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Make My Life Easier Thursday: Plant Watering Globe Set

Recent Recs

a potted plant

While these watering globes probably wouldn’t have saved your office plants from the Before Times, they might work for your upcoming summer vacation.

These would make a great hostess gift for the frequent-flyer plant parent in your life. This set comes with four colorful, hand blown glass bulbs. You simply fill the bulbs with water, make a shallow hole in the soil, stick them in your pots, and your plants will slowly draw up the water. You can use them both inside and out for your moisture-loving plants.

Wyndham House’s 4-Piece Plant Watering Globe Set is $46.05 at Amazon.

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Sales of Note…

(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)

Kid/Family Sales

  • J.Crew – 25-40% off kids’ styles; extra 50% off select sale
  • Lands’ End – Up to 40% off your order
  • Hanna Andersson – 30% off all kids’ & baby clothing; PJs on sale from $25; up to 75% off clearance
  • Carter’s – Rule the School Sale: Up to 50% off; up to 40% off baby essentials
  • Old Navy – 50% off back-to-school styles; 30% off your order, even clearance
  • Target – Backpacks from $7.99; toddler & kids’ uniforms on sale from $5
  • Pottery Barn Baby – Summer sale: up to 50% off
  • Nordstrom – Limited time sales on brands like Maxi-Cosi and Bugaboo.
  • Strolleria – Free infant seat car adapter with any Thule stroller; 30% off all Peg-Perego gear in our exclusive Incanto Collection

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About Ann

Ann is a working mom, a longtime reader of Corporette and CorporetteMoms, and has been writing our morning fashion advice for working moms since November 2020! She has a daughter (born winter 2014) and a son (born fall 2019) and is a public interest lawyer in Washington, D.C.

Comments

  1. AnonToday says

    Good morning! Longtime reader, occasional poster, and definitely anon for this. Just found out I am expecting our 2nd. Our 1st is just over 2. Early days in an upper 30s pregnancy. I suppose I’m looking for any advice on two topics: 1. Embracing the news (this addition is very much wanted but we had just started trying and given my age – yes I feel like an idiot for saying it – I assumed I had a few months before this happened
    2. Managing anxiety about the impact of actions before you knew you were pregnant (in my case some heavier than usual drinking and not enough folic acid – I started taking the supplement 6 weeks ago but ran out during what looks to be week 3 which I believe is actually the most critical week for neural tube defects), have been supplementing from week 4 onward). Thank you!

    • Anonymous says

      1- congrats!! You’ll be excited soon

      2- none of this matters. You’re good. Don’t google it.

      • Anon says

        Hi from a late-30s reader who is 8 weeks with her 3rd. Wasn’t actively trying but also not trying to avoid. This is all you need to know. Congratulations!

      • AnonATL says

        +1 to both these. If you do want to read some research regarding folic acid and alcohol consumption in early pregnancy I really enjoyed The Informed Parent. I’m majorly paraphrasing here, but they analyzed many studies and found no adverse impact from drinking before you knew you were pregnant, even heavier than “normal” drinking.

        • AnonATL says

          Also I distinctly remember having a half-consumed beer in my hand when I got my first positive test.. My husband was very pleased to finish it for me :)

      • AwayEmily says

        Yes! I posted here about six weeks ago because I was also surprised/terrified that I got pregnant way sooner than expected (at 41) and felt bad about not being 100% excited. And now I’m 12 weeks and SO AMPED. A potential new baby means a lot of changes, and it can be scary to wrap your head around/visualize those changes — especially if you didn’t have a long “trying” time to get used to the idea. So yes, the terror will (slowly) recede and the excitement will come. Congratulations!!!

    • Boston Legal Eagle says

      Congratulations! It may be earlier than you planned, but as we know with pregnancy and kids, nothing ever goes according to “plan” and that is just how it is. I’ve had to learn to let go of my need for control, a lot, after having kids, because I just have no control over who they are.

      For the second point, I’m not an expert on this, but I think the fetus doesn’t share the bloodstream for a while so alcohol won’t really affect it much, and in any case, you are not the first nor the last woman to drink heavily before finding out you’re pregnant. And the folic stuff I wouldn’t worry about at all – the fact that you were taking it at all puts you ahead of most moms around the world. But talk to your doctor if you have concerns.

    • Anonymous says

      Don’t google it. This may be a dark take but my husband is a probation officer and sees many babies born in terrible situations that are perfectly healthy. We talk about this a lot because we cannot conceive naturally and have frequently joked that all we need is a little more crack. Remember, more than half of babies born in the US are unplanned! Also, a ton of foods in the US are already fortified with folic acid like cereals and breads.

      • Anon says

        Seconded on this.

        I work with a ton of kids who were exposed to all sorts of things that would make you go ‘Oh God.’ The kid who actually was born with a legit physical issue related to things? Caused by prescribed medications.

    • fallen says

      About #2 – I think like 50% of kids are unplanned, so I can imagine that a lot of moms have this same issue. One of my kids was a surprise baby and I didn’t find out until week 5 or 6 and was drinking a ton (going out in NYC in my 20s and having 4+ drinks while out at least twice a week, not to mention having several giant cups of Starbucks daily until I found out!) and she is 8 now and thriving.

    • Anon says

      With three of my four pregnancies I figured out I was pregnant when I was throwing up from heavy drinking (which I rarely do! I guess it wasn’t that heavy but once involved tequila and once bourbon and yeah…). Doctor had no issues with it – you aren’t sharing a blood stream yet! The one time we saw an RE he said he’d considered just setting up a bar in the waiting room as he felt some drinking and relaxing could help the patients more than some interventions (this was a joke and part of a larger conversation).

      As for one, I’ve felt that way for every pregnancy, even the one we were consulting the RE about! Congrats!

      • Aunt Jamesina says

        Hah, I totally had the “OMG WHAT HAVE WE DONE” feeling once I got pregnant after IVF. It was a weird mix of elation and freaking out.

        • Earlier poster says

          Right? Like, YOU DID THIS ON PURPOSE! I tend to freak out for the entire pregnancy and most of the first few months even :)

    • govtattymom says

      I recently had a surprise pregnancy. I didn’t figure out I was pregnant until week 10 (I know, I know- but it was during the pandemic and I thought I was just really stressed out). We were actively trying NOT to get pregnant, so I certainly wasn’t taking folic acid or preparing for a baby in any way. My darling little 5 month old is super happy and healthy.

    • Anonymous says

      If it makes you feel any better, I drank wine, took codine and had a chest x-ray before I knew I was pregnant. My child is fine.

      I did ask the doctor about all of that at my first appointment, and she was very assuring the actual reasons I shouldn’t worry about it. So my best advice is to talk to your actual doctor, definitely not dr. google.

