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Blunt’s Metro umbrella is $89 and comes in 10 colors.
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Anon says
Any tips for sudden and severe separation anxiety in a 4.5 year old? She’s never had any issues with school drop off, or really any problems separating from us in general but all of a sudden she’s crying hysterically every day at school drop off. She even cried last weekend going on a sleepover to my parents, which is something she does all the time and loves. It’s especially bad when separating from my husband, who is the primary/preferred parent but it happens with me too especially at school. Our daycare teachers suggested a 3 week business trip my husband took back in May was the root of the issue, but he’s been back over a month and it seems to be getting worse, not better.
Any advice? Is this just a phase we have to get through? It was so sad this morning at school drop off. Her two besties were so excited to see her and were saying “(name), come play with us!” and she was sobbing and clutching my leg while wailing “mommyyyyyyy don’t leave meeeeee.” :/
EDAnon says
My kids have gone through different version of this. They’re 4 and 6. Have you talked to her about it at a time she’s not stressed about leaving you? It could be that she’s confused about something or just feeling like she’s not getting enough time with one or both of you. Regardless, I do think it’s a phase and it will get better. It’s just about whether there is something you can do to make it get better faster.
AIMS says
This happens with my kids whenever there is any kind of change. We just talk and talk and talk about it, and also try to read books on the subject. The Kissing Hand is good at around 4/5.
Anon says
My 4.5-year-old just experienced this in a more mild fashion. She has been at the same daycare since she was an infant, there were no big changes, and she’d cry at drop-off.
We had a conversation and agreed on the number of hugs and kisses at the door (3 kisses and 6 hugs). Then we’d essentially work through visualizations of this process as we got ready in the morning and on the way to school. I think it gave her something to focus on and gave her some control over the situation (she set the kisses and hugs count before we got to school).
It may also be worth checking with your kid a bit more about their friendships. A few months prior, I realized some girl drama was putting more stress on my daughter than I previously realized. She wasn’t crying at drop-offs at this point but asking to stay home more and less excited to go to school. The teachers were aware of the girl drama but it was still pretty subtle that I don’t think they knew that it was upsetting some of the kids. I talked to the director and teacher about it, they kept a closer eye on it and talked to the girls, and that helped tremendously.
HSAL says
The “last minute dinner” thread made me laugh. Most of those suggestions (and similar ones when someone asks for quick and easy meals) are our standard dinner fare. Brinner, pasta night, something on the grill, Mexican night, something on a bun.
When our first kid was born one of my friends, who loves to cook, brought me a container of homemade spaghetti sauce and a box of pasta “for a quick dinner.” My dude, you know what’s faster? Sauce from a jar that heats up in a minute. Prego is delicious. I have never had a shred of interest in making my own sauce.
anon says
Prego is delicious. No regrets here, either.
I don’t even mind cooking, but weeknights are NOT the time for anything that requires me to follow a recipe. We still eat relatively healthy, but what goes on the table is dead simple. I used to knock it out of the park with weeknight meals and I’ve lost my will to care.
Spirograph says
Yup. We cook one “interesting” meal per week, maybe. Less in the summer. DH and I both like to cook, and a couple of my kids really like to sous-chef, but there aren’t enough hours in the day and simple dinners are tasty!
Mm says
+1
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
+1 SAME! We have the same meal template on rotation and it’s a lot of these “quick” dinners. The difference I guess is that it is intentional. Also I love food so much I’m always thinking of my next meal, the weekend’s meals, etc. so I think that’s why I’m always prepared with a plan.
Also, I will never not think Rao’s is not worth every penny/minute saved vs. overpriced. I went through a phase in my early 20s where I was all about the homemade sauce and I don’t see that happening again for a long time as long as I can afford Rao’s.
GCA says
We must have the same tastebuds. Rao’s is the best value, particularly when you get it from Costco. (I do make my own pizza dough…and top it with Rao’s.) And + 1 zillion to the same meal template.
Anonymous says
Rao’s is so salty! My body just cannot handle all the sodium from takeout and processed foods anymore. Even one day of sandwich for lunch (packaged bread is shockingly salty) + takeout or jarred pasta sauce for dinner leads to several days of horrible water retention. Even my nose gets bloated, which seems insane. If I want to look and feel halfway normal I have to have a homemade salad or smoothie for lunch and a home-cooked dinner using mainly unsalted ingredients, every single day. It’s exhausting, and when I run out of energy and have a week with a couple nights of takeout or TJ’s frozen dinners I pay the price afterwards.
