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We just got back from our first After Times summer vacation. Because we haven’t traveled in a while, it took me a while to find these ID bracelets we had made for both kids.
I have my own for when I go out running, but they’re also great for kids — on the metal band, we engraved their names, our names, their grandparents’ names, and everyone’s cells. You can even add medical or allergy information.
The bands come in a wide range of bright colors and include three sizes for the perfect fit as your kid grows. I hope no one will ever need to use the info on my kids’ bracelets, but it’s there just in case.
Road iD’s Stretch ID Bracelet for Kids is $24.99 and available in seven colors.
Sales of note for 3.28.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – Up to 40% off your full-price purchase; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything plus extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off 2+ items; 40% off 1
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- Lands’ End – 10% off your order
- Loft – 50% off everything
- Nordstrom: Give $150 in gift cards, earn a $25 promo card (ends 3/31)
- Talbots – 40% off 1 item; 25% off everything else
- Zappos – 37,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – 50% off entire site
- Hanna Andersson – 30% off all swim; up to 30% off HannaJams
- J.Crew Crewcuts – 40% off sitewide; 50% off select swim; 50% off kids’ styles
- Old Navy – 50% off Easter deals
- Target – 20% off Easter styles for all; up to 30% off kitchen & dining; BOGO 50% off shoes & slippers for the family;
anon says
Is this too extra? We are going to a wedding tomorrow. I am super unskilled when it comes to styling hair and was thinking about taking my 7-year-old to a walk-in place to get cute French braids or simple updo. I think she’d love it but a) can’t believe I’m actually considering spending money on this; and b) I am super embarrassed that I can’t do anything beyond a basic braid or ponytail, despite spending some quality time on YouTube trying to learn all sorts of things. It’s like yarn crafts; my fingers are just clumsy and uncoordinated and can’t do the thing even if I understand it in theory. Is it any surprise that I keep my hair short?!
Anon says
Not extra, I think it’s really sweet!
Cb says
Do it, this sounds super fun! My mom was similarly hopeless (as am I) and I’d have loved this as a kid. So many family pictures with me looking scruffy or tragic. You’re not taking her for false eyelashes, it’s a fun treat.
NYCer says
Totally fine! She will be thrilled, I am sure.
Clementine says
This is absolutely not too extra and lots of non-white children get their hair done at salons regularly. I think it would be great! Stick some baby’s breath in it and she’ll love it.
(or is my 90’s showing with the baby’s breath?)
anonamama says
hahahah i appreciate the baby’s breath, it was the crown jewel of my best flower girl lewks. Even more 90s would be to suggest two curled tendrils.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Do it!! This is a special event and seems like your daughter will enjoy it. Professional hair stylists are much better at getting hair to stay in place anyway.
Anne-on says
That’s adorable! I’d book yourself in for a blowout too and make it a mother daughter bonding thing.
I am a tiny bit sad I don’t have a girl to do this stuff with but I am SO unskilled at hair that I’m actually thankful I don’t have to deal with it. It runs in the family – I have clear memories of my mother handing me over to the dance mom who signed up to slick all of our hair into buns/do makeup for the moms who couldn’t or didn’t want to do it themselves. As I got older she just dropped me at the hairdresser for all big occassions.
Anonymous says
I agree. This is not extra and sounds like an excuse to have a super fun mother/daughter experiene. Enjoy!!
Spirograph says
Not too extra at all! Don’t think of it as compensating for your lack of skill, think of it as a fun special thing for your daughter. If your 7 year old is anything like mine, she will think it’s the best thing ever. I’m a very competent hair-braider, but we paid for my daughter to get her hair braided at a ren faire once and she was thrilled and showed it off to everyone (including random strangers on the street) until we made her take it out a few days later. It’s like painting your nails — sure you can do it yourself, but it’s a nice treat to get a manicure
AwayEmily says
This is a great idea. My daughter was a ring-bearer at a wedding a year ago and I wish I’d thought of this rather than trying to do a braid four times and then giving up.
Aunt Jamesina says
I agree with everyone else AND I don’t think you have anything to be embarrassed about! You don’t need to have to know how to do any hairdos beyond being able to keep it maintained and clean! My mom was not at all into hair or makeup, so I learned about it from girlfriends and magazines and I never felt that my mom was somehow deficient, she just wasn’t into it. Give yourself permission to let it go and enjoy the salon experience :-)
Anonymous says
It’s extra, but it’s for a wedding so that’s different. You could also ask a neighbor kid to do it. My 9 year old would help!
Anonymous says
It really depends on your family culture and there’s no right answer. I appear to differ from the other commenters in that for me, I can’t imagine putting money into a one night hair style for a child who will look gorgeous regardless – but I also come from a family culture where adults are also not getting blow outs, manicures, etc. really for any reason. I am from a white family in a casual part of the country and I can see that this might vary a lot.
Anonymous says
Who cares what OP’s family thinks? I don’t think having her daughter’s hair styled for a wedding is over the top if it’s fun for her and OP. Nowadays, don’t many brides demand that the entire bridal party including the flower girl spend the whole day together getting their hair and makeup done while wearing matching robes with the photographer in attendance? A mother-daughter outing seems much more low-key than that.
Anonymous says
Yeah, I was just answering the question and trying to say that for me it would be too extra (that’s what I meant by family culture) but whether it’s too extra depends on a lot of factors. For most people abd I think for the OP it would not be extra.
