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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
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- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
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- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
More Encanto, please says
Have any of you banned music from your kids that you can’t stand? My girls like to listen to movie soundtracks, usually a lot more than they’ve actually seen the movie. The most recent is Mulan, and I hate with a fire of a thousand suns the songs in that movie. I realize they are all supposed to be ironic, but I’m pretty sure my preschoolers are not picking up the nuance and joke in songs called “a girl worth fighting for” and “I’ll make a man out of you.” The lyrics are just a litany of stereotypes: “men want girls with good taste and a tiny waist” “it only matters what she cooks like.” Or should I be trying to explain the joke in the songs, or conversely, how much and why I think the movie and the songs failed at the “girl power” message?
Cb says
I’d distract them with another soundtrack. Or do what I did with Paw Patrol and Netflix and tell them Mulan doesn’t work on our Spotify. I feel you, my husband and son listen to the Frozen CD in the car so I am constantly being serenaded.
Mary Moo Cow says
I have, with the reason that I don’t pay for Prime music, so, sorry, Mama’s car/phone doesn’t have that! My kids also listen to mostly music soundtracks, and I’m signing “all of you…” all day long because of it. I did not care for Mulan and was so glad when they watched it once and didn’t care for it.
My tactic has been to also explain why I don’t like it, keeping it brief and light and age appropriate (so, different explanation for my 6 year old than 4 year old sometimes), and then like Cb, distracting them with another soundtrack. In the girl warrior theme, what about Brave or Moana, and like Encanto, Coco?
CCLA says
For sure with songs and some of the v old Disney movies I just tell my kids we don’t watch(listen) to that because it has some bad messages. They are 3 and 5 and I’ve probably been saying that to the older one since she was about 3.5. Once in a while the songs come through on an all Disney mix or whatever and I don’t always bother to change it, but I that happens rarely so I think we are squashing most of it. I look forward to more nuanced convos when they are older but I feel like they’re not quite there yet.
Realist says
Switch them over to Encanto, such a beautiful soundtrack. My child enjoyed listening to the Spanish then English versions of Dos Oruguitas and then going through the song line by line with me to discuss what it might mean and why they played it at the end of the movie.
So Anon says
So… I will admit to listening to the soundtrack while my kids are at school and I’m working. I love the music.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I and my kids love the Encanto soundtrack too!
Anonymous says
Except the whole point of the movie is that Mulan proved all of those songs wrong?
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Gently – just…don’t play it? We only play music we like (minus the stuff with explicit language/references, which eliminates a lot of my favorites) with our kids.
Anonymous says
Same. My kids don’t know playing Disney music is an option haha.
No Face says
Have they seen Mulan? I loved that movie as a kid and I “got it.” She fails at being the type of girl/woman that everyone expects her to be, but she saves everyone by being exactly who she is. I really loved it and identified with her.
To stop hearing those songs, maybe make your “thing” watching musicals that you like better so they request those soundtracks.
Anonymous says
Same. I love the song “Reflection.” The other songs I find annoying but not offensive. Mulan was a trailblazing Disney heroine because she did not end up marrying the prince.
Anon says
I’m on the brink of a ban on Perry Grip. My 8-year old recently discovered him (Thanks Cousins!) and now it’s on repeat on our music streaming devise. Fun for a few days, now it’s torture.
Anonymous says
This makes me laugh. We listen to the Disney Favorites station on Amazon all the time, and my husband’s favorite is I’ll Make a Man Out of You. It’s Daddy’s song. It is a thing at our house. But my husband is 100% oblivious to all song lyrics. He only hears the music. That said, I don’t find the lyrics offensive. What does freak me out is not being able to separate today’s Donny Osmond from the song as compared to Mulan who can’t be more than like 15. That said, he’s younger than I realized, and the movie is old. My husband and I have analyzed that it isn’t actually as creepy as it seems given those things. But I still can’t get over it. Nonetheless, it gets turned way up in my house.
Anonymous says
Ming-Na Wen was an adult when she voiced Mulan. There is no rule that says voice actors have to be the age of their characters.
Anon says
For movies with problematic messages, we watch the movie together and have discussions about the content. Dr. Rebecca Hains has some good parent guides for several age ranges on Disney movies, including one on Mulan.
https://rebeccahains.com/parent-child-discussion-guides/mulan/
But yes I’m about to ban Perry Grip. He’s been my #1 artist on Spotify Wrapped for the past two years running. I’ve had enough “Weinerina” and “Baby Yoda Floating in a Pod” to last an entire lifetime.
