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This cute dress looks really fun, and the old rule that a print is better at hiding stains or other things makes this mom-friendly. It’s a very spring-y, happy, pretty dress that you could wear to work, to a baby shower or other party, or even a church event. It looks lovely, it’s lined (except for the sleeves), and it’s machine washable. It’s available in regular (2-20), petite (2P-16P), and plus sizes (lucky sizes only) at Talbots, where it’s currently on sale — from $169 to $134. Ombre Floral Dress
Looking for other washable workwear? See all of our recent recommendations for washable clothes for work, or check out our roundup of the best brands for washable workwear.
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Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Extra 40% off sale styles
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 40% off everything
- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
AIMS says
This is really pretty!
Also: thank you to the person who suggested telling baby that her pacifier “lives” in her bed. We tried that and – surprisingly for me – it worked. Now she wakes up and just hands over the pacifier. Next step is to work on giving it up for naps and nighttime but I’m happy to have at least made progress on daytime. Thank you so much!
H says
ooooo great idea! I’m going to try it!
Redux says
Is there an online tool for calculating how much house you can afford? My husband and I are very lucky to have never been in a pinch for money and consequently are not great at budgeting/ knowing our financial status. Now that we’re preparing to buy a home we have no idea how to answer the question, How much do you want your monthly payments to be? Our kids are pre-school age and we are not sure if we will send them to private schools. We want to be consistently putting money in our 401ks and the kids’ 529s. Our families live far away and not in the same place, so we travel by air a few times a year to see them. Our salaries are stable and firmly middle-class (neither of us makes or will make 6 figures) and we have significant school loans. We live in a LCOL area. How do you make projections? I feel like I am totally guessing at how much we can afford based on what we have blindly afforded in the past.
lsw says
There are tools for this, but I think you need a better budget picture first. Can you use Mint or something to outline your spending in the last year by general categories? Also, you will need to budget for taxes and home insurance, of course, and you will want to have an emergency fund just for unexpected house expenses. You can’t expect a mortgage the same as your rent costs to equal out in the end. Expect the unexpected in your first several years of owning a home – especially if it’s an older home.
Newbie Momma says
The calculators are always overly optimistic too IMO. We are in similar position to y’all — we calculated hard expenses and then determined how much of our take-home we are comfortable throwing at a mortgage/insurance/taxes. And have a generous stack of cash for unforeseen expenses (i.e. AC completely dying in the middle of the summer).
mascot says
In a LCOL area, I think you can somewhat follow the rule that housing costs shouldn’t exceed 30% of your income. That being said, if you don’t have a significant emergency fund, you may want to keep your house payments so that it will be affordable on one income should one of you suffer temporary job loss. There are monthly payment calculators online (make sure you include the cost of taxes and insurance in that number) and then add a little bit for standard maintenance.
Em says
Do you have a budget? If not, I would start by making one. It is difficult to determine what you can afford without seeing how much you are bringing in and how much you are spending each month and annually. Figure out what your combined income is and what your regular expenses are (daycare, groceries, utilities, gym membership, insurance, etc.) and include the retirement and 529 contributions, as well as fixed travel expenses. This will show you how much you have left each month for a mortgage/insurance/taxes. As far as projections, I would not buy a house you cannot comfortably make the payments on now. We currently have $2k leftover each month after we pay all our expenses. We would have qualified for a mortgage 3 or 4 times what ours is, but our house is plenty for our family, in a great school district, and I would not be comfortable not having the additional cushion every month.
Ai says
The NYTimes rent v. buy calculator is helpful.
Anonymous says
We skipped the calculators, and worked backwards. We started with a very conservative estimate of what we bring home each month – the amount that lands in our bank accounts after taxes and 401k contributions. Then, we subtracted fixed non-housing expenses (loans, car payments, etc.). Then, we subtracted our non-fixed, but mandatory expenses (food, gas for cars, utilities, non-retirement savings, 529s, etc.). Then, we subtracted our typical discretionary expenses (going out, travel, etc.). Then, we came up with a monthly payment we were comfortable affording. We gave that number to our lender, along with our down payment, and they gave us a ceiling on how much we should spend in our three favored counties (taxes vary substantially by county here). It was a vastly lower number than what we would have qualified for. I don’t even know what we would have qualified for b/c I think they assume a much different percent going to housing expenses.
Looking back, I would have added a monthly expense roughly equal to one percent of the home price annually for repairs, and would have been realistic that monthly expenses were going to include someone to cut the lawn ($$$) and clean the house. We optimistically thought we’d take those on, but we haven’t.
Anon in NYC says
This is how I would do it too (if I were looking to buy). Figure out your fixed expenses, and then “budget” for discretionary things like travel or date nights so that they become a budget line item.
I find it helpful to think of those variable but mandatory expenses as a monthly expense. Like, I know that I will spend X on travel in 2017, so X/12 = Y. Y is what I have to budget for in my monthly calculations.
And I agree about budgeting for housing maintenance. All of my friends have said that they’ve been surprised by how much they have to spend to maintain their house.
anon says
This is basically what we did. We figured out our monthly expenses, childcare costs etc. and came up with a reasonable number for mortgage/insurance/property tax. I’d build in forward-looking expectations too, like private school tuition etc.
H says
Yup, this is how we did it. At the time, what we were comfortable paying ended up being about 27% of our monthly net income. The 27% included property taxes, which are high in my state, so don’t forget to factor that in.
The online calculators I found helpful were the ones that calculated the monthly payment when you put in the total purchase price, tax percentage, insurance, and financing percentage.
Pogo says
This is what we did.
+1 “It was a vastly lower number than what we would have qualified for” Based on our incomes we could have been approved for something ridiculous that we would never have felt comfortable with as a loan.
avocado says
I don’t find on-line calculators or rules of thumb terribly helpful in calculating how much house you can actually afford. They tend to allow for higher housing costs than many people find livable, especially with child care costs in the picture. I echo the advice to track your actual spending for several months and create a budget. Be aware that utility costs can be much higher for a single-family home than for an apartment, and that you will spend a lot of money on regular maintenance as well as unexpected repairs. For example, on a regular basis you will need to have your carpets cleaned, your gutters cleaned, your driveway sealed, the exterior of your house pressure-washed, and your furnace and air conditioner inspected. Depending on where you live, you may need an annual pest control contract. It’s also a good idea to have $10K or so in your emergency fund so you can easily handle emergency repairs and replacements, and to be saving some each month for long-term maintenance costs. On average I estimate that we spend about 5% of our home’s value each year on maintenance and repairs. Also consider whether you would like to be able to handle the mortgage plus basic living expenses on one salary, at least temporarily, in case one of you loses your job.
avocado says
To clarify: I mean $10K for emergency home repairs on top of your regular emergency fund.
CPA Lady says
^ all of this. Those calculators don’t take into account emergencies and don’t take into account all the keeping up with the Joneses expenses (professional landscaping, etc) you incur if you move to a “nice” neighborhood.
We’ve been in our house for several years, and 2016 was the year that everything we owned exploded. So on top of the normal routine maintenance expenses, we had major major emergency house expenses that happened back to back:
– a tree fell on our back yard fence. Had to get the fence ripped out and tree removed.