Clementine says
So. I know I’ve written on here about being a foster parent. I also think I had shared that we were set at 2 kids… after our last kiddo left, we had decided to close our home to new kids and were happily giving away our baby stuff.
Well. The universe had other plans. I suddenly find myself with another newborn (special circumstances, I wouldn’t have said yes to 99% of calls) and am back in that 3 kid life. Also back in that ‘working full time at my big job with a newborn’ life.
Because we’re now just… blending one in to all our plans… any thoughts on the SlumberPod?
Cb says
Oh wow, that’s exciting news! How does fostering and daycare work? In the UK, it’s required that you have one parent at home for the younger years.
My pal has her 13, 10 year old, 3 year old twins and a 9 month old at the moment. We are going on a beach holiday at the end of the month and joked that our son could just join in, because what is one more kid?
Anon says
Wait, WHAT?!
That seems…so backwards.
Clementine says
I can answer this because I know people who foster in the UK as well. In the UK, foster carers exclusively provide temporary care. It’s a different track than adoption of a child entirely. If you’re caring for a young child they do require that one parent basically be a foster carer as a career. The monthly amount paid is significantly higher than in the US.
In the US, you can work full time and have a foster child in daycare just like a biological child. In fact, I’ve found it’s easier because the child can be picked up directly from daycare for appointments and visits with the biological family. As a child transitions back home, they may even be able to maintain that same daycare and thus, the consistency in their life.
Anon says
Ah, okay, that makes more sense – it’s essentially a job itself (and thus compensated as such).
AwayEmily says
The SlumberPod is AMAZING. Totally worth the money. Easy to assemble, folds up small, doesn’t overheat, and really does keep things dark. Also, there’s a little pocket for a video monitor. I will note that you are technically not supposed to use it for kids under 5 months (tho we started using it at 4 months, and there are a bunch of vents you can open so I think it’d be fine for younger babies too). Its footprint is not HUGE but it is bigger than the pack-n-play so make sure you have room.
Ashley says
+1 to all of this!
Anonymous says
Oh Clementine! What a big change. The day I called to close our home they said “well we actually have twins in the nicu we thought maybe you could take…” 17 months later they’re playing with Tupperware in my cabinets. No experience with the Slumberpod but I think it was recommended here a few days ago? Best of luck. Any chance you will get some leave?
Mary Moo Cow says
I love your updates! Big hug to you to navigate this!
I have no experience with the Slumber Pod, but I know the sister-in-law of the woman who invented it, and it makes me really happy to see this stranger to whom I have a connection build this business!
anonamommy says
Wow, congratulations to you and your family. I wish you all the best as you adapt to the new normal!
Anonymous says
Congratulations!
Anon says
Kat, my home Wi-Fi is blocked by the Blog vault malicious firewall message. It seems to be fixed on the main page but not here.
Nina says
What are your thoughts on sending elementary aged kids away for a two-week visit at grandma’s house? 2nd and 4th grade specifically. This will be the longest by far they have been away from us. I trust grandma to watch them overnight, and she has before for one or two nights, just not for this long.
What factors should I be considering or how should I prepare the kids for this? Or am I way overthinking it, and I should just take the two-week break and run?
Anon says
I might start with one week, especially if they don’t know grandma super well. If they know her well, two weeks is fine right off the bat.
NYCer says
I would probably start with a week, even if they do know grandma super well. More for grandma’s sake than the kids! ;)
My mom has watched our kids for a week a few times, and it has been great. I am sure she could do two weeks, but I would personally probably save that ask for a special occasion tbh.
Anon says
Good point about saving the two weeks for when you really need it. Although I also really like Spirograph’s idea about siblings going separately for one on one time.
Mary Moo Cow says
Factors for me: how is grandma at the end of two nights (happy, rested, fried, cranky, etc.?); how are kids at the end of two nights (sad, mixed feelings, relieved); who asked for the two weeks; what time of year (school so she can have a break but also deal with the logistics, summer when they have some camps/scheduled activities, or summer/holiday with no activities and totally dependent on grandma for the whole day); and what’s the back up care plan (like if Grandma gets the flu and truly can’t take care of them, who is stepping in?).
I have a rising 2nd grader and she is not ready to spend 2 weeks away from me, but she’s also the oldest and so doesn’t have someone to pull her along. Grandparents in my family are also fine with an overnight or two but would be too worn out to make 2 full weeks enjoyable for the kids. My inclination would be, if grandma suggested it and kids are excited, try it for a week before committing to two weeks. Two weeks is daily living for us, but it is a long time when you’re not used to the daily grind of kids.
Nina says
Great questions all! At the end of two nights, grandma is tired but happy, the kids are thrilled. Grandma asked for the two weeks (it would never have occurred to me!). Time of year = summer (Grandma lives out of state so this is the only way it would work). Back up care plan = for immediate coverage, aunt who lives near grandma, and then we would just go pick them up early (could be there in 10 hours). Thanks so much for your thoughts!
Anon says
Eek! With this I’d stick to a week – maybe tack on more time up front when you are there but working from your mom’s house? My mom is the spryest person on the planet and is tired but happy after 2 days solo with my kids, and just flat out exhausted after a full week (and my kids were going to full time camp). It was the logistics that eventually caught up to her – cooking all the meals, packing snacks, etc. Also, my kids are independent players, but want way more interaction with grandma than they need from me, so she gets much less downtime than we get. She never would have called us to pick them up early but was definitely done after a week.
