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We’ve written about this Olivia Moon blazer a lot — it’s been around for a thousand years, and people love it. It comes in regular (XS-XL) and petite (XXS-XL) sizes, as well as plus sizes, and besides the pictured space dye and a white space dye, it’s available in several solid colors. It’s labeled hand wash cold instead of machine washable, but if you’re careful you could try the hand wash cycle on your machine with some Woolite. For some reason the page is sometimes showing only eight customer reviews, but it’s also been showing 175 (with 4+ stars), which makes a lot more sense because it’s been around forever. Olivia Moon Knit Blazer
Looking for other washable workwear? See all of our recent recommendations for washable clothes for work, or check out our roundup of the best brands for washable workwear.
(L-all)
Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Extra 40% off sale styles
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 40% off everything
- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
BabyBoom says
How much leave did you take baby’s first year? We got custody of 2 under 2 shortly before Christmas (long story). In addition to the incredible learning curve that comes from parenting two little ones, we are shocked by how much time we have been taking off. Some of it is one time things – finding day care, snow days. But a lot of it is sick days from day care. Including so many days of the 7 month old being sent home for diarrhea – which we never saw and pretty sure didn’t actually happen. Now both little ones have colds.
We originally were told we would have custody for a short period. For all sorts of reasons we now know that isn’t true. These kids will be with us for a least the next year, if not forever. Help me get an idea of what I am facing as far as days off, and how I can cope with this?
Anonymous says
For the first year of daycare, I’ve heard you should anticipate at least one bout of illness per month. In our experience that was mostly colds. Multiple bouts of diarrhea in a short period would have me a bit concerned about hygiene practices at the daycare.
Could you switch to a nanny? Chances of illness are reduced there and even if they do get sick, the nanny can take care of them at home.
Do you any option to have family more involved to cover sick days from daycare? Your mom or MIL? A college student cousin who could stay with the kids if sick for a half day?
We often coped by breaking up days. So for a two day illness, I stayed home a half day, my mom covered in the afternoon, DH stayed home the next morning and my mom came back the next afternoon. She gets too worn out with full days. With only a half day off, it was easier at my job to bump a meeting from 11am to 2pm vs. cancelling entirely.
Not sure how they came into your care but I used to work in child protection and the families that stepped up to the plate often made a huge difference in kids lives when the kids parents were not able to care for them.
CPA Lady says
So much that I was surprised I wasn’t fired? I came back to work from maternity leave on a Monday. The first time my kid got sent home sick from daycare was that Friday. From that point forward it was usually every 2-3 weeks. My pediatrician told me that babies in daycare typically get something new every 7-10 days the first winter, then half as often the next year and half as often the next year, and so on. I’ve found that to be true. When he told me that I cried. Sometimes my husband was able to take a day off, but since he was working nights, staying up during the day to take care of a sick baby was a nightmare for him. My kid is 2.5 now and almost never gets sick. I think she’s gotten sent home sick once this entire fall/winter so far, but she did feel a little warm yesterday, so it might be about time for another send home. It’s truly awful the first year and a half but after that it’s very manageable from my experience.
Anon says
This was my experience, too. The first year my son was in daycare he got something every 1-2 weeks. My husband and I missed more work than we ever had in our lives. I remember wondering if I would have to quit my job. It is much easier now that he is almost 3. It’s so hard – I’m sorry.
anne-on says
Ha, yes, this. I seriously seriously thought about quitting my job at least a few times during years 1-3 because I was taking SO much time off due to illness/snow that I was chronically behind on work and shocked I wasn’t fired.
mascot says
Yeah, the first 18 or so months of daycare sicknesses are no joke. Is it possible that the baby is prolific and soft pooper? My son was and we had to have the occasional discussion with daycare that this was just the way his digestive system worked. He wasn’t actually sick, just messy. Since you haven’t had the benefit (?) of digestive history for the baby, you may need to push back a little if you think that this is what’s going on. Your pediatrician and their nurse line are more than happy to help you decode some of this so don’t feel shy about calling them.
Also, if we all waited until our kids were completely cough and snot free to send them to school, then daycares would be empty. So you’ll be on a cycle of well enough for school, but not entirely symptom free. It’s hard (read: gross) when they can’t blow their own noses and stuff.
Hopefully, once they get settled down in their new school and environment, their immune systems will also calm down.
Anon for this says
That was my thought. If the baby has any non-contagious medical condition causing the loose poops, you should be able to get a doctor’s note for them to remain in daycare. I have Crohn’s and if I was sent home from school every time I had diarrhea, I never would have graduated. We just had to show it was non-contagious and then I was excused from class to run to the bathroom every time I needed to.
NewMomAnon says
My kiddo was sent home several days in a row with diarrhea, which we never saw at home – our pediatrician was willing to write a note that it was not contagious and she shouldn’t be sent home for it. In retrospect, my kiddo got overstimulated in daycare as a baby and it caused digestive issues sometimes.
avocado says
Our pediatrician told us to expect two illnesses per month for the first two years of day care, which turned out to be pretty accurate. I also caught most of those illnesses.
I agree that you do not need to wait until the kids are 100% symptom-free to send them back to school. Nobody else is doing that, and even if everyone did the kids would still be spreading germs because they can be contagious before they display symptoms. I never kept my kid home unless the day care would have sent her home anyway (fever, vomiting, or diarrhea within the past 24 hours).