– had substantial additional tree work done
– had new fence installed
– replaced entire internal and external HVAC unit when it crapped out in the middle of July
– hot water heater died
– my 15 year old car needed a very expensive repair, so we ended up replacing it. Didn’t pay cash for the new car, but had a $5,000 down payment.
– gigantic over the stove microwave/vent fan combo died
Total cost: approx $20,000
And we live in a modest house in a LCOL, so it could have been MUCH more expensive. Most years are not like this, THANK GOD. But when you own a home, you never know which years will be good years or bad years or very bad years. It’s best to plan accordingly.
avocado says
We have also been in our home several years. It is 20-25 years old and here are the things we have had to replace or install so far, not counting the cosmetic upgrades we made when we moved in (painting, faucets, lighting, etc.):
Built-in microwave
Range
Dishwasher
Garbage disposal x 2
Doorbell (I mean, come on, really?)
Washer and dryer
HVAC (furnace, A/C, air handler)
Garage door opener
Garage door springs x 2
Paint exterior trim and replace rotted trim/siding x 2
Paint entire exterior
Carpet
Bathroom floors
Kitchen floor
Roof
A couple of windowpanes
Fence
An exterior door
Replace deck
Reseal deck x 2
Remove giant tree
Treat several trees for pests and diseases (several hundred $ each time)
Replace mailbox and post
Water heater
Here is what we will have to do within the next couple of years:
Replace remaining exterior doors
Replace all windows
Complete redo of kitchen + 2.5 baths
Remove several trees
Major driveway resurfacing or total replacement
Plus we would really like to install a sprinkler system (I was shocked that many homes in our area don’t have them)
And don’t count on your house being a good investment. Ours has not appreciated a whole lot. If we had stayed in our apartment and saved all the money we’ve spent on maintenance and repairs over the years, I think we would have come out even or slightly ahead.
Pogo says
Oh man, the TREES. Those things are $$$ to get taken down. I love our beautiful wooded acre but somehow all the dying/crooked trees end up over the fence/pool/deck/etc.
I think that $20K figure is pretty solid…granted, we’re HCOL but I think even in a normal year we spend $10K on home stuff between landscaping and maintenance.
quail says
When we bought our house, we had only looked at our mortgage + insurance + taxes and then calculated some savings for maintenance – but we did not fully factor in increased utilities for a larger space and hidden homeowner costs that had always been taken care of by a landlord or we hadn’t used before (like water, sewer, alarm system). Utility costs can also vary by the type of heating – we have oil heat, which means large expenses every so often rather than a more consistent monthly bill. I wish we had asked the previous owners for more specifics on their oil usage.
Also, if you have a yard, add in yard maintenance costs – either paying someone else, or the cost of buying the mower, the rakes, the hedge trimmers, any landscaping plants, mulch, or annual pots you want to buy.
I guess my takeaway is that home ownership has ended up costing us more per month than we thought, though we budget saving for big expenses.
Anonymous says
I like Gail Vaz-Oxlade’s worksheet. http://www.gailvazoxlade.com/resources/interactive_budget_worksheet.html
Basically after tax income minus:
– retirement savings
-$1000/month for vacation expenses (visiting family – non negotiable for us)
– daycare costs (this amount will fund education savings when they start school)
– other fixed costs like property taxes/charitable donations/groceries/heat/light/cars (drive older cars owned outright so budget for repairs/savings for new cars)
– estimated non-fixed costs like gifts (Christmas for three kids is not cheap), and extra circulars
– extra room for general savings or unexpected costs
That left us with a rough figure to work with. HHI of 210K, bought at 525K with 20% down. We spent probably 200K less than we were approved for. The bank didn’t look at childcare/vacation expenses when approving how much we qualified for. We would have been majorly house poor if we spent the max that the bank approved us for.
Meg Murry says
FYI, since neither of you makes 6 figures, you may be in the income bracket to contribute toward a Roth IRA, which can have contributions taken out penalty-free as a deposit for your first time home purchase (note: not earnings, just contributions). You can also use your Roth IRAs for your dependent’s education expenses. Because of this, we have prioritized funding Roth IRAs over 529s which are educational use only.
I was preparing to write a book but I don’t have time right now. Our rule of thumb that has served my mental state well is that we budget to be able to afford the house+utilities+other neccessity bills on one income, and the second income is for saving, fun money and things that could be cut if one person loses their job. It’s more conservative than what most of the calculators will give you, and we weren’t always able to stick to it in the 2 daycare tuition years, but having been through several job changes it really helps with my peace of mind to know that we wouldn’t lose our house if one of us lost our jobs.
RDC says
Yep, this – essentials are covered by one income. This provides great peace of mind and job flexibility (to leave a job you hate or start a new business, for example) since you can cover expenses for a while if one spouse isn’t working. It also allows a lot more breathing room in the budget for discrecionary expenses and/or saving.
anon says
There are a lot of variables in your situation, so it’s really hard to say. I just have to say though, that buying a house way cheaper than what my husband and I could technically afford in a LCOLA has been one of the best ideas we’ve ever had. It has given us a crazy amount of freedom to do what we want in other areas of our lives and the ability to handle large expenses without going into debt.
Our HHI is currently about $160,000 and our house was ~$140,000. It’s smallish and older, but we really love it and it’s plenty enough room for us. Our monthly mortgage payments w/insurance and taxes are about $900, which we could easily afford if either of us lost our job. We’re paying it off aggressively since there is no tax benefit to us– taxes and mortgage interest are so low we can’t even itemize. I agree with the above posters who say not to go with what the bank says you can afford. Those numbers are the absolute max and IMO don’t take into account any sort of emergency happening.
Clementine says
So right now, you presumably pay rent or have some housing cost, correct? Okay, so now take the number that you think you can handle for monthly mortgage + escarow (taxes and insurance) payments. Subtract what you’re paying now from what you think you can handle and put the difference in a savings account each month.
Let’s say that your monthly rent is $1200 and you think you can handle a $2000 a month payment. Then you’d be putting $800 a month away to add to your down payment. This allows you to start living with that mortgage payment and make sure it works for you. Maybe that $2000 is stretching it, but maybe it’s not! Bonus is that it helped beef up our savings for the down payment. For us, we assumed that the tax benefits evened out the extra utilities/maintenance costs, but you could add those into your calculation as well.
Anonymous says
I agree with a few of the methods here. I will also chime in to say that the online calculators and our mortgage broker said that we could afford a mortgage that was WAY higher than we were comfortable with. We found a monthly payment that worked for us and then calculated the mortgage we could afford by adding in the property taxes and insurance and working backwards to get to the maximum mortgage amount.
Anonymous says
A friend of mine just had her second baby girl. Kids are 2 years apart. Ideas for a gift for the newborn? Thanks!
NOVA Anon says
My go-to are the Pottery Barn hooded bath towels – we wash ours after every use, so after a few years they get a little ratty. I usually get one baby size and one toddler size to grow into, but with a baby and a toddler at home, that might get misinterpreted as one for each kiddo (which is cool if that’s your intention). I usually also get something more fun for big sister, like a puzzle.