Janey says
https://healthyheartmarket.com/products/francesco-rinaldi-no-salt-added-pasta-sauce-23-5-oz?variant=7240912175167¤cy=USD&utm_medium=product_sync&utm_source=google&utm_content=sag_organic&utm_campaign=sag_organic&utm_campaign=gs-2019-09-10&utm_source=google&utm_medium=smart_campaign&gclid=CjwKCAjw_b6WBhAQEiwAp4HyIEUDzd8D7qmHvyAW5WhvpAvGHZ0vZdYDNpagK_wf5sWTKm_NDC6hShoCyNMQAvD_BwE
Janey says
They make very-very-low-sodium jarred pasta sauce, e.g., Francesco Rinaldi No Salt Added Pasta Sauce.
anon says
You might want to see a doctor about that. That doesn’t seem normal
Anonymous says
My dr. said it was middle age.
Anonymous says
Definitely also happened to me around age 36.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
I’m Indian, so what is overly seasoned (I don’t even know how that can be), spicy, and/or salty to many is “normal” to me. :)
Anonymous says
Making my own sauce costs more than Rao’s.
AIMS says
I guess it depends on how you make your sauce? I just follow the Marcella Hazan recipe (which is hardly a recipe) and it requires next to no effort and 3 ingredients (butter, onion and a 28 oz can of tomatoes). I use the “best” canned tomatoes I can find (San Marzano, 3/$9.99 at Costco) and it still comes out to, at most, $5, probably. It doesn’t require any labor either, you don’t even dice the onion, just cut it in half.
Meanwhile, as much as I love Rao’s, once I found out that Lara Trump’s family has a large ownership stake in the company, my appetite for it kind of disappeared (ha). I still use it as a shortcut once in a while when making lasagna or English muffin pizzas for my kids (using their pizza sauce) but I don’t really find it to be much of an essential when cooking dinner. I also just think “fresh” sauce tastes better but to each her own!
ElisaR says
oh no AIMS! you just ruined Rao’s for me :(
AIMS says
I am sincerely sorry – I felt the exact same way!
Anon says
Same here.
Anon says
Same.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Most of our kids’ weeknight dinners are often described as “if you’re desperate/one parent is away” – i.e. pb&j, chicken sticks, pasta, cheese and crackers, etc. Husband and I get Freshly. Maybe in the future, we’ll cook more elaborate meals for the family… but also maybe not?
Janey says
Haha! I love this, right, so same. “Dinners for those nights when you simply cannot.” So… every night?
AwayEmily says
Yeah, same. My kids eat a pretty regular rotation of hot dogs/fish sticks/pasta/snack plate, while adults eat salads and stir-fry. The only days we all eat the same(ish) thing is on pork tenderloin night and taco night.
Anon says
Yeah I love to cook when I have the time, but it is very disheartening to cook nice meals from scratch only to have your kids refuse to eat it over and over. Now we rotate in chicken nuggets, mac and cheese, hot dogs, etc, for the blessed silence of children eagerly eating their food.
AIMS says
We split the difference. So, for example, we may do kimchi fried rice for the adults (by way of an easy go-to with stuff easy to have on hand) and kids will get rice from the same batch with roasted broccoli/edamame/fish sticks/whatever. Same idea works with pasta and just about everything else – I just keep their stuff kid simple with no sauce (unless it’s ketchup), herb garnishes, etc.
Anonymous says
When I first moved out on my own I thought Prego was incredibly luxurious. My mom’s spaghetti sauce was browned ground beef with a can of plain tomato sauce, the smooth kind.
Janey says
Literally. The fanciest I get is throwing a chosen meat on a baking sheet in the oven at 400F for 25 minutes. Be it chicken thighs, salmon filets, meatballs… they all get basically the same treatment. Microwave a bag of veggies, MAYBE make a pot of pasta… there ya go, family. Have some calories, survive another day.
anon says
See, those sound like great choices for a weeknight meal! I don’t know when all of us got the idea that dinner needed to be An Event every night. (Not picking on you, I promise. But it sometimes seems like the bar has gotten pretty high for what is deemed an acceptable family dinner. My mom in the 80s and 90s did a lot of no-fuss casseroles; she def didn’t have the time to be elaborate every night of the week. We had a lot of fruits and veggies as side dishes.)
AIMS says
I think it’s because we all eat out too much at some point in our life and then think that cooking at home needs to be the equivalent of a restaurant meal. I always say I cook too much to bother with some things. Meanwhile I have a good friend who never cooks and when she left her big law job and decided to start cooking at home she got to about 5 meals before she gave up and said it was “too expensive and just too much”… but she was trying to make things like Steak Diane from her mother’s fancy old cookbooks. My mother cooks almost exclusive, on the other hand, and probably makes the same 10 things all year round.