It is also possible that there is specialized backup care available for sick kids in your area. There is a chain of day care centers that cater to sick kids in our area. We never ended up using them because (1) they are pricey, (2) I was afraid of exposing the kid to other illnesses, and (3) I was almost always sicker than the kid and needed an excuse to stay home, but it’s something to investigate.
SC says
My kid has been in daycare since August and misses 2-3 days per month (plus daycare is closed for 22 days between August and May, but that’s another story and one i’ve already told here). This week alone, DH left work early to pick Kiddo up from school Tuesday for a fever, I left work early yesterday to take Kiddo to the doctor, and we’ve had backup care (babysitters) for yesterday until 2 and all day today.
If you don’t have a very flexible schedule, you need backup care options. We have 3 helpful grandparents in the area for emergency or short-term stuff, and a list of 4 babysitters who are sometimes available at the last minute on weekdays. (The babysitters are mostly musicians and students, although one is a retired daycare worker.) The babysitter option is super expensive, but we budget for it, and daycare+backup care is still cheaper than a nanny.
SC says
Yeah, I meant Monday, Tuesday, and today. I’m sick too, and obviously I was hoping it was later in the week than it is.
Also, our daycare’s rule is that the child has to go 24 hours without a fever OR fever-reducing meds. Now that we know Kiddo’s fever was caused by an ear infection and he started antibiotics last night, I figured he’d be good to go to school tomorrow. (He’s not contagious, doctor says it’s fine.) Kiddo’s teachers just texted me and DH asking how Kiddo is doing. I replied he didn’t have a fever and we’re hoping he feels better tomorrow. DH, apparently not realizing who was texting, decided the right thing to do was correct me and admit that Kiddo had Tylenol at 6am and therefore wouldn’t have a fever. So Kiddo will now be out 4 days this week.
just Karen says
If the fever is mild and caused by an ear infection, and you can get a doctor’s note, it may be worth checking with daycare on if kid can come back. My daughter had such frequent ear infections as a baby that she got tubes at 8 months, but before that it was as long as she wasn’t either contagious or feeling so bad that she was monopolizing the teacher’s attention, they were ok.
JTX says
I would push back on this medication rule, unless it is a state-mandated rule. If your kiddo has an ear infection, it is totally normal to give them medication to help relieve the pain. What are you supposed to do, withhold medication just to see if they get a fever?
SC says
I believe it is state-mandated. I’ve had no problem up until now “pushing back” on it by failing to disclose or flat-out lying. Kid should be getting tubes this month, which should solve the main issue.
Anonymous says
I would KILL my husband for that. Good work not doing so.
SC says
LOL. Well, I haven’t seen him since he texted, so time will tell :-) I was pretty frustrated, obviously, but he’s been pretty amazing the last 24 hours. As I said, I’m sick too. Last night he came home from work, went back out to pick up Kiddo’s antibiotic at the pharmacy and buy mac&cheese and ice cream, did the entire evening routine with grumpy Kiddo, cooked me mac & cheese for dinner, and then worked until midnight, all while I stayed in bed groaning. He got up twice in the middle of the night to settle/comfort Kiddo. He took care of Kiddo when he woke up at 5 am (ugh) until the babysitter came at 8 am, then got ready and went to work. I got up at my normal time, went to the doctor, came home to get ready, and went to work late. So, I guess I shouldn’t be too hard on him for making a mistake.
Anon in NYC says
I’ve probably taken a total of about 2 weeks time, maybe a little more, since my 20 month old started daycare. But that doesn’t include most of the week that she had hand foot and mouth (husband took 4 days and I took 1).
My daughter gets a lot of colds (runny noses) from daycare – maybe like 1x a month or so – but unless she has a fever or otherwise shows signs that this is not a normal head cold, I don’t keep her home. We just can’t take that much time off of work, and our daycare policy doesn’t require it. I’d say there’s probably only been a handful of times where she was truly “sick” (fever, aforementioned HFM, etc.).
anon says
+1. Colds do not mean sick in my book. And it is normal for a runny nose to linger for a week or more, so basically they have them all winter.
Marilla says
Not in the first year since I took 12 months of leave (Canada), but in the first few months of daycare we’ve had 3 bouts of a recurring ear infection, random colds/fever days, doctor appointment days… we split it up between me, husband, and MIL. Daycare is pretty relaxed though so I think I will start erring more on the side of sending her when she’s not 100%. It’s hard! If there’s a moms FB group or mailing list, try posting there for back-up babysitter/nanny options.
Good luck to you with your two little ones! That is a tough job to take on and they are lucky to have you.
Em says
We have been surprisingly lucky – my son went to daycare at 11 weeks and is now 11 months and has missed 2 days for illness and one for a snow day. Our daycare doesn’t require them to stay home for diarrhea (unless it lasts longer than 48 hours) or colds (unless they are running a fever), so that helps a ton. I can also work from home, which helps, but breaking up days into half days like anonymous suggested also helps. I found the impact at work to be less if I got at least half a day of face time in.
Anonymous says
Facetime is really better with the half days. I often just said I wasn’t available in the morning but I could do an afternoon meeting (or vice versa). Never got into why I wasn’t available. Whenever possible, I’d take two half days over one full day but YMMV depending on your commute etc.
anon says
I don’t remember, but is it possible you are being too cautious? My son went to daycare with runny nose and other cold symptoms ALL THE TIME. I only kept him home if he had a fever or was throwing up. (I don’t remember a lot of diarrhea so not sure about that). I did not wait until he was fever free or symptom free for 24 hours to send him. Our daycare may have been less stringent than most, but if you work full-time and don’t have local family, you have to keep your standards low.