Spirograph says
Thanks for this! I couldn’t remember where I’d seen these discussion guides, but I read them years ago and have tried to apply it.
I’ve found that if I call out problematic classic Disney stereotypes with, “a lot of people used to think like this, so a lot of fairy tales and movies have this type of plot. *I* think [girls can be smart/strong/independent/brave/ don’t need to wait around for someone to rescue them] / [‘being a man’ doesn’t mean you have to be fast and strong] / [whatever], what do you think?” my kids pile on pretty quickly with more progressive ideas. Whether that stops my daughter from liking all the pretty princess stuff is another matter entirely, but at least I planted the seed?
Even preschoolers can begin to understand that you shouldn’t always take media at face value, and starting early is a good way to build the foundation for more critical thinking as they get older.
Anonymous says
Mulan is my favorite movie ever.
We cannot be friends.
Anon says
What’s the book about only children that folks often recommend here? Search skills are failing me today.
Cb says
One and Only by Lauren Sandler? I don’t think there has been anything more recent.
Anon says
That’s the one.
Although I will say that I’m a super happy only child and always planned to be one and done, but that book left me feeling absolutely awful about my choice. It is intended to be positive about only children but that wasn’t the takeaway I had from it (maybe because the author was still on the fence about a second kid). I was able to push the book out of my mind, but if I’d had a more persuadable personality it might have influenced me to have a second kid I didn’t want. So if the book makes you feel terribly about having an only child, it doesn’t necessarily mean this is the wrong path for you. And I would definitely NOT recommend it if you’re not one and done by choice.
Cb says
I found this as well. Like it was very defensive, “obviously two kids is best but…”
And as a happy only parenting a (seemingly) happy only, that was a bit grating.
Anon says
Yeah, the basic structure of the book is she shares a negative stereotype about only children, and then debunks it. Except I feel like it many cases she does a better job of developing the stereotype than debunking it. Some of them made sense, like I think everyone has heard the idea that only children are selfish so it’s very logical to address that. But some of the negatives she included were so far out of left field, I was confused as to why they were even included, you know? Like one of the researchers she talks to is quoted as saying the mothers of only children (by choice) are all extreme narcissists. It made me so sad and offended on behalf of my mom. My mom is lovely and the furthest thing from a narcissist! And I know so many people with siblings who have a narcissistic parent. Perhaps I wouldn’t have reacted so strongly if I weren’t an only child myself, but the more I read the more annoyed I got on behalf of my mom.
SC says
I haven’t read the book, but what strikes me about your description is that the *mothers* of only children are narcissists. Not the fathers. Like, reproductive choices are only made by mothers (not biology, or partners, or lack of partners) and only involve or affect the personalities of mothers.
Anon says
@SC, also a very good point!
Anonymous says
This sounds really offensive. Our decision to be one and done was based on large part upon what was best for our kid. The worst narcissists I know all have a ton of kids.
Anonymous says
Looks like technical difficulties with the comments again today… I see “4 comments” link below the post, but no actual comments showing up
Anon says
Same.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I also keep seeing comments that then disappear.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Later this week is going to be the 2 year anniversary of when everything changed due to Covid. I still remember vividly discussing with my husband how we should voluntarily keep the kids home from school then, and of course that decision was then made for us. Speaking of songs, there are songs and cartoons that will always remind me of our quarantine days (looking at you Mickey Mouse Clubhouse).
And then today, both of my kids went to school maskless. It was a bit jarring, but I think we’ll get used to it. I won’t say everything is back to normal now, but I’m hoping the new few months continue to see low case counts.
How is everyone else feeling?
Mary Moo Cow says
I would say aware that I’m maybe not dealing with it in the healthiest way, which is ignoring all the bad parts and gratitude for the good parts. The good parts of the past two years are that I now get to work from home 2 days a week and got to work from home 5 days a week for almost 2 years! Think of all the commute time and weekend chore time I gained! I got to see my kids so much more during the workweek (not just an hour in the am and 2 hours at night)! The rest of it, I just don’t think about. We were playing in the backyard this weekend and DH commented that it was just about 2 years ago that we were in the backyard discussing whether to keep the kids home on Monday because of this weird new disease. I have shoved that memory and subsequent decision making and anxiety and depression deep down and don’t really want to revisit it. My kids are in school, in person, mask optional, and we’re having birthday parties and playdates in our community again, and the sun is shining today, and I’m finally feeling like the physical weight on my shoulders is gone.
