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Between two kids, I’ve tried a number of baby carriers. As a petite person, I had a hard time finding one that fit my stature. While the one I used is no longer for sale, this one from Baby K’tan would be one I’d like to try.
Unlike many carriers, this sling style carrier comes in a range of sizes (XX-Small to X-Large), allows for five different carrying options so you can see what works for you and your baby, and is made of comfortable (and washable) cotton jersey. Like my old sling carrier, it’s easy to pack for babies and parents on the go.
Baby K’tan’s Original Baby Carrier is $49.95 and available at a range of retailers including Nordstrom and Amazon. It also comes in a wide range of colors and patterns.
Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Boston Legal Eagle says
Checking in to see how the new kindergarten moms (or moms of new preschoolers/pre-Kers) are doing. We’ve had one half day so far last week and won’t have school again until tomorrow (ALL the holidays are off), so we’re still in the adjustment period. We’ve definitely noticed bigger emotions in our son, and some regressions to his 2/3 year old physical self, especially at bathtime. He seemed to enjoy his first day though, although we’ll see how tired he is after a full day and then a few hours of aftercare!
Cb says
My son started 2 days a week in a more formal school nursery (he’s been in an outdoor nursery since he was 1) and he got sick after the second day. He’s salty about set outside times but seems alright. I’m away this week so looking forward to calling him later to see how his day has gone.
anon says
We’re one week in and my kiddo is already home while we await test results to confirm that his runny nose isn’t COVID. Cannot express how grateful I am that his nursery/pre-K school has RNs on staff who can help you work through the decision tree to figure out when to stay home/test, and that they are verifying negative test results before kids can come back.
anon says
We don’t start until tomorrow but I’m anticipating major exhaustion and emotions from my preK-4s who haven’t been in full-time care since March 2020.
FlaMom says
We have a new kindergartener and pre-K-er that started school for the first time two weeks ago (previously both home with a nanny who is a former teacher). They love it and feedback from their teachers is that they have behaved perfectly and enjoy their classmates immensely. At home… they have been like demon-possessed children, especially the older one. It has gotten a little better as we have made some adjustments to routines and they were back to their usual selves over the long weekend, so my fingers are crossed that this week will be much better!
Anon says
My kiddo has the first day today (half day is the norm here). Big emotions are happening and I think she’ll need some special alone time with me. I’m just going to focus on keeping the activities low key this week.
AwayEmily says
We had a “meet the teacher” night for my kindergartener, which went okay, and the first day is tomorrow. Because of when preschool ended she’s been out of school for thirteen days (!!!). She’s definitely been off (clingy, prone to crying fits), but it’s hard to say whether it’s kindergarten nerves, the lack of routine, or a combination of both.
I’m anticipating a VERY tough few weeks — she’s a pro at keeping it together at school, which means that it will all come out at home.
anon says
I loved this carrier! I couldn’t get any of the wrap-style ones to work for me, and my baby was too small for the structured carriers for a long time.
CCLA says
Same. I did not have the patience to deal with the wrapping but liked the simplicity of the Ktan. We did also get a lillebaby but DH mostly used that, I preferred this until about a year old.
Anon says
When my twins were babies i used to dread solo parenting (which i did a lot of) bc it was so physically demanding. Now honestly i kind of dread parenting our 3 year olds whether DH is there or not bc someone is screaming like 90% of the time. I used to know how to prep to ward off tantrums. Now just feels like I’m waiting for the tantrum to come. Someone please tell me this is just a phase.
Anonymous says
It will pass. Hang in there! That’s just a tough age for a lot of kids. If you follow Live From Snacktime on Instagram they did a funny series of user submissions of why my kid is crying right now – all were hysterical, e.g., she wants a stepmom and I want to stay married to her dad, I wouldn’t let her put a carrot in the toaster, etc.
TheElms says
So much sympathy. My kid is only 2, but it felt like 90% of the weekend was either whining, tantrum or crying. She’s delightful and funny when she gets her way but any deviation from her plan is THE END OF THE WORLD as far as she is concerned. She recently learned how to open all the child locked cabinets so there was a lot of “No you cannot get the knives out to play”, “no you cannot take the trash out of the trash can” ,etc.
Anon Lawyer says
OMG, this was my weekend. The SOBBING when I wouldn’t let her get in the trash.
anon says
You’re not alone! My twins are also really hard right now. Sometimes they play together delightfully but they spent a good portion of this weekend wrestling in a heap on the floor trying to bite, pinch, pull hair, etc.
Anonymous says
we are just getting past it…. (just turned 4).
Obviously dynamics with twins are totally different, but honestly sometimes I think that it is currently easier parenting our only solo. This is not some special skill I have, DH confirms that bedtime is better if I am out (like out of the house grocery shopping or something). It’s like with two parents he is over stimulated. Maybe be cause for the last 18 months one of us was literally always working / trading off??? dunno.
