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Something on your mind/ Chat about it here. But first…
Pictured above:
- For the pregnant mama: I noticed someone was asking for navy maternity pants, which can be a bit difficult to find. The pictured pair comes in navy, black, and khaki, and is $53-$93 at Amazon; Loft, Nordstrom, and a Pea in the Pod all have options as well. Pictured: Maternal America Women’s Maternity Belly Support Skinny Trouser Pants Pants
- For the mom who’s always outside: these stretch linen pants from NYDJ look like a nice option if you’re always running around outside and not a fan of shorts or skirts. Note that the reviewers note to size down. They’re available in six colors for $110, sizes 0-16, regular and petite. NYDJ ‘Wylie’ Five-Pocket Colored Stretch Linen Blend Trousers
- For the moms in the Diaper Years: This diaper bag looks not only functional and stylish, but it’s part of the Born Free initiative, aiming to end mother to child HIV transmission by 12/31/15. Love that chain-link print combined with the exclusive Born Free pattern. The bag was $155, but is now $77.50 at ShopBop. Born Free Diane von Furstenberg Diaper Bag
KJ says
I have the NYDJ linen pants, and, while they are comfortable, they stretch out over the course of the day and fall off my hips. I end up hitching them up with one hand and walking on the hems. Not fun.
nursing bras -- soon after birth says
I am well-endowed (F/G and growing) and due with my first children (twins) around the holidays. I know it makes sense to wait to buy most of the nursing clothing, and especially bras, until size and routine are more fixed. But I need something to wear home from the hospital, and something to wear to the Christmas events that are likely to take place in the days soon after birth, when delivery of last-minute online orders may be delayed. Should I just buy a lot of nursing bras in various back and cup sizes and then send back whatever doesn’t fit after those first days? What brands would you wise ladies recommend for the busty? I would prefer at least one bra that is really supportive, since I will hopefully be going to church and family dinners and things, plus maybe one sleeping bra and one lazing-around bra. Also, are there any nursing clothes I should buy ahead of time? I will have some winter dresses that are maternity & nursing, so I’m hoping those can get me through the early weeks. Thanks so much!
CHJ says
Nursing bras are stretchy and forgiving, so I’d order one or two now in a size that currently fits, and you can always order more later if your size changes. Also, you can wear nursing bras while you’re pregnant. They are the best. So much better than the torture of regular bras (especially underwire – ugh!) while pregnant.
For brands, I really like the Bravado Body Silk Seamless. You can find it on Amazon. It is probably the least attractive bra you will ever wear, but it is also the most comfortable. I’m almost done nursing my son and I dread going back to regular bras!
JJ says
I’m “gifted” in that region too and also suggest the Bravado. For coming home from the hospital, I wore a nursing shirt and a sleep bra. My milk came in that day and I was so engorged and in pain, it was the only thing that I could handle.
I highly, highly recommend the Glamourmom full bust long nursing tanks. I wore those as bras under all my nursing shirts while I was on leave. I couldn’t wear underwire while I was nursing because it just hurt and caused plugged ducts, so I swore by those tanks for daily use. You also just get used to having an enormous, painful chest when you’re that “gifted” and just make do with what you can.
Kat G says
Everyone I know loves the Bravado Body Silk Seamless, but for me it’s a recipe for clogged ducts because while the ribcage fits the cups are too small. I love this version of the Bravado instead because it comes in L+ and L++ sizes (as well as XL): amzn.to/Vg0nrC (the “original nursing bra”). It’s a great sleep bra, early maternity leave bra (honestly I wore it around the clock for the first 10 weeks postpartum and am only just now wearing regular nursing bras) — and I particularly like it that it’s got a high neckline so you don’t feel like you’re falling out of it. I’m a 36H in other nursing bras and love the L++ size — perfect for the small-ribcage-big-cup problem.
Katarina says
I like Anita for a supportive bra, and Majamas for a sleep bra. I have never had problems with Anita underwire bras, so I would at least give it a try. I bought some cheaper bras early on to have something on hand, but I regret them all.
KJ says
The first few days I just wore nursing tanks under a zip up sweatshirt or a bathrobe. After that I tried several different styles from Bravado and settled on the Bravado Body Silk Seamless. I’m now 4 months post-partum and I still wear those day and night. I’m busty too, but I think it’s a good balance between comfort and support.
KJ says
Oh, and FWIW, I’ve had terrible luck with the “sleep” bras I’ve tried from Pea in the Pod and Bravado. Anything with the wrap style just leads to me waking up with at least one b00b popping out and milk everywhere.
Nonny says
Nursing tanks. Buy a bunch from Motherhood Maternity for cheap, and wear them to death. I am just back at work after maternity leave and right up to now (7 months on) I have been wearing nursing tanks every single day. So much easier than a bra when you are trying to nurse and not expose too much of yourself, and so much easier to keep warm in the winter (I layered flannel shirts over mine in January/February). I bought nursing bras too but just wore them for “fancy” (and wearing them at the office now that I am back at work, pumping).
But since you asked, I love Bravado bras. I bought a few during my third trimester and they are so comfy. Since my ribcage has gone back to its pre-pregnancy size, I just do up the band a bit tighter. Works great.
