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I recently had my yearly physical (OK, year and a half-ly physical), and one of my takeaways was that I need to be more careful of what I eat. Not just for the number on the scale, but also due to having gestational diabetes while pregnant in combination with other elevated risk factors, I need to watch my blood sugar levels. I think the only way I’m going to be able to do this is by meal planning, especially for lunches. I am really loathe to add another thing to my list of responsibilities, but I know my personality, and when I’m given a choice of what to eat, I’m going to choose the less healthy/more delicious option. Over on Corporette, Kat and the readers had an interesting discussion about eating the same food every day, which I think may be a way for me to take away the option to make a less healthy choice. These containers are microwavable, freezable, dishwasher-safe, and BPA-free, and would make life easier when packing a week’s worth of lunches and/or meal planning. The containers are $11.99 for a 15-pack at Amazon and are eligible for Prime. Meal Prep Containers This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
avocado says
I use the 4-cup square Pyrex snaplock containers for meal prep. If I want bento-style compartments, I add silicone muffin cups (they must be as tall as the container or the contents will spill). For salad dressings, I use the tiny plastic jars from Sistema. This system works for everything from salads to sandwiches to leftovers to cute bento lunches. Nothing ever leaks, and there is no microwaving of plastic.
GCA says
Yeah, I am also iffy about microwaving plastic frequently, and also use glass or just microwave on a regular plate and transfer to a Thermos. Not quite as organized as a cute bento but stays warm till lunchtime.
Anon says
Uh yeah, no microwaving plastic for me.
anon says
Please share your tips on how to transition back to a normal schedule after vacationing in a different time zone. We were in California and need to get back to EST. Our 2 year old seems hardest hit by the schedule difference and scream-cried for two hours last night. I am trying to inch back into the regular routine, but he goes to daycare and keeps their regular schedule. So, he naps at 12noon but isn’t ready to sleep at night till 11pm EST. Ugh, help!
Anonymous says
This is rough, but in our experience daycare keeping the regular routine is actually helpful. My hunch is that it will be a rough week or so, but then kiddo will be back to your typical schedule. Pretty soon he’ll crash from not getting enough sleep and that will reset things.
Anonymous says
Lots of outdoor time and running around outside both before and after supper. Like chase him around the playground for an hour. Being phyiscally tired out will help.
AwayEmily says
+1 to this — lots of sunlight and running around outside before bed, then as dark as possible in his room for bed.
Anon says
i have the reverse question – heading west next week…how do i get my kids not to wake up at 5am
NYCer says
It’s impossible! (Only half kidding…)
How long are you staying for? I find that kids tend to adjust naturally, but it takes several days and by then you are usually heading back home. I have family on the west coast, and this is basically the story of my life.
Anon says
Yep my kid woke up at 4 am for an entire week in Hawaii. It wasn’t the end of the world though.
NYCer says
In all honesty, try to have them stay up a bit later the first night and just hope for the best. A super dark room might help too since it is getting light out quite early these days. And I would count 5am as lucky if you’re coming from EST…. 3:30am would be the real fun! ;)
AwayEmily says
Ugh traveling west is the wooooorst — I’m traveling from NY to Vancouver later this summer with two toddlers who normally sleep 6:30pm – 5:30am, and so I will consider myself lucky if they make it past 4am while we are on “vacation.”
Anonymous says
We did this in April and the adjustment was about an hour a day, particularly heading west. Even though my son was staying up way late – going to bed after his normal bedtime locally, which was 3+ hours late on Eastern time – he still woke up a couple hours early. Coming back he adjusted faster, probably because he was completely exhausted.
Anon says
No advice, but solidarity. We were in California two weeks ago, and my 16 month old is still not back to anything resembling a normal bed time. I think the fact that it’s light until almost 10 pm in our area now is also a factor, but her bedtime has been around 9:30-10 pm when it used to be more like 8 pm. Fortunately my husband is a professor, so in the summers she can go to bed late and wake up late, but its definitely given me pause about traveling to California again, especially during the academic year when it would be a real disaster if she took weeks to adjust after coming home. It’s weird because she went to Hawaii when she was 11 months and didn’t adjust to the time zone at all, so I expected her to basically stay on East Coast time in California and have no trouble with re-entry. But she adjusted to California time incredibly quickly (a day or two tops), she just won’t go back for some reason.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Did anyone read Emily Oster’s new book, Cribsheet? Basically a review of the available and sometimes lack of studies around various decisions of early parenting. I enjoyed it and a lot of it is what we discuss here (i.e. breast milk is not some magic elixir – if bfeeding works for you, great, but if not, other variables make much more of a difference in how your kids will end up, a parent’s need or desire to sleep more should be taken into account when making baby sleep training decisions). I already felt most of this was the case, but as a rule follower anxious person, it was good to read the data back it up.
Anonymous says
I don’t take her too seriously. She’s an economist dabbling in epidemiology, not an epidemiologist. And I trust the AAP BF’s sections view of BF over hers. Oster also relies largely, if not exclusively on English language research as well which misses many medical publications. I think she starts with a hypothesis and then is cavalier about excluding studies she doesn’t like that don’t fit her own hypothesis. For example, she’s lukewarm on co-sleeping even though the evidence that it’s fine when parents aren’t drinkers/smokers is quite strong and better quality than her supposed evidence that eating sushi is fine. ( I didn’t cosleep or eat sushi). I worked with kids with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome disorder and it’s easy to dismiss the risks of alcohol based on numbers when you haven’t had to see the consequences first hand.
