Washable Workwear Wednesday: Mixed Media Pleated Sleeve Tee

I’m normally firmly against ruffles, but a friend of mine wore this Loft top recently and I couldn’t stop looking at it. (It does seem huge and voluminous in the pictures but it didn’t in real life.) I think it looks like a great basic top if you want a pop of color (or if you like gray, the option not pictured). The top is very affordable, with a sale price of $22. It comes in sizes XXS-XL in both regular and petite sizes, and it’s machine washable. Mixed Media Pleated Sleeve Tee

Here’s a plus-size option.

Looking for other washable workwear? See all of our recent recommendations for washable clothes for work, or check out our roundup of the best brands for washable workwear.

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  1. Anon TTC says:

    What is your best TTC advice? We decided last night that it is time :)

    Relevant info:
    – both 37
    – i am very Type A / a planner
    – husband is not and is also not fond of too much personal info (in other words, conversations about cervical mucus are not going to happen!)

    I’m excited and nervous :)

    • Cornellian says:

      Congrats! Re: point 3, he should probably just use this as an opportunity to get comfortable with discussions like this, because you will be having many more of them than you ever imagined would be necessary (Hey, honey, when I went #2 for the first time in 6 days I think I burst a stitch, can you take a pic so we can send it to the midwife? etc)

      More practically, I found charting my temperature first thing in the morning very accurate for predicting ovulation for us and used an app called Kindara (there is also Glow, I think, and I’m sure many others) on my phone. It was a pain the first couple weeks but it became second nature and we conceived on the first try relying on that info.

      • Anonymous says:

        On the app front, don’t get too tied to their predictions. Unless the prediction is based on physical data (BBT and mucus), it’s not going to be particularly accurate. Most of them just calculate your average cycle and say you ovulate at Day 14. I ovulate around Day 18 so that was worthless for me. Before I started doing BBT and mucus tracking, I had 3 apps (including Kindara) that all gave me different windows (but approximately the same) – I just used all three and assumed my O date was somewhere in the middle. So apps are good, but don’t rely on just one.

        • Anon in NYC says:

          Yes – agreed. Use an app for ease of tracking but don’t rely on the dates it’s giving you. I just sort of blindly followed an app for ovulation dates without any other accompanying data and it took me a while to get pregnant. I will not be doing the same when we go to try for a second.

    • octagon says:

      Clearblue ovulation predictor. A happy face tells you when it’s time (no need to talk to him about mucus).

      • NOVA Anon says:

        +1 on Clearblue. And if your husband is not into too much info, don’t tell him about it – just keep the info to yourself and initiate sex. Good luck!

      • Anonymous says:

        Random note about this – my doctor said to get the one that is as simple as possible (so not the one that has a flashing smiley, regular smiley, etc.). Also these are not infallible, they said I wasn’t ovulating for the 2 months I used them but I am currently pregnant, so there’s that.

      • I liked the cheap Wondfo strips way better. You can see the darkness of the line yourself, rather than relying on the monitor to translate for you, so you can compare against things like your BBT/mucus and start to know what your LH surge looks like.

        • EB0220 says:

          I like the cheap Wondfo strips, too. You can buy a million of them for the same price as just a few from the drugstore. They’re perfectly easy to use and interpret.

          • Anonymous says:

            me too. on amazon they sell a combo pack of ovulation strips and pregnancy test strips. so much cheaper.

    • Anonymous says:

      1- Start taking prenatal vitamins (or at least a multi-vitamin with the proper amount of folic acid)
      2- Read Taking Charge of Your Fertility or The Impatient Woman’s Guide to Getting Pregnant
      3- Go see a doc if you’re not pregnant in 6 months
      4- Read Expecting Better once you’re pregnant

      • +1 to these!

      • Spirograph says:

        +2 to these!

        If you haven’t had a physical in a while, make an appt and tell your doctor your TTC plans. Ask if she has any additional recommendations. Likely she’ll just tell you to take prenatal vitamins, but it’s good to have a baseline on your health before pregnancy starts causing all kind of weird symptoms.

        Also, if you don’t have it, consider getting life insurance now to avoid any annoyances with trying to get it while pregnant.

      • Katala says:

        +3 this is exactly what I would recommend.

        Also agree your hubs should probably start getting used to the personal info… You don’t necessarily need to share CM status but he will eventually start hearing TMI unless he stays away from all dr appts and the delivery room.

        I used Fertility Friend, charted temps on it but not consistently, and tracked my period and CM. For me, CM seemed to be the best indicator and FF’s window was apparently accurate because we got pregnant on the first try. Of course we were then using CM to avoid pregnancy and now have 2 so, maybe it wasn’t that great an indicator!

        Good luck!!

      • +4, this is perfect. I found the ovulation tests made me a little crazy, so if your husband is on board with enthusiastically trying, doing it every other day for the week or so around your fertile window should do it.