For reference, I have been a DD to F cup during nursing.
NewMomAnon says
My maternity leave uniform was nursing tanks from Target, yoga pants, and open front cardigan sweaters. Once my leave ended, I wore the tanks under my shirt instead of a bra (although I probably would wear a bra too if better endowed) so I didn’t have to leave my tummy bare if I nursed in public.
So my recommendation for nursing wear around the holidays is to buy nursing tanks in several sizes, some stretchy nursing bras in a couple sizes, skirts with elastic waist bands, and some festive tops that you can easily unbutton or pull up to nurse in. I gave up on nursing shirt because I do the tank top + any shirt I want, but nursing dresses are worth their weight in gold (Japanese Weekend, Old Navy, Asos and H&M sometimes have them).
Also, btw – pants are still an issue for me at 6 months postpartum because I continue to lose weight and hip size; I love skirts and wish I had more dresses that work for nursing.
Famouscait says
I’m due around the same time period and so have been stocking up on certain things since I know I won’t be up to facing the holiday shopping madness (and you make a good point about slow mail delivery). I don’t think this is relevant to nursing bras specifically, but for nursing friendly clothes (in general), Kohl’s would be a good option for you. They have no time-frame for returns, so I’ve already bought clothes that I can comfortably wear awake and asleep (a great suggestion from these ladies!), to nurse in or not nurse, depending on how that works out. If the clothes don’t fit or I don’t use them, I’ll take them back to Kohl’s with my receipt, even though that will be some 6 months later. Most other stores where I’ve bought maternity/nursing clothes (Old Navy, Target, etc.) have a 90-day return policy, and I don’t want to have to keep up with deadlines at that point in time.
hoola hoopa says
Normally I do advise women to buy only nursing tanks/sleep bras in advance… but I think you’re right about this. I would order 1-3 sizes from Nordstroms in advance. I’d order about one month in advance to allow for rib cage and bust expansion as far as possible, then focus your sizing around the then-current band size and 1-2 cups larger than your then-current cup size.
I’m G when nursing and adore Bravado for tanks and Anita for underwire. Specifically, this one http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/anita-international-underwire-nursing-bra/3009952
In House Lobbyist says
I am also that size and always got my nursing bras from the lactation store in the hospital. It was just a short walk down the hall and they always had at least one or two in my size to choose from. I couldn’t wear the ones from Pea in the Pod or Motherhood because they didn’t carry a large enough size. I wore a lot of nursing tanks – I liked the Motherhood ones more than Target- both day and night those first few weeks when I didn’t go anywhere.
I know you didn’t ask this but feel free to cut yourself some slack with the holidays. It is likely that your dr will tell you to keep babies – especially if they come early- in and away from people for the first few months. You probably don’t want everyone breathing on them during the height of flu season. We are at the stage where all the cousins are having babies and we all understand why the newest one has to miss Christmas or whatever the holiday happens to be.
JJ says
Last week’s open thread inspired me to ask this question, which is also based on my observations at work. I work in a very family friendly law firm. The vast majority of associates have young families, and we have many female equity partners (and our prior office managing partner was a mother).
But one thing that I’ve noticed is that, other than me, all the female associates with children have a husband with a relatively less (time) demanding career (so, wife is the biglaw attorney and husband is a teacher). It’s not so for my family: I bill about 2000 hours (give or take 50) a year and my husband, an IT professional–think CTO or equivalent–for a major corp. works even harder than I do and longer hours. We have two kids and obviously make it work, but it’s exhausting. And the only reason we can make it work is because my husband and I bought in fully to our gameplan of child care and can trust each other to pick up the slack when one person is just slammed at work.
So my question – what’s your family like? Two professionals? Does one parent eventually necessarily have to step back or lean back or whatever?
KJ says
Husband and I are both government lawyers. He is a trial lawyer and my job involves some litigation. We generally work 40 hours a week, but each have our busy times, although he has has them more frequently than I do. So far we have managed to make it work picking up the slack for each other with some strategic use of telework days. Of course, my baby is only 4 months old and my husband hasn’t had to travel for anything since we had her. He has an out of state trial coming up, so I may have a different opinion after that. I know quite a few two-lawyer families with new babies. It will be interesting to see if all these families have the same set up in a few years or when people start having second kids.
FVNC says
This is a timely question for me — just this morning I was thinking (daydreaming?) about stepping back to part time or a less demanding job. My husband and I are both lawyers (both former biglaw; now I’m in-house and he is army JAG). My husband works far more hours now than he ever did at a law firm (~60-70), but I work fewer (~50). I actually don’t know a lot of households with two parents who work long hours, which is why I value this community so, so much.
To answer your question: I’ve stepped back a bit at work, in that I don’t proactively seek out opportunities as much as I once did; I am more in “react” mode. Husband has not been able to step back at all. Thankfully, my company is very family friendly and almost all my colleagues and managers have children. Still, up until maybe a month ago, I was exhausted and really not enjoying life…but now our baby is sleeping better and somehow lately things just seem to have fallen into place. I’m still often tired and feel over-scheduled, but I finally feel like our little family has a rhythm that works for us.
I’d love to know how you handle all this with two kids. I had always wanted two children, but now I’m not so sure!