Anonymous says
I don’t think that’s it. I make tasty dinners because I love to eat good food, not because restaurants have created unrealistic expectations. At most restaurants, especially the ones where we go because we are too tired to cook, the quality of the food is lower than the quality of a decent home-cooked meal, even a quick one.
Anon says
Same. Growing up my mom always prioritized protein, grain, fruit/veg and that is very frequently how I plan a meal.
Most nights are some roasted protein plus canned or frozen veggies and rice/pasta/potatoes
The rice/pasta/potatoes is the most frequent to get cut. Especially if we do a big salad or sheet pan roast or veggies.
Anonymous says
My husband would love to eat this way, but I can’t deal with separate dishes like this. I want something with flavor and texture contrast in each bite, like a stir fry or curry or pasta with pan sauce and veg. The “meat and potatoes” type of meal is incredibly unappetizing to me, so I’ll eat less real food and then want dessert or snacks to satisfy the texture and flavor needs.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
+1 – SAME girl. DH grew up this way, and I didn’t. Neither of us came from wealthy families.
As quick as it is, I just…can’t. I need flavor and texture. A pre-jarred pasta sauce is doctored on the stove to absorb more flavor + veggies. When we do a grill night there things marinating for a long time beforehand. Again, I’m not making anything ambitious but these are my pillars I think because I am so food-motivated.
NYCer says
I agree. I much prefer stir fry or soup or something from the crock pot for this reason.
Anon says
SAME – the one dish I’m excellent at making is adding pasta to a sauteed dish of onions, garlic, sausage, peppers, whatever sort of herbs I have in the house (not many usually) and tossing with excellent parm cheese. But I’ve been sticking to the one protein, one carb, and one veggie format b/c it’s the only way I can make one meal that everyone eats at least one part of (I have a family of garden variety pickiness – no sensory issues, just typical kid pickiness, so we are able to stick to the family rule of I cook, you pick something to eat (or not, looking at you toddler) and then everyone gets a snack before bed that somewhat compensates for the 2 bites of dinner they all ate – usually toast or a PB&J).
We are a big family, so I cannot mentally or physically handle more than one meal at dinner. But, man, do I miss flavor and texture …. sometimes, if I’m feeling indulgent, I’ll serve the kids the deconstructed version of my pasta dish, and combine the flavors for me, but most nights, I just Cannot.
Anon says
Along these lines, do you have weekly rotations that you can share? We have a toddler and number 2 is on the way, and we’ve been struggling to keep up with our pre-kids expectations of nicely plated meals that take an hour to make. I remember as a kid my parents did spaghetti Mondays and hamburger Wednesdays. What’s your rotation?
Anonymous says
Mondays and Wednesdays are especially crazy for us because of activities. Here is my usual plan.
Sunday–cook something that makes leftovers for Monday
Monday–leftovers from Sunday
Tuesday–tacos or quesadillas
Wednesday–panini
Thursday–cook stir fry or pasta or eat out if the weather is nice
Friday–homemade pizza, sometimes with store-bought dough
Saturday–eat out or cook a real meal
Anonymous says
Sunday – family favorites. I typically cook a bigger meal because that is the 1 night a week I have time. So this is the night we have things that are favorites but take longer than 30 minutes
Monday – international night. Usually some type of stir fry, or rice bowl. When I zero time to cook it is usually something from Trader Joe’s
Tuesday – taco Tuesday! Rotation of black bean, lentil, beef, or chicken tacos.
Wednesday – pasta. 99% of the time it is pasta and jar sauce. But occasionally I will plan a fancier pasta recipe (if I have time)
Thursday is left over/ breakfast for dinner/ take out if it has been a bad week
Friday – pizza and movie night (or pizza and pool in the summer!)
Saturday – take out or veggie burgers with tater tots if we had take out on Thursday.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Sunday – A big platter/pot of something – curry, enchiladas, pasta bake (veggies always part of entree), or a bunch of stuff on the grill (for grilling I usually make a veggie/starch dish like pasta salad or veggie pulav on the side)
Monday – Sunday leftovers; Prep Meal #2 after kids in bed
Tuesday – Meal #2 – Usually something veggie forward – rice and beans/daal, kichri, tofu or paneer stir fry, veggie pasta (if we didn’t have pasta on Sunday)
Wednesday – Meal #2 leftovers
Thursday – Quesadillas/Nachos – great way to use up leftovers – daal on nachos is highly underrated IMHO
Friday – Delivery (Pizza, Thai, Chinese, etc.) or Homemade (pre-bought crust + sauce) Pizza; If kids don’t want to eat the delivery we get, I’ll do a boxed mac-and-cheese with veggies
AIMS says
No specific days but it’s usually something from the below:
— some kind tacos (this works well with kids because they can be picky without me having to eat something bland)
— fish+veggie+rice (kids will only eat broccoli, roasted in the oven at the same time as the fish, but I get bored so sometimes I cook what I want and let them have some sliced apples or cucumbers). This feels the fanciest but is one of the easiest.