    • Anon says

      Congrats! Per the CDC: “Between the 17th and 30th day after conception (or 4 to 6 weeks after the first day of a woman’s last menstrual period), the neural tube forms in the embryo (developing baby) and then closes.” Sounds like you were taking your vitamins then :)

    • Anonymous says

      Oh, this happened to us! Our very much wanted kiddo #3 ended up *way* closer to #2 than we planned because while the first two took nearly 9 months to conceive, I got pregnant with #3 the first month we tried. They are 22 month apart (2 school years).

      The first two years were really rough but ever since then it has been great. And at least for us, it was our last kiddo so we had a feeling of “phew, never again!” when things like night waking and diapers ended.

      I would suggest making an effort to take a LOT of pictures and videos of both kiddos during the first two years. I barely remember my middle kid’s toddler years because I was a sleep deprived mess but having photos and videos makes it great to look back on.

    • Anon. says

      Umm yes, I’ve been exactly there. Late 30s etc. Baby girl is now 18 months old and adores 4-yr old big brother.

      1. My headspace to get through this was based on my faith and the general belief that God’s timing is perfect. Similar aphorisms available to who don’t share said faith. I was upset about a January baby because I was really worried about postpartum while trapped in the house by Midwestern winter. Turns out Jan 2020 was a way better time to have a baby than April 2020 like I’d originally planned.

      2. Yep, doesn’t matter. Talk to your doc, but you’re not sharing a blood stream yet. I found out with both of my kids shortly after returning from ridiculous Napa weekends. They seem fine.

    • TheElms says

      Congratulations!! It looks like there are going to be several of us pregnant at the same time! I’m 8 weeks, upper 30s as well and also have a just 2 year old. I feel much more anxious with this pregnancy than I remember with my first and I’ve decided that its as much about the state of the world/fatigue of the past year+ as it is about the uncertainty associated with the pregnancy itself. It is hard though, so hugs from this Internet stranger. I think the excitement is just starting to set in and that’s because we saw the heartbeat and we plan to tell our parents this weekend.

    • FVNC says

      Congratulations!! Just joining to chorus of “been there,done that.” Before I knew I was pregnant with my first, I happened to have a yearly checkup with my obgyn, at which a pregnancy test came back negative. We discussed clomid and when intervention might be needed. A week or two later, I drank fairly heavily, including several margaritas. At the end of that weekend my breasts felt tender and I took a test which was…positive. I thought I must be very newly pregnant. However my u/s dated the pregnancy at like 10 weeks, and I (the lawyer) flipped the f out, and *argued* with the tech about how that couldn’t be true because of the doc-administered neg pregnancy test. I was super freaked out. Fast forward almost 8 years and I’ve got a wonderful, super-smart, normal (well, weird, but only in the way all kids are weird) kid. She has had her challenges like speech delay but none of that is related to pregnancy stuff. Other than the test from the doctor, I so many of my friends have had similar stories and all have amazing kids.

      • AnonToday says

        OP here – wow, thank you all for the kind and thoughtful words. Appreciate your wisdom and I will be mentally repeating some of this in the days/weeks to come! Anon@10:17, AwayEmily and TheElms – excited to be on this journey / crazy adventure with you. Feeling really grateful for this group of amazing women today!

    • Anon says

      I’m 14 weeks pregnant with kid #2 who is very much wanted and we were actively trying for…and I’m unenthusiastic about it. I was the same way with kid #1 who was wanted and was tried for. It’s just how I am. It’s not real to me until I am holding the baby and there’s very little upside for me, who bears the physical burdens of pregnancy, until delivery. That’s ok! I felt so conflicted about my lack of enthusiasm now but I am this way for anything: trip excitement doesn’t begin until after going through the TSA security check, a move isn’t exciting until boxes are unpacked. The cool thing for this pregnancy is seeing kid #1 get excited about baby brother and talking to him everyday. It’s real for one of us and she will be excited enough for me also :)

      • Aunt Jamesina says

        I’m glad to see someone else who feels the same, I feel like such a detached weirdo! Everyone keeps asking me if I’m excited and reminiscing about how magical feeling kicks and seeing ultrasounds was for them, and I just feel like this baby is a distant idea. I had my 20 week scan yesterday and the tech was gushing and I was like, okay, great? Glad all is well with the baby, but I didn’t tear up or anything. But I am definitely excited about having a kid and looking forward to new family traditions and experiences.

    • Anon says

      I basically NEVER drink, but I went out with friends and got super drunk the first cycle we weren’t preventing because I figured it wouldn’t happen immediately. Then a few days later I got a positive test. I was freaked out but my OB was super reassuring (the fetus doesn’t share your blood until you miss your period) and the fetus is now a preschooler who is healthy, fun and seems pretty smart :) Congrats!

  3. Help me figure out how to bathe my child says

    Apologies for the banality of this question, but I’m a first time mom and I’m stumped as to the best option.

    We have a 9 month old who is super tall and rapidly outgrowing her Skiphop tub (that we’ve been using on the kitchen floor with a bunch of towels around it). We need to transition her to the bathtub soon. Unfortunately, our (only) bathtub is less than ideal.

    It looks like this – https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fi.pinimg.com%2Foriginals%2F04%2F5c%2Ff6%2F045cf671c3357ba281399657fe8d7189.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.pinterest.com%2Fpin%2F153966880998708830%2F&tbnid=C9H5v6B1DVVeTM&vet=12ahUKEwjMuYifvIjyAhWWxrsIHf-xAMYQMygAegUIARDRAg..i&docid=gLVOhU9PV7_XwM&w=945&h=1260&q=narrow%20shower%20tub%20with%20glass%20door&safe=active&ved=2ahUKEwjMuYifvIjyAhWWxrsIHf-xAMYQMygAegUIARDRAg

    Except that the door is 1/3 the width of the total tub instead of 1/2 the width. And it is a jetted tub (ugh – gross – we have never used the jets). It’s a rental so we can’t remodel the bathroom. It is the only shower/bath in the house.

    What would you do? Put the skiphop or some sort of bath seat in the tub and lean over the open-door edge to bath baby? Get in the tub with baby? I should mention that it is a tall, narrow tub (taller and narrower than standard) so leaning over/bending to pick up baby will be a challenge. The bathroom is TINY, too, so not a lot of space to manuever. If our yellow lab lies down on the floor in there, she pretty much takes up all the floor space.

    Please share your wisdom! I know how dumb this question sounds but I’m stumped and wondering if there are other options I haven’t thought of.