JJ says
Two kids, who are only 18 months apart, has been a lot of work. But I’m actually glad that it worked out this way. I’m hoping that we get the really rough baby/diaper/toddler years out of the way in one fell swoop. As for transitioning from one to two, it’s just like how you do it going from zero to one: plunging forward into totally foreign territory and hope you’re doing it right as you go along.
Now that the baby is 1 year old this month, life is much better and we have a pretty good routine going on. By far, the hardest adjustment has been accommodating two kids that come down with daycare sicknesses at different times. It’s always a hot potato contest when we get the call from daycare about a sick kid where my husband and I negotiate and bargain as to which person will pick ip the kid, do the doctor trip if necessary, and “work from home” until the kid can go back to school. For the few times where neither of us was really able to take off work, we’ve luckily had family in town that could help out.
To be honest, without both sets of grandparents in our same town, I don’t think it would be possible to have our jobs and the two kids. And that probably answers my question above – eventually everyone needs someone that can fill in for true emergencies while you’re at work. For us and for the few times where neither could get away (me in trial and husband presenting in big meetings) we’ve had grandparents help out.
FVNC says
Thanks!
anon eagle says
2 kids. baby is 4 months, other baby is 18 months. We are barely keeping our heads above water. Extended family is 2.5 hours away, so they can assist in a true emergency. I am prior military and husband is military. We are that couple that is waiting outside the door for daycare to open at 5:45am. Our family situation is stressful for me because we both take a commuter bus to work and a daycare emergency = frantic phone calls and metros, taxis, etc. I think if you have family nearby and control of your transportation, you will have less stress as a working mother. I wish I had more space between my kids. When my 2nd baby was born, my first baby could barely walk and could not climb stairs. Made daycare pick up and drop off a logistical nightmare. The good side to have closely spaced kids is that they are both in the nursery at daycare. :)
FVNC says
Thanks for the perspective, anon eagle. In a year or two my husband should be going to a grad course for a year (so his schedule should be 9-4ish, no PT!), which I think could be the perfect time to expand our family, if we’re so inclined (and assuming we have some level of control over timing of the new addition…). Good luck with your challenging schedule. I think in a year or two you’ll be in a great position, since you’ll have diapers, potty training, etc. behind you.
JJ says
anon eagle, I can promise that once the second baby can sit up by him/herself and self-entertain, life will improve dramatically. And as my older son is getting more and more self-sufficient (he’s 2.5 now), things are much easier. My baby is about a week away from walking – which I dread in the sense that he’s much harder to control, but I’m also excited because it will make daycare drop offs and pickups so much easier.
anon eagle says
Thanks for the encouraging words JJ. Since you responded to one of my other posts, I have clung on to the hope that we are about to turn the corner. :)
Famouscait says
I wish I could reference it specifically, but there was an interesting article in the NYTimes(?) a little while ago about how, based on survey results, women who were happiest in their work/life balance had planned ahead to accommodate that life. So somewhat contrary to what Lean In says, i.e. “Don’t leave until you have to” it was planning ahead that made it work. I think Katarina’s response below is a good example of this. You get yourself (or a partner) into a job where you can have flexibility, or good maternity leave, or whatever. You don’t necessarily use that benefit until you have to (so not leaning out early, per se) but you’ve got it in your pocket for when you need it. If anyone else read and remembers this article, please post a link.
T. McGill says
Curious to hear everyone’s responses to this. Right now, I have the more “demanding” job, in terms of the hours I have to put in. So it is great that my husband’s hours are less demanding/more regular, allowing him to handle our kids. I don’t have to worry about rushing home because I know he has things under control (my own internal mom guilt aside, of course). However, he is actively looking for a new job, and with the move he is hoping to make, I know his hours are going to become as intense, if not more so, than mine. I am fine with the idea of balance (one person steps up professionally, the other steps back to pick up the slack at home), but I am not sure how I can step back — I am an attorney, so hard to go part time, or leave the office at a dedicated time each day, because there are clients to be serviced whose needs must be met…
hoola hoopa says
We go back and forth on this constantly. Generally, my husband “leans out” because if we’re both busy life falls apart. If he gets busy (a week of 12 hr days, for example), I have to pull back at work which puts me behind. Someone has to pick up the kids, get them dinner and attention, and put them to bed. If both parents are going full speed, then there has to be different care accommodations, such as a live-in nanny.
hoola hoopa says
To expand a bit, my husband is really happy with having his career take a back seat. If he were career focused, we’d make different care arrangements but also do like other couples I know have done and basically trade off. One career takes a hit for the advancement of another (ie, relocating for a promotion), but the understanding is that the one who previously had the advantage will take a hit in a few years for the betterment of the other.