RR says
Everything is a phase, but 3 year old twins are a PHASE. It gets so much better so fast. By the time mine were 4/5, things were much better. Although, now that they are 13, we are starting to get back to tantrums again for different reasons…
Anon says
We can already tell that our just-started-first grade 6yo son is a kid who is exactly like his parents — fairly intelligent with zero interest in doing more than the bare minimum required. He learned his time tables on his own this summer and reads well above grade level, but getting him to complete his math homework (which admittedly is too easy for him — number bonds to get to 5 and 10) or his 20 minutes of reading each day is like pulling teeth and ends with tears or yelling. We get all kinds of work sent back to us each evening that he didn’t complete but he knows how to do. It’s clear he’s not interested in school stuff right now.
I’m not sure what we can do at this point but both his father and I would like to nip this in the bud if at all possible. Any ideas? Should we accept that this is the kid we have and not force anything? Should we look into gifted programs? We don’t have the money to pay for the fancy private schools near us (and make too much money to qualify for any financial aid) but he is in a very small class in the nearby Catholic school — normally I would start with his teacher but she is 23 and she is in her third week of teaching so I’m not sure how helpful she will be even after pressing her for differentiation. And even then, she doesn’t have the history to know that he just doesn’t want to do number bonds instead of seeing that he’s doing math a couple of grade levels before. He doesn’t like reading aloud so he just says that he doesn’t know simple words on a page even though he flew through Dr. Seuss when he was 4.
Anonymous says
Hmmm I’d keep working with him for now. 20 minutes reading a day is something anyone can do no matter how gifted- can you explore different books? Or public school?
Anonymous says
Is public school an option? I was the kid who was too advanced for my Catholic elementary school classes, and the school was not equipped to provide any kind of gifted/accelerated programs. I was bored out of my mind, and I had a lot of catching up to do with learning study skills once I got to (public) high school.
Anon says
Unfortunately, no. We moved him to this school last year when it was clear public schools wouldn’t be in person and that just didn’t work with our schedule. The Catholic school is, in theory based on testing scores and small class sizes, a better fit for him. Putting more thought into this I really think we need to go to the teacher and principal (not to get the teacher into trouble but to set the stage for more support?).
Interestingly, I also went to this Catholic school growing up and had a big adjustment from 8th grade at that school to my public high school (due to assessment culture and not gaps in knowledge). The Catholic school made HUGE strides since then with a large focus on academics to respond to similar concerns about adjusting to the public high schools and now regularly has alumni as valedictorians at all the local schools in recent years. I really think this is the right spot for him at this time.
Anon says
You may be right, but it’s worth pushing back on the idea that intelligent kids can only thrive in private schools with high test scores. Many (not all!) private schools have the philosophy that they teach to the group and don’t provide differentiation because you’re not forced to be there, whereas public schools have to take every kid so are (sometimes!) more likely to be willing to provide extra services to kids who are ahead in a certain subject.
Anonymous says
The key to your last sentence is “sometimes.” Our public school district’s philosophy is that gifted kids already have an advantage, so they shouldn’t get differentiated instruction. The schools are great for the median kid and fantastic for special ed, but gifted kids are left to flounder on their own until they get to high school and can enroll in the IB program.
Anon says
OP here, agree with 10:38. At kindergarten round-up we asked about differentiation and what they do for kids who are trending above grade level and we were told that most of their resources are focused on getting below-grade-level students up to grade-level and accommodating IEPs as necessary. Our public school district is known to be one of the best in the state, but it seems that means that any enrichment is done by parents outside of school because we all generally have the resources and desire to do that. No knock on public schools at all, but for us that was disappointing to hear. Given how nutty things were with Covid we figured that this wouldn’t change for a while.
Anon says
My kid really struggled in private school last year (1st grade) because his teacher at his Catholic school shamed him for being above grade level – he got a C+ in reading because he was reading Harry Potter when the class was practicing letter sounds, and we got several calls about how he ‘wasn’t paying attention’ when the poor kid was bored out of his mind. The school really discouraged creativity and critical thinking so I’m delighted the public schools are open in person again. Even if he doesn’t test high enough to be in the Gifted program (he can test this fall), the teachers will at least (quietly, and without fanfare) give him some skill-appropriate worksheets and material to work on if the class is reviewing materials he already knows.
Anon says
Oh yikes. This is awful and I’m so sorry that was your experience. Fingers crossed for a good 2nd grade experience!