Spirograph says
This. We don’t send kids to daycare with a fever + acting sick/tired/cranky (mostly because daycare will check for a fever if they’re acting sick, and then we’re just stuck taking 2 days off because of the 24 hour rule, whereas we might have been ok keeping them home the first day of the fever and sending them back the next day if it clears up in the evening), but if they’re a little warm but still playing, they go. We’ve been lucky to have no GI-tract illnesses that I can remember, but they have runny noses all. the. time. So do half the other kids at school on any given day, so I have no problem sending them. I figure *I* have a runny nose half the winter, but I still go to work. I’m just smart enough to use kleenex, so it’s not as apparent as in young kids.
Our daycare has a 24 hour rule for fever, but I interpret that as 24 hours from the last time kiddo was at daycare with a fever. So if he’s sent home from school on Tuesday with a fever, he can’t go on Wednesday. But if his fever disappears Wednesday night and he’s acting normal Thursday morning, he goes to school.
JTX says
+1 to this interpretation of the fever rule.
Butter says
Count us on the lucky side – kiddo has been in large daycare center since 3 months old, and had first real sickness just a week shy of his first birthday (the kind where he had to be out for a few days). All told I’ve missed 2 days of work due to him being sick. Not sure what the special sauce is, but I’m super grateful for it. Who knows what the next year will bring though…We do send him with colds and small coughs, unless it seems like it’s affecting his ‘tude, which is a precursor for a fever.
Anonymous says
For my first kid, we had a nanny so I didn’t take much time off. By the time the second was born, we had switched to an in-home daycare. I feel like my daughter had a runny nose for the first 4 months of her life (which was during cold season anyway), but rarely had anything we needed to keep her home for. Baby #3 was exposed to all the daycare germs by older siblings before he ever made it to daycare, himself. Now the oldest is almost 4, everyone’s in a large daycare center, and the kids pass around one stay-home-worthy illness (basically just a fever) every few months, which usually results in 3 days off. Luckily DH and I both have fairly flexible jobs, and I also have a very short commute and can work from home, so we divide and conquer based on who has important meetings. In an pinch, I have a backup care benefit through work, and we have a couple SAHM neighbors who can sometimes cover an hour or two. I made a career move last year specifically to be closer to home with wfh potential. Before, we both had long commutes and no possibility of telecommuting. It has made all the difference for us to be able to do half days when needed.
I don’t know the back story behind you taking custody of these kids, but just want to add that I am happy you have a big heart and are providing a loving, stable home to kids who might not have otherwise had one. I can’t imagine going from zero to sixty by taking on 2 under 2 out of nowhere.
ChiLaw says
Just dropped off a snotty, coughing kid to daycare. She doesn’t have a temp, her energy level is normal, and 1/2 the kids at school have runny noses too, so -shrug-!
From Thanksgiving to New Years there wasn’t a week where someone in our house wasn’t stay-home-from-work/school levels of sick. This is kiddo’s first year of daycare so I am hopeful it’ll get better. I did get good at the technique of lulling kiddo to sleep in my bed, then getting out my laptop to respond to emails, so I didn’t feel completely useless at my job.
Winter says
We use a nanny placement agency for last minute care _ they have a list of nannies who are job hunting and can find people last minute to fill in. I pay 20 for their help. Might be worth investigating!
Anon in NOVA says
I know this is probably not what you want to hear either for yourself or for the children, since I’m sure you’re all just seeking stability at this point, but it may be worth considering other options. Now that you have all the paperwork collected and completed for daycare, switching isn’t as bad as the initial enrollment. If it sounds like your daycare is much more conservative than what people are sharing here (eg sending them home every time they have a runny nose), it may be worth it. You should be able to switch without taking off of work, I’ve managed it before. They’re often open to letting you stop by after work to check the place out in person, get the forms, turn in a deposit, etc. That will give you a chance to see the daycare during a time of transition as well, which is important.
This is a lot to take on. You asked how to get an idea of what you’re facing and how to cope. Read “balance is a crock sleep is for the weak”. It’s an interesting take on balancing working and caregiving, how it affects your relationship, etc. Hang in there and I hope you’ll look at this group of ladies as a resource!
Jen says
We didn’t officially take a ton of time, but we were home all the time with the baby.
When the baby was too sick for daycare, DH and I would try to both work from home. Between no commuting time and the 3 hours of naps the many took (am and PM naps the first year), we were able to shuffle our days around to get a full day of work in each. Occasionally she’d be so sick or one of us was traveling or had critical in-office work so this didn’t work but generally since we were both in management roles we could juggle.
Example: DH gets up and works 6-12. I watch baby and work from 10-11:30 during first nap. Then DH watches baby and I work 12-6. DH works 1-3 during babys nap. Baby is asleep by 7 and we get the remaining stuff done then.
Anonymous says
“the 7 month old being sent home for diarrhea – which we never saw and pretty sure didn’t actually happen.”
This would concern me. If baby is stressed at daycare to the point of diarrhea then you should look at what daycare is doing or what can be done (under or over stimulating? food sensitivity? etc). If you get the sense that they are not being truthful about if there was diarrhea or not (just sending baby home to have one less to care for), then i would be worried about the quality of care – especially in a dayhome setting.