Anonymous says
I was until recently a Big Firm litigator and my husband is a teacher. We met in college and he sort of always knew I’d be the one with the bigger career aspirations – he was one of the few guys I’d met who wanted marraige but wasn’t turned off by a woman who wasn’t sure she wanted kids but was sure she wanted a career. When we had kids, I thought the work/life balance would work out great with him teaching (such a set schedule!), and for the most part, when it came to kid logistics, it did, except when I had to travel and he had to do day care drop off (teachers have to be at work so early). But I personally wanted more of a life balance in the work/life balance equation, which is why I first went to part time and then went to the Federal Gov’t. We’ll see how it all works out, and I do already miss the money (teachers = underpaid), but it is so, so, so nice to get to have “me” time after my kid goes to bed instead of logging back in for another several hours. Anyway, I guess my point is that even with the husband with the less demanding career, I still chose to lean back a little with young kids. I still do work a more than 40 hr week most weeks, but nothing like what I was doing before.
hoola hoopa says
This is a great point.
Anonymous again says
I will say that we had to make choices that made this financially feasible in the DC area – we live a bit further out than would be ideal, and we live in an area where the schools are middle of the road instead of The Very Best!!!! which seems so important to most professional people I know. I paid off almost all of my student loans, and my husband will get most of his forgiven for teaching at-risk kids. We also saved a lot of money over the past few years, so we don’t have to worry about emergencies while we’re paying for daycare on a lower salary. We do a daycare center, instead of a nanny, and it’s out in the burbs by our house, so cheaper than it would be downtown. The Fed Gov’t also has amazing benefits, which made the paycut a little easier to swallow. In DC, I know other women who’ve taken a step back (gov’t, in-house, policy jobs) with little kids and then gone back to a higher pressure job when their kids were older. Not sure if we’ll do that or not – again, the money would be wonderful, especially with college costs looming. But I think if this is something you want to do (and it wasn’t something I realized I wanted to do until after I had kids), you have to somewhat plan to make it work. My income, if you include my bonus, was basically cut by 40% with this move. Our take home pay total is equal to what mine was before not including bonus (which always went directly to loans anyhow), and we used to bank my husband’s entire salary, so this works for us. But I have plenty of friends who bought more expensive homes or who have a lot more debt from both spouses where this would be a really tough choice.
Anonymous says
We have one kid. I’d like another but with two demanding jobs I can’t see how it could work. I am a BigLaw litigator and bill about 2200 a year. My husband is an academic and works about 50 hours a week in the office. He handles preschool drop off and pick up since he has a lot more flexibility in his schedule than i do. He is also capable of working on a lot less sleep than me, so he often stays up to work at night. I’m exhausted all the time and I wish one of us had a less demanding job. Unfortunately, he loves his job and would never step back, but I make all the money so it’s not an option for me in our hcol area.
Diana Barry says
We have 2 professionals – my husband is in start-ups and tech as an advisor and also runs a start-up fund, and I am a lawyer. I work 80% and am definitely the more hands-on parent in terms of scheduling the kids, coordinating the nanny, doing pickup-dropoff etc., but his work is also flexible since he works for himself and works from home.
My career has definitely not been as high-powered as it “should” if I had stayed in biglaw. Since I am at a small firm I make far less than I used to and my husband makes quite a bit more than I do. But I am happy to be able to get home to see the kids every day (we have 3) and have Fridays off, and it works well for us – although more so during the summer when there aren’t as many places to be.
ANP says
Such a great question. My husband and I are both what I’d consider “career people;” he works in finance for a Fortune 500 company and I’m a VP at a nonprofit organization. Work is super-important to both of us and we have two little kids, age 4.5 and 1.5 years. We’re also thinking about adopting a third child, too (which seems bananas, even as I type this!). We’ve always felt as though we’re missing a person in the family, but one of the many reasons we want to adopt is that I simply don’t want to be pregnant again — partially for personal/physical reasons, but also for career reasons.
What helps us is, in part, the town we live in — it’s small, semi-suburban and almost rural in some areas. So the expectations are different than, say, NYC BigLaw (though we still have tons of responsibility and very challenging jobs). Both of us have decent control over our own schedules, me moreso than my husband since I run my own department. Both of us are able to work remotely/from home (usually) as long as we can get the work done, so leaving early to pick up a sick kid just means a late night finishing off the to-do list.
I have a slightly more flexible job than my spouse does, but overall we split kid duties pretty evenly and if one of us is slammed, the other one steps up to pick up the slack. Some things that have helped us: NOT overscheduling evenings and weekends, organizing kid stuff the night before, and realizing what’s important to us (eating dinner together as much as possible) and what can be let go (laundry piles).
I will say that I recently did some exploring WRT other job opportunities and actually had two very good offers on the table. I declined both — neither was the absolute perfect fit, and I realized overall that the flexibility my current job affords me is pretty impossible to find elsewhere. I wouldn’t necessarily call this Leaning Out — because my current job is challenging and not without growth opportunities — but flexibility is an important factor to me at this time in my life.
JJ says
ANP – I would love to hear more about your decision to adopt a third. I feel like, with two kids, we still might be missing someone from our family. But the idea of another pregnancy (my last two were very rough) is what dissuades me. I’ve thought about potentially adopting.
You can also consider this email proof that time heals all wounds as my second was an incredibly challenging, high needs, colicky newborn and you’d think that would warn me off from wanting another.
ANP says
Ahhhh, JJ, I ask myself this question all the time. Our lives are full and busy. Never enough hours in the day. House always dirty. So WTH do we feel as though we need another kid?!? I totally can’t explain it, except it feels like we’re short a (wo)man. DH agrees with me — both that we’re nuts and that we’re missing someone.