    • Anon says

      When we divvied up baby duties, we assigned husband sole bathing responsibility once the kid was out of the newborn tub. His solution was to put on swimtrunks and get in the bath with the kid. He asked me to come in when he called out that he was done, so I could wrap baby in a towel and hold so he could get himself out of the tub safely. He did this for both kids and took a lot of pride in being the primary parent for this activity.

      Might I suggest you give this to your partner to solve? It sounds like the perfect research and execution project for a spouse.

      • Cb says

        This was the best parenting advise I ever got, my 4 year old doesn’t think I know how to work the bathtub.

    • Tub says

      Are you sure she’s too big for the Skiphop tub? We have a 32″ long/tall child who still uses the Skiphop tub (the one that looks like a whale) without the sling in it. We use it either on the kitchen counter next to the sink (so we can fill it easily by pulling the hose out of the faucet) or in our regular bathtub so we don’t have to fill up the whole bathtub.

    • Aunt Jamesina says

      You can remove shower doors (obviously set them aside to put back when you move out), check out a YouTube video for how to do it. They’re just secured with a few screws and some caulk and even the least handy person on the planet can do it with a few basic tools and some patience. Put up a tension shower curtain rod, and voila!

    • ElisaR says

      also…. may you already know this, but you don’t have to bathe baby all that often. i used to aim for 2x per week. but yeah, it’s hard before they can sit up themselves.

  4. fallen says

    Is anyone else worried about what COVID is going to mean this fall for those of us who have kids? I am sending my son to full-time preschool, daughter is signed up to school after-care with bus, I signed up my kids for after-school activities, and I found my nanny a new job now that we outgrew her.. all all under the assumption that COVID risk would be low with vaccines. And now with Delta I am wondering if I made a mistake and need to re-think our plans. We live in the NE were cases are still low-ish it but they are rising rapidly. UGH.

    • Boston Legal Eagle says

      I’m also in a high vax area. I feel like my emotions change constantly with all of the news. My older son is starting kindergarten and will be in aftercare most of the days. My younger one will be the same daycare as they’ve both been this past year. I’m not so worried about them catching it as having a bunch of times where they have to stay home for illnesses, or quarantining due to exposure for my older one. But I know that virtual or even hybrid would be worse, so I’m hoping they keep the full time, 5 day a week school at least. It seems like another year of uncertainty about all of it.

      Activities wise, my older one is currently signed up for (indoor) swim and (outdoor) soccer for the fall. We haven’t had any issues with swim so far, but we’ll see.

      • AwayEmily says

        as you know, we’re in the same boat (one starting K, one in daycare). The one thing we’re still deciding on is aftercare — the school offers it, but it doesn’t start til October and is only Mon-Thurs, which is massively inconvenient. I also worry more about mask adherence there. There is a bus to a different, more regular aftercare, but that means exposure to a whole other germ pool. So we may end up hiring a vaccinated college student to hang with her for a few hours after school instead. Agree with you that all I really want is in-person 5 days a week. I really don’t think my kid would do well with virtual K.

    • Ugh yes says

      I’m worried because we’re having a baby in September with a 6 year old, 5 year old and 2 year old in school. I’m worried germs will come home more and there’s RSV everywhere and they won’t be vaccinated yet (though signing that 6 year old up as soon as it’s approved!) I actually think this may be the toughest period of the pandemic to have a newborn for those with other kids! Kids back in school but unvaccinated and more careless about masks. We’re just going to do our best – not going to keep any of the older ones home but at least for the first eight weeks going to keep baby as isolated as possible from those outside our family (but not the older kids as long as they aren’t sick – I think it’s really important for sibling relationships!)

    • Anonymous says

      I’m in MoCo, MD which is also a high vax area still with low (but rising again) cases. I am not worried. Maybe a little pollyannaish, but I think the worst that’s likely to happen is that everyone will wear masks, capacity limits on public indoor spaces will go back into effect, and we’ll spend more time at home than we prefer. My kids were in person at daycare and school last year with no problems, so I am very confident in those public health measures while I look forward to kid vaccines and Delta boosters. We still plan to do after school activities if they’re available.

      • anon says

        Did MoCo have in-person school last year? I’m just over the county border in PG and my fear is that we’re going to go back to virtual or hybrid like last year and I don’t know if my K kids can deal with another year of iPad school.

        • Anonymous says

          No, not until March or April. I sent my kids to private school, and I’m doing it again this year for a variety of reasons. However, even though I don’t fully trust MCPS, I think they know they have less of a leg to stand on keeping school hybrid or virtual after so many other districts were in person successfully last year, and they’ll try harder to keep things “normal.”

          • anon says

            Ah, gotcha. And yes, I’m hoping that PGCPS also realizes they really need to keep schools open this year!

    • GCA says

      Also in MA in high-vax area. Being here does shift risk thinking a little bit – if a larger pool of eligible people is vaccinated, there is somewhat less likelihood of spread. BUT I am also paying attention to the news out of Singapore and Israel where they are seeing nearly half of cases (almost all Delta at this point) show up in fully vaccinated people. (I think detecting a lot of breakthrough cases may be an artifact of a lot of asymptomatic testing from contact tracing, at least in Singapore’s case.)

      We’re trying to prioritize in-person school + aftercare for the 1st grader, and keep the preschooler in her ft daycare. That’s our entire risk budget. Still masking indoors, still not signing up for non-school indoor activities – just outdoor soccer. Daycare has so far (knock on wood!) not had to quarantine at all, so I feel decent about their infection prevention measures, but the transmissibility of Delta adds a bit more uncertainty. Like Boston Legal Eagle, I am mentally steeling myself for further rounds of class quarantine especially in winter. I think it is going to be a long slog.

      • CCLA says

        Similar feeling here, coming from LA. We had one covid notice since daycare has been open since June 2020, but with the latest rises we are bracing for more. Not expecting entire school shutdowns like spring 2020 (or Jan 2020 here), but we are expecting a lot more “someone in the class has covid, stay home for 10 days”. At least our former toddler is now almost 3 and will be easier to have at home than she was in early 2020. I foresee a lot of disney plus.

        • Boston Legal Eagle says

          Yes, I guess it’s all relative – I also will have an almost 3 year old and a K-er now this school year… I guess we can tell ourselves that at least we won’t have to stay home with a preschooler + 17 month old this time.

    • So Anon says

      Yes. I also lived in NE in a high vax community. While my company indicated a return to work in September, I have serious doubts about return to the office in September. If not September, then it seems unlikely that we will return to office once official cold and flu season kicks off. I have confidence that our local school system will require masks this fall for all, including those who are fully vaccinated, and that they will return to 5 days/week of in person schooling. I hope that there will be after school activities, and that the statistics in my area will be such that I am comfortable sending my kids to those activities.

