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I love the retro feel of this mid-weight jacket. I can imagine Joan from Mad Men wearing this, except hers would be bright purple or some other amazing jewel tone. I like how the wide neck flatters the collarbones and updates the classic trench coat but will still last through multiple fashion trend cycles. This seems like a jacket that would immediately elevate whatever else you’re wearing — I picture wearing it with my hair up (or for women with short haircuts), paired with statement earrings. It’s $260 at Lord & Taylor in black and khaki in sizes XS–XL. Donna Karan Oversized Shawl Belted Coat
Here’s a more affordable option as well as options in plus sizes and maternity (all machine washable as well).
Looking for other washable workwear? See all of our recent recommendations for machine washable work clothes, or check out our roundup of the best brands for washable workwear.
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Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Extra 40% off sale styles
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 40% off everything
- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
Flexible Work Schedules says
The thread yesterday about going part-time started a conversation about a compressed schedule. I have a lot of flexibility. I have billable hours but can work from home as much as I want as long as my work gets done and hours are met. Most meetings are via telephone or videoconference because our clients are fairly spread out anyway. I try my best to bill 35 hours per week or 7 hours per day. My billable hour requirement is 1500 (which is part time at my office). With time off and inevitably falling short (way too often), that is a good goal to actually meet my requirement with little stress.
Suggestions on how to arrange my week? Any advice on how to stay on task for more than 7-7.5 billable hours each day? My mind tends to hit a wall at that point.
Related rant, I always feel like I should be able to work a few hours before my daughter wakes up (which happens), work a few hours after she goes to bed (which I am basically incapable of), and be amazing during the day – get in the rest of my hours, maybe a quick run, do a few things at home, and basically give my daughter a half day at school. It. Never. Happens. I don’t understand why I can’t make it work. Maybe I’m just not committed enough and need to just force myself to get evening work done. 1500 hours is a weird place to be. It is definitely considered part time at my office. It is low enough not to feel crazy stressed all the time about my hours, but it is still high enough that it doesn’t feel part time. The main positive is that the pay is still good.
anon says
In the same boat so I don’t have much advice. I also struggle to work in the evenings, but I find it work best when I try to only work on smaller things in the evenings like catching up on email responses that came in the past few hours or making slight edits to documents. It’s small but those .2s and .3s add up and help.
Meg Murry says
Not a lawyer, but it sounds to me like you might be a little bit hard on yourself/not giving yourself enough credit. When you say “give my daughter a half day at school” do you mean like 4-6 hours, or do you mean 2.5-4 like many preschools are, which when you factor in dropoff and pickup is hardly any time at all.
I mean, many SAHP have their kids in half day school, while at 1500 hours a year for 50 weeks a year is 30 hours a week – which is practically full time in most fields outside law/medicine/finance. So the 30 hours a week of work + more than half-time SAHP = far more than the average mortal can keep up with week after week. I mean, people do it, but I completely understand how it would be exhausting and seem like you are always behind on something.
"Part-time" lawyer says
+1
As a lawyer, I think expecting to bill 7-7.5 hours a day is really a more than 40 hour work week unless you bill 95-100% of your time working, which is nearly impossible in most practices and is, in my experience, incompatible with splitting up your work day.
So, I do think you’re being too hard on yourself — that’s a lot of hours (billables, working out, parenting time, and housekeeping) to put into one day without feeling burnt out quickly.
On a practical note — could you do the non-paid work work (working out, chores) in the morning before your daughter wakes up and keep a solid block to work when she’s at school and then maybe an hour or so of straightforward billable work in the evening? I find I bill more if I can consolidate my time working, rather than split it up throughout the day — there’s less non-billable start and stop time.
FTMinFL says
Also not a lawyer, but I found that tracking two weeks worth of all my time, 24 hours a day, a la “I Know How She Does It” had two benefits for me: (1) I realized that I was doing a heck of a lot better than I gave myself credit for on all the fronts that mattered to me, and (2) I recognized patterns in my attention span and work/life habits that I could leverage to arrange my activities to be consistent with my goals. For example, without watching the clock I will do any task enthusiastically for 25 minutes and will need to do something else entirely by the 30 minute mark. I now plan out my days in 25-30 minute increments. I realized that I consistently procrastinated workouts or work tasks that would take me longer than 25-30 minutes, so I started limiting workouts to 25 minutes and breaking up work tasks into 25 minute segments. These are just examples of what I found, but if you look at your weeks in the same way you may be surprised what you find that may help you feel un-stuck.
I also highly recommend the book if you haven’t read it (or listened to it!). I found it empowering and encouraging. You’ve got this!
Katala says
Agree that it actually sounds like you’re doing great and might be too hard on yourself. I am full time and only aim to bill 1 hour more than you per day. Of course, there are many many days with more than 8 hours of billable work that must get done. That’s when I can work in the evenings. I have no success getting “nice to haves” done after bedtime. I can only get myself to do evening work if it MUST be done tonight. Not sure if that helps you – maybe you can plan to complete a task that has to be done that day in the evening so there’s no choice about it?
Anonymous says
Have you considered the possibility that normal human brains aren’t capable of the utter insanity expected by modern workplaces? I mean, study after study after study shows that human beings efficiency and capabilities begin dropping between 35 and 40 hours a week. If someone is billing 60 hours a week, they are either doing sh!t work for 20-25 hours or they have a some sort of brain processing disorder (like ADHD, ASD — I dated a guy with severe ADHD and he could do stop motion animation for like 20 hours a day and skip sleeping).
I think you’ve basically tapped out what a human should be expected to do.
anon says
I wonder about this, too. I don’t know how people work in the evenings after their kids go to bed. My brain is utterly fried well before that point.
Sarabeth says
I’m sure I’m repeating others by this point, but: You are billing 7 hours a day. I assume that, including non-billable time, you are working 40 hours a week. This is full time work, even if there are some professions that don’t call it that. People in other professions who work 40 hours a week do not think that they are working part time and should be able to pick their kids up after a half day of daycare. If you can swing it occasionally, great. But thinking that you’ll be able to do it all the time sounds like you are putting way too much pressure on yourself.
Also, the phrase “give my daughter a half-day at school” sounds like you think it’s bad for her to be in school full time. I don’t think this is true of most kids, so consider if it’s just some societal pressure creeping in where it doesn’t belong. But if you really think your kid would do better in a part-time school environment, maybe think about finding a different care situation (preschool+afternoon babysitter) rather than taking it on as, essentially, another part-time job?
OP says
Thanks, everyone, for your replies. It is helpful to know that I’m not underachieving in some way. I guess I need to take a hard look at my expectations. That is helpful.
Kiddo does fine at school, and she is only a toddler. It is all guilt on my part.
Anon says
Ugh but the maternity coat is wool! Anyone have any recommendations for cute maternity jackets that are not super casual military inspired or beige trenchcoats?
lsw says
Some options at Jojo:
http://www.jojomamanbebe.com/maternity-clothes/maternity-coats-and-jackets.html
AIMS says
Just wanted to thank everyone for their bunk bed thoughts yesterday. I went down an amazon rabbit hole following another recommendation for a bed there and found a low bunk with a detachable ladder. Do you think it’s crazy to get it and just not attach the ladder until the kids are older (so 2 year old sleeps in bottom bunk and baby is in crib and then when she’s 5-ish and he’s 3-ish we can move her to the top bunk and otherwise just use the ladder when we have older cousins sleep over)?