Also, based on this profile of her -https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2019/06/03/parenting-by-the-numbers – I just have fundamentally different values from someone who gets up at 5am to bake muffins and doesn’t wake her kids up for 2 hours. Kids running into our bedroom for morning cuddles in the ‘big bed’ plus baking together on the weekends are some of my greatest joys in life.
Anonymous says
Heaven forbid a woman enjoy doing something alone and making time to do that while her kids are sleeping.
AwayEmily says
Wait, so if you woke up two hours before your kids you would…wake them up and go get them and bring them into your bed? I love snuggles as much as the next person but I cannot imagine a situation where I would go into my kids’ room at 5am to purposely wake them up. But different things work for different families!
Anonymous says
I have no idea what you read into my post. Who wakes there kids up 2 hours before necessary? I’ve never woken up at 5am without an alarm or met anyone who does. The article specificed that she got up at 5am to bake muffins and woke her kids at 6:50 after telling the author that 6:45 was too early. Like good for her but that’s not for me and I can’t see taking parenting advice from someone who’s values I disagree with. I don’t trll epidemologists to try and make myself feel better about my parenting choices.
Anonymous says
What’s wrong with her getting up at 5 if she wants to?
AwayEmily says
Yeah, I have to say that I do not understand how “liking to wake up at 5am” is a “value.” Many people just like waking up early, or they are just biologically early risers (wasn’t there a post on here recently about larks and owls?). Or yesterday there was a bunch of posts from people who woke up early to exercise. Would you refuse to take parenting advice from them, too? What an odd thing to judge someone for.
AwayEmily says
PS: I absolutely interpreted your initial post incorrectly, sorry about that — I am someone who naturally gets up at 5 (actually, 4:50 on most days) so I extrapolated from my own experience and assumed that the “value-compatible” action would be waking my kids up for snuggles. Now I understand your point, which is that my getting up that early in the first place is the part that is not compatible with your values.
GCA says
Ok, this part of the discussion is cracking me up. As someone who also wakes up around 5, I feel so seen. And now also judged. I’m not an expert at getting up early though. Don’t take my parenting advice. Isn’t one of the very points Oster makes that there is a spectrum of perfectly reasonable and healthy parenting choices?
Spirograph says
I read it as, if you are up making muffins when your kids wake up at 7am on a weekend, you won’t be in your bed when they come in wanting to snuggle. Better to sleep in and make muffins together later.
If I’ve gotten enough sleep anyway, waking up before the kids to enjoy some peace and quiet is great. But I have never in my life woken up at 5am to do something purely recreational. Exercise, yes. Baking, no.
Anonymous says
I don’t think snuggles v. muffins rises to the level of a fundamental difference in values.
Spirograph says
I’m not saying it does! Just saying that AwayEmily’s interpretation that 9:52 would wake up at 5 and then go get her kids up to snuggle was not how I read that post. I took it as, there are some people who you observe and say “huh, that’s an interesting way of doing things” and some people you say “wow, I want to do that, too.” For anon at 9:52, Emily Oster is the first type.
Anonymous says
I think anon at 9:52 is saying that this is a fundamental difference in values, not just a different way of doing things.
anon mom says
I can’t believe I’m beating this dead horse, but Oster wrote on Twitter that she got up early to make muffins that day because the New Yorker reporter was coming over very early and she thought the morning would go more smoothly with the muffins. While I also enjoy morning snuggles, I don’t think they would be on my list of stuff to do in front of a reporter.
Knope says
I’m confused – on the one hand, you say that her book is insufficient because it doesn’t take into account every study on an issue, but on the other hand, you’re saying that your anecdotal experience with FAS kids trumps the studies?
anon says
I really don’t understand why her decision to make muffins by herself at 5 am bothers you. She probably has other moments of connection with her kids during the day, right? It’s not like she loses out on all special moments by doing this one thing… it is amazing how we judge moms.
Ash. says
Right, esp. since the commenter’s point seems to be that the mom should herself be sleeping, since “no one gets up at 5 a.m. without an alarm clock”. Ok?? So she set her alarm so she could get up early and do something that she enjoys? Would the response be so snotty if she was getting up to exercise?
Eek says
I don’t follow a lot of this comment, particularly the criticisms of her personal choices. But I agree with you about her research – in particular, her advice about alcohol during pregnancy (which I desperately want to be true, by the way!) ignores some large important studies for reasons that are not apparent and not explained in the book. I still enjoyed her first book, but I think you have to take it all with a grain of salt and talk to your doctor.
Pogo says
Making Muffins at 5 a.m. is the new Yachting Around the World with Toddlers, didn’t you guys hear?
Honestly, I thought the New Yorker had some fair criticisms in line w/ this original Anon’s point – about her being an economist, not a doctor, public health official or epidemiologist. I liked Expecting Better because it explained the WHY behind a lot of what we are told, which I felt allowed me to make better decisions/take better precautions.
AwayEmily says
Actual LOL at the yachting/muffins comparison. Very true.
Anon says
Haaaa
ElisaR says
Funny Pogo
anon in brooklyn says
I’m a big fan of Emily Oster’s books partly for the research and even more because they seem like the only books out there that treat pregnant women and moms like intelligent people capable of making well reasoned decisions.
Anonymous says
Just her discussion of making risk-based decisions was really helpful to both me and my husband — I don’t necessarily come down where she does on all of the issues, but it was so nice to hear an acknowledgement that you can’t always follow every AAP recommendation to the letter all the time, and balancing other risks like parental sleep deprivation are also important.
Anonymous says
I don’t think Oster would expect you to come down on the same side as she does on every issue. Her point is that you need to do the cost-benefit calculation yourself, subject to your own preferences.
