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A number of readers noted on Tuesday’s post with tips for preserving kids’ artwork that they use the Ikea wires, which are super affordable if there happens to be an Ikea near you. (Amazon also has them, with a long shipping speed.) We actually bought the Ikea version years ago but never put it up — I think at the time I was worried about safety issues with the baby. Now just to find it… In any event, I now see that Pottery Barn has their own version with cute little bronze stars — they’re twice as much right now ($29 to the Ikea $14) but they do have a bit less of a “shower curtain wire” look to them. They’re $29 (on sale) at Pottery Barn. Bronze Star Art Cable
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Pogo says
Tips for getting littles to behave for family photos?
I hate standing there smiling forever so I can get why they’re antsy and uncooperative, but I really want some nice photos at DS’s baptism next week. My niece and nephew are 3 and 6, and have never smiled and looked at the camera at the same time (guessing this is common).
Do bribes work? I was thinking of giving them each a fruit snack between successful takes….or something?
How do professional photogs get good family shots?
Tired Mommy says
I don’t know about getting them to cooperate but we have had photos taken by professionals who literally photoshop a good smiling face from one picture to another….
Anonymous says
Yep. I have done some photography on the side and it’s rare to get a single shot where everyone in a family looks good. It’s very common for the photographer to snag the best facial expression for each person from various photos and ‘shop a composite shot where everyone looks good.
avocado says
Having someone stand behind the photographer to get the kids’ attention by making faces, holding up a toy, making happy patter, etc. can help. Speed is also critical–get everyone positioned, then quickly get them to smile and snap the photo.
Sal says
Ditto this. My husband jumps around like a monkey behind the photographer. We have excellent video of this process, fwiw.
Em says
+1 to speed. I lost it a bit on a photographer at my cousin’s wedding because she got everyone (20 person family) lined up and then spent 10 minutes trying to perfect the setting while my sick and exhausted 18-month-old progressively became more hysterical in my arms. I finally told her she had 30 seconds to take the photo if she wanted my child in it. Feel free to take another 15 minutes of photos with the adults, but get the kids in, have someone stand behind the photographer to focus them and get them to smile, and then get them out of it.
anne-on says
Speed, and timing are critical. Try to do the photos right after snack/nap if at all possible so everyone is rested/not crabby. Get all the adults arranged as quickly as possible and then ask someone (not in the photo) to bring in the kids, that person can also stand behind the photographer to make silly faces/wave toys/etc.
POSITA says
Bribes do help to get the kids to stand there and at least try to cooperate. “Try” being the key word.
It also helps to take silly photos between the serious ones. For example, we’ll do jumping pictures, silly pictures, monster-face pictures or dancing pictures between formal shots. It helps to get the wiggles out and you get more natural smiles.
It also really, really helps to do the pictures where there aren’t other people looking on. You don’t want other people besides the photographer and perhaps one person standing behind the photographer. I know Aunt Betty or Uncle Jim off to the side mean well when she’s asking junior to smile and he’s telling jokes, but you just end up with everyone looking in different directions in every shot. Go somewhere without onlookers.
eMayM says
I know what you mean! We’re lucky if we can get my son and his cousin to look at the camera at the same time! Also, I have no idea how others capture perfect Instagram/selfies with smiling kids. Mine would reach for the phone and stop smiling as soon as he sees it in position :)
Lala says
Our photographers always tell the adults to focus on looking at the camera and smiling the whole time (rather than looking at the kid to see if they are cooperating). This keeps you from getting the one photo with the kids smiling/looking being the one where mom is not.
Have a designated person behind the camera to entertain the kids, so no one else has to worry about it.
NewMomAnon says
If you’re planning to do it yourself, without a professional photographer: One trick I’ve started using when taking pictures of kiddo is to take a whole bunch of shots, rapidly all in a row, rather than lining up the perfect shot and then taking a few careful pictures. The focus isn’t always perfect (but it’s my phone, so it’s just not perfect), but I can pretty reliably catch the one shot of her facing the camera between rapid head swings, or the one shot of her smiling between asking a million questions.