Patty Mayonnaise says
Has anyone used the uppababy bassinet? We’re planning to use it as our baby’s main sleeping arrangement in our room for the first few months and i can’t figure out whether I need a sheet or mattress cover to put in it or not. Any advice or experiences would be greatly appreciated!!
mascot says
I’d suggest using something and having a spare. There will be nighttime accidents that mean changing the sheets so you’ll want someway to keep the mattress protected and dry. You might be able to cut a flat waterproof crib protector to fit and then put the sheet over it.
Anonymous says
We used the uppababy bassinet for the first 8 weeks or so. I think it comes with a little cover and we used bassinet sheets. My baby spit up A LOT so we had about 5 sheets or so in rotation. We didn’t bother getting the special stand. We just put the bassinet in the crib and it worked great.
Anonymous says
Do you have cats? If so, highly recommend the cover. Our cats LOVED sleeping in the bassinet during the day and it got really hairy. :)
Cb says
My husband’s cousins arrived with a carload of hand me downs this weekend and I found one of the booties in my cat’s bed and can tell he’s eyeing up the moses basket as an alternative nap spot.
Patty Mayonnaise says
We do have cats, so I’ll def look into this. Thanks!!
anne-on says
Ha, yes, my cat LOVED sleeping in the bassinet. It was high, it was wam and soft – perfection!
The newer bassinets may be different, but I was a bit worried about letting my son nap in it as the sides were plush/soft and kind of smushy, so I felt like it was similar to bumpers in that there was a minor concern over ventilation.
anon says
I think it is funny that Arm’s Reach Cosleeper people have tried to capitalize on this by marketing their product specifically as a pet bed: https://www.armsreach.com/shop/pets/
Of course, any self-respecting cat would never sleep in something you purchased specifically for him/her to use.
anne-on says
My cats favorite place to sleep is still the boppy newborn lounger…which is of course covered in cat fur and FAR superior to any of the cat mats we’ve ever gotten her.
anon says
Anne-on my husband’s trick for getting the cat to use the cat bed was to put it inside a plastic grocery bag. A cardboard box might work too – you know, just something to make it ugly. It seriously worked, but it is just one of many favored sleeping surfaces.
Anonymous says
We are trying to find a way to give our nanny, whom we’re onboarding next month, some cash flow between now and then. Any ideas? We already have her taking our son home from daycare and watching him while we go to the gym, we’re going to have her renew her CPR… any other things that could keep her busy and earning a paycheck?
Cb says
Could she do any admin or prep for you? Either at home or researching activities etc?
Marilla says
Any home organization she could do? Sorting your little one’s clothes and sealing up the ones that are too small in a vacuum bag? (Or donating, etc, whatever you plan to do.) Making a list of what will be needed in the next size or next season? I have an overflowing diaper box full of clothes I’ve weeded out but haven’t sorted and put away yet, and the dresser is already full again with a mishmash of things that fit and things that are too small.
Cleaning up a spot in the living room or basement for a play zone?
Been there done that says
Housework if she’s amenable to it — family laundry, dishes, home organization projects, etc.
anne-on says
Weekend or weeknight help so you can do a date night? Is she open to organizing/running errands for you? Can you have her handle laundry, groceries, and maybe routine dentist/doctor visits? I’d loooove to have someone for 2-3 hours a week for random errands, off the top of my head this month I’d have them organize the toy room, organize and rotate out closets, drop off donations, put together class valentines, organize kiddo’s school work, & drop off returns at the post office.
Anon in NOVA says
being available to buy and bring in food to the school class party, buying the supplies needed for valentines, pick up/drop off drycleaning, etc. would be so nice. Sounds like a dream!
Having her pick up your son a bit early and bring him home for a snack/some wind down time so you come home to a happy kid (and save yourself a stop!) could be nice, too.
Anonymous says
I know this has been asked here, but I can’t find it. Where to buy pants for slim, long-limbed kids? My 4-year-old is off the charts for height, and his 5T pants are too wide around the waist but only come down to his ankles. Something needs to be done! (My husband literally bought him suspenders!) Recs for shirts appreciated too, but the pants situation is more urgent. Bonus points if they aren’t too expensive, because this kid is inevitably going to outgrow them soon…
Anonymous says
I like H+M pants with the adjustable waist band. Gap is also on the narrower side but fewer adjustable waist options.
Anon in NOVA says
Seconding the H&M pants with the adjustable waist band. They work for my insanely skinny (though not tall) child. Also I’m not TOO upset when he somehow destroys them because they’re well-priced
mascot says
The good news is they start making “slim” size pants with adjustable waists around size 5. We’ve gotten them at Gap and Lands End. Also, have you tried kid size 5 and not 5T? The toddler sizes are usually shorter and slightly wider than normal kids sizes.
CHJ says
Zara makes stretchy skinny jeans/pants that are great for tall skinny toddlers.
avocado says
I have found the slim sizes at the Gap to be the slimmest for my string bean. For items that don’t come in slim sizes, the kids’ sizes 4 and 5 are skinnier than 4T and 5T.
anne-on says
I’d try gap slim pants, or jcrew pants – I’ve only ever bought the factory pants at jcrew but they were definitely slim and long. I find boden also runs long, and they have true drawstring waists on lots of their pants.