Also: paging Allergies – you mentioned that a low bunk is bad for allergies and I can’t quite figure out why. Can you please explain?
FYI: for anyone in a similar situation, it’s the Max & Lily Twin over Twin Low Bunk Bed, White.
Anonymous says
Yes. Have you met kids? I know you have! I know you know that this is just tempting them to climb it. Buy it when it’s time, not before.
Meg Murry says
I think it makes sense to get it now – I have family that did a similar thing, and just used the top bunk for storage. However, I think breaking out the ladder when cousins come over might be opening a can of worms, because once the kids realize its a bunk bed they will almost definitely want to climb up there.
How often do cousins sleep over? If not very often, I would consider not putting a mattress on the top bunk at all and instead putting storage bins up there and when the cousins come over just put the 2 year old in bed with the cousin or put a sleeping bag on the floor for the 2 year old?
Or as an alternative, do you have the space (attic, etc) to store extra bed pieces and floor space to pull out a trundle? If so, what if you went with this bed with a trundle and didn’t attach the top bunk pieces at all but rather put them in the attic until you are ready for bunk bed? I’m talking about the Max & Lily Solid Wood Twin over Twin Bunk Bed with Trundle Bed, White (link to follow).
Meg Murry says
Link to bunk bed with trundle:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06XSN4NMY
AIMS says
That is another maybe!
BC says
I just listened to Jim Gaffigan’s audiobook “Dad is Fat” in which he describes how they arranged the sleeping arrangements for 5 kids (under age 8, I believe) in a 2 bedroom apartment. And he says they had bunkbeds for the older kids, but had to get rid of it because they were getting to be on a first name basis with the ER staff thanks to the little ones climbing.
Anonymous says
There’s a blog called 600 sq feet and a baby where they got folding bunk beds and discuss these issues – their kids’ age gap seems to be similar to yours.
anon says
Every family I know with bunk beds has ended up getting rid of them because of climbing issues or other misdeeds. (Using the top bunk as a springboard to hang from the ceiling fan, anyone?) I think age 5 is on the young side to handle being on the top bunk, personally.
AIMS says
Hmm. Maybe I am crazy then. We also haven’t really childproofed anything and that’s been fine for over 2 years now. I guess I’m just hoping my kids stay easy and calm?
Anonymous says
My kids are relatively easy and calm and the bunks worked for about 6 months but then…too much temptation and misbehavior (mostly jumping off).
Plus, making both of them (especially the top but also the bottom) was A PAIN and consequently never got done…which is not good for their allergies and asthma.
So now we have 2 twins that I wouldn’t have picked out if I was just going to start out. One is lofted to about the height of the Ikea Kura and it is lovely (the fort underneath is great).
But I will say that if you decide to go with bunks just do a full size on the bottom. I really wish we’d gone this route, because… it turns out kids like to sleep together!! THAT is the real issue in my house. We don’t actually need one bed per kid. Seriously – I can count on one hand the number of nights that both beds have been occupied. They are like kittens or puppies…and I can’t blame them really. So my #1 advice…just wait on the 2nd bed until it’s actually needed. Save the floor space!
AIMS says
Ha on the kittens/puppies! And thank you for this added perspective.
In House Lobbyist says
I didn’t have time to respond yesterday but we have loved our bunk beds and have had no accidents. We got a full on bottom/twin on top. My son has been sleeping on the bottom for almost 4 years now. He loves it. My 4-almost 5 year old moved to the top bunk when we was 2.5. We have a hard no standing or jumping on the top bunk rule that has worked well. I was worried about it because she is my wild one but she is also my more coordinated one. The worst part of bunk beds is changing the sheets but I make my daughter do it now. We got a metal one from Big Lots and it has held up really well and both kids like to get in the top bunk in the mornings before getting out of bed. I will say that we have really tall ceilings – house built in 1880s – so that helps it now feel cramped.
AIMS says
Thanks!
COtoNY says
Hi ladies– I know we’ve discussed this before, but I need help with strollers. We have our first kid on the way in September, in NYC. I know so much of this is personal preference, but I need someone to just tell me what to buy.
From my research (and past threads here) I know the options are frame stroller, lightweight stroller (like the City Mini GT), or full-size stroller (like Uppababy Cruz or Vista). I think we’re pretty set on NOT starting with a full-size, but should we place both a frame stroller and the CityMini on our registry? Or, if we’re getting the CityMini, is the frame stroller redundant? Should we start with only the frame stroller and get the lightweight later? If possible, with your suggestion, could you also recommend a carseat?
I want to take advantage of the fact that several people have already expressed interest in buying larger items from our registry, but I’m also trying to keep our baby stuff as minimal as possible– we have a small apt. So I’m not sure if we should start with only the frame stroller or go ahead and get the lightweight now too.
mascot says
The Uppa Cruz is significantly smaller than the Vista, but still has that huge basket underneath. Plus you can snap on the carseat. Go test drive the strollers and see which one makes the most sense for you. If you plan on walking/taking public transportation a lot, are you going to be using the carseat all that much? FWIW, my kid was out of the carseat bucket by 9 months and into a regular convertible carseat.
COtoNY says
Definitely not going to be in cars much, but it seems like kids might need to carseat attachment when super young even if not actually using the carseat for a car (I don’t fully understand why… because they’re too small for just the stroller without a carseat)? This is why I need help!
Anonymous says
For a newborn, they need to either be flat or in a car seat. The uppababy vista comes with a bassinet for a newborn, the cruz does not but you can add in an insert that makes the seat recline flat for a newborn (this is what I did). Many people choose to use a car seat during this stage, but it’s not actually necessary if you are not using it for the car.
Anonymous says
Yes they need to be flat (like in a pram attachment) or in a carseat due to lack of neck strength. But if you have a stroller that lies flat or has a pram attachment, you don’t need need a carseat attachment for the stroller. It’s just that it’s usually cheaper to get a carseat adapter than the pram attachment if your stroller doesn’t lie flat for newborns. I have to say that I LOVE having a huge basket in our stroller.
Katala says
While it’s true they don’t have to be in a carseat unless actually in a car, don’t discount the convenience of having a seat that can pop in and out of the stroller. My first finished many naps in the carseat on the floor in our apartment (we kept the stroller in the hall to help cut down on the amount of nasty NYC street gunk that made its way inside). You can leave the stroller outside a restaurant/store and still have baby contained. Also, if you did have to take a cab/uber for some reason – like in an emergency – you’d want to be able to do so . I’d recommend getting an infant seat (preferably with european belt path for ease of installing with a seat belt) that’s easy to click into the stroller you choose.
I don’t think I’ve heard of anyone regret going with an uppababy (or citi mini for that matter). A friend put bike-hanging hooks in their entryway to hang the collapsed stroller and it worked really well in their apt.
AIMS says
This is a really good point about restaurants. Newborns are usually really good in restaurants because the noise doesn’t bother them and sometimes helps them sleep so it’s really easy to go out to eat with them if you have a car seat that you can just put on a chair/ banquette. It’s much harder to fit a stroller near a table and obviously child seats are useless at that age.
Anonymous says
We got the chicco keyfit and the keyfit caddy to start, thinking we would get the city mini later. I hated it. On uneven city sidewalks, I found the wheels on the keyfit caddy to be really bumpy and dinky. When we went to Target or the supermarket it performed great! But outside, I hated it.
