I didn’t realize Nike made maternity wear — this reversible pullover was designed for both moms-to-be and nursing moms!
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Sales of Note…
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Nordstrom – The Half-Yearly Sale has started! See our thoughts here.
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- Zappos – 28,000+ sale items (for women)! Check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kid shoe brands on sale.
Kid/Family Sales
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- Target – Kids’ swim from $8; summer accessories from $10
OOO says
I am considering having DS’ 3rd birthday party at our local aquatic center in August. They have a shallow pool/splash pad area with a small slide for kids under 4 feet, and other water features. We can reserve an area near the splash pad for our party. Would invite the whole class. Thinking the party would be 90 mins max from 11-12:30. I can bring a couple small beach balls. I think it would be a fun outdoor location for an August birthday, but I am trying to weigh the risks of kids getting hurt in or near the pool, potty accident in the pool, etc.
Anon says
i think this sounds great. presumably all the kids would have parents there, a life guard would be there, etc. rather than beach balls, i’d bring buckets and shovels and give one to each kid or something like that.
Anon says
At my 3 year olds swim class they hand out little watering cans. It’s a big highlight. It would make a cute party favor too.
anon says
Sounds fun to me. At that age, the parents are going to stick around and supervise, so I’d be less concerned about the safety aspect.
Anon says
As someone who works in Risk Management, I would not do this for a 3 year old party.However, it is my job to be the fun police :)
That being said, I’m not against all swim parties, but I am against toddler swim parties. I think this party would be better suited for a 4th or even 5th birthday.
Anon says
Agreed but I’m also biased because at that age my kid was pretty scared of water so we would have declined.
Anon says
It sounds fun but personally I wouldn’t love it because I’d have to right there with my kid, which would make it hard to get them to play with others. Also I’d probably get wet.
Anon says
+1 the joy of preschooler birthday parties is having your kid happily entertained for a couple hours while you talk to other adults or leave and do your own thing. I can go to the water park with my kid any weekend, so this kind of defeats the purpose of a birthday party IMO. Also YMMV but in my area drop-offs are actually pretty common starting at age 3, but I can’t imagine many people would be comfortable dropping a kid off at a water park, so people may be annoyed at that too.
Anon says
drop off at age 3? where i live, the drop off parties have just started midway through prek, so as the kids are turning 5. i think with 2/3 year olds no matter what the activity is you tend to need some kind of parental involvement.
Anon says
This does sound fun, but I’d either make it a family day or invite a couple close friends/families. Unless you really love the idea of a huge shindig, this seems a bit much for 3, and presumably other kids would be 2. (I save birthday parties until grade school…I like the rule of thumb of inviting as many friends as the age you are turning, roughly).
Anonymous says
I would only do it if you made it clear that parents cannot drop off. I don’t see it as any worse than a trampoline park.
Anon says
I am admittedly more pro-trampoline park than many here but drowning is a much more serious risk and can happen in just a few seconds. The main risk of a trampoline park is a broken bone.
Anon says
at what age would you leave a kid sitting alone at a restaurant while taking other kiddo to the bathroom?
Anonymous says
Did something happen over the weekend that raised this question? Surely the answer depends a lot on the kid, and on the restaurant.
Cb says
I’ve just got the one but I’d likely leave my 5 year old, depending on the location and proximity to door, etc. My husband left him at the barber on Saturday while he ran to grab cash, so I suspect we might have a higher tolerance than most.
Anon says
Same. I only have one but have been leaving her since she was 4-ish for a very quick dash. Definitely feel like we skew pretty free range compared to most Americans though.
Cb says
Yeah, stranger danger doesn’t keep me awake at night, inattentive drivers do.
Anon says
My biggest fear by far in doing this is that someone will report me to CPS.
Anonie says
Yea my concern really isn’t stranger danger with a kid this age alone in a restaurant. It’s them wandering off, or trying to go find me and getting lost or scared. Plus the factor of basically asking the waitstaff to babysit them at that point, I think it’s kind of inconsiderate. Just take the older child to the bathroom with you, that seems much easier than all this hand-wringing about whether it’s “okay” to leave them at the table. Kids have to go potty all the time, why not bring them along and make them try?
Anon says
Certainly nothing wrong with an older kid tagging along while a younger sibling uses the bathroom, but “making them try” is pretty infantalizing if your kid is over the age of, like, 4. That’s a toddler thing. I can’t even image asking a 9 year old to “try”.
Anon says
Do you have to go into the bathroom, or can you stand outside and keep track of both kids? If so, maybe 7. If not, maybe 9?
Anon says
I’ll clarify: I’m thinking of my own oldest nervous-Nelly son here, and restaurants where the bathroom might be far from the dining room. I don’t think it’s wrong earlier, but based on my son and our shared comfort level this is what I expect it will be.
Anon says
9 feels very old for this!
Anon says
9 feels old in general until I realize I have a son who is almost 8 and it’s still quite young and little (if you let it be)!
And I think I’m the opposite of many posters in that I let my kids go into public bathrooms on their own very early…5, and younger if they have older sibling with them. But something about being at a table in the front of the restaurant while I’m off through winding hallways feels scarier to me!
TheElms says
If it was a place that my kid knew well – like a neighborhood place that we go often- probably at 5 or 6. If it was a new place probably older, maybe 7? At 4 I will leave her in the car in a parking lot while I return a cart if she says she doesn’t want to come, but wouldn’t do a restaurant yet.