      It is my prior sentence that makes me want to crawl up on the couch under a weighted blanket and watch the Great British Baking Show. I am so exhausted from the constantly evolving calculus of what is safe, for whom, and when. I want to be able to go meet at date a bar, or my kids to do indoor swimming lessons this fall, or take a weekend trip to a hotel with an indoor pool and room service, but it is all up in the air. I am exhausted by the uncertainty. Again? Still.

    • No Face says

      Posting from a low-vax rate state. My older kid’s school is committed to masking, and the teachers have a 85% vax rate – more than double the general population here. My younger kid’s daycare is very COVID conscious and the teachers have a 100% vax rate. We are not doing any indoor kid activities outside of school and daycare.

      Even with all that, I am assuming there will be closures at some point, because most people are unvaccinated and unwilling to take any mitigation measures. I have already decided that if my kid’s school closes, I will immediately go on leave from work. I can’t withstand another version of last year.

    • Anon says

      i am just worried about the unreliability of school. i know of many schools who had no issues last year, but people are more out and about now. we were supposed to get together with a family last weekend who had to cancel because both of their preschool aged children had exposures at their summer camps. our twins will be starting part-time preschool for the first time, and we do have a nanny, but my nanny has a daughter starting middle school. our nanny is vaccinated as are we – but what do we do if her daughter is exposed to covid, do we have our nanny not come? what if our kids are exposed? i definitely would not have her come if our kids tested positive for covid, but to have her not come each time there is an exposure, could be a lot. We (unfortunately) live in TX and my kids will be attending a preschool that takes the virus seriously, but public schools here are not allowed to require masks. One district even said kids who test positive for covid don’t have to stay home from school. it’s like you can’t guarantee any plans happening until they actually happen because you might have a covid exposure in the interim.

    • FVNC says

      Yes. Maybe (hopefully!) somewhat irrationally as both my kids where in school/daycare last year with minimal interruptions. But delta is freaking me out, and I’m anticipating more closures even if my kids individually don’t test positive. I’m in the PWN with high vaccination rates generally, but my particular county has relatively low uptake which is driving me nuts.

    • Anonymous says

      We’re keeping kids in daycare/ preschool. Given that both were open last year, pre-vaccines, I have to think we’ll be okay going forward. Vax rate for at least one shot in our small city is 85%+ for 12 and older.

      New evidence from the UK suggests the risk to healthy kids is SO small: “Of 3,105 deaths from all causes among the 12 million or so people under 18 in England between March 2020 and February 2021, 25 were attributable to COVID-19 — a rate of about 2 for every million people in this age range. None had asthma or type-1 diabetes, the authors note, and about half had conditions that put them at a higher risk than healthy children of dying from any cause.”
      https://www.nature.com/articles/d41586-021-01897-w

      So the rate there for under 18 is 2 deaths for every MILLION people! And if you take out cases of serious conditions at the outset, e.g., tube feeding, the rate drops to 1 death for every million people under 18.

      • Anon says

        That’s not Delta though. There’s increasing evidence Delta hits kids a lot harder. The pediatric hospitals in Oklahoma are currently full and I believe there are more kids with Covid in ICUs in Arkansas currently than at any previous point in the pandemic. And yes those are relatively unvaxxed states, but based on what’s happening Israel (over 80% vaxxed) it’s going to be hard for any state to avoid a massive Delta wave.
        Even pre-Delta, there were twice as many pediatric Covid deaths this last year as pediatric flu deaths in a typical year (the CDC director just mentioned this) and it was a leading cause of death in children. Also my standard for my kids’ health is higher than “not dead.”

  5. anonamama says

    Heading to spray park with LO (21mo) for the first time. What do I need to know/bring? Thanks as always!

    • TheElms says

      My kid gets soaked so I put her in a swim diaper to prevent the regular diaper from bursting. Depending on how your kid feels about the water, you may not need to do that. Just remember that swim diapers don’t hold pee so put it on at the spray park!

    • Anon says

      More snacks than you think a kid would logically eat. Something about sun and water make my kids absolutely ravenous when we get back to the car.

    • AnonATL says

      My son didn’t love the water splashing him in the face so he kept his floppy sun hat on the whole time.
      Echoing a previous comment, he was soaked and so was I. Luckily I was in gym shorts and a tshirt that dried fairly quickly.

    • Oh, I know! says

      Sunblock, towel, dry clothes (including regular diaper), swim diaper (if you want), wet bag or zip loc bag, snacks, water, water shoes like crocs or something along those lines. Wide-brimmed hat if your kid would wear.

  6. Anon says

    Low stakes question – what bag do you send to daycare for your infant’s (6mo) stuff? I’m eyeing the PBKids backpacks but not sure what size to get. All daycare requires is 3 outfits in individual bags (plus a box of diapers and container of wipes, but I assume those won’t go in the bag).

    • Anon says

      We use my husband’s old hiking daypack (small backpack) and if I’m sending in lots of stuff I’ll sometimes pack it in a reusable tote bag and stick the backpack in there with it.

    • Lily says

      We use a canvas tote (we got a monogrammed one from LL Bean I think). Make sure it says your kid’s name on the outside. Washable is a plus.

    • anon says

      We used a zip-top tote bag which I found easier than a backpack, but I’m pretty sure I’m in the minority about that! Do you need to send the outfits every day rather than leaving them at daycare? The only things we brought back and forth were cloth diapers (not relevant to you) and bottles of bm.

    • Tea/Coffee says

      Thirty-one totes, had two identical. I could prepack two days’ worth of diapers etc at a time which was helpful. They were plenty big as the kids got older, were PTing and needed multiple changes, had water play days in the summer, etc.
      Youngest is now 6 and we STILL use these bags for shopping trips and day trips and all kinds of things.

    • Anonymous says

      I think I used a plastic grocery bag. Any reusable grocery bag would probably be fine.

    • anonn says

      All that stuff is stored at our daycare, we use a small zip-top bag (lunch bag) to bring bottles back and forth everyday. We just keep diaper bags in our cars. Way easier than with my first when we took the diaper bag back and forth every day, and I more than once had to walk to daycare in the rain to get my wallet/keys that were in the diaper bag from the night before. ( we live a few blocks away and my DH dropped off on the way to work)

  7. Anonanonanon says

    Selling a house for the first time and home inspection is happening right now and I’m freeeaaaaking out. It’s just an informational inspection for the buyers but I’m so paranoid something bizarre will turn up even though we haven’t had any problems.

    • Anon says

      Just assume they WILL turn something up. It’s literally their job and then the buyers will use it to negotiate with you. But you’ll get past it and sell!