I had pretty textbook pregnancies — so, no crazy symptoms but still hard in that all pregnancies are hard. I also nursed both of my children — and feel as though I’d want to do that with #3, were s/he biological. I had pretty bad post partum depression with #1, too. Those things combined just made me want to look elsewhere for options. Our youngest is 19 months old and he was a TERRIBLE sleeper until 14-15 months, so I’m barely out of the woods. Amnesia is a wonderful thing!
We know people who are active foster parents and who actually adopted two kids out of foster care, so my husband and I are in the process of becoming licensed. These friends have been tremendous resources for us, which was great. I know this is a terribly difficult road, but I feel pretty confident that we can handle whatever the universe throws at us — in a worst-case scenario, you can terminate a foster placement with 30 days’ notice, and I know I can survive anything for 30 days. I don’t think I’m WonderMom or anything, but I also think our family could be a good (great?) place for a kiddo to hang out for awhile even if an adoption isn’t in the cards. We plan to only take babies/toddlers and our local economy/social stratosphere is so messed up that 50% of foster placements end in adoption, either by a family member or unrelated foster parent.
I haven’t found many resources for foster parents, particularly those who reside in dual-career families. Our friends tell us it can be done, but I’m still nervous. The Fosterhood Tumblr has been interesting for me, but that’s about all I’ve been able to uncover.
Anyway, this may have been more than you bargained for but that’s our story. I felt compelled to explore foster care as an option — based largely on what I’ve read/learned from our friends — and told DH that if we didn’t think it was good for our family (after taking licensing classes), I’d consider other avenues (including another pregnancy, if it came to that). But for now I sort of feel as though the universe is directing me down this road.
JJ says
Thanks for sharing!
Katarina says
My husband stay’s home with our son. He was a professional (CPA), and is keeping up his certification. We planned this in advance, from the time I started law school. My husband did not really like his job, and quit shortly before my son was born. He does occasional part time work to keep up his work history. He is also interested in a career change, but is undecided on what. I think he will re-enter the workforce full time when my son enters kindergarten or so (we hope to have a second child by then). It works well for us. I think all the lawyers I work with, male or female, have spouses with a less demanding job, and a lot have a spouse who stays home, especially if they have two or more children.
Anon says
I am p/t in BigLaw (85 percent) and my husband is an RD manager for a large company. We have both made career decisions to maximize flexibility and work/life balance, such as it is. I wouldn’t call it leaning out as much as I would call it stretching the track. We have three kids, 5, 3 and 1. My practice area (tax) is relatively flexible for BigLaw, and as a manager he works hard but also has relatively flexible hours (except for when we travel). Day to day we manage through a combination of offsetting our schedules and working from home when necessary. There are times when we are both busy at work or he is travelingg, and that gets tough. What works for us is splitting household chores and childcare, letting go of many, many things and the understanding/acknowledgement that neither of us would be happy staying home or completely coasting. I agree that many lawyers have spouses who stay home or have less demanding careers, but I know several who don’t and I think everyone is hanging on the best they can!
Nanny questions says
We’re strongly considering switching from daycare to nanny for our kids (ages 5, 2, and soon-to-arrive newborn). Mainly because it would save us from having to get three kids out the door in the morning and save pick up/drop off to two different places. We did it last year for PK and it was miserable but manageable, but at the time we had a much shorter commute and better schedule. The way it would work out now (we’ve recently moved, changed jobs) looks horrid on paper.
Two questions for people who have a nanny:
1) Did you provide a car for the nanny, have them use their car (you provide carseats?), or not have them drive at all?
The elementary school where my oldest will be attending (full day) kindergarten is within walking distance of our house. There is a park within walking distance, but in true suburban fashion there are no other activities or amenities nearby. We would expect the nanny to pick up the kindergartener (with the other two in tow), but I’m not sure if it’s too confining to leave them otherwise car-less. Options for cars we could leave behind are a very large truck (which can hold three carseats) or a very old sedan that can hold only two carseats. I assume a nanny’s car would most likely only accommodate two carseats as well.
2) Did you have nanny while you were home on maternity leave?
Baby #3 is due in January, and I’ll be home on leave for ~12 weeks. It would be convenient to get a nanny asap so that they can start by the time kindergarten starts, partly to avoid two locations and partly because we’re not loving their current daycare (we recently moved and this is the only place that had openings). But I’m wondering if it would be weird to have the nanny at home with me while I’m on leave. The other option would be keeping kid2 at current daycare and doing aftercare for kid1 at school for now and hiring a nanny about a month before I start back on leave in early spring. I’m thinking Sept is a better time to hire than March/April
Anon says
I would provide nanny with a vehicle with car seats. Something like a Mazda5 isn’t too large but can accommodate 3 seats – this would also allow Nanny to get out in the community with the younger two (playgroups etc).
In terms of timing, I’d be inclined to have nanny start sooner vs. later. You could have her do different duties initially – e.g. – make frozen meals in bulk so you don’t have to worry about dinner when you go back or take kid 1 and 2 to mommy and me classes/playgroups and/or watch newborn for short periods so you can spend time with the other two.