Homeschool says
We’re homeschooling this year and using private virtual tutors for some subjects (lower elementary). While looking at tutors, I noticed a lot of tutors offering services for helping kids with executive function and planning if they were having trouble getting homework done. That is not exactly what you mentioned his issue was, but maybe that is something that would help? I don’t know. I just never realized that tutors like that were a thing until I started browsing this year. It is a skill and not all kids easily develop it. He might need some tricks and coaching to help him learn how to get the homework done.
Anon says
OP here – I taught in private schools before switching careers and was shocked to find this out too! It really made me realize all of the stuff I didn’t know I was missing when I was in high school. So interesting.
Anonymous says
This is may be more of issue related to being 6 than your son’s giftedness or temperament. Our son is somewhat similar and for us emphasizing the teacher’s authority is really important, and also building his ability to persist when work IS challenging – he’s inclined to give up, perhaps because he’s used to things coming easily to him. I would tell the teacher the current homework situation is leading to tears, ask what the minimum is for homework and focus on that. She may only want him to work on it for a specific amount of time, or may not care if he doesn’t do it at all, or there may be some other work around. It is really hard for teachers to gauge how homework is going when they aren’t there to see it, especially for a new teacher. (My husband is a teacher and said this was a really hard part of asynchronous remote learning – teachers often have to adjust lesson plans on the fly because things end up being harder/easier than they anticipated, and they couldn’t do that remotely). For reading, I would just read aloud to him and count that – educator friends have said it does the same thing, many of his peers probably can’t read well independently and are being read to anyway, and you only have so much time in the evening. For other homework, I would use bribery and focus on the minimum. Re: work not completed during the school day, I would wait and discuss that when you have a parent teacher conference and can get a better sense of the teacher’s perspective and opinions. Eventually they will do assessments and she will figure out where he is at academically but 3 weeks in is pretty early for that.
Anonymous says
PS – at 6, I think a lot of kids are just DONE after school. They’ve used up all their compliant and being good energy and want to do whatever they want to do in the evening.
Anon says
These are both good points, thanks. The giving up when things become a challenge thing is very familiar. And, yes, I do think school wears him out in general!
EDAnon says
Our kid’s psychologist cautioned us about projecting too much of our experience on our kids, even when it seems like they’re following our pattern. It’s helped me a lot to remember he is his own person (and that my memory of 5 isn’t great, so I am comparing him to myself when I was much older. It wasn’t the same at all).
SC says
+1. Honestly, I think homework is not age appropriate for a 6 year old. They go to school all day, and sure, they get lunch, recess, snack time, etc., but it’s still “on” time. They spend 7-8 hours holding their sh*t together, and longer if they’re in aftercare, and they should be allowed to do what they want at the end of the day.
I was an after school sitter for a couple of kids, including a 1st grader, when I was in college. The 1st grader had a minimal amount of homework, like a worksheet or two, plus 20 minutes of reading. Once they got off the bus at 2:45, the routine was snack, then homework with me supervising/helping as needed, then the 20 minutes of reading. The 1st grader was done by 3:30. It helped that the routine was after snack but early enough that they weren’t too exhausted yet.
Anon says
Yes, my understanding is that homework isn’t really recommended at this age. I think schools like to assign homework since it gets parents to tutor their kids (so that more kids who need one-on-one instruction receive it without the school expending resources).
Anon says
Yes to all of this plus the note about being DONE at the end of the day. My 6 year old is very similar to both of yours and fighting homework too. I just sent a note to the teacher saying I pick him up at 6pm every day and we have limited time to focus on homework (and I don’t want to spend it fighting), so what does she want us to prioritize in our 20 min of homework time? She asked that we do the math worksheet once a week so she can gauge his understanding, and spend the rest of the days reading, and that we check back in at parent teacher conferences to see if we need to adjust the plan. Treat the teacher like a partner in his education (which she is) and trust that she’s got his best interests at hear.
Now might be the time to read TO him – look for kid-focused chapter books that are more interesting to read and listen to. With his older sister and him, we’ve done Junie B Jones, lots of Roald Dahl, Dragon Masters, the first three Harry Potters, etc. He doesn’t get all of it, but it’s more about the cadence and vocabulary and story building and following a plot. We start each session with a recap of what happened last time, and then end it recapping what just happened and talking through questions or “morals”. (Junie wasn’t nice when she stuck out her tongue, was she? Should you act like that tomorrow at school? What do you think would happen if you did?) We listened to the “Greeking Out” Nat Geo podcast during breakfast this summer, so we’re about to start reading Percy Jackson.
Anon says
Oh, I haven’t heard of Dragon Masters, and we haven’t done the Percy Jackson stuff yet but I think my son would love it. Maybe we’ll start the podcast too, thanks for the ideas.