Maddie Ross says
This. I have two of the same gender – towels and washcloths got gross quickly. Plus I still needed the hooded towels for our toddler. For me, I also loved anything with the name or monogram of my second on it. It made it special and just for her. And a little something for the older child can’t hurt, although we now have 8 (yes 8) books about being a big sister which are almost identical.
octagon says
The PB stroller blankets are also nice, and you can get them monogrammed if you’re into that.
Anon in NYC says
This is a super practical gift, but for our friends who had a second kid and an almost-2 year old, we gave them an Amazon gift card + a gift for big brother. We figured that they already had a lot of gear and they would know best what they needed, be it diapers or pacifiers or more burp cloths. They really appreciated it.
Anonymous says
I get these great embroidered burp cloths from Etsy for all babies, but particularly for 2nd babies. I feel like Baby #2 (and #3, etc.) get so many hand-me-downs that it’s nice for them to have something personalized. Burp cloths are high quality and have been very well-received by all recipients!
https://www.etsy.com/shop/maddiecolinandriles?ref=l2-shopheader-name
H says
I love these! Definitely going to keep in mind.
Anonymous says
Diapers and a gift card for take out! Plus a little thing for the older sib (duplos, play doh, stickers, etc – quite and independent).
I’m a mom of three (first two are girls). I wasn’t super excited about diapers with baby #1, but boy were they welcomed with open arms with babies #2 and #3!
Work travel? says
My go to for 2nd kid is also something w name or monogram.
– llbean boat and tote bag size small (you can give to older sister too – super practical but also tons of fun putting in, taking out, etc)
– name puzzle stool from tims unique products
– name train
3 month growth spurt? says
Did anyone’s baby turn crazy town around three months? We were doing soooo good (great nap schedule, 6-7 hours at night) and right at 12 weeks it’s all gone out the window. I was thinking growth spurt, but we’ve been up every 1.5-3 hours and crap-napping for almost a week now.
Anon in NYC says
Yes, absolutely. My kiddo hit growth spurts about a week earlier than the standard timeline, and sleep regressions were also earlier. Something that I found helpful was the Wonder Weeks app – a lot of these things are not just physical growth spurts but mental/developmental ones. Sometimes when my daughter was unreasonably cranky I’d open the app and find out that she was in the middle of some new developmental milestone. It gets better! Hang in there.
Anonymous says
Growth spurts/teething/new physical skills make it a challenging time for baby and parents. If it’s a growth spurt, nurse as often as you can to bring up your supply. If you’re seeing typical teething signs, you can give a pain reliever at night which might take the edge off and help sleep.
Anonymous says
YES. Google 4 month regression, and relish that you are not alone.
Sabba says
+1. Expect it to last quite awhile. Like 6 to 10 weeks. Ugh.
3 month growth spurt? says
whomp whomp
anon says
My son was never right on track with the wonder weeks, but there is always A Reason. You just won’t know what it is. It could be teething, illness, growth spurt, developmental leap, etc etc. Whatever it is, it will pass. It does get much more predictable and less mysterious as they get older and start to talk. Then you realize your child was freaking the F out about something as sinister as the wrong size piece of cheese or something.
3 month growth spurt? says
hahahaha good to know.
Anonymous says
My 3-yr-old cried on and off for 3 hours (from when we left daycare til when she passed out for bed) the other night because she wanted to open the door BY HERSELF when we left daycare, and I had just breezed through the door without letting her do it.
Which is to say, yes, it gets a easier in some ways when they start to talk.
JEB says
Oh man…the persistence and commitment of toddlers! A few weeks ago, I didn’t let my daughter close the car door and hurried her inside despite her protests (I just thought she didn’t want to go inside). She cried hysterically for 30 minutes. Once I realized what she was upset about, I took her back outside, opened the car door, and let her close it. After that, all was well. Although she kept talking about it until bed time, but she was no longer crying.
GCA says
Tell me about it! My 2-year-old HAS to close the bedroom door every night. God forbid one of us accidentally close it. “NO, BABY GCA DO IT.”
quail says
Or the cheese breaking in half and not going back together. Life lesson.
avocado says
Or the banana peel not re-sealing. “Close it! Close the banana! I want it closed!”
dc anon says
Hello hive, I need help establishing boundaries with MIL. Husband, toddler, and I are on our own in DC. All of our family lives in different states and we are expecting baby #2 this summer. Out of state grandparents makes childcare when I am in labor difficult to plan out (toddler goes to daycare and we don’t have any experience with babysitters). I would like my mom to come take care of toddler and MIL to come visit when baby #2 is about a week old. This will devastate her and I fear the emotional fall out. I would like to establish this boundary because MIL was all up in my business the first time. She came 3 weeks before the baby arrived, expected to be apart of the delivery and decision-making, was taking pictures at 4am while I was in the screaming throes of labor, on and on. She was the single point of stress before, during, and after baby arrival and I would like to avoid as much as possible this time. The positive part is that she is helpful with toddler, a bit more than my mom, but working with her is an all or nothing game. Meaning, she keeps toddler all to herself, there is no doing bath time together or other tasks and I already feel very sensitive about protecting my last few months with my toddler as my only child. I am not sure what I am asking for here, my thoughts are all over the place, because just thinking about this stresses me out. On the one hand, I don’t think my request is unreasonable, but on the other I know it will be like a punch to her face. Commiseration?
Anonymous says
Wow. So sorry that you have to deal with this. My MIL would have done the same if I hadn’t insisted on hard boundaries. She likes to run everything her way. Give her lots of notice (like months in advance) that things will be different this time around. “Mom, we look forward to your visit starting (date). We will definitely send you pictures and video as soon as the baby is born. The transition to having a new sibling will be challenging for toddler and we are not able to have you visit any earlier.” I would pick a date a minimum of 2-3 weeks out from due date. DH’s job is to stand up for what you want/need at this time. He doesn’t have to agree with you, but you are the one birthing a baby and trying to nurse while also helping a toddler adjust to a sibling. What you need is what has to happen. DH needs to convey any decisions about when MIL visits as his decision or a joint decision (no ‘OP said you can visit in two weeks..’ BS).
She will be super unhappy about this and she will have to chose between getting over herself or not seeing your family. For reference, my MIL refused to speak to my DH for two weeks after he told her this. She argued with him a lot when she called again. He held firm in protecting me and our family. She got over herself. It was a vast improvement in her accepting boundaries for our family.
Zero guilt about taking care of yourself first. By taking care of yourself, you are protecting your baby and your toddler during this transition time. Contact your child’s daycare as their staff may babysit in the evenings if needed in situations like this in case your mom can’t be there when you go into labor. I would continue sending toddler to daycare for the first month (late drop off./early pick up if you want) to keep routine as similar as possible and help with adjustment.
Highly recommend a doula and a birth plan. Birth plan specifies that no one other than your husband, doula, and your mom (if you want her) is allowed in the hospital room at anytime. Doula can help keep the focus on your needs/wishes including a doula who does post-partum work.
Anonymous says
and apparently I have all the feelings about this. Sorry for the novel!
Mrs. Jones says
This is good advice. DH should lay down the law as soon as possible.
Blueberry says
Yep, +1 to having DH put his foot down with his mom.