GCA says
For those of you with younger toddlers, our go-to is Children’s Place; look for the pants with the adjustable side tabs or real drawstrings. A 2yo in suspenders is the most adorable thing, and they’re great for weekend outings, but I like to spare our daycare teachers!
Anonymous says
+1. Just stocked up on 4T pants for my very long 2-yr-old.
blue says
Kohls has a Jumping Beans brand that runs long and lean.
AnonMN says
If you’re willing to spend money i like the following brands for my tall kid: Tea Collection and Peek. Gap shirts are really short and wide for us, and Carters shrinks and only lasts a month or two, so i’ve stopped trying.
Paging Penelope says
I just saw your post from yesterday about grandparents posting pictures. I would definitely make them ask before posting. Taking pictures from a private site and posting them isn’t cool. Even if you say yes the vast majority of the time, it’ll make it a little more difficult for them and they’re likely to ask less frequently than they’d otherwise post on their own. Your kid, you decide how present they are on social media.
Anonymous says
I just went back and looked at that question, too. Depending on your relationship with your parents and in-laws, I wouldn’t overthink this. Just say “Hey, we don’t post a lot of pictures or information about baby on social media because we’re concerned about privacy and permanence of everything on the internet. Please don’t publicly share the photos we send you.” We also explicitly stated in our agreement with our nanny that she was not allowed to share any photos or information about us or our children online. My mom and MIL totally understood and didn’t give us any grief over it. DH and I both work in fields that one might assume give us extra info and reason to be concerned about internet privacy, so I’m sure that helped. We have Google+ accounts and share occasional photos/videos with family there (where we can restrict the re-shares), or just via e-mail/text. If you make a point to send photo prints regularly so they have something to show off to their friends in person, that might also help.
rosie says
I went back and looked, too. I think it’s reasonable to request that no one post picts of your kid on social media, at least if you do not post anything yourself (it’s likely we will do this, and we have friends who make the same request). Do people really think that’s unreasonable?
And Anonymous @11:02, thanks for mentioning your agreement with your nanny, that is smart to include.
jlg says
We are not on social media and were very clear with grandparents/sibs that we did not want them posting any photos of kiddo on social media. We share photos thru a shared photo stream (so it shows up on their phone and they can show their friends that way). Despite this being the opposite of what SIL does re: her kids, everyone has been extremely respectful of this rule. I think part of that is we had a prior incident where info about our marriage that got posted online by my ILs was used by a pro se defendant in litigation I was handling as a starting point for finding a whole bunch of other personal info that would otherwise have been very difficult to find. So I think the family gets that this isn’t just us being controlling — it is a safety/privacy concern that could get very real very quickly.
Penelope says
Thanks! One of each set of grandparents are chronic oversharers (probably why my husband and I value privacy). We will talk to them using your suggestions in prevent incidents in the future.
Anonymous says
Cross-posting to ask the moms about your experiences!
I’m going to an out of town baby shower this weekend. I’ve only been to a 2 previous baby showers, both of which were in my city, so I purchased and brought a gift from the registry. This time, the baby shower is in NY for a friend who lives in DC (she’s originally from NY). I live in Boston. It seems like a hassle to buy a gift at the local Babies R Us and bring it to NY, only for her to bring it back to DC.
For a bridal shower, I’d ship a gift and then give a card with money at the actual wedding. Is this a similar situation? Do I purchase a gift off the registry and have it shipped to her? If so, do I then bring a card to the shower (with or without money/gift card)?
This is a close friend. She was in my wedding and vice versa. I don’t want to offend, but I’m at a loss for etiquette.
Anonymous says
I would ship the gift but print out a picture of it to include in a card for the shower. And maybe include a small other gift to unwrap, like a favorite board book.
anne-on says
This – ship the gift, include a print out from the registry or a photo of the item and (only if you want) wrap something small – maybe a book or something for HER – like a comfy robe or pair of slippers for the hospital?
Anonymous says
OP here: thanks for the suggestions. I purchased 3 items, totalling $60ish, from her registry. BabiesRUs will ship directly to her. I’m going to print out the receipt given that she probably won’t receive the items before the shower on Sat., and I’ll look for something small, like a book, to include with the card.
On another note, how long do babyshowers typically last? It starts at lunchtime. I’m thinking 3-4 hours? I’m taking advantage of the trip to NYC to meet up with friends, so I figure I’ll be safe to make dinner plans?
Anonymous says
The ones I’ve been to were only about 2 hours. 3-4 seems really long.
Anonymous says
+1
2 hours is standard. Stay a bit longer and help clean up etc for very close friends.
Consigning says
Do any of y’all consign your kids’ clothes? I don’t know if this is regional or what, but I live in the south and there is this big consignment scene for smocked and other kinds of boutique kids clothes. I’ve only ever bought, but recently I’ve been thinking about selling. Any tips?
mascot says
I did it once and it was a nice offset to the money I spent on the sale, but I didn’t think it was a big enough check to justify the work of getting it ready. If I did it again, I’d probably hold onto the nicer stuff that didn’t sell and try again at another sale since it was already on hangers and ready to be re-tagged. I’d also price low, especially if you plan to donate it anyways. Might as well get some money instead of none. I sold boys clothes if that makes a difference.