Nanny questions says
Thanks for the reply. I particularly like the point about having nanny take the baby so I can get some time with the kids. That time was critical when going from one to two children.
Just to be clear, buying a car for the nanny is not an option. Options are (1) large truck with 3 carseats, (2) old sedan with 2 carseats, (3) 2-3 carseats for nanny’s car, or (4) no car. It will be part of our discussion with potential nannies, but I’m curious what other families have done. And maybe the answer is that other families buy a car for the nanny, I don’t know!
greenie says
Nanny’s car with our carseats for us. She stayed in-town: drop off and pick up at nursery school, playdates, swim lessons etc. We were very clear about where she could drive with the kids in the car (no highways etc). We were also very specific about our beliefs of how long a child could be left in the car (paying for gas at pump okay, going in to pay kids come with you etc.)- this might sound like overkill but different people are more comfortable with different situations so we just wanted to put it out there.
She was able to keep the car seats installed off-duty as well, but make sure she is comfortable putting a seat in and out properly.
mss says
Curious – if it’s nanny’s car with your carseats, what do you do about insurance? When I imagine myself going down this road it always ends up being our car so that we can properly insure the car. (We have never gone down the nanny road for other reasons.)
Also – we can fit three radians (one rf) as well as two radians and a bubble bum booster seat in the backseat of a prius, which is not the biggest car ever. So you might play with the configuration of carseats in your old sedan.
Diana Barry says
We have the nanny use our car (suv with 3 car seats) and have put her on our insurance so she is covered. She also takes 1-2 kids in her car from time to time, if she doesn’t have all 3 of them that day.
Nanny questions says
So do you have three cars that accommodate three carseats? My husband and I must each have our own car for work.
Anon says
In that case, I would vote for either 3 carseats in truck or 3 car seats in sedan (you may have to purchase new seats for the older kids – Diono Radians or Cleks are good three across options). I would let it depend on which vehicle Nanny is more comfortable driving. I’d vote against Nanny using her own car if the seats need to be taken in and out regularly (I’m always worried they won’t be installed correctly). Correct installation is particularly important/hard to achieve with three across seating and realistically, Nanny may not have her own car with enough space to seat three across.
I think Nanny does need a car, at least most days of the week (e.g. MWF) – otherwise not sure how she is supposed to pick up kindergartener. Kids are often tired during intial adjustment period to kindergarten so I would imagine that he/she would not be thrilled about walking home. Hard (impossible?) to find a three seat stroller that would work for infant, toddler, kindergartener. Not sure what weather is like where you are, but if sidewalks are not appropriately cleared of snow, then stroller may not be an option in winter months.
Meg Murry says
Even if the elementary school is within walking distance, you might want to call the transportation office – in our state, ALL kindergarteners are required to be offered bussing, even if they live next door to the school. If that’s the case, and you don’t plan to have after school activities for the kids, the number of times the nanny needs to transport all 3 kids would be very rare.
I would also check the sedan to see if it could fit carseat + backless booster (like bubble bum) + infant seat. Our small car (similar size to a prius) can handle this – its a tight fit, but do-able. I know a backless booster isn’t ideal, but its better than nothing, and legal in most states if your 5 year old is 40+ lbs. Although I agree with you that if it isn’t raining or snowing loading them up in a stroller is probably easier & faster than loading in the car – I’d recommend a folding razor scooter for the kindergartener to keep up with the stroller as its fun and less tiring than walking.
Meg Murry says
Oh, and one other thing to look into – have you looked at other daycares in your area to see if any of them have programs for school age kids for after and/or before school? Ours does, and the afterschool cost is pretty low compared to the cost of other kids. That way you would be back down to only one dropoff/pickup point.
Nanny questions says
Their current daycare has that option, but we don’t like the daycare. We haven’t like any in the area, actually. And it doesn’t avoid getting everyone up and out the door in the morning, which is such a pita.
I hadn’t considered a bubble bum seat… It’s 4″ narrower than a radian! While I’m pretty certain that three narrow carseats won’t fit, I think we could make a bubble bum fit. Not comfortably, but well enough. I’ll run the numbers. Thanks for the suggestion!
Nanny questions says
I appreciate all the responses. Some similar thoughts came up, so I’m answering all here.
We will have two vehicles that accommodate three carseats (a car and a truck) plus the old sedan, but my husband and I each need a car for work. The car with three carseats must be used for work and is not available for the nanny.
I’m 99.9% certain that three carseats will not fit in the old sedan based on measurements alone, but we’ll be doing the whole radian etc thing with one car already so we can check. I hadn’t considered a bubble bum, but I think it’s narrower than a radian and could maybe work. It’d be really cramped, but sufficient for a half mile round trip to the school and back.
Where we live, school is cancelled if there is snow on the ground.
Anon says
– sounds like using the old sedan for the nanny is the best solution – it might be a tricky install but you might be able to get three car sears across – especially if you front face the 2 year old and use a narrow bucket seat for the infant (some bucket seats are narrower than others)
Google for suggestions on making the three car seats work – there’s actually a blog where you can write in with your car and ask for suggestions on which seats would work three across I think it’s thecarseatlady (dot) blogspot (dot) ca
Nanny questions says
I think it *might* work! According to online measurements, the hipspace is 46.2 inches, which sounds about right. Two radians and a bubblebum = 47 inches. Might not be possible. But a radian, and a coccoro, and a bubblebum = 45 inches!