Also, probably stating the obvious, but you ought to have a back-up plan in case your mom doesn’t arrive before you go into labor. Kid’s teachers from school or neighbors are a good option. I always find it awkward to ask neighbors for a favor like this, but if the shoe were on the other foot, I would be honored to be asked, and our neighbors didn’t blink an eye when we asked them to be our back-up plan in this situation.
anon says
Yes, we were happy to do this for our neighbors with their 2nd child. They live right upstairs in our building, so it was easy, but we really were delighted to be a part of the whole event.
Spirograph says
We used a combination of daycare teachers and neighbors as our backup plan, and needed them. Neighbor was by all appearances delighted to be involved, and I’m glad to hear from someone else that this may have actually been the case!
rosie says
This is about you. You take care of you and your family. You are not responsible for managing her emotions (or anyone else’s emotions) around your childbearing. Have your husband deal with his mom.
Anon in NYC says
Where is your husband in all of this? Does he understand/recognize that she was super stressful during this time? Is he on board with having your mom watch toddler? Can he run point on dealing with his mom?
Here’s the thing. You can’t control your MIL’s reactions or feelings. Will her feelings be hurt by the fact that you’re turning to your mom instead of her? Yes, absolutely. It’s that your problem? No. Is it your job to handle any fall out from her reaction? Also no. That’s your DH’s issue.
But, all that aside, can you position this as: she had her turn last time (coming early to help), and now it’s your mom’s turn. Perhaps that would make everything a little easier.
dc anon says
OP here – Thanks, everyone this is really helpful. Husband is 100% supportive of my wishes and was great at handling his mom the first time. The only issue is that I still have to deal with her when she is on eggshells around me. Her emotions are so intense that I almost feel like its easier to suck it up and have her annoy me versus deal with the years of drama she’ll bring if I go through with this plan.
Sarabeth says
The thing is, it sounds like she’s the kind of person that will create drama over something. If not this, then the fact that you won’t let her plan your kid’s birthday party, or take your four year-old to Disney, or *something.* So you might as well lay down the boundaries now.
POSITA says
Is there a way to make the one week later slot seem valuable? E.g., “Given that we expact it to be hard to juggle two kids, we really were hoping that we could stagger grandparent visits this time. That way older sibling will get the most grandparent attention and you can get the most new baby time without having to share. I was thinking that she would come the week of x, even though the baby might not have come yet. If you come the week of Y you’ll get more time with the new baby. We could really really use your help that week. I’m sure older sibling will be unhinged with all of the change.”
Anonymous says
Follow on to yesterday’s post about apps:
With the caveat that I understand why some people like these, and I’m not trying to knock that at all… am I the only one who does NOT feel the need for constant updates on my kids? I love my kids. I like knowing what they’re up to, but I get that from a quick informal chat with their teachers at pick-up, or occasional emails with pictures, or whatever. Exception is babies; I think state licensing requires daily sheets for infants, but that is literally a piece of paper that I get at the end of the day saying when he ate and pooped and his mood/activities in 5 words or less. This is plenty for me. I think social media and the internet in general has created a this culture where people share such minutiae about their lives that we now expect it even when a third party has to provide it. I feel it’s an unfair burden to put on teachers (this is extending to elementary school, according to my friends). Their job is to take care of / teach kids, not document it for a PR missive.
Also, data privacy stuff for kids is serious, and I kind of wonder whether it’s always handled appropriately once you start throwing these apps around with people who aren’t familiar with those laws.
Anonymous says
100% agree. I don’t need 5 pictures a day of my kindergartener. I worry about kids being self conscious when they get their picture taken so much.
mascot says
I feel the same way. Our K-12 school has an app that is basically a condensed version of their website-school calendar, lunch menus, staff directory etc. and a webportal with grades, family directory, and teacher pages for homework and such. We get email newsletters that may have a couple of pictures from the week, but that’s it. I don’ want or need a bunch of one sided status reports where I can’t get dialogue on what’s underlying. Not surprisingly, I also didn’t seek out daycares with video streams. I trusted my providers and didn’t see the point of watching my kid get into a spat with another kid when there wasn’t a darn thing I could do to intervene or stress out that the teacher took too long to do whatever.
Anonymous says
+1
NewMomAnon says
It’s great that your daycare gives you a comprehensive verbal rundown at the end of the day, but mine….doesn’t. In fact, because my (current) daycare is open so many hours, the teacher who is there for the morning is almost never there at pickup, and pickup is a hot mess of random floaters who may not even know my kid’s name, much less what she did that day. Which is just to say; I very much rely on the app to know whether my kid pooped at school, napped at school, and got outside during the school day. That information informs my whole evening routine, including what time I have to leave work to fit in everything. If she didn’t nap at school and they didn’t get outside, then I have to leave work early to get her some exercise before a super early bedtime.
The rest of it is extraneous – I could live without the pictures or the rundown of exactly what songs they sang during the day. I don’t really need to know that they brushed their teeth for 20 minutes.
Meg Murry says
Yes, my daycare is similar – sad to say but I never actually met my older son’s toddler primary teacher because she worked 8:30-4:30 or something along those lines (my husband did, I didn’t). It wasn’t quite such a hot mess, but the classes were combined at the beginning and end of the day and the infant teachers were the ones I dropped my kid off to and picked them up from (plus sometimes floaters as well). The teachers all have whiteboards outside the classroom that give a 3-4 bullet point highlight of the day (read this book, took a walk to this place, had music class with volunteer music teacher, don’t forget pajama day tomorrow!) but I stopped getting the minutia of my kid’s day like whether or not they ate the lunch or actually napped once the required daily sheets stopped. Way out of the ordinary things like kiddo seeming exhausted and napping far longer than usual, or suddenly refusing to nap or an extraordinary number of bathroom trips usually got us a note, but I didn’t get much on the day to day.
On the other hand, most of my kids’ daycare and preschool teachers have been there for 20+ years and I suspect they would struggle with logging everything in an app. I’d rather they spend their time teaching my kids, not logging the day in an app. Similar to my concern with our local hospital system’s massive e-charting system – the nurse comes in to your room and then spends 90% of the time in the room typing on the computer in the chart and checking your vitals on all the machines, and barely even talks to or interacts with the actual patient.
Anonymous says
Oh, I don’t get a comprehensive rundown by any means! We have the same issue with teachers (although the daycare is small enough that the floaters know everyone’s name) sometimes not being there for both dropoff and pickup. I just…. don’t care about any details? It sounds awful when I say it that way. Usually it’s something like this
“Hi Ms teacher, did daughter have a good day today?”
“Yup, she was great!” / “Yes, but she had a little problem with hitting her friends” / “She took a long time to go to sleep at nap.” / “Ummm… she had a tough time listening today.” I get toileting updates from my kids (or in the case of the potty-training one, also from the wetbag). They delight in telling me whether they pooped. I could do without that, actually!
Or some days I don’t talk to the teachers at all beyond saying goodbye. I figure if there’s anything I really need to know, someone will stop me, or I would have gotten an e-mail or phone call earlier. If *I* have a concern, I make sure to talk to someone. But my general belief is that lots of days are just boring groundhog day kind of days, and no news is good news. We get monthly newsletters and calendars that outline generally what the class is working on and how the days are blocked out.