  8. Bath question says

    Okay, reposting since my original post hasn’t shown up (and it’s been a few hours), so hopefully this won’t duplicate.

    In a nutshell – we have a terrible bathroom. Tiny, with a combo tub/shower similar to the link below, except that 1) the door is 1/3 of the tub, not 1/2, 2) the tub is a jetted jacuzzi tub (we’ve never used the jets) so it is higher and narrower than a normal tub, 3) the shower wall extends all the way to the ceiling everywhere but the door b/c it is a weird, sloped ceiling, and 4) the bathroom itself is incredibly small, so very little room to manuever.

    It’s a rental so we can’t change it. It’s our only shower/tub.

    https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fi.pinimg.com%2Foriginals%2F04%2F5c%2Ff6%2F045cf671c3357ba281399657fe8d7189.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.pinterest.com%2Fpin%2F153966880998708830%2F&tbnid=C9H5v6B1DVVeTM&vet=12ahUKEwjMuYifvIjyAhWWxrsIHf-xAMYQMygAegUIARDRAg..i&docid=gLVOhU9PV7_XwM&w=945&h=1260&q=narrow%20shower%20tub%20with%20glass%20door&safe=active&ved=2ahUKEwjMuYifvIjyAhWWxrsIHf-xAMYQMygAegUIARDRAg

    We’ve been bathing our 9 month old in a Skiphop tub on the kitchen floor, but she is super tall and rapidly outgrowing it. How would you handle bathing her in our tub? Would you put the Skiphop (or something similar) in the tub and lean over the tall side to bathe her? Have her move further back and sit in there with her? All our options seem so cramped and claustrophobic but I’m trying to figure out the best (and safest! with a slippery baby!).

    Thanks in advance for entertaining my ridiculous question but this really has me stumped and a bit anxious.

    • AwayEmily says

      Yeah, I’d just get in there with her. It might be worth getting a shower attachment as well — you may be able to get her used to showers early on to make your life easier. I’d also consider only bathing her once or twice a week to cut down on the annoyance (don’t mean to open up the “filthy children” can of worms, just putting it out there as an option).

    • Anon says

      We had a giant baby tub (Primo Eurobath I think?) that was nice, if you want to keep bathing her in the kitchen. You could also maybe try the sink.

      • Bath question says

        I’ll look into that, thank you!

        Unfortunately the sink is out – it’s a split sink, and she’s too big for the larger half (31 inches tall at 9 mos…).

    • Anon says

      We stopped using a baby tub around two months, after the worst of the slippery baby phase. Now, I often sit in the tub with our 11 month old. We have a similar toilet-tub cramped setting, but we have a shower curtain. That glass door you showed is tricky to work around! FWIW, I get all the way in the water with him when serious scrubbing and shampooing is needed, like after a spaghetti dinner. He’s totally capable of sitting upright, but it’s difficult to vigorously shampoo and rinse without tilting him backwards and I don’t want him to slip. Getting in lets me manipulate him more while he can still play with his bath toys. When he needs only a gentle rinse, like after a germy day at daycare, I lean over our tall tub or I get into the tub but squat over the tub fully clothed (he’s not a big splasher, but YMMV). Sometimes I submerge a handtowel in the bottom of the tub, under him, for extra traction if I’m worried about slipping.

      • Bath question says

        Thank you! Dumb question – do you get in their naked or wearing underwear/clothes? Trying to figure out what will be the least amount of bother (esp since I’m solo most baths due to schedules).

        • Anon says

          I sometimes wear underwear, DH always does. For solo bath duty, I get set up by laying a hooded towel out on the toilet and putting my own clothes in immediate reach. When it’s time to get out of the tub, I pull the drain plug, leave baby in the tub, I get out and towel up, then I reach in and get baby out and sit him on the toilet to wrap him up in the towel. Then I set him up wrapped up and cozy on the floor/bed/chair while I quick throw my clothes back on. It takes only a few seconds. I don’t need to take my eyes off him at all the whole time.

    • More Sleep Would Be Nice says

      Hi – I just bought an Otteroo floaty thing so that DS #2 (7 months) can take baths with DS #1. Haven’t used it yet, but it looks fun. The current set up (two different baths – DS #1 and then DS #1 in his mini-tub) is getting annoying :)

    • Anon says

      We used to hand the baby to the showering spouse. They’d do a quick soap down while holding the baby. Rinse in the shower water and hand the baby back to be dried and dressed. If we had to do it alone, the baby was happy to play with toys seated in the shower while we washed, as long as we were quick-ish.

  9. PetiteMom says

    I am curious, how many hours are your kids at daycare per day? And what is the optimal amount of hours spent at daycare in your experience? Our son is almost 5 and we are lucky to have a full day pre-school in our area. But he cannot nap there anymore and basically is a mess when we pick him up after a full day. I am curious how you manage childcare for this age group. Yesterday I brought him home during my lunch break and then after his nap my husband played with him while I worked. Not ideal because we live in a condo and I can hear them.

    • Anon says

      so i think the optimal number of hours are what you need for childcare. that being said, every kid is different and some kids do better with fewer hours at daycare, but of course that is not an option for every family. it sounds like he still needs a nap but can’t at school? is that because it is not built into the schedule or he just can’t fall asleep? how many hours of night sleep does he get? my kid is younger, but on no nap days, kiddo is in bed at 6:30 and generally sleeps until past 7

      • AwayEmily says

        Yeah, I think this isn’t a “too many hours at daycare” issue, it’s a “too few hours sleeping” issue. Almost-five is a very reasonable time to drop a nap but you may have to really commit to it if his body is used to napping. For a week, focus on getting him plenty of physical exercise (e.g. playground every day after school) and putting him to bed early (as in, lights out by 7). Help things along with a melatonin for the first few nights if necessary. I bet once he’s getting solid sleep at night he’ll be fine for a full day at school.

        • Anon says

          Agreed that it’s about hours of sleep vs hours in care. My 4.5yo is going to start preK in Sept and that will only be 9:15-4:00, but I’m still expecting the lack of nap to mean we’re going to have to start doing bedtime an hour or 2 earlier to accommodate.

      • Anon says

        +1 I don’t think I know any kids who nap at that age unless they’ve been to the beach or something really physical. I’d take that out of your calculus.

      • Spirograph says

        My son is the same age, and while I agree that daily napping is unusual, it is also extremely typical (or at least 3 of my 3 kids) for the kid to be an exhausted disaster in the evening if they spend a full day at school or day camp with no rest time. This is why kindergarteners are often a mess at the beginning of school year, too. FWIW the 4-5 year old class in our preschool still did naptime. Most of the kids didn’t sleep, but they had to sit quietly on their cot in a dimly lit room and play with a stuffed animal or look at a book.