Alternatively, stick to 2 weeks, but find a 9-3 day camp nearby to send them – it’s absolutely awesome that you have emergency back up with your aunt, but it doesn’t sound like she’d be doing day in day out care to make sure your mom doesn’t run herself into the ground.
Anon says
I agree it sounds like you need some kind of day camp if you do two weeks, but a 9-12 or 9-1 camp is probably enough, doesn’t have to be 9-3. Getting a break every day even for a few hours makes a big difference.
Anon says
Yeah – good point! I was a stay at home parent for a few years, and I found with the 9-12 camps that by the time I’d prep everything they need for camp, feed them breakfast, drive them there, and then drive them home, I was pretty much turning around and driving back to pick them up, drive them home, feed them lunch, and I’d still have a full afternoon ahead of us. If you spend the 2 hours-ish that you have “free” to pick up the house, shop for groceries, or take care of anything else you need to take care of (grandma still probably has other stuff going on – emails, etc.), you really don’t get any downtime, which I think would be the goal here. With my same aged kids, I typically don’t sign them up for these short camps, as I feel like it ends up being more work for me that hiring a babysitter for the same period of time or just letting them having a relaxing morning at home.
So maybe take into account the distance of the camp? Or if you can otherwise make sure her fridge is fully stocked? I think they are all good options!! I’m not shooting anything down – just remembering the reality of being a SAHP, who was used to my kids and had routines/chores, and still found 2 straight weeks during the summer draining without camps or neighborhood friends or other breaks.
Spirograph says
I don’t think a day camp is necessary at all. Two of my kids have done a week away (one at a time) at grandma’s house so far this summer, and we’ve done this for years starting when the kids are ~5. She usually does a couple “big” things with each of them like a minor league baseball game or little amusement park, but they did a lot of mundane things like just… going for a hike or a bike ride (which my mom would do solo anyway), going grocery shopping and cooking kid’s favorite food together, making ice cream, playing cards. Interspersed with plenty of downtime where the kid just played with toys alone, ran through the sprinkler, or read a book or whatever and grandma was free to relax, too. The novelty seems to wear off after a day or two — the kid is still getting way more focused adult attention than typical, so it doesn’t need to be as constant later in the week.
The key to this, though, that I mentioned in my other response, is ONE KID. I am not trying to say that parenting a one child is easy, but grandparenting one for a week in the summer with no other responsibilities is pretty fun and easy. As a parent, having 2 kids at home instead of 3 feels like a vacation! Not as much of a vacation as having 0 kids at home, I’m sure, but it’s still a nice break. We’re a several-hour drive from grandma’s house and the way it typically works is she comes to visit for the weekend, leaves with one kid, we go visit her the next weekend and leave a different kid. Or sometimes we meet in the middle for a little day trip activity as part of the kid swap.
AwayEmily says
If day camp isn’t an option, another idea is to strongly encourage your mom to lean into screens as necessary. We do this when my mom watches our kids — she definitely needs regular breaks or she gets exhausted (she doesn’t do overnights but will take them for a day sometimes when school is closed).
Anon says
Agreed Spirograph – one 5 year old for a week is a-Ok, but this is two kids for 2 weeks. I personally wouldn’t do it – or would add a lot more structure. Most likely it would be totally FINE, but if you want it to be fun and enjoyable and not totally fatiguing, I’d put more support in place. Or try it first for 1 week, then try 2 weeks next year if it goes well.
Mary Moo Cow says
With these answers, I would say go for it, but be prepared to come back after one week. She seems like she’s up for it, and kids seem excited, but I would definitely give everyone an escape hatch by saying I was ready and willing to come get them at the end of 7 days if anyone was miserably homesick or bone weary.
Anonymous says
I’d be more worried about Grandma than the kids ;)
Anonymous says
Same. I’d suggest she start with one week this year and then try two weeks next year if it works out.
In our family Grandma camp is limited to one week, and she sends the kids to day camp. But there are usually 4 – 5 kids so that’s a little different.
Anon says
Do it! My 4YO spent 10 days at my parents’ house this summer (last year at 3YO she did 3 one-week stints). Things that may help grandma are finding a half-day program to put them in to both tire them out and give your mom a break. It’s so awesome for the grandparent bonding and even more amazing of a break for you. Things that help my kiddo feel more at home are making sure a few of her favorite foods are available (I either pack them or do a grocery run if I do drop off or send my mom a list). She also keeps her very busy doing all the fun things (camp, pool, sports in the backyard, baking, arts and crafts, walks, playground, etc.), which I think is what keeps the homesickness at bay.
EDAnon says
I am reading with interest. Mine are younger but are crazy about their grandparents. When they are older, we’d like to do some longer visits away but would love to hear how it’s worked for others.
Spirograph says
My vote is that you’re overthinking, but I’m projecting my own experience: my mom is still pretty physically spry, raised me and my siblings as a mostly solo parent, and had a second career as an elementary teacher.
However, food for thought: It might be more fun for both grandma and the kids if, instead of both of them going for two weeks, they each go for one week (assuming the logistics aren’t insurmountable). That way they get special only-child attention and grandma doesn’t need to manage the sibling dynamic. We send each of our kids to “camp grandma” for a week over the summer, but they go one at a time. My siblings and I did the same with my grandparents when we were kids, and I have such fond memories of it!
anonamommy says
Yes, this exactly. My sister and I each got to spend one week, separately, with our grandparents over the summer. It was so great, and really let us bask in their attention. I think it was easier on the grandparents because they could tailor activities to our interests and only worry about one schedule/bedtime at a time.