I ended up buying the Uppababy Cruz when she was a month old and have LOVED it. Having a full size stroller in the city was amazing – I didn’t feel like it was too bumpy, I could put a ton of stuff in the bottom of it and hang more stuff off the handle. I can’t recommend it enough. We didn’t need an umbrella stroller until she was well over 2, and honestly probably could get away without one. That said, we didn’t take the stroller on public transit much – I would always wear her.
My recommendation is to go to a store and try all these strollers out. All the good stores should have a weighed doll you can use, too – the strollers feel very different with a bunch of weight in them.
AIMS says
Ooh, I can tell you what to buy! :)
But first – the City Mini GT is NOT a lightweight stroller. It’s heavy and heavier than the Cruz, in fact.
What I would do if I were you – and what I did in this exact situation in NYC – is get the Cruz with the Mesa infant car seat. It’s super easy to use together and we used the car seat as the infant stroller for the first 3-4 months (so no need for a frame stroller, which are too flimsy imo for NYC sidewalks).
The Cruz is still narrow enough to easily fit most places in NY but the wheels and basket make it nicer to use than your typical lightweight or frame stroller. Also: UB customer service is fantastic (we ripped the canopy and had one wheel wear out after a year and a half of daily use and they overnighted us new versions of both, free), and I look at a lot of strollers on the playground and UB tend to hold up and look better over time than similar Citi Mini, Britax, etc. If it’s in your budget, get it.
Anyway, this basically met all our needs in the city and has been great. We did end up getting a lightweight stroller for travel/taking on the subway but this was not until later. I think we didn’t really use it until our daughter was about 7 or 8 months. Depending on your day to day, you may find it more or less useful. I found it to be more convenient to use the Cruz with all its storage even as my kid got older unless I was going to have to fold the stroller. If you have the space to store it, by all means register for a lightweight stroller – it will come in handy. We first got a summer infant 3D lite, which I really liked. We have since had a second kid and got the GLink Double, which is also nice. If you go with an UB umbrella stroller for your registry – note that one reclines and one doesn’t. There’s also a super tiny one they just came out with.
AIMS says
Should add that if you plan to travel in the first year, Cruz was very good for that – we took car seat on the plane, gate checked the stroller base and then had a stroller and a car seat at out destination.
COtoNY says
Thanks soooo much! We’re were pretty set against the Uppa Cruz or Vista but this is definitely making me rethink
Boston Legal Eagle says
We have the UB Cruz and like it. We did a lot of walking in the first year, including walking to and from daycare everyday, and then around town on the weekends. We got the UB Mesa carseat too and I loved how easy it was to put in the stroller for the first few months. The carseat is heavier than others, but pretty sturdy. The basket in the UppaBaby is so huge!! Nice for all the stuff you’ll be carting around with a baby.
I wouldn’t get an umbrella at this point – your baby likely won’t be ready for it until 6 months or so.
BTW, if you are thinking you’ll probably have more than 1 kid, you may want to get the Vista now and save yourself some money in the future. The Vista can be used as a single stroller, and then converts into a double one. We might bite the bullet and get that one in the future now that we’re having 2 who will be 2.5 years apart.
ElisaR says
so I was all set on buying the Vista for the fact that it converts to a double….. until I spoke to the buy buy baby salesperson and she talked me out of it. The 2nd “rumble” seat is really not ideal. First, it is only good up to 35 pounds (my 2 year old is 32 pounds now). 2nd, it is small, I had my 2 year old sit in it and he was too tall to close the canopy. So that rumble seat would work for a little while for a 2 year old, but not a long time. The other factor that turned me off was the fact that putting the 2 year old in the bigger “main” seat meant that you would put the little baby (not newborn) down in the rumble seat. That rumble seat sticks out on the stroller and is really close to the ground – not where I would want a baby. I think I’d be ok with the older child there but it’s such a small seat that isn’t an option. So basically the vista converts to a double but that 2nd seat stinks. My kids are 20 months apart so I imagine it would be even more of an issue if they were closer in age.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Thanks for this! Don’t mean to threadjack, but if you don’t mind, could you share what double stroller you ended up with? Or do you have separate strollers for the kids?
ElisaR says
I’m still trying to figure it out! Right now we have our single city mini GT and an umbrella stroller for the 2 year old. I have an old double BOB that I can’t use yet because my car seat doesn’t fit in it, but someday I plan to use it (it was free and is a little beat up).
I think I’m going to buy a City Mini GT Double but I’ve really gone back and forth on that because it’s big and heavy (but they all are). The only conclusion I came to is that the strollers that “convert” to doubles don’t really solve the double stroller need long term.
AIMS says
We had this issue, too. Didn’t do the Vista initially because in addition to not wanting the extra width, we didn’t like the way it doubled for reasons stated (and also b/c it’s much harder to push a tandem than a side by side). We ended up doing the GLink double which can be used with a newborn in full recline and continued to use the Cruz for kids one on one or, for shorter trips, with baby in stroller and toddler on the ride along board. I really recommend going to try the strollers in person. Based on stats alone, I thought I would want the Citi Mini Double but it felt too heavy and big for me in person. The GLink is just a tiny bit smaller and that made a lot of difference for my comfort level. My kids are a bit over 2 years apart. If you go this route, my one recommendation is to use the Cruz infant insert (or another bigger insert) for the baby over the one it comes with. It won’t fold as flat but it’s much cozier for the baby.
Anon says
Once you’re into double stroller terrain, they’re mostly all big and heavy and you look at light-weight single strollers with envy…
That being said, we love our double City Mini GT (and to the comments below, the feature of being able to adjust the handlebars makes the extra weight totally worth it, to us). We’re in suburbia, not NYC, but it handles great on bumpy sidewalks, fits through all the gates into playgrounds, etc.
Another stroller to look at is the Zoe XL2. It’s basically a pared down version of the double City Mini, so cheaper, much lighter, and just enough smaller that it’s super easy to fit in a small car.
Anonymous says
I have lots of thoughts about NYC strollers!
1) the carseat and frame – the frame is good to have if you will be using the carseat in cabs etc. If you wont use the carseat to move from place to place, then you do not need the frame.
2) People love the cruz but it is heavy. Depends on your use. Do you live in an elevator building? Will you use it on public transportation? Large storage underneath is great for shopping bags etc. but it is hard to carry and fold so not great if you aren’t wheeling it around.
3) I had an uppababy gluxe and i loved it! Fancier umbrella stroller, light, durable, good wheels, nice coverage with the canopy. carrying handle, stands upright when folder (which is great for public transportation). It does recline, so you can probably use that for baby starting at around 6 months or so.
I’d register for the cruz and the gluxe. That way you have umbrella and full size. It is super easy to snag a carseat frame off craigslist or a moms group used for $25.
J says
We have the City Mini GT and really love it. That said, we live in the Midwest and mainly use it for leisurely walks, trips to the mall/zoo, etc. If I was in NYC and walking was my primary form of transportation, I would get something with:
(1) the option to have kiddo face me or forward
(2) a bigger opening to the storage underneath; and
(3) something with more dedicated parent storage space at the handlebar (or maybe my cheap parent console is just a POS – totally possible).
I wish we’d had a pram accessory. But for leisurely walks here and there and with an October birth, which really limited outdoor time in the first 6 months, we just couldn’t justify it.
COtoNY says
Thank you all so much! This was super helpful.
shortperson says
we got the britax bagile which is similar to the citi mini gt and regretted it. it’s not that lightweight and folds up pretty big. i recommend considering “ultralight” strollers — the mountain buggy nano and the babyzen yoyo. both fold up tiny and can be slung over your shoulder on the bus. both also accept carseats so you can wheel around your baby and also take cabs. both also have newborn bassinets available.