Anonie says
I mean, returning a cart is 30 seconds at most. Going to the bathroom with a younger sibling can be a LONG time, given getting clothes on and off, washing hands, etc. The car example is basically irrelevant…
Anonymous says
Highly kid dependent. DD, we were probably comfortable leaving her for a quick restroom trip, around age 6?
DS, the answer might be never. He’s 8 now.
Anonie says
This would only be appropriate for a kid who you’d feel comfortable leaving at home alone. So, I’d say age 11-12 for me personally, though I could see the argument for leaving a 9-10 year old. Somehow the kid sitting there in the restaurant alone seems much more vulnerable than a kid who, say, went to the bathroom by themselves. In any event, my guess based on the question is the kid who was actually left was more like 5-6 or something clearly inappropriate.
Anon says
I disagree, this is really different than leaving a child home alone (unless your talking leaving a child alone while you get the mail or something else that takes 1-2 minutes which I did when my kid was a toddler…)
Anon says
Except lots of people are saying it’s fine at 5 or 6, depending on the situation.
Anonymous says
depends on the day, the restaurant, the mood of the kids, the city/town I’m in, how long you’ll be with the other kiddo, if it’s sit-down or McDonalds, how busy the restaurant is, the works. There are some places i’d leave my 4 year old and some I wouldn’t leave my 10 year old!
Generally…if the kid can sit still for two minutes, not choke while eating, the bathroom is within eyeshot of the table, the restaurant isn’t full of creepers, and I’m in my bubble of a suburb, then I’d have no issue leaving my 4 (almost 5) year old. She’s getting on a bus to K in a few months, she can hang at a table for a minute or two. With that particular child the biggest danger is I’ll come back and she’s sat herself down at someone else’s table, made 3 new best friends and offered to pay the tab.
GCA says
at a restaurant table in a familiar place where presumably I’ve already paid the bill or ordered? my responsible oldest (almost 8) would be fine hanging out with a book. he also did that at a busy train station today when i had to go to the bathroom – I was solo with him and it’s not like we had a choice. it’s context dependent – I’d do the restaurant with him at 5 but this is probably the first year I’d let him sit outside the ladies loo at a train station, y’know? why do you ask?
& it goes without saying but if i saw another mom need to leave her kid somewhere for a few minutes I’d watch the kid, not report them to cps. be the village.
Anonymous says
When they look 12. I once had nosy strangers discuss whether they should report my “unattended” 10-year-old to the store manager while she went back to the car to get her jacket while I was watching her from the sidewalk in front of the store.
Anon says
tips for transition to kindergarten? do you think talking more about it is better, talking less about it, reading books, etc?
Emily Sealy says
There are many factors to consider, and every kid will be different. Is it a transition from daycare or preschool to elementary school or just a new classroom in an existing school? If it is a new building, I think at least a drive by, if not a tour, is helpful. Has Kiddo had successful transitions in the past or do you know from experience that transitions need to have a strategy? Is Kiddo going to know anyone else in the class or at the school, so you can either remind Kiddo that Buddy will be there or lean in more heavily to making new friends? Does Kiddo get reassurance from hearing about new routines waaay ahead of time or does reminders on repeat feed anxiety? Have you successfully used books and shows in the past?
FWIW, my first child was going to a new school with one friend, and is very sensitive to meeting new people and being in unfamiliar spaces, so we took a tour in the Spring, took a vacation the week before school started to take her mind off it, and read a few books about the first day of school over the summer leading up to it. Morning of we told her to look for her buddy. With our second, who relates a lot to books, we read all the back to school books we could find. Some of my favorites are the “The Night Before…” series, “School’s First Day of School,” and Gilbert’s “Brand New Pencils, Brand New Books.” We let her talk about what she missed from her old school before asking and hyping her new school. With each kid, the first day was a mixed bag, but the first week was an overall success.
Good luck! It’ll be fine.
Cb says
My son’s nursery was on the school grounds and I think they went a bit overboard with transitions but we did chat through his day, etc. We also met up with another kid, a friend of a friend who hadn’t gone to nursery locally a few weeks ahead of time, to protests of “I don’t even know this girl!” but they got on really well and are now best friends.
Once class placements were announced, whatsapp groups were set up and some people did playpark meet-ups which I think is really nice. Even if they don’t become best pals, some familiar faces those first days are really nice.
Anon says
I have a rising Ker. We’re not doing very much. School had a building tour in March we attended. There’s a meet the teacher one-on-one a couple days before school starts that we’ll obviously go to. Three kids from her daycare class are going to the same school (one good friend, one casual friend and one kid she doesn’t play with very much) but they likely won’t be in the same class since the school is huge, and we talked about how she can try to find them at lunch and recess. The good friend has the same plans for aftercare as us, so hopefully she’ll be able to see him every afternoon. Not planning to read any books but my kid generally doesn’t get much real life impact from books.
anon says
I think it’s a know your kid thing, ours was going from Pre-K to K (with the summer off between and off the school routine) and we started the conversation/books in late summer and started playing on the school’s playground over the summer.
I think the playground part was crucial for our anxious kid- it was something concrete and gave her familiarity.
Anonymous says
I think it’s best to follow the kid’s lead. If they are very anxious and asking questions, get a book or watch a show. If not, don’t hype the transition too much or too soon. Just take them to open house the week before school starts, explain the routine a little, and drop them off. I remember watching Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood and being confused as to why Daniel Tiger was so upset about having to go to school in the Neighborhood of Make-Believe. A more impressionable child might take it as a signal that they should be scared too.