Coffee Queen says
My photographer is really good with kids. She is able to get the kids to smile. On the other hand, the kids not looking at camera and just being kids are adorable shots and my fav pictures.
AwayEmily says
Super boring question — any recommendations for a washer and dryer? Or advice on how to find discounts? We’re about to close on our first home and it’s BYOWD. We don’t need tons of bells and whistles but I’d like some with reasonably large capacities. I’m agnostic as to front or top load, brand, etc.
JayJay says
I have the GE top load washer without the agitator and the front load dryer that matches it. LOVE them. The capacities are huge and they work extremely well and efficiently. Had them for a year now when we replaced my literally 12-year old washer/dryer from Kenmore and I’m not kidding when I say they’ve changed our lives.
avocado says
We recently purchased a new washer and dryer for our existing home and learned the following things:
1. Washers and dryers have gotten much larger over the past decade. Double-check all dimensions and required clearances, especially if you are trying to fit them into a closet. There was literally one HE washer/dryer set available on the market that fit into our laundry closet. If the machines keep getting bigger, we are going to have to sell our house before this set wears out.
2. Many top-load HE washers claim that they cannot be used to wash waterproof or water-resistant items, including bath mats with rubber backings, waterproof sheets, diaper covers, raincoats, etc. These items can supposedly put the machine off balance and break it. This is a ridiculous limitation for a washer. We wash these items on a low-speed spin cycle. See https://www.consumerreports.org/cro/news/2013/10/can-you-wash-waterproof-items-in-an-he-top-loader/index.htm.
Tfor22 says
About the second point, that has been our experience, unfortunately. I think we bought two washes in five years before figuring out I should take the sheets and bed liner from nighttime accidents to the laundromat. It seemed like my son would wet the bed every time he had a growth spurt.
AIMS says
I like Sweethome dot com for this sort of thing. It’s like Consumer Reports, which is another good resource.
anne-on says
After having an LE washer break on me after a year (and numerous repairman visits) I finally asked the repair guy what he suggested. He had a few recommendations:
Whirlpool and Maytag were the two brands he said worked the best OR had the easiest repairs.
If you don’t NEED a front load, get a top loader, they last the longest
If you wash a lot of baby socks/small clothing/diapers/etc. go for washers with an easily accessible drain pump OR make sure the gasket in a front loader DOES NOT have a gap (yes, ask me how many times I had to open the drain pump, bleed out water, and retrieve stuck baby socks).
Oh – and use the smallest amount of detergent possible, like literally a tablespoon or two. That paired with washing soda and/or vinegar works wonders for eliminating the stinky mold/washer smell.
mascot says
We got rid of our Samsung front loader for a Maytag top loader and are really pleased. I wouldn’t recommend the Samsung washer/dryers in general. I also found front loaders to be too finicky for my needs (door needed to be open, seal got gross, etc)
However, we did discover the joy that is a steam dryer and I love this feature so much. Totally worth the money and has significantly cut down on ironing and dry cleaning.
lsw says
Wow, that sounds awesome – can you link to the steam dryer you have?
mascot says
It’s a 7 year old Samsung that we are trying to replace as soon as there is a good sale. Love the steam, but it’s no longer drying well and somehow it blows lint all inside the cover of the machine which is a fire hazard.
But, several brands have the steam option and we will probably replace with this http://www.homedepot.com/p/Maytag-7-0-cu-ft-Electric-Dryer-with-Steam-in-White-MEDB755DW/205888456
anne-on says
We have a whirlpool steam dryer – also HIGHLY recommend. The steam refresh option works beautifully to de-wrinkle things.
Jen says
we bought a stackable electrolux set in 2015 that had this feature. I actually don’t think it works well but YMMV by brand and also by what kind of clothes you put in. I still use my hand steamer.
NewMomAnon says
For baby socks, a friend gave me a bunch of laundry bags meant for lingerie as a baby shower present – she spent hundreds of dollars repairing their washing machine after a baby sock got stuck in the machinery and recommended washing baby socks only in the lingerie bags. Worked like a charm. Plus it made matching them easier later.