Boston Legal Eagle says
This is a great idea!! Each kid gets one on one time, and grandparent is less worn out and only planning for one age group. Taking care of 2+ kids is just harder and this should hopefully be an enjoyable time for everyone. It’s not a true 2 week break for you, but taking care of one kid may feel a bit like a vacation ;)
Anon says
I agree that I’d start with 1 week. My kids are the same age, and one my fourth grader is very independent and loves sleepaway camp, and would struggle after 1 week with being homesick.
If you still go for it, I would strongly encourage you to help set up some structure/routine for the kids that helps the grandparent – a daycamp? a trusted babysitter to take them to the pool? I think the routine would help both the kids to not get bored, and the grandparent to take a break. Even the youngest and most spry of adults would need some breaks in a 2 week stint if they are not used to caring for kids full time. I’d also consider a bunch of meal options to assist with the process. My parents run out of steam as they make. all. the. meals. that kids need throughout the day. Prepared dinners that you know your kids would like would be appreciated, I imagine.
Anon says
So hopefully this does not come off as survivor’s bias. But my parents started sending me and my sibling to my grandparents for the entire summer around this age. Looking back, I can not fathom being away from my kids for an entire summer. But all in all, I do have very sweet memories from it. My grandparents almost feel like a second set of parents because of it, even though they lived so far away from us normally.
Every kid is different, but as long as you are not planning this 2 weeks over a big event like their birthday or something. I think they’ll be fine and it’s an opportunity to for them build memories.
Anonymous says
Why skip from 2 nights to 2 weeks? Do one week.
Nina says
The straightforward answer to this question is that grandma suggested 2 weeks.
SC says
I think it depends on your kids and the Grandma. This would have been a non-issue for me and both sets of grandparents. But I was an unusually independent child and used to all kinds of childcare. One grandmother fed me all the junk food, played Uno with me, and let me and my cousin do whatever we wanted, which meant alternating between TV and the backyard all day. Those were blissfully unstructured weeks, but I may have been bored after 2 weeks. My other grandmother was a retired teacher, and she gave me and my cousins the perfect blend of structured activities and free play at her annual “camp grandma,” which was usually 1-2 weeks. I could have spent an entire summer with her without noticing my parents were gone, and I don’t think she would have been tired because she so easily included us in her routines.
Anon says
Can you do a half day day camp at Grandma’s? We did Pedaheads when my kid went there for a week and it gave Grandma some time off (3 hours per day) and tired the kid out.
anonM says
One factor I’d make sure to address is body safety/consent. Make sure kids and grandma know who is allowed access/alone time with the kids. No secrets. No forced hugging/tickling. Etc. Even if it is just grandma, it helps everyone not take these safety measures personally if you consistently say this to all adults caring for your kids.
Nina says
+1. This is one of my biggest concerns TBH, that grandma would have a neighbor, or my nephew’s buddies, or some other person around the girls and not think anything of it or be as aware of the risks. We’d definitely have a conversation with her and with the kids about the issues there.
Anonymous says
Totally kid specific. My about to turn 9 rising 3rd grader would love it and go in a heartbeat. She’s had sleepovers at her grandma’s a lot before (sometimes for a couple days at a time), she’s been doing sleepovers happily at friends’ houses, and some of her friends even went to sleepaway camp this summer.
My other kids are younger- almost 6 and 4. I wouldn’t stick grandma with all of them for 2 weeks, but I would certainly let the older two or just the youngest go as long as they wanted to do it and they weren’t going to be sitting around watching TV the whole time.
What’s interesting to me is that you even asked this as a question- this would be an automatic yes from me assuming they weren’t going to be bored out of their minds. That tells me you have some hesitation, and it’s worth figuring out if it’s because you feel your kids aren’t ready or grandma can’t handle them. Those ages are pretty darn easy.
Nina says
Re your last paragraph – I think the reason is bc I’m naturally a super anxious person? I default to thinking about worst case scenarios and how bad I would feel if something went wrong.
Also possibly TMI I’m a child of divorce and was forced to be apart from my mom in the summer to visit dad for 6+ weeks at a time and haaaaaaaaated it. Obviously this is a completely, completely different situation. But “sending kid away during the summer for an extended period” has some bad connotations for me, so wanted to get a gut check from this group.
Anon says
Are your kids excited about this? I wouldn’t send them if they’re not enthusiastic. If they are, then it’s very different than your situation.
Anonymous says
It really depends on the kid. I was desperate to get away from home for the summer by the time I was 6 or 7 and found a bunch of books about summer camp at the library. I still resent my parents for their refusal to send me until I was 11. My daughter is the same way. The first time we sent her to camp at age 6 she was sad when it was time to come home. She is now seriously campaigning for boarding school but that is not happening because I am not made of money. On the other hand, one of my daughter’s friends couldn’t stand going on even short campouts or mission trips without her mom as a chaperone until she was 12.
Anon says
I would start with 5-7 days and if that goes well, extend to longer. 2 weeks is a long time and if people aren’t having fun, it will really drag out.
Anonymous says
Our family motto is “leave while everyone is still having fun.” Better to do a week and end on a high note than wear everyone out with two weeks on the first try.
Anon says
That’s our family motto too. Stop while it is still fun.