I do the same evening routine irrespective of kids’ day, though. Potential variations: If they’re being cranky and terrible, they go to bed early. If they’re hungry, they can eat some fruit or vegetables while waiting for dinner. I guess I feel like it doesn’t matter what the kids did during the day, it matters how they’re acting in the time that I’m dealing with them. Knowing they didn’t have a nap may or may not be an indicator that they need an earlier bedtime. If they’re pleasant, it’s just a fact taking up space in my head or making me anxious before there’s anything I actually need to react to.
I think this is all really personality-dependent. I am generally a “big picture” person about just about everything.
Anon says
I’m the same way. I will say that I get maybe once-monthly pictures, where they did some cute activity and took pics of the kids, which I do appreciate. But other than that, I assume no news is good news, and don’t need to adjust my routine unless they’re unbearable when I pick them up.
HSAL says
I hadn’t put it in quite those terms (“document it for a PR missive”) but I think I agree. A friend’s daycare uses the Tadpoles app and it’s so cute and fun to look at all the pictures but…are they taking multiple pictures of each kid every day? Our daycare uses paper to write down all the food/diaper information and they have a policy against having phones out when the kids are around. And I totally admit her teacher still texts me the occasional picture or video, but it’s pretty infrequent. I try to avoid my kid seeing me with my phone out all the time, I don’t really want her seeing it at daycare.
anon says
I don’t even want an open concept house. Constant monitoring is not my thing.
Redux says
LOL!
Marilla says
I don’t have enough of a brain this morning to really respond, but I totally share your concerns. I don’t do pick up or drop off so I miss that interaction with my daughter’s daycare teachers (it’s filtered through husband and MIL), but I want them playing with the kids not texting me pictures of them, and I prefer daycare and school to be a phone/screen-free space. I realize now kindergartens have iPads etc so that’s unrealistic but I basically feel a great big ?????? about all this smart phone/social media etc for babies and kids.
Blueberry says
I get a few pictures a week, and the teachers keep a digital camera around to take photos. I would also not be thrilled to hear they had their phones out. In my 4-year-old’s classroom, they sometimes pull out a laptop to google questions they have — so it is basically about learning that we use computers to look things up sometimes, plus using the computers to learn cool new facts — which is how I *try* to use my phone around the kids. As for updates, I’m happy to get a couple sentences about the highlights of the day, because it helps me feel more connected with them and talk to them about their day at school, since I rarely am the one to pick them up. I also like knowing whether they ate well and to have a record of whether they pooped. (I can’t be the only one who has had a kid with a tummy ache on, say, Thursday, thinking, OMG I don’t know if they’ve pooped since the weekend!). But definitely no to the extensive documentation at the expense of being present with the kids.
anon says
Our daycares never offered updates, photos, or daily sheets. Well the first one did a daily sheet, but it was obvious BS. My husband does pickup and does not generally ask a lot of questions or volunteer much when I get home. So I’ve never had much info at all – I never knew what my child ate, how long he slept, etc. – and I am used to that. It is just not a service that was offered at any of the daycares near us, so I never expected it. Now that my son is in preschool we see photos from field trips, etc., but I rely more on his reporting–unreliable as it is–to learn about his day.
Anonymous BigLaw Associate says
I am with you on all accounts.
Work travel? says
For a minute I thought I posted this- it was literally my reaction yesterday just didn’t have a chance to write. I’ll raise the stakes here at the risk of really outing what a bad mom I must be – if my kid is in the care of a professional I have selected, I don’t want to have to think about him. I want to focus on my job or my workout (haha, I wish) or whatever I’m doing that isn’t being w my kid. I trust caregivers to do their best and I want them focused on my kid and honestly that includes protecting my off kid duty time. Wow that does make sound harsh…once I told a nanny what I thought was a great compliment- that I trusted her so much that I never thought about my kids during the day – and she gave me a horrified look. Whoops…but I mean isn’t that kind of the point? If I wanted to know all the details of every day, I would be a SAHM.
ElisaR says
i agree work travel? thank you for making me feel better about it!
I had a boss once tell me: never feel guilty. commit 100% to where you are and enjoy it. if you spend time feeling guilty or mentally being somewhere else it just takes away from the present and doesn’t contribute positively anywhere else.
we have to trust our caregivers – if not then we should choose other caregivers!
Anon says
I have a 10 month old who is walking (with assistance). I hadn’t planned to buy her shoes until the summer since we’re in Boston and she’s fine with her Robeez for a good while. I have a pair of my ODD’s sneakers that kind of fit that I’ve been using on the handful of time when real shoes are required (playground when wet). But this kids feet are much narrower than her sister’s were at this age.
Well…we are going on a beach vacation and i realized her leather/suede robeez aren’t practical. Any ideas on mobile infant friendly sandals? Our stride rite doesn’t have sandals in yet so I’ll have to mail order, I guess. She’s a 2.5-3.
NewMomAnon says
I really like my daughter’s Keens – she’s had a pair constantly since she was tiny, so I think they come in itty bitty sizes. Also….awww…..
Blueberry says
Both my kids started walking right before winter, so I don’t have great advice, but I also really love Keens for toddlers and little kids. I’m a little obsessive about shoes for kids, and recommend always buying new shoes for the second kid, because shoes mold to kids’ feet, and shoes that worked for the older kid may not be right for the little kid (as you’ve observed!).
H says
When we went to the beach last year, we put our toddler in water shoes. That way his feet wouldn’t get hurt by the hot sand or shells or whatever. For the rest of the vacation when you aren’t on the beach, I’d definitely recommend keens. Tennis shoes would be fine too.
Momata says
I third the advice for Keens. I think they are protective and supportive and they’re basically waterproof . Be advised that after about a month of regular wear they will STINK. I then take to submerging them in a vinegar bath and then lying them out in the hot sun to dry. This is required with increasing frequency until sandal season ends.
Anonymous says
Try spraying them with lysol, the aerosol kind.
Anon says
Maybe I wasn’t clear, I’m looking for summer shoes for a baby, not the older sibling :-). Older sob lives in natives and Keens (stinky as they are), but neither seems appropriate for a 10 month old. When older kid was a baby she had extra wide soft soles stride rite sandals but I can’t find anything similar.
avocado says
Mine wore Keens at age 1, so they should be fine for a 10-month-old walker. The suggestion above for water shoes (also called aqua socks) is a good one–they will be closer to the Robeez she’s used to and will keep the sand out.
PregLawyer says
Keens were my kid’s first real shoes, when he started walking at 11 months (May of last year).
Winter says
Sun sans are popular in the south
Sabba says
Pediped
AwayEmily says
My tiny-footed daughter started walking at ~11 months and we got her a pair of Livie & Luca shoes (the “Scamper”…they are so cute; look like little mice!)…I don’t know if I’d call them sandals per se but she often wears them without socks. And they are super durable — she has worn them daily for three months, including outside, and they’ve held up great.
Anonymous says
Nike sunray is really lightweight and adjustable to chubby baby feet.
We also used a teva-like sandal at that age – also adjustable on every strap – that worked well.
Sabba says
I was really happy with Pediped sandals at 11 months.
Anonymous says
Target has the Stride Rite “Surprize” sandals in.
Anon says
I actually tried those earlier today. They are too wide. And the stride rite near us apparently closed. The department stores inwent to don’t have much selection- e.g. Nordstrom only had see Kai runs in her size (3) and they were way too wide. Ugh. Oh well.