Bonus: just don’t use baby socks. Footed sleepers for the win.
Pigpen's Mama says
That’s a great idea for a shower add-on!
I try to remember to use a lingerie bag for the kiddos socks — didn’t think about it for saving the washing machine, but for folding.
NewMomAnon says
If you are short, make sure you test out reaching into the bottom of a high capacity top loader; I literally can’t reach the bottom of some of them, and fell head first into a washing machine once trying to get a sock stuck to the bottom.
avocado says
I am not short and can barely reach the bottom of ours. And I will never be able to make my tiny tween daughter do the laundry.
ifiknew says
We got the all in one washer/dryer from LG. It’s one machine, does both. I was SUPER skeptical and sweethome hates it, but it’s reviewed pretty well and has been working amazingly well for us for a few months.
Our ridiculous laundry closet has the room for a full size w/d, but the clearance at the door doesn’t allow pulling both in, it’s insane. Anyway, the LG has been great. It’s nice to not have to transfer loads, but it takes like 3 hours to wash and dry. People complain these things don’t last as long, but I bought the 5 year warranty too, so we’ll see how it does. It’s amazing right now though. My alternative was getting a compact w/d which I didn’t want to do..
Anonymous says
We just got a new washer/dryer! Ours are Electrolux — we got the 617 washer and 517 dryer, and I like them both so far (once I figured out how to mute them). I’ve had them only a week, so no comment on reliability, long-term. This is the first front-load washer I’ve had and I do appreciate that it uses MUCH less water. I know mold and smell can be an issue, but like I said, haven’t had it long enough to know first hand. I love the steam feature on the dryer.
My husband was surprisingly adamant about having a matching set; I would have picked cheaper mismatched options, but this was the best for both.
SC says
We have LG front-loading washer and drier, which we stacked. I really like them–large capacity and have had no issues since buying them approx. 5 years ago. The door to the washer automatically props open a little bit, so we don’t have problems with the washer getting smelly/moldy unless we forget about a load for a while–and then we just run a clean cycle.
Potty says
Ladies, talk to me about potty training. My two year old used to sit on the potty regularly and understands what its for – she will go when she sits on it (pee, but occasionally a poop too). But she has never been able to tell us when she needs to go and we’ve put off full-scale training for one reason or another. Recently she has been refusing to sit at all. Whenever she poops, she denies it and yells that she does not want to change her diaper and says “I want to keep this diaper on”. Where do we go from here? Which books should I read?
NewMomAnon says
She is pretty young – I would wait 2-3 months and then start over if she seems more willing. My experience is you can do potty training the hard way with a kid who isn’t ready (either mentally or physically), or you can do it the easy way with the kid leading the charge. My kiddo was mentally ready but not physically ready and it took probably six months to fully train. A bunch of friends have kids who weren’t mentally ready and it turns into a big battle, with poop withholding leading to constipation.
Potty says
I forgot to say that she asks to wear undies and says she doesn’t want to wear a diaper anymore regularly. When she asks, we usually put her in undies for a while, until its either time for nap or bath or we need to leave the house. Sometimes she stays dry the whole time and sometimes she has an accident. She never asks to use the potty though and refuses to go when we ask her to, even when wearing undies.
So I’m totally confused as to whether she’s ready or not.
anonnymommy says
She’s not ready.
She thinks undies are just a special article of clothing – like a cape – and doesn’t make the connection to potty training. My advice is to completely stop ALL potty training for a few months (til after the new year) — she needs to completely reset. Every time she asks to wear undies, shrug, and say, “undies are for big girls who use the potty every single time. You wear diapers right now. That’s okay, maybe next time.” Let HER decide to put her pee and p00 in the potty every time, and then when she goes a week without accidents, then she can start wearing undies.