Anon says
If grandma suggested two weeks, I would take it and run! But also be prepared to run home (i.e., not the time to take a two week trip to Europe. Maybe one week).
Anon says
There’s no way I would go to Europe the first time my kids were away from home for an extended period. Europe will be there next summer.
Nina says
Haha, agreed, we definitely talked about it. But no, if we go on a trip, it will be to a destination closer to grandma than our home is :)
Anon says
I spent eight weeks with my grandparents every summer from age 6 to 15 and LOVED it. They have both passed away, but my kid carries one of their names.
Anon says
Great suggestion on the Road ID for kids I had not thought about that before. I’ve purchased from their sister brand DogID. I originally got it so my dog’s tags would not jingle with a newborn around. There is so much room on these, that I was able to fit our address, along with cell phone numbers, and a neighbor was able to return our dog right away to us because of it. Highly recommend.
Anonymous says
This is a first world problem, but we have back to back trips coming up to very different climates. We’ll only be home for about 10 hours in between. Each member of our family has their own carry on suitcase and backpack. Any suggestions for making this process as smooth as possible? Is this what packing cubes are for?
Anonymous says
I’d pack for everything in advance of the first trip. I’d probably considering buying some inexpensive new socks and underwear to throw in the mix to avoid any laundry at all during those 10 hours. Or else wash those things on the night of the first trip if you have access to laundry.
EDAnon says
+1
Anon says
Yes definitely trying to avoid laundry during that time. We don’t need socks for the second trip (beach resort) and have enough underwear to cover both weeks. We will be reusing the same suitcases so I can’t pre-pack. That’s where I thought packing cubes might be useful. I guess I’ll just put the clothes for the second trip in organized piles. It’s basically just bathing suits and cover ups so wrinkles don’t matter.
Anne-on says
I would 100% do packing cubes (or heck, I have friends that pack in ziplock gallon baggies). That way you can just grab and swap – also the cubes can be useful in sorting the dirty clothing into categories for faster/easier laundry.
SC says
Packing cubes would be great, but if you don’t want to buy a new thing, just put the stuff for the second trip in organized piles on the couch or a spare bed or something. When you get home from trip 1, dump those clothes into a laundry basket and load up the clothes for trip 2.
NYCer says
Definitely this.
So Anon says
Welp. It looks like I may be headed for a new battle with the ex. He sees the kids for one weeknight dinner and every other Saturday morning to Sunday afternoon. This week, he picked the kids up from their summer camp that ended at 3pm, drove them to his house 45 minutes away, and then drove them back to my house at 7pm. When I walked past him outside, I could smell alcohol coming off of him. I asked if he had been drinking when he had the kids (forbidden under the terms of our parenting agreement), and he said, “No, but I’m about to go drink.”
He has a long history of abusing alcohol, and drove drunk when we were younger. My best guess is that he went golfing (based on what he was wearing) and drank prior to picking up the kids at 3pm. But I could smell it on him at 7pm. I know that he has been drinking again, but this is the first time I have evidence of his drinking impacting his parenting time. I’m going to request that he use remote alcohol monitoring during his parenting time only, and if he does not agree, I will take it to court for a judge to mandate. I’m so frustrated and heartbroken for my kids. They don’t know and don’t get it. I know that limiting his time with them is in their best interests. UGH.
Anonymous says
That is frustrating. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I agree court-mandated monitoring would be ideal, especially with driving the kids around. Goodluck.
Anne-on says
+1 this is heartbreaking but so important for your kids. I have an alcoholic parent (untreated, won’t admit it) and I spent my entire childhood from 7yrs onward being terrified of him when he was drunk. He regularly drove drunk and it’s a minor miracle he has’t hurt himself or anyone else. I refuse to allow my parents unsupervised time with my kid any longer because of his drinking. I also guarantee that your kids know more than you think they do – at 8 I clearly understood that no, it was not normal to drive with open alcohol in the car(!!) and was so, so scared we were going to crash when he’d insist on driving us home from dinners absolutely wasted.
EDAnon says
Alcoholism is so so hard (for everyone, but I have only been the family member, not the person struggling with addiction). You need to do what keeps your kids safe.
Aunt Jamesina says
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You sound like a wonderful parent!
anon says
In the meantime, can you set it up so you or someone else safe do all the driving? I had the idea of kids getting in the car with someone who has been drinking.
Anonymous says
This. My kids don’t get in the car with a driver who has had anything to drink, period. This includes grandparents who had a glass of wine with dinner.
Anonymous says
That’s nice. But when you’re divorced you don’t get to tell your ex he can’t have a single glass of wine and drive. So unhelpful.
Anonymous says
This is so hard. I second the comment above about the kids knowing more than you think they do. My kids all know what beer and wine are. You could just ask the kids at some point (easier said than done but I think you could weave it in fairly innocently.)
Anne-on says
Paging other class moms – share your best tips/advice with me. After ducking the ‘honor’ for the last 5 years I got nominated this year. I’ve already sent my co-mom a note telling her to please email me to coordinate our ‘duties’ (for the love of god I don’t have time for midday calls or lunch dates) and suggesting dates and venues for our assigned back to school events. Thankfully we don’t do individual gifts/supplies for the teachers or grades so it’ll be more coordinating donations to the central fund and reminding everyone of dates but ugh. On the bright side, I fully intend to advocate that 90% of all ‘activitites’ be held late afternoon/evenings/weekends so the working parents have a shot of attending for once (No rule against the ‘coffee chat’ being a coffee or wine chat at 6pm instead of a 9-10am time suck).