        OP, you need to compensate for lack of nap by increasing the hours your son sleeps at night. I also still do quiet time for all my kids on the weekends after lunch, and the youngest often falls asleep. Even if he doesn’t, that bit of downtime makes a huge difference in his mood in the evening. He typically sleeps ~10-11 hours at night.

        • Anon says

          Agree with this (I’m the one who said I don’t know kids who nap at this age – and I have a 5 and 6 year old). Many days they are just DONE and need to decompress. But I think quiet time and daily naps are very different expectations to have, particularly for a kid in a daycare setting.

        • CCLA says

          Agree with this. I wouldn’t try to rearrange your work schedule to deal with this and rather focus on trying to increase rest and sleep other ways. For anecdata, our older DD is OP’s son’s age and rarely naps at school any more (they have dedicated nap time every day so she always has quiet time and gets to look at books on her cot if she’s not sleeping, which is most days). Our kids are at daycare 8 hours, used to be more like 9 but we still have shorter covid hours (ugh). Lights out at 8pm, the almost 5yo is usually asleep by 830 and wakes around 7am.

    • Anon says

      My kids have spent ~10 hours in daycare or school/ after care since about 10 weeks old. They are lovely elementary-aged kids (who struggled with pandemic shutdowns because they’re so used to having lots of friend options all day) and at this point any therapy needs don’t seem to be coming from long hours of playtime. They’re at an in-person day camp this summer and get angry if we pick them up “early” at the 8 hour mark, as they’re constantly begging to stay later and play more with friends.

      My kids stopped napping at age 2-3 and never looked back (always have been on the lowest end of the sleep range for their age), so no help on the nap front. But that might be a natural outcome of his slowly outgrowing the need for a nap. Better to work through it now (focus on more sleep at night and downtime on the weekends) so it’s less of an adjustment for kindergarten.

    • Anon says

      8.5 hours is probably average for us, but we’ve definitely left her there up to 9 or 9.5 on occasion and we don’t really notice behavioral changes. She hates being the last picked up, but as long as I get her when there’s one other kid still there she’s fine (and she’s fine being the first dropped off). I agree your problem is the lack of sleep and I would try to extend your son’s night to compensate for lack of naps. My 3.5 year old goes to bed at 6:30 which basically means we have no time with her at home on weeknights except while eating dinner, but she hasn’t napped consistently at school since she turned 2 and she needs a lot of sleep. We will occasionally let her bedtime slip on Friday nights because she normally takes a long nap at home on Saturdays. But otherwise we’re pretty strict about it.

    • Mommasgottasleep says

      IME this is a bedtime issue, not an hours spent at day care issue. Try moving bedtime up, and give it a week or two adjustment period.

    • Boston Legal Eagle says

      Pre-Covid it was about 7:30-5:30, so up to 10 hours, now it’s 8-5, and in the fall we’re going back to 7:30-5:30 for my younger one. Older kid (5) will be in K and aftercare from about 8:30-5:30. We had to drop his nap at age 4 because bedtime became too late and now he sleeps from about 7pm-5:30/6am with no nap. He’s fine at pickup – a little tired, but I don’t think an extra hour makes much difference for that. We would just have to rush more with the later pickup to get him in bed by 7 (but worth it – we have our nights back!).

    • SC says

      When my son outgrew naps, the optimal time for him to be in daycare, and later at school, dropped. He had a really hard time in his full-day preschool. Last year, for kindergarten, DH picked Kiddo up at 3 when the school day was over, and Kiddo really needed the downtime. Initially, we had him in swim lessons after school one day a week, and he couldn’t handle it. We switched to a weekend morning, even though I prefer to protect our weekends. I’m hoping this year, we can add in some after-school activities. I’d like Kiddo to return to swim lessons and maybe start piano.

  10. Anonymous says

    Just looking for commiseration. I’m lucky in many ways right now (safe WFH job, spouse who is available for childcare etc) but at month, what, 18 of covid wfh – at my wits end. Kids are home for the summer with my spouse (academia) providing childcare. 7 year old has 3 weeks of camps only (due to budget). Preschool age kiddo has no camps. I have a private work space at home but our house is not large and 7 year old is an extremely intense child who is having an extremely intense summer. There is no way for me to avoid hearing the 10+ major screaming meltdowns every day (mostly older one, increasingly younger one; yes, older one is getting professional help but it doesn’t work instantly). Occasionally it’s a decibel issue (disrupting calls) but more of an emotional issue for me – so hard to hear ALL THE MELTDOWNS and basically hear my spouse’s relationship with kiddo deteriorate in real time. I don’t think I can rent an office for the next six weeks for a variety of reasons including being home during little kid’s nap allows my spouse to exercise during that time so he doesn’t actually lose his mind, and can’t work in a public setting like a coffee shop due to the nature of my work. We did just spring for an extra week of camp. I’m trying to work more outside in the yard and trying to just… ignore it. I had a conversation with my boss recently about anxiety and this kind of backdrop is not helping with anxiety!

    • Anon says

      all the hugs. this sounds really hard. if not on a call, i recommend ear plugs and sound machine for you. also- can spouse take kids out of the house more? hearing your kid melting down is so so hard. i’m currently working from home from the closet of our 2 bedroom apartment, but our nanny usually takes my preschoolers out for 3-4 ours in the morning so i have some hours where i don’t have to listen to their tantrums

      • Boston Legal Eagle says

        Yes, I agree – the more outside time the better. If anything, at least their screams echo less. I also have a hard time working when kids are screaming in the background even if my spouse is doing the actual childcare – I got the big Bose headphones for those forced everyone home days.

      • Anonymous says

        Thank you. Purchasing headphones now, not sure why I didn’t think of that. Yes, they are already out of the house an average of 4 hours per day between playing outside and outings (meltdowns are centered more around transitions and meals so kiddo is usually fine once they’re out. But getting out the door can be problematic and is right outside my work space).

    • Anon says

      I have an intense one too, but she’s only 4. Noise cancelling headphones might help even when you aren’t on calls, although you may need to actively play music in them to drown out the meltdowns. You can also encourage daily outings (whether it’s the yard, park, a joy ride, splash pad, picnic, picking up take-out, etc.) so that they are out of the house for part of the day and you can have some quiet to work (or just breathe). I have also been known to go sit in my car for a call (or lock myself in the master closet) if I don’t need to be in front of a computer. If I am getting periods of silence (particularly when I am not working) I find I have much more patience for the rest.

      • Anonymous says

        Thank you. On both of your advice ordering headphones now. Kids are already going out lots, which is good for everyone’s sanity, but transitions and meals are super hard right now.