I’ve shared this before, but once she is actually daytime trained and you’re trying to get her back into a diaper at night, tell her that she can change into undies as soon as she wakes up to pee – that the diaper can come off as soon as she wakes up. If she wakes overnight to pee, GREAT, and then she can wear undies til morning (because it’s HIGHLY unlikely that she would have to pee twice overnight). If she doesn’t, GREAT – she stayed in a diaper all night long.
anonnymommy says
She’s not ready. I posted a longer thing and hopefully it will reappear.
anonnymommy says
In case my longer reply doesn’t reappear — you know your child, as others have said, but make potty training Not. A. Thing. Just shrug, tell your child “undies are for big girls who go potty in the potty every time,” and stop discussing it. If she wants it, she’ll get herself using the potty. If she’s content to stay in diapers, honestly, that’s fine. Daycare/peer pressure will get to her sooner than you may think.
eMayM says
I haven’t even started with my 2 year old. His pediatrician said something that stuck with me. If you wait until he’s 3, he’ll understand a lot more and it’ll be so much easier on you and him. If you do it now, it could take several months and stress both of you out. Of course every child is different..
colmama says
I’ve seen this work and I’ve also seen it backfire horrendeously. My kid was potty trained by 2 because she showed vague interest and I was sick of diapers. We white-knuckled through a weekend of nakedness, and a few subsequent weeks of washing pooped-in underwear.
Her attitude at age 3 was such that if she decided she didn’t want to do it, she’d have rocked diapers until college. Some of her preschool friends started potty training at 2.5 or 2.9 and for one it worked great and was pretty accident free. For the other…she’s 4.5 and still not trained.
FWIW my daughter has trouble because she’s a CAMEL. Like, she can hold her pee forever and ever. She gets this from her father. She’s 4.5 and I still ask her if she has to go, and she always says no, and then i make her sit on the toilet anyway and she pees—but if I don’t ask, she won’t go and she won’t have an accident. It just makes me nervous since I pee like every 2 hours.
rakma says
So I wish I had a book recommendation for you, because that sounds a lot like what we’ve been going through. We eliminated the poopy diaper fights with a few strategies: declaring it’s diaper time, rather than asking if she needs a new diaper, not talking about what’s in the diaper, (seems to lessen the distinction between a wet diaper and a poopy one, the poopy ones are always more of a fight) and a ridiculous song sung by me that makes her laugh so she forgets to fight about the change.
However, we are having success recently with potty training. My strong-willed 3.5 year old has recently decided she’s ready, and is asking to go on the potty, and then using the potty successfully when she asks. She’s shown interest in the potty for more than a year, has had periods of successful use, but didn’t really have the connection between the feeling of having to go and asking to go. Every time I brought it up with the pediatricians, (more than one in our practice), they said don’t force it, don’t fight it, when she’s ready, she’s ready.
Potty says
Thank you all for your comments so far. I’ll check back later for more.
Coffee Queen says
She is not really. My oldest was 18 months and day trained. My youngest was 2.5.. But when we was ready, it was super quick. She is now 3 years and not night trianed at all. She still wakes up soaked.
Don’t worry about it. They will be trained when ready.
She won’t be going to school in a diaper.
Anony says
Another PT question. What do you do with the ‘waste’ your child makes in the potty chair? How do you clean the potty chair – soap/water, bleach/water spray, dishwasher (yuck)? How often – once a day? after every BM? after every attempt? And, where do I learn this stuff? I read a well-reviewed PT book, and didn’t cover this at all.
avocado says
This is why I bought toilet seats with a flip-down toddler insert.
H says
+1 We also have the small potty but LO never uses it and I finally put it out of sight so it isn’t an option.
Anon says
+1 We use the built-in kid insert as well. It’s on all our toilets. I figure that’s way better than my kids trying to carry around a “used” potty chair.
colmama says
+100. I didn’t want to do this. We ought a kid insert for one toilet and installed a kid-seat in the other.
FWIW my daughter stopped using all of that at around 2.5 once she was big enough not to fall in. We now have plain old regular toilets but I keep the inserts around for her friends who in some cases have never/cannot pee in a full sized toilet.