EDAnon says
Our school did some play dates and such to let kids get to know each other and the building. I recommend those!
Dinners post-baby says
Asked and answered many times over, I know, but what are the greatest hits for bringing dinner to a newly postpartum friend?
anonM says
Lately we’ve done a lot of pizza or Panera, instead of cooking. I am happy to cook, but if one or both parents are picky eaters, I don’t want to waste the time or food. I have been offering it like “What sounds best? We can bring by pizza, Panera, or I can make a pasta dish?” It’s not super open-ended but still gives them options.
Emily Sealy says
Second on Panera. I’ve also done more breakfast and snack drop offs than dinner, because dinners are more frequently covered and, from personal experience, I would forget to feed myself while nursing or was daunted by the idea of a sit down dinner. A batch of bagels, muffins, or scones and a hot coffee are lovely.
A pan of enchiladas or bagged fajita components that they can make at their leisure, plus chips and salsa is nice; a stir fry that reheats well; a bagged salad, baguette, fruit, and cheese is a nice lighter option that I appreciated.
Anonymous says
I usually do two casserole dishes of mac and cheese (if they like cheese) — maybe do one a la spinach artichoke, and one with bacon and corn or something like that, so they have the option to heat up one casserole and put the other in the freezer for another day. Once for an out of town friend I sent a Zingerman’s basket, which she said was great because it had a lot of things she could eat one-handed.
Momofthree says
I tend to change it up based on food preferences/ what I’ve been cooking lately. Sometimes, I will do a lesser known delivery service (we have one in DC that has immigrant chefs). I will also do take out from some of our preferred restaurants. Sometimes, if I make a big batch of something, I’ll freeze some of it & then send it over.
Main thing would be to not just send 1 mixed up dish (i.e., lasagna). I also try to provide bread or a pre-mixed salad or dessert or apps (i.e., if I send a hummus bowl, I’ll also send a side of hummus). It’s also important to consider if they have other kids in the house- that would change what I would send.
Delivery? says
Would you share the delivery service you mentioned? I was a Foodhini devotee and so miss having that weekly dropoff— sounds like the same concept, with immigrant chefs. Thanks!
Anon says
“immigrant chefs” – wow. Tell me you’re Wh*te without telling me you’re wh*te…
– Child of immigrants, eater of “exotic” foods
Momofthree says
I am definitely wh*te. That being said, the only reason I mentioned “immigrant” chefs is b/c that is how the company branded itself. They would find newly immigrated/refugee home cooks who were looking to make a living in the US to share cuisines from their home countries- basically home cooked foods from a variety of countries (Afghanistan, Ethiopian/Eritrean, etc.)
To the above poster, it was Foodhini & I see now that they are out of business. Immigrant Food has a similar mission & the food is great (they have a few locations near the White House & then an outlet currently at Union Market in NE). There’s also Shef although I have not personally tried them.
Anotheranon says
Immigrant is not a dirty word.
Anon says
Agreed, and the context she kindly shared was helpful. Otherwise it read to me as “oh these immigrants do meal delivery”, and it’s highly likely my own stuff but I’m tired of being othered. No one ever says “my immigrant nanny”, or “my immigrant ____” on this board when sharing what helps with life management.
anon says
Yes, to be clear: Foodhini billed itself as “multicultural meals crafted by emerging immigrant and refugee chefs.” It was a fantastic company.
Anon says
The company advertised that way.
busybee says
I loved when my SIL brought over salads from Honeygrow. I love their salads and they’re just so much better than salads I make at home! I had prepared loads of freezer meals that tended to be heavy on the meat, cheese, and pasta front, so it was nice to have fresh vegetables.
NYCer says
I would just ask your friend – or at least give her a few options. For example, I would have greatly preferred a big salad from somewhere like Sweetgreen than a casserole or pasta dish, but reasonable minds and stomachs may feel differently.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
My favorite things were big things good on the reheat (like enchiladas), and DoorDash GCs. I also ate a lot of “traditional” foods for recovery in my culture, so it may be worthwhile to be aware or ask if the new mum has something similar going on.
Anon says
Currently waiting for baby #2, but I would love to receive: (1) healthy snacks- those packs of hummus with pretzels, a veggie tray, activia yogurt drinks; (2) things my toddler will eat – washed grapes cut in half, a couple of breasts of plain grilled chicken (if kid doesn’t eat, parent can!); (3) breakfast things, bfeeding muffins, baked oatmeal cups, baked egg cups (all freezable!). Please do not order a pizza to my house :)
anon says
Does it have to be dinner? My favorite items to receive were cut fruit and veggies, chocolate or other treats, some sort of prepped food from the deli (thinking Fresh Market chicken salad) or just favorite snacks that are lighter. You could also throw in some microwaveable oatmeal cups for quick breakfasts.
DLC says
+1 to fruit. I always appreciated the fruit.
anonn says
costco chicken pot pie and bagged salad mix, loved an egg casserole that I could heat up, I like to give the Target trail mixes with nuts and raisins and seeds. frozen bierocks were also great to have on hand
Anon says
My pre-K kiddo is very bright and also (likely) has ADHD. He currently has an IEP that includes OT for his impulsive classroom behavior. We have a meeting scheduled for tomorrow to discuss what is going to happen in K next year. One option is placing him in an “inclusion” class that has a mix of kids who are in the special ed program and kids who aren’t. Does anyone have experience with this type of setting with a kid who is academically advanced? I want him in the best place for him emotionally and academically, and the inclusion class will have more adults to give him attention, which could be good, but my kid struggles regulating his behavior when he is bored, so placing him in a class where he is bored will probably make things worse, not better. Just curious if anyone has anecdotal advice.