        • Anon says

          what if soem days lunch is a picnic outside? would htat help with transitions?

    • Anon says

      Is a mothers helper an option in your area? There are a couple 12- 13 year old girls on my block that will come and take one or both of my kids to the park, or play with them in the yard or something similar that let’s us unplug from the kids’ needs but is cheap. Hugs. This is HARD!!!

    • Anon says

      Can you get a hotspot and work from your car? Sounds really rough for everyone, so sorry family is having a hard time.

  11. Anon says

    Any moms on who are full time remote workers? I’m thinking about leaving my job and wondering whether I should look for a remote position as that may make things easier work life balace wise (maybe?). I am also probably too optimistically imagining that then we could go away all summer and hire a sitter and live somewhere beautiful and remote (we live in NYC normally) every summer. (My SO’s job is flexibly remote). Anyone doing this? Pros, cons?

    • Anon says

      I’m fully remote but only since Covid (I was hybrid WFH/work in office before). For now, I hate it. My kid is in daycare so that’s not the issue, but I just feel like I live at work and have no separation between home and work and it’s bad for both my mental health and work productivity. Daycare is also at my office so I’m double commuting for the next two years. My husband is an academic with summers off so I also have fantasies of traveling somewhere in the summers once our child is in elementary school and we no longer have year round childcare. SInce we live in a small college town with limited summer camp opportunities, I also like the idea of taking my kid to awesome day camps in different areas and working out of a hotel room while she goes to camp. I wouldn’t burn vacation time on something like that, but since I could do it without using vacation time it’s really appealing. But right now all the benefits feel far off (my kid is 3 so summer 2024 is the first year we won’t have pre-paid summer childcare) and hypothetical.

      • Anon says

        this is my dream. but i’m an introvert who loves being home. can your spouse do pickup/drop off sometimes?

        • Anon says

          He pulls his weight in other ways, including cooking dinner every night. We eat super early so we have to divide the cooking and the daycare pickup and I’d rather drive to daycare than cook! It’s also just more total commuting, which is what I’m really grumbling about. Previously we alternated going in to the office and whoever was going in took our kid to daycare and the person staying home had no commute. But now either one of us has to double commute or we both have to commute.

          I also do not enjoy WFH at the same time as my husband even though we have a large house and separate office areas. It’s just too much togetherness. There was about a month when Covid numbers were really low and I was starting to work out of public spaces, which was great, but I’ve stopped that now with Delta and cases surging in our area again (I’m not terribly worried about myself, but am worried about getting a mild brekathrough infection and making my kid sick).

    • AnonATL says

      My husband and I are both fully remote even before the pandemic. We’ve definitely talked about spending extended time on the road working out of the back of an rv or at a beach house. We haven’t done so yet because my busy season is the summer, but it’s on the list. I think the working remotely remote (if that makes sense) only works well if you are an individual contributor and don’t have a ton of calls/meetings. I’m in and out of calls a lot and would feel chained to my computer and fomo at a vacation house. Or if you can work odd hours.
      I personally love being remote. I can run errands mid-day. If kid is home sick for a day, it’s not ridiculously disruptive. We can do reduced daycare hours so he’s home with us a portion of the morning. It can be a bit isolating, but I’ve gotten used to it after several years.
      As far as work-life balance, it can be harder to ignore those after hour emails and calls. I have a designated office and I really do turn off my computer and shut the door after I’m done for the day.

    • Anon says

      One thing to think about: at my company, our home-based workers are expected to generally be working from the identified home-based location. Working elsewhere for the occasional vacation would be okay, but not for 3 months every summer (this is for tax reasons and for information and physical security reasons). So if that was a critical part of what might make it appealing, you’d def want to ask about that specific scenario during hiring.

      • Anon says

        +1 or read the policies. My employer has a policy that says if you’re out of state for more than 22 consecutive days you need to obtain permission. I know it’s pretty easy to get permission within the US, but international may be complicated for tax and visa reasons.

        • Anon says

          +1 yes, it is complicated for tax and visa reasons. We’ve had several employees request the ability to work remotely from a different country for 1-2 months/year, and we’ve had to hire outside counsel to advise on the feasibility in each instance.

    • Anonymous says

      I think forget the summer part, if your kids are too young to take care of themselves. Childcare in rural areas is really tough (I speak from COVID year experience). I know of one family who brought their old nanny out to the Catskills every week after failing to find someone local. You’d probably need to do something similar.

      But that aside, I do find working from home to be a lot easier. I pick up the kids at 4:30 every day, which means we have after-school time together and time for dinner prep. (If I have a later call, DH and I switch our drop-off/ pick-up routine.) Also I can workout at lunchtime, which I love.

      The downsides are what you’d expect. I end up doing a lot of laundry and cleanup during the day. I have pretty miserable lunches (granola bars, etc), because I rarely have time to step out or make something. I miss my colleagues. I procrastinate and end up working late before deadlines.

      Bottom line is that I wouldn’t want to do it forever, at least not 5 days a week. But if I can’t negotiate leaving in time for after-school pickup at my next job… I probably won’t take that job. I’ve gotten accustomed to actually seeing my kids after work and I wouldn’t want to give that up (or deal with after-care hassles).

      • Anonymous says

        The other things about summer away is your kids might not like it. This is conjecture for me (husband is a teacher and we live in NYC, so we’ve thought about trying to get a summer place), but now that my son is older, I’m not sure he’d want to be away from friends/other kids all summer, and it might be hard to connect with local kids if you aren’t a local. This would probably be less of an issue for young kids and in areas where there is a substantial seasonal population. Or if you can go somewhere with a good daycamp or something.

    • GCA says

      I had a long response and then the website ate it, but a few things to think about:
      1) Where is the rest of your team? Is work / office culture driven by 95% of your team being together in one location, or are your team members distributed across the country or world?
      2) What proportion of your work can be done asynchronously and what proportion is beholden to others’ schedules? For instance, I’m fully remote. The first 50% of my workday is chock full of calls. The next 30-40% is spent getting semi-urgent work done. That leaves only a bit of room for that work-life balance.
      3) On summer travel and childcare: how old are your kid/s and what are the current childcare arrangements? Daycare won’t hold your spot all summer, but preschool and public school might operate on similar calendars. Is it easy to find regular full-week childcare where you’re going? Do you have the financial resources to hire a live-in carer who will travel with you?

    • Anon. says

      Fully remote for three years now and love it. We knew I was going to be remote when we bought this house / moved to this city. You need to be very intentional about separating work and home. For me that means a dedicated office that feels like an office (bookshelves, wood floor, good technology set up) and hard time boundaries. I basically don’t enter my home office during the weekend. The flexibility for my family works, folding laundry while listening in on all colleague meetings is great, distraction free space helps me focus. And I am so happy to live in athleisure.