Spirograph says
All of this
Anon says
Our schools dropped the mask mandate last Wednesday (NY). After just three days, my kids have brought home a stomach bug and a cold (they continued to wear masks, but many kids didn’t). So they are home today for Covid tests. Ugh.
Anon says
Same. Two days of mask optional school (about half the kids, including mine, still mask), and my daughter has a weird virus that has both respiratory and GI symptoms. Covid tests are negative but she has to stay home. Sigh.
Anon says
My kid’s school is in masks still (next week maybe if case counts stay low they will drop). Kid brought home a stomach bug last week and a nasty head cold this weekend (not covid, we did multiple rapid tests on all of us). So it may just be the time of year rather than the masks.
NYCer says
+1. My daughter caught a stomach bug a couple weeks ago when everyone was still wearing masks. And both have also caught colds at various times during the last two years of mask wearing.
Anon says
Possibly. We had a nice string of two months with no illness before this (and FB anecdata seems to suggest many in non-masking locales have been constantly sick this winter). I was/am team masks in schools until at least spring, though, so could be biased
Anon says
Yeah I’m the Anon at 10:35 and I realize masks don’t protect against 100% of illnesses, but I will never believe that there’s zero connection between masking and frequency of illness. My kid had precisely two colds in the almost two years she attended school with universal masking (after being sick essentially non-stop during the six months prior to Covid), and I don’t think it’s a coincidence she got sick as soon as the mandate was lifted. This cold is also a lot more severe than the previous ones, possibly because of the viral load. Masks work, even if they’re not perfect.
Anon says
honestly, even though i know the risks are low, i’ll feel better once there is a vaccine for my kids who are both under 5. I also just read an article about the study done of people who had covid and all of the clots in their lungs and hearts and the potential for doctors who specialize in treating long covid, the same way we have/had doctors who managed HIV/aid. One had a high fever yesterday, so both are home from school until we get the results of her PCR test. Their school goes mask optional on March 28. we were lucky in that we already had a nanny who we loved and trusted when Covid hit and so we just delayed their start of preschool from age 2 to 3, so in some ways this school year has been worse for us than the 2020-2021 school year. I am still WFH, though go back in 2 weeks and wish I could keep WFH full-time now that I actually have a home office (until January of this year I was working from the floor of a closet bc we lived in an apartment). Socially we’ve been doing outdoor stuff for a while and are lucky to live in an area where you can be outside all year long, though the summers are hot. I do like how much more time we’ve spent outside over the past two years! Like that outside was the default. We took a lot fewer plane trips over the past two years, and honestly flying with our twins has never been my favorite activity, plus no one actually sleeps well while we are away, so it has been kind of nice having the grandparents fly here so we can actually sleep. I do wish that as a society we had taken a more science based approach to this whole thing and that it hadn’t politicized our society so much. We are lucky that we are not immunocompromised and have remained healthy. Overall I am very grateful.
Cb says
Our mask requirements drop in the 21st, and while I’m not ecstatic about weekly airline travel and teaching in a tiny room with the great unmasked, I’m trying to be zen about it and trust my mask to provide some protection. I feel like we are the only people in our social circle not to have had covid, so our time is coming, but hopefully it’ll be ok?
So Anon says
Our district is dropping the mask mandate Wednesday. Kids (3rd and 5th grade) and I talked about it. My oldest said he would be most comfortable continuing to wear a mask. My youngest initially said that she wanted to keep wearing a mask, but the next evening said that her friends may not wear masks. I am honestly so decision-fatigued at this point. Right now, I am less concerned about Covid than I am my kids bringing home other illnesses and the havoc that that will wreak on my family.
Anon says
I’m incredibly frustrated. Kids gave up so much to protect adults when the adults were the most vulnerable ones, and now that kids under 5 are more vulnerable because of lack of vaccine access no one cares. People (including Fauci) love to say this group is at zero risk, but if you look up the CDC data the mortality rate in 0-4 year olds is actually significantly higher than in 5-18 year olds, and a lot of the scientists and MDs I know personally are very concerned about longterm Covid complications in unvaccinated kids. Everyone rushing to “normalcy” (which isn’t actually normalcy at all, it’s Covid life without masks) means we have to lockdown even further by pulling back on the few in-person things we were doing to try to achieve. Like a few others here, I am also incredibly frustrated that masks are gone but many Covid precautions like quarantines, social distancing requirements and the cancelation of special events and field trips remain. All the kids I know would rather take special field trips and be able to hug their friends, even if it means wearing a mask, than to not have to wear a mask but be ordered to stay 3 feet away from everyone and have all the optional fun stuff canceled.