Momata says
This isn’t specifically a “mom” question but I like the quality and range of advice on thiss!te better than the mains!te, so . . . Ideas for a retirement gift? Retiree is at my level and has been a mentor and friend to me. I do not know if any other colleagues or the company are getting her a gift but I’d like to do something. Retiree is very down to earth, not fancy or a tech person, and plans to travel and see her grandchildren more often.
Meg Murry says
A thank you note/letter for all she has done for you as a mentor, and then perhaps something small and travel related? Like a passport case, toiletries bag, etc? And perhaps a standing quarterly lunch date if she’s staying in the area?
rosie says
I like the heartfelt note + gift combo. It sounds like you know her fairly well, so it seems like you could probably pick out something like a travel shoulder bag (maybe one with a sleeve to go over a roller suitcase’s handle)–although I’d give with a gift receipt. Or a large scarf/wrap is nice for travel. Smaller items could be: packing cubes, toiletry kit w/some nicer < 3 oz items that you pick out. If you wanted to spend more, you could do something smaller plus a gift card to a place like REI that has travel items.
avocado says
Venting. I have steam coming out my ears right now. The kid is on my husband’s health insurance. One doctor’s office refuses to let me list myself as the guarantor because the insurance isn’t in my name. Every freaking time I take her there they make me fill out a HIPAA form authorizing myself to receive personal health information, even though she is a minor and I am her parent. (And I gave birth to her in the same hospital so our electronic records are linked!) And every freaking time I call to pay the bill, they refuse to talk with me because I am not the guarantor and “You aren’t listed on the HIPAA authorization.” Yes, I am! And why does it even matter? I am listed as her parent! They let me pay the amount that I think I owe, but they won’t even confirm the account balance. This is freaking nuts and such a waste of my time.
octagon says
ooh, that’s frustrating. I’d escalate to the office manager. Call and say, this is a repeat issue, how do we solve it for good? If it’s at a hospital, you could also reach out to their patient advocate department.
avocado says
I have already tried the office manager, unfortunately. I hadn’t thought of the patient advocate–great idea. It is a health care system affiliated with a hospital, but I think there may be a patient advocate for the whole system.
mascot says
Somewhere on the authorization form or Notice of Privacy Practices there should also be listed the contact information for the HIPAA Privacy Officer or point of contact for the office/system. I’d suggest calling them and explaining what the issue is.
avocado says
Thanks! I will investigate.
Meg Murry says
Ugh, the only thing worse than being the only person able to deal with health insurance issues is to not be allowed to deal with them at all when all you want to do is *give them their freaking money!!* Steam is coming out of my ears on your behalf.
Does your husband need to sign something since he is the guarantor? Or is there an electronic payment portal you could set up in his name and then log in yourself?
The other thing that sometimes works for me is to give them the answers I think they need, not what they really ask. So I say “I’m looking to pay the bill for patient Jane Smith, can you please give me the balance?” and when they say “what is your name” or “who am I speaking to” I reply with something like “the guarantor on the account is Joe Jones” rather than my name. Doesn’t always work (and might not with somewhere this crazy) but it has worked for me in the past.
avocado says
The “give them the information they need, not what they asked for” tactic is a good one that often works, but not with these people. And no electronic payment portal, phone only.
Update: Apparently the number listed on the bill is a third-party service that takes payments. I got the real in-house billing office on the line. The representative said, “Oh, no, she’s ten! Everything you have been told is just wrong!” She confirmed that my information was in fact correctly populated in the system and should have been visible to the third-party billing service, that the doctor’s office should have allowed me to be the guarantor, that she would correct the record so that I was the guarantor, and that she would call the doctor’s office and the third-party billing contractor to remind them of the applicable policies and procedures. So hopefully it is sorted. We will see at the next appointment…
And the insurance thing is also frustrating. The insurance company won’t talk to me at all because I’m not on the policy, but that is a whole separate issue. According to the HHS website, under HIPAA a parent has automatic access to a child’s personal health information except in limited circumstances, but apparently the insurance companies and health care providers haven’t gotten the message. This has got to be even more of a nightmare for parents who are not married to one another.
Anonymous says
Yep, total nightmare for divorced parents. It’s absurd. I’m rage-y on your behalf!
NewMomAnon says
Yep! In fact, before I finally got my own insurance, ex’s insurer insisted on sending all the EOBs and reimbursement checks FOR MY CARE to my ex’s address….talk about HIPAA issues.
Anon says
In similar situations when calling in I have just used my husband’s name. His name is Justin so not even particularly gender neutral, but no one has ever questioned me on the phone as I am able to confirm with the other pertinent info as needed.
Anonymous BigLaw Associate says
I had a similar problem. (Kids on husband’s healthcare plan.) They didn’t even believe they were my kids, citing that they had a different (my husband’s) last name. Sigh.
I tried to reason with them on my own, showed BIRTH CERTIFICATES, IDs etc., but it took my husband and I going to the medical center together to take care of it. That wasn’t even easy. It took my husband yelling to get it resolved.
avocado says
That is outrageous.
I don’t even know why these things seem to surprise doctor’s offices so much. They must see it every day. What’s really weird is that mom taking the kid to the doctor and paying the bills + dad being the insurance policyholder is the very definition of traditional gender roles. So why does it confuse them so much?
Cate says
Person I’m friends with on facebook just lost a two month old. And cupcakesandcashmere (anyone read her? I don’t know why I do, but I do) posted about a loss this week too.
Am ready to drive home and hug my kids. How do you block out anxiety? I can’t be anxious all the time, can I?
Blueberry says
*hug* Whoever said that becoming a parent means letting your heart be removed from your body and walk around on its own (or something more eloquent, it’s not coming to me) was 100% right. I have tears in my eyes just from reading this. So, I don’t think you can block out the anxiety and sadness when these kinds of things happen, and I don’t think you’re ever again as free from anxiety as before having kids. (That said, if the anxiety doesn’t fade to the background most of the time, the obvious answer is therapy.)
Spirograph says
Ha, that quote resonates with other people, too! I love it.
Blueberry says
Ha! Totally. I pretty much can’t hear or think about that quote without tearing up. Man, my eyes have gotten so much leakier with motherhood!
Cate says
I love that quote! Thanks for reminding me.
Also I just left at lunch and went home and visited with my kids (they’re young enough that we still have a nanny). I think seeing them always puts things in perspective.
Spirograph says
That’s heartbreaking.
I don’t know how you block it out. I often find myself going down dark rabbit holes, especially when I read the news. I always come back to a quote I read somewhere: Being a parent is letting your heart walk around outside your body.
NPR aired an interview with Sheryl Sandberg yesterday afternoon talking about how her new post-husband’s-death book about resilience. She said finding gratitude was helpful…but then I had to turn it off because I was at daycare and didn’t need to go pick up my kids with crying-face.
Pogo says
I was totally unprepared for the punch to the stomach sensation you get as a parent hearing about the loss of a child or serious harm to a child. I was only a few months pregnant and browsing Netflix and some made-for-TV movie popped up as a suggestion and it involved harm to a child. I felt like I might throw up and it was only after talking to other moms they were like “yeah… you will feel that way now whenever you hear about a child dying or being hurt.”