— pasta and veggies (and my kids can skip the veggies in their pasta and just have something on the side like carrots or broccoli).
— “fridge clean out stir fry” – usually this is whatever is on hand and needs to be used. Sometimes it’s just rice and a jar of kimchi stir-fried with eggs.
— frozen gnocchi or equivalent from TJ and an arugula salad.
— soup or a hearty salad (this is the hardest with little kids but I just give them chicken/tuna usually with one of]r two veggies they will eat and then use the rest in a salad)
-pizza on whatever we have on hand
Mr. AIMS likes to cook by following complicated recipes so he tends to cook on weekends/Friday nights where time is less of an issue.
Dining Chairs says
Any recs on kitchen table chairs? Standard table height and no fabric upholstery.
The table is espresso colored but the pleather upholstered chairs it came with are starting to crack and peel badly.
With a toddler and two dogs there is no way we will keep fabric chairs clean.
Anonymous says
Simple black wooden chairs with a lower back would look very current with your table.
Anonymous says
If you like the chairs otherwise it might be pretty inexpensive to get them reupholstered in more pleather.
Anonymous says
Or you could have seat covers made with a little skirt that comes down over the sides.
anon says
+1. I am not handy or crafty, and I found it pretty easy to reupholster some dining chairs myself.
OP says
Thanks. We have an upholstery shop right around the corner and the chairs are otherwise in great shape. This did not occur to me before.
Anon says
I’m eyeing the article chairs to replace my kitchen chairs. Comes in fun colors too (there’s a knockoff that may not be a knockoff on wayfair as well)
Redux says
what is a knockoff that may not be a knockoff?
Anonymous says
Sometimes the thing on Wayfair is actually the real thing by a different name.
Redux says
Ah! thanks.
AwayEmily says
Just to maybe assuage your upholstery worries — we got upholstered chairs five years ago and have not had any issues, even with two kids (granted, we don’t have any dogs). A couple of spills (all by me, actually, I am very clumsy) but nothing that couldn’t be spot-cleaned. That being said, the kids each have a Tripp Trapp so they don’t actually sit in the chairs.
Anon says
We’ve been really happy with the sturdiness of the Windsor Dining Chair at Pottery Barn (we have them in black). They go with a medium toned oak table that might be as old as my husband (family “heirloom” on his side) but the old chairs were literally falling apart so I at least got to replace those. Waiting for the day when I can get a smaller round glass top table which will fit the space so much better, but we want to be through the little kid stage before we go there.
anon says
globus stua chairs. can find them used or new at design within reach. they are not cheap, but ours are 15 years old (and we are the second owners). they stack and clean like a dream. I am buying more of them.
Anonymous says
Kicking myself for not buying the Magna Tiles during Amazon Prime Day
NLD in NYC says
Ditto, but do 2.5 years olds really play with them? I have but so much space for future toys.
Cb says
My son loved them at that age, and they are the toy that’s stayed the test of time.
NYCer says
My daughter also loved them at that age.
Allie says
Yes – they are our top most played with toy. Bonus – you can travel with them.
Anon says
My kid didn’t really find them appealing until about 3.5. But now at 5, they are in constant rotation (often used to build structures for other toys to play in).
AwayEmily says
My kids play with them periodically but they aren’t a huge hit (we were gifted ours). But then my kids are generally not building people — they also ignore Legos, Lincoln logs, etc.
Anon says
My 4 year old has never had much interest in them. She’ll play with them at a friend’s house or school if there aren’t other toys around but it’s not something she seeks out. She likes lego a lot, but more for pretend play than building (she assigns all of the people figurines names and makes up complicated backstories for them).
Scilady says
We have picasso tiles because I wasn’t going to pay double for the same thing. Check Target deals – sometimes they are better than Amazon!
Anon says
I just got the 100 pc Picasso tile set for $30,9’ an Amazon lightning deal which I feel pretty good about. I read they’re compatible with Magnatiles so I may supplement with one of the animals sets later.
Anonymous says
We are potty training in partnership with our daycare. They asked if it’s ok to throw away our kid’s soiled clothes rather than putting them in a bag for us, since apparently our kid’s poops are softer than they’re used to. I guess this is OK, but it’s a little annoying and feels wasteful to have to buy a ton of pants. Thoughts?
anon says
Perhaps they could throw away undies but not pants? It shouldn’t be that hard to stick them in a bag.
NYCer says
What?! I have never had a kid in daycare, but this sounds absolutely crazy to me.