Momofthree says
What’s the current situation? What are the other options for next year? Assuming the school will provide extra support for your kid in the inclusion class, I would probably recommend that. Will you know anything about the teachers for the different options? My kid is currently in a class where the school put all the kids in the grade with IEPs into the same class b/c the teacher is awesome & could deal with the kids (they also have extra aides). I would say that our situation is probably not ideal, but if the teacher for the inclusion class has experience with IEPs/ has a good reputation, I think that could be a good fit. The most important thing is having a teacher that knows how to work with kids who have different abilities/ need to be challenged- my 1st grader will create books for example if he’s ahead of others.
Cb says
My friends’ son has a similar diagnosis, timeline, and he’s in a mixed class with a shared aid. He’s super, super bright and they are doing differentiation for maths (he’s multiplying 3 digit numbers) and this seems to be working really well for him.
anon says
My very smart ADHD kid is in a typical K class and doing fine with some supports in place, namely extra supervision during transitions, which are a trigger point. She’s definitely still bored, just because K is boring for any kid who comes in with a lot of reading/math skills, but is the kind of kid who adores worksheets so as long as she’s given a constant supply. Being in a normal class is also helpful, I think, for teaching her how to behave in society. We did have some struggles with her teacher in the beginning of the year due to her belief that impulsive classroom behaviors are only because kids are intentionally not following the rules, not ADHD, so that would be a point in favor of an inclusion class.
AwayEmily says
My daughter has been in the IEP class at her elementary for two years (K and 1st). She doesn’t have an IEP, but our experience has been fantastic. More adults = more attention. I also really like that because it’s an IEP class, they talk very openly about how some kids need more help with some things, which I think goes a long way towards de-stigmatizing learning differences of all kinds. They also focus more on emotional regulation, which I think is good for all the kids. I can’t speak to what it’s like to have an “academically advanced” and “very bright” kid because my kid is pretty average as far as I can tell but overall we’ve just loved being a part of the IEP class and I hope she gets placed in it again next year (though statistically that seems unlikely).
Anonymous says
My 5th grader now has an IEP for OT for issues with writing but generally excels in other subjects. His school has a LOT of inclusion classes (called ICT where we are; NYC public school) and we’ve never noticed any real difference in quality based on whether he was in an ICT class or not. (He didn’t have an IEP until this year, and he is still considered a general ed student; ironically, he is in the only non-ICP 5th grade class this year). Some teachers are better than others, and that is what makes a difference. All of the classes within the school follow basically the same curriculum, and the ICT classes have an extra teacher, plus often some of the students will have a paraprofessional mandated to support them if they have specific behavioral issues. It’s basically been a non-issue.
TL;DR – find out how the school differentiates instruction to kids at different levels and whether kids are grouped or tracked academically based on achievement. I think they are not at many elementary schools, but I imagine it varies a lot in different places. If they don’t track/group kids, inclusion or not probably won’t have any impact on the level of academic challenge.
Anonymous says
PS – in our area, a lot of families try to get their kids into one elementary school that is exclusively ICT because the 2 teachers/classroom feature is so attractive. I don’t know if it is actually any better or not but it is certainly not seen as a drawback.
Anonymous says
My neurotypical kid is in an inclusion class (2nd grade) and it’s going well for her. None of the kids are below grade level and the class is taught with the same curriculum and at the same level as a non-inclusion class. There are a lot more adults in the room compared to a typical public school classroom, so that’s nice. My daughter is well above grade level in reading and math but generally does not find it more boring than she did last year when she was in a “regular” class.
Anonymous says
Oh! My first grade daughter is in an inclusion class. She’s not on an IEP but probably does have ADHD (or something like it) and it is FANTASTIC. There are 3-4 kids in the class who have major behavioral issues and the beginning of the year was rough. However, the school throws all the support at this classroom and it now has 2 full time paras + the main teacher and a total class size of 17. My kid is academically very strong. What about the inclusion class makes you think it won’t be stimulating? Are the other kids “special ed” for learning difficulties?
Anon says
This might be kind of a weird question but I’ve noticed my 5 year old really only connects with other kids through play. She has lots of friends at preschool and when we go to a playground she has no problem finding other kids to play with. She loves having unstructured play time with other kids and has no hesitation about approaching other kids and asking them to play, so she’s not what I’d call shy or introverted. But she doesn’t really engage in conversation with kids or adults the way other kids her age seem to. I noticed at her dance class the other girls sit around gabbing before and after class and my daughter never participates. I asked her why and she said they’re boring and she doesn’t want to talk to them – but it seems like anything that isn’t playing is “boring” to her. I know play is great and very important at this age, but is it normal that she has no interest in having a conversation? Is this something you think she’ll likely grow out of naturally or would you recommend working on it intentionally?
anonM says
Are teachers raising it with you as an issue? Is she being rude to people? Does she talk to you? If none of those are an issue, I think this is fine and I’d let it go. Not sure what you would do anyways tbh.