      • I have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow after TTC for 7 months. What questions do I ask? My cycle is regular and I ovulate.

        Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

    • Ovulation tests and soft cups.

    • Newbie Momma says:

      This is colored by my experience, but if you haven’t had a full work-up recently, including thyroid, I’d do that now. I went ahead and told the doc that I’d been trying for six-months bc I wanted as much information (i.e. testing) as possible to troubleshoot if need be, but you can probably just ask for any testing you want.

    • BByardley says:

      At 37 I would go right to OPK. I am 30 but had irregular cycles/PCOS so I read about tracking obsessively (and got pregnant twice within 7 months (one was mc 2nd successful) with irregular cycles. I used wondfos. I would check first thing in the am and again at work mid afternoon, keeping in mind it is helpful to drink less/hold your urine so you have a concentrated sample. The rationale is that sometimes first morning urine testing will miss LH surge. I used clear blue with the amazon wondfos and found the wondo to be equally effective. I recently spoke with a friend that is a OB GYN at one of the nations top hospitals who said not to bother temping and just do OPK. Definitely do OPK with the temping if you want to temp. I did not temp because variables such as differnt wake times, getting up to drink water at night, etc can impact the accuracy. She also said that is patients are using OPK correctly and not getting pregnant and/or ovulating that they are willing to start further testing/treatment earlier than a year.

    • 22 Weeks says:

      Not specific for the actual trying, but now is a good time to:

      start exercising & eating a little healthier (if you aren’t already)
      go see the dentist, eye doctor, before you get pregnant (things like X-rays shouldn’t be done while pregnant)
      take prenatals

      And good luck!

    • Anonymous says:

      Temp charting was total crap for me. Wish I’d gone with ovulation testing or cervical mucus since it took us 14 months.

      Also, if you’re Type A, this be a great experience in understanding that you cannot control everything and coming up with ways to cope. Because basically that’s what a kid is.

      Good luck!

      • Boston Legal Eagle says:

        +1,000,000 to the second paragraph. Having a kid has cured me of some of my Type A-ness. Which has been difficult to reconcile with my profession…

      • Temping gave me insomnia. I thought I needed to do it when I first woke up, so when I woke up in the early hours to pee I always started questioning if I should temp now or when I woke up for real, and then I couldn’t get back to sleep. I greatly preferred using Wondfo OPKs, but in hindsight cervical mucus was probably all the indicator I really needed. I used Fertility Friend (web version) and liked its educational materials – a very condensed version of Taking Charge of Your Fertility I think; the charting experience itself made me neurotic as it said my luteal phase was too short. Happily Fertility Friend was wrong about that.

        In any case, you can just tell your husband you think you are in your fertile window – no need to tell him what evidence you have. (If he asks for evidence he deserves a in-depth discourse on your mucus.)

    • Download the FF app and start taking your temperature first thing every morning. I used the ClearBlue Fertility Monitors and didn’t love them (I’d get like 8 days of high but not peak ovulation readings – not helpful) so I’d probably switch to the cheap Wondfo strips for next time. CM was also not terribly helpful for me.

      Also, go get genetic testing done for you and potentially your partner, depending on what your results are. This can be done at most OB’s offices, or through a genetic counselor. The test we did was covered by our insurance, but if insurance doesn’t cover it, it’s roughly $200/each. Even if you think you’re not a carrier and there isn’t any history of genetic disease in your or your partner’s family, you could be unpleasantly surprised (ask me how I know this).

  2. dc anon says:

    What are your favorite nursing-friendly loungewear pieces? I am a week postpartum and already sick of my raggedy target gear.

    • Anonymous says:

      I’ve had my eye on Blanqui, which keeps coming up in my targeted ads. The tanks look so nice, but they’re really pricey. Interested to see if anyone has tried them. And are their leggings all that great, or can I just get high-waisted Lululemons that I am more likely to wear later this year?

      • Anonymous says:


      • BByardley says:

        Blanqi are about a 1 compared to the 10 that are lululemon haha. They do come up high which is nice but I only wear mine under a dress or very long top because they don’t have compression and are thin. Lululemon or zella high waist I prefer for wearing with a shoter top because of the thickness/compression. I just wear a nursing tank if I am planning to lift the top layer for nursing. Or a belly band from pregnancy.

        • Anonymous says:

          Thanks, really good to know. I am a leggings snob, and they are pricey, so glad not to waste the money. Have you tried their tanks?

          • BByardley says:

            Nope, just the leggings. Have you tried the 90 degree by reflex on amazon?They havea high waist option and are pretty good low-priced option for a post-partum pair if you don’t want to buy multiples of lululemon…I found I was changing/washing clothes much more often while on maternity leave due to baby messes , etc.

    • Not lounge wear per se, but I really liked Cosabella pajamas. They’re loungewear looks very nice too. Size up though, they run small.

    • Gap nursing tanks – I ended up buying in three colors. They don’t have support but I would rather wear a [email protected] with it than use those snappy ones that don’t provide enough support anyway.