Anon says
Fair warning, Dragon Masters are awful to read. But he soaked them up and we flew through all 18-19 of them. Big sister liked them too, although she got bored with them around number 12 or 13.
anon says
It’s also worth remembering that not only is his teacher new to teaching, but unless all those kids were in an in-person K class last year, she may be doing a fair amount of the “here is how school works” scaffolding and not yet able to put the time in to assess and differentiate kids.
Anon says
Good point, thanks. All of the kids in his class were in K with him last year, so this isn’t a concern for us at this time.
RR says
So, we are dealing with this, but with a 13 year old who is talking high school credit classes and with an 8 year old. My advice is to work on it, but don’t stress about it. Also consider screenings for giftedness, ADHD, etc. if there is any indication. The sooner you have a toolbox on those types of things, the better. If there are any underlying neuro-differences, you can also look into IEPs and 504s that help with differential plans. If it’s just a smart kid who is bored out of his mind (which it probably is), focus on enhancement–do Khan Academy math, sign up for Unschool classes to show him how fun learning can be, let him read what he wants. Praise the effort at learning, the growth mindset, rather than rote repetition that’s driving him crazy. Or, get him to do his homework by having him explain it to you. Or to toys. Whatever works for his personality.
I boycott reading logs forever and always. My kids like/love reading, and I never wanted to make it a chore. I have had varying levels of pushback with teachers/admin, but I have always resolved it with communication.
I also don’t think a first grader should be doing homework really at all, and I would push back on that as well, particularly if he knows the material and doesn’t need reinforcement. But replace it with something fun–math work with you, online stuff, math games, etc. So he learns that at-home learning is a thing.
Even with a young teacher, communication is key. Help her understand your son and what makes him tick and work with her to try to find solutions. You are going to be the person who knows him best year after year though, so every year may start with a new process of getting to know the teachers and working with them for success. We always have a hard start, but we usually get there in the end. (The IEP helps a LOT for my son with the IEP because it collects all the information and plans year over year and gives the teachers a resource–great now that we are in middle school and have so many teachers.)
Anon says
Thanks, these are good points to keep in mind. Summer reading bingo was such a chore for us this summer so it’s helpful to know this is not an us-thing.
Waffles says
When my kid gets like this, I try to make sure she understands that I empathize with her — that it’s just the way the world works, and that I also often have to do things that I don’t want to do to get by. Then, I suggest that if she does things like that quickly, she will have more time to do things she actually wants to do. I also explain the consequences of not doing what is expected of her.
I paid for my kid to get professionally assessed (~$2,000, not covered by insurance) because I was tired of teachers rolling their eyes at me and educational institutions stonewalling so that they wouldn’t have to go out of their way to help us. It’s amazing how much more credibility we gained with her scores. It also helped me plan better for her education in the long run. Hope this helps.
Anonymous says
Counterpoint–I paid for the professional assessment, and the school’s assessment agreed with it, and I still get eye rolls and stonewalling. Some public schools just hate gifted kids.
Anon says
Your last statement should say “some schools just hate gifted kids”. It’s not a public vs private thing; it’s dependent on school culture, administration, teachers, etc .
Anonymous says
True.
AnonATL says
Visiting the Pigeon Forge area for a cabin weekend with my brother and his family in a few weeks. We aren’t interested in doing the whole theme park thing with a 1yo. Any suggestions for other activities? I’d like to keep it outdoors as much as possible
anon says
I just came back from there. FWIW, we did do the park with our kids (which includes a 1-year-old), and it actually worked out pretty well because they have splash pads and playgrounds all over the park where he could play while the older kids went on rides. That being said, if you want to avoid that, we also had a really good time at minigolf. There is an animatronic one (Ripley’s Believe it or Not Old MacDonald) that was very entertaining for the little one even though he couldn’t golf. We didn’t hike or do the Cades Cove drive but my understanding is that there are a bunch of fairly short hikes in the national park that are close.
Anonymous says
I’d suggest doing the cades cove drive or going up to clingmans dome for some nice views. Maryville has a great BBQ place called full service bbq with all outdoor seating.
I also recommend going on a small hike/ nature walk.
New Here says
We were there in June. There is a great playground in Wears Valley. I think it was Wears City Park or something like that. My 18-month old and a friend’s 3-year old killed well over an hour there.
Anonymous says
My kid hated this carrier as a newborn/smaller infant, but now that she’s a clingy 12-mo-old, she likes the hip carry position a lot, and it definitely takes some of the pressure off my back.