Anonymous says
What do your neighbors have? That’s what will work for your neighborhood in NYC.
My old neighborhood (walk-ups) was all City Minis. Neighborhoods with elevator buildings are all Bugaboos.
We take the bus to places (Prospect Park Zoo, Botanical Garden) and have a City Mini and an umbrella stroller for bus trips. If we had an unlimited budget I would get the Zen Yoyo for bus trips. I like the City Mini a lot, but the Bugaboo baskets seem way better for carrying shopping home.
If you do get the City Mini, don’t get a giant diaper bag. I have a LeSportSac that I keep a few things in. It must be a bag they don’t carry anymore, but about the size of the Deluxe Everyday Bag.
GCA says
The last couple mornings have reminded me of what is usually my sole complaint about the Week in the Life posts: who are all these children who sleep in? Mine went to sleep at 7.45pm…and then woke up at 5am yesterday and today, resisting all attempts to get him back to sleep. So we went running and now I am bleary-eyed on my second cup of coffee.
AwayEmily says
I always think the same thing. Some parents even appear to GET THEIR KIDS UP. As in, the kid is STILL SLEEPING and they have to go wake them. That has literally never happened to me in my life. Our 2-year-old wakes between 5:40 and 6:15, but after 18 months of training has learned to be (relatively) quiet until her OK To Wake clock turns green at 6:30. Her younger brother seems destined to take the same path…he has been waking up at around 6am since he started sleeping through the night. Both kids go to bed at 7, but we’ve tried earlier and later bedtimes and it changes nothing. I think some kids are just programmed to be early risers. At least, that’s what I tell myself.
GCA says
Yep. Running or working out with the kid is the only way I ever get an early morning workout in these days! Looking back, I was also an early riser as a kid, but by age ~5 or so was pretty happy to pour myself a glass of milk and then read until the rest of the household got up.
anne-on says
Yes. Granted, our 6-yr old sometimes still naps on weekends but has never ever in his life slept in later than 8am and that was after a day full of outdoor activities and a 2-hr delay to bedtime. Today we got a 4:45 ‘Is it time to wake up yet?’ visit to our room. SO FUN. Have I mentioned that I am NOT a morning person?
Pogo says
Mine used to sleep late (past 7) but he gradually started getting up earlier the more consolidated his sleep became and the longer he STTN. However, having lived through 6+ wakeups a night, I’ll take 7 pm – 6 a.m. any day. I really can’t sleep in much later than 6:30 and still get to work on time anyway.
avocado says
My kid has always slept pretty late in the morning, but what I would like to know is: who are all these kids who go to sleep so early? As an infant mine liked to stay up until 1:30 a.m., and all the way through preschool it was useless to put her to bed before 9:30. We were finally able to move bedtime up to 8:30 when she started school. I was always confused by all the people around me who insisted on putting their kids to bed at 7:00 or 7:30. I couldn’t believe kids would actually go to sleep at that time.
Anon says
My 9 month old goes to bed no earlier than 10 (but then sleeps until 8/9am) and has even since her colic days as a newborn. Fortunately it works for us because I tend to be at the office from 10am-8pm..
Boston Legal Eagle says
Our son has been consistently waking up at around 5:45-6am for a long time now (long in parent years :) he’s 2). His bedtime now is around 7:30/8. Going to bed earlier doesn’t seem to help, and we don’t want to put him in bed any later. I think he’s just an early riser! It’s ok for us, as we get up around 5:30 on weekdays anyway, and husband usually wakes up around then on weekends too, so I get to sleep in till 6:30 on weekends… We go to bed fairly early – usually asleep no later than 10.
Wow says
My kids go to bed at 8:30 pm and will often sleep in until 8 am. I noticed a big shift in late risings after daylight savings time.
Anonymous says
My first grader is like this. Unfortunately the younger twins are up at 6am.
Jeffiner says
I have to physically carry my 3 year old out from bed to breakfast around 6:30 every morning. On the weekends she’ll sleep until 7:30-8:00. But on the flip side she will not go to sleep before 10:00. Bedtime is at 8:00, but she plays, reads, comes into our room (where I’m already asleep), whines, poops in her overnight diaper, etc for two hours every night.
Pogo says
lol at your last sentence. even though it’s not funny for you!
Anon says
They are mine (usually). We are on a late schedule – bed at 9/9:30 and wake up at 7:30/8 (kids are 2.5 and 7 months). I am not a morning person and before 7 am is still considered night in our housel. On rare occasions we let them get up earlier than that if they wake, but usually the most we will do is lay down with them and try to go back to sleep. I think it’s possible, but you need to shift the whole family later and keep the same schedule on weekends and weekdays with little kids.
SC says
My kid needs a lot of sleep. I mean, a lot of sleep. He goes to bed between 7:30 and 8 every night and wakes up between 7 and 7:30 every morning. He also takes a nap at school and sometimes naps on the weekends (we always have quiet time, and I’d guess he falls asleep 50% of the time). He just turned 3, and this has been his schedule for a long time, except dropping weekend naps is recent. He used to sleep even more, and we didn’t really have to sleep train him as a baby.
Believe me, we have other struggles.
Anonymous says
This is my almost 3 year old as well! We actually ask about his sleep patterns every ped visit just to make sure it’s ok that he sleeps so much. Unfortunately, his little sister did not get the same sleep habits. She wakes up everyday before 6.
I am firmly committed to 7 pm bedtimes! Even if the almost 3 yo doesn’t go to sleep by 7, he knows that he has to be in his bed and quiet at that time. I really hope we can ride the 7 pm bedtime until they are 7 or 8.
Anonymous says
Man, this was our 3 year old’s natural schedule until recently and I miss it so much!! Now napping is not regular, bedtime is variable depending on nap, and he’s waking before 6:30. I really hope it’s just a phase till he’s truly done napping!
Jen says
I have one of each. My oldest (4.5) sleeps 7-7:30 or later. When she was younger, she slept 8-8:30 (or later). My younger kid sleeps (at best) 8:30-6am.
One thing I’d point out is that naps impact things. if your kid is in FT daycare, s/he is probably still napping (or resting) at age 3. My oldest stopped napping at 2.5, while my youngest, who is 2, is still taking a 2-2.5 hour nap i the afternoon. When she wakes up at 6, she is READY FOR THE DAY.
Anonymous says
I want to be READY FOR THE DAY someday!
SC says
Haha. I am not a morning person. My kid also wakes up READY FOR THE DAY–thank goodness it’s on the later side, but I am a grump until about 10 am. I am usually awake but reading/relaxing when he wakes up. Thirty seconds after he’s awake, he’s at the door screaming, “MOMMY, COME PLAY WITH ME!” Umm, no, kid, Mommy doesn’t want to play Paw Patrol right now.
ER says
Related complaint: my 10 month old would like to get up at 5 am every day (or earlier). My 3 year old would like to sleep until 7 am (or later). Sometimes the baby is asleep for his first nap before the toddler even wakes up. My husband and I are DYING. The baby goes to bed at 7:30 (which is pretty late, but we can’t push it any earlier) and the 3 year old goes to bed at 8 pm (but doesn’t fall asleep for 30-60 minutes). Ideas???
To make matters worse, we are getting an au pair in about a month and we’d like to move them into the same room. Brilliant, or a disaster waiting to happen?