Anon says
No, mostly no, and kind of? She communicates with us of course, but she doesn’t really have conversations with us. But tbh I’m much less worried about her not being interested in talking to adults. I don’t want her to be rude of course but it seems like not wanting to talk to peers is more likely to cause social issues.
Anonymous says
I think she sounds normal but I’d work on the politeness/manners aspect. We actually DO think responding to adults and holding conversations to be an important skill, so if someone asks my 6yo to answer I expect her to respond. We always have her order for herself at restaurants etc…
Anon says
She can do stuff like ordering at restaurants. It’s more like she’s just not interested in maintaining an ongoing conversation. Adults don’t really seem to expect her to (and I think a lot of 5 year olds aren’t interested in having long conversations with adults) but I feel like she’s falling behind peers (especially girls) a little bit in terms of talking to other kids.
Potty Training Help says
After 3 months of potty training DS is still afraid to go in the potty. If he’s wearing a pull up during the day he will go #1 in that. If he’s not wearing a pull up then he will hold it in all day until nighttime, or he will have an accident. He will always hold #2 for nighttime when he is wearing a diaper. Daycare is concerned that holding it in for so long could cause an infection. They want to keep him in pull ups until he shows interest in using the potty. They also gently suggested that we may be pressuring him into potty training before he is ready (he’s 2.5). Should we stop potty training completely, or keep working with him at home? And how do we get him to not be afraid of the potty? We’ve tried rewards for using the potty but he is still mostly unwilling to use it
Anon says
Yes, stop! That is pretty early. I trained both my boys at 2.5 with success (and plan the same for my third), but I didn’t start any sooner and waited until they’d each gone 1 & 2 on the potty before officially beginning. Give it a month or two back in diapers (not pull-ups) and then reevaluate. I recommend cold turkey into underwear because pull-ups are confusing and send mixed messages (as you are witnessing).
Anonymous says
Day care is right. Put him back in pull ups for now. Try again in a few months.
Anonymous says
I would 100% go back to diapers.
Anonymous says
Good grief, he’s only 2.5? There is NO reason to be potty training this early.
NYCer says
Adding to the chorus, I would definitely stop for now. I know plenty of 2.5 year olds are potty trained, but it is super young in the grand scheme of things (neither of my daughters were potty trained that early FWIW).
Anon says
I agree, time to stop and let him mature a bit. The very last thing you want to deal with long term is holding #1 due to potential for infection and #2 due to potential constipation and impaction. I recommend having a little potty rather than only the big potty for reluctant kiddos. Keep the potty out and visible. Talk about it a lot and offer him the potty every time but don’t force it. My kiddo was 3.5 before she was completely potty trained (day and night), which many people think is very late. But, we had only 2 #1 accidents and 0 #2 accidents.
anon says
I have a 2.5 year old boy who is completely potty trained for #1 but is resolute that he doesn’t want to use the potty for #2. Keep him in pull-ups or diapers (maybe the pull-on style so he gets used to the feel of underwear) and back off on potty training for now – holding in #1 for that long can give him a UTI (less common in boys but not impossible) and hodling in #2 that long can cause constipation that can take months to get rid of. There is no clearer “I’m not ready” signal to me than a kid who is trying to hold both #1 and #2 all day so he can use a diaper.
Anon says
I would stop. 2.5 is still kind of young. my oldest wouldn’t entertain the notion at that age, but closer to 3 potty training was easy peasy. If we had to bribe him to sit, the only thing that worked was screen time.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
I always post this in response to potty training posts; this whole thing can be so stressful!
DS #1, now 5, was potty trained at 3+ (after turning 3 but before 3.5). He wore pull-ups to bed until he turned 5; I will say after he turned 4, 95% of the time he didn’t need them, but I am lazy.
DS #2 will be 2.5 in June and I see 0 readiness right now, so I don’t plan to even approach until closer to 3, if not at/after 3.
I bought the munchkin seat insert on the real potty for DS #1 and hope to use it for DS #2. Don’t like the idea of a mini toilet, but parenting is humbling and who knows what I’ll be using for this second kid…
Cb says
Serious senioritis at play here – and I’m the professor… I’ve just made a countdown to the end of term. I’ll be home for a few months in 24 days.
Anon says
Yay!! I’m married to an academic and also counting down until end of term because I’ll be on a plane to Italy in 20 days!
EDAnon says
I am (hopefully) finishing my dissertation this summer and I am 20% nervous about it and 80% SO EXCITED for school to be out (FOREVER!)
Anon says
Whoa that’s big! Congrats!!
Confused Associate says
Is there a way to pitch going part-time as a litigator (plaintiff’s side so no billable hour)? I am not sure how part-time would work in litigation with filings coming in and deadlines but i am at my wits end working 50-60 hours a week plus a 45 min commute each way (no WFH) and would like to hear stories of this working for any of you all. How did you pitch it, was it already established at your firm, what hours did you work (work every day but limited hours or work 3 days a week), etc? I miss my baby boy who is now 6 months old. I’ve been back to work for almost 3 months now and feel like I am missing so much of his life including our own time with extended family and friends.
Anon says
I’m confused why plantiffs’ lawyers don’t have billable hours? But to answer your question, part time in law firms is generally about being freed from a high billable hour requirement. My Big Law firm had an established structure where you could drop as low as 60% and many people took advantage of it. It was definitely not that you worked three days a week, but you had a much lower hours target, so you took on less work, generally worked saner hours and had more freedom to say no. But in Big Law “part time” was still very much a full-time job, just closer to 9-5 hours than normal Big Law hours.