Redux says
Yeah, what? No. We got soiled clothes back in a wet bag or tied up plastic bag if we forgot to send a wet bag. Kind of gross to open at the end of the day to open up to wash (and lord help us if we forgot to empty kiddo’s daycare bag on a Friday night and made that discovery monday morning) but throwing away soiled clothes is ridic. Clothes are washable. That’s like, their whole thing. Invest in a couple of cute wet bags and send a clean one every day.
Anonymous says
I agree. We’re a long way from potty training, but my daycare regularly washes clothes when the babies have diaper blowouts.
Anonanonanon says
How often is your kid pooping in their pants? Seems like they (the daycare, not your kid) aren’t being very effective or your kid isn’t ready, I have not heard of kids pooping their pants at daycare being a common thing during potty training, but maybe I’m wildly off base.
Anon says
I don’t know, poop accidents for a little bit are pretty normal I think.
Janey says
This sounds very off. I never had my kids poop their pants while potty training. TONS of pee accidents, never poop. Agree with other posters that it sounds like your child isn’t ready, or there may be a medical issue to address.
Anonymous says
This is why the same potty training strategy does not work for every kid. My son has never been constipated and is just full of sh*t. When he was still in diapers, I remember one morning he went 3x before I even took him to daycare. He had frequent poop accidents when we tried to train just after he turned 3. He pooped in the tub several times around that age, and always looked as surprised as we were that something had just come out of him. We gave up fast; pee accidents are nothing but poop is hard to deal with, and I still have negative associations with this one restaurant in our neighborhood where we had An Incident. We trained more successfully when he was 3.5 but he still had small frequent poop accidents until he was about 8. In older kids this is most commonly a sign of constipation, paradoxically, but it really wasn’t for him. On the other hand, he has never once in his life wet the bed and I can count on one hand the number of times he has needed to pee in the middle of the night.
OP – if you decide to keep going, make them put the dirty clothes in a bag and then you can clean them at home. We soaked/washed out poopy underwear in the toilet so most of the solids ended up there, then washed them. If you get too grossed out you can always toss them, but they don’t need to do that for you. Or maybe switch to pull ups.
Anon. says
You got lucky. My first was basically the opposite. Almost no pee accidents, but multiple poo.
But yeah, daycare automatically throwing away pants is insane.
Anon says
Poop accidents are normal. My daughter poop trained quite easily (~three days from first poop in the potty to never having an accident again) but had several accidents in the first couple of days while she was figuring out her body’s signals about going to the bathroom. I agree if this has been going on for a month or something the child isn’t ready, but I think a blanket statement that a child should never have a poop accident while training is bonkers. Accidents are part of potty training.
Anon says
Yeah, agreed with the above. Varies by kid – but you got extremely lucky. Based on the very small sample size of my kids and friends’ kids, and from reading here, poop training seems to be much more difficult. My kids all had poop accidents long after they stopped having pee accidents. For that reason, I would also be very annoyed if the daycare was sending home soiled pants.
Can you send your kid in underwear that is slightly more absorbent than typical undies? Would that help?
Anon says
Oh hell no. That’s ridiculous. That’s why trash bags/wet bags were created. Put them in and you’ll deal with the mess/washing at home.
Aunt Jamesina says
No way. That’s so wasteful! What do they think people who use cloth diapers do?
Our throwaway culture is so depressing.
Anon says
That’s insane and I would say no. Dealing with soiled underwear is part of potty training. So unbelievably wasteful to just throw it out.
Anonymous says
Insane. Why can’t they just put the clothes in a plastic bag and tie it up for you to deal with?
If there are a ton of p00p accidents are pull-ups an option?
Anon says
What would you do? Our nanny has been out sick for over two weeks. He is legitimately ill, but he’s exceeded our generous sick leave allowance, is now in time without pay, and doesn’t seem to be recovering. I have three interviews for a replacement lined up. AITA if I let nanny go with severance and hire someone who is actually going to show up?
Anne-on says
I’d interview replacements regardless so you have a stable of backup sitters (and ask them if they’d be open to date night or other coverage from time to time).
Do you know the prognosis – is this like an ‘out sick, now needs surgery, and will have another 3+ weeks of recovery time’ illness? Or just ‘taking longer to get over covid’ illness? If you think he’ll be back in another week or so I’d be grumpy but stick it out mostly because I think it’ll take at least 2 weeks to hire and onboard a new nanny.
Anonymous says
We don’t know prognosis, which is part of what’s tricky. He might be better tomorrow, or it might take months, because we don’t know the root cause of what’s happening.
NYCer says
If he is actually sick (which you stated), then yes, I think it is horrible form to fire him while he is sick. How long has he worked for you? Has he been reliable other than this recent stretch? Does he have any idea how much longer he will be out? Is there a student or other nanny who you could hire on a temporary basis?