Sarabeth says
THIS IS ME. I have one child that sleeps in…which is totally useless. One kid is on an 8-5:30 schedule (with 2+hours of daytime nap) and the other is on a 9-8 schedule. Which means that I rarely get enough sleep, and I am always both waking up stupidly early AND rushing like a maniac to get the second kid out of the house by 8:30.
However – word of hope – my kids sometimes choose to sleep in the same room, and I’ve found that doing so actually helps to coordinate their sleep a bit better. Not doing it at the moment because the older kid has just quit pull-ups and occasionally wets the bed, and I don’t want the resulting sleep disruptions to impact the younger one. But plan on encouraging room sharing again when that’s not an issue.
ER says
Thank you so much, this is really a word of hope for me! YES – “both waking up stupidly early and rushing like a maniac to get the second kid out of the house by 8:30” completely describes our lives for the last few months.
Mrs. Jones says
word. I don’t remember the last time I had to wake up my son. not even the time change made him sleep later. Sigh.
AwayEmily says
Speaking of coats, any recommendations for toddler raincoats? I’m debating between getting a cheap $18 Target one or a $40 LL Bean one, but maybe there is something else I should consider. It will be handed down.
avocado says
We went through several sizes of the LL Bean raincoat and they were great. No leaks ever. I would avoid light colors, though. We had one light-colored one and the dirt marks wouldn’t wash out.
octagon says
We found a north face one at Nordstrom Rack that’s held up really well. They run a little large.
Anonymous says
Gap had some cute raincoats when we were there a week ago for my daughter. We got the Print Jersey-Lined Windbuster in butterfly print because it was on sale, but I was sorely tempted by the Print Rain Jacket.
AIMS says
We have a gap one and it’s been great so far.
GCA says
We’ve had pretty good luck with the Carters ones. They’re often on sale, or you can find coupon codes anywhere, or just get them preloved on eBay/ Facebook swap groups. Kiddo used his 2T for a year’s worth of shoulder seasons (late spring, drizzly summer, fall – it would’ve been this spring too but spring took forever to arrive) and is now on a 4T, and there’s room underneath for a sweater or puffy vest for chilly mornings.
anne-on says
I really like the Boden ones, and they’re currently running a 25% off sale. The LL bean ones hold up well but if you do plan to hand down and don’t mind the price, the Patagonia one we got at this year’s sale is hands down the best rain coat we’ve ever had.
Meg Murry says
If you are considering the cheap Target one, you can get double duty out of the raincoat if you get one that doubles as a costume. We had a firefighter raincoat and a frog raincoat, and both got pulled into use for more than one Halloween costume. Especially last minute events like a Halloween parade or trick-or-treat downtown where we don’t want to break out the full costume.
Redux says
BRILLIANT.
anon says
Man, that is smart.
Mrs. Jones says
You are a @#$% genius.
Meg Murry says
I wish I could take credit for this one – it was just pure dumb luck that someone got us the firefighter coat (my MIL maybe?) and it worked out so well that we made a point of buying double duty raincoats after that when we could find them. We were even able to find matching firefighter themed rain boots one year, so that made the costume extra fun.
Anonymous says
the cheap iPlay one has served us well for 3 years now.
EB0220 says
We’ve gotten solid use out of Columbia and REI coats. They’re a little more expensive, but we hand them down to little sister (and then friends). My kids seem to be able to wear coats for two seasons as well.
Jen says
We have this one for my toddler. It’s great and sturdy, but it is fairly lightweight. We often layer a fleece under here in chilly Boston. https://www.llbean.com/llb/shop/45262?page=kids-discovery-rain-jacket&bc=511164-507294&feat=507294-GN1&csp=a
My older one has Hatley raincoats. They are super adorable, lined, and wear well.
Anonymous says
I just bought a Polarn o Pyret raincoat on ebay. I feel like outerwear is where I want quality, but things also get lost. So I buy pricey used outerwear.
Patagonia is the best because you can send the stuff to them and they’ll repair it. But Polarn is outerwear designed for kids to play in. (Also the sizing runs SUPER TALL — kid is 3T at target and 1.5 years at PoP)
Anonymous says
Gap has great sales- just got a very sturdy raincoat for a great price.
Redux says
It’s admin professionals day, y’all. I do not supervise our admin assistant (and in fact, I’ve posted here about all the ‘tude she gives me about my compressed schedule) but her actual supervisor will not do anything for her because he is oblivious, and our team is small, and so I am going to task another manager with getting something for the assistant. What is the convention in your offices? A card? A gift? Do you ask for contributions or does the manager pay for it?
ElisaR says
we just buy our admins lunch…. maybe that’s a cr*ppy way to handle it, but that’s what we do.
EB says
You are way too kind. I have seen your posts about her and I would not be participating in any kind of appreciation gift for her.
Redux says
I know. My husband calls me on this all the time. Once a coworker told me that she liked my bracelet and that I should give it to her and then I did. I was 22 and it was from Target but still. I think my empathy gene is turned up way too high.
Anon says
Respectfully, I actually don’t think it’s all that kind to give someone a gift when you don’t even like her..I’m not saying you should like her (she sounds awful) but doing something like is insincere and breeds dishonesty.
Redux says
Hm, I guess we have different ideas about what this day is about. To me, admin professionals day is about thanking her for her work, not about declaring whether you like her or not. You’re right that I don’t particularly like her, but I don’t think it’s insincere to thank her for her work.
Recognizing someone’s professional contributions has very little to do with whether you like them or not.
Clementine says
The big bosses don’t care or communicate, but the mid-level managers circulated a card and I brought in donuts from the local favorite bakery and somebody else brought in coffee.
Our admin isn’t in today though, apparently? But I guess it’s the thought that counts?
Anon for this says
Last night my husband told me that for the last 6 months he has felt completely empty inside, numb, and cries almost every day while driving to work. My first thought was that this was depression and asked if he was open to seeing a therapist. He comes from a rural background where mental health issues are “not a thing” but was open to it, likely because I have dealt with mild depression and severe anxiety so it has been somewhat normalized for him. He said he had twice visited a co-worker’s wife who had worked in the psychiatric field and answered a bunch of questions and she told him he was in a bad marriage (without ever meeting me). I asked him if there were aspects of our marriage he was unhappy with, as I was open to working on them, and he couldn’t name anything. He says that he realizes that objectively his job is pretty good and our life is great, but that he just feels empty and numb. Nothing changed 6 months ago (our son was over 18 months at the time so I don’t think it was PPD), so there is no obvious trigger. The part I am struggling with is that I had no idea any of this was going on. He admits that he has been putting on a good face because he didn’t want to tell me, but how do I not know that my husband is miserable for 6 months?? He is making appointments with a therapist as well has his GP. What am I supposed to be doing, though?
Anon says
My deepest sympathies. My husband has undergone depression as well and it is so tough. That your husband didn’t tell you I think might say something about his wanting to protect you — I think it may be a reflection of his love for you – and what I’d advise is to be as loving and non judgmental as possible with him.
Anon for Now says
Hugs!!! I have been there with my husband as well. Please don’t blame yourself for not seeing what he has been hiding. My DH was severely depressed — to the point of inpatient hospitalization because he was a danger to himself — and I didn’t see it. I have beat myself up for it, but after lots of therapy, I am working to understand that it was not my responsibility to see it, nor could I fix it/him. Remember that depression lies and may be telling him all kinds of lies about himself, you and/or your marriage.
