Hat tip to editor Kate who found this cardigan — I like it so much I may have to buy one for myself. It’s made of a hand washable ribbed knit with an elasticized, cinched back panel. It seems like a great thing to wear over a sheath dress or with trousers whether you’re pregnant, nursing, or beyond. Another big plus: it’s $39.99. Nice. ModCloth Browsing for Books Cardigan
Here’s a plus-size alternative.
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Minnie says
I’m entering my third trimester and trying to figure out whether to plan to leave work before my due date. I’m curious whether other moms on this s i t e worked until they went into labor, or if they left work early, was it unpaid, or paid vacation or medical leave (and if medical leave, was your OB easy or difficult about writing a note?). If you’re comfortable sharing, I would love to hear. Thanks in advance!
CPA Lady says
I had a planned c-section on a Thursday and worked until Tuesday, two days before. I was horribly uncomfortable and basically brain-dead, but I was trying to bill as many hours as possible, and finish all the tax returns on my desk. I considered working at least a half-day on that Wednesday, and I’m glad I didn’t. It gave me a day to get a bunch of last minute stuff done, and to take some time for myself.
That said, my firm doesn’t have maternity leave, it’s just “take your vacation and short term disability”, so any time I would have taken before would have meant less time I could take after.
KJ says
I’m a fed, so I don’t have any paid maternity benefits. I worked until 8 days past my due date, until the day before I was induced. It was pretty miserable, but I was determined not to “waste” any leave.
new mom says
I worked until 3 days past my due date because I didn’t want to be sitting around waiting for the baby to come. I did work fron home once I went past my due date. At 3 days past due I was too uncomfortable / distracted to work, but baby arrived the next say so I didn’t have to take vacation. Listen to your bodqand do what feels right for you.
mascot says
Basically I worked until I went into labor. My last day of work I felt pretty off (it was 3 days before my due date). Left work that evening, started having contractions at home, baby was born the next morning. I wasn’t that productive the last week of work and everything was ready to transition. But, it was preferable to pacing at home.
JJ says
Exactly this. I had a scheduled induction and then a scheduled c-section, but I worked until a day or two before each of those. I was getting absolutely nothing done and I was physically miserable, but I knew I’d want those days off later when, when my kids were born.
Lyssa says
I had a planned C on a Monday, and worked through Friday. I’m glad that I had that weekend to kind of plan and orient (mostly get in the mindset), but I wouldn’t have taken any more time before that. I was tired, but otherwise it wasn’t really a problem, and wanted to work as much as I could. I’ve heard from a lot of women that they don’t care much for just sitting at home waiting, and a lot think that that slows things down (i.e., being inactive causes the baby to want to stay put – I have no idea whether there’s science behind that, but I’ve heard it a lot).
Towards the end, I tried to be ready at any time – I had a constantly updated list of everything that I’d recently worked on and where I had left it last, just to be safe in case I had to leave more suddenly than planned.
ANP says
I worked up to the end with both kids. My two were born on Sundays, but I worked through those final Fridays each time. I didn’t want to be sitting around at home, waiting waiting waiting for baby. That said, you do you. If you feel like garbage and need the time to relax, nest, take care of yourself, whatever — do it. I think the key is to be uber-prepared from a work perspective — knowing that you could get put on bed rest 6 weeks prior or end up in early labor — so, like Lyssa said, having a constantly-updated checklist for your colleagues to reference in case you suddenly end up out of the office.
greenie says
I stopped working a week before my due date with #1 and had her 3 days after I stopped working. I honestly felt guilty and useless not working. I wasn’t TOO miserable and could have at least showed up at work. I just walked and walked and walked to try to get things going. I was so nervous she’d come late and I’d waste even more of my time off before she was actually born.
With #2 I worked until the day I went into labor (which was 7 days after my due date). I was scheduled to go out on my due date, but when it was appearant she wasn’t ready I just kept working. I felt much better this way. Although getting to work this late in the pregnancy is not fun- it was so much better to be there than to be stuck at home waiting.
Anonyc says
For my third, I had no gas in the tank by the end. The Tuesday before my Monday due date, I dropped off both other kids in the miserable, pouring rain, got to work, and was like, I’m out. I’d keep my end date flexible (i.e., said I’d work as long as I could) but I’d already transitioned my cases off and there wasn’t much for me to do. I finalized everything at work that day and headed home.