Anonymous says
This is what I really like about it. Also, I hear recommendations from “official” sources all the time that make it clear that they view me solely as an incubator. Don’t drink anytime pregnancy might be possible. nurse for two years. Have the baby sleep in your room a year. I am also a person, and she recognizes that.
avocado says
Oster was a guest on Freakonimica a couple of weeks ago. I think the most important part of her message is that every decision involves a tradeoff. It’s important to consider the costs as well as the benefits of every choice, and variation in individual preferences is valid and should be respected. Too many doctors ignore the costs of recommendations such as EBF for everyone and automatically cutting out dairy, eggs, and soy from the mom’s diet the first time the baby has an upset stomach. We need to trust mom’s to make decisions that maximize the welfare of their entire families. Sleep for parents is a particular problem. Many of the current recommendations regarding infant feeding and sleep totally ignore the impact on parental sleep and mental health, even though it’s terribly unsafe for a chronically sleep-deprived mother to be driving her baby around.
I think it is entirely appropriate for an economist to be addressing these issues. Economics is all about maximizing utility/happiness/welfare/well-being in the presence of constraints and resource limitations. No one is better at analyzing costs versus benefits than an economist.
avocado says
Sorry, ignore typos and extra apostrophe. Thanks, autocorrect.
AwayEmily says
This is exactly what I wanted to say, but put much more eloquently.
anon says
I agree that her voice and perspective is important in balancing out all the advice out there and allowing parents to think through their choices from a rational standpoint. The point isn’t to agree with everything she says on cosleeping or breastfeeding or whatever – it’s to think critically in general about the decisions you make and weigh the pros and cons.
After I gave birth in the hospital, I had so many nurses and lactation consultants telling me what to do with every little thing, which was fine – I needed and wanted their help. But I was surprised when one nurse stopped and spoke to me and my husband and said, “After you leave the hospital, you are going to need to decide what works for your family and do that.” Her words stuck with me, because so many medical providers and people act like they know what is best for you, but you have to be the one to filter it all down and decide.
Anonymous says
I love that the nurse told you this! That is the attitude all health care professionals should take in dealing with new families. Provide information, then respect the parents’ choices.
AwayEmily says
aw, what a great nurse.
anon says
my best friend is a pediatrician and i just saw her this past weekend and she was discussing this book. in particular regards to BF, she said there really is only strong evidence that BF makes a difference for premies in the first 3-4 months. other than that, the evidence re BF having advantages is marginal at best.
Anon says
Looking for some empathy.
DH has been working long hours for what seems like months, and I am just feeling stretched really thin by everything I (try to) fit into a workday – exercise, various “housekeeping” tasks, starting a new job search, and you know, working at my job where I’m bored/burned out (and clocking a solid “C” at best), and then taking care of our toddler.
DH does what he can, and has been gracious, and honestly this isn’t about him. This weekend I’m trying to make plans to see a friend or two I haven’t seen in a while and it looks like the only feasible option is them coming over, which is fine and nice of them to even be open to, but I’m sick of that being what feels like often the ONLY option for me. Also, not sure how much quality time I’ll get with friends with DS around.
(Yes, I know, I need to find a better childcare solution for weekends so I’m not solo parenting all day, as the resource we have now is a great, eager family friend in HS but still is learning and needs some supervision, but I’m exhausted and just can’t add one more thing on the list.)
Anon says
Ugh. OF COURSE I POSTED IN THE WRONG PLACE. Sorry.
anon says
I’m sorry. I don’t know what may be feasible for you, but I find getting out of the house and a change of scene can be really energizing and lift the cloud of exhaustion. Can you go for a walk with your friend in a park instead of staying home, or go to a city recenter with your friend to workout and drop you toddler at the childcare there? Just one idea that may seem more doable than hiring a babysitter.
Anon OP says
The city rec center is a great idea, especially if this is seemingly our new normal. I did a quick google and the ones in our county don’t have childcare (UGH) but I’m sure there are other options. Thank you!
Anonymous says
Try the YMCA. Ours has child care with fun scheduled activities.
Anon says
Not to add to your list, but our gym has childcare included and an outdoor pool. In another season of life once you do catch a break, might be worth looking into some of the nicer gyms that have that if it’s in the budget. I think we pay something like $150 a month for the family (which includes 2 guest passes a month). I would totally meet you up at the gym for a swim!
Anonymous says
Why can’t your fantastic husband find you a baby sitter or figure out how to parent?
OP Anon says
Sorry you’re having a bad day. Like I said, this is more about me and not him.
Anonymous says
Not really since you’re drowning without help
Anon says
It was rudely delivered, but honestly I agree. Why are you letting him off the hook by saying he “does what he can?” Once you’ve had a child, parenting isn’t optional. He needs to do his share, not what he thinks he “can” do.
AwayEmily says
My family is a similar position right now — I am working long hours on a project that is due very soon, and my husband is picking up a ton of slack, doing a bunch of parenting our two kids on his own, and he is exhausted. It is not really feasible for me to “find him a babysitter” (and wouldn’t make sense for me to take on anyway since he would be the one dealing with them) or “figure out how to parent” (which, ???)
So maybe instead of being weirdly aggressive you could believe the OP when she says this is a temporary issue where she needs help. Lots of families go through periods like this and it doesn’t mean one of them is a pushover and one of them is a jerk, it just means we are working families.
Anon OP says
Thank you for your grace here (and generally on this site).
IHeartBacon says
“Lots of families go through periods like this and it doesn’t mean one of them is a pushover and one of them is a jerk, it just means we are working families.”
This.