(was) due in june says
My 2 year old has totally outgrown her towels but I’m not willing to pay $40 per towel at PBK. Where do you all buy your hooded towels?
Anonymous says
I don’t. We just use regular bath towels. The kids seem to like being wrapped up like a burrito.
Anonymous says
+100
H says
Yup. LO loves being “baby rito” after bathtime. I’ve seen hooded towels at Target.
Anonymous BigLaw Associate says
Always used regular bath towels here too.
Pigpen's Mama says
Are the outgrown towels the baby-sized hooded ones? Ikea has some hooded towels that work well on my (on the shorter side) 2 yr old, but they may be too short on a taller kid. Target has some character ones that are a little bigger. Both are under $10.
Meg Murry says
Kohls is one place I’ve gotten them – but never pay full price, they’ll always have a sale the next week. The Jumping Beans brand ones are pretty decently thick and absorbent – the printed character ones are sometimes much thinner. I also tend to put the hooded towel on their head but then use a regular towel to actually do the bulk of the rubbing and drying.
Target is similar – Circo branded ones aren’t quite as thick as Kohls, but pretty ok, while a lot of the character ones like Olaf and Darth Vader are really thin.
If you want towels that match your bathroom decor or her favorite color and have a family member with a sewing machine that can handle heavy duty fabric, it’s actually really easy to make a hooded towel out of a regular towel + a hand towel or 2 washclothes, there are tons of tutorials out there. I don’t have time for that kind of DIY, but my retired aunt was happy to make us some.
Anonymous says
We have a very useful poncho-type hooded towel from Ikea that we use at the pool. It was very cheap.
EB0220 says
We REALLY like the hooded personalized towels from StitchedForKids on Etsy.
Wehaf says
Can you sew at all? Just buy a towel and sew half a washcloth to the corner.
JayJay says
Y’all. I just need to vent. I’ve been in severe, chronic pain from the past three weeks from a pinched nerve in my neck. I haven’t had any feeling in my thumb/wrist since then, either. I had an MRI yesterday, but my follow-up appointment isn’t until Monday. I took a steroid pack for pain last week and it helped a little bit, but mostly made me a sweaty, emotional basket case.
My husband is out of town this week and the muscle relaxer I was prescribed knocks me out completely, so I can’t take it until he gets back. It’s a crazy week at work.
Yesterday afternoon, we found out that a routine sickness issue my (very healthy) dad has is actually a terminal illness. We don’t know how long he has yet – could be a year, could be 5 years. But it was a total shock. Husband has been as supportive as possible as he can be from out of town, but I’m just exhausted. And the only thing I usually do for stress release is exercise, but literally every movement hurts. So I’ve also gained a few pounds the past month from lack of exercise, so I just feel out of sorts.
Other people have survived far worse, but this is a pretty crappy week.
Oil in Houston says
I’m hoping someone can offer some ideas, and apologies if the below is a bit long – my 27 month-old used to sleep through the night, and fall asleep on her own if we put her down drowsy after a few stories.
We’ve now converted her crib to a toddler bed, so same bed minus one railing essentially, and at the same time she’s had a number of health issues (stomach bug, then bad foot infection that really bothered her), and then family came to visit for a few weeks.
Since then, she’s been waking up 2-3 times a night, and it takes her about an hour to fall asleep, during which time she calls for us, multiple time. And now she’s decided time was right to be potty-trained so she calls us 2 or 3 times before she falls asleep, and then again in the middle of the night to go potty.
I started going to her immediately when she was sick, when before I’d wait a bit, and now with the potty situation I do the same the first time. But she’s started calling us about 20mn later again asking to go to potty again. She never does anything, it lasts about 2 mn, and then she goes back to her bed herself. But it’s exhausting! Having to get up at 1am to take her to the toilet is bad enough, but a second time for nothing is really bad.
Does anyone have any idea or suggestions for us? fwiw, she’s still in diapers as she’s nowhere being fully potty trained.
thanks
Momata says
I have no idea if this is “correct” or not, as it is based on zero research. My 3yo is day trained but not night trained. I heed her first call to go potty (usually as a stall tactic at bedtime) but otherwise tell her it’s nighttime and it’s OK to just go in her diaper, good night.
Oil in Houston says
any idea if this is delaying her night training?
Momata says
I don’t think so? Everything I’ve read says that night training depends on a physiological ability to hold urine while asleep and that it can’t really be “trained.” So on that basis I would say no. Night training is also not much of a priority for me, especially when compared to night sleeping.
Oil in Houston says
ah, so true on the night sleeping comment!
NewMomAnon says
My kiddo had used potty requests as manipulation tactics. It got so bad that I finally put her potty chair in her bedroom, next to her toddler bed, and told her she could use it whenever she needed to but not to wake up mama. She never used it. She also hasn’t used that particular stalling technique in a while.
For reference, my kiddo is 3 and I am totally OK if she wears diapers in bed for years. She’s dry all day (no accidents in months, knock on wood). But she is not ready for diaper-less nights.
Oil in Houston says
I fear that’s what my daughter is doing too… might try that, I just fear she wouldn’t be able to put her diaper back up if she did use it and so would wake me anyway :(
Anonymous says
Use pull-ups!!!
Oil in Houston says
I do, but she still removes them completely when going to the toilet :( I try to tell her not to, but to no avail
H says
Ok, time for our potty training discussion of the day! DS is almost 2.5. He absolutely refuses to sit on the potty without a diaper on. He’s becoming increasingly annoyed at having a dirty diaper, but what can I do if he won’t sit on the potty? Stickers worked for a hot minute and I don’t want to bribe with food. Is he just not quite ready?
EB0220 says
I find reverse psychology works nicely in this age range. Pretend you don’t care about the potty at all for a few days and see if he suddenly becomes interested. This often works with my 2.5 year old.
Anonymous says
can you let him sit down with the diaper on and then undo the diaper so it rests in the potty and he pees in the diaper there? Once he gets used to that, then start to take off the diaper when he’s standing, fold ends under so it’s smaller and smaller over time until he gets used to peeing in the potty.
Alternative is he might not be ready. My oldest didn’t train until she was almost three but she was day and night trained in less than a week with no fuss. Probably won’t start with my 2.5. year old twins until they start asking to. Diapers may be a pain but less of a pain IMHO than having to deal with accidents or not wanting to sit on the potty.
Anonymous says
I would take a break from potty training for a month and then see if he’s interested. Don’t get into a power struggle about it. On the other hand, my son want trained until 3.5, so I’m firmly in the lazy and late potty training camp.
AnonMN says
+1 I am in this camp, and will be using the same technique for my second.
SEDC Mom says
My baby is about to start crawling soon, and with a dog and a cat who shed a lot, we’re looking at some pretty dirty floors. How do other people deal with this? Let her get into the dirt? Sweep every day? I would love a roomba but I think it would really freak the dog out and also get stuck a lot amongst our various carpets and thresholds. Or, suggestions for a bi-weekly or monthly house cleaner in the DC area? Thanks!
Anonymous says
We have biweekly cleaners but we also vacuum every day. We’re a no shoes in the house family too. Pets are only on the main floor (not in bedrooms) and not in the formal living/dining room so vacuuming is mostly family room/kitchen/front hall area.