It ended up that I spent the remainder of my week doing lame stuff (food shopping, dealing with a sick kid, packing for our move) but it was better than working and doing all that stuff. Basically started labor on and off throughout the weekend and baby arrived on that Monday, which was oddly her due date.
With my other two I ended up with 2-3 weeks off before the baby arrived and it certainly helped. At the very least I wasn’t stressed by the numerous doctors visits you have towards the end. Both of those babies were late, however, and maybe my more relaxed final few weeks were part of the reason. It definitely helped to decompress and pivot from what I had been doing (work, school) and focus on the forthcoming baby.
Spirograph says
I have no maternity leave benefits other than STD, and planned to work til baby #1 was born, but the Friday before my due date (which was the following Thursday or Friday, if I’m remembering right), I was just. so. done. By the end of the day, I decided I’d come in Monday and clean out my desk/tie up any loose ends, and then watch bad TV and eat ice cream in sweatpants the rest of the week. I ended up going into labor later that night, so it was a moot point.
This time, I am due shortly after the New Year. I know things will be slow as people trickle back in from vacations, so I may stick it out a little longer just because there will be almost zero expectation of productivity, but I told my office not to expect me after [1 week before due date]. I figure I’ll make a gametime decision that last week. Or, hopefully, baby #2 will be a smidge early, too.
Meg Murry says
I replied when this came up the other day (in the last week, so you can look for more responses there) but I originally planned to leave 1 week before my due date, which became 2 when I realized that I had the vacation time, my projects were mostly transitioned, I was exhausted and not getting quality sleep, and I was afraid I’d go into labor at my office which was 1+ hour drive from my hospital, and I was already having to miss 1-2 half days a week due to doctor appointments. My bosses appreciated having a definite transition date, and I appreciated having a little time off to sleep, clean, go to the pool, read, watch tv and otherwise have the last “me” time I’d have for a long time.
But I am also the kind of person that doesn’t mind downtime/sitting around time, and I still had a lot of things to do to get ready for the baby (like buy diapers and assemble the crib and pack and play) that filled some of my time. If you are the type to want to be always busy, you might be bored out of your mind and would rather work until the end.
hoola hoopa says
+1 to it all. I was going to write essentially the exact same post.
Diana Barry says
I worked right up until delivery each time. #1 and #2, I worked thru Friday, babies were born on a Sunday. With #3 I worked until “1 week before my due date” and went into labor THE VERY NEXT DAY (Friday).
anon says
I left two weeks before with my two younger kids, but I had a ton of leave and vacation time (5 months paid) so I didn’t have to worry about it…
CPA Lady says
Do y’all ever feel like expectations are way out of hand for working mothers (and really all mothers in general) these days? It’s like we’re working more hours than ever before, but are still expected to parent like uber-involved SAHMs. I don’t know where this pressure is coming from, if it’s societal or from ourselves or both. My mom was really into being a SAHM, and she didn’t even do most of the stuff working mothers are expected to do these days.
For example, a couple weeks ago there was some conversation on here about making your kid’s baby food. I was shocked (shocked!) that that is something that people who have jobs do! I think it’s great, FWIW, but I just had no idea. Everything just seems so crazy-making and time-intensive, from interviewing multiple pediatricians to renting a bouncy castle and designing custom invitations for your kid’s b-day party. And pumping. Do you ever take a step back and think about what a huge thing that is to be expected to do? To attach a machine to your body multiple times a day for an entire year? To be clear: I think all of these things are great, if they are what you want to do. But oh my god. No wonder half the “overachieving” mothers I know are knocking back half a bottle of wine a night at minimum.
This might just be me discovering that I’ll probably be more of a “free-range” parent, as Pockets called it a few days ago. It just seems like expectations have definitely changed and not for the better.
KJ says
Totally. A number of people have opined to me about how easy it is to make your own baby food. You know what’s easy? Opening a jar or a pouch. Same with cloth-diapering.
You just have to decide what’s important to you and ignore the rest. I keep a meticulously updated online photo album and jot down notes and milestones in a baby journal. I pump. I do not fret about jarred, non-organic baby food or supplementing with formula. I order *everything* online. We went with the first pediatrician we visited because they seemed fine, and why not? For her first birthday I fully intend to buy a cake and a case of beer and order pizza for friends and family – no Pinterest-worthy extravaganza necessary.
(former) preg 3L says
KJ, I’m dying. You’re hilarious. “You know what’s easy? Opening a jar or a pouch.” Hahahaha.