Anonymous says
You can’t do all of this every day. There are not enough hours in the day. I felt the same way about being stretched really thin and what helped me was to pick (schedule, if planning makes you happy) one thing per day to do in addition to work. So maybe workout on Monday, housekeeping stuff on Tuesday, focused job search on Wednesday. Repeat as needed. For me, at least, it feels a lot more do-able to have only one extra thing every day, and know that I have already set aside time to get to the other things on a different day.
Gently, I don’t think a HS student needs supervision to watch a toddler. Especially if you are using him/her as kind of a mother’s helper to have a breather on the weekend, or get sh1t done without the toddler underfoot, but are still in the same house.
avocado says
Chiming in for teen mother’s helpers. My 12-year-old is successfully supervising an incredibly active 15-month-old this summer. So far both are still alive.
Anon OP says
This IS helpful, thanks. Right now I have Tuesday evenings as dedicated career/jobs search time (and move it as needed if I have to login back to work, etc), but I can definitely be more intentional about the other things.
Anonymous says
ETA, since you recognize that this is more about you than him (was the same in my case, and same root cause of boredom/burnout at work), I recommend talking with a therapist a few times. I’ve fallen off that wagon because I feel like I’m in a better place now and it was just one more thing, but it was very helpful for a month or two. My therapist helped me see that I was creating obligations and requirements where they really didn’t exist outside of my own head. Plus, making the time and mental space to just focus on me and addressing what was making me unhappy for an hour every week or two was hugely beneficial. You need some self care here. Big hugs, and good luck with the job search. Being unhappy with your job is the worst, it sucks all your energy and makes everything else seem harder.
I Get It says
I so relate to this, all of it, including the need to get more childcare set up and form new relationships with more backup sitters, but just not having the time or energy to add one more thing to my list. I haven’t figured it out. It is just the unfairness of having a child that has a medical condition that requires frequent missed school and a spouse that travels a lot and no family near us. I’m often alone, with no help, and it feels like I cancel plans, or stay up until 2am working on my work, or just avoid making plans in the first place, way too often.
Anon OP says
Thank you. You are doing great! Sending you and your family my understanding as well. I know there are concierge babysitting/nanny services that can come with short notice that could be of help….but I also understand any hesitation using them, especially if your LO is still a baby/toddler.
Anon says
Couple of things to consider for want to see friends but still have to wrangle a toddler day: are there any kid friendly coffee houses near you? We have one that has a dedicated play area for kiddos and the parents can watch from behind the glass and sip their coffee in relative peace. Are there any breweries or wineries or other places with outdoor fenced space? We went to one this past weekend and kiddo was the only toddler in our group and she just ran around the fenced courtyard (within eyesight and not bothering anyone) while the rest of us were able to chat, eat and sip. Is there a local child-friendly (i.e., no breakables) museum that isn’t super crowded? You and friend and can walk and talk in air conditioning and kiddo can dart to and fro as you follow along (or sit in a stroller and enjoy the sights).
Anonymous says
Oster is on On Point on NPR right now!
Anon says
I’m not the Anon at 9:52, but I agree with her points about Emily Oster, except the muffin thing (I’ve never voluntarily woken up at 5 am, but more power to her if she enjoys waking up early and baking muffins). I think it’s really dangerous for someone who is not a medical professional to be dispensing medical advice. My OB feels similarly (about her first book) and she and I had a long talk about it once. Basically she thinks studies have limited value (many are based on unrepresentative samples, many don’t track the children until the necessary age since not all problems are obvious immediately) and shouldn’t trump the advice of doctors who have had a lot of training in this field and see patients all day.
The advice to not worry about alcohol was a sticking point for my OB. She said that it’s well-documented in the US medical literature that even small amounts of alcohol can cause FAS, and suggesting 8 drinks/week is fine is nuts. This is a response from a pediatrician that basically says what my OB said: https://depts.washington.edu/fasdpn/pdfs/astley-oster2013.pdf. It says 1/14 children diagnosed with FAS in the US had exposure to 8 drinks/week or less. Oster’s conclusion that 8 drinks/week is fine was focused on two specific studies, one of which looked at birth outcomes (prematurity, etc.) and the other which looked at preschool age children. The author of this article (who is a doctor and epidemiologist) points out that many of the effects of less severe FAS aren’t visible until grade school and wouldn’t be detected in these studies. That’s the problem with an economist trying to dispense medical advice.
Anon says
Yes. The National Association on Fetal Alcohol Syndrome issued a point by point response to her advice on alcohol in her first book. It’s worth looking up.
I also think it’s important to keep in mind that yet another pregnancy book advising against drinking during pregnancy probably wouldn’t have gotten as much attention (or sold as many copies). But a lot of women (myself included) were excited to read the somewhat sensational headlines that drinking during pregnancy might actually be safe, and bought her book in part to read more about that. I was pretty bummed when I looked into her claims further and determined it wasn’t something I was comfortable with.
AwayEmily says
All good points and the piece you linked to is definitely worth reading. I will say that there’s a bit of a straw man in it, though. Oster does not “conclude it is safe to drink 1 drink a day during pregnancy.” Her explicit stance is that 1-2 drinks a week is the most you should have in the first trimester, when drinking is most likely to cause problems. I think that a lot of media coverage of her book missed this important point, and she also did not do enough to emphasize it in her book.
Anon says
The headlines from her interviews do make it sound like a drink a day is fine. I know she’s not writing the headlines, but it’s still a problem when people read them and believe light-moderate drinking during pregnancy has been deemed safe when it absolutely has not.
AwayEmily says
Agreed! I’m a scientist whose work has been covered by media and have had the same thing happen to me, where the headline or story actively misinterpreted my research. Luckily I don’t study something that has life-threatening consequences but I think it’s a real problem with journalistic coverage of science. That being said I think Oster could probably do more to push back on these misinterpretations, and she could have emphasized the first-trimeter thing a heck of a lot more in her book.