Spirograph says
+100 flip down insert is the best.
We used a potty chair for kid #1, and I would just dump it into the toilet and then kind of rinse and wipe with a paper towel if anything was still being stubborn. Kid of course tried to mimic me dumping into the toilet once he was using the chair unsupervised, and that’s just bad news.
Potty says
We have both a little potty and an insert. For the little potty, we just rinse with water after every pee. After poop, we rinse with water from the sink until it looks clean, then wipe with a Clorox wipe. I strongly prefer the big potty for this reason :)
POSITA says
Dump waste in toilet. Rinse bowl with water from sink, dumping that water in toilet (2-3xs). Spray with cleanser and wipe with paper towel. Repeat until seems clean enough.
We also went to a flip-down toddler seat ASAP.
Pigpen's Mama says
Liquids get dumped then rinsed with water, solids get dumped and rinsed and wiped if necessary. The insert is cleaned with some sort of cleaning spray every few days when I know it won’t be used for a while — I’m less concerned about germs on a hard plastic surface than I am about cleaning products near sensitive areas.
I’ve been encouraging using the built-in insert in the seat, but we have a comfort height seat, a short kid, and not much space to maneuver in the bathroom, so it’s easier to use the potty on the floor. I think it may be time for the potty on the floor to just go away, as when we are traveling, she’s totally comfortable using a real toilet with an insert or without, but needs parental assistance.
Anon says
We use those two-step plastic stools – you can buy one on Amazon for fairly cheap. My kids are pretty short, but they could manage putting it in place, climbing up, and turning around by about 26-28 months. The stools take up about the same floor space as a potty chair. (And we also use them for brushing teeth and washing hands.)
Now, they weren’t potty trained by 26-28 months. They just liked to sit there and monopolize our attention for 20 minutes at a time. But they could get up there just fine.
Pigpen's Mama says
Thanks — we have SO MANY stools (no pun intended…), but none that are just right for that toilet. We’ve got one in there already for the sink that makes it pretty tight. I need to see if there’s one that’s tall enough for her to reach the sink and then just make sure she’s comfortable enough with the process (and remembers to not pull down her pants until AFTER she’s facing the right way!).
GCA says
Your comfort level with waste may vary – I think cloth-diaper parents are much more comfortable with the concept of having to reach in, dump stuff, and spray :)
We use the little potty – kid is more comfortable pooping with feet on the floor. Liquids get dumped in toilet, potty gets rinsed. Solids get dumped, rinsed, and every couple of days we use a disinfecting wipe.
Redux says
Ha, I was wondering why this thread seemed odd to me! Cloth diaper parent here, and SUPER comfortable with poop.
For solids we would dump, rinse with water from the sink and dump into the toilet, then wipe with a papertowel if necessary. My kiddo was using the big potty after a few months of little potty, so this time was short for us.
AnonMom says
Reposting from main site.
I passed the bar and started practicing in November 2015. I had a baby in July 2016 and went back to work after a 3 month maternity leave. Do I have 2 years work experience as attorney in November this year? Or February next year?
Will a recruiter work with me once I reach my two years? I like my job but had no raise/review since I started. Do I look for a new job or ask for a raise? It is a very small firm that clearly does not follow the normal procedures of review etc. Thanks!
anonnymommy says
IMHO – You have 2 years of work experience for recruiting purposes. Any medical leave you’ve taken does not need to come up in explaining your experience.
anonnymommy says
Oh – and you need to ask for a review and a raise. You should be doing that at least annually.
Redux says
Agree with this. If you had taken a long leave (like a year– not unusual in giant firms) then maaaaybe you would have less, but even then I think ^ is right.
And definitely ask for a raise! Do your homework first on what peer firms are paying and what their standard review period/ raise period is and ask for that. They can’t read your mind, so asking is better for them, too, than you just up and leaving.
Katala says
I agree with this. You could kind of split the difference and go with the biglaw seniority schedule, where you move up a “year” in January even though everyone starts in the fall.
