or big law. You’ve narrowed your pool in a way that excludes women
Anon says
Yeah this is baffling to me – I worked at an AmLaw 25 firm that didn’t require clerkships. Lots of people had them, but it seems like a really arbitrary thing to require, even more arbitrary than requiring people go to a top school. Also really hurts people from less privileged backgrounds who probably need to start a high-paying job ASAP to pay their bills.
Wow says
Most of the laterals at my elite/snobby Big Law firm had clerkships, usually at the federal appellate level. I don’t recall it being listed as a requirement, but these firms can be picky and are so prestige-conscious that it became an unspoken requirement.
Anonymous says
She isn’t in biglaw though
Wow says
I understand, but some of these boutiques are just as selective as Big Law firms if not more so (at least that is what I have seen in DC). What I’m saying generally is that a prestige conscious firm will want lawyers with federal clerkships. And there boutiques have fewer spots, so they can be more picky.
Nan says
I worked for a boutique that had this as an unwritten (and semi-flexible) requirement. So it’s not unheard of at all.
Quail says
Yes, I definitely understand this is a real limitation, and unduly limits the pool. And I agree by that point, it’s just a snob thing. I know clerkships are a requirement for juniors (because snob and because the firm can) but I’m only assuming it’s become a de facto requirement for laterals as well. I’m going to inquire if it really is.
Anon says
I recently left biglaw, and would have potentially considered a litigation boutique if I wasn’t in DC and didn’t move to the government. The main reason I didn’t really look in to it is because I feared the hours wouldn’t be much better and I didn’t really want to do business development if I could avoid it. But I have lots of case management experience and wouldn’t be considered by your firm cause I didn’t do a clerkship. I would consider whether a clerkship is really screening for what you want, especially given my limited experience that suggests than men have an easier time getting clerkships.
shortperson says
interesting. i had not heard that men-clerkship statistic. do you know more info on that? this never occurred to me because i clerked with a lot of women. but i do see women having a harder time getting case management experience.
Anon says
I don’t have a stat on it, but it is my experience. Maybe I have a bad sample, but ever guy I know who wanted to clerk got a clerkship, but I know a decent number of women who wanted to clerk and didn’t get a clerkship. This makes sense to me at least in part because law school classes are close to 50-50, but I know of judge who hire only male or all but 1 male clerks and I don’t know of any judges that hire all female or close to only female clerks.
Anon says
“I know of judge who hire only male or all but 1 male clerks and I don’t know of any judges that hire all female or close to only female clerks.”
I believe you, but that’s awful.
Eek says
I worked for a federal judge that often hired all female clerks! But agree that it’s not the norm.
Quail says
I clerked at the appellate level, and there were times where my co-clerk and I were the only women beyond the bar (all male 3 judge panel, all male attorneys arguing the 5 or 6 cases, and all other clerks were men). This was 3 years ago in a “liberal” circuit.
anon for this says
My female judge has a history of hiring mostly female clerks. She was also a holy terror and was known for being harder on her female clerks than her male clerks, but that’s another story.
Quail says
Definitely see the clerkship requirement as an obstacle. And from looking at our website, an applicant would be able to tell that’s a huge plus if not a requirement. And yes, I believe there are studies that show that men both apply for clerkships more frequently (and with less stellar credentials) and get them more frequently.
Anonymous says
Anecdotally, I would not want to go to another firm, and during the 3 years I was supposed to be making my big push for partner, have a baby (or two). You effectively lose 1-2 months while ramping down, 4-6 months of maternity leave, and 1-3 months while ramping back up, which is 6 to 12 months of a 3 year period. I would be worried that that lost time would mean I have less of shot at making partner, particularly at a firm you admitted does not have a great gender balance currently.
I have found that women who want to have kids tend to lateral earlier (years 3-4) or later (years 7-8 with a 1-2 year look for partner). Perhaps consider expanding your pool to more junior associates, or bringing on more senior women with a shorter timeline to partnership.
Also, I noted that you only see interviews for men. Who is screening the resumes that result in those interviews? You may want to consider whether there is some gender bias at play in that stage.
Quail says
Thanks, this is helpful. The uncertainty of starting over while taking leave is real. The shorter time to partner is also interesting, and the effect of a gender unbalanced current partnership as well. I’m not sure who is screening the resumes, so that’s another question to ask for sure.
The firm is small enough that I could say something about this and be taken seriously, but there are of course many decisions I am not privy to and are way above my pay grade. The firm knows it has a problem; I’m just not sure those making the decisions are cognizant of how the firm or the job description might come across, or how resumes are being screened, in a way that is counterproductive to the ultimate agreed-upon goal of having a gender balanced partnership.
Nan says
I wonder if you’re running into a situation where women are tending to take the hiring criteria more literally. Not that many big law associates have “actual” case management experience, aside from maybe a pro bono case or something really tiny. So maybe women are screening themselves out while men are more likely to stretch their credentials to fit the criteria.
Obviously I’m making huge assumptions based on stereotypes but it’s something to at least think about.
Quail says
Very interesting point. I’m not sure how the position has been pitched/described to recruiters, only what I’ve been told we are looking for (and to tell friends to apply). I think this is a very real possibility.
Law mama says
Yeah I’d break it down more into the specifics of what “case management experience” means. And look into the idea of maternity as a masters – the basic theory is that parenting builds the management and communication skills that people spend tons of money going to business school to acquire! May help your firm reframe what they consider as valid experience and how they talk about the position.
AlexisFaye says
Do they need any IP litigators? Asking for a friend…
Quail says
We do mostly general commercial lit but also a fair amount of IP work…post a (burner) email and I’ll get in touch!