Anonymous says
Thank you for sharing that article. I have never read any of Emily Oster’s work, although I know from reading this and the main s1te that it resonates with a lot of people, and I’ve specifically seen her conclusions on alcohol consumption during pregnancy referenced a lot. I love pop science, but for something that matters, I would never trust a journalist’s or other layman’s interpretation of medical research. Medical advice should come from medical professionals, full stop. I wonder what Oster’s reaction was after meeting with the author of that article. I would feel awful if I’d published a well-known book that could potentially lead women to make unsafe choices for their children’s health. (similarly, I wonder how that guy who linked autism to vaccines feels about the suffering caused by the anti-vaxx movement)
Full disclosure, I had a few small glasses of wine each time I was pregnant, but we’re talking one per month, maybe. I’m not a regular drinker in any case. There’s no way I could try to justify one drink per day during pregnancy.
Anon says
“(similarly, I wonder how that guy who linked autism to vaccines feels about the suffering caused by the anti-vaxx movement”
That guy is still convinced vaccines cause autism (he’s a prominent anti-vax activist), so I think he’s doing just fine. Hurting a lot of other people, but probably happy as a clam himself.
Anonymous says
I would never rely on a doctor to make evidence-based recommendations. Doctors actually aren’t that good at interpreting scientific studies. Economists have much more training in quantitative analysis, including statistics and econometrics, than practicing physicians. Doctors tend to rely on tradition, anecdata, and personal preferences and habits. They don’t tend to understand the difference between statistical significance and substantive significance, and they don’t tend to care about effect size.
Anonymous says
This is a gross generalization, but I see what you’re saying. I guess my point was that no doctor is going to read a couple studies that fail to to identify a statistically significant correlation between low birth weight or preschool development outcomes and maternal alcohol consumption and say anything that might be construed as an OK to drink in moderation during pregnancy. Quantitative analysis is a great skill set, but for some topics, good analysis needs to be filtered through subject matter expertise, and, I would argue, an ethical oath to “do no harm.” I’m neither a quant nor a medical professional, but even I know that longitudinal analysis is where it’s at to assess health impacts.
anon says
I think one of the big points Oster makes, though (and rightly, to my mind), is that there is “do no harm” to two sets of beings: the child and the parent or parents, and that the “do no harm” to the mother (and father, to some extent) is ignored in modern medical advice. If moms had their own PCP (and therapist and psychiatrist) in the room advocating for them against whatever the pediatrician or lactation consultant was advising/suggesting/implying was the only way to feed a child, I think we’d have a very different balance.
Anon says
I don’t think asking women to give up alcohol for 9 months “does them harm” and if you think it does you probably have a problem with alcohol. My ped (and a different ped I saw in the hospital) were both incredibly supportive of combo feeding and told me my own mental health and ability to rest and physically recover were crucially important too, and my baby would get essentially all the benefits of breastmilk so long as I nursed her some, even if not exclusively. My ped was also very supportive of our decision to move the baby to her own room at 6 months and told me it was actually the time that made the most sense on balance (SIDS risk drops dramatically at 6 months and separation anxiety peaks at one year, which makes the transition harder at that point). We’ve also had some good discussions about the benefits of daycare and how being a working mom has benefits even if your salary is essentially canceled out by childcare costs. I understand not all doctors are as good as mine, but I don’t think modern medical practice universally ignores the mom’s well-being. If you feel it does, you should probably seek out another doctor.
anon says
Absolutely agree on the alcohol front. I was thinking more about sleep and bf’ing. And then there are meds for mom (esp for pain management after birth, PPA, PPD, preexisting mental health during pregnancy, and on and on).
That is great that you have had great doctors. I have great doctors. I don’t think it is universal that the medical community ignores mom’s well being but I do think it is still very common and that there is a lot of needless shaming going on. Plenty of women in my life don’t have ideal doctors and the women don’t (always) have the emotional bandwidth when they are a pregnant woman grieving a miscarriage or sleep-deprived new mother to adequately advocate for themselves. It is incredibly frustrating to watch from the outside when a new mom is killing herself (or simply needlessly suffering) because only the doctor is a credible source and the doctor isn’t aware of mom’s lifestyle because mom is too d*mn tired (and/or shammed by society) to advocate for herself or push back. It is not in my personality to let this happen to me (for better or worse, and partly because I have had a TON of medical interventions in my life) but I have seen it happen over and over to strong women in my life.
Overall, I think it is great that someone is putting it out there that there are costs and benefits to every choice we make. I think the costs on the mother were ignored for far too long.
Anonymous says
TL/DR: Encouraging women to think critically about risk, and trusting them to do it is a good thing. but I think it was irresponsible to say anything that could turn into a soundbite OKing drinking during pregnancy.
To me it’s very different for an economist to interpret the breastfeeding vs formula research than it is to weigh in on maternal alcohol consumption. Whether or not you believe “breast is best,” formula is a *safe* option. So, this is a cost-benefit analysis. The question is whether one is better, and if so, how, and by what margin. There are significant factors to weigh on the mother’s side in terms of physical and mental health, equality in a parenting partnership, and job/career impacts. By all means, let’s have that conversation!
The question of drinking during pregnancy is, what is safe? That is better treated as a risk assessment, not cost-benefit. (And anyway, the benefit of drinking during pregnancy is…. what, exactly? Temporary personal enjoyment, which is a very worthy goal when it doesn’t hurt anyone, but in this case it might.)