    • Anonymous says

      I’ve been remote for 5 years, and I think this is just really person dependent. I’ve tried the working away from home thing, and I really dislike it. I’ve found that I either want to be working or on vacation. Not feeling like I’m trying to do both. So it’s resulted in just keeping up with emails after everyone else goes to bed. But now I know that about myself and plan my life accordingly. In most other respects I really like it.

  12. Anon4This says

    Hi again. I posted a few weeks ago.

    Recap: I returned to work 4/1 from maternity leave. In 2020, we started the year just having moved to a new city, I started a new job, almost lost my marriage, got unexpectedly pregnant with #2, and lost a beloved parent. Literally, my parent passed and I gave birth a month later.

    A month ago, my boss told me she felt I wasn’t performing at the top of my role, and I am now on an informal professional development plan (HR not involved).

    It has been going well, but this week I got some feedback a bit out of left field. My reaction was probably not great – I made the mistake of telling my boss I felt that she was putting words in my mouth. She then went off on me and said that even if it wasn’t the case it was her perception, and at the very least if I disagreed, I needed to give her the chance to say it (fair). She then went on to tell me that I had a very improper tone with her a few weeks ago, and that “even her husband” commented on it (she called me at 4 PM on Friday for a last minute request, my tone was likely my concern that what we had wasn’t high-quality enough for the last minute request and I didn’t want our team to look bad) how much she supports me to senior leadership, etc. I burst into tears. I just don’t need this crap right now. I just want to do my job and do well, but sometimes I feel I’m damned if I do, damned if I don’t.

    Am I being too sensitive? Full disclosure, I can react instead of responding often and have worked on that, but it still flares up when I’m taking things personally.

    • Anonymous says

      Yes, I think you are being too sensitive. This is entirely understandable. From your boss’s standpoint, she can only see your performance at work and not the mountain of other crap you are dealing with.

    • Anonymous says

      You’re being a little sensitive, but it sounds like your boss is being a little bit of a jerk, too. Did she bring up your “tone” at any point in the intervening weeks? If not, it wasn’t great that she made it an issue all of a sudden.

      Can you come up with a few stock phrases like, “thank you for sharing that feedback with me. I’d like to take some time to process it before I respond” to deploy if you get some negative feedback you weren’t expecting? I also would be offended if someone accused me of putting words in their mouth, and I know you know that wasn’t the best turn of phrase.

      Take some deep breaths and think about what she said. Write down what you remember – exact words as much as possible, and some point by point responses to it. If they’re unfair criticisms, defend yourself. If they’re fair, think about how you’ll address it going forward. Then schedule time with her tomorrow. Apologize for your reaction, emphasize that you’re committed to doing a good job, and walk through whatever you came up with. You can follow up with an email if you want, but since this isn’t HR action, it might be overkill.

    • EDAnon says

      So she erred in mentioning that her husband could hear your tone. While we know that happens, it’s a huge breach of norms in my professional world. She also doesn’t need to bombard you with the ”evidence” (she felt your tone wasn’t great is true whether or not her husband agrees).
      As much as you can, I would use these development conversations as an opportunity to nod and take notes. And I would follow-up later. I am sometimes struggling in the moment and some time between when I hear something and when I respond helps a lot. Some stuff I just drop all together once I have some space from the comment.
      I am really sorry about this rough time. I would focus on stability at work and looking for another job (unless your boss is otherwise awesome).

    • Anon says

      when you posted a few weeks ago i thought your boss was totally off base about putting you on an informal professional development plan – if I am correct, this was like two months after you returned from maternity leave – and that to me is beyond ridiculous. it sounds like you have A LOT going on, so maybe in this particular instance you were a bit sensitive, but i still think your boss was totally off base in the first place, because who is performing their best work right after coming back from leave. usually there is a bit of a ramp up time. did you have a good relationship with your boss before you went out on maternity leave? dealing with the loss of a parent is also really really hard (my mom passed away in December 2019 and between work, kids, covid, etc. i still don’t feel like i’ve really had the headspace to fully deal with it). are you able to make any time to take care of yourself? i know people on here always say therapy…but i would definitely recommend finding someone to talk to in order to process all of this

    • Anonymous says

      I don’t know if this situation gets better. You have had an immense amount of personal stuff going on and it sounds like maybe your boss hasn’t really ever had the opportunity to see you perform well. It might be that it’s time to look for a new job.

    • OP says

      Thank you all for the perspective.

      Brass tacks is – I really enjoy my work and respect (and have a lot to learn) from my boss. We’re going through a huge senior level-level transition which I think will bring in a different culture, new opportunities, etc. so I don’t want to leave at this point. When I took this job it was absolutely a “goal” role and still is. Perhaps I’m being stubborn but I’m not ready to look elsewhere yet.

      I did grab 15 minutes with my boss tomorrow – I want to make sure she feels heard and knows I’m working on constructively improving. She has given me good feedback, which I omitted – e.g. that she feels a huge shift forward in my work, is happy where things are, etc. Hopefully that will only help with the situation moving forward.

      And yes, working on setting up time with my therapist.

  13. anonamama says

    No, you’re not being too sensitive. Your manager sucks. Why was HR not involved in your development plan? What does the plan entail? This is a red flag to me.

    You’ve had a lot of hard and tough changes in your life and this person is not helping, or Understanding and supporting. I suffered greatly with a toxic manager at one point in my career. I sought help from trusted peers, notified HR and utilized my company’s wellness benefits to get virtual therapy. Can you utilize FMLA to take some time off? A time-out could be beneficial. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

    • OP says

      In terms of the plan, it’s informal because she didn’t want it to seem like a consequence – going to HR would raise the stakes, and I do understand that.

      DH and I just spoke and he was like, regardless of the truth/reality, her perception is that she’s not being heard and that just to keep things sane for my sake I should ensure that my boss does in fact feel heard.

      I’m so effing tired. Don’t want to take more time off right now (not that U.S. maternity leave is time off).

      • NYCer says

        I have no idea what the job market is like for your location/field, but can you look for another job? It may be that you just don’t mesh well with this particular boss. A clean slate might help your overall feeling of exasperation.

      • Curious says

        Anecdata of one: I know you don’t want to take more time off, but I’ve been in your boss’s shoes, somewhat, and would want you to take a day or two off after we met tomorrow. My perception would be that I gave you feedback when you were at the point of overwhelm, and I’d be expecting you to detect that overwhelm yourself and recalibrate. I’d then expect you to come back less exasperated and with a more even keel.

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