Spirograph says
All of this. At least talk to him first. If he’s ill with uncertain root cause, is nannying something he will want to come back to when he recovers? It can be a physically taxing job. If he says heck yes he can’t wait to be back as soon as he feels better, find a temporary stop-gap. If he’s on the fence, maybe set a decision date a month out. It’s not fair for him to expect you to hold a position that he may be unwilling or unable to fill indefinitely, but it’s a jerk move to let him go in the middle of a health crisis.
Anonymous says
Thank you. Yes, I really don’t want to just drop him — he’s only been with us about 4 months, but he’s really great. I’ve just exhausted my/my partner’s ability to do this and our jobs, even with some help from friends and family. This board, as always, has helped me think it through.
Anonymous says
Can you hire someone temporarily? Ask him when he returns? Pay him severance? You’re taking the worst option here
Anon OP says
I actually intend to pay severance, as stated in my original post.
Anonymous says
If you were happy with him before he got sick, why can’t you just fill in with a temporary replacement? There is a nanny service around us that does this.
Anon OP says
I’m new to this situation and trying to do the right thing, which is why I’m asking. One of the issues is that he keeps thinking he’s better, coming in a part day, and then not being better. I’m not sure how I’d handle that with a temp. Would I tell him to wait until all symptoms resolve for multiple days and then come back?
Spirograph says
Oh yeah, that’s different. This is a tough spot for everyone. I assume he doesn’t have any short term disability insurance, so he’s trying to work so he can pay his bills, but part days are not meeting the goal of childcare so that (I also assume) you can work. I would either 1.) ask him to wait til all symptoms resolve for multiple days or 2.) work out a part time schedule and plan coverage for the rest of the day. That second option sounds like a logistical nightmare for you, though.
Also, hopefully his doctors are already going down this path, but based on this comment I wonder if there’s something environmental in your house that might be causing the symptoms
Anonymous says
Ah, I wish re environmental. I think he’s just optimistic about how he’s feeling and then the reality of how physically hard childcare is sets in.
anon says
What is the nature of the illness? Is it self diagnosed or is he like Capital S Sick and consulting a doctor regularly with a treatment plan? I think that would weigh in greatly on how I handled hiring a temp or not.
Anonymous says
Seeing a doctor regularly, has a relatively routine diagnosis that is supposed to be easy to treat (think antibiotics), treatment has not been effective, in a bit of a holding pattern.
Anon says
Sounds like something like Lyme where symptoms can linger despite a simple-sounding treatment.
Anonymous says
Ugh you’re (both) in a tough spot. Probably going to be an unpopular opinion but no, I don’t think you’re a jerk for hiring someone else. You need child care! Would you be willing to let him have his spot back if/when he recovers? It’s might be tricky to hire someone if they feel like they’re going to be replaced, but if you find a good candidate, you might mention it. Also, I would be up front with your current nanny and tell him you’re interviewing. Be clear that it’s nothing personal: you just need child care. You didn’t use an agency did you? They might be able to help. Alternatively could you enroll your kids in day care and pull them if your nanny recovers? I know that’s a bit ridiculous: I probably couldn’t swing that but that’s what I would try in your situation. You might also try to cobble together grandma and or babysitter if you have those. As I’m typing all this I’m realizing I have none of these options and need to get them in place. Sorry you’re in this situation.
anon says
If you pay on the books and live in California or another state with an ok social safety net, the state disability insurance (SDI) should pay a % of income for him for awhile. If you can at all afford it, I think it’d be kind to top up SDI for awhile.
If this person has been a good nanny for awhile, I think you should go the extra mile for him, just like you’d hope your employer would do for you in the event of this kind of misfortune. Terminating even with severance after two weeks feels cruel to a long-standing good employee.
anon-California says
but, absolutely, hire someone to cover while he’s out. you have to work.
Anonymous says
We are in Washington and there is paid medical leave with a doctor’s note. It can be used retroactively. I should have him look into that, because I hate him losing the income. It’s just a pickle for us because I don’t have flex backup care, but clearly I need to get that in place.
Anonymous says
In that case I’d have him go out entirely on medical leave and hire a full-time temp until he’s got his condition sorted out. You and he both need predictability.
Anonymous says
I don’t know why I didn’t think of that, given that the baby is only 10 months old and I just did the state paid leave process. Thank you.
Anonymous says
Also, this makes me so glad, yet again, that we pay on the books, because it means he’ll have the qualifying hours.
Janey says
Two weeks seems like a pretty short time to be considering termination. But I think after a month, if he’s not fully back working, you would be very justified in letting him go with severance.