CPA Lady, I totally agree. I went back to law school at 13 days PP because law school doesn’t give maternity leave and I didn’t want to take a semester off. I’m pumping 2x/day and did all summer, while studying for the bar exam, while baby was in daycare. One time over the summer, I took baby to daycare and forgot her bottles at home. (Obviously I went back home and got them.) Now, she’s not sleeping, taking about half her milk overnight, and absolutely refusing to allow a spoon into her mouth (but she loves bananas, cheerios, mum mums, and anything that SHE can control — we tried putting a cheerio on a spoon and she just grabbed the cheerio with her hands). My mom bought a Halloween costume for the baby, otherwise she wouldn’t have one. I’m focusing on necessities, and buying them all online.
I think motherhood has made me much more compassionate toward other mothers. You do you. Feed your baby and you’re doing great, IMO.
Meg Murry says
Yes, my grandmother is highly amused at how when she had kids, she had to make baby food, bf and use cloth diapers because jarred food, disposable diapers and formula either weren’t available or were way too expensive for her as a SAHM with 6 kids – and now the pedulum has swung, and working moms are expected to do all these things, even though we have less time and more money.
I do the things I find fun or prioritize (for instance – we make costumes because its the one crafty thing I do with my kids, but it involves sweatsuits and safety pins, not sewing) but I also appreciate the “you do you” aspect to parenting most people in my community have. There are a few judgmental b*tches I’ve had to deal with (plus possibly a few more who judge me behind my back), but whatever – I don’t have time to waste on them, I’m too busy trying to safety pin a costume together over here! (and no judgment on those of you who order costumes online – we actually have a bunch saved to our wishlists that my son wants if they are on clearance for his dressup box, but he really likes making our own costumes, so to each her own!)
JJ says
Totally agreed with KJ. I started making baby food when my first started eating solids. I shop at Whole Foods, I cook, naturally I would make baby food! That lasted two weeks – until I realized that you can buy baby food in pouches that is just as good as anything I’d make at home. It was worth the time, freezer/fridge space, and counter space where the appliance sat.
Same with supplementing with formula, choosing a pediatrician (we chose the one my OBGYN uses without any “interview” and who was close to home), weaning from a bottle/pacifier, flash cards, no “screen time” until two-years old (hahahahaha), etc. On the flip side, we are protective of sleep and naps, so that means that every weekend, we’re home from 12-3ish, because the kids need to sleep. So you just figure out what’s important to you as you go along, and try to ignore the noise.
It also helps to have like-minded mom friends. Not that they have to have the same values as you – just that the recognize that we’re all in this together and doing our best.
RR says
+1000 to the like-minded friends. They help put everything in perspective.
mascot says
I remember crying to one of my dearest friends about how badly things were going with nursing. And she said, listen, there’s no gold medal waiting for you if you make it to a certain point so you might as well go ahead and do what works best for your family. Like-minded friends are so helpful.
There are a lot of right ways to parent and very few wrong ways. We are all doing just fine.
RR says
Absolutely agree. I think all those things are great if they are a priority to someone, but everything takes so much time.
Like KJ said, you have to decide what’s important to you and ignore the rest. My personal motto is “Make the best decisions you can every day and try not to feel guilty about them.”
RR says
Can I also say that this is so seems so much worse now that my older two are in school? The forms and projects and after-school activities and expectations! Daycare gets that I work. School doesn’t seem to.
mascot says
Argh, school. Please have your child bring in a bandanna, a pumpkin, an index card with their address, some other random thing that you don’t keep in your house or office, etc. All afternoon email requests for the next morning.
Former teacher says
As a former teacher, that’s just plain disrespectful of parents’ schedules, working or not. Any time (and it was rare- maybe twice a year) that I wanted students to bring in something from home, I would give a month’s notice with a few follow-ups. Feel free to opt out and e-mail the teacher with a (kind!) e-mail that that’s just not feasible for many working families (or really, any families!). If it persists and is a common part of the school’s culture (I’ve noticed this in areas with a high proportion of SAHMs), then it’s time to get like-minded parents together and head to the principal, a PTA meeting, or board meeting. The endless projects with outside legwork for parents and homework at very young ages is alarming.
KJ says
Not looking forward to that! I already have a daycare that expects me to participate in back to school night, parent teacher conferences, picture day, volunteer projects, and chaperoning field trips for a SIX MONTH old baby.