Alcoholic beverages have a 100% chance of containing alcohol, and the amount of alcohol is generally known. Alcohol consumption has a spectrum of impacts on the fetus ranging from mild to catastrophic, although likelihood and severity decreases based on quantity consumed and gestational age at the time of consumption. Various genetic and physiologic factors contribute to the likelihood in ways that are not totally clear, or at least the presence of those factors is unlikely to be known to the mother. All of that makes it really difficult to say whether it is safe for any individual to drink during pregnancy, which is why the medical consensus doesn’t. It doesn’t say that the presence of any presence of alcohol is unsafe, it just says that we do not know what the safe amount is.
It’s totally fine with me if people choose to have a drink occasionally during pregnancy, as long as they do it knowing they are accepting a risk, not because they think it’s harmless. I personally accepted the risk of a handful of occasional drinks, just like I accepted the risk of occasionally eating sandwich meat and sushi.
Anonymous says
@Anon @2:00
Another thing to keep in mind when comparing doctors and economists is that economists and social scientists are very accustomed to saying “there is no evidence that x causes y” without meaning that this proves that x does NOT cause y. Failure to reject the null hypothesis does not provide evidence that the null hypothesis is true, it just means that there is no evidence that the null hypothesis isn’t true. So even if there were no evidence that drinking small amounts of alcohol in early pregnancy is harmful, we can’t necessarily conclude that it isn’t harmful without a well-designed randomized controlled trial. I don’t think that it’s unreasonable to conclude that whatever the evidence it’s just too risky to purposely drink during pregnancy, but on the other hand maybe Oster’s work can provide some comfort to a mom who had one drink before she even knew she is pregnant and is now riddled with anxiety and guilt.
Anonymous says
Whether to drink during pregnancy is still a cost-benefit calculation. It’s just that the cost of giving up drinking for 9 months is low to nonexistent, and the benefit (eliminating all risk of FAS) is going to outweigh that no matter how unlikely FAS is at a given level of alcohol consumption.
anon says
All well and good, but continuing to focus on the alcohol piece is a straw man in some ways. I can see and accept that she should have been more cautious with her advice re alcohol. That doesn’t mean that only doctors should give advice about what is best for women, babies, and families. I also echo 5:04: alcohol during pregnancy is a cost-benefit analysis. The cost is basically zero so even a tiny benefit is worth it. That is not true of SO many other decisions.
AnonLaywer says
The problem is there’s nothing magical about being a medical professional. Many of them even get contradictory advice – plenty of OBs do tell patients there’s no problem with an occasional drink. And there’s a reason the saying is lies, damn lies, and statistics – there’s never only one conclusion to draw from studies.
Personally, I think it’s dangerous to rely on the one OB we happen to end up seeing. Relying on the most conservative possible interpretation is one thing you can do that’s not going to hurt you or your baby (and personally, I’m pregnant and not drinking at all). But it also has a high likelihood of driving you crazy. So I appreciate having various interpretations of studies before me to consider. I think we are ultimately going to have to make some judgment calls.
Blueberries says
The author of that piece recounts a boy with FAS whose mother had 1 beer a day for the first four months of pregnancy as someone affected by very small amounts of alcohol. It’s been awhile since I read Expecting Better, but I think the author’s analysis was that there was evidence that 1 drink/day in the first trimester was harmful, so I don’t see that in conflict. I also don’t see how 1 beer a day in the first trimester (when a fetus is most sensitive to alcohol) causing harm shows that a woman should not occasionally have a small glass of wine with dinner in the second or third trimesters.
I like that Emily Oster thinks well enough of my ability to reason to separate out factors like when in pregnancy the alcohol is consumed, and how much. She doesn’t see a study about some not enormous number of drinks a week causing harm and say “light drinking is harmful. Don’t do it.” Because that number matters—that not enormous number is actually a huge number to me.
There are so many trade offs in pregnancy and I want to know what there are. I don’t want a list of “don’t do this” and “do this” without knowing why and what happens if I don’t follow them perfectly. With Dr. Oster’s analysis, I was able to worry less about some things (having 2 ounces of wine with dinner in the latter half of pregnancy from time to time) and worry a whole lot more about other things (listeria is terrifying, one can be infected from a single exposure, and I went to great lengths to reduce listeria risk).
I really wish more health-related advice came with Dr. Oster’s greater level of explanation.
Lana Del Raygun says
With regards to the drinking-in-pregnancy thing specifically, I think any good advice about alcohol in pregnancy is going to be so conservative it sounds Puritanical and vessel-y because on some level alcohol is just bad for people, but we don’t have the kind of coordinated public health messaging around it that we do for other hazardous behaviors/substances. No one is mad that they say there’s no safe level of tobacco smoke in pregnancy, because we generally agree that smoking is “bad,” but we don’t have that kind of cultural consensus about alcohol. I’m NOT saying no one should drink at all (I do), just that if we didn’t go into the discussion thinking of alcohol as generally harmless I think the recommendations would rankle less.
Anonymous says
My girls are 1,3 and 5.5 (heading to K). For the past 1.5 years, the older two have shared a bedroom that was adjoining the playroom. They used to have their own rooms but wanted to move in together around the time the baby was born and we were happy to oblige and keep our guest room.
For the past few weeks, they’ve had a lot of trouble getting to sleep- fighting, being overtired, getting up at different times, etc.
We’ve let my older daughter sleep in the guest room. I keep telling her (and really, both of them), they can have their own rooms whenever they want. We have a guest setup in the basement so we aren’t worried about losing space.
Do I push gently to get my older one moved into what is now the guest room? Is it weird to have her bed and “stuff” in one room but to have her sleep in another room entirely?
I guess I don’t care either way, but it’s looking like sleeping in the guest room may be permanent and I’d just move the guest junk out and her junk in and paint the walls for her and call it her room.