The biggest thing you can do right now is to take care of yourself. Do whatever little or big things you can that bring you joy and help you be the best you that you can: exercise however feels good (I logged serious miles running ), try and eat in a way that fills you up, provides nutrition and makes you feel good, see friends and find support for yourself (a therapist who can take care of you!), and sleep. Know that there can be good days ahead. Now is hard but it will not last forever. You’re not alone in this — feel free to reach out to this board anytime!!!
Also anon says
OP, I am so sorry you are going through this. Supporting him in seeking therapy and medical help is absolutely the right thing to do.
I have been there too, and I am here to echo the message that it was not your responsibility to figure out that your husband was depressed. It is not at all uncommon for a person suffering from mental illness to try to hide it, even from his spouse. It is also 100% true that depression lies. Don’t accept the lies as truth, even though sometimes they can be difficult to resist. Whatever you do, don’t accept any blame that he or anyone else might try to assign to you. It is okay to ask him, “What, if anything, can I do to help you get through this?” It is not okay for him or any therapist to tell you that he’s depressed because you have a bad marriage, and that you need to make unilateral changes to make him happy again.
One thing you can do is to critically evaluate the quality of medical care and therapy your husband is getting. Meet the doctors and therapist if at all possible. If something doesn’t seem right, speak up or encourage your husband to try a different provider until he finds the right fit. Unfortunately, there are some not-so-great therapists out there who can actually make things worse. It sounds as if the friend’s wife might have been one of those, unless he misinterpreted what she was saying (which is also possible).
Virtual hugs. You are not alone.
Anon for this says
I was seriously depressed a couple of years ago. I’d have appreciated help finding therapists because I never really did find one I clicked with.
anon for this says
Do you ask other parents about the presence of guns in the home?
We just finished kindergarten registration and I expect my son will be invited over to future classmates’ homes for play dates over the summer. So far we’ve only done play dates at close friends’ houses where I know there are no guns.
For the record, I have no issue with people owning guns (even though I do not), I just want to be sure that they are locked up and are not accessible to curious kids. Is there any way to ask the question without being awkward?
LegalMomma says
Just ask – in a very no nonsense, this is a normal question way. i.e. DS is really looking forward to coming over to play. Here are his allergies/issues/etc. (if they exist). What are your policies re: screen time/anything else that is important to you. Do you have guns in the home? (if yes) Where do you store the guns? Where do you store ammunition? Is everything locked up? Is the gun kept loaded?
For the record, I grew up in a home with a parent who hunts. Dad has a number of hunting rifles- I have no problem with them. However, I personally believe the guns and ammunition should be stored separately and locked up. I do not believe guns should be kept loaded, and that would be a serious issue for me.
I know there was a discussion about this a while back – I’ll try to find it.
Wow says
Yes, I most definitely ask. But I also live in liberal DC so my question is usually met by guffaws and exclamations of — I would never have a gun in my home! But you can’t be too careful these days, unfortunately.
Redux says
Moms Demand Action has a ton of resources on this. Check out http://besmartforkids.org/ and click the “resources” tab. The “Talking About Reponsible Gun Storage” has a few good scripts.
I live in a rural (and red) part of the state and feel like I always have to ask.
Em says
My son is too young to have unsupervised play dates, but I will ask. We have guns, so obviously the ownership isn’t a dealbreaker for me, but the storage is. Ours are stored unloaded in a safe, and the ammunition is stored in a separate locked container in a different area of the house. We live in an area where a lot of people own guns. I wouldn’t be offended if someone asked me, or if they decided not to have their child play at my house because we own guns.
SC says
I live in a red state where hunting is popular, so I will ask. My kid is too young for unsupervised playdates. It may be awkward, but whenever I have to have a difficult conversation related to my kid’s safety, I remind myself that it’s my responsibility to keep my son safe (at least from preventable death). Other awkward conversations include properly installed car seats, keeping Kiddo in a separate space from a dog that has bitten a person (unprovoked and without warning), and safety around an unfenced pool with a doggy door open to the backyard.
Katala says
Ugh, mine are too young now but I will need to figure out how to make myself have this conversation. Guns are huge in my state so it’s for sure an issue. I’m one to chicken out and just not have these types of conversations but I need to. I would make by husband (and probably will some) but I need to do it myself and not be a wimp. I’ll try to reframe it this way and see if it helps. Also talk about it in therapy. sigh.
anon for this says
+1 to dogs and pools. Even if it’s never bitten anyone, I admit I’m breed-prejudiced. It’s a pretty big issue with my parents because they have a pit bull, but they have agreed to putting her in another room while our son is crawling around on the floor. I don’t care that she’s the sweetest pup in the world, you never know.
Ditto on pools. I have a friend who lost a child to a pool accident at the neighbors even though parents were supposedly there.
How could you forgive yourself if you never asked?
Jen says
So, we own guns, but they are stored at the club where my husband hunts. Do I get into that if ever asked? Do I say “we have some that we keep at the XYZ gun club but don’t store anything in the house?” Or just say “no” or “not in the house”.
The short answer seems to answer the question while the long answer seems to be more honest- especially if they hear anything about us and firearms.
anne-on says
For the purpose of the playdate question I think, ‘not in the house’ is a perfectly reasonable answer, and I’d be comfortable with having my child play there. FWIW, we do not do playdates at a house that has guns, period, but that doesn’t mean we won’t host that child or meet at a neutral spot for play dates. I’m asking from a safety perspective, not a moral perspective.
Jen says
I almost feel like “not in the house” makes it sound like I’m dodging the question. But “only at the club” is starting to get into a conversation about gun ownership.
Also, do antique, non-functional guns count? I actually have one of those, it’s just in storage at a relative’s house–but if we ever mount it on the wall, it’s not something you could take off the wall and use–nor do we have any ammo for it if it even worked. How do I appropriately answer that?
SC says
I don’t think antique, non-functional guns without ammunition “count.” But if they were in the house and somewhere the kids or parents might find them, I might just add “We have some antique, non-functional pistols mounted in the study, but they haven’t worked in a hundred years.” Only because you know your kid’s friend is going to run home and tell their parents they saw a gun without giving any context :)
avocado says
Yes, you just say, “Only this antique one over the fireplace, and we don’t have any gunpowder or musket balls for it!” Done. Non-issue.
Anon says
Do you apply the same rule for people that have guns as part of their job? Law enforcement / military? I’m just curious for my hypothetical future children since my husband is law enforcement with a service weapon. His work day starts when he leaves our driveway so he can’t keep it at the office.
For what it’s worth, I wouldn’t judge you one bit if you do apply the same rule. Working with a gun all day can have two effects. For some, it makes them extra cautious and your children would be 100% safe. For others, it makes it super routine and they get lax about some stuff, like putting their duty belt on the kitchen counter while they change before putting the gun in the safe.
Anon for this says
My dad was a cop and was horribly lax about weapons in the house, both service and personal. He thought he would just teach the kids not to touch them, and my mom threatened to leave him if he didn’t lock them up. So based on my background, I would not want my kid playing in a home with a service weapon.
Meg Murry says
Honestly, “not in the house” would make me wonder if you were being cagey, and there actually were guns in the garage, shed, trunk of the car or other place that is technically “not in the house”. Maybe everyone else wouldn’t jump to this conclusion, but I grew up in a rural area and encountered more guns in sheds/garages/outbuildings than I ever did inside friends houses.
If someone says “do you have guns at your house?” then “no” is an honest answer if that’s all you want to say. If the question is “do you own any guns?” you may want to elaborate with “no we don’t keep guns at home”.