Anonymous says
Any tips on getting my two year old to hold my hand while walking? He will do it if we happen to be going in the direction he wants to go, but for the slightest deviation (like we have to stop at a cross walk) he yanks his hand away and starts crying, and I have to end up carrying him.
anon says
Does he get mad when you have to pick him up and carry him? We did a lot of repeating “if you want to walk you have to hold my hand, otherwise I’m going to carry you across the street” at that age.
anon says
Maybe try giving a “choice” — “You can hold my hand, or hold my shirt right here. Up to you, but we have to be safe in the street/parking lot, so pick one.” I also don’t have the 2yo hold my hand on the sidewalk, just streets/parking lots — I’m not sure from your question how long you’re trying to get them to hold hands, but with some kids less is more. I’ve also let my LO hold his stuffed animal and I’ll hold the stuffy’s other “hand” — I’m still close enough that it feels safe depending on the situation, and it’s usually a phase. I also actually do get back pain from carrying too much so it helps me stick to making them walk — not that you need to fake an injury, but you can be firm on this safety rule, even if it means a few meltdowns in the beginning (do this on a day you’re not in a hurry and somewhere safe of course)! Good luck!
JL says
I remember kiddo having a fall jacket with a hood at that point and just hanging onto the hood a lot…
Anon says
We got a leash for the kid and she hated it – looped from her wrist to mine. Found it on Amazon. We only used it a couple of months and yes I’m that mom in the neighborhood, but we live off of a busy street.
Anonymous says
I like the backpack or harness style leashes.
anon says
Parent hacks continued….although these might fall more into the “moms carry the mental load of family life” category, some may find them helpful.
Google calendar – as soon as I get a birth announcement, wedding invite, or obituary, I put it in the calendar. All of these are in one color and repeat yearly. (IE Joe’s Birthday (Katie’s 3rd LO, born dd/mm/year; Death Anniversary of John Doe, dd/mm/year). I’ve got too many little things I try to remember for the kids, so not trying to “remember” all this other stuff is so helpful.
I also use old freebie bags (like the ones you get when you order makeup) to store go-bags. One has just one diaper, a travel wipe container, and hand sanitizer; another has snacks and a mini coloring book thing; one has bug spray and sunblock. It makes random, close-by outings easier (I also hate grabbing the whole diaper bag for things like a walk at a nearby park, etc.). And, you can throw into the diaper bag or beach bag as needed.
Daycare also has us use those giant ziplock bags. I didn’t know they were a thing- so handy!
SC says
Nice! When I receive invitations, announcements, etc., I RSVP, calendar, and/or purchase a gift, as appropriate, all at once. It takes about 10 minutes, but I only have to think about it once.
I like the idea of small bags. We have a pool/beach bag, a hiking bag, and a tote bag of indoor/waiting activities, and I try to keep all 3 relatively packed and lined up in our garage.
Anonymous says
Loved that thread last week! Here’s mine:
Keep a picnic kit in the car—blanket, paring knife, corkscrew, utensils, napkins. Or better yet, throw in extras you get from restaurant takeout orders (all disposable plastic cutlery, chopstick, shelf stable packet of soy sauce, ketchup—just be sure to cycle through)
busybee says
I can take a 12 week or 24 week maternity leave. Mostly unpaid, but that’s fine. What would be your choice if given the option? For context- I like but don’t love my job. I’m not all that interested in upward mobility. There is a good chance this will be our only child due to some complicated infertility issues. I’m leaning toward 24 weeks but wondering if I’ll be bored and lonely
Anon says
If you can afford it, do the 24 weeks. Your baby will feel much more “sturdy” at 24 weeks and it will be an easier emotional transition back to work. I know most people only get 12 weeks, but I was lucky enough to get 20 and felt like if I’d had to go back at 12 it would have been really hard / I may have quit. Whereas at 20, I felt ready.
Anonymous says
Definitely 24. You won’t get bored. 12 weeks was just when I started to feel confident about leaving the house to go meet up with a friend for lunch while taking baby with me. Yes there’s covid now but still nice to be able to get out for a walk with friends etc. I used to meet friends who were working on their lunch hour at least once a week. Baby will be sleeping longer stretches at 24 weeks post partum so that will also make going back easier.
Anonymous says
I felt comfortable at 20 weeks.
anon says
24. If you’re bored you can do some mommy-kiddo classes, schedule facetime calls with friends/family that are out of state, etc. etc. But I doubt very much you’d regret this. As for work, if you don’t love it, don’t worry too much. People just remember “mat leave” and don’t really seem to pay attention to how long. I came back part time from 12-24 weeks, and it was kind of annoying to be half-in because of the type of work/job/boss I have.
AnonATL says
I will be a voice of dissent to say I was going crazy on maternity leave at around 8 weeks. I took 12 and was so happy to be back at work. That’s not to say I wasn’t tired and stressed, but being all mom all day is not for me. I felt really lost in that identity and being back at work made me feel more like myself.
Can you do some sort of part time return after 12 weeks?
Anonymous says
I would advise OP to keep her options open by scheduling a longer leave. You just don’t know what will work best for you until you are in the middle of it. Some of it depends on the baby’s temperament as well.