Or, if it isn’t broke don’t fix it?
She was the main advocate for room sharing saying she was lonely etc. but…she now asks to sleep in the guest room.
Anonymous says
Can the 1 year old and 5.5 year old switch? Maybe the two younger girls would like to share for a bit before all three go their separate ways?
Anonymous says
I would put the 1.5 year old and 3 year old in the same room. Do a trundle bed under the 3 year old’s bed that the 5 year old can pull out if she wants to sleep with them on occasion. Ikea has inexpensive options for trundles. Sell it to the 3 year old as her getting a turn to be the big kid in the bedroom.
Anonymous says
Nah, those two don’t want to sleep in the same room/ I don’t want to deal with it because the littlest is still in her crib etc. Plus, I don’t *need* them to share.
But I’m wondering if I should gently encourage my oldest to have her own room, or if she wants to share “room space” but not actual sleeping time with her sis.
Spirograph says
If it isn’t broke, don’t fix it. All 3 of my kids share a room, and we have a guest room/office as well. When they’re being crazy at bedtime, we put one in the guest bed. This seems to go in phases, and then they’ll all want to be together again after a week or two. I’m happy to have all the kid stuff consolidated in one place, since the only thing they need to do separately is sleep. Eventually my daughter will want her own room separate from her brothers, but I’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. Until then, the guest bed is solving the problem with minimal effort on my part.
anon says
When did you start showing with #2? I feel like now, sometimes I look pregnant anyway in certain outfits (more so than before #1, although it still happened then).
Anonymous says
Like week 2
HSAL says
It was around week 6-8 for me. At 10 weeks I looked like I did with my first pregnancy at 16, but then at 19 weeks I found out it was twins, so don’t be me.
Anonymom says
Lol at twins! Whew, 19 weeks would be late in the game for that news to drop! That’s a pretty good excuse.
I’m 14 weeks and been unable to button my pants since about week 11, and this is number 3. I don’t know if it matters, but there’s a 6-year gap since my last pregnancy, so I was hoping everything would have tightened back up since then and the early showing thing wouldn’t be so bad, but it doesn’t look that way… With number one, I think it was like week 16 before regular clothes became a problem.
Me toooo says
I’m 8 weeks and I’m sure I’m showing. I’m getting a curve coming from the bottom of my bra line right on down. This better not be twins ;)
Anon says
If it makes you feel better, I had a visible “bump” and didn’t fit into any of my clothes at 7-8 weeks with my first pregnancy. I’ve never heard of someone showing so early, and it was so awkward because everyone knew I was pregnant months before I told them. (It wasn’t twins and in the end I gained a lower than average amount of weight.)
anon says
Yeah. Last month, a neighbor who we don’t even know asked my kid if he was excited to be a big brother. I was definitely not pregnant then but apparently looked pregnant enough that a stranger was comfortable talking to my toddler about it (although, counterpoint: it’s never appropriate to have this convo unless the person has actually told you they’re pregnant…but I digress).
Anon says
OMG! So rude. Thankfully nobody said anything to me beyond “I knew it!” when I told them I was pregnant, which is way better.
ElisaR says
for #2 I started showing the second i had a positive pregnancy test.
FVNC says
I know there are some Triangle-area moms here…we’ll be visiting family in Raleigh and I’m curious if there are any taxi or car service companies that have car seats? I assume not, and internet research seems to confirm that, but thought I’d check here among you all-knowing ladies!
EB0220 says
What age? There’s Go-kart but that’s for older kids (6+) and mostly for kids riding alone.
anon says
posted late in the day yesterday so thought I would repost – did anyone have success sleep training night only (no naps)? MIL watches LO and refuses to CIO for naps.
She feeds baby a bottle for naps and then another when he wakes up to extend nap, which is less than ideal. What other ways do you have caregivers put baby down for nap? Baby is 10 months old.
Anonymous says
We had a strict feeding schedule for our twins, but they were horrible nappers (through great overnight sleepers), so we used to let them nap in bouncers and then could bounce them back to sleep when they woke up. Would MIL be willing to try something like that, instead of a bottle?
AwayEmily says
Yup, we had lots of success with that! We did night CIO way before naps with both our kids. With our first, she just figured naps out on her own a few weeks after night training. And with our second, we ended up having to do some modified CIO for naps a month after we night-trained when we finally got sick of bouncing him to sleep. From what I understand, their night sleep is biologically quite different from their nap sleep, which can be bad (when being great at night sleep doesn’t transfer to being great at naps) but also in your case good (your MIL can do her thing at naps without messing up his night sleep).
Anon. says
We did CIO at night around 6 months and not for naps. He became super easy to put down at night and remains that way now at age 2. We briefly tried CIO at home for naps (but not so much at daycare) with no success – at night he never cried more than 10 minutes; during the day he would cry for an hour if I let him. He remains a nightmare at naptime at home. We are only successful with naps if I physically rock him to sleep – usually preceded by crying (him or me or both of us). Or if he is in the stroller/car and moving the entire time. At daycare he seems to nap just fine. I just decided it’s a season and two days a week of fighting the nap is not worth any more mental energy.
anon says
I sleep trained my baby successfully at night and did not do it for naps. I didn’t want to ask daycare to have her cry it out. She naps fine in her crib now (9 months old). It’s not always according to schedule and some days it may involve multiple attempts at putting her down, but mostly it works.
My baby is often ready to fall asleep after eating food and having a bottle/nursing. Reading books and holding her and singing to her also help her calm down and get into nap mode. At daycare, they will sometimes rock her and give her a pacifier if she’s resistant to naps, or stand by her crib and stroke her gently (that never works for me though). They also transfer her from the swing to a crib if she falls asleep in the swing.