    • octagon says:

      Rosie Pope nursing tanks. I’m still wearing them a year later! So soft.

    • Anonymous says:

      I wore the Target nursing tanks under a nice waterfall cardi from Athleta plus good (read: thick enough to be flattering) leggings almost every day on leave.

    • I’m nearly two weeks postpartum and have ordered more of the H&M nursing tanks. I’m wearing my normal leggings / running tights. Looking forward to having a reason to wear normal clothes.

    • Target/Old Navy nursing tanks (not a ton of support) paired with Target nursing sleep bras, which are like the most comfortable thing I’ve ever worn (there were two versions, and the $30 pair was a million times nicer than the $20 pair). Plus barefoot dreams perfect circle cardigan, softest thing ever.

  3. Anonymous says:

    Hoping for some advice. We just started our 15 month old in a new daycare (following a move) and while I like the provider, their food choices leave a little to be desired. We’re still investigating, but the first thing they offered him when we got there was a bowl of Fruity Cheerios (which have 9x the sugar content of the regular Cheerios he’s used to), and then talked about juice pouches and cups for snack time. I don’t want to be the nutrition nut at daycare, but we avoid giving our son added sugar whenever we can (save for the occasional taste of ice cream or teething biscuit). While the provider is generally pretty responsive (so far), I also know that they feed all of the kids the same meals and snacks so there really isn’t a ton of room for us to opt out. We have decided to give him breakfast at home as one way to avoid the sugary cereal, but I’m annoyed that we have to worry about this when his last daycare was exceptional about nutrition. Any thoughts? Thanks!

    • Anonymous says:

      Yikes, that would really bother me. Can you pack his own food? A huge pain, I realize…

    • Anonymous says:

      First, you should absolutely talk to the director about this — it’s completely inappropriate. You should also opt out, immediately, and pack food for your kiddo. You could also talk to other parents about rotating who brings in healthy snacks for the kids, so the whole class opts out (e.g., someone brings a fruit bowl for afternoon snack so none of the kids get juice pouches etc.).

      • NewMomAnon says:

        Soo….depending on what kind of daycare center this is, the “coordinating with all the families to provide snack” might not be an option at all. The two centers we’ve used have both included a considerable number of either subsidized families or families that are stretched really thin, both financially and time-wise (see: me, a single mom working an intense job and paying daycare fees while earning less than six figures….). And if it’s an in-home daycare, I could see that being offensive to the daycare provider.

    • AwayEmily says:

      Are you me? Last month we moved and started our 16-month old at a daycare with the exact same issues (unfortunately it’s the only option in town). They serve three meals: breakfast, lunch, afternoon snack. They are all very carb-heavy and, like yours, often contain unnecessary added sugar. Here is how we have tried to deal with the situation (and I agree with you that simply packing her entire lunch is just not feasible, either for her, us, or the daycare providers).

      (1) feed her a filling and healthy breakfast at home (usually either full-fat Greek yogurt with fruit or a spinach/fruit smoothie with scrambled eggs). We’ll often feed her breakfast at 6:30 when she wakes then “top her up” with a bit more before she leaves for school at 8. This way she’s less hungry for whatever junk they feed her for school breakfast.

      (2) We have tried to focus on the good aspects of her school-provided lunch. The lunch actually isn’t that bad — not necessarily stuff I would pack, but not as processed as the snacks, and a good chance for her to be exposed to new foods (and have some peer pressure around them). For example, she ate a burrito for the first time at school and that got her into beans, which she had previously rejected. So, I’m looking at this as a learning experience.

      (3) We bring fruit to supplement her afternoon snack. The afternoon snack is really the worst part –muffins, Cheez-its, Nilla wafers — pure junk. We bring fruit that we know she loves (berries, usually) and ask that they give her the fruit before she has the daycare-provided snack. We initially asked them to substitute entirely but your instinct was right that completely forbidding it is tough when all the other kids are eating muffins, so instead we supplement (and hope it means that she eats less junk).

      (4) We told them to never give her juice.

      (5) We focus on lots of healthy foods at dinner and weekends. Avocados, vegetables, etc.

      Good luck! I stressed about this SO much for the first couple of weeks but am feeling better about it now. It’s not ideal but I figure she still eats reasonably well and it is awfully nice to not have to pack a lunch every day.

      • I try your number 3 on myself at work and I just end up eating more. I go to the farm stand next door and get a peach and a cookie. I eat the peach first and then I eat the cookie. I’d be consuming less calories if I just ate the cookie but somehow it feels healthier because I ate the peach too?