I hear you on the trickiness though as we are in a similar situation – my husband hunts, but he usually keeps his hunting rifles locked in the safe at his parent’s house, so he only brings them home the day before or after a hunting trip at most. So I’ve had to do some “no, but …” explanations so no one thinks we’re lying if they find out H hunts.
SC says
Guns are so popular in my area that I would wonder about the car, the shed, the garage, etc. I’d probably ask some follow-up questions, so “Not in the home” wouldn’t end the conversation. On the other hand, I don’t think, “Only at the club,” or “Only at our cabin” would launch a conversation about gun ownership –it’s just so normal that I can’t imagine anyone who lives in my area wasting their time debating gun ownership for recreation/sport.
avocado says
I usually ask “Are there any guns in the house?”, which I thought was the standard way of phrasing the question. This would allow you to say “No” if you have a gun but don’t keep it at home. If you are asked the more general question “Do you have any guns?”, you could just answer, “No, we don’t have any guns around.” This answers the question the parent is really asking (is my kid in danger of running across a gun here?) honestly, without opening it up to a discussion of whether you own any guns that are not on the premises.
Mrs. Jones says
Just ask. I don’t think people mind the question, and if they do, that’s prob a red flag.
Enjoying public speaking? says
Somewhere along the way I developed a stage fright I didn’t have in my younger days, and it’s really stuck. I get randomly nervous now before presenting, even in small meetings.
It is such a drag, and I’m working on various techniques to overcome this. I’m just wondering if anyone’s gone from dreading public speaking to actually enjoying it now? I could use the inspiration!
Anon for this says
Yes, me! I majored in music performance and struggled with terrible performance anxiety all the way through college. I had to give up music after graduation so I could get an actual job that paid actual money, and somehow ended up in a career that required a fair amount of public speaking. It was terrifying for the first few years. I dealt with it by (1) overpreparing, including writing out complete scripts and rehearsing out loud, and (2) thinking of public speaking as teaching–explaining something on which I was the expert and getting people excited about it. Now even though Istill get “excited” (don’t think of it as being “nervous,” reframe it!), I am capable of speaking to audiences of several hundred judges, sort of enjoy the adrenaline rush, and get uniformly positive feedback. You can do it too!
OP says
Thank you so much! That’s so great to hear!
AwayEmily says
I have always enjoyed public speaking but my best friend was exactly in your shoes. When her job changed to require more public speaking, she took a super methodical approach: first went to her therapist to get meds for the short term (don’t know what they are but she would take them right before), then joined Toastmasters, and then tried to say yes to lots of low-risk speaking opportunities (speaking to students, etc). She reports that now she really loves public speaking!
OP says
Thank you, this is super inspiring!
Redux says
My DH takes beta blockers, prescribed by his regular Dr., when he has to give presentations.
Anon says
Toastmasters is great.
NewMomAnon says
Honestly, what helped me was presenting a lot in smaller settings – I started doing regular (multiple times a month) presentations internally to groups of 5-30 people, and quarterly client presentations to 3-10 people.
The other thing that helped was limiting my big presentations to areas in which I am an actual expert. I get a lot of requests for presentations in areas ancillary to my core expertise, and I get SO nervous about presenting on those topics. So now I don’t present at big gatherings until I’m pretty confident that I know the subject area inside out and upside down. I’ll hold smaller “conversations” with my team members who I trust to push the limits of my expertise on areas I’m just learning. I feel like my best “presentations” usually take the form of a structured conversation with another presenter who I trust.
OP says
This is so helpful and kind, thank you!
H says
+1 to over preparing. I find that I’m much more nervous when I’m not as familiar with the content. I’m usually most nervous about the questions I might get so I just try and do my best to anticipate everything and remember that “I’ll have to look that up to make sure my information is accurate. I’ll get back to you.” is an acceptable answer (as long as you follow through).
Enjoying public speaking? says
You are so sweet! Thank you for this super encouraging feedback.
ellie says
Hi – we did the chicco keyfit caddy for the first few months to see what we wanted and that worked great — it’s so light and easy to use with a carseat. I ended up with the citimini (not GT — the non-GT is so much lighter and has been fantastic in our neighborhood with uneven narrow bumpy sidwalks so I really don’t understanding why the GT is worth the weight difference) and the summer infant 3D lite stroller (a really easy stroller to use). I’m thinking of upgrading the umbrella stroller to the uppababy glite for the canopy though so it may be worth just starting with that.
Dumb cars says
Someone posted yesterday about “dumb” (low tech) cars.
We bought a 2010 Acura MDX non/tech package in 2012, which is what we drive now. It’s no longer available without the tech. It’s been a rockstar and is still going strong at 85k miles but I want to know what’s out there for replacement options.
Anyone have a luxury-ish (not necessarily a luxury brand, but we want leather seats/nice trim packages) car that comes without things like TVs and auto correction driving? Has to fit 3 kids in car/booster seats and occasionally a dog.
mascot says
I’ve got a 2009 MDX that doesn’t have the entertainment package that I bought with the concern that my kid would always want to watch tv in the car. 9 years later, I’m not really that worried anymore. He knows he can’t use screens on short trips so I think he would adapt fine that that rule even if the screen was mounted in the car.
I feel that the trend is towards all these driver assist tools. In some cars, you can disable them. I think in Subarus, you can at least turn off the lane change warnings. I like some of the features- adaptive cruise control, back-up cameras with the lines, and blind spot warning lights are pretty helpful.
Dumb Cars says
I like the backup cameras, I do NOT like some of the driver assist like the lane change ones and the ones that auto control your lights. I also like to keep cars for a while, so don’t want dated tech. In our other car, which is DH’s work car that we lease, high tech is fine since we get a new one every 2-3 years.
avocado says
We just bought a Prius, and you can easily turn off just about all of the automatic safety features (blind spot monitoring, lane departure warnings, etc.). I suspect that other Toyotas are similar.
I actually wanted all the safety features, though, because we plan for kiddo to drive this car in just about 5 years. Eeek!
KateMiddletown says
I have a 2015 CRV – all models that year came w/ a backup camera, but only the highest end had lane assist ( I think – or it was something similar based on the side mirrors?) I bought the most basic version of it, and added leather + heated front seats ( the dealer had many aftermarket upgrades already in stock since it was so in demand.) No TVs, no on screen GPS. Regular key start, although I wish I got the 2nd model up for the keyless entry (have the key in your purse but don’t have to hit the unlock button.)
My coworker has a Tesla on the other hand, and I think eventually the tech will be so “smart” that it’s well integrated and not a distraction, and will eventually become standard (like seatbelts!)
Afternoon Caffeine says
There’s been some suggestions on here recently to have a mid to late afternoon espresso to be more productive in the evening. This is intriguing to me a couple times per week, but likely depends on how your body reacts to caffeine. Do these folks have this coffee daily? Are you consuming other caffeine, too? With one exception, I haven’t had caffeine in over three years. I tend to rebound after it and then just want more. So if I have a morning coffee, then I just have an awful afternoon slump or drink a bunch more. And I got such terrible headaches and flu-like symptoms when I quit that I got pretty freaked out about what it was doing to my body if I had to withdraw like that. To anyone who is only having caffeine in the afternoon, do you get headaches in the morning without it? How has your body adapted? Do you have it every day? Now that I have the demands of motherhood, I am intrigued!
anon says
Take this for what it’s worth, but anytime I have an afternoon espresso, I regret it deeply. I will be tired at night but unable to fall asleep until well after my normal bedtime. I’m fairly sensitive to caffeine, though.