A key to me is he’s only been with you for 4 months. This isn’t someone who is effectively part of your family who you’ve known for years and built up tons of trust and goodwill.
Anonymous says
The pulmonologist said one of my twins is very susceptible to colds (side note: it’s super weird for your kid to get sick when it’s 111 degrees outside). I’m putting him in Montessori in September with his brothers – any tips to help keep him from getting sick constantly? That sounds like such a dumb question. He’s on maintenance medication. My oldest has been at this Montessori four years now: he never gets sick but I think he just has a better immune system. My little sickie eats pretty well; I’ve got him on fish oil and vitamins in addition to his maintenance meds. Last winter was a miserable 5 months of illness ending in hospitalization, so I’m not eager to relive that experience. Is this just my life until he’s 3 or 4?
Anonymous says
Yes, and I’d consider a nanny so that he’s not constantly exposed to so many viruses.
Anonymous says
Is he old enough to wear a mask? I have asthma and am terribly susceptible to colds and bronchitis. I am still masking in public places and have never been healthier in my life. I will keep masking as long as I can possibly get away with it.
OP says
He’s 18 months but I’d happily work with him on this if it helped.
Anonymous says
I wouldn’t count on its getting better as he gets older.
Anon says
We are a daycare family and I’m very pro-daycare, but I think the answer here is a nanny or au pair if at all possible. It will be so hard on you and him (and his siblings too) to have him in daycare constantly getting sick.
Anonymous says
I don’t think you can avoid the illnesses entirely by keeping him home, unless perhaps you intend to have him mask in perpetuity once he starts school. Kids who don’t go to day care tend to have all those illnesses later on whenever they finally enter a group setting.
Anon says
That’s not what my doctor said and not what I’ve observed anecdotally. Kids will always have more illness the first year in a group setting, but a 5 year old is much better equipped to handle a bunch of random viruses than a 1 year old. Plus other kids have more immunity by then so less stuff circulating in general. I feel like even sending kids to daycare at age 1 vs newborn makes a big difference (I know OP’s kid is not a newborn).
Anonymous says
Our pediatrician told us it would get us no matter when our kid started day care/school, and from what I’ve seen the kids who don’t go to preschool tend to be sick all the time in preK and K. Probably less sick than the little ones in day care, but it’s still disruptive.
NYCer says
+1. Generally speaking, older kids get far fewer illnesses when they enter a group setting vs. a baby in daycare. Their immune systems are also usually more developed. (Of course, there are exceptions.)
Anon says
Might depend on the kid…my kids are home with me, and the year my oldest started school he got exactly two illnesses all year (a cold/sinus infection and a stomach bug). My middle guy is more susceptible to things, even being home and seems to pick up random fevers that no one else in the house gets. And my youngest gets every cold ever and they last for weeks; we just had his adenoids removed to hopefully help.
In my totally unscientific observation of my/friends’ kids, keeping them from too much illness when they are tiny seems like it could help them stay healthier overall (eg, no rampant ear infections or disposition to croup)
Anón says
My nephew was home and got sick all the time in K. It was a big issue and he missed a lot of school. I wouldn’t count on east illnesses with older kids.
OP says
The problem is I can’t afford a nanny for all three of them. I could send his brothers to Montessori and keep him home with me, but my ped basically said his brothers will just bring everything home from day care to him.
AwayEmily says
I think to some extent you need to see how it goes before making any decisions. I’d first talk to his teachers about this so that they are on board with frequent hand-washing, masking if you decide to go in that direction, etc. Then decide on a date (maybe after 3 months?) where you check in with yourself and him on how it’s going and re-evaluate.
Anonymous says
This is so rough. I wonder if you could ask daycare to help him wash his hands more often than the other kids and have him bring his own towel? It won’t help with “he chewed on the same toy as kid with the cold,” but hey, every little bit helps.
Anon says
hmmmm, the other benefit to a nanny though is that you’d still have coverage when he’s sick, especially if he’s likely to get sick anyway. I have a sickie twin, and my wonderful nanny is still willing to come even when my sickie guy is sick enough that he would have been kicked out of daycare for a few days. I hear you on the expense (and I was super pro daycare until I ended up with surprise twins), but I will say that we’ve had far fewer work interruptions with a good nanny and kids susceptible to illness. My kids are older now, and so I have a sample size of 4 – the two daycare kids got sick ALL the time when they started daycare at 18 months but never got sick in elementary school, and the nannied twins (who did some part time pre-school at 3 and 4) also never got sick in elementary school. I just think it’s different when you’ve got a class of 2 years who are still touching everything and not awesome hand washers or keepers of personal hygiene.