    • We had the same issue with our current daycare. We sent his food when he was an infant, but they require all kids in the toddler room to eat their food and the first day it was Fruit Loops for breakfast and a bologna sandwich for lunch (thankfully they only serve milk and water so juice was never an issue). The snacks are usually all sugar as well. Our son ended up having several food allergies and we couldn’t pin point what he was reacting to because we hadn’t fed him most of the foods they had given him before (the first day he had 7 new foods we could identify), so we worked with the director and agreed that we would send his breakfast and he would eat lunch and the afternoon snack at daycare so we could reduce his exposure to new foods (also because the breakfasts usually had egg in it and that was a known allergen). The lunches usually have significantly less sugar than the breakfasts, so that was an added benefit to this arrangement. I think AwayEmily has some good suggestions. I would tell them to give him water instead of juice, and see if you can send supplemental foods, such as extra fruits and veggies or even one alternative snack or meal.

      • If your kid wants his drink to look the same as his peers, they can also give him water with a little juice in it so it has a similar color, smell and taste.

    • CPA Lady says:

      1. Ask for no juice and pack some fruit to go with afternoon snack.
      2. Do not do anything that would inconvenience other parents like asking them to bring in snacks. PLEASE.
      3. Do they send out a weekly menu? Maybe you could request one and think about it in terms of the week. I read that toddlers get their nutrition over the course of a week, so if one meal isn’t perfect it’s not like everything is lost.
      4. Read Ellyn Satter’s Child of Mine. Really helped me calm down about food when I was freaking out.

      My kid’s daycare menu is not perfect, but it’s pretty good. She eats tons of fruits and veggies throughout the day, so I’m not going to worry about her eating cheeze its or muffins. We actually bake muffins together on the weekend and it has never occurred to me that I’m doing something wrong. She’s been eating breakfast, lunch, and snack there since she’s been old enough to chew and is a very adventurous and overall healthy eater.

      • Anonymous says:

        They do have a weekly menu but we’ve noticed that she’s deviated from it a bit. For example, the menu said “cheerios” for breakfast but they were actually “fruity cheerios.” And then “fruit” but it’s really a dole fruit cup with lots of added sugar in the syrup. I won’t be asking other parents to bring in snacks for a few reasons, namely that it’s an in-home daycare and I think I would offend…but also for the reasons others mentioned. I don’t think anyone else has a problem with the food being offered and it’s not the kind of first impression I’d like to make.

        • In House Lobbist says:

          My ped always stressed no juice. They get the occasional juice box on vacation or at a birthday party but we don’t buy any juice at home. He always said kids don’t need juice from a nutritional standpoint and it too much makes them fat and gives them cavities. Could you at least blame the juice on that? The church I grew up in and where my kids go when they stay with grandparents (twice a month) gives full blown apple juice and goldfish for kids church. My kids love it and even at age 2 when you asked about church – “we got juice” was the first thing out of their mouth.

    • Yeah, I would definitely talk to the director and start packing snacks for the times you don’t like the school’s snacks.

  4. Anonymous says:

    I think I would just tell them I want to provide my own food. It’s not that weird of a request. I would make snacks and meals as easy as possible for them to prepare. You don’t even need to get into why you want to provide your own food but if you want to you can just mumble something about eating organic and move on.

    • Anonymous says:

      I guess I just wonder if that’s really going to work — I can’t see my toddler being cool with all the other kids getting cookies while he eats carrot sticks. And I don’t get the sense the other parents are either aware or upset about the choices, but we’ve only been there since Monday!

      • shortperson says:

        our daycare provides food that for several reasons i am not thrilled w so i pack lunch every day. my daughter is still satisfied with this bc the food from home is better and i put a treat in her lunch every day. 99% of the time it is a small square of dark chocolate. i tell her school she can eat their food too so she’s not, for example, watching all the other kids eating fries and not allowed to have any. i dont worry about her eating fries, i worry abotu her only eating fries. so if she eats some food from home, washed down with dark chocolate, and some daycare food that is enough to make me happy. i woudlnt choose the school for the food but it’s fabulous in every other way.

        • Rainbow Hair says:

          “I don’t worry about her eating fries, I worry about her eating only fries.” — I kept writing and deleting things trying to get to this point. Daycare gives kid junk sometimes, but I roll with it because she is learning that it’s “a sometimes treat” and it’s only at daycare.

          I do get a little snippy when one teacher tells me “Kiddo really likes CheezIts” with the strong implication that I need to run out and buy them. I mean, duh everyone *likes* CheezIts but left to her own devices Kiddo would have popsicles and CheezIts for every meal so… I’m gonna let her eat them at school, and give her my crunchy hippie food at home.

    • mascot says:

      Cut out the breakfast at daycare and ask that he not be served juice and send in an alternative beverage. Send in a different snack to supplement what is being served. Focus on the nutrition of the 16 non-daycare meals that he eats each week. I think you can find some middle ground here that still accomplishes your goals of mostly healthy food and the value (social and financial) of meals that are built into your tuition.

      • Anonymous says:

        Thanks, this is helpful. We already told her we don’t want him to have juice and to just give him water instead (with whole milk at designated times). I think the snack talk is next and that we’re going to keep giving him breakfast at home.