Mary Moo Cow says
I was the lead room parent this past year with a co-room parent. We parted as friends, but there were some rocky moments as we navigated how was responsible for what. In hindsight, clearly delineating responsibilities and activities at the beginning of the year would have helped us avoid discord. The biggest driver in what you do likely will be the school’s covid mitigation policies, as that will determine whether you can be in person for the parties or not. If you can have parents in the building, the temptation might be to do larger or more elaborate parties and recruit parent volunteers, and if not, then stick with soliciting donations for one craft and one snack parents can send in. Make sure you and your co-parent are on the same page about this.
I personally think that divying up the holidays and one person owning each is easier than splitting duties for each event: so, I would own Halloween and Valentine’s Day, and co-parent owns Christmas and Earth Day, for example. I plan, execute, and pay for it and simply copy co-parent on the final email with the teacher about what is happening when.
Be prepared to dig into your own pocket, and set a budget and be clear with room parent ahead of time. I asked for $3 from each family for the end of the year party and collected from less than half the class. I had already committed to pizza, a craft, and a snack, so co-parent and I had to spend our own money.
Remember that you are doing this with and for a teacher. Teacher may not want activities in the evening because she’s been working all day. You can certainly ask, but all our events had to be held during school hours. I did try to nudge them to drop off, lunch time or pick up to give working parents a chance.
It wasn’t always fun and games but I relished being a closer part of the school community by being a room parent. I plan to do it again in the future.
LittleBigLaw says
Reach out to the teacher to make sure your expectations for the year are aligned. Set up an email group now so you aren’t hunting down addresses or for an old thread every time an email reminder needs to go out. Set up some template emails that can just be tweaked and reused for each event. I think it varies depending on your school, but I loved being the room parent because it was mostly an admin job I could handle from my desk and made me feel more connected to what was going on at school. Good luck!
Anon says
Honestly, this sounds very school dependent. I’ve been a class parent for 4 years, and all I did was collect money for holiday snacks and teacher birthday gift. I did contribute extra for everything (but I also contribute extra when other class parents are asking). I am adamantly opposed to decorating.
Anon says
I see there are a few foster parents here, and if you are willing to share, I’d love to hear more about your experiences. My husband and I were exploring the process a few years ago, but ended up with surprise twins. We now have four kids, ages 13, 10, 5, and 5, and we are starting to explore it again. Obviously talking to lots of people in real life, but I’m curious for any other personal (anonymous) thoughts you can share. If you have older bio/adopted kids in the house, how have they handled accepting foster siblings? Is it incredibly difficult to say goodbye after you’ve had the foster kids for a few years? Anything else you’d be willing share? I appreciate it.
Anonymous says
I don’t really have any experience that’s directly related to your questions, but since no one else has responded I’ll share my thoughts. We are a foster to adopt home – we foster with the intent to adopt the children we welcome, if going home becomes impossible for them. I know lots of people hate that term but it simply means that we weighed the risk of each child going home before we said yes (sometimes we were given 15 minutes to weigh that risk, sometimes a day). All that to say there are different types of homes: it is essential that everyone in your family is on the same page about your family goal. I think it’s much better to frame it as “Bob needs a safe place to stay right now, and we will provide that for as long as he needs, until he can go home” vs “these babies are going to be with us for a while…maybe forever.”
I’ve had one good experience and one really hard experience that’s still ongoing. In all honesty fostering has gotten a lot more onerous in the last few years. The paperwork, training and appointments are almost a full time job, and I don’t have fosters in school – that’s basically another job in itself. But I still feel like it’s a job worth doing. Our oldest has been better able to understand and ask questions about his adoption story because of his foster siblings. I would encourage you to do your research on agencies and try to choose one that offers a lot of post-adoption support (and birth mother support that is not just money). I have groups where I can get clothes, formula and I’m part of a foster mom support group. The only thing I don’t have is a babysitter, which I desperately need, but sometimes our nanny (who is a certified foster caregiver) fills in. I’ve heard it’s incredibly hard to say goodbye: imho that’s good because it means you’re bonded to the kiddo and gave them a home where they felt secure. Happy to answer and other questions you have about my experience.
Anon says
I thought the goal of foster care was always reunification not adoption? I’ve never heard of a “foster to adopt” home.
Lily says
Kids don’t always have family to be reunified with, or at least family that are capable of caring for them… sometimes at the outset of a placement, it’s fairly clear that reunification/kinship placement is unlikely, which I guess is where the “foster to adopt” comes into play. It’s not like a different type of foster placement.
Anonymous says
The goal is permanency, which is often but not always reunification.
Toddler mask recs? says
Kiddo is turning 2 soon, and daycare (actually county health department) requires masks in childcare settings for anyone over 2 with symptoms of illness or who’s been exposed to Covid. (She’ll be fully vaxxed by the time she turns 2, so that plus a mask will get her out of quarantine requirements). Recommendations for which masks are easiest to deal with?
anonM says
Just Play 3ply Kids Face Mask – S – available at target. The Small size fit my 2yo and are the ones she will best keep on.