Mrs. Jones says
I consigned my son’s clothes/toys/books until age 5. It was a bit of an effort, but I had time. Each store/sale has its own very specific rules that you have to follow. Now I take stuff to a kids’ resale store that just gives cash outright instead of consigning. I’m in ATL.
avocado says
I have done resale and a couple of consignment sales. Resale was easy and worth the time when I had large quantities of toddler clothes. The resale stores I used would only accept brand-name clothing in excellent condition and would not take leggings or other pants without pockets. They mostly liked jeans, dressy dresses, and winter coats. They paid something like 10% of original retail value. Past size 4T or 5T they wouldn’t take much of the stuff at all, even in like-new condition.
The consignment sales were a huge pain. I had to price and tag everything myself and zip-tie it to hangers, then spend a lot of time dropping it off and then picking up the items that didn’t sell. Some of my nicest items didn’t sell, even though I thought they were priced well. Buyers mainly seemed to want basic clothing at very cheap prices, not the cute brand-name outfits, nice gear, or Signing Time videos I tried to consign. In the end I decided we made out just about the same financially by donating the stuff and taking a tax deduction, which was much easier than consigning.
I have not used a consignment shop, but my impression is that they only want designer goods in pristine condition. Our local consignment shop only accepts consignments during a limited time window each season, which I always miss.
anon says
No one would want mine
lsw says
You can send bags to ThredUp – I do that because they will recycle what they can’t use.
Anon says
I hated ThredUp. I stuffed a bag full of kids clothes that all still had tags on (and weren’t from non-accepted brands) and got something like $8 for it. I know the rules and that they only give you a small fraction of what they think they can get, but even so, I saw some pieces selling on the site for WAY MORE than was part of my calculation, and several more pieces selling for $20+ that they said weren’t sellable so didn’t give me a penny.
I decided I’d much rather just donate to a local agency. That way if someone makes money or gets a good deal, it’s someone who deserves it via an actual upfront process.
Anonymous says
If it’s stuff with the tags still on, you can ask the local agency if they can give you a charitable donation tax receipt for the in kind donation. I say if the tags are still on because then the clothing value is clear.
anon says
Nonprofits should not ever place a value on an inkind donation. Best practice is to just describe the items they receive in an acknowledgement. It is up to the donor to assign value, and they are not legally required to provide acknowledgements for donations under $250 (although most do so as not to annoy donors).
In House Lobbyist says
I do it for my kids clothes mostly because it forces me to go through the their clothes and decide what to give away has hand-me-downs; what to sell; and what to trash. I don’t mind the work too much because I can do it for a few nights after the kids go to bed. I also do books and toys but my kids help go through and pull out so they can get new ones from the sale. I mostly consign because I like to shop there and the sale I do lets the cosignors shop the night before. Almost all of my kids clothes are bought there or throughout the year at goodwill or kids consignment stores anyway so I like that benefit. Anything that is really nice – like my smocked dresses (I’m in the south too!) – I either pass along to close friends or family or try to sell separately on Facebook, Poshmark or to a kids consignment store.
Consigning says
Yeah, I wasn’t really clear in my original post, but I was thinking about consigning online. Or possibly at my local Jr. League’s kids consignment sale if they have one this year. How do you know how much to charge for shipping for the things you sell online?
I give my daughter’s good condition play clothes away to friends with younger kids, but I was not sure what to do about the smocked and boutique stuff. I love having a handful of that each season, and was thinking that I could get more if I resold more. My local friend with a younger daughter that I give play clothes to is not really into the frou frou stuff and doesn’t go to church, so I don’t think she’d even want the nicer stuff.
PhilanthropyGirl says
Not so much a humblebrag as just a straight out brag.
I’m in a new job, in a new area of the country, and developing all new contacts. One of the things that is terribly hard for me is conference calls, and speaking with confidence and authority when I’m on them. I have a lot of social anxiety about phone calls, especially talking to strangers or people I’ve never met in person.
Today I had my first conference call with two new contacts who are potential funding sources for a really incredible program my organization is doing. And I did it. I did the thing! I spoke like a grown up, and didn’t stumble over my words, and only had to look to a colleague for help a couple of times. And we were invited to submit a funding request.
My boss is going to be thrilled about potential funding. I’m way more thrilled about not stumbling over my words or saying something awkward like “love you bye!”
I hope you all are feeling confident and amazing about something today, too!
just Karen says
I want to give you a hug because you are basically me. I am really proud of you! I don’t have a hard time in person, but on the phone? I am terrible. My voicemail messages often have me shaking my head in shame. Great job!
PhilanthropyGirl says
Thank you!
Anon in NYC says
Awesome! Good for you.
PhilanthropyGirl says
Thanks!
ChiLaw says
Good work!
I’m working hard on finding the right voice/authority/tone as I am trying to move from newly-hired to trusted-member-of-the-team in key people’s minds. So you’re inspiring me!
PhilanthropyGirl says
It is hard! That right tone is such a challenge – and not having body language and facial expression to gauge how you’re being received makes it worse. Keep at it! I know it has to get easier!
CPA Lady says
Can I tell you two terribly embarrassing stories about me and the phone? Because I am in awe of you.
1. Last year, I had to call an extremely elderly client I had never spoken t0 before to find out if she needed me to prepare a gift tax return. She was mostly deaf and I’m pretty sure had dementia as well. I tried to explain what I was calling about and she was just not understanding. I had to literally shout into the phone for her to hear me and after I had repeated myself about four times, and she had grown increasingly agitated, I just paused because I was at a complete loss as to what to say next or how to explain any differently. Then the pause got longer and longer and I froze completely, and ended up just hanging up on her. It was to my great relief (sorry I’m a bad person) to find that she has since passed on and I won’t have to attempt to contact her this year.