    • In our state at least, licensing regulations prohibit people from bringing in their own food without a doctor’s note, but I do know some people who have said no to the juice (though ours only serves it a couple times a month).

  5. Anonymous says:

    TTC tip – yes on the clear blue. Follow the instructions and use it first thing every morning. Also, your husband is going to have to woman-up. Things get really personal and sometimes gross during pregnancy. And definitely gross during childbirth.

    • Anonymous says:

      Oh YESSSS. And after childbirth. So many bodily fluids and he’s going to have to help you. That’s before you get into the poop, spit-up, vomit, etc. from the child. Really, any sense of being grossed out needs to go out the window right now.

    • Let’s not forget perineal massage. I liked to shout, “oil my taint!”

  6. SharkMommy says:

    Large, corporate daycare put my 21 month old daughter on a behavioral plan for serial biting. If she doesn’t improve her behavior, she gets expelled. In person, they say all the right things about caring for my daughter, she is such a joy, we’re family, we’re going to do everything we can to help her. But, when I asked for metrics to measure “improvement” I got push back. When I ask if the teachers offered a water, food, a teether, or quiet time after a recent biting incident, I got push back. Things feel antagonistic in writing, but warm in person. This daycare is the best for me logistically, and I would like to keep here there until 2 years old (less than three months away). However, I don’t think she will be allowed to stay. “Improvement” is so subjective.

    I would like general feedback, thoughts on changing two daycares in under 6 months, and any context to daycare hot and cold vibe I feel. Thanks!

    • Anonymous says:

      My daughter was a serial biter. Things that helped: when other kids bit her and she realized it hurt; being given autonomy to separate herself from the group or say no; potty training; reading No Biting and Teeth Are Not For Biting every [email protected] day.

      • SharkMommy says:

        Odd that you mention potty training. I never considered that a possible factor. However, I have felt that she’s just about capable. At what age did you potty train?

        • Anonymous says:

          My daughter did it on her own 2 months before her third birthday, actually.

        • Rainbow Hair says:

          Daycare has also suggested that some of Kiddo’s lashing out phases (she says “I will hit you AND slap you” and then follows through, lord help me) might be related to potty training. It’s gotta be such a mindf*ck, their growing sense of self and autonomy + not really having any control over things.

          I hope this works out.

          • I’m sorry because I know it’s tough, but I am laughing so hard at this.

          • Rainbow Hair says:

            Oh yeah, HSAL, you have to laugh. She’s so articulate, and so, so *two years old.*

    • Anonymous says:

      I’m so sorry you’re going through this. This happened to us and the daycare expelled my child on very short notice. I think our situation was extreme though.

      The lawyer in me thinks the antagonism in writing/warm in person dynamic means that the daycare wants to document the biting problems in case you are asked to leave and you try to contest it. Are you talking with the same people in person/in writing? Or is one the teacher and one someone in management?

      Perhaps this has already happened, and if so apologies for telling you what you already know, but I would ask for an in-person meeting with the relevant contacts at your daycare and explain to them that (1) the biting won’t improve until you figure out the cause of the behavior (sensory seeking? attention seeking? aggression? trying to escape from doing something she doesn’t want to do? sheer overtiredness?) and (2) there needs to be a consistent, agreed-upon response every time the biting occurs. I understand the daycare’s desire not to give you a specific metric of improvement that needs to occur, but it is troubling to me that they don’t seem to want to tell you about the details of the biting or how they are responding to it. That is a red flag that the daycare either is not willing to or doesn’t have the skills to deal with challenging behaviors and is not a great place for your child at this point, regardless of the threat of expulsion.

      I also think your daycare is pretty clearly signalling that they may expel her. As you say, “improvement” is subjective. I would get your contingency plans solidified. It sounds like you already have a placement in mind for once your daughter reaches two; can she start sooner than that? If not, would a temporary nanny be financially and logistically feasible?

      The switching daycare twice in 6 months question is very much a know-your-child situation. I thought my child would be very upset at not being allowed to go to the old daycare, but he didn’t seem to care at all. If your child takes pretty well to having new caregivers and learning a new routine, it may not be much of an issue at her age.

      Best of luck

      • SharkMommy says:

        I very much appreciate your thoughtful response.

        Yes, we’re working on contingency plans. And, I’m trying to make sure I am fight for my daughter, rather than simply fighting against the daycare. I’m slowly coming to terms with the fact what’s best for me is probably incredibly inconvenient for me: home daycare out of the way of the commute until she gets into the Montessori around 2 years old.

  7. I would also add that it’s not very fair for him to expect you to shoulder all of the cervical mucus/when should we do it/ovulation window/temperature charting business without at least offering to listen. Enough of the burden is on you as it is. He needs to want to be involved. As pointed out above, this is going to be a TMI process of total grossness– conceiving, childbirth, postpartum, and then dealing with leaky snotty kids for years. Time to put his big boy pants on– now. If he isn’t willing to talk about cervical mucus, is he willing to talk about your newborn’s poops? It must be done and you can’t do all of it.