I also think everyone is very naive about how long this period of low case numbers is going to last. If you look at Europe, case counts are rising steeply in most countries there, even in countries where virtually everyone has been infected or vaccinated or both. I think the US will be on the upswing again by April at the latest. It’s going to be way before next winter for sure. In a rational world mask requirements would be tied to virus numbers and mandates being lifted now would be reinstated if cases start climbing again. But I think that boat has sailed and we’re never reinstating mask mandates, so it means a lot of unnecessary suffering and long-term complications.
Anon says
i am in complete agreement with you. (i have 2 under 5) its a waste of brain space, but sometimes i wonder if wearing masks wouldn’t be such a thing if we’d had a different president when this whole thing started.
Anonymous says
Also a parent of a kid <2 who just finished isolation for completely asymptomatic covid (and didn't spread it at home somehow), I agree. It was so jarring to be told that, on the one hand, my very covid-cautious county thinks it's safe to do away with the mask mandate, but on the other, my seemingly healthy kid had to stay home for 10 days. (And honestly, since it was 10 days without daycare, it was the healthiest she'd been since before the holidays.) On the plus side, we don't have to worry about a quarantine for 90 days, but I do know many other parents of kids <2 who are in daycare are pretty frustrated that masks are gone but the quarantine/isolation requirements remain, and our county does not allow test to stay.
The increase in use of home tests means there's a significant undercount in the actual number of cases. Many jurisdictions don't accept self-reported home test results, and many of the ones I do don't actually count them because they're unverified. This is going to come back to bite us pretty soon.
Anonymous says
” Kids gave up so much to protect adults when the adults were the most vulnerable ones, and now that kids under 5 are more vulnerable because of lack of vaccine access no one cares. ”
I feel this SO MUCH. I’m so resentful for how we’ve treated children these past two years. You can acknowledge their risks are lower overall while still wanting to protect them. What kind of society are we where we ignore the needs of children so much?
anon. says
I’ll bite. I disagree. I am not a covid denier or anti-vaxxer. Both of my children under 5 were in early Pfizer studies, both of which have essentially failed and they’re now asking the kids to sit for third doses with additional blood draws and 2-3 hour appointments. We’re saying no. The (evolving!) science supports the moves and I’m ready for my kid who has never been to school without a mask to be able to see the faces of her teachers.
Anon says
I agree, and I’m just sad about all the things. It feels like a very grasshopper attitude when we should instead be preparing for winter. There are no vaccines for under 5. There will be other variants, with no guarantee they will be “mild.” There is a good chance of more long-term complications for both adults and children than we have quantified yet. The immune compromised are in an impossible position and are stuck in early 2020 purgatory for forever. We know there will be many deaths with no end in sight to the body count (or ‘an acceptable level of ongoing deaths’ as the CDC director put it). I’ve always had a dim view of societies that have a high acceptable level of ongoing death, whether it was through human sacrifices or gas chambers or WMDs otherwise. My view isn’t changing no matter how they spin it. Just frustration and sadness all around.
Cornellian says
Mine turned five last month so is (almost) as protected as he can be with his vaccine, but most of his pre school is younger. They’re still wearing masks
Cornellian says
My pre-K kid just turned five so is as protected as he can be right now, which feels good. Of course most of his pre school is too young (and I don’t know how many five-year olds got vaccinated), so I’m worried about them. His school is keeping masks for now, but I wonder how long it will last. I’m glad kids are masking but also worry about a third year of it for them, especially the younger ones at the school.
I’m also pregnant, so newly anxious for myself (and hoping the vaccine is approved and effective down to six month olds for when my second one is ready). We removed the mandate at work but I’m not super concerned as I have my own closed office, we have a new ventilation system, and my coworkers are not the obnoxious WHY ARE YOU WEARING A MASKING type.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
I feel like I’m the embodiment of the SNL COVID-19 skit with John Mulaney.
sg says
Very similar. Our daycare dropped mandate today, we prepped my pre-K’er a little over the weekend but he still cried at drop-off. I sent him with a mask anyway but it was hard.
Anon says
Fortunately our preschool is still about 50-50 on masks even after the mandate was lifted, so my kid is not ostracized for wearing one. I’m worried about extracurriculars where she will almost certainly be the only kid in a mask though.