RR says
Why are parent teacher conferences always in the middle of the day? If I could be there in the middle of the day, I wouldn’t need you daycare!
Anonymous says
I hear you. My preschool is closed 4 days per year for parent-teacher conferences. So it’s doubly inconvenient because (1) I have to arrange backup care and (2) I have to leave work in the middle of the day for a 25 minute conference that I would be perfectly happy to have by phone.
Sarabeth says
This is going to be the one upside to living in a high-poverty, low-results school district. I’m pretty sure we’ll get the gold star just for sending our kid go school every day.
ANP says
Yessssssss. Yes yes yes. I work full time in a demanding job (and care about/am into my career). I have two kids under 5 and am expected to home-make their costumes and all of their food (cut into cute shapes, no less), keep a clean house and decorate for each holiday. With what free time?!? Give me a break. I blame Pinterest.
KJ says
Your comment reminds me of this article, which made me lol for, like, 100 years. http://joannagoddard.blogspot.com/2014/09/45-school-lunch-ideas.html
I generally like Cup of Jo, but she and I have very different definitions of “easy.”
CHJ says
HAHAHAHAH. Easy school lunches are the ones daycare provides!
JJ says
A-freaking-men.
RR says
My older two are in first grade, and I thought I was going to pack their lunches. I bought cute lunch boxes with bento inserts and ice packs and little cookie cutters to cut out sandwiches.
I made it less than two weeks before my husband was like, why are we doing this? And I realized I didn’t have a good reason. Our school actually has pretty healthy lunch options.
Anon says
Cookie cutter sandwiches always makes me think of Mermaids.
greenie says
We told my daughter she could buy lunches 2 days a week and bring it from home the other three. I googled fun school lunch ideas, got supplies, and was ready to go. We pre-paid 10 lunches at a time not realizing we were giving our 5 year old free reign to buy lunch whenever she wanted. EVERY LUNCH I MADE came back home… no matter how cute or intricate, cafeteria lunches are just so much cooler to buy.
RR says
Yes, they were buying lunch even when I sent lunch. Then, we went through a period of my son buying two lunches, which was a fun lesson. Apparently, it is very difficult for a six year old to understand how mom and dad can have different rules when school allows him to do something.
Anon says
I was expecting to see one of those insane bento box lunches where the sandwiches look like animals and the fruit looks like a forest. This actually looks super simple to me, but then again, I’ve always cooked all of our meals and packed lunches and I think it’s just something that is naturally easy/non-stressful to me.
Unlike many other things, which definitely DON’T come easily!
ECR says
If you think the Cup of Jo post is ridiculous, check out this series on Food52: http://food52.com/blog/category/169-amanda-s-kids-lunch Food writer Amanda Hesser describes what she packs for her twins’ lunch with NO IRONY WHATSOVER. One example: “This time, I went for a classic ham and butter sandwich, using prosciutto in place of French ham and Castelvetrano olives swapped in for the usual gherkins. For dessert, I couldn’t help but match the apple diameters with those of the sliders for some satisfying symmetry.” And this is supposed to be helpful inspiration for working moms??
KJ says
Hilarious! Thanks for sharing.
hoola hoopa says
This is one of the funniest things that I have ever read! Thanks for sharing!
We do pack lunches, but I have it down to a basic and mutually agreeable menu. The same menu everyday, with only rare exceptions. Sometimes I ask if she wants grapes or apples, and that’s as exciting as it gets. I have never, ever cut a sandwich with a cookie cutter.
CHJ says
Have you read The Conflict by Elisabeth Badinter? She takes on all of these issues head on, from a feminist perspective, while arguing that all of these excessive expectations on motherhood are actually preventing young women from wanting to have children. It’s a fascinating read and I highly recommend it. (Of course like all theories, there are parts that I disagree with, but it’s both thought-provoking and encouraging if you are a working feminist mom who finds the whole culture overwhelming).
And for me personally, I’ve intentionally taken the stance of ignoring all that noise. I’ve never been a creative, crafty person, so I don’t know why I would even attempt those things now. I have a few things that matter to me about parenting, mostly spending as much quality time with DS as I can when I’m not at work and providing him a safe and happy home. I figure if we can do that for him, he’s already way ahead of so many children in this world. In the end, I just want him to be kind and happy, and he’s both of those things already, even without all the extras.