    • Cornellian says:

      +1000. He needs to get over it and get in there. I think you establish parenting habits/patterns early, and you do not want to be the one protecting his sensibilities from the reality of childbirth/pregnancy/having a newborn/etc. He needs to help you, not add to the already considerable burden you’ll have.

    • Anon for this says:

      Regular poster offering an alternative view. Some guys get performance anxiety when TTC, and if talking about this stuff with him (or bringing up to him that you’re ovulating) gives him anxiety, that could have a negative impact on the TTC process. Some guys need to not be told that *this* particular gardening episode is THE ONE, because then they may have difficulty making it happen. This is a know your husband situation, but it’s not unheard of and doesn’t mean he’s going to be less involved in the gross birth stuff/cleaning up kiddo’s puke/poopy diapers/care for postpartum issues/etc. There’s no reason why you can’t start preparing him for that stuff *after* you’re already pregnant, if broaching it with him before will be counterproductive and actually make TTC less likely.

      • Cornellian says:

        Fair enough. I get the performance anxiety concern.

        I think it was mostly the “not fond of too much personal info” part that got me.

    • Rainbow Hair says:

      I agree. I think the performance anxiety aspect is totally legit, and so maybe not talking about “I’m ovulating so you better do it great tonight!” is fair, but for a husband to say “nope I don’t want to know what’s going on in there” while also hoping to put a baby in there… not so fair.

  8. Sorry, this was for the TTC advice above.

  9. Thanksgiving Birthday says:

    Help me schedule my c-section? My due date is Dec. 2, but for various reasons I know I have to have a c-section. The upside is I “get” to schedule that. As it gets closer, the doctor and I will evaluate when is best– but let’s pretend all medical needs are in place and that I get to pick any day I want.

    It’s my second child, first child came a week early, and I’m inclined to go a couple days early with this one as well. I am leaning towards Nov. 29 or 30. Thanksgiving never falls on these dates, and often is a full week before that… so I am hoping that’s late enough for him to have his “own” day that’s not conflated with Thanksgiving every year. I’d like to keep it in November because it’s sort of a family birthday month for us. (Obviously if OB says he’s not ready, we wait til December and that’s that.)

    Any advice from those with birthdays around this time? If I get to pick any day in late November, when would you pick? (I know this whole question is really unimportant in the grand scheme. But if I do get to pick the day, I’d just like some extra input! Thanks all!)

    • November birthdays says:

      Nov. 29-30 sounds perfect. My family has a boatload of November birthdays, including my son. His birthday sometimes falls on Thanksgiving Day and keeping his birthday separate from the holiday has been challenging, especially because he has two other cousins with birthdays during the same week. Parties with friends also have been an issue because so many people are out of town around that time.He often ends up celebrating way before or after his actual birthday. He’s been a good sport about it so far, but I always feel bad about it. Also, I was released from the hospital on Thanksgiving Day and it suuuucked. I had nursing issues, and good luck finding a lactation consultant or hospital-grade pump on a holiday.

    • NewMomAnon says:

      My birthday is one of those two days – I actually always liked that it fell around Thanksgiving because it meant I regularly got to celebrate my birthday with out of town family, and during college it meant I got to see high school friends who were in town to visit their families. I think during elementary school we often held my birthday party the weekend after it happened, and I don’t remember a lot of people being gone. But schedules are busier now than they were when I was a kid, so maybe it’s gotten worse? The other nice thing about post-Thanksgiving/first week of December is that the holiday craziness hasn’t usually started by that time.

      And congrats!

    • ElisaR says:

      Hi Thanksgiving birthday! I’m almost on the exact same schedule as you! I am due Dec 6 and will be a scheduled C. I am thankful it’s not later in December. I have been contemplating the same thing in terms of scheduling. I think Nov 29/30 is great. Because thanksgiving is one of those holidays that moves around each year, it could “ruin” a birthday once in awhile but I don’t think it’s a huge deal. As a kid – a few days is a huge difference, so if a birthday is 5 days before/after the holiday I don’t think it matters at all. It might wind up landing on the birthday once in awhile but not all that often. And as an adult it’s kinda cool because BAM- family get together on your birthday! Good luck!

    • I would think about it more in terms of the medical side rather than scheduling future birthday parties. My OB scheduled my c section for a week before my due date, because when you need to have a c-section and you go into labor, what you get is an emergency c-section rather than a planned one. Especially since your first was early, I’d err on the side of early for this one too.

      • ElisaR says:

        i believe it’s standard to schedule C sections at 39 weeks – at least that’s what my practice does. You can go a day or 2 off if you have a relationship with a specific doctor you want to do the surgery.

      • Katala says:

        This is a good point, also, what are your plans for Thanksgiving this year and will surgery affect them?