Anonymous says
It’s very weird. I have such vivid memories of that week in 2020. I work for a performing arts nonprofit in NYC, and am a grantwriter, so I have a written record of how much our assumptions about the future changed. I had a big proposal due 3/12, and at the last minute added some vague language about how the pandemic had added some uncertainty about our plans for the following year. Frankly I’m glad I had no idea what was coming. I was running in the park this morning and avoided a path I used to take a lot that spring – everything about that time was just so hard.
My son is probably not wearing his mask today; we left it to him. My husband the teacher is planning to take it off while lecturing, as the kids have trouble hearing him, but wear it while walking around.
Anonymous says
I’m also in MA and my 3 kids are 2 years apart. This was the week our schools closed, too, and this week they are all back full time with no masks and minimal COVID restrictions.
It’s like we lost two years, and then just picked up right where we left off. My youngest is in the same class at the PK my middle was in when it shut down. “Beach week” never happened and then was cancelled in 2021. My youngest is doing it next week!
We have been invited to 6th and 8th bday parties (inside!!) for kids whose 4th and 6th bday parties were cancelled last minute and whose 5th and 7th parties were skipped.
My oldest was halfway done with her kindergarten science fair project when school shut down in 2020. science fair didn’t happen in 2021 but now my middle (now in K) is working on her science fair project!!
We went to Target yesterday without masks and everyone stopped my kids to say what beautiful smiles they had.
It’s honestly so crazy it makes me cry if I think about it for too long. I’m fine moving on.
Anonymous says
Our family can’t just blithely move on. The damage from subpar remote schooling and years without extracurriculars is likely permanent. My husband and I are both permanently WFH, whether we want to or not, in a house that doesn’t have space for it. So many formative experiences were missed and there is no way to make them up. So many of our dreams for our family are dead in the water.
Anon says
You went to Target without masks?!
Good lord.
AIMS says
Can I just vent that at a time where half my work emails/zooms have signatures where people are volunteering their pronouns, I still can’t search for kid shoes on Zappos and 6pm and a whole host of other places without first selecting “boy” or “girl” if I also want to narrow down my options by shoe size? I finally figured out that I can select either one and then “X” out of the designation once I have picked a shoe size but seriously what does gender have to do with the kinds of crocs I am getting my 4 year old!?!
Anonymous says
Zappos search in general is pretty terrible for a company that once was a leader in online retail. But yes, it is very frustrating to need to select a gender. Especially because almost all the “girl” options are pink, purple, or teal and my daughter just loves the color red. It is so hard to find “girl” clothing or shoes in red!
NYCer says
On the flip side, both of my daughters prefer to wear shoes that are decidedly “girly”, so I appreciate the ability to narrow it down. That being said, I agree that for shoes like crocs it probably matters less. And I agree there should be a way to search without selecting.
Anonymous says
Nothing to add other than Amen.
Scilady says
Hear hear! When I’m looking for the cheapest shoes that meet the qualifications, why do I need to know if the shoe-wearer identifies as boy or girl?
I love Target, but they are also maddening with their boy/ girl selection (although I have learned that sometimes the styles are listed in both. I’m at the end of toddler sizing, but the beginning of kid sizing so having to search toddler/girl toddler boy and girl/boy for all my options is maddening.
GCA says
Same re: quadruple searching! Argh. Kid is 3.5. Sometimes in a fit of pique I just search with keywords, like ‘dinosaurs’…
Anon Lawyer says
Yeah, but if it’s a girl shirt, the dinosaurs need to be portrayed with long eyelashes, obvs.
Aunt Jamesina says
I feel like kids clothing in general on most websites is like this, it’s so annoying! Or they have a “gender neutral” section that has like five grey and beige options. I just want to see all of the options that fit my other criteria (size, season, item type) and DGAF about the gender of it.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I love Primary for this reason. Just search for the article of clothing you want, and then the color. They don’t have prints beyond rainbow so if you’re looking for dinosaurs or cats or something, they won’t fit the bill, but in general I like their gender-unspecific approach.
Aunt Jamesina says
Yes! I love Primary, just got my first order last week.
Anonymous says
It is super annoying. If you want to vote with your feet, the Crocs website allows you to look at all kids shoes at once and filter by size, although it still also offers gendered groupings.
Anon says
I don’t know if kids’ shoes are made on different shaped lasts (kind of doubt it), but men’s and women’s are. I would be surprised if the crocs in the boy’s and girl’s sections weren’t the same ones with maybe a couple different colors. It seems silly.