AIMS says
I have coffee every morning. As I’ve gotten older, an afternoon cup of coffee (reg.) will keep me awake later. An afternoon espresso wont. It sounds like you’re more sensitive so maybe that won’t work for you.
mascot says
Espresso ounce for ounce has more caffeine, but you drink such a small amount that I think it ends up being less than a regular cup of drip coffee caffeine wise. Like 1 shot of espresso alone or in a latte vs a tall regular brew of 12 ounces. Obv. if you are ordering a quad espresso, that caffeine number goes way up.
Jen says
I almost feel like “not in the house” makes it sound like I’m dodging the question. But “only at the club” is starting to get into a conversation about gun ownership.
Also, do antique, non-functional guns count? I actually have one of those, it’s just in storage at a relative’s house–but if we ever mount it on the wall, it’s not something you could take off the wall and use–nor do we have any ammo for it if it even worked. How do I appropriately answer that?
AIMS says
“we have an antique, non working gun mounted on a wall for decoration.” I wouldn’t have an issue with that.
Anonymous says
Do your daycare centers allow kids to be pulled out whenever or do they make a big deal about kids attending all day every day for routine?
We’re looking for childcare for our daughter soon. None of the daycares in our area have part time programs and we want full time care anyway so we have the option to send her in whenever we need to. But I have a zillion vacation days, my husband works weird hours and we have a local grandma who would like to spend a couple of afternoons per week with her, so it’s likely that in a typical week we’d want to only send her in four days per week and probably a couple of them would be half days. Of course we’d pay full time tuition but daycares seem to be balking at this plan. Is it really such an unreasonable request?
Knope says
I can see why this would be tough for daycares, because both the kids and the workers really rely on routine. I think daycares should be OK with you saying “we only want a half day on Thursdays” or something, but random missed days or midday pickups will get your kid off her routine and may make her fussy on daycare days. Also, a daycare worker will have to get your daughter ready to leave if you are picking her up midday, which could be disruptive.
Anon 3:37 says
Interested to know what getting ready to leave involves. I’ve always put on coat/shoes myself, do the workers do this at other daycares?
anon says
Well, yeah, but they often have to pause the whole classroom routine while you get your daughter out of the room. Or they may have stuff they want to send home, but if they haven’t done the rounds already, they suddenly have to pause to gather up the artwork, papers, or whatever else.
Anon 3:37 says
Must be daycare specific. Ours only sends home artwork stuff once a week (Fridays) and there’s lots of free play so there’s not really a strict ‘routine’ to pause. Coats/shoes are all in their individuals cubbies.
anon says
Just a guess, but I wonder if they’re worried that your family’s inconsistent schedule could mess up their staffing ratios. At my kids’ daycares, they would sometimes send staff home early if they didn’t have a full class, and I can see that potentially causing issues if they bring in a part-time teacher for the morning but don’t need him/her in the afternoon. Or if your kid is pushing the class over the threshold for a certain ratio … but only on certain days. That can make it hard to schedule staffers.
anon says
Also, because my mom is a daycare teacher and I’ve heard an earful from the other side … the routine thing is huge for your kid, and to a lesser extent, the other kids in the classroom. Once your daughter gets older and is into the preschool part of daycare, there can be issues with a kid falling behind when they aren’t there every day. My mom constantly frets about this, although I’ve told her not to, because that’s on the parents, not her. Teachers also plan their supplies and activities around having a certain number of kids, and it can be a lot of wasted effort when they don’t know whether to count on you. Many daycare teachers will go out of their way to give the kiddo another chance to complete what she missed, which can be disruptive for everyone. Whether they *should* is another matter, but IME, daycare teachers are kind of softies about this. They don’t want anyone’s feelings to be hurt or for the kid to feel left out when they don’t get to do something!
Anonymous says
LOL at kids “falling behind.” The children of stay at home parents who don’t go to preschool or only go to preschool three days per week aren’t less prepared for kindergarten than kids who are in daycare 40 hours/week. Kids that age learn by self-directed play and by hearing a lot of words — they don’t need a formal “curriculum” and being home with a loving, attentive parent or grandparent is just as good for their development as being in daycare.
Anon says
No need to be so snarky in your reply.
NYCer says
Totally agree! (And I don’t think it was a snarky response.) I am sure the OP’s child will not be falling behind age age 3 or 4, if he/she is getting taken out of daycare early by a mom, dad or grandparent.
As to the original question, if you are paying for a full time spot, I cannot see why it would make any difference to the daycare. I would keep looking until you find one that doesn’t mind. They must exist!
Anonymous says
I’m surprised that the daycares have an issue. Are you clearly stating that you know you would be paying for a full time spot? My kids don’t attend every second Friday, or attend only 4 hours midday plus they don’t go on Thursday mornings when my mom takes them to music class. They are super flexible and even feed my kids lunch with another class on Thursday because my mom has a hard time consistently getting them back in time for their class lunchtime.
If you’re paying for a full time spot, I can’t understand why they would have an issue with you using less than the full time. Being disruptive by expecting them to wait with the other kids before going out on a walk, or arriving during nap time on a regular basis I could see being an issue but they should try to work with you on solutions.
Mama Llama says
I think this is pretty center specific. We have been at one center that was strict about attendance (if you were later than 9am, even for a dr appointment, you had to keep them home all day) and one center that would have no problem with your schedule. Both are in the same town.
Meg Murry says
The only thing our daycare asked was that we avoided pickups and dropoffs during naptime/quiet hours (I think 1-3 at our center?) and that kids needed to be there before 8:30 am in order to get breakfast at served there. So Grandma planning to pick up at 2 pm randomly might be disruptive, but otherwise they didn’t really care as long as you were paying for full time. They just asked that we tell them (or write on the daily sheets when the kids were babies) any known changes like “Grandma picking up baby around 12:00 today” so they could have the kids generally ready instead of being in the middle of a bottle or just putting down for a nap at that time.
avocado says
This was how our day care was. They did like to know about schedule changes ahead of time so they could plan to maintain staffing ratios.
Anonymous says
We have a nanny share so pardon my ignorance but how could they possibly enforce this? I guess they can say no mid-day drop-offs or even pickups (but you always have a legal right to show up and remove your kid right?) but how can they prevent you from keeping your kid home for an entire day? People with kids in daycare still take vacations, right? It’s not like it’s actually school.
Sarabeth says
None of our centers cared for younger ages. Once we hit 3, our current place requests that kids be there from 9:30-12:30 if at all possible (overall hours are 7:30-6), but they don’t care if we pull our child out in the afternoon. They do have an ongoing curriculum, which is the reason for that request (not super formal, but stuff like Day 1: make birdfeeder. Day 2: try to identify birds at birdfeeder using pictures. Day 3: listen to birdcalls and try to match them with birds at birdfeeder. So it does build from day to day).
I would keep searching; it seems likely that you’ll be able to find a place that matches your needs. That said, I would also consider doing full days for a transition period, until she’s really settled in and bonded with her teachers. During a transition, I think it can be hard on kids not to know exactly when they are going to get picked up that day.
biglawanon says
I found most of the centers we visited to be overly rigid. When my kids were young, I wanted somewhere that would take care of my kids basic needs while I worked. I really didn’t care that much about programming or whatever. I also wanted to be able to take them out when I wanted – I also have a flexible work schedule, work from home, and if I wrapped up early, I wanted to spend time with kiddos instead of sitting around waiting to pick them up. We went with a live-out nanny for this and many other reasons.