Anon says
We liked the old navy cloth ones if we were masking for “performance reasons” (meaning a mask was required but compliance among all the kids was spotty at best (lots of noses in pictures!) and I was OK with the mask not actually offering protection, i.e., her small preschool class or uncrowded space). DD started wearing the cloth mask around 2.5 and still tolerates it pretty well at now almost 5. If I am actually concerned about her risk of potential exposure (e.g., larger public settings, groups not in her daily cohort), then we do the disposable kids masks they sell at costco (sometimes layered with a cloth mask on top for a tighter fit on the days she will tolerate that).
AwayEmily says
We do the same thing. I send my kid to school with an Old Navy cloth mask (we use tiny hair elastics to make them smaller, he has a wee head) but at doctors offices, grocery store, etc he wears a paper mask.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Crayola kids masks fit my toddler best.
Anon says
My two year old had the most success with these: https://a.co/d/dN0I2hZ . Make sure they’re the 2-5 year size.
Toddler mask recs? says
Thanks, all!
ifiknew says
Best travel insurance provider or how to shop for one? Do I get protection for the house and our airlines? I’ve never bought travel insurance before.. Going for a week to belize with my parents and our family of 4 and my sister and her boyfriend in October.
CHL says
I got a policy from Allianz this year (we had two really big trips and an overall annual policy was better than insuring the specific trip). It was easy to plug in what I was looking for and it seemed pretty comprehensive.
Anon says
I’ve used travelinsurance.com – it’s an aggregator that helps you put in your factors and gives you options to purchase directly through Allianz, AXA, etc. I’ve used it for trips to Europe as well as Central Asia.
Anon says
Refundable plane tickets and a refundable hotel/resort stay might be cheaper than travel insurance and easier to deal with in the event you have to cancel. “Cancel for any reason” travel insurance is usually $$$$.
Anon says
Fun Friday topic? I’m looking ahead to Spring Break 2023 and thinking about Costa Rica. We have two boys, 8 and 10. Does anyone have any recommendations? Do I do a hotel/resort? Airbnb? Specific areas to look at? Would love anyone’s advice.
Anonymous says
Hotel or resort. For sure. AirBnB disrupts the local economy and just isn’t appropriate. I’d split time between Arenal (Tabacon is a stunning resort worth a day pass if you don’t stay) and Manuel Antonio.
Anon says
Curious for more context on “just isn’t appropriate” – would love to hear more on this, specific to Costa Rica? Or generally?
Anonymous says
I don’t think AirBnB is appropriate outside of traditional resort communities and I find it particularly problematic in foreign countries. Everyone loves getting a kitchen and extra rooms for cheaper than a resort but the reason they are cheaper is because you are driving locals out of the rental market.
Anonymous says
Yes, I understand that Venice is essentially one big Air BnB now because of this
Anon says
Second the recommendation for Tabacon. We had a great stay there.
Mary Moo Cow says
Check out Young House Love’s Costa Rica trip posts. They went two years ago, so likely some has changed, but it could be a good place to start to get a feel for a trip. I think Pregnant Chicken’s family went a few years ago, too, and she wrote about it. I know 2 families with high school kids who did a joint trip this summer and it seemed like they had a ball because there were adventures and downtime.
An.On. says
We went as part of a river rafting trip ~5 years ago. One of the best (non-rafting) parts was doing a nighttime beach walk on Tortuguero to see the nesting turtles, but you might not be there for the peak season if you’re thinking spring break. You go out at night when it’s dark, no flashlights when you arrive at the beach to minimize disruption to the turtles, and I think kids would get a kick out of walking through the jungle/beach at night. If you do go, I recommend closed toed shoes, both because there’s a hike in the dark, and also we stepped in an ants nest on the beach when we were too distracted by looking at turtles.
AwayEmily says
For Christmas of next year (2023), we want to rent a house with my husband’s (awesome) family — in total, eight adults, four kids, and a baby. Any ideas for good locations on the East Coast (where most of us live) to rent a nice big house where there are also fun things to do? I was thinking maybe Lake Placid? Also, has anyone used Kid & Coe to find a rental?
Anon says
I’m not a cold weather person, but I would vote for Florida.
NYCer says
I have not used Kid & Coe, but their posts pop up on my Instagram sometimes and the houses look beautiful.
Depends on what kind of weather you are looking for, and if you meant NE vs. the entire East Coast, but I would probably prefer somewhere warmer than Lake Placid. Maybe Kiawah Island (or elsewhere in South Carolina) or Sea Island? It won’t be warm enough to swim, but you could at least go for beach walks, bike rides, etc. And not wear parkas all the time!
Anon says
If you’re OK with a warmer holiday, I would do Charleston, SC. If you are looking for colder (for me Christmas needs to be cold to feel like Christmas) you might do Lake Placid or another ski town. If you’re not wedded to a house, look for a resort – Greenbrier and the Homestead in VA are lovely at the holidays, or try something like Smuggler’s Notch in VT (family friendly, snow-sport related activities) or Mohonk Mountain House or Omni Bedford Springs or the Nemacolin.
Anonymous says
We did Charleston for Christmas one year and it was super boring and not very Christmasy. It’s not warm enough to be a warm-weather vacation, but not cold enough to be a real Christmas either. I’d go for something snowy and cozy with skiing, sledding, ice skating, sleigh rides, etc., or something actually tropical.
AwayEmily says
I should have been more specific, sorry! Florida/SC are great ideas but my goal is to avoid flying — I’d rather save on plane tickets and spend more money on a really nice house that 11/13 of us can drive to. So something within a day’s drive of NYC.