Anonymous says
Kids’ shoes are all made on the same last, which as the mom of a girl with narrow feet I find very annoying. Adult shoes are also increasingly made on the same last for men and women, which is even more annoying because adult feet differ more by *ex than kid feet do.
Redesigning Women says
I’m interested in hiring an interior decorator/designer (are those the same?) and am lost with respect to where to start. Have reached out to our realtor with no luck. Any tips? Or, any chance someone here is in the Bay Area and has a recommendation? Pretty small job; just a couple of rooms using a combination of furniture we already have and recommendations from the professional.
Mary Moo Cow says
Not in the Bay Area, so sorry, but I hired decorators for a new house back in the fall and am having them back next week for round 2. I’m so glad I did! My home style is nonexistent and they designed several rooms just from a photo I liked and wanted to hang somewhere in my house. They were very gracious when I said I just wanted paint colors for the whole house and a layout for 3 rooms. I liked it so much I’m having them back for more rooms.
I got the recommendation from our realtor. She had 2, one was very design-y and pricey and one was more casual and cheaper. I went with the casual, cheaper option because they seemed to get family life. I’m surprised your realtor doesn’t have some on file. My other recourse would be to ask around, starting with people whose homes you like. If you belong to a neighborhood social media group, also ask there. Turns out my neighborhood has a woman who casually/for fun does interior decorating and people have connected with her through a call for recommendations on a neighborhood page.
Anon says
I would try local FB groups – I’ve seen lots of similar designers here advertise that way.
Anonymous says
You might have luck with something like Modsy? From what I can tell they’re kind of cookie-cutter, but they might be the basic solution that you need.
anon says
https://www.symmetrydesigns.net/. Very happy with them.
So Anon says
I’m feeling a bit like a bad parent today. I was entirely cranky with my kids yesterday. They see their Dad every other weekend and Wednesday night dinners. When my kids have school vacations, teacher development days, half-days, etc., he does not take any time off of his work, and it is entirely up to me to manage their schedules. We have been divorced 3 years (last week! woohoo!). Last summer, my kids went to sleep away camp, so I had one week to myself. Other than that, the reprieve I get is when they have their every other week overnight with their Dad. For many reasons, my local family (my mom), cannot watch my kids for extended periods of time.
Two weeks ago, my Ex informed me that his parents were paying for him to visit them in the Caribbean for a week. I could have told him “no,” but he would have gone anyway. As a result, he brought the kids back to my house on Saturday evening, so he could make his flight sometime yesterday. I adore my kids and spending time with them, and I desperately need those 32 hours every other week to truly rest, run errands, tackle kid/insurance/home paperwork. I was snappish at them yesterday and just generally cranky. I apologized and told them I was in a bad mood and it wasn’t their fault. UGH.
AIMS says
Cut yourself some slack. I have been sleeping terribly and snapping at everyone, including my 6 year old who just knows how to push every single button I have. You apologized. I apologize. None of us are perfect and I think it’s a teachable moment to say you’re sorry – both in terms of taking responsibility and showing your kids that they deserve apologies when someone messes up.
Anonymous says
You are not a bad parent! We all have cranky days. I’m not sure if this is possible, but could you get a babysitter for a 1/2 day on the weekends you have them? Or a weeknight? I am saying this as someone whose husband will be deployed and I know I’ll need a babysitter because it’s going to be all mommy all the time.
Anon says
We all have bad days. Sounds like you handled it well. Don’t beat yourself up.
Anon says
I just found out that I am pregnant. I did not tell any of my friends that we were trying. I am having a weekend away with some girlfriends, one who is struggling with infertility. My pregnancy will likely come up since I am usually a drinker and obviously won’t be drinking this weekend. Do I text her beforehand? IDK what to do.
Anon says
Yes I think texting her beforehand to give her a heads up is kind.
Anonymous says
+1 my bff has done this for me for each pregnancy (we’re both drinkers). It was very kind and much appreciated.
Anonymous says
I’ve been both people, and I think a text ahead of time is the perfect approach. Let her find it out on her terms rather than with the whole group. I would try to avoid prolonged group conversations about the pregnancy, too, and maybe pull friends aside to say you’re trying to be sensitive to your friend’s needs. Nothing’s worse than grinning and bearing it through an hour long conversation about morning sickness, etc, if you’re going through fertility problems, but a whole weekend could be torture.