But if you want to leave, start looking now and you don’t really need to say a number of years. A good recruiter will know what positions would work for your level, even if they say they want 2+ years, 3+ years, whatever. The recruiter should know how strict the specific employer is with requirements. Your resume says your dates of employment (and medical leave wouldn’t be mentioned anywhere) so it’s clear how much experience you have.
I think you should ask for a review/raise AND start looking, if you’re not feeling great about your current position or wouldn’t be if you’re turned down for the raise. End of the year tends to be a good time to be looking since people want to leave right after bonus time (in biglaw at least).
anon says
Similar wire? One that’s less rustic but not ikea (that one looks great, I just want easiest possible setup)? I love this idea but style doesn’t fit our house.
anon says
Organizing question – we have a super tiny entryway and i need help storing kiddo’s scooter, helmet, soccer ball, and our umbrellas. Something over the door would work well. I already have shoes figured out thanks to an IKEA shoe cabinet.
Anon in NYC says
It seems like something with hooks + baskets could work. Have you played around on the Container Store’s website? I’m an evangelist for their Elfa system, and it might give you some ideas.
Anon says
Do you have a nearby coat closet? I turned mine into a mini mudroom (google image “coat closet into entry nook” to see what I’m talking about). I didn’t build in the seats, I just bought a bench with those cloth bins underneath, and that left enough room on the side to store both scooters. Our coats hang on top of the scooters, and the kids helmets, coats, and backpacks hang on hooks above the bench. The other side has a hook for umbrellas. The upper shelf is for the rest of our outdoor stuff like mittens and scarves and rainboots (in the off season) and whatever other miscellaneous stuff we need.
This only worked because we majorly culled our coats – we each have one warm winter coat and one lighter coat. We live in Chicago, so that was difficult at first, but now it works fine.
Anon says
Oh and I left the doors on so I can close it up and it still just looks like a closet. It’s never as pretty as all those Pinterest images.
Goody Bags says
My kid’s birthday party is the weekend before Halloween. What are some ideas that aren’t candy and also not total trash?
Party is unicorn themed. I considered just doing unicorn and dragon headbands but my kid really, really wants an actual bag of goodies to give out. So far we have these weird finger puppet things she picked and some lipglosses shaped like unicorns.
anonnymommy says
How old is your kid?
Good goody bag treats I’ve received lately: watercolor set (the standard crayola one), skinny markers (small set), little notebooks, pencils, erasers, rubber slap bracelets (check target)…
anon says
Temporary tattoos – buy the Melissa and Doug book of them and then cut it up into separate tattoos – or those little dover sticker/activity/etc books. Other ideas: playdough, books, bath color tablets or bath bombs. It sounds like you only need 1 more thing, if that.
Anon says
We do temp tattoos and stickers with a mini-notebook to stick them in. Sometimes I get fancy and add in those little mini stampers too.
Anon in NYC says
Rainbow bouncy balls, play doh, bubbles (maybe you can find ones with a unicorn or dragon topper – or print unicorn labels?), or unicorn slime.
anon says
mini puzzles from costco. i think you get 20 for $15
NewMomAnon says
My favorite goody bag gift as a kid was paper dolls, but that’s better for older kids. Kiddo got a goody bag recently that had fireman stickers you could place on a cardstock firehouse; if you could find something like that, it would be great for littler kids.
SC says
My kiddo is only 2, but so far, his favorite goody bag items have been cheap sunglasses and an elastic arm band that said “POW” for a super hero-themed party. My favorite goody bag items are play-doh and bubbles. I also love the idea of temporary tattoos and stickers.
Coffee Queen says
My kid is in Grade one…. We have gotten and given books, playdough, crayons and colouring books.
Bubbles and skipping ropes as well.
One year we did the cookies in a jar and that was a lot of fun.
Pogo says
@GoodyBags – unicorn stickers and tattoos?