    • Anonymous says:

      My OB insisted we schedule my planned C section for #1 at 39 weeks (I was really opposed, because I was born at 42 weeks and change and I had read a lot about how crucial the last couple weeks of pregnancy are to baby’s development, but she ultimately convinced me we had to avoid labor and an emergency C). If you had a previous child come at 39 weeks I’d imagine it’s even more important to get baby out of there well before the due date. I can’t imagine your doctor letting you go until Nov. 29.

  10. Measuring Small says:

    I am 35 weeks pregnant. For my second appointment in a row, I am measuring small, closer to 32 weeks. The doctor ordered an ultrasound for next week which is great, but I have a week of waiting. This is my second baby. I look and feel huge so this feels ironic. I know that the measurements aren’t always accurate, etc. etc. but it’s still hard not to be concerned.

    Any real life happy stories about how this worked out for those of you in similar situations in the past would be much appreciated!

    • ElisaR says:

      well it’s not quite the same situation – but at 35 wks the doctor said he thought it was a 10 pound baby and I was going to have real problems with birth. Thanks buddy way to freak me out. My son born and was 6 pounds 12 ounces….. (they had told me he was measuring 7 pounds something at 35 wks so obviously that was wrong).

      I seriously wonder why they put so much stock in these measurements because it seems everyone finds them to be way off.

      • Anonymous says:

        Yes, these things are SOOOOO wrong! I swear the real size of your baby is roughly the opposite of what the doctor says it is. My sister was told she was having a 6 pounder and my niece was almost 9 lbs. They told me I might have a 10 pound baby and she was a little over 7 lbs. It’s like…could you BE any more wrong!?

    • This happened to me at about the same time in my pregnancy, several years ago. I don’t remember exactly how small I was measuring, but it was enough to warrant an extra ultrasound. I, too, felt huge and could not understand what the concern was. Everything was fine, and I ended up continuing to measure small until delivery, when the entire medical staff was shocked to see my 8 lb 3 oz baby.

      Of course, this is anecdata, but if you are feeling well and baby is active, things are almost certainly just fine. I will think good thoughts!

    • Measuring Small says:

      Thank you both! I’m torn between SUPER EXCITED to finally get another ultrasound and get to see that everything is OK in there, and being worried about needing one in the first place. Logically I know that these measurements can be off but needing anything additional just raises some concern.

      • Anonymous says:

        Like the others, I had a doctor say I was measuring small at about 36 weeks and scheduled an ultrasound. The following week I went in and the tech asked why the ultrasound was ordered. She estimated the baby was about 7 lbs already and that I was probably measuring small because the baby had dropped. Baby arrived 38+6 at 6 lb 13 oz.

    • October says:

      My first pregnancy I was told I was measuring small at 36 weeks, went for a growth scan, and baby was just fine. He was actually born just three days after the scan — and nearly a pound bigger than predicted! I think if you are naturally slim or in-shape (or not stretched from former pregnancies), your body can “hold in” the pregnancy a little better.

    • Anonymous says:

      i had gestational diabetes, so the concern was the opposite- baby being too big. they induced me at 39 weeks and he ended up being 7lbs 1oz. i have no complaints about the extra cautious behavior from my doctors. if they scheduled you for the extra untrasounds then they are on top of their stuff and then can act accordingly.

    • twins says:

      My preemie twins were born at 34 weeks and I was very concerned, given that they had just been measured at 4 pounds. Each arrived at over 5 pounds, so they were over 25% off in what felt like the most closely monitored pregnancy of all times. This is the best they can do but it doesn’t mean these measurements are accurate.

    • Pile of Kids says:

      I have had a lot of babies. Every time, I measure small toward the end because I carry low. Ultrasound is routinely ordered to rule out IUGR, and every time, baby is just fine.

  11. Birthday Party Goody Bags? says:

    So I asked a few days ago about saying on a birthday party invitation “no gifts, please” and it seems like people were cool with that. In the same vein of “our family has too much stuff and yours probably does too”, can I skip the goody bags too? Or would that seem weird/offputting/cheap to you if you were the parent of a guest?

    • Definitely not – we live in a tiny apartment and while I appreciate the thought, I don’t like the extra goody bag ‘stuff’! We haven’t done goody bags at either of kiddo’s birthday parties, but always tried to make sure there was plenty of good food for everyone.

    • EB0220 says:

      I think you can skip them. I don’t think anyone would even notice.

      • I think the kids might notice, depending on the age. The parents would be delighted. I try to give 1 nicer thing instead of a bag of crap. Or give consumables.

    • We haven’t done goody bags or favors for the past few parties. If you really feel the need, a small themed book (e.g “Mr. Bounce” for a jump house theme) or a small pack of legos seem to go over well.
      Just don’t do the uber popular poop emoji for a theme please; I couldn’t throw that stuff away fast enough.