It’s going to be very, very close. We’re getting the radians very soon, so I’ll get a bubblebum at the same time and see if we can puzzle them in. We currently have the keyfit 30 (same width as a radian, 2″ wider than coccoro), but it’s probably close to expiration and it would be worth changing if it gets us a third car with three carseats. If two radians don’t fit, we’ll have to figure out something once the infant seat is outgrown, but at least that buys us time. (Thank goodness our babies tend to be small – hope this kid is, too)
Woohooo! I’m so excited! Thanks, Meg Murry. A backless booster wasn’t even on my radar.
Meg Murry says
FYI, since the booster has to be buckled into the seatbelt, my kids can’t buckle/unbuckle themselves. I have to put the middle kid in the car first, then basically climb/lean in to buckle him, then have the kids on the ends get in. And that will mean unloading at least 1 other kid for dropoff too, not just the kindergartner. Annoying, but not impossible.
And if you aren’t both doing daycare dropoff/pickup, why do you and H both need cars that can handle 3 car seats? We have 1 car that can take the whole family, and one truck that can only take 1 or 2 people. It requires a little coordination & trading off, but its cheaper than 2 cars that hold everyone.
Nanny questions says
No, we don’t. Nanny aside, our plan has to use both sedans (the new with 3 seats and the old with 2 seats) as our primary vehicles. But then I realized that a nanny wouldn’t necessarily have a car with 3 seats or want to drive our big truck, hence my OP.
If we left the new sedan with the nanny, we’d be commuting with the old sedan and the large truck – but one of the main reasons we bought the new sedan was to have two commuter cars. The truck just isn’t a good commuter vehicle. We recently moved to the suburbs from the city, where we only needed 1.5 vehicles and the truck was perfect for special trips or the occasional commute, but since the move its terrible mpg is an issue. If we left the new sedan with the nanny, we’d be doing our long commutes with the two most fuel-INefficient vehicles.
And, selfishly, I’ve been driving a 20+ year old car for all these years and want to drive the brand new car! ;)
AEK says
Thanks Kat! I asked about navy pants last week.
I recently returned the recommended pair, actually (#1). They would have worked fine but for the pockets— they really stuck out, even though the rest of the fit across the thighs/ butt didn’t feel too tight. They were like big ears sticking out from my thighs. Didn’t think that sewing them closed would solve the issue, and for the price, I wanted them to look better.
I will check out the other options you suggested, though. Seems to be a lot in ankle / crop lengths but I will persevere!
Famouscait says
Another nursing bra question here:
When I first got pregnant and my chest grew (from a B to a C cup) it was very painful. I could tell immediately which of my bras were not as supportive, and also started having to wear a bra to sleep. From what I understand, the girls will get even bigger (maybe another cup size?) once my milk comes in and I start nursing. Yet when I look at nursing bras online (and the single one I’ve tried on IRL) they all seem so stretchy and unsupportive. I look for wide straps, a wide band, etc. like is comfortable now on my regular bras, but nursing bras seem to be more like what I’m currently sleeping in. Am I missing something here?
Anon says
I’d buy one or two nice bras to get you through the pregnancy.
You’ll probably be mostly in nursing tanks initally anyway (Bravado has great ones + other recommendations above).
After your milk has come in (maybe a week or two after) go for a proper bra fitting at Nordies or a bra store (call first to ask if they have a range of nursing bras in stock). Nursing bras often don’t have underwire but proper fit makes all the difference. I had my first bra fitting ever when I was nursing – turns out I wasn’t a 34B/C as I’ve thought for years – I was a 30D or DD depending on the brand! Proper band fit made all the difference in support/comfort. Panache is a great brand for small band sizes.
hoola hoopa says
Yep, probably 1-2 cup sizes once the milk comes it. It will be uncomfortable and probably painful because it happens quickly. Just being honest.
I generally go from a 30DD not pregnant to a 32G when nursing. (It will drop back to a DD/F for extended breastfeeding). Bravado tanks are shockingly supportive. “Sleep bras” are definitely light support, although they did not make me uncomfortable. Anita underwires are definitely stretchier than what I wear when not nursing, but that’s what you want. Your cup size will actually change throughout the day. Still, they are plenty supportive for me. At about 6-9 months post-partum when I’m nursing less because baby’s transitioning to food, I start wearing more firm/normal bras, mostly at work. YMMV.
FVNC says
Grandparents question: My in-laws do not speak English as their first language. While they understand English perfectly, their speech is heavily accented and after almost a decade, I still have a hard time understanding them. My husband speaks to our daughter only in English. She’s a baby and therefore a long way from talking to my in-laws, but I’d like them to have a good relationship. We live in different cities, so we’ll need to rely on Skype/Facetime. I feel like the language barrier could be a hindrance to developing their relationship. Any tips or tricks for navigating this?
hoola hoopa says
I wouldn’t worry about it. Children are very adaptable, and she’ll grow up learning their accent.
This is based on personal experience, btw.