AnonATL says
That’s a good point. Now that I reflect back, when I negotiated my leave (with my boss who had a 1yo at the time), I planned for 12 weeks but I told him I would check in around the 6w mark to confirm or reassess my return date. He actually encouraged me to take longer leave if I wanted to. I am incredibly lucky that I have a manager with young kids and also that I work for an org that was willing to be flexible with my leave.
It is safer to take the longer leave and then reassess if you are starting to feel the urge to go back sooner.
Anon says
Me too. I was really ready to get back to talking to adults around 8 weeks PP. But, I had good sleepers / eaters so I wasn’t as sleep deprived as many, and I also love my job. I would ask for the 24 but if you want to come back early, even part time, your employer would likely be fine with it.
Anonymous says
24 weeks for sure. The first 12 weeks are about survival. After that you start to get some sleep and the baby gets much more interactive and fun. It is a lot easier and less gut-wrenching to go back to work when you have gotten some solid sleep and had the chance to take the baby on some fun outings. At 6 months you will feel less pressure to pump and will feel more freedom to switch to formula if that’s what works best for you. It’s also better to schedule a longer leave and come back early than to schedule a shorter leave and extend it. FWIW, I went back at around 5 months into a scheduled 1-year leave and it was perfect.
Anonymous says
100% agree re it’s easier to come back early vs. be off for the shorter period and want to extend but they were expecting you back at 12 weeks. If you’re squirrely and want to go back at 16/20/22 weeks etc then that’s easier than being off 12 weeks and try to extend to 16/20/24 etc.
Anonymous says
I got 18 weeks, and only started to feel ready to go back around 16 weeks. I’d definitely opt for the longer leave if you can afford, and then if you feel ready to go back earlier maybe you can slowly ramp up at work while slowly ramping up child care?
NYCer says
Joining the crowd with a vote for 24 weeks (no question IMO).
GCA says
I would take 20 weeks if possible so you go back when baby is about 4.5 months. But: I am not a tiny-infant person, my first was a bad eater and sleeper, we had no close-by friends or family in the same life stage, and so I spent my first maternity leave tired, lonely and bored. Babies are fairly sturdy by 4.5 months, their eating and sometimes sleeping have mostly sorted themselves out, and it may be easier to leave them with another caregiver by then. Also, when are you due and what will the weather be like on your leave? I had one early-summer baby (hot, sweaty, terrible for babywearing walks) and one late-summer baby (fall maternity leave, gentle strolls to baby yoga and out for coffee)!
Boston Legal Eagle says
You might be bored (I was with both kids, but I had good nappers) but I’d still do 24 weeks. 4 months is right around when babies start to become those really cute, smiley, happy babies you hear about, and hopefully sleep better at night as well. Even better at 5 and 6 months. And by 6 months, it’s a lot easier to drop them off with other care providers than 12 week olds. For things to do, I’d suggest a new moms group just to have some adult conversation and a place to be at a certain time, and many many walks around town. Of course you may have a colicky baby or otherwise more difficult baby, so your experience may vary.
Anon says
Absolutely 24 weeks. I wasn’t healed by 12 weeks, frankly. By 24 the baby should be sleeping better. Absolutely take the longer leave – it’s so short in the course of a whole career.
Anon says
I took 6 months with my first and will take another 6 with my second. I loved it. This is one of the few times where it’s acceptable to take a big chunk of time off, so take advantage if you can.
Anon says
I would shoot for the 24, or do some sort of half or part-time schedule at 12, if you’re worried about being bored. If you decide you want less than 24 you can always change your mind and go back sooner. While they’re still waking up multiple times a night, it’s also very exhausting to do nighttime feedings and full time job. I did ten weeks mat leave (and she turned a corner at eight weeks or so, and was much easier to deal with), and I was SO HAPPY to be back that first week, but then work caught up to me and it’s tough doing both now. I was way less stressed to just be on baby duty, although it was also kind of unpleasant to ONLY be on baby-duty. If you can swing it, I would suggest 24 weeks, plus 1-2 days a week of other care arrangements, so you get some time to yourself.
Anon says
Another vote for 24! I did 17 weeks and like others, didn’t feel ‘ready’ for real life until about 12. You might have some moments of boredom toward the end, but that is usually the time you’re prepping to return, assessing childcare, schedules, etc. Babies usually have sleep regressions at 4 & 6 months so being on leave would work out nicely during those times. View it as an opportunity to set LO (and everyone) up for success!
EDAnon says
I only did 12 but my husband did 10 after me (he took his other 2 right away). Our kids were 21-22 weeks old when they started child care and it was great! They were bigger and stronger and it felt like a good time for them to start.