Anonyc says
Amen, amen, amen. The longer I’ve been a parent, the less I’ve started worrying about so many things. You want to wear pajamas to school? Go for it. You’re interested in eating solids? Here’s a wonderful jar of stuff I’d never get together to make on my own (apricots, pumpkin, kiwis–looking at you). Want a Halloween costume? Let’s consider our under $25 online options. We were thrilled when our kids could pay attention to a travel DVD player, because it made trips almost bearable. I thank my lucky stars for Am*zon Prime, order a ton of delivery because there’s no time to cook, and have been known to throw juiceboxes at kids when we ran out of milk and didn’t realize it until it was milk and books time.
I feel like as everything gets so labor-intensive, DIY, and twee, it makes it impossible to survive. I’ve largely tuned out this kind of chatter and mindset–no moms groups, no parent boards–and after several years of being a parent I’ve found I’m not alone. Even in Ground Zero of obsessive parenting (Brooklyn) there are many parents who are just doing what they do, only they aren’t the obvious ones when you scan the landscape. Often they are the FT working parents because we just do not have time for this nonsense–we drop of kids off and rush off to work. We are not lingering to plan, sending out a million emails, or available to volunteer at 11 am on a weekday. I first started feeling guilty about my relatively low-intensity parenting when my first kid went to kindergarten and then I realized that (1) dads do. not. feel this way, and (2) there are a lot of parents who are in the same position, you just see/hear from them less.
TL; DR: you do you and the kids are alright.
AEK says
Loving this thread.
ANP says
I was looking back on yesterday’s child care thread with great interest — no one seemed really in favor of a nanny or nanny share. For context, our family (two kids under 5) has used a terrific licensed daycare since our eldest was born. We’re happy with the center, but given the fact that my eldest will be in full-time school next year (and will therefore have different pick up/drop off needs) and that we have a third on the way, we’re seriously considering switching to a nanny. We’d need someone four days per week to watch the two younger ones (by then, a 2-1/2 year old and a baby) and to schlep our eldest to and from school. I like the convenience factor of having someone at my house and am assuming I’d get them to do a bit of kid laundry in addition to watching our shorties.
I didn’t see a lot of feedback on nannies in yesterday’s thread so am just curious to see if any of today’s readers have experience with nannies that they can share. This is somewhat complicated by the fact that we live and work in an area where nannies aren’t all that common, though I don’t think it would be impossible to find one via Care.com or word of mouth.
Anon says
I’d also like to see more posts from people who have nannies – specifically, has anyone engaged a nanny with the intent that the nanny speak a different language with your children? Or an au pair? We’d like to raise our children bi- or tri- lingual and are considering nannies/au pairs for this reason (among others).
Spirograph says
We did, and it did not work. Despite us asking for her to speak Spanish to our son, our nanny pretty much insisted on speaking heavily accented and grammatically incorrect English with the exception of occasionally repeating the name for something in Spanish. I actually found most of the nannies we interviewed seemed resistant to the idea of speaking in their native language, and kind of offended that we’d ask — like we didn’t want them ruining our son’s language development with their subpar English. It’s not that at all (well, it’s partly that), DH and I just both wish we knew Spanish, which is extremely prevalent in our area, and want to give our kids that advantage. An au pair may not take it as personally as an immigrant, though?
Are you bilingual? We are now in a daycare with mostly bilingual families – we and one other family being the exceptions. The daycare is run in Spanish, although the kids speak English to each other a lot. The other non-bilingual parents’ older child “graduated” from the daycare and the younger one has been there about 2 years. They said both of their kids understand Spanish perfectly, but neither really speaks it.
I will definitely consider an au pair when my kids are a bit older, in large part for the language/cultural exposure. This is really extreme, but we’re also planning to live overseas for a couple years for the same reason. (And because DH and I like living aborad, and our jobs will allow, so why not?)
Anon says
Yes, we are both bilingual (different languages though) and we each speak a third language passably. Other than English, none of our languages overlap.
Anonyc says
We’re had various iterations of the post-daycare babysitter/part-time nanny since my first. We’ve always had kids in daycare, which over time has become more of a choice driven by our parenting outlook (be out of the house interacting and learning with others) than cost or convenience. Right now we have three kids in three separate schools/daycares, and have a babysitter come to our house, make dinner and lunches for the next day, then collect all kids at the end of their school days, bring them home for dinner and bath (at which point I come home).