2. I was returning a call from a partner who really intimidates me. I was expecting him to pick up the phone so it threw me for a loop to have to leave him a message. Again, I paused in the middle of a sentence, completely lost track of my train of thought, and froze for so long that the phone gave me the option to re-record the message. Which I gratefully accepted.
Phones are the devil and you are my hero today.
PhilanthropyGirl says
I once repeated my call back number – on a voicemail – three times. Incorrectly. And had to call back and leave a second v/m with the correct phone number. So I deeply feel your pain.
I had a coworker once answer the phone “XYZ Company, How may I hold you?” Because she intended to ask if she could put the person on hold. That is in the back of my head every time I pick up the phone.
They are evil. Thank the stars for text and email!
lsw says
OMG I just lol’d at “how may I hold you?” I have said so many goofy things on the phone too. And, as a fellow girl in philanthropy, congrats on a big win!
PhilanthropyGirl says
Thanks!
Anon for this says
In law school, I worked for a firm as a Jill of All Trades (paralegal, billing, reception, courier). The firm name used to be Partner, Partner & Partner. While I was there, they changed it to Partner, Partner, Partner & Partner. Basically, they added a fourth named partner. His last name starts with the same letter as mine.
While covering reception one day, I answered the phone for at least an hour as Partner, Partner, Partner & My Last Name. Luckily they found it hysterical and spread the word throughout the office so more and more people started coming to the lobby. The pretended to need water from the jug or to grab a newspaper or get their coat from the closet but it was all really to listen to me answer the phone. Finally, they decided it had gone on long enough and told me and we all laughed about it. I was mortified though.
Pogo says
You did the thing! Congrats. I struggle with cold-calling as well. It is so, so tough.
Edna Mazur says
This is one of my biggest fears. I am positive I am going to say “OK I love you bye” after talking to a coworker or opposing counsel some day .
RDC says
Hey ladies! I missed feeding Tuesday but for bf’ing moms, I wanted to share this cool gadget my lactation consultant told me about – the Zerlar (link to follow). It’s a tiny pump that works with suction that you can use on the other side while your baby is feeding. It’s awesome for catching the milk that would otherwise leak into your shirt, and for relieving the pressure when you’re engorged. I’ve been getting 4-6 oz a night just by using it at nighttime feeds and the first feed in the morning – great for building up your freezer stash or getting just a bit of pumped milk to start trying out bottles. Anyways just wanted to share!
RDC says
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B01EMXN28M/ref=mp_s_a_1_1_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1485965776&sr=8-1&keywords=zerler
lsw says
I have seen this kind of thing but don’t understand the point. Maybe I’m unusual but after the first few weeks I didn’t have problems with engorgement and I don’t know that I ever really leaked while nursing. And definitely never since back at work. Is this a need that really needs to be filled? Just curious.
October says
I haven’t tried it (found out about it too late with baby #1) but from different mom groups I’m in, I’ve heard a lot of people say they don’t leak/don’t think it’ll work for them, but when they try it they are amazed by the amount of milk they get. I think because it lightly suctions it catches more than just the leaks? I also don’t know if it works after a certain age, aka once your supply is really regulated (8+ months?).
lsw says
That’s fair. I hate pumping so much and do it so much at work that I don’t really want to screw with my nursing and make that no fun either. Ha.
Betty says
I had oversupply with my second and leaked all the time for months. And actually, for that reason, I would never try and pump more than absolutely necessary because it would just lead to a greater oversupply, engorgement, etc. This was an issue until I fully weaned her at 2+.
Momata says
I never leaked when everything was undisturbed, but if baby was nursing I always, always, always leaked on the other side. Every single time.
AnonMN says
I’m a leaker, until about 8/9 months, and engorgement remains an issue for me every time baby changes up a feeding (which is pretty frequently when you’re feeding on demand). This would have been an amazing product for both of my nursing years. I’ll have to remember it for #3.
RDC says
For me it’s nice to be able to pump / save a little bit of milk (a few oz per night) so that DH can feed a bottle occasionally, without having to get out my full pump and do a separate pumping session. So I can go out one evening or sleep thru a feed and he can handle it. (I’m still on maternity leave.)
October says
I’ve heard good things about these, too. There are a few brands — Haakaa is also supposed to be good.
Anonymous says
This seems like a little bit of a pain because of how much it would get in your space. I had these little things called O-Cal-ettes that are just little cups (hard to explain) with a pretty minimal profile. I would collect about 1 oz per session in the early months, at least on my more productive side. It was nice to not soak through nursing pads and be able to collect extra milk to freeze with minimal effort.
Frozen Peach says
Just needed to vent today. I am sick again… our almost 2 year old just started going to preschool in the late fall and I have caught. everything. My boss is generally , can hear how sick I am, and specifically TOLD me to work from home today (she hates getting sick), but it’s day 3 of being OOO this week and I just feel like a big sad sack of unprofessionalism (with a toddler squealing “hi! hi! hi!” over and over while I’m trying to speak on a conference call). Usually I feel like I’m really doing great at work, but I’ve been sick 3 out of the last 4 weeks and I’m just not performing at 100% or even 90%. Feeling anxious and insecure about it, even as I work from home. I know the antidote is some focused written work that will make me feel competent. But right now I’m just blowing my nose for the umpteenth time and trying not to worry I’m going to lose my job because my immune system royally sucks.