In your shoes I’d probably try negotiating WFH as a first step? I think a lot of firms would be more amenable to that than part-time and you have a pretty brutal commute.
Anonymous says
Because many plaintiff’s firms are contingency. Some still have a requirement just to track how much people are working and then to use in the rare case you take something all the way to trial and are awarded attorney fees (mine at a 15-ish person firm in the DC area used to by technically 1800, but I never billed less than 2000 although we could count some business development in that). Sad to say part time of X days a week didn’t really work at my firm because of deadlines or things blowing up – but you would also miss out as an associate on good cases because they happened to walk in the door when you were out. Flexible expectation of X fewer hours worked better. Honestly though I left, because a regular 8-5 job in house elsewhere felt like part time to me and paid the same.
Confused Associate says
I have heard about that in defense firms, but not sure how it would translate since we don’t bill. Since all of our cases are on contingency fees (we don’t get paid until we settle/get a verdict) partners really have no way of knowing how many hours we are working beyond seeing us at work/working. No chance of work from home since we have no infrastructure to do so (no VPN etc.). I am still here due to the pay…
Maybe if anyone in traditional business roles/in house has some idea where there is no billing.
I am open to new opportunities, and i’m a 4th year but from talking to recruiters any new job will be at a massive pay cut (at least $75k/year) and don’t know if switching firms to defense or whatever will give me the balance i’m looking for at such a drastic salary cut.
I feel so stuck but want to change.
Anonymous says
What field? Is it employment or something else?
Confused associate says
Med mal and products liability
Anon says
Can you start by trying to negotiate WFH a few days a week? That seems easier than a part time arrangement.
TheElms says
I am 80% in biglaw and my practice is a mix of counseling and litigation adjacent work (so subject matter expert in a case that is in active litigation but I don’t draft the briefs typically (on rare occasions I may need to draft a section from scratch), but I read and revise briefs. I have the same commute as you and am in the office 4 days a week on average. For me 80% means working about 15 minutes early in the morning, 9-5pm in the office and then about an hour most evenings after bedtime, sometimes a bit more, sometimes a bit less. I have mostly been successful at avoiding weekend work, which is a big win in my book. If its slow I can avoid evening work as well or all but the 15 minutes it takes to reply to a few emails.
The way I’ve managed the workflow is by having fewer matters at a time (which is why you need firm buy in to give those matters to someone else). So if I used to have 10-15 active matters at a time, I now tend to have 8-10 active matters. I do occasionally still end up working 12-14 hour days like I did when I was full time but they are once a month or once every couple months rather than a weekly occurrence.
Anonymous says
I am also 80% in biglaw, but in commercial real estate (acquisitions/dispositions and borrower side acquisition financings). Similar to the above, my firm has these reduced billable hour schedules as an option that is regularly discussed. My salary and bonus are pro rated as well. When I discussed this with my practice group leaders, we talked about two options for approaching it – I could try and do work that fit into the 9-5 hours or I could keep the work I had been doing, knowing that I would be doing work before 9 and after 5. I chose the later because I still get to run and manage deals from start to finish, I now just work on less of them over the course of a year, and I get to say “no” to the work that I don’t like doing as much (one off subject matter expert stuff on corporate M&A deals… those timelines and demands are intense!!!!) this does result in some weeks of 60+ hours and late, late nights, but those are the exception and not the norm. My schedule is otherwise in office 9-5 (I can work from home, but prefer the office) and then generally an hour and a half after I put kids to bed. I just had my review and the leaders in my practice group think the reduced hits schedule is going really well – which translates to “you’re still available when we need you! And sing good work!” So, there are options. I’m not familiar with the intricacies of how plaintiffs attorneys are evaluated- do you have a goal for how juicy money you should be aiming to bring in each year? Is that someplace where a reduced target could be set? What is your compensation based on year over year?
Anonymous says
Oh my gosh I am so so so glad I switched to a field where 8-5 is full time and I don’t need to also work after the kids go to bed or on weekends just to get to part time!!
Anonymous says
How is this not full time?
Anonymous says
Anon at 2:06 here. It’s not full time for an AmLaw 20 firm. My billable target is 1600 billable hours instead of 2000 billable hours. But I don’t always have a full day of billable work. And, since it’a client services, if a client needs a response after 5:00, you respond after 5:00. It’s not glamorous at all and is the equivalent of a full time, non billable job.
Anon says
It wouldn’t have been full time at my Am Law 50 firm either. 60 hours is a light week in Bug Law, not a busy one. (Assuming full time hours target).
Anon says
Ha Big Law. What an autocorrect. Bug law sounds more interesting.
Mary Moo Cow says
The people I know who have done this have gone out on their own. One has a “firm” but it is just one attorney; one is a contract/freelancer focusing on debt collection for bigger firms. They have a smaller active case load. I I think the way to do it is to have fewer active cases at a time rather than trying to set a hardline of numbers of hours per week.