FWIW says
Adding on to this, my Grandmother was a native English speaker, but with such a heavy regional accent that people from outside of that region often couldn’t understand her. She also used colloquialisms that weren’t common at all and overall was pretty quirky. What happened? Her grandkids learned how to understand her just fine (even when her daughters in law couldn’t), although when babies were learning to speak it would be hysterical to hear them repeat a word she was trying to ‘teach’ them. Her accent was such that she would say a word like ‘ball’ and the kid would just repeat ‘AWWWW’.
Also, as an adult, I have worked with persons with developmental disabilities and many non-native English speakers and have discovered that I have a knack for understanding what people are saying, even when coworkers and friends were not able to. I attribute this to learning how to decipher my grandmother’s speech from an early age.
Clementine says
Hello O Wise Ladies!
My best friend had her first baby last night! I’ve been invited to come visit her at the hospital and am wondering what you wish someone would have brought you?
I was thinking of making a basket with some ‘Soothies’, some snacks (granola bars, etc.) and a few magazines. She’s there until Thursday. What do you think? Should I just go flowers or what?
Anon says
+ 1 for smoothies/snacks over flowers
If she’s planning to breastfeed then maybe include some oatmeal cookies or instant oatmeal (just add hot water kind – can make it from the tap in a travel mug in a pinch — oatmeal is good for milk supply
hoola hoopa says
+2 for soothies and snacks over flowers! Anything and everything she can eat one handed. Granola bars, bananas, mixed nuts, etc.
Clementine says
Thank you very much for your input! She’s getting a heavily oat themed gift bag- all items that can be eaten one-handed- plus a magazine and some soothies.
NewMomAnon says
My mom brought me a cheeseburger and fries on my second day in the hospital, and it was the first real meal I’d eaten since going into labor. Also, if your friend had a “regular” childbirth (i.e., not a c-section…not sure how to say that to avoid moderation…), she might appreciate a bath pillow and some good lotion, since the hospital told me that baths were the best for recovery “down there.”
ELL says
Agreed on the baths. I’ve gone through several bags of Epsom salts since my delivery two weeks ago. And the hospital I was admitted to for complications did not supply the salts.
NewMomAnon says
Yes to Epsom salts! The hospital told me no Epsom salts for the first two weeks, but once I started adding them to the bath it was a big relief. Plus, those first few weeks, the bath was the only 20 minutes of the day that I knew I was not “on-call” for baby duty. I lit candles, listened to music, read magazines, drank wine, ate chocolate, and relaxed. It felt so luxurious.
ELL – hang in there, those first two weeks were some of the hardest of my life. I know everyone says this, but it gets so much better. My 6-month old still doesn’t “sleep through the night,” but at least she mostly sleeps at night now, and my husband and I have figured out how to work as a team instead of bickering over who had to wake up this time (or change the next poopy diaper…blech). And my pro-tip: take lots of videos now because it’s so much fun to look at those once you’re 3 or 6 months out!
ELL says
Thanks! We’re still working on figuring out the team thing.
NewMomAnon says
I suspect that’s an understatement *grin*
We went to couples counseling, and once we both bought into it (I was the major holdout, mea culpa), things clicked. I highly recommend some couples counseling even though I’m sure it seems like an impossible time commitment right now. We even brought the baby with us while I was on maternity leave.
Nonny says
Nothing at the hospital. Buy food and take it to their home. My best friend brought me enough food to last us for a week and it was the best thing anyone gave me, hands down.
Katarina says
I second sending the food to their home, not the hospital. I did not want to transport more stuff home, and the hospital had tasty and plentiful food.
Samantha says
See if you can get her something that she loves to eat, and that maybe she couldn’t eat while pregnant?
e.g. Sushi or something with raw eggs, etc.
Otherwise, her favorite kind of treat like cupcakes, or a takeout meal from a restaurant that she really loves.
Anon with Twins on the Way says
I’m pregnant with twins and feeling like my DH has no idea how different this pregnancy has been compared to my previous singleton pregnancy. Any suggestions for Dad focused websites/books on multiples that might help him see my perspective a bit more?
TIA!
KJ says
I don’t have any resource suggestions, but I have to say it really sucks that your husband won’t just take your word for it. Sorry you are dealing with that!
ANP says
+1 to what KJ said. Lots of empathy coming your way! Maybe a serious sit-down conversation is in order?
Newborn Photos says
Looking for a photographer to do newborn photo session in Westchester, NY (either in a studio or at my home). Any recommendations? TIA.
AJD says
I just went through this — I went from G/H during pregnancy to K after milk came in. The only thing I found suitable was Bravado no underwire bra, which the lactation consultant praised. The G/H you are now should be suitable to get you home from hospital/give you time to order proper size b/c as others have said, nursing bras are stretchy. I ordered everything off Amazon and with the Prime it comes in two days. After 3 months, I switched to Anita underwire bras–lactation consultant said underwire was ok at this point and I dropped back down to the G/H. After a few weeks, I also bought some Target G&O nursing tanks in size XL and XXL and some G&O sleep bras in XL; wish I had those right away. Milk (can get on Amazon) makes some nice solid colored nursing tees that I wore when out in public. I bought two and that was sufficient for my 4.5 months at home with baby.