Anonymous says
Most bosses will judge you on the long-run. This is just a short-term period of your life — life happens, even if it isn’t a child or illness interrupting your normally stellar track record. People have sick parents, get cancer, have problems with relatives, buy houses, and generally have stuff going on outside of work that requires attention sometime. And it’s MORE professional to stay home when you are sick rather than trying to show how tough you are. Do your best when you are 100% and just keep calm and carry on the rest of the time.
anne-on says
A few things that helped me during the interminable cold/flu/crud season:
If you’re the one staying home with the sick kid, make sure your partner knows they will be ‘on’ as soon as they walk through the door – even an hour or two of focused attention at night to power through work helps A LOT
Outsource as much as possible. Takeout, frozen meals, trader joes pre-made stuff, order from amazon/peapod/etc., send out laundry/dry cleaning. Just focus on work, family, and getting better
Trade off ‘shifts’ on the weekend – one of you each gets a day to sleep in, the other can take kiddo out for breakfast or some other sort of activity. Ditto for lunch (one does lunch/play time, the other naps or catches up on laundry). Institute family movie night (resting on the couch is awesome!).
Worst case scenario if you’re all sick – TV time, hired help, and cut yourself a massive amount of slack.
AEK says
Complete and total commiseration. June 2015- Fall 2016 was one sickness after another, ear-tube insertion, total fatigue. Of course the colds & other viruses would nail me for a week or more while the little one recovered in 2 or three days most of the time (though we had some bad ones, too).
It’s better now, approaching 2 years in daycare. Then again, I just stayed home yesterday because of 24-hour fever rule. And it is literally impossible to work from home with a 2-year old.
So it gets better, just not all at once necessarily… I keep hoping for my super-immunity to kick in after all of these illnesses, but I’m still waiting.
I am lucky to have an understanding boss, but I felt / feel just like you: guilty, anxious, and like I am underperforming. I try to take the long view, as others have suggested, but that’s been a struggle.
I hope you get a break from the cycle sometime soon.
Pogo says
I personally don’t judge people for their conference call background. Dogs, kids, the TV in the other room… especially if it’s at a weird time (like evening for us for Asia calls), I’ve heard it all.
The only time I felt it was unprofessional was when an HR VP was making me an offer, from Starbucks. Really? You couldn’t wait to call me with the offer until you were back in your car?
Just to say, you’re probably worried more about kiddo in the background than other people are actually bothered by it. Unless you’re pausing to say “non-fat grand machiatto please” while discussing someone’s career.
anon says
It gets better
Onlyworkingmomintulsa says
Just needing to vent today. My 4 yr old had a tonsillectomy/adenoidectomy last wed and I was able to take off wed-fri as sick time, then my husband took this mon-wed and I planned to take thurs and friday. My colleage who backs me up when I’m out called in sick this past monday with the flu and there is no one else to cover so looks like I will be working from home tom and friday. Also, almost 2 year old may be home with me as he has a virus, yay! I’m the only mom in our group so coworkers think this is no big deal, but it just sucks!!!! There are no backup care facilities in this hick town either and my parents still work. Bright side, I should count myself lucky that I can wfh when needed.
Anonymous says
Use your village. Can your mom or dad take a half day? If not, can they stop by at lunchtime to feed kids so you can make a few calls? If they can’t leave the office, can they facetime with the 4 year old for a half hour to keep him entertained so you can finish an email?
Frozen Peach says
Right here with you, ha.
Solidarity.
Onlyworkingmomintulsa says
Yup, reading up, looks like there are plenty of us on here going through this! Another bright side, I’m healthy….for now (knock on wood).
My parents have hourly retirement jobs right now, so they don’t have too much flexibility. Looking forward to “big kid” school when I can expand my village!!
NewMomAnon says
Regional culture translation needed! I’m Midwestern nice, a little bland, and very practical – make lists, execute on lists, coordinate with others who are also executing on the list, strategize about how this item fits into the next set of items on the list, etc. I’m working with… ummm… a gentleman (?) right now from the East Coast, and every single time I try to follow up regarding his responsibilities on the list, he gives me a slew of reasons that those items shouldn’t be on the list, shouldn’t be done the way I’m asking for them to be done, are really not as important as the items that I haven’t finished on my list yet, etc. If I’m the only one pushing, he won’t do the thing I’m requesting; if I note it in an e-mail to our mutual client, he huffs and puffs and finally does it.
We are both professional advisers with fiduciary responsibilities to the mutual client, but in different capacities (think lawyer and realtor, or lawyer and accountant), so I actually am relying on him to do the things he does; I cannot do them, and nobody else on the team can do them..
Is this a regional thing that I’m misinterpreting? Like, is this some East Coast power play? Because it seems like flat out misogyny, and I would feel so much better if it was regional communication misfires.
Jen says
Born and bread east coaster. Worst of all worlds- NYC and Boston.
Dudes just a jerk. The huffing and puffing and whatever else is going on is just avoiding the convo as to why he hasn’t done anything. I’m actually a super annoying up-follower and have had *that* blamed on my coastal upbringing. “Calm down, it’s not a rat race like in NYC” etc.