Our first two babysitters were teachers at our daycare, and we loved them. We found our current babysitter through care.com and she’s been great, too. We posted on Care in early August and got many, many responses; in the end we felt like we were lucky to have several sitters we’d be happy with and luckily got our top choice. Word of mouth is also great–I zealously pass along nanny recs to my parent friends when I get them.
Spirograph says
+1 to the parenting outlook – daycare decision. Once my son was out of the koala baby phase, I realized that I didn’t actually LIKE the idea of him being the center of someone’s attention all day every day the way he was with the nanny. I wanted him to interact with other kids, learn to share, gain independence, and not always get exactly what he wanted when he wanted it. I am glad that he had that one-on-one attention when he was very young, though.
Anonyc says
Agreed very much about daycare. It’s been great to see how the daycare experience (which as been wonderful, and that includes the regular chorus of “you get what you get and you don’t get upset”) has played out over the years. I was lucky to be home with all kids for at least five months so it felt like right as they were starting to get interested in the world they were in a place where they could explore and interact with people other than me and things other than those in our small apartment.
Anonymous says
This might be my only break today to visit, but I will say this – we have a nanny and I love it. We live in a rural area and we “got” her from the local community college early childhood education program. At 2 kids, it is only $70/week more expensive than daycare and she comes to our house, does light housekeeping, cooking, etc. The kids love her.
What I LOVE – is the flexibility of schedule. My husband and I have insane schedules and frankly, $350/month is absolutely worth it to know that we don’t have to stress about rushing, packing every day, being late, etc.
I absolutely would do it all over again. I find it is really worth it with multiple kids.
T. says
I had a nanny when I lived in the city, and now that I am in the suburbs, I have another nanny. It works for my family. I like the one-on-one attention my children receive, as well as the flexibility of scheduling — she can stay late/come early as necessary. I don’t have to worry about getting kids ready for day care (dressing, packing bottles and food), nor do I have to worry about back-up care if my kids are sick (which would be the case with day care). I’ve always found my nannies through word-of mouth — the first from my neighbor’s nanny, my present one from a FB mom’s group. Hope that perspective helps.
eh230 says
We had a part-time nannie for our first (hubby was home part-time), and it was awesome. She was a family friend that had a lot of kid experience. I think it is great if you have a super demanding kid or a kid with a special need (my first was extremely colicky and required holding for naps until he was 8 months old). The nannie did not balk at having to hold the baby for naps and treated him like her own. The flexibility for us was great, and I loved that he had some much one on one time.
Diana Barry says
We have a nanny and love it. We have 3 kids and if we had daycare, we would still need to do some kind of pickup juggling with the kids from 3 different places – not worth it!!! Nanny takes them everywhere and does activities with them and it is GREAT. We have had a nanny since our first was a baby (she is 7 now) and are on our second one – the first one was great with babies but not with older kids.
Diana Barry says
Oh – and we live in a high COL area. When we had one kid nanny was $75/week more than daycare. Now that we have three it is easily about 1/2 to 1/3 the cost of what we would otherwise spend on daycare/afterschool.
Mamma Mia says
I have to host a baby shower for my little sister in a few weeks. I’m in my first tri myself (and so tired!), work has been really demanding lately, and this will fall the weekend between having to travel and Thanksgiving, so I’m just really not excited about it. Sister has lived out of state for several years, so the guests will mostly be my mom’s middle-aged church lady friends (which sister and I grew up with, so that’s fine), and maybe a couple of her old friends. My mom lives out of state now, too, though she’ll be back in town a few days beforehand. I’ve never hosted a shower and, truth be told, don’t even really like going to them much.
What do I do? How do I get started on this? Any tips for making it nice? Any “how to throw a baby shower in 3 easy steps” website tutorials or something out there?
ANP says
1. Do not have it at your home. I don’t know what your budget is, but do this at a restaurant if at all possible. Lunch or brunch is the default, but you could also have some sort of teatime get-together (mid afternoon, beginning at 2PM and ending at 4 or 5), especially if you’re looking to save some money. If you can get into a semi-decent place that already has, say, flowers on the tables, you’re 2/3 of the way there!
2. Based on the age of your anticipated guest list, I would probably not do an evite (which is definitely the easy way out!). You can order printed invites online from the comfort of your couch. I actually think there are some places now that will stamp and send the invites for you so you never have to touch them — at least, I remember this being possible with Christmas cards.