Strategy mom says
Husband’s boss just had heart surgery – he is the least sappy guy ever but we thought it would be nice to put together something to send him – any ideas for something silly/funny? Are there any heart related booze brands? Or other ideas that a male boss might like (flowers won’t do the trick).
Anonymous says
basket of stuff to do while he recovers? a couple books/puzzle/sudoku/movie? I’d avoid alcohol gifts as he likely can’t have any for awhile after surgery.
Em says
Do you have a World Market near you? Their card section usually has a variety of gift basket sets (basket, shredded paper, plastic and twine) and you can fill it with stuff from the store like small games/puzzles/toys, unusual snacks/candy, and they have an insane alcohol selection so you could possibly find a heart one.
profesora says
Since it seems to be potty-training day around here, did anybody train before 2? tips? Little one (19 mo) is asking to sit on the potty and has pooped in diaper while doing so…
octagon says
We are at 19M and taking a very casual approach. Daycare noticed the signs and has started working on the toilet. They usually report 1-2 pees a day, poop maybe 1-2x a week. At home we do the toilet before bed, or upon request (though sometimes those requests are false alarms).
We have some books that only get read on the toilet, like Hand Hand Fingers Thumb. Really rhythmic and you can repeat the pages multiple times to help promote relaxation.
Sassyfras says
Yes, We had a failed attempt at 18 months, but kept out the potty seat and she essentially trained herself by 23 months. I will admit that she is the exception and not the rule, but I just want to say to not get bogged down with the idea that 19 months is too young.
avocado says
I am so sick of the double standard in my office regarding moms and face time. I am the first one on my team in the office every day and often the last to leave, despite the fact that I have a kid and a commute that is more than 3x as long as anyone else’s. One of my childless senior co-workers is constantly complaining that people with kids are never around, refuse to travel, and stick him with all the work, none of which is true (I do way more work than him, have traveled in his place many times, and am in the office more often than he is). He is constantly disappearing early or taking long lunches to work out and does his best to hide it, yet he monitors my comings and goings and makes all kinds of snarky comments (oh, you took lunch at a later time than usual and went to the GROCERY STORE?!?). Yesterday he said he was leaving early for the holiday, and this morning I found out that he actually left early to go to the gym. Not cool, dude.
avocado says
Adding–he can go work out all he wants, but what I am trying to say is that he should not be sneaking around pretending to be in the office when he isn’t, then accuse me of not being committed when he is the one who is always out attending to personal business. And using religion to cover up recreational activities is not cool. Just say you are leaving early to go to the gym if that’s what you are doing.
Redux says
Ugh, agree. Hate the double standard. It’s sad, but I end up not talking about my kids much at work. I basically never use them as the reason for anything having to do with time away from the office. Instead of saying I have a pediatrician appointment, I just say I have a dr. appointment. Instead of leaving early to pick up my kid, I’m just leaving early, full stop. My kids’ photos sit on my desk facing me and I have no cutesy kid stuff around at all. I know what you’re saying is that your colleague’s perception us flat-out UNTRUE, and it is totally unfair to change your behavior to counter his biases, but you might consider whether you’re putting out a mommy-vibe (ugh, shudder to type that) that feeds into his stereotype.
avocado says
Yes, I definitely don’t bring up the kid except when when he asks about her, and I never say I am going to be leaving early/out of the office because of the kid. I also make sure to put in more face time than he does. He doesn’t just complain about me, he complains about others with kids too.
Redux says
This sounds like total projection then. Drawing unwarranted attention to the (perceived) bad behavior of a group to which you don’t belong in order to covertly engage in that behavior yourself.
The psych professionals among us surely have a word for this.
GCA says
If no one ever had any kids where would all your future clients come from???
avocado says
The funny thing is that this guy is actually interested in kids! He mentors a teenager in his sports club, he is a doting uncle to his niece who is around the age of my kid, and when we are on the road together he likes to talk kid sports psychology and asks about the crazy science and math stuff my kid is into.