Anon says
As the one struggling with secondary infertility while seemingly everyone I know is having their second, third or fourth kid, I would appreciate the text heads up. As in “hey, I wanted to give you a heads up before it becomes obvious this weekend” type of thing. Which allows me to have my internal rage at the world followed by despondency in private (while texting all the right things) and then by the time I see you in person I will have gotten the anger (not at you, just the unfairness of life) out and be able to truly celebrate and be happy with you. I can 100% confirm one is able to be both elated and crushed at the same time and it’s something your friend is probably used to processing.
Anon says
Has anyone’s kid done Ninja Warrior? My 4 year old is going to start soon. She loves climbing on things and doing obstacle courses, but I’m not sure she’s particularly skilled at it, and she’s going to be the youngest in the class (her birthday was a week before the cutoff) so I’m a little nervous about her keeping up with the other kids. The teachers will help her out if needed, right?
Anon says
We haven’t tried it but based on the pictures I’ve seen from friends, none of the kids seem to have much physical ability in completing the obstacles. I bet the teachers’ expectations are rock bottom.
Anon. says
My 4-yr-old does Ninja Zone and has a ton of fun. We actually enrolled him because I thought my overly cautious kid needed to build confidence in this kind of stuff – jumping off of things, climbing and being willing to take appropriate risks. And to that end, we’ve seen really positive results. At this age none of the kids are skilled at anything, the teachers absolutely help as needed. Your little will do great.
Anon says
That’s exactly what I was hoping to hear, thanks. Mine is cautious too. She likes climbing but she needs a lot of encouragement that she can do it and often needs to see other kids do it first. The upside to this is she doesn’t really climb the furniture at home.
Anonymous says
This will be exactly the same as preschool gymnastics—adorable, not athletic.
FP says
This weekend we made the decision to send our two kids to a private school this fall, which requires uniforms. I am a public school kid so this is my first entry into this world. Any tips or tricks we should know before ordering? Both parents work Big Jobs full time so I think I need 5 of everything, right?
Anon says
i would say you need at least 7 of everything. one rips, a spill in the morning, etc. and find out how sizing works, and maybe think about also ordering the next size up so you have what you need on hand rather than suddenly one sunday evening kids clothes to fit anymore (depending on how old your kids are and how fast they grow).
Anonymous says
Check if the school has a used uniform sale! That’s how we got most of my uniforms growing up.
Anon says
+1. Also check if they allow non-official uniforms. My kids went to a private PK/K at a PK-8 school. The dress code didn’t specify it, but other parents said you could informally get away with generic navy uniform pants from Children’s Place, and green polo shirts (no ruffles!) from Old Navy under jumpers and sweaters. The cost savings were TREMENDOUS compared to the official monogrammed uniform place, and they were good enough that we passed them down to another family at the end of the year.
Mary Moo Cow says
I second the comment to shop the used uniform closet. We also have a new families FB page where current families can offer up their old uniforms; your school might, too.
Don’t buy for the whole year in August. We have 5 bottoms and 5 tops, but after I bought 5 long sleeve tops for winter, my kids decided they didn’t like long sleeves. Guess what’s going to the uniform closet virtually unworn?
Make sure you have plenty of socks. A jumper can be worn two days in a row, but socks can’t.
Also investigate whether there is a spirit wear or special uniform day every week: for example, on Friday, our kids can wear a school t-shirt, so I have two of those for each kid.
AnonM says
If the uniform tops are white/light I have some advice. Avoid long sleeves and instead go with uniform-approved sweaters/vests to go over the short sleeves. Mine is in preschool so might not be an issue for elementary but for what it’s worth. Also I found my son really liked the sweater listed in the “girl” section so don’t be afraid to look in both sections depending on your school specifics.
Anonymous says
Definitely at least clothing for 5 days. Not even SAH parents want have to do laundry midweek. I think the tip to have a couple extra is good, if you can afford it. (That could mean having both shorts and pants, which you would need for weather conditions anyway, and an extra shirt.)
Buy them a size too big if it’s not completely ridiculous-looking. Don’t hem skirts/jumpers, so that they don’t get too short when the kid grows. (If it must be hemmed, ask the tailor to just tack it; don’t let them cut off the excess.)
Anonymous says
We are flying down to Orlando/Disney on the day before Easter. Kids will wake up in our hotel on Easter.
Ideas for easter “basket(s)” that will travel well? And how to fill them?
We will be arriving relatively late on Saturday so won’t have a chance to do any shopping in Orlando. We are staying off site.