At home, if baby will not nap, I take her for a walk in the stroller as a last resort, and if she’s tired, she will usually fall asleep in the stroller, and then I can transfer her to the crib while she’s sleeping.
EB says
We sleep trained at night and I have no idea what daycare did to put him to sleep for naps. On the weekends, I think we just did what we could to get him to sleep during the day. i don’t remember doing full on CIO other than at night. It all worked out fine – I think the key is just to be super consistent about how you treat nighttimes. Let your caregiver worry about the other times.
Anonymous says
Going for a walk or a drive might also work, but I think you can just adjust his milk/formula consumption at other times to compensate (he is probably already doing this himself). Try to take the long view – baby is only going to nap for a couple of years. It is the nighttime sleep habits that will continue for a lifetime.
Pogo says
Yes, CIO’d at night and let daycare do their thing. Which involved them tolerating his little catnaps until such time as night time CIO helped him consolidate his day time naps. It’s a little tricky with family, though, because you can’t just say “it’s your problem” like I essentially did w/ daycare (and also, they have combined like 100x more experience with babies than I have).
CPA Lady says
Yes. CIO at 4.5 months (she had already slept through the night for a while and then went through a regression and we CIO-ed then), she barely napped at daycare, and I rocked her and held her in my arms for naps on the weekends until she was so old she refused to nap if I was holding her, around age 1. It was one of those “indulgent” things that I knew other people would feel I was ridiculous for doing, but I really really loved it.
AwayEmily says
awww that is really sweet.
Anonymous says
This was kind of us. Weekend naps were always in our arms. And really I told my husband that people who didn’t do it were missing out.
Anonymous says
You’re making me feel so much better that my 4.5 mo naps on us on weekends. Her daycare naps are really hit or miss (mostly miss). I’ve been feeling a little guilty, like we shouldn’t still be letting her nap on me, but now that I’m back at work I don’t get enough baby snuggles during the week!
CPA Lady says
It’s was the best. I regret nothing about it. :)
Pogo says
omg, at 4.5mo I did anything just to get mine napping, you’re fine!!
I remember posting on here too during the phase mine was dropping his 3rd nap – and that 3rd nap often happened right after pickup, when we’d nurse and he’d nap on me. I obviously couldn’t cook or do anything else productive while holding him, but the wise ladies here reminded me it is SUCH a short phase and basically gave me internet stranger permission to let him nap on me. I don’t regret it for a minute, it really does go so fast.
Ny bound says
Posted in yesterday’s thread by accident. Ny area people- what are some family friendly neighborhoods in Brooklyn, queens or the Bronx? My partner got a job offer in ny and we are looking at neighborhoods to move to. I am already working remote. We are bringing two kids under 5, and will need to start one in public school soon, so schools are obviously a big consideration. His office is on 8th Avenue I think. We are ok renting but would like to buy and not switch schools
anonnn says
Riverdale! Two good local public elementary schools. Lots of families. Definitely a bit more “burbs” feel vs city, but it’s still very close to manhattan, so depends on your preference.
NYCer says
Any reason you’re not considering Manhattan? The Upper Westside seems like a good choice. Tons of families, close to the park, easy to commute to most places on 8th Avenue.
Anonymous says
Not the OP but I would guess budget would be a limiting factor
Anon says
Right? Like anyone can just move into a brownstone on Central Park West.
NYCer says
There is a lot more the UWS than a “brownstone on Central Park West.” And there are certainly parts of Brooklyn that are more expensive than the UWS. Just trying to suggest a family friendly neighborhood to the OP….
Anonymous says
There’s a lot in Brooklyn, depending on your budget. Roughly in order of decreasing cost (based on my guess, not remotely an expert), I would look at Brooklyn Heights, Park Slope, Carroll Gardens, Windsor Terrace, Ditmas Park (schools more iffy I think), Kensington, etc.
Good to decent public elementary schools are fairly easy to come by; things start to fall apart more in middle school. Inside Schools ratings are relatively useful. If you want to pay someone to advise you I’ve heard good things about this consultant (Brooklyn focused): http://www.nycschoolhelp.com/
Anonymous says
Why? Don’t move to the Bronx are you crazy? Live in Westchester or New Jersey.
Anon says
This is so awkward… when my daughter was a baby, DH and I were too casual about using the word ‘b00b’ as slang for nursing when talking to each other (eg., “lets put her on the b00b, then do solids” “ok, let me just whip out my b00b” etc). Whenever we were talking directly to her, we said milk, but somehow she learned the b word, and now (15 months) yells ‘b00b’ and taps my breast when she wants to nurse, or even when she overhears us say ‘milk’ (including yesterday at the grocery store…omg.) I guess on the upside she hasn’t started saying f–k, which we definitely also used too much until recently? Although I wonder if that’s just because she can’t say an “f” sound. Lesson learned, kids are ALWAYS listening.
Pogo says
My son’s daycare bestie definitely uses “b00bies”, so you’re not alone!
I thought I had more time during which the spelling of words would work (“should we get I-c-e-c-r-e-a-m after the park?”), but my almost 2yo can tell by context and sentence structure even if I spell certain words. I have often taking to speaking French to my SIL so the kids can’t understand us, which is still effective until they pick that up!
anon says
Sometimes you can talk around it and then spell a key word. Like: should we get f-r-o-z-e-n dairy? I try to strip context, too. But if you have French at your disposal, that sounds perfect!
Irish Midori says
Haha! One of my finest parenting moments was when my 2yo dropped a toy and yelled “Sh!t!” with perfect inflection. Oops.