And my sympathies: I’m in defense litigation and wondering how I could go part-time, too. The schedules just don’t seem like they work for a neat, 20 consistent hours a week, same schedule every week.
anonM says
Hi, litigator here. I totally understand feeling this way. I do have billables, but very small firm so not Big Law. I changed from 50-60 hours to usuallyyyy being 40 and usualllyyyy WFH, as a result of what I negotiated plus COVID plus firm changes forcing the partners to adapt. It is SO much better for me than before, and makes a big difference in my family life. My boss considers me “part time” but I don’t frankly. I still bill about 30/week, work 40, and work more when I have a brief or lots of court/meetings in a month. A few thoughts – can you pitch remote work as a way to recruit and retain top talent? If they’ve never had anyone part time before, I recommend laying out a road map. I’ll reduce my caseload by 25%, and reduce my salary by 25% (or reduce the bonus by that much). We can revisit how it is working at the end of the quarter. 3 days/week didn’t work for me- I got paid less but still found myself answering calls those days, but now with kids at home. Of course YMMV, but just getting down to 40, where the exceptional week is nights/weekend, may feel much less burdensome without you taking too much of a pay cut without actually working much less!
Anon says
I’m an appellate attorney and work a reduced workload. My caseload requirement is reduced proportionally (I.e., 10 cases instead of 16), as is my pay.
I asked because I knew other female supervisors had these arrangements when they had kids. I generally work everyday for a few hours. Some weeks I work very little, other weeks I work a lot more than 40 hrs.
This works for me bc I need a lot of wiggle room for my kid’s appointments and sick days. It also means they don’t have to be at daycare 730-5:30 and we get to spend time together in the afternoon.
Anonymous says
We are nearing age 4 and our son still refuses to use the potty. I have a call in to our pediatrician, but any advice or commiseration? We tried BLF/Oh crap first right before he turned 3, and he just held it until nap/bed time when we gave him a night diaper. Then we’ve tried a few naked weekends here and there but he ended up peeing in a corner and crying, never once actually peed in the potty. He is happy to go through the steps of sitting on the potty, flushing and washing his hands, but has not connected it with the act of peeing. It’s really stressing me out because he’s doing so well in other areas! All his friends have been trained for months and I think he’s one of the only ones in his class at daycare still using pull ups.
Anon says
Solidarity. My kid had serious anxiety about the potty and wasn’t able to pee on the potty until about a month before her 4th birthday. It was compounded by the fact that she has a bladder of steel, so she wasn’t having accidents, she was just holding it (once for more than 24 hours) and causing medical complications that landed her in the hospital once, so we had to back off a few times on ped’s advice. It was embarrassing, and I felt a lot of shame about it and the judgment of daycare teachers didn’t help, but she got there eventually and your kid will too. And once kids are trained, no one cares at what age they did it. It’s not like the kindergarten teacher asks for that info. All they care is that kids are trained, and I promise you your kid won’t go to kindergarten in diapers even if it might feel that way.
I will also share what we did, feel free to ignore, because when I was in your stage it wasn’t helpful hearing “oh this worked so well for little Johnny” because it felt like we had tried literally everything, but it’s how we eventually conquered her anxiety. First she peed on the potty while wearing a diaper, then we cut holes in the diaper, microscopic at first, then progressively larger and larger ones until eventually the diaper was more belt than diaper. She had a week or two of peeing with a “diaper belt” then a few days of peeing with a string around her waist to simulate the feel of the diaper, and then finally nothing. It was ridiculous but it was the only way we found to make forward progress on her anxiety. And once we finally got her peeeing in the potty, poop was a comparative breeze.
Anonymous says
Spend a weekend at home. No scolding. Has to sit on the potty for 3 minutes every 20 minutes all day long. Sing a potty song. Do that for a couple days before you move to 3 minutes every 30 minutes when home and then eventually every hour. Don’t wait for him to identify he needs to go because you know he is avoiding. Potty needs to be neutral – not good or bad, it just is like brushing teeth or using a car seat.
Give lots of options. My oldest loved her potty. Middle kid hated the potty and wanted a specific character seat on the real toilet but toilet could not be flushed while he was in the room because it was too loud. Youngest would pee in potty but only poop in toilet. Firm step stool to rest their feet on helps too.
Anon says
+1 to options. Try a little potty, try a potty seat attachment with a foot rest, try a potty song (our pride has to go out the window here), screen time so they will sit longer without melting down, try a favorite character on underwear. Adjust as necessary.
Anonymous says
Have you tried an option that does not involve a full-size toilet? This is a case where I could see those toddler toilets (I think Baby Bjorn has one) being a good stepping stone.
anonM says
Have you tried the old cheerio in the toilet move? (They try to pee on it). I know a lot of people don’t let boys stand to pee, but that’s the way DS learned. We didn’t do naked weekend, but did have a more dedicated stay-home long weekend.
Anonymous says
So, I found the naked weekend thing stressful. Instead, we had our son sit on the potty at night as we were getting his bath ready (with water running). The sound of running water made him have to go, and he started connecting the potty with peeing. He didn’t always pee on the potty when we did this, but we found the running water a way to sort of force the issue without DH or I have having to do anything or say anything.
Anon says
Does he have someone that he really looks up to and will listen to? My kid was reluctant to wear underwear vs. wearing a pull up until her favorite daycare aide told her she was looking forward to seeing her wearing cute underwear. From then on, she wore underwear. We had been asking her to do it for weeks and weren’t successful. She would hold her #2 until she came home and got a pull up. We used a little potty chair at first rather than the big toilet. We spent 2 weeks talking about the last of the pull ups running out and not buying more before cutting them off. We gave her an ipad to watch when she has to go #2. She goes without it daycare, so I’m not worried about it being a crutch. And we’ve transitioned to the big toilet with a smaller seat attachment. This is all within the 3 to 4 age range. We also talked A LOT about #1 and #2. Like, obnoxiously. How it feels when you have to go, how holding it can give you a tummy ache, how grown up you will be when you use the potty, etc.