Girls are 4,5, and 8.
Mouse ears, books and good 2 grow disney juice boxes are as far as I’ve gotten. Chocolate seems like a bad idea but also a must have.
Anon says
Honestly, I’d do the Easter baskets before you leave or after you come home. Going to Disney is a huge gift in and of itself, and schlepping presents on a trip is a pain in the a$$. We did it once for Hanukkah (we were on a road trip, not even a plane flight, and for just one kid) and I declared never again.
Anonymous says
If my kids were younger, I could get away with it. But they’re not, so my compromise is they just get less because it’s a PITA. Two of the three have soft tote-bag type baskets that they got a few years ago from PBK, so I’m probably just going to use those and put mostly snacks they’ll eat on vacation in them. We aren’t going to the parks on Easter itself. Maybe swim goggles for the pool, and some fun sunscreen like glitter spray?
Anon says
If it were me I’d make it a condition of the trip. Don’t want your Easter basket a day early? We’re not going to Disney. Pretty sure most kids would deal with getting the basket at the wrong time.
If you don’t want to do that, I second things like t-shirts that will cut down on other packing. I would not take chocolate or other non-useful items.
Anonymous says
When I have traveled on easter, I leaned hard on travel toys like sticker and activity books – things i might have bought anyway (I do pretty low key easter stuff though). Those foam sponge capsules are also compact and fun for little kids. For chocolate, do individually things that can’t melt easily, like M&Ms or sealed candy bars, if you are concerned about temps. I can’t remember if I backed the basket or just made a little pile of stuff – I don’t think my son would have cared either way. A cloth bag would be easy to bring.
It seems like you could also have the Easter Bunny leave each a gift certificate to shop for a souvenir or something while you are there.
Anonymous says
My girl also enjoyed a tiara to wear at the parks. She switched between thoes and ears. We also took some new surprise clothes. Princess dresses and shirts. Maybe sunglasses, too. And maybe even some cash to spend on a souvenir of choice that you’d normally say no to. For “baskets”, you could consider some sort of princess tote if you can prevent them from thinking they have to take them to the park with them. But something fabric would pack easily.
Anonymous says
Do canvas tote bags and you can pack filling. Use Sarah’s Silks as “filler”. I think mouse ears, a book, and one candy item is enough per kid. You could also do a new Disney shirt for each kid? If you have a big budget I’m sure you can get something delivered to your room by Disney :)
Mary Moo Cow says
Instead of hard baskets, I would do colorful paper gift bags (folded up in your suitcase). For candy, what about jelly beans or gummies? The front desk or concierge might be able to help you with holding a delivery or arranging a local candy store/chocolate shop delivery, though! Kid-friendly nail polish is a popular stocking and basket filler in my house (and if you wrap each in a ziploc and cushion it with tissue paper, it probably will be okay in a suitcase.) Small craft kits (like Smarts & Craft to Go or Kid Made Modern) are also big with my 4 & 6 year old girls and might be good to use on the plane.
Anon says
how about instead of chocolate a ‘ticket’ (that you make) for a chocolate treat at disney. or something gummy that can’t melt. t-shirts to wear to disney? hats to wear? disney pajamas. how big do you usually go for Easter? something that they might love, but idk if you want to buy 3 of them is some kind of camera for them to take pictures at Disney.
Anon says
oh also in lieu of a hard basket, i’d do a string back pack.
Anonymous says
How about Disney t shirts/outfits? Practical, cuts down on need to buy more there, and gets them pumped for the trip!
Anon says
+1 Lean into the Disney theme and give what you would have packed anyway. I took the kids right before Covid so some of this may be outdated, but I would have done a mini backpack that holds 1-2 Disney shirts, a sticker/decal for their MagicBands from Etsy, cheap autograph books and a nice pen from Amazon, a lanyard and 4-5 Disney pins for trading from either Disney Outlet or Ebay, and a voucher “good for one souvenir of your choice” from either the hotel gift shop or the park on your first day. If you’re planning to swim, maybe new googles or a fun swimsuit. Maybe a few glow sticks for the end of the day at the park.
The Disney pins trading was the MOST fun for my kids (aged 7 and 5 when we went). I bought one cute one to get them excited, and then four cheaper ones for them to trade. They were thrilled to visit the little kiosks at each park and trade until they got all 5 that they loved.
Anon says
Why not do it on the plane – small toys and snacks in a little bag? You’ll be organizing flight distractions anyway so two birds, one stone.