Anon says
24 weeks. If you’re bored or stir crazy consider if you could afford to get a babysitter or helper for a few hours twice a week for the last month or two so you can have a little time to go for a walk, do errands before returning to work, etc.
Realist says
+1. Even if you are one of the lucky few with a good sleeper who gets bored on leave, I would use the extra time to ease into the childcare routine and recombobulate my life. You could always go back early, but if you get the gift of a few extra weeks where you are bored it would be nice to use them to set yourself up for success as a new working mom.
Anon says
24 weeks, no question! If you’re going crazy, I’m sure they’ll let you go back early.
I took 12 and it felt like the bare minimum but I really would have loved more time with my baby.
Anon says
Can I take a COVID ‘is it worth it’ vote from the group? We always had our kids in a Goldfish/FOSS type swim school before the pandemic. our older son is a strong swimmer but our younger one (1st grade) I think could benefit from one more year or so of structured lessons. We signed up when numbers were looking good, but now I’m having doubts. We’re in the Chicago area which is now I guess a hot spot, in the sense that like everywhere is a hotspot now. They’re in in-person school and after care but with masks of course. It’s 4 kids, one instructor. Would you cancel or go through? I’m not sure there is a right answer…
Anonymous says
I’d cancel and reassess in January or later when there’s likely to be a kids vax available. It’s just more risk for not a significant benefit. I do get the appeal of swimming lessons as it’s a safety thing not just a fun thing but there won’t be much swimming over the fall/winter (no swimming birthday parties etc) so less drowning risk vs. summer and backyard pools. If you have an indoor pool at your house and you are concerned about risk, I’d look into private swimming lessons in your pool vs group lessons. We’ve gone back to low ratio lessons for the fall but only because of high vax rates (75% + 2nd dose) and no community spread at the moment. We’ll cancel for sure if that changes.
A says
We had our kids in Goldfish over the summer and just canceled now that school is starting. It’s a bummer–they were making good progress and really enjoying it–but given the number of kids and parents in an enclosed, damp environment, it seemed more risky than beneficial. Also, most of the parents in the viewing area weren’t wearing masks (ugh). We’ll revisit in a few months if things are better in our area.
Anonymous says
I would spend this time outside in Chicago before it gets too cold, rather than rushing to swim lessons. You can sign back up in January. (maybe you don’t have to rush, but I was always running late to Foss)
EDAnon says
This resonated with me. I was always late to swim lessons, too. No opinion on the OPs question as I have the exact same one.
Anon says
In DC suburbs, but we started Goldfish type swimming lessons with our 4YO this week. Numbers around here are not that bad, but I am not sure it would change my perspective if they were short of ICUs being full. I picked end of the day (so fewer kids around) and it is a small group (3 kids, 1 instructor). We don’t want to lose the gains we made at the outdoor pool this summer since prior to that it was a disaster. For us it is a risk worth taking.
Anonymous says
We did goldfish this entire last year and just canceled (unrelated to COVID or anything). My then 3yo was afraid of deep water and now she can swim independently about 10 feet. So huge strides. If you are concerned about COVID, it’s not for you. There’s 4 kids and 1 instructor and the lanes are right next to each other. The kids sit close enough they are about touching shoulders. Basically you have 25-30 unmasked kids plus instructors who have face shields (dubious protection at best) in a small enclosed space. We started last year when they had major capacity limits and less kids. That said…none of us have caught COVID from swim class or preschool. But we are in a very high vaccinated and very cautious area by DC.
Anonymous says
I’d go.
Anonymous says
Absolutely not worth it. Whether or not you believe COVID is a health danger to kids, the risk of having to quarantine and miss school because of an unmasked exposure at swim class is just too great.
anon says
Our swim school has similar ratios, and we’re not doing it this fall. DD loves swim lessons, but it’s not worth the risk at this particular time, IMO. We seem to be outliers; nobody I know is altering their kids’ activity schedules this fall.
Anon says
We’re doing swim and my kid is still young enough that they’re in the big, spread out section of the pool. I might feel differently if it was just one designated lane. It’s not ideal to do as an activity for sure but we live next to a body of water and I feel that it’s important for safety reasons.
Anon says
Pools have been shown to be a low risk (relatively) spot for covid transmission.
Anonymous says
Has delta really been around long enough to draw this conclusion though? Like totally agree re original covid but the covid variant has been shown to be much more transmissible and young kids are entirely unvaccinated.
Anonymous says
I put my preschooler in private swim last year. I was nervous not only about COVID but also abo it group swim generally for her. She learned to swim in like 5 lessons so even though private was more $$, it got the job done faster.
NYCer says
I was going to suggest this as well. Would you consider private swim classes for the fall?