NYCer says
In that case, Lake Placid is definitely not a bad option. Stowe, VT and surrounding area also probably fits the bill.
ElisaR says
We have visited SkyTop resort in the Poconos in the summer time and it was really wonderful. They do a special Christmas decor in the winter that looks amazing. It’s an old school resort that dates back to 1928 or so. Snow tubing and snow shoeing and an indoor pool. They do have cottages to rent but they also have a lodge and an “inn” that we stayed in (the “inn” rooms are very new and spacious). Poconos were a short drive for us but felt a world away.
Anonymous says
Maybe the Hamptons? The beaches can actually be really beautiful and totally empty at that time of year, plus there are restaurants, etc. My husband’s family went one year for Thanksgiving before we were dating and everyone raves about the trip.
NYCer says
I was going to suggest this too because I too enjoy the Hamptons in the off season, but there aren’t a ton of things to do with kids in the winter. Especially for a full week.
Anonymous says
A friend recently lent us some baby clothes, none of which are labeled. I’m concerned I’ll forget what’s hers and what’s ours but don’t want to make any permanent changes to something I’m ultimately going to return to someone else. Suggestions for temporary labeling that will survive laundry, wear, etc, but not be a total disaster to remove before returning the clothes?
Boston Legal Eagle says
Mabel’s Labels.
Anonymous says
+1. They stay on in the laundry and then remove cleanly. She’ll never even know you labeled them.
AwayEmily says
can you take a photo of all of it laid out, then refer back to that photo later? Alternatively, just give her back hers PLUS all of yours. I will say, though, that I still remember exactly who gave me every hand-me-down, even three kids and six years later, so you might surprise yourself! I love hand-me-downs because they always give me a little spark of happiness when I remember their origin.
Anon says
Sharpie dot on the label. It’s ‘permanent,’ but doesn’t alter the clothes in any way that matters. I did one dot for stuff from my sister, two dots for stuff from a friend – we hardly had to buy anything, it was awesome.
lawyermom says
If it is lent baby clothes, I would return them now. It is too much stress to try to prevent the clothing from getting stained and figuring out what is theirs versus yours. The thrift store has very cheap baby clothes (some with tags). Also if you post on facebook in a neighborhood page or buy nothing type group – several people will likely have baby clothes you can have outright.
Anonymous says
Same. I don’t accept loans. Way too much stress.
Anon says
Agreed. Not worth it at all.
Anon says
Maybe just ask her if it’s okay to label them with her last name? Likely she’ll say yes and just hasn’t gotten around to it.
Anon says
+1
Anon says
We have our first birthday party this weekend! A kid in my son’s daycare class (turning 3) is having a party at a local playroom. What are the norms for gifting? A book and a card, or something similar?
Anon says
Yup that sounds good.
Anon says
Gift for $20. For 3, I would do art supplies, duplo or a book, from target, with a gift receipt.
Dealing with negative energy family says
What are your best tips for dealing with negative energy family?
My in-laws are visiting next month (for 5 days, staying with us). My MIL is a negative Nancy and chronic worrier, so I’m already preparing myself for the fretting about our new car (we paid cash, can afford), gas prices, the economy, if I’m feeling okay (I’m pregnant), etc. She has a such a negative mindset and it’s draining. What are your favorite coping techniques (that don’t include leaving the house b/c that is hard given short trip and I do want her to have time with our toddler).
Anon says
Minimize time with her. Leave the house and let her hang with the toddler! If you don’t trust her to safely babysit, at least leave the room and let her entertain the kid. If you don’t want to be rude, come up with some pressing work obligations that require your attention on the computer.
Meg says
Can you turn it into a private joke with your partner? Store up all the craziness to laugh at at bedtime… my MIL is similar, best example is the weather is ALWAYS bad when she visits – even if it’s 60 and sunny in December she moans about it “not feeling like Christmas”….drove me nuts til I realized my DH felt the same way and now we look at the forecast before she comes and try to determine what she will say in advance. Then when she says it, it’s not annoying, it’s funny.
Anon says
Is there anything she enjoys doing, or that you enjoy doing that can make the time feel more special and fly by at times? Less annoyance, more carefree moments? For me, these have been activities like ice cream and splash pad, boat ride on a lake, and time at a shady park. My MIL also likes baking with our little one or doing games (putting together a flower garden toy with plastic parts). Plan a few things to help the day seem more fun. Some may backfire but others can be good memories later.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
My MIL is a variation of this – keep. her. busy. Give her tasks that she finds easy/likeable and makes her feel needed even if it means eating her under seasoned, dry lasagna. And then…minimize time. Have a phrase you can use between you and DH when you need to take breaks to lay on your bed, alone, away from her.
DLC says
+1 to giving her tasks to keep her busy.
My mother in law was a very anxious and unhappy person. She was fretful and mostly ineffectual. But she was really good at drying the dishes and folding napkins.
A few other things: keep the information that you share with her minimal. Remember that everything comes from a place of love- that is a helpful framing for me. Also, it helped me to realize that she wasn’t looking for solutions or reassurances or counter-arguments. Once I disengaged and stopped trying to make her feel better about things or correct her, her fretting bothered me less. A bit of non-commital empathic murmurings helped me disengage my emotional state from hers. (“Hmm.. yeah that’s rough”, “Thanks for asking. I’m feeling fine.” “Really? That *does* sound odd!”) I just realized this was how she was, and accepted it with a shrug.