Anonymous says
Is a nanny really more than day care with 3 kids? It would be way less for me.
OP says
It actually is less costly for us. Montessori is giving us a huge discount because they’re foster kids and we’ve been with her for years.
Anon says
I’m the twin mom above who was prompting nanny, and I just want to add that you are a rockstar for finding a great school for your foster kids. I like the idea of getting your twin used to a mask and talking to the school about his health issues. My sister works in a Montessori school, and from what I’ve learned from her over the years is that Montessori thrives on order and routine and learning how to take care of yourself, so your twin may have access to better hand washing/hygiene routines that the rumble zone where I sent my kids :)
Either way, get started, and if it’s not working, try something else. Thank you for being a foster parent – it’s really important work.
anon says
Just a thought but we found our kid didn’t get nearly as sick from part time (church) preschool because most of the kids had SAHPs and so they wouldn’t send their kids to school sick. By contrast, people were apt to send sick kids to daycare because they needed the childcare. You might do better with a part time school with a part time babysitter/nanny than a daycare.
OP says
Thanks everyone! This gave me a lot of ideas that I wouldn’t have thought of on my own. I appreciate this board!
anon says
I’m in my early 30s and a mother of one. Am I too old for a cartilage piercing? I am not generally cool or trendy but I have always wanted one. Will I look silly?
Anonymous says
I am old enough to know that my style preferences tend to evolve enough that I’d never do anything permanent to my body in case I got tired of it. This is why I never got the small, tasteful, typically-covered-by-clothing tattoo I was considering.
Anonymous says
One benefit of piercings over tattoos is that if you stop liking the look, you’re left with only a very small unobtrusive hole. Especially in the ear, where no one tends to look closely.
Anon says
I got one a couple months ago on a whim while on date night with my husband. I love it. I consider it my quarter life crisis because I am otherwise a square.
It’s been difficult to heal but I love having more bling.
Anon at 12:44 says
Btw if you do get one, get the hoop instead of the stud. I got a stud and it hurt so bad to sleep on so I went back and had it swapped for the hoop.
And if you hate it, take it out and let it heal over. They aren’t especially expensive in my area.
anonM says
Do it. Moms can do things just because they want to, too!
Also, you can remove a piercing. I had a nose ring for a long time and loved it, no regrets. Also never thought of myself as cool, ever.
Anonymous says
Nope not too old. I keep meaning on getting one then just forget! I’m almost 35 and basically IDGAF what anyone thinks.
Anon says
Going Anon for this because it would 100% give me away (to whom? I don’t know) – I’m almost 40 and still want a septum piercing!
Anon says
Gift ideas for a 6 year old boy? He’s into Harry Potter, Star Wars, chess (we have No Stress Chess), books – loves reading.
I’m getting him a weather station thing to see the forecast because he asks every night and he asked his grandparents for a fitbit (he has an older sister so he knows about this stuff!) Was thinking of a Harry Potter lego set although in general he’s not huge on legos. Maybe a juggling kit – or is that too advanced? Anything that’s been a big hit with your kids?
Anonymous says
Juggling might be a bit much. Maybe a magic trick kit?
OP says
given two of y’all mentioned magic set, I am totally doing that. Would be a good suggestion for his sister I think! Thanks!
Anonymous says
How many presents does this kid need?
OP says
Eh, grandparents and aunts and uncles. His sister likes to get him something small too and is usually best guided by us! We don’t do presents except christmas and birthday, so yeah, he usually gets a few!
Anonymous says
The Star Wars Jedi Academy graphic novels are fun. A magic set can be a hit at this age. A lightsaber or wand corresponding to his favorite character is also good.
The larger HP Lego sets are amazingly detailed and should be a “wow” even for a kid who isn’t really into Lego. In general the smaller cheaper Lego sets tend to be disappointing. Do be aware that you risk having to keep the assembled thing on display forever.
If you really want to go all out an inflatable water slide is awesome.
OP says
These are great – thank you!!!
OP says
Seriously, I remember seeing those Jedi Academy books and had forgotten them. I’m excited. I’m just saying thank you again!
AwayEmily says
My 6yo is also a huge Harry Potter fan but not into Legos. I got her the unofficial Harry Potter spellbook and she’s super into it. I’m also considering getting her a personalized wand from Etsy — I found some that are lovely and only $20.
AIMS says
My kids get very excited by the Harry Potter candy (every flavor beans and the chocolate frogs). You could also get him a scarf with his favorite house colors or even a fancy robe (bonus – Halloween costume is taken care of). Also, not sure if he’s read the books, but my kids LOVE the huge illustrated books.
anon says
Has he read Dragon Masters yet? If not, you might get him a starter set. It’s a fun early chapter book series. My kids were obsessed.