LadyNFS says
Just did this calculus myself. 4 YO is staying in private lessons because we live on a body of water and are boaters. The risk of drowning for us is high. She has made great strides in private lessons in the past few months and I want to keep her momentum through next summer (not to mention she loves it). Teacher is vaccinated and wears a face shield. They are the only 2 people in the pool during lessons. 1 YO is also staying in group lessons, which feels the most “risky”, but it’s 3-4 babies + a caregiver in the pool and parents hold our babies so we can control how close we physically get to others. I still agonize over it, but we are in an area with a high vaccination rate and have direct access to a body of water in our backyard, so drowning is a very real concern. If we did not live on water, I would likely feel differently about this.
Bed Time Freak Outs says
3.5 year old DD is refusing to go to bed some nights. We go through all the routines, she gets under the covers and as soon as we start to leave the room it’s an insistent “I’m not tired. I’m scared of the dark [her room is decidedly not dark, and she sleeps well 5/7 nights so she can’t be that scared…?]. I don’t want to sleep. I want a snack [she’s had a full dinner and is def not hungry]”.. so on and so on. We have a Hatch light that she’s pretty good with, which helps her stay in her room (she knows not to leave if it’s not green).
I’m trying to chalk this up as a phase. We are going through a lot of transitions at home right now, which can’t be helping – new nanny and new preschool, for one… last night we tried the “you don’t have to stay in your bed, but you have to stay in your room” shtick. She basically screamed bloody murder for 45 mins before I went in and had to fully calm her down. I don’t want to lay with her and accidentally fall asleep in her bed because then she’ll come to expect that. Any other ideas? Solidarity that this is a phase and it will pass?
Anonymous says
Play some music to help her fall asleep? We tell our kids they have to rest their bodies by lying down even if they can’t fall asleep. So they have to stay in bed and lie down even if they can’t sleep. Eventually they fall asleep.
CCLA says
Yeah we let them play songs on their echo dot and it had a big impact on allowing them to get themselves off to sleep. The 5 yo can reliably control it, the 3 yo makes valiant attempts corrected by older DD (they share a room). We also let them keep a few toys (usually the magnatile bin) and for 15-30 minutes after we tuck them in they are allowed to play quietly on their floor if they’re not tired. The hatch light then changes color and they know they need to crawl in then and rest their bodies. That extra bit of playtime with something quiet like magnets seems to help calm them down.
Cb says
Audiobooks. I think it keeps my son still and quiet long enough for the sleep to catch him.
HSAL says
Yep, audiobooks are HUGE with my 3 year olds and (nearly) 6 year old. Audiobooks are expensive so we just check them out from the library. Our library doesn’t have a huge selection of audiobooks for kids, but luckily my kids are happy to listen to the exact.same.story.every.night.
Sf says
Happy sleeper has a program for preschoolers. It’s called reverse ladder- you say goodnight and then promise to be back in five minutes. And you keep coming back until they’re asleep. The book does a better job explaining it but I bet it’s also on google.
Anonymous says
My kid went back to school today and instead of being excited and relieved, I feel like I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Several of my staff sent their kids back last week. One kid already has COVID, and all five kids in another family are quarantined because one was exposed at school. I almost wish society had decided to have in-person school last year and on-line school this year because Delta is just so much more contagious.
Anonymous says
Yup. But…hindsight. We’re just mentally prepared to have to quarantine at some point this year
Anon says
My just turned 2 year old has been having raging meltdowns over putting on a mask. Does anyone have a kid who eventually got over it and started wearing a mask? We’ve tried a million different things (books, putting it on stuff animals, screen time, going out together all masked up, etc) and this kid isn’t convinced by any of it.
Anonymous says
Run away as quickly as possible and leave the day care teachers to handle the meltdown?
Anon says
Straight up bribery until it became second nature. As in, if you wear this mask, we will get mcdonald’s french fries, go to the park, have all the cookies, chocolate, etc. Took about a month.
SC says
My kid doesn’t like masks and isn’t exactly over it, but he does much better with a child-size disposable mask. They’re lighter and less hot/humid.
NYCer says
+1. My 2 year old still basically hates masks, but the disposable ones have been better.
costume searching says
Has anyone bought a captain marvel costume before? first grader wants to wear that for halloween and I’m kind of uninspired.
I also need a superhero costume for a one month old (girl if it matters) if you’ve seen anything cute!
Anon says
Has 1st grader seen the Captain Marvel movie? If so, one month old can have a cat costume and be the Flerken. (Which was my kids’ most favorite part of that movie.)
Find out what part of the costume your kid is most excited for, and then make sure it has that part. The Deluxe Kids version on the Target website looks the coolest to my second grader, but that’s because she wants the mohawk hairdo.
SC says
If you can afford any one of the Captain Marvel costumes for sale, this seems like the perfect opportunity to google, pick one, add to cart, and be done with it. No inspiration necessary.