Anonymous says
We have 3 cats and cleaned floors once a week, if that, when my son was crawling. Avoid fleece pants, and accept that your child is going to get dirty. Its pet hair, not radioactive fallout, you know? We did have a Roomba for a while but in our cluttered apartment moving furniture obstacles out of its way and waiting for it to finish made running a regular vacuum just as convenient. Ours would get clogged with hair pretty fast too.
Anon says
Maybe we’re just overly dirty, but we have biweekly cleaners and a 75 lb dog and called it fine. Obviously if there’s a pee accident or mud or something, we spot clean, but otherwise don’t worry about it. We mainly enforce shoes-off but not perfectly.
I read some article once about how kids with pets have fewer allergies, likely due to the increased exposure that comes with a pet. We used that as loose justification of our laziness, but really just didn’t feel like dirt/ hair was a problem.
Spirograph says
I don’t have a dog (yet), but I do have an indoor-outdoor cat and 2 indoor-outdoor preschoolers! We also have a usually-enforced shoes-off policy and biweekly cleaners. I only spot clean between their visits. This includes vacuuming the rug under our dining table every few days when I get grossed out that crumbs are sticking to my feet, but I also strategically put the kids’ chairs on the sides where I’m least likely to walk, so it gets bad.
Roomba is OK, but hasn’t been the godsend I was hoping for, mostly because it requires me moving the chairs to do a good job.
For crawling babies, the most important thing is not that the floors are clean as in free of mud/dirt, but that they’re free of choking-size objects. If you only have a dog and a cat (vs, say, older children), this is pretty easy! Seriously, don’t sweat this. My 2 older kids survived my lax cleaning habits, and I’m pretty sure current baby will, too. :)
Ask your neighbors or listserv for housecleaner recs. We’ve had the best luck with independent cleaners in business for themselves vs a chain service (I’d offer mine, but I know she’s booked solid!), but they do take a bit more work to find.
CLMom says
Roomba
Pigpen's Mama says
Cleaning service every two weeks and I have a cordless vacuum. We’re a shoeless household for the most part, but not perfect about it.
When my LO was on the floor a lot, I usually used it every evening after she went to bed, now I use it every few days if I remember.
The one I have is the Hoover Linx, but the house is mostly hardwood and tile with a few Oriental rugs.
https://www.amazon.com/Hoover-BH50010-Cordless-Vacuum-Cleaner/dp/B001PB8EJ2
Em says
We have a bi-weekly cleaner and we try to be “no shoes in the house” although we only succeed like 85% of the time. We have two huge shed monsters and dog hair doesn’t bother me. I try to keep my son from putting it in his mouth, but otherwise I am pretty whatevs about it. Studies have shown kids with pets have stronger immune systems so I tell myself its because of the hair, etc.
the stress spiral says
Here is how my mind is working right now:
we need a bigger house with more bedrooms – it’s too expensive – we should wait to save more – I can’t wait longer to have a second baby because I’m getting older – I can’t have a second baby now because we need more room – we should wait until I get a raise at work – I’ll never get a raise when I take a second maternity leave – how can we afford a bigger house with two kids in daycare at the same time – and on and on and on
UGH. I feel like the worst reason to not have a second baby is because we don’t have enough bedrooms. (Moving out of our neighborhood is not an option for a variety of reasons)
Blueberry says
Two kids don’t really need that much more space than one, IMO. My kids share a room even though there is space for them not to. The baby can sleep in your room, or in a lot of other places, for the first little while until he learns to sleep through the night (or for the first year, if you listen to the AAP! yikes!). I bet you can take the space issue out of the equation for easily 5 years.
Signed, used to live in Manhattan, tried to convince my husband that the baby should sleep in the closet
Anonymous says
+ 1
Keep baby in your room in the beginning – can put an extra dresser for baby stuff in older kid room. Move baby into older kid room when you’re ready. I thought AAP was 6 months? We did 8 months because I couldn’t be bothered to get out of bed to nurse at night.
Signed, lives in suburbia but considers a walk in closet to be a legit baby room option.
anon says
Walk in closets are dark and quiet – perfectly conducive to uninterrupted sleep!
Blueberry says
Right?! And yeah, the 1-year rec is the new standard, but I seriously doubt I’ll make it that long with my next baby.
the stress spiral says
Hahaha, yes – I keep reminding myself that people around the world live in MUCH smaller spaces. Right now baby #1 sleeps in the sunroom, which is sort of okay – but there is no room for a twin bed in there. And it’s got French doors (with windows). No idea how a second baby could go in there…but you’re right, baby 1 slept in our room for the first five months anyway! My therapist was just telling me to remember a lot of things aren’t as urgent as they feel in my mind…
Anon in NYC says
Right there with you!
anon says
If you want to talk back to yourself, here is some ammunition: Babies don’t need much space. Many New Yorkers have multiple kids in 1 bedroom apartments. Baby is supposed to sleep in your room for the first year anyway. I know people that installed temporary (or permanent) walls to divide a bedroom room into 2, put the crib in a walk-in closet for a while, have 2 kids of different genders sharing a room for years, etc. It can be done if you really want to! That said I have 1 kid and space/cost is part of the issue for me too, so I totally understand if you are not willing to pack more people in a small space. I’m just trying to offer an alternative if it is useful to you.
the stress spiral says
You are so right. (And I do want to talk back to myself!) We really love our house, and it’s got big rooms, so I feel like there needs to be some creative solution about temporarily splitting our large master bedroom or something like that…
I think I’m mostly just discouraged from the tough real estate market right now and a real heartbreaker of an offer that didn’t work out, and I’m still obsessing over it. There’s time, there’s room, it will all be fine. (repeat ad nauseum)
Anonymous says
I have 2 boys and a girl and they will all share a room until the oldest is…. 10? At that point we’ll probably give the girl her own room. We do have 3 bedrooms, but I like how easy it is to consolidate all kid stuff. You don’t need extra bedrooms for extra kids unless you think you do! My kids love sharing a room and have never known different. I expect they’ll get territorial as puberty gets closer, but until then, meh.
Rainbow Hair says
I don’t know if this will work for you, but when I was (am) beside myself with mother guilt/anxiety, I reminded myself of all the people who did/do it differently than would be my choice, but are doing great. The family of four in a one-bedroom apartment in Manhattan, who are, by all accounts, quite happy, if tired. My friend with five kids who homeschools! The women who got pregnant young, raised kids by themselves, then found great forever-partners who are co-parenting their kids. Etc.
I think that if you want a baby, you will make it work in a way that will be great for your fam. If everyone waited to be perfectly ‘ready’ to have a kid, we wouldn’t have any kids!
Anonymous says
+1 I always have the same thought process.
We had a 2nd kid when we had a small, 2 bedroom home. It was brutal because baby wouldn’t sleep through the night unless alone (no walk in closet), so for a few months we slept in the living room, baby had our bedroom, and older sib was in the second bedroom. Every day and night we had to set up and take down the bed. It was miserable. But then baby slept through the night, moved in to the (small but fine) shared bedroom and it was all in the past. We would have been much more miserable in the long run to not have her at all!
Frankly, it’s never convenient to have a baby. They are really inconvenient :P