Anonymous says
Just solidarity. My boy just figured it out two months shy of his 4th birthday. I can’t say that there was any trick. And indeed, it turned out that he really didn’t want to hear us with encouragement or any talk about the potty — tells me to stop talking about it and to go away when he’s getting ready to do his business. And he just about died of shame when I congratulated him for his first poop on the potty. So, no hot tips from me, just know that there are others out there with a kid on the old side and that kid eventually gets it!
Anonymous says
Low stakes question: if your young child has a china tea set (a la A Bargain for Frances by Russell Hoban), how and where do you store it? Currently in its cardboard box that has dividers to keep all the pieces in place, but it’s kind of unwieldy and I’d like to figure out an option my 4 year old can manage on his own. Maybe we just need shelving… our toy storage is mostly portable baskets behind the couch.
Mary Moo Cow says
I love the Frances reference!!!
My kids broke several pieces of several different china tea sets, so no real advice. They liked a mini picnic basket (I think I ordered it from Am-zon) and that mostly preserved it. The breakages really happened during playtime.
Anonymous says
Boxed up in the basement, silently cursing the relatives who handed them down to us (and still ask about them) while we wait for more cousins to have kids we can hand them off to. Yes, china tea sets, plural.
Anonymous says
We keep the china tea set on a shelf with the plates stacked and the cups not stacked, just as you would store real dishes in a cupboard. A bin or basket will cause breakage. Another <3 for the Frances reference.
anonM says
We have some from tea cups from my grandma. We keep then in a closed kitchen cupboard (still has baby locks on them) where i keep tea. But, we use them regularly for “tea time” and the kids love them. I decided to take a page from that grandma’s book and use and enjoy them as she would have wanted us to. My kids are really, really rough on things overall, but the only piece we’ve broken so far (knock on wood!) was something I dropped myself! It’s a “special” thing they treat with surprising care. Worth the risk to me! Signed, I’ve lost too many family members at a young age and moved too many old people who have all this old sh*t they never even used. Enjoy the tea cups. If they break, get some at a thrift store and make up some family folklore, no one will know! (Same grandma also had framed old photos of who she told us were her parents. They were not! hahah! She also knew how to enjoy life and how to tell a great story.) Thanks for this question OP, you really made me smile at these memories!
Anonymous says
Thanks! That’s so sweet :). These are not heirlooms, just a new kids’ toy china tea set (although given as a gift to kiddo by my own grandma, who is 99 and thankfully happy to give a pink tea set to a little boy). We use it regularly, just trying to figure out how to remove myself from the equation of getting it out to play with.
Anon says
DS #1 will be in “camp” at his current school for most of the summer. He’s 5, and will be with other rising kindergarteners and 1st graders. There will be two field trips (!) and the school is getting passenger buses with seatbelts to transport kids to/from. Is this considered generally…safe? I feel like I’m borrowing trouble but this is new for me.
One of the field trips is closeby so I’m not worried, the other isn’t far away per se but there’s a lot of congestion to drive through, but it’d be a great opp for DS.
Anon says
Yes it’s fine.
Anon says
Buses are safe for kids of kindergarten age and up. You can Google for articles, but it has to do with the size and design of the seats helping to cocoon kids – “compartmentalization” – as well as the general large size of the bus.
Even the very strictest car seat experts agree that buses are safe for school-aged kids.
anon says
I don’t know if this is borrowing trouble, but I would have questions too. Are they school buses with specially designed seatbelts for young children? Will there be just surface streets, or also highways? Who is providing the bus and driver and what can you be told about that service? Is the camp director open to questions and thoughtful or hostile?
Anon says
My 5 YO takes the public seatbelt-less school bus through DC burbs rush hour traffic every school day, I guess I’m not sure what the safety concern is? I would be more worried about chaperone ratios and “losing” a kid on the field trip than the bus ride there.
Or is the concern that because it’s a passenger bus, they need to make sure they have proper car seats? I might ask about that one frankly because at least in my state a child has to be in a restraint until age 8 for passenger cars. I think there is an exception for school buses but I don’t know if that applies to passenger buses (is that like a “motorcoach” in which case maybe? Or a commercial 16-passenger van, maybe not?).
Anon says
Many, many, many kindergarteners take school buses (without seatbelts!) to school. Plus, once he’s in K in the fall he’ll likely have several field trips and thus be on a bus for those. I think you are borrowing trouble.
Anonymous says
+1
Anon says
Thought you all would appreciate this – my speech therapist gave my 5 yo a worksheet to do at home and said she could ask her mom for help and my daughter responded “My mom OR my dad. I have two parents!”
Liza says
I guess, though if you were the one handling the appointment, how would the therapist know whether the child has two parents or whether the other parent is a dad? Sounds like the therapist did the right thing by not making any assumptions.
Anon says
My husband has brought her to appointments; the therapist definitely knows she has two opposite sex parents. I don’t think it’s that big a deal but it’s interesting to me how young kids don’t have some of these ingrained biases that most adults do. And the therapist seemed amused and slightly chastened so I think she had the same take away.
Anon says
This is why we (liberals) cannot have nice things.
EDAnon says
I think that’s awesome that your daughter knew right away that both parents would/could help rather than assuming mom would do it.
Anonymous says
brava to her!