SC says
This stinks, but FWIW, I think your co-worker is just a score-keeper, and this isn’t about who has kids. My mom was a doctor in a private practice, and her and her partners’ favorite past time was b*tching about how each of them did more work than the other partners. They’d snipe about each other’s kid stuff when they all had kids, and when the kids grew up, about vacations, leave to take care of aging parents, and medical leave for “elective” procedures, etc. They just had a toxic, score-keeping environment (from which my mom retired early). I work in a law firm now, and despite the fact that you can track how much each lawyer is bringing in and how many hours they’re billing, people snipe all the time about other people’s schedules.
avocado says
I think you have nailed it–maybe it’s not about kids so much as about scorekeeping in general.
SC says
I don’t know why, but it comforts me to know that a scorekeeper would still be a scorekeeper no matter what I did–if I never saw my kid, if I didn’t have kids, if I made $1 million for the company. It’s not about you, and he’s not going to change even if you do. Unless he’s impacting your job or reputation with others, try not to take it personally and let it roll off your back.
AIMS says
Next time he says something about this, I would just say, “I’m here more than you are,” smile and walk away. I agree that he’s projecting and I think you should make it clear that no one is buying it.
blueberries (to avocado--no threading on phone) says
This would have me seething. I hope someone can advise on something clever and sharp to say. I can only think about how this dude is harming moral generally, perpetuating pernicious stereotypes, and is generally obnoxious.
Anonymous says
Only thing that came to mind for me was an upbeat/positive – “Yes! I’ve seen how often you’re able to use lunch hours to run errands like going to the gym so I thought I would give it a try with running errands at lunch. So different from taking my usual shorter lunch…” + walk away.
Is it a general office problem or just this guy? This guy is a jerk and you are a saint for not using your grocery trip to switch his coffee sugar to salt.
blueberries (to avocado--no threading on phone) says
*morale
Jeffiner says
My daughter is about to turn 3, and we are considering signing her up for either dance classes or soccer. I have no idea which one she would prefer. She’s never seen a soccer game or a dance performance, so I’m not sure she would understand if I asked her. She loves to dance to the radio or TV jingles, and she likes to run around and kick balls. She’s in full time daycare, and she has swimming lessons, so this is less about socialization and more about a fun thing to do on the weekend. Which would you choose, dance or soccer?
AIMS says
What would you prefer? Also, what about doing a trial class/day of both and then asking her?
SC says
For a 3-year-old, I’d choose dance. It’s more individual, and at this age, they really aren’t capable of an organized team sport. I just think dance would just be more fun for most 3-year-olds.
anon says
Having started soccer around 4, I’d agree with this. Wee kids soccer is an adorable hot mess and there is a lot of herding and very little ball kicking that goes on.
NewMomAnon says
In my area, there is an awesome soccer program that includes little kids “soccer.” The little kids program never gets to competition; it’s all “skill building” games, like obstacle courses and kicking big soft soccer balls to learn the kicking motion. At least 10 minutes of every “class” involved the kids just chasing the instructor in a huge game of tag. It was amazing. Kiddo came home so tired. If that’s what your soccer lessons are like, I vote for soccer.
Activities says
I have a just turned 4 y/o. We did dance last year and it’s been great. We did soccer at 2 and are going to do it again in spring- she was young enough where she wasn’t old enough to get the “teamness” of soccer so it was all skills, and she just wasn’t into it.
ER for away Emily says
When will threading on mobile start to work????
I have LG front loading W/D and I’m more than a little obsessed. They were the most highly rated machines by Consumer Reports when we bought. I didn’t think I needed any bells and whistles, but the delay wash setting has been a total game changer. I can “start” a load of laundry right before I go to bed, and it will just be finishing up when I get up in the morning. It makes a mid week cycle doable and easy! Love it!!!
H says
This reminds me of a funny (to me) story. Around the time my now husband and I had just begun dating, my parents bought the fancy LG washer and dryer. My dad was so excited about them he showed off all the features to DH. Poor DH, but dealing that well with my dad meant he was a keeper!
ElisaR says
my washer has this setting and i don’t know why it never occurred to me to use it – you’re right that’s great!