3. Since it sounds as though your mom and sister haven’t seen these people in a long time, my guess is there will be a lot of conversation and catching up. Which means you could probably get away with doing only one (or no) activity. My favorite baby shower activity is when the host brings a bunch of white onesies in different sizes and fabric pens/paint and people can just go to town decorating an outfit for The New Baby. Easy, relatively cheap and completely useful for the mom to be. You can order onesies and supplies online to be delivered straight to your home.
4. If you want to cutesy things up, e t s y is your friend.
Of course, YMMV on all of this if your sister is the type to want more of a shower-y shower. But that’s where I’d start if I was feeling pressed for time and energy.
Mamma Mia says
Ugh, it’s got to be at home. The budget is practically non-existent right now (or, more so, hoping my mom will pay most of it). My mom’s handling the invitations, fortunately (I think through Facebook – hey, whatever works). I had forgotten about the decorate a onsie thing (Gilmore Girls!) – I should definitely do that!
FWIW says
A decorate the onesies alternative I’ve done (and it’s cheaper) is ‘decorate the diapers’. Sharpies. Diapers. People write funny things or draw on them.
Decorations? I personally would do one of two things. One: go with a fall theme. Go buy a couple discount pumpkins, a couple bushels of apples, etc and put them out with mismatched linens, etc. (steal from Mom if necessary). Fancy bowls filled with apples or bittersweet or leaves or mini gourds look awesome and require almost no effort.
Option 2: Go to Trader Joe’s (or the local equivelent) and spend $50 on flowers. Buy lots of cheap filler flowers like baby’s breath. Fill vases/teapots/wine bottles/etc. with flowers and just put them EVERYWHERE. It looks very classy.
As far as food- Don’t forget that many ethnic or BBQ type restaurants allow you to order big trays of food for a crowd- it makes it easy. Make sure that the momma’s good with it, order and pick up food and serve on colorful paper plates.
ANP says
OK so if a restaurant is out, I second the idea of bringing food in. And, this is all the more reason to do an afternoon tea! Tea and coffee are EASY, you can also serve a punch if you want. Get a ton of little cookies and biscuits and cupcakes from a local bakery or the grocery store. But if it has to be at home I would NOT do a meal.
So yes, my vote has now changed to “autumn tea at home” with pumpkin/leaf decor as mentioned above.
Anon says
And if it has to be a meal, it can be sandwiches/sides/etc. from Costco. Take off of plastic platters, put on nice serving pieces, and done! I highly, highly recommend buying containers of Costco chicken salad, trays of Costco croissants, and then cutting the croissants in half and making mini croissant chicken salad sandwiches. Tasty, festive, looks like you spent more time on them than you did.
sfg says
Have done many showers with my florist, Trader Joe. Love him.
greenie says
Can you see if you can have it at the church hall of your mom’s “church lady friends”? Getting it out of your house and into a pre-cleaned and easy to set up environment would be my #1. (I stress when company comes over… my place never seems clean or big enough).
Meg Murry says
Does your sister have any high school friends that are still around and more into this kind of thing than you are? Any chance one of them wants to co-host (aka do most of the work?)
Otherwise, as others have said – outsource, outsource outsource. Have it at a non-meal time, and get trays of finger food or mini sandwiches (a bowl of chicken salad with either mini-croissants or lettuce leaves is a go-to for this kind of event in our family.) Sheet cake from a bakery or cupcakes are fine.
Last – stay away from Pinterest. It will just made you a crazy person, and put ideas in your head that will take 10 times longer to execute than you thought humanly possible and still not look as cute.
Maddie Ross says
Honestly, I think at home showers can be easier – esp. if the crew is mostly your mom’s age friends. IMO, I think brunches are the easiest, so like an 11 am gig. Buy pre-cut fruit at the grocery and put in a nice bowl (and some of that yummy fruit dip if you’re feeling it); pre-make quiches that you can heat that morning; make or buy some kind of pastry or muffin. Cupcakes or some other kind of sweet from a bakery for the end of the event – which can also be a “take away”/favor item. I also made a big vat of pineapple punch (I just googled and found a recipe). It was a hit with all. And had mimosas and coffee available, though I’ll be honest neither got much play. We didn’t do any cute activities really, beyond opening gifts. The easiest decorations in my mind are fresh flowers. I went to a flower wholesaler and just bought a ton of white and yellow flowers in different varieties and filled vases I already had.
oil in houston says
lovely cardigan, perfect in my third trimester state and no guilt to be able to use later, so just ordered, thanks Kat!