    • I skipped them and no one mentioned anything. We had an activity that included candy so kids were given a bag to decorate and then carry home their treats
      If I did them, I’d do a coloring book or small thing of bubbles/crayons/chalk

    • Anonymous says:

      You can skip them. But some themed sticker sheets, temporary tattoos, bubbles or an edible treat are good small/cheap option.

      Also fun is doing an art/craft project with the kids and sending them home with that or with supplies to replicate (ie if you made bracelets at the party, just buy double the beads and string and send supplies home with kids to make another. Especially if you do the plastic lanyard stuff — there are kids who will never get enough of that.)

    • anne-on says:

      I tend to give a book that ties to the theme, along with a small piece of candy tied to it. Bonus points if I place the order with the school scholastic order so they get credit…

    • I wouldn’t notice if I didn’t get one, but I think edible treats are a good way to ago to avoid “stuff”. For my daughter’s second birthday we’re doing a zoo theme and I plan to just give the kids (all family) Little Debbie zebra cakes with a ribbon around them or something.

  12. Food Question says:

    I have another food question. Do any of you have toddlers that eat enormous amounts? My family was never a family of “big eaters” so I don’t have a good concept of what is a normal amount to eat. And then sometimes my 3 year old out-eats me and it’s just baffling how such a tiny body can hold that much food. This is normal, right?

    • EB0220 says:

      My experience is that toddler will naturally eat what they need. My 3 year old goes through cycles. Sometimes the cycles are longer – a few weeks of eating more, followed by some weeks of eating less. Sometimes it happens within the day – one huge meal and others smaller. If you’re not with your kiddo during the day, he/she could be eating less at childcare and more at home. So I’d say definitely normal. I think as long as it’s healthy-ish food you’re fine.

    • Totally normal, and it may be followed by a growth spurt…

    • Blueberry says:

      Yeah, my 2 and 4 year olds out-eat me on occasion, and other times they seem to be surviving off air. Our pediatrician gave us some helpful advice, which was to look at how much they are eating over the course of a week to see if it’s worth getting concerned over.

      • Exactly what our ped said, too. Our 13 month old sometimes eats more than our 11 year old at dinner.

    • anne-on says:

      Totally normal. My son was like that just before a growth spurt (or during particularly active days at camp).

    • NewMomAnon says:

      My kiddo has bursts of crazed eating, often followed first by periods of lots of sleep, and next by periods of eating almost nothing….I just try to make sure that I’m giving her high quality food (fruits, veggies, yogurt, peanut butter) instead of “emergency” junk food when she wants to eat a lot, and that often means carrying around snacks wherever I go.

    • Rainbow Hair says:

      When my kid puts away more dinner than I could (about 1/3 of the time, seriously!) I remind myself that she is like 35 lbs so is going to idk, at least triple in size? With our genetics, it’ll be a lot more than that. AND she runs around like a nutcase all the time! So of course she needs that amount of food!

      Conversely, when she eats only two bites of dinner I remind myself that between lunch and dinner she probably had a full meal’s worth of food, between cheese sticks and grapes and carrots and crackers.

    • My friend’s daughter, age 2, ate at least 4 full hot dogs at a recent party. I have no idea where she put them.

    • Katala says:

      Oh my, yes. Daycare does pizza Fridays (pizza hut, ugh, the posts above about daycare food were helpful!) and has told me my 2 year old ate 4 pieces. He often eats 2 bananas, 2 bowls of oatmeal and milk for breakfast. Or two cups of yogurt + fruit. It’s crazy. Then sometimes he barely eats. He’s always been off the growth charts, so I’m not worried, he’s working it out.

  13. Shoe shopping says:

    Where can I go in person to have my toddler (13 mos, size 4/4.5) try on shoes? She’s got the world’s most narrow feet and I’ve ordered 5 pairs of shoes online with no luck. I am in the Boston area (metro west) so have most national stores at my disposal.

    Apparently Stride Rite closed, so I can go to stores that carry stride rite (still a bit of a hike), but not an actual stride rite. Nordstrom carries a very limited selection of tiny shoes.

    See Kai runs are too wide, the 2 pairs of stride rites that looked like they’d work were too wide, a pair of cute Pumas and New Balances looked narrow enough but were so stiff my new walker couldn’t actually walk.

    She was in stride rite sandals and water shoes all summer and both were a little wide on her but we managed.

    • shortperson says:

      nordstrom has been really helpful for us. maybe we have a bigger store. they dont have a ton of shoes but i actually like most of htem.

    • In my area there are non-chain stores that specialize in kid’s shoes – maybe check on Yelp if you haven’t already? In terms of brands, look at Pediped.

    • Sabba says:

      I’m late to the party, but I really like pediped. They must be ordered online, but they fit when See Kai Run was too wide. They also have great shoes for early walkers, with lots of flexibility.

    • I hope this isn’t too late, but the Shoe Barn in Newton is the place to go! They have all the brands (See Kai Run, Stride Rite, Keen, Merrell, etc.) and